Speaker 1: I just got a new job at a prison library.
Speaker 1: It has its pros and cons.
Speaker 2: A robber recently broke into a university library and stole
Speaker 2: twenty thousand dollars worth of college textbooks. Luckily, the authorities
Speaker 2: managed to safely return both textbooks back to the library.
Speaker 1: My fiance and I wanted to get married at the
Speaker 1: public library, but they told us it was all booked up.
Speaker 2: A man goes to a library and asks for books
Speaker 2: on paranoia. The librarian whispers, they're right behind you.
Speaker 1: I went to the library looking for a book about
Speaker 1: Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's kit. The librarian sid ring a bill,
Speaker 1: but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
Speaker 2: I went into the local library and asked if they
Speaker 2: had any books on the Titanic. Oh, yes, quite a few.
Speaker 2: The librarian said, sorry to hear that, I said, laughing,
Speaker 2: they'll all be ruined by now.
Speaker 1: I went to the library and asked for books about
Speaker 1: noise levels. The librarian replied, sure, what volume.
Speaker 2: I went to the library and asked for the self
Speaker 2: help section. They said if they told me, it would
Speaker 2: defeat the purpose.
Speaker 1: A surgeon goes to return some books he borrowed from
Speaker 1: the library. The librarian says, after checking the books, Sir,
Speaker 1: your books are always returned with the last page missing
Speaker 1: in every single book. The surgeon replies, I can't stop
Speaker 1: myself from removing an appendix whenever I see one.
Speaker 2: I was at the library when I heard the tsunami alarm,
Speaker 2: so I yelled, everybody braced your shelves.
Speaker 1: I was arrested to the eat in the library for assault.
Speaker 1: I guess they caught me hitting the books.
Speaker 2: I know a library that has two stories can hardly
Speaker 2: call it a library.
Speaker 1: Get ready for more laughs and groans following this short break.
Speaker 1: Why couldn't the couple get married at the library? It
Speaker 1: was all booked up?
Speaker 2: Why are the accountants banned from the libraries because they
Speaker 2: are bookkeepers.
Speaker 1: I have a condition where I steal books from libraries.
Speaker 1: I should get that checked out.
Speaker 2: I asked the librarian where books about oil were located.
Speaker 2: She said, try the non friction section.
Speaker 1: What do librarians take when they go fishing bookworms?
Speaker 2: A woman asks the librarian if they have any books
Speaker 2: on childbirth. The librarian replies, yes, it's over there in
Speaker 2: the C section.
Speaker 1: What did the librarian do to get the chronically unruly
Speaker 1: boy to quit yelling. She threw the book at him.
Speaker 2: I tried being friends with a librarian, but she kept
Speaker 2: reading into everything I was saying.
Speaker 1: I asked the librarian if she had a book about turtles.
Speaker 1: She said hardback. I said, yeah, with a little head.
Speaker 2: Did you hear about the librarian who parked illegally at
Speaker 2: the University of Chicago? He got a citation.
Speaker 1: Librarians love a good joke. They always get the reference.
Speaker 1: I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones, and that's the
Speaker 1: story Dad Jokes for National Librarian Day. We're on a
Speaker 1: mission to spread the laughs and drones far and wide,
Speaker 1: So please do us a favor and share just one
Speaker 1: of these jokes with your family and friends today. Thanks.
Speaker 2: Want the perfect dad gift, we have the official Daily
Speaker 2: Dad Jokes Joke button, now available on Amazon, a massive
Speaker 2: five hundred preloaded dad jokes guaranteed to make you laugh
Speaker 2: and grown. And for our loyal fans, use the checkout
Speaker 2: discount code Dad Jokes to receive twenty five percent off
Speaker 2: the regular listing price. Check the show notes page for
Speaker 2: the link. The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by
Speaker 2: Classic Studios. See the show notes page for social media
Speaker 2: links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front
Speaker 2: of a canned studio audience.