Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that came up with a cool
Speaker 1: life hack for parents. If you ever run out of
Speaker 1: baby powder, just use leftover cheeto dust on your kid's bottom.
Speaker 2: You'll be good to go. Bark would never.
Speaker 3: Wastechod you money, Little orange bottom cutie.
Speaker 1: It's an extra salty edition of Laser Stories. The segmentary
Speaker 1: read weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone
Speaker 1: else does, except we have a laser. There's other diaper
Speaker 1: dingoes just don't. This first laser story is out of Portland.
Speaker 1: Thirty year old Jeffrey z Olenski broke into a parking
Speaker 1: structure the other day found himself in the driver's seat
Speaker 1: of an eighty thousand dollars forklift.
Speaker 2: I didn't see that going.
Speaker 3: I would have gone with a tesla or something, but
Speaker 3: okay man.
Speaker 2: He then thought I should turn it on.
Speaker 1: Oh and next thing you know, he drove it straight
Speaker 1: through the fencing and a steel chain enclosure to make
Speaker 1: his get away right through downtown Nobody.
Speaker 2: It's just downtown Portland a forkliff.
Speaker 3: And nobody notices. Is that what's happening?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 3: They're like, oh, this is normal?
Speaker 2: Wouldness to say it? First?
Speaker 1: They thought he was just there to do construction till
Speaker 1: they saw the Forkliff drive off a curb and begin
Speaker 1: chasing pedestrians while Jeffrey was laughing maniacally. At one point,
Speaker 1: people heard Jeffrey yell I literally stole this okay buddy,
Speaker 1: over and over and over while smiling ear to ear.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 3: I don't know it should make me happy.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, it's pretty funny. It's a great visual.
Speaker 1: Police were able to quickly catch up to the large
Speaker 1: orange forkliff and stopped him as he turned onto a
Speaker 1: one way street. He then gave the officer an expired
Speaker 1: driver's license and casually mentioned there might be a federal
Speaker 1: warrant for his arrest, not even in a local warrants.
Speaker 1: By the way, you know, before he's get too shocked
Speaker 1: that he was charged with burglary, theft, reckless driving, and
Speaker 1: criminal mischief.
Speaker 2: A lot of fun.
Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of Las Vegas. I
Speaker 1: know all you vapors are sneaking into airport bathrooms to
Speaker 1: take a puff, but this is a little more egregious
Speaker 1: because a guy got arrested at the Las Vegas airport
Speaker 1: the other night for smoking meth inside one of the terminals.
Speaker 4: Okay, buddy, I mean that's gonna be quite a flight.
Speaker 1: Well right, Even worse, it wasn't in a concealed area.
Speaker 1: He pulled out a pipe in the food court and
Speaker 1: started going to town. Families all around couldn't believe what
Speaker 1: was happening, someone thankfully reported. It turns out the guy's
Speaker 1: name is Stephen Laster, and he was also wanted for
Speaker 1: violating his probation from a battery charge he picked up.
Speaker 2: Last year close to a vacation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, he resisted when cops tried to cuff him,
Speaker 1: but they eventually got him in custody, and according to
Speaker 1: a food court employee, he'd been hanging out at the
Speaker 1: airport since at least the previous day.
Speaker 2: What oh, he's just.
Speaker 3: Been living at the airport okays.
Speaker 1: Not clear if he was a passenger or snuck into
Speaker 1: the terminal somehow, but it begs the question did he
Speaker 1: turn to meth because he had twenty four hours of
Speaker 1: airport food?
Speaker 2: Is that the gateway drug?
Speaker 4: I'm gonna say, I've been stuck at the airport for
Speaker 4: a long time, and you do some pretty crazy things.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 2: Let's go to your next Lazer story. Out of food news.
Speaker 1: Y see, pop Tarts wants to make you feel all
Speaker 1: warm and fuzzy with both its brand new flavor and
Speaker 1: some actual merch to match.
Speaker 2: Oh give it to me interesting.
Speaker 1: I say that because just the other day, Pop Tarts
Speaker 1: announced its latest flavor, frosted Banana Bread pop Tarts.
Speaker 2: Tasty Are You Serious.
Speaker 1: Which its website describes as a quote great balance of
Speaker 1: banana flavor and spices to mimic the flavor of banana bread.
Speaker 4: You think that they could maybe just throw some real
Speaker 4: bananas in there, I don't know, like smush them up.
Speaker 1: Zero actual bananas anywhere near it, just like.
Speaker 2: All their fillings.
Speaker 3: Yeah, reminds me of like the banana laffy taffy tastes.
Speaker 1: Like that, and the new flavors expected to hit stores
Speaker 1: later this month and will be available nationwide. But honestly,
Speaker 1: that's not the most exciting part of the announcement.
Speaker 3: What's that?
Speaker 1: That belongs to its limited edition pop tartigan sweater?
Speaker 3: God.
Speaker 1: It's amaz created by a famous crochet artisan, and the
Speaker 1: pattern was inspired by pop tarts well known rectangular shape
Speaker 1: and those crispy brown colors it's beloved for post toast.
Speaker 2: It looks like if you said you can't see.
Speaker 1: The sweater looks like basically sixty pop tarts all sewn together.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like a patchwork of crocheted pop tarts, and
Speaker 4: some of them have sprinkles or pink iced or the
Speaker 4: blue iced with the or the purple iced with the
Speaker 4: blue streak.
Speaker 1: Each sweater will also come with a box of the
Speaker 1: frosted banana bread pop tart.
Speaker 2: There's a little treat.
Speaker 3: Banana Bread's kind of Grandma style. The cars crochete.
Speaker 1: Of course, the website shows super hot models wearing the
Speaker 1: pop Tarts sweaters and eating banana bread pop.
Speaker 2: Tarts, and it's like ugly. It's so ugly, it's cute,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why they have to get super hot people
Speaker 3: to wear it.
Speaker 2: That happens in real life. Hot models eating pop tarts.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they lick them. I think.
Speaker 1: This next slaze of stories out of the lifestyles of
Speaker 1: the rich and famous. Some people love to show off
Speaker 1: their wealth, but others are more subtle about it. And
Speaker 1: I say that because there's a thread online where people
Speaker 1: are talking about the non obvious signs that someone.
Speaker 2: Is secretly super rich. Here's the top five ways.
Speaker 1: Number five wearing very nice clothing without any brand identification.
Speaker 2: You don't have like Gucci.
Speaker 3: Spell, I know it's screaming brand it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you got your Gucci sunglasses with your Gucci
Speaker 1: hat and your Gucci he slides on full display, it's
Speaker 1: a hint you're not.
Speaker 3: Very good rich or are you just pretending to be?
Speaker 1: Number four casually having expensive hobbies?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, is that is it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Literally, if you know someone who's always golfing or sailing
Speaker 1: or skiing, you know, like.
Speaker 3: Or an English style, yes, equestrian.
Speaker 4: I was talking to the owner of our company at
Speaker 4: one point and she casually mentioned when she was in
Speaker 4: flight school.
Speaker 3: And she did the acrobatic classes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know.
Speaker 3: Someone applies for fun and she played teeth all growing up.
Speaker 1: Number three way you can tell if someone's secretly rich
Speaker 1: is when they're being very selective in those that they
Speaker 1: choose to be friends with for quote various legal reasons.
Speaker 4: People in the inner circle was like, everyone should be Yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm way too friendly, apparently.
Speaker 2: Number two is teeth.
Speaker 1: You can tell when someone's gone to the dentist or
Speaker 1: orthodonists multiple times a year for their entire life, and
Speaker 1: that is really expensive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they either that or a news anchor, you know.
Speaker 1: And finally, the number one way you can tell if
Speaker 1: someone is rich on the DL is their couch.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: What I didn't see that coming.
Speaker 1: Expensive couches cost a lot of money. And the extra
Speaker 1: bonus to see if they're rich is that the couch
Speaker 1: doesn't touch the wall.
Speaker 4: The couches, well, they have enough space to do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I didn't even mention.
Speaker 1: Many secret rich people have huge shoe collections too.
Speaker 3: This is a good way.
Speaker 1: And this guy doesn't like to brag, but he's all
Speaker 1: about eight figures.
Speaker 2: Did I say figures, I meant fingers. He uses eight fingers.
Speaker 4: Oh, I thought you were going to go size eight shoes.
Speaker 2: That's how you know. Laser Stories has come to an
Speaker 2: end for the day. We'll do it again, same time
Speaker 2: on Monday.