Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor joy Hard and Bradford,
Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or
Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much
Speaker 1: for joining me for session three forty nine of the
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Friday is International Women's Day,
Speaker 1: and our team at Therapy for Black Girls is thrilled
Speaker 1: to be participating in Iheart's International Women's Day initiative, Women
Speaker 1: Take the Mic. International Women's Day is a day to
Speaker 1: be intentional about celebrating the ways that women lead, inspire,
Speaker 1: and change the world globally, locally, and personally. You may
Speaker 1: have heard me share here on the podcast how inspired
Speaker 1: I was by Beyonce's Renaissance tour and the way it
Speaker 1: was able to give so many of us so much
Speaker 1: joy and light in this past year. I've also been
Speaker 1: inspired by my friend doctor ke Hallman, who has helped
Speaker 1: hundreds of entrepreneurs across the country seement their businesses, my
Speaker 1: friend Tanya Mason, who is successfully guiding young people into
Speaker 1: the future as a high school principal in my day,
Speaker 1: and her work to provide culturally relevant supplies to psychiatric hospitals,
Speaker 1: and so many other women who are achieving their wildest
Speaker 1: dreams and pouring back into the community. International Women's Day
Speaker 1: is also an opportunity to reflect on all the ways
Speaker 1: women have touched my life and had my back, and
Speaker 1: a reminder to me to continue to be a conduit
Speaker 1: for other women. My entire career has largely been possible
Speaker 1: because black women made it. So you heard about the
Speaker 1: podcast and then told your sister circle about it, You
Speaker 1: found your therapist and our therapist directory, and then you
Speaker 1: dropped it in the group jet. You grabbed your copy
Speaker 1: of my book, Sisterhood Heels, and then you couldn't wait
Speaker 1: to tell your book reading besties all about it. There
Speaker 1: is quite literally no part of therapy for black girls
Speaker 1: that could exist without other women having my back. And
Speaker 1: I am so incredibly grateful. As we celebrate International Women's
Speaker 1: Day this year, I hope to continue you to highlight
Speaker 1: the brilliance and expertise of black women professionals in an
Speaker 1: effort to provide knowledge and resources to our community. I
Speaker 1: hope to continue to use my voice to chip away
Speaker 1: at the stigma related to mental health. And I hope
Speaker 1: to continue to facilitate spaces where Black women feel seen,
Speaker 1: heard and affirmed. So here's a little confession that might
Speaker 1: not be so hard to guess, but I love being
Speaker 1: a girl's girl. When I think about celebrating women, one
Speaker 1: of the first things that comes to mind for me
Speaker 1: is being a girl's girl. That quote, be the woman
Speaker 1: who fixes another woman's crown without telling the world it
Speaker 1: was crooked, is one of my favorites. As when we
Speaker 1: talk about any concept, it's important to start with the definition.
Speaker 1: When I think.
Speaker 2: About being a girl's girl, I mean extending grace and
Speaker 2: generosity to other women as an instinct. I'm referring to
Speaker 2: offering support first and asking questions later. I'm referring to
Speaker 2: a default setting of I got you, don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: But of course my definition is only one of many,
Speaker 2: so I also ask some of the women on the
Speaker 2: Therapy for Black Girls team what it meant to them
Speaker 2: to be a girl's girl. Here's what they had to say. Karen,
Speaker 2: our creative director, shared, zero competition, are hierarchy in the relationship,
Speaker 2: zero gatekeeping, admiration over envy, and feeling seen. Our podcast
Speaker 2: and creative producer at Least shared, I think real girls
Speaker 2: girls treat people how they want to be treated. The
Speaker 2: highest form of love is consideration, and those who value
Speaker 2: female relationships extend that love and respect to others not
Speaker 2: just because it's the right thing to do, but because
Speaker 2: it's an extension of the love and care they give themselves.
Speaker 2: Our community manager Jasmine shared understanding that every girl might
Speaker 2: not be your cup of tea, but we still write
Speaker 2: at dawn. She also said we're not competing against other women,
Speaker 2: correcting them in front of company, making generalizations about women
Speaker 2: from one bad experience. And finally, she shared, we're giving
Speaker 2: the girls the benefit of the doubt always and giving
Speaker 2: grace where needed. Our community assistant Naisha shared, my first
Speaker 2: thought is ride or die. She also shared that a
Speaker 2: girl's girl is someone who's open with you about your
Speaker 2: weaknesses and strengths, someone who looks to help you advance
Speaker 2: and respect your boundaries. And our TVGU coordinator and TBGU
Speaker 2: podcast host Jana shared, a girl's girl is someone who's
Speaker 2: able to hold me accountable and who also allows for
Speaker 2: me to hold them accountable. So, now that we have
Speaker 2: a working definition, what does being a girl's girl look
Speaker 2: like in action? Here are a few of my thoughts
Speaker 2: and some share from our team members on where we
Speaker 2: can start. But of course I want to hear what
Speaker 2: you would add to the list. So number one and
Speaker 2: I wrote about this in the book Sisterhood Heels. Celebrate
Speaker 2: publicly and criticize privately. One of the ways we can
Speaker 2: cultivate affirming spaces is by being quick to celebrate loudly
Speaker 2: and being careful to offer criticism privately. Number two, be
Speaker 2: on the lookout for sisters who may need your help
Speaker 2: in an emergency situation. For example, if you're riding the
Speaker 2: bus or at a party. Is there a way you
Speaker 2: can safely intervene If you notice someone looking uncomfortable and
Speaker 2: you go up to them and say, hey, sis, do
Speaker 2: you have the time? Or Hey, can I borrow your
Speaker 2: phone to make a phone call? Any kind of small
Speaker 2: interaction that breaks up whatever is happening and gives them
Speaker 2: a chance to get out of the situation. Is all
Speaker 2: you have to do if you can do that safely.
Speaker 2: Three comes from my business manager Kia. Refrain from commenting
Speaker 2: on women's weight and appearance. What may seem well intentioned
Speaker 2: and complimentary to you may not be that at all
Speaker 2: for the recipient. He has shared that she tries to
Speaker 2: share compliments about things that capture their inner beauty instead.
Speaker 2: Number four. And I fully acknowledge that this one may
Speaker 2: be a little old school, but I still sincerely embrace it.
Speaker 2: If we came together, we're leaving together. If you rolle
Speaker 2: with me, I'm dropping you back off where I picked
Speaker 2: you up. So what you do after I drop you
Speaker 2: off is your business, but I will be delivering you
Speaker 2: back to where I picked you up at. And I
Speaker 2: hope that the younger sisters are still practicing this, y'all.
Speaker 2: Let me know on my social media channels if you
Speaker 2: are still practicing. If we came together, we leave together.
Speaker 2: Number five. If you get an SOS call, go get
Speaker 2: her first and get the details later. Now listen, I
Speaker 2: know that there are some calls we get and our
Speaker 2: first thought is what in the world is she doing
Speaker 2: over there. We've all been there. There is a time
Speaker 2: and a place for getting answers to all your questions.
Speaker 2: Consider that it probably took a lot for her to
Speaker 2: reach out and make this ask, and if you can
Speaker 2: go and get her, please do. Number six is a
Speaker 2: tried and true one. Ask to tuck in the tag
Speaker 2: if you see it out in the back of her shirt.
Speaker 2: Number seven comes from Zaria our podcast in turn, understand
Speaker 2: that romantic partners are significant, but so are other relationships
Speaker 2: than our lives. It is totally okay and good to
Speaker 2: make space for romantic love in our lives if we'd
Speaker 2: like to, but it's also important to make space for
Speaker 2: platonic love. Another one of our podcast producers, Cindy, shared
Speaker 2: that your girl should not be placeholders in your life.
Speaker 2: It's not okay to just brush them off when a
Speaker 2: new book comes into the picture. Number eight keep the
Speaker 2: door open behind you. Another one of my favorite quotes
Speaker 2: comes from Tony Morrison when she shared, when you get
Speaker 2: these jobs that you have been so brilliantly trained for,
Speaker 2: just remember that your real job is that if you
Speaker 2: are free, you need to free somebody else. If you
Speaker 2: have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else.
Speaker 2: That is the goal. If you know something, share it
Speaker 2: with others. This is how the collective becomes wiser and stronger.
Speaker 2: We all go further faster by collaborating instead of competing.
Speaker 2: Number nine. Share the names of colleagues when you aren't
Speaker 2: available for an opportunity. So if an organization or a
Speaker 2: person reaches out to me for a speaking engage or
Speaker 2: some other opportunity and I'm not available or think somebody
Speaker 2: else might be better suited for it, I offer up
Speaker 2: the names and contact information for those colleagues. This is
Speaker 2: a great way to increase the variety of voices in
Speaker 2: a space and to share abundance with others.
Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break.
Speaker 2: Number ten. This is related to number nine. Look for
Speaker 2: ways to give a sister her big break or a
Speaker 2: critical stepping stone. I will never forget that my first
Speaker 2: major TV opportunity, co hosting MTV's Teen Mom Reunion, came
Speaker 2: from Ariel Dunbar, who was at the time a talent
Speaker 2: scout for MTV, and she found me on social media
Speaker 2: and put my name forward for this opportunity, and then
Speaker 2: while taping the reunion, one of the producers Satira Moore
Speaker 2: was so encouraging and affirming of me, and then years
Speaker 2: later booked me again to work with her on a
Speaker 2: Hondai commercial. You just never know what can happen by
Speaker 2: giving someone a shot, so do it as often as
Speaker 2: you can. Number eleven. Be intentional about celebrating each other's
Speaker 2: winds and important milestones. Mark it in the calendar, make
Speaker 2: yourself a sticky note. Do whatever you need to do
Speaker 2: to remember those big moments, whether it's a promotion, they
Speaker 2: face a new fear, they're doing a better job at
Speaker 2: setting boundaries. Celebrate all of it as much as you can.
Speaker 2: Number twelve. Apologize when you're wrong. Even when we think
Speaker 2: we're right ninety nine percent of the time, there are
Speaker 2: times when we are going to mess up, say something harsh,
Speaker 2: or make a miss step. It happens because we're human,
Speaker 2: But don't just rush past the mistake. Take time to
Speaker 2: apologize and ask for ways that you can repair any
Speaker 2: rupture that might have occurred. Number thirteen. Go the extra
Speaker 2: mile to show that you care on birthdays. Our senior
Speaker 2: podcast producer Frieda shared that it's her goal to make
Speaker 2: the women in her life smell extra hard on their birthdays.
Speaker 2: By doing something special and number fourteen manage any feelings
Speaker 2: of jealousy. This is the one I find that comes
Speaker 2: up quite often when people are talking about somebody not
Speaker 2: being a girl's girl is something related to jealousy. So
Speaker 2: you've likely heard me say this before, but being jealous
Speaker 2: is not a bad thing. It's an emotion just like
Speaker 2: any other emotion, and we feel it likely because there's
Speaker 2: some unmet need or desire in our own lives that's
Speaker 2: revealed when we see something someone else has or has achieved.
Speaker 2: It's not wrong to experience it, but you do want
Speaker 2: to be careful with how it's managed because it can
Speaker 2: cause ruptures in your relationships. So now it's your turn.
Speaker 2: I'd love for you to share with me on social
Speaker 2: what it means to you to be a girl's girl
Speaker 2: and what does this look like in practice. You can
Speaker 2: at me personally I'm at Hello Doctor Joy across social
Speaker 2: media channels, or you can add us at Therapy for
Speaker 2: Black Girls across the channels including TikTok, and we'll be
Speaker 2: sharing some of your responses. Don't forget to text two
Speaker 2: of your girls and tell them to check out the
Speaker 2: episode right now. As I mentioned earlier, This episode is
Speaker 2: a part of iHeartRadio's International Women's Day celebration, and if
Speaker 2: you want to check out more programming honoring the incredible
Speaker 2: women at the network and worldwide, head over to iHeart
Speaker 2: Podcasts International Women's Day Feed by searching Women Take the Mic.
Speaker 2: Wherever you look for podcasts, We're featured alongside incredible podcasts
Speaker 2: like There Are No Girls on the Internet with Bridget
Speaker 2: Todd and many others. That's Women Take the Mic on
Speaker 2: the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. If
Speaker 2: you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out
Speaker 2: our therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory.
Speaker 2: And if you want to continue digging into this topic
Speaker 2: or just be in community with other sisters, come on
Speaker 2: over and join us in the Sister Circle. It's our
Speaker 2: cozy corner of the Internet designed just for black women.
Speaker 2: You can join us at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls
Speaker 2: dot com. This episode was produced by Frieda. Lucas, Elise Ellis,
Speaker 2: and Zaria Taylor. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank
Speaker 2: y'all so much for joining me again this week. I
Speaker 2: look forward to continuing this conversation with you all real
Speaker 2: soon Take good care