Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha and what coome of
Speaker 1: stuff I've never told you a protection of iHeartRadio, and
Speaker 1: today we're bringing back one that we definitely need to
Speaker 1: come back and do a larger episode on. We've been
Speaker 1: talking about this for a long time, but this is
Speaker 1: an episode we did a while back on the trouble
Speaker 1: of complimenting weight loss, and due to a lot of
Speaker 1: changes based on drugs like a zembic, I've seen a
Speaker 1: lot of headlines where women we have lost a lot
Speaker 1: of weight have said I've never gotten complimented on more
Speaker 1: than that in my life than losing the weight. And
Speaker 1: they're like names you'd recognize, like all kinds of people,
Speaker 1: but including names you'd recognize. So I think this is
Speaker 1: something that we're going to have to revisit, and it
Speaker 1: is a conversation that I've continued to have with my friends,
Speaker 1: some of whom are losing weight. It's a strange place.
Speaker 1: It's just some kind of like oh okay, I don't know.
Speaker 1: So until we come back to that and do a
Speaker 1: larger in depth look, please enjoy this classic episode. Hey,
Speaker 1: this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Steff.
Speaker 2: I've never told you production of iHeart Radio.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and welcome to another edition of Monday Many, where
Speaker 3: we talk about all sorts of things, whether it is
Speaker 3: current events and or our own emotions and the current
Speaker 3: state of our emotions which can be good or bad
Speaker 3: or sad or.
Speaker 4: Neither, I don't know.
Speaker 3: And before we start, we want to put a content
Speaker 3: warning here, nothing too deep, uh.
Speaker 4: Kind of deep.
Speaker 3: We go, okay, We're gonna go everywhere, but we are
Speaker 3: going to talk a little bit about eating disorders, uh,
Speaker 3: specifically mindsets when it comes to eating, as well as
Speaker 3: weight loss and weight gain and our emotional state of being.
Speaker 3: So if that's not something you want to listen to
Speaker 3: right now, skip on ahead. But today we wanted to
Speaker 3: kind of revisit an older topic. I don't it was
Speaker 3: for Was it for Monday Mini or was it for
Speaker 3: a Happy Hour? It was? Okay, y'all, it's all starting
Speaker 3: to blur. We do so many now, But we had
Speaker 3: a whole discussion about eating and eating disorders and just
Speaker 3: some of the stigma around just eating point blank, how
Speaker 3: it affects you or how it could be a part
Speaker 3: of your reaction to trauma past and any you're really
Speaker 3: open and you and I dug into a few things
Speaker 3: about our own personal issues and our thought processes and
Speaker 3: things that were going through today even and a lot
Speaker 3: of y'all reached out about some of the personal experiences
Speaker 3: you had gone through and you feel really strongly about it.
Speaker 3: And first of all, thank you so much for reaching
Speaker 3: out to us and just being so open. I can't
Speaker 3: tell you what a privilege it is to feel like
Speaker 3: we're in the inner group with you and someone that
Speaker 3: you can talk to as well as someone who you
Speaker 3: can be open with and also give us great advice.
Speaker 3: And as one of y'all said, there's nothing like solidarity,
Speaker 3: and it is that's one of the best ways to
Speaker 3: get through this. Thank you for that and just again
Speaker 3: opening up to us about your experiences, because yeah, as
Speaker 3: a person who truly believes in that too, because I've
Speaker 3: gone so long isolating myself when it comes to my emotions,
Speaker 3: my insecurities. Having people being so open and willing to
Speaker 3: be vulnerable with us and allow us to be vulnerable
Speaker 3: with you, that is a privilege, and we understand that
Speaker 3: and we value it so much.
Speaker 4: So first and foremost, get all the feels out.
Speaker 3: But there was one thing that several of y'all talk
Speaker 3: to us about and it was this whole weirdness of
Speaker 3: people needing to compliment other people, specifically oftentimes women, about
Speaker 3: their weight loss or just change in appearance, and that
Speaker 3: got me as I am someone who has always struggled
Speaker 3: with their weight. That has always been an issue for me,
Speaker 3: coming into a white family already different, and then feeling
Speaker 3: like an outsider, not only from the white cultures of
Speaker 3: being skinny, but the Asian culture just culture in general
Speaker 3: of being skinny.
Speaker 4: And I am and.
Speaker 3: I was a thick girl and have had a hard
Speaker 3: time trying to come to terms with just liking myself,
Speaker 3: not even loving myself, but liking myself and my body
Speaker 3: image is something I finally come to the point of
Speaker 3: being content with. So it's come to a man. After
Speaker 3: about thirty eight, it was kind of the Okay, I
Speaker 3: understand this whole new go yourself over this moment of
Speaker 3: not caring about other people's opinions. And don't get me wrong,
Speaker 3: I still care about other people's opinions. If you follow
Speaker 3: me on Twitter, I am very self deprecating and I
Speaker 3: like to revel in all the bad reviews we get,
Speaker 3: especially of my voice.
Speaker 4: Uh. I don't know. I'm a.
Speaker 3: I know I've stopped. I've stopped since, and several of
Speaker 3: our coworkers or friends have been like, stop reading the reviews,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, okay, you're right, You're right, but I
Speaker 3: just need to know.
Speaker 4: I need to be validated.
Speaker 3: And of course, typically the only times we get reviews
Speaker 3: is when they come to tell us how much they
Speaker 3: hate us and will no longer listen to us. Thanks,
Speaker 3: but no, actually, there's been also a lot of great
Speaker 3: reviews and people are so kind as well. But for
Speaker 3: some reason, I focus on the negative because that's my
Speaker 3: way of being, and you know, I think being that person.
Speaker 3: Of course, your self image is one of the things
Speaker 3: that I struggle with, and like I said, I finally
Speaker 3: come to a point that.
Speaker 4: I'm like, you know what I am, who I am.
Speaker 4: This is not a bad thing.
Speaker 3: I just need to learn to appreciate and just enjoy
Speaker 3: what it is and be healthy. But again, like I said,
Speaker 3: I still have the up and ups and downs. And
Speaker 3: not too long ago, a few years ago was in fact,
Speaker 3: it came to a point that I was really in
Speaker 3: a very depressed state. It lasted a lot longer than
Speaker 3: typical and as one of our listeners had told me
Speaker 3: very similar to her experience of like going through.
Speaker 4: A bad time in a relationship.
Speaker 3: It really hit me hard on top of another bad
Speaker 3: time in my job state, Like there's so many things
Speaker 3: that just piled on that I stopped eating. And it
Speaker 3: wasn't because I wanted to, because I love food, y'all,
Speaker 3: but it was because I just felt nauseous and just
Speaker 3: too sad to eat, so I would rather sleep or
Speaker 3: do anything else essentially sleep. That's that's kind of how
Speaker 3: I would go.
Speaker 4: And I lost a lot of.
Speaker 3: Weight during that short amount time, like it was real quick,
Speaker 3: and of course originally I was really excited by that fact.
Speaker 3: It felt like an accomplishment and I had this weird
Speaker 3: economy of being depressed, but please because of me losing weight,
Speaker 3: and of course it was unrealistic. I don't want to
Speaker 3: be in a forever depressed state. That is not who
Speaker 3: I am. Yes I get there, and yes I revel
Speaker 3: in it sometimes just because I need to acknowledge it's there,
Speaker 3: because if I try to push it away, it gets worse.
Speaker 4: It lingers.
Speaker 3: We know this for me anyway, And I gained it
Speaker 3: back within a year and then quarantine happened, And yeah,
Speaker 3: that added on where I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: how do I fight in combat? Enjoying being isolated too much,
Speaker 3: but at the same time knowing I shouldn't be isolated
Speaker 3: too much. And of course, again I did not do
Speaker 3: as I was advised by all of Twitter verse, which
Speaker 3: is to take advantage and do all these home workouts. Sorry,
Speaker 3: it didn't happen for me, and I absolutely isolated and
Speaker 3: I was like, nope, not going to the gym. You
Speaker 3: souls haven't been vaccinated, slash. There was no vaccine at
Speaker 3: the time. You know, of course they were, but in
Speaker 3: my head that's how I talked myself into this. And so, yeah,
Speaker 3: gaining all of this weight back, there was a lot
Speaker 3: of shame in that for me, and it was really overwhelming,
Speaker 3: and it still kind of is, like I just actually
Speaker 3: recently saw a friend that hadn't seen in four years,
Speaker 3: and the entire time, the panic of me trying to
Speaker 3: find something to wear to try to hide that I
Speaker 3: had gained everything back was fairly overwhelming, to the point
Speaker 3: that I'm like, maybe I should just cancel and stay
Speaker 3: home and eat rice. Like that was a thought process
Speaker 3: for me, but I didn't that did go out, and yeah,
Speaker 3: I had gotten so many compliments and kudos for my work,
Speaker 3: which mostly resulted because I felt too nauseous and sad,
Speaker 3: like that was the reason. It wasn't really something to celebrate, honestly,
Speaker 3: And don't get me wrong, I definitely exercised, but it
Speaker 3: wasn't different from what I typically already do or do,
Speaker 3: like that's something I've always done and I just don't
Speaker 3: have the metabolism to be skinny, like maybe it helps
Speaker 3: me maintain to I'm technically I'm considered obese.
Speaker 4: Think you obesity? I got to qualify for my vaccine early.
Speaker 3: Cool, I'm just saying, but technically I am obese by
Speaker 3: those standards. And again, when I realized how it was
Speaker 3: all back on, I had a moment of shutting down
Speaker 3: and didn't want to socialize or go back out in public.
Speaker 4: And I'm still feeling that way, y'all. I'm still having
Speaker 4: this moment.
Speaker 3: There's a wedding coming up next week, and I'm really
Speaker 3: overwhelmed because a few of the people who complimented my
Speaker 3: weight loss and congratulated me and obviously saw me for
Speaker 3: the first time, and we're going to talk about that too.
Speaker 3: This level of like being recognized as a woman because
Speaker 3: I lost weight. It was lovely at that point in time,
Speaker 3: but now I'm back here realizing the difference in how
Speaker 3: it was paid attention to. It was kind of shocking
Speaker 3: and kind of like heartbreaking for me. Y'all reached out
Speaker 3: and have told us similar things with different reasons why,
Speaker 3: whether it's something similar to what Annie was talking about,
Speaker 3: with just the non desire to eat and having to
Speaker 3: plan and make yourself eat, or being a trauma response
Speaker 3: to past events and the overall weirdness of being told
Speaker 3: this is the standard, and then also the conversation about
Speaker 3: eating in public and trying to put on a brave
Speaker 3: face either way, and then having this microaggression from others,
Speaker 3: whether it's one listener talked about how they were like, oh,
Speaker 3: if you turn sideways, you disappear, and that is a
Speaker 3: microaggression to this person trying to figure out, Hey, I have.
Speaker 4: Complications in eating in front of people.
Speaker 3: You're making this worse them, honestly believing that it is
Speaker 3: a compliment we have. Of course, older generations just have
Speaker 3: never held back. You and I talked about this when
Speaker 3: I was in high school, when we went to someone's grandparents'
Speaker 3: home to show wilfire dress to be like I.
Speaker 4: Got recute, and being told, oh, you.
Speaker 3: Got thick thighs, you got birthing thighs, keep those and
Speaker 3: I'm like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3: As a high schooler and having that stigma on me
Speaker 3: for so long and being told like, oh, you know,
Speaker 3: but your standards, your beauty standards would be a hit here,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, again, I don't know what to do
Speaker 3: with this comment that you are giving me, But this
Speaker 3: is that whole level of my own concern on how
Speaker 3: do we talk to each other and lift each other up, but.
Speaker 4: Not doing a way that it's actually really.
Speaker 3: Counterintuitive if being lifting each other up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's complicate for sure, and there's a lot
Speaker 2: to unpack and what you were just saying, because there's
Speaker 2: a whole level of fat phobia, and clearly we've talked
Speaker 2: about it before, but associating like one is obviously better
Speaker 2: than the other, and we've somehow tied morality to thinness
Speaker 2: as well. So there's just all these judgments people feel
Speaker 2: so okay with making right that are quite shocking, and
Speaker 2: like the comments people will make. I remember when I
Speaker 2: was in high school, a relative of mine and I
Speaker 2: was a chubby I was a chubby kid. But he said,
Speaker 2: you're soon you're gonna have to start shopping in the
Speaker 2: maternity section.
Speaker 4: And you better believe after that.
Speaker 2: I was not. I could not eat in front of him,
Speaker 2: like this was my young mind, totally impacted by it,
Speaker 2: still remember it so clearly.
Speaker 4: But that shouldn't.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's several things wrong with that, but it
Speaker 2: was set as an insult almost, and that's messed up.
Speaker 2: Like there's so many things that are wrong with this,
Speaker 2: and I do. I really appreciate how many people wrote
Speaker 2: in and shared their own struggle with being open about
Speaker 2: this while not wanting to perpetuate all these things, all
Speaker 2: these like messed up thoughts and feelings we have around weight,
Speaker 2: and how that can get even more complicated when you're
Speaker 2: a feminist, where it's like you don't want to lie, right,
Speaker 2: you don't want to But if people are doing these
Speaker 2: weight things that you know are wrong, but you know
Speaker 2: you're doing them too, and you're just hiding them because
Speaker 2: it's not the feminist thing to do, I think we
Speaker 2: have to talk about that as well. But it is
Speaker 2: frustrating because it has been I just give so much
Speaker 2: of my brain space to thinking about that, and I
Speaker 2: don't want to, but I think about it all the time.
Speaker 2: I also worry about going out. I've canceled plans because
Speaker 2: I'm like, they're going to think I've gained all this
Speaker 2: weight during quarantine, which is it shouldn't inspire the fear
Speaker 2: that it does.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, it literally causes me to disrupt my life.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I don't want to be seen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to kind of come back to this
Speaker 3: has already kind of gotten along with all of my thoughts,
Speaker 3: because I do want to come back to the fact
Speaker 3: that there's this responsibility on us as individuals who are
Speaker 3: trying to uplift others that has to have a balance
Speaker 3: of giving someone a feel good moment versus perpetuating a
Speaker 3: stigma that's not necessarily healthy. We don't know why someone
Speaker 3: lost weight. We don't know if that was a plan.
Speaker 3: We don't know it's for their own health, We don't
Speaker 3: know what it is about. And oftentimes that's the one
Speaker 3: thing people feel like, this is okay to say because
Speaker 3: she looks amazing, You've lost ten pounds, it's obvious. How
Speaker 3: did you do that? Tell me your secrets? Type of
Speaker 3: both which is not a secret. Metabolism is different. The
Speaker 3: way we eat is different. Again, I exercise almost three
Speaker 3: to five times a week typically, I have never really
Speaker 3: lost that much weight. Yes, I also really love ice
Speaker 3: cream and pumpkin pies. Did I eat it for breakfast
Speaker 3: for the past two weekends. Yes, We're not going to
Speaker 3: talk more about that. No, But that's the thing is,
Speaker 3: like I understand all that, and I would say that
Speaker 3: for when I was running. I don't anymore because it
Speaker 3: hurts my body. Because we've just figured out recently that
Speaker 3: I would say when mile was one donut, like that
Speaker 3: was the joke that I would have, and that I'm
Speaker 3: running so I can eat and it's still unhealthy.
Speaker 4: That is so unhealthy.
Speaker 3: It's not because I'm running, as I enjoy it, you know,
Speaker 3: Like and I did, and it was a stress reliever.
Speaker 3: And please know when I go and do these dance
Speaker 3: classes have to is for social reasons because I love
Speaker 3: my dance family. So I say dance. It's all workouts
Speaker 3: and it's just zoomba and cardio jam. But I love
Speaker 3: it and I love being with the people there because
Speaker 3: there's a feeliate of camaraderie and something outside of my
Speaker 3: normal scope. They are people from all kinds of worlds,
Speaker 3: and I love this, and I say that in like, yes,
Speaker 3: exercising is beautiful. Doing things that's good for you or
Speaker 3: if you feel it's good for you in a healthy way,
Speaker 3: is beautiful.
Speaker 4: But there is also this norm that.
Speaker 3: We have allowed that says, yes, we compliment for things
Speaker 3: that look appeasing and what we value in ourselves, or
Speaker 3: we wish for ourselves or we wish for others, to
Speaker 3: the point that this is a detriment to most of society.
Speaker 3: And I will say, for my family member, I have
Speaker 3: a niece who's talking about some of the situations and
Speaker 3: she's gorgeous, and oh my god, the pictures of her
Speaker 3: is phenomenal, and apparently like there's some conversations around her
Speaker 3: home about it. And I know this because I lived
Speaker 3: in the similar home that this whole idea of being
Speaker 3: skinny is what makes you valuable. So whether it's to
Speaker 3: become a wife, whether it's to become a cheerish wife,
Speaker 3: whether it's to become a good wife. And that's kind
Speaker 3: of that conversation. I will say here, my mom never
Speaker 3: made feel like I was ever overweight. My mom never
Speaker 3: put it in my head that I had to be skinny. However,
Speaker 3: my mom was so concerned with her own body as well,
Speaker 3: and she would make her comments about her own body
Speaker 3: that of course it influenced me as well, and that
Speaker 3: was one of the big things when I was a nanny.
Speaker 3: I was like, stop doing this. You're feeding into your
Speaker 3: eleven year old's head that a standard is taking diet
Speaker 3: pills and skipping mills so you can have drinks. And again,
Speaker 3: that is one of those things I will say is
Speaker 3: absolutely unhealthy. I will not hear anything else on that
Speaker 3: stuff like that as a standard.
Speaker 4: That is unhealthy.
Speaker 3: And I did it and sometimes I still do it,
Speaker 3: so please understand I am very aware of these unhealthy habits.
Speaker 3: And that's part of the problem in this bigger conversation
Speaker 3: is trying to maintain something that may not be realistic
Speaker 3: for you, and that includes for people who can't gain weight.
Speaker 3: Of course, people may be bitter about this. There's those
Speaker 3: again who have always struggled with weight. That feels a
Speaker 3: little bitter like you won the lottery. But for those individuals,
Speaker 3: that's not what they want. Oftentimes, that is not something
Speaker 3: that they have seen and they have been Oftentimes justice
Speaker 3: teased for being too skinny, for being too wiry, for
Speaker 3: any of those conversations, and that is that conversation of
Speaker 3: being perfect.
Speaker 4: And we're going to talk about this again, I know,
Speaker 4: later on.
Speaker 3: But it's this whole level of this fine line of
Speaker 3: for those who have worked because they feel that they
Speaker 3: were unhealthy and they were unhappy, and so they did
Speaker 3: it in a healthy manner in which they saw change
Speaker 3: but also was able to have like encouragement with their
Speaker 3: mental health and meaning that they were able to come
Speaker 3: to a point of really understanding mentally and physically what
Speaker 3: this means for them and truly coming to a point
Speaker 3: of being healthy again mentally and physically as well, more
Speaker 3: so mentally than anything else. If that is something that
Speaker 3: they have done and feel like, yes, I would like
Speaker 3: that to be acknowledged, then yeah, I think we follow
Speaker 3: that lead. Not necessarily the compliment, oh you look so
Speaker 3: much better, because that's not the truth. That doesn't change
Speaker 3: the person, I would hope, but that they've accomplished a
Speaker 3: goal that they have set for themselves in a healthy manner.
Speaker 3: And I've seen people do this, and I have seen
Speaker 3: people being able to do this in a great way,
Speaker 3: and we want to acknowledge that, but we should not
Speaker 3: come out of bounds and do it on our own
Speaker 3: without knowing who or where they're coming from.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, And there's just so much stuff that is
Speaker 2: impossible to untangle when you're talking about this, like the
Speaker 2: toxic diet industry and all these messages we fed young
Speaker 2: girls and women, because you know, it's hard to when
Speaker 2: you've grown up in that system, getting those messages all
Speaker 2: the time, it's hard to know why. Like I also
Speaker 2: love exercising, but I was also doing it for unhealthy reasons,
Speaker 2: so they both can exist. But it's just so much
Speaker 2: work to like get to the bottom of why you're
Speaker 2: doing something, and it's, you know, unfortunate that we have
Speaker 2: to do it. But I think that it's it is
Speaker 2: you should examine why why you're doing things. And I
Speaker 2: think twice maybe before complimenting someone complimenting someone on something,
Speaker 2: and I mean that can be almost I get so
Speaker 2: in my head about it, I often won't even mention it, which.
Speaker 4: Maybe is the best.
Speaker 3: I feel like I do that in so many things,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, I don't know where to go from here.
Speaker 4: I'm going to ignore this, which.
Speaker 3: Is again probably not the best but at that point, like,
Speaker 3: at least I need to wait to read the room.
Speaker 2: M hmm, yeah, see if you can get the story. Well,
Speaker 2: we touched on so much stuff we could expound upon
Speaker 2: in this. Thank you Samantha for being so open. Thank
Speaker 2: you listeners for sending us messages and being so open
Speaker 2: as well and giving us a lot to think about.
Speaker 2: And if you would like to contact us, you can
Speaker 2: Our email is stuffandia mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com.
Speaker 2: You can find us on Instagram a stuff whe ever
Speaker 2: told You or on Twitter app Mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks
Speaker 2: to so much start super producer Christina, thank you and
Speaker 2: thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told You,
Speaker 2: the production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit
Speaker 2: the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
Speaker 2: to favorite shows.