Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that sunk his entire life savings
Speaker 1: into a fun new product he wholeheartedly believes in, But
Speaker 1: after making sixty thousand of them to sell, he realized
Speaker 1: inflatable dart boards, oh, really only good for a one
Speaker 1: time year. Yeah, so make sure to buy him and
Speaker 1: packs up one hundred yeahs. Back to the inflatable drawing
Speaker 1: board with Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird
Speaker 1: news stories around the globe just like everyone else does,
Speaker 1: except we've got a laser. Those other bulls eye boneheads
Speaker 1: just don't. This first laser story is out of South Carolina.
Speaker 1: A couple named Joshua Harvey and Rosie Smith got into
Speaker 1: not one, but two high speed chases in a single
Speaker 1: day last week.
Speaker 2: Do you get away from the first one to be
Speaker 2: able to do the second one?
Speaker 1: I'll get into it here. And it's not even the
Speaker 1: most interesting part of the story because the first one
Speaker 1: happened around nine am on Monday, early morning thing because
Speaker 1: the cop was trying to pull them over for expired
Speaker 1: tags and Joshua was driving their black Honda Sedan and
Speaker 1: managed to get away. Put that on their next commercial,
Speaker 1: so you'd think that they'd lay low after that, but
Speaker 1: cut to two forty five that afternoon. The same day,
Speaker 1: they got into a second chase. This time, Rosie was
Speaker 1: behind the wheel of a white Honda Sedan because it
Speaker 1: turned out they'd spent the entire day spray painting it
Speaker 1: to fool the cops.
Speaker 2: Got her. Must have been so tired.
Speaker 1: Obviously didn't work because like Alexus's tanning appointment, it was
Speaker 1: a bad spray job. Yeah, and plus they kept the
Speaker 1: same license place with the expired tag. Yes, okay. The
Speaker 1: second chase ended with police disabling their car on the highway.
Speaker 2: You know that man is blaming it on the woman's But.
Speaker 1: Here's the fun part. When the sedan came to a
Speaker 1: complete stop, the couple opened their doors to make a
Speaker 1: run for it, and for some reason, a dog followed them,
Speaker 1: along with a cat and then four chickens the car.
Speaker 1: It was Old McDonald's. Animal Control dealt with the runaway livestock,
Speaker 1: and Josh and Rosie got taken to jail.
Speaker 2: It's like you could put chickens and a cat in
Speaker 2: the same car and everybody's cool. Everybody's copacetic.
Speaker 3: I hope they arrested them all too.
Speaker 1: The chickens had little handcuffs on. The cops called them
Speaker 1: the Bonnie and Clyde wannabes. Yeah, I still knock off.
Speaker 2: I do see them all in black and white striped outfits.
Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of Pizza Palace. Nothing
Speaker 1: worse than craving your favorite takeout food only to show
Speaker 1: up at the restaurant and see a sign on the
Speaker 1: door that they're temporarily closed.
Speaker 3: Man, or in my life, when I go to order
Speaker 3: delivery and it's the one day a week the fun
Speaker 3: places closed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Monday is your hard dayDay.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what happened at a Pizza Hut branch. But
Speaker 1: what the sign said left wanta Be customers completely speechless
Speaker 1: because taped right on the front door a white piece
Speaker 1: of paper red Sorry for the inconvenience, but due to
Speaker 1: unforeseen circumcisions, the dining room will be closed tonight.
Speaker 3: No circumcision. Oh gosh, unhappy hours.
Speaker 1: You already guess. The restaurant sign quickly went viral. There's
Speaker 1: a joke here about leaving a tip, but I'm too
Speaker 1: tired of work it out. Also, someone said half expected
Speaker 1: to see incontinence instead of inconvenience, and I appreciate the help.
Speaker 1: Unforeseen Circumcisions is the name of my new bands.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: People also started sharing their run ins with terrible type
Speaker 1: of one said. A convenience store once posted a sign
Speaker 1: that read shoplifters will be prostituted or maybe I'll do
Speaker 1: it on purpose street. See me take these snickers. This
Speaker 1: next Lazer store is out of Valentine's Day headquarters.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Normally there isn't much overlap between wanting to send a
Speaker 1: significant other cookies and wanting to break up with them.
Speaker 1: But yeah, if you do fit into that category, you
Speaker 1: now have an option because Insomnia Cookies is offering a
Speaker 1: limited edition new twelve pack on their website called the
Speaker 1: It's Not Me, It's You Package, So you can choose
Speaker 1: a dozen cookies that you want to send to your
Speaker 1: soon to be X and it'll include a handwritten breakup
Speaker 1: note on the inside of the box.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, The soundest part is I probably would still
Speaker 2: eat them, wall cry.
Speaker 1: It's nice to give them the gifts so that they
Speaker 1: can eat their feelings right afterwards. It's very considerate. You
Speaker 1: can't say anything too spicy, though, but there are four
Speaker 1: options they give you. It's not Me it's you. Oh,
Speaker 1: there's You're sweet but not my flavor.
Speaker 3: I like that one because it's kind of funny, like
Speaker 3: to laugh and then cry.
Speaker 1: There's I have the hots for your roommate kind of
Speaker 1: hard and we're done. Have a nice life. The direct one.
Speaker 2: God, you really hope that the other person did something
Speaker 2: real wrong in that relationship. The delivery driver dropping these off,
Speaker 2: does he make eye contact? Yeah.
Speaker 1: Insomnia said in a press release that this is a
Speaker 1: quote very unseerious way of ending things, since warm cookies
Speaker 1: are better than a cold heart.
Speaker 3: Okay, trying to make it sound sweet.
Speaker 1: The pack, if you're interested, starts at thirty dollars. Oh
Speaker 1: and brook. Apparently there is a box of cookies waiting
Speaker 1: for you up at the front door from your husband,
Speaker 1: So then you check that out.
Speaker 3: When they're down with.
Speaker 2: Laser stories, eat them and not listen to the message.
Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of the happiest place
Speaker 1: on Earth.
Speaker 2: There Disney, Oh my bedroom?
Speaker 1: Oh wait, oh god, not after the cookies. Oh. A
Speaker 1: TikToker named Matthew Abeles who has six hundred and forty
Speaker 1: five thousand followers less than our show, by the way,
Speaker 1: stepping up, Matt Atbrooke and Jeffrey, we'll follow us on
Speaker 1: TikTok and make Matt feel super insecure. But he just
Speaker 1: found a ticket booklet from nineteen seventy eight for Walt
Speaker 1: Disney World that was just collecting dust.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was booklet.
Speaker 1: It was originally purchased for eight dollars and did not
Speaker 1: have an expiration date on it.
Speaker 2: I think back in the day.
Speaker 1: I'm not positive.
Speaker 2: I think that you used to have to have tickets
Speaker 2: to pay for the rides.
Speaker 3: Like, oh really, I've heard in j I know because
Speaker 3: I watch a lot of Disney Dogs that the original
Speaker 3: tickets from the original years are super valuable.
Speaker 1: But because he's a TikToker and this is good con ten,
Speaker 1: he decided to fly out to Orlando to see if
Speaker 1: the tickets would still work.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, wait a minute, I thought he's gonna
Speaker 3: sell them.
Speaker 1: And when he went to the turnstile with his forty
Speaker 1: six year old ticket, the lady stamped void on it.
Speaker 1: That's value, and then she replaced it with a brand
Speaker 1: new pass good for the entire day. That's a no.
Speaker 1: One should be y.
Speaker 3: That's awful.
Speaker 2: No, it's nineteen seventy eight.
Speaker 1: It's not an original ticket.
Speaker 2: I don't know here, No, I think that's a So
Speaker 2: he went to Disney World for eight dollars, is what
Speaker 2: you're saying.
Speaker 1: They gave him a one day ticket, which today is
Speaker 1: worth one hundred and sixty four bucks.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: And afterwards Matt said, quote, I can't believe that this
Speaker 1: actually worked, dude.
Speaker 2: I bet it's so much more joyous to experience Disney
Speaker 2: World when you only have to pay eight dollars. You know,
Speaker 2: It's like, how food tastes better would you get it
Speaker 2: for free?
Speaker 1: Thetone seems so long. Yeah, he hasn't been three hour
Speaker 1: wait already. Yeah, it's even better when you climb the
Speaker 1: fence to get in. So exciting. Speaking of visiting the
Speaker 1: happiest place on Earth, how about we crowdfund this guide
Speaker 1: to send him to Disneyland someday because he's always wanted
Speaker 1: to see Cinderella's Glass Slipper up close in person. It's
Speaker 1: been a dream of this. That sound means laser stories
Speaker 1: come to an end for the day. We'll do it again,
Speaker 1: same time on Wednesday.
Speaker 2: Frouking Jeffrey in the morning