Speaker 1: I heard someone say that forgiveness, it's something that you
Speaker 1: often have to remind yourself up. Surrendering to God's narrative
Speaker 1: for me right now is me choosing to seek God's
Speaker 1: narrative over anyone else's.
Speaker 2: I've learned that criticism usually comes from a small group
Speaker 2: of people that just talk very, very loud. Success is
Speaker 2: not successive. You're not reaching back and lifting other people up.
Speaker 1: What's ub DELI? What's ub Girly? We back in this thing?
Speaker 1: Week fourteen? You feel me listen? Okay, so maybe rapping
Speaker 1: is not my thing. Let's not be judging though you've
Speaker 1: tried new things and failed as well. What's up, delegation.
Speaker 1: It's back for another week the Woman Evolved Podcast. We
Speaker 1: back at it like we never left, and we are
Speaker 1: continuing this month's conversation about surrendering to God's narrative, which
Speaker 1: I had to surrender to the fact that God doesn't
Speaker 1: want me to be a rapper. Can I explain it?
Speaker 1: I wish I could, but I guess he hath the
Speaker 1: need of me in another area. Have I surrendered to it?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 1: Just run this back about thirty seconds and you'll see
Speaker 1: I'm still I'm still laying it down. What do you
Speaker 1: need to surrender as it relates to God's narrative for
Speaker 1: your life? What are you hanging on to that you
Speaker 1: need to release? Loki, I'm not really holding on to
Speaker 1: me being a rapper, But when it comes to surrendering
Speaker 1: to God's narrative right now in this season of my life,
Speaker 1: it's probably the same thing for me over and over again.
Speaker 1: Can we normalize surrendering being a lifelong process. I heard
Speaker 1: a powerful quote about forgiveness once that I believe just
Speaker 1: completely encapsulate what it means to surrender. Oftentimes we struggle
Speaker 1: with surrendering because we see it as a one time thing,
Speaker 1: Like when I lay it down, I'm never going to
Speaker 1: pick it back up again, and so it's hard for
Speaker 1: me to lay it down because I'm afraid that I'm
Speaker 1: going to pick it back up again. But I heard
Speaker 1: someone say that forgiveness is something that you often have
Speaker 1: to remind yourself of, Like I am choosing to exercise
Speaker 1: forgiveness as it relates to Xyz. So in those moments
Speaker 1: where unforgiveness arises, it doesn't change the fact that, like
Speaker 1: last month, I was doing okay. There is something that
Speaker 1: has happened within this season of my life with where
Speaker 1: I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That has made me
Speaker 1: begin to feel angry and vindictive about something that has
Speaker 1: happened in my life. And so I have to remind
Speaker 1: myself that I am pursuing forgiveness, we are pursuing surrender,
Speaker 1: and I am constantly pursuing a surrender of my feelings
Speaker 1: of inadequacy. But I do feel like I'm getting better.
Speaker 1: Maybe what happens is like we lay it down and
Speaker 1: then when we pick it back up, we're not picking
Speaker 1: up the same measure. So maybe I lay down a
Speaker 1: ton of inadequacy, but I picked up a few ounces.
Speaker 1: I put on a fews And so each time I surrender,
Speaker 1: I am surrendering less and less of the thing that
Speaker 1: I once had a lot of. I believe that makes sense.
Speaker 1: So I'm surrendering feelings of inadequacy. I'm also oh a
Speaker 1: big one. I am having to surrender to God's narrative
Speaker 1: about my grace and my anointing as opposed to searching
Speaker 1: for validation from other people. So surrendering to God's narrative
Speaker 1: for me right now is me choosing to seek God's
Speaker 1: narrative over anyone else's, which is really hard. I think
Speaker 1: that as long as I was like by myself in
Speaker 1: the background, nobody was checking for me. Like I believe,
Speaker 1: surrendering to God's narrative was so much easier, easier. I
Speaker 1: am going to be posting. No, I already preach this
Speaker 1: message is posted. I don't think it's on my YouTube
Speaker 1: page though. But the message that I preached it is
Speaker 1: called In the message, I talk about success changing your definition,
Speaker 1: your definition of success changing. I preach this about the
Speaker 1: disciples coming back. I don't remember when the name of
Speaker 1: the message is, and I know sometimes y'all don't be
Speaker 1: remembering the name of the message, y'all just remembering what
Speaker 1: you got out of it. One of the things that
Speaker 1: I got out of that message was success. Your definition
Speaker 1: of success can change, it can be hijacked. And so
Speaker 1: surrendering to God's narrative in this season of my life
Speaker 1: is not allowing my definition of success, effectiveness, fulfillment to
Speaker 1: be hijacked by metrics. Because right now, with the book
Speaker 1: coming out, which if this is your first time listening,
Speaker 1: I have a book coming out. It's called Power Moves,
Speaker 1: Ignite your confidence and become a force. I'm super excited
Speaker 1: about it. If this is not your first time listening
Speaker 1: to it, you better not a role drives. When I
Speaker 1: said it again, I want you guys to know that
Speaker 1: this is what's on my heart right now, this message,
Speaker 1: And so I am you know, there are some nerves
Speaker 1: about reviews and it being out and did this make sense?
Speaker 1: And did I say it properly? And already it's like
Speaker 1: when you say something, you go back and you're like,
Speaker 1: I wish I would have said that differently. I wish
Speaker 1: I would have said that better. I'm at this stage
Speaker 1: right now where I'm like God, I am praying that
Speaker 1: the hearts that are meant to receive this message are
Speaker 1: open to receive it, and that the words that were
Speaker 1: in my heart are translated through the pages in a
Speaker 1: way that makes sense for their need. And so that's
Speaker 1: where I am. Where are you tell me about it? Hey?
Speaker 1: I want you all to start emailing me. Can you
Speaker 1: start emailing me podcasts at womanevov dot com, Like, give
Speaker 1: me a testimony, tell me how the podcast is changing you,
Speaker 1: uplifting you, telling me stories that you saw in the news.
Speaker 1: Boost your girl up a little bit, like did you
Speaker 1: do something amazing? Did your girls show off? And we
Speaker 1: need to brag on her? Like, just email me all
Speaker 1: of the randomness so that I can start reading it
Speaker 1: on the podcast. I do enjoy minding your business as well,
Speaker 1: so if you have an advice question for me, you
Speaker 1: can send it to podcasts at womnivolv dot com. That
Speaker 1: is exactly what our girl just did. Let's get into
Speaker 1: this week's mind your Business question. This week's mind your
Speaker 1: Business question is one that I found really interesting. I
Speaker 1: get a lot of questions where most people are trying
Speaker 1: to navigate what has happened to them, but this is
Speaker 1: something that she feels responsible for doing to someone else.
Speaker 1: So let's read it. Hi, pastor Sarah, thank you for
Speaker 1: showing up for you so you could show up for us.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I love you. Now, let's take a deep breath.
Speaker 1: I haven't talked about this at all, but I felt
Speaker 1: comfortable when you said it's okay if you're the villain,
Speaker 1: so I built the courage to finally open up about it. Okay, So,
Speaker 1: ten years ago, there was this man my mom was
Speaker 1: dating and we were living with him at the time.
Speaker 1: One night he touched me inappropriate and I was afraid
Speaker 1: to say anything because I knew we wouldn't have anywhere
Speaker 1: to go. The entire time she was with him, I
Speaker 1: was uncomfortable. He watched me all day around the house.
Speaker 1: I never felt safe, and she was never an approachable parent.
Speaker 1: Fast forward two years later, I began reaching out to
Speaker 1: teachers telling my story, but I started over exaggerating and
Speaker 1: lying like he raped me because I was thinking to myself,
Speaker 1: if I say he did something really bad, he was
Speaker 1: going to jail. I messed up, and I continue to
Speaker 1: do these stupid things with different people simply because I
Speaker 1: felt heard. I wanted him out of the house. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to feel safe. I didn't want to sleep
Speaker 1: with my door locked every night. I wanted a relationship
Speaker 1: with my mom. I needed my mom. I needed to
Speaker 1: be protected by my mom. He had this saying, I've
Speaker 1: been to jail three times, I ain't going back, so
Speaker 1: why would I put my hands on a child? So
Speaker 1: she didn't care how I felt, nor did she see
Speaker 1: I needed her. It continued until my mom fell ill,
Speaker 1: and still nothing changed. Everything I needed kind of took
Speaker 1: a back burner, and I began caring for her until
Speaker 1: she passed away. I finally felt safe at twenty one,
Speaker 1: when I was no longer under the roof with him.
Speaker 1: I tried to force myself to forget it because people
Speaker 1: didn't believe me. I kind of just lived through it
Speaker 1: and didn't really address it. But it's there. I'm twenty
Speaker 1: five now, and here I am trying to serve God
Speaker 1: and get closer to him, and it's challenging because that
Speaker 1: eats away at me. Oh friend, I am so so
Speaker 1: sorry that you've gone through all of these experiences before
Speaker 1: you even had the encounter with your mom's boyfriend. At
Speaker 1: the time, you guys were in a situation where you
Speaker 1: felt like without him, you all would have nowhere to go.
Speaker 1: So the trauma of what happened to you, and then
Speaker 1: the trauma of the reality of your living situation is
Speaker 1: all tangled up in the same experience. You said, you're
Speaker 1: twenty five now and it's happened ten years ago. That
Speaker 1: means you were fifteen years old, a fifteen years girl.
Speaker 1: Then you said two years later, when you were seventeen,
Speaker 1: that you began exaggerating the story. I think what's critical
Speaker 1: in you coming to a place where you are able
Speaker 1: to really see fully your experience is not just seeing
Speaker 1: that you lied or exaggerated, but recognizing all of the
Speaker 1: variables that played a role in your experience. So a
Speaker 1: young girl with unstable housing condition, a mother that you
Speaker 1: didn't always feel was approachable, and then this devastating experience,
Speaker 1: like my heart just breaks for you, that the enemy
Speaker 1: attempted to exploit an opening for your life through a
Speaker 1: living situation and circumstance that that he desired to ultimately
Speaker 1: used to alter your life and your destiny. To be
Speaker 1: in a place where you're twenty five and trying to
Speaker 1: serve God and get closer to God after all that
Speaker 1: you've been through is just a miracle within itself. And
Speaker 1: so I want you to recognize that as we're talking
Speaker 1: about surrendering to God's narrative, that when God looks at
Speaker 1: our story, God doesn't look at one scene. God doesn't
Speaker 1: just turn on the TV. Have you ever turned on
Speaker 1: the TV and it was in the middle of a movie,
Speaker 1: you had no idea what was going on, and you
Speaker 1: started making judgment about certain characters, and then maybe you
Speaker 1: saw the movie again in full context and you're like, Wow,
Speaker 1: maybe I was wrong about what I thought about this
Speaker 1: person the first time, because I didn't see the full movie.
Speaker 1: So often when we are looking at our own lives,
Speaker 1: we're looking at one scene in our life, and we're
Speaker 1: stuck in that one scene, stuck in the choices we made,
Speaker 1: the decisions that we made, and can see beyond that scene.
Speaker 1: Part of what happens in our relationship with God and
Speaker 1: our ability to go to therapy is that we zoom
Speaker 1: out of the picture and we look at our lives
Speaker 1: within full contexts, and we see that given our circumstance,
Speaker 1: given our relationships, given the tools in development or under
Speaker 1: development that we possess, that many of the choices that
Speaker 1: we judge ourselves for, our choices that God understood, would
Speaker 1: be easily accessible to us because we just didn't have
Speaker 1: the tools that we have now. But thank God for Jesus,
Speaker 1: who always causes us to triumph and positions us to
Speaker 1: leave his fragrance everywhere we go, we have an opportunity
Speaker 1: to embrace the fullness of who we are. So, yes,
Speaker 1: you exaggerated, Yes you made it seem bigger than it was,
Speaker 1: But have you thought about this other reality? Is that
Speaker 1: maybe it felt that big to you, That no, maybe
Speaker 1: the rape did not actually occur, but that violation in
Speaker 1: your need to feel heard was that large to you
Speaker 1: that it really was an exaggeration of the truth, but
Speaker 1: not an exaggeration of your experience, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: And while I would in no means suggest that it's
Speaker 1: okay to lie about something like that, I want you
Speaker 1: to understand that your experience with violation, your experience with
Speaker 1: not being heard, not being seen, not being valued, made
Speaker 1: something that other people may brush off and not seem
Speaker 1: like it's a big deal. It had as much gravity
Speaker 1: to you as someone who maybe had that experience. And
Speaker 1: so this is the complexity of what happens when we
Speaker 1: are trying to figure out the language that we need
Speaker 1: to give full expression to our experiences and our need
Speaker 1: to want to walk it out with someone. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure if there were any implications about what happened. I
Speaker 1: don't think in the letter whether or not you expressed
Speaker 1: that he actually went to prison, or they pressed charges,
Speaker 1: or what accountability looked like. Another possibility is that though
Speaker 1: he may have touched you inappropriately, you know you may
Speaker 1: have not been the first person who was a victim
Speaker 1: to that experience. And sometimes God make sure that there
Speaker 1: is restitution and that there is a harvest reaped in
Speaker 1: other places. So I don't know what the implications are
Speaker 1: of what happened to him. If there is a way
Speaker 1: that you can undo and bring truth, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't need you to write me back, and I
Speaker 1: didn't say your name. Maybe we can figure it out together.
Speaker 1: But what I will say is that you have to
Speaker 1: take seriously how painful your upbringing was, how painful that
Speaker 1: experience was, and really give yourself some compassion that allows
Speaker 1: you to see that the need to exaggerate, the need
Speaker 1: to be that desperate for support for a safe space,
Speaker 1: made you act in a way that you regret, but
Speaker 1: also to really embrace why was I in that position
Speaker 1: in the first place, and forgive yourself for that. This
Speaker 1: is such a complex issue, and I don't know what
Speaker 1: I've given you the best advice, But if there's someone
Speaker 1: listening right now and you have some other wisdom, please
Speaker 1: write us at podcasts at womnibo dot com. I would
Speaker 1: love to add wisdom and the multitude of counsel there
Speaker 1: is safety. And so if there's anyone who's listening and
Speaker 1: you have a similar experience or some wisdom that you
Speaker 1: felt that I have left on the table or bypassed.
Speaker 1: Please make sure that you write us and let us
Speaker 1: know what it is. But surrendering to God's narrative requires
Speaker 1: that we see the fullness of who we are and
Speaker 1: the fullness of our experiences, even those things that we
Speaker 1: wish we could undo, and especially those things that have
Speaker 1: called us to do the things we wish we could undo.
Speaker 1: I hope that's helpful for you. Man. Life is so complicated, y'all.
Speaker 1: It just be out here doing what only life can do.
Speaker 1: And then there are moments where it also feels just
Speaker 1: like very simple and very straightforward, which is why it's
Speaker 1: so mind boggling when it gets hard again. I don't
Speaker 1: know who you are on the other side of this
Speaker 1: podcast or what you're up against, but I just want
Speaker 1: you to know you're not the only one going through
Speaker 1: some tough things. I preached a message at the International
Speaker 1: Leadership Summit that we're actually going to put on my
Speaker 1: YouTube page soon, and it was called Finished Strong. And
Speaker 1: in Finish Strong, I talk about how many of us
Speaker 1: live at intersections and like I'm righteous and I'm struggling.
Speaker 1: I'm a business person, but I'm also creative, Like there
Speaker 1: are all of these different intersections that we're having to
Speaker 1: live in, and I believe that that too, is a
Speaker 1: part of God's narrative. Jesus was one hundred percent divine
Speaker 1: and one hundred percent human, and creating space for someone
Speaker 1: requires that we recognize that they're all living in intersections,
Speaker 1: that they're good and bad, that they're mature and underdeveloped.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, it's hard because if you're like me,
Speaker 1: you like to think of things in black and white,
Speaker 1: but things are very rarely black and white. And yet
Speaker 1: God is so so good that he holds capacity for
Speaker 1: all of who we are. So I'm constantly praying God,
Speaker 1: help me, help me to have capacity for all of who,
Speaker 1: for all of who I am, and all of who
Speaker 1: others are as well. I am excited about this week's podcast.
Speaker 1: First of all, let me tell you how Gangster Moni
Speaker 1: Rodriguez is so so we've been trying to get on
Speaker 1: a podcast together for a little bit of time now,
Speaker 1: and we scheduled one, but then I changed the format
Speaker 1: or I think I had to have surgery, and so
Speaker 1: we weren't able to continue it. She's invited me to
Speaker 1: a retreat that she does a few times, and I
Speaker 1: have said no a few times. It's no shade at all.
Speaker 1: It's just that my kids' schedule. If you guys have kids,
Speaker 1: then you know, like the schools not sending out stuff
Speaker 1: as far in advances we would sometimes like, and it
Speaker 1: always falls sometime around spring break. So I've had to
Speaker 1: say no because I like to be at home with
Speaker 1: my little stalkers, and so I said no a few times.
Speaker 1: Finally she reaches out to me and she's like, I
Speaker 1: just want to make sure we're not beefing because I've
Speaker 1: said I've reached out. You know, some things have been canceled.
Speaker 1: And I just had so much respect for her because
Speaker 1: a lot of times we make assumptions about people when
Speaker 1: we could just figure out the truth if we were
Speaker 1: willing to have direct conversations. If you don't know, Monniye
Speaker 1: Grogerrigez found it my l or Get in twenty fourteen
Speaker 1: after her healthy hair care regimen for her tailbone leaf
Speaker 1: hair became somewhat of a craze among her social media followers.
Speaker 1: It is now ten years since she started the company
Speaker 1: and it has become a force to be reckoned with
Speaker 1: as it relates to natural hair care products. The company
Speaker 1: began on the back of one product, the at Advanced
Speaker 1: Hair Formula, a unique proprietary blend of herbs, amino acids,
Speaker 1: and minerals to support healthy hair, skin, nails, and immune system.
Speaker 1: Since then, it has expanded to ten collections under Monique's direction,
Speaker 1: including products for skin and children. Mayo has been distributed
Speaker 1: in more than eighty seven countries and can be found
Speaker 1: in more than one hundred thousand stores across the US.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. One thing about the Queen
Speaker 1: of Hair, as she calls herself, is that she is
Speaker 1: going to make sure that not only does she have
Speaker 1: a quality product, but that it is accessible as well.
Speaker 1: For those of you who have not followed her very
Speaker 1: inspiring journey, things that you should know about her. She
Speaker 1: is a real deal believer. Okay, she loves God, she
Speaker 1: seeks to bring him the glory in everything that she does.
Speaker 1: And she also is living at an intersection herself. As
Speaker 1: her company has taken off and had quite a bit
Speaker 1: of success. She recently sold in and created a little
Speaker 1: bit of a social media frenzy because at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, she wanted to scale her company, but
Speaker 1: she sold it. I think for oh, I don't know
Speaker 1: y'all mind her business. Go mind your business if you
Speaker 1: want know how much she sold it for. But I
Speaker 1: have to tell you that I think she very much
Speaker 1: so embodies what it means to live in an intersection.
Speaker 1: She is a mother, she's a wife, she is a
Speaker 1: business owner, and she's holding down all of these different
Speaker 1: she's a nonprofit owner, she's holding down all of these
Speaker 1: different corners of her identity. But she's also not allowing
Speaker 1: the success of Mael Organics and even the selling of
Speaker 1: Mael Organics to stop her from dreaming and pursuing what
Speaker 1: God has next for her. And so she is successful
Speaker 1: and hungry. What an intersection for us all to live in.
Speaker 1: She is quite literally living out God's narrative for her life.
Speaker 1: And she took the time to sit down and talk
Speaker 1: to me and just have some good old girl talk
Speaker 1: that I believe is going to help you. So let's
Speaker 1: get into this week's conversation.
Speaker 3: How are you? I'm good.
Speaker 2: How are you doing?
Speaker 3: I'm doing okay. What's your world been about?
Speaker 2: Oh? Just busy, busy with work and traveling and a
Speaker 2: lot of speaking engagements. In addition to I have two
Speaker 2: kids graduating, one from high school, one from eighth grade.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, So I have school trips planned, graduation prom
Speaker 2: so just you know, trying to prioritize all of that,
Speaker 2: you know, making sure that I'm present for my kids
Speaker 2: and you know, but also trying to tell my team like, look,
Speaker 2: I need a little break, yeah, because I'm not a robot.
Speaker 2: So I'm like taking this week and next week is
Speaker 2: there a spring break? So we're going to Florida. So
Speaker 2: I'm just taking like these weeks to kind of just
Speaker 2: like redo a reset because I was I was starting
Speaker 2: to feel a little burnt out. If that I mean
Speaker 2: you were.
Speaker 3: I mean you have been everywhere.
Speaker 1: Obviously I follow you on social media and it seems
Speaker 1: like you have been like really you know, doing all.
Speaker 3: Of the things. But I know that that can often
Speaker 3: come at a cost.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. Yeah. So like January is kind of like
Speaker 2: slow for us because it's after the holidays. But February,
Speaker 2: February picks up fast. March it's like super super fast,
Speaker 2: and it's like so busy. I feel like February and
Speaker 2: March was just like one month that just you know,
Speaker 2: it was just all came together. But you know, I'm
Speaker 2: not complaining. I feel like truly blessed obviously that you know,
Speaker 2: God has blessed with all these opportunities, and I'm great,
Speaker 2: it's grateful. I'm grateful to be like wanted, right, you
Speaker 2: want to be in demand. But I just know that
Speaker 2: when I start to feel like I'm not giving one
Speaker 2: hundred percent of myself, I know that I need to
Speaker 2: just take a step back, reset, take a break so
Speaker 2: I can go out here and give one hundred percent
Speaker 2: for you know, my work and for my family as
Speaker 2: well too. So when I feel a little off balanced,
Speaker 2: I know I need to just do a reset.
Speaker 1: Have you always been like that sensitive to like what
Speaker 1: you need or did you kind of learn by trial
Speaker 1: and error.
Speaker 2: I definitely learned by trial and error, because you know,
Speaker 2: I would start to feel like very like anxious some
Speaker 2: of the times, and like feeling like very overwhelmed, but
Speaker 2: not being able to like pinpoint where that source of
Speaker 2: anxiety was coming from. But once I started to like
Speaker 2: really be in tune with my spirit and my body
Speaker 2: and knowing that like, Okay, I'm not getting a lot
Speaker 2: of sleep, I'm not eating properly, I'm not you know,
Speaker 2: on my normal everyday regimen, like things are kind of
Speaker 2: like out of place I know that I need to.
Speaker 2: I've noticed that when I take the time to like
Speaker 2: be steal or when I really like get into my word,
Speaker 2: or if I just take like at least five minutes
Speaker 2: and just say, like, Lord speaks to me, give me direction,
Speaker 2: give me guidance, I noticed that I would start to
Speaker 2: feel better. So that's how I learned to, like when
Speaker 2: I start to feel those ways, to just pause and
Speaker 2: to just like sit in that pause and just sit
Speaker 2: still and just reflect, and even if I'm not praying,
Speaker 2: like just allowing the spirit to just speak to me.
Speaker 2: I had to learn how to do that. So once
Speaker 2: I started to figure out and pinpoint my source like
Speaker 2: where the stuff was coming from, but I also know
Speaker 2: how to like resolve it by just being in God's presence.
Speaker 2: It's how I learned to kind of like cope with,
Speaker 2: you know, feeling overworked or feeling burned out and knowing that, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm getting to that point because I've known this, I
Speaker 2: know this feeling, I recognize it. So it's really just
Speaker 2: recognizing and really just being self aware of like your
Speaker 2: body and being in tune with that.
Speaker 1: Okay, So the last time we talked, because we did
Speaker 1: like a pajama panel. I think it was during the
Speaker 1: middle of the pandemic, and you know, I think Maya
Speaker 1: was certainly still like that girl, like everybody's everybody's favorite.
Speaker 1: I think since then it has increased even more. I
Speaker 1: am wondering, like, what have you learned about success that
Speaker 1: has like taken you by surprise?
Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good question. I would say, what I've
Speaker 2: learned about success that has taken me by surprise, honestly,
Speaker 2: is the amount of criticism that comes with success. Because
Speaker 2: you know, the saying that goes, well, you're not doing
Speaker 2: nothing if they're not talking about you. It's there's some
Speaker 2: truth to that, because you know, the level of criticism
Speaker 2: that I have received throughout my entire career from not
Speaker 2: just you know, as of most recent but you know,
Speaker 2: people will tend to criticize what they don't understand. People
Speaker 2: will tend to criticize what they don't have the courage
Speaker 2: to do. People will try to project their insecurities and
Speaker 2: their fears off on you. And people are also just
Speaker 2: very vocalized about making sure that their opinions are known
Speaker 2: of whether or not they like you or they dislike you, right,
Speaker 2: and the ones that dislike you, you know, try to
Speaker 2: be a lot louder than the ones that do. And
Speaker 2: I've learned that criticism usually comes from a small group
Speaker 2: of people that just talk very, very loud, and you
Speaker 2: have to learn how to silence the noise. And you know,
Speaker 2: it was a scripture. I was going through a challenging
Speaker 2: period throughout my career when I was getting a lot
Speaker 2: of criticism, and I read this devotional and talked about
Speaker 2: Nehemiah how he was building the wall and how people
Speaker 2: were criticizing him for building the wall. I'm paraphrasing, but
Speaker 2: he kept focus on what he was building. He didn't
Speaker 2: pay attention to the naysayers. And I held on to
Speaker 2: that devotional when I was in that tough period in
Speaker 2: my career that I was being criticized for, you know,
Speaker 2: correcting someone on how they used my products. People came
Speaker 2: down on me for that, but I had to focus
Speaker 2: on still building, still building that wall, still focus on
Speaker 2: my character, because I feel that no matter how much
Speaker 2: people criticize you, no matter what they say, your integrity
Speaker 2: and your character will always speak for itself and will
Speaker 2: always overshadow the naysayers. And of course I got through
Speaker 2: that and I got through that because the people that
Speaker 2: really stood for me understood who I was as a person,
Speaker 2: that understood my character and my integrity. Those people will
Speaker 2: fight on your behalf, like you don't need to interject
Speaker 2: or you don't need to say anything, because the people
Speaker 2: that are for you are for you, and those people
Speaker 2: are going to fight for you. And that's why I
Speaker 2: say you can't beat having good character and integrity, because
Speaker 2: if I didn't have good character and integrity, my fan
Speaker 2: base wouldn't have came to my defense, right, and they
Speaker 2: were the ones that handle the naysayers and the criticism right.
Speaker 2: So but I had to learn that success comes with
Speaker 2: that cost. Like the bigger you are, the larger your territory,
Speaker 2: you're going to be more open to the voices and
Speaker 2: opinions of people who have a lot to say about
Speaker 2: stuff that they probably don't know nothing about. And I
Speaker 2: had to learn that it just comes with the territory
Speaker 2: to not let it affect me, to not let it
Speaker 2: get me dead, to stay focused on who God has
Speaker 2: called me to be and the purpose and the destiny
Speaker 2: that He has set out for me. So I had
Speaker 2: to just shift my mindset and focus on whose I
Speaker 2: am and not focus on what people are saying, but
Speaker 2: I do did learn that that comes with the cost
Speaker 2: of being successful.
Speaker 1: Okay, so I'm wondering, we look at your life and
Speaker 1: we just like dove right into this conversation.
Speaker 3: That was not the plan, but you just started talking.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, let's go for it. If
Speaker 1: we were on we are on the outside looking again
Speaker 1: at your life, and it would be easy to you know,
Speaker 1: Queen of Hair, incredible family, travels the world, fashionista, like,
Speaker 1: the narrative of your life that we would come up
Speaker 1: with on the outside looking in is very aspirational. It's
Speaker 1: very inspiring. I know that you are a woman after
Speaker 1: God's heart. I am wondering what is God's narrative about
Speaker 1: your life? And did you have to come into agreement
Speaker 1: with that or did you always trust God's narrative for
Speaker 1: your life.
Speaker 2: Oh that's a good question. And no one's ever asked
Speaker 2: me that what is God's narrative for my life? I
Speaker 2: would say that God's narrative for my life what people
Speaker 2: see on the outside, Like I said, it's very aspirational.
Speaker 2: And thank you for that, you know, thank you for
Speaker 2: even saying that and acknowledging that. But I feel that
Speaker 2: God's narrative is that he was going to use me
Speaker 2: in ways that I did not expect. He was going
Speaker 2: to use me as a vessel through the marketplace. It
Speaker 2: wasn't going to be a traditional route of how the
Speaker 2: word is relate to people, but he was going to
Speaker 2: do it in a non traditional route to reach the
Speaker 2: people that may be afraid, that may be intimidated to
Speaker 2: step into the four walls of a church, because the
Speaker 2: Gods was not just told in the four walls of
Speaker 2: the church. So I feel that my purpose and my
Speaker 2: destiny is to build the Kingdom, but to do it
Speaker 2: in a way that is relatable so people are not
Speaker 2: afraid and intimidated. Because there are people that have church hurt,
Speaker 2: there are people that are afraid to go into the church.
Speaker 2: There are people that say, you know, they say all
Speaker 2: types of things about the church. And so those people,
Speaker 2: I feel that when they see me and they see
Speaker 2: that I did not grow up in church. I did
Speaker 2: not come from a traditional, you know, church environment where
Speaker 2: my mom took us to church every Sunday, We went
Speaker 2: to church on Easter and that was about it. And
Speaker 2: I did not grow up you know, saved. I've always
Speaker 2: believed in Jesus Christ. I've always believed in God, but
Speaker 2: I did not have necessarily a relationship with God. And
Speaker 2: I felt that God had already chosen me and called me.
Speaker 2: But I did have to step in agreement with his
Speaker 2: calling all my life because I feel that God has
Speaker 2: called me to be of an influence to my generation
Speaker 2: and to generations beyond. But the route that I had
Speaker 2: to get to that place of influence, I had to
Speaker 2: go through pain to reach my purpose. And I feel
Speaker 2: that God used that pain to bring me closer to
Speaker 2: Him so I can get to know him, so I
Speaker 2: can get to know his word, get to know his character,
Speaker 2: and that when people see me and they look at
Speaker 2: my life, they don't look at my life as an
Speaker 2: aspirational fashionissa CEO of a company. They don't look at
Speaker 2: all of that, but they see the glory of God
Speaker 2: and the blessings of where He brought me from, where
Speaker 2: he has brought me to, and how I still honor
Speaker 2: him and I still glorify his name, knowing that I
Speaker 2: came from that painful place to show people that you
Speaker 2: can take your pain and make it into purpose, and
Speaker 2: that all things will work together for the good. But
Speaker 2: you have to come into agreements and knowing that you
Speaker 2: have been called and chosen. But I'm gonna have to
Speaker 2: call you away from something in order to call you
Speaker 2: to walk into who you are truly destined to be.
Speaker 2: So I had to change my narrative of asking God
Speaker 2: why did I go through the painful loss of my son?
Speaker 2: To God, what are you trying to show me from this?
Speaker 2: And that took for me to get into agreement with
Speaker 2: even being open to trying to understand why God put
Speaker 2: me in that situation. I had to be open because
Speaker 2: I could have done the opposite and gotten mad at God.
Speaker 2: I could have been down and depressed and said there
Speaker 2: is no God. But I'm not going to say that
Speaker 2: because I knew that God brought me through that for
Speaker 2: his ultimate glory. Because in everything that I do, and
Speaker 2: people say that it's so odd and it's so unique
Speaker 2: because they've never seen a CEO that talks about God
Speaker 2: the way that I do. But I know where He's
Speaker 2: brought me from and I know why He's brought me
Speaker 2: from that to give me this influence, and that was
Speaker 2: to give him honor and glory. So when people see
Speaker 2: my life, I hope they truly see God glorified through me,
Speaker 2: and not the material things, and not the titles and
Speaker 2: the accomplishments, but they see His glory. And so I
Speaker 2: had to come into agreement knowing that He was going
Speaker 2: to bring me to a place ultimately for people to
Speaker 2: praise and worship Him and for me to spread the
Speaker 2: gospel through the means and the vessel and the platform
Speaker 2: of hair care.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if someone's listening for the first time,
Speaker 1: then maybe they haven't heard this story about the law
Speaker 1: of your son. I know you shared that with me before,
Speaker 1: but I think one of the things that struck me
Speaker 1: the most is that you, I mean, are open about
Speaker 1: how the grief and the pain of that certainly shaped
Speaker 1: you in this season. And I believe that that's where
Speaker 1: a lot of people begin to edit.
Speaker 3: God's narrative for their life.
Speaker 1: It's like God has a narrative Before I formed you
Speaker 1: and your mother's womb, I knew you there was an
Speaker 1: idea that God had in mind as it relates to
Speaker 1: each and every last one of us. But pain comes
Speaker 1: along and begins to try and like edit our story
Speaker 1: to get us to change our mind or to change
Speaker 1: God's narrative. About who we are, and too often that
Speaker 1: it's successful that we begin to believe the pain, the shame,
Speaker 1: the tricks in the lives of the enemy as it
Speaker 1: relates to our lives. And it's not until to your
Speaker 1: point you say, like, I am choosing to be open
Speaker 1: to the possibility that God's narrative still exists even in
Speaker 1: the midst of this pain, that we begin to experience transformation.
Speaker 1: Do you remember the moment where you were like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm not saying that the grief doesn't hurt.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that the pain isn't real. I just
Speaker 1: have to be open to the fact that there could
Speaker 1: be more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say that moment was, you know, when
Speaker 2: I was in the hospital and you know, my son,
Speaker 2: he was on life support, and I would go to
Speaker 2: the bedside and I was read scriptures I read and
Speaker 2: you know, I didn't know where it came from, but
Speaker 2: I know that God was my source. I know that
Speaker 2: I had no one to turn to. You know, my
Speaker 2: husband couldn't help me get through at my mom You know,
Speaker 2: it was no one but God that helped me get
Speaker 2: through that, that even gave me the inkling or the
Speaker 2: mindset to go into his room and start reading scriptures
Speaker 2: or reading the Bible to him. And then the other
Speaker 2: pivotal moment was when my husband and I we started
Speaker 2: going to church together. Like before you know, what happened
Speaker 2: with my son. We would go to church every now
Speaker 2: and then. Sometimes I'll go by myself and take the kids.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it wasn't like a consistent, you know, going to church.
Speaker 2: And when my son was in the hospital, we knew
Speaker 2: that we needed to turn to God and pray for
Speaker 2: a miracle, and we started going to church together. We
Speaker 2: started praying and you know, they do the altar calls,
Speaker 2: and we went up to the altar and I feel
Speaker 2: like this lady, she was just an angel that came
Speaker 2: to me, spoke to me. I felt like she felt
Speaker 2: my pain, she knew something was wrong, and she just
Speaker 2: prayed over us. And in that moment, I felt the
Speaker 2: spirit telling me, at that moment, I need to give
Speaker 2: my life to Christ. So that was a moment that
Speaker 2: we decided that we're going to get baptized together. We
Speaker 2: signed up, we started going and attending all of the classes.
Speaker 2: Even in the midst of what we were going through
Speaker 2: with my son, we knew that we were going to
Speaker 2: eventually take him off of life support, but we knew
Speaker 2: that God is going to carry us through this, and
Speaker 2: once we got saved, that gave us the strength to
Speaker 2: endure the pain that we were going through with my
Speaker 2: son and gave us the strength to even moving the
Speaker 2: direction of removing him from life support and letting him
Speaker 2: go be with the Lord. So it was at that
Speaker 2: moment that we both got saved together that I realized that, like,
Speaker 2: I can't do this by myself. I can't live this
Speaker 2: life with my own direction. I need to turn to God.
Speaker 2: And that's when things started to shift. The moment we
Speaker 2: got saved. That reminds me of the scripture. People use
Speaker 2: it all the time.
Speaker 1: They're like I can do all things through Christ, and
Speaker 1: they're using it to kind of like choose what they
Speaker 1: want to do and be like, I can do.
Speaker 3: It through Christ.
Speaker 1: But the reality of that scripture I feel stand so
Speaker 1: strong in your story, which at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: it's not that I want to do it.
Speaker 3: It's not that this is what I loved. You know,
Speaker 3: I don't love.
Speaker 1: This position that I am and it's not necessarily what
Speaker 1: I would have hoped for, But I can get through
Speaker 1: this if Christ is on my side, and it feels
Speaker 1: like you are embodying that, how are you holding on
Speaker 1: to that mentality?
Speaker 3: Here you are?
Speaker 1: I think for many people, they would seem like maybe
Speaker 1: you have arrived, right, you have this incredible company, you
Speaker 1: were able to have a nice exit, but still staying
Speaker 1: in a lead position to maintain the integrity of the brand.
Speaker 1: Like this feels like most people's goal, and yet you're
Speaker 1: still very young, and I'm sure you have so much
Speaker 1: more vision and so many more dreams, Like how do
Speaker 1: you balance this tension of I am maybe living most
Speaker 1: people's dreams, but I'm not finished living out God's dream
Speaker 1: for my life?
Speaker 3: What does that look like for you?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 2: I think that, you know, I really focus on For me,
Speaker 2: it's really being intentional of letting God leave me and
Speaker 2: not necessarily focus on like what people think about me.
Speaker 2: And you know, while I may be living out some
Speaker 2: people's dreams, most important for me is like, am I
Speaker 2: walking in my purpose?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Right?
Speaker 2: You know, I want to make sure that I'm always
Speaker 2: purposeful and my purpose may very well be someone else's
Speaker 2: you know, goals or you know how people say hashtag goals,
Speaker 2: But you know, I'm really big on like, yes, it's
Speaker 2: something that you can aspire to do or be, but
Speaker 2: make sure that you know you're in tune with who
Speaker 2: God created you to be and what is your purpose.
Speaker 2: And so I know that even though I've done a
Speaker 2: lot in my career, yes I'm still young, but I
Speaker 2: know that God is not done with me yet. And
Speaker 2: I do feel that He is taking me in places
Speaker 2: and using my influence to not hold what I learned
Speaker 2: to myself, but to also give back that knowledge and
Speaker 2: help the next generation, and to also help my community
Speaker 2: and uplift my community as well. And so, for instance,
Speaker 2: you know, a part of the partnership that we did
Speaker 2: with P and G, it was very intentional for us
Speaker 2: to create our nonprofit, Mayo Cares, and which in totality
Speaker 2: Mayo I'm sorry, Melvin and myself, we donated ten million.
Speaker 2: P and G donated ten million specifically to help advance
Speaker 2: black and brown communities from the aspect of mental health.
Speaker 2: You know, we want to create a positive, resilient mindset
Speaker 2: in our teens. And we started in the environment the
Speaker 2: neighborhood that Melvin and I are from, right, So you know,
Speaker 2: to who much is given, much is required. And yes,
Speaker 2: I've done a lot, but God has so much more
Speaker 2: for me to now give that back. All the information
Speaker 2: and the knowledge that I've learned over the ten years
Speaker 2: that I've built this company. Now I'm to share that information.
Speaker 2: I'm to help build up and lift up the youth. Right.
Speaker 2: I have two girls that look at me and are
Speaker 2: aspiring to be entrepreneurs as well. Like I feel that
Speaker 2: my purpose is to also help uplift them and show
Speaker 2: them the ropes, and so I'm really committed to the
Speaker 2: next generation. I'm really big on, you know, mental health,
Speaker 2: because I feel that the reason why Melvin and I
Speaker 2: have gotten to this position of where we're at today
Speaker 2: was because of our mindset. You know, if I can contribute. Obviously,
Speaker 2: God is our foundation, but God has always instilled in
Speaker 2: us a certain mindset and the vision that we had.
Speaker 2: You know, before we started this company, we didn't see this.
Speaker 2: We were not exposed to that. That vision came from God.
Speaker 2: But God had to instill a strong mindset and a
Speaker 2: resilient mindset for us to be able to have a
Speaker 2: strong foundation, because when you are building a company, it's
Speaker 2: not easy. You're going to go through the criticism, You're
Speaker 2: going to go through the challenges. You're going to go
Speaker 2: through the obstacles. But what throughout everything that we've been
Speaker 2: through a building our company, I'll always resort back to
Speaker 2: my foundation and knowing that if God brought me to
Speaker 2: this point, He's not going to leave me, He's going
Speaker 2: to continue to see me through. And so my whole
Speaker 2: thing is like, yes, we can give anyone the blueprint,
Speaker 2: we can give anyone the roadmap to building a successful brand,
Speaker 2: but what's the most important is making sure that your
Speaker 2: mental health is sound, making sure that you have a
Speaker 2: healthy overall well being. So I'm really committed to pouring
Speaker 2: and enriching back into my community and uplifting them as
Speaker 2: we continue to climb. And I know that you know
Speaker 2: we're going to do continue to do a lot more
Speaker 2: in the future. But most important is is success is
Speaker 2: not success if you're not reaching back and lifting other
Speaker 2: people up. Where are you from Chicago?
Speaker 3: Chicago? Okay?
Speaker 1: And well I know that you were at least connected
Speaker 1: to Indiana, so I was ensured you were.
Speaker 2: Like, yes, so I'm from Chicago, born and raised in Chicago,
Speaker 2: but we moved out to Indiana. So our warehouse, our
Speaker 2: offices in Indiana. So We've been in Indiana for the
Speaker 2: past eighteen years, and they were also in Florida, so
Speaker 2: right outside of Miami, so we're kind of like both
Speaker 2: by coastal.
Speaker 1: So I've got a book coming out of It's called
Speaker 1: Power Moves, and the whole premise of the book is
Speaker 1: not just how do we show up in our lives
Speaker 1: in a way that allows us to make powerful decisions
Speaker 1: that align with God's vision and purpose for our life,
Speaker 1: but quite literally, how power moves even within our existence.
Speaker 1: And so I would assume that what makes you powerful
Speaker 1: as a CEO who's maybe looking to create quality products
Speaker 1: that also are affordable and help you to maintain the
Speaker 1: business is maybe different from the power that you have
Speaker 1: to have to show up as a wife and a
Speaker 1: partner in your marriage, and totally different from the power
Speaker 1: you have to possess to be a good mother who's
Speaker 1: raising teen daughters who are going through you know, if
Speaker 1: it's anything like my teen daughter, like all of the
Speaker 1: hormones and change and peer pressures and stuff. Can we
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about how power is moving in
Speaker 1: your life? I think this is part of the reason
Speaker 1: why we be burnt out and don't realize it. Like
Speaker 1: it's not just that I'm burnt out from working, like
Speaker 1: I am eighteen people in one body, like.
Speaker 3: Like I'm a sercist. I'm trying to be a good mom.
Speaker 3: I'm also trying to not be the mom that I had.
Speaker 1: Sometimes because she would max me, like what let's talk
Speaker 1: about guarantee. Yes, just trying to gentle parent with hard
Speaker 1: parenting roots. And yes, yes, can we talk a little
Speaker 1: bit about all these different hats you wear and how
Speaker 1: you have to like shift mentalities or even your heart,
Speaker 1: posture and spirit in order to show up successfully and
Speaker 1: all of those different roles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was actually just talking about this with my husband, like,
Speaker 2: you know, in order for me to show up, you know,
Speaker 2: one hundred percent in my roles in the many different
Speaker 2: heads that I wear. I want to make sure that
Speaker 2: I'm whole because I can't go out to these speaking
Speaker 2: engagements and give you know, one hundred percent transparency and
Speaker 2: speak with authority and information if my brain is so
Speaker 2: foggy from like you know, something that I just dealt
Speaker 2: with at home. So I have to make sure that
Speaker 2: I am for me, like I said, taking breaks because
Speaker 2: I know that when I start to feel like brain
Speaker 2: fog or if I start to feel a little you know,
Speaker 2: overwhelmed or uneasier or anxious, I know that that's time
Speaker 2: for me to like take a step back and like
Speaker 2: reprioritize some things. And I think that, like, you know,
Speaker 2: people ask the question all the time, like how do
Speaker 2: you balance? I think you just prioritize based off of
Speaker 2: the different seasons that you're in in life. And for me,
Speaker 2: you know, like I'm going into graduation season, so I've
Speaker 2: been very intentional, like this is you know, prim season, graduation.
Speaker 2: I have to be there for my kids. So I'm
Speaker 2: intentional about making sure that my schedule is appropriately managed,
Speaker 2: is organized. So are there meetings that can wait until
Speaker 2: after this season is over? Are there tasks that I
Speaker 2: can do or decisions that I can make? Can I
Speaker 2: handle that now? Because when I go into this mold,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm going to be head on, like in
Speaker 2: mommy mode. So if there's anything that I can do,
Speaker 2: I try to like just put my schedule in like buckets.
Speaker 2: So like, if I know that there are decisions that
Speaker 2: I need to make, or if you guys need me
Speaker 2: for certain meetings that I need to be a part of,
Speaker 2: let's bucket it on this day, and let's try to
Speaker 2: take care of everything that I need. So I know
Speaker 2: that when I'm in this mold, that I'm focused and
Speaker 2: I'm in the present mode of what I need to
Speaker 2: handle at that time. So now I know that as
Speaker 2: I'm going into this season, graduation and prime season, I
Speaker 2: can fully show up for my kids and my family
Speaker 2: because I've taken care of my business endeavors on this side,
Speaker 2: because I've been able to bucket my schedule so that
Speaker 2: I find is what really works for me, because when
Speaker 2: I'm making decisions, I want to have a clear mind,
Speaker 2: and I don't want to be trying to make decisions
Speaker 2: for my kids when I'm thinking about business decisions that
Speaker 2: I have to make, and then vice versa. So I've
Speaker 2: noticed that if I just kind of like stay organized
Speaker 2: and put my mind and prioritize in the different buckets,
Speaker 2: that helps me manage and show up the way that
Speaker 2: I need to show up present and be able to
Speaker 2: have the clarity to make the decisions that I need
Speaker 2: to make because I'm not intertwining both. So that's kind
Speaker 2: of like my model.
Speaker 1: That makes so much sense. I feel like I've had
Speaker 1: to do that as well. I think we actually had
Speaker 1: a conversation. Let me tell you, guys, one of the
Speaker 1: reasons why I fell in love with money, besides all
Speaker 1: of the reasons that you guys have on your list,
Speaker 1: is that we've been trying to connect and we were
Speaker 1: rescheduling and things were shifting, and we had a lot
Speaker 1: of communication things that just were happening amongst our people
Speaker 1: and our teams, trying to align our schedules, and sometimes
Speaker 1: it worked. Sometimes it did not have to change my
Speaker 1: mind or something come up.
Speaker 3: And she finally called me.
Speaker 1: Well, she finally called me, and she called me and
Speaker 1: she was like, hey, I just want to make sure
Speaker 1: we good because these things are moving, and sometimes things
Speaker 1: are moving and then sometimes a're being weird and I
Speaker 1: just want to make sure.
Speaker 3: Things are moving and things.
Speaker 1: And I had so much respect for that, because at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, when you are balancing and
Speaker 1: navigating a lot of things, it can be easy to
Speaker 1: make an assumption about like how someone feels or how
Speaker 1: someone is moving, or things like, oh they act the funny.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that's about. I love that you
Speaker 1: came and spoke directly to me and I got to
Speaker 1: unpack with you, Like my main problem is that it's
Speaker 1: so hard for me to say yes to the stuff
Speaker 1: because I don't sometimes get my kids' schedule until.
Speaker 3: Like a month before.
Speaker 1: Now I know we have a presentation, we have a plan,
Speaker 1: So most of the time I'm like, I want to come,
Speaker 1: but I don't know if I can come, and.
Speaker 3: Then things are always moving back.
Speaker 1: Just having that conversation, I felt like spoke so much
Speaker 1: to make making sure that things stay clear and leave
Speaker 1: no rooms for assumptions. Have you always been I call
Speaker 1: that confrontational, but like not in a negative way.
Speaker 3: I think it's like good confrontation. Have you always been
Speaker 3: that way?
Speaker 2: No, I have not. I was at one point, and
Speaker 2: I think it just comes with like growth and maturity.
Speaker 2: Like I would make assumptions, you know when in my
Speaker 2: younger years. But I've learned that a lot of issues
Speaker 2: can be resolved a lot of your assumptions and your thinking,
Speaker 2: because I also tend to be an overthinker. A lot
Speaker 2: of things can be resolved if you just pick up
Speaker 2: the phone or you have a conversation with someone, and
Speaker 2: you know, I also tried to make sure you know
Speaker 2: I'm not perfect by any means, but I do try
Speaker 2: to make sure that I'm also doing things biblically, and
Speaker 2: it tells like if you have an issue, and not
Speaker 2: saying that we had an issue, but the scripture that
Speaker 2: tells like, if you have an issue with someone, talk
Speaker 2: to that person, right, you know, if you can, if
Speaker 2: you guys can come to a resolution, then the issue
Speaker 2: was done. If you can't come to a resolution, then
Speaker 2: you bring a witness. So like every time that I'm
Speaker 2: like questioning myself or if I'm doubt for or if
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, am I thinking about this the right way?
Speaker 2: Am I moving in the right direction? I'll try to
Speaker 2: find something as scripture to kind of back up my
Speaker 2: thinking or to lead me in a different direction if
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about something the wrong way. But that came
Speaker 2: with growth and maturity and getting into my word and
Speaker 2: trying to live my life christ like right again, am
Speaker 2: I perfect? No? So when I was younger, I would
Speaker 2: make assumptions like Okay, well, you know, is she dodging me?
Speaker 2: Maybe she don't like me, or maybe we got some
Speaker 2: unnecessary beet that I don't know about. But I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: I don't want to be that person. I just want
Speaker 2: to have a conversation because my thoughts. Everything can go
Speaker 2: out the window by just saying, listen, what's going on
Speaker 2: why we can't never like connect or you know, schedule something.
Speaker 2: And then once you answer the question, it's like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: see the enemy you're not trying to You're not about
Speaker 2: to get into my mind and make me think something
Speaker 2: that's not really what it is, because I'm going to
Speaker 2: have a conversation with this person. And that's exactly what
Speaker 2: I did. And when you said that, it's like I
Speaker 2: completely understand because I do the same thing. I don't
Speaker 2: like to commit to things too far in advance, because
Speaker 2: you know, things happen. And just recently, I just committed
Speaker 2: to something and then a couple of days, no actually yesterday,
Speaker 2: my kids schedule came in and they have two meetings
Speaker 2: the same day that I committed to something. So now
Speaker 2: I have to go back and you know, kind of
Speaker 2: like renig on my commitment, in which I don't like
Speaker 2: to do that. So I get it, and I understand,
Speaker 2: and again like I'd rather not commit to something than
Speaker 2: to have to renig on it. So once we had
Speaker 2: that conversation, it was like, okay, good, Like I know
Speaker 2: it wasn't nothing that I did because I used to
Speaker 2: think like, okay, well, if someone doesn't like me, orf
Speaker 2: they're avoid me, maybe it's something that I did. But
Speaker 2: that's the enemy trying to get into our minds and
Speaker 2: make us feel like we're lessing, or to make us
Speaker 2: feel like we've done something wrong when we nothing ever happen.
Speaker 2: And you know, there are people that have this imaginary
Speaker 2: beef with people in their minds, but they're actually the
Speaker 2: enemy that's getting into your minds, creating this conflict that
Speaker 2: really doesn't exist, and everything can be avoided by just communicating.
Speaker 1: So that is like the number one underestimated tool. If
Speaker 1: you don't take anything else away from this conversation, please
Speaker 1: hear what Monique is saying. Do not create narratives in
Speaker 1: your head that are unfounded by facts.
Speaker 3: It is so easy to do.
Speaker 1: We live in a generation where making assumptions create headlines
Speaker 1: and click baits, and people have hot takes on social media,
Speaker 1: and we're all just like wondering assuming and conspiracy theories.
Speaker 1: But we have to realize that almost I will say
Speaker 1: eighty five percent of what we see on social media
Speaker 1: is someone's opinion or assumption. It is very rarely fact,
Speaker 1: and it is possible to create that on social media,
Speaker 1: because that's how we live in our everyday lives. Somebody
Speaker 1: look at us crazy on the gas station. Oh, they
Speaker 1: can't have a bad day, they can't have a cocy
Speaker 1: like it's going to be like all day races and
Speaker 1: they're gonna follow me home. We have to be more
Speaker 1: responsible about how we utilize our mind to create narratives
Speaker 1: about other people or other situations, and to recognize that
Speaker 1: that is power that we are dispersing to things that
Speaker 1: we need to be using to work on our relationship
Speaker 1: with God, to focus on our healing, to give ourselves
Speaker 1: discipline and the will power we need. But we are
Speaker 1: expending our power trying to figure out what someone else
Speaker 1: thinks about us or what happened in this situation when
Speaker 1: we could just use our mouths and communicate, right.
Speaker 2: And a lot of it too, is just you know,
Speaker 2: a lot of us deal with unresolved childhood traumas that's
Speaker 2: just spilling over into our adulthood, right, and if you
Speaker 2: don't recognize it. And I feel like I work really
Speaker 2: hard on just realizing where the source of some thoughts
Speaker 2: come from. And a lot of times some of the
Speaker 2: sources of my thoughts come from childhood trauma, and if
Speaker 2: you don't know how to recognize it and stop it
Speaker 2: in this track, then those thoughts then create those false
Speaker 2: narrative because of you know, how someone may have treated
Speaker 2: you as a child, maybe someone did you know, dislike
Speaker 2: you and talked about you and made you feel some
Speaker 2: sort away. So now when you grow up and people
Speaker 2: you know, rearrange your schedules or you know, if you
Speaker 2: plan something they canceled, because you were used to that
Speaker 2: as a child and it hurts you as a child,
Speaker 2: So now you're thinking that as an adult. When people
Speaker 2: do that to me, they have an issue with me.
Speaker 2: So it's like, if you gotta we have to be
Speaker 2: able to look within ourselves. And I feel like, especially
Speaker 2: in leadership, self awareness is like a huge thing for
Speaker 2: me because you will be able to really realize and
Speaker 2: pinpoint the source of where some of your thinking, your
Speaker 2: negative thoughts, those intrusive thoughts come from. You. I'll be
Speaker 2: able to pinpoint that, but it takes for you to
Speaker 2: be in tune with yourself. And once you're in tune
Speaker 2: with yourself, you'll be able to identify Nope, that's the enemy.
Speaker 2: M hmm. That's because you know, my dad when he
Speaker 2: when he was younger, he always told me he would
Speaker 2: pick me up and take me somewhere. He never showed up.
Speaker 2: He never showed up, and that hurt me as a kid.
Speaker 2: So now when people do this, Nope, I'm not going
Speaker 2: to allow that narrative to play in my head. I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna address it. So we are the product of
Speaker 2: a lot of childhood issues that probably haven't been addressed.
Speaker 1: Okay, I could talk to you for about thirty more minutes.
Speaker 3: We're over time.
Speaker 1: But what I'm taking away from this conversation is trauma
Speaker 1: has a narrative.
Speaker 3: Pain has a narrative.
Speaker 1: Our past has a narrative, and our hope, our future
Speaker 1: has a narrative that can put a lot of pressure
Speaker 1: on us. And even how our success can create a narrative.
Speaker 1: But what matters the most is choosing God's narrative over
Speaker 1: all of those different options, and really seeking out God's
Speaker 1: narrative on every situation. Because we're living in a day
Speaker 1: we've never seen before, and it can be easy to
Speaker 1: get on autopilot or to do whatever's on our calendar,
Speaker 1: but to take a minute and to say, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: what is God's narrative surrounding this day, this moment, this conversation,
Speaker 1: and how do I align with that. There was one
Speaker 1: more thing I wanted to say to just in case
Speaker 1: someone's listening and they're like, man, I need a break.
Speaker 1: But if it's not seven days, I can't like, it's
Speaker 1: not going to do anything. If it's not a three
Speaker 1: week vacation and it's not going to do anything, you
Speaker 1: would be surprised what ten minutes of breathing, aligning with God,
Speaker 1: acknowledging God's presence can do for you in those moments
Speaker 1: where you literally cannot physically get away, spiritually and mentally,
Speaker 1: you can tap into God's presence and it will add
Speaker 1: years and wisdom and strength and energy.
Speaker 2: So yeah, thank you, no problem, thank you.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: Now I'm hoping the kids, all of the kid things
Speaker 1: come down so that we can do more of this.
Speaker 2: Yes, more girls talk because it's so needed.
Speaker 3: It is. We need each other well.
Speaker 1: I am wishing you an incredible graduation season and spring
Speaker 1: break and lots of love to you and your family and.
Speaker 3: All that you do.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, and I wish the same for you.
Speaker 2: Take care of the kids and tell the hubby high
Speaker 2: and all as well. Thank you, Take care all right,
Speaker 2: take care, talk to you later.
Speaker 3: Bye bye bye.
Speaker 1: Well, it's no secret that we are better when we
Speaker 1: hear one another's stories, that it allows us to grow
Speaker 1: and evolve and become better. And I am hoping that
Speaker 1: as a result of hearing Monique story that you feel
Speaker 1: yourself growing, evolving and becoming better. Listen, I am giving
Speaker 1: up on rescue Eve that you gotta know when Fetch
Speaker 1: is not happening, and I'm trying to make fetch a
Speaker 1: things and Spetch is not happening. Shout out to me
Speaker 1: and girls. I haven't seen the musical, but I do
Speaker 1: want to take a minute though, and feel like we
Speaker 1: should close out the podcast with just some positive stories
Speaker 1: that are shaping the news cycle, perhaps some positive news
Speaker 1: that you are experiencing. So, like I said, if there's
Speaker 1: something going on in your world, you want to break
Speaker 1: on yourself, you want to break on your friend, send
Speaker 1: it to me at podcast at womnibop dot com. I
Speaker 1: would love to toot your horn. I am going to
Speaker 1: close out this podcast with tooting the horn of Olivia Munn.
Speaker 1: She recently announced on her social media that she has
Speaker 1: been diagnosed with breast cancer. What's interesting about her story
Speaker 1: is that she went and got a genetic test where
Speaker 1: you check for ninety different cancer genes. She tested negative
Speaker 1: for all of them, including the BRCA gene, and then
Speaker 1: her sister also tested negative as well. They high fived
Speaker 1: each other and that was it. Two months later, she
Speaker 1: was diagnosed with breast cancer. One of the reasons why
Speaker 1: I am making this a story that I feel like
Speaker 1: you need to know is that at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, she had tea her doctor. I was going
Speaker 1: to say her teacher. Her doctor did an assessment that
Speaker 1: was her breast cancer risk Assessment score, and as a
Speaker 1: result of doing their breast cancer risk assessment score, they
Speaker 1: were able to detect her cancer early enough for her
Speaker 1: to be able to get treatment. It quite literally saved
Speaker 1: her life. The reason why I'm bringing this up to
Speaker 1: you is because I did a partnership with the Black
Speaker 1: Women's Health Imperative, because I recognize that as women in general,
Speaker 1: it can be very difficult for us to dedicate the
Speaker 1: time that we need to take care of our bodies
Speaker 1: and to check in with ourselves. Even more so difficult
Speaker 1: is it for black women to find spaces where they
Speaker 1: feel safe enough to bring up the concerns that they
Speaker 1: are experiencing and that they feel like those concerns will
Speaker 1: be taken seriously. If you don't believe me, do some
Speaker 1: research on the black maternal health crisis. It's absolutely insane
Speaker 1: some of the stories that women of color have had
Speaker 1: as it relates to seeking health care that they can trust. However,
Speaker 1: one of the things that the Black Woman's Health Imperative
Speaker 1: is constantly saying, and that is that there is a
Speaker 1: cure for breast cancer. It's early detection. And so if
Speaker 1: you're like me, I know you're so busy, you're balancing
Speaker 1: all of the balls. Unless something is broken, we're not
Speaker 1: going into the doctor, or we're avoidant because if something
Speaker 1: is happening, there may not be anything I can do
Speaker 1: about it. I want you to take seriously your health.
Speaker 1: We need you, We need what's happening in your life.
Speaker 1: We need your support, we need your courage, we need
Speaker 1: your joy. We need you to be the healthiest version
Speaker 1: of who you are so that you can continue to
Speaker 1: just show up as a light in the world and
Speaker 1: luxuriate in all of the ways that God has assigned
Speaker 1: to your name. So please take this very seriously. Take
Speaker 1: the time to check in on yourself. We do not
Speaker 1: know the openings that the enemy will use, but we
Speaker 1: can make sure that we are checking all of the gates.
Speaker 1: In One of those gates is most certainly our health.
Speaker 1: So do some research if you're in a position where
Speaker 1: funds are an issue. The Black Women's Health impaired As
Speaker 1: have done free tests. They've given away a free cancer
Speaker 1: treatments as well for those who have found something. So
Speaker 1: don't think that just because you may not have what
Speaker 1: it takes to attack something, if there's something there that
Speaker 1: you do, not have tools and resources that are just
Speaker 1: a click away. So listen. I hope you all have
Speaker 1: an amazing week. I love doing this podcast. I love
Speaker 1: connecting with you. I am let me see you guys
Speaker 1: are getting this on Wednesday, but I'm actually recording your
Speaker 1: Friday night. I am traveling tomorrow. Oh I told you guys,
Speaker 1: I have a busy week coming up, and that was
Speaker 1: my computer let me put on you. I have a
Speaker 1: busy week coming up. I will be in Raleigh, North Carolina,
Speaker 1: on April thirteenth for the Women's Empowerment. I'll be in
Speaker 1: Dallas for the Legends and Lily sing on April twentieth,
Speaker 1: and then I'll be in Chicago on April twenty seventh.
Speaker 1: I say all of that to say that the next
Speaker 1: three Saturdays, your girl is busy, but blessed. Understand what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So if you're in any of those locations,
Speaker 1: make sure you come and see me. Power Moves is
Speaker 1: going on the road. Copy your ticket if you haven't
Speaker 1: had a chance yet. We've got some exciting news coming
Speaker 1: about the Power Moves toward that I think is gonna
Speaker 1: tremendously bless you, Holy Spirit. Man Lord, I hope that
Speaker 1: something I said today has added value to your daughters,
Speaker 1: that in some way that it has been what Jesus
Speaker 1: would hint or say something close to what Jesus would
Speaker 1: say as it relates to their lives, their lessons, their journeys.
Speaker 1: Anything that wasn't from God, anything that wasn't from Him,
Speaker 1: please remove it. If it was my flesh, my spirit, Lord,
Speaker 1: take it out, because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: they can only overcome by your words, your spirit, your
Speaker 1: strength rising up on the inside of them. So Heavenly Father,
Speaker 1: I pray right now that your spirit will would touch
Speaker 1: their brokenness, that your spirit would touch their deficit and
Speaker 1: that there would be an overflow into everything that they touch,
Speaker 1: everything that they say, every role that they are responsible for. God,
Speaker 1: I thank you for the gift of love, of wisdom,
Speaker 1: of connection, and I pray that you would allow us
Speaker 1: to cherish it when it's healthy, to recover from it
Speaker 1: when it's toxic, and to look forward in the future
Speaker 1: with hope. That You're not finished writing our stories, so
Speaker 1: we can't close the book. Bless my friends, Bless their
Speaker 1: weak in Jesus name, I prayer Amen.