This is The Relaxed Male, a show that comes to you each week,
helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live
their life on their terms.
Join the host and certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of
their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them.
Why do we need to have other relationships in our lives?
We're going to be talking about that this week on episode 221 of The Relaxed Male.
Hey man, hello, and welcome to the relaxed male.
I'm your host, Brian, and I am a certified men's coach who assists men who are
just neck deep in the sufferings of their life.
Men who are just going through the day-to-day struggles of life to divorce,
trying to build a better relationship with their wives and their girlfriends
and their children and their bosses and their other friends, all those around us.
This is where this show shines.
This show helps men find their why.
Get out of their own head.
Help men to stop being just being a little bump on a log and get them out there
and start having great and wonderful relationships.
Start helping them to change how they look at life,
change how they look at how they interact with other people so that they can
actually just stop the sufferings and actually get out there,
start living fulfilling lives and enjoy life.
Life to the fullest. And this week we're talking about relationships in general.
Why are relationships important?
But before we get into that, I wanted to say hello and welcome and thank you
all for coming by and listening to the, to the show.
And is this your first time to the show?
Welcome, welcome, welcome one and all. I am your host, Brian,
and I am a certified men's coach.
I help Help men in getting to the bottom of their relationship problems,
helping them change the thoughts of what's causing their problems,
and helping them to become better men all around.
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get new information on how you can have a better relationship.
And this week, we're just going to, and we'll just jump right on in.
And this week we're talking about why relationships are important because men,
sadly, we all struggle with our relationships, whether it's relationships with
our family, relationships with our, our spouse.
Relationships with our girlfriends, relationships with our children,
relationships with our boss.
We have problems with relationships. relationships we struggle
so much with in in the realm
of relationships that we often give
up and we stop trying to have good
strong relationships we just try to acquiesce and
have just something that resembles a relationship
this is one reason why you have so many men who go to the dating sites and they're
there just for the hookup culture they're they think they're having They're
relieving a slight itch when they're actually causing more of a problem than before.
And I wanted to kind of talk about this because we have our reasons as to why.
And we've got a lot of different reasons as to why we avoid our relationships
and why we don't have as strong of relationships as we'd like to have.
We struggle with just trying to have a good relationship with our wives.
And that should be one, one relationship that we have a very strong connection
to, but for whatever reason, a lot of times we don't.
And it almost seems like it gets harder and harder the further down the road you go.
It's a good thing though, because us men, if we get, if we.
These days, if we had the choice, we would just hermitize ourselves.
We would just go find a little corner of a mountain, park ourselves in there, not see anybody.
And a good majority of the men would be pretty much okay with that,
except for the fact that they wouldn't be okay.
There's so many drawbacks to withdrawing yourself, doing the whole,
and I haven't actually seen much of it here recently, But the whole MGTO movement.
Men going their own way, seems to finally kind of be withering away where men
are stopping the whole, I'm going to take my toys and go home and not talk to nobody.
That whole line of victim thinking is causing a lot of problems.
Thankfully, it's going away. But
there are benefits to having a good relationship, having a good, strong,
connected relationship, having a secure attachment as opposed to having an attachment
style of like avoidance or anxious attachment.
And a lot of these are just, those different types of attachment styles are
learned and it's an interesting way of looking at how we interact with other
people through those different types of attachment styles.
I'm just now kind of diving into the different attachment styles and seeing
how well they jive with what I've seen happen.
And a lot of it, you know, kind of like the whole trauma thing.
I get what they're aiming at, but they're using completely wrong words.
And that's, that's the, actually the issue that I have is, is with 90% of it.
Are there times that people are responding to a very familiar circumstance?
Yeah. Yeah, they are. But is that circumstance a trauma?
Is that the way they respond? Is that a trauma response?
That's where I'm going, no, no, not really. That's not a, they may have seen
it as being traumatic, but they were not physically harmed.
They did not lose a finger in the breakup with their girlfriend.
I mean, Johnny Depp did have his finger bit off, but you know,
that's, that was a trauma that's traumatic.
That was a trauma, um, instant, but the 90% of us, 99% of us don't have that
type of, uh, uh, of instance.
But there's a lot of benefits. And some of the major ones, the three biggest
ones are, one, we live longer.
Whether we are, especially when we're married. When we're married, we live longer.
When we have a good, strong connection in that marriage, we are more content.
We have a sense of purpose. And that helps us to live longer in our days.
That's why also shortly after grandma dies, if granddad's still around,
he may live another five years.
A lot of men, when they lose their wife, they literally die of a broken heart.
Shortly thereafter, they are slowing down and pass away.
We need our solid, strong relationships.
And that is a, that's just a sad fact of life that when we are married,
we will live well into our eighties while many men who are single might make it to their seventies.
Men who are, who are in good relationships have lower suicide tendencies,
not saying they don't have any, it doesn't drop to zero.
Zero but compared to men who can
isolate themselves a good strong relationship
keeps men on the right
side of of the ground you can all
usually start telling something's up when you
see men starting to pull away when all of a sudden guys a guy who you you're
you're used to seeing every day he comes in shows up y'all talk for a while
and he starts not talking as much eventually eventually stops showing up and
just stays at home and walls himself up.
That's a sign that there's a problem and he's drawn away. He's pulling away
and there's good chances that something might be happening.
And when you have strong friends around you, they will recognize that. They draw you out.
They won't let you have a chance to just wall yourself up and do anything.
You're going to be going out. They're going to take you out and have you get into trouble with them.
And yeah, even 70-year-old men will get out and go get into trouble when you
have a bunch of guys, 70-year-old guys hanging around. And it's fun.
It's something that we do. We enjoy life. And you enjoy life more when you have
friends around, when you have a strong masculine relationship with other men,
when you have a strong relationship with your wife.
And that leads into the third big benefit.
And that is men all around are just happier when they are married.
Yeah, they, we joked that the, you know, all the haranguing and nagging and
all that causes us, you know, you see the, the, the meme of the one owl that's
screeching, uh, basically in the ear of the other one.
The other one's got one eye closed and, you know, just looks like he's like
kind of spazzing out a little bit.
And it says one owl is wanting a divorce that, you know, we may joke about stuff like that.
But in all reality, we are happier when we're married, when we have strong relationships,
not just with women, but when we have good, strong relationships with other men.
And when we have those relationships, we become more fulfilled.
Our friends push us to do things.
Our friends cause us to get out of the house, do things on a constant basis,
push ourselves to be better.
We're like the little 10-year-old kids where who can climb to the top of the
tree, climb the highest in the tree?
We're going to try because we want to know who can climb to the highest.
Well, if you're 50 years old, you may not be climbing to the top of the pine
tree, but you're going to be doing stuff that you normally wouldn't do.
Two, if you didn't have friends around, if you didn't have friends,
you'd probably just be staying at the house.
You might mow the lawn a little bit here or there, and that's about it.
While if you have friends, you're going to go out, you're going to go golfing,
you're going to do disc golfing, you're going to camp, you're going to go kayaking,
you're going to go on a moose hunt and an elk hunt, followed up with that, and then go hunt deer.
We're doing to do all these things. And all these activities allow us to have
more life within us, which allow us to have more energy, more fulfillment in our lives.
Now, one of the benefits, there are also benefits that are specific for each man.
And when it comes to relationships, relationships with women actually help men
see life as an adventure.
Because a man has three longings in his life, according to John Eldredge of
Wild at Heart, the author of Wild at Heart.
Men want battles to fight.
We want to have a purpose. That is, we have to have something we are striving for.
We want a battle to fight. We dream of adventure.
We want to go out on adventures, have these high adventures,
not just be sitting at the house all day. And we also long for a beauty rescue.
Again, we want to have our wife with us. We want to have a girlfriend.
We want to have someone we can stand beside and take on the world shoulder to shoulder, back to back.
We want these three things. And so, yeah, with our wife by our side,
we can have those high adventures.
We have the beauty that we get to rescue. rescue. But see, as guys,
we love to be able to care for somebody.
And having a woman, this is one reason why we want women around us so much.
Because one of the big things that us men love to do is we love to be able to care for other people.
It's why we love having kids. We enjoy the hell out of it.
We want the kids, we want the wife, and we want the wife who wants to care for us.
Now, yes, we love to have a strong, independent woman who doesn't require that
we do everything for them.
Well, I can't do X, Y, or Z, so I need to have you around at all times so that that gets none.
No, go out. and if you
need to go to the go to town go to town
don't wait for the guide to be around
we love to be able to take you
to town and go shopping with you but at
the same time don't stand around and think that it's us that we that has to
take you we want a man we want women who are strong and independent but also
likes to be cared for and a woman who is strong and independent Independent
also loves to be able to care for their men.
We also, believe it or not, and a lot of the feminists won't agree with this,
but we actually do appreciate the input that women give.
When it's given in a means of giving of input.
If it is just, well, you need to be doing it like this. You know,
if it's done in a nagging way, we're just going, yeah, okay.
And we're just going to kind of roll our eyes and okay. And get the conversation
over. And we want specifics in these relationships.
And sadly, in today's society, we don't find these.
But some of the specifics in relationships that we like is praise and approval.
You know, the words of affirmation in love language.
A lot of us men like those words. One and attaboy.
Go get them, tiger, type of thing. That's why so many men like Spider-Man.
We heard, you know, Mary Jane Watson, go get them, tiger. And it actually acted
like she really expected that men also want respect.
I get it. Yes. I understand. Women want respect too. And there's a lot of men
out there who have trouble issuing out respect.
And that is a, that's a different topic for a different day,
but men, we all, each, all humans want respect.
That connection is important. important
we want to be able to feel like we are connected to our
wives to our spouse but at the same time
we need that men need our fortress of solitude and when we are able to attain
to go to that fortress solitude we can step back and breathe because it gives
us space that we need the place where we can just kind of be the weirdo and
we don't have to worry so much about you know Well,
am I scratching my nuts in front of the kids when I shouldn't be?
Those are, we need places just to decompress, to expand a little bit because
we're, you know, we're always on, on guard, making sure that our family is safe.
And so when we can find our fortress of solitude, find a place where we can,
our magic spot in wherever it is, maybe be out in the woods,
maybe in the barn, maybe in your workshop,
maybe in the, in the, um, in sitting in front of the computer.
But there's some place that you can sit and just kind of go,
all right. But men also want security.
Security in when we're talking, we're not having our words thrown right back
at us, having our words twisted and thrown in our face.
Women often say, well, you don't talk to me like you used to.
Well, yeah, because if I do, you're just going to hold on to it for about three
months. and then all of a sudden it's going to be a weapon that's used against me.
Us men aren't going to have a good relationship unless you can understand and not take,
yeah, we may say something that hurts or we may say something in the moment
that doesn't need to be said.
And if we apologize for it, good, drop it, let it go, put it in the dumpster
and never bring it out again.
And then finally, one of the big things, and this devolves into sex and other
things like that, but we also need physical touch.
But that's not just from women. That's men, too.
We need that physical touch, that hand on the shoulder, the arms around the
shoulder saying, dude, you did good.
You kicked ass. Good job. We want those things.
We like those things. Men are very physically, physical touched, oriented.
And so from the wife, just the light grazing on the shoulder,
the light touch, the kiss, the whisper, the sensual things.
Yeah, we talk about girls being romantics. No, bullshit. I call crap on that one all the time.
Us men are the romantics. We're the ones sitting around wishing that our wives
would, you know, spice things up a little bit. Now granted, it would help if
we actually let our wives know That hey, I'd like to have you spice things up
a little bit in the bedroom, you know,
You mind dressing up a little bit? You mind putting some makeup on before I get home?
A lot of times they may say no, but who knows? You might, from time to time, she may just do it.
And she sees you react to that in a very favorable way. Guess what she's going
to do? She's going to do it even more.
Because women like to have that affirmation too, to have that praise and affirmations.
Be told that they're a good girl, that they're doing great.
They're an awesome wife. life now there's things
that relationships with men though
we need the reason why we need other
men is because it allows us to be
pushed to be better like i
said before we're going to climb the highest tree if our friends push us to
climb the highest tree we're going to jump the grand canyon if our friend pushes
us to jump the grand canyon we're at least going to try it but another Another
thing that comes from men being around other men,
men having strong relationships.
With other men is that they learn more when they go and hang out with the other men in their lives.
Men come back with more positive masculine energy.
We need that energy from other men. That's the only way we really get it.
If we're spending all our time around feminine energy, we're not going to be
super masculine man. We're going to become feminized masculine man.
And there's a lot more unwanted energy with that.
Our wife wants our positive masculine energy. And if we can't provide it,
she's going to lose her respect.
Women can't love men that they don't respect.
So we need to have a connection with other men for this fact so that we have respect from our women.
So connection with other men, having those men groups, those times when men
meet on a regular basis is incredibly important for other men.
The men that you speak with need your masculinity.
And you need the masculinity from the other men that you're with.
So to be able to have a good, solid relationship with other men is a benefit. It's a huge perk.
But sadly, many men don't have as many friends as they really need to have.
They may, I think it's like 15% of men don't have close friends.
How sad is that? Don't have any friends. to live life without a friend.
And then you add that to the men who don't have a, don't have a wife,
don't have a girlfriend, don't have any type of relationship.
There's a lot of men who are, there's a reason why a lot of men are dying off.
Now, a lot of it is all now, some of it is, is beyond their, their control.
It could be that they have some form of autism that they are,
you know, that they're there When it comes to being sociable,
they're just a little awkward, a little weird. They do things bizarrely.
And there's men who can come up and look beyond that and see the person who
is a beautiful soul trying.
But also at the same time, thanks to the internet, a lot of men have stopped
trying to make new friends.
Now, you can have a relationship with guys online through game chats and things
like that, and they do an okay job,
but to be able to see a guy face-to-face as you're talking with him,
as you're standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him, as you're doing some type
of project, is kind of a cheap knockoff of a true connection where you get to see people.
And another reason why so many men don't have guy friends is because they lost
the challenge that their, their girlfriend gave them.
Cause we are, we do have these different tests. Our, our girlfriends and our wives love to test us.
They love to make sure, Hey, are you really the man that you're meant to claim to be?
You have all these friends. If I ask you to drop those friends and I get you
my approved friends, are you going to, are you going to listen?
And sadly, a lot of men go, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And they drop those good friends
and pick up the slightly incompatible friend that their Their girlfriend says
you need to be, you need to turn to.
And then they, the girl wonders, why are you not, why are you not the same?
Well, because you don't let me be around the men who make me great.
I am around men who are your friends. So I'm not able to fully let loose because you know, your buddy,
your, your friend's friend is going to end up telling your friend,
which is going to tell you, and you're not going to understand guy. guy.
So when a girl challenges you to, Hey, what, this is what you need to do.
This is what you need to do. You need to drop these people and bring these people on instead.
That's where you need to go. No, I'm good with this, with this group of friends.
I am good with this Bible study group. I am good with this. I don't care whether
you think it's good or not.
I'm doing this. I'm staying with with these guys and she's going to do what
she can to get to convince you to change your change your style.
And when you do, she wins and that's going to drop the level of respect.
You lose the connection with her and you lose the connection with,
with your, with your friends.
Yet, if you can stand tall and hold off and pass that, that challenge,
you'll find your life becomes a lot better.
Because see, relationships, like I said, are so important.
They are crucial for us men to have fulfilling lives.
That's the man's pillar. The third pillar or the fourth pillar is the man's community.
We have to have a community of men who lift us up that we get to lift them up too.
And we're just kind of like those overlapping knives that you get all four of
them overlapped. You can actually, it'll hold up a cup with no other support.
We need to have more relationships. And if you're looking to improve your relationship,
maybe you have a spouse and the relationship's getting a little stale.
You're in the roommate phase and you want to get out of that.
You want to get past that. To do that, you have to be able to grow.
Are you willing to grow? If you are, reach out.
Out go to me go to relaxmail.com forward
slash coaching offer right now you can
actually get coached by me for 95 off that is a a steal because these this package
is going to last you for three months and is going to give you just value upon
value we're going to change how you look at relationships.
Why the wife's reactions to what you do aren't so bad,
why you can actually see how she reacts and actually be okay with how she responds
to whatever it is you say.
We're going to change how you look at the world, how you actually relate to
your girlfriend and And to your wife so that she is showing you more respect,
how you can become a stronger, better person by simply improving your pillar of community.
If you want to know how to do that, go to relaxedmail.com forward slash coaching
offer all one word, no spaces.
Fill out the form. I'll get back to you and I'll send you a link as to when
we can sit and have a consult call. So I'd love to hear from you.
If we end up following it, going with each other, like I said, it's 95% off.
So it would be $300 for a six month coaching pay. So it's $100 a month. I know you can do this.
It's a little high for some folks. I get that, but that $100 will cause you
to want to have more skin in the game. You will be more present.
You will actually do more because you're throwing $100 a month at an investment
that improves you and your family's relationship. You're willing to do that.
You're going to be willing to make the needed changes in your life.
Life made major changes within how
you think of your life so guys with that i want to say
thank you very much for listening if you have any questions please
shoot me an email over brian with a y at relaxmail.com if you have any uh any
comments anything again brian with y relaxmail.com i would love to hear from
you if you this uh this episode resonated with you or god caused you to to think
of a, of a friend of yours,
share it out, hit that share button on your podcast platform or choice and send
it to them, send it to them as a text, letting them know, Hey man, I'm thinking of you.
I think this would do you good and share it with them.
Let them know, Hey, there's a, there's a show out there that just makes sense
to me. I think you would like it too.
And let them hear it, share it out on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and
threads and any Any other place that you go to that you listen to and let them
know that you've got this podcast that you listen to called Relaxed Male,
and it is changing men's lives.
So, guys, with that, I want to say thank you very much for listening.
Y'all take care. We will see y'all next week.
Music.