Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's trying to break a Guinness
Speaker 1: World record, but he needs a willing surgeon to do
Speaker 1: it because he wants to achieve the world's first ever
Speaker 1: zipline circumcision.
Speaker 2: I don't even know what that means.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if the doctor's on the zip line
Speaker 1: with a scalpel and flies by, or if they're both
Speaker 1: on it together at the same time.
Speaker 3: Either way, Okay, keep your eye out and your pants
Speaker 3: up for laser stories. No, I just hope there's harnesses
Speaker 3: reading weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone
Speaker 3: else does, except we've got.
Speaker 1: A laser and those other zippy snips just don't. This
Speaker 1: first laser story is out of Colorado. A thirty two
Speaker 1: year old's grocery store worker named Stephen Masalta got busted
Speaker 1: last month after allegedly getting frisky all the way with
Speaker 1: and cover your ears if you don't want to hear
Speaker 1: this with some produce at the store that he worked at.
Speaker 1: My god, we're talking fruits, vegetables, and yes, even some
Speaker 1: baked goods too.
Speaker 3: Did they go back on the shelf or they get
Speaker 3: thrown away?
Speaker 2: Do I want to know?
Speaker 1: Maybe you don't want to know the answer to Some
Speaker 1: might say that it's disgusting because these items weren't sealed.
Speaker 2: Aw and this was happening.
Speaker 3: Is it just like in the middle of the day
Speaker 3: breaking in there after hours?
Speaker 1: You want to know how to do it too, How
Speaker 1: you can go figure it out?
Speaker 2: Go talk to him.
Speaker 1: But unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, he was not caught in
Speaker 1: the act of doing it. The police nabbed him after
Speaker 1: he was seen pleasuring himself outside of quote numerous coffee
Speaker 1: shops and businesses, and that led them to searching his home,
Speaker 1: where they found video evidence of his supermarket desecrations.
Speaker 2: He kept video of it. I supposed to love your job,
Speaker 2: but not literally. What the heck?
Speaker 1: What happens between him and his bushel of girlfriends should
Speaker 1: be his own business. Let's go to your next laser
Speaker 1: story out of the sports world.
Speaker 2: Bring me somewhere else, Jeff.
Speaker 1: If you are a Philadelphia Phillies fan, the best night
Speaker 1: for games is always dollar.
Speaker 2: Hot Dog Night. That is awesome.
Speaker 1: The team's been doing him for more than a quarter century,
Speaker 1: but unfortunately the Wiener fun has officially ended, and it's
Speaker 1: all because of fans unruly hot dog behavior.
Speaker 2: People ruin everything, don't I know we do.
Speaker 1: The organization cited last year's April eleventh game, when Philly
Speaker 1: fans turned the stadium into a full blown food fight.
Speaker 2: Tossing.
Speaker 1: They were tossing their franks as far as they could
Speaker 1: across the stadium. Yes, that squirts the mustard, and yeah,
Speaker 1: the people were being pelted with flying wieners, causing multiple
Speaker 1: fan evictions. The Phillies also say the demand for the
Speaker 1: dollar dogs led to clogged lanes on the concourse, which
Speaker 1: caused security and safety concerns.
Speaker 4: Oh come on, Yeah, well, they don't want the fans
Speaker 4: to be too upset because they are replacing dollar hot
Speaker 4: Dog Night with a one for two deal by one
Speaker 4: hot dog, get two buns, because.
Speaker 2: The buns are lighter to throw and they don't hurt people,
Speaker 2: so you can toss. I bet the sequels will be happy.
Speaker 1: And the grocery store worker from the last story knows
Speaker 1: exactly what to do with this. This next Lazer story
Speaker 1: is out of the South Poles board of your old
Speaker 1: office job, or looking for some excitement in your life,
Speaker 1: look no further than a recent job posting as a
Speaker 1: penguin counter in Antarctica.
Speaker 2: Do you have to be a scientist? To do that,
Speaker 2: not for this one.
Speaker 1: The Antarctic Heritage Truss is looking for five individuals to
Speaker 1: engage in a once in a lifetime opportunity counting penguins
Speaker 1: and sorting mail at the world's southernmost post office.
Speaker 3: Okay, is it be the worst job for Jose, Like
Speaker 3: you would get so distracted, like where.
Speaker 2: Was I was there twenty two? Yeah, well there's another
Speaker 2: baby penguin. Yeah, you look just like the other baby
Speaker 2: peng Yeah, this would be so rough.
Speaker 1: I can give you someone to talk to you though,
Speaker 1: for an extended period of time.
Speaker 2: That might be nice.
Speaker 1: While it sounds like an exceedingly lonely gig, some seven
Speaker 1: hundred nautical miles south of the tip of Argentina, it
Speaker 1: is visited by thousands of cruise ships a year, So
Speaker 1: maybe you'll be able to wave to another person who's
Speaker 1: on the boat just passing by.
Speaker 2: Yil, sir, I want your Wi Fi signal. There they go.
Speaker 1: That was your one human to human interaction for the
Speaker 1: next two months.
Speaker 3: The humid penguins, Well, maybe you'll have time to actually
Speaker 3: teach the penguins how to tap dance, and you could
Speaker 3: do like a.
Speaker 1: If you want to. Applicants have until today to apply.
Speaker 2: That's not much time. Better get cracking this.
Speaker 1: Next layser stories out of Senior Citizen News headquarters. There
Speaker 1: are some emojis that no one understands. But do you
Speaker 1: have a parent or a grandparent who can't process even
Speaker 1: the most simple ones.
Speaker 3: Yes, my mom was sending me sensual lips for a while.
Speaker 2: Think so, mom.
Speaker 1: A new study on emojis found that older folks are
Speaker 1: less likely to use emojis than younger adults, which makes
Speaker 1: sense since they've only been around for about a decade.
Speaker 2: I think it's also like they can't see them.
Speaker 3: You see them hold their phone out further and further away.
Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of like this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, an old man looking at a.
Speaker 2: Phone looks like Alan Winterbot.
Speaker 1: So they haven't been around for very long, and their
Speaker 1: ascent has been really fast.
Speaker 2: That's why we need to cut grandma some slacks.
Speaker 3: I am tired, Grandma.
Speaker 1: They tested people's understanding of eight different emojis, just the
Speaker 1: face ones, three happy, including the grinning face, too sad
Speaker 1: including the crying face, too surprised including the screaming face,
Speaker 1: and one angry one, and they found this simple the
Speaker 1: one that older folks were least comfortable understanding was the
Speaker 1: surprised face with wide eyes and blushed cheeks.
Speaker 2: Why they just didn't understand what that meant.
Speaker 1: Happiness was the next most difficult to interpret, which is
Speaker 1: strange and kind of a little bit sad.
Speaker 3: Maybe their life is so long they're not shocked by
Speaker 3: anything very happy about stuff.
Speaker 2: Well, there is good news.
Speaker 1: Authors of the study report that older folks do have
Speaker 1: the desire to learn more about emojis and become more
Speaker 1: comfortable using them. They just need somebody to come and
Speaker 1: show them the ropes. And that's why we're going to
Speaker 1: be sending this guy out as a representative to all of.
Speaker 2: The assisted living facilities.
Speaker 1: He's got his egg plant in peach emoji already for
Speaker 1: show and town at the senior home.
Speaker 2: I've heard those places meet that.
Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, that's how means plays and shroys has come
Speaker 1: to an end for the day.
Speaker 2: We'll do it again the same time on Friday. Brooke
Speaker 2: and Jeffrey in the morning,