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Speaker 3: Wake that answer up in the morning Breakfast Club Morning.
Speaker 3: Everybody is the DJ Envy Jess hilarious. Charlamagne the guy.
Speaker 3: We ought to breakfast club. We got a special guest
Speaker 3: in the.
Speaker 4: Building, fucking legend man Bill Burr.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm feeling.
Speaker 5: I'm all right, you're right.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: When you hear the word legend and you just feel old,
Speaker 6: do you feel like I'm accomplished?
Speaker 5: Ah, I don't know what I feel. I never feel
Speaker 5: like I you know this, you know this businesses you
Speaker 5: feel like you know any moment, like whatever you got
Speaker 5: is going to go away. So I just I don't
Speaker 5: pay attention to that stuff. I obviously like it. No,
Speaker 5: legend doesn't make me feel old, makes me feel good.
Speaker 5: But when somebody's like, ah, man, I grew up on
Speaker 5: your comedy. I started listening to you when I was eight,
Speaker 5: I'm like going, oh my god, you're seeing there like
Speaker 5: you know, divorced, You're like, God, how old are myself?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I would say that's the type of stuff makes me
Speaker 5: feel old.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to go back a little bit,
Speaker 1: if you don't mind, I want to know. You know
Speaker 1: what got Bill Burn into comedy.
Speaker 5: From attic childhood happy? He gets into this stuff just
Speaker 5: then the delusions of fame get into your head, and
Speaker 5: then you somehow get into it. Uh No, I mean
Speaker 5: I definitely liked it when I was growing up, but
Speaker 5: I got into it by chance where you know, I'm
Speaker 5: old man. So like I was watching it in the
Speaker 5: seventies and eighties, but like show business was like it
Speaker 5: was a million miles away. It was impossible. It was
Speaker 5: not something that you could do, like, you know, just
Speaker 5: take out a camera and start filming yourself. So I
Speaker 5: grew up Massachusetts suburbs, so I thought, like, you know,
Speaker 5: you had to be in Hollywood to get into it.
Speaker 5: Like I had no idea. There was this huge stand
Speaker 5: up scene in in uh Massachusetts. So I was working
Speaker 5: in a warehouse and I was working with this guy
Speaker 5: and he was into stand up the way I was,
Speaker 5: and he was funny as hell. And one night we
Speaker 5: were we used to uh used to go over his
Speaker 5: house have a couple of beers before we went out,
Speaker 5: you know, save some money, and he was we were
Speaker 5: watching stand up, but he was going, Bill, what funny
Speaker 5: than these guys like and you know, he goes one
Speaker 5: one night, I'm gonna take a shot at Jack Daniels
Speaker 5: and go up on stage. And that's when it stopped
Speaker 5: being on TV and it was next to me, and
Speaker 5: I started thinking like, oh, wait a minute, he can
Speaker 5: try it. I can try it. And still took me
Speaker 5: another five years to figure it out. I started, I
Speaker 5: started kind of late. Did you ever feel like you
Speaker 5: had to wear a dress the sucker cock?
Speaker 4: Did you know? In Hollywood? Jesus Christ.
Speaker 5: No, And that whole theory is ridiculous. That's what's going
Speaker 5: on out there, that there's more pedophiles in Hollywood than
Speaker 5: there are in plumbing. It's like it's.
Speaker 7: A problem plumbing, I don't know, just like regular jobs, directing,
Speaker 7: like directing, like every pedophile in jail.
Speaker 5: Like created uh you know, freaking uh.
Speaker 7: You know, it's like they're like, that's what's going on.
Speaker 7: What's funny is what's going on in Hollywood is going
Speaker 7: on in most businesses, where it's like there's a lot
Speaker 7: of people working over time, not getting paid, not getting
Speaker 7: credit and getting pushed down and people at the top
Speaker 7: taking more and more. But the problem with Hollywood is
Speaker 7: is those idiots stay in Hollywood and they look at
Speaker 7: most of the country like flyover states, and then they
Speaker 7: go on these stupid.
Speaker 5: You know, awards shows and they talk down to them,
Speaker 5: and then that makes them, hate them, and then they
Speaker 5: love to see somebody going down. The whole thing is
Speaker 5: it's like traveling is depressing, yeah, because what you find
Speaker 5: is everybody really is the same, like all of this stuff,
Speaker 5: like you know, all these people are evildoers and they're
Speaker 5: this and that, and you go over there and it's
Speaker 5: just everybody's the same.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: Everybody you know wants to have money, to have a sandwich,
Speaker 5: you want to find love, you want to be feel safe.
Speaker 5: That's everybody is like that. But then they just they
Speaker 5: just you know, the sociopaths get the dumb people wound up.
Speaker 6: I feel like New York and La have no idea
Speaker 6: what the rest of the country is actually Like if
Speaker 6: you grew up in New York, you grew up in LA,
Speaker 6: you don't know what the real like.
Speaker 5: New Yorkers are some of the worst traveled peoples you're
Speaker 5: ever gonna meet. They're hilarious everywhere they go. They would
Speaker 5: go to Guam and be like, oh, I go to Guam.
Speaker 5: I try to get a bacon, egg and cheese, and
Speaker 5: the ladies looking at me like, what are you talking about?
Speaker 5: This place sucks? Where are the skyscrapers? Like that's what
Speaker 5: cracks about New York is like what It's like the
Speaker 5: point of traveling is to get something different. Like they
Speaker 5: go to La and they try to get a bacon,
Speaker 5: egg and cheese. It's like, get a taco? What are
Speaker 5: you doing when in Rome?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I wouldn't come here and try to get a burrito.
Speaker 5: I've seen Mexican foods here. I just start laughing. It's like, no,
Speaker 5: I'm not doing that close music.
Speaker 2: Got a taco bell, That's that's usually what.
Speaker 5: I love that you said that because Mexicans all think
Speaker 5: that white people think taco bell is authentic Mexican food.
Speaker 5: It's like, We're not that that. Yeah, I know Olive
Speaker 5: Garden is not a town. I understand that they have
Speaker 5: poured it out.
Speaker 6: What did Bilberg want to be before he became a comedian?
Speaker 6: You just always wanted to do comedy.
Speaker 5: I was just failing and everything I did horrible in school.
Speaker 5: I did good in school until it mattered. I was weird.
Speaker 5: I did really good right up till eighth grade, and
Speaker 5: then once college started paying attention. I don't know, I
Speaker 5: just that's you know, I'm not going to get into it,
Speaker 5: but that's when I'll like the ass hit the fan
Speaker 5: with a lot of stuff. So then, yeah, I don't
Speaker 5: know what I tried construction. I wasn't good at that landscaping.
Speaker 5: I worked in warehouses. I knew I didn't want a boss,
Speaker 5: and I also knew that I didn't want to go
Speaker 5: into the same building for more than a year, because
Speaker 5: a few times I had jobs for over a year,
Speaker 5: and there was just something so depressing because you were
Speaker 5: working for somebody else's dream, and it was like a
Speaker 5: year earlier, I was standing right here. I have not
Speaker 5: moved anywhere. I'm another year older. So yeah, and you know,
Speaker 5: I mean depressed. Now, I was been here for fifteen years.
Speaker 5: If I wasn't sitting in a throne, I was unloading
Speaker 5: trust this guy's drinking from a challice, Like I feel
Speaker 5: good about this, I scented candle. No, I wasn't like
Speaker 5: unloading trucks and getting hammered and driving drunk stuff you
Speaker 5: did in the eighties. I mean that was basically what
Speaker 5: it was. So and I was going part time to
Speaker 5: college because I'd have money to go to college, so
Speaker 5: I was paying my own way through it, and I
Speaker 5: had already stayed back in first grade. So I just
Speaker 5: felt like hopelessly behind until I started hanging out, you know,
Speaker 5: with people that were into comedy, and then somehow I
Speaker 5: found it and uh yeah, then I remember doing that,
Speaker 5: and then that was just like, all right, this is
Speaker 5: what this is what I'm supposed to do, because everything
Speaker 5: else I was doing I just never felt I always
Speaker 5: never felt like this is not it. I don't feel
Speaker 5: like these people aren't the same kind of weird that
Speaker 5: I am.
Speaker 4: You know, why do you think you're weird? Though?
Speaker 5: I mean, like, well, I think we're all like messed
Speaker 5: up a little bit. Why don't think I'm weird? I
Speaker 5: don't know if I if I knew why I was weird,
Speaker 5: I wouldn't be weird.
Speaker 6: I think I think you got a lot of common sense.
Speaker 6: I think I'm like, this guy is just human being.
Speaker 5: Well, I've learned from a lot of failures. Your own
Speaker 5: are others, oh, my own okay, okay, oh and also others.
Speaker 5: Well that you know, I had a great education when
Speaker 5: I got in to stand up. The Big eighties. I
Speaker 5: don't know how old you guys are, but the Big
Speaker 5: eighty Okay, so the Big eighties boom where stand up
Speaker 5: comedy clubs exploded and all that and then it just
Speaker 5: got to the point you could just put like a
Speaker 5: microphone anywhere and people would show up for comedy. So
Speaker 5: the quality of it went down, and everybody was doing well.
Speaker 5: A lot of people were doing blow getting paid in
Speaker 5: cash and and blow and all of that type of stuff.
Speaker 5: And then it all came crashing down, and then the
Speaker 5: irs showed up and everything, and then I then I started,
Speaker 5: like I walked in like you know, the end of
Speaker 5: the party. Balloons were on the ground, confetti, everybody passed out,
Speaker 5: and I saw these headliners that were getting their wages
Speaker 5: garnished and they had to talk to the irs to
Speaker 5: go do some you know, funny bone in another state
Speaker 5: and everything. So my generation kind of learned like, all right, man,
Speaker 5: you can party this away in about seven eight crucial years,
Speaker 5: So you know, I learned from that. And then, you know,
Speaker 5: any young comics watching this, your twenties and thirties are
Speaker 5: difficult because you're struggling. And then also you do that
Speaker 5: comparison thing like, well, you started the same time I did,
Speaker 5: and you're here and I'm here, so I must be
Speaker 5: doing something wrong. And then I start hating you for
Speaker 5: some stupid reason. And then like that takes up a
Speaker 5: lot of energy, and then one day you just basically
Speaker 5: figured out like, all right, I'm making the decisions here.
Speaker 5: I you know, I'm doing well and not doing well
Speaker 5: by what I'm thinking rather than this this other stuff.
Speaker 5: Because you ever want to quit once, No, one time
Speaker 5: I thought I wasn't gonna make it. It was the only
Speaker 5: time I ever thought it. When was this you bombed? No, No,
Speaker 5: I happen all the time. It's just part of this stuff.
Speaker 5: I was doing the I'm not gonna say where it
Speaker 5: was because it's a sad story. We're gonna bump you out. Okay.
Speaker 5: So I was doing this this this club that I've
Speaker 5: just been going to for year, years and years and
Speaker 5: years and years and years. Every other year I would
Speaker 5: go there New Hour, going to get them, you know,
Speaker 5: you know, I'm in with the Warning radio guys. And
Speaker 5: the same thirty people were showing up. So it was
Speaker 5: after the late show and I was sitting there, you know,
Speaker 5: wreaking a smoke because you could smoke. All three shows.
Speaker 5: Smelt like I thought a fire. My eyes were all burning,
Speaker 5: and I was just looking at the wait staff and
Speaker 5: they were lifers. They had been there before and they
Speaker 5: were older, a little bit heavier, and they were counting
Speaker 5: up their money and they were smoking their cigarettes, and
Speaker 5: the same amount of people had showed up. And that
Speaker 5: was the first time I like this thought went in
Speaker 5: my head, like of like, wait a minute, am I
Speaker 5: the guy who doesn't make it?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 5: My god? The panic of that. I went back to
Speaker 5: the comedy condo and I was just laying in bed
Speaker 5: trying to turn it around, and my brain was just no, oh,
Speaker 5: ye're the guy's not going to make it. So that
Speaker 5: was Yeah. Then I got back to New York and
Speaker 5: it was better, you know, I came you know, after
Speaker 5: the gig, I came back and then just like the energy,
Speaker 5: I had a couple of good sets, you know, Sunday
Speaker 5: night at the Boston Comedy Club was a huge was
Speaker 5: a huge turning point for me in my career, probably
Speaker 5: how I ended up here right now, and that that
Speaker 5: would that would get me to think positive.
Speaker 4: And you said you never bombed, right and.
Speaker 5: The time you have, But I don't think you bombed though.
Speaker 6: I think that people don't know if they should laugh
Speaker 6: at what you're saying, you know what I.
Speaker 5: Mean, maybe now, but no, no, I remember bombing so
Speaker 5: bad one time. This was comedy club called Mixed Nuts
Speaker 5: that's now called the Comedy Union. That was the black club, right.
Speaker 5: So I went down there and uh, it's funny. I
Speaker 5: started doing those rooms because I used to listen to
Speaker 5: Richard Pryor, so like his albums were so live that
Speaker 5: you could like picture the crowd. So I had this
Speaker 5: idea of what a crowd looked like.
Speaker 4: It was weird.
Speaker 5: I'm white as hell on that like that was my
Speaker 5: idea of what a crowd was. So I, you know,
Speaker 5: ended up doing those rooms along with the white rooms. Right.
Speaker 5: So I was on stage bombings so bad like like
Speaker 5: this right here, silence, and I just remembering this woman's
Speaker 5: voice in the back. She just goes. I laughed yet
Speaker 5: ten minutes and then that was the biggest laugh of
Speaker 5: the said. Everybody laughed, and then they just started talking
Speaker 5: amongst themselves. And I did not I did know how
Speaker 5: to turn it around.
Speaker 4: It was and.
Speaker 5: There's something It's bad enough bombing in front of your
Speaker 5: own people, but bombing in front of another race of people,
Speaker 5: knowing that you're taking down a bunch of other white
Speaker 5: comics with you, like because everybody, it's just like I
Speaker 5: don't want you. It's not just me. Yeah, there are
Speaker 5: others out there. They're funny. Yeah, it was bad. You
Speaker 5: liked Richard Pryor what was your favorite? Hm? Maybe it
Speaker 5: was it something I said, the one. I can't say
Speaker 5: all of them. You're gonna get me in trouble half time.
Speaker 4: That was the question.
Speaker 5: I think I'm tucking. I got a good night's sleep.
Speaker 5: I like that, or was crazy? I will say I
Speaker 5: bought I bought his albums because he just looked funny.
Speaker 5: That was the first one I bought that ed was
Speaker 5: crazy when when he was pointing like that, just he
Speaker 5: just looked funny. And that's how I bought the first
Speaker 5: Eddie Murphy. Up. I bought the first Eddie Murphy album
Speaker 5: because I was like, well, he's also black, he must
Speaker 5: be funny. And that was the first one. We had
Speaker 5: the rose in his ear.
Speaker 4: He got that work.
Speaker 6: So you did represent for all white comics because you
Speaker 6: see one funny black comedy.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's how it was. That's how it works. And
Speaker 5: so it's almost like I found a genre of music,
Speaker 5: so I would listen to it. I listened to all
Speaker 5: of his stuff, and I just, uh, there was something
Speaker 5: about the way he did it, which I didn't understand
Speaker 5: it as a kid, but the way he did, the
Speaker 5: way he trashed white people, he got you to listen
Speaker 5: to him and laugh at yourself. Where I think when
Speaker 5: by the time def jam came around, crack eighties and
Speaker 5: all of that, like where black comedy was, it was like,
Speaker 5: all right, enough for this like sort of pussy footing around,
Speaker 5: you know, So then it was more like that was
Speaker 5: like a different thing. But like what I loved about
Speaker 5: Richard was like you like rooted for him, you felt
Speaker 5: like you knew him. It was really insane. I like,
Speaker 5: and I think he's the greatest of all time. And
Speaker 5: I think it's even.
Speaker 1: Close during that time, during that era wind it seems
Speaker 1: like that crack time where deaf comedy jam and the
Speaker 1: comedy shows. Was it hard for you to book in
Speaker 1: those black rooms? Was it was like here it comes
Speaker 1: to white comedian again.
Speaker 5: No, that was the irony. It was hard for them
Speaker 5: and you you, yeah, you had to like vouch for
Speaker 5: him and everything, and the club owners right in front
Speaker 5: of Yeah, you don't do that deaf jam stuff, do you.
Speaker 5: You're not like m F and m FIN talking about
Speaker 5: you know, I don't know what I can say on
Speaker 5: the show. Yeah, you're not you're not, you're Oh wait,
Speaker 5: you said sucking dick earlier.
Speaker 4: Second.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So they would literally say that, and that was embarrassing.
Speaker 5: You'd be standing there going like so, but what they're
Speaker 5: they you'd come on, They didn't is they would just say,
Speaker 5: I go up, do you think? And they I felt
Speaker 5: like guys, Like all of those guys I worked for
Speaker 5: Talent Drew Fraser, Rob Stapleton, Er Kelly Capone, all the
Speaker 5: New York kings. I used to do all of those
Speaker 5: rooms and uh, oh god, those are all the memories
Speaker 5: of that one. I remember Gerald Kelly had a room.
Speaker 5: Oh god, it was a brutal room. It was somewhere
Speaker 5: in like Newark and like the two thousands, and I
Speaker 5: remember that. I remember this comedian, was it ros g
Speaker 5: or something, Yeah, Rest her soul. She was on stage
Speaker 5: and she's super loud, and she was super loud, and
Speaker 5: they weren't laughing at anything, and she ended us safe.
Speaker 5: She's like, god damn, She's like, I don't know who's
Speaker 5: coming up next, but he better be funny because you
Speaker 5: motherfuckers ain't laughing. It's ship. And then she brought me.
Speaker 4: Up Gentleman Milburgh didn't get a laugh at least.
Speaker 5: No, oh, we know it's weird. I went up, had
Speaker 5: an okay set and I felt like I bombed in anything.
Speaker 5: And randomly Chris Weber was there and he came up,
Speaker 5: but he told me I was funny, and it was
Speaker 5: little things like that. I'm like, well, this guy's famous,
Speaker 5: this guy's successful. He thinks I'm funny, so I think
Speaker 5: I'll be all right.
Speaker 6: Do you change your thing when you're doing black rooms
Speaker 6: versus white rooms?
Speaker 5: I try not to. Early on I did. I'd be
Speaker 5: on stage all of a sudden, I hear myself tagging
Speaker 5: all my jokes with you know what I'm saying, and
Speaker 5: I'm being like, why am I doing that? Why am
Speaker 5: I doing that? Stop?
Speaker 2: Stop doing that?
Speaker 5: But you just would, and then it was an easy way.
Speaker 5: It's an easy way to get through those rooms. You
Speaker 5: could just be like, I'm the white guy and I'm scared,
Speaker 5: and that's sort of how you do it initially, just
Speaker 5: to get your feet wet in those rooms. And then
Speaker 5: basically then it becomes like, now can I actually go
Speaker 5: up here and talk about what I want to talk about?
Speaker 5: Wear a Bruin's T shirt, you know, hockey T shirt.
Speaker 5: And I started experimenting with that, and I remember Patrice
Speaker 5: giving me rest is soul, Yeah, going like Bill's trying
Speaker 5: to do his white shit in these black rooms. Sometimes
Speaker 5: it worked. Sometimes it all dependent on the crowd. It
Speaker 5: all dependent on the crowd. But I felt like it's
Speaker 5: a weird thing where I feel like it's harder to
Speaker 5: be a black comic in a black room than it
Speaker 5: is to be a black comic in a white room,
Speaker 5: and vice versa, because you can just play fish out
Speaker 5: of water, like, oh wow, this is all different, gee, Louise,
Speaker 5: you know, I'm all nervous up here and just literally
Speaker 5: play into the stereotype. That's the easy laugh hundred pcent
Speaker 5: not but not early on, I forgive any of it
Speaker 5: because you're just trying to survive, because it's like, you know,
Speaker 5: that's like not something like white people don't experience being
Speaker 5: the only you a lot. You know, we just sort
Speaker 5: of walk in, oh more white shit, you know, and
Speaker 5: you just live that. So the first experience, and that's funny.
Speaker 5: When I first started doing those rooms, I didn't see
Speaker 5: black people as individuals. I just saw black people, and
Speaker 5: as I kept doing them, and doing them. I started
Speaker 5: to see individuals, Oh, this guy's like my buddy Mitch,
Speaker 5: this guy's like you know. And I started to see, Oh,
Speaker 5: this guy's a good guy. This guy's a piece of shit,
Speaker 5: and this guy steals jokes, this guy's you know, and
Speaker 5: it's like, oh, this is just like white people.
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask, you know, back in the day,
Speaker 1: what you name some of those comedians from Talent to Compone.
Speaker 1: It seems like comedy had a brotherhood, like you'll f
Speaker 1: with each other. Now it doesn't seem like that, especially
Speaker 1: with Kat William throwing missiles at everybody. Was it a
Speaker 1: brotherhood back then? Or was it always competition in missions?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 5: It always was. It's just you couldn't you couldn't air
Speaker 5: your grievances on social media and that type of stuff.
Speaker 5: Like No, there still is like a there still is
Speaker 5: like a comrade, especially the people that you like you
Speaker 5: start out with when you go up and you're doing
Speaker 5: like open mics and stuff. It's just one impossible situation
Speaker 5: after another, and you just get thrown into these things
Speaker 5: and you sort of bond with each other through just
Speaker 5: you know, I mean, I did gigs like we don't
Speaker 5: have a microphone. Is that going to be a pro problem.
Speaker 5: We're just gonna have you stand here in this hall.
Speaker 5: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: No, it was just like.
Speaker 5: Some of the stuff, some of the places, and then
Speaker 5: you would just what kept you going was your friend
Speaker 5: in the crowd laughing at you, watching you trying to
Speaker 5: figure this situation out. So there's definitely that. But you know,
Speaker 5: people focus on the negative or whatever. So I mean,
Speaker 5: generally speaking, we get along somewhat difference than other other stuff.
Speaker 6: Now when you see the black comedians going back and
Speaker 6: forth with each other, what do you think about that?
Speaker 6: Do you even look at it in black commedians?
Speaker 4: You just look at his comedians?
Speaker 5: No comedians, because white comedians are doing it too.
Speaker 6: Really, yeah, what's what's what's your colubsation?
Speaker 5: Oh, you know, I don't know because I'm old, but
Speaker 5: like there's definitely you know, I'm an old school guy
Speaker 5: where I look at all that stuff like that's locker
Speaker 5: room stuff. And if you have a problem with somebody,
Speaker 5: you should go to them and say it. That's how
Speaker 5: I came up. And then also like I, uh, you know,
Speaker 5: this is difficult. I don't need to make it any
Speaker 5: more difficult. There's people I like people. Maybe I don't
Speaker 5: like but I don't need to walk around like what
Speaker 5: good does that do me? To do? That's but that's me,
Speaker 5: so you know other people do it differently.
Speaker 8: Have you ever heard that somebody didn't like you or
Speaker 8: a reason, any particular reason.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: People thought I was a dick. They thought I was
Speaker 5: like aloof because I when I first started, they thought
Speaker 5: I was like, uh, you know, if you're quiet and
Speaker 5: you're actually doing well, people get in their head and
Speaker 5: they thought, oh, he's not talking to me because he
Speaker 5: doesn't like me, and it wasn't. I was like a mess.
Speaker 5: I was questioning everything that I had done in the
Speaker 5: previous five minutes. But some people took it like he's
Speaker 5: not talking to me because he doesn't think I'm funny.
Speaker 5: So I definitely had a few of those. And I
Speaker 5: was also an angry guy, so I probably yeah, oh Jesus, uh,
Speaker 5: just stuff. I don't want to get into stuff that
Speaker 5: makes you be a comedian, the usual I have. I
Speaker 5: have you want to talk about hackey. I have all
Speaker 5: of the hacky background you need to get into this business.
Speaker 5: So you know, I could have had a much simpler life.
Speaker 6: I think a lot of us. I mean, I deal with,
Speaker 6: you know, anxiety on a high level, you know. I
Speaker 6: mean I think a lot of people do, but I
Speaker 6: think most people who have a high level of self
Speaker 6: awareness really do because we're just aware that we're dealing
Speaker 6: with something.
Speaker 4: That we're willing to acknowledge and other people aren't.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, every time I think I'm getting sane,
Speaker 5: I don't know, something else happens, and like, you know,
Speaker 5: like having kids and stuff. Really, you know, it really
Speaker 5: holds a mirror. My daughter said the cutest thing to
Speaker 5: me the other day. She goes, Dad, can you stop
Speaker 5: being mad now? And I just burst it out, laughing,
Speaker 5: and I was like, yeah, all right, all right, that's good.
Speaker 5: But the way I came, I would never say that
Speaker 5: to my dad. So I do feel like I've done.
Speaker 5: What I do like about my kids is that they're
Speaker 5: not afraid of me at all. They took me like
Speaker 5: a freaking bouncy house. But uh so, yeah, I've tried to.
Speaker 5: I tried to, you know, I've tried to undo some things.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they're not afraid of you because you're probably raising
Speaker 6: them with love, or at least my dad he.
Speaker 4: Raised me with fear.
Speaker 6: I believe he was afraid that I would make the
Speaker 6: samest things he made.
Speaker 5: Oh, everyone was afraid of that. You were afraid of
Speaker 5: other people's dads when I was growing up because they
Speaker 5: could hit you.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like, and they had big cars and they were
Speaker 5: always mad, and they were coming home and you just
Speaker 5: saw like, you know, like their wife scampering back into
Speaker 5: the house, you know, as they were pulling into the driveway. Yeah,
Speaker 5: the men were scary when I was growing up. So
Speaker 5: I probably overcorrected or whatever, but I'd rather have him
Speaker 5: coming up this way. Yeah, my kids allowed you know,
Speaker 5: we were not loud, Like we were loud when mom
Speaker 5: was home. When dad was home, everybody just shut the
Speaker 5: hell up. And when he left, it was like like
Speaker 5: a stack of bricks off your chair.
Speaker 4: Wait until your dad got home. Oh my god, those
Speaker 4: I mean it was funny.
Speaker 5: Was he actually was big? SOFTI was. Also, it turns
Speaker 5: out that way my mother was the one that beat us.
Speaker 4: Damn.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, we deserved.
Speaker 6: You said earlier, you always feel like things would be
Speaker 6: taken away from you, Like that's from childhood or that
Speaker 6: cancel coach, Like, what do.
Speaker 5: You mean when you say that, No, this is before
Speaker 5: cancel culture, well, because you I would You would see
Speaker 5: guys like idiots would get a show on the air
Speaker 5: and then immediately go buy a big house in a car.
Speaker 5: But back in the day, they would say you gotta
Speaker 5: wait till the third season, so you know that it's rolling,
Speaker 5: and you would watch guys blow all their money. I
Speaker 5: watched people get deals up at Montreal and they put
Speaker 5: it all in the dot com stock market. I knew
Speaker 5: that was I stayed away from that ship. When I
Speaker 5: was at the comic strip and comedians stopped talking about
Speaker 5: comedy and they were talking about stocks, going like, you know,
Speaker 5: it's gonna split again, it's exacinitely gonna split again. I'm like,
Speaker 5: you are a dummy. You're a dummy. I'm a dummy.
Speaker 5: We should not be talking about this shit. So I
Speaker 5: didn't put it. But I saw guys lose all their
Speaker 5: money that way. There was guys I used to be,
Speaker 5: you know, looking up like, oh my god, how do
Speaker 5: you get to that level? And then their stuff starts
Speaker 5: to go like that, like this this business is it's
Speaker 5: not for the for the week, and you got to
Speaker 5: save your money. I don't know, I'm trying to come
Speaker 5: with something positive here, it's a fun job. Though it's
Speaker 5: a fun job.
Speaker 4: This is a call back.
Speaker 6: And when you saw those white comics on that level,
Speaker 6: did you say to yourself, he sucked the dick to
Speaker 6: get there or did he wear a dress to get there?
Speaker 4: Like? Where does that?
Speaker 5: What is that? What is that theory that stigma come from?
Speaker 5: Because I'm asking you you brought that up twice.
Speaker 6: Yeah, because that's the that's the that's the stigma. Like
Speaker 6: you know, the stigma is for black commas. You gotta
Speaker 6: wear a dress to get to a certain level. You know,
Speaker 6: you did that.
Speaker 4: Ship According to Kat Williams about Twell.
Speaker 5: Milton Burrow, Milton Burrow made a whole career like be
Speaker 5: like that comes from Vaden Williams. Yeah, he played Missus Doubtfire,
Speaker 5: Tom Hanks was on Buzz and Buddies. I mean it
Speaker 5: was just like it was kind of the you know,
Speaker 5: we don't have a good idea. Yeah, let's put a
Speaker 5: guy in a dress. That's kind of what it was.
Speaker 5: But I understand, you know, that's just one of those
Speaker 5: white things where I don't have to look at it like, oh,
Speaker 5: they're doing this because they're trying to belittle me, because
Speaker 5: they don't see me as human. I don't have to
Speaker 5: deal with all the stuff you guys got to deal with, So, like,
Speaker 5: I don't know if it it's how much of that's true,
Speaker 5: how much of it's paranoia? I mean, I can't speak
Speaker 5: on that. I have no idea, but like.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't you never wore dress?
Speaker 5: Yeah, and that whole sucking a dick thing, Like it's
Speaker 5: like you just sort of know you did.
Speaker 2: Did you never wear a dress? He said no, not
Speaker 2: that or that whole sucking addiction.
Speaker 5: It's more like, you create a show, you go in,
Speaker 5: you pitch it to these people, they somehow take control
Speaker 5: of it. You lose to created by credit. They make
Speaker 5: all the money you don't. That's that's the way it
Speaker 5: usually works. It's not it's not like you want a
Speaker 5: TV show, huh, all right, problem.
Speaker 3: And you better do it good because I got another
Speaker 3: forty guys.
Speaker 5: Waiting to suck. It's like, that's just I think a
Speaker 5: lot of people want it to be that way because
Speaker 5: it just makes them feel better about their lives or
Speaker 5: where the fuck they're at. But it's just like, yeah,
Speaker 5: like most of Hollywood is overworked, underpaid people not getting
Speaker 5: credit for some shit that they created, and it happens
Speaker 5: to everybody. It happens at different levels, and you have
Speaker 5: to learn how to protect yourself, and nobody teaches you.
Speaker 5: You just go in there taking punches and then you go, oh,
Speaker 5: you know, and that that's usually how you learn, unless
Speaker 5: there's a comic that kind of takes you under under
Speaker 5: his wing or something and teaches you, like, well, got
Speaker 5: for this. They're going to try to do that. Damon
Speaker 5: Wayne's was great at that.
Speaker 4: Oh word, I've heard that before.
Speaker 5: That he was great at that. Like he barely knew
Speaker 5: me and he you know, and he' said, he I
Speaker 5: saw you on TV. You funny man. We stand out
Speaker 5: in front of the cellar. He goes what he got
Speaker 5: going on, and he just stood there. Damon Wayde's quick
Speaker 5: and believe it, he just stood there and for like
Speaker 5: twenty minutes, he's going, uh huh, all right, all right,
Speaker 5: this is what they're going to try to do. But
Speaker 5: he just was cooling, like, oh my god, I know
Speaker 5: I just did this business was so ruthless. But I
Speaker 5: never forgot that, and that was something that I learned.
Speaker 5: It's like, all right, so if I get somewhere, like
Speaker 5: my job is to tell the younger kids, you know
Speaker 5: how they going to try to come in. That's how
Speaker 5: they fuck you. Yeah, they don't care about they can
Speaker 5: get a hook or any time they want, or whatever
Speaker 5: the hell they want. They're trying to take your ideas
Speaker 5: and get the money. They got all kinds of stuff
Speaker 5: they have. Like you remember back in the day, there
Speaker 5: was like points on a show, how many points you had,
Speaker 5: and they literally invented points that didn't mean shit, so
Speaker 5: you would be you got forty points, I only got thirty,
Speaker 5: but mine means something. You just don't mean anything. It's
Speaker 5: the whole thing is. Yeah, like here's one for you.
Speaker 5: It's way harder to prove somebody stole from you than
Speaker 5: defamation of character. Figure that one out. So that basically
Speaker 5: protects the thiefs. So when somebody steals from you can't
Speaker 5: then go around town and say this guy stole from me,
Speaker 5: stay away from him, blah blah. That gets back to him.
Speaker 5: He can sue me, and he can just come up
Speaker 5: with the phony cost report, Well, well this mouse was
Speaker 5: thirty thousand dollars and this was fifteen, and and whittle
Speaker 5: down what he stole and they get away with it.
Speaker 5: Pad that experience.
Speaker 4: Will it Will it ever be fair? Will be no?
Speaker 5: Because human beings are completely flawed and it's God's fault
Speaker 5: because that's how he makes this. So you need to
Speaker 5: stop going on Sunday praising him. You need constructive criticism. Jesus, No,
Speaker 5: I didn't know. Let people freak out. Will freak out
Speaker 5: when you when you start making fun of God. I'm
Speaker 5: down to hear you.
Speaker 4: I'm down to hear it out, all right.
Speaker 5: No, I just it's just an astoundingly like uh, not
Speaker 5: even dumb. Just not have an empathy, which is the
Speaker 5: first level of intelligence. Is if you can't take yourself
Speaker 5: out of yourself and look at somebody else, see this
Speaker 5: situation and hear it that there's there's just a level
Speaker 5: of life in living life you're not going to get past.
Speaker 5: You're just not going to get past. And also they
Speaker 5: got to stop naming stuff deliberately confusing, like white privilege.
Speaker 5: Every white person I knew is I didn't grow up rich.
Speaker 5: That's how we took that shit. I don't know why.
Speaker 5: I don't know who names the shit, but like I
Speaker 5: didn't know what it meant. I was like, what are
Speaker 5: you talking about? I grew up in a duplex with
Speaker 5: fucking squirrels.
Speaker 4: And the So what would you call it?
Speaker 5: What would I call white privilege? No, I would Well,
Speaker 5: that's a good question. Uh, I don't know being white,
Speaker 5: I don't know. I don't know. I'm not good at this,
Speaker 5: like coming up with band names and shit like that.
Speaker 5: But like I didn't like, like it meant how you
Speaker 5: like moved through the earth through the world.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 5: So one of the things I've been kind of having
Speaker 5: fun with in the Red States is talking about the
Speaker 5: Klan and now there's all this stuff you can't do anymore,
Speaker 5: but you can still join that group. But I go,
Speaker 5: that's a great example of white privilege. Can you can
Speaker 5: still join a terrorist organization as a white person and
Speaker 5: it's protected under others freedom of speech? And they start saying, well,
Speaker 5: you know, I don't want to do the whole bit
Speaker 5: because I want to I want to flesh this thing out.
Speaker 5: But that's what they sit there, and then that's one
Speaker 5: of the most fun things about doing stand up is
Speaker 5: going to a place like that and doing some stuff
Speaker 5: like that and getting them to hear it, and then
Speaker 5: going to LA and kind of doing like the same thing.
Speaker 5: Because they think people in Hollywood think that you just
Speaker 5: put a BLM sign in the window, and that means,
Speaker 5: you know, you're like a saint, and it's like you
Speaker 5: haven't done anything, which you basically did was appeased your
Speaker 5: your sense of responsibility. What are you talking about, I
Speaker 5: put a sign in the window. I'm on the right
Speaker 5: side of history. Or my favorite one was it was
Speaker 5: white people marching in BLM marches, filming themselves or Instagram like,
Speaker 5: look what a great person I am. So it's just like,
Speaker 5: I don't know, I don't know a human being served
Speaker 5: or interesting.
Speaker 4: Is their comedy to be found in this year's election.
Speaker 4: I mean.
Speaker 5: The joke I've been doing. They're like this election is
Speaker 5: like you know, when Hollywood makes a shitty movie, you're like, man,
Speaker 5: that movie sucked, and then two years later there's like
Speaker 5: a sequel and you're like, they're making another one of these.
Speaker 5: That's how I look at this. I think, basically, it's
Speaker 5: not worth the job's not worth the headache. And I
Speaker 5: think that the House and the Senate basically voting that
Speaker 5: you can't prosecute us for insider trading, and they're all
Speaker 5: worth twenty to forty million dollars and you watch CNN
Speaker 5: and Fox News. You know who's supposed to be these
Speaker 5: journalists just completely leave them alone. It's like, why do
Speaker 5: I want that job? I can just sit here, no
Speaker 5: one knows who I am other than in my state.
Speaker 5: I can make my forty million move to another state,
Speaker 5: no one knows who I am. You know, get a
Speaker 5: boat and some coke and some wares, and I'm good, right,
Speaker 5: Like that's how they look at it, like seeing Nfox.
Speaker 5: If I was running sit c N, Fox News would
Speaker 5: be shut down. They are anti American. All they do
Speaker 5: every day their businesses divide us and and then who
Speaker 5: they go after, they just go after. The reason why
Speaker 5: comedians have been getting so much shit is because we
Speaker 5: don't advertise on their network, so we're just soft targets.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 5: That's why I could being in the pandemic. You remember
Speaker 5: that kid who he hoarded all the hand sanitizer, one
Speaker 5: of the greatest fucking gambles ever, because they was a
Speaker 5: SARS is coming and all of this shit. This kid said, ah,
Speaker 5: I think this stuff is real, And he had a
Speaker 5: whole garage full of hand sanitizer and he was up
Speaker 5: in the price by one hundred percent and seeing ah,
Speaker 5: they were just dragging this kid. How could you do that?
Speaker 5: And then meanwhile, like big pharmaceutical companies, it's like four
Speaker 5: to sixty bucks for a leukemia pill and that's totally fine.
Speaker 5: Why is that fine? Because they're making money off them,
Speaker 5: so they're not going to, like, you know, bite the
Speaker 5: hand that feed. So this is the shit that like
Speaker 5: you think about when you're alone a lot on the
Speaker 5: road and it eventually makes you go crazy. So I
Speaker 5: just I have decided what. I just sort of like
Speaker 5: I don't pay attention to like anything, and I try
Speaker 5: not to, but then and when I do, it's like heartbreaking.
Speaker 5: Like there's there's a uh, there's a documentary about the
Speaker 5: Ukraine that came out one an oscar and I just
Speaker 5: saw the trailers. I just was the most heartbreaking thing
Speaker 5: you've ever seen.
Speaker 6: It's almost like ignorance is bliss right, Like that's what
Speaker 6: you realize that unless you know happy you are.
Speaker 5: Yeah, or like, uh, I don't know, Yeah, it's weird.
Speaker 5: It's weird. And then dumb people think they know everything.
Speaker 5: Mm hmmm, I had this works let me, I got
Speaker 5: it all figured out. Yeah, So that's why I realized, Yeah,
Speaker 5: I don't know shit, does.
Speaker 2: Cancel go to scare you at all? Does it make
Speaker 2: you change?
Speaker 4: You said?
Speaker 1: You see a lot of comedians change the set, change
Speaker 1: how they talk, change what they talk about.
Speaker 5: Uh. Well, that was something that, like most movements, started
Speaker 5: with something good, you know, and then was quickly co
Speaker 5: opted by people with their own interest and then it
Speaker 5: just completely lost its way.
Speaker 2: And like, is it good because because medians were usually
Speaker 2: the ones that well, I think you.
Speaker 5: Laugh, you know, but if there was people, No, but
Speaker 5: the initial thing that there's these people out there actually
Speaker 5: abusing people, like that was good to get rid of
Speaker 5: those people that that wasn't bad. But then all of
Speaker 5: a sudden it's spun into what are you talking about
Speaker 5: in your act?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 5: I worked with an actor she got she got canceled
Speaker 5: for an analogy and it was and it was all politics.
Speaker 5: The girl on Star Wars. Uh, it was she didn't
Speaker 5: want to get the she didn't want to get the
Speaker 5: COVID shot, and then she made some sort of Nazi
Speaker 5: Germany analogy. Right, well, no, it'll do if it goes
Speaker 5: against the politics, if it went across, if she was
Speaker 5: coming the other way, if she was coming like the
Speaker 5: other way, then I don't think it doesn't land that way,
Speaker 5: because I gotta be honest with you, Like Hitler and
Speaker 5: Nazi analogies and comedy are like are hackey, it's forever been,
Speaker 5: this guy is the next Hitler blah blah blah bah
Speaker 5: blah or something like that, So you know, like I
Speaker 5: don't know it, So it's it's it's I kind of
Speaker 5: like didn't really notice it was happening that I was
Speaker 5: kind of on stage going like, oh, I just said that,
Speaker 5: what if somebody just takes that clip? And as I
Speaker 5: didn't realize I was doing that till I did. Dave
Speaker 5: Chappelle was doing COVID shows and I went there and
Speaker 5: nobody had a phone, and just the freedom of that,
Speaker 5: not like I was gonna go out and say something ignorant,
Speaker 5: but just not having to worry about that when they
Speaker 5: were really kind of common for people, because I think
Speaker 5: it's like died down, but it was a while. It
Speaker 5: just seemed like they had to throw a log on
Speaker 5: the fire every month and eat whether they had somebody
Speaker 5: or not.
Speaker 4: And the wrong Nazi Germany Hitler reference will get you
Speaker 4: in any air.
Speaker 5: Look, it's all it depends on your intent. It depends
Speaker 5: on your intent. I did Nazi jokes when I was
Speaker 5: in Germany, and they would die and laugh because it
Speaker 5: was just like, what was it. I was just talking
Speaker 5: about all their accomplishments. I go, you know what's amazing
Speaker 5: about you guys, you know all the accomplishments you made,
Speaker 5: you know, with the automobile, you know, weaponry, audio tape.
Speaker 5: I just was listing all their accomplishments. I go, and
Speaker 5: then you just pick one wrong guy and it all
Speaker 5: goes to hell. And I just started talking about yeah,
Speaker 5: because and then they filmed it so they can't refute it. Oh,
Speaker 5: that was a joke I was doing. Yeah, how Germany
Speaker 5: they actually have shame for what they did, and it's
Speaker 5: not because they're better white people. It's because they're oppressed people.
Speaker 5: One they have to they have to acknowledge it.
Speaker 6: The nottification though, that is that's what That's what that was. Yeah,
Speaker 6: it was them having shame for what they did and
Speaker 6: you know, cleaning everything up.
Speaker 5: I find neo like neo Nazis are fascinating to me
Speaker 5: because like they're all like to support the troops people
Speaker 5: and they're like neo Nazis and it's like, well, you
Speaker 5: know the troops were fighting the Nazis. Like, just how
Speaker 5: all of that gets blurred after time? It's weird.
Speaker 6: Not that one little piece you just said Neo nazis
Speaker 6: a fan. Yeah, clip that on Twitter?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, there it is. You have a field day.
Speaker 5: I find them intriguing.
Speaker 4: How big of a deal is it now for a
Speaker 4: comedian to have a special.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I still think it's it's a to have a
Speaker 5: good one. If you have a whatever one, it's I
Speaker 5: don't know what it's going to do for you, but uh,
Speaker 5: I'm old school. I still like I'm like one of
Speaker 5: those you know guys now in your business they just
Speaker 5: make singles and stuff like that. So that's starting to
Speaker 5: become that like have a special chopping up. That's what
Speaker 5: the younger kids are doing. I'm still of the I'm
Speaker 5: still making albums, So I don't know if that's stupid
Speaker 5: or whatever, but that's that's how I do it. But
Speaker 5: I'm also the belief that, like, as long as you're
Speaker 5: doing quality, people are going to come.
Speaker 6: And see yeah, and stay consistent.
Speaker 5: It feels like a comedy Ted talk. He's a very
Speaker 5: in depth question.
Speaker 2: I just want to know, and I was I was
Speaker 2: performing a fmway.
Speaker 4: Paul. Oh, that was.
Speaker 5: One of those that was so big, Like, I don't
Speaker 5: think I even mentally dealt it with it until like
Speaker 5: two years after.
Speaker 4: I did it.
Speaker 2: Thirty five thousand people.
Speaker 5: Yeah, something like that. I felt like I was in
Speaker 5: led Zeppelin. They had a police escort. We drove into
Speaker 5: the thing, you know, as good is. I was there
Speaker 5: for a week because I got a family up there,
Speaker 5: So I always go back in the summer. And you
Speaker 5: got a family up there, I have family relatives. No, No,
Speaker 5: I've lived.
Speaker 4: A lot of lives.
Speaker 5: It was a waitress early on in my career. We
Speaker 5: weren't a good place. Now, No, I was, And I
Speaker 5: was walking around town and people say, hey, man, you know,
Speaker 5: good luck on the show, you know, blah blah. So
Speaker 5: I kind of felt like the city was behind me,
Speaker 5: which was another thing to like have to like think about.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I went up there, and what I didn't
Speaker 5: realize is like they've so perfected the sound and the
Speaker 5: screens and everything. It was just like this giant comedy
Speaker 5: club and you always killing me. People kept going like,
Speaker 5: just make sure you take it all in when you're
Speaker 5: up there. Just make sure you know you take a
Speaker 5: moment for yourself. It's like, this is comedy. I can't
Speaker 5: do that. The second I take a moment with myself,
Speaker 5: I'm immediately bombing. So what I kept doing was during
Speaker 5: Bigger Laughs, was just looking out Okahoma plate where it
Speaker 5: said Fenway Park, and that was That's just it was
Speaker 5: mind blowing and uh yeah, and then we got to
Speaker 5: let us hang up in right field smoking cigars and
Speaker 5: we might my family. We used to always get tickets
Speaker 5: the blue seats up and right field, so it was
Speaker 5: kind of up there. It was really uh yeah, that
Speaker 5: was something. So that was that was a one time
Speaker 5: only because you want to do it again. It's like, no, no,
Speaker 5: I don't think there's any point to go back.
Speaker 4: Lotter request with tickets.
Speaker 5: Oh from people, Uh you know, it wasn't that bad.
Speaker 5: It wasn't that bad, you know. It was was nerve
Speaker 5: wracking though. Was my high school reunion also? Was there? No,
Speaker 5: they just decided to go to the show and that
Speaker 5: and it's just like that's just like a weird thing
Speaker 5: where like when I meet people from high school, like,
Speaker 5: you know, I had a really cool class, so like
Speaker 5: I'm still the person I was, and and so are
Speaker 5: they it's just I'm doing on this weird thing. So
Speaker 5: that was kind of I didn't block that out a
Speaker 5: little bit, hight to be like, you know, all those
Speaker 5: girls who were afraid to talk to you go back
Speaker 5: to being like, you know, little billy, redheaded kid in
Speaker 5: like ninth grade. So I had to like, Okay, I
Speaker 5: gotta block this shit out and do my job.
Speaker 4: You just stun on him a little bit.
Speaker 5: Nah, that my time to do that. I blew it
Speaker 5: and I just accepted. I took the loss and I
Speaker 5: kept moving forward. I don't do I don't go back. No,
Speaker 5: you married right, yeah, to a black woman.
Speaker 4: If I'm not mistaking, Yeah, how does that happen?
Speaker 5: How does that happen?
Speaker 2: How does that happen?
Speaker 4: Saying a white guy from.
Speaker 5: I watch, like, you know, I watched Different Strokes growing up,
Speaker 5: and I had a crush on Janet Jackson? How does
Speaker 5: that happen?
Speaker 4: You mean?
Speaker 5: First time I met her, I was with her dad,
Speaker 5: who was booking the Apollo. So I was doing showtime
Speaker 5: with the Apollo and she was standing out back.
Speaker 4: Oh she's black, black.
Speaker 5: So black people the Apollo, it was my wife is gorgeous.
Speaker 5: He's gorgeous. So that was one thing, but I didn't
Speaker 5: really I I came and was coming up the backstairs
Speaker 5: and someone was getting booed, and I just remember thinking like,
Speaker 5: why am I doing this? I didn't need to do this.
Speaker 5: This all started with like that Patrici shit where he
Speaker 5: was always, you know, fucking with you. So he was like,
Speaker 5: you have a good set, and he would just and
Speaker 5: then he started talking about talents room, talent Will's room
Speaker 5: around the corner, saying like, you know, there's a bunch
Speaker 5: of comics over there that ten times funnier than all
Speaker 5: you white guys, and dah da da da da, and
Speaker 5: you know, so it kind of felt like all right.
Speaker 5: He was like I just want a championship, and somebody
Speaker 5: saying no, there's some guys across the way that could
Speaker 5: kick your ask. They're not allowed in the league. So
Speaker 5: it's like, all right, I gotta go play him. So
Speaker 5: I started doing those rooms, and then that led and
Speaker 5: then I was thinking like, well, this's be great. I'll
Speaker 5: do the black rooms. I'll also do the white rooms,
Speaker 5: and then I can get that draw. That crowd that
Speaker 5: I heard on those Richard prior albums didn't happen, but
Speaker 5: I ended up doing the Apollo, and uh, that's where
Speaker 5: I met her. But I met her again on Tough Crowd.
Speaker 5: She was doing Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn and we
Speaker 5: kind of hit it off, and I remember I just
Speaker 5: kept asking around. She just kept being a jerk, and
Speaker 5: right as I was a typical woman, right the second
Speaker 5: I was like, you know, what, the hell with her?
Speaker 5: The hell with her? Ended up running into her and
Speaker 5: then all of a sudden she was like really nice
Speaker 5: and we were hanging out. Oh my god, this guy
Speaker 5: was cock blocking me so bad that night on such
Speaker 5: an epic level.
Speaker 2: Can't blame him, obviously.
Speaker 5: No, it's because no, if it'd be no, why what
Speaker 5: do you mean? I mean, because she's so beautiful, as
Speaker 5: you understand why he was kind of that's not why
Speaker 5: he was doing No, you don't have all the information
Speaker 5: music is this guy's advocating cock blocking. I was like,
Speaker 5: why did you get that chair advocating that shit? No,
Speaker 5: he was doing it because he was miserable in his
Speaker 5: own relationship. So like he saw me like and it
Speaker 5: was like, you know, it was like fireworks, like we
Speaker 5: just like, I mean, love it first night and yeah,
Speaker 5: like I've I've only met two people that had like
Speaker 5: a vibe like her in my life. And the first
Speaker 5: one was a dude. He was just so that wasn't no.
Speaker 5: He was like no, just walked in the room, you know,
Speaker 5: and you just knew the person was coming the room.
Speaker 5: She has that vibe, right, so uh.
Speaker 4: Hold on, you got to clear that him. That will
Speaker 4: be clear.
Speaker 6: But you didn't date the guy nothing. No, I'm just
Speaker 6: one of the black people.
Speaker 5: Let go this homophobia. You always got a check like
Speaker 5: what are you doing? Manicured eyebrows, Like I'm gonna sit
Speaker 5: here and act like you're all good over there, like
Speaker 5: you don't have to swing a leg over the fence
Speaker 5: every once in a while. You got fucking sandals on
Speaker 5: and white socks. He looked like you just came from
Speaker 5: a steam room. Yeah No, I just mean like like
Speaker 5: I I always paid attention to energy because my energy
Speaker 5: was terrible. I was like all introverted and blah blah
Speaker 5: blah blah. So I was fascinated with people that were
Speaker 5: just free.
Speaker 4: So that's what I meant.
Speaker 5: Okay, we're gonna go back to sucking dick for a
Speaker 5: show again. Guy's a one trick pony over here.
Speaker 4: So we go.
Speaker 5: We go to like hang out right. No, So we're
Speaker 5: like vibing and everything, and I literally had to say
Speaker 5: to the dude, he was like a chick. I'd be like,
Speaker 5: hey man, sorry, I'm not paying attention together. That's how
Speaker 5: they fuck, he was. I was just like, you know,
Speaker 5: I'm hitting it off for there. Man, I think it's
Speaker 5: just going all right. Right, So the end of the
Speaker 5: night comes, the end of the stand up show, and
Speaker 5: he just comes walking over. He goes, he so you go,
Speaker 5: you guys want to go get something to eat, right,
Speaker 5: and he invites her and everybody. Now I'm at this
Speaker 5: fucking table and there was like, you know, ten other
Speaker 5: people there, and he's all the way down the end
Speaker 5: and he's still like yelling down shit, trying to interrupt
Speaker 5: any of my talking to her. I mean so long ago.
Speaker 5: I just remember one point that check came and I
Speaker 5: didn't have any money, so I said, I'll put just
Speaker 5: give me the cash, I'll put it on my card.
Speaker 5: He's like, oh, he's just trying to get the miles
Speaker 5: like that's like that's how he was doing it, right, Hey,
Speaker 5: So everybody goes to leave and now it's just oh no, no, no.
Speaker 5: It was the middle of the dinner, right or whatever
Speaker 5: the fuck we were doing the cock block dinner right,
Speaker 5: And I finally just look at her. I just give up,
Speaker 5: right because he won't shut the fuck up. And I
Speaker 5: finally just looked at her and I go, can I
Speaker 5: at least split a cab with you home? So she
Speaker 5: does that female thing, why do you want to split
Speaker 5: a cab with me? And I just said fuck it
Speaker 5: all right. I was just thinking, I go because I
Speaker 5: want to kiss you, right, okay, right? So she put
Speaker 5: her head down and smiled, and I was like, I
Speaker 5: got her. Fuck this guy, so I let him do
Speaker 5: all his bullshit. Everybody leaves except for him, me and
Speaker 5: who's going to become my future wife? And he literally goes.
Speaker 5: He goes, he goes, where do you live? Do you
Speaker 5: live uptown? And she goes, yeah, I live a time
Speaker 5: go I live it too. He goes, you want to
Speaker 5: split a cab? He's trying to leave with her, and
Speaker 5: she goes, no, I'm taking a ride home. I'm riding
Speaker 5: home with Bill. He's going like, oh no, but he
Speaker 5: was so in his ship, he was so in his ship,
Speaker 5: like he didn't She said, I'm not going to say
Speaker 5: his name she went so, and so I'm splitting a
Speaker 5: cab with Bill and I didn't have to I didn't
Speaker 5: have to say ship. I just stood there and then
Speaker 5: he he left and it was funny. I don't talk
Speaker 5: to him for four days and he calls me up.
Speaker 5: He's like, Hey, what's going on? Like nothing, what's up?
Speaker 5: He's like, uh so, like what You're not gonna you
Speaker 5: didn't call me because you thought it was cock blocking
Speaker 5: you there other night And I'm like you were He goes, no,
Speaker 5: I wasn't. I'm like, why did you bring it up?
Speaker 5: That was the end of that friendship? And you know,
Speaker 5: I just don't have time. I don't have time for that,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean. And plus it was also
Speaker 5: kind of teetering anyways, you know it.
Speaker 4: Was obvious too. It's like, yeah, your.
Speaker 6: You're a woman failed to w NBA joke is one
Speaker 6: of the greatest social commentary though.
Speaker 5: Yeah, thank you. I mean, I'm just I'm saying, yes,
Speaker 5: I appreciate that.
Speaker 4: How did you get How did you get that?
Speaker 5: I was watching ESPN and they were blaming. They were
Speaker 5: talking about like female sports not getting money and stuff
Speaker 5: like that and all of that, and like he's just
Speaker 5: being in entertainment. It's like you have to put assets
Speaker 5: in the seats and that's what brings the money in.
Speaker 5: So there was a point where, you know, professional football
Speaker 5: wasn't doing as well as college football, and these guys
Speaker 5: just kept working in and working it till it became
Speaker 5: like what it was. And you know, there's more women
Speaker 5: than there are men, So like, this is not on
Speaker 5: us that women's sports at the very least aren't being supported.
Speaker 5: So they're not being supported because you guys aren't showing up.
Speaker 5: So that was the seed of the bit. And I
Speaker 5: always forget my material. I forget how you.
Speaker 6: Pointed to what actually is successful that women's support.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, oh yeah yeah Reality TV, yeah, which is
Speaker 5: a bunch of women yelling at each other, yeah and fighting,
Speaker 5: yeah yeah, throwing juice and drinks and water. Yeah, my
Speaker 5: wife likes those shows.
Speaker 4: Have you seen the Texas? The former Texans?
Speaker 6: Funny that place for the Steelers now Cameron Johnson and
Speaker 6: they when the headlines says steal a sign Bilberg look alike?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I see that.
Speaker 4: That's scary.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, I concur that guy does definitely look like me.
Speaker 5: Would have been cool if he was a quarterback.
Speaker 4: But that shows how how popular you are.
Speaker 5: Correct, Oh yeah, I guess so. I don't think any
Speaker 5: of that ship really.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: No, that's the end of you, and that's the end
Speaker 5: of you. You start walking around these I don't know.
Speaker 5: I actually I kind of appreciate people that feel that
Speaker 5: way about themselves. And also I don't understand it, but
Speaker 5: I mean, when you're standing that those people do that
Speaker 5: with their shirt blowing in front of a fan, in
Speaker 5: front of their own audience, that ship is hilarious to me.
Speaker 4: I don't think you can go that far. But when
Speaker 4: you think about your home, you.
Speaker 5: Got the sandals on. I could see he's doing that,
Speaker 5: blowing your hoodie around. I'm just gonna do it to
Speaker 5: you before you do it to me. How many times
Speaker 5: you wash that sweatshirt by the way that it looks
Speaker 5: like a white guy sweatshirt. Threw it in with the towels. Okay,
Speaker 5: oh it's tied that.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Well, when you think about your humble beginning, then you
Speaker 6: think about Finway Park, you got to take that in
Speaker 6: a little bit.
Speaker 4: Like I came a long.
Speaker 5: Way at least I did. I did, but like I get,
Speaker 5: I'm too afraid to That's basically what it is. I'm
Speaker 5: too afraid to look at what I'm doing in situations
Speaker 5: like that because I need to perform. So if I
Speaker 5: get all into the you know, start thinking of the
Speaker 5: magnitude or something. I just literally saw Kevin Hart's picture
Speaker 5: on the door man. It's one of my favorite people
Speaker 5: in the business.
Speaker 6: Kevin bought he used to buy his chairs. So that's
Speaker 6: why we have him sitting in that chair because he
Speaker 6: bought for the old stue.
Speaker 4: He bought all the chairs.
Speaker 5: It's one of my favorite people. All I do, our
Speaker 5: whole relationship is just giving each other shit. I don't
Speaker 5: think if I had actual conversation anyway, Yeah I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't think of stuff like that. So I I
Speaker 5: I minimize, minimize, minimized, minimize. So because I had horrible
Speaker 5: anxiety when I started out, Yeah, so I had to
Speaker 5: figure out how to get The only way I could
Speaker 5: figure out how to get it past it was to
Speaker 5: look at the stuff that I was doing and act
Speaker 5: like it wasn't a big deal, just a job. They
Speaker 5: come in here, they get sitters and pay you know
Speaker 5: money to come here. I come here, I make them laugh,
Speaker 5: they leave. Hopefully they come back and I just sort
Speaker 5: of reduce it to that and then I don't know.
Speaker 5: Then I come on a show like this and you
Speaker 5: start bringing stuff up, and that's when I think. That's
Speaker 5: when I first start thinking about it. Look, mat, I'm
Speaker 5: getting uncomfortable now, ready to go right, just thinking talking
Speaker 5: about that ship. That all comes back also comes back
Speaker 5: to like just like, uh, I don't know this weird
Speaker 5: like low self esteem and then also like not accepting compliments.
Speaker 5: I haven't figured that part of me out past synd
Speaker 5: Oh my god, first time.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I always like that's the thought that every time I
Speaker 5: get off stage, My thought is that I make him
Speaker 5: laugh enough that they're gonna come back. And I club
Speaker 5: Soda Kenny, I like, he like reassures me. Clubs club
Speaker 5: Soda Kenny is my club sort of Candy Kenny Kenny Kenny.
Speaker 5: You know, I'm suspicious.
Speaker 4: Crazy.
Speaker 5: I'm just doing it back to you. Uh club Soda
Speaker 5: Kenny legendary, UH former police officer, tour manager and UH
Speaker 5: security guy. This he's like, I made it. I made
Speaker 5: a short film with him. I gotta, I gotta put
Speaker 5: it up on your your website. So he's the guy
Speaker 5: when I got upstage, he's you know, works with Dice,
Speaker 5: He's worked with everybody, and uh so he knows. And
Speaker 5: he's also you know, he's a cop Jersey guy. You know,
Speaker 5: he talks like like straight shooter. He's not gonna be like, no,
Speaker 5: I was a good one. I always good to blah
Speaker 5: blah blah. And then you know, if I get the
Speaker 5: pat on the back, I know I I had a
Speaker 5: good one. So yeah, that that is my I don't
Speaker 5: walk off stage, you know, Oh god, I'm not going
Speaker 5: to use that reference to start some shit. I don't
Speaker 5: walk off stage thinking I'm the ship. I walk off
Speaker 5: stage thinking I hope that was good enough that they
Speaker 5: come back.
Speaker 8: So that was crazy because I'm literally still starstruck. Just
Speaker 8: remember when I just walked past the room and I
Speaker 8: was like, oh.
Speaker 4: Shit, Bilbert's Bilberg? How you doing?
Speaker 8: And he was just looking like he was like not
Speaker 8: at all, like oh yeah, you know, I am that guy.
Speaker 5: You know. It was just really cool.
Speaker 8: And the first time you made me laugh was Racial
Speaker 8: Drafts the Dave Chappelle when it came out, but I
Speaker 8: watched it because I was a big fan of Chappelle
Speaker 8: show and then everyo.
Speaker 5: That was one of the coolest things the first really
Speaker 5: cool thing that I ever got on where it was
Speaker 5: like I got this experience like Beatlemania, and I only
Speaker 5: did Like most of us is probably like, who the
Speaker 5: hell were you on that? First of all, I had hair,
Speaker 5: and I only did like, you know, four or five. Yeah,
Speaker 5: So I remember, Uh, I was at this thing Bonnaroot.
Speaker 5: You guys ever heard of bon Oh?
Speaker 4: You have? All? Right?
Speaker 5: Okay? So Bonnaroo is like this sort of uh you know,
Speaker 5: this this music festival in Nashville. It was one of
Speaker 5: the early years of it. It was a lot of
Speaker 5: jam bands. It was some really like earthy, smelly white people,
Speaker 5: sort of out in the field type of thing. Not
Speaker 5: not a city kid vibe. So it was pretty white,
Speaker 5: not country white, but damn close. And the lights went
Speaker 5: down and I was seeing like this this band, what
Speaker 5: the hell are they called practice? Like brain was on
Speaker 5: drums burning well sort of this offshoot band, and the
Speaker 5: lights went down. It was like ten thousand people in
Speaker 5: this tent and the lights went down and they were
Speaker 5: waiting for the band, and I just heard this dude,
Speaker 5: just go what And then somebody else on the other
Speaker 5: side yell yeah, And then somebody else yelled okay. Dude,
Speaker 5: we got like goosebumps, and it was like it was
Speaker 5: like right when it was I think it was right
Speaker 5: after Rick James sketch had already like blown up and
Speaker 5: I saw like how big this show was on. I
Speaker 5: couldn't believe it. And there was like comedians were telling me, going, dude,
Speaker 5: that show you're on is fucking blowing up. I just
Speaker 5: did a college gig and like say, it came on
Speaker 5: at like ten o'clock or something like that on Comedy Central,
Speaker 5: and this show was at nine point thirty, like they
Speaker 5: would be doing a show trying to do an hour
Speaker 5: at ten o'clock, like five or ten. Half the crowd
Speaker 5: would just get up and leave, and he'd be like,
Speaker 5: you know, thinking, what did I say, Well, well, we're
Speaker 5: gonna go watch the Chappelle Show. I don't know if
Speaker 5: anything gets that big again with not all of those media,
Speaker 5: but it was like and everybody brings up, you know,
Speaker 5: the Rick James one and all of that. I will
Speaker 5: tell you this, the lawn Order sketch that I was
Speaker 5: in the first cut of that, and I think Comedy
Speaker 5: Central thought was too dark. Oh my god. It was
Speaker 5: like it was like a fucking oscar winning movie because
Speaker 5: it was hilarious. And then it was like when the
Speaker 5: White Dude was in prison in the end, the way
Speaker 5: they did it and they cut to Dave laughing on
Speaker 5: the golf course, it wasn't funny. It was like, this
Speaker 5: is what you fuckers do to us. It was it
Speaker 5: was like wow, something Commy sens was like, oh, you know,
Speaker 5: we uh thinking there's a different ending. Bring it a
Speaker 5: little bit. But there was a That was another thing too.
Speaker 5: I remember they used to edit it right up the
Speaker 5: street from where I was living, and I remember Neil
Speaker 5: Brennan going to going, you gotta you gotta come see
Speaker 5: this ship. And I got to see them the Rick
Speaker 5: James sketch before anybody else, and I remember laughing my
Speaker 5: ass off and they just became a point I stopped
Speaker 5: laughing and I was just like, this is like I've
Speaker 5: never seen anything like this in my life. Yes, that
Speaker 5: was probably the first kind of still like the one
Speaker 5: of the coolest things. I got to be on him
Speaker 5: at Charlie Murphy Rest his soul.
Speaker 4: He's upd into we got him up there.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, Oh man, the stories that went with that guy. Yeah,
Speaker 5: he had, Oh my god, his stories. He had endless.
Speaker 5: She told this story at one time, and it was
Speaker 5: all stuff from the eighties. It would be so like
Speaker 5: yo yo, I was at this party, was me, Sugar
Speaker 5: Ray Leonard, and Punky Brewster, right like what party is this?
Speaker 5: It was just all these like eighties icons. Right then
Speaker 5: he was talking about sugar Ey Leonard being drunk, talking
Speaker 5: about how he how quickly he could throw punches at
Speaker 5: your ribs and not hit you. And and he said
Speaker 5: that these white guys were letting him do it. He
Speaker 5: was drunk and he kept hitting him and they would
Speaker 5: like fold in half, and he was crying, laughing telling her,
Speaker 5: and I was going, why the fuck would they do?
Speaker 5: I don't know. That's the nicer one I can tell.
Speaker 5: So that the funny thing.
Speaker 4: About your pail.
Speaker 6: When you look at your pel and now you rewatch it,
Speaker 6: you'll see you. You'll see Joe Rogan, You'll see Neil Brandy,
Speaker 6: You'll see all of these people who have gone on
Speaker 6: to be you know, icon of the known.
Speaker 5: Right now, Yeah, Dave gave me one of the u
Speaker 5: one of the greatest pep talks I ever got, I
Speaker 5: ever got. Like it's funny because I'm older than Dave,
Speaker 5: but Dave started so young. I always look at him
Speaker 5: like an older brother, right, and uh, I was doing
Speaker 5: some shit at the cellar, you know, and I got
Speaker 5: off stage and he was sitting on the stairs. Fortunately
Speaker 5: I didn't know he was there. I would have, at
Speaker 5: that point in my career would have been like intimidated
Speaker 5: somebody that big watching me. And I remember him telling me,
Speaker 5: he's like, man, your point of view was so dope, man,
Speaker 5: and he goes, it's gonna but it's gonna take you
Speaker 5: a lot longer to get there, but when you do,
Speaker 5: you're gonna hit hard. And I, dude, I fucking held
Speaker 5: on to that for like seven years on the road
Speaker 5: going Dave think some funny, Dave thinks so funny.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he was right, that's right.
Speaker 6: Yeah, all right, Bill fucking berg Man, all right, joining us.
Speaker 5: All right, thank you for having you. Guys. Were nice.
Speaker 5: Everybody got me all purposes like you guys, let's not go?
Speaker 5: Why let's not go? Why you know why?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 5: Yes, be honest with you. I listened. I listened to
Speaker 5: one clip and I shut it off after eight seconds.
Speaker 4: You what clip was it?
Speaker 5: Somebody said something like, well, you know, sometimes, uh, sometimes
Speaker 5: whatever the hell? He was talking about and I just
Speaker 5: hear you go, why would you do that? I'm like, oh, ship,
Speaker 5: is it gonna be this?
Speaker 6: Larry King always says the best question to ask is why,
Speaker 6: Because people say that, and I really do be curious.
Speaker 5: I'm like, well why why is always the best question?
Speaker 5: That's a better Yeah, it's a better why. Your why
Speaker 5: wasn't That wasn't the read go It was like the
Speaker 5: subtext was why the fun would you do that? No?
Speaker 5: It is, but I had a good time. Hey, it's
Speaker 5: my insecurity. I hope you have me back.
Speaker 6: You know that there's a lot of people I know
Speaker 6: that that hold you in very, very high. The young comedians,
Speaker 6: older comedians like Pete Davison always talks about you all
Speaker 6: the time.
Speaker 5: Ricky Gervai like, oh, yeah, Pete. I remember. Pete was
Speaker 5: another guy. He had that vibe. He was just memorable.
Speaker 5: I met him. He was like like like twelve thirteen
Speaker 5: years old, already as tall as me, and I remember
Speaker 5: years later he started doing Stalley. Four years later, he goes,
Speaker 5: I don't know if you remember. I just I remember
Speaker 5: I said, Atlantic City. You were standing there with your mom,
Speaker 5: So all right, how many times we're going to wrap
Speaker 5: this up. That's I think it's that's all right. Thank
Speaker 5: you so much. I really appreciate what is all right,
Speaker 5: thank you.
Speaker 2: It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, wake that answer up
Speaker 2: in the morning.
Speaker 4: Breakfast Club