Speaker 1: Two hopeless das one dating app, then dares you swipe right.
Speaker 2: The question is whose love life is more tragic.
Speaker 3: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.
Speaker 4: It's the dating game show that believes those sports kiss
Speaker 4: cams don't go far enough. Instead, its God to our listeners,
Speaker 4: square off to find out whose.
Speaker 3: Love life is the most tragic.
Speaker 4: We'll explain the rules in just a second, but first
Speaker 4: let's meet today's contestants. You're in this corner before any
Speaker 4: first kiss, instead of reaching for a breathman, she'll pull
Speaker 4: a large dollop of smuckers on her tongue.
Speaker 3: And that's why all the boys know her as grape Jelly.
Speaker 3: Kelly thought for some.
Speaker 5: Name is going to be Pam the jam.
Speaker 3: And in the other corner.
Speaker 4: Her secret to seduction is walking into the bedroom sporting
Speaker 4: a sexy goat milk mustache.
Speaker 3: Whew, and that's how she got.
Speaker 4: The nickname Foamy Naomi, Hi, please.
Speaker 5: Tell me and breaking it from a bottle and not
Speaker 5: straight from the source.
Speaker 4: Okay, here's how the game works. One contestant will start
Speaker 4: by telling one of their worst date stories. The other
Speaker 4: one try and come back and counter with the nightmare
Speaker 4: story of their own we're going back and forth for
Speaker 4: three rounds until we declare a winner. We're gonna get
Speaker 4: the ball rolling with grape jelly, Kelly, let's go.
Speaker 6: Okay. So the guy kept complimenting me on how nice
Speaker 6: my teeth were. Oh oh yeah, and I did have
Speaker 6: braces before, so I was like, you know what, this
Speaker 6: is a nice compliment.
Speaker 5: Sure, yes, for how much money your parents spent.
Speaker 6: Absolutely yeah, So that was really nice until he asked
Speaker 6: if I could help bite off one of his fingernails
Speaker 6: that he couldn't get.
Speaker 4: Oh gosh, well all that money, I mean, it's got
Speaker 4: to go to something good.
Speaker 3: Fingernails and that's still.
Speaker 5: Did you do it?
Speaker 6: Oh my god? No?
Speaker 4: I did not not girlfriend material Kelly.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 4: He's like, phoamy, Naomi, can you beat the fingernail bite chair?
Speaker 7: I think I can. So a guy came back to
Speaker 7: my house, but I wanted to shower, so I asked
Speaker 7: him to wait in bed and I get out and
Speaker 7: see him reading through my journal.
Speaker 2: Tried to hide it, no, not at all, and I
Speaker 2: yelled at him and I told him like, this is personal,
Speaker 2: and he was like, I'm so sorry, he said, I
Speaker 2: just thought I was reading a really sad book.
Speaker 1: Oh dear diary, wend around too, Kelly, We're back to you.
Speaker 6: All right. I met a guy off tender who said
Speaker 6: that he worked at the zoo, and so he was like,
Speaker 6: you know what, let's meet at the zoo. We can
Speaker 6: have our date there and place.
Speaker 5: Huh.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And so he tells me to meet him at
Speaker 6: a specific exhibit because he wanted to show me something
Speaker 6: beb cool, oh cool. And it turns out it was
Speaker 6: the bad exhibit. And when I got there, he climbed
Speaker 6: a nearby poland like he hung upside down and was like, look,
Speaker 6: I'm a bat.
Speaker 3: Was this date elementary school?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Were you impressed?
Speaker 6: I mean like I wasn't really impressed. I don't even
Speaker 6: think he worked there. So I got it, just left.
Speaker 5: Oh so all the other employees just know him as that.
Speaker 3: Guy date hanging. We got to keep going what you got?
Speaker 7: So the guy I was talking to was ragging how
Speaker 7: much he travels for work, and as if I wanted
Speaker 7: to come along on a short day trip.
Speaker 5: Of course, I said, yes, right, okay, that's a choice.
Speaker 7: I meet him at his house and he pulls up
Speaker 7: on a tandem bike me. He's an uber. Each driver
Speaker 7: and says, if I'm willing to wear an egg extra
Speaker 7: cooler backpack, then we can make twice the first.
Speaker 3: Man with business sense right there. Okay, we're onto our
Speaker 3: third and final round.
Speaker 4: That means we need your best stories here, ladies. Kelly,
Speaker 4: what do you got all right?
Speaker 6: I went on a date with a guy to watch
Speaker 6: a basketball game at a bar. His team was losing.
Speaker 3: Ah.
Speaker 6: He looks me dead serious in the eyes and said,
Speaker 6: if I hook up with him right now, good luck
Speaker 6: will happen to his team and they will win.
Speaker 3: That's a well known fact in the sports world.
Speaker 5: I feel like my husband still tries that.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So, how was the hook up?
Speaker 6: Oh my god, No, of course I said, no, it
Speaker 6: was a first date. He leaves me to chat up
Speaker 6: a different girl, and after five minutes they walked out together.
Speaker 5: Oh she must be a huge fan too.
Speaker 6: I mean I did check the score later because I
Speaker 6: was curious, and his team really did win.
Speaker 4: You see, ladies, do your power and help out our
Speaker 4: sports team. Thank you. Okay, we got time for the
Speaker 4: last story, Naomi.
Speaker 3: We need your best one.
Speaker 7: So we went to one of those movie theaters where
Speaker 7: they played old movie for a few dollars. Yeah, and
Speaker 7: we saw one of the original Star Wars films.
Speaker 3: Wo.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and he told me I've seen it before. But
Speaker 7: what he didn't tell me is that he yell out
Speaker 7: every line of the movie. It was so embarrassing. But
Speaker 7: we that's not even the kicker. He even did the
Speaker 7: character voices and at one point he stood up to
Speaker 7: have an imaginary lightsaber battle.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 7: We ended up getting kicked out.
Speaker 6: Yeah, he was like, Luke, I am your father. But
Speaker 6: he did all of that.
Speaker 4: Yes, I think it's the body part he was using
Speaker 4: as his lightsabery probably got you guys from it.
Speaker 5: Would have been more impressive.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: That sound means the match is over. We need to
Speaker 4: score this. Alexis, Who are you giving it to?
Speaker 6: Kelly?
Speaker 5: I'm still grossed out by the fingernail.
Speaker 3: One vote for Kelly Brooklyn.
Speaker 5: This one's so hard, but I'm going with Naomi.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're all tied up. Jose you get the deciding
Speaker 3: vote here.
Speaker 4: I'm saying thanks to the lightsaber battle, Naomi. Way, that
Speaker 4: means congratulations, Foamy. Naomi, you've seen more romantic tragedies than
Speaker 4: a Love Island hot tub.
Speaker 5: Ye wear that crowd, Bradley girl.
Speaker 4: And you could be Battle of the tinder Day's Royalty
Speaker 4: just by texting into seven eight, five nine too. If
Speaker 4: you want to hear on the next edition, your phone
Speaker 4: TAP's coming up next.
Speaker 5: Brooking Jeffrey in the morning