Speaker 1: Oh hi, Hello, welcome nerds too. Let's talk about mis Baby,
Speaker 1: where I am your host live reading you the final
Speaker 1: part of my new favorite masterpiece, the life Changing Utterly,
Speaker 1: the thrilling and incredible novel by Lucition, full of intentional bullshit,
Speaker 1: the silliest and most over the top stuff that he
Speaker 1: could come up with, because remember, that's what's intended with this.
Speaker 1: He's satirizing, straight up making fun of the people of
Speaker 1: his time and those that came before him, people like
Speaker 1: whoever came up with Homer's Odyssey, any who told stories
Speaker 1: of myths and histories featuring unlikely or straight up unbelievable occurrences.
Speaker 1: That is who Lucian is taking aim at in this
Speaker 1: work of utter art. That is the true history, and
Speaker 1: I couldn't love it more. I imagine it's only about
Speaker 1: to get better because where we last left off our
Speaker 1: straight reading of Lucian, he and his men had landed
Speaker 1: on the island of the Blessed Elysium, literally where dead
Speaker 1: people are and what these guys are living. Lots happening here,
Speaker 1: but we've already had brief mentions of some mythological and
Speaker 1: historical characters that they've met with or or witnessed in
Speaker 1: Elysium and today's episode We're only gonna get more todays.
Speaker 1: To say that I'm excited to read all of this
Speaker 1: for you is a true understatement. I am having so
Speaker 1: much fun. H This is Lucien's true history, translated by
Speaker 1: Francis Hicks, Part three. They keep their feast without the city,
Speaker 1: in a field called Elysium, which is a most pleasant meadow,
Speaker 1: environed with woods of all sorts, so thick that they
Speaker 1: serve for a shade to all that are invited, who
Speaker 1: sit up on beds of flowers, and are weighted upon,
Speaker 1: and have everything brought unto them by the winds, unless
Speaker 1: it be to have the wine filled, and that there
Speaker 1: is no need of For about the banqueting place are
Speaker 1: mighty great trees growing of clear and pure glass, and
Speaker 1: the fruits of those trees are drinking cups and any
Speaker 1: other kind of vessel of what fashion or greatness you will.
Speaker 1: And every man that comes to the feast gathers one
Speaker 1: or two of those cups and scents them before him,
Speaker 1: which will be full of wine presently, and then they
Speaker 1: drink instead of garlands. The nightingales and other musical birds
Speaker 1: gather flowers with their beaks out of the meadows adjoining,
Speaker 1: and fly over their heads with chirping notes, and scatter
Speaker 1: them among them. They are anointed with sweet ointment. In
Speaker 1: this manner, sundry clouds draw that ung win out of
Speaker 1: the fountains and the rivers, which, settling over the heads
Speaker 1: of them that are at the banquet, the least blast
Speaker 1: of winds makes a small rain fall upon them, like
Speaker 1: unto a do After supper, they spend the time in
Speaker 1: music and singing their ditties that are inmost request. They
Speaker 1: take out of Homer's verses, who is there present himself
Speaker 1: and feasting among them, sitting next above Odysseus. Their choirs
Speaker 1: consist of boys and virgins, which are directed and assisted
Speaker 1: by Eunomus, the Locrian, and Arian, the Lesbian, and Anacreon,
Speaker 1: and Stasicarus, who has a place there ever since his
Speaker 1: reconcilement with Helena. As soon as these have done, there
Speaker 1: enter a second choir of swans, swallows and nightingales. And
Speaker 1: when they have ended, the whole woods ring like wind
Speaker 1: instruments by the stirring of the air. But that which
Speaker 1: makes most for their mirth are two wells adjoining to
Speaker 1: the banqueting place, the one of laughter, the other of pleasure.
Speaker 1: For these every man drinks to begin the feast withal,
Speaker 1: which makes them spend the whole time in mirth and laughter.
Speaker 1: I will also relate unto you what famous men I
Speaker 1: saw in that association. There were all the demigods and
Speaker 1: all that fought against Troy, excepting Ajax, the Lowcrean. He
Speaker 1: only they told me, was tormented in the region of
Speaker 1: the unrighteous of Barbarians. There was the elder and the
Speaker 1: younger Cyrus, and an Arcarcis the Skivion, Zamolxis the Thracian,
Speaker 1: and Numa the Italian. There was also, like Couragius the
Speaker 1: lack of Aemonian and Phocian, and tell Us, the Athenians,
Speaker 1: and all the wise men, unless it were Periander. I
Speaker 1: also saw Socrates, the son of Sophroniscus, prattling of the
Speaker 1: Nestor and Palamedes. And close by him stood Hyacinthus, the Lacedaemonian,
Speaker 1: and the gallant Narcissus, and high Las, and other beautiful
Speaker 1: and lovely youths. And for aught I could gather by
Speaker 1: him he was far in love with Hyacinthus for he
Speaker 1: was discoursed with him than all the rest, for which cause,
Speaker 1: they said, Rhadamanthus was offended at him, and often threatened
Speaker 1: to thrust him out of the island if he continued
Speaker 1: to play the fool in that fashion and not give
Speaker 1: over his idle manner of jesting. When he was at
Speaker 1: their banquet, only Plato was not present, for they said
Speaker 1: he dwelled in a city framed by himself, observing the
Speaker 1: same rule of government and laws as he had prescribed
Speaker 1: for them to live under. Aristippus and Epicurus are prime
Speaker 1: men among them, because they are the most jovial, good
Speaker 1: fellows and the best companions. Diogenes the Synopian was so
Speaker 1: far altered from the man he was before that he
Speaker 1: married with Lias the Harlot, and was many times so
Speaker 1: drunk that he would rise and dance about the room
Speaker 1: as a man out of his senses. Esop the Phrygians
Speaker 1: served them for a jester. There was not one stoic
Speaker 1: in company. But we're still busied in ascending the height
Speaker 1: of Virtues Hill. And if Chrysippus we heard that it
Speaker 1: was not lawful for him by any means to touch
Speaker 1: upon the island until he has the fourth time purged
Speaker 1: himself with Helleboris. The academics, they say, were willing enough
Speaker 1: to come, but that they had all doubtful and in suspense,
Speaker 1: and cannot comprehend how there should be such an island.
Speaker 1: But indeed I think they were fearful to come to
Speaker 1: be judged by rhadamanthus because themselves have abolished all kind
Speaker 1: of judgment. Yet many of them, they say, had a
Speaker 1: desire and would follow after those that were coming hither,
Speaker 1: but were so slow full as to give it over
Speaker 1: because they were not comprehensive, and therefore turned back in
Speaker 1: the midst of their way. These were all the men
Speaker 1: of note that I saw there, and amongst them all
Speaker 1: Achilles was held to be the best man, and next
Speaker 1: to him theseus for their manner of venery and copulation.
Speaker 1: Thus it is they couple openly in the eyes of
Speaker 1: all men, both with females and male kind, and no
Speaker 1: man holds it for any dishonesty. Only Socrates would swear
Speaker 1: deeply that he accompanied young men in a cleanly fashion,
Speaker 1: and therefore every man condemned him for a perjured fellow.
Speaker 1: And Hyacinthus and Narcissus both confessed otherwise, for all his denial,
Speaker 1: the women there were all in common, and no man
Speaker 1: takes exception at it. In which respect they are absolutely
Speaker 1: the best Platonists in the world. And so do the boys,
Speaker 1: yield themselves to any man's pleasure without contradiction. And after
Speaker 1: I had spent two or three days in this manner,
Speaker 1: I went to talk with Homer, the poet our leisure,
Speaker 1: serving us both well, and to know of him what
Speaker 1: countrymen he was a question with us hard to be resolved,
Speaker 1: And he said he could not certainly tell himself, because
Speaker 1: some said he was of Chios, some of Smyrna, and
Speaker 1: many to be of Colophon. But he said, indeed he
Speaker 1: was a Babylonian, and among his own countrymen not called Homer,
Speaker 1: but to Granny's, and afterwards living as a hostage among
Speaker 1: the Grecians, he had therefore that name put upon him.
Speaker 1: Then I questioned him about those verses in his books
Speaker 1: that are disallowed as not of his making, whether they
Speaker 1: were written by him or not, and he told me
Speaker 1: they were all his own, much condemning Zenodotus and Aristarchus,
Speaker 1: the Grammarians for their weakness in judgment. When he had
Speaker 1: satisfied me in as. I asked him again why he
Speaker 1: began the first verse of his poem with anger, and
Speaker 1: he told me it fell out so by chance, not
Speaker 1: upon any premeditation. I also desired to know of him
Speaker 1: whether he wrote his Odyssees before his iLiads, as many
Speaker 1: men do hold, But he said it was not so,
Speaker 1: as for his blindness, which is charged upon him. I
Speaker 1: soon found it was otherwise, and perceived it so plainly
Speaker 1: that I needed not to question him about it. Thus
Speaker 1: was I used to do many days when I found
Speaker 1: him idle, and would go to him and ask him
Speaker 1: many questions, which he would give me answer to very freely,
Speaker 1: especially when we talked of a trial he had in
Speaker 1: the court of justice, wherein he got the better for
Speaker 1: thirsities had preferred a bill of complaint against him for
Speaker 1: abusing him and scoffing at him and his poem, in
Speaker 1: which action Homer was acquitted, having Odysseus for his advocate.
Speaker 1: About the same time came to us Pythagoras, the Samian,
Speaker 1: who had changed his shape now seven times, and lived
Speaker 1: in as many lives and accomplished the periods of his soul.
Speaker 1: The right half of his body was wholly of gold,
Speaker 1: and they all agreed that he should have placed amongst them,
Speaker 1: but were doubtful what to call him. Pythagoras or Euphorbus.
Speaker 1: And Pedocles also came to this place scorched quite over,
Speaker 1: as if his body had been broiled upon the embers,
Speaker 1: but could not be admitted for all his great entreaty.
Speaker 1: The time passed thus along the day of prizes for
Speaker 1: masteries of activities now approached, which they call Fanatusia. The
Speaker 1: settlers of them fourth were Achilles the fifth time, and
Speaker 1: Theseus the seventh time. To relate the whole circumstance would
Speaker 1: require a long discourse, but the principal points I will deliver.
Speaker 1: At wrestling, Chrus, one of the lineage of Hercules, had
Speaker 1: the best and won the garland of from you Odysseus.
Speaker 1: The fight with fists was equal between Arius, the Egyptian
Speaker 1: who was buried at Corinth, and Epius that combated for it.
Speaker 1: There was no prize appointed for the pankaratean fight. Neither
Speaker 1: do I remember who got the best in running. But
Speaker 1: for poetry, though Homer without question were too good for
Speaker 1: them all, yet the best was given to he see it.
Speaker 1: The prizes were all alike garlands plotted of peacock's feathers.
Speaker 1: As soon as the games were ended, news came to
Speaker 1: us that the damned crew in the Habitation of the
Speaker 1: Wicked had broken their bounds, escaped the gawlers, and were
Speaker 1: coming to assail the island, led by Phalaris, the Aggregantine Busiris,
Speaker 1: the Egyptian Diametes, the Thuration Skern, Pitchua, Camptis, and others
Speaker 1: which Rhadamantha's hearing. He ranged the heroes in battle around
Speaker 1: a upon the sea shore, under the leading of Theseus
Speaker 1: and Achilles and AgeX Calimonious, who had now recovered his senses,
Speaker 1: where they joined fight. But the heroes had the day
Speaker 1: Achilles carrying himself very nobly. Socrates, also, who was placed
Speaker 1: in the right wing, was noted for a brave soldier,
Speaker 1: much better than he was in his lifetime in the
Speaker 1: battle at Delium, for when the artenemy charged him, he
Speaker 1: neither fled nor changed countenance. Wherefore, afterwards, in reward of
Speaker 1: his valor, he had a prize set out for him
Speaker 1: on purpose, which was a beautiful and spacious guard, and
Speaker 1: planted in the suburbs of the city, whereunto he invited
Speaker 1: many and disputed with them there, giving it the name
Speaker 1: of Necra Academia. Then we took the vanquished prisoners and
Speaker 1: bound them, and sent them back to be punished with
Speaker 1: greater torments. This fight was also penned by Homer, who,
Speaker 1: at my departure gave me the book to show my friends,
Speaker 1: which I afterwards lost. And many else things beside. But
Speaker 1: the first verse of the poem I remember was this,
Speaker 1: Tell me, now, muse, how the dead heroes fought. When
Speaker 1: they overcome in fight, they have accustomed to make a
Speaker 1: feast with sodden beans, wherewith they banquet together for joy
Speaker 1: over their victory. Only Pythagoras had no part with them,
Speaker 1: but sat aloof off and lost his dinner because he
Speaker 1: could not away with beans. Six months were now passed over,
Speaker 1: and the seventh halfway onwards, when a new business was
Speaker 1: begot amongst us. For Kinner asked the son of skanthis,
Speaker 1: a proper tall young man had long been in love
Speaker 1: with Helena, and it might plainly be perceived that she
Speaker 1: as fondly doated upon him, for they would still be
Speaker 1: winking and drinking to one another whilst they were a feasting,
Speaker 1: and rise alone together, and wander up and down in
Speaker 1: the wood, this humor increasing, and knowing not what course
Speaker 1: to take, Kinnaras's device was to steal away Helena, whom
Speaker 1: he found as pliable, to run away with him to
Speaker 1: some of the islands, adjoining either to fellow or Tyresa,
Speaker 1: having before combined with three of the boldest fellows in
Speaker 1: my company to join with them in their conspiracy, but
Speaker 1: never acquainted his father with it, knowing that he would
Speaker 1: surely punish him for it being resolved unto this, they
Speaker 1: watched their time to put it in practice. For when
Speaker 1: night came and I absent, for I was falling asleep
Speaker 1: at the feast, they gave a slip to all the
Speaker 1: rest and went away with Helena to shipboard as fast
Speaker 1: as they could. Menelaias, waking about midnight, and finding his
Speaker 1: bed empty and his wife gone, made an outcry, and,
Speaker 1: calling upon his mother, went to the court of Rhadamanthus,
Speaker 1: as soon as the day appeared, the scouts told them
Speaker 1: that they had spotted a ship, which by that time
Speaker 1: was got far off into the sea. Then rhadamanthus set
Speaker 1: out a vessel made of one whole piece of timber
Speaker 1: of Asphodelis would manned with fifty of the heroes to
Speaker 1: pursue after them, which were so willing on their way,
Speaker 1: that by noon they had overtaken them, newly entered into
Speaker 1: the milky ocean, not far from Tyresa. So near were
Speaker 1: they got to make an escape. Then we took their
Speaker 1: ship and hauled it after us with a chain of roses,
Speaker 1: and brought it back again. Rhadamanthus first examined Kenneras and
Speaker 1: his companions whether they had any other partners in this plot,
Speaker 1: and they, confessing none, were a judge to be tied
Speaker 1: fast by the privy members and sent into the place
Speaker 1: of the wicked, there to be tormented. After they had
Speaker 1: been scourged with rods made of mallows, Helen, all blubbered
Speaker 1: with tears, was so ashamed of herself that she would
Speaker 1: not show her face. They also decreed to send us
Speaker 1: packing out of the country, our prefixed time be income,
Speaker 1: and that we should stay there no longer than the
Speaker 1: next morrow, wherewith I was much aggrieved and wept bitterly
Speaker 1: to leave so good a place and turn wanderer again.
Speaker 1: I knew not whi her, but they comforted me much,
Speaker 1: and telling me that before my years were past I
Speaker 1: should be with them again, and showed me a chair
Speaker 1: and a bed prepared for me against the time to
Speaker 1: come near unto the persons of the best quality. Then
Speaker 1: went I to rhadamanthis humbly beseeching him to tell me
Speaker 1: my future fortunes and to direct me in my course.
Speaker 1: And he told me that after many travels and dangers,
Speaker 1: I should at last recover my country, but would not
Speaker 1: tell me the certain time of my return. And showing
Speaker 1: me the islands adjoining, which were five in number, and
Speaker 1: a six a little further off, he said, those nearest
Speaker 1: are the islands of the ungodly, which you see burning
Speaker 1: all in a light fire. But the other six is
Speaker 1: the island of dreams, and beyond that is the island
Speaker 1: of Calypso, which you cannot see from here. When you
Speaker 1: are past these, you shall come into the great continent
Speaker 1: over against your own country, where you shall suffer many afflictions,
Speaker 1: and pass through many nations, and meet with men of
Speaker 1: inhuman conditions, and at length attained to the other continent.
Speaker 1: When he had told me this, he plucked a root
Speaker 1: of mallows out of the ground and reached it to me,
Speaker 1: commanding me in my greatest perils to make my prayers
Speaker 1: to that, advising me further neither to rake in the
Speaker 1: fire with my knife, nor to feed upon Lupin's, nor
Speaker 1: to come near a boy. And he has past eighteen
Speaker 1: years of age. If I were mindful of this, the
Speaker 1: hopes would be great that I should come to the
Speaker 1: island again. Then we prepared for our passage and feasted
Speaker 1: with them at the usual hour, And the next morrow
Speaker 1: I went to Homer, entreating him to do so much
Speaker 1: as make an epigram of two verses for me, which
Speaker 1: he did, and I erected a pillar of beryl stone
Speaker 1: near unto the haven, and engraved them upon it. The
Speaker 1: epigram was this Lucian the gods beloved did once attain
Speaker 1: to see all this, and then go home again. After
Speaker 1: that day's tarrying, we put to sea, brought onward on
Speaker 1: our way by the heroes, where Odysseus, closely coming to
Speaker 1: me that Penelope might not see him, conveyed a letter
Speaker 1: into my hand to deliver to Calypso in the island
Speaker 1: of Ogagia. Rhadamanthus also said Nauplius, the fairy men along
Speaker 1: with us, that if it were our fortune to put
Speaker 1: into those islands. No man should lay hands upon us,
Speaker 1: because we were bent upon with other employments. No sooner
Speaker 1: had we passed beyond the smell of that sweet odor,
Speaker 1: but we felt a horrible, filthy stink, like pitch and
Speaker 1: brimstone burning, carrying an intolerable scent, as if men were
Speaker 1: broiling upon burning coals. The air was dark and muddy,
Speaker 1: from which distilled the pitchy kind of dew. We heard
Speaker 1: also the lash of the whips and the roaring of
Speaker 1: the tormented. Yet when we not we to visit all
Speaker 1: the islands, but that wherein we landed was of this form.
Speaker 1: It was wholly compassed about with steep, sharp and craggy rocks,
Speaker 1: without either wood or water. Yet we made a shift
Speaker 1: to scramble up among the cliffs, and so went forwards
Speaker 1: in a way quite overgrown with briars and thorns, through
Speaker 1: a most villainous, ghastly country, And coming at last to
Speaker 1: the prison and place of torment, we wondered to see
Speaker 1: the nature and quality of the soil, which brought forth
Speaker 1: no other flowers but swords and daggers. And round about
Speaker 1: it ran certain rivers, the first of dirt, the second
Speaker 1: of blood, and the innermost of burning fire, which were
Speaker 1: very broad and unpassable, floating like water and working like
Speaker 1: the waves of the sea, full of sundry fishes, some
Speaker 1: as big as firebrands, others of a less size, like
Speaker 1: coals of fire, and these they called lick nex skis.
Speaker 1: There was but one narrow entrance to it, and team
Speaker 1: own of Athens appointed to keep the door. Yet we
Speaker 1: got in by the help of Napolius, and saw them
Speaker 1: that were tormented, both kings and private persons, very many
Speaker 1: of which there were some that I knew, for there
Speaker 1: I saw un arrest tied by private members and hanging
Speaker 1: up in the smoke. But the greatest torments of all
Speaker 1: are inflicted upon them that told any lies in their
Speaker 1: lifetime and wrote untruly, as Ctessius, the Canadian Herodotous, and
Speaker 1: many other which I beholding. Was put in great hopes
Speaker 1: that I should never have anything to do there, for
Speaker 1: I do not know that I ever spoke any untruth
Speaker 1: in my life. We therefore returned speedily to our ship,
Speaker 1: where we could endure the site no longer, and taking
Speaker 1: our leaves of Nauplius, sent him back again. A little
Speaker 1: after appeared the island of dreams near unto us, an
Speaker 1: obscure country and un perspicuous to the eye, and jude
Speaker 1: with the same quality as dreams themselves are. For as
Speaker 1: we drew it still gave back and fled from us.
Speaker 1: That it seemed to be farther off than at the first.
Speaker 1: But in the end we attained it and entered the
Speaker 1: haven called hip Nous, and adjoined the gate of Ivory,
Speaker 1: where the Temple of Electrion stands, and took land somewhat
Speaker 1: late in the evening. Entering the gate, we saw many
Speaker 1: dreams of sundry fashions. But I will first tell you
Speaker 1: somewhat of the city, because no man else has written
Speaker 1: any description of it. Only Homer has touched it a little,
Speaker 1: but to small purpose. It is round about, environed with
Speaker 1: a wood. The trees whereof are exceeding high poppies and mandragoras,
Speaker 1: in which infinite number of owls do nestle, and no
Speaker 1: other birds to be seen. In the island near Onto
Speaker 1: it is a river running called by them Nicktiporous, and
Speaker 1: at the gates are two wells, the one named Negratis,
Speaker 1: the other Panakia. The walls of the city is high
Speaker 1: and of a changeable color like unto the rainbow, in
Speaker 1: which are four gates. Though Homer spoke but of two,
Speaker 1: for there are two which look toward the fields of sloth,
Speaker 1: the one made of iron, the other of Potter's clay,
Speaker 1: through which those dreams have passage. They represent fearful, bloody
Speaker 1: and cruel matters. The other two behold the Haven and
Speaker 1: the sea, of which the one is made of horn,
Speaker 1: the other of ivory, which we went in at as
Speaker 1: we entered the city. On the right hand and stands
Speaker 1: the Temple of the Night, whom, with Electrion they revere
Speaker 1: above all the gods, for he has also a temple
Speaker 1: built for him. Unto the Haven. On the left hand
Speaker 1: stands the Palace of Sleep. For he is the sovereign
Speaker 1: king over them all, and has deputized two great princes
Speaker 1: to govern under him, namely Taraxeon, the son of mattow Gins,
Speaker 1: and Plutocles, the son of Phantasion. In the midst of
Speaker 1: the marketplace is a well by them called Karyotis, and
Speaker 1: two temples, adjoining, the one of falsehood the other of truth,
Speaker 1: which have either of them, a private cell peculiar to
Speaker 1: the priests, and an oracle in which the chief prophet
Speaker 1: is Antiphon, the interpreter of dreams, who was preferred by
Speaker 1: sleep to that place of dignity. These dreams are not
Speaker 1: all alike, either in nature or shape. For some of
Speaker 1: them are long, beautiful and pleasing. Others again, are as
Speaker 1: short and deformed. Some make show to be of gold,
Speaker 1: and others to be as base and beggarly. Some of
Speaker 1: them had wings and were of monstrous forms. Others set
Speaker 1: out in pomp, as it were, in a triumph, representing
Speaker 1: the appearances of gods, kings, and other persons. Many of
Speaker 1: them were of our acquaintance, for they had been seen
Speaker 1: of us before, which came unto us and saluted us
Speaker 1: as their old friends, and took us and lulled us asleep,
Speaker 1: and feasted us nobly and courteously, promising beside all other
Speaker 1: entertainment which was sumptuous and costly to make us kings
Speaker 1: and princes. Some of them brought us home to our
Speaker 1: own country to show us our friends there, and come
Speaker 1: back with us the next morrow. Thus we spent thirty
Speaker 1: days and as many nights among them, sleeping and feasting
Speaker 1: all the while, until a sudden clap of under awakened
Speaker 1: us all, and we starting up, provided ourselves our victuals,
Speaker 1: and took sea again, and on the third day landed
Speaker 1: on Ogygia. But upon the way I opened the letter
Speaker 1: I was to deliver and read the contents, which were
Speaker 1: these Odysseus to Calypso sends greeting. This is to give
Speaker 1: you to understand that after my departure from you in
Speaker 1: the vessel I made in haste for myself, I suffered
Speaker 1: shipwreck and hardly escaped by the help of Luca Fia,
Speaker 1: into the country of the factions, who sent me to
Speaker 1: mine own home, where I found many that were wooers
Speaker 1: to my wife and riotously consumed by means. But I
Speaker 1: slew them all and was afterwards killed myself by my
Speaker 1: son to legan Us, whom I begat of Circe, And
Speaker 1: am now in the island of the Blessed, where I
Speaker 1: daily repent myself for refusing to live with you and
Speaker 1: forsaking the immortality proffered by you. But if I can
Speaker 1: spy a convenient time, I will give them all the
Speaker 1: slip and come to you. This was the effect of
Speaker 1: the letter, with some addition concerning us, that we should
Speaker 1: have entertainment and far had I not gone from the sea,
Speaker 1: But I found such a cave as Homer speaks of,
Speaker 1: and she herself working busily at her wool. When she
Speaker 1: had received the letter and brought us in, she began
Speaker 1: to weep and take on grievously. But afterwards she called
Speaker 1: us to meet and made us very good. Sheer, asking
Speaker 1: us many questions concerning Odysseus and Penelope, whether she was
Speaker 1: so beautiful and modest as Odysseus had often before bragged
Speaker 1: of her. And we made her such answer as we
Speaker 1: thought would give her best content, and, departing to our ship,
Speaker 1: reposed ourselves near unto the shore, and in the morning
Speaker 1: put to sea, where we were taken with a violent storm,
Speaker 1: which tossed us two days to other, and on the
Speaker 1: third we fell among the Calokinthopiratans. These are a wild
Speaker 1: kind of men that issue out of the islands, adjoining
Speaker 1: and prey upon passengers, and for their shipping have mighty
Speaker 1: great gourds six cubits in length, which they make hollow
Speaker 1: when they are ripe, and cleanse out all that is
Speaker 1: within them, and use the rhinds for ships, making their
Speaker 1: masts of reeds, and their sails of the gourd leaves.
Speaker 1: These set upon us two ships furnished, and fought with us,
Speaker 1: and wounded many, casting at us instead of stones the
Speaker 1: seeds of these gourds. The fight was continued with equal
Speaker 1: fortune until about noon, at which time behind the Calokinthopiritans
Speaker 1: we espied the carrion Autans coming on, who, as it appeared,
Speaker 1: were enemies to the other. For when they saw them approach,
Speaker 1: they forsook us and turned about to fight with them.
Speaker 1: And in the mean space we hoist sail and away,
Speaker 1: leaving them together by the ears. And no doubt but
Speaker 1: the carrion Natans had the better of the day, for
Speaker 1: they exceeded in number, having five ships well furnished, and
Speaker 1: their vessels of greater strength, for they are made of nutshells,
Speaker 1: cloven in the midst of and cleansed, of which every
Speaker 1: half is fifteen fathom in length. When we were got
Speaker 1: out of sight, we were careful for the curing of
Speaker 1: our hurt men, and from that time forwards went no
Speaker 1: more unarmed, fearing continually to be assaulted on the sudden
Speaker 1: and could cause. We had, for before sunsetting some twenty
Speaker 1: men or thereabouts, which also were pirates, made towards us,
Speaker 1: riding upon monstrous great dolphins, which carried them surely, and
Speaker 1: when their riders get upon their backs would neigh like horses.
Speaker 1: When they were come near us, they divided themselves, some
Speaker 1: on the one side and some on the other, and
Speaker 1: flung at us with dried cuttle fishes in the eyes
Speaker 1: of sea crabs. But when we shot at them again
Speaker 1: and hurt them, they would not abide it, but fled
Speaker 1: to the island, the most of them wounded. About midnight,
Speaker 1: the sea being calm, we fell before we were aware
Speaker 1: upon a mighty great halcyon's nest, encompassed no less than
Speaker 1: three score furlongs, in which the halcyon herself sailed as
Speaker 1: she was hatching her eggs, in quantity almost equaling the nest,
Speaker 1: for when she took her wings, the blast of her
Speaker 1: feathers had like to have overturned our ship, making a
Speaker 1: lamentable noise as she flew along. As soon as it
Speaker 1: was day, we got upon it and found it to
Speaker 1: be a nest fashioned like a great lighter, with trees
Speaker 1: plated and wound one within another, in which were five
Speaker 1: hundred eggs, everyone bigger than a ton of chios. Measure,
Speaker 1: and so knee are their time of hatching, that the
Speaker 1: young chickens might be seen, and began to cry. Then,
Speaker 1: with an axe, we hued one of the eggs in pieces,
Speaker 1: and cut out a young one that had no feathers,
Speaker 1: and yet which was bigger than twenty of our vultures.
Speaker 1: When we had gone some two hundred furlongs from this nest,
Speaker 1: fearful parodigies and strange tokens appeared unto us. For the
Speaker 1: carved goose that stood for an ornament on the stern
Speaker 1: of our ship suddenly flushed out with feathers and began
Speaker 1: to cry skintharis. Our pilot, that was a bald man,
Speaker 1: in an instant was covered with hair, and which was
Speaker 1: more strange than all the rest. The mast of our
Speaker 1: ship began to butt out with branches and to bear
Speaker 1: fruit at the top, both of figs and great clusters
Speaker 1: of grapes, but not yet ripe. Upon the sight of this,
Speaker 1: we had great cause to be troubled in mind, and
Speaker 1: therefore besought the gods to avert us from the evil
Speaker 1: that by these tokens was poor tended, and we had
Speaker 1: not passed full out five hundred furlongs but we came
Speaker 1: in a view of a mighty wood of pine trees
Speaker 1: and cypress, which made us think it had been land,
Speaker 1: when it was indeed a sea of infinite depth, planted
Speaker 1: with trees that had no roots, but floated firm and
Speaker 1: upright standing upon the water. When we came to it
Speaker 1: and found how the case stood with us, we knew
Speaker 1: not what to do with ourselves. To go forwards through
Speaker 1: the trees was altogether impossible, they were so thick and
Speaker 1: grew so close together, and to turn again with safety
Speaker 1: was as much unlikely. I therefore got me up to
Speaker 1: the top of the highest tree to discover, if I could,
Speaker 1: what was beyond. And I found the breadth of the
Speaker 1: wood to be fifty furlongs or thereabout. And then appeared
Speaker 1: another ocean to receive us. Wherefore we thought it best
Speaker 1: to essay to lift up our ship upon the leaves
Speaker 1: of the trees, which were thick grown, and by that
Speaker 1: means pass over, if it were possible, to the other ocean.
Speaker 1: And so we did. For fastening a strong cable to
Speaker 1: our ship, we wounded about the tops of the trees,
Speaker 1: and with much ado, poised it up to the height,
Speaker 1: and placing it upon the branches spread our sails and
Speaker 1: were carried, as it were, upon the sea, dragging our
Speaker 1: ship after us by the help of the wind, which
Speaker 1: set it forwards, at which time a verse of the
Speaker 1: poet Antimachus came to my remembrance, wherein he speaks of
Speaker 1: sailing over tops of trees. When we had passed over
Speaker 1: the wood and were come to the sea again, we
Speaker 1: let down our ship in the same manner as we
Speaker 1: took it up. Then sailed we forwards in a pure
Speaker 1: and clear stream, until we came to an exceeding great
Speaker 1: gulf or trench in the sea, made by the division
Speaker 1: of the waters, as many times is upon land, where
Speaker 1: we see great clefts made in the ground by earthquakes
Speaker 1: and other means. Whereupon we struck sail, and our ships
Speaker 1: stayed upon a sudden when it was at the pitts brim,
Speaker 1: ready to tumble in, and we, stooping down to look
Speaker 1: into it, thought it could be no less than a
Speaker 1: thousand furlongs deep, most fearful and monstrous to behold, for
Speaker 1: the water stood as it were divided into two parts.
Speaker 1: But looking on our right hand afar off, we perceived
Speaker 1: a bridge of water which to our seeming did join
Speaker 1: the two seas together and crossed over from one to
Speaker 1: the other. Wherefore we labored with oars to get onto it.
Speaker 1: And over it we went, and with much ado, got
Speaker 1: to the further side, beyond all our expectation. Then a
Speaker 1: calm sea received us, and in it we found an
Speaker 1: island not very great, but inhabited with unsociable people. For
Speaker 1: in into our dwelling wild men named Bucephalians that had
Speaker 1: horns on their heads, like the picture of Minotaurus. Where
Speaker 1: we went ashore to look for fresh water and victuals,
Speaker 1: for ours was all spent, And there we found water enough,
Speaker 1: but nothing else appeared. Only we heard a great bellowing
Speaker 1: and roaring away off which we thought to have been
Speaker 1: some herd of cattle, and going forwards, fell upon those men, who,
Speaker 1: aspying us, chased us back again and took three of
Speaker 1: our company. The rest fled towards the sea. Then we
Speaker 1: all armed ourselves, not meaning to leave our friends unrevenged,
Speaker 1: and set upon the Busophilians as they were dividing the
Speaker 1: flash of them that were slain, and put them all
Speaker 1: to fight, and pursued after them, of whom we killed
Speaker 1: fifty and two we took alive, and so returned with
Speaker 1: our prisoners, but food we could find none. Then the
Speaker 1: company were all earnest with me to kill those whom
Speaker 1: we had taken, But I did not like so well
Speaker 1: of that, thinking it better to keep them in bonds
Speaker 1: until ambassadors should come from the muse of aliens to
Speaker 1: ransom them that were taken. And indeed they did, and
Speaker 1: I well understood, by the nodding of their heads and
Speaker 1: their lamentable lowing like petitioners, what their business was. So
Speaker 1: we agreed upon a ransom of sundry cheeses and dried fish,
Speaker 1: and onions, and four deer with three legs apiece, two
Speaker 1: behind and one before. Upon these conditions we delivered them
Speaker 1: whom we had taken, and, tarrying there but one day departed.
Speaker 1: Then the fishes began to show themselves in the sea,
Speaker 1: and the birds flew over our heads, and all other
Speaker 1: tokens of our approach to land appeared unto us. Within
Speaker 1: a while after we saw men traveling the seas, and
Speaker 1: a new found manner of navigation themselves, supplying the office
Speaker 1: both for ship and sailor. And I will tell you
Speaker 1: how as they lie upon their backs in the water,
Speaker 1: and their privy members standing upright, which are of large
Speaker 1: size and fit for such purpose. They fastened there to
Speaker 1: a sail, and holding their cords in their hands. When
Speaker 1: the wind has taken it, are carried up and down
Speaker 1: as please themselves. After these followed others riding upon cork,
Speaker 1: for they yoke two dolphins together and drive them on,
Speaker 1: performing themselves the place of a coachman, which draw the
Speaker 1: cork along after them. These never offered us any violence,
Speaker 1: nor once shunned our sight, but passed along in our
Speaker 1: company without fear, in a peaceable manner, wondering at the
Speaker 1: greatness of our ship, and beholding it on every side.
Speaker 1: At evening we arrived upon a small island, inhabited, as
Speaker 1: it seemed, only by women which could speak the Greek language.
Speaker 1: For they came unto us, gave us their hands and
Speaker 1: saluted us, all attired like wantons, beautiful and young, wearing
Speaker 1: long mantles down to the foot. The island was called Cabaloosa,
Speaker 1: and the city Hydra Mardia. So the women received us,
Speaker 1: and every one of them took aside one of us
Speaker 1: for herself and made him her guest. But I pausing
Speaker 1: a little upon it, for my heart misgave me. Looked
Speaker 1: narrowly round about, and saw the bones of many men,
Speaker 1: and the skulls lying together in a corner. Yet I
Speaker 1: thought not good to make any stir, or to call
Speaker 1: my company about me, or to put on arms. But
Speaker 1: taking the mallow into my hand, made my earnest prayers
Speaker 1: there too, that I made escape out of those present perils.
Speaker 1: Within a while after, when the strange female came to
Speaker 1: wait upon me, I perceived she had not the legs
Speaker 1: of a woman, but the hoofs of an ass. Whereupon
Speaker 1: I drew my sword, and taking fast hold of her,
Speaker 1: bound her and examined her upon the point. And she,
Speaker 1: though unwillingly, confessed that they were sea women called on Askeelians,
Speaker 1: and they fed upon strangers that traveled that way. Four,
Speaker 1: said she. When we have made them drunk, we go
Speaker 1: to bed to them and in their sleep make a
Speaker 1: hand of them. A hearing this left her bound in
Speaker 1: the place where she was, and went up to the
Speaker 1: roof of the house, where I made an outcry and
Speaker 1: called my company to me, And when they were come together,
Speaker 1: acquainted them with all that I had heard, and showed
Speaker 1: them the bones and brought them into her that was bound,
Speaker 1: who suddenly was turned into water and could not be seen.
Speaker 1: Notwithstanding I thrust my sword into the water to see
Speaker 1: what would come of it, and it was changed into blood.
Speaker 1: Then we made all the haste we could to our
Speaker 1: ship and got us away, And as soon as it
Speaker 1: was clear day we had sight of the mainland, which
Speaker 1: we judged to be the country opposite to our continent,
Speaker 1: whereupon we worshiped and made our prayers, and took counsel
Speaker 1: what was now to be done. Some thought it best
Speaker 1: only to go a land, and so returned back again.
Speaker 1: Others thought it better to leave our ship there and
Speaker 1: march into the midland to try what the inhabitants would do.
Speaker 1: But whilst we were upon this consultation of violent storm
Speaker 1: fell upon us, which drove our ship against the shore
Speaker 1: and burst it all in pieces. And with much ado,
Speaker 1: we all swam to land with our arms, every man
Speaker 1: catching what he could lay his hands upon. These are
Speaker 1: all the occurrences I can acquaint you with till the
Speaker 1: time of our landing, both in the sea and in
Speaker 1: our course to the islands, and in the air, and
Speaker 1: after that in the whale, and when we came out
Speaker 1: again and be tied unto us among the heroes and
Speaker 1: among the dreams, and lastly among the Busophalians, and lastly
Speaker 1: among the Busophalians and the ao Sclions. What passed upon land?
Speaker 1: The next books shall deliver, h oh Nerds. That was
Speaker 1: Lucian's true history, or rather what survives of it. That
Speaker 1: was so much fun? What is he doing being so ridiculous?
Speaker 1: Love that Herodotus is like the only famous person in Tartarus.
Speaker 1: Like poor guy Lucian is so obsessed with what a
Speaker 1: liar Herodotus was. Man, it's fun talking to Homer guys.
Speaker 1: That gave me like real feels. I mean, you can
Speaker 1: hear the smile in my voice when I was saying
Speaker 1: all that stuff. It was so much fun. Holy crap.
Speaker 1: I love this piece so much, and I'm so thrilled
Speaker 1: to have been able to read it to you. It
Speaker 1: fits so perfectly into my life to be able to
Speaker 1: prepare this in advance. I'm going to be on sam
Speaker 1: with Race and kind of like losing it over my happiness.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be writing my novel. I'm going to share
Speaker 1: stuff with you. I might try to record something from there.
Speaker 1: I don't totally know how it's gonna work, but thank
Speaker 1: you all for loving these readings, the conversations that are following,
Speaker 1: just really understanding when I need to take some time
Speaker 1: off and loving what I give you in the meantime, because,
Speaker 1: oh my god, in this case, it's worth it. Holy
Speaker 1: sh it, it's so much fun. Like what is he
Speaker 1: doing being so so ridiculous but intentional and silly and weird,
Speaker 1: and like, oh my god, I love this man's imagination
Speaker 1: new favorite. Absolutely. Thank you all so much for listening,
Speaker 1: for listening to the podcast, for listening to this, for
Speaker 1: being around, for caring that I get to go to Greece,
Speaker 1: for caring that I take some time off. I know
Speaker 1: so many of you really support that, and I love
Speaker 1: you for it. I am live and I love this ship.