Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: The Democratic primary campaign. It's like love is Blind, but
Speaker 2: for democracy. And because the last few days saw some
Speaker 2: major changes in the race, let's catch up on the
Speaker 2: latest developments in another installment of World War D. All right,
Speaker 2: let's start off with the major news from Saturday. It
Speaker 2: was a very important day for former Vice President Joe Biden.
Speaker 2: And not just because he launched his new line of
Speaker 2: dentures called Joe Biden's Strong Enough to chew right through Malarkey. No,
Speaker 2: this Saturday was the South Carolina primary where Biden desperately
Speaker 2: needed a victory, and boy did he get it.
Speaker 3: Biden's big win. Joe Biden gets the landslide victory he
Speaker 3: needed in South Carolina.
Speaker 4: Joe Biden trouns Bernie sand in that race to give
Speaker 4: his campaign more momentum going into Super Tuesday.
Speaker 1: Biden and Sanders are really neck and neck in several
Speaker 1: of these seats.
Speaker 5: Just days ago, the press and the partners declared my
Speaker 5: candidacy dead. Now, thanks to the heart of the Democratic
Speaker 5: Party in South Carolina, I'm very much alive.
Speaker 2: Yes, Joe Biden is very much alive, which isn't something
Speaker 2: candidates usually need to remind people. But that's still okay.
Speaker 2: It's a great campaign slogan. Take it, man, just take it.
Speaker 2: But yes, thanks to the overwhelming support of black voters,
Speaker 2: Biden isn't just in the race. He's back to being
Speaker 2: the favorite, which is an amazing turnaround. You know, but
Speaker 2: that's black people for you, man. Black people can make
Speaker 2: anything popular again, Like, think about it. Before black people,
Speaker 2: Biden was losing and then black people came in, and
Speaker 2: now he's back on top. Before black people, everyone was
Speaker 2: focused on boobs and then and then black people came in,
Speaker 2: like how abud butts and then everyone was like, oh yeah, butts.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Now, Joe Biden's win in South Carolina was so commanding
Speaker 2: that didn't just put him ahead in the polls, it
Speaker 2: got three other candidates to drop out of the race.
Speaker 2: The moderate wing of this party seems to be moving
Speaker 2: at a pretty quick pace right to all unite around
Speaker 2: Joe Biden. Abe Klobachar announcing today she will drop out,
Speaker 2: along with Pete Bodhaj Judge, and Tom Steyer over the weekend.
Speaker 3: Both Buddha, Judge and Clobachar are now expected to endorse
Speaker 3: former Vice President Joe Biden.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right. First Tom Styr dropped out, then Pete
Speaker 2: Budhajees ended his historic run as the first openly robot candidates.
Speaker 2: And we all know that once a gay guy sets
Speaker 2: a trend, white women aren't going to be far behind.
Speaker 2: So then Clovershaw dropped out too. So so if you're
Speaker 2: Joe Biden, these past few days are some of the
Speaker 2: best of your life.
Speaker 1: Think about it.
Speaker 2: For Biden, he's made the ultimate Your opponents aren't just
Speaker 2: dropping out, they're also endorsing you. And to top it
Speaker 2: all off, Joe Biden's are now the number two dnches
Speaker 2: on Amazon. Yeah, right behind the Donald Chumps, best in
Speaker 2: the United States. But don't forget. Things might be looking
Speaker 2: up for Biden. But it doesn't mean it's a done deal.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 2: He still has opponents in this race Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth
Speaker 2: Warren and billionaire and a booster seat Mike Bloomberg. But
Speaker 2: the most difficult opponent Joe Biden still has to overcome
Speaker 2: is himself.
Speaker 7: Biden in a good position, but his campaign is still
Speaker 7: plagued by more gaffs.
Speaker 5: All right, Chuck, thank you very much. All Right, it's
Speaker 5: cris But anyway, I just did Chris, No, no, I
Speaker 5: just did Chuck. I tell you what, man, it needs
Speaker 5: a back to back look. Tomorrow is Superstar Susdy, and
Speaker 5: I want to thank you all. We owe these shoos
Speaker 5: to be self evident, all men and women created by
Speaker 5: the go you know, you know the thing, Yo.
Speaker 2: This is not good. Just in the past twenty four hours,
Speaker 2: Joe has gaffed everything from the name of a TV
Speaker 2: anchor he was talking to to the Declaration of Independence.
Speaker 2: And the name thing on its own is bad because
Speaker 2: interviews are sort of like sex. It doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: well it goes. If you call the person the wrong name.
Speaker 2: At the end, the whole thing is ruined. I don't
Speaker 2: know why Biden is still bothering, Like this is why.
Speaker 2: Like my life hack, My life hack is that I
Speaker 2: just stay away from people's names, right, I just call
Speaker 2: everybody buddy.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: That's way I can never mess up. It's like, hey, buddy,
Speaker 2: great seeing you, buddy.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then they're like, stop calling me buddy. I'm your mother,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you got a chief.
Speaker 6: It just helps you out.
Speaker 2: But that's just a name. That's the name. Messing up
Speaker 2: a famous quote from American history, Like it's a little worse.
Speaker 2: It's a little worse than some reporter.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 2: People, notice that's one small step for man. One medium coffee,
Speaker 2: no sugar. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're probably thinking, Trevor,
Speaker 2: if Joe Biden debates Trump, it's going to be a
Speaker 2: disaster for the Democrats because Trump is going to eat
Speaker 2: him up. When you think about it, it might not
Speaker 2: be so bad. Yeah, because Trump is the one person
Speaker 2: who won't know when Joe has messed up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Joe, Joe will.
Speaker 2: Be on that debate stage with Trump like all men
Speaker 2: are a creator, you know the thing. And then Trump
Speaker 2: will be like, that's right, we all know the thing.
Speaker 3: It was a big thing, the biggest thing.
Speaker 6: Nobody knows things better than me.
Speaker 2: Great point, Joe Biden, and he'll be like, thanks, buddy,
Speaker 2: we'll be right back.
Speaker 3: South Carolina is the first place black Democratic voters will
Speaker 3: really be heard in this primary. So I hitched a
Speaker 3: ride to the historic city of Charleston. Here I noticed something. No,
Speaker 3: it wasn't the Antebellop cosplay. It was the ads that
Speaker 3: candidates were running. They all seem to feature a familiar face.
Speaker 1: This is an extraordinary man with an extraordinary career.
Speaker 6: Elizabeth understands what I strongly believe. Mister Michael Bloomberg is here.
Speaker 3: So it seems like a lot of white folks think
Speaker 3: standing next to a cool black person gives them legitimacy.
Speaker 3: But is it effective? Let's ask my good friend Roywood Junior.
Speaker 3: I know why you're properly because when you're a hometown
Speaker 3: South Carolina, I'm from Alabama.
Speaker 1: We'll great check that.
Speaker 3: So Roy and I happily went to Charleston to see
Speaker 3: if voters notice the democrats brilliant strategy. Have you seen
Speaker 3: the ads?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I've seen the ads.
Speaker 7: It looks like Obama's running again.
Speaker 1: All of them have these commercials now with them and
Speaker 1: Obama say souff about them.
Speaker 7: It is just the candidate with like Frican Americans, your
Speaker 7: stance cannot be what Obama did eight years ago. We
Speaker 7: want someone that's gonna be I feel in that sense
Speaker 7: authentic every.
Speaker 6: Day when you wake up.
Speaker 1: You want a candidate exactly above all things, who cares
Speaker 1: about you. You.
Speaker 3: Yes, it is like a good picture with Barack Obama, right,
Speaker 3: But no.
Speaker 1: No, who think that black people like the white people
Speaker 1: that got a picture with Obama.
Speaker 3: I've never said that Africa.
Speaker 1: That's what said.
Speaker 7: Listen, you can't ride on Obama's hotel. That's not how
Speaker 7: we vote.
Speaker 3: Which Canada has the best OPV?
Speaker 1: Break that down.
Speaker 3: Obama proximity value.
Speaker 1: Who opposed to you are of Obama? The more black
Speaker 1: people like you. That's a funny question because I personally
Speaker 1: never even considered that.
Speaker 3: Who's got the best OPV?
Speaker 1: Black people don't care about white people in ads with Obama?
Speaker 7: I don't know, because everybody running in an ad with
Speaker 7: Obama in it right now.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying on behalf of black people. This
Speaker 3: is what black people want to say. They want to
Speaker 3: see how people I spend a lot of time around
Speaker 3: black people ain't with me.
Speaker 5: Well, he's at a table with three bike keep right now.
Speaker 5: You got to give the brother crit.
Speaker 3: Thank you very much. But even Roy recognizes the power
Speaker 3: of proximity.
Speaker 1: This is a picture of me with Barack Obama. If
Speaker 1: you look closely, that's Obama and that's me all the
Speaker 1: way over there.
Speaker 3: Is that technically even the same room.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's that's Trevor and there's a bunch of white
Speaker 1: people and then it's me.
Speaker 3: He's like interns. These are Daily Show interns.
Speaker 1: In between you and those are respected people on the show.
Speaker 3: That's an that's an intern. He worked in the Daily
Speaker 3: Show for a month. Max.
Speaker 7: It just looks like you was just thrown in as
Speaker 7: a prop.
Speaker 3: It does look like that. She is one hundred percent right.
Speaker 3: You look Imna.
Speaker 7: Do I understand it? I'm just saying how you look?
Speaker 7: You look like they, you know, tokenizing you in that picture.
Speaker 3: All right? South Carolina voters are not easily duped by
Speaker 3: the slick political advertising strategy of my one black friend.
Speaker 3: But who was breaking through?
Speaker 8: I do particularly like Biden.
Speaker 6: We need healthcare and Elizabeth is gonna get that.
Speaker 1: Done well for me? Definitely Tom Steyer. I'm talking about equality.
Speaker 1: What you said, his name was tom what was his name?
Speaker 6: Stier?
Speaker 1: Tom Steyer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Tom Steyer has a message that resonates and connects
Speaker 2: with people. Do I follow my heart and vote for
Speaker 2: somebody like even Tom Steier?
Speaker 1: I mean Tom stey Tom Steyer.
Speaker 2: Tom Stier is saying some good shit.
Speaker 6: Why I've never heard of him? I don't know.
Speaker 3: The words you're saying make no sense to me. Turns
Speaker 3: out this mythical be spent more money on ads in
Speaker 3: South Carolina than anyone else. And Styer's commercial doesn't even
Speaker 3: have Obama endorsing Steier. It has Obama endorsing a woman.
Speaker 1: I heard this voice behind me.
Speaker 3: The name is Edith Child, who then endorses Steier.
Speaker 5: Tom spine up and Trump Goatko.
Speaker 2: I'm Tom Steyer, and I approved this message.
Speaker 3: To find out more about Stier, we went to South
Speaker 3: Carolina Congressman James Clyburn, who recently endorsed the candidate with
Speaker 3: the highest OPV, Joe Biden.
Speaker 2: Well, Stier came in. He's he's made a dicey.
Speaker 3: He's made a dice in what way?
Speaker 2: Well, he's spending millions money will make things dicey.
Speaker 8: He's running second or third in South Carolina.
Speaker 3: Now it's what John Styer is running third? Tom Tom, Tom.
Speaker 1: Steyer, Yeah, I think it's Tom right, Tom.
Speaker 3: So Roy and I decided it was time to go
Speaker 3: see the candidates like Biden and Warren and Tom Stier.
Speaker 1: Tom, Tom, thank you all right, appreciate that you get
Speaker 1: the chick.
Speaker 3: It was inspiring to see candidates engage with the voters
Speaker 3: of South Carolina. And finally, in a little church outside
Speaker 3: of Charleston, we got to see the Tom Stier, and
Speaker 3: while Stier is just a blip nationally, he does have
Speaker 3: some intriguing ideas. I think I'm the only person running
Speaker 3: for president who's for reparations.
Speaker 6: You're slater, Tell.
Speaker 4: Me true, Tom Start, Tom Scott to you guys are
Speaker 4: so excited.
Speaker 6: You're guys.
Speaker 1: We know this election could go a lot of different ways.
Speaker 1: And in case it doesn't go the way you want
Speaker 1: it to go, can I get in advance on my reparations.
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not laughing.
Speaker 3: I'm going to do this, guy, I'm for real. These
Speaker 3: Democratic candidates are fired up, ready to go. We are
Speaker 3: sure that was to health tire.
Speaker 1: Wait that wasn't, Tom Steyer.
Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure seventy percent.
Speaker 4: Let's get right to the program indecision. Oh wait, big
Speaker 4: story this weekend South Carolina Democratic primary. Let's go to
Speaker 4: the results and historic election, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 6: The winner, Barack Obama. Absolutely historic.
Speaker 4: By the way, this is what the results would have
Speaker 4: looked like just one hundred years ago. Of course, back then,
Speaker 4: obviously Hillary and Barack it really couldn't run or vote.
Speaker 6: But what a victory. It just shows this is two
Speaker 6: thousand and eight. Baby, a strong victory for Barack Obama.
Speaker 3: Today in South Carolina, Barack Obama routed Hillary rod On Clinton.
Speaker 3: Tonight we saw a record turnout. Tony was unbelievable.
Speaker 1: What a victory for Barack Obama.
Speaker 6: It was a crushing defeat. He drank her blood, He
Speaker 6: ripped off her head, down her neck. It was unbelievable.
Speaker 3: He destroyed her.
Speaker 4: There is no way to minimize this historic drumming.
Speaker 5: Jesse Jackson won South Carolina twice in eighty four and
Speaker 5: eighty eight, and he ran a good campaign, and Centor
Speaker 5: Obamas won a good campaign here.
Speaker 4: I believe President Bill Clinton may be suggesting that once
Speaker 4: South Carolina went black, it could never go back.
Speaker 6: Is that what your henny did?
Speaker 4: I mean, sure, Jesse Jackson won, but that was the
Speaker 4: eighty four eighty eight primary, and that was actually a
Speaker 4: caucus and the Democratic nominee had already been decided. But
Speaker 4: my point is they're.
Speaker 6: Both black guys. Oh, billy billy, billy, billy baru. What
Speaker 6: happened to Bill Clinton?
Speaker 4: You know, mister president, people can forgive you having no
Speaker 4: control over but.
Speaker 6: This, you're wait, hold.
Speaker 4: On this, come on, get some control over that head.
Speaker 4: Come on, That's what's going to ruin your legacy.
Speaker 5: When's the last time we elected a president based on
Speaker 5: one year of service in the Senate.
Speaker 4: Yes, not everyone can be governor of Arkansas.
Speaker 7: It is long as Senator Obama got to go through
Speaker 7: fifteen debates trumpeting his superior judgment.
Speaker 5: This whole thing is the biggest fairy tale I've ever seen.
Speaker 6: Your campaign slogan was a place called Hope.
Speaker 5: Jackson went South Carolina twice in eighty four and eighty eight.
Speaker 6: Your office is in Harlem. You know what, Just get
Speaker 6: in here, Just get in here. I'm taking it.
Speaker 3: No more trouble.
Speaker 4: How do you've causing trouble? You know, if his wife
Speaker 4: wasn't running, he be all over Obama. You know what
Speaker 4: you just I mean, just just to keep them occupied,
Speaker 4: I mean, just.
Speaker 6: All right. There was even more good news.
Speaker 4: There is even more good news for Barack Obama. Yesterday
Speaker 4: Caroline Kennedy endorsed them in a New York Times editorial,
Speaker 4: and today her uncle Theodore granted Obama his blessing.
Speaker 8: I'm proud to stand with them here today and offer
Speaker 8: my help, offer my voice, offer my energy, my commitment
Speaker 8: to make Barack Obama the next president of the United states.
Speaker 1: What just.
Speaker 4: What just happened to me?
Speaker 6: Did I just.
Speaker 4: Get inspired by Ted Kennedy?
Speaker 6: Next thing, you know, would be putting a man on
Speaker 6: the moon.
Speaker 4: You know, it's actually been reported that Bill Clinton called
Speaker 4: Ted Kennedy in a last minute effort to stop Ted
Speaker 4: Kennedy from endorsing Barack Obama. Whoa Bill Clinton calling Ted Kennedy.
Speaker 4: That's a phone call that would have been ripe with
Speaker 4: comedic possibilities and may have gone a little something.
Speaker 6: Like this, Ah, yes, yes, Hello, this is Ted Kennedy.
Speaker 4: I'm sitting here right now without any pants on, drinking
Speaker 4: as you would imagine a lot of alcohol. Is I'm
Speaker 4: calling you because I'm not wearing pants either.
Speaker 6: This is Howard Cosell speaking. I pity the fool right away.
Speaker 6: If you like that, I don't know hung the Brides
Speaker 6: of all time.
Speaker 4: If you liked what you saw here tonight, check out
Speaker 4: my Vegas show Cordless, the mediocre telephone mimicry.
Speaker 6: Of John Stewart next month at.
Speaker 4: I uh, I uh uh, I recommend it. I uh
Speaker 4: vote quimby all right, I suck at many aspects of humor.
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