Speaker 1: Hello, this is let's talk about myths, Baby, I'm live.
Speaker 1: This is the podcast where I tell you stories from
Speaker 1: ancient Greek mythology and this is crazy and my god,
Speaker 1: they were sexist kind of way. Thank you all for
Speaker 1: listening lately. It's been lovely. There we go. We'll jump
Speaker 1: right in to preface this particular story. As with all
Speaker 1: Greek myths, there are so many variations because of the
Speaker 1: way the stories were passed down. That being said, this
Speaker 1: one has versions that frankly sit at opposite ends of
Speaker 1: the spectrum when it comes to how heroic and or
Speaker 1: how straight up shitty the main character is. As you
Speaker 1: might have gathered from the title of the episode, I
Speaker 1: have a particular viewpoint. There are some myths that emphasize
Speaker 1: this guy's heroism and not many of his flaws. But
Speaker 1: I think those flaws are pretty hard over look. This
Speaker 1: is episode five. Theseus, ruiner of women and all around
Speaker 1: awful person. This is the story of Theseus, one of
Speaker 1: the biggest assholes of ancient Greece. Now, Theseus was the
Speaker 1: mythological founder of Athens. So many stories paint him as
Speaker 1: a great hero like Heracles or Perseus. I see him
Speaker 1: as more of a narcissistic prick who just happens to
Speaker 1: be a hero but was in no way comparable to
Speaker 1: Perseus or Heracles, and who happened to eventually found Athens. Fine,
Speaker 1: though that isn't the focus of the myths associated with him.
Speaker 1: This is his story. It begins in Athens. Now, this
Speaker 1: is a kind of mythological prehistoric Athens before it was
Speaker 1: its ancient magnificent magnificent self, and also before it was
Speaker 1: the Athens that theseus came to found, because as chronologically,
Speaker 1: that's how this has to work. So the king of
Speaker 1: this prehistoric Athens, his name is a Gus, and he'd
Speaker 1: recently gone to the oracle to ask about his future.
Speaker 1: This was common, and as we know, it never goes well. Now,
Speaker 1: Oracles are basically just women who are enslaved by the
Speaker 1: priests of a particular oracle temple. There were two main temples,
Speaker 1: Delphi and the island of de Loss. Individually, these ladies
Speaker 1: are called Pithias the oracles, kind of the name of
Speaker 1: the place and the woman in it. But she alone
Speaker 1: is a Pithia. Like many things in this ancient world,
Speaker 1: it's a bit confusing. It's like you go to see
Speaker 1: the oracle to see how you're going to die. But
Speaker 1: it's the Pithia who tells you you're going to be
Speaker 1: eaten by a bear on your way home. Makes sense.
Speaker 1: I like to think these ladies kind of reveled and
Speaker 1: fucking with the primarily old men who went to seek
Speaker 1: their fortune. Almost always they'd ask when or how they
Speaker 1: were going to die, and I think that's just asking
Speaker 1: for trouble. Now, this pathia, she wasn't one for clarity,
Speaker 1: which is a running theme, and she told King Agis, quote,
Speaker 1: do not loosen the bulging mouth of the wine skin
Speaker 1: until you have reached the height of Athens, lest you
Speaker 1: die of grief. This is obviously a baffling statement, and
Speaker 1: like me, a Gius had no clue what the funk
Speaker 1: the woman was talking about. Like I said, I think
Speaker 1: they just like to mess with people. So a Gius
Speaker 1: wants to know what's up, and he asks the king
Speaker 1: of another nearby city for his advice. This king's suggestion
Speaker 1: was that a Gis should get drunk and sleep with
Speaker 1: his daughter, that is, this king's daughter. Basically, he said,
Speaker 1: a Genius, I don't know what that means, but the
Speaker 1: obvious answer would be would be for you to drink
Speaker 1: too much and bang my daughter. Sound good because ancient Greece,
Speaker 1: now a genius takes this advice because he's classies, fucking patriarchy.
Speaker 1: But the plot chickens this daughter. Her name is Ethra,
Speaker 1: and she leaves a Geus's bed like right after they
Speaker 1: do the dirty and she heads to a nearby island
Speaker 1: or we can just say beach, because I have no
Speaker 1: idea how she'd get to an island in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night, but not the point, thankfully. There she
Speaker 1: pours a libation for Poseidon, you remember, the one, the
Speaker 1: god of the sea and horses and another of ancient
Speaker 1: Greece's giant assholes. Poseidon is psyched that this hot chick
Speaker 1: is pouring wine. I assume it's wine into the ocean
Speaker 1: for him, even though it seems like a waste of
Speaker 1: perfectly good wine to me. But whatever, Poseidon, who is
Speaker 1: much like his brother Zeus and his absolute lack of
Speaker 1: all self control, just can't resist this woman. He goes
Speaker 1: for it. Because this is ancient Greece. Ethra ends up
Speaker 1: impregnated by a combination of the two men. Because biology,
Speaker 1: this means that theseus the child that's ultimately born of
Speaker 1: this super weird union is both mortal and demigod. As
Speaker 1: soon as a Genius learns that he thras pregnant, he
Speaker 1: pieces out. You see, he's super into responsibility, so instead
Speaker 1: of even waiting until there's a baby, he heads back
Speaker 1: to Athens, where he ends up shacking up with Medeia.
Speaker 1: This is shortly after Madeia went crazy and killed her children,
Speaker 1: a story for another time. Before a Jus leaves, though,
Speaker 1: he buries his sandals and his sword under a giant rock,
Speaker 1: and he tells ee Thread that when the child is
Speaker 1: old enough, he should try to move the rock, and
Speaker 1: if he can, then that means he's somehow heroic and
Speaker 1: worthy of the tokens. This, of course, means nothing. I'm
Speaker 1: sure e Thro was pretty psyched that the parting gift
Speaker 1: she got when she's looking at a lifetime of caring
Speaker 1: for a fatherless child in a hardcore patriarchy where women
Speaker 1: aren't even citizens is dirty old shoes hidden under a rock. Nevertheless,
Speaker 1: she persisted, it's a bit of an old reference now,
Speaker 1: but I'm keeping it. Finally, when Theseus is old enough,
Speaker 1: he does exactly as his father instructed before abandoning him
Speaker 1: and he finds the tokens Ethra tells him about his
Speaker 1: mortal father and his Athenian birthright. She apparently leaves out
Speaker 1: the Poseidon part and the part about a GS being
Speaker 1: a ship. Of course, no teenage boy can resist the
Speaker 1: call of being secret royalty, so he sets out to
Speaker 1: meet his father. As he sets out, he learns he
Speaker 1: can get to Athens by one of two ways, by sea,
Speaker 1: where he is unlikely to encounter any issues, or by land,
Speaker 1: where he will be required to bypass six entrances to
Speaker 1: the underworld. He chooses to travel by land because toxic
Speaker 1: masculinity has existed always. So theseus sets out to complete
Speaker 1: these six labors. They are frankly not particularly interesting. There
Speaker 1: are no labors of heracles, let me tell you. Highlights
Speaker 1: include defeating a robber named Sinists, who goes by another
Speaker 1: name that is too much ancient Greek for me to pronounce,
Speaker 1: but means he who bends pine trees. This is because
Speaker 1: he'd literally bent pine trees to kill his victims. He
Speaker 1: would bend the trees and secure them. Then he'd tie
Speaker 1: a person's hands to one end and feet to the other,
Speaker 1: and then he'd free the tree branches, which would fling
Speaker 1: back to their upright positions, taking either end of you
Speaker 1: with them, like just ripping you in half using trees.
Speaker 1: He was a chill guy. Theseus defeats him by doing
Speaker 1: exactly what he did to his victims. This is one
Speaker 1: of Theseus's less morally complicated decisions, which I think says
Speaker 1: something after tearing the tree dude in half, and because
Speaker 1: he's a super great guy, he quote became intimate with
Speaker 1: the tree guy's daughter. Translation, he raped her because I'm
Speaker 1: willing to bet she didn't jump with the chance to
Speaker 1: funk the guy who just tore her dad in half. Bonus,
Speaker 1: he impregnates her and then leaves Strike one Theseus. Another
Speaker 1: of the six labors involved killing a giant sow. It's
Speaker 1: unclear what the sow ever did to deserve being killed
Speaker 1: by a random dude traveling through Greece. One story says
Speaker 1: it was a child of Typhon and a Kidna, you know,
Speaker 1: the crazy monster parents we mentioned in episode one. I
Speaker 1: always say we as if it's not just me in
Speaker 1: my cat in a room anyway, do you remember Typhon
Speaker 1: and a Kidna with all the snake ship But you
Speaker 1: can't choose your parents? You know. So he passed through
Speaker 1: these six labors basically killing five people in a cow,
Speaker 1: but the other four are just kind of bandits in
Speaker 1: what some kind of another. It's literally one of the
Speaker 1: most born quote hero stories of ancient Grace. And this
Speaker 1: guy is the founder of Athens. Honestly, when Theseus finally
Speaker 1: gets to Athens, he goes to the king as if
Speaker 1: he's just some random guest. Ancient Greeks had this guest
Speaker 1: host relationship concept which was crazy sacred to them. It's
Speaker 1: called zenia and basically you cannot break that bond for anything. Frankly,
Speaker 1: it's a little limiting and has led to many awful
Speaker 1: situations which I'm sure I will cover in future episodes.
Speaker 1: This is what Theseus claims to the king, who's actually
Speaker 1: his father. He's just like, hey, I want a place
Speaker 1: to stay. Oh, random guy who looks a lot like me,
Speaker 1: but that's probably a coincidence, and Gus obliges because again
Speaker 1: he has to Basically, you go somewhere and you just
Speaker 1: claim this guest host relationship and they have to treat
Speaker 1: like gold like no matter what you do, which is
Speaker 1: where it gets crazy. So Medeia, who's living with the Gus. Somehow,
Speaker 1: she realizes who theseus is in media lee though she's
Speaker 1: never met him, which leads me to believe they have
Speaker 1: a crazy resemblance and a genius is just kind of dumb.
Speaker 1: Medeia though she's pissed because en rolls theseus. All I
Speaker 1: defeated five bandits in a sow and one of them
Speaker 1: was a pretty big weirdo like he owns the place,
Speaker 1: and she's worried he'll be made king over her son
Speaker 1: with a gius, I e the one child she hasn't
Speaker 1: yet killed. I don't want to give Madea too much flak.
Speaker 1: She had some mental health issue she didn't deal with. Regardless,
Speaker 1: she has a reputation. Madea wants theseus and dead a
Speaker 1: sap ideally before a Gis realizes who he is and
Speaker 1: cares a hell of a lot more so, in an
Speaker 1: attempt to have him killed, Madeia asks theseus to capture
Speaker 1: the Marathonian bull. This would be a bull from Marathon
Speaker 1: where the first Marathon took place. Also epic battle. I
Speaker 1: believe it was by sea, which is pretty cool for
Speaker 1: an ancient civilization. Anyway, Theseus, of course captures the bull
Speaker 1: and he brings it back to Athens again. All hero
Speaker 1: life made is piste, and she decides poison is now
Speaker 1: her best bet. Why she didn't go with that before
Speaker 1: is beyond me. It sounds quite a bit easier and
Speaker 1: with less waiting than suggesting the future king goes after
Speaker 1: a Marathonian bull for no good reason. But hey, I'm
Speaker 1: not a queen, what do I know? So Medea plans
Speaker 1: her poisoning. There's a banquet and Medea's eyeing Theseus app
Speaker 1: as he's about to take a sip of his poison
Speaker 1: laced wine. But no, a Gius, with his razor sharp mind,
Speaker 1: who has not recognized his son up to this point,
Speaker 1: does recognize his own sword and sandals. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not one to talk. I had a pair of flip
Speaker 1: flops for nine years, and now they're gone, and my
Speaker 1: heart hurts. A Gius knocks the always a note of
Speaker 1: Theseus's hand. The wine goes flying. Agius has, at the
Speaker 1: last possible minute, saved this gem of a man. Finally,
Speaker 1: Theseus is in Athens. He on, he has on his
Speaker 1: super memorable shoes, and father and son are reunited at last.
Speaker 1: But of course there's more trouble of ruin. I don't
Speaker 1: call Theseus a giant asshole just because he killed a
Speaker 1: possibly evil sal There's a group of brothers nephews of
Speaker 1: a Gius who have had their eye on the throne
Speaker 1: up to now. Now that Theseus is back in an
Speaker 1: obvious heir to the throne, they're in trouble where Medea
Speaker 1: and a Jesus other kid with her who she had
Speaker 1: considered next in line come into this kurfuffle. I don't
Speaker 1: know these dudes though. They're called the Palin Titties, the
Speaker 1: Sons of Palace. That's titties with the d but it
Speaker 1: does sound like titties. A fun thing about ancient Greece
Speaker 1: and mythology are names like that. You get to sound
Speaker 1: like you're in some super elite club, but really you're
Speaker 1: just brothers and it's named after your dad, the Palin Tittis.
Speaker 1: So the Palin Titties plan to force Theseus out of
Speaker 1: the palace and ambush him as he leaves. They plan
Speaker 1: it all out, but old Theseus figures it out and
Speaker 1: he attacks them before they can execute. They're not so
Speaker 1: brilliant in hindsight plan. Again, I'll make the point that
Speaker 1: theseus is wins. We're all pretty anticlimactic up to this point.
Speaker 1: I can see there's a more exciting one to come,
Speaker 1: but still boring until now. At this point, theseus sails
Speaker 1: to the island of the Amazon's And let me just
Speaker 1: preface this with a statement on Wonder Woman. Firstly, it
Speaker 1: was awesome. I didn't even expect it to feel so
Speaker 1: good to watch a woman be a superhero that's that badass,
Speaker 1: and to have a movie that's all about her. It's like,
Speaker 1: you don't realize you're missing something until you have it,
Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, this is what it feels like
Speaker 1: to be part of a gender that is shown to
Speaker 1: be badass and independent in movies. Weird. That said, how
Speaker 1: is aries suddenly the big bad guy? He has my
Speaker 1: minimal mythological stories and he's really never all that troubling, Like,
Speaker 1: sure he perpetuates war, but he certainly doesn't kill all
Speaker 1: the other gods. And while we're at it, you can't
Speaker 1: kill the other gods, So that is it's problem. It's
Speaker 1: a problem in itself. Also, Diana is a Roman name.
Speaker 1: Let's make that perfectly clear. Hippolyta is real. I'll concede
Speaker 1: on that single point, as well as the sister. I
Speaker 1: don't remember, but you know, Robin Wright also a real character. Anyway,
Speaker 1: though the movie was great, don't get me wrong, but
Speaker 1: the idea of having Professor Lupin with a mustache suddenly
Speaker 1: the god of war is a baffling thing to me. Oh, spoilers, Sorry,
Speaker 1: that should have come before. Just you should have seen
Speaker 1: wonder Woman already. If you're listening to this podcast about
Speaker 1: feminist Greek mythology, you should have seen wonder Woman already. Anyways,
Speaker 1: travels to the island of the Amazons, and he meets
Speaker 1: Queen Hippolyta. See what I did there? And she visits
Speaker 1: him on his ship to welcome him to her island.
Speaker 1: She brings him a gift. And what is the polite
Speaker 1: course of action when royalty brings you a gift? Why
Speaker 1: it's to sail away with her still on board, in
Speaker 1: order to kidnap the goddamn queen. Oh, and then rape
Speaker 1: and impregnate her. And no, they didn't have a daughter.
Speaker 1: That's not wonder Woman because again, the name Diana is Roman.
Speaker 1: It's so Roman. It's just the Greek goddess Artemis is
Speaker 1: Latin name. Her Roman name was Diana, and she was
Speaker 1: a super virgin, so wonder woman would not match up. No,
Speaker 1: Hippolyta ultimately gives birth to Hippolytus and then, of course
Speaker 1: is abandoned by Theseus because that's just what he does.
Speaker 1: Strike two Theseus. Now, at some point in his life,
Speaker 1: Theseus made a friend named Parethus, who was a son
Speaker 1: of Zeus. Apparently their broance began when Perethus was caught
Speaker 1: driving away some of Theseus's cows. How all great friendships begin,
Speaker 1: if you ask me, When Theseus confronts Prethus about said cows,
Speaker 1: they're both so overcome by each other's overt masculinity that
Speaker 1: they immediately become lifelong friends because both are sons of
Speaker 1: God's I guess theseus kind of picks and chooses whose
Speaker 1: father is at any given time. They determined that they
Speaker 1: have the right to marry daughters of the gods themselves.
Speaker 1: Theseus and all his glory decides on Helen later of
Speaker 1: Troy and kidnaps her. He decides to bring her to
Speaker 1: his mother's home, where she'll live until she's old enough.
Speaker 1: That's right, she is at this point an actual child
Speaker 1: and not old enough. In ancient Greece is a whole
Speaker 1: different concept than not old enough. In I'm Kissing She's
Speaker 1: like twelve at best. Strike three. Theseus three strikes her out.
Speaker 1: You say not when you're a demigod. Apparently, thankfully sort of.
Speaker 1: Helen and Theseus's mother are subsequently kidnapped themselves and taken
Speaker 1: to Sparta while Theseus is away so some stories. Some
Speaker 1: stories say that she was actually freed by her twin brothers,
Speaker 1: Caster and Pollox, so we can hope that that one's
Speaker 1: true either way. Helen escapes his grasp, if only to
Speaker 1: eventually end up in some hot water of her own
Speaker 1: see the Trojan War. But these is his body Parrethus
Speaker 1: he decides that the woman he wants to take for
Speaker 1: his wife is Persephone. Now this may have been a
Speaker 1: fine idea where she not married to the god of
Speaker 1: the goddamn underworld and queen of the goddamn underworld herself,
Speaker 1: this does not deter supermask Prethus, however, and he and
Speaker 1: Theseus decide they will sneak into the underworld, which is
Speaker 1: always a good idea, and pursue Persephone right under the
Speaker 1: nose of her God of the underworld. Husband. Purthus is
Speaker 1: so disturbingly confident that he straight up tells had Is
Speaker 1: his plan. He walks up to Hades, who's in his
Speaker 1: underworld throne, and tells him the whole plan, pointing out
Speaker 1: that obvious sleep Persephone would be way happier with Purthus,
Speaker 1: who is clearly God's gift to women, and lo and behold.
Speaker 1: This doesn't go well. Hades, not one to be taken
Speaker 1: in by something so crazy, decides to mess with Parthas
Speaker 1: by playing along. He tells him, Yeah, sure, if you
Speaker 1: think she'll be so much happier with you, have at
Speaker 1: it first, though, have a drink with me, the man
Speaker 1: whose wife you're about to run off with. They sit
Speaker 1: down to have a drink, and bam, the magic of
Speaker 1: the darkest depths of the underworld Tartarus takes hold. Essentially,
Speaker 1: they end up turned nearly to stone. Theseus Is trapped
Speaker 1: in his seat and forced to watch Parthus, who has
Speaker 1: been also been turned into living stone, and who is
Speaker 1: from there on out tormented by furies, serpents, and even
Speaker 1: Cerberus the three headed dog himself. Neither of them can
Speaker 1: move single muscle, but they are alive and watching Slash
Speaker 1: feeling this all go down, and they deserve it. I'll
Speaker 1: be generous here and not give Theseus his fourth strike,
Speaker 1: if only because Persephone was mainly Perthes's plan. Still just
Speaker 1: say no theseus. So Thesis is eventually saved by Heracles,
Speaker 1: but Purthos never gets to leave the underworld, which just
Speaker 1: goes to show maybe it's not the best idea to
Speaker 1: kidnap a woman who was already married to her own
Speaker 1: kidnapper who would have thought suddenly freed even though his
Speaker 1: friend is living in hell for the rest of his life.
Speaker 1: Theseus heads back to Athens, where some real dark ship
Speaker 1: has been going down. At this point. The situation in
Speaker 1: Athens is that every few years they have to send
Speaker 1: a collection of young girls and boys too create to
Speaker 1: be sacrificed to the Minotaur in the Labyrinth, and we've
Speaker 1: come full circle. There are a couple different backstories to
Speaker 1: how the super shitty for Athens deal came along, but
Speaker 1: the point is it's now a requirement, and as I
Speaker 1: mentioned in last week's episode, good old King Minus was
Speaker 1: finding various ways of keeping his steps on the Minotaur fed.
Speaker 1: This was one of them. So after a few instances
Speaker 1: of these young people being sent over to die in
Speaker 1: the Labyrinth, Theseus desides to buck the funk up and
Speaker 1: sail over to destroy the minotaur himself. Sounds valiant, right,
Speaker 1: just a brave young man setting out to save the
Speaker 1: citizens of his city. We'll see when King Minus arrives
Speaker 1: in Athens to pick up a slew of these new
Speaker 1: and unlucky Athenians. Theseus volunteers. As Thesis is planning to
Speaker 1: leave Athens to sail for crete, he makes his father
Speaker 1: a promise. A Gus is afraid his son will not survive,
Speaker 1: and he wants to know is soon as possible whether
Speaker 1: or not he's made it. So they come up with
Speaker 1: a solution. Theseus promises that when he's returning from his
Speaker 1: mission to create, he'll return sailing with white sales, whereas
Speaker 1: his ship currently has black, And that way a Gus
Speaker 1: can see from afar that his son is returning safe
Speaker 1: and sound, and he won't worry his poor old man heart.
Speaker 1: Seems like they've grown really close over this time ever
Speaker 1: since you recognize those shoes. It's heart heartwarming, really, So
Speaker 1: Theseus sets out to create with King Minos and the
Speaker 1: other young Athenians just waiting to be sacrificed. And as
Speaker 1: they're sailing along the Mediterranean, King Myas apparently makes a
Speaker 1: rude advance towards one of the Athenian women on board,
Speaker 1: and Theseus suddenly a gentleman comes to her aid. He
Speaker 1: claims this is his duty as a son of Poseidon.
Speaker 1: Apparently is no issue picking and choosing which father he
Speaker 1: references at any given time. King Minos calls bullshit, and
Speaker 1: he tells Theseus that if this is true, then the
Speaker 1: creatures of the sea will want to help him. So
Speaker 1: he throws his ring overboard and he tells Theseus to
Speaker 1: go get it. As we've learned from Theseus's dealings with Madeia,
Speaker 1: he is not wanted to back down from a challenge,
Speaker 1: no matter how ridiculous, so he dives in. King Minos
Speaker 1: is of course wrong in this instance, and Theseus is
Speaker 1: helped by an aread a c nymph, and he finds
Speaker 1: the ring, and as a bonus, the nymph gives him
Speaker 1: a jeweled crown because he needed a bigger ego if
Speaker 1: you ask me. Meanwhile, on crete in the city of Canassas,
Speaker 1: King Minos has the two daughters I mentioned last week,
Speaker 1: Ariadne and Fedra, and that steps on you know, the
Speaker 1: one top half bull lives in the labyrinth Ariadne is
Speaker 1: young and beautiful, and just moments from theseas is landing
Speaker 1: on the shores of the island, Ariadne falls in love
Speaker 1: with him. He takes advantage of this young woman who's
Speaker 1: infatuated with this heroic newcomer, because let's be honest, he
Speaker 1: already a band did one woman and their kid. We
Speaker 1: know how he operates two women and their kids. Guys,
Speaker 1: He's a shitty dude. Ariadne is a teenager who is
Speaker 1: smitten by this handsom, handsome Athenian prince that has drawn
Speaker 1: up to her island. We've all been there, am I right?
Speaker 1: She immediately wants to help him, no doubt, in the
Speaker 1: hopes that he'll take her with him to Athens. Ariadne,
Speaker 1: who as I mentioned, has the best name ever, gives
Speaker 1: theseus a ball of thread so that as he travels
Speaker 1: through the labyrinth he can lay it down as he goes,
Speaker 1: and then he can use it to find his way
Speaker 1: out after. As we know, because Dadalus was a badass inventor,
Speaker 1: he invented human wing wings. For God's sake, This labyrinth
Speaker 1: was impressive. It was impossible to find your way in
Speaker 1: or out, not in it was impossible to find your
Speaker 1: way out, and it was super dangerous, mostly because there
Speaker 1: was an angry teenage minotaur in the middle who just
Speaker 1: wants to live his minotaur life in peace. Theseus defeats
Speaker 1: the minotaur. Often said this is through strength alone, but
Speaker 1: I bet it was more like the thing was sleeping
Speaker 1: and he slid it through from behind or something. You know.
Speaker 1: But then I'm not Theseus's biggest fan. When the minotaur
Speaker 1: is successfully slain, Theseus finds his way out of the
Speaker 1: labyrinth using Ariadne's nifty thread, and he's in the clear.
Speaker 1: Now let me just interject right here and tell you
Speaker 1: that Wikipedia might be might as well be Theseus's official
Speaker 1: fan club. I swear he can do no wrong in
Speaker 1: the eyes of whoever wrote that article. The mythology I've
Speaker 1: read in the classes I've taken paint him in a
Speaker 1: very different light. This is the light I now share
Speaker 1: with you. If you want to thank Theseus is a
Speaker 1: god among men, Go read Wikipedia and shut up. I
Speaker 1: help say versions diverge from here on out. Theseus takes
Speaker 1: Arianney with him when he escapes the labyrinth and crete. Now,
Speaker 1: like many women in myth she wanted to go along
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong. She was all she was, after all,
Speaker 1: very young and very in love with this brave hero Theseus.
Speaker 1: No doubt he looked like the Greek gods. He was
Speaker 1: related to sexy as hell, I'm sure. So they go
Speaker 1: off together, so young, so in love. After their adventure
Speaker 1: defeating a minotaur, and the lovers stop on the island
Speaker 1: of Naxos en route to Athens. Theseus professes his love
Speaker 1: for her. He tells her a million wonderful things about
Speaker 1: their future together, and they do the dirty. The next morning,
Speaker 1: Theseus promptly abandons Ariadne on the island and proceeds to
Speaker 1: marry her sister Phiedra. Because he's a goddamn asshole. Strike four, Theseus.
Speaker 1: Four strikes. You say that must be enough, But Theseus,
Speaker 1: he's not done yet. Now. Some will say he forgot Ariadne,
Speaker 1: and in his grief about it, he turned to Fiedra,
Speaker 1: But I call bullshit. For obvious, no one forgets another
Speaker 1: or human on an island and then marries the sister reasons.
Speaker 1: So Theseus free of the pesky woman who only wanted
Speaker 1: to love him, and be free of her crazy family
Speaker 1: that's been keeping a minotaur in a labyrinth and feeding
Speaker 1: it young people, sets out for Athens with Fiedra. Now,
Speaker 1: if you'll recall, these has made a promise to his father.
Speaker 1: He had one thing to do, remember, and that was
Speaker 1: to take five minutes, okay, more than five maybe I
Speaker 1: don't know boats and change the goddamn sales from black
Speaker 1: to white? Did he though? Did he? Of course he didn't.
Speaker 1: Theseus forgets to change the sales on his ship. Theseus's father,
Speaker 1: a Gius, who's been standing on a cliff watching the
Speaker 1: sea every day since Theseus left, just hoping to the
Speaker 1: gods that his beloved son will return safely. He sees
Speaker 1: the ship approaching, he spots the black sails, and he's
Speaker 1: immediately so overcome with grief over the death of his
Speaker 1: son that he throws himself into the sea. And therein,
Speaker 1: my friends, lies the origin of the name of the
Speaker 1: Aegean c and obviously strike five Theseus. Now it's just
Speaker 1: getting silly at this point. At this point, Theseus has
Speaker 1: impregnated a woman whose father he first killed and subsequently
Speaker 1: abandoned her and their child. He then, you know, kidnapped
Speaker 1: and also impregnated and abandoned Hippolyta Queen of the Amazons.
Speaker 1: He's taken Ariadne away from her home in the hopes
Speaker 1: of a happy marriage, and then abandoned her on an island,
Speaker 1: and then got together with her sister. And he's caused
Speaker 1: his death, his father's death because he couldn't remember to
Speaker 1: change the goddamn sales on his ship. One might think
Speaker 1: he would be fresh out of awful intentions, but one
Speaker 1: would be wrong. Story of Theseus ends with one final
Speaker 1: piece that I think suggests that at least when he
Speaker 1: ended up with Piedra, he found it. He found a
Speaker 1: match in his malevolence. Theseus and Fiedra were married. They
Speaker 1: were the king and Queen of Athens, the mythological founders
Speaker 1: of Athenian democracy. Like I said, again, mythological. They absolutely
Speaker 1: did not found shit. But Phiedra, not one to be
Speaker 1: outdone by the history of her husband, had a secret.
Speaker 1: She'd fallen in love with Hippolytus, thesis is son with
Speaker 1: the Amazon queen Hippolyta. Hippolotus wanted none of that, and
Speaker 1: he rejected Fiedra, much like how her husband would have
Speaker 1: taken rejection should he have accepted it and not just
Speaker 1: taken the rejector against her will. Fedra was not psyched
Speaker 1: in vengeance. She told Theseus that his son had raped her.
Speaker 1: And don't women cry rape? To me? Andy, nine percent
Speaker 1: of the time they don't. And this is mythology. And
Speaker 1: Fiedra was awful. Theseus believed Piedra, and he curses Hippolytus
Speaker 1: with one of the three curses he'd been given by
Speaker 1: Poseidon at some point who knows when mythological chronology is
Speaker 1: a mess, The point is he had three curses. This
Speaker 1: curse caused hippolytuss horses to become surprised by a sea monster,
Speaker 1: and he fell and was dragged to his death. And
Speaker 1: Theseus and Piedra lived happily ever after. Maybe I hope
Speaker 1: they didn't, And that, my friends, is the story of Theseus.
Speaker 1: He's one of the craziest, craziest figures in acient Greek
Speaker 1: mythology because the ancient Athenians literally worshiped him as their founder,
Speaker 1: like he was the George Washington of Athens. Did George
Speaker 1: Washington found America? I don't know. I'm Canadian. He was
Speaker 1: the Sir John A. McDonald. No one except Canadians gets
Speaker 1: that reference. And now I'm questioning whether that was right,
Speaker 1: don't tell me if it's not. Theseus what like carols
Speaker 1: were kind of shitty? Again, I liked Perseus, He's pretty chill, dude.
Speaker 1: Theseus was awful, Like, he did so many awful things.
Speaker 1: I wanted to do this story because I know the
Speaker 1: story of Theseus and Ariadne really well. And when I
Speaker 1: was in university, I wrote a paper comparing Middle March,
Speaker 1: of all things, but to the two versions of the
Speaker 1: Theseis and Areadie myth, which is like the one I
Speaker 1: just told. And then there's another version where he loves
Speaker 1: her forever and doesn't abend her on an island. But
Speaker 1: I mean, just again, based on his history, I think
Speaker 1: it's most likely he abandoned her on an island. But
Speaker 1: I knew that there were these two versions and that
Speaker 1: I wanted to do it, and I started googling and
Speaker 1: doing all that stuff, and oh my god, he did
Speaker 1: so many things. I was not expecting to have so
Speaker 1: many things to talk about. He did so many awful things. Anyway,
Speaker 1: can you tell I love this shit. It's insane, So
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to. Let's talk about
Speaker 1: miss Baby. Another exciting episode done. I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do next week. Girls, I tease it, but yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you all so much for listening, and please do
Speaker 1: me a solid and rate and review on iTunes and
Speaker 1: please subscribe. And you can listen to this on Google
Speaker 1: Play or Stitcher or SoundCloud all the things, because the
Speaker 1: Internet is great and awesome. You can find me on
Speaker 1: all the things. Twitter is at myths Baby, Instagram is
Speaker 1: at myths Baby, Facebook website all at myths Baby again,
Speaker 1: not at because those aren't handles, just myths Baby. Thank
Speaker 1: you all. I would love to hear any feedback anyone has.
Speaker 1: Let's make it all good. It's mostly a joke. But seriously,
Speaker 1: if you listen to this and you liked it and
Speaker 1: you don't know me personally, please feel free to reach out.
Speaker 1: And again, if you have any suggestions on future myths
Speaker 1: you want to hear, totally open to them. Shout him
Speaker 1: to the rooftops. I don't know what rooftops. I don't
Speaker 1: know how i'd hear you. That's not the point. It's
Speaker 1: getting late and I just recorded two episodes in a
Speaker 1: row and probably should end now. Thank you all so much.
Speaker 1: My name is Live. I fucking love this ship.