Speaker 1: Hi. I'm Vanessa Bayer and this is my brother Jonah.
Speaker 2: We're two siblings who love to talk about our childhood
Speaker 2: and nostalgia and how it shaped us into the people
Speaker 2: we are.
Speaker 3: Today, who are very excited for today's guests.
Speaker 2: Welcome to how did we get weird?
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm pretty pleased by our guest reaction to my pun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's very legitimate. Laughs.
Speaker 1: Yeah I do too.
Speaker 3: I'm like, wow, I feel like a freaking genius right now. Jonah,
Speaker 3: we're both so excited for our guests today. Not only
Speaker 3: do we love him, is he a friend, but we've
Speaker 3: both been to Europe with him, particularly to Amsterdam. And yeah, Jonah,
Speaker 3: do you remember that trip with Bill to Amsterdam when
Speaker 3: we were I guess we were on the train Wreck
Speaker 3: publicity tour.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so the movie came out summer two thousand and fifteen,
Speaker 2: so yeah, almost I guess ten nine years ago or something.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I flew over and met you. It's my
Speaker 2: only time flying on private planes, right, first class. Very
Speaker 2: exciting for me. I'm sure you two do this stuff
Speaker 2: all the time, all.
Speaker 3: The time, all the freaking time. Well, you know the
Speaker 3: other thing that was funny is when I got asked
Speaker 3: to do the tour. They were like, you can bring someone,
Speaker 3: and I think they meant a publicist.
Speaker 1: But I was like, cool, I'll bring my brother.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they were like okay, So that worked out
Speaker 3: for us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, worked out great. It was fun. I remember just
Speaker 2: hanging out with our guests and the other cast members.
Speaker 2: I think Amy and jud were there, and going to
Speaker 2: a lot of meals and then going to a lot
Speaker 2: of premieres of the movie and then everyone leaving as
Speaker 2: soon as the movie started.
Speaker 1: Right, that's a classic. That's a classic move.
Speaker 3: Well, let's introduce our guests so we can get into
Speaker 3: all the recount all the fun we had there with
Speaker 3: him in Amsterdam. Our guest today is an actor, comedian,
Speaker 3: and writer and producer and director who you may know
Speaker 3: from stuff he did with me like Saturday Night Live
Speaker 3: or the movie train Wreck, more from his hit show Barry,
Speaker 3: which honestly he also did with me for one episode.
Speaker 3: Please welcome our friend Bill Hayter.
Speaker 4: Hi've been as Hi, Jonah, Hey Bell, Hi.
Speaker 1: Do you remember going to Amsterdam with us?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I remember that very well. Yeah, that was wild. That
Speaker 4: was like, I mean, Jonah, I had never done that either.
Speaker 4: Where you know, you do the like rock Star thing
Speaker 4: where you're walking to a big not a small private jet,
Speaker 4: like an actual seven forty seven.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they remade it so that they turned it into
Speaker 3: a commercial plane into a private plane, right yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: It was a massive plane and we were we flew
Speaker 4: all over Europe in it. And then what I remember
Speaker 4: is I was reading a book called Amongst the Thugs
Speaker 4: about soccer huligans. That's a great book, by the way,
Speaker 4: because I was like, oh, I'm going to be amongst thug.
Speaker 5: Sure, maybe i'll see thugs, okay, like soccer hooligans, right right,
Speaker 5: of course I.
Speaker 4: Was really, you know, dumb. And then what I remember
Speaker 4: about those flights was I don't like flying, so I
Speaker 4: would I would drink hein Agen. I'm not even I'm
Speaker 4: not a drinker, and so I would drink hein Agin.
Speaker 4: And then that would lead to us going to Amsterdam.
Speaker 4: And I don't smoke weed, but I did smoke weed
Speaker 4: in Amsterdam.
Speaker 5: Both you guys, I feel.
Speaker 1: Like yes, yes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: And you and I.
Speaker 4: I just remember me and Vanessa kind of like everybody
Speaker 4: else was so cool and walking around and walking in
Speaker 4: the red light district and like, wow, this is wild
Speaker 4: and how cool it is and everyone's so cool in
Speaker 4: Vanessa and I were like holding onto each other like
Speaker 4: two eighth graders hanging out with seniors.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, I can't believe we're doing this.
Speaker 3: And then do you remember Bill that you went on
Speaker 3: seth Myers? You went on his show and I did
Speaker 3: like a bit with you about it, Yeah, and it
Speaker 3: was like you were he was interviewing you. And then
Speaker 3: I remember they were like, do you want to come
Speaker 3: in and do this bit with Bill? And I was
Speaker 3: like sure, And then it was truly I mean, it
Speaker 3: turned out it was so fun, but like when I
Speaker 3: got there, I was like, okay, so what am I doing?
Speaker 3: And everyone was like, oh, I thought you knew, like
Speaker 3: that nobody knew. And it's truly like, you know, how
Speaker 3: you have night like a nightmare or a classic nightmare
Speaker 3: would be like you're about to go on TV and
Speaker 3: you have no idea what you're supposed to do or say.
Speaker 3: That like sort of happened to me because everyone was like,
Speaker 3: I'm not really sure what you're supposed to do, and
Speaker 3: they're like, then, then I think I talked to you a little,
Speaker 3: and then I talked like we figured it out, but
Speaker 3: it was, like I do distinctly remember there were like
Speaker 3: maybe two writers or producers who were like thought the
Speaker 3: other one had like kind of outlined it.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: It was kind of like being at seven out Live,
Speaker 4: where it's like you how to talk to each other and.
Speaker 5: Go what are we doing?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I remember you calling me and I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: it's like the idea that we left you in Amsterdam
Speaker 4: and you came out, You're like Bill, and you had
Speaker 4: a sets Ses hat or someone's hat that said Amsterdam
Speaker 4: on it. You've got a hat that said Amsterdam on it,
Speaker 4: and you came out You're like, Bill, why didn't you
Speaker 4: leave me? You just kind of improvised a bunch of stuff,
Speaker 4: and it was really funny, and I was like, oh no, Vanessa,
Speaker 4: we left you there.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was like I was just getting back.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you just got back, and you're like, you guys
Speaker 5: ditched me.
Speaker 1: Well, it was really fun.
Speaker 4: It was very fun. I had a really I had
Speaker 4: a very good time with you guys. That was And yeah,
Speaker 4: I remember going to Dublin. Yeah, yeah, that's the first
Speaker 4: time in Dublin. This is kind of sad, but we
Speaker 4: got out of the car to go into the premiere
Speaker 4: and we had just been to like the Guinness factory.
Speaker 5: I remember it was like I don't drink.
Speaker 4: And I remember drinking hot yeah before we went it
Speaker 4: was like Guinness or you know whatever.
Speaker 5: And I was like, wow, this is so beautiful.
Speaker 4: And the guy was like, oh yeah, so you're having
Speaker 4: the premiere at this you know, storied theater. And we
Speaker 4: got out and the first thing I saw was a
Speaker 4: guy shooting of Heroin right in front of the feeder.
Speaker 1: Oh man, okay, and.
Speaker 5: The guy who was like our attach dude was like,
Speaker 5: get on it. He was like stay in the car,
Speaker 5: stay in the car, get on. He just screamed, and
Speaker 5: then the guy ran off and then he was like okay,
Speaker 5: now you could come in. It was so funny. Look
Speaker 5: like was he shooting Heroin? He's like.
Speaker 1: Do you remember too?
Speaker 3: That? Like everywhere we went we like would because like
Speaker 3: we were, we weren't getting paid to do this publicity tour,
Speaker 3: but they were trying to be really nice to us.
Speaker 3: So we would go out to dinner all the time
Speaker 3: and we would just order like sort of order stuff.
Speaker 3: I remember Jonah and I ordered caviar because like Amy
Speaker 3: and Kim were like, you guys should order caviar, like
Speaker 3: you should just try it.
Speaker 1: Why not it's and so we tried it. We had
Speaker 1: like two bites and we were like, we.
Speaker 5: Don't like this, and like a billion dollars.
Speaker 3: I think we also had real wasabi. That's right, I
Speaker 3: remember that. And it was our second dinner of the night.
Speaker 3: Remember that was when we went to that Japanese place.
Speaker 3: It was like our second dinner.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it was very extravagant. And then I remember going, oh,
Speaker 4: Amy and I are going to go to this pub
Speaker 4: where the guy from once right, yeah, And I said
Speaker 4: I'm not going and he said why. I'm like, because
Speaker 4: you guys are all gonna everyone's going to break out
Speaker 4: into song and I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't like it one a song, I think.
Speaker 4: And then there was a viral video of all them
Speaker 4: singing and everyone's like singing along and stuff and I
Speaker 4: don't know. I'm part Irish and I don't know what
Speaker 4: it is. I have like like I want to join
Speaker 4: in on that.
Speaker 5: I'm going to stay in bed.
Speaker 3: A couple have just gotten married and was there and
Speaker 3: they like couldn't believe that guy was there, and so
Speaker 3: they were like let's all sing or whatever.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah it was.
Speaker 4: I mean it looked like an amazing time that I
Speaker 4: did not again. I just was like can I just
Speaker 4: read in my room and jud was like, you're you know, well,
Speaker 4: now come out and I was like no, if.
Speaker 1: It makes you feel better.
Speaker 3: I remember them all singing and me being like I
Speaker 3: should know the words of the song that I don't,
Speaker 3: so me sort of being like faking, you know, like
Speaker 3: sort of being like, yeah, we all know this right.
Speaker 5: We were having a great time.
Speaker 4: I just my big feeling was like I started out
Speaker 4: that thing going, oh, this will be fun, and by
Speaker 4: the end of it, I was like a total part,
Speaker 4: Like just it was a lot. I feel like I
Speaker 4: have a memory of Kim or someone grabbing my book
Speaker 4: and hiding it like a plane.
Speaker 5: Like so I would talk to people.
Speaker 2: Got well, Bill, I wanted to say, speaking of Judge,
Speaker 2: I don't know if you remember this. I interviewed you, Yeah,
Speaker 2: when my first ever Yeah, one of your first interviews
Speaker 2: ever for Alternative Press about Super Bad in person in
Speaker 2: New York, and you were dressed up like a cop
Speaker 2: and you had this makeup to look like you had
Speaker 2: gotten beaten up.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and yeah, that was. That was the picture
Speaker 4: was me like looking like I got beat up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that was I think before Vanessa was on
Speaker 2: SNL and I remember we met and then you were like,
Speaker 2: do you want to go comic book shopping? We went
Speaker 2: to Midtown Comics. Yeah, we like hung out and it's
Speaker 2: so wild that later eight years later we would be
Speaker 2: hanging out in Europe.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was wild.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember that, like, let's go walk around and
Speaker 4: I'm going to go to Midtown Comics and yeah, back
Speaker 4: then I was super in a comic book because it's
Speaker 4: kind of like taber rough now, but yeah, I was.
Speaker 4: I was really into it back then. But I remember
Speaker 4: that it was like one of my first ever. They
Speaker 4: were like, what do you want the photo to be?
Speaker 4: And I was like, can I look like I got
Speaker 4: the shit kicked out of me? Because I read David
Speaker 4: Sedari's story that Amy Sadaris did that once where she
Speaker 4: was like I want to want you make me look like.
Speaker 5: I just got to shake down.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, that would be funny, and I
Speaker 4: did that, but yeah, that was really fun interview and
Speaker 4: then yeah, then we were there and yeah.
Speaker 2: I think we went off to lunch. I think I
Speaker 2: remember us talking a lot about music. We talked about
Speaker 2: you know, because you're from Oklahoma. We talked about the
Speaker 2: Flaming Lips and.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah one D Perc Yeah yeah,
Speaker 5: all that stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Now I'm texting with those guys. We will text every
Speaker 4: once in a while, just from the Oklahoma connection.
Speaker 5: It's really cool, amazing.
Speaker 3: I feel like when we when I started at Essenelli,
Speaker 3: you would be like you were always so plugged into.
Speaker 2: The south Park part.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, the South Park guys.
Speaker 5: You would always yeah yeah.
Speaker 4: I was working there, and it was so I would
Speaker 4: go there on our breaks sometimes at the show, like
Speaker 4: we would have like a hiatus week and I would
Speaker 4: go right out of South Park and then come back,
Speaker 4: and that was it was really fun. I've learned a lot,
Speaker 4: like a lot of the stuff because I took his
Speaker 4: learning experience, because like at SNL, we're writing sketches, but
Speaker 4: we're not really writing stories, like yeah, you know, and
Speaker 4: I wanted to learn how to do that. And I
Speaker 4: would like how they structured stuff. I just thought they're
Speaker 4: really smart. And so I hung out with those guys
Speaker 4: and it really was I was getting paid to hang out.
Speaker 4: Like I said, I really was just hanging out and
Speaker 4: watching it at work and then would laugh and pitch
Speaker 4: a joke out every once in a while, but it
Speaker 4: was really just learning. And then what I learned from
Speaker 4: being there off and on for almost like ten years, yeah, was.
Speaker 5: Like huge, you know in terms of the show.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it helps so much with Barry
Speaker 3: and that.
Speaker 1: How how many seasons was Barry on?
Speaker 5: It was four?
Speaker 1: Four?
Speaker 5: Wow?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, three and four were like right where it was
Speaker 4: like one and two were back to back and the
Speaker 4: pandemic happened, and then like three and four.
Speaker 5: Were back to back.
Speaker 1: Gotcha okay where it.
Speaker 4: Was like you're cutting season three while you're writing season
Speaker 4: four and it was just like yeah, So like in
Speaker 4: May when the show finished, I really did not It
Speaker 4: was like a I don't know, let's do it myself.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: It was a little little like mini breakdown of like
Speaker 4: you're like the way I described it, it just felt
Speaker 4: like for because I mean I was developing that show
Speaker 4: for Song Too, is like eight or nine years of
Speaker 4: just like cleinching your.
Speaker 5: Fists as hard.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And after that time, the last show aired and
Speaker 4: it was like someone was like, Okay, you can you
Speaker 4: can unclinch your fist and it was like, oh, you know, like, oh.
Speaker 1: My god, I've been holding it so tight.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like what I can't I can't feel it, I
Speaker 5: can't move it, you know, it's like my whole body
Speaker 5: and Psyche felt that way.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm still recovering. Yeah, that's so. It
Speaker 3: was such an amazing show.
Speaker 1: Bill.
Speaker 3: You were so funny and so great on it, and
Speaker 3: I think it just did such a good job of
Speaker 3: showing well, just your dark sense of humor, but also
Speaker 3: how good of an actor you are on top of
Speaker 3: you know, being such a funny guy. Because I feel
Speaker 3: like it's really like kind of at odds with like
Speaker 3: Stefan and by odds, I mean you know other stuff
Speaker 3: like you're very yeah, but both.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like the difference between like acting and performing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess that's right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you have to perform.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then it's like, oh, oh, it was hard
Speaker 4: to on SNL to show like behavior, yeah something.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you were good at it. The little boy that
Speaker 5: you would play an update the the Sarments.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was so funny because it was like it
Speaker 4: was like behavior was like part of the like what
Speaker 4: was funny about it? And it had great jokes, but
Speaker 4: it wasn't just playing out or whatever, you know.
Speaker 5: What I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think you did a lot of that
Speaker 1: stuff too.
Speaker 3: And I always loved doing sketches with you because I
Speaker 3: never like knew what I was going to get like,
Speaker 3: because sometimes you'd be like, you know, like laughing or
Speaker 3: trying to make all it like you just it was
Speaker 3: always like so fun.
Speaker 5: You were there once when I had a panic attack.
Speaker 5: Remember when I got well.
Speaker 3: That's kind of what I was getting towards. But I
Speaker 3: didn't know if you wanted to talk about.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I remember when I grab your arm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you were having an.
Speaker 5: Arm live on television.
Speaker 3: And was like, I thought because you were having an issue,
Speaker 3: like yeah, like I think you thought I was having
Speaker 3: an issue with like the que cards or something, or
Speaker 3: You're like it was everything okay, And I was like no,
Speaker 3: I just straight up had it like a yeah, you
Speaker 3: were like grabbing my arm and you were like is
Speaker 3: it like? And they was the sketch where I specifically remember.
Speaker 3: It was a sketch where someone's walking kids are walking
Speaker 3: down a high school hallway and and then they start
Speaker 3: walking in slow motion?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 2: Was it that?
Speaker 4: And I was the principal who came up and had
Speaker 4: to like go into the slow motion thing and I
Speaker 4: had to walk in slow motion for a bit and
Speaker 4: then like come out of it. Yeah, and Chris Kelly
Speaker 4: and Sarah Sarah wrote it and I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 4: and then I got out on my mark and suddenly
Speaker 4: lost all confidence that I could act in the slow motion,
Speaker 4: like I forgot how to do it, and I just
Speaker 4: panicked and I grabbed your arm and I was like, wait,
Speaker 4: I don't know what I'm doing. Like it was just
Speaker 4: this awful like blank Like I just was so like
Speaker 4: just so busy in the show and so tired that
Speaker 4: I just blanked.
Speaker 5: It was like, wait, what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that happens. It happens when you just have
Speaker 1: those moments.
Speaker 5: And I just froze. I was like, oh god, oh god,
Speaker 5: I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And you just grabbed my arm. And then
Speaker 1: I think we did it together, right, We had to
Speaker 1: go together.
Speaker 4: We both go into it. That's yeah, Yeah, you're right,
Speaker 4: that was what it was. We both like go and
Speaker 4: then had like out of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: But that's the crazy thing about SNL two is you
Speaker 3: never know.
Speaker 4: My mind just goes like you're live on television and
Speaker 4: you just I did Julian Assonage once when Jeff Bridges hosted,
Speaker 4: and I just I don't know what happened.
Speaker 5: I can't explain it.
Speaker 4: I just was like and Jenna, our stage manager, was like,
Speaker 4: I would cover my face and I had like a
Speaker 4: glass of line. I just kept putting it like higher
Speaker 4: in my face so people couldn't see it into my
Speaker 4: face because I was like freaking out. So I want
Speaker 4: to like put my head down, and she was motioning
Speaker 4: like what the glass down and stop?
Speaker 5: You know yeah, And.
Speaker 4: It's funny because in my mind it was like, oh,
Speaker 4: it's awful, and she could tell something was wrong. And
Speaker 4: then when I watch it back, it's I'm just rushing it.
Speaker 4: It just looks like, yeah, just it doesn't look that bad.
Speaker 4: It just looks like I can tell midway through the sketch,
Speaker 4: I just start rushing.
Speaker 5: I'm just like I need to get off their right now.
Speaker 5: So I'm like not being waiting for laughs.
Speaker 1: I'm just going, you know, yeah, yeah, totally totally.
Speaker 5: But Barry was great because you got to take two. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I was so impressed with euvanist, because I remember you
Speaker 4: doing a thing on Update and you're just like cool
Speaker 4: as a cucumber, and it like some of it worked
Speaker 4: and some of it didn't. It was like one of
Speaker 4: your first shows and you're on and I remember being
Speaker 4: on the floor and I.
Speaker 5: Was like, man, she is just cool as a cute.
Speaker 5: I'm like I would have rushed just.
Speaker 4: Like I was talking about, or panicked or whatever, and
Speaker 4: you just stayed it and came off stage. And I
Speaker 4: think I might even said to you. I was like,
Speaker 4: how did you do that?
Speaker 5: That was so good? That's like your second episode.
Speaker 1: That's so nice. You've said that to me before. That's
Speaker 1: really nice.
Speaker 5: I don't how you did that.
Speaker 3: I was probably faking it to an extent because I
Speaker 3: don't think I was cool as a cucumber.
Speaker 5: I thought you I was.
Speaker 4: I was behind the Wally and the Q cards just
Speaker 4: watching and I was like.
Speaker 5: Wow, that's so good. She's so good. And I remember
Speaker 5: at the party talking to like John malaneyly the.
Speaker 4: New girl Vanessa is so good. It was so good,
Speaker 4: and I was like, she was amazing. Remember I took
Speaker 4: you guys all out to dinner.
Speaker 5: You and h and Jay Pharaoh.
Speaker 1: You got us a private room.
Speaker 3: It was like we hadn't even started our first season yet,
Speaker 3: and you took me and Tarin and Jay Farrow and
Speaker 3: Paul Britton out to dinner.
Speaker 1: It was so nice.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know what you're laughing about.
Speaker 2: I have no idea what you're laughing about, Vanessa.
Speaker 4: So I remember taking you guys at dinner, and the
Speaker 4: big thing I remember was Jay Farrow was an amazing
Speaker 4: and he still has amazing at impressions and he ordered
Speaker 4: dessert at Gandelf. Yeah, and that's how I met the
Speaker 4: new the new people, and I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 4: And it was a really good Gandalf. I remember he ordered, like,
Speaker 4: do you guys want dessert? And he was like, oh
Speaker 4: I can. I can't do it, but it was really funny.
Speaker 4: And then yeah, you guys were all so good. And
Speaker 4: then do you remember your first table read where Fred
Speaker 4: Armisen told you, hey, before your first table read, you
Speaker 4: have to stand up and introduce yourself to everybody, right,
Speaker 4: like really, And.
Speaker 5: He's like, yeah, yeah, you got to get up and
Speaker 5: introduce yourself to everyone. That's like we all had to
Speaker 5: do that, and you're like, seriously, you were really nervous.
Speaker 5: And then and then I thought you were going to
Speaker 5: do it. I was like, the nast he's messing with
Speaker 5: with you was playing like you don't get up, get up.
Speaker 2: Speaking of impressions, that's a great Fred impression.
Speaker 5: Yeah, heym like you're supposed to get up with everybody, Jona.
Speaker 5: This is not nice either.
Speaker 4: But when your sister we would be in a table
Speaker 4: read and she sat next to me in the table
Speaker 4: at the table read, and there'd be a sketch and
Speaker 4: she would be reading along and I would whisper for her.
Speaker 5: You're not in this. It was like my version of
Speaker 5: hazing you.
Speaker 3: Because the thing is like sometimes when you're at that
Speaker 3: table read and you like realize how much stuff you're
Speaker 3: not in, it's almost like you want to like start
Speaker 3: crying or something because you're like, oh my god, nobody
Speaker 3: thought to.
Speaker 1: Put me in their thing. But it actually took so
Speaker 1: much of.
Speaker 3: The like seriousness out of it when you would be like, yes,
Speaker 3: you're not in this, because I was like, yeah, who cares,
Speaker 3: Like it's all like who cares?
Speaker 1: I don't know the fact that you.
Speaker 5: Were actually joking. Yeah.
Speaker 4: No, I remember my first season too. I would say
Speaker 4: my first three seasons, I would have a whole table
Speaker 4: read where I was. I could leave, Yeah, come back
Speaker 4: to second half. I'm not in anything in the first half.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the thing that I loved about sitting
Speaker 3: next to you too is you would you would like
Speaker 3: mess with me like that. And since I started doing comedy,
Speaker 3: like even when I was in Chicago, like having like
Speaker 3: the cooler people who've like been doing it longer, like
Speaker 3: mess with you.
Speaker 1: It's like a sign of love to me.
Speaker 3: Like, I feel like lightly bullying me is like the
Speaker 3: way that you that.
Speaker 5: People show they respected you. You saw you were good.
Speaker 4: He was like a respect thing, like you know. I
Speaker 4: was like, oh, you don't need to like pump her
Speaker 4: up because she's so clearly like so good and doing
Speaker 4: so well on the show. So it was like, oh,
Speaker 4: it's fun to kind of be.
Speaker 5: Like you're not and you would and you would go, oh,
Speaker 5: you're right, I'm not in this, like you would play
Speaker 5: like you would look at the back of the sketch
Speaker 5: like maybe for some reason they wrote on the back
Speaker 5: of the sketch, no, oh, I guess I'm not in it.
Speaker 5: You're right, thank you. That's really what of.
Speaker 1: Last we had and continue to have today.
Speaker 3: And I guess with that extremely excellent segue, we're going
Speaker 3: to take a quick commercial break and we'll be right
Speaker 3: back with Phil Hayter.
Speaker 2: And we're back. Before we get into today's topic, I
Speaker 2: had one more kind of quick SNL related question for you.
Speaker 2: I recently rewatched the Crisis of Conformity sketch. I'm very
Speaker 2: into punk rock, and I noticed I never noticed before
Speaker 2: that you're actually playing bass. Yeah, You're really playing Yeah?
Speaker 2: Do you know how to play bass? Did you learn
Speaker 2: that song just for the sketch or so?
Speaker 4: I also was very much into punk rock music still am,
Speaker 4: but very much when I was a teenager. And so
Speaker 4: when we did documentary now the fake bands that we have,
Speaker 4: no I'm actually playing on those, like for Blueching Committee
Speaker 4: as pattern, I'm playing as well.
Speaker 2: To be playing on TV with Dave Grohl as like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was fa playing with Dave grole and rehearsing that,
Speaker 4: and people thought I think it kind of because I
Speaker 4: remember Kristen looking at me going Kristen Wig going like, wait, Bill,
Speaker 4: are you actually playing like in between stuff like yeah,
Speaker 4: And then on air it was crazy because we had
Speaker 4: to cut that down for time that that that song
Speaker 4: and and so as we were walking up, they said.
Speaker 4: Fred just walked up to me and was like, we're
Speaker 4: cutting the second chorus. Cutting the second chorus, so we're
Speaker 4: just doing the chorus once. And I turned around and
Speaker 4: just looked at Dave like we're cutting the second chorus
Speaker 4: and he went okay, and I just.
Speaker 5: And Fred was like just wat sweet. You know. It
Speaker 5: was like one of the things.
Speaker 4: And then the thing I remember about that episode was
Speaker 4: we did that and I was like, wow, man, that
Speaker 4: went great. And I went upstairs and Ethan Cohen from
Speaker 4: the Coen Brothers was in the audience, and it was
Speaker 4: a Jay Todd Anderson. There's the storyboard artist who's also
Speaker 4: a musician, Like he's a great country musician, and so
Speaker 4: I was that was a big thrill for me just
Speaker 4: because I'm a fan of those guys. So it was
Speaker 4: kind of a mind blower of playing bass with David.
Speaker 4: It was like if the fifth ten year old me
Speaker 4: would have been like, you're going to play bass with
Speaker 4: Dave Grohl and go upstairsing me Dcy Colin and you're
Speaker 4: gonna be outside alive, I'd be like.
Speaker 5: What you know? It was.
Speaker 4: I was on a high after that for like, yeah,
Speaker 4: like three weeks. I just thought it was so cool.
Speaker 4: Yeah that Ariston Kutcher hosted that show, and then Croocket
Speaker 4: Cultures was the musical guest, and that was one on
Speaker 4: my yeah, top three SML memories.
Speaker 5: Probably was going to do that.
Speaker 2: It's such an incredible song. I mean it really sounds
Speaker 2: like an eighties Punks. I mean it's so perfect.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, he wrote that, and then I think the
Speaker 4: Crisis of Conformity and some of it might have been
Speaker 4: Eric ken word and writers on the show helped out
Speaker 4: with some of that stuff.
Speaker 3: Well, we want to get into your topic for today,
Speaker 3: which we really thought was funny, which is sneaking into movies,
Speaker 3: which is something that we both did as kids as well. Now, Bill,
Speaker 3: why did you want to talk about sneaking into movies?
Speaker 4: Well, it was just a very great Well, I enjoyed it.
Speaker 4: I enjoyed doing that when I was a kid because
Speaker 4: it was a feeling of I can handle this stuff,
Speaker 4: you know. Yeah, but he's saying that I'm a kid
Speaker 4: and I can't handle watching adult movies. But I can
Speaker 4: handle it. And then you would go in and in
Speaker 4: my case, most of the time I did it, I
Speaker 4: would go in and I would find out I couldn't handle.
Speaker 4: But I was like there was always something in it that,
Speaker 4: you know, really freaked me out, you know, or but
Speaker 4: those were like real experiences I'll always remember, you know,
Speaker 4: as I get Yeah, mine was just turns to mush
Speaker 4: and it's like it's like two fall and it's like
Speaker 4: I can't remember things and stuff, but I will remember vividly,
Speaker 4: you know, sneaking into movies.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what were some of the movies that you snuck into?
Speaker 2: Do you remember?
Speaker 5: Well? I can.
Speaker 4: Most of them were in tulsok I mean, I grew
Speaker 4: up in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and there was a movie theater
Speaker 4: called Annex seven that's not there anymore, but I used
Speaker 4: to go in there and I snuck into. I remember
Speaker 4: having to see some kids movie and my parents went
Speaker 4: to go see Bright Lights, Big City with Michael J. Fox,
Speaker 4: and I was like, you know, a big back to
Speaker 4: the Future and you know, family ties, and I just
Speaker 4: he was like my idol when I was a kid,
Speaker 4: and I couldn't believe he was in a movie that
Speaker 4: was great a r sure, And my mom goes told me,
Speaker 4: he does cocaine in the movie.
Speaker 5: You can't watch this because he does cocaine. And so
Speaker 5: I snuck into the movie and watched him in the
Speaker 5: back and this is confusing, like all these people moping around.
Speaker 5: But that was one total recall was one.
Speaker 4: But the big one was when I was nine years old,
Speaker 4: I got like a ticket to go see the Land
Speaker 4: Before Time or something like that with my sister, and
Speaker 4: then I snuck into RoboCop and I was like, this
Speaker 4: is gonna be awesome, because I thought RoboCop was gonna
Speaker 4: be like Star Wars or something, but.
Speaker 2: A cop okay.
Speaker 4: And then the ED two nine scene comes up where
Speaker 4: this ED two o nine robot malfunctions and it shoots
Speaker 4: this guy in an office, and it was one of
Speaker 4: the goorioesst most violent things I had ever seen, where
Speaker 4: I mean, this guy gets shot like a hundred times
Speaker 4: and it blows his arm off and like you know,
Speaker 4: blood is just flying everywhere, and I got so scared
Speaker 4: that the rest of the movie, I was just staring
Speaker 4: at my feet and I just made a huge mistake.
Speaker 4: And I just remember so vividly just staring at my shoes,
Speaker 4: you know, and just waiting for them and just frozen.
Speaker 5: And made a big mistaken. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Yeah, yeah, my memory, I've never successfully
Speaker 3: snuck into a movie. One time, my friends and I
Speaker 3: decided to go. We wanted to go see Fear, but
Speaker 3: we were We got there really late, and by the
Speaker 3: time we got to the theater, like all the movies
Speaker 3: had started, so the lobby was completely empty. But we
Speaker 3: were still determined to do it. So we bought tickets
Speaker 3: to James and the Giant Peach and we were like,
Speaker 3: we're going to just buy tickets to James and the
Speaker 3: Giants Peach, and we're going to sneak into this r
Speaker 3: movie and like no one's gonna be the wiser, even
Speaker 3: though literally we're the only people in the lobby. Like yeah,
Speaker 3: So we did that, and like as soon as we
Speaker 3: sat down, they kicked us out, and so I went
Speaker 3: So I went up to the like the usher of
Speaker 3: the person working at the ticket booth, and I was like,
Speaker 3: just so you know, my dad's a lawyer. He's not,
Speaker 3: but I said, just you know, my dad's a lawyer,
Speaker 3: and he's going to come back here and he's going
Speaker 3: to sue you.
Speaker 1: And so then I went home and.
Speaker 3: Think I was like okay, And then I went home
Speaker 3: and I told my dad what happened, and he kind
Speaker 3: of did it.
Speaker 1: He went in and he pretended.
Speaker 3: To be a lawyer the next week because it was
Speaker 3: the movie theater was really close to his work, so
Speaker 3: it was like easy for him to do. So he
Speaker 3: went in and I think it's unclear, but I think
Speaker 3: he said he was a lawyer. But instead of threatening,
Speaker 3: he took a different, probably smarter move from an attorney,
Speaker 3: which was he was like, look, they're just kids. They
Speaker 3: spent their money on this, can you just like give
Speaker 3: them refund them or whatever. So we got ticket vouchers,
Speaker 3: so the person there got ticket boucher's But again unclear
Speaker 3: if my dad said it as a lawyer or not.
Speaker 5: Like if you put on that persona yeah, your dad
Speaker 5: went and saw fear.
Speaker 1: Got all the vouchers.
Speaker 5: And they kicked him.
Speaker 2: It was like, oh my gosh, I actually snuck into
Speaker 2: more movies than I'd like to admit. As an adult,
Speaker 2: I used to I had a routine where I'd get
Speaker 2: I got a movie pass when that was a thing,
Speaker 2: and I'd go to the Unions Square theater, use a
Speaker 2: movie pass, and then stick around once I'm in the
Speaker 2: in the theater and see other movies, which was pretty good.
Speaker 2: I remember sneaking this movie called My Bloody Valentine, this
Speaker 2: horror movie. Oh yeah, I went in. I sat down
Speaker 2: and realized very quickly it was a three D movie
Speaker 2: and I had snuck in, so I didn't have the classes.
Speaker 2: And so if you've ever watched a three D movie
Speaker 2: without classes in the theater, yeah, it's nausea. It's pretty tough. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I had to go down and make up some
Speaker 2: story like I lost my glasses. I got a pair
Speaker 2: of it. But yeah, I used to do that kind
Speaker 2: of good way to kill about six hours.
Speaker 4: No, it's I love it. Wait the Fear has that
Speaker 4: really a scene on the roller coaster? Right, That's like yeah,
Speaker 4: that was like, yeah, the stabled scene.
Speaker 3: That's like, yeah, we're Mark Wahlberg, Fingers Reese, Witherspoon and coaster.
Speaker 1: It's actually a really violent movie.
Speaker 3: And every time it's on TV, I start watching it
Speaker 3: and the ending is sort of like it's one of
Speaker 3: those movies. Well, I'm so sorry to anyone who's listening
Speaker 3: who hasn't seen it, but I'm gonna spoil the ending
Speaker 3: if you want it. But the ending is like they
Speaker 3: kill Mark Wahlberg and then it's kind of over. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and it's sort of like, come.
Speaker 2: On, guys, Yeah, what else, Let's.
Speaker 1: See everyone doing great.
Speaker 3: And also it's really shocking to see Alyssa Milano be
Speaker 3: like kind of like a sexy bad girl when you're
Speaker 3: used to her being on Who's the Boss.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, that must be weird.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, weird.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was like a movie that was like very
Speaker 4: that went around. It was like, especially the girls, like
Speaker 4: oh my god, Fear. It's like, oh my god.
Speaker 5: I saw it. You know, they'd be just walking around
Speaker 5: a little shell shot.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I get that you'd be confused with Cape Fear,
Speaker 2: which I remember seeing in the theater, and that came
Speaker 2: out in ninety one, so I would have only been
Speaker 2: like twelve or thirty. Maybe I snuck into that because
Speaker 2: I feel like that feels like an old movie to see
Speaker 2: as like a twelve year old. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I saw that when I was thirty. Yeah, I came
Speaker 4: out when I was thirteen. Yeah, that movie's really great
Speaker 4: but also pretty violent.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a scene where Robert de Niro bites Illana
Speaker 4: Douglas's like a cheek, right, Like he bites her face
Speaker 4: and tears her cheek off, and it's like really disturbing.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that one was a big one, and for some
Speaker 4: reason I stuck in to see the movie always.
Speaker 5: I don't know why.
Speaker 4: I think I was seeing Back to the Future two
Speaker 4: and I didn't like it. So then I walked into
Speaker 4: all Ways, which was like it's a Steven Spielberg movie.
Speaker 4: That's it's a good movie called a Guy named Joe.
Speaker 4: But it was about like Richard Dreyfus and Holly Hunter
Speaker 4: and John Goodman and they flew planes that like were
Speaker 4: that put out fourst flat fires, okay, and it's like
Speaker 4: a I had like amazing plane sequences in it, Like
Speaker 4: I was like, wow, that was phenomenal.
Speaker 5: Pat sneaking into that one.
Speaker 4: But then I worked at a movie theater, so then
Speaker 4: I had like when I was twenty said, then my
Speaker 4: job was like kicking, like I knew all the flats.
Speaker 4: So then I was like, yeah, guys are sneaking into stuff,
Speaker 4: and weirdly certain movies like fight should break out on
Speaker 4: certain movies, and then that were weird like Truman Show.
Speaker 4: For some reason Truman Show, like people would start fighting
Speaker 4: in the theater and I was like, this is happening.
Speaker 4: This is not an aggressive movie at all.
Speaker 5: I remember hearing a guy outside inside the theater, just
Speaker 5: someone yell, you want to go, and we all went
Speaker 5: help with We all ran in there and we're like okay,
Speaker 5: wait wait wait wait wait.
Speaker 4: And and then a lot of people had sex in
Speaker 4: the movie theater during.
Speaker 5: The movie. He got game okay, and so he got
Speaker 5: game would play. Everyone would start.
Speaker 4: It would just be some one going, we got another
Speaker 4: couple having sex and he got gay, and you would
Speaker 4: be like, oh my god. This was then tempe Arizona okay,
Speaker 4: and so it was weird. But yeah, I don't remember,
Speaker 4: but yeah, I knew everybody, Like I knew the kids
Speaker 4: would buy like you know something, but then like, yeah,
Speaker 4: like the kind of darker, weirder r rated movie. You
Speaker 4: would just be like And sometimes I would be like
Speaker 4: yeah too, Chae.
Speaker 5: You guys go.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, did you have Like what was the setup
Speaker 3: of your theater because like I, well, I guess the
Speaker 3: one you grew up with and the one that you
Speaker 3: worked at, because when we were growing up, Jonah, I'm
Speaker 3: thinking of the soul In Commons.
Speaker 1: Like there were some.
Speaker 3: Video games and stuff outside of the theater, so it
Speaker 3: was actually a place where.
Speaker 1: People would kind of hang out.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, so there was sort of like this whole
Speaker 3: scene going on, and because no one could drive, it
Speaker 3: was like I guess you hang out before and after
Speaker 3: the movie kind of.
Speaker 1: In the theater.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we would. Annex seven was that way.
Speaker 4: There was like video you know, video games, and and
Speaker 4: then it was across the street from the promenade mall,
Speaker 4: which so that was the thing. You would, you know,
Speaker 4: walk across the street to the promenade and go to
Speaker 4: the food court or whatever.
Speaker 5: And it was like whoa, we are adults.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you can believe this. We had a place
Speaker 3: called cap Ginos by on the movie theater and you
Speaker 3: could go get like a Cafe Moco with a ton
Speaker 3: of like chocolate, very sophisticated, very sophisticated, and like if
Speaker 3: a fight broke out at Cappuccinos, it was like whoa,
Speaker 3: yeah these are drinking espresso are also Yeah.
Speaker 5: It's like easy. Everybody has Expressos, everybody has cappuccinos. Wait,
Speaker 5: this is delicate. Yeah, yeah that was a big deal.
Speaker 5: Is it made you just just sneaking into movies in general?
Speaker 5: It's just it was just that time when like you
Speaker 5: weren't they were telling you you weren't old enough to
Speaker 5: see something.
Speaker 4: You know, Yeah, I would go up and I remember
Speaker 4: really wanted to see Boys in the Hood and they
Speaker 4: were like, no, you know, you can't. And then they
Speaker 4: had people at I remember they had people stationed wow things,
Speaker 4: so we couldn't sneak into it because a lot of
Speaker 4: people would try to sneak into it, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that was like a big movie at the time, like
Speaker 4: it was. I mean, I were so badly wanted to
Speaker 4: see that movie and and you couldn't and then but
Speaker 4: and uh, but yeah. The thing I miss about going
Speaker 4: to a lot of movies like that is, yeah, the
Speaker 4: feeling that you're saying John of like, oh, you go
Speaker 4: see something and you can go into another thing, or
Speaker 4: if you didn't like the movie or watching, you would
Speaker 4: just walk into another one yep, and see how that
Speaker 4: one was and be like, oh, this is actually pretty good.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 4: That Love was always really fun I remember my dad
Speaker 4: is My dad's pretty funny. And I remember we went
Speaker 4: to go see the movie My Blue Heaven and we
Speaker 4: watched that movie and then we had to be someplace,
Speaker 4: but we still had like three hours to kill so
Speaker 4: he was like, do you want to see another movie?
Speaker 4: And we snuck into Dark Man the same Raemi movie
Speaker 4: with leam Ni Yep, and we went into that film
Speaker 4: and there was there's only two skater guys in the
Speaker 4: theater and my dad was like, here, follow me, and
Speaker 4: we went to the front of the theater and the
Speaker 4: skater guys were kind of in the middle of the
Speaker 4: theater and my dad I just went down each row
Speaker 4: looking up at the screen and You're like, no, this.
Speaker 5: He isn't good. No, this he isn't good. And we
Speaker 5: just went and he sat right in front of them
Speaker 5: because oh, these are perfect and we just sat right
Speaker 5: in front of them and the guys are like, come on, dude,
Speaker 5: and my dad just thought it was really funny. And
Speaker 5: then they moved.
Speaker 2: That is so funny.
Speaker 5: But it took a while where he was like, no,
Speaker 5: let me move, look at the screen. No, no.
Speaker 2: How would you describe the feeling like there's something so
Speaker 2: satisfying at that age, especially like doing something you're not
Speaker 2: supposed to do, like like you're told you can't do this,
Speaker 2: and then you're like, but I can do it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean there was something that was like a
Speaker 5: soft version of, you know, of disobeying authority or something.
Speaker 5: You know. Yeah, it was because at home you could
Speaker 5: watch those things, right, Yeah, at home they were on television,
Speaker 5: so it was like why can't like why you know,
Speaker 5: as a kid, it was I'm seeing you know, R
Speaker 5: rated films, and you know, my parents are renting stuff,
Speaker 5: and my parents were not that they didn't really care
Speaker 5: that much what we want.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so we just kind of watched whatever. And so
Speaker 4: it was this kind of like I'm already fucked up.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 5: It's like, you know, you won't let me see boys
Speaker 5: in the hood. It's like I saw clockwork warnings last night.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can handle it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm fine, and they're like, you don't look fun.
Speaker 2: It's like those parental advisory stickers and records that area,
Speaker 2: like I can handle the screen drig record, like they swear.
Speaker 5: To exactly exactly. It's like, it's fine, you're gonna We're
Speaker 5: gonna be yeah, And then I got it because I
Speaker 5: you know, you go there and you would really hate
Speaker 5: some people worked at movie theaters because they're like just
Speaker 5: getting off on their authority. And then when I worked
Speaker 5: at movie theater, I just so got off of my authority.
Speaker 5: I can't bring food in here, put it back, you know.
Speaker 3: The the other thing that's really funny about a movie
Speaker 3: theater is like everybody goes there. I guess the point
Speaker 3: I'm getting at is I remember I have such a
Speaker 3: visceral memory of like being in high school and going
Speaker 3: to a movie and my fifth grade homeroom teacher was
Speaker 3: there with his daughter, and I remember being like, what
Speaker 3: the fuck this guy doesn't live at school, Like I
Speaker 3: remember just being like, uh, hi'm mister. Like I just
Speaker 3: remember being like what do I do when I'm in
Speaker 3: the public life with my teacher, like absolutely losing my mind,
Speaker 3: and he was like, this is my daughter, And I
Speaker 3: was like, what, No, did you get school?
Speaker 5: You're like a robot at this like hours down when
Speaker 5: we leave.
Speaker 1: Yes, And then a rumor started.
Speaker 3: We had someone in our podcast from our high school
Speaker 3: who a rumor started at the commons, like the area
Speaker 3: next to the movie theater where two teachers were having
Speaker 3: dinner together.
Speaker 5: Oh my god. Wow.
Speaker 1: And then they ended up getting married, of course.
Speaker 5: But that's a big deal.
Speaker 4: That's like really, Yeah, the movie theater is kind of
Speaker 4: the hub of a lot of you know, crazy town intrigue. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 4: because everybody is there to get out, you know. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: I remember all that stuff. Yes, the same thing where
Speaker 4: you would see somebody. Yeah, I just remember that. I
Speaker 4: have nothing like I just remember that, right. I was
Speaker 4: trying to think about a story, but I don't.
Speaker 1: Sorry, No, that's great, that's great. I had a very
Speaker 1: visceral one.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, look, we're going to take a quick commercial
Speaker 3: break and we'll be right back with our absolute bud,
Speaker 3: Bill Hayter.
Speaker 1: And so here we are.
Speaker 3: We're back with our friend, Bill Hater, and we're going
Speaker 3: to play a fun game. I guess Bill, are you
Speaker 3: ready for to have an absolute blast with a fun game?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Oh, by the way, do you have anything else to
Speaker 3: say about movies before we move on? And any any
Speaker 3: do you want to shout out to any other movies
Speaker 3: you snuck into or.
Speaker 4: I snuck into Misery whoa, Oh yeah.
Speaker 5: That was a big one. I snuck into Sounds of
Speaker 5: the Lambs when I was thirteen. Whoa, that was a
Speaker 5: huge one. I teared the shit out of me, especially
Speaker 5: the end. I was so freaked out. And then the
Speaker 5: first rate of.
Speaker 4: Movie that that I paid for and was able to
Speaker 4: go in with pulp fiction. Wow, I was like, wow,
Speaker 4: it was the first time. I was sixteen by that point,
Speaker 4: and I was still not technically allowed in, but I
Speaker 4: think because they drove up and I had like a goatee,
Speaker 4: they were like they didn't.
Speaker 1: Sure, you know, that's really cool.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to think of the first movie that I
Speaker 3: could get into legitimately as an R movie, and I
Speaker 3: mostly don't see our movies, so I can't think of it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh, I snuck into Popcorn. There's like a horror
Speaker 4: film called Popcorn.
Speaker 5: Look into that.
Speaker 4: Oh and another Georgia Mary movie called The Dark Half,
Speaker 4: what is based on a Stephen King book.
Speaker 3: It's not going to that too, like go Tea getting in? No, no,
Speaker 3: go tea. Sorry that was a snake.
Speaker 5: I had a real ben affleck and chasing any kind
Speaker 5: of look got it, got it, got it?
Speaker 4: And yeah they just let me in. They're like, well,
Speaker 4: well we didn't know you were here.
Speaker 5: Absolutely amazing.
Speaker 3: Well, now we're going to play a really fun game
Speaker 3: because we love to have fun with you. And so
Speaker 3: basically this game is called Legit Moan or Unnecessary Grown,
Speaker 3: And it was inspired by this segment that used to
Speaker 3: be in the Cleveland Plain Dealer, which was like our
Speaker 3: local newspaper, where people would write in with different complaints.
Speaker 1: It was called Monday moaning, and we always would make fun.
Speaker 3: Of it when we were kids, and now we get
Speaker 3: into the archives and we still make fun of it.
Speaker 3: So basically, we picked three of them, and we're gonna
Speaker 3: decide whether we think they're a legit moan.
Speaker 1: Legit moan meaning it's a legit complaint, or an unnecessary.
Speaker 2: Groan, unnecessary grown.
Speaker 1: Meaning it is not.
Speaker 2: Okay, I can get us started. These are all keep
Speaker 2: the mind. Also, these are all like ten to twelve
Speaker 2: years old, right.
Speaker 1: Because it's a now defunct common Oh okay.
Speaker 2: See this first one comes from Westlake, Ohio, and it's
Speaker 2: related to our topic today. It says, to the self
Speaker 2: righteous idiot who sat in front of us at the
Speaker 2: movie theater last night and asked us to stop talking.
Speaker 2: People were just arriving and the movie was twenty minutes
Speaker 2: away from starting. I get being quiet during a performance,
Speaker 2: but I don't see the harm of talking to your
Speaker 2: friends before the performance. He needs to get a life bill.
Speaker 2: Do you think this is a legit moan or an
Speaker 2: unnecessary groan talking before the movie starts?
Speaker 5: Hey, it's a legit moan, right, yeah, legit, I would say, so.
Speaker 3: I just think you don't have to say to the
Speaker 3: if you start with to the self righteous idiot self.
Speaker 4: Right, idiot, that's you're holding that in for a while,
Speaker 4: like self like just dickhead, no let me, I can't
Speaker 4: do it self, Like yeah, moron, Moren's a little soft?
Speaker 2: Where do you two stand on talking like during previews?
Speaker 5: I don't care about that.
Speaker 2: I got confronted by an adult during a movie as
Speaker 2: me and my friends are being very loud during this
Speaker 2: Michael Keaton movie, I think my life. It's like a
Speaker 2: very oh yeah, yeah, it's a very sad movie.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And it was me and a bunch of teenage kids
Speaker 2: going laughing, making jokes. I remember this adult came over us.
Speaker 2: It was like I'm not scared of you guys, Like
Speaker 2: was like calling us out, and we were just like
Speaker 2: laughing so hard. We were so immature. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I remember someone saying crushing Tiger hitting dragon, and a
Speaker 5: dad started reading the subtitles out loud to his kid
Speaker 5: as he's like, I'm princess, but like he was given
Speaker 5: we must go on a quest, and that quest is
Speaker 5: a book.
Speaker 4: And I went over to him like can you please
Speaker 4: stop reading? So he said, who is it? Bothering, and
Speaker 4: I said, and I just kind of pointed to the
Speaker 4: whole movie, like all of this, it's bothering, all of this.
Speaker 4: And then I remember seeing American Beauty and at the
Speaker 4: beginning of that movie, thora Birch is like, I want
Speaker 4: to kill my dad. I want my dad dead, and
Speaker 4: then Wes Bentley goes, you want me to kill him?
Speaker 4: And she goes would you, and the guy behind me
Speaker 4: went ooh, I know what that's like? That funny like
Speaker 4: people talking during the movie like that will never get old.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes it works. Yeah, it makes me laugh.
Speaker 5: It's so hard when it's funny.
Speaker 1: That's really funny.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree that this person is in the right
Speaker 3: in saying that twenty minutes before a movie starts is okay.
Speaker 3: But I will say I'm guilty of being a person
Speaker 3: who does talk to your question, Jonah, who does talk
Speaker 3: during previous, because I find previous hard to not make
Speaker 3: fun of because I'll always go like like I always
Speaker 3: think that I've got a real singer, where I'll go like,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to be seeing that, and then I
Speaker 3: feel like the people around me are always so annoyed
Speaker 3: because they're like, who the hell is this person, and
Speaker 3: why is she talking like I just.
Speaker 1: Always like want to go like, uh huh uh huh
Speaker 1: not for me.
Speaker 5: I can't wait not to see that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, why the hell would I see that?
Speaker 1: Especially if it's like a like scary torture movie.
Speaker 3: Then I think I personally get sort of offended by
Speaker 3: those existing and so then I'm just like, am I
Speaker 3: going to run out here to see this? The answer
Speaker 3: is no, Like I just I've got to. As you
Speaker 3: can tell, I've got a lot of versions of it.
Speaker 3: I've been kind of given him different versus.
Speaker 1: You, but yeah, I do them.
Speaker 5: All of them. I'm sure it looks like I'm gonna
Speaker 5: skip that one. Hey about I can't wait not to
Speaker 5: give you my honey.
Speaker 3: How about I'll be at that movie at a quarter
Speaker 3: to never at a quarter to never.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I like that, And you go, I didn't even
Speaker 5: see the first one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, I'm going to see the sequel.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 1: Guess What'll.
Speaker 5: Just keep saying psych. I'll see that psych.
Speaker 1: An opposite day, and guess what.
Speaker 3: It is that that's I love polistic burns And the
Speaker 3: other thing on this topic that I noticed though, I
Speaker 3: think it was the last time I was at a movie.
Speaker 3: You know how they show the Nicole Kidman thing at
Speaker 3: the beginning of a lot of movies where she's like
Speaker 3: the theater, like people come here, chios a place to
Speaker 3: relax or whatever she says at the beginning.
Speaker 5: That's what she does.
Speaker 2: That sounded just like to relax.
Speaker 1: A place.
Speaker 3: Wait, I'm going to try and do it the movies,
Speaker 3: a place to dream, a place to the watch the
Speaker 3: magic of the screen on your screen, all together in person,
Speaker 3: coming to the movies to see the movie, to see
Speaker 3: a film. All here, we all the magic of theater,
Speaker 3: the movie theater.
Speaker 4: It's like something like it was really like that. People
Speaker 4: will be like not seeing this thing.
Speaker 3: Well, what was really funny is I think it's gotten
Speaker 3: Like now everyone's seen that video a thousand times. The
Speaker 3: last time I went to a movie, everyone cheered for
Speaker 3: her at the end, which I thought was a collective
Speaker 3: version of talking during the previous which is like everyone
Speaker 3: just making fun of it.
Speaker 1: I liked it, Bill, you do it?
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, I don't think I've seen it.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think I've seen anything.
Speaker 3: Well, it's only AMC Theater, so you have to go
Speaker 3: to AMC. If you go to an AMC theater. I
Speaker 3: think because of COVID, they started having her do this
Speaker 3: intro to it to be like you're doing the right
Speaker 3: thing by coming to see the movie in person. Like theaters,
Speaker 3: there's a magic here that only exists here. But it's
Speaker 3: sort of like they've been using it so long that
Speaker 3: people haven't memorized now, especially I'm sure people who are
Speaker 3: like AMC members and exclusively see movies at AMC theaters,
Speaker 3: and people make fun of it now, But you two
Speaker 3: seem to be the only two people in the university
Speaker 3: you've ever seen it. So I guess it's my lucky day. Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm going to read the book Monday, John, What do
Speaker 3: you think?
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, legit?
Speaker 1: Okay, here it comes.
Speaker 3: If your kids are getting the school bus which stops
Speaker 3: at the end of your driveway to pick them up,
Speaker 3: they should be there waiting to get on the bus,
Speaker 3: not standing in the doorway, not waiting in your van.
Speaker 3: They should be ready and prepared to get on the
Speaker 3: bus when it arrives. If they aren't, the bus should
Speaker 3: just leave. Just sign me quote crank shaft. Do your
Speaker 3: kids take a bus to school? Did they take the bus?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: Did you take the bus when you were little, Yeah
Speaker 3: I did. Were you pretty on time for it?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 4: This bus stop was right across the street from my house,
Speaker 4: so it was like super easy. I always had a
Speaker 4: fear that the bus would somehow skip our stop on
Speaker 4: the way home, so it was always I would always
Speaker 4: sit very close to the bus driver and every time
Speaker 4: be like, we're next.
Speaker 3: I feel like you really acted differently than Jonah and
Speaker 3: I because Jonah and I only had to go to
Speaker 3: the end of our driveway, and we would we would
Speaker 3: always miss.
Speaker 2: You'd be rushing, get in the back, back at in
Speaker 2: your lunch, like almost ready, and then you just see
Speaker 2: it just drive right by, waiting for those two.
Speaker 3: I was always so upsetting. We would, yeah, we would
Speaker 3: just not be able to get there on time. And
Speaker 3: like once in a while, if we got like halfway
Speaker 3: down the drive, like if they could see us, they
Speaker 3: would stop for us, but it almost never happened. We
Speaker 3: would just watch it just drive by, and it was
Speaker 3: so depressing. And the other thing is we do we're
Speaker 3: the opposite of you. I can't even count how many
Speaker 3: times I would be like talking to my friends or
Speaker 3: whatever on the bus ride home and I would miss
Speaker 3: my stop, and then I would have to wait for
Speaker 3: them to do the whole Yeah, they'd have to do
Speaker 3: every stop, and then they'd come back to your house
Speaker 3: to drop you off, and you were last, and it
Speaker 3: was so depressing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think this is unnecessary. I agree. I mean
Speaker 2: it's like, when I drive to work now, it's very
Speaker 2: cold where I live. I see kids standing waiting for
Speaker 2: the school bus and I feel so bad for them.
Speaker 2: You know, it's like thirty degrees out there, just standing there,
Speaker 2: and it's like for someone for them to wait somewhere warm,
Speaker 2: and you got to wait in your car for like
Speaker 2: five extra seconds. Yeah, it's like, yeah, you give these
Speaker 2: kids a break. That's that's an unnecessary group. Yeah. Thanks
Speaker 2: on agreement, all right, I'll agre read the last one. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Garfield Heights. This one says, after all the horrific stories
Speaker 2: about what happened on Black Friday, let me add one
Speaker 2: that I see three hundred and sixty five days a
Speaker 2: year irresponsible moms who keep shopping and walking and being
Speaker 2: distracted by their own needs. They treat crying, whining kids
Speaker 2: at their side as if they weren't there. They are
Speaker 2: a menace to shoppers and to our mental health. So
Speaker 2: what do you think about this? Do you think this
Speaker 2: is legit complaint? Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5: I don't Yeah, I don't think so.
Speaker 4: I have three kids, and yeah, sometimes you just got
Speaker 4: to power through. I mean there's no right, yeah, leave No,
Speaker 4: I just have been in the position. I mean it's
Speaker 4: like when you're on an airplane or something and you
Speaker 4: have a little kid and you see everybody go oh
Speaker 4: and they like roll their eyes and they're so mad,
Speaker 4: and you're like, I can't there's nothing to do about this,
Speaker 4: right Yeah, yeah, you know, and you're trying to.
Speaker 5: You're doing the best you can.
Speaker 4: Ye, but yeah, you affected that in when you're going
Speaker 4: into those places like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: This person comes off I think as a huge asshole
Speaker 3: and being like the mom's being distracted by their own needs.
Speaker 3: It's like they're what and then saying that they're a
Speaker 3: menace to shoppers and to their mental health, like it's yeah,
Speaker 3: I think I think that's poza.
Speaker 2: Yeah. This was definitely written by a very a guy
Speaker 2: and a very specific kind of guy, probably the same
Speaker 2: guy who doesn't want to wait for kids to get
Speaker 2: on the school bus.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, I'm I just can't believe this on a
Speaker 5: fire off a letter.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty uh, pretty rude, pretty rude, loser.
Speaker 2: I agree on that one.
Speaker 3: Well, I guess we've got we've got two we think
Speaker 3: are stupid and one we think is good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well we're on agreement. That's good.
Speaker 1: Phil, You've done it. This was our podcast.
Speaker 5: That's it.
Speaker 1: That's it.
Speaker 5: Yes, it was so fun.
Speaker 1: It has so much fun with you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was so fun fun. Thank you guys, it was.
Speaker 3: So fun to talk to you. Thanks for being here.
Speaker 3: And by the way, where can people find you find
Speaker 3: your work? Et cetera at all?
Speaker 5: It's on HBO.
Speaker 3: Hey, hey, Bill, HBO. I think I've heard of it.
Speaker 3: This is a premium in Max Max. Anything else do
Speaker 3: you do in any goops around town or goops?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm going up some places and now I can
Speaker 5: do any goops, getting out doing some goofs and my homies. Yeah,
Speaker 5: ticking some bucks?
Speaker 1: Why not?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: No, okay, So HBO and Max HBO and Max we
Speaker 3: love We stand HBO.
Speaker 5: Stan.
Speaker 1: By the way, are your daughters using gen z Lingo?
Speaker 4: No, not really, I'm just I'm happy about Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I think there they might be on the cusp of
Speaker 4: that generation.
Speaker 3: That's like right, what's the generation after Gen Z's Alpha.
Speaker 2: I think it's Alpha, maybe Alpha.
Speaker 5: Maybe we're generation alpha. You guys. Wow, Hey, you guys,
Speaker 5: it's going to be.
Speaker 1: You're tak an impression of your daughters.
Speaker 5: I hope you know we're going into space.
Speaker 3: They're gonna go, we're just generation Alpha. Can you please
Speaker 3: be cool?
Speaker 5: Look, I'm generation Alpha. I don't know how much your
Speaker 5: brain weighs. I'm really smart. That's right, all right, it
Speaker 5: was fun.
Speaker 1: Well, that was really fun.
Speaker 5: You got to give it.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Thanks to everyone for listening.
Speaker 3: Please keep an eye up for next week's episode of
Speaker 3: How Did We Get Weird, where we will discuss more
Speaker 3: stories from our childhood and cultural touchstones.
Speaker 1: Sneaking into movies. That's what we talked about with you.
Speaker 5: Bill.
Speaker 2: Thanks so much, Bill, I really appreciate it.
Speaker 5: Thanks