Speaker 1: Two hopeless theaters, one dating app then dares you just
Speaker 1: swipe right. The question is whose love life is more tragic.
Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.
Speaker 3: It's the dating game show that just pitch paramount on
Speaker 3: the modern version.
Speaker 2: Of the notebook called the iPad.
Speaker 3: Noah can't find the right charging cable in his giant
Speaker 3: drawer of electronics. It's Battle of the Tinder Dates, where
Speaker 3: two of our listeners swear off to find out whose
Speaker 3: love life is the most tragic. We'll explain the rules
Speaker 3: in just a second, but first let's meet today's contestants.
Speaker 3: In this corner, his favorite first date activity is playing
Speaker 3: tug of war, then tandem licking peanut butter out of
Speaker 3: a giant rubber ball.
Speaker 2: That's why they call him Marmaduke Loo. You don't have
Speaker 2: to answer that, Luke.
Speaker 3: And in the other corner, after spending a night with
Speaker 3: the woman, he enjoys sitting down and writing a heartfelt apology.
Speaker 2: Letter for what just happened. So let's meet Fountain Penn Bad.
Speaker 2: Then it wouldn't have happened in the first place. Okay,
Speaker 2: here's how the game works.
Speaker 3: One contestant is going to start by telling one of
Speaker 3: their worst dating stories. The other will try and come
Speaker 3: back to counter with a nightmare story of their own.
Speaker 3: People going back and forth for three rounds until we
Speaker 3: declara winner. Going to start things off with Marma Duke Luke,
Speaker 3: let's go.
Speaker 4: Okay. So I took my date skiing and it was
Speaker 4: her first time, so she asked me to teach her.
Speaker 3: Right, okay, bold date.
Speaker 1: From her point, you look so dumb when you're starting.
Speaker 4: To learn, Think that you're falling until we get there
Speaker 4: early and I spent hours teaching her and she's getting
Speaker 4: like super into it.
Speaker 2: Nice, that's awesome.
Speaker 4: And then it gets to lunchtime, right, uh huh that
Speaker 4: are going to the lodge. She thanks me and skis
Speaker 4: off to the chair lift where her afternoon date is waiting.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, dude.
Speaker 1: Girl has figured out how to get private lessons for three.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she got a free lesson from me so that
Speaker 4: she could go on a date knowing how to ski
Speaker 4: in the afternoon.
Speaker 3: Good guys, let's move over down, Ben, Ben, can you
Speaker 3: come back from that?
Speaker 1: I mean that was brutal. That kind of seems like
Speaker 1: it was on you.
Speaker 2: We need your story. You try and do better.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I met a girl who actually lived in
Speaker 1: the same apartment complex as me. I wake up and
Speaker 1: all of my furniture has been moved around.
Speaker 3: She fussuayed your apartments to me, like it probably looks better.
Speaker 1: Why she told me, it's so she could see me
Speaker 1: better when she walks outside my apartment to make sure
Speaker 1: I don't have another girl in there.
Speaker 3: Both of you are giving the women in this room
Speaker 3: way too many ideas.
Speaker 2: So Psycho around to Luke, we're back to you.
Speaker 4: I had a date planned. Girl asks me if I
Speaker 4: could pick her up for it, right, okay, But when
Speaker 4: I do, she gets in the back seat with two
Speaker 4: other girls.
Speaker 2: Are you like, yes, yeah, actually that's a good thing.
Speaker 4: You'd think. But she tells me that her and her
Speaker 4: roomies need a ride to the grocery store target in
Speaker 4: the nail salon so that we can then have our date.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie in the work first. So did
Speaker 2: you do it? Did you take him on the errands? Oh?
Speaker 4: I did it?
Speaker 2: You did guy?
Speaker 4: So I go to bring her friends to the nail salon,
Speaker 4: and then she changes her mind says she's going to
Speaker 4: go with her friends too.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, wait, cancels your date.
Speaker 3: You're doing free ski lessons and free now too, and
Speaker 3: we're not paying you to be on this segment either,
Speaker 3: so good job.
Speaker 2: Over to what do you got?
Speaker 1: So one girl and I bonded over collecting sneakers. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: and she told me she can actually customize them.
Speaker 2: Marry her.
Speaker 1: I know, right to compare home. She was going to
Speaker 1: decorate them for free. And I mean, I know what
Speaker 1: you're thinking. You're thinking she made off with my shoes.
Speaker 3: I actually wasn't thinking enough.
Speaker 2: I would have given her too.
Speaker 1: No, she did give them back, but my four hundred
Speaker 1: dollars shoes had the word Cheapo painted on the side.
Speaker 1: Because you want to customize for free? I think?
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: No, she told me it was for not tipping enough
Speaker 1: on the date.
Speaker 2: It's really close right now.
Speaker 3: We're on to the third and final round, so we
Speaker 3: need your best stories, gentlemen.
Speaker 2: Luke, what do you got?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 4: I'm asked with this girl online? Right, she's got a
Speaker 4: pick of a giant stuffed panda that we bonded over.
Speaker 4: I was like, that's so cute. So what does she do?
Speaker 4: What you already know? She brings it to dinner on
Speaker 4: our date.
Speaker 2: I didn't know that. I like a four year old.
Speaker 1: Child and I don't see that coming at all.
Speaker 4: Actually, I'm like, is she joking? And apparently not, because
Speaker 4: she told the waiter that the panda wanted it some
Speaker 4: steak to.
Speaker 3: No, okay, e ste pandas only eat like leaves. And
Speaker 3: but you know what, what do you know about stuffed giants?
Speaker 2: Different?
Speaker 3: So you bought this stuffed panda steak?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah? Not surprisingly, it wasn't very hungry, so she
Speaker 4: took an extra meal home.
Speaker 2: And free steak for panda. Ben. This is your last
Speaker 2: good luck, so good.
Speaker 1: I was with this girl and she said she wanted
Speaker 1: to play a fun game with me, but this one
Speaker 1: was at the grocery store, okay. We ended up going
Speaker 1: to the cereal aisle okay, and she pulls out a
Speaker 1: box and there are four missing kids. He's on the back.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: She turns to me and says, you got to guess
Speaker 1: which one of these kids is me.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3: Well that took a weird dark turn at the end there,
Speaker 3: so thank god for the final bell that means.
Speaker 2: The match is over, Judges, we need to score at Alexis.
Speaker 2: I gotta go, Luke.
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, he started skiing but all of them,
Speaker 1: I have so many new ideas.
Speaker 2: Is one for Luke Brook? I'm going for Luke all right.
Speaker 3: Congratulations Marmaduke Kalou. Yeah, you're awarded the Brook and Jeffrey
Speaker 3: Crown of Commiseration.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's right, Luke.
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm honored, and I'm also a little offended.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think you're just poorer because of the dates
Speaker 2: you've gone on.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you can send us free steaks to the
Speaker 3: studio anytime you want to.
Speaker 2: Thank you for playing text in seventy five nine.
Speaker 3: To you if you want up here on the next
Speaker 3: edition of Battle of the Tinder dates your phone taps
Speaker 3: coming up next
Speaker 1: Freaking Jeffrey in the Morning.