It was a very dark time.
and at the time, I never imagined being able to experience joy again.
I never imagined that I would be able to survive.
And I think all of us as in the nameless club, all of us experience
that to a different level, but I think we all experienced that for a bit.
And I think it's just part of embracing what has happened.
We have to embrace what's happened to be able to heal and go on.
And no, we're never restored to the way we were, but I liken
it in my book to an amputation.
If I lose a limb, Yes, I'm still going to live, but I have to mourn that limb
and I have to grieve what's happened and then I have to learn to walk again and
that's how it was during that time at first, very dark, but just step after
step, we'd start, we started experiencing light again as a family and individually.
Thanks for joining us on the beautiful side of grief.
It's the new year as we record this.
And my guest today Kim Peacock is a courageous mom who witnessed the
horrific accident of her eldest child just after Christmas in 1998.
She had to find a way to make sense of this and go on for her
remaining children and husband.
how do you grieve a child and still manage to live fully for the rest of your family?
Somehow Kim found a way.
Amidst the heartbreak, she began to find hope and to realize
that grief and joy can coexist.
She will also take us through her book, Victorious Heart, finding hope
and healing after a devastating loss.
Kim is a wife, mum, writer, speaker, grief mentor, author and CFO of
the construction company they own.
I hope that's correct.
Is that right?
Correct.
Very well.
Her blog Wild Victoria's Heart has been a huge encouragement to others during their
own life altering loss of a loved one.
So now let's explore all of this a bit further.
A very warm welcome to you, Kim.
Thank you so much, Helen.
I appreciate you having me.
Yeah, it's a pleasure.
As I mentioned in the intro, this is a tough time of the year I imagine for
you because I believe our body gets imprinted with a, with a natural radar
for when something big has happened to us.
Life altering big.
And it doesn't matter how much time passes.
It lets us know when that time is drawing near.
is that your experience, Kim?
Yeah.
I could, couldn't agree with you more.
even as since, Nicole's accident was just three days after Christmas, even
as the days get shorter, start getting shorter in September and October.
And sometimes I don't even recognize what's going on.
I start feeling a heaviness in my heart and then, and I attribute it to the.
Toward the weather getting cooler, which I'm not a fan of winter.
but then I start recognizing even still after all these years know that
my heart is still experiencing a lot of what I went through so many years
ago and anticipating that day coming and then passing and just the season
of Our lives continuing to pass.
Yeah, it's really strange how that happens.
I've experienced exactly the same thing.
And I also think it's like our body trying to give us a pre warning and
protect us like, okay, let's hunker down, this time's coming up again.
And yeah.
So let's now just go back a bit, pre Nicole's accident back to the late 1990s.
What did life look like for your family?
We were really the typical blended family.
We had, my husband and I had been married previously before.
So he had a daughter and her name is Lisa.
And then I had Nicole from our previous marriages.
And when we married, we thought, okay, this is great.
We have this perfect little blended family.
And then we had one biological child.
Which is Megan.
And then we ended up adopting our son from Russia, just a
year prior to Nicole's accident.
So it was busy.
It was crazy.
We homeschooled, the two older girls showed horses and we traveled around and
they got to pursue that dream of theirs.
It.
it felt a little chaotic at the time, but now I really look
back and savor those moments.
My husband is a contractor, so we could go to his places that he
traveled to work and really explore.
We got to be, have a lot of adventure in our lives and
explore, the places around us.
And that was a really rich time because I don't think, I don't think I even
realized it at the time, but we were just really experiencing life just as it was.
It wasn't super organized, but I believe the kids really got to experience
life and we got to live in the present that I didn't even realize how.
Beautiful and special that time was
Oh, I know.
And it sounds like you had this blended family thing down pat.
because that can be very difficult
for some families.
And then you bring another adopted person into the mix as well.
So congratulations to you.
And I'm glad that is how you were living life.
So now let's, if you're okay with this, let's take a look at when You
joined the Nameless Club, and I had another guest call it the Nameless
Club because I don't know, how do you describe when you lose a child?
There is no name for it, but it is
like one of the most life altering things, isn't it?
it totally is.
And I know that you, have experienced that as well.
And the Nameless Club is a perfect name for the club 'cause it's the
club we all become a part in, but we don't really wanna join that club.
But we're so grateful.
Like when I see moms like you and I can look at you, there's a kindredness that
we just are instantly connected and after.
And that day we were on a family vacation.
It was still chaotic and fun and crazy.
We left the house with Christmas decorations on the floor, some
leftovers in the fridge, and we went camping, up in the beach in mid
California, and we camped on the beach.
We had some off roading and we went out on the sand dunes and was off roading.
And.
I thought this, you can't get much more perfect than this.
The weather was perfect.
The kids were having fun.
Everyone was getting along.
And then in an instant, our lives changed.
We looked up and just in time to see Nicole, she was riding a three wheeler
and she got disoriented, we believe, and she went off us very high sand
dune and she landed on her head.
In that moment, it's like things became snapshots.
I thought this can't be happening.
And then trying to deal with even just getting to her.
I felt like I was running through mud and my husband got to her first and pulled
off her helmet and began doing CPR.
She was unresponsive later that day at the hospital.
They told us.
The devastating news that she had died, the doctor said very bluntly
that Nicole had died at the beach.
And in an instant you have what you think is going to be your life continuing and
then everything changes in an instant.
Oh, and I couldn't agree more, and I don't know how you explain that to others.
It's like the life as you knew it no longer is.
It's
every facet is just like ripped wide open, and
you have to face it, don't you?
what was that time like for you?
It was a very dark time.
and at the time, I never imagined being able to experience joy again.
I never imagined that I would be able to survive.
And I think all of us as in the nameless club, all of us experience
that to a different level, but I think we all experienced that for a bit.
And I think it's just part of embracing what has happened.
We have to embrace what's happened to be able to heal and go on.
And no, we're never restored to the way we were, but I liken
it in my book to an amputation.
If I lose a limb, Yes, I'm still going to live, but I have to mourn that limb
and I have to grieve what's happened and then I have to learn to walk again and
that's how it was during that time at first, very dark, but just step after
step, we'd start, we started experiencing light again as a family and individually.
Yeah.
Again, your analogy is so spot on, like losing a limb, yeah, because
it's phantom pain, you
forever feel that limb, don't
you?
So that was
Always.
Such a spot on description, and I've never heard it described like that.
So thank you for sharing that because I think that's going to resonate with
some people hearing that going, Ah, yes, that's exactly what it's like.
So can you share with us how you manage to keep your self strong and
your family strong during that time, Kim, or did it just take a while for
you just to find that pattern again?
Like it was just complete chaos for a while.
I feel like it was complete chaos.
but talking to other people who walked with us during that time,
they don't describe it that way.
So I think the chaos was inside myself.
I do think having the other kids that I was responsible for my other children.
I had to be able to in, in some ways, put my pain on a shelf for a little
bit so I could take care of them.
Each of them had different relationships with Nicole.
They had unique, positions in our family, unique personalities.
And so each of them grieved very differently.
So I think that actually was helpful to me.
Sometimes I think when we're in ourselves so much.
it's hard to get to take a step, but when we can look outside to maybe
the needs of others for a time, you ha it's a definitely a balance.
You have to, you still have to take care of this grief.
I had to take that grief off the shelf eventually.
And sometimes it was little pieces at a time and do that.
However, taking care of the kids and my family was actually good for me
because it kept me walking forward.
And then.
As I, and that is the thing about grief, it's not linear.
So sometimes I would have to deal with it in little chunks.
And then sometimes I just have to sink in and just be swallowed by it for
a little bit, embrace it, recognize what I lost and honoring that because.
Losing Nicole, and I know you understand, losing our child...
it takes us into another dimension and we really do have to learn to walk again.
And when we lock walk again, if we've had a limb amputated, it's a little
at a time, we can't go run a marathon.
We have to learn how to manage with the pain, the phantom pain, all of
the things that those dreams that nicole had, which I had for her.
All of those things are calendars.
Everything was adjusted.
So we had to learn how to change those things and then channel our family, maybe
into a little bit different direction.
Yeah.
So it's not a simple answer, but it's just one step at a time, one
breath at a time, one moment at a
congratulations to you because, yeah, it sounds like, you've navigated this well.
and when I say I think you navigated it as best you could in the situations
that were arising at the time.
And I think that's all we can do, be honest and true to the whole process,
as you've discussed, like sometimes, I know I helped my daughter's teen
friends because some of them had never experienced death before.
And so that was distracting for me.
But like you say, it then comes home to roost and then you have to face it.
Did you sit down with your family and discuss how you were going to
try to navigate this time so that everybody kind of knew that even
though you grieved differently, you were all in this together?
I think individually we did.
and I didn't do it great at first.
it was hard because I didn't understand that each one of the kids and each
one of Nicole's friends, my husband, everyone grieves differently.
And at the, that's the biggest thing I've learned.
In this, everybody grieves differently.
I expected grief to be this step.
Okay.
We're in the stages of grief.
And while I believe those stages of grief are valid, I think we all
experience them in different forms.
And We didn't have an official family meeting, but I would
talk to them individually.
how are you feeling about, like our daughter, Megan saw the accident,
let's talk about that, and go through, different what they felt they needed.
and it's hard for them.
It was hard for them to talk about.
And so we would take little chunks at a time and.
I had to learn to let them grieve in their individual ways and my husband as well.
Yes.
Yeah.
And that's the thing.
We just assume everyone's going to be like ourselves, And, you know,
deal with it in the same way, but you were actually dealing with the
grief on a number of different fronts and a number of different ways.
So you have a very strong faith base, Kim.
How did you deal with not getting angry at God for what happened?
Or did you?
Yeah.
I did.
I, because before the accident, I really felt like if I did, this is
not a sound theological biblical belief, what I'm going to say.
So I just had this, I call it my comfort theology.
I thought if I did everything right, Then God would, perform the way I
felt like he was going to perform.
No, that is not correct.
And that's not even, I run my, I try to run my faith through the Bible
and through the grid of the Bible.
And that's nowhere written in there.
And.
We all experience hardship on this earth.
It's not, if you're good things happen.
And there's the age old question.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
I still don't know that answer.
This is, but I'm not a good person.
None of us are really good.
You know what I'm saying?
it's not these.
Yeah, it's not this kid.
We can't put everything in these clear cut categories, but what I came to
realize is yes I was angry at God because I'm like, I believe that you could have
prevented this God Why didn't you prevent this and I never got the answer to that?
But what I got the answer to is things bad things happen in this world, and I
still don't understand I don't understand why, daughters are killed in accidents.
I don't understand why people, commit suicide and we lose people to cancer.
I don't understand that.
But when I came away walking, when I walked away from that experience
of being angry at God is number one,
he didn't turn away from my anger, I believe.
And he carried me like those days that I couldn't get up.
I believe that I could feel God pick me up and literally put me on
my feet, walk with me, sometimes even just carrying me through,
ministering to my heart in that pain.
And also giving me the hope that I believe.
That their Nicole is in heaven.
I believe I'm going to see her again.
I, and I really believe she's more alive than I am, which I
know sounds contradictory, but that's really what I believe.
I believe that I will experience that.
And to remember that all we see here is not all there is.
There's so much more to this life than what we can see.
That's so beautiful, the way you've described that, so real, so honest, and I
love that, your description of God, just, just nurturing you through this time.
And I, like that you , believe that they are.
in a realm where there is no hurt, there is no pain, it's just pure love and a
little bit envious to tell you the truth.
I know sometimes it's okay, I completely agree.
Yeah.
So your darling Nicole would have been 42 this year, is that correct?
Yes.
so 24 years since the tragic accident, and you don't ever forget, do you?
What were some of the most difficult things for you personally
to manage, to understand and to completely get your head around?
You've just mentioned a few now with, were there any others that
were particularly difficult?
I think watching the passing of time where Nicole's friends were graduating
high school, Nicole was a senior.
So.
I went to the graduation ceremony, the school was wonderful and they
invited us and they had a chair with Nicole's cap and gown there.
It was very beautiful, but it was very painful.
those beautiful people that were so kind to us, they had kids that were
graduating and our family went and we sat with them and we cried with
them and they cried with us, but we congratulated them, but that was hard.
And then when her best friend got married and then later on when, They,
her friends had children and I felt like time stopped for me at that moment.
but everyone else's lives continued and that was a really difficult
adjustment to learn how to love them and congratulate them also grieve in my
own heart, that on this earth, I'm not going to experience that with Nicole.
And that was a difficult thing for me, for sure.
And then her loss of dreams.
We had her, we had her show horse.
We had things that, we had to handle real logistical things.
That horse was not going to languish in a barn that, and he was purchase
for her to show and she was.
Showing at a high level, but when we had to sell him, that was hard.
It was like selling her dream.
Just a side note.
I was able to get in contact with the girl who bought him, the horse, and
he's still living and he's amazing.
and she's kept him all these years and she sends me pictures.
So those kinds of things are the blessings.
it's a blessing raw pain in selling him, but getting to see her throughout
all of these years, show him.
yeah.
last year going through what you've just described profoundly, like
recognizing that, I'm never going to see my child walk down an aisle or find
the love of her life or have children.
We used to joke about me, you know, me looking after the children all the time.
She'd go, no, you'll be looking after my kids.
My mom go, don't you be too sure.
But it was always this banter between us and then having the reality
that's never going to be the case.
And making peace with that.
Making peace with that inside.
But it's like you say, and I love this about you and what
you're doing is that you can see the positives on the flip side.
So let's talk about how we sit with grief and yet we sit with all the other good
things and those amazing memories as well.
Yes.
Do you
I think the more time that passes, the easier it becomes.
At first just memories are just harsh, but I think that as I was able to embrace
those beautiful memories that, the experiences we had with Nicole were real.
Just because she passed away, doesn't mean those memories.
It doesn't erase what we got to experience together.
And I think that's part of the joy and sorrow.
that I could grieve that I wasn't getting to experience more time with her, but then
cherish and savor those relations, those memories that we had when she was here.
And I think that's part of it.
And then another part of it is, and I know you've talked about this a little
bit is what we've learned from them.
I learned so much and I don't even know that I realized it until even now, as I go
through life, I'm like, Oh, you know what?
Nicole handled that situation so nicely, one thing Nicole did, she
loved people so unconditionally.
And it will remind me sometimes when I'm wrestling with that, I'm like, okay,
how would Nicole have handled this?
And I do believe God reminds me of those things.
okay, how do you think that Nicole would have handled that?
Would she have put judgment on that person or would she have given
that person grace or, also the fact that Nicole never gave up.
She worked super hard on her with her horse and she had some
real trials with that horse.
But then she conquered and she only conquered because she kept trying.
So on those days that I feel, like giving up, I can draw from those memories and
that's where the joy, part of it comes in.
So we, in every kind of situation, in the hard and the sweet, we have to
realize there's two sides and that's where balance starts and it doesn't.
And that wasn't that wasn't right overnight.
I think we can really acknowledge that you have to go through the dark night
of your soul and walk through that, but then you can start bringing in the
light and bringing in the beauty and recognizing and then understanding that
we're, that everything we see here.
Is there so much more and then that again ushers in more beauty and
more joy and hope and all of those things and that helps bring that
balance that you were talking about.
do you think and this is something I've often thought about, is that when I hear
about children who have passed or read about them and that they always seem
to be these exceptional individuals, like they're not your average child.
And so I actually often think, they are ascended souls that, they come
here and teach us and show us the way.
And yeah,
yeah, I like to think of that too.
we think about exactly like you said, so many of the people that
the moms that I've met whose children have gone on before them.
Yeah.
It's like that.
And I think, God, did you just let me have her for those 17 years
just to teach me how to live?
I don't know.
I think it's a beautiful thought.
And I think that, there are some people in this world that it's just, their
impact is so powerful for those years that they could have lived 80 years,
but they lived Nicole 17 years, your daughter, just a teenager, just those few
short years made an impact of a lifetime.
So yeah, I completely, and I like to think about that.
yes, that fills my heart as well, because I remember a time, and I've spoken
about this on other episodes, where, I had the funeral home come to me and
say, how many people are we expecting?
and I thought to .Myself, how could you possibly answer that question?
How could you
possibly know?
But you know what?
I reflected on that afterward and that child drew people
from every corner of life.
I had no idea the length and breadth that she had impacted people across, from her
own peers, right through to older people I worked with, through to, Oh, she was
in so many different groups and that, and it truly filled my heart to know
that in 18 short years, here was somebody who had impacted so, so many lives.
And that is something I will always treasure.
Yes.
I completely agree.
We experienced much the same thing.
I would, I was so surprised how many people told me, Oh, I was Nicole's
or Nicole was my best friend.
Nicole was my best friend.
And I'm thinking how many best friends can one person have, but just the,
and those stories, I know that.
Those stories are so good for us to think about how they touched other
people's lives and then bring us outside of ourselves and go, okay,
what's my mission now while I'm here.
And another treasure when you start talking to those people is that you
find out all those hidden gems that you never knew about that Nicole
probably never spoke about, the amazing little acts of kindness and
what have you that she probably did.
And you went, Oh my gosh,
It's, and it's like getting to spend a little more time with her because it's
just another dimension of her life.
It's like actually getting to just hang out with her a little bit more.
And now that you've mentioned that, that is so true.
I, and every time, and sometimes I'll still hear a story, not as many now that
life has passed so far, but I, then I'll hear these stories and I'm like, I just
got to spend another moment with Nicole.
absolutely.
Because I didn't get to experience that part of her.
so beautiful.
Are you feeling lost, anxious, unsure of how to navigate the
loss of your beautiful loved one.
I don't know where to head next.
Yeah, I get that.
Then you may be interested in the new new offering I've developed
A Letter of Hope and Aroha.
To help you find out who you are right here and now.
And how you can navigate that without being on that emotional roller
coaster feeling out of control.
That's a feeling I really disliked after Tahl and then Adrian died.
So I've developed an eight week support program where each week you
get an email of what worked for me.
As well as other tried and true tools to help with grief, it's a beautiful
calming, mean healing resource that I think you're really going to like.
And that you can use in your everyday life to find out what
works for you and what doesn't.
And the great thing is you find yourself feeling stronger and more in
control, so you can work out what you want life to look like going forward.
So with this sounds like something you would like to check out, head
over to my website, or check out the link in the episode notes, you're
looking for A Letter of Hope & Aroha.
So I know you went through a tough time, going through those stages What helped you
move forward to having hope and healing?
it was a whole body thing for me.
first of all, with my physical body, I needed to, and it sounds very
simplistic, but for me getting outside, walking in nature, it helped me to
get out of my pain because there's something about nature that just
widens our heart, if that makes sense.
and I had to, and I didn't want to, I didn't want to get out of bed,
but I would force myself, especially cause she passed away in winter.
So I felt I'm going to be in winter forever, but then spring came and
that's what happens in our lives, even in grief, spring comes.
And then these little bursts of.
just light would come into my heart and I, okay, I'm going to make myself go outside.
I'm going to go outside for 10 minutes.
And it actually ended up that my husband would have to go, okay, Kim, it's time to
come in because I would just be outside in my garden and it was so therapeutic
for my body just to get outside.
So for me just walking outside, you don't have to do a big workout, but just
walking outside and experiencing God's creation, I think is a huge thing because
that just got me outside of my pain.
And then I had to be really careful about what I took into my mind because when
someone is sick or someone has experienced a trauma, I think our brains are so
sensitive to any negativity, anything that is harsh, whether it's in music or the
news or even course talk, all of those things, they seem to assault my brain.
Brain, if that makes sense.
And I had to really be careful to feed my brain positive things for me.
That was like scripture or a beautiful song.
I just had to be careful what I fed my brain.
And I also had to be careful what I fed my body.
I know that seems very practical, but I had to be careful to take care of my body.
Cause when you're in grief, you don't care.
And the more I didn't take care of my body, the worse I physically felt,
which then transferred to my spirit.
And so I had to just walk through in those kinds of things and understand
that I had to watch what I ingested, whether it's in my mind, in my
heart, and in my body physically.
And those kinds of things helped me to start walking through to, to gain
healing in a way it's training, training myself to, okay, what am I going to,
What am I going to focus my eyes on?
And I think that's important because when you're grieving hope does not feel
it, it feels like there is no hope.
So you have to train yourself and remind yourself there is hope when a lie of.
of just ugliness would come into my mind.
I had to combat it with the truth and it's a battle.
We all have the battle with any kind of thing.
But when our hearts are immersed and our minds are immersed in grief,
it's a fierce battle and you have to.
You have to, fight that with truth.
For instance, like blaming.
Some of us might blame ourselves.
I should have prevented that.
I didn't do enough.
I was a bad mom.
All those are lies because I don't believe there's anything that, I
wasn't a perfect mom, but I loved her.
We did the best I could.
And the lie would be.
Okay.
You caused this.
You should have fixed it.
You should have helped her.
The truth is no, there was nothing that I could have done to change that moment.
I believe that was her moment to leave this earth.
I really believe that.
And so that's how we have to really protect our minds.
Battle that with, the lies and the truth constantly.
what you've just said there is gold, because I think it is the battle with our
mind, which determines whether we're going to step through this and embrace it all
as it is, or whether we get stuck in it.
And I know for me, I was very definite about never asking why, because there
was never going to be an answer for me.
And I couldn't do that.
I couldn't go down those, rabbit holes and, because the reality
was it doesn't, didn't even matter if I got an answer because it
wasn't going to change anything.
It wouldn't be big enough.
Your answer would not have made it better.
no, no change anything.
So let's talk about your book now.
You wrote a book, Victorious Heart, Finding Hope and Healing
After a Devastating Loss.
Now, this has been written to help people who are suffering a loss manage
those first like birthdays and all those anniversaries that seem to come
all too regularly and how to protect their mind exactly from what we've
just been talking about the blame game.
So why did you feel the need to write this book?
book and what was the process for you of putting pen to paper and
having to get all of that out?
at first I thought I was just going to, be there for other parents
who had lost their children.
And so when someone we knew, If they knew somebody that had lost
a child, they would call me.
I would go and spend time with them, verbally walk through what helped
me and everybody is different.
So I'm very clear in the book.
Everybody experiences things different.
Here's some of the things that helped me, and here's some of the things that were
maybe not so helpful, but I would do that.
But I really felt like.
I needed to, be able to offer that in a way that would be helpful to more people.
And also I really felt like if when I lost Nicole, I felt isolated and I felt alone.
And I think if grieving parents could understand they're not alone and that
other people understand, back to the nameless club, when I would see a mom
that had lost someone maybe, and she was like seven years down the line.
I would just marvel at her when I'd look at her.
Okay.
She's doing it.
She's walking.
She's moving.
She's functioning.
She's working.
She has purpose.
Oh, look, there's a smile.
I see joy.
That was so encouraging.
So I really wanted to be that for other people.
I really wanted to be able to show, no, you are not alone.
Here are some things that helped me.
Here are some things.
I also have sections at the end of each chapter that, are for your friend,
for the friends of a grieving one.
These, and it's loving them well is what it's called.
And okay, these are some things that people did for
me that were really helpful.
And here's some things that you can do to help your grieving loved one.
And those things.
were, it weighed heavy on my heart, but I was in the, midst of raising the kids.
We ended up adopting two more boys.
So writing a book felt like there is no way that I can do it.
So it just felt, I had to raise these kids and I can't put pen to paper, writing a
book is take so much time and dedication.
So when our youngest son left home, I thought, okay, now's the time.
And I was able to just spend, hours in front of the computer
writing down just my journey.
And.
Maybe going a little bit deeper and a little bit deeper until I was able to
put on paper what I felt were some of the most important things and stages
that we went through as a family.
And so it just, it was definitely a while in the process.
Kim, can I just ask, do you feel like Nicole was guiding you on
that process as you were writing?
in some ways I do, in some ways, and I don't know how heaven works,
but in, in some ways I could feel her going and I think you probably
understand what I'm saying.
why I asked.
Yes.
Go mom.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm just, I just, I don't know how it works and I don't know if.
I don't know, but that's how I feel.
And it's a beautiful thing.
When I finished, when I turned that into the publisher and got my final
draft back, it was just like, I felt like she was saying, good job, mom.
Yeah.
and you've written it from such a beautiful angle as well, because I
believe that's what it's all about.
It's just finding love again, in whatever form you can, and just gently at first,
and oh gosh, that's been a big deal.
big thing for me.
And I, again, I'm just going to share with you cause I know you so get it.
Yes.
and so there was a time where I got so busy with life, I
nearly gave away my podcast.
It was getting harder and harder to find the time to do the interviews and then to
edit everything and release the episodes.
And it dropped off a bit and then it was like a life hit me in the smack in
the face with a health ailment that I had no option but to take time out for.
and I just kept thinking, what's this all about?
because I've been taking really good care of my health.
And I thought I was doing fine.
The reality of it and the message was that you need to
go back to what you love to do.
this is what
you need to be doing.
This is what you love to do.
And when I realized that, it was like a ding, ding moment for me.
And I thought, ah, so I guess you probably felt that about your book as well.
Like it was almost like you couldn't ignore it.
You had to give birth to it.
Yes.
It was a almost like a divine directive.
Like you, I have to do this and victorious heart is, a few days after Nicole went to
heaven, we got a bookmark from our friend and it had Nicole's name and her, the
meaning of her name is victorious heart.
And so when I was thinking about the book and thinking about my
life, that's one of the things I learned about her is she lived with
a victorious heart every single day.
Every moment she just squeezed out, beauty and victory in every day.
And victorious means you're victorious over something, you,
there has to be a battle, right?
So I really felt That's what I wanted my life to be.
I didn't want to be defined by grief, but I wanted to be, have a victorious heart
in grief and show that we do grieve, but we grieve with hope and beauty.
And there's so much more to our lives.
And I think that's so important.
And then I got the coolest opportunity last year, to record the book on audio.
Well done.
And at first I wasn't going to, I said, I cannot read this.
This is, I cannot do that.
This is going to be too painful, but let me tell you, the producer said, no, you
have to, it needs to be in your voice because it will be more meaningful.
And let me tell you, it was so therapeutic and to even go through it again.
And to be reminded, yes, there were hard, there were very hard times
of reading, but also just how far.
That God has brought us in just our journey.
and again, it's not because I'm strong because I am a wimp, but
it's because that we can't, we can be victorious in all of this stuff.
So I really think that's a beautiful part of anybody's story that yes,
there's going to be hard things.
There's going to be devastating things and not to make light of
it, but to know that we can be victorious in all of those things.
do you think this experience has changed your life for the better?
What do you think you've developed now out of this?
Out of this tragic loss of Nicole,
I think I see through the fragility of life, the beauty of life.
I think I see how important it is to be intentional and be present and to
savor every moment that we have that there really are no ordinary moments.
There's moments that we go to work and they feel everything
feels ordinary, but really it's not, there's no ordinary moments.
And I think that is the biggest thing.
This has taught me it's important that we love very fiercely those
people that are put into our lives and sometimes it's friends.
Sometimes it's friends of Nicole's or like friends of yours daughters that you just.
You draw from, you will draw from, but also you're putting back into their lives.
And I think living in with that intentionality has been a big part of it.
That my life, I don't always do it.
I will get in the doldrums and the routine and, but I have to remind myself, no, this
is, there are no ordinary moments and I have to savor every single second because
we don't know how long we're going to have with the person sitting across from us
or even our own lives to make an impact.
We, we don't,
yeah, so you have to see for each and every moment just as it is and
enjoy it and truly that's what's given me so much heart, um, and
I think it's about others too.
Do you speak about Nicole all the time?
Is that something you do?
yes, all the time.
And at first I felt a little bit.
I didn't want to make people feel uncomfortable, but what I realized
is other people need to hear her name as much as I need to hear her name.
Absolutely.
yeah,
Oh, I'm so pleased you said that because I talk about Tahl
she was a big part of my life.
I'm not going to relegate that to a shelf to be dusted
every once in a while.
no,
she's front and center.
yes.
And she's still influencing, your podcast, your life, how you live,
she's still influencing you and not only you, but the people that all
those people that were at her service.
They're still being influenced by her life.
and I feel the same way about Nicole.
And I think that's important to be able to recognize and hold on to.
I recall speaking to somebody who had gone his whole life, his
brother died and he was quite young.
And then the family never mentioned him again.
And it was like the photos were put somewhere and of course, when I lost
Tahl that brought everything up for him.
It was like this huge loss and grief that welled up inside of him,
all those suppressed emotions have never been able to talk about his
brother and honor him and, just love.
the impact that he made, even if just for such a short while.
I think it's important that we do honor our loved ones that
have, passed over way too soon.
Yes, I agree.
And, have you heard of that Japanese art form called, Kintsugi, I think it is?
Kenzuki.
Yes, I have.
do you have that?
Yes.
see where, there we go.
I love Kenzuki.
I know your listeners will not be able to see, but yes, completely.
It's a beautiful art.
yes.
And I think that, symbolizes our lives.
We get broken, we get shattered, but we can put them back together again.
And it's beautiful the way we can put them back together again.
They may not look perfect, but there is a beauty in that.
And that's what that art form represents, isn't it?
Yes.
Yeah.
The beauty is in the flaws of the piece and the brokenness of the
piece, all the gold and I think that's such a great example.
I'm so glad
Oh, gosh.
Now, this really does become a mission in our life, doesn't it?
Honoring, our beautiful girls.
so how are you still helping others now, 24 years down the line?
through my book, and my blog, I tried to post about any kind of
loss and just struggles and how to walk through and maybe navigate
struggles that we all have in life.
And then I still meet, I still speak and meet with grieving moms, as It's
whenever the opportunity arises.
Sometimes I won't talk to someone for a while and then somebody else
will be coming to my path that I feel like it's, that I, it's my,
I hate to say job, but it's my directive to just walk and hold them.
No, even better.
It's my privilege.
That's a better word to be able to walk with that mama when she's hurting, or
sometimes it's a wife that's lost her husband, whatever that is, grief yeah
is grief and they need to, everyone needs to know they don't walk alone.
And I love that, there are so many people who may never ever say anything to us,
but they're watching from a distance.
They're watching and they're admiring.
And you say you're not strong, but there is a beautiful inner
strength that does get called
upon.
to help us navigate this journey.
And I think you epitomize that so well.
I just want to talk also about the fabulous idea, of the quilt you received,
tell us a bit more about that, Kim.
about the quote.
the quilt,
Oh, the quilt.
Thank you.
Sorry about
English, a
Oh, the beautiful quilt.
So my, neighbor, I had a really difficult time, parting with Nicole's clothes and
I just kept saving them and saving them.
And I ended up giving them to my neighbor who is a seamstress and just thinking,
okay, just when you get a chance, can you just do something with these clothes?
And on her birthday, she presented this amazing, beautiful quilt and
she had hand stitched every little part of it, of all Nicole's clothes.
shirts, especially from horse shows, her church type t shirts that she wore.
All of her funny, she was a very free spirited girl.
So her style was a little bit wild.
And so all of that is.
Is hand stitched into this beautiful quilt that has, has just brought me
so much comfort and it's gigantic.
And this woman, bless her heart.
She had spent so much time on this and so much love.
And it was definitely a labor of love and just that, that act of hers.
And it took her months, but I had forgot that she had the clothes, but
labor of love.
That was
exactly just what popped into my mind as you said, a
labor of love and how beautiful and what a fabulous way to deal with, those clothes
and things, because that is a tricky thing
to have to deal with, those are the tougher moments that
people forget about, yeah.
are when you have to, cause those are real things that you have to manage.
Those are real things that you have to deal with and you want to cling on
to every part of them that you can.
yes, I know.
Wow.
What a fabulous conversation I've had the privilege of having with you today, Kim.
And I'd just love to finish off with a few questions I ask all my guests.
And the first is, what is the best thing that has happened to you so far today?
That question I knew you were going to ask me.
So I thought, and it's been what I said, there are no ordinary days, but
the best thing that happened to me today is I got to go out and just spend
a little bit of time with my horse.
I know that seems very simplistic, but she's, it helps me to
feel close to Nicole because.
She was into horses and now in my older age, I'm able to
have a horse and ride her.
And so I got to just spend time and I know that it seems weird, but she
seemed extra sweet and kind to me today.
Just like one of those things that it's almost as if she knew
I needed a little extra love.
So that as some people might find that silly, but for me, it was just
a really beautiful moment in my
no, that just warmed my heart.
Oh, good.
And what is something that you are most grateful for?
Oh, there's so many things, but I think that even I'm most grateful in general
for that even on my darkest days and even on my hardest days I have purpose
and there is a plan for my life.
And, I'm not going to be defined by my darkest days.
I'm going to have joy in those days.
I'm going to find beauty in each of those days.
And just the fact that I'm able to do that, that I, what
I see is not all there is.
And so that is an important thing for me to always go back to when I'm, when I
need to find something to be grateful for,
Oh, that's beautiful.
And when you have those dark moments in your day, how do you pivot out of those?
What's your go to?
it actually goes back to gratitude because even when I'm having those
days, I really believe there's something that we can always be grateful for.
And that might be as simple as the sun on our face or the sound of the birds
singing, or the laughter of a child.
If I am able to look outside of that darkness and find something to be grateful
for, even if it's just one thing, if I try to find a handful of things, but if I can
do that, that helps me pull out of those dark days and take another step forward.
yes.
So 100 percent agree.
Every day, gratitude is my cornerstone.
yes.
Yeah,
I used to always think it was such a trite thing.
Oh yeah, let's be grateful.
yeah.
but now I think it's the most life changing thing that you could
possibly have as part of your life.
Yes.
Is there anything else that you would like our listeners to know that perhaps
we haven't had the opportunity to cover?
I just would like people to know that it, even if you're in that dark place and
there's no way you feel like you can find beauty on that side of grief, you feel
like there's no way you can experience joy or hope, that I just encourage.
I, we have felt that way, but I just encourage them to keep walking, that you
will experience beauty again in your life.
And I have a feeling that it's going to be more beautiful than
you anticipated it would ever be.
That you will find beauty, you will find hope, you will
find joy, and it will happen.
But you just have to keep walking through each of these steps.
I know I feel a bit guilty saying that my life is better now since Tahl
left us, when I was going through all of that and that's just because
she's just gifted me so many beautiful learnings and moments since then.
So yes, I understand that, but still feel a little bit guilty sometimes saying that.
yes, I know what you mean.
for anybody who is listening who would like to get hold of you and all
the hold of get hold of your book.
How can they do that?
Can I'll have it in the
episode notes, but sorry.
okay.
No, that's okay.
the book Victorious Heart, it's, you can get it wherever books are sold.
Easiest is usually Amazon and now it's in paperback, Kindle and audible,
which I'm super excited about the audible, because it's just, I feel
like, such a special offering.
and then my blog is Wild Victorious Heart
and so you can contact me, on that through my blog, my emails on there.
There's, you can track me down through that easy.
I also have some of my, and blogs and different kinds of things that
might be encouragement to people.
And then I'm on Instagram, just my name, Kim Peacock and Facebook, Kim Peacock.
And and I try to answer anyone that reaches out, pretty quickly.
So if someone needs to get ahold of me, usually through
those avenues, I can be found.
You can be found.
That sounds
good.
And if anybody forgets any of this, they just need to go and have a look at the
episode notes because I'll have those links or all of those links there as well.
Kim, what an absolute privilege it has been to be able to connect
with such a like minded soul.
Like I felt this instant connection with you.
Me too.
Gosh, and I've just loved having this conversation with you and sharing,
the wisdom that you've garnered, through your own loss and how you've
come through that so magnificently.
And, it's been a privilege for me to speak to you, and I'm so very grateful.
So thank you.
Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
And thank you as well, Helen.
I feel like I have a sister all those miles away.
You do indeed.