Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Bombing with Eric Andre,
Speaker 1: where I talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative
Speaker 1: people about their worst moments on stage and being destroyed
Speaker 1: by live audience. This time I was blessed by Sierra Leones.
Speaker 1: Funny man David Borie. He's written on my projects and
Speaker 1: he's just the coolest guy in the world where Pod Brothers.
Speaker 1: He co hosts the podcast My Mama Told Me, also
Speaker 1: on the Big Money Players Network, where each week he
Speaker 1: and Langston Kerman dive into a new black conspiracy theory.
Speaker 1: You can listen to my episode called it Could Be
Speaker 1: a Crackhead about the infamous Crichton Leprechaun viral video. But
Speaker 1: on this episode of Bombing, we talk about stories from
Speaker 1: the Motherland and how insane it is to be on
Speaker 1: the road on Christmas, especially in Las Vegas. If you
Speaker 1: liked this episode, subscribe to the podcast to get a
Speaker 1: new episode every week. Rate it five stars.
Speaker 2: And if you're on.
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, you can subscribe Big Money Player Diamond to
Speaker 1: get an exclusive clip from My hang with David Bori,
Speaker 1: plus ad free episodes every week. And now you're gonna
Speaker 1: just have to listening. Let's get out to it. Bombing
Speaker 1: with Eric Andre David Bori in the house.
Speaker 3: Man, I miss you.
Speaker 1: How are you doing all right? So I got a podcast.
Speaker 3: You have a podcast.
Speaker 1: It's called Bombing Bombing. We are here with one of
Speaker 1: my favorite comedians. We toured together. He's written for the
Speaker 1: Eric Andre Show, the voice of Comedy Central, the sex symbol,
Speaker 1: he's the body of an Adonis and the ass of
Speaker 1: mccullay cocaine. Yeah, yeah, David Bori, everybody, he first of all,
Speaker 1: your name is spelled g b oh r I E.
Speaker 1: Did I get it right? But the G is silent,
Speaker 1: is silent? How bad have people fucked up and mispronounced
Speaker 1: your name? Give me like a little what do you?
Speaker 1: What do you get?
Speaker 3: My high school football coach, he said orgy, which is
Speaker 3: like you can't read. Yeah, he was like orange. It
Speaker 3: was the first day of weightlifting and he was like
Speaker 3: the borgy orgy and it's like you can't read, Like
Speaker 3: that's the problem, not my orgy.
Speaker 1: It's crazy, especially when you're.
Speaker 3: A virgin, you can't live up to that. Thank god.
Speaker 3: I went to a different school next year because I
Speaker 3: had never even I think I'd seen a boob. And
Speaker 3: then you call me orgy. I can't live like that.
Speaker 1: All right, what is the worst you've ever bombed on stage?
Speaker 3: This is so funny that you because I was telling Olivia,
Speaker 3: your producer, also the producer from my MoMA told me, Oh,
Speaker 3: I was telling her. I just got off of my
Speaker 3: worst bombing weekend of my entire career, Christmas weekend in
Speaker 3: Las Vegas. It was it was what happened, dog, It's
Speaker 3: just like it just got so much worse, like it
Speaker 3: started Christmas Eve Eve?
Speaker 1: So what was the venue? What was it? What was it?
Speaker 1: Given us some context? Was this I don't want to
Speaker 1: say the venue, Okay, give us like the type of venue.
Speaker 1: Were you playing a casino? Are you playing a theater?
Speaker 1: Was it a room?
Speaker 3: Was it was like off of a strip mall next
Speaker 3: to a casino?
Speaker 1: It was a theater? Or what was it? Comedy club?
Speaker 3: It was a it was a comedy club, high high ceilings,
Speaker 3: comedy club, crowd far far away, and it was the
Speaker 3: type of people who were in Las Vegas on Christmas.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a tough crowd.
Speaker 3: And I bomb like so I start on Thursday night
Speaker 3: and I bombed consecutively worse.
Speaker 1: Oh, every show, every.
Speaker 4: Single fucking show and I tried to Oh so like
Speaker 4: two a night, three at night night everyone, Oh my god,
Speaker 4: that's a night. That's purgatory. That's a black Marror episode dog.
Speaker 3: And then I had to go to sleep, wake up,
Speaker 3: go to Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, and face that ship again
Speaker 3: and again.
Speaker 1: God, what was the talent? What was like the producer
Speaker 1: or whatever the booker is saying to you.
Speaker 3: They don't even give a ship because it's Vegas. They
Speaker 3: just these people were going to be here and aways.
Speaker 3: It's not about putting on a good show. It's just
Speaker 3: having them go somewhere for an hour and a half
Speaker 3: so they don't gamble.
Speaker 1: Were you with any other comedian that you could commiserate
Speaker 1: with and be like, oh, this is horrible.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was with Steve Aj, Stephen AJ, my fellow gunnyan brother.
Speaker 1: This isn't Steve ag no, no, no, this is this
Speaker 1: is Stephen Aj.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he also was bombed.
Speaker 1: So were you guys just like halfway through it like
Speaker 1: this is hell on Earth? Yeah?
Speaker 3: It was, because it was like every night you bomb
Speaker 3: and then they let you loose on Las Vegas to
Speaker 3: like think about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's also Christmas Eve yeah.
Speaker 3: So now it's like Christmas Eve in Vegas. You're in
Speaker 3: a piano bar and Harah's just like thinking about everything
Speaker 3: you've ever done wrong.
Speaker 1: It's like the saddest Christmas all the time. Christmas it's
Speaker 1: so much work. Piano's bombed in February. You want to
Speaker 1: give a ship? Yeah no, but.
Speaker 3: Christmas Eve, I'm just like trying to do the math
Speaker 3: of like what time can I call my mom and
Speaker 3: have her not worried that I'm doing it as I
Speaker 3: am right now?
Speaker 1: It was so did you have to do an hour?
Speaker 3: I had to do forty five? Yeah, forty five forty five?
Speaker 1: Sorry? Described the crowd to us? What's the crowd like?
Speaker 1: Give us a paint us a picture?
Speaker 3: Couples where one of them had kids and one didn't,
Speaker 3: and those kids were out of state.
Speaker 1: I don't even know how to respond to that. What
Speaker 1: does that mean?
Speaker 3: It's people who would go to Las Vegas for Christmas talk?
Speaker 1: So is that like like Jimmy Buffett parent head white
Speaker 1: people or is it like.
Speaker 3: No, It's like it's like it's like people.
Speaker 1: Who are they troubled?
Speaker 3: They were happier than I was to be there, which
Speaker 3: is odd. But I haven't even told you the worst
Speaker 3: of two parts of it.
Speaker 1: Okay, God go ahead, Okay.
Speaker 3: The worst part was like one night I ran into
Speaker 3: the arms of a sex worker. That was the only
Speaker 3: way I thought it could get better. It did not
Speaker 3: get better. So then I wake up on Christmas.
Speaker 1: You ran into the arms of the sex worker. It's
Speaker 1: such a beautiful poetic way of saying I bought a hooker.
Speaker 3: For no, because dude, it gets so much deeper because
Speaker 3: we didn't actually have sex. It was very complicated.
Speaker 1: Well that's conceptual, is it.
Speaker 3: It sounds sad. So then I wake up on Christmas.
Speaker 3: Christmas is our last show. We only have to do
Speaker 3: one show on Christmas, and I'm like, all right, just
Speaker 3: one show and then I'm free. Lord, I was going
Speaker 3: to Hawaii the next day. I was like, I'm free.
Speaker 3: We're gonna be okay, I'll be okay, right, I wake up,
Speaker 3: I'm doing my thing. The club owner calls me on
Speaker 3: Christmas Day. He's like, hey, Lunell missed her flight, and
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't know what that has to
Speaker 3: do with me. Oh no, he wanted you to do more.
Speaker 3: Lunelle does the late show every Sunday night at this
Speaker 3: show and it's on Christmas and she missed her flight
Speaker 3: and he's like, you want to just do it? I
Speaker 3: was like, And then he talks about the pay and
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, the pay was good. The whole reason
Speaker 3: I was even there was because the pay was incredible.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, right, many changes the conversation.
Speaker 3: Which is no, but this is what it locked into me,
Speaker 3: is like, now I'm like, I'm never doing this ever again.
Speaker 3: I'm never doing comedy just for money. This is the worst.
Speaker 3: So it's Lunelle's crowd on Christmas. They don't tell anybody
Speaker 3: that she's not gonna make it until people start showing
Speaker 3: up for the show.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 3: In between shows, the club owner comes up and he's like,
Speaker 3: people are fucking freaking out downstairs.
Speaker 1: Have to figure.
Speaker 3: Out they want their money back.
Speaker 1: Fuck.
Speaker 3: So people who stayed are people who are so pissed,
Speaker 3: but they refuse to get a refund. And they wanted
Speaker 3: Lunell and it's me. They wanted Lunell on Christmas and
Speaker 3: it's me. It's me, you hear me, it's me. I
Speaker 3: got no Lunelle. And then the club owner starts getting crazy,
Speaker 3: like kind of racist, like he takes me and Steve
Speaker 3: Asidey's like, listen just so you guys know it's an
Speaker 3: urban show, so.
Speaker 1: Just you don't. My brother, he was like Luell, she.
Speaker 3: Never holds back, just just just letting go. Baby.
Speaker 1: It's like somebody who has never done comedy once.
Speaker 3: Bro and then so and then yeah, her opener made
Speaker 3: it so, her opener was there. And then I had
Speaker 3: to headline Munell's show on Christmas for a bunch of
Speaker 3: old black aunties who were pissed.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I wasn't. How'd you do.
Speaker 3: Well? Thank god a guy was wearing a wife beater,
Speaker 3: cause I got to be like, are you wearing a
Speaker 3: wife beater? And his wife was like yeah, oh then
Speaker 3: I got twenty five minutes.
Speaker 1: Out of that. That was your saving grace. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I made him stand up and spin around.
Speaker 1: And you're just grabbing at straws the whole weekend, like
Speaker 1: it was never We're just doing crowd work at one
Speaker 1: point where you're like my jokes, they don't want my jokes.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I never got any traction ever. They never liked me,
Speaker 3: they were never into it. I never understood what they
Speaker 3: were doing there. They never understood what I was doing.
Speaker 1: That did you just feel like you wanted to quit
Speaker 1: doing stand up comedy at the end of it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: where you're like, I'm gonna paint houses the rest of
Speaker 1: my life.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I went to Hawaii like the day afterwards, and I
Speaker 3: was like.
Speaker 1: I might just not come back.
Speaker 3: I was like trying to figure it out in my head.
Speaker 3: I was like, you know, you got other things you do,
Speaker 3: you can you can make money some other way, like
Speaker 3: you don't have to.
Speaker 1: The thing is we have no we have no comics
Speaker 1: of no other life skill.
Speaker 3: No, bro, I can't build anything.
Speaker 1: I'm useless. I'm fucking like a useless skill set. If
Speaker 1: this ends, there's nothing.
Speaker 3: What am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: There's nothing.
Speaker 3: I haven't had a real job in fifteen years.
Speaker 1: There's nothing entry level. I would have to I would
Speaker 1: have to deliver pizzas. I would have to do data
Speaker 1: entry dog Yeah. Yeah, I'd be temping living pizzas, going
Speaker 1: up to a construction site with a hammer, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I can fucking hammer some nails in be fucking that.
Speaker 1: I would get fired from that.
Speaker 3: I couldn't even do that. I'd have to like go
Speaker 3: get their lunches.
Speaker 1: I would just like break both my legs and collect
Speaker 1: disability or something. I would just have some steamroll over
Speaker 1: my foot.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what are you gonna do tomorrow? He SAIDs tomorrow, chop.
Speaker 1: Off a couple of toes, be like, yeah, I got diabetes,
Speaker 1: just collect disability.
Speaker 3: Did you ever have a job you were good at
Speaker 3: besides this?
Speaker 2: Never?
Speaker 1: I was the worst employee. I was so fucking incompetent, lazy,
Speaker 1: had no I was useless. I was useless every job
Speaker 1: I ever had. Yeah, like I fired all the time, lectured, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got fired alive. I waited. I lied when I
Speaker 1: first moved to New York and I told the guy
Speaker 1: I was twenty one years old. And I told the
Speaker 1: guy that I waited table since I was fourteen. Total lie.
Speaker 1: And he's like, all right, we start waiting tables. And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, how do you do that? I
Speaker 1: was dropping plates. I was burning myself. I was eating
Speaker 1: food off the customer's thing when like they would like
Speaker 1: beat in the bathroom and the other waiters like you
Speaker 1: can't do that, man. I was like, I'm so hungry, bro,
Speaker 1: I'm fucking starving. That was horrible. And then the guy
Speaker 1: that the boss came in a few days later, he goes, oh,
Speaker 1: my waiter said, you pretty nervous out there. You wanted
Speaker 1: to just start as a busboy, and I had some
Speaker 1: weird ego about it. I was like, fuck, no, man,
Speaker 1: I'm a waiter till I d I E and then
Speaker 1: I quit. And I was like so broken, hungry, and
Speaker 1: I was like why did I just say that? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not a waiter, I'm a liar. Yeah no,
Speaker 1: I should have just bus tables, Like I'm a fucking idiot.
Speaker 3: The only job I ever had, I was good at
Speaker 3: working at the gas station.
Speaker 1: You worked at a gas station, but I also let
Speaker 1: all my friends steal. Really I worked at like four.
Speaker 3: Different gas stations in like two different states.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you see any crazy shit? You see any brawls
Speaker 1: at a gas station or anything?
Speaker 3: Or was a mellow not really brawls, But like, I
Speaker 3: did work overnight, so I just see a lot of
Speaker 3: weird people getting out. There was a bar next door
Speaker 3: called Venoogis, and you would just see weird people getting
Speaker 3: out of the bar late at night, clearly driving like drunk.
Speaker 1: This is rural Colorado, correct.
Speaker 3: This is like Aurora. It's not that rural like the suburbs.
Speaker 1: I interviewed the Beastie Boys one time and I asked them,
Speaker 1: I think it was an ad rock deep responding, I go,
Speaker 1: what's the craziest thing you guys grew up in New
Speaker 1: York City. What's the crazy easiest thing you ever saw
Speaker 1: on the subway? And he said he saw two Hasidic
Speaker 1: dudes French kissing deep French kissing on the on the
Speaker 1: subway the middle of the day. I was like, that's
Speaker 1: a mind blowing just two rabbis going at it.
Speaker 3: It's like a poster in your art school girlfriend's apartment.
Speaker 1: I was like, it's kind of like an Eric Andrey
Speaker 1: show bit. Can I borrow that from those.
Speaker 3: In some type of blasphemy? Like if you do that,
Speaker 3: they won't let you get buried somewhere.
Speaker 1: I'm sure, yeah? Worth it? So any other bombing stories,
Speaker 1: any other things that you like.
Speaker 3: So there was this one. There was this one open
Speaker 3: mic that I was at in San Francisco at this
Speaker 3: place called the Brainwash that isn't there anymore. It was
Speaker 3: like a laundry mat slash open mic.
Speaker 1: Oh, it sounds like a great venue.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's where I started. Maybe. It was like there
Speaker 3: was this guy and he was like bugging the host
Speaker 3: to get up, bugging the host to get up, and
Speaker 3: the host was like, fuck you man, I'm not putting
Speaker 3: you up, and the guy just kept bugging him, kept
Speaker 3: bugging him, and finally the host puts him up, and
Speaker 3: the guy just starts eating shit. And it's only five minutes, right, yeah,
Speaker 3: but he's just eating a bag of Dixie's so terrible. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he decides to turn on the host and start making
Speaker 3: fun of the host.
Speaker 1: Oh no, the host.
Speaker 3: Grabs a knife and tries to stab him.
Speaker 2: What.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was pretty great. And then everybody like grabbed
Speaker 3: the host and like carry him outside.
Speaker 1: The host had a knife and was ready to commit
Speaker 1: on the sudden.
Speaker 3: No, he didn't have a knife. He like grabbed it.
Speaker 3: It was like one of those silk they were walking
Speaker 3: because it was like laundry mat slash bar slash they
Speaker 3: serve food too.
Speaker 1: A laundry mat that served food and beer and like booze.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they had Pinballshit.
Speaker 1: What kind of magical laundry mat is this?
Speaker 3: Ah Soma, If anybody here.
Speaker 1: You could wash your clothes and do and and drink.
Speaker 3: And watch open my comedy. It was really great.
Speaker 1: So he grabbed a knife from the kitchen, well.
Speaker 3: Like from the counter, like they had the uh you
Speaker 3: know they have the thing where they keep all the
Speaker 3: silver were in like I think they had just.
Speaker 1: Got he grabbed like a butter knife. He grabbed them.
Speaker 3: He grabbed a butter knife, and it was like trying
Speaker 3: to go and then everybody like carried him outside.
Speaker 1: That's like a Michelle Gondry music video.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was great.
Speaker 1: I was in a laundry mat doing my clothes, but
Speaker 1: I was also doing stand up, but I was also
Speaker 1: there was also a restaurant and a bar, and then
Speaker 1: people were fighting with butter knives.
Speaker 3: It was really great. I missed those old days of
Speaker 3: stand up when it was scary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're fucking rap. They were hell, but they were
Speaker 1: like they made us men.
Speaker 3: Yeah that's just sad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's kind of like, Yeah, it's not as you
Speaker 1: can always go back to those shows. Those shows still exist.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you it's like I don't even move the
Speaker 3: way that I used to. I was like back then,
Speaker 3: I was supposed to be in that room. Now it's
Speaker 3: like a weird.
Speaker 1: It's a weird feeling going back to those it's a
Speaker 1: weird sadness going back to those room. You feel like
Speaker 1: something is terribly wrong.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't sleep on a couch anymore. I'm not
Speaker 3: excited about the potential of what's gonna happen anymore.
Speaker 1: I went to uh Columbus, Ohio one time to do
Speaker 1: a gig. It was it was at a small venue.
Speaker 1: It felt like almost like a sports bar. But they
Speaker 1: had a stage. I had a proper stage and a mic,
Speaker 1: and they did book me like they flew me out.
Speaker 1: They paid me like a decent check. And I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think this is like right before the air Gonder
Speaker 1: Show started. But I'm on stage and I'm doing well.
Speaker 1: I wasn't bombing. I was on stage just all college kids.
Speaker 1: The place is packed. Maybe it was like season one
Speaker 1: of the air Gun Show. Not sure place is packed.
Speaker 1: I'm doing well. There's this super drunk white girl in
Speaker 1: the front and like front row texting the whole time,
Speaker 1: talking oblivious to me on stage, oblivious of the part
Speaker 1: of a show. And I'm like trying to like roaster
Speaker 1: he politely to be like, hey, I'm in the middle
Speaker 1: of work right now, sweetie, can you shut the fuck up?
Speaker 1: Like doing like little things like that, like playfully like
Speaker 1: trying to get her to shut the fuck up, but
Speaker 1: she won't, and she's being belligerent and texting, and I go,
Speaker 1: give me your phone, and she's like, okay, okay. And
Speaker 1: then I grabbed her phone. I looked up mom in
Speaker 1: her contacts and I texted. I texted her mom, Mom,
Speaker 1: I've always had a thing for dad. And the crowd
Speaker 1: erupts like, oh shit, and I'm like and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hold your phone up here until your mom
Speaker 1: starts responding. Her mom starts responding crazy, shit, I'm running
Speaker 1: back shit. And then I give her phone back, thinking
Speaker 1: like that you've been reprimanded. Now you can you can
Speaker 1: do damage control with your mom. You can say that,
Speaker 1: you know, that's her opportunity to be like, oh, comedian,
Speaker 1: grab my phone and he's fucking with you. And then
Speaker 1: she was so drunk, I don't think she processed anything
Speaker 1: that happened. And she just kept blabbing away and kept
Speaker 1: being fucking annoying. So it's like, goddamn it, sorry, I
Speaker 1: can give me your phone, and I go, hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I'm going to pass this phone around. Let's pass it
Speaker 1: around the whole audience and just text any text Her
Speaker 1: mom text her dad text anybody in her phone anything
Speaker 1: you want, and like hundreds of kids got access to
Speaker 1: her phone and texted god knows what. I have no
Speaker 1: idea what the kids did amazing. Then the phone, the
Speaker 1: phone got back to her. She's kind of like in
Speaker 1: and out, and then she's like grabs her phone. She
Speaker 1: starts looking at it, and I see her turn like
Speaker 1: bugs bunny thermometer, red with anger, with like drunken anger,
Speaker 1: and like just like inhaling all the fucking foul texts
Speaker 1: these college kids are probably sending to like every one
Speaker 1: of her friends and family and anyone in her phone
Speaker 1: ex boyfriends, old Boston is, people she currently works with
Speaker 1: who knows, who knows what Jiva, yeah, demon pop pop,
Speaker 1: like yeah, I'll just like just the fucking heinous debris
Speaker 1: that these people, these the vitriol that whatever. I have
Speaker 1: no idea. I'm not responsible entirely for what they said,
Speaker 1: but like just heinous cribes against humanity. So I see
Speaker 1: her just reacting to all these incoming ship on her phone,
Speaker 1: and then she just and then I just go back
Speaker 1: and I'm like kind of clocking out of the corner
Speaker 1: of my eye and I just go back to my set, like, Hey,
Speaker 1: what's up with the Duelibbity blue or whatever. Then she
Speaker 1: just jumps on stage and sings like a big haymaker
Speaker 1: at me, and I like whoa and like matrix tight
Speaker 1: sheet out of the way. She almost punched me right
Speaker 1: in the face, and then I'm like looking at security,
Speaker 1: like help help me. And then like some college kids
Speaker 1: just kind of like dragged her out real security because
Speaker 1: the kid, yeah, it wasn't Yeah. I was like the
Speaker 1: security didn't even help. They were like cracking up in
Speaker 1: the background. They're like this guy's crazy.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, help me out right now, and
Speaker 1: I had some like eighteen year old kids like help
Speaker 1: me out. So like the kids like kind of like
Speaker 1: dragged her out, and then finally security came in dragged
Speaker 1: her out, and I was like what the fuck? And
Speaker 1: but like the crowd is erupting at this point. It
Speaker 1: was actually a really good set and the crowd's erupting,
Speaker 1: and I kind of ended early after that. I was like,
Speaker 1: there's not really any jokes I can do after this.
Speaker 1: I can't go back to like be like she Game
Speaker 1: of Thrones or whatever the fuck, you.
Speaker 2: Know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like the set's gonna be short, but whatever,
Speaker 1: I'm going out on a high. And then as I'm
Speaker 1: leaving the venue, she's outside in the hallway and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh fuck, and he looks at me like none of
Speaker 1: that ever even happened, and she was like we Sam,
Speaker 1: can I get a sound fanling you? And I was
Speaker 1: like really, it's like her brain just control all deleted everything,
Speaker 1: and she was like what's up. She's like, I had
Speaker 1: a great time to do and like no anger. She
Speaker 1: was just like, whoa, that was fun, Like comedy, That's
Speaker 1: what a comedy show is. Like, I was like, didn't
Speaker 1: I just like destroy your life fifteen ways?
Speaker 3: Everybody said that you were trying to blow your brother?
Speaker 3: And now she's just like, hey, good.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: She was just like that was fun. Comedy shows are crazy.
Speaker 2: With aeric codrey.
Speaker 1: With aeric codrey, Well, what's the worst you've ever seen?
Speaker 1: Somebody bomb?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: I have that. I wrote this one down too. This
Speaker 3: was this was in Denver years ago. We were at
Speaker 3: this bar called the lions Layer. Yeah, and this guy.
Speaker 3: You know how when you first start comedy, there's these
Speaker 3: guys who are like, you were technically a comic, but
Speaker 3: mostly you're just like trying to stay out of jail,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Yeah, don't like these guys
Speaker 3: on that.
Speaker 1: I mean, everybody you start with is a total psychopath.
Speaker 3: Yeah, one hundred percent. Like in the beginning, it's like
Speaker 3: all crazy people.
Speaker 1: In the beginning, you're surrounded by lunatics.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So this was one of those guys. And we
Speaker 3: were at the.
Speaker 1: Lions, Like, where's the Lions Layer?
Speaker 3: It's off a Colfax in Denver, like the old Colfax
Speaker 3: if you remember, it was pretty pretty wild.
Speaker 1: Is it like a comedy club? What is it?
Speaker 3: No, it's just a bar. It's just a a shitty bar,
Speaker 3: a dive but classic. But we were in the Lions,
Speaker 3: like this guy comes in with this girl and he's
Speaker 3: like one of those guys. He's just known for being
Speaker 3: nuts or whatever. And he goes on stage and he
Speaker 3: does this whole bombing, does this whole bit about how
Speaker 3: much he loves this girl named Allison, who is the
Speaker 3: girl he brought, And he's saying crazy like he's like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, he's like declaring his love.
Speaker 1: He says it. How is she reacting?
Speaker 2: Bro?
Speaker 3: He says. At one point he's like he's like, I
Speaker 3: love you, Alison. She is like, if some guy came
Speaker 3: in here and he had AIDS and he pulled out
Speaker 3: his dirty AIDS ridden dick and he said, I would
Speaker 3: have to suck that dick to save your life. I
Speaker 3: would do it to save you Allison. Right. So he's
Speaker 3: saying all this crazy shit bombing. The girl puts her
Speaker 3: head in her hands, like she's crying right the bar center.
Speaker 3: This guy Tony, he thinks that she's laughing because he
Speaker 3: thinks it's funny because he's a degenerate. So she's crying
Speaker 3: with her head in their hands. Tony comes up and
Speaker 3: slaps her on the back. It's like like I know, right,
Speaker 3: And she's crying and Tony's like ha ha. And then
Speaker 3: the comic asks her to marry him. He's like, and Alison,
Speaker 3: just in front of here, in front of all these people,
Speaker 3: I just want to ask, will you marry me? And
Speaker 3: she goes, you already know the answer and she runs
Speaker 3: out and he ran out. Oh my lord, it was
Speaker 3: really amazing.
Speaker 1: Why did that guy do this?
Speaker 3: He's crazy, man, because he's crazy.
Speaker 1: In like a shitty dive bard, like not a romantic
Speaker 1: setting dog.
Speaker 3: And she's crying into her hands and the bartenders just
Speaker 3: got his hand on her back like this is great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was it sucking Aids Dick to save you.
Speaker 1: It's like, no one asked you to say that. A
Speaker 1: crazy scenario. It was a crazy scenario. And it's not
Speaker 1: stand up. So it's just he's just bombing and he's
Speaker 1: like stinking.
Speaker 3: Up the room everybody, and you know we're all up
Speaker 3: there just waiting to go, like.
Speaker 1: Just waiting to tell Joe j alright.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have just joked about the bus. I was
Speaker 3: gonna tell and now you're gonna fucking talk about sucking
Speaker 3: Aids Dick. Everybody el me in the room is into
Speaker 3: this dude. And then she ran out and he followed her.
Speaker 3: It is crazy ship.
Speaker 1: That's fucking crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was really good. It's really really good.
Speaker 2: With Aeric Condrey, With Aeric Condrey.
Speaker 1: What's the craziest ship you've ever seen in your life
Speaker 1: before your very very eyes. And it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be anything dark like but just like fucking Tony taking
Speaker 1: a big dump on the subway kind of wild.
Speaker 3: I don't know, the craziest thing I've ever seen in
Speaker 3: my wife. That's a hard one.
Speaker 1: It's a hard one. I've had. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard.
Speaker 3: I saw three dudes banging it a hot and a
Speaker 3: look into a hot tub.
Speaker 1: One time, just three boys having a good old time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well I think I think it was two old dudes.
Speaker 3: And then the younger one was a sex worker because
Speaker 3: he was like way too hot for them.
Speaker 1: Oh it's like a lemon party.
Speaker 3: I was opening for STEVEO with the Bray Improv and
Speaker 3: I don't have a car. You know, I don't drive,
Speaker 3: so I had to get a spot at the Leakinta
Speaker 3: because I couldn't go back and forth to l A
Speaker 3: the whole weekend.
Speaker 1: Dude, I fucking tat. I'll give you a ride to
Speaker 1: La Quinta. Dude, I'm fucking these two old guys.
Speaker 3: Later he didn't, he didn't, which sucks. So I and
Speaker 3: then I was just like, I had like a couple
Speaker 3: of tall kids, and I was like, but from what
Speaker 3: I saw around the corner, it looked like it was
Speaker 3: like a train.
Speaker 1: Like he was a dude, a human centipede.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what it looked like. But like I got there,
Speaker 3: they split up.
Speaker 1: You were you're a bit of a party boomer. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're a cock. Blocker, which it.
Speaker 3: Was weird because I wanted to be like, hey, they
Speaker 3: do it like I don't. Hey got school dude, whatever
Speaker 3: it like, it's cool, it's reddite. What else I'm gonna
Speaker 3: go and drink like you having a better night in
Speaker 3: front of stevens Oh no, did you bomb? I didn't
Speaker 3: do great. They just watched Steve Bough, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. So it's like anything else is not.
Speaker 1: Opening up for a celebrity is a tough fucking nugget.
Speaker 3: It's I haven't really done it a lot, so nobody.
Speaker 1: That's the hardest I ever bomb opening up for Chris Rock.
Speaker 1: I really, that's the hardest I bombed in like recent life.
Speaker 1: It's closet recent life. I mean, like the first like
Speaker 1: ten years of doing stand up is bombing. But like
Speaker 1: in recent life, that was a fucking harsh Was it
Speaker 1: like a bill? Was it like a big venue, huge
Speaker 1: theater in New Orleans, huge beautiful theater, And I like
Speaker 1: I never did great opening up for his audience. I
Speaker 1: would just like hold my ground, you know, I would
Speaker 1: just do like short enough and well enough where they
Speaker 1: like want to completely turn on me. But I was
Speaker 1: never lighting up the night sky right, but they let
Speaker 1: you do it. But this night I was struggling so hard.
Speaker 1: My girlfriend came to the show the first three nights,
Speaker 1: so I was like really trying to fucking bring my
Speaker 1: egg and then she left a day early. And then
Speaker 1: the day she left and I didn't have the pressure
Speaker 1: of impressing her. I like kind of was phoning it
Speaker 1: in and not realizing it. And I was like halfway
Speaker 1: through my set and then the crickets are getting louder
Speaker 1: and I wasn't really paying attention. Then I just hear
Speaker 1: this guy in the back go next, and I was like,
Speaker 1: well and instead of instead of like just getting the
Speaker 1: fuck out of there or trying to like roll into comedy,
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, I turned into fucking
Speaker 1: what's that Patrick Swazy movie Roadhouse? I turned into a
Speaker 1: guy from Roadhouse. I get up here, motherfuckers say that
Speaker 1: to my face? WHOA Because I was like gonna try
Speaker 1: to like, yeah, I don't know. I turned into like
Speaker 1: the bad guy from fucking Karate Kids. And I was
Speaker 1: like because I was like, I was like, in my mind,
Speaker 1: I'll get him up here and I'll roast him and
Speaker 1: then like and like he's like I'm not moving. I'm
Speaker 1: not going up to you and kidding me. I'm like
Speaker 1: getting like an expensive seat. I'm just chilling the back
Speaker 1: and making fun of you. And then I tried to
Speaker 1: like and then after that, I tried to like roll
Speaker 1: into another joke. I was like, oh, anyway, a crazy
Speaker 1: show or whatever the fu and then uh boy did
Speaker 1: I bomb? And then I just remember this dude, like
Speaker 1: Puerto Rican dude in the front row looked up and
Speaker 1: he goes, come on, Eric, you can do better than this.
Speaker 1: Oh no, because he loves like he kind of liked me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, shit, man, I can't. I can't, dude,
Speaker 1: I can't. I'm like I just try to do I
Speaker 1: like try to end on my most universal joke with
Speaker 1: that Cuban sign and like kind of got like a that,
Speaker 1: but I already like fucking cobra kai dojo, the fucking
Speaker 1: come on, motherfucker, like like I got off Sagent Hannibal
Speaker 1: was there. He's like, this isn't a bar show. You
Speaker 1: can't be like come on up here like just something
Speaker 1: like drunk at like a bar. This is like thousands
Speaker 1: of people, man, like they're not gonna go leave their seat,
Speaker 1: Like what fistfight you on stage, like that's crazy, what
Speaker 1: do you think's going on here? And uh, I just
Speaker 1: remember being dead devastated. But Chris and his tour manager
Speaker 1: were so sweet about it. They were like, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Chris was like, oh, get me a big hug, and
Speaker 1: he was like, ask me what happened When Prince opened
Speaker 1: up for the Rolling Stones. I go, what happened? And
Speaker 1: he goes. People were like boo, like throwing bottles at Prints,
Speaker 1: like get off the fucking stage, Rolling Stones. That made
Speaker 1: that made me feel a little bit better. And then
Speaker 1: his tour managers like old school dude who like tour
Speaker 1: managed James Brown and shit, and he was like, ask
Speaker 1: me what happened when Chris played London and I go,
Speaker 1: what happened? He goes, he bomb so fucking bad and
Speaker 1: it was our first show of the tour and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh yeah, and he goes. And then he
Speaker 1: was so frustrated. He like went back to the club
Speaker 1: like as they were closing at eleven pm, and he's like,
Speaker 1: just get me back on stage, and he like proceeded
Speaker 1: to have like the best set of his life. He's like,
Speaker 1: bombings makes you stronger, man, it doesn't make you weaker kid,
Speaker 1: he was like an old like beat Nick. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: really nice. So that made me feel better.
Speaker 3: But I mean, do you like bombing? Are you one
Speaker 3: of those guys who like some comedy?
Speaker 1: So that's like Nor McDonald said he had a bombing
Speaker 1: and Kevin Barnett used to tell me, n yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's like I like that. The audience like paid all
Speaker 1: this money they thought they thought me and they're like
Speaker 1: fucking pissed about it. But I don't know. To me,
Speaker 1: I'm too sensitive, man, I hate I don't mind if
Speaker 1: if there's like a bunch of comics on the show
Speaker 1: and they're all bombing, then I'm okay. But it was
Speaker 1: just me bombing. It was like this was the lineup
Speaker 1: for the show. By the way, it was like Jeff
Speaker 1: Ross who crushed, then Me who bombed, then like Hannibal,
Speaker 1: then Dave Chappelle, than Chris Rock and they all like destroyed.
Speaker 1: Like I was the one week link. It was a
Speaker 1: nightmare scenario. And I'm like up against like like the
Speaker 1: Mount Rushmore stand up comedy, you know.
Speaker 3: What I mean. That's the worst. I remember one time
Speaker 3: I opened for the Waynes Brothers and they wouldn't even
Speaker 3: let me meet them, and then I ate a bat
Speaker 3: I could dix and then they for real would let
Speaker 3: me just like I did, just like go home, like
Speaker 3: on the bart, like oh god, dude, it's a long
Speaker 3: bart ride. It's like Tommy T's. It was like pleasant
Speaker 3: and it was like the last stop from the scene.
Speaker 3: It was like, Man, yeah, I don't like bombing either.
Speaker 3: I mean, it happens sometimes I do get The only
Speaker 3: time I kind of like bombing is sometimes I'll get
Speaker 3: in my head where I'll be like, for whatever reason,
Speaker 3: I'll decide that I don't like them, yeah, and then
Speaker 3: and then I'll go up and I have it in
Speaker 3: my head that I don't like them. So if I don't,
Speaker 3: if I don't do well, I kind of feel.
Speaker 1: Okay about it, all right, David. They said it couldn't
Speaker 1: be done, and we done this.
Speaker 3: I said it couldn't be stopped.
Speaker 1: I said it couldn't be started. We did it, all right, buddy.
Speaker 1: It was great talking to you. If you come to
Speaker 1: New York at me, ask I will I will den,
Speaker 1: I'll hit you up. Hell yeah, man, always a pleasure.
Speaker 1: I'll be with aericdre bombing with Aeric andres brought to
Speaker 1: you by Will Ferreld's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Hans Sani and Olivia Aguilar, edited and
Speaker 1: sound designed by Andy Harris. Our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Speaker 1: And if you want to confess to your own bombing
Speaker 1: moments or give us a shout out, go rate us
Speaker 1: five stars and drop a review on your podcast app
Speaker 1: of choice right about your own stories of bombing at life.
Speaker 1: If you're on Apple Podcasts, you can also subscribe to
Speaker 1: Big MANI Players Diamond to get exclusive bonus content with
Speaker 1: every episode. Listen to all my episodes ad free. The
Speaker 1: guests on Bombing with Eric Andre were recorded before the
Speaker 1: SAG app Just Strike, So leave me alone, Internet, Bye