Speaker 1: Welcome the Guys We Find the Anti Slut Change Podcast.
Speaker 2: I'm Christina Hutchinson, I'm Karen's sister and I'm yea boys friends.
Speaker 2: We bring up to its flooding, your horning and your shame.
Speaker 3: Hey it was what?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, hello fuckers, how you doing where you've been? We're
Speaker 1: a condom. Welcome to another episode of Guys We Fuck
Speaker 1: It's the Anti slut I mean podcast. I'm Karen Fisher,
Speaker 1: I'm Christina Hutchinson. Welcome to the show, and please welcome
Speaker 1: Eric Freddy.
Speaker 3: Everybody.
Speaker 1: Hey, he's behind he's doing the be boo bee boo
Speaker 1: bee boop. We changed cameras. He got here at you know,
Speaker 1: seven in the morning. Apparently was here last night.
Speaker 2: That's crazy. Loves working.
Speaker 1: Yeves obviously had an unstable childhood. Hell ya, trying to
Speaker 1: make up for it and we appreciate that. Yes, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for showing up.
Speaker 2: Welcome.
Speaker 1: We've been really teasing for weeks that Eric is coming
Speaker 1: and then it keeps being Mike.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So here he is. Yay, he's here.
Speaker 3: Everybody.
Speaker 2: How you feeling, Eric?
Speaker 3: I feel fine. I got to I got a sinus
Speaker 3: infection right now.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, this is perfect. There's always because Mike always
Speaker 1: had an ailment. So the listeners are going to feel
Speaker 1: so comfortable that you are, you know, ten years younger
Speaker 1: and still still got altinuously ailing makes and pains.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my back is messed up. I guess a sinus infection.
Speaker 3: I got a thing in my nose.
Speaker 1: I feel like that your back might be because of
Speaker 1: the work you do and being so tall, you're always
Speaker 1: hunched over.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's that and the flights.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, do do ride? Just riding
Speaker 1: in a plane really suck for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah is the word.
Speaker 3: I hate it so much?
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you ever get like Delta comfort, like a little
Speaker 1: bit of extra leg room?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: No, and you don't deserve it. You didn't earn it yet. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you gotta work harder. The best, pretty hard.
Speaker 3: The best is when you get like the three seats
Speaker 3: right in the row.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a rarity, but yes, it is nice.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I'll take even one open seat next to me
Speaker 1: and coach. I think is better than comfort easily, Yes, easily,
Speaker 1: because then you could at.
Speaker 2: Least put your little toes on it. Yeah. I like that,
Speaker 2: And I just you know, and no one's elbow is
Speaker 2: on me.
Speaker 1: You know, I can't hear something clicking in the back
Speaker 1: of someone's throat. Oh.
Speaker 2: I hate when other people make noise. I always know.
Speaker 1: I always know it's gonna be a problem when someone
Speaker 1: sits down and looks at me and goes, hi, oh,
Speaker 1: that's gonna that's gonna be a flight.
Speaker 2: The best is when somebody sit. You're in three seats.
Speaker 1: You have the window, the middle seat they don't show up,
Speaker 1: and then the end seat they have a cute ass dog.
Speaker 1: That's always fun. That happened to me once. I rarely
Speaker 1: get a dog in my row. I had like a
Speaker 1: big dog like the dogs sitting on the floor by
Speaker 1: my feet. Yeah, I've had that before. That would be cute.
Speaker 1: I never get that they're such good boys.
Speaker 2: That's sad, sad, sad. I did have that bus that
Speaker 2: the on the bus the dog that.
Speaker 1: Someone threw up on. Oh, I sat on my lap,
Speaker 1: I remember, and I didn't mind. That's how much I
Speaker 1: love dogs. There was human throw up on the dog
Speaker 1: and I still pet the dog. No, no, no, there
Speaker 1: it was a yeah, a negligent owner. I was like
Speaker 1: drunk on this bus. This is back in the day
Speaker 1: when Christina and I had to travel by bus at
Speaker 1: like Mega bus. Everywhere they they the owner threw up
Speaker 1: on the dog. The dog hated the owner. He ran
Speaker 1: to the seat behind, which was me and Christina jumped
Speaker 1: in my lap and I quickly realized he had human
Speaker 1: vomit on him. But I was like, he needs pets
Speaker 1: more than this. Vomit's gonna bother me. I was like,
Speaker 1: I can wash off the vomit. These pets are gonna
Speaker 1: last forever. Yeah, they're gonna make an indent on that
Speaker 1: dog soul. Oh, poor guy, Yeah, the poor dog. Rather Yeah,
Speaker 1: I felt bad.
Speaker 2: I felt well, I do feel bad.
Speaker 1: The guy was obviously in a bad place, but he
Speaker 1: didn't need to bring the dog to the bad place
Speaker 1: with him, No he didn't. Yeah, where were we? I
Speaker 1: have no God, I wouldn't have remembered that. I mean,
Speaker 1: probably going to like I would get it. It would
Speaker 1: have to be somewhere like DC, Baltimore, Philly, like on
Speaker 1: the way to one of those those the only places
Speaker 1: like I think that Mega bus goes.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I's taking the I feels Baltimore. Maybe
Speaker 2: what we were going to.
Speaker 1: I feel like we used to take the bus to Baltimore,
Speaker 1: like to Magoobi's or something. Yeah, probably that would make sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a little quick, quick, quick trip. Yeah, guys, are
Speaker 1: you in Los Angeles on May eleventh, Well, you're in
Speaker 1: luck because Kurin and I will be doing a live
Speaker 1: recording of Guys We Fucked at Netflix as a joke
Speaker 1: festival at the Regent Theater. Oooh that's big. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a big one, so buy your tickets. Five hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty seats. They'll make us look like chumps.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And Joel Ronson, I'm gonna have to say it's son
Speaker 1: of John Ronson. It's going to be performing music because
Speaker 1: you know, we feature independent artists on the show all
Speaker 1: the time, so we thought it would be cool if
Speaker 1: we really brought the podcast to life with that. He's
Speaker 1: very British and very excited. Oh British, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: We were talking on the phone with him last night.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you are the most British. I feel like
Speaker 1: you should live in a forest. Yeah, he's British in person.
Speaker 1: And then we spoke to him on the phone for
Speaker 1: the first time yesterday. Even more Britain, way more British.
Speaker 1: It's exceptionally British. Yeah, so come see his British ass
Speaker 1: play some music. And then our American asses talk to
Speaker 1: a very special guest for an amazing episode.
Speaker 2: Of the show Man.
Speaker 1: What a good guest we have, and yeah, they're phenomenal
Speaker 1: and you're gonna lose your shit bring a bar bag, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then go bar from the toilet. And if you
Speaker 1: are in Springfield, Missouri, March twenty second and twenty third,
Speaker 1: I'm headlining the Blue Room and I'm very excited. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be a good time. Come see me Friday and Saturday,
Speaker 1: two shows both days. Ooh ooh, all right, if you
Speaker 1: want to send us an email, it's sorry about last night'
Speaker 1: show at gmail dot com. This subject line says, how
Speaker 1: do I avoid all these eggshells?
Speaker 2: I'm walking on?
Speaker 1: Hi? Christina Crin and Eric? Oh sweet, look how excited
Speaker 1: he got?
Speaker 5: We Eric?
Speaker 1: Have you got I've been kind of tracking your followers.
Speaker 1: Have you gotten more followers?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I've gone up probably like four hundred.
Speaker 2: Okay, well let's make that better. Everybody, come on. But
Speaker 2: that's still nice. That's still nice.
Speaker 3: Wait before we start, can I plug dates?
Speaker 2: Oh? Boy, here we go? Now you will allow go ahead?
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm coming to Edmonton six through ninth of June.
Speaker 2: Coming to I wouldn't have said it like that, Oh Am,
Speaker 2: I coming. I got a six through ninth of June.
Speaker 2: What do you? What are you British? Are you writing
Speaker 2: a letter to your loved one? Across the seat? June
Speaker 2: sixth through ninth? This is American Podcast.
Speaker 3: June sixth through ninth. I'll be in Edmonton. They pull
Speaker 3: up the calendar, I got a bunch of unless you
Speaker 3: have at the end. Never mind, this is your hazing, Eric.
Speaker 2: I hope you're enjoying it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Hi Chris Cina Current and Eric Loyal
Speaker 1: fucker here.
Speaker 2: I saw you guys at your.
Speaker 1: Recent La Valentine's Day show on Male Even Baby at
Speaker 1: the Comedy Store, and despite there being some truly unhinged
Speaker 1: audience participation at the eight pm performance, I had a
Speaker 1: great time finally seeing you guys live. I should have
Speaker 1: been at the lad show. I mean, now, what's an
Speaker 1: our fault? Thanks for everything you do and for making
Speaker 1: our Valentine's Day special. Now to my problem. I'm a
Speaker 1: thirty one year old female and my thirty two year
Speaker 1: old male partner and I have been together for five years.
Speaker 1: We connected while dating because of our similar career aspirations
Speaker 1: and desire to achieve a sustainable work life balance sounds hot,
Speaker 1: our similar spectrum of political views and sense of adventure,
Speaker 1: a few common hobbies and interests we share together, et cetera.
Speaker 1: He was the most incredible uh support one year into
Speaker 1: our relationship when my best friend of ten years took.
Speaker 2: Her life during COVID OOF.
Speaker 1: That's right at which time I was simultaneously in graduate
Speaker 1: school pursuing two master's degrees after struggling with my mental
Speaker 1: health and anxiety working in the film industry during my twenties.
Speaker 1: I honestly don't know what I would have done without
Speaker 1: him during that time. He's very supportive of my new
Speaker 1: boss bitch career path and architecture, and I feel the
Speaker 1: same about his career ambitions too. We often bouse ideas
Speaker 1: off of one another, and our collaborative synergy is great.
Speaker 1: We moved in together two years ago, and despite the
Speaker 1: typical hurdles of establishing boundaries and carving out alone time,
Speaker 1: we make a great team. I'm incredibly extroverted, and he
Speaker 1: is super supportive of me going to spend time with
Speaker 1: my friends.
Speaker 2: Before the butt.
Speaker 1: I know I have a lot of male friends, which
Speaker 1: doesn't seem to be an issue for him. Well, we
Speaker 1: figured if you're an architecture or film or any of
Speaker 1: those things, he is your work, and yeah if you're
Speaker 1: if you have a job. He is very introverted and
Speaker 1: needs space for his solo hobbies. I mean that just
Speaker 1: sounds like one long masturbation, Babe, I have too much
Speaker 1: solo hobby, which I respect and understand. We split all
Speaker 1: of the domestic responsibilities equally too, and I can absolutely
Speaker 1: see ourselves sharing a life and a family together in
Speaker 1: the future. But our senses of humor and communication styles
Speaker 1: are incredibly different. I'm a very witty and sarcastic person,
Speaker 1: and it takes a lot to offend me in general.
Speaker 2: Nice. Oh no, is this a guy who can't take jokes? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Nothing, the woman's job, yeah, oh an offended blee. A
Speaker 1: lot of my friends are comics or entertainers, and although
Speaker 1: I am not one, I do enjoy the witty banter
Speaker 1: of being around funny people. Conversely, he is very sensitive
Speaker 1: and desp I said it with the such venom. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't Actually I don't mind a sensitive guy, but
Speaker 1: but sensitive to humor. I do mind, and despite having
Speaker 1: fun and lighthearted conversations with humor involved, it only takes
Speaker 1: one joke of mine too trigger him. Trigger will often
Speaker 1: be having a completely normal conversation when I'll make a
Speaker 1: sarcastic slight at something almost never a personal slight towards him,
Speaker 1: and he'll become extremely offended, shut down the conversation, and
Speaker 1: quote needs space for hours. So this is a clue.
Speaker 1: This is a clue that he's a posy ass bitch. No,
Speaker 1: that he has some issues he's gotta work on. Oh,
Speaker 1: I recognize that sometimes I do say offhanded thing yees,
Speaker 1: she could also, I think a lot of times, and
Speaker 1: this is I'm gonna say this is a women issue.
Speaker 1: A lot of times women will write us letters saying
Speaker 1: they're funny, and I can tell they're just being a
Speaker 1: huge cunt, Like I can just tell, and like it
Speaker 1: takes one to know one, right, I can tell that
Speaker 1: you're just you're a huge content making passive aggressive comments
Speaker 1: that you are disguising as humor, the same way men
Speaker 1: do it online like women are people love it too,
Speaker 1: the same way men will say terrible misogynistic things to
Speaker 1: women or sexually perverse things and go, I was just joking. Right,
Speaker 1: Women do that too, It's just in a different way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just in a way when they want they want
Speaker 1: to bring something up, but they can't do it directly,
Speaker 1: so they do it passive aggressively through.
Speaker 2: Humor, And then when they had called out, they're like, not, ah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm just a funny girl, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I say often the things that would really offend him,
Speaker 1: in which case I'm working on being better at taking
Speaker 1: accountability for my actions. Right there, that was kind of
Speaker 1: a tell swallowing the fact that I'm not always right
Speaker 1: and apologizing to him. But sometimes I truly don't think
Speaker 1: I've done anything worth apologizing for, especially when I'm cracking
Speaker 1: jokes about the world around us or a situation having
Speaker 1: nothing to do with him.
Speaker 2: I have nothing to do with him, That's another story. Sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this typically sends us into escalating fights that are
Speaker 1: extremely frustrating. For example, recently, my boyfriend was venting to
Speaker 1: me about how he had lunch with a friend who
Speaker 1: was always twenty plus minutes late and how frustrating can
Speaker 1: be to have your time wasted like that. He was
Speaker 1: speaking very diplomatically and I responded with, Oh, that's just
Speaker 1: like my friend so and so. They both live in
Speaker 1: their own little alternate realities. My boyfriend got so upset
Speaker 1: that I would make a comment like this about his friend.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is weird.
Speaker 1: I think he got upset maybe because you're make about you,
Speaker 1: and seemed even more upset that I would say that
Speaker 1: about my own friend. Also, that's not even barely a dig, right,
Speaker 1: why would I? Also, people, as someone who's at late
Speaker 1: a lot, people are people are obsessed with that like
Speaker 1: that it's like some deep plan that late people have
Speaker 1: And it's like literally it's like either it's like they
Speaker 1: just have too much to do usually or they're just
Speaker 1: like bad at managing time. Like it's not like it's
Speaker 1: not like a freaking prigin to waste your time. I
Speaker 1: recognized how it could be perceived as mean and apologize,
Speaker 1: but I truly don't understand why he took it so
Speaker 1: personally When I had nothing to do with him. He
Speaker 1: sulked over it for hours. Oh I hate a sulking man. Wait,
Speaker 1: this is nothing I hate more than a sulking man.
Speaker 1: My own my own friend talks about how she's aloof
Speaker 1: all the time, so why does he care so much?
Speaker 1: These types of arguments also happen when he's upset slash
Speaker 1: triggered about something that has literally nothing to do with me,
Speaker 1: i e.
Speaker 2: Work or friend issues.
Speaker 1: When I sense he's upset about something, I often get
Speaker 1: defensive after I ask him what's going on because he
Speaker 1: responds with an angry or standoffish tone, so I assume
Speaker 1: he's upset with me, and as a result, I tend
Speaker 1: to make the conversation about me or our relationship, which
Speaker 1: again escalates the situations. I know I can afford to
Speaker 1: be more perceptive in these scenarios and just give him space,
Speaker 1: but it's so hard to not get defensive when I'm
Speaker 1: trying to communicate and understand the needs of my partner
Speaker 1: and I'm met with an angry tone. Where's the part
Speaker 1: where you like that's fun to where it's fun to
Speaker 1: be around him? This seems like a large percentage of
Speaker 1: the relationship. He says he's aware of his sensitivity and
Speaker 1: short views and his inability to articulate his feelings sometimes
Speaker 1: and is working on it. It's gotten better over the
Speaker 1: course of our relationship, but it's still a pattern I
Speaker 1: want to break. If we were going to be together
Speaker 1: long term. I mean, you've already been together long term.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm often walking on eggshells and it's
Speaker 1: not my job to regulate his emotions. I don't want
Speaker 1: to sacrifice parts of myself to appease him, but I
Speaker 1: want to make sure I'm not minimizing or constantly misinterpreting
Speaker 1: his feelings too. It's also you've been a lot together
Speaker 1: a long time to still not kind of understand what's
Speaker 1: going to make him upset. And just to avoid saying,
Speaker 1: I've done some research on HSPs highly sensitive person This
Speaker 1: is another label for I'm not going to own everything
Speaker 1: doesn't yeah exactly, everything isn't a disorder. Sometimes someone's just
Speaker 1: a sensitive little baby boy, and think he might be one,
Speaker 1: but I've never brought it up to him, and he
Speaker 1: is not interested in therapy.
Speaker 2: There's a huge red flag.
Speaker 1: Thinking he can work on it on his own. I
Speaker 1: want to look up what it actually says for I've
Speaker 1: never even heard of highly sensitive person as an actual diagnosis.
Speaker 2: I have but like.
Speaker 1: And a lot of like personality disorders, like borderline personality
Speaker 1: disorder that can often times come with this sensitivity to
Speaker 1: like the person who is borderline thinking that they're always
Speaker 1: being talked about, or that you're trying to dig at
Speaker 1: them when you're genuinely not right and they're like overly,
Speaker 1: they're hyper sensitive to looking out for something that's not there,
Speaker 1: and it's very frustrating. So like it literally on psychology today,
Speaker 1: it literally describes highly sensitive person as. There are a
Speaker 1: subset of the population who are high in a personality
Speaker 1: trait known as sensory processing sensitivity. Those with high levels
Speaker 1: of SPS display increased emotional sensitivity, stronger reactivity to both
Speaker 1: external and internal stimuli, pain, hunger, light, and noise.
Speaker 2: I mean, what is this a you like, this is insane.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have all those things. You just kind
Speaker 1: of have to toughen up. Yeah, it says, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it says what the fuck. HSPs are thought to be
Speaker 1: more disturbed than others by violence, tension, or feelings of
Speaker 1: being overwhelmed. They may, as a result, make concerted efforts
Speaker 1: to avoid situations in which such things are likely to occur.
Speaker 1: On the more positive end of the trait, high sensitivity
Speaker 1: it is thought to be linked higher levels of creativity,
Speaker 1: richer personal relationships, and a greater appreciation for beauty. If
Speaker 1: you react strongly to criticism, become physically and emotionally overstimulated
Speaker 1: more easily than others do, and have a rich inner life,
Speaker 1: You're on another plant. I thought was a nice way
Speaker 1: of saying that you may score highly sensory processing sensitivity.
Speaker 1: You may also feel as if you have a higher
Speaker 1: capacity for empathy and are quite sensitive to others' moods.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is just a type of person. The
Speaker 1: fact that they're actually labeling it I find to be alarming. Okay,
Speaker 1: so I think he might be a highly sensitive person,
Speaker 1: but I've never brought it up to him. Not interested
Speaker 1: in therapy, So I'm worried this will never change and
Speaker 1: I'll be stuck. I'll be stuck in an emotional communication
Speaker 1: style with this relationships you leave it. So my questions
Speaker 1: to you guys are, how can I be a better
Speaker 1: partner to him in these moments while still advocating for myself?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is so tiring being a relationship
Speaker 1: and my personality. And how can we actually break this
Speaker 1: pattern of miscommunication to avoid these situations as much as
Speaker 1: possible in the first place?
Speaker 2: Wow? Sorry that was so long.
Speaker 1: One to thank you for your help if he has
Speaker 1: to go to therapy or I think that's a deal breaker.
Speaker 1: This is because that is awful. Walking on eggshells around
Speaker 1: a person is awful, and doing it for that long
Speaker 1: is not.
Speaker 2: It's gonna chip away a you slowly and you're gonna
Speaker 2: hate him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't understand how you've gotten through five years,
Speaker 1: quite frankly with when you don't understand each other's communication style.
Speaker 1: That seems like the number one thing that you would
Speaker 1: need to understand two last five years together. So if
Speaker 1: you if you won't go to therapy by himself, try
Speaker 1: ask him if I'll go to a couple's therapy with you,
Speaker 1: because I think what you really need to work on
Speaker 1: anyway is your communication with each other. Right, So that
Speaker 1: would make sense because he no doubt he's being ridiculous,
Speaker 1: but I feel like you're probably also being more of
Speaker 1: a confany There's a better way to go about this,
Speaker 1: and this is where this is where therapy comes in.
Speaker 1: It's it's going to be a huge relief to you guys,
Speaker 1: to have like an unbiased person help you both navigate
Speaker 1: this conversation and to call both of you out where
Speaker 1: you deserve to be called out. You know once they
Speaker 1: get of a sense of your dynamic. Yeah, because it
Speaker 1: seems like you you might wear the pants in this relationship,
Speaker 1: which you know, which you gotta be careful of that dynamic.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Again, I'm saying these things as someone who knows with
Speaker 1: someone with masculine energy, yeah, and as somebody who has
Speaker 1: been very sensitive my whole life. And like you get
Speaker 1: like I get but hurt and I'm working. I may
Speaker 1: I get less bread hurt as I get older.
Speaker 2: You could just got to work on it.
Speaker 1: And but you have to also explore, like why does
Speaker 1: he feel pangs in his heart when you say something like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, my friend is also late, you know,
Speaker 1: when he's bringing up how late his friend is, Like
Speaker 1: you know, there, he needs to get better at communicating
Speaker 1: with you. What the fuck is going on in his mind?
Speaker 1: Because was it was he trying to tell you something
Speaker 1: he just wanted to be listened to, and he didn't
Speaker 1: want your commentary Like maybe that's what was happening.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's for him to get mad that you said that
Speaker 1: about your own friend doesn't make sense to me.
Speaker 2: It doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1: But also the fact that she used she used the
Speaker 1: phrase advocating for myself when it has to do it,
Speaker 1: Like when when it's about conversations that aren't even about you,
Speaker 1: I feel like you're fighting the wrong fight, right, Like
Speaker 1: I don't feel like you have to, Like I think
Speaker 1: you know, you know, cause you use words like boss,
Speaker 1: bitch and this kind of stuff. Right, So that to
Speaker 1: me is saying that, like you, you might be over
Speaker 1: correcting the way a lot of women do who kind
Speaker 1: of weren't always like strong and maybe kind of built
Speaker 1: up this strength inside them and then they were correct
Speaker 1: on the other side. And so like, if you constantly
Speaker 1: feel like you need to advocate for yourself when you're
Speaker 1: just having like pretty caught casual conversations with your boyfriend,
Speaker 1: you might be over correcting. Like you can also just
Speaker 1: kind of like no, like, these types of jokes are
Speaker 1: jokes I have to tell around my friends, not my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: Like you don't need to keep telling the kind of
Speaker 1: jokes that upset him in this quest to advocate for yourself,
Speaker 1: like unless you feel like you're truly having to change
Speaker 1: who you are and your core sense of humor around him.
Speaker 1: Like we all know the types of jokes that certain
Speaker 1: people like, and certain people don't and we can steer
Speaker 1: clear of those around certain friends or family members.
Speaker 2: Like, it's really not that difficult and let us all
Speaker 2: a therapy goes because you should go to it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, next subject line, I'm so comfortable that I can't come.
Speaker 1: Hi curn and Christina longtime listener of the show since
Speaker 1: twenty eighteen, including the luminary stint while we're still there,
Speaker 1: So thanks insert the obligatory level. Guys changed my life. Also,
Speaker 1: like Christina found out as an adult, I'm a donor
Speaker 1: conceived Ashkenazi Jew, so I really enjoy hearing about Christina's
Speaker 1: story on that. Anyways, I'm twenty seven years old and
Speaker 1: I'm currently in a nearly two year relationship with a
Speaker 1: guy I met on Hinge. Emotionally, things are going very well,
Speaker 1: and I think it's the healthiest relationship i've been in yet. Physically,
Speaker 1: things are pretty much really good, except one issue. In
Speaker 1: the past year, I've had a really hard time orgasming.
Speaker 1: I've always been on antidepressants since twenty seventeen, and so
Speaker 1: I don't think it can be chalked up to only that,
Speaker 1: although I'm sure it's a factor. But also when this
Speaker 1: started happening, things in my life were just going really well,
Speaker 1: so I don't think it can be related to emotional
Speaker 1: upset either. The thing is when we spend the night
Speaker 1: together and I get in bed with him, I just
Speaker 1: want to snuggle up and cuddle and get nice and
Speaker 1: warm and cozy. To the extent I even think about sex,
Speaker 1: it's honestly just anxiety about him initiating, because then I
Speaker 1: have to take off my clothes, get chilly and also
Speaker 1: get active.
Speaker 2: Okay, you don't want to fuck. You know you're friends,
Speaker 2: You've turned into friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if this is what you're thinking about, oh, that's
Speaker 1: why you're.
Speaker 2: Not coming, because it's your friend.
Speaker 1: When we have sex, I prefer laying on my side
Speaker 1: or him being on top of me, just laying down,
Speaker 1: being comfortable. I also don't prefer morning sex when I'm
Speaker 1: as dry as a bone or the Sahara desert down there.
Speaker 2: I didn't use to be like this.
Speaker 1: A previous boyfriend called me a sex pot and couldn't
Speaker 1: keep up with me. I wonder if it has anything
Speaker 1: to do with aging and twenty seven that's not aging.
Speaker 2: Relax, pump the brakes anyway.
Speaker 1: I've been reading a book Christina mentioned on the podcast
Speaker 1: previously Mating in Captivity. It's a great book which posits
Speaker 1: that comfort and sexual attraction are contrary forces, and that
Speaker 1: you need to get uncomfortable to regain sexual attraction in
Speaker 1: a long term relationship. The thing is, while the book
Speaker 1: is helpful on the main point, I'm having trouble thinking
Speaker 1: of ways to actually implement this.
Speaker 2: My questions are the following. Number one, do you.
Speaker 1: Guys both agree with the book's basic premise that you
Speaker 1: have to get uncomfort to regain wanting waning sexual attraction
Speaker 1: in a long term relationship. Number two, If so, what
Speaker 1: does getting uncomfortable look like to you? What advice do
Speaker 1: you have on getting uncomfortable and regaining that sexual attraction.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have trouble masterbaining tonight because of this list
Speaker 1: of questions about orgasming. Like you know again, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're talking about sex. You shouldn't be using the word implementing.
Speaker 1: That's your number one issue. You're going about this like
Speaker 1: it's some kind of a fucking study. Yeah, lick your
Speaker 1: finger and start rubbing your clip.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you see something. Like what are we talking about here?
Speaker 1: I would say less talking and more doing, But the
Speaker 1: doing should be kind of a minor like just like
Speaker 1: you know, like when you're at a bar next time
Speaker 1: with him, like take you know, if this feels natural
Speaker 1: to you, This is just an example I'm thrown out there.
Speaker 1: If it doesn't resonate, throw at the fuck in the trash,
Speaker 1: take his hand and put out on your pussy or
Speaker 1: something like that, like something like super random and flirty
Speaker 1: and hot in public. That's like just a blip, and
Speaker 1: then maybe that'll get you going. But also consider that
Speaker 1: you don't want to fuck him anymore. Yeah, and it happens,
Speaker 1: It happens. And if this is something like did you
Speaker 1: go off on how much you loved him?
Speaker 2: I don't not really did you go on now? Because
Speaker 2: the other girl did?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, so there's a solid foundation here
Speaker 1: that's worth working on. You. You know you like them.
Speaker 1: You said it's your most emotionally healthy relationship.
Speaker 2: That's great. Well, you're twenty seven.
Speaker 1: It's going to get even healthier as you get older,
Speaker 1: or you're Riverbeck. But you know, sometimes that happens. But
Speaker 1: I think that I think that I would I would
Speaker 1: consider pondering the fact that you are no longer attracted
Speaker 1: to him, and why what are those reasons, and you
Speaker 1: got to ask these questions to yourself and then kind
Speaker 1: of gauge from there. If you think this is something
Speaker 1: that could be revived, if this person is life changing
Speaker 1: and you love him so much.
Speaker 2: There's ways to work around that.
Speaker 1: You can go to a sex club and not necessary,
Speaker 1: you don't even have to take your clothes off. That
Speaker 1: could be very exciting. I think one thing that Esther
Speaker 1: Perell has said. She said it on her podcast once
Speaker 1: that I was like, oh god, damn, is attraction plus
Speaker 1: obstacle equals excitement. Sout find a way to put some
Speaker 1: type of obstacle in there, you know, get.
Speaker 2: Creative, watch porn, I have unual masturbation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just want to read this little part at
Speaker 1: the end. I assume at this point you guys will
Speaker 1: recommend some form of communication with the boyfriend. He definitely
Speaker 1: noticed I haven't been orgos. I mean he has much lately.
Speaker 1: Well that's I mean. I would hope he knows if
Speaker 1: you're not coming, and has brought it up a few times.
Speaker 1: But I told him it was a me problem, not
Speaker 1: about him, and something I needed to figure out on
Speaker 1: my own. I told him, when I figure out a solution,
Speaker 1: I'll let him know. And I think it's you both.
Speaker 1: I think it's a problem with your guys' relationship. I
Speaker 1: think it doesn't make you horny. Also, Eric, I forgot.
Speaker 1: We didn't really tell you.
Speaker 2: You can.
Speaker 1: If you have an idea, you can chime in, but
Speaker 1: I we will throw to you. Since you are closer
Speaker 1: to twenty seven than either of us.
Speaker 3: I do have either the worst advice or the best advice.
Speaker 2: Okay, let it go, and that's uh, we'll let you
Speaker 2: know which one it was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I used to I used to date a girl
Speaker 3: and she had higher testosterone levels.
Speaker 2: Did she get them checked the normal?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like, okay, check she had Yeah, he didn't need to
Speaker 1: check and he just needed to look at a face. No.
Speaker 3: No, but she had higher testosterone level. So that made
Speaker 3: her like crap, she's so horny all the time. And
Speaker 3: so maybe the advice is cold showers.
Speaker 2: Uh does that increase your testostery?
Speaker 3: Cold showers?
Speaker 2: This little girl doesn't like to get chili. Oh that's true.
Speaker 2: She hates being cold, she.
Speaker 3: Too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it helps you be more comfortable being chilly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it helps your nervous system. It helps you, It helps
Speaker 1: your nervous system.
Speaker 3: Fucking relax and the cardiovascular system that opens up makes
Speaker 3: it easier.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think like if you want this
Speaker 1: relationship to work out again, like not you want to Yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes this is what people don't understand. Like so in
Speaker 1: this age of like being like I don't want to
Speaker 1: say overly sensitive, but like being really in touch with
Speaker 1: our bodies and stuff, sometimes the same way is you
Speaker 1: have to like have a conversation you don't want to
Speaker 1: have in a relationship. Sometimes you have to like kind
Speaker 1: of push yourself over a hump sexually to get horny again.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, it's weird because sometimes it does feel like
Speaker 1: you're molesting your and that's when you know it's time
Speaker 1: to go. But like sometimes you just get in this
Speaker 1: like comfy phase where you do want to cuddle and
Speaker 1: you're over eating at night and then you don't feel
Speaker 1: morney that kind of stuff you need to work to
Speaker 1: get past that.
Speaker 2: That is part of the relationship.
Speaker 1: You like this because there's a lot of letters that
Speaker 1: we get that are from girls who are like I
Speaker 1: just kind of want to cuddle on a hangout, Like
Speaker 1: I gotta that's like not acceptable in a relationship and
Speaker 1: it's not gonna fly, Like no one should ever be
Speaker 1: forcing you to do something sexually that you don't want
Speaker 1: to do. But being sexual is part of being in
Speaker 1: a romantic relationship, and so it is pretty much required.
Speaker 1: Unless you guys have a conversation together that that's not
Speaker 1: you're not gonna seek that anymore in your relationship in general,
Speaker 1: you're both kinna be kind of gonna go asexual, which
Speaker 1: I've heard of before, or you're gonna you can seek
Speaker 1: sexuality elsewhere. Yeah, So unless that is discussed, please film again.
Speaker 1: Unless it's communicated otherwise that it's pretty much required to
Speaker 1: stay sexually active to be in a relationship your partner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's part of it that I've said this on
Speaker 1: the show so many times, But I was in a
Speaker 1: seven year relationship that I enjoyed the whole time, And
Speaker 1: one of the main reasons was because our sex life
Speaker 1: was fantastic the whole time. There's ebbs and flows and stuff,
Speaker 1: but we never we don't think we ever gotten no rut,
Speaker 1: and if we did, it was because I was like,
Speaker 1: get off me. But it didn't last for very long.
Speaker 1: I was dming. This woman DMed me because she heard
Speaker 1: our bonus episode or another homeporate woman on an issue
Speaker 1: kind of similar to this, because she was commenting, I
Speaker 1: talked about the last Luminary Bonus episode about an issue
Speaker 1: that I'm having in my relationship with regards to like
Speaker 1: uneven sex drives, and this woman was like, I really
Speaker 1: appreciate you talking about that. I feel the same way.
Speaker 1: Her and a boyfriend had gone to a sex therapist.
Speaker 2: They they or her husband.
Speaker 1: Maybe they ended up opening up the relationship because it
Speaker 1: turned out her partner, her male partner, was like, I'm
Speaker 1: just not really that sexually active, Like I don't want
Speaker 1: to fuck many people, but you can fuck whoever you want.
Speaker 2: And it worked for both of them.
Speaker 1: But one of their therapists said, uh, our therapist said
Speaker 1: to us, either someone eats when they're full or someone
Speaker 1: feels hungry all the time.
Speaker 2: Ooh ooh ooh.
Speaker 1: That resonated. That resonated with me, and it's like, what's
Speaker 1: it going to be eating while foam? Meaning just fuck
Speaker 1: each other, Just do it. It's not the worst thing,
Speaker 1: you know, unless you unless again, you feel like you're
Speaker 1: molesting yourself, unless you feel like you're raping yourself with
Speaker 1: your partner's body. No one deserves to be part of
Speaker 1: that not you and not your partner, because.
Speaker 2: That is not a fun thing to be on the
Speaker 2: receiving end of. So, but you know, we all know
Speaker 2: sometimes when you get it in you're.
Speaker 1: Like, oh yeah, right sex, I love it, and then
Speaker 1: you keep you and then then you don't stop, you know,
Speaker 1: you get on a little wave of fucking right. For me,
Speaker 1: it does concern me though, that even when you guys
Speaker 1: are ending up fucking that you're not coming.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because even kind.
Speaker 1: Of when you you know, eat when you're full, as
Speaker 1: Christina said, you should still be coming, and the coming
Speaker 1: is very it's like ninety nine percent of the time mental,
Speaker 1: I would say. So there's a disconnect somewhere and you
Speaker 1: got to fix that.
Speaker 2: Oh there's pictures.
Speaker 3: Maybe she's bored.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean to me, it just feels friendly.
Speaker 1: And he looks like a guy that would you would
Speaker 1: easily go into friend mode with.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that smile, he's too, he's gentle. Yeah, he's a
Speaker 2: gentle energy.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I had a friend of mine who was had a
Speaker 3: similar thing with the girl's saying, and they went to
Speaker 3: Amsterdam and went to a sex club. They didn't like.
Speaker 3: They didn't switch it up with each of the they
Speaker 3: whiskey and yeah they just fucked in a sex club
Speaker 3: and now it's.
Speaker 1: Been good, so yeah, just buy it and it gets
Speaker 1: Amsterdam to go to the red light districts. Yeah, take
Speaker 1: a cold shower in your hotel room and then get on.
Speaker 2: Over that sex club, baby girl.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think sometimes, especially in your late twenty
Speaker 1: is like when you go into front moll with someone,
Speaker 1: there's this fear like I don't want to lose this
Speaker 1: person because I've never experience to friendship, especially with someone
Speaker 1: of the opposite sex if your heterosexual, on this kind
Speaker 1: of an intimate level. But you need to learn to
Speaker 1: decipher the difference between someone who is a close intimate friend,
Speaker 1: because we think there's friend and relationship when in reality,
Speaker 1: there's this gray area in between. And I have this
Speaker 1: with a lot of my gay friends where there isn't
Speaker 1: we are more intimate than me and my gal pals,
Speaker 1: you know, you know, there's like a sexual like vibe there,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to be their girlfriend. And that
Speaker 1: is a space that you have to learn how to recognize.
Speaker 1: And that space is not enough for to sustain a
Speaker 1: relationship and lot so people will get hurt in that
Speaker 1: space word. This next sub subject line says, what do
Speaker 1: you do when you hate his family?
Speaker 2: You don't talk to him?
Speaker 1: Dear Curna, Christina a huge fan of the podcast and
Speaker 1: always appreciate the unfiltered advice you give to all your listeners.
Speaker 1: The issue I write to you about today has been
Speaker 1: an ongoing annoyance in my long term relationship, which is
Speaker 1: that my boyfriend's family is god awful just happening on
Speaker 1: Gilmore Girls. In the beginning, I really tried to get
Speaker 1: to know them, making an effort to ask his mom
Speaker 1: to get lunch the.
Speaker 2: Therapy's your mistake? What you don't got to do that?
Speaker 5: Girl?
Speaker 2: There was your mistake, girl right there?
Speaker 1: Too much, too thirsty, inviting his sister in law to
Speaker 1: get drinks to celebrate finishing her finals, relax families, and
Speaker 1: spending copious dinners with them. As it's been made apparent
Speaker 1: how important it is to my boyfriends, oh okay, oh
Speaker 1: god on attach. It doesn't seem important enough to him
Speaker 1: though for him to try to help facilitate any connection
Speaker 1: between me and his family. There you go to break up,
Speaker 1: hanging out with them, break up and will often leave
Speaker 1: me alone with the women and his family while he
Speaker 1: dicks off with the men.
Speaker 2: All Right, this guy sucks.
Speaker 1: I've gotten to the point that I'm really just tired
Speaker 1: of putting any effort in as his brother, sister in law,
Speaker 1: and mom can be genuinely exhausting, constantly interrupting everyone else
Speaker 1: to talk about the latest gossip on people none of
Speaker 1: us know, making any little thing into a competition, and
Speaker 1: never asking anyone else about their lives. I truly love
Speaker 1: when no one asked me about my life. It's my
Speaker 1: favorite thing. Openly mock my relationship to my boyfriend and
Speaker 1: say backhanded comments to me that make me feel like shit,
Speaker 1: like what, who cares what they think? All for my
Speaker 1: boyfriend to claim he didn't hear it when I bring
Speaker 1: it up afterward. Unfortunately, this is just the tip of
Speaker 1: the iceberg. Girl, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Speaker 1: You think this guy's whole family sucks and he's great,
Speaker 1: that's very rare. First off, his mom has a lot
Speaker 1: of opinions about me that I wish she would just
Speaker 1: confront me about.
Speaker 2: How old are they that are spending this much time
Speaker 2: with a family. I hope you're seventeen. Yeah, if you're
Speaker 2: not seventeen, this is fuck so weird.
Speaker 1: First off, his mom has a lot of opinions about
Speaker 1: me that I wish she would just confront me about.
Speaker 1: I'll frequently catch her looking me up and down, to
Speaker 1: which she will say something like, Oh, I've never seen
Speaker 1: you wear that. Shut the fuck up, what does that
Speaker 1: even mean? You know what I would have said back, eh,
Speaker 1: middle finger. She makes the same huge deal about my
Speaker 1: tattoos every time they come out, and it's constantly fucking
Speaker 1: with my hair.
Speaker 2: Ew huh she touches your hair? This is weird. No, no, no.
Speaker 1: I live in an artsy kind of alternative city, so
Speaker 1: I don't personally think my style is too crazy.
Speaker 2: It's not. It literally doesn't matter what your style is.
Speaker 1: I like to express myself with my clothes, makeup, et cetera,
Speaker 1: while maintaining an overall professional facade. As I work in
Speaker 1: the medicals, you're defending yourself when nothing needs defending. Sometimes
Speaker 1: she'll ask me something about my life, just to immediately
Speaker 1: interrupt before I can even get the sentence out, often
Speaker 1: projecting across the room to have a full conversation in
Speaker 1: her native language with her mom or whoever is there
Speaker 1: to listen, and I'm left wondering why she even asked
Speaker 1: the question if she didn't intend on listening to the answer.
Speaker 2: I wonder if she's one of those no woman is
Speaker 2: good enough for my son moms.
Speaker 1: There's also there also might be like a cultural thing
Speaker 1: where she like, if this chick's white, she doesn't want
Speaker 1: her son with a white chick. Most of what she
Speaker 1: does is somewhat typical old person behavior, but it's just
Speaker 1: really just a cherry on top. All old people aren't rude,
Speaker 1: just you now, Yeah, some people are, and she's probably
Speaker 1: like fifty five. She's probably not even a old but again,
Speaker 1: I hope this writer is seventeen. Yeah, but it's really
Speaker 1: just the cherry on top of the other dynamic. I
Speaker 1: have to deal with his sister in law. Who even
Speaker 1: cares about someone's sister in law that's not even family.
Speaker 1: What his sister in law does a lot of the
Speaker 1: classic caddy bullshit. She walks or stands in front of
Speaker 1: me to close me off from the group. I would
Speaker 1: laugh so hard if that I'd be like, what the
Speaker 1: fuck it makes?
Speaker 2: Passing comments about my race?
Speaker 1: Okay? She ill to her husband when she knows I'm
Speaker 1: the only one in earshot, I'm confused who is everyone's
Speaker 1: different races, but like, who is Who's race one? Yeah,
Speaker 1: she interacts with me briefly, only to try to shove
Speaker 1: alcohol down my throat before turning to her long winded
Speaker 1: transphobic story about a client at her botox clinic while
Speaker 1: consistently misgendering them.
Speaker 2: I'm openly queer on my.
Speaker 1: Social media, so I can tell she's deliberately trying to
Speaker 1: pick fights with me. But I grew up with all
Speaker 1: brothers and always respond the same way by being as
Speaker 1: neutral as possible, and my response are pretending I don't
Speaker 1: hear her.
Speaker 2: That's a good tactic, Honestly.
Speaker 1: This tactic has worked for me in the past with
Speaker 1: Caddy women, and generally works with her as the night progresses.
Speaker 1: But I always have to restart with each get together
Speaker 1: and wait for her to tire herself out and lea
Speaker 1: Me'll never hang out with his family again. It sounds
Speaker 1: like you hang out with this family a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's all you there all the time, weird, She's always
Speaker 1: I mean. But the bottom line here is he is
Speaker 1: doing no work to facilitate the relationship between you two
Speaker 1: so that he doesn't love you and I and also yeah,
Speaker 1: and how dare you fucking tell me it's really important
Speaker 1: for me to bond with your family and then you're
Speaker 1: not there to manage it in any way.
Speaker 2: And there's no way he doesn't know his family sucks.
Speaker 2: There's no way he doesn't know that.
Speaker 1: Well, he might, he might not, but I think that
Speaker 1: also could be because he sucks.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: She's always asking me what my boyfriend bought me for
Speaker 1: my birthday, Christmas, et cetera, only to chime in immediately
Speaker 1: by showing me a screenshot of the new Gucci purse
Speaker 1: she got, just because, making sure to let me know
Speaker 1: how expensive it was.
Speaker 2: Oh cool, what is a saltburn? I know?
Speaker 1: His brother, though, is probably the most obnoxious of them all.
Speaker 1: He's a public defender in our city and loves to
Speaker 1: tell detailed stories about his cases, most of which you
Speaker 1: involve not if you can't, if you know, if you
Speaker 1: don't say like who it is, most of which involved
Speaker 1: him having to defend a client who brutally murdered an
Speaker 1: animal or is facing rape charges. He tells these stories
Speaker 1: while maniacally laughing that some bitch broke up with him,
Speaker 1: so he broke into her apartment while she was at
Speaker 1: work and killed her dog.
Speaker 3: Ha ha ha.
Speaker 1: Too bad he didn't realize her ring camera was going
Speaker 1: to catch the whole thing. Okay, He's constantly belittling my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: calling me the man of the house and him the
Speaker 1: bitch in the relationship, and making his family sucks wild
Speaker 1: claims about how I'm controlling just because I'm not a
Speaker 1: cheerleader housewife type like his spouse. If he knew anything
Speaker 1: at all about our relationship, I could be open to
Speaker 1: his criticism, but I can't make a comment about anything
Speaker 1: without him coming at me ready to start an argument.
Speaker 1: One time, in particular, I can't believe your soul in
Speaker 1: the relations I wouldn't have even gotten through the paragraph
Speaker 1: he wan and still been in the relationship.
Speaker 2: Did you that's crazy?
Speaker 1: One time, in particular, he worked himself into a screaming
Speaker 1: match with himself after he tried to incorrectly man explain
Speaker 1: something to me related to the field I work, into
Speaker 1: which I finally responded, wouldn't I know? Though, It's easy
Speaker 1: to tell that all he wants is for women not
Speaker 1: to talk or have opinions, so I've resorted to just
Speaker 1: distracting myself with random thoughts and staring into space while
Speaker 1: he's droning on, waiting patiently for it to be.
Speaker 2: Time to go home. Pull you through this.
Speaker 1: All of this being said, what really drives me crazy
Speaker 1: is that my boyfriend just sits there as I'm fighting
Speaker 1: for my life with these people. Yeah.
Speaker 2: That's fucking yeah, that's fucked up.
Speaker 1: He is so deep in his illusions about his family
Speaker 1: that he still asessed me to show up for hangouts
Speaker 1: again and again when it's super clear that it wouldn't
Speaker 1: make a difference if I was there or not. I've
Speaker 1: even made the joke that he could get a cardboard
Speaker 1: cut out of me to bring to dinner instead, and
Speaker 1: my cardboard self would get the same level of interaction
Speaker 1: as the real me.
Speaker 2: He does. It's just really just a waste of my
Speaker 2: time at this point. Yes, correct. He always insists that his.
Speaker 1: Mom didn't mean that comment like that, and that you
Speaker 1: just haven't spent enough time with them.
Speaker 2: But it hasn't gotten better.
Speaker 1: He's always like, yeah, it was weird that my brother
Speaker 1: yelled at you like that instead of sticking up for
Speaker 1: me in the moment. It's getting to the point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not getting to the point. It's past the point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's getting to the point that I'm not even sure
Speaker 1: if staying in this relationship is worth this treaty.
Speaker 2: It's not. Yeah, I mean this, and I mean yeah,
Speaker 2: you already determined you needed to break up with them
Speaker 2: before he told you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, I don't even know how hot this guy
Speaker 1: would need to be for this. His cock would have
Speaker 1: to be so huge and he'd have to be trying
Speaker 1: to put it in me all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for me to a little bit tolerate this.
Speaker 1: But since my boyfriend's mom just started implementing a monthly dinner,
Speaker 1: this literally is Gilmore girls with us, I felt the
Speaker 1: need to reach out for some straightforward advice on this situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Leave, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else I can do other than completely
Speaker 1: shutting down in these environments?
Speaker 2: Is it okay? Yeah? This is ridiculous, dude?
Speaker 1: Is it okay for me to decide not to hang
Speaker 1: out with his family anymore? If my boyfriend refuses to
Speaker 1: do anything to help, you should refuse to hang I
Speaker 1: don't understand why I want to be with this sky. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Do you want a man to defends your honor? Hey?
Speaker 1: Doing that?
Speaker 2: This is ridiculous. He's too much, He's he's still stuck
Speaker 2: in his mom's teeth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he'll he'll get through it eventually in his life,
Speaker 1: I hope, hopefully. I don't know that he will know
Speaker 1: she's twenty eight and he's thirty. Oh wait, no, my
Speaker 1: boyfriend is twenty five. Okay, he's twenty five. Okay, you
Speaker 1: should definitely still break up with them. But he'll learn
Speaker 1: on his own and it'll be a crushing and he'll
Speaker 1: do whatever he wants with it.
Speaker 2: But that's his own journey.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is there any way to help him not be
Speaker 1: a pussy dump them? I've spoken about this many times
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend, to which he always apologizes profusely for
Speaker 1: his family, but nothing changes about how he responds when
Speaker 1: we're in the moment. I'm curious about each of your
Speaker 1: experiences with your partner's family, and I don't hang out with.
Speaker 2: My partner's families.
Speaker 1: You guys are just like you guys are living this
Speaker 1: life that you've seen in movies and on TV that
Speaker 1: you don't need to live. I don't like hang out
Speaker 1: with people's families, and so I don't hang out with
Speaker 1: people's families.
Speaker 2: It's really quite simple.
Speaker 1: And I also don't make them hang out with mine
Speaker 1: and if they're not okay with that, that's not the
Speaker 1: person for me. Like it's just not they don't really
Speaker 1: have a family, so Jerry's out.
Speaker 2: But I was this guy, I was.
Speaker 1: Your boyfriend for a while for sure, and I would
Speaker 1: get like a pissed off and offended, like Steven used
Speaker 1: to say stuff about my mom a lot, and then
Speaker 1: I realized he was right eventually throughout the relationship because
Speaker 1: we were together for a while, and then one year
Speaker 1: at Smith's.
Speaker 2: The only thing me and Steven agreed on it I'm
Speaker 2: actually quite frankly.
Speaker 1: One year at Christmas, we had this annual Christmas tournament
Speaker 1: that we had every year at my house in my
Speaker 1: basementhere we would like compete for Christmas presents.
Speaker 2: It was really fun. But in the middle of it
Speaker 2: and Steven's family, who I oh, angels and saints. Thank God.
Speaker 2: That was very helpful for me.
Speaker 1: But they came over and we were all there and
Speaker 1: and my ex boyfriend called my mama bitch and it
Speaker 1: was just a record scratch and I was like, oh, oh,
Speaker 1: that's not good.
Speaker 2: But I was like, oh, it's kind of right. Oh
Speaker 2: what do I do?
Speaker 1: And then they had a fight in front of me,
Speaker 1: and honestly it was pretty cool. But he did defend
Speaker 1: my honor and it honestly made me be with him
Speaker 1: for another year and a half. Right, But that's interesting
Speaker 1: because that's defending your honor though, So that that's easier
Speaker 1: for him to call your mama bitch than to call
Speaker 1: his own mama bitch, right, I guess yeah.
Speaker 2: Definitely, yes, I mean now I can yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So so I think that's like men have a
Speaker 1: lot of trouble with their relationship with their own mothers.
Speaker 2: It's really weird. Do you have a weird relationship with
Speaker 2: your mom?
Speaker 3: No? I love my mama.
Speaker 1: Okay, but even though you said that was fucking discussed,
Speaker 1: you're still stuck in her booby.
Speaker 2: You love what mama?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I just said it like that, did Troy you guys?
Speaker 2: Yeah? It worked.
Speaker 3: No, I have a good relationship. We talk like once
Speaker 3: a week.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's health. That seems healthy. That's all I know
Speaker 2: about you, guys.
Speaker 1: But so she wait, she says, I'm curious about each
Speaker 1: of your experiences with your partner's families and if you've
Speaker 1: ever been in situations like this where you fell completely
Speaker 1: alone and trying to navigate someone else's family and how
Speaker 1: long it took you to give up if it matters
Speaker 1: for contacts, I'm a twenty eight year old female. My
Speaker 1: boyfriend is twenty five, his brother is thirty one, his
Speaker 1: sister in law is thirty, and his mom is in
Speaker 1: her sixties. Your boyfriend's two immature, like I think twenty
Speaker 1: and twenty five. You're willing to see the age gap there.
Speaker 1: You got to wait until like, yeah, this is just
Speaker 1: not working. Yeah, this isn't working. Give up, go up, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, give up. We'll move on like this a
Speaker 1: little baby. Give up on him and stick with yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Or what might make you feel better is go
Speaker 3: go to that family dinner and just troll and get
Speaker 3: into the argument.
Speaker 6: Because that might that might make you feel it might
Speaker 6: make you feel beout its to how have you not
Speaker 6: lost your lady boner for your boyfriend's inability to stick
Speaker 6: up for you or to like fucking tell his brother
Speaker 6: to shut the fuck up like that?
Speaker 1: To me?
Speaker 2: Uh uh no, no, no, that is not Oh that's
Speaker 2: such a pussy behavior.
Speaker 1: He doesn't have to call his own mother a bitch,
Speaker 1: but he just has to like chime in and go, hey,
Speaker 1: why are you treating.
Speaker 2: Her like that.
Speaker 1: It's so simple and it shows so much respect towards you.
Speaker 1: If he expects you to hang out with his family
Speaker 1: and he's not doing that, yeah.
Speaker 2: Break up, break up, break up, break up, break up.
Speaker 2: He's like still part of his worth it.
Speaker 1: He is still part of his original family and he's
Speaker 1: not ready to build a family with someone new.
Speaker 3: Like.
Speaker 1: That's like, that's a difference. That's a difference between a
Speaker 1: boy and a man. Like a boy chooses his mother first,
Speaker 1: a man has to choose his wife first.
Speaker 2: There's no way around it.
Speaker 1: I would never ever go with someone who is choosing
Speaker 1: his mom over me. And I know that a lot
Speaker 1: I know, and I know that's like a big argument
Speaker 1: that a lot of people have, and some people are
Speaker 1: comfortable with choosing their their mom first. I would even
Speaker 1: take like being on the same level as mom. I
Speaker 1: would take that, but not not being a second choice,
Speaker 1: because then there's no point in me marrying you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: to no point, it's fine.
Speaker 2: That's terrible.
Speaker 1: Yea being a man is creating your own family and
Speaker 1: then prioritizing that being an adult.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, next subject line.
Speaker 1: My partner is overweight and it's affecting our sex life.
Speaker 1: Hi Current and Christina. I'm a huge fan. I need
Speaker 1: a good, honest roasting. I'm twenty eight year old female.
Speaker 1: My partner is a thirty year old male. I've been
Speaker 1: been with my partner for almost three years, and when
Speaker 1: I met him, he had a bit of a beer belly,
Speaker 1: and over the course of our relationship.
Speaker 2: He has gotten bigger.
Speaker 1: To give you an idea, he's five ten, weighing around
Speaker 1: two hundred to two hundred and fifty.
Speaker 2: Pounds, way too much. I was like, I don't know
Speaker 2: how much guy's weigh I don't even know.
Speaker 1: My dad was six foot six and didn't even weigh
Speaker 1: two hundred pounds. I mean he was thin, but not
Speaker 1: like skinny, like super you know. He was like, you know,
Speaker 1: at times, like a buck ninety at six six Eric.
Speaker 2: Can we ask how much you weigh? I'm go, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: there you go, got it. Yeah, it's boy weight. I
Speaker 2: can't it's hard.
Speaker 1: Before we even got together, he mentioned that he wanted
Speaker 1: to lose weight. So I entered into the relationship expecting
Speaker 1: him to fulfill this promise to himself because I didn't.
Speaker 2: Have any reason not to.
Speaker 1: I thought he was great, cute and I figured I
Speaker 1: could be a little patient and wait for him to
Speaker 1: get in shape. Not only has that not happened, which
Speaker 1: is disappointing, but worse, my libido has checked out of
Speaker 1: the building as a result. Also too, like when someone
Speaker 1: just isn't working on themselves, Like they don't have to
Speaker 1: be fucking stick thin and they don't have to be jacked,
Speaker 1: but like when they're not healthy, it is such a
Speaker 1: turn off. Ugh, you could be physically attractive and not
Speaker 1: take care of yourself, and I think that's so disgusting.
Speaker 1: I very recently took a job and we have agreed
Speaker 1: to do long distance and have been for about three
Speaker 1: months so far.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're slowly breaking up with them? Yep. Yes.
Speaker 1: Up until then, we were having sex maybe once a
Speaker 1: month when we were When we were living together, I
Speaker 1: just stopped wanting to have sex. But now that we
Speaker 1: are apart, my libido is perking back up again because
Speaker 1: you're not around him, and I'm masturbating a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because he's not there again he is mentioning that he
Speaker 1: wants to work out. There is not the mouth to
Speaker 1: work out. There is no try, there is no try,
Speaker 1: there's only do. Okay, you either do it, or you
Speaker 1: shut the fuck up about it.
Speaker 2: We live in twenty twenty four. If you want to
Speaker 2: work out, you literally that moment.
Speaker 1: Go to YouTube dot com and pull up any of
Speaker 1: the thousands of work.
Speaker 2: Up videos that are for free or on TikTok or
Speaker 2: on Instagram.
Speaker 4: I did.
Speaker 1: I saw all these booty chicks on Instagram that give
Speaker 1: you booty workouts where you need no equipment, you barely
Speaker 1: even need a mat and they fucking burn your ass.
Speaker 1: There are so funny. Yeah, Or go for a fucking
Speaker 1: walk around the plot.
Speaker 2: It doesn't even have to be all right.
Speaker 1: Up until then, we were just having sex maybe once
Speaker 1: a month when we were living together.
Speaker 2: Stopped wanting to have sex. Now I'm masturbating again.
Speaker 1: Uh. He is mentioning that he wants to work out,
Speaker 1: and he has started to a little. But I don't
Speaker 1: want to wind up in the same position as before,
Speaker 1: especially now that I'm starting to rethink how important sex
Speaker 1: is to me. My libido has returned and I want
Speaker 1: to be sexually attracted to my partner. The only thing
Speaker 1: worse than a boyfriend not working out is a boyfriend
Speaker 1: who works out a little.
Speaker 2: Honestly, Krin's completely correct in.
Speaker 1: My head, you had like two pound weight that you
Speaker 1: use like during soul cycle that's on the back of
Speaker 1: your bike.
Speaker 2: And he's going like this, I'll work at today it.
Speaker 2: I mean, look brick by brick baby, but come on,
Speaker 2: come on.
Speaker 1: And also what is his diet like, because if he's
Speaker 1: eating shit food, he's not going to have the motivation
Speaker 1: to work out. So he needs to start there and
Speaker 1: then I'll actually have some more energy to like lift
Speaker 1: a five pounder, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think he's depressed.
Speaker 1: Also, if you're if you started dating him and head
Speaker 1: a beer belly that was actually from beer, not just
Speaker 1: like you're not just using that like colloquially, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he might be a depressed alcohol Like good chance that
Speaker 1: there's a lot more depressed alcoholics. And I think we're
Speaker 1: you know, we're calling everyone narcissists and we're calling out things.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 1: Looking at the core issue that a lot of men
Speaker 1: are overweight alcoholics that are depressed, okay, and it makes
Speaker 1: them not want to fuck, It makes him not want
Speaker 1: to work out, makes them not.
Speaker 2: Want to be there for you. Yeah, and you don't
Speaker 2: have to be there for that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, we've been together for three years and he's
Speaker 1: the best partner I've ever had. Oh maybe I've never
Speaker 1: had a good partner before. All right, I'm so tired
Speaker 1: of this. This is the best, this is their healthiest. Well
Speaker 1: and then you tell us this laundry list of things
Speaker 1: that are the problem and the best relationship I ever had.
Speaker 1: There just wasn't that this many issues?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh well the only issue that
Speaker 2: she's saying, I get, well, these two she's he's she
Speaker 2: and he doesn't want to She doesn't want to fuck him.
Speaker 2: That's a big She doesn't want to fuck him.
Speaker 1: And he's saying he's gonna work out and he never
Speaker 1: does that. That that to me, I can't trust you
Speaker 1: for a future. I don't know if you want kids
Speaker 1: or not, or like if it's a maybe or whatever.
Speaker 2: Do you know what? That person's not gonna be a
Speaker 2: good dad.
Speaker 1: But also people tell you who they are. Right, So
Speaker 1: you met him, he already had the beer belly. What'd
Speaker 1: you think he was gonna all of a sudden get chiseled, Like, like,
Speaker 1: when you need someone, you should factor in your head
Speaker 1: if they got thirty percent worse looking, would I still
Speaker 1: be attracted to them? What you need to walk into
Speaker 1: it with because the fact because most people.
Speaker 2: Get less attractive in a relationship.
Speaker 1: It is extremely rare that they get better looking, and
Speaker 1: if they do, they're probably preparing cheating it on you.
Speaker 2: That's what that's for. That's why we get swollen get out.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I've been at the last relationship I was
Speaker 1: in was with somebody who was like, always wanted to
Speaker 1: work out and never did. And I'm like, I swear
Speaker 1: to fucking God, if you tell me you want to
Speaker 1: work out one more time, I'm going to punch you
Speaker 1: in the face.
Speaker 2: I saw him go to yoga like once or twice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but uh, I'm like.
Speaker 2: You don't drink do something anyway.
Speaker 1: But then but then my partner now, like one of
Speaker 1: the many things I love about him is like I
Speaker 1: don't have to tell him shit, like he knows. He's like,
Speaker 1: I mean, way too many cookies late at night, and
Speaker 1: he's like, and then I'll like, fucking go hard, balls
Speaker 1: to the walls, work it every day.
Speaker 2: Go for like I'm like, and I don't.
Speaker 1: I am not involved in his wanting to make himself
Speaker 1: better in any way.
Speaker 2: And it's such a breath of fresh air.
Speaker 1: So I will say as somebody who's enjoying that in
Speaker 1: a partner right now.
Speaker 2: It could be you too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah it is nice in the mirror and goes, wow,
Speaker 1: I look like shit, maybe I should fix this so he's.
Speaker 2: The best way. Yeah, it's nice, it's so nice.
Speaker 1: Don't many times? Yeah I looked in the mirror and go, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you ain't looking good. Let's do something about this. We
Speaker 1: got we gotta turn right round back into the backs
Speaker 1: of the gym. We've been together for three years, best
Speaker 1: partner I've ever had. I'm not ready to walk away yet,
Speaker 1: so I really need some guidance on him. He's not
Speaker 1: ready to walk. Yeah, I'm all right. He's not ready
Speaker 1: to run, he's not ready to lift. He ain't ready
Speaker 1: to even go on a bicycle.
Speaker 2: Walking the operative word. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, you can trick him into working
Speaker 1: out by going for a bike cry, But I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: this shouldn't be on you. I've never mentioned how his
Speaker 1: weight okay, I've never mentioned how his weight and lack
Speaker 1: of action doing anything about it is affecting our sex
Speaker 1: life because I don't want to hurt his feelings. Oh god,
Speaker 1: he is genuinely a good man and I don't want
Speaker 1: to hurt him.
Speaker 2: What you allow is what will continue.
Speaker 1: In quo, that's a quote that she she wrote, So
Speaker 1: how do I course correct? Now? You have to have
Speaker 1: a conversation with him. You have to have to have to.
Speaker 1: How else would he know that this is what you're thinking.
Speaker 1: He deserves to know what you're thinking, and you deserve
Speaker 1: to have your partner know what you're thinking. He's not
Speaker 1: gonna guess it. Odds are he doesn't feel great about himself.
Speaker 1: Maybe it Churt's right, maybe he is depressed. But you
Speaker 1: have to broach this conversation. Depressed or not, you can
Speaker 1: still go about it in a respectful way and say, look,
Speaker 1: we've been together for three years, and I have to
Speaker 1: be honest with you.
Speaker 2: My attraction to you is waning.
Speaker 1: Because I hear all this talk about you wanting to
Speaker 1: get in shape and take care of yourself, but you
Speaker 1: don't get in shape and take care of yourself, and
Speaker 1: that is such a pussy dryer. I gotta be honest.
Speaker 1: And one thing that I know would fix it is
Speaker 1: if you actually follow through with all the promises of
Speaker 1: taking care of yourself. Because if you don't follow through
Speaker 1: with that and you keep making empty promises. This relationship
Speaker 1: is going nowhere and I'm gonna have to break up
Speaker 1: with you, but I want it. I love you so
Speaker 1: much that I would love to have a discussion to
Speaker 1: see if there's something that you know we can we
Speaker 1: can do. Yes, See, you can talk about you can
Speaker 1: talk about someone's weight from the perspective of health.
Speaker 2: Because just don't just yeah, you can't.
Speaker 1: You don't have to have to be like I'm not
Speaker 1: unattracted to you that kind of thing. You can be
Speaker 1: like the reason you can be like I don't I
Speaker 1: am my attraction for you is like waning because of
Speaker 1: like your lack of motivation for helping yourself, like it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be.
Speaker 2: My attraction for you is waning because you are fat.
Speaker 1: You see, those are two very different different sentences, and
Speaker 1: like the way Christina just worded it was like you're
Speaker 1: still getting it the point across without actually saying like
Speaker 1: your esthetic appalls me, which is what you feel in
Speaker 1: your heart. You know, there are ways to express things
Speaker 1: in a less hurtful manner while still getting your point across,
Speaker 1: you know, Because it's also like there's so much walking
Speaker 1: on eggshells that we do as women because we're so
Speaker 1: afraid of hurting everyone else while people literally murder us.
Speaker 2: So maybe we should get over it.
Speaker 1: Maybe you can hurt someone's feelings, you know, because they're
Speaker 1: going to shoot you up in your yoga class. My
Speaker 1: husband's best friend started started dating his dead best friend's widow.
Speaker 2: That happens a lot. That happens a lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, High Current and Christina a long time they're dead
Speaker 1: with who the fucking matters? They're probably honestly, and they're
Speaker 1: probably's probably happy for their boog getting some dick doesn't matter. Yeah, Ever,
Speaker 1: hig Current and Christina longtime fucker and luminary subscriber. I
Speaker 1: love to hear your thoughts about the situation my husband
Speaker 1: and I are currently in.
Speaker 2: I hope it makes sense. Yeah, that's every letter we get.
Speaker 2: Your husband is not in it either. I injected myself
Speaker 2: into a situation that I'm actually not in. Maybe help me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this email, I lookt outside yourself. Now you're bored
Speaker 1: in your relationship. My husband, John in quotes, had been
Speaker 1: friends with this guy, Ben in quotes for almost ten years.
Speaker 1: They considered each other to be best friends and also
Speaker 1: co workers. Ben has clinical depression. Welcome to the club. Ben.
Speaker 2: Uh, I mean I'm not in it, but a lot
Speaker 2: of men are. Yeah, that was the other men and
Speaker 2: other emails.
Speaker 1: Is extremely pessimistic and can be charming, fun and hilarious
Speaker 1: on a good day.
Speaker 2: Oh fun.
Speaker 1: John has a lot of hobbies that bring him joy
Speaker 1: and is an optimistic person. He says the good in
Speaker 1: people and really gives everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 2: John's a sucker.
Speaker 1: The last few years of John's friendship with Ben were
Speaker 1: pretty rough for John because Ben always has a cloud
Speaker 1: of negativity over him. He has low self esteem and
Speaker 1: self worth. Nothing makes him happy, not his dog, not all,
Speaker 1: not the house he bought, or his six figure salary.
Speaker 2: I cant understand the house and the and the salary.
Speaker 2: The dog, Yeah, how does it?
Speaker 1: Because you have to look within for happiness, you can't
Speaker 1: source it outside yourself.
Speaker 2: But that dog should bring something out. Yeah. If a
Speaker 2: dog might, it doesn't make you happy, it might be
Speaker 2: the end. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: That's actually when I became really concerned about my mental
Speaker 1: health after my dad died, When like, sometimes even my
Speaker 1: dog wasn't like doing it for me.
Speaker 2: I was like, this is this is a problem.
Speaker 1: He complains about everything and is a total energy vampire,
Speaker 1: and that bad energy was starting to affect John, and
Speaker 1: he slowly began to distance himself. Ben eventually moved away
Speaker 1: last year to Seattle. John noticed his day to day
Speaker 1: noticed his day to day life improve. The best way
Speaker 1: I could describe their tenure friendship in a nutshell is
Speaker 1: John is Ben's hype man and cheerleader. He was always
Speaker 1: so accommodating to Ben's emotional needs and Ben could never reciprocate.
Speaker 2: All right, a lot of what you saw.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And also it's just like I like how we're
Speaker 1: making out, Like John is this little perfect angel boy,
Speaker 1: and Ben's like, you know your But also it's like
Speaker 1: it was John who chose to stay in the relationship
Speaker 1: that long.
Speaker 2: He could have left at literally anytime. Yeah.
Speaker 1: John lived in a different country, Finland, for his entire
Speaker 1: high school years, which is where he met his best
Speaker 1: friend Hank. All Right, Even after John moved away for
Speaker 1: college across the world to California from Hank, they maintained
Speaker 1: their friendship and visited each other when they could. Hank
Speaker 1: married and when his wife Bethany was eight months pregnant
Speaker 1: with their baby, they got the devastating news that he
Speaker 1: had a brain tumor glio blastoma. Before he was scheduled
Speaker 1: for surgery, Bank asked John and I if we could
Speaker 1: be the god parents to his baby.
Speaker 2: We accepted.
Speaker 1: The next three years were a fucking rollercoaster of emotions
Speaker 1: for all of us. Hank went on to get ninety
Speaker 1: percent of his tumor removed and everything was looking great.
Speaker 1: When Hank finished his first round of chemo and radiation,
Speaker 1: John and I booked a trip to go see him
Speaker 1: and meet our god baby for the first time in person.
Speaker 1: Ben invited himself tagged along on the trip.
Speaker 2: Sidebar.
Speaker 1: We are both people pleasers and didn't have the heart
Speaker 1: to tell Ben during his depression that we didn't want
Speaker 1: him to come. We learned a hard lesson of boundaries
Speaker 1: that year.
Speaker 2: Yo, Ben, Bo, you're too sad, You're gonna ruin the mood.
Speaker 2: Please don't come.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or you could have just said you could have
Speaker 1: just been like this is like we're using this also
Speaker 1: as like a romantification for each other because we're married, right,
Speaker 1: we're together whatever. This is the first time that he
Speaker 1: and Bethany met. Ben was annoying this entire trip, and
Speaker 1: I vented to Bethany about my regret for not speaking
Speaker 1: up and telling him myself that I didn't want him
Speaker 1: to come. But Bethany also had a moment where she
Speaker 1: vented to me about Ben because of the awful things
Speaker 1: he was saying about saying moms on tinder.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: This is where she let me know that although ninety
Speaker 1: percent of Hank's tumor was removed, the doctor said that
Speaker 1: it will come back, and when it does, there was
Speaker 1: no get getting rid of it. Ye Bethany and Ben,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they they're hooking up, Oh for sure.
Speaker 2: Shit.
Speaker 1: They estimated that he had ten more years to live.
Speaker 1: I mean that's a long time. Yeah, So, I mean
Speaker 1: that's that's enough time for the love to fizzle out.
Speaker 2: True, you know, ten years.
Speaker 1: I'm even gonna well fuck you by the end of
Speaker 1: the that what's going to take you first, the tumor
Speaker 1: or my annoyance with you. So it was weighing on
Speaker 1: her that she would eventually be a single mom. I
Speaker 1: mean in years, put in the car before the horse.
Speaker 1: But obviously he died sooner.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Shit, that's terrible. Fast forward.
Speaker 1: The tumor came back a year later, and in November
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty three, Hank passed I mean that was
Speaker 1: a really bad estimate by the medical community. Yeah, passed
Speaker 1: away after being in hospice care for three months.
Speaker 2: They were really off the estimation. That was really off. Yeah,
Speaker 2: John and I attended his funeral.
Speaker 1: After the service, we hung out with Bethany at the
Speaker 1: bar at a bar for a long long time. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Girl, get that drink in you yo.
Speaker 1: Towards the end of the night, Bethany casually brings up
Speaker 1: Ben and says that he's been an unexpectedly good supportive
Speaker 1: friend to her while Hank had been in hospice.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's where you know, sad people kind of thrive.
Speaker 1: Once we were alone, John told me that he felt
Speaker 1: sick when he heard Ben was being an emotional support
Speaker 1: to her, because, in John's words, Ben has had a
Speaker 1: pattern of of finding.
Speaker 2: Vulnerable women and swooping them off their feet.
Speaker 1: Oh now, Ben could be happy when he finds a
Speaker 1: sad lady who needs some dick.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean this is like a common pattern. It's been
Speaker 1: his pattern ever since I've known him, and it always
Speaker 1: plays out the same way. They're either in or fresh
Speaker 1: out of a relationship, and he texts them every day
Speaker 1: because they're emotional support and sleeps with them, starts a relationship.
Speaker 1: John also let me know that he had not heard
Speaker 1: from Ben in a month. It's unlike Ben to ghost
Speaker 1: John because he is one of two friends that this
Speaker 1: guy has.
Speaker 2: Anyway, I thought he was dead.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, John Hank Hank's dad, right, anyway, John took
Speaker 1: Hank's death extremely hard.
Speaker 2: Ben knew how much Hank meant to. John's got to
Speaker 2: be weird for John.
Speaker 1: And when John needed Ben's support most oh no jo
Speaker 1: to find show up and be.
Speaker 2: A good friend. Ben was Bethany's pussy.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Ben wasn't there.
Speaker 1: He was too busy, for lack of a better words,
Speaker 1: grooming Hank's wife.
Speaker 2: Grooming. Yeah, I wouldn't say grooming in this situation. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just taking advantage of a vulnerable woman,
Speaker 2: beth Grooming Bethany might be the move for some dick
Speaker 2: right now, you know.
Speaker 1: So it people listen like, I've never fucked anyone more
Speaker 1: repulsive than when I was grieving my dad. So it's
Speaker 1: just just absolute disgusting human beings.
Speaker 2: It just happens.
Speaker 1: And you know what after after like the smoke cleared
Speaker 1: of the grief, I was like you know what.
Speaker 2: Good on you. Good good on the guy getting in.
Speaker 1: There, for the for the couple of discussing people that
Speaker 1: I like, You know what, good on you for taking advantage,
Speaker 1: for taking advantage of a situation, because you haven't taken
Speaker 1: advantage of of you know, how you look, or your
Speaker 1: personality to.
Speaker 2: Me, or your body or abilities correct.
Speaker 1: Or your act for that matter, several of them real
Speaker 1: really bad at comedy.
Speaker 2: To try to make.
Speaker 1: To try to make a longer story short, Ben booked
Speaker 1: a trip to Lapland and invited Bethany. Bethany texted me
Speaker 1: to let me know that she was going on this
Speaker 1: trip as Ben's plan B, because he had initially invited
Speaker 1: two of John's other finish friends and they declined, Ben's
Speaker 1: got to.
Speaker 2: Really clean it up. It's Ben.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: By the way, wait wait wait uh okay, by the way,
Speaker 2: can't tell John.
Speaker 1: About this trip until after Bethany told me. Feeling guilty,
Speaker 1: I wished her let going on this trip with this
Speaker 1: insufferable person and told her to let me know how
Speaker 1: the trip goes. They came back from this trip and
Speaker 1: neither John nor I had heard from them sus a
Speaker 1: week after the trip their trip, I reached out to
Speaker 1: Bethany to get an update, and she wanted to schedule
Speaker 1: a FaceTime.
Speaker 2: That's never good.
Speaker 1: That same night that I scheduled the time to chat
Speaker 1: with Bethany, Ben called John. Ben told John, well, our
Speaker 1: friendship blossomed into a romance. Fucking gross, and you're still
Speaker 1: too invested. John told Ben that he had crossed an
Speaker 1: ethical line because he began talking to her while Hank
Speaker 1: was in hospice. John's just in pain. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, seems like making a making a plan.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Ben's strategic.
Speaker 1: He seems more like carpe dim you know. He also
Speaker 1: told them that.
Speaker 2: Your wife, right. Yeah.
Speaker 1: He also told him that he was repeating his pattern
Speaker 1: of finding vulnerable women.
Speaker 2: He's not gonna want to He's not gonna listen to that.
Speaker 1: It's also kind of just like he can let him
Speaker 1: do that because Ben, maybe maybe Ben needs to learn
Speaker 1: and knock that ship off, and maybe Bethany needs to
Speaker 1: learn to not take that ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, everybody's on their own lesson. Yeah, and he was.
Speaker 1: He told him he was repeating his pattern of fighting
Speaker 1: vulnerable women, and he he was hoping he wasn't doing
Speaker 1: that to Bethany out of respect for Hank and his
Speaker 1: very recent death. These letters are so long, the timing
Speaker 1: is slimy, and also there were so many other single
Speaker 1: women in the world. Maybe don't hook up with the
Speaker 1: dead best friend's w Your spend is going to hook
Speaker 1: up with the dead best friend's rife.
Speaker 2: That's his mo o.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's not going to stop until something happens.
Speaker 1: But that's not on you or or boo John to do.
Speaker 1: But you know what you can do, stop talking to him.
Speaker 2: The only thing.
Speaker 1: Weirder than like one person really invested in another person's
Speaker 1: relationship is when a couple gets really invested. And I've
Speaker 1: had I've had couples really invested in like my it's
Speaker 1: very fucking weird.
Speaker 2: I don't like that. It's very weird.
Speaker 1: He was giving him the benefit of the doubt, but
Speaker 1: everything that this that his gut was telling him might
Speaker 1: be happening happened. Ben later sent John an email trying
Speaker 1: to redeem himself, and John responded by ending their friendship.
Speaker 1: Good Well, it seems like that should have happened a
Speaker 1: long time ago. When I talked to Bethany the next day,
Speaker 1: I found out that this Lapland trip that was to
Speaker 1: happen in January, was booked in October.
Speaker 2: Her Hank died in November. Well again, it's there their strategy.
Speaker 2: This none of this surprises me.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Bethany told me that she genuinely thinks that Ben
Speaker 1: hooking up with her was not his intentions, but that
Speaker 1: she really likes him now. We had a long talk
Speaker 1: where I did share with her my concerns about Ben
Speaker 1: that I thought she should be aware of because it's
Speaker 1: not just her life that this man is going to affect,
Speaker 1: it's the babies as well. While you are overt stebbing
Speaker 1: her boundaries wildly. H he hates kids, and she will
Speaker 1: find out that it's her kid. It's the reason why
Speaker 1: his last relationship of four years ended. I ended that
Speaker 1: conversation telling her that I will not be talking about
Speaker 1: Ben to her anymore since I don't have anything nice
Speaker 1: to say.
Speaker 2: Good, what is wrong with you?
Speaker 1: She just wanted to make sure that John and I
Speaker 1: will still be her friend and be there for the
Speaker 1: baby as her godparents.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you should do that.
Speaker 1: And I let her know that we were not upset
Speaker 1: with her and we wanted to maintain our friendship with her.
Speaker 1: I also told her that if in her heart she
Speaker 1: feels that this is the right thing for her, then
Speaker 1: she needs to ride the wave because at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, she's a grown woman and she knows
Speaker 1: what's best for her.
Speaker 2: If someone called me and told me.
Speaker 1: That I needed to live my life the way I
Speaker 1: needed to live it, because I'm a grown woman, I
Speaker 1: would knock them out. The baby had her third birthday
Speaker 1: a week after this conversation, John and I sent a card. Wow,
Speaker 1: you're amazing. Almost two weeks go by and I haven't
Speaker 1: heard from her. She's a Okay, you don't You don't
Speaker 1: have to call someone when they send your baby a
Speaker 1: birthday card.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you guys are really you guys are
Speaker 2: really fucking annoying. Yeah, I think that's the theme of
Speaker 2: all this. Yeah almost, I think. Yeah, the dump them
Speaker 2: and get a hobby. Yeah. Almost two weeks go by
Speaker 2: and I haven't heard from her.
Speaker 1: So I texted her to ask how the baby's birthday went,
Speaker 1: asked how they were doing, and asked if the card
Speaker 1: made it. That is obnoxious, says some shit, My mom,
Speaker 1: that's Obnoco.
Speaker 2: Saying, oh that's obnoxious. You know what, No, I didn't.
Speaker 2: You don't need to call to respond to a card.
Speaker 1: It's a card is a one way she said, oh yes,
Speaker 1: and I mean I up in a house where we
Speaker 1: had very strict rules, like my parents had very strict
Speaker 1: rules about like sending fake you know and and yes
Speaker 1: matter type shit like that, So I am not you
Speaker 1: are taking this to another level. She said, Oh, yes,
Speaker 1: we got it. I forgot to say thank you.
Speaker 2: You don't need yeah, yeah, she doesn't need to think you.
Speaker 1: We texted back and forth a little until she stopped
Speaker 1: writing back, I won't lie. That rubbed me the wrong way.
Speaker 1: Everything rubs you the wrong way. You rubbed me the
Speaker 1: wrong way. We normally would have gotten a picture of
Speaker 1: the baby with her cake or something. Well, shit changes.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I get that this baby is your
Speaker 1: your god kid. I assume what that where they're coming
Speaker 1: from the kids.
Speaker 2: We have to fake a fake thing. We have to
Speaker 2: do we have to go do the live soon.
Speaker 1: But I assume, uh, I assume that this is coming
Speaker 1: from like a like being.
Speaker 4: Hurt that like like you're not over the death of
Speaker 4: Hank and it's too soon for you guys, But that's okay,
Speaker 4: like they're doing they can do that, like they can
Speaker 4: do they can do whatever they want and it's okay.
Speaker 2: The fact that it bothers you is that's you should
Speaker 2: work on that.
Speaker 1: You should really interrogate why this bothers you, what the
Speaker 1: real reasons are, because guess what, you cannot control anybody
Speaker 1: else's behavior, and if your happiness depends and if your
Speaker 1: day going well depends on somebody else's behavior being a
Speaker 1: certain way, you're doing life wrong. I promise you you're
Speaker 1: doing life wrong. Were we all are guilty of doing this,
Speaker 1: but you really need to visit that this iseah oh wait,
Speaker 1: oh oh this picture.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't. I can do this in two minutes.
Speaker 1: I can't help but feel hurt since she seems to
Speaker 1: be icing us out because of this guy.
Speaker 2: No, she says, you're annoying, yeah.
Speaker 1: When she expressed so much concerned about losing us after
Speaker 1: Hank passed away. I am also still helping John through
Speaker 1: his grief and seeing him heard about Ben tainting our
Speaker 1: relationship with Hank's little family that left, and also death
Speaker 1: brings out really the kind of a lot. The worse
Speaker 1: in people breaks my heart makes me angry. John and
Speaker 1: I want to be there for the baby and honor Hank,
Speaker 1: but it's already hard with the distance. We can only
Speaker 1: do so much from Afar, And now it's even harder
Speaker 1: because it seems to me that Bethany is picking this
Speaker 1: person that she barely knows over us.
Speaker 2: She's digmatized.
Speaker 1: I guess as of now, I have taken a step
Speaker 1: back on checking in Bethany since our last text exchange.
Speaker 1: I left the ball on her car court. What you
Speaker 1: guys say, are we overreacting?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Yes, if you really care about Bethany, you'll be there
Speaker 1: for the baby and you'll stop fucking talking about the boys.
Speaker 2: The end of the sort. You and John just go
Speaker 2: fuck each other. You guys are so hot.
Speaker 1: Wow, they're really cute. That's Ben and that's Hank. Oh Hank,
Speaker 1: all right, p Hank.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's Bethany.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like, let her grief in the way she wants, and
Speaker 1: if she could like have a reprieve from her grief
Speaker 1: by fucking this new guide, it's not gonna go well,
Speaker 1: everybody knows that.
Speaker 2: That's okay.
Speaker 1: Let her do it. Yeah, let her do whatever she
Speaker 1: want to do it. This is a post husband death.
Speaker 1: That's your rum spring up. Yeah, you can do whatever
Speaker 1: you want. Yeah, honestly, Yeah, and be there for her
Speaker 1: and don't bring up Ben.
Speaker 2: Just shut the fuck up about Ben. Let her enjoy it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you guys are you guys are muddling.
Speaker 1: I would go so far as to say you should
Speaker 1: allow her to talk about but maybe she's excited about
Speaker 1: Ben and it's just something to distract her for a minute. Yeah,
Speaker 1: from the grief. She just had a baby with a
Speaker 1: man who passed away.
Speaker 2: And you want to be so heavy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, John, I got his grief. You don't really seem
Speaker 1: to have that closive relationship with Hanks. I mean, all right,
Speaker 1: but and then also, but it's like it's like you
Speaker 1: want to be good friends, but on your exact terms. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's not what being a good friend is, so
Speaker 1: reconsider that. Reconsid Sorry, I know you wrote this email
Speaker 1: thinking that we were gonna not let the other people,
Speaker 1: but we ended up not liking you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it happens.
Speaker 1: That's what you get when you write us we're gonna
Speaker 1: be honest, and I'm gonna be honest.
Speaker 2: Eric, Do you want to promote your dates now?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: Sure? I was gonna say. Also, it sounds like they'd
Speaker 3: be good friends with the family that that other.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the critical family. Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all y'all nosy, all the nosy people should hang out.
Speaker 1: You have to let people get like, we need mistakes
Speaker 1: in life. We need a nosy person daycare when you
Speaker 1: just go there meet other fellow adults who are also
Speaker 1: nosy and gossipy, and y'all could just get it out
Speaker 1: on each other and leave us people out of it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can do things like if you want to hang
Speaker 1: out with them together and be like, oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take the baby to fucking like Lego Land or something
Speaker 1: for the day, and you and John take the baby
Speaker 1: and do that and let Bethany get fucked by bed exact,
Speaker 1: let her get that date.
Speaker 2: There you go.
Speaker 1: That's how you be good God parents. And Eric, we
Speaker 1: can see you live.
Speaker 3: Are you guys ready?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Okay? Edmonton June sixth through nine, Vancouver August one through four,
Speaker 3: Phoenix September five through eight, Minnesota July nineteenth.
Speaker 2: Whole day. It's a big one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. We're in Minnesota, Plano, Texas eight
Speaker 3: through eleven.
Speaker 2: And where can we get these tickets?
Speaker 3: You can get them on Houseicomedy dot com. All of
Speaker 3: the they're all House of comedy.
Speaker 2: Oh he's on the brand. All right, there you go,
Speaker 2: Eric Freddy. Everybody go see him live.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us on this episode
Speaker 1: of Guys We Fucked, the Anti slut Jimmi Podcast. Don't
Speaker 1: be at Meddling Front. We'll talk to you next Friday.
Speaker 1: Guys We Fucked is presented by Luminary Create In and
Speaker 1: hosted by Karin Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music
Speaker 1: coordination by Mike Coscarelli. Theme song by Rob Patterson and
Speaker 1: Jake Cozen Suck my wet ass pussy.
Speaker 2: Christina said to cut that before, but now it's in airy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: let's keep it.
Speaker 5: Whokres the pains to them right? Well, you love me,
Speaker 5: but you don't care. It's wrong as you crave.
Speaker 1: Me when I'm not there.
Speaker 5: It feels like I'm losing mumber.
Speaker 1: You fair feeling this hide.
Speaker 5: Empty stairs that you said good bye you if I
Speaker 5: can kno bear the feeling moping broken. You told me that.
Speaker 2: You loved me, then you love me in.
Speaker 5: This feeling jobwhelming, but I can't it wasn't. I can and.
Speaker 6: Help you.
Speaker 1: You, hi, baby, I'm the one
Speaker 2: The children every time week