Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to this show.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever
Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to
Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we of
Speaker 1: course break down the Psychology of our twenties. To begin with,
Speaker 1: I have a new microphone. My last one broke. I
Speaker 1: feel like a few of you noticed it in a
Speaker 1: few of the last episodes. It was just like not
Speaker 1: doing its job. It wasn't working out for me. So
Speaker 1: I have this new one. I'm p hoping that from
Speaker 1: here on out there's less crackling. This is a funny story,
Speaker 1: but I recently moved house and I acced moved underneath
Speaker 1: an international flight path. So yeah, that has been a
Speaker 1: factor in recordings recently, whereby every time I try and
Speaker 1: sit down to do an episode, suddenly there is like
Speaker 1: a Boeing seven oh seven flying over my ceiling. This
Speaker 1: microphone will hopefully stop that from filtering in because I
Speaker 1: feel like I want these conversations to be nice and
Speaker 1: peaceful and not interrupted by loud, obnoxious noises. So that
Speaker 1: is my first update. My second update is not an update.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to introduce what we're talking about today,
Speaker 1: because today we're going to be discussing social media, arguably
Speaker 1: one of the biggest influences in our lives and I
Speaker 1: think society to emerge in the last ten years. And
Speaker 1: what I really want to do today is just have
Speaker 1: a discussion around how potentially harmful it has become. How
Speaker 1: little we tend to consider its impact on our health,
Speaker 1: on our beliefs, on our confidence, our self esteem, our relationships,
Speaker 1: our friendships, even our careers. To an extent, it just
Speaker 1: seems that social media has become this all consuming influence
Speaker 1: in our lives. It's become so ubiquitous that we don't
Speaker 1: really sit with the feeling and the thoughts and the
Speaker 1: psychology behind what that might be doing to us as
Speaker 1: a species. For so many of us, I think it's
Speaker 1: honestly so strange to imagine a world before social media
Speaker 1: became part of our lives. You know, when we took
Speaker 1: pictures just for ourselves and our photo albums, and we
Speaker 1: got our news from a newspaper and we picked our
Speaker 1: restaurants from the local guidebook rather than going on TikTok.
Speaker 1: It really is just completely changed our way of life,
Speaker 1: and I think for all the good that it has created, yes,
Speaker 1: we cannot deny the benefits. I think it's also time
Speaker 1: that we start talking about the societal, cultural, and indie
Speaker 1: visual impact of our social media consumption and how it
Speaker 1: continues to dominate so much of what is important and
Speaker 1: priceless in our life, our time, our self esteem, our
Speaker 1: self perception, our beliefs, our understanding of the world. We
Speaker 1: are really seeing in front of our eyes a complete
Speaker 1: shift in how we interact with each other, how we connect,
Speaker 1: how we date, how we establish our identity. And I
Speaker 1: don't think that we think about it nearly enough, nor
Speaker 1: do we take the time to identify when our social
Speaker 1: media usage is taking over and perhaps even making us.
Speaker 2: Sick in a way. It has made me sick mentally
Speaker 2: and then emotionally and finally physically. It all kind of
Speaker 2: took its toll. And I think also when you come
Speaker 2: to that point of realization of like, social media is
Speaker 2: ruining my mental health, It is making me so tired,
Speaker 2: so burnt out, It is turning me from a very
Speaker 2: optimistic person to a negative person. What do you do
Speaker 2: about that? How do you move forward? I feel like
Speaker 2: you have a diagnosis and there isn't necessarily a solution.
Speaker 2: And you might be rolling your eyes right now, thinking, well,
Speaker 2: no one's forcing you to stay online, like just log off,
Speaker 2: just delete your accounts. But I also think that that
Speaker 2: is a lot easier said than done when we begin
Speaker 2: to really examine how addictive these platforms have been designed
Speaker 2: to be. There is intention behind capturing our attention, let's
Speaker 2: not deny it. And also how you really by choosing
Speaker 2: to not be present on social media, you kind of
Speaker 2: lock yourself out of a lot of possibility for interaction
Speaker 2: and to create friendships and to maintain friendships as well.
Speaker 2: The only way I can kind of describe this impact,
Speaker 2: the impact that this has had on me, is that
Speaker 2: my brain has begun to feel very rotted, kind of
Speaker 2: from the inside out. Something has been getting rewired in
Speaker 2: my mind for a while, and I think there have
Speaker 2: been certain things that have just made me snap recently,
Speaker 2: certain experiences. There is this spotlight that seems to be
Speaker 2: constantly on us on social media. Anyone can find out
Speaker 2: anything anyone can say anything that they want with really
Speaker 2: no repercussions, and that is just so strange. It is
Speaker 2: a huge difference from the environment our brain and all
Speaker 2: of its neurological systems originally developed and evolved in one
Speaker 2: of limited mass group contact and small communities. You know,
Speaker 2: we aren't meant to have this much exposure to so
Speaker 2: many connections and be aware of so many people, and
Speaker 2: have so many opportunities to judge and to be judged.
Speaker 2: Not only do I think it really skews what we
Speaker 2: see as normal and it promotes a sense of inadequacy
Speaker 2: innate social comparison, whether that is to do with our bodies,
Speaker 2: our lives, how many friends we have, our jobs. But
Speaker 2: I also think so sometimes there is just too much
Speaker 2: information for our brains to process, and we just experience
Speaker 2: and overload. At times, everything just seems a little bit
Speaker 2: too serious and real online when it's not. Social media
Speaker 2: is not real. And I know it's insanely cliche to
Speaker 2: say that, but seriously, if you were to base your
Speaker 2: perception of reality on what you saw online, I would
Speaker 2: not want to live in that world. Okay, I know
Speaker 2: I'm sounding so pessimistic, but that has just been my experience.
Speaker 2: As everything in my life has gotten progressively better and
Speaker 2: more stable and positive, the one aspect that remains a
Speaker 2: source of real frustration and sometimes pain is social media
Speaker 2: and all the secondary emotional states and reactions that it
Speaker 2: just seems to cause within me. And this has been
Speaker 2: especially exaggerated in the past three months. And I want
Speaker 2: to talk about it because how can we not talk
Speaker 2: about it? As people in our twenties. Arguably this is
Speaker 2: the most formative decade of our adult lives. How much
Speaker 2: is social media impacting our psychology in unconscious ways? Because
Speaker 2: it is more than we are probably willing to acknowledge
Speaker 2: or confront. And what is the solution there? I don't
Speaker 2: think I'm one to complain about something whilst also not
Speaker 2: thinking about what comes next. What else is possible because
Speaker 2: social media is embedded in our lives in so many ways.
Speaker 2: I think it's kind of like alcohol or caffeine or
Speaker 2: processed sugar. It's addictive, but we can find ways to
Speaker 2: be healthier and more sustainable about our consumption whilst also
Speaker 2: not completely limiting ourselves from some of the pleasure and
Speaker 2: some of the good that it does give us. To
Speaker 2: begin with, I'm going to kind of talk through my
Speaker 2: own experience and what's kind of led me to come
Speaker 2: to this revelation that social media is negatively impacting, perhaps ruining,
Speaker 2: my mental health. I think that I never imagined that
Speaker 2: social media was going to such a huge role in
Speaker 2: my life when I was younger, in my teen years,
Speaker 2: I kind of stayed away from social media. I went
Speaker 2: I think I quit social media for like a year's
Speaker 2: at one point. There's always kind of been this conscious
Speaker 2: part of me that's recognized that it is doing things
Speaker 2: to our brains that we are probably not fully aware of.
Speaker 2: And then I started this podcast. When I started the show,
Speaker 2: obviously if you have been a loyal Day one listener,
Speaker 2: of which there are probably very few of you, because
Speaker 2: it really was just like my parents and my friends
Speaker 2: and my grandma, I really just wanted to share my
Speaker 2: own experiences in my twenties kind of. I remember having
Speaker 2: this thought that this kind of project would be great
Speaker 2: for me to look back on in the future and
Speaker 2: have like a catalog like it almost diary like entries
Speaker 2: and voice memos of what I was experiencing at the time,
Speaker 2: like a journal. And then I just got so into it.
Speaker 2: I was so passionate about it. There was so much
Speaker 2: to talk about. People started following. And now social media
Speaker 2: has become a component of my career as the podcast
Speaker 2: has become my full time job, which I'm so lucky
Speaker 2: to be able to say. It's interesting that social media
Speaker 2: becomes is hand in hand with that, even though I'm
Speaker 2: doing something that it's completely separate from Instagram, from TikTok.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm making a podcast. I'm talking into a
Speaker 2: microphone about psychology and mental health. In our twenties, there
Speaker 2: is this expectation that you need to have an online
Speaker 2: presence to kind of make your podcast or I guess
Speaker 2: like make your job and your career seem legitimate, right,
Speaker 2: Like how can people know that you are doing good stuff?
Speaker 2: And how can people find you if they can't find
Speaker 2: you through the platforms that they spend their most time on,
Speaker 2: Through Instagram, through TikTok, through x through whatever it is.
Speaker 2: Social media is now I think an e part of
Speaker 2: my job as just you know, content creation through an
Speaker 2: audio sense. I've even had meetings where people will be like, well,
Speaker 2: we want you to improve your numbers or we need
Speaker 2: you to improve your online engagement before we can do
Speaker 2: a project. With you, even though, like the project has
Speaker 2: nearly nothing to do with my Instagram presence and my
Speaker 2: follower account, Like that's on an entirely different platform I am,
Speaker 2: like a podcast, I'm not as an influencer or a
Speaker 2: content creator. But it just goes to show that if
Speaker 2: you want to do anything that requires public acknowledgment for success,
Speaker 2: you have to kind of sell your soul a little
Speaker 2: bit to the algorithm. And it made me really obsessive.
Speaker 2: It made me not want to create for myself, It
Speaker 2: made me want to create for others, and it kind
Speaker 2: of made me not enjoy the thing that I loved anymore,
Speaker 2: which is podcasting, which is storytelling and information sharing through audio, right,
Speaker 2: Like that was the main purpose from day one, and
Speaker 2: it just felt like social media became a bigger beast
Speaker 2: than I perhaps wanted it to be. On top of that,
Speaker 2: let's just acknowledge that social media is such a time waster.
Speaker 2: It is an absolute vacuum for our energy and our
Speaker 2: productive hours. And I always think about this saying, how
Speaker 2: you spend your days is how you spend your life,
Speaker 2: and if you are spending five hours a day on
Speaker 2: your phone, on your screens, that is sometimes a third
Speaker 2: of your waking hours, a third of your life plugged
Speaker 2: into this constant, hollow entertainment source, and I just think
Speaker 2: that we can't help it. It's addictive. It is a
Speaker 2: whole way of life in itself. And the thing that
Speaker 2: makes me really realize that is when I started contemplating
Speaker 2: how long I could spend without picking up my phone
Speaker 2: when I was working. How long could I spend off
Speaker 2: my phone before I started noticing urge to automatically pick
Speaker 2: up and scroll for five minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes.
Speaker 2: It was like a ten minute interruption system. You know,
Speaker 2: even if I'd left my phone in another room whilst
Speaker 2: I was working, I was like going on Facebook in
Speaker 2: like my Google search bar. Who uses Facebook anymore? Like
Speaker 2: there was nothing there that I needed to know. There
Speaker 2: was nothing there that was like oppressing information source. It
Speaker 2: was just a distraction. It was just a source of
Speaker 2: a nice little dopamine hit. And it made me realize
Speaker 2: what am I actually getting from this habitual behavior and
Speaker 2: action of experiencing boredom or experiencing I don't know, a
Speaker 2: bit of a rut or a mental rut and just
Speaker 2: picking up my phone immediately. This is a question I
Speaker 2: always ask myself, and I think I've posed it on
Speaker 2: the podcast before, but could you honestly tell me five
Speaker 2: things you've seen on social media today? Could you actually
Speaker 2: describe to me five tiktoks that you've watched in the
Speaker 2: last week and how did they improve your life? What
Speaker 2: impression are these things really making? But more seriously, what
Speaker 2: is it contributing? How much of what you are observing
Speaker 2: for sometimes hours on hours a day on an end,
Speaker 2: how much of that is actually permanent? You know what
Speaker 2: I mean? Like? Could there is not like those hours
Speaker 2: that you spend on social media are dead hours. To me,
Speaker 2: they are dead hours. There is nothing that is sitting
Speaker 2: in your permanent, long term memory that is useful that
Speaker 2: you are gaining from scrolling. I will say there are
Speaker 2: certainly good things I do follow some creators that have
Speaker 2: had a really important impact on my life. There is
Speaker 2: this new Zealander creator called Riley j. She posts running
Speaker 2: content and that has really inspired me to like start
Speaker 2: running again and being really serious about it. Keielan Montcreef.
Speaker 2: She gives me a lot of things to contemplate. My
Speaker 2: friend sal and Owl they are just like such a
Speaker 2: positive influence online. They have great lifestyle tips, great saving tips.
Speaker 2: I take their advice. Those are people that I think
Speaker 2: are really worth following, and I can consciously remember things
Speaker 2: that they've said, or questions that they've posed, or content
Speaker 2: that they've posted that makes me stop and contemplate or
Speaker 2: change something about how I'm living my daily life. The
Speaker 2: community aspect is also brilliant.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I love seeing what my friends are doing who have
Speaker 2: moved to the other side of the world without having
Speaker 2: to wait for them to, you know, send me a
Speaker 2: postcard every three months. There is a lot of good,
Speaker 2: but it is this weird trade off. The trade off
Speaker 2: is do you receive some of those those perks and
Speaker 2: those benefits of community of inspiration If the trade off
Speaker 2: is your time, which is one of the most precious
Speaker 2: things that we have. If the trade off is your
Speaker 2: own I guess intelligence and your capacity to have original thoughts.
Speaker 2: The other element of this that I think we are
Speaker 2: speaking on a lot more is just the general negativity
Speaker 2: that is everywhere. At the moment I just started to
Speaker 2: see the world as a bad place, I would be
Speaker 2: scrolling social media, scrolling Instagram mainly, and I would go
Speaker 2: into the comment section of reels don't do that. There
Speaker 2: is nothing good for you in there. There is literally
Speaker 2: nothing good for you in there. It is just like
Speaker 2: a terrible health fire pit of everyone's worst thoughts and
Speaker 2: worst feelings towards another human that they somehow feel they
Speaker 2: have the right to express openly on their platform. There
Speaker 2: was just so much hatred and troll accounts, and I
Speaker 2: think I began to anticipate what the comment section was
Speaker 2: going to say before I was even opening the comment section,
Speaker 2: before I was even posting a video of my own,
Speaker 2: you know, so organically I began adopting the negativity of
Speaker 2: those who were already negative, without them maybe needing to
Speaker 2: say anything, right, Like my mindset had shifted into their
Speaker 2: mindset to be protective or preventative, to kind of anticipate
Speaker 2: what they were going to say. But in as a
Speaker 2: result that made me a negative person. That is like
Speaker 2: talk about indoctrination. That is just like a complete mind
Speaker 2: fucked me. You know. The hate that we have for
Speaker 2: each other is just like actually devastating, And those words
Speaker 2: have like a meaningful impact as someone who has like
Speaker 2: an online presence, and I hate saying that because I
Speaker 2: just feel like icky about it, But as someone who
Speaker 2: does have an online presence, and it's something that obviously
Speaker 2: I'm grateful for, but it's kind of like the devil.
Speaker 2: I know, those words that people say that you might
Speaker 2: type out and be like, I'm just gonna send that
Speaker 2: off that has a meaningful impact on someone, that can
Speaker 2: ruin their day, that can stick with them for months
Speaker 2: after you have already forgotten who they are, what they posted,
Speaker 2: what angered you. There are just certain people who I
Speaker 2: see commenting on things where I'm like, I would hate
Speaker 2: to live in your brain. I would hate to be
Speaker 2: in there. That just seems so tiring, that just seems
Speaker 2: so exhausting, so negative, so unhappy that you have these
Speaker 2: thoughts that are so powerful in your head that you
Speaker 2: can't help but share them tangibly with others. And I
Speaker 2: just started to believe that, having seen all these people
Speaker 2: and all this, you know, this like pattern of comments
Speaker 2: and trolle accounts and whatnot, that the world was a
Speaker 2: bad place, that the world was negative, that people were
Speaker 2: becoming mean and cruel. Even if I can consciously step
Speaker 2: back and say, you know, these people don't know me,
Speaker 2: they will never know me, they have never spoken to me,
Speaker 2: they don't know what thoughts I have internal feelings, what
Speaker 2: moral dilemmas I face, the guilt that I experience at times,
Speaker 2: the relationships that I have, the problems of my own
Speaker 2: that I'm trying to manage. I just think that social
Speaker 2: media gives you, like the highlight reel, of course, but
Speaker 2: also gives you, like just the film on top of
Speaker 2: the rest of life, right, like just the surface level
Speaker 2: of everyone's lives and everyone's feelings and everyone's feelings towards
Speaker 2: other people. It's also been so interesting comparing this to
Speaker 2: my boyfriend, who has zero social media presence. He has
Speaker 2: like an Instagram account he uses to follow his sisters
Speaker 2: and me, and that's it. And it's really interesting because
Speaker 2: for the last ten years, as we have, most of
Speaker 2: us have gotten sucked into basically a social media addiction
Speaker 2: or a social media dependence. He hasn't had that experience.
Speaker 2: And some of the things that I've noticed is that
Speaker 2: he experiences a lot less fomo, you know, a lot
Speaker 2: less of the sphear of missing out. He is a
Speaker 2: lot more secure in his opinion of himself. He is
Speaker 2: on his phone a whole lot less, He procrastinates less,
Speaker 2: He is able to focus for more extended periods of time,
Speaker 2: he has a greater attention span compared to me. It's
Speaker 2: almost like an observational experiment, right, It's like I've gone
Speaker 2: through the last ten, twelve, thirteen years with social media
Speaker 2: being part of my daily life, and he hasn't. And
Speaker 2: these are the kinds of people that we've turned out
Speaker 2: to be. And I can't help but think that it
Speaker 2: really just truly comes down to how unplugged this man is.
Speaker 2: You know, his screen time is often less than like
Speaker 2: an hour or two hours each day, and that is
Speaker 2: just so much extra time, Like when you really think
Speaker 2: of it, that is like three additional hours, sometimes four
Speaker 2: additional hours that he spends like actually looking at the
Speaker 2: world with his eyes upwards, whereas a lot of us
Speaker 2: are trapped in what feels like a bit of a cult, right, Like,
Speaker 2: all my connections are built around it, slowly, my career
Speaker 2: is tied to it. It's at times where I get
Speaker 2: a lot of my news first. You know, if I
Speaker 2: open in Instagram first thing in the morning, there will
Speaker 2: be like the New York Times article, the variety article
Speaker 2: of the BBC article, that will be the first thing
Speaker 2: that I see that is giving me, like the headlines
Speaker 2: for the day. It's integral. There is no way of
Speaker 2: imagining what life would be without it, and yet everything
Speaker 2: is pointing to us needing to take a step back nowadays.
Speaker 2: We've gone too far. Anecdotally, I can see that we've
Speaker 2: gone too far. Scientifically, even legally, on a global level,
Speaker 2: we can see that this has gone too far. There
Speaker 2: are some papers that have come out recently linking excessive
Speaker 2: social media usage, which is over two hours a day.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of us are hitting that it's
Speaker 2: links that that's what they call excessive with poor mental
Speaker 2: health outcomes. That means that you are more likely to
Speaker 2: experience chronic stress, anxiety, depressive symptoms. And just recently, if
Speaker 2: you've been watching the news, Meta, the company that obviously
Speaker 2: owns Instagram and Facebook, they had to stand up before
Speaker 2: Congress and say, yes, we are sorry. We know that
Speaker 2: our apps are used for misinformation. We know that our
Speaker 2: apps are used for cyber bullying that has caused people
Speaker 2: to take their own lives. We know that our apps
Speaker 2: have been designed to be addictive. We're sorry. Not that
Speaker 2: that really means much, because they continue to do everything
Speaker 2: in their power to keep you hooked. Their paychecks really
Speaker 2: rely on your inability to say no to all the
Speaker 2: temptations that they are offering. And it's not to say
Speaker 2: that you have poor self control or poor self discipline.
Speaker 2: Like there are entire teams of neuroscientists and data engineers
Speaker 2: and literally sometimes even psychologists who are helping them design
Speaker 2: systems that are addictive. You know, it is hijacking the
Speaker 2: systems by which we experience and kind of administer and
Speaker 2: process dopamine. Essentially, social media provides this endless amount of
Speaker 2: immediate information and immediate reward in the form of attention
Speaker 2: from others or bright li slashy colors. Information that you
Speaker 2: see is important, and so the brain rewires itself through
Speaker 2: this positive reinforcement, either the pleasure that we receive the
Speaker 2: dopamine that we received from being entertained, or from people's likes,
Speaker 2: people's views, people's retweets, people's reactions, and that we get
Speaker 2: these like short bursts of hits of dopamine that actually
Speaker 2: overall lower out sensitivity to not real dopamine, but sustained
Speaker 2: long term kind of healthy dopamine is what I would
Speaker 2: call it. Essentially, we are receiving a lot of instant
Speaker 2: gratification from these apps, which means that we have a
Speaker 2: lot more of this neurotransmitter available to us in our brain,
Speaker 2: and so our brain is like, well, we have all this,
Speaker 2: you know, we have this like drug, this happy chemical
Speaker 2: running around in our brain. Maybe we should shut off
Speaker 2: some of the receptors because we can't actually process all
Speaker 2: of this dopamine that's running between our neurons and passing
Speaker 2: through our synapses. So basically what that means is that
Speaker 2: you have a lowered sensitivity. So over time, you're going
Speaker 2: to need more hits, more content, more attention, more time
Speaker 2: to receive that same level of pleasure that you were
Speaker 2: previously getting. That's before we even include the role of
Speaker 2: algorithms in the equation. My sister said something really interesting
Speaker 2: to me the other day. She said, if you download TikTok,
Speaker 2: you have about a two week period before it gets
Speaker 2: really addictive. So is that two week period is all
Speaker 2: you have because after that time has passed, that is
Speaker 2: how long it takes for the algorithm to learn what
Speaker 2: you like and to start feeding you all the things
Speaker 2: and the themes and the topics that are really going
Speaker 2: to get your brain, specifically your brain firing that are
Speaker 2: really going to sit within a niche that had already
Speaker 2: existed beyond social media that you obviously are going to
Speaker 2: be attentive towards. So I tested this out. I actually
Speaker 2: don't use TikTok anymore because, like I said, it's addictive.
Speaker 2: It was really negatively impacting me. So I deleted TikTok
Speaker 2: about two months ago, maybe a little bit more now,
Speaker 2: But right at the start of when I did that,
Speaker 2: I re downloaded it and I couldn't get into my account.
Speaker 2: So I created a new account. And what started off
Speaker 2: as like just general content and like dancing videos and
Speaker 2: cooking videos and just things that everyone would kind of like.
Speaker 2: Within two weeks, I was getting boxing content. I was
Speaker 2: getting Sydney restaurant recommendations. I was getting Taylor Swift updates.
Speaker 2: I was getting a book talk referenced like things from
Speaker 2: book Talk that were like exactly matching the books that
Speaker 2: I had just read. I was getting travel recommendations for
Speaker 2: places that I'm not visiting for another three months. That
Speaker 2: is how good they are at capturing your attention by
Speaker 2: using your data to keep you plugged in. I know
Speaker 2: this sounds really like suspicious and very like, I don't know,
Speaker 2: hoaxy and strange, but there is all this evidence for
Speaker 2: this occurring. And I think that as they begin to
Speaker 2: form a monopoly over every aspect of our lives, that
Speaker 2: monopoly also creates power. It creates power over our lives.
Speaker 2: And I don't think that that is doing more good
Speaker 2: than harm, at least in my own personal life. So
Speaker 2: what do we actually do about that?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Like, It's one thing to complain about something, but I
Speaker 2: think that we also need solutions. I'm going to talk
Speaker 2: about all of that and so much more after this shortbreak. Alrighty,
Speaker 2: So in addressing how social media is impacting our lives
Speaker 2: and what we can do about it, I want to
Speaker 2: talk about three aspects. What we can do about social
Speaker 2: media as a source of negativity, what we can do
Speaker 2: about social media as a time waster, and what we
Speaker 2: can do about social media as a source of inadequate
Speaker 2: and social comparison. So, starting at the top, what can
Speaker 2: we do about social media as a source of negativity?
Speaker 2: Number one, I would say, make sure that you are
Speaker 2: curating an online environment that makes you feel comfortable. If
Speaker 2: you notice that there is certain topics, certain videos that
Speaker 2: really make you feel pretty awful, whether that is I
Speaker 2: don't know, body content gym content, online trolling content, celebrity
Speaker 2: content that is just like overtly negative. Set boundaries for
Speaker 2: yourself that essentially instruct you when it's time to unfollow
Speaker 2: those accounts or restrict your access to them. Something that
Speaker 2: I like to do is when I see something where
Speaker 2: I'm like, this is immediately making me frustrated and angry,
Speaker 2: and I know that that is like part of the
Speaker 2: technique to keep me attached is like, I'm going to
Speaker 2: disagree with this, so I'm going to become more engaged
Speaker 2: in what other people are saying. I immediately press like
Speaker 2: not interested, I scroll, I like, find the little settings area,
Speaker 2: and I go not interested, Like don't shown content from
Speaker 2: this person again, just in order to kind of limit
Speaker 2: my sense that the world is a bad place by
Speaker 2: constantly seeing content from people who are pretty adamant or
Speaker 2: making it seem that way. The other thing that I
Speaker 2: say is where you see negativity, leave positivity interrupt the
Speaker 2: thought process that is making you see everything is terrible
Speaker 2: by being the good that you want to kind of
Speaker 2: see in the world. So I've been doing this recently.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll watch a video and I'll be like, all right,
Speaker 2: I just know what the comment section is going to
Speaker 2: look like here. I just know. I know that if
Speaker 2: it's a woman at the gym who doesn't look like
Speaker 2: most women at the gym, there are going to be
Speaker 2: thousands of men in the comment section just like absolutely
Speaker 2: abusing her and being so cruel. So I'm gonna make
Speaker 2: a conscious decision to like leave a positive comment on
Speaker 2: this video, even though I don't normally like to. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm kind of like a prowler. Like even though I
Speaker 2: don't normally like to like leave comments on things because
Speaker 2: I don't know, it just feels strange, I always try
Speaker 2: and do it with those videos, right, Like the same thing.
Speaker 2: I saw this video of this girl the other day
Speaker 2: who was like, can you notice my biggest insecurity? Like, no,
Speaker 2: you can't, so you know, move on with your life.
Speaker 2: And everyone in the comment section was like, oh, I
Speaker 2: can notice it. It's this, it's that, it's your skin,
Speaker 2: it's your face, it's your body. What the heck? And
Speaker 2: so I just left a nice comment, and I think
Speaker 2: that it just shows it kind of like rewires your
Speaker 2: thought process whereby instead of thinking like everyone is out
Speaker 2: there to be mean, it's like, no, that's not true,
Speaker 2: because I'm not out here to be mean, and there
Speaker 2: must be other people who are in the same boat.
Speaker 2: And you see it, people start engaging with your comments
Speaker 2: because they're looking for something in that comment section that's
Speaker 2: going to actually match what they feel, which is that
Speaker 2: this person is doing an amazing job, this person is beautiful,
Speaker 2: this person is kind, this person does not deserve criticism. Let's,
Speaker 2: you know, elevate those voices that are seeking to promote
Speaker 2: a more kind, compassionate, empathetic mindset on these platforms that
Speaker 2: whereby you know, the algorithm does promote negativity and troll
Speaker 2: accounts above everything else because they capture our attention. Next,
Speaker 2: in order to kind of address social media as a
Speaker 2: time waster for yourself, I think there are a few
Speaker 2: things that you need to do. Firstly, try and break
Speaker 2: that urge to pick up your phone whenever you are
Speaker 2: feeling bored, lonely, distracted, frustrated. See how long you can
Speaker 2: hold off, See how long you can ignore or suppress
Speaker 2: that immediate need to satisfy an itch and urge a desire.
Speaker 2: When you do that, you're experiencing delayed gratification. We talked
Speaker 2: about this before. Essentially, what you're doing is saying to
Speaker 2: your brain like, hey, I actually have a conscious voice here.
Speaker 2: I'm a conscious decider, a conscious actor. When it comes
Speaker 2: to the urges that you send my way, I don't
Speaker 2: have to act on them. I'm making it a choice
Speaker 2: based on what I think is best. I don't have
Speaker 2: to do what you say I need to do. You know,
Speaker 2: it's not like an urge or it's not like a
Speaker 2: craving for water, or a craving for food, or for
Speaker 2: sleep or for safety. It's just a craving for dopamine.
Speaker 2: It's a craving for distraction that can be ignored. And
Speaker 2: you can hold yourself back from fulfilling that and see
Speaker 2: how long you can do it for. Is it five minutes?
Speaker 2: Is it for ten? Is it for an hour? And
Speaker 2: slowly train your brain and train yourself to recognize that
Speaker 2: you don't always have to give in to what you
Speaker 2: immediately want. It's also about identifying behaviors that cause you
Speaker 2: to look for that quick boost, right. Is it when
Speaker 2: you are bored? Is it when you are lonely? Like
Speaker 2: we said before, I think that knowing what the root
Speaker 2: kind of trigger is for this seeking behavior, this social
Speaker 2: media seeking behavior, is really important in limiting it. This
Speaker 2: is where the idea of a dopamine detox often comes
Speaker 2: in detox meaning, you know, just an opportunity to kind
Speaker 2: of cleanse your body of a bad thing, in this case,
Speaker 2: excessive social media usage. The premise of a dopamin detox
Speaker 2: is that you reduce your brain sensitivity to dopamine by
Speaker 2: removing that kind of like removing a behavior or a
Speaker 2: substance or a stimuli or an experience for a period
Speaker 2: of time so that your brain gets used to not
Speaker 2: having it. Ideally, by the end of the detox, you
Speaker 2: feel more center, you feel more balanced, less affected by
Speaker 2: your usual dopamine triggers. However, I do think that we
Speaker 2: should be a little bit suspicious of this. I do
Speaker 2: think it's important to take time away, to step back,
Speaker 2: to provide your mind and your brain with a place
Speaker 2: for clarity and for peace that is not constantly interrupted
Speaker 2: by loud music and dancing and controversy. I think a
Speaker 2: more accurate description, though, of dopmin detox is actually just
Speaker 2: a period of abstinence or unplugging from the world, which
Speaker 2: just serves to minimize distraction and reliance, to kind of
Speaker 2: show you that you can live without this thing, even
Speaker 2: if it's hard, right, You are essentially battling a system
Speaker 2: that wants to keep you addicted and plugged in. And
Speaker 2: I think it's important to sometimes show ourselves that we
Speaker 2: can live without that, that the world would not end,
Speaker 2: that you can take a step back, and it might
Speaker 2: feel hard, it might feel difficult, but that very the
Speaker 2: very reality that it feels difficult, and then it kind
Speaker 2: of feels painful in a way, feels like you're in
Speaker 2: a state of withdrawal. The very fact that it feels
Speaker 2: like that is probably a sign that you needed to
Speaker 2: do it, that there was something there that was borderline unhealthy,
Speaker 2: borderline dependent. Finally, let's address social media as a form
Speaker 2: of inadequacy and social comparison. The very nature of social media,
Speaker 2: in that it keeps us interconnected, means that we have thousands,
Speaker 2: if not millions, of opportunities at any time of the
Speaker 2: day to compare ourselves on any number of factors. We
Speaker 2: can compare our bodies to people we see on our
Speaker 2: for you page. We can compare our careers on LinkedIn.
Speaker 2: We can compare how many friends we have on you
Speaker 2: Know to tiktoks that we see. If people who seemingly
Speaker 2: have it all how fashionable we are, how happy we are, Like,
Speaker 2: there are just so many opportunities to look at someone
Speaker 2: else's life and feel like you are lacking. And for
Speaker 2: that sense of lacking, for that sense of having less
Speaker 2: to impact how you enjoy your reality. I just want
Speaker 2: you to remind yourself this is not real. Social media
Speaker 2: is not real. Anyone can present or say anything without
Speaker 2: it being true, without it being accurate. I think about
Speaker 2: my own social media presence, right, you know, so many
Speaker 2: of those photos that I posted from like ages ago,
Speaker 2: or they're from like spread out over weeks, or they're
Speaker 2: from like the one day that week that I looked nice.
Speaker 2: I'm recording this podcast right now, and I am wearing
Speaker 2: a wolf shirt. My hair is up in a bun
Speaker 2: I look foul. I'm not wearing pants. I will say.
Speaker 2: That's just a little secret. Like I'm not gonna post
Speaker 2: this on social media, but people, I got this comment
Speaker 2: from someone the other day being like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I'm just like so jealous of you and how many
Speaker 2: friends you have, and I was like, that is not true,
Speaker 2: Like that is this is just an impression. This is
Speaker 2: your perspective. I still am someone who is like deeply
Speaker 2: lonely at times and who deeply struggles with the sense
Speaker 2: of permanency around my friendships. I am still someone who
Speaker 2: struggles with how I see my body in comparison to
Speaker 2: other people. But you can choose to kind of curate
Speaker 2: what that looks like for people. It's not real. It's
Speaker 2: not real. I also think that a really great way
Speaker 2: to counteract this sense that it is is to well,
Speaker 2: not even just the sense that it is real, but
Speaker 2: the sense that what other people are showing you is
Speaker 2: important for your life, is to spend time in nature.
Speaker 2: We know that it's so healing to be outdoors, to
Speaker 2: touch and feel and smell and see something that matters,
Speaker 2: and to see something that is real and that you
Speaker 2: can confirm is real. I think it really brings you
Speaker 2: back to reality. It's a bit of a perspective shift.
Speaker 2: So often, like we get stuck in this like the
Speaker 2: space between our mind and our screen, and that seems
Speaker 2: like the only thing that matters, and it seems like
Speaker 2: it is a lot more important than it is when
Speaker 2: going outside and being like, there is a whole world
Speaker 2: outside of this, and nobody cares about what that person
Speaker 2: is saying. Nobody cares about what that person is doing
Speaker 2: like they may do, but is it really impacting like
Speaker 2: all the other things that are going on in the
Speaker 2: world that require our attention. Probably not, you know, it's
Speaker 2: just this, I think an important practice to pull yourself
Speaker 2: out of phantom reality from time to time, either through
Speaker 2: what we said was a dopamin detox or through just
Speaker 2: making a conscious decision to like put yourself in a
Speaker 2: situation where you are completely unplugged outdoors, enjoying fresh air,
Speaker 2: enjoying the ocean, enjoying the smells, the sites, the beauty
Speaker 2: of nature and of your surroundings. With the social comparison thing,
Speaker 2: I will say one more thing on that everyone who
Speaker 2: you are comparing yourself to is also comparing themselves to
Speaker 2: somebody else. It is this whole continuous cycle and loop
Speaker 2: of comparison. I don't think anybody is safe from it.
Speaker 2: There is not a single person out there who I
Speaker 2: would say is active on social media and feels great
Speaker 2: about themselves all the time. They just like to give
Speaker 2: the impression that they are, But there are so many
Speaker 2: sources for us to feel dissatisfied, and nobody is immune
Speaker 2: to that. So you are only human, You are fallible.
Speaker 2: We are all insecure. We are all battling something behind
Speaker 2: the guise of our feed and what we post. Make
Speaker 2: sure that that you don't lose sight of that. Make
Speaker 2: sure that you are aware of the ways in which
Speaker 2: you know everything is not as it seems, especially on
Speaker 2: platforms where there is an incentive to make things look better,
Speaker 2: when there is an incentive to post content that is aesthetic,
Speaker 2: because it will be high performing, because it will attract people,
Speaker 2: because it will get their attention, because that is what
Speaker 2: they want, because that is a life that someone is
Speaker 2: trying to sell them. All right, I think that that
Speaker 2: is enough for me today, and I acknowledge that it
Speaker 2: was a rant, obviously. I think that this has been
Speaker 2: something on my mind for some time, and if you
Speaker 2: follow me on Instagram, you'll see that I've just put
Speaker 2: some things in place to make my online environment safer,
Speaker 2: some online boundaries, some online rules. It's important to talk about.
Speaker 2: You know, it is a really big factor and influence.
Speaker 2: And if you can relate to this, to any aspect
Speaker 2: of this, I believe in you. I'm proud of you
Speaker 2: for at least getting this far where you're having like
Speaker 2: conscious thoughts around something in your life that might be
Speaker 2: unhealthy that being social media, and I get that it's
Speaker 2: really hard. I get that it's really addictive, and that
Speaker 2: you can really want to want. You know that one
Speaker 2: thing is the right thing, right. You know that there
Speaker 2: is something that you need to do for your health,
Speaker 2: but you just can't bring yourself to do it. It's not
Speaker 2: all your fault that you's are deliberately made to be addictive. All.
Speaker 2: So many aspects of our lives are embedded in social
Speaker 2: media right now, our careers, our social lives, our work.
Speaker 2: So I'm rooting for you if you were in it together,
Speaker 2: I promise, And just a reminder to be kind to people.
Speaker 2: Be kind. If you see negativity, leave positivity. If you
Speaker 2: want to say something, don't. You're going to feel better
Speaker 2: anyways if you don't say it, if you don't ruin
Speaker 2: somebody's day, you never know the sting that words leave.
Speaker 2: And I think that's where I'm going to leave it.
Speaker 2: I think that is a great final message. Be kind
Speaker 2: to others and be really kind to yourself as well,
Speaker 2: because you deserve to be happy and to be gentle
Speaker 2: with yourself, and to create an environment, whether that is
Speaker 2: online or in your real life, that doesn't leave you
Speaker 2: feeling shit about the world and shit about yourself. So
Speaker 2: thank you so much for listening. As always, if you
Speaker 2: enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave a five
Speaker 2: star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you are listening
Speaker 2: radio app I don't know what the other ones are
Speaker 2: wherever you are in the world. Please feel free to
Speaker 2: also send me some episode suggestions. I love hearing from you.
Speaker 2: We can't always do them all, but it is great
Speaker 2: to hear what other people in their twenties are going
Speaker 2: through and to then have the opportunity to look into
Speaker 2: the psychology of those things. It is so much fun.
Speaker 2: And I also just love hearing from you. I love
Speaker 2: hearing from people all over the world. Who are you know?
Speaker 2: Listening to this content and relating to it makes a
Speaker 2: lot of our experiences feel quite universal. Makes me feel
Speaker 2: less alone. You can also follow me on Instagram at
Speaker 2: that psychology podcast. I get the irony of me saying
Speaker 2: that after a social media episode, but I actually no
Speaker 2: longer am like actively running that account, so feel free
Speaker 2: to go and see what's going on there. I don't
Speaker 2: really know, just kidding I do, but it would be
Speaker 2: great to, you know, build out nice like actual positive
Speaker 2: corner of the community, of the social media community and
Speaker 2: as always, we will be back next week with another episode.
Speaker 2: Until then, stay safe and be kind to yourself.