Speaker 1: Two hopeless daters one dating app then dares you swipe right.
Speaker 1: The question is whose love life is more tragic.
Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates. It's the dating game
Speaker 2: show that puts the naughty in Illuminati. It's Battle of
Speaker 2: the Tender Dates, where two of our listeners square off
Speaker 2: to find out whose love life is the most tragic.
Speaker 2: We'll explain the rules in just a second, but first
Speaker 2: let's meet today's contestants. Here in this corner, when she
Speaker 2: meets a guy for the first time, she leans into
Speaker 2: her ultra feminine side and gives the limpest handshake physically possible.
Speaker 2: That's how she got the nickname Flimsy Lindsey.
Speaker 1: It gives me the bb GBS when somebody does that.
Speaker 2: Damn hate it so sexy. In the other corner, her
Speaker 2: dating life is so bad she's faked getting sick on
Speaker 2: her last five dates wow, just to leave the restaurant early.
Speaker 2: That's why the boys call her get well Rachelle.
Speaker 3: Hi guys, oh wow, I bet you.
Speaker 2: Had a lot of soup sent to your house. Here's
Speaker 2: how the game works. One contestant we'll start by telling
Speaker 2: one of their worst dating stories. The other will try
Speaker 2: to come back and counter with a nightmare story of
Speaker 2: their own. We're going back and forth for three rounds
Speaker 2: until we declare a winner. Let's get the ball rolling
Speaker 2: with Flimsy Lindsey. Let's go.
Speaker 1: So it was two in the morning and we get
Speaker 1: in one of those rickshaw petticap things.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I mean they were always fun at two
Speaker 2: in the morning.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I didn't have any objections.
Speaker 1: But then she takes off his shirt and pants. He
Speaker 1: throws them on the street and tells me that he's
Speaker 1: always dreamed of hooking up in the back of one.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was going down.
Speaker 1: Please tell me that you declined his offer.
Speaker 2: Of course, dude, She dove out of that petticab fifteen hours.
Speaker 2: All right, Get well, Rachelle. Can you count her?
Speaker 3: So a guy invited me out on his sailboat and
Speaker 3: we were out in the water and it starts to
Speaker 3: get super stormy, so I suggest we should probably go back.
Speaker 3: He starts to cry, and he tells me that it's
Speaker 3: a rental. He got to impress me, and he doesn't
Speaker 3: actually know how to sail, so we had to swim
Speaker 3: back to show her. No, that's why you hired. That's
Speaker 3: why you know where they is.
Speaker 2: Also, he doesn't know how to swim.
Speaker 3: Round two.
Speaker 2: Here we go, Lindsey, We're back to you.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: I go back to this guy's place and I walk
Speaker 1: into the apartment and there are mouth traps everywhere.
Speaker 2: Oh god.
Speaker 4: He tells me not.
Speaker 1: To worry because he has a minor rodent problem.
Speaker 2: Don't worry.
Speaker 1: So I don't know I hooked up with him anyway.
Speaker 2: You're already over there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but we're in bed and I hear three of
Speaker 4: the traps go off.
Speaker 3: It's like that movie.
Speaker 1: You'd rather see him alive. Yeah, so what happened? There
Speaker 1: are these little squeaks and unfortunately wasn't happening from our bedkiller.
Speaker 2: Some people do like an audience. Rachelle time to hit back.
Speaker 3: So I once did a sunset hike with this guy
Speaker 3: and we were super close to the top when he's like,
Speaker 3: I have to go to the bathroom. So he goes
Speaker 3: behind a tree and I'm waiting for him for like
Speaker 3: ten minutes.
Speaker 2: Well, guys need like an average of forty minutes to
Speaker 2: get the job. Yeah, even without a bathroom.
Speaker 1: He's sitting out there on your phone.
Speaker 2: You just need time.
Speaker 3: So I go to check on him to make sure
Speaker 3: he's okay because it's been so long, and I see
Speaker 3: him squatting there watching the end of a football game
Speaker 3: on it.
Speaker 2: We had a lot of money on that. You need
Speaker 2: a hike only where you can't get Wi Fi from?
Speaker 2: What did you do? So?
Speaker 3: I ended up going to the top without him, but
Speaker 3: I still miss the sunset a jerk? All right, I
Speaker 3: hope this team lost.
Speaker 2: We're under the third and final round here. We need
Speaker 2: your best stories, ladies. So Lindsey, give us what you got.
Speaker 1: This guy I met, he planned a surprise date at
Speaker 1: a blood donation center.
Speaker 2: Oh, good for you. You should donate romancy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm cool with giving back in all but say
Speaker 4: we go inside and he told me to try to
Speaker 4: steal as many bags as I could because his inventory
Speaker 4: was low.
Speaker 3: He was going to steal a cookies apait his inventory?
Speaker 3: Oh god, his inventory? How did you not get God?
Speaker 4: He wasn't even joking.
Speaker 3: Okay, you reported him to the police or is he
Speaker 3: like a.
Speaker 2: Rogue hero out here giving people blood trends? Yeah, he's
Speaker 2: like an amateur surgeon, that's what it is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's a vampire. Jeff, how many.
Speaker 2: Bags of blood did you steal from no?
Speaker 3: I guess he get caught red handed.
Speaker 2: Well, Rochelle, this is your last chance.
Speaker 1: A guy picks me up for dinner.
Speaker 3: He says he's going to take me to his secret
Speaker 3: local spot and it ends up being a hospital cafeteria.
Speaker 2: Oh god, steal pretty capitals as you can hurt. Sometimes
Speaker 2: it's pretty tasty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I've heard like it can actually be really good.
Speaker 3: So we eat there and doctor wasn't that good? But
Speaker 3: then gearing dessert, he finally admits to me that he
Speaker 3: has to go upstairs because his other girlfriend, surgery, should.
Speaker 2: Be over by now, did you at least buy her
Speaker 2: flowers from her recovery?
Speaker 4: Let me pop into the gifts shot.
Speaker 2: Here's the final bell that means the match is done.
Speaker 2: This is going to be a tough one to score.
Speaker 2: But judges, what do you think? Alexis?
Speaker 1: Lindsay's for hearing mice caught traps up?
Speaker 2: One vote for Lindsay Brooks.
Speaker 1: I'm going blood vampire.
Speaker 2: Congratulations, Flimsy, Lindsay. Your dating history is so upsetting even
Speaker 2: Taylor Swift pities you.
Speaker 1: Honestly, it's a little sad that I won this, but
Speaker 1: thank you guys.
Speaker 3: You're welcome.
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing your stories. Congratulations, Text in seventy
Speaker 2: five nine two if you want up here on the
Speaker 2: next Battle of the tender dates, phone taps coming up
Speaker 2: right after this.
Speaker 1: Brook and Jeffrey in the morning,