Speaker 1: Hi, friends, how's your Friday going. It's Thursday when I'm
Speaker 1: recording this, so I'm basically a prophet right now seeing
Speaker 1: the future. Anyway, this is let's talk about Miths, baby,
Speaker 1: and this week I'm here to present you with a
Speaker 1: mini myth that is devoted to one bad ass female. Now,
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna do a mini myth this week because
Speaker 1: I'm busy and frankly, the regular episodes take up enough
Speaker 1: of my time, but I can't seem to keep myself away,
Speaker 1: see I always think that. And then I was writing
Speaker 1: next week's Heracles Part two episode and it references a
Speaker 1: myth that I haven't told yet but is one of
Speaker 1: my favorites, and I thought, God damn live, you should
Speaker 1: just do a mini myth on it so that it
Speaker 1: makes some sense next week. And it's referenced in Pericles
Speaker 1: that and I already had half of it written and
Speaker 1: it's just been sitting there, so I felt like a
Speaker 1: lazy asshole by not doing it. And so here we are,
Speaker 1: my friends, mini myth Artemis, the Goddess who takes no
Speaker 1: man's ship. The Goddess Artemis is today's badass female, and
Speaker 1: she is, frankly one of the few in Greek mythology
Speaker 1: that basically just kicks ass all the time, and also
Speaker 1: probably the only one who doesn't mess around with any man. Ever.
Speaker 1: She knows what she wants, and men are not on
Speaker 1: that list. Artemis is the twin sister of Apollo and
Speaker 1: the daughter of Zeus and Liedo. You'll remember her as
Speaker 1: a crazy baby who helped give birth to her own brother,
Speaker 1: because that's just how she does. Artemus is the goddess
Speaker 1: of the hunt, wild animals, the wilderness, and virginity. That's right, virginity.
Speaker 1: Artemus is considered the protectress of young girls, and she's
Speaker 1: famously a virgin throughout the mythology of the Greeks, and
Speaker 1: there are many a tale of the lengths she went
Speaker 1: to to keep it that way. She's called the mistress
Speaker 1: of animals, which I also just think is lovely. And
Speaker 1: even when she was a child, her goal was to
Speaker 1: be her brother's equal, So way to go, Artemis. She
Speaker 1: famously didn't like men at all, though this is ancient Greece,
Speaker 1: so she wasn't outright portrayed as gay, but I think
Speaker 1: it's pretty fair to say that she was a classical
Speaker 1: lesbian figure, which is awesome though it's not explicit, but
Speaker 1: it sure is implicit. Artemis, she's just an all around badass.
Speaker 1: She's a collection of nymphs that hang around her like
Speaker 1: a sea of fawning women, and she has a pack
Speaker 1: of Arcadian hunting dogs that follow her around as she
Speaker 1: hunts with her silver bow and arrows. She's really she's something. Acton,
Speaker 1: on the other hand, is a Theban hero. He was
Speaker 1: trained by the centaur Chiron, and he spent a lot
Speaker 1: of time in the forest. He was well versed in
Speaker 1: the region. Actually, On, though he's considered an ancient Greek hero,
Speaker 1: doesn't have any tales of his greatness or his heroism,
Speaker 1: even only in his pervy nous. One day, Acton is
Speaker 1: out hunting with a group of friends in the woods
Speaker 1: of Boetia, where he's from where Thebes is, and he's
Speaker 1: got a pack of hunting dog ugs with him. In
Speaker 1: the forest, he leaves his group and he stumbles upon Artemis,
Speaker 1: who's bathing naked in a pond. She's got her nymphs
Speaker 1: around her giving her a good scrub. Now Artemis not
Speaker 1: only keeps herself virginal, but also takes it super seriously.
Speaker 1: If she's even glanced at slightly less than clothed. So,
Speaker 1: needless to say, Artemus is not having any of this
Speaker 1: acting on Caesar and basically just ogles. He doesn't even
Speaker 1: pretend to look away. So here he is mouth agape,
Speaker 1: staring at Artemus as she's simply trying to wash up.
Speaker 1: The woman's just trying to stay clean. Artemus notices and
Speaker 1: promptly loses her ship. I mean, honestly, if a man
Speaker 1: stumbled upon me naked and proceeded to just stare like
Speaker 1: a giant creeper, rather than doing the cool thing and
Speaker 1: turning around as if you're actually embarrassed by the situation,
Speaker 1: why I lose my ship too. I'm not sure why
Speaker 1: I'd be in a position to be stumped upon naked,
Speaker 1: and I don't frequently bathe in forest ponds, but still so,
Speaker 1: Artama stares at him as he stands there staring at her,
Speaker 1: and then she gets out of the water and walks
Speaker 1: towards him, calmly, just staring daggers the whole time. But
Speaker 1: you know, she's a grown ass woman. She's calm, she's collected.
Speaker 1: But she gets to him, and she promptly curses him.
Speaker 1: She tells him that if he speaks a single word,
Speaker 1: he'll transform into a stag. He can't say a goddamn
Speaker 1: word about her badass nakedness, or he will be turned
Speaker 1: into a stag, and it will not be a cool
Speaker 1: stag like Harry Potter's patronus or anything. No, this is
Speaker 1: a punishment in the distance. Acting on, hears his hunting
Speaker 1: party calling out to him, and being a dumbass, he
Speaker 1: immediately calls back and guess what he's turned into? A
Speaker 1: stag Suddenly four legged and antlerd. He raises through the
Speaker 1: forest towards his hunting party, but he can't find them,
Speaker 1: and instead he stumbles upon another pond. Looking into it,
Speaker 1: he sees his reflection and his fear is confirmed. He
Speaker 1: is for sure a deer. His head bolts back up
Speaker 1: and there's a barking in the distance. His own hunting
Speaker 1: dogs are approaching. Of course, they don't recognize him. All
Speaker 1: the dogs see is exactly what they've been out hunting for,
Speaker 1: a deer. Snarling, his dogs leap on him, and for
Speaker 1: lack of more flowery language, they tear him to shreds.
Speaker 1: It's bloody, and it's gruesome and The moral of the
Speaker 1: story here is don't be a creep and absolutely don't
Speaker 1: put yourself in a position where you're going to see
Speaker 1: this particular goddess naked without her permission, because she doesn't
Speaker 1: take any of that ship. Thank you all for listening.
Speaker 1: I'll be back on Tuesday with part two of Heracles,
Speaker 1: Slash Hercules and spoil Ese. There's a lot of monster killing.
Speaker 1: It's kind of this thing. You're all the best, you're beautiful,
Speaker 1: wonderful people, and uh, it's been a slice. I'm live.
Speaker 1: I love this ship. If it's not clear, it's obviously clear.
Speaker 1: My god, I love it.