Speaker 1: Ten Takes is a production of the NFL in partnership
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. Merry Christmas, you guys, Happy Holidays. This is
Speaker 1: ten takes and we give them in ten minutes. Today.
Speaker 1: We do it in the twelfth month, the twenty fifth day,
Speaker 1: wonderful time of year. And guess what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you ten Christmas takes. You think
Speaker 1: I can't do it, you think I won't do it.
Speaker 1: It's dead wrong, my friends. Ten Christmas Takes in ten minutes.
Speaker 1: Let's start the clock. Take number one. Christmas Eve is
Speaker 1: better than Christmas. It is. They're both great, they're both wonderful.
Speaker 1: Christmas Eve is so special. Christmas Eve is when you're
Speaker 1: going up the roller coaster, you know, when you're going
Speaker 1: up the giant drop before you go down. You're going
Speaker 1: up and go, and you got the butterflies in your stomach,
Speaker 1: and there's magic and you can hire and hire, and
Speaker 1: you're tapping your friends knee and you're, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be so great. That's Christmas Eve. Christmas Day
Speaker 1: is fantastic and it's the payoff. But there's almost this
Speaker 1: melancholy feel that happens Christmas afternoon Christmas evening, when you're like, wow,
Speaker 1: it's over. Not only is it over, it's three hundred
Speaker 1: and sixty five days away, three and sixty five days
Speaker 1: of wait Christmas Eve. Get get a little little candy,
Speaker 1: little drink, little movie. You're like, this is gonna be
Speaker 1: the greatest night ever. And when you're a kid, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, Christmas Eve, there's gonna be an actual set
Speaker 1: of reindeer on top of my house tonights. It's really
Speaker 1: gonna happen. He's gonna come down that chimney. It's so great.
Speaker 1: The presents are awesome on Christmas, the idea that Sanna
Speaker 1: is actually going to come to your home on Christmas Eve.
Speaker 1: It's the best best holiday of the year, not Christmas
Speaker 1: Christmas Eve. Take number two. Agnog is delicious. Eggnog is delicious.
Speaker 1: Let me say it one more time. Eggnog is delicious.
Speaker 1: I think we've arrived at this place. I talked about
Speaker 1: this back on Halloween, where there's a polarizing treats for
Speaker 1: each of the year ending holidays. For Halloween, you got
Speaker 1: candy corn. People want to draw swords over candy corn.
Speaker 1: For Thanksgiving, you got cranberry. Same deal for Christmas, we
Speaker 1: got eggnog. And here's my take on eggnog. I like it.
Speaker 1: I drink it once a year on Christmas Eve, Sprinkle
Speaker 1: little nutmeg on top. Actually take it without booze, which
Speaker 1: maybe people seen is crazy or lame. I don't need
Speaker 1: the booze in it. There's plenty of other booze going
Speaker 1: into my system. I like it without the booze. But
Speaker 1: here's my take on eggnog. So much of the reason
Speaker 1: that people aren't into it or are disgusted by it
Speaker 1: is bad branding. Agnog needs the rebrand. Eggnog is two
Speaker 1: disgusting words. When it comes to a drink. I don't
Speaker 1: really want eggs might drink just on principle. I don't
Speaker 1: even know what hell nog means. I never see that
Speaker 1: word in any other context. I don't know n og.
Speaker 1: Where does it come from? Is it short for something? Eggnog?
Speaker 1: Six letters, three of them are g's, all of them
Speaker 1: are disgusting together. You gotta rebrand, and I think of
Speaker 1: something like at another holiday, McDonald's has the Shamrock shake. Now,
Speaker 1: that's it. That's that old Ray Kroc magic, the Santa
Speaker 1: Claus of fast food. Shamrock Shake in don't even really
Speaker 1: know what it is. No, it's green. Think I kind
Speaker 1: of want it because it's got a great brand. I
Speaker 1: think Eggnog should rebrand as a Santa Shake. Would you
Speaker 1: like a Santa Shake with all nug meg Yes? Hell? Yeah, dude,
Speaker 1: you put a cinnamon stick into Yes, I can. Would
Speaker 1: you like an eggnog? No, that's disgusting? All right? But
Speaker 1: what if I told you it was a Santa Shake?
Speaker 1: You know what, screw it, it's Christmas Eve. I think
Speaker 1: I would like a Santa Shake, And if you want
Speaker 1: to put some brandy in there, I wouldn't mind. Then
Speaker 1: it's a drunken Santa Shake. I like it. That's my
Speaker 1: idea new branding for Agnow, big eggnch the industry rebrand.
Speaker 1: Your name is disgusting, your product is delicious. Take number three.
Speaker 1: I want to hang with Uncle Frank from Home Alone.
Speaker 1: I know he has looked at as the number one
Speaker 1: Christmas villain. I know he's looked at his bigger villain
Speaker 1: in the Home Alone movies than Harry and Marsh. I
Speaker 1: used to feel that way. I saw that movie Home
Speaker 1: Alone one when I was ten years old. Sot in
Speaker 1: the theater. My entire life. I have watched it. Like
Speaker 1: everybody else thinks, Uncle Frank is a jerk. He's mean,
Speaker 1: he's cruel. As you get older, you're like, I kinda
Speaker 1: like Uncle Frank. I kind of feel where Uncle Frank
Speaker 1: is coming from. I was watching Home Alone two with
Speaker 1: my kids the other day. There's a part where they're
Speaker 1: still at the very beginning and mister McAllister says to Kevin, Kevin,
Speaker 1: go in and take a shower, and kem says, I can't.
Speaker 1: Uncle Frank is in there. He says, if I see
Speaker 1: him naked, I'll grow up never feeling like a real man.
Speaker 1: That is so damn funny. I laughed out loud. Imagine
Speaker 1: saying that to your nephew. Hilarious. Frank and jerk, but
Speaker 1: also like what are his greatest sins? Screams at Kevin,
Speaker 1: look what you did, dear little jerk. Kevin is a
Speaker 1: little jerk. Do not watch Kevin at the beginning of
Speaker 1: Homelone want to be like man, I would never let
Speaker 1: my kid talk to me that way. Frank's right, So
Speaker 1: he wants to free champagne in first class. Who doesn't,
Speaker 1: So he wants to steal the glasses whatever that ticket's expensive,
Speaker 1: he didn't pay for Who cares. I just would like
Speaker 1: to have a whiskey with Frank. I bet he's got
Speaker 1: some takes. I bet he's a sports fan. I probably
Speaker 1: have to pay for the whiskey for him, but I'd
Speaker 1: be more than willing to. I go opposite as everybody
Speaker 1: on Uncle Frank. You know what, I like him more
Speaker 1: than the other adults in that movie. Don't get me
Speaker 1: started on missus McAllister, who, as we know, should lose
Speaker 1: their children. But that's been said before. You don't like
Speaker 1: Uncle Frank. Can you even name any of the other
Speaker 1: adults in that family? Do you know what their names are?
Speaker 1: Uncle Frank's wife, no idea, Kevin's dad, no idea. I
Speaker 1: don't know none of these other adults. The only one
Speaker 1: that really makes any impression is Uncle Frank. You know
Speaker 1: his name, you know what he stands for it. He's
Speaker 1: a card's on the table type of guy. I like
Speaker 1: Uncle Frank. Take number four A Wonderful Life on watchable,
Speaker 1: unwatchable movie. Don't like it, don't care about it, didn't
Speaker 1: watch it growing up? Respect Jimmy Stewart, Great Princeton Man,
Speaker 1: the American movie star, years and years and years ago.
Speaker 1: But I didn't watch it growing up. I didn't do it.
Speaker 1: So by a couple of years ago, my wife are like,
Speaker 1: you know, we should watch It's a wonderful life. It's
Speaker 1: the classic American Christmas tale. Let's watch it. Half hour
Speaker 1: in we're like, this is terrible. It's actually kind of morbid,
Speaker 1: a little dark. They're a little mean to each other.
Speaker 1: I don't like it. It's way too slow. I will
Speaker 1: never watch it again. Unwatchable movie. If he didn't grow
Speaker 1: up with it, it's just kind of grandfathered in. Unwatchable movie.
Speaker 1: Take number five. If you're a Christmas tree type of
Speaker 1: fella or lady, if you've never been able to do
Speaker 1: the thing where you cut down your own Christmas tree,
Speaker 1: if you can try it. We did it. We really
Speaker 1: liked it. There's this little farm you go to. It's
Speaker 1: like an hour drive away through the majestic majesty of
Speaker 1: the wintery countryside. And sure you have to pay a
Speaker 1: little more, but those Christmas tree lots you have to
Speaker 1: pay so much more anyway, and you just point it
Speaker 1: one and then a guy brings it to you. You
Speaker 1: go to these places, you have a little hot chocolate,
Speaker 1: you bundle up, they give you a saw and the
Speaker 1: satisfaction you get. And I listen when you get down
Speaker 1: on your hands and knees in the disgusting, cold, muddy
Speaker 1: ground and start trying to saw down a tree. It's hard.
Speaker 1: You are going to injure yourself. You are going to
Speaker 1: be sore the next day. It sucks. It's very awkward
Speaker 1: on the back and the shoulders and the knees. However,
Speaker 1: when you finally get through and you feel that tree
Speaker 1: go down, and you and your kids or whoever you're
Speaker 1: with actually gets the yelled timber like you're a lumberjack,
Speaker 1: very satisfying. That's when Christmas starts for us. If you
Speaker 1: can do it, do it take number six. I only
Speaker 1: have three and a half minutes left. I feel for you.
Speaker 1: Elves on a shelf folks, I've never done that either.
Speaker 1: We don't do the elves on a shell, But every
Speaker 1: couple I know who does the elves on a shelves
Speaker 1: is miserable. No one's like. We love it. We look
Speaker 1: forward to it every day. It is a really special
Speaker 1: part of our holiday. We will always do it. There's
Speaker 1: always these these stories like they've been through numb or
Speaker 1: something like they just hate it, so don't start it.
Speaker 1: We have an elves presence in our family. Our elves
Speaker 1: magically visit while the kids are away, when they're at school,
Speaker 1: they're in the activity, and they'll come back to their
Speaker 1: room and their window is wide open and it's all cold,
Speaker 1: and there's a note and a little sort of a
Speaker 1: gift from the elf, usually around mid December, and it says,
Speaker 1: keep up the good work. I've been watching and the
Speaker 1: ideas that the elf came in through the window and
Speaker 1: escape and the kids lose their mind. They almost pee
Speaker 1: their pants, they're so exciting and they never see the elves.
Speaker 1: But we're not doing that off in the shelf. So
Speaker 1: I feel it for you, guys. Take number seven Christmas Music.
Speaker 1: You want some, you want some old fashion, You want
Speaker 1: something that really hits you in the fields A Neil
Speaker 1: Diamond Christmas. Neil Diamond Christmas. You know in Sweet Caroline,
Speaker 1: maybe you know forever in blue Jeans. You haven't lived
Speaker 1: until you've heard mister Diamond sing the Little Drummer Boy.
Speaker 1: The way he hits you with the rub a bum
Speaker 1: bum bum bum, which is known as atomanopia, but he
Speaker 1: does it so beautifully. I love it so much. I
Speaker 1: like Michael Boublay. I love Kelly Clarkson. Do you want
Speaker 1: to turn back to clock a little bit? Neil Diamond Christmas.
Speaker 1: There are two that he released, and I like the
Speaker 1: first one. His version of Rudolph the Reindeer is hilarious
Speaker 1: because Neil Diamond starts like editorializing in the middle of it,
Speaker 1: just riffing in the studio and he'll be like, hey,
Speaker 1: well it means so mean to root uph just because
Speaker 1: he's a little different. It's awesome. You gotta kneel down Christmas.
Speaker 1: I listen, do it every year. Take number eight. I
Speaker 1: don't like the Christmas bags. They're just not the same.
Speaker 1: By the bags, I mean the gift bags. And I know,
Speaker 1: I think the hot thing now and my wife's usually
Speaker 1: on this beat that it's the wrapping paper is not
Speaker 1: good for the environment, and I get it. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't want to open a bag. I like a wrap gift.
Speaker 1: I like to tear it open. I like to find
Speaker 1: the little seam or pull it out. I like to
Speaker 1: we'll find out where the tape is the bag. You
Speaker 1: open it up, you pull it out. There's some perfunctory
Speaker 1: tissue paper and then this chunky thing at the bottom
Speaker 1: in this it's just not the same match. Plus, if
Speaker 1: a wood burning fireplace, and I like to take the
Speaker 1: wrapping paper and put it in the fireplace and make
Speaker 1: a raging inferno so hot it melts the chocolate and
Speaker 1: the stockings. That's what I like to do. Take number nine.
Speaker 1: Gift cards are a huge win. I don't look at
Speaker 1: the gift cards as the second class citizen of Christmas giving.
Speaker 1: That's money. Baby. If you're a kid and you get
Speaker 1: a gift card, so like game Stop or Apple or whatever,
Speaker 1: great you're telling me instead of picking out what I want,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna take this after donal being presence and
Speaker 1: go and just buy something that is exactly what I want.
Speaker 1: Give it to me every single time our back steakhouse.
Speaker 1: I don't care give me a gift card. Last thirty seconds.
Speaker 1: Take number ten on Christmas. I am so appreciative of you.
Speaker 1: This is a very special take for Take number ten.
Speaker 1: Very appreciative of you. It's surreal to me that there
Speaker 1: are so many options and so many podcasts, so many
Speaker 1: podcasts you right now you decided you're gonna click on
Speaker 1: this one. And not only you're gonna listen to it.
Speaker 1: You're gonna listen all the way to the end. That
Speaker 1: is so meaningful to me, so special, so sweet. I
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Have a very happy holiday and
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas. We'll do this again in the new year.
Speaker 1: I love you, guys, Thank you, See you next time.
Speaker 1: Woo ten Take is a production of the NFL in
Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. For more iHeartRadio pods, go to the
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