Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Corren. We're sorry about last night, the anti slut
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey, what a fucker's Welcome
Speaker 1: to another episode of Guys We Fuck. It's the anti
Speaker 1: slut shaming podcast. I'm Corren, I'm Christina. It's late as fun.
Speaker 1: It's almost three in the morning. It's after our last
Speaker 1: show of our tour Cleveland, Ohio in a hotel room
Speaker 1: probably haunted. Yeah, we just took a uber a K,
Speaker 1: a lift a K. I don't know who sponsored. They
Speaker 1: were both, but I forget what you know. I called
Speaker 1: the lift they were both in the running. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then we just gotten the one that came first, both
Speaker 1: female drivers, and we got two rascals. The last place
Speaker 1: in Cleveland to offer food on a Sunday. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: you know what they cooked, those fucking French fries, right
Speaker 1: fresh man, Because we had the way twenty minutes for
Speaker 1: that food. Yeah, let me tell you something, it was
Speaker 1: worth it because it was hot and delicious. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: got a gyro and I got waffle fries and I
Speaker 1: can't wait to empty my system of these things. But
Speaker 1: using a squatty pannie. Do you not know what a
Speaker 1: squatty potty is? That's okay, most people don't because why
Speaker 1: what is it? Though? Though? Right? What is it? Well? Listeners,
Speaker 1: you know as a woman, how you've been doing everything wrong.
Speaker 1: You've been wearing your alph is wrong, You've been loving wrong,
Speaker 1: you've been speaking wrong, bad news. You've also been pooping. Ship,
Speaker 1: God damn well, fucking ship. Don't worry some people. I'm
Speaker 1: sure men have created a piece of plastic that for
Speaker 1: only twenty nine dollars you can put it under your
Speaker 1: feet and just poop like a fucking human, Okay, not
Speaker 1: like a fucking willed beast like you've been pooping before.
Speaker 1: Have You don't even know what your colon looks like.
Speaker 1: You fucking savage. Get your act together. You're disgusting. I
Speaker 1: didn't I didn't know that you could poop more disgustingly
Speaker 1: than everyone else. What you fucking can? And you're a savage.
Speaker 1: If I could get the best podcast every it will
Speaker 1: go to Grant Fisher for squatty potty guys, we fucked.
Speaker 1: And then the sponsor continues with some add coffee that
Speaker 1: I just downloaded. I want to know the best gift
Speaker 1: to give this holiday season. Nothing says I love you
Speaker 1: more than the gift of complete elimination. And I know
Speaker 1: it seems like a machette or a gun. It's just
Speaker 1: a plastic tool to put on your feet to push
Speaker 1: out poop poo the best way. Happy thanks Giving. Fuck.
Speaker 1: I hope you just ate a delicious meal. I hope
Speaker 1: your leftover is real nice and we're ruining it for
Speaker 1: I hope you're about to eat if you just heated
Speaker 1: him up, you know, let put on guys and then
Speaker 1: you're like that ship. Yeah, you literally ship. You gotta
Speaker 1: go to squatty potty dot com. There's a there's a
Speaker 1: there's a lady who either looks like she's never a
Speaker 1: pooped or she's pooped every hour since she was seventeen.
Speaker 1: She has her fists up like she's rosy, the goddamn
Speaker 1: riveter of shipping, of shipping. Do you want to be
Speaker 1: the rosy rinovter of your asshole? Yeah, squatty potty. With
Speaker 1: squatty Potty, you will enjoy faster, easier. I'm more complete
Speaker 1: poop time because I know when I'm looking at my
Speaker 1: day and I'm like, where am I losing the most time.
Speaker 1: It's really when I'm taking a big old ship. So
Speaker 1: go to squatty Potty dot com. Use code poop and
Speaker 1: that's just poop po and sent off your entire order
Speaker 1: plus free shipping, and just a reminder we have not
Speaker 1: sold out. It's just gonna we did well. You know,
Speaker 1: we talked about it before this episode. You know what,
Speaker 1: I gotta be real. My poops are that normal, and
Speaker 1: I don't talk about it because I don't feel like it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, maybe squatty Potty brought that truth out of me.
Speaker 1: Like I wish ship would come. This is the best
Speaker 1: seal out there. They're telling me to say, go to
Speaker 1: squatty potty dot com, use code poop and save plus red.
Speaker 1: It's poop. That's squatty Potty in case you forgot dot com.
Speaker 1: And I just want to give a shout out to
Speaker 1: squatty Potty because they tweeted us because they were so
Speaker 1: excited to work with us. Honestly, yeah, I don't poop, right,
Speaker 1: so I'm not mad man. They did show me some
Speaker 1: graphics and then they show a regular person sitting on
Speaker 1: a toilet and they say to unnatural. Then they show
Speaker 1: on the other side of the spectrum. It's just a
Speaker 1: person taking a ship beside a tree, and it says,
Speaker 1: no way to natural, it's right here, and then it's
Speaker 1: so you're right. Then in the middle there's a person
Speaker 1: who is who is has their feel on the squatty
Speaker 1: potty up on the bowl, must have a very large
Speaker 1: ass to not falling in, and that says just right.
Speaker 1: So it's like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, but of
Speaker 1: a shipping toilets dangling your feet to the with your legs. Hey,
Speaker 1: do you want your friends to come over in apartment
Speaker 1: and see something in your bathroom and go, oh, I
Speaker 1: didn't know you how to toddler? Do you have a
Speaker 1: todder that you've been hiding? You say, no, that's my
Speaker 1: squatty potty. I'm a goddamn it's all fuck you. I
Speaker 1: shipped better than you and this is what I do. Wow.
Speaker 1: They also for I don't even care if this is
Speaker 1: worth it. They also have a thirty five dollar compact
Speaker 1: poor to squatty. Because when you land in Cleveland and
Speaker 1: you gotta take a ship, you don't want your calling all.
Speaker 1: You want your colon the way the Good Lord intended
Speaker 1: to it. With your knees your chest like you're having
Speaker 1: a goddamn panic. You guys, you want it kinked up?
Speaker 1: Colin where that's what it says on the website, and
Speaker 1: even Christopher guests come out, come out, Oh my god. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I only get that from my mom. She does need
Speaker 1: surgery on her intestine. We really think, well that's good,
Speaker 1: that's great, Christina, because it says for her. No, well,
Speaker 1: it says if you buy one, it's twenty nine dollars,
Speaker 1: but if you buy two, it's fifty eight dollar savings.
Speaker 1: Because it says, don't forget mom. Oh my mom can't
Speaker 1: poop very well. Your mom poops you out. Don't let
Speaker 1: her poop her poops out wrong? But you get it,
Speaker 1: you know, shut up? Do you know it's fine? You guys.
Speaker 1: This is the last show of our tour. Oh god,
Speaker 1: tonight we finished it recording this interest we can go
Speaker 1: have Thanksgiving with our families. Are you with your family?
Speaker 1: I hope it's good and I don't hope it's bad.
Speaker 1: We just give a ten minute. Hey, it's an honor
Speaker 1: of Thanksgiving and it's spending it with your family, which
Speaker 1: some put times feel like a hard ship, hard, painful
Speaker 1: ship hanging out with your family, but sometimes hanging out
Speaker 1: with your family, if you're one of the lucky ones,
Speaker 1: it's like a nice, easy, breezy Oh, I don't even
Speaker 1: have to wipe. Yeah. I ordered three fifty dollars worth
Speaker 1: of food for four people, and my mother just texted
Speaker 1: me how we're going to deal with James not talking
Speaker 1: about how he voted for Donald Trump in front of
Speaker 1: your father. He's not going to talk about it, is he?
Speaker 1: I don't know he was. He was trying to joke
Speaker 1: text me like. I was like, I was like, my
Speaker 1: dad's a gentle soul. I was he a nice man
Speaker 1: and I think when if James met him yet, No,
Speaker 1: I was like, when he does, he would never joke.
Speaker 1: But I was just like, my dad's not gonna get
Speaker 1: I was like, my dad's gonna get only kind person
Speaker 1: like he would just be bothered by the fact that
Speaker 1: someone would. He's going to get mad. He's going to
Speaker 1: get sad. And I don't want my dad to be
Speaker 1: sad on Thanksgiving. Don't do that. James won't. He won't
Speaker 1: And then he was like, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: suffocate my own feelings about Christ And I was like
Speaker 1: Donald Trump won the gods damn presidency. Is that not
Speaker 1: enough for me? My feelings when I go home with
Speaker 1: my family. That's what thanksgivings on With that line, When
Speaker 1: you feel the feelings coming out, you put some cream
Speaker 1: spinach and you stuff them back in there and you
Speaker 1: shut the funk up. Yeah, just enjoy the goddamn atmosphere
Speaker 1: and talk about something else. Be fucking thankful, squatty potty.
Speaker 1: That's what thanksgivings about. It's about not saying your true feelings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and just letting the time pass that an argument, eating
Speaker 1: slaughtered animals or vegetables and also vegetables, and then just
Speaker 1: feeling really sick the next day and just sitting there
Speaker 1: in silence because you don't want to talk to your
Speaker 1: parents about politics. So if happy fucking thanks Giving you're
Speaker 1: expecting more, I'm sorry you're expecting too much out of life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you really need a tone of back. But guess he's
Speaker 1: not expecting too much out of life texture Yes, oh
Speaker 1: my god, Okay, cool? Please feel free to add okay. Um.
Speaker 1: Magazines like Vogue and Vanity Fair that I read um
Speaker 1: talk about news, social issues and give us moments of
Speaker 1: inspiration and comic relief. See though, I gotta say, and
Speaker 1: this is also about texture, but this is also about
Speaker 1: my real experience. I've been reading a lot of great
Speaker 1: fucking articles and interviews like journalists in magazines like Vogue
Speaker 1: and Vanity Fair. To me personally, I feel like they
Speaker 1: have amazing just do yourself. Like all these plane line
Speaker 1: right that we've been taking on our on our tour,
Speaker 1: I've just been getting magazines through Texture and reading the articles.
Speaker 1: It's way. It's just a more satisfying experience because you're
Speaker 1: reading intellectual people that have they're smarter than you. Um.
Speaker 1: With a new app, you can get all these magazines
Speaker 1: and Vogue, Vanity Fair and so many fucking more. In
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Speaker 1: issues of magazines, I view bonus video content, and they
Speaker 1: even curate articles in magazines just for you or whatever
Speaker 1: you're giving texture to, whoever you're giving texture to this year,
Speaker 1: which I'm assuming that means you give it as a
Speaker 1: goddamn gift. So right now, Texture is offering our listeners
Speaker 1: of Guys fourteen day free trial when you go to
Speaker 1: texture dot com slash GWF. That's a fourteen day trial
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Speaker 1: in the paper, in the environment, buying these paper magazines
Speaker 1: where you just download stapp and get a subscription and
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Speaker 1: read perfect And if you're like funk reading for right now,
Speaker 1: I'm I've been reading a lot and I don't want
Speaker 1: to read. I just want to watch this episode of Guys.
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Speaker 1: so to complas GWF enjoy your life. Oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. That was great. That was so tired.
Speaker 1: That was one of the best averages of my life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: these are some of the most fun adreis. If you
Speaker 1: want to see what's fun I've ever If you want
Speaker 1: to see us do uh this kind of stuff in person.
Speaker 1: Will be in New York finally after our tour on
Speaker 1: December two. Christina, Yeah, just gave me one second. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be Saturday, December three, Wendy Starling and I present
Speaker 1: you our December issue of Glamour Plus seven thirty pm.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, no, that's a lie. It's Friday, December sec.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, did you change the day? It's
Speaker 1: the shows are on the same day. Okay, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: the same day. So Friday December second. I just forget
Speaker 1: what I just said. It's a double dose to fifty
Speaker 1: am you guys, Friday December sec. You get a double
Speaker 1: dose of My monthly show and Karen Monthly Show. First,
Speaker 1: it's mine at seven thirty pm at Zinc Bar, eighty
Speaker 1: two West third Street in the West Village, closed by
Speaker 1: Wendy Starling and myself. We have a holiday spectacular for
Speaker 1: you in store to enjoy. Tickets or fifteen bucks ages
Speaker 1: twenty one and up, go click the link on the
Speaker 1: description of this podcast for tickets before sells out, and
Speaker 1: then later that day at pm. Come hang out with Blair,
Speaker 1: Saki and myself at New York Comedy Club. It's the
Speaker 1: last Nacho Bitches of the year. We're gonna have a
Speaker 1: bang in good time. Blair and I are actually doing
Speaker 1: a special, uh kind of edition of Nacho Bitches for
Speaker 1: this month. We're both doing half hours. A spectacular host
Speaker 1: come um and host it, and he's so spectacular that
Speaker 1: they don't know who it is yet, but we have
Speaker 1: two people pending and they're both really good, so I
Speaker 1: can say that. So it's used code Nacho for ten
Speaker 1: dollar tickets. It's at New York Comedy Club. We will
Speaker 1: see you there. Hell yeah. This week's episode of Guys
Speaker 1: we just really really special to us. It was recorded
Speaker 1: live at the Chicago Podcast Festival, the first year of
Speaker 1: the Chicago Podcast Festival. In fact, thank you everybody for
Speaker 1: having us who was involved in the festival. And what
Speaker 1: we wanted to do was this was the second to
Speaker 1: last show on our on the first leg of our tour,
Speaker 1: so we kind of wanted to make the audience the
Speaker 1: guests because we've been hearing really fucking incredible, heartbreaking, wrenching,
Speaker 1: hilarious stories from all of you who listen to this podcast.
Speaker 1: Uh that in the cities that we visited on this
Speaker 1: leg of our tour, and so we wanted to bring
Speaker 1: elements of our lives show to life and put you
Speaker 1: guys in the uh guest chair and give you the mic. Yeah. So, uh,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome this week's guest. You you
Speaker 1: guys as enjoy happy Thanksgiving. Thanks to go Shine and
Speaker 1: beings gave me that new things fast CAUs cattle last,
Speaker 1: take a break for back, Alex, because you know, uh,
Speaker 1: I want that lie Okay, go every other evening to
Speaker 1: check some bold legs. Ain't that sex and check him?
Speaker 1: Think Cathy all I ever have to work it up,
Speaker 1: you know, I want that live just Sat show. Then
Speaker 1: the grass screening on the otherson j fun. Oh my god, Wow,
Speaker 1: this is our biggest, the biggest show on our tour. Jus,
Speaker 1: and it's the one where I lose my hearing. Wow,
Speaker 1: this is fine. Thank you all so much for coming
Speaker 1: and selling the shut out. We really appreciate it. Yeah, Jesus,
Speaker 1: you guys are aunts. Yeah, this is fine. I'm getting
Speaker 1: you energy and I'm I'm feeding it. I'm sucking it
Speaker 1: in on this ship. It out back to you. It
Speaker 1: was that intro was nice. I liked how he talked
Speaker 1: about diverse voices, and I was like, oh, is that
Speaker 1: what we do? I thought we'd just talked about coxs.
Speaker 1: That's nice. It's always nice when someone makes your resume
Speaker 1: look better than you found stilightful. I'm great, this is good.
Speaker 1: This is just totally cash and natural. Oh, we're great.
Speaker 1: We're usually like in an old sweatshirt on craps couch,
Speaker 1: which chucks. Imaginely, this is how we always look when
Speaker 1: we're doing guys we fund were We always put on
Speaker 1: a full face and a gown. I totally not took
Speaker 1: a shower earlier. I haven't showered a lot on this tour,
Speaker 1: where I'm like, you're not a shower person. I'm not
Speaker 1: a shower, but I don't smell, so whatever unless you
Speaker 1: tell me if I do know you smell, smell. No,
Speaker 1: you don't smell. This is our second to last show
Speaker 1: on our tour. We've been on tours since November two.
Speaker 1: It's a long time, and I don't take a lot
Speaker 1: of showers. But also I haven't shaved my pubs since
Speaker 1: we went because I and then I went and I
Speaker 1: was shaving my legs because I was like, got a
Speaker 1: little slit in this dress, and then I looked down
Speaker 1: at my bush and I was like, Jesus, Chris, I
Speaker 1: don't even know where to start. And then I just
Speaker 1: like just it's like you take a razor to a giant,
Speaker 1: fluffy dog and you're like, is this even gonna work? Right?
Speaker 1: And at a certain point you're like should I clean
Speaker 1: this out or just throw away this race? Also, were
Speaker 1: how are you supposed to shave your pubs? You want
Speaker 1: to know? I do against the hair because no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: go with go with the direction that the hair is going. Really,
Speaker 1: have you never watched Queer Eye for the straight Guy? No,
Speaker 1: well with don't go against the grain, go with it.
Speaker 1: But with your legs you go against it, right, I hope.
Speaker 1: So that's what happened. Yeah, just because of the angle.
Speaker 1: So but yeah, this is what you do for you
Speaker 1: go again, you go with the grain, and then the
Speaker 1: first move is up, and then for the final touch,
Speaker 1: because there'll still be a little bit then your final touch,
Speaker 1: you can go against it, but start with it. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm very I mean, listen, I just don't like other
Speaker 1: people touching my pussy besides like someone I'm having sex with.
Speaker 1: So I just learned that very early waxing for you,
Speaker 1: and I got it done once or twice, and it's
Speaker 1: I don't need to have a conversation while I'm experience
Speaker 1: the worst spain of my life. Like it's not someone
Speaker 1: try to talk to you while you getting your pussy wax. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I think that that's like nice, how are you, Karin?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't know, I'm bleeding from the
Speaker 1: vaginal hair. How do you think I'm doing I don't know,
Speaker 1: not doing great. Yeah, No, it's fine. Shaving is fun,
Speaker 1: I don't I I prepare for my period. This is yeah,
Speaker 1: we're going here already. It's what we deal with. So
Speaker 1: fucking it was. It was my dream when I was
Speaker 1: a little girl to talk about my period in front
Speaker 1: of a thousand strangers in Chicago. Stay with my bush. Well,
Speaker 1: I've been growing it out in preparation for my period
Speaker 1: because as as I'm sure you guys know, I don't
Speaker 1: like tampon. So it's a little fact about me. I
Speaker 1: still use pads like it, and so I we're coaching
Speaker 1: you on the other side of the bathroom door. Once yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I got it in, but I was like,
Speaker 1: this feels exactly like I thought it would, Like a
Speaker 1: wine cork is in my pussy. It's not healthy to it.
Speaker 1: I was like, I mean, at least like a Maxi pad.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, this reminds me of a diaper. I'm
Speaker 1: familiar with that, right, you remember diapers? Yeah? I mean sure,
Speaker 1: I mean pull ups and ship I mean, I have
Speaker 1: a little brother, so I remember what it was like
Speaker 1: for him to piss in it, and it looked very comfortable.
Speaker 1: You don't even have to move, you just fucking lay there.
Speaker 1: But anyway, you know, I used the puba karas a barrier,
Speaker 1: so I don't get like it doesn't chafe me. The
Speaker 1: pad doesn't chafe. M who's turned on? Who's got a boner?
Speaker 1: Who's got a boner? Oh it's like a ronica. I
Speaker 1: love this. One of my best friends from high school, Christine,
Speaker 1: is here, and I'm sure that's exactly what she wanted
Speaker 1: to hear. You didn't know bad about me? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you just told me the secret to put pads because
Speaker 1: I one shirt. I have my pitch sweats so bad,
Speaker 1: like the pittsis are really bad. Yeah, just put pads
Speaker 1: in the shirt. I'm like, fucking genius. Yeah. I once
Speaker 1: stated a very smelly, sweaty runway model and he taught
Speaker 1: me that that sounds half good. Half. No, he was great,
Speaker 1: he just was. He just a lot from the pores
Speaker 1: and just a lot. But that's good. If you sweat
Speaker 1: a lot, that means you're constantly detoxing. Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1: I don't know. So, Yeah, we've been on tour for
Speaker 1: a while, so we've both been masturbating in hotel rooms. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I did it after I after an attempt shave by pubes.
Speaker 1: I did it. Oh, so you shaved first, and then
Speaker 1: you said I just, oh, I gave up on shaving.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is yeah, I gotta ask Kara
Speaker 1: because and I want to ask you now. And then
Speaker 1: there's this girl across the room. The girl across the
Speaker 1: room from me in the hotel has like eight friends
Speaker 1: that just hang out in her hotel room. And I've
Speaker 1: heard them three times already. We've only been there since
Speaker 1: this afternoon's doing what just talking. So I'm trying to
Speaker 1: masturbate and those motherfuckers are like should wedering gnarling lean.
Speaker 1: We had gnarling lean when you're doing. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: are killing and I'm starting there here tonight, high gals,
Speaker 1: I have a question, Yes, did you masturbate in the
Speaker 1: l A when we're in l A. In l A, know,
Speaker 1: did you have phone sex? Oh? I swore I heard
Speaker 1: you moaning coming from your room. No, I mean it
Speaker 1: was probably just because I'm thirty one and everything's hurt.
Speaker 1: I was going to the bathroom and I had an
Speaker 1: ear to hear and I was like, wait, what No,
Speaker 1: maybe she's skype fucking with Jane or something. No, no,
Speaker 1: really that's what it sounded like. I'm lucky if I
Speaker 1: can get James to pick up the phone. You know. No,
Speaker 1: I know I was while we were in l A.
Speaker 1: I was too still too depressed about Hillary Clinton, so
Speaker 1: I couldn't masturbate. I know, you guys, writer, writer, Like
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not even just saying that for applause.
Speaker 1: Like we both were like when you go, when you wait,
Speaker 1: we every woman woke up Wednesday morning. You're like, this
Speaker 1: is our day, Tuesday morning. Tuesday morning. We're looking at
Speaker 1: other women on the sidewalk, like, yeah, bit strangers on
Speaker 1: mel ring now, like you know about the do it?
Speaker 1: I was texting my best friend. We were both crying
Speaker 1: out of excitement and then we were like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: never that cocky. And then we we went and we
Speaker 1: saw the election results play out in a giant theater
Speaker 1: in downtown Los Angeles and there's just a bunch of
Speaker 1: crying people, just real sad and it makes it so
Speaker 1: much sadder to cry in a room filled with balloons
Speaker 1: that were definitely blown out for the Democrat. And there
Speaker 1: was a DJ there but he just like stopped. He
Speaker 1: just like he was like, Nah, I'm not I don't
Speaker 1: what am I gonna play? He left? God that was said. No.
Speaker 1: The first time I masturbated was actually last night. Yeah
Speaker 1: what Yeah, I can go a long time. And it
Speaker 1: was just I was like, oh, went in Columbus, Ohio.
Speaker 1: First time I masturbated was at your brother's house. Oh perfect,
Speaker 1: because I thought I thought that a crazy person was
Speaker 1: in the kitchen and they're making weird noises and I
Speaker 1: was so scared. But I was like, why am I
Speaker 1: also turned on? I guess I'll dig my vibrator out
Speaker 1: because Trump really made me dry fantasy that someone's going
Speaker 1: to come in to attack you and then just be
Speaker 1: like I was going to attack you, but I'm not consensual,
Speaker 1: not until now. Oh yeah, that was I have a
Speaker 1: cop fantasy. Oh we're gonna bring you up on stage there,
Speaker 1: we have a bodyguard. Yeah, we have our Asians not needed.
Speaker 1: Went a little over the top and they sent us
Speaker 1: not one, but two police officers. What three girls in
Speaker 1: Arizona did break into our dressing room of the show.
Speaker 1: They were wasted and they're like can you Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I've never felt physically thrimed by a woman before. I
Speaker 1: was kind of nice, yeah, and then we go but
Speaker 1: we're like, you need to leave. She goes, but since
Speaker 1: I came this far, can I get a picture? And
Speaker 1: I was like I liked it. It was that kind
Speaker 1: of her version of closing the wage gap. I appreciate. Yeah, yeahah,
Speaker 1: give me a one up. But then the teacher and
Speaker 1: me came out and I was like, we can't reward
Speaker 1: behavior like that you did. She said that verbatim, and
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, miss Fisher, Jesus Christ, I channeled
Speaker 1: my mother, my inner die five. She comes out from
Speaker 1: time to time. You know, she's a life. What's up
Speaker 1: with Oh you're right? Oh thank you? Damn. I wish
Speaker 1: she she hates so much that I've turned her into
Speaker 1: a pop culture. It's like her least favorite thing. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: this is gonna be so good for you one day
Speaker 1: buttons and which oh. She goes to me. She's like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be like Kathy Griffin's mom. And
Speaker 1: I was like, you should be so happy, Maggie. Don't
Speaker 1: you fear Tis step Franzy Iggy Griffin like that, don't worry, mom,
Speaker 1: I will let you drink box wine. I get you
Speaker 1: for Christmas. Contact we got, we got, we got bottle wine.
Speaker 1: Money at least Jesus Christ at least five dollar Trader Joe's. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a decent wine, no matter. I will never beat
Speaker 1: too good for a Trader Joe's Wine. Okay, thank you,
Speaker 1: you know, thank you so so for this episode, this
Speaker 1: live recording, because we've been doing our tour show this
Speaker 1: whole time. We want to make you guys the guest. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we know you loved you know, the least favorite part
Speaker 1: of the podcast for you is that you can't talk.
Speaker 1: So we were adjusted that first rice. Yeah, so we're
Speaker 1: gonna we want to start off with a segment that
Speaker 1: we do on our touring show, and it's called seven
Speaker 1: minutes in therapy. And what we need I don't know.
Speaker 1: Could you turn the house lights up a little bit? Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I ever splitz right, So so that that
Speaker 1: guy waving his hand, as many people we're gonna try. Basically,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna set my timer and as many people as
Speaker 1: we can, we're gonna try and give you advice in
Speaker 1: seven minutes. If you could start lining up, anybody up,
Speaker 1: anybody who needs advice, line active, line up by that
Speaker 1: guy raising his hand. Okay, get right, and just remember
Speaker 1: if you take too long, it's we love compliments, but
Speaker 1: this is not the time ruin in their Every compliment
Speaker 1: is actively ruining the life of the person behind you.
Speaker 1: No pressure, we don't need to. We have very high
Speaker 1: self confidence, be too high. Ready, go what's your problem? Okay?
Speaker 1: So my best friend who was supposed to come with
Speaker 1: me tonight, she decided last minute to book a trip
Speaker 1: with her boyfriend to go to Florida. It is warmer there,
Speaker 1: I know, So I'm kind of mad at her, and
Speaker 1: I know she's going to listen to this and what
Speaker 1: lib yeah, libby, libby, Libby, what the funk? I mean? Also,
Speaker 1: I get it's cold here, but yeah, Libby doesn't give
Speaker 1: a sure she's gonna come back with a tan. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you're man is at the problem your manner? Did
Speaker 1: you tell her? Yeah? Was this the only time she
Speaker 1: could go on a vacation with her boyfriend? Okay? I
Speaker 1: mean that was not cool. I hate when people do
Speaker 1: that to me. But also you might just not be
Speaker 1: good friends because like, why did you do this? That's
Speaker 1: actually a very good point. What's your problem? So my
Speaker 1: husband and me been agother six months, and I, of
Speaker 1: course it's always about the more sexually explorative and I
Speaker 1: want more things like threeesoms and being able to have
Speaker 1: like other partners together or even probably partially monogamoush isn't
Speaker 1: something I can get past? Is that just a phase
Speaker 1: I'll be able to let go? Or is that gonna
Speaker 1: have you talking about this yet? We've like brought up
Speaker 1: like jokingly or even being like, oh, the three sums.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh, that's never gonna be an option and
Speaker 1: he just married him later, but that's something like that's
Speaker 1: gonna be a problem down the road or is that
Speaker 1: something where have you brought it up? I mean we've
Speaker 1: like the last year and a half Like that's a
Speaker 1: long time. It's a long time. I don't know, but
Speaker 1: it's jokingly though, You're not like seriously, I would like
Speaker 1: to explore that their partners. But that's something where like
Speaker 1: I can get past that at some point. Is that,
Speaker 1: like you emotionally can get past that needing it? Yeah
Speaker 1: or not? You? I don't think from your pussies that's
Speaker 1: something that you want for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: You married the guy, well, our sexual relationship is fantastic,
Speaker 1: So that's one of those things where like I need
Speaker 1: to accept what I have. Well, I mean, I think
Speaker 1: a sex therapist told us something really smart the other day,
Speaker 1: and that's like every relationship comes with some bagge, and
Speaker 1: you need to decide what kind of baggage you can
Speaker 1: handle and what you can't. That is something that might
Speaker 1: eventually be a deal breaker. Do you have to communicate
Speaker 1: that to him right away? Because that's something that even
Speaker 1: if he's not on board immediately maybe just maybe it's
Speaker 1: a matter of conversation. But also if he doesn't ever
Speaker 1: want to do that, that that that's completely before and then
Speaker 1: it's come back. So I don't know if that's just
Speaker 1: want to But where is it coming from if you
Speaker 1: feel satisfied in your sexual relationship? Are you just so?
Speaker 1: Then I kind of was like at that point of like,
Speaker 1: well I can have all these other options apart as
Speaker 1: in broken up or apart as in distant separate. Yeah okay,
Speaker 1: well I mean obviously you wanted other dick because you
Speaker 1: were mad at that one. Yeah, you're like they got
Speaker 1: mad at you. I faith maybe if you if you
Speaker 1: were separated, did you get a couple of therapy after that?
Speaker 1: Do you have first and then visit the sex You
Speaker 1: don't want to. You don't want to stray sexually unless
Speaker 1: your relationship is a hone or percent six months or
Speaker 1: the marriage going. Hey I want to funk Dan to
Speaker 1: save the relationship is the same as having a baby
Speaker 1: to fix it. It's not gone. Next I'm just keep show. Um.
Speaker 1: So I have a psycho ex boyfriend. I broke over
Speaker 1: with him in January. It's November. Um, he's contacted all
Speaker 1: my friends like snapchat Chat, my friends who he's talked
Speaker 1: to like me five times, twelve year old friends, no
Speaker 1: girl like um he just tweeted at my brother this
Speaker 1: past week. My brother who is a senior in high
Speaker 1: school and he's like, have you told this person like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is getting me out and I don't think you
Speaker 1: met I met up with him. I was like, look,
Speaker 1: we need to talk. And we met up and he
Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, I mean I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: be civil and whatnot. And I'm like, no, like you're
Speaker 1: a legitimate psychopathy. Yeah he contactor brother now yeah thing, no, nothing,
Speaker 1: And so still to this day, I blocked him on
Speaker 1: everything he included. I have two little brothers. He included
Speaker 1: me and my little brothers and a group chat being like, oh,
Speaker 1: doesn't this guy look like my one brother when my
Speaker 1: brother restraining order restraining. That's weird when nine other people
Speaker 1: in your life respond to him when he when he
Speaker 1: reaches out a few who are like distant, like college
Speaker 1: friends who are like not my best friends were like
Speaker 1: college friends have responded to him, but like not my
Speaker 1: best best because I was like, everyone needs to not
Speaker 1: respond because you're feeling a demon when you're responding like
Speaker 1: you're feeling. If he keeps going so far, that makes
Speaker 1: you uncomfortable. If it's just like social media and he's
Speaker 1: not showing up physically anywhere, like I think just he
Speaker 1: lists two blocks off of me. So that's did you
Speaker 1: see him? You applied for the apartment I lived in
Speaker 1: and then he likes like, do you live in blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. Get him straining. Yeah, we're straining over him.
Speaker 1: That's great people, that's crazy. Hi. So I'm getting married
Speaker 1: next year, my husband to be. I'm his first one yea,
Speaker 1: his first trying to figure out yeah, are you not?
Speaker 1: Is he not your first husband? No? No, I've been
Speaker 1: sex sexually larative before him. So I'm trying to figure
Speaker 1: out how can I introduce more thank you? Thank you?
Speaker 1: How can I introduce like better things in the bedroom?
Speaker 1: Like he's Catholic, by the way, I'm also Catholic, so
Speaker 1: we're trying to figure out how to introduce better thanks.
Speaker 1: Catholic people are the most slutty. Have you not heard? Then?
Speaker 1: The person who's like no, no, no to prostitute is
Speaker 1: like giving you all the prostitutes. Yeah, it's not like that.
Speaker 1: But what do you want to do with him? Anal?
Speaker 1: You got to convince him to duno? How did you
Speaker 1: get all the way to want to He doesn't want
Speaker 1: to do any did you ask him yes, no, yes,
Speaker 1: and no yes and then no anal. Yes, Oh you
Speaker 1: asked him and he said no, yes, times did you
Speaker 1: ask him on the kind? On one hand? Fine, how
Speaker 1: what what was his is he ever? Reason? Or nah?
Speaker 1: That's fascinating. Wow. We've been getting that a lot on
Speaker 1: the road lately. My boyfriend doesn't want to put it
Speaker 1: in my ass. I'm like, can I hang out with him?
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's either poop
Speaker 1: or homosexuality, and I don't know which one, but just
Speaker 1: bring him to ask him, like why why that's something
Speaker 1: you want? Why? And also havn't like with your butt hole,
Speaker 1: lick your butt hole, put your finger and put his
Speaker 1: finger in your bottles and then in closing anals not
Speaker 1: as good as everyone on Twitter says it is. Next him,
Speaker 1: I've been kind of seeing this guy and it's been
Speaker 1: a little while since I've dated or anything. And um,
Speaker 1: day after election I texted him and I was like,
Speaker 1: he has been a horrible day and he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: because the election. I'm like yeah, and he's like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I think Trump will be better for the
Speaker 1: presidency anyway. Never I was gonna say, haven't opened conversation,
Speaker 1: but how much? Okay, So my roommate and I have
Speaker 1: a question about vibrators because I have really bad ones
Speaker 1: and I'm trying to help recommend her one. DOESNA say?
Speaker 1: I have an attache? Very differences in the specter one
Speaker 1: for Christmas? Which one do I buy? I would say,
Speaker 1: don't start with the attache, but unless you're gonna get
Speaker 1: the speed controller because I don't want to get a
Speaker 1: remote control one? Oh I do? Yeah, those are fun.
Speaker 1: Those are fun. If you don't like it, get another
Speaker 1: one that time, tom Rong. We we're telling you we can't.
Speaker 1: We can't break our record. We we really try to
Speaker 1: stick to stick to the rules. There will be lots
Speaker 1: of more opportunities to participate, So just thank thank you, dude.
Speaker 1: If for everybody who came on stage, yeah that's nice.
Speaker 1: What the fund is this with guys that doesn't want
Speaker 1: to do anal? Yeah that's why I thought. That's what
Speaker 1: I fucking thought. No, if there is me like to
Speaker 1: talk to you right now, take it over here till
Speaker 1: come sit on this chairs, take a seat, price take
Speaker 1: a mic. Did you ever think your claim to fame
Speaker 1: would be not wanting to do anal? Thought? I thought
Speaker 1: the cool thing for me was gonna be like, I
Speaker 1: brought my wife here to this because I listened, and
Speaker 1: she really doesn't. That was nice of you, wife, And
Speaker 1: here you are on stage. She don't want to. She's
Speaker 1: the one who aggressively pointed to like, hey, yes, I
Speaker 1: want to stick it in my as? Yeah? Why so
Speaker 1: all these women who want anals so bad? Like, have
Speaker 1: you done a cool? I love books? Canna be fun.
Speaker 1: It's when you go to the yard. Yeah, I'm always like,
Speaker 1: so please tell us have you ever done anal? Uh?
Speaker 1: Sort of? We've made the attempt and it wasn't one.
Speaker 1: It just okay, this is super cheesy and whatever, and
Speaker 1: she's gonna laugh. My wife is absolutely gorgeous and and
Speaker 1: all right, but like but like, I'll kicked my coverage
Speaker 1: by a solid mile and she's like super high. So
Speaker 1: we have really good sex. So why do I want
Speaker 1: to mess with that? You know what? What what if
Speaker 1: she wants to stick in her? But would you want
Speaker 1: to do that for her? I mean we we we
Speaker 1: made we made the attempt. How why did it not go? Well?
Speaker 1: Be honest, are up here? Be honest? You know it's
Speaker 1: it's the you use lube, right? Yeah? No, no, I
Speaker 1: didn't know, because I'm like, but you have to lead
Speaker 1: your pussy uth onto you know, I made a bunch
Speaker 1: of jokes. It didn't know, it didn't work. Did you
Speaker 1: play with her asshole with your figure? Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: you try, but it just it didn't you. You're like,
Speaker 1: it's like it's like the first time you have the
Speaker 1: actual sex. You just sort of how far into her
Speaker 1: ass did your dick go? Yeah, show us with your finger,
Speaker 1: let's buck it second lass show who cares? No? No,
Speaker 1: we like the head. How did it feel? It just
Speaker 1: wasn't It was It was awkward, and it wasn't It
Speaker 1: wasn't fun. And and everything that we do for you,
Speaker 1: was it fun for you? She wasn't having fun. Because
Speaker 1: we we have no problem like talking about it. I'd
Speaker 1: be like, you know, hey, we tried it, and we
Speaker 1: have a friend of ours, the guy, the guy who
Speaker 1: married us. He's a very good friend of mine. He
Speaker 1: got ordained as a priest to marry us because to
Speaker 1: do anything. There's nothing there there is nothing in the
Speaker 1: world that he would have wanted more. Yeah. I was
Speaker 1: that way greatly, and that was part of the problem,
Speaker 1: because then I was like, well, it's not you know, right,
Speaker 1: right right, I'll run a laugh or something as hard
Speaker 1: as he could. Yeah, you know you're hard. But the
Speaker 1: thing is, it's like, okay worth doing. You have to
Speaker 1: like work a little at it, Like the first time
Speaker 1: you had regular sex. I'm sure it wasn't just like
Speaker 1: oh this is amazing, Like whose first time was fabulous?
Speaker 1: She's the same thing. It's starting again, but just from
Speaker 1: the other end and starting against me, and like I
Speaker 1: just I just never got I never had any interest
Speaker 1: in it like you have interested in it? Why are
Speaker 1: you here on stage? Because because you guys said, who
Speaker 1: doesn't want to do anals? What does she also want
Speaker 1: to do it? Yeah? I don't think so we tried
Speaker 1: it and can you can you yell? Wife? You don't
Speaker 1: really care? Oh I love that just your voice. An
Speaker 1: I just met as a guy. It's not something that
Speaker 1: even when I was single, it wasn't something I pursued.
Speaker 1: I never Yeah, what she really wanted to have anal sex?
Speaker 1: What was your thoughts? What I mean? Then you do it?
Speaker 1: I mean if she really wants to do yea and
Speaker 1: a stick, everybody and that ladies and gentleman is a
Speaker 1: compromised She hasn't killed me yet. We're up here talking.
Speaker 1: I'm up here talking about anal sex. It's you know,
Speaker 1: so I gotta keep her happy. If if she wants
Speaker 1: to do it, we try it. And if I want
Speaker 1: to do it, we try it. But if it's nice
Speaker 1: for this it just didn't work, and I just and
Speaker 1: I never had that urge. It was just something that
Speaker 1: we did because of the person I was talking about.
Speaker 1: He brought it up like every week for a month.
Speaker 1: Pret soon married, you brought it up like, oh god,
Speaker 1: you guys should try out. Have you pres is an
Speaker 1: ordained praise. So that's Kelly Ripper's husband for anyone who
Speaker 1: has him. Now, Okay. He brought up to like a
Speaker 1: restaurant or like constantly for like a year of our Yeah,
Speaker 1: he liked this. He used to sing songs us and stuff.
Speaker 1: It was super weird and creepy. Are you I mean pretty?
Speaker 1: I'm a pretty open guy. So we talked about stuff
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, like I never I never wanted
Speaker 1: to do that. And like, as a guy I got
Speaker 1: made fun of because I wasn't broo. It's better it's
Speaker 1: toitter And I'm like, yeah, it's okay. You know when
Speaker 1: you try to stick when you try to have if
Speaker 1: you try to have anal and then it's it's awkward, uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: like you associate anal sex with that, and that's not
Speaker 1: what you want when you have sex. You try, you know,
Speaker 1: you want to go smoothly and essentially, and you know
Speaker 1: some roadblocks sometimes and then you think about like the
Speaker 1: first time you had sex and it was anything but
Speaker 1: sensual and smooth. That's why you gotta try try again.
Speaker 1: It worked only if you both want it, I mean,
Speaker 1: don't just it worked out. I have a gorgeous wife,
Speaker 1: so I got pretty good at the other song, very
Speaker 1: very sexy. I got pretty passible at the other stuff.
Speaker 1: You know what I think. I think that if you've
Speaker 1: come on stage in front of an audience at the
Speaker 1: large and said that you don't want to have an sex,
Speaker 1: I just believe you man to figure out if guys
Speaker 1: are like scared of the poop thing or like, what
Speaker 1: the fun is there anyone here sex through anal sex?
Speaker 1: Not girls a guy A guy. We know girls are
Speaker 1: all scared. If no one wants to shoot on their part.
Speaker 1: It's a person you're pointing to we nerusly, sir, are
Speaker 1: you real? For real? Do you want to come on stage.
Speaker 1: No jokes, sirs, We'll tear you apart if you don't
Speaker 1: have a good story on stage. Thank you, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Right applause. That was fucking fabulous. Get it
Speaker 1: up for no anal for me? Guy? What a hero,
Speaker 1: A true American hero. Have you ever had a poop
Speaker 1: you had a poop incident? Turn? No, I haven't. But like,
Speaker 1: I really really prepare for anal sex. We've got emails
Speaker 1: right from people are like ship the bed or something.
Speaker 1: I've heard stories. They were rumors in my high school,
Speaker 1: like Alicia had anal and then she shoot on the
Speaker 1: floor right, Oh my god, never doing that. She never
Speaker 1: felt something in your ask. But I've had anal beads
Speaker 1: in my ask before I did anal sex. So I
Speaker 1: knew because when when you pull a dick or anal
Speaker 1: beads out of your ass, it it's the same sensation
Speaker 1: as if you were shipping. But then you just have
Speaker 1: to have the confidence to know that you are not ship.
Speaker 1: That's the beads that yah. You just have to be
Speaker 1: like girl, come on, you cleans out. Yeah. And I
Speaker 1: have a lot of gay friends, so I just felt
Speaker 1: like I was like kind of like just prepared from
Speaker 1: knowing them right right right. Stephen told me that his
Speaker 1: ex used to do enemas before anal scenes. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean if I was on camera, absolutely, come on stage.
Speaker 1: Are afraid of poops a lot? Poop poop, poo, poo, poo,
Speaker 1: pooh pooh, you hand some sit down, all these looking fellas,
Speaker 1: So what the fox do you deal? What do you do?
Speaker 1: You don't want to do any alright, so down, So
Speaker 1: here we go. It's not so much that I'm like
Speaker 1: afraid of it, but I got pooped on once. You did.
Speaker 1: Tell us what may's your face? Like? Like you're about
Speaker 1: to suck a dick right up in there, right up,
Speaker 1: like right close? Okay, so yeah, a little bit well
Speaker 1: but like a little bit is too much to turn turn,
Speaker 1: That's what I say. You know, it was like ten
Speaker 1: years ago, early twenties, and really sucked you up, didn't Yeah,
Speaker 1: it really did for a while. So this scenario were
Speaker 1: you in a bedroom, were in a car like, so
Speaker 1: it was when the girl was dating and we decided
Speaker 1: to try anal sex, which I was like, yeah, this
Speaker 1: is awesome. It was like twenty two. It was great
Speaker 1: and everything was going good and then we gotta finish.
Speaker 1: And when I and it went in with, everything was
Speaker 1: going smooth. Yea, And I feel, what's the difference between
Speaker 1: the butthole in terms of your dick? Like? How is it?
Speaker 1: Is it butthole comfier than a pussy? Like? Tell me
Speaker 1: it's different, Like I guess it's it's it's tighter. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, okay, I'm not so good with the never
Speaker 1: write a book place. No, I won't. I'm horrible. But
Speaker 1: so to the pooch story. Uh so, everything went well
Speaker 1: and then we finished and as I pulled out, I'm like, closer,
Speaker 1: it was I that feels kind of wet. That's weird.
Speaker 1: And then and then the smell hint and I was
Speaker 1: just like yeah, and then did you look down? There
Speaker 1: was pop? No, I didn't look down. I was just like,
Speaker 1: I need to use your shower immediately and just shower, shower. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Did you make her No, we never even like explicitly
Speaker 1: make her feel bad to shower immediately. She's like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: sure we both knew what happened, and she's always got
Speaker 1: to know something bad happened, but never communicated absolutely. What
Speaker 1: did you say? Was there poop on your dick. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was. It was like it was. It was not good.
Speaker 1: But like, did the poop get in the hall? Did? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I did it? Because did you get maybe because when
Speaker 1: girls wipe from back to front, we get you. I
Speaker 1: didn't really, I didn't check from that. I didn't have one,
Speaker 1: so I guess not. Sorry, sorry I didn't. I didn't
Speaker 1: suffer from that. Don't bring your servos, will be coming
Speaker 1: around to take your dinner. I'm on. Did you think
Speaker 1: of her any differently? The relationship ended shortly after that?
Speaker 1: You like, I think I think that was just like
Speaker 1: the shaw that broke the camel's back, so to speak,
Speaker 1: like the poop that broke your Yeah, it was. It
Speaker 1: was not good for either of us. Like, how do
Speaker 1: you come back from that? Honestly? Do you just a shower?
Speaker 1: I tried, you tried your I mean I took the shower.
Speaker 1: You never have a baby. There's gonna be so on
Speaker 1: your face and that's not on the plan. Did that
Speaker 1: turn to that? Obviously, the poop on your dick, I
Speaker 1: get that bad idea of turn you off. But did
Speaker 1: you look at her differently after that? No? Not really,
Speaker 1: because it wasn't her fault. You're right. Whoever said that,
Speaker 1: I agree with you and support you women. Huh yeah,
Speaker 1: didn't see a turd lane on the floor. No, No,
Speaker 1: it wasn't. It was just like some like splash. Wait,
Speaker 1: did you come inside the butt y? You dropped it up?
Speaker 1: You mixed it up, and maybe it's your fault. The
Speaker 1: first time I had anal sex, my ass was dripping. Come,
Speaker 1: can't get it out? I can't get it being at
Speaker 1: my intern chaste, Yeah, we're going there, yea Grant Mosley
Speaker 1: casting in New York City, and I was just sitting
Speaker 1: at the reception desk just leaking. Come at my bike
Speaker 1: or after anal or any sex, do you go to
Speaker 1: the bathroom like this? Oh my god? And then I
Speaker 1: mean when when it come starts at a certain point,
Speaker 1: people come out with it because I mean obviously what
Speaker 1: I mean. I'm not. I'm not a superhero. I did.
Speaker 1: It's not my choice. I didn't happen two days without
Speaker 1: eating because I had some pesky coming. Where have weep?
Speaker 1: I don't even know how I got here stage to
Speaker 1: this topic. That the only time if you have poop
Speaker 1: on your day and you really haven't had anal sense No,
Speaker 1: I mean like I've tried it since time, so you've
Speaker 1: had it. Yeah, I mean there's not a lot of
Speaker 1: like in between. I guess, right, well, yeah, you get
Speaker 1: that fair enough. Yeah, I mean it didn't like totally
Speaker 1: turn me off to the prospect of it. Okay, you
Speaker 1: just didn't like this girl? Yes, absolutely part of it
Speaker 1: to your question, like, was I afraid of poop? Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I got ship on. That was thoughtful. Well,
Speaker 1: when you get shipped on by someone you don't really like,
Speaker 1: it's like someone you're in love with, You're like whatever,
Speaker 1: wipe it off. Okay, that's a good point. Yeah, all right,
Speaker 1: well thank you, so can I go? Yes, you are released?
Speaker 1: What this is what you're being give it up for Neil?
Speaker 1: Thank you, thanks Neil. We appreciate that. That's right. What
Speaker 1: a good sport. Someone give that guy a blow chop? Yeah,
Speaker 1: no problem. Always looking out for your news like yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, right, what can we do with this pussy?
Speaker 1: So we're just giving philanthropy? Wow? Wow, it's gone so
Speaker 1: far so quickly, really, I know. Okay, is anybody in
Speaker 1: here of like a weird If you raise your hand
Speaker 1: and don't even finish you want to Yeah, come on,
Speaker 1: come on, to the stage, so a let of sound. Girl, Hey,
Speaker 1: take a seat. I see you moving with your arms,
Speaker 1: you know, moving all right? What is your name? Amy? Hi? Hi? Amy? Hello?
Speaker 1: Thanks for coming out, Thanks for having me. Yeah, let's
Speaker 1: do what's going on? You know, I'm hanging out with
Speaker 1: my friends here girls night have them, you know. So
Speaker 1: we're drinking some wine, had some tacos. I had a burrito,
Speaker 1: big chill my face nice, Um, feeling the food, baby hard.
Speaker 1: What's like, what's the weird? Does anybody have a weird?
Speaker 1: And then you just raise your what's weird? What was that?
Speaker 1: I was thinking my weird earlier? Um, it was like
Speaker 1: this is my friend's probably gonna she'll know this. So um.
Speaker 1: In college, Uh, my first one night stand, I uh,
Speaker 1: I had a toy which one of my friends bought
Speaker 1: me for my birthday. For my first birthday, I a
Speaker 1: sex toy, a vibrator. It was a waterproof vibrator, at
Speaker 1: least I thought it was waterproof, so I named it
Speaker 1: Mr Clooney. Al Right. It was a while. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I mean, like, I just think he's like old man
Speaker 1: hot so person. So it was my first one night
Speaker 1: stand and I brought out Clones, and I was like,
Speaker 1: straight up asked the guy like, do you want to
Speaker 1: meet Clooney? And he was like what the fuck? So
Speaker 1: then he was from out of town and I had
Speaker 1: class the next day and told her after she was
Speaker 1: he depending on you for a place to stay? Oh? No,
Speaker 1: he did stay over like straight up? Did he met Clunes? Like?
Speaker 1: Straight up? It was perfect. There's a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: It's probably like the best one night stands story I have.
Speaker 1: Um next day this was a new apartment by the way,
Speaker 1: beginning of senior year of college. He made breakfast with
Speaker 1: my roommates food, so like, I didn't know the food yet,
Speaker 1: we didn't know he didn't know. It was fine. I
Speaker 1: ate it. She'd your roommate come out like what the
Speaker 1: sh She didn't give a ship after she knew the story,
Speaker 1: it was fine. The weirdest part is like the um
Speaker 1: the way home, he I was going to class and
Speaker 1: he was going to one of his friends and then um, like,
Speaker 1: so I was riding my bike to class and he
Speaker 1: was walking alongside and my phone was playing do you
Speaker 1: guys know that song? Do? Did? Did you? Like? It's like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: every time I hear that song, I think of that night.
Speaker 1: So that was the next day. But that's probably the
Speaker 1: weirdest story that I have of sexually. And that's what
Speaker 1: I thought when we were talking about that. Is there
Speaker 1: who can do there in this room? Is there a
Speaker 1: movie to be my friend? Casey immediate If I don't
Speaker 1: see my next fall, I mean that you that you're
Speaker 1: like self producing this picture. You want to meet my
Speaker 1: vibrator clooney. It was drunk and so many dollar well so,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think you're talking about Louie just just
Speaker 1: for the song, just you know, legendary singer Louis Sorry
Speaker 1: I suck. No, you're don't. You're great? Great brows great,
Speaker 1: I got them done yesterday. Threading. Yeah, all right, thanks guys.
Speaker 1: Really with the stripe coming, I'll thank it to you. Bo,
Speaker 1: thank you for coming on out of applause. That was
Speaker 1: it's connected. Thank you so much. Do you want to
Speaker 1: meet the Clunes? Oh my god, it's good that he
Speaker 1: wasn't scared. I feel like that some guys are like
Speaker 1: a librator, but my dick is the best thing you've
Speaker 1: ever seen. Yeah. I like when guys go along with
Speaker 1: weird stuff. Yeah, yeah, me to go along with weird
Speaker 1: stuff unless you're not comfortable. Hey, you don't take a seat. Hi.
Speaker 1: Hi guys. Hi, I'll just say hi for them. They're drunk,
Speaker 1: they don't care suck them. Uh, what's going on? So
Speaker 1: if we're talking about crazy sex stories, um yes please yes? Uh?
Speaker 1: So I developed this weird habit where I started seducing
Speaker 1: people at birthday parties and not the birth not like
Speaker 1: their kids birthday party, like their birthday parties. Like it's
Speaker 1: like an older adult. Uh. And it wasn't the birthday person.
Speaker 1: It was like someone else at the party birthday parties
Speaker 1: making horny. Maybe I don't know, maybe birth is like
Speaker 1: a meta I don't know that we won't take it
Speaker 1: to one. I don't want to ruin it for you. Um.
Speaker 1: But I started thinking about it. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: what if someone said, do someone out of my birthday party?
Speaker 1: How would I feel about that? Yeah? Anyone wouldn't even
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even have thought to think that. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: like one time it was like a guy's roommate at
Speaker 1: his like party at his house, and I was like,
Speaker 1: is this weird? But didn't want to suck you the
Speaker 1: birthday boy. I don't know, all right, we didn't talk
Speaker 1: to me after that. So maybe he did. Maybe it did.
Speaker 1: I mean okay, Um, so I had my birthday was
Speaker 1: like quite a few months ago. Um, happy late birthday. Thanks. Uh.
Speaker 1: And at the time, I was dating like four people.
Speaker 1: Uh and they all knew each other, and one of them,
Speaker 1: as a birthday present, organized an all girl orgy for me.
Speaker 1: What a nice friend, I know. Okay, So, like anyone
Speaker 1: who wanted to get me a birthday present, I was like, no,
Speaker 1: you don't have to. I'm good. Yeah you got all
Speaker 1: girl orgy? Did you do it? Yeah? Well here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Like before that, I had like a gathering at a
Speaker 1: bar that everyone could go to. Um. Yeah, I didn't
Speaker 1: want all my friends at the girl orgy. I get it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't want to see certain friends because just
Speaker 1: you just did it and you don't want it. Yeah. Um.
Speaker 1: And so uh the guy of the four people I
Speaker 1: was dating, there's three women and one guy was at
Speaker 1: the party and he obviously wasn't invited to the girl orgy. Um.
Speaker 1: And he starts talking to my friend Caitlin, who's here,
Speaker 1: Hi Caitlin, Hi, Caitlin, And I like look over and
Speaker 1: I was like, it's happening. Someone's being seduced at my
Speaker 1: birthday party and it's someone I'm dating. Do you feel
Speaker 1: I was totally cool with that. I was like, have fun.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go funk all the other girls. Now, how
Speaker 1: do you suck a bunch of girls at once? Yeah,
Speaker 1: lots of toys just kill you. Yeah? Actually, yeah, we
Speaker 1: like kept switching out. Yeah. Oh it was a good time.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, two girls went down on me at once.
Speaker 1: How does that happen? Wait? How did anyone know that
Speaker 1: you would like this? Did you have a registrate? I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say that guy really took a chance and he
Speaker 1: came out victorious. But like, that's a risk. Everyone one
Speaker 1: that no one of them was was going to do
Speaker 1: the girl orgy anyway. Yeah, and I was like, by
Speaker 1: the way, my birthday is this day. And she was like, okay,
Speaker 1: let's do that. And I was like, cool, we have
Speaker 1: really chill friends. Okay, well she I was dating her,
Speaker 1: so yeah I was dating Okay, Yeah, so I had
Speaker 1: a girl orgy on my birthday while my friend fucked
Speaker 1: one of the people I was dating. That's pretty fun.
Speaker 1: That's a cook birthday. I'm saying, yeah, yes, you did that.
Speaker 1: Happen to you. Wow, good for you? Was it everything
Speaker 1: you thought it would be? A more? Yeah? Wow it is.
Speaker 1: I could tell the reaction. You're very good. Slip off
Speaker 1: that chair. All right, cool, well, thanks for sharing, Thank
Speaker 1: you for sharing. J Bye bye j J. Do you
Speaker 1: want to do sexty theater? Oh? Yeah? Do you have
Speaker 1: any pages? Like any? I don't know if I'm ready
Speaker 1: for this, yeah, just talk to them like. So, okay,
Speaker 1: so we do this portion our live show that we
Speaker 1: lovingly call sexting theater. We're in a theater, so it
Speaker 1: makes sense. And basically what we do is we'll read,
Speaker 1: we'll do with a theatrical interpretation of your sex. All
Speaker 1: I need is your phone? Who has a sex conversation
Speaker 1: that we can read? Coronel Colonel Cronel share summer hers
Speaker 1: so many? You want to do one of mine? First? Sure?
Speaker 1: My sex with Stephen? Yeah, okay, I got so, I'd
Speaker 1: stay right there, stay right there, stay right there. We're
Speaker 1: gonna we'll we'll put ourselves out there before we put
Speaker 1: you out there. Okay. So I'm ready with mine too,
Speaker 1: And okay, so this is a sex I suck at
Speaker 1: sex tag, so shut up. Okay, I'm I'm playing the
Speaker 1: role of Stephen s Now for sex ting theater. You
Speaker 1: home later. Booterer, that's what I call him. Stopped by
Speaker 1: Aaron Berg's wedding reception at the stand, gonna walk home shortly?
Speaker 1: Who kay was thinking? I jerk off with the narrows
Speaker 1: if that's something that would interest you. X emogi lightning
Speaker 1: bolts emoji, x emogi our glass some emoji, candle emoji,
Speaker 1: bomb emoji time or emoji our glass emoji. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: why I didn't even know half those emojis were emojis.
Speaker 1: Oh nice firework emoji. American flag emoji. Uh, black Santa emoji.
Speaker 1: That's my favoritemoji saying by and walking home. Quadruple American
Speaker 1: flag emoji. It's a while ago watching porn and louping up.
Speaker 1: Don't take long. Triple American flag emoji. Wait for me.
Speaker 1: I want to do that too. I'll wait to take
Speaker 1: my contacts out. Oh all caps. Throw him on the street, lady.
Speaker 1: This train is rolling ug boom. Wait, walking as fast
Speaker 1: as I can without swearing, sweating Star, It's okay, I'm
Speaker 1: just keating. I love you. It seven just texted that
Speaker 1: he misses me, that he misses you. But he said nice.
Speaker 1: But I am stroking my cock thinking about what you're
Speaker 1: going to do to me. Ug I just tripped. I
Speaker 1: can't sex and walk frowny face. All right, is everyone
Speaker 1: horny prior old horny? Right? All right, ma'am? You want
Speaker 1: to give us your phone? Oh you're horrified. I'm excited.
Speaker 1: There's pictures. Don't worry, we'll describe them. Holy shite, Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you, that's not necessary. But I like the Waynes
Speaker 1: World tribo. Thank you. Oh wait, oh just oh shit,
Speaker 1: oh you lost it? Yeah? What the phone is that?
Speaker 1: And then we got a picture of a kid and
Speaker 1: that was weird. It was weird. You know. I had
Speaker 1: my nephew on my screen saver for the longest time
Speaker 1: on my phone. But then when you watch porn and
Speaker 1: then and then you don't just don't know, don't just
Speaker 1: don't have any kids, just safe. I was watching porn
Speaker 1: last night and then I and then I had a
Speaker 1: change and two and watched a video about little kids
Speaker 1: reading to pit bulls who aren't getting adopted. Did you
Speaker 1: see that one? It was good. That sounds mad depressing.
Speaker 1: It was depressing. Okay, okay, okay, you want to be
Speaker 1: I'll be the dude to the girl. Okay, so I'll
Speaker 1: be the girl is the own? Who am I? Yea?
Speaker 1: Or are blue? I'm yellow? You're yellow? Kay? Got it?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I got it. Send me a sexy pick.
Speaker 1: What time is it there? What do you have to
Speaker 1: do for work? Uh? What kind of sucking photo is this?
Speaker 1: It's like a photo of a man yelling. Doesn't this
Speaker 1: sat you look like a father telling his son why
Speaker 1: he's the dumb ass? It does? L O L Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then he sent a selfie of himself in the mirror.
Speaker 1: Just spider web tattoo, Yeah from just mustache down with
Speaker 1: a spider web tattoo. And I'll forgive this band or yeah,
Speaker 1: barbed wire. Maybe he's pretty cute. That's okay, heart face,
Speaker 1: heart face, heart face, heart face. Send me a pick.
Speaker 1: I'm with people right now. I will in a bit.
Speaker 1: Come on, you don't have them on standby? I mean
Speaker 1: then he then, I mean from the office. What what
Speaker 1: does that say? It says Jim has been looking at
Speaker 1: me kind of a lot all week. I would be
Speaker 1: creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the
Speaker 1: way Michael looks at me. I mean, I guess that's
Speaker 1: hilarious if you watch The Office. I mean, good show,
Speaker 1: but I don't know, and then goes, hot, okay, your
Speaker 1: beard is looking good. Well, nobody ever called you a liar.
Speaker 1: I men. She sent a picture of her titty with
Speaker 1: a handover titty. That's a nice titty, but it just
Speaker 1: looks like you're and then a big bun. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: looks like you're holding a bow. Um. And then she
Speaker 1: says n s f W not safe for work. We
Speaker 1: already said it, so he's fucked anyway because and then
Speaker 1: like a weird looking off into the distance, emoji tongue
Speaker 1: out emoji, kissy face emoji. I want that. Then she
Speaker 1: said a more distant picture of her breast, still holding them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no nipples, but we we see what's there. It's good. Um,
Speaker 1: oh my god. Then he goes, I want those in
Speaker 1: my mouth, and then he sounds what is this called
Speaker 1: the personalized emoji? Is? What is that called bit emoji?
Speaker 1: And then you go it's like him with opera glasses,
Speaker 1: going oh, I stup up your game, be silly, l
Speaker 1: o L I want them in your mouth. I want
Speaker 1: to lick your pussy too. It's so weird, like your
Speaker 1: daughters a kid in the background this whole time. I'm
Speaker 1: so wet right now. I can't wait to slide my
Speaker 1: tongue between your wet lips. I bet you taste good. Mm.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to feel your tongue on my clip.
Speaker 1: Do you want to come in my mouth? I actually
Speaker 1: just taste in my wetness. It tastes like water. Oh,
Speaker 1: you've been hydrating. You've been hydrating. We she could put
Speaker 1: that finger in my mouth. I want to come in
Speaker 1: your mouth as you rub my clip. I want to
Speaker 1: stick my tongue in you. And then he sends a
Speaker 1: picture like if he was taking a picture like this
Speaker 1: is boner in boxer brief and they're kind of wet
Speaker 1: spot there's a wet spots and then there's only the
Speaker 1: wet spots are very tiny. And then he goes, look
Speaker 1: what you did. I'm glad you're not at work, laugh
Speaker 1: faith emoji, And then she sends a picture of her
Speaker 1: view of her crotch with her underwear but her hands
Speaker 1: in her pants. That's where my mouth goes. Get all
Speaker 1: up in my wet plus c L O L. I
Speaker 1: want to gently suck on your clip. Would you sit
Speaker 1: on my face? Yes, okay, And then this is the
Speaker 1: boxer breeves still on, but now he's putting his finger
Speaker 1: in the wet spot through the cloth and you see
Speaker 1: the wetness with some stickiness on his finger, on his finger,
Speaker 1: that that's amazing. And then he says, look what you did,
Speaker 1: un like spider man, I want to lick that pre
Speaker 1: come all over my lips. And then she sends a
Speaker 1: picture of her hands that are shining her fingers. I
Speaker 1: have never used the word pre common a sex, but
Speaker 1: I'm not against it, not against its clinical term. I
Speaker 1: like it. I want to sixty nine. You're dripping pussy.
Speaker 1: I want to suck that finger. I want you to
Speaker 1: push my head down onto your cock. I could come
Speaker 1: thinking about the way you suck my dick. I wanted
Speaker 1: my mouth so bad that pussy is so getting licked.
Speaker 1: When I get back, I'm rubbing my clad hard thinking
Speaker 1: about it. I want you to grab the back of
Speaker 1: my head when you come all in my mouth. M fuck,
Speaker 1: there's a kid in the background. Time's very disturbing. My
Speaker 1: dick is throw back. I can't wait to get my
Speaker 1: wetness all over it. I want to suck on your
Speaker 1: tits while you ride my cop My love the way
Speaker 1: your cock feels inside of me. Your pussy was so
Speaker 1: nice and tight. I love squeezing your ass while you
Speaker 1: rode me. I'm dripping wet. I wish it was all
Speaker 1: over my face. I want you to fuck me from
Speaker 1: behind and pull my hair. You have my dick so
Speaker 1: hard pre come dripping off the head. Yes, I did
Speaker 1: your pre come. That was nice. If it's you, see
Speaker 1: an improviser, I can taste it. Will you choke me
Speaker 1: with your cock? I mean you can only answer that,
Speaker 1: but yes, olypsies, you want to push your head down
Speaker 1: on it. Yes, and hold it down buck, Yes, let
Speaker 1: me off for a second and push me back down
Speaker 1: on it. You would make me come in the back
Speaker 1: of your throat. I want to feel how sticky you are.
Speaker 1: I the thought of you coming down my throat is
Speaker 1: making my clips rob okay. I want to roll my
Speaker 1: tongue around it, LMG and see give it up. Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for that. Cinema. Wow. Wow. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we ask people to do things and I'm like, you
Speaker 1: did it. There's no benefit for you doing this now,
Speaker 1: but it's fun for me. Think you did it. That's
Speaker 1: nice of you. Thank you. Do you want to do
Speaker 1: one of yours or no, it's I think it's not
Speaker 1: as funny unless it goes from like a really not
Speaker 1: sensual one. That was pretty sensual. I was, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was satisfied with that one. Is anyone bad at sexting?
Speaker 1: Who wants coaching? Yeah? Because I'm bad? Does someone like
Speaker 1: have awful awful sexting skills? Oh? The guys raising the
Speaker 1: girl's hand. I don't think that's a good situation right there.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's just rude. That's rude. You suck it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter, it's the truth. You have a lot
Speaker 1: to say. So you kind of been together, you've been
Speaker 1: together for a while long enough. Wow, you guys are
Speaker 1: sucking inspirational. When's the wedding really all right? So? Are
Speaker 1: you not coming or you don't want to come up?
Speaker 1: I don't want to force anyone you want to come up?
Speaker 1: Can you both come up on you? Because I have
Speaker 1: a lot of questions for you, sir. You know you
Speaker 1: come up to sir, you too. Yeah, I don't know
Speaker 1: you're doing now it's not as Yeah, now it's not
Speaker 1: as fun. What do you think they're I don't know
Speaker 1: that guy. I got some ideas. Yeah, he needs to stuff.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's beyond sexting. It might be. I
Speaker 1: feel like it's more like his personality. But you know
Speaker 1: that's just me. I'm not I'm no therapist. I want
Speaker 1: to stand so they could sit on this. Nice of you.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a giver, um, But they have to share
Speaker 1: a microphone. Doubt they'll even be able to do that.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm glad you brought your dreams and stuff. Yeah. Hi,
Speaker 1: what's your name? Melissa? Nice of Mitia? What's your name? Mario? Mario?
Speaker 1: Take a seat? Take a seat? Hi Mario. The alliteration
Speaker 1: started out, well, what's wrong? All right? So you go first? Well,
Speaker 1: what can I say? I'm horrible a sex thing? Are you?
Speaker 1: Do you think they were horrible? Or because he said
Speaker 1: you're horrible? No? I am okay, So sir, how is
Speaker 1: she horrible? Don't you tell us I'm the only one sexy?
Speaker 1: Do you just you always put your pinky up when
Speaker 1: you drink? Or no? It's like yeah you fancy? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: go club? So how long have you guys been together?
Speaker 1: We've been together for almost a year and a half,
Speaker 1: but we've known each other for six years, so you
Speaker 1: just you were the only ones in your friend group
Speaker 1: left or what happened? Oh, there's no friends left? I
Speaker 1: liked him yet? Now do you Maria? Do you want
Speaker 1: her to be better at sex? Do you want a
Speaker 1: sext um? I wouldn't be opposed to it? Is that
Speaker 1: a yes? Right now? Sure? Is that something that you want? You?
Speaker 1: You feel like there's a lack of Are you guys
Speaker 1: apart a lot? Yes? We are? Are you long distance? No?
Speaker 1: It's just just don't like each other, so you don't
Speaker 1: see each other. We don't live together. Circumstances um don't
Speaker 1: don't allow us to spend a lot of time together
Speaker 1: between work schedules. And our children have children children together
Speaker 1: or separately separate? You both have kids. Oh that's a lot, okay, alright, alright,
Speaker 1: so maybe sex thing isn't the priority at the moment
Speaker 1: because like Tommy's ship in his pay as zero take
Speaker 1: care of that. Okay, but no, they're both girls. Rebecca
Speaker 1: shipping her pants. He's very good at sexting, and I'm
Speaker 1: just kind of like, can I read one of them?
Speaker 1: Do you have about your phone? Or he just has
Speaker 1: picked shures I do? It's going to take a really
Speaker 1: long time to keep going. And then you tell me,
Speaker 1: why are you just find pictures of what him naked?
Speaker 1: Or no more of just his dick? My situation, oh,
Speaker 1: your situation? So you send him naked pictures and you
Speaker 1: know if you if the question was implying if I'm
Speaker 1: dying to see you naked? Answer as a firm no, um,
Speaker 1: I want to see it. Thank you, Christina, thank you
Speaker 1: show me your body, but naked. I'll get you naked. Sure. No,
Speaker 1: But he's really good at sex, so how really wants
Speaker 1: to how? So what is so great about sex? Sing?
Speaker 1: How is he forgot about it? Descript? Descript? So like
Speaker 1: he's saying it, he's saying what he would do to me,
Speaker 1: and like I get pictured in my head and it's OK.
Speaker 1: So you like it? So it just have you ever
Speaker 1: thought like doing exactly what he's doing back to him? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's it's it's hard for receiving, right. So when
Speaker 1: she tex you, do you feel pressured? Like I gotta
Speaker 1: I feel okay. When he's sex to me, I feel
Speaker 1: horny and I just want to get off right, So
Speaker 1: I'm like, can you just masturbate? And then you and
Speaker 1: he's like I'm waiting. It's like, oh, well, I supposed
Speaker 1: to get you off to him. He leaves to laugh.
Speaker 1: That's true because she's like, keep going, that was great. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm almost done. Okay, I get it now. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck? Okay, Hey, that's his fault being so
Speaker 1: good if he would just like comment down. But maybe
Speaker 1: he's too good at sexting. You're too good at sexting
Speaker 1: man describing what you're doing, like why you're masturbating? Wy
Speaker 1: don't you just try describing the actual things that you're doing,
Speaker 1: like I'm putting my hand in my panties and I'm
Speaker 1: touching myself. Just it's pretty simple. Just be descriptive about it,
Speaker 1: and if it seems discussed, you're like something you would
Speaker 1: never want anyone else to see. You're doing a damn
Speaker 1: good job. It's it's like, it's weird because I'm embarrassed
Speaker 1: to tell him. But it's like, okay, so there you go.
Speaker 1: Here's we're getting into something now. So but why are
Speaker 1: you embarrassed? This is your sexual partner, this is your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: What what makes you feel embarrassed? Because that's common sometimes.
Speaker 1: I mean, the only time I think I really feel
Speaker 1: silly is when it comes to like role play. Can
Speaker 1: when I get it a costume, I do feel a
Speaker 1: little silly. Other than that, I pretty much never feel
Speaker 1: silly or like doing like a stripper dance. I'm just
Speaker 1: very not gonna dancing now. So and if I'm drunk
Speaker 1: then I'm all for it, right, but this is your partner.
Speaker 1: You should be feel comfortable to do it when you're
Speaker 1: not drunk exactly. All right, alright, let's start our therapy session.
Speaker 1: I know I was like, Hey, I'm secured. Do you
Speaker 1: have tattoo on your shell? Pass? Is that a reference
Speaker 1: to the just re show pass? No? No, no, I
Speaker 1: mean the sext thing, not you, no boy, Okay, So
Speaker 1: why do you feel insecure? Hey, shut up, Mario, I'm
Speaker 1: talking to So what why do you feel insecure? Insecurity
Speaker 1: is so common, but I'm interested to hear why this
Speaker 1: isn't the one person in your whole life you should
Speaker 1: be able to feel not insecure around. I guess it's
Speaker 1: just like anyone in the past. It's been kind of
Speaker 1: I was the aggressor, yes, and now he's the aggressor,
Speaker 1: and it's like, okay, You're like, oh, this is and
Speaker 1: that's the thing though, That's what I like, Like, I
Speaker 1: have the whole so so, but when he acts as
Speaker 1: the aggressor, that doesn't usually happen in your sexual relationships.
Speaker 1: So you're kind of called off guard and you're stumped. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that I'm sitting there like, um, what do I respond?
Speaker 1: What do I say? No, I'm asking let us handle
Speaker 1: a boom? All right, but no, Mario, the thing is
Speaker 1: that have aggress not we'll aggre fantasy. You've aggressive what
Speaker 1: like rape fantasies, like him to like grab me, choke me.
Speaker 1: I know you know about this current. Yeah, just choke me.
Speaker 1: He can see your face, Yeah he has. He just goes, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I choked the ship out of her sisters in the audience. Sorry,
Speaker 1: Julie seven, Julie can handle this. No, but I have
Speaker 1: that aggressive like just bend me over, make me worse,
Speaker 1: you know? But when I don't know, it's embarrassing, Almoy?
Speaker 1: Is it embarrassing to him? He puts his dick in here?
Speaker 1: That's true, all right? Does it? Wait? What else you
Speaker 1: put in her? He's not playing kid, he's looks three
Speaker 1: sex guys. He's going for the last time they sexed,
Speaker 1: it was clearly a long time ago. He's his son's
Speaker 1: gonna be cramped really long. Is the problem here insecurity?
Speaker 1: Or is the problem that you are? Like? Are you
Speaker 1: like to be in control and you're not and that
Speaker 1: makes you feel uncomfortable because what you just explained doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense as far as insecurity to me, because you
Speaker 1: like to be the dominant person. Oh my god, Mario,
Speaker 1: someone here don't serve with me. Yeah, I think I'm
Speaker 1: used to being with insecure guy. I'm used to being
Speaker 1: the aggressor, so okay, so that you switch roles and
Speaker 1: you're like, so, also, you're used to having a more
Speaker 1: insecure partner, right, So then your your insecurities don't show
Speaker 1: up because your partner is more insecure than you. Perfect, Okay,
Speaker 1: I got it. I know the role I need to
Speaker 1: fill here. Then here we are with this one who
Speaker 1: is not insecure and very like open and vocal about
Speaker 1: what he wants to do to me, And it's like, oh, ship,
Speaker 1: where do I go from here? Right? So? I never
Speaker 1: thought I would say this, but I think it's nice.
Speaker 1: I think when you're in a relationship there are good
Speaker 1: things you can learn from your partner, and maybe in
Speaker 1: this case, and I can't believe I'm saying this, Like,
Speaker 1: take a take his lead in being secure, even though
Speaker 1: maybe not even that much to be secured. I love you, yeah,
Speaker 1: just like it's just like Ben and I know it's
Speaker 1: um yeah, so just just think about the reasons why
Speaker 1: you're insecure and then be like, why the funk am
Speaker 1: I insecure about this? I am who I am tomorrow?
Speaker 1: Do you love Do you love your girlfriend? Well, she's
Speaker 1: my fiance, So do you love your fiance? Okay, and
Speaker 1: do you love her no matter what? If she was
Speaker 1: ten pounds heavier, would you love her just as much? Thanks? Okay,
Speaker 1: So that's good though, that's good, Like it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: you look like you know. So it's just like you
Speaker 1: love you and your partner loves you. Just be who
Speaker 1: you are and ask for what you want. You're going
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of your life. I'd help you
Speaker 1: with Mario, so sorry and so you know, but he's
Speaker 1: cool with it. I think that's really great. It's really
Speaker 1: great to have a partner with confidence, especially when you don't,
Speaker 1: because that's something that I feel like confidence really leaks
Speaker 1: off on other people. I love being around people with confidence.
Speaker 1: It's nice yeah, and he's giving you the confidence to
Speaker 1: be yourself. So you just have to ease into it
Speaker 1: and just be yourself and take the risk. But I
Speaker 1: see your breasts right here. They're great. Damn, thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're great. You're obviously a very sensual woman. Just like
Speaker 1: just like connect with it more and take a couple
Speaker 1: of day beats in your day where you can be
Speaker 1: by yourself, if it's at the end of the night,
Speaker 1: after you put the kids to bed, to just kind
Speaker 1: of like be in touch with your sensual side. I
Speaker 1: think that's really important, even as a parent. I think
Speaker 1: I am not a parent, but I imagine if I was,
Speaker 1: I would be stressed out a lot. I'll be thinking
Speaker 1: of my kids. But you want to think of yourself
Speaker 1: because if you're a satisfied woman, you're going to be
Speaker 1: a better mom and a better partner for sure. Okay,
Speaker 1: and I'll come a lot more with means I'll be
Speaker 1: a lot more satisfied with myself. And you're what, and
Speaker 1: I'll come a lot more, So that means I'll be
Speaker 1: a lot more. Yeah. Every time you come, that's one
Speaker 1: less time out for your kids. Thank you guys so
Speaker 1: much for coming on stage. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: let me put the mica. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thanks,
Speaker 1: give me a round of applause, umaniacs, that's not easy
Speaker 1: to do. Come on, I mean, we want to make
Speaker 1: things work. We don't want to just try to encourage
Speaker 1: people to bring it up. We want to salvage it sometimes.
Speaker 1: You know, Um, is there anyone here with we've been
Speaker 1: being silly a lot. Is there anyone in the room
Speaker 1: with a more serious issue that they would feel comfortable discussing? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like cool in here. Thanks that they have. And you've
Speaker 1: heard the emails we've read. You know what we're getting.
Speaker 1: We get a lot of serious ship. Who are you
Speaker 1: he thinks they have like one of the Yeah, come
Speaker 1: up on, we won't be silly. And guys, if you know,
Speaker 1: just don't fucking shout out of someone's talking about something serious. Yeah,
Speaker 1: don't be a dick. I don't pay that says don't
Speaker 1: be a dick. Somebody gave that to me after a show.
Speaker 1: Somebody said, what it's a pin don't be said don't
Speaker 1: be a dick, And I was like, that's what I
Speaker 1: say all the fucking time. Mine just said, God, that's yeah,
Speaker 1: And I was like accurate. But that's why I like Judaism.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's the message, don't be a dick. Judaism,
Speaker 1: don't be. I feel like Judaism is like, don't be
Speaker 1: a dick. Yeah, we're we're about don't be a dick
Speaker 1: and bring food if you're invited somewhere. Oh yeah, that's true,
Speaker 1: which is kind of like, just don't be don't do
Speaker 1: a dick. Yeah, don't be enforcing that. Give her, give
Speaker 1: her some clap for her, or some claps Hello, Hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: what's your name? Samantha had a seat for us, Samantha, Thanks,
Speaker 1: thanks for wearing your booby dress. I feel like when
Speaker 1: you wear your boo be dressed. We all are dressing you.
Speaker 1: I never do that. Go ahead, let's see what's going on.
Speaker 1: UM never told this many. It's okay. You can't really
Speaker 1: see them. I mean it's only thousand us. Never told
Speaker 1: this many people at one time. Um, I was sexually
Speaker 1: assaulted when I was eighteen, and they never pressed charges.
Speaker 1: It was like he said, she said, saying yeah, unfortunately
Speaker 1: is a lot of the time, which is bullshit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And there's still like people in my family who are like,
Speaker 1: you know, what were you wearing how really? Lord? Okay,
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, Yeah they still is it? Because are you
Speaker 1: still feeling the effects of it? Which is understandable? Yeah,
Speaker 1: which is actually like I wanted to ask you ladies,
Speaker 1: like advice on it. For sure. I have like I
Speaker 1: love sex and I have sex with myself a lot. Good.
Speaker 1: But I have talked to you too. It's all you
Speaker 1: gotta get. You gotta get the speed controller because you
Speaker 1: can go it's crazy kind of um, but I have
Speaker 1: a hard time going out on dates with men. Sure,
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of getting raped and or murder. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah PTSD. I mean, Jesus, can you tell I
Speaker 1: don't I don't want to make you go into something
Speaker 1: that you don't want to go into. Can you can
Speaker 1: you tell us a little bit about the sexual assault,
Speaker 1: just the circumstances, maybe just so people can feel okay?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. Okay. Um, I was going for
Speaker 1: a job interview, and um I went into his office
Speaker 1: and he interviewed me in his office and he unplugged
Speaker 1: the security cameras that were in his office. Ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I was like eighteen, like so in high school,
Speaker 1: like I had like no idea, like what was going
Speaker 1: on ship and then he took off my top and
Speaker 1: I just sat there and crying to like, I froze. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I didn't because you're like, is this hand this
Speaker 1: isn't happening? Is happening right, It's like, yeah, I totally froze.
Speaker 1: And then he took off my clothes and assaulted me
Speaker 1: and I don't know, shut the funk up with and um,
Speaker 1: I was in tears, and I went to the police
Speaker 1: and they said there was like nothing we could do
Speaker 1: because there were no marks. Um, and did he use
Speaker 1: a kind of uh, he didn't penetrate me, but um,
Speaker 1: his mouth and hands were like everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Digital penetration isn't learned from the brock Turner case. He's
Speaker 1: walking around that's fun. Um. And he actually wanted to
Speaker 1: recruit me into a sex trafficking. How do you do
Speaker 1: about this on the podcast today? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, And
Speaker 1: um no, he like I'm sitting there crying after he's done,
Speaker 1: and is he what does he say? He says, I
Speaker 1: think you're really good and I wanna sell you to
Speaker 1: some of the people that I know and yeah, and
Speaker 1: he's sell this information to the police and they okay,
Speaker 1: because I mean, sex trafficking is a ent of thing.
Speaker 1: If you're in this room, you don't know it's happening.
Speaker 1: It's happening in the USA. It's fucking happening. And if
Speaker 1: you think, oh my god, that's not happening in my country, No,
Speaker 1: it's like everyone knows about it. Who's in the NYPT, NYPD,
Speaker 1: in the police, in the FBI, in politics, they all
Speaker 1: know about it. Go on, yeah and um, and the
Speaker 1: police were more interested in that than anything else. And
Speaker 1: it's been really tough for me dating because they were
Speaker 1: more interested in what than in the sex trafficking that
Speaker 1: the possible sex trafficking ring than my assault right because
Speaker 1: they were like, oh okay, because they were just more
Speaker 1: interested in their numbers. What did they say to you? Like,
Speaker 1: what did they they asked? They asked me what I
Speaker 1: was wearing because I had changed clothes in your fucking
Speaker 1: job interview. They fucking asked you what you were And yeah,
Speaker 1: they made I had changed afterwards and put it in
Speaker 1: a bag. And I had a really good friend that
Speaker 1: helped me go through it. That's nice to have somebody
Speaker 1: like to have me there and I'm like crying and
Speaker 1: they're taking pictures of me. It's like a really invasive
Speaker 1: thing that they do afterwards, they pictures of you nude, yes,
Speaker 1: because they're looking for marks, right, Yeah, and you're more
Speaker 1: like these fluorescent lights with these strangers poking, broughting you
Speaker 1: and putting cameras in your pussy and you're like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Yeah? And it was like not
Speaker 1: what I needed. And they're like, is that a bruise?
Speaker 1: That might be a bruise that's not And it's like
Speaker 1: so just like no bedside manner whatsoever. And um, I
Speaker 1: recently went out with a guy in January and I
Speaker 1: told him about my assault and like that is a
Speaker 1: factor in me dating. No ship takes me a little
Speaker 1: longer than three dates to house sex. And um, he
Speaker 1: broke up with me because he didn't want to date
Speaker 1: a woman with my baggage. Yeah, so well, at least
Speaker 1: he showed his true colors before you got How did
Speaker 1: you express that? Because I mean, you need to be
Speaker 1: someone you know maybe he's just not strong enough to
Speaker 1: handle that because you need a strong partner, and maybe
Speaker 1: he knew that he was too weak to handle it.
Speaker 1: But I mean, there's a certain way to express that
Speaker 1: to another human that is that has heart. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I think sometimes people, you know, that's just too much
Speaker 1: for them. But I'm sorry to make you go through
Speaker 1: that again. I just think it's important because I think
Speaker 1: sexual assault is tossed around and people envision like someone
Speaker 1: like rubbing up against you on the subway, which is
Speaker 1: also not okay, but like whatever, you know for me,
Speaker 1: like yeah, but it wasn't like a violent like nowhere
Speaker 1: you ever met the guy? This is actually reressive, but
Speaker 1: it was terrible. I can't imagine anyone hearing this story
Speaker 1: and being like, oh, well that was your fault, Like
Speaker 1: what though, and what then? Does your family? Your family
Speaker 1: still asks you questions about it? Did you tell them
Speaker 1: in detail what happened the way you just told us? Yes,
Speaker 1: I did, because I wanted to speak out about it.
Speaker 1: I went to get it out there because he's going
Speaker 1: to do it to some one else. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to to get it out. It's not easy to speak out.
Speaker 1: And that's great that you did. Thank you. And my
Speaker 1: dad knows about it, and even this past January when
Speaker 1: I told him about the guy who broke up with me,
Speaker 1: he's like, well, a girl doesn't get to say no
Speaker 1: after a guy gets started. What. Yeah, I'm really impressed
Speaker 1: that you are, that you are still able to know
Speaker 1: what's right and wrong being because it's almost like you're
Speaker 1: in a world where people are trying to make you
Speaker 1: feel fucking insane, but you're not and they are. That's
Speaker 1: sucked up. What did you say to your dad? Um?
Speaker 1: I cried and tried to argue with that. It's that's
Speaker 1: so hard because he like, oh god, yeah, have you
Speaker 1: been to a therapist to talk about this? Um? I have,
Speaker 1: and I actually in the therapist. Did you include a
Speaker 1: therapist because of this incident? Yeah, that's amazing. That's great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's really great. Do you work with people who have
Speaker 1: been sexual assaulted? I have? Yeah, and you know what
Speaker 1: they're going through and I am with them. I'm an
Speaker 1: advocate for them, and I know exactly what they're going through.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. You're a huge help to a lot of people.
Speaker 1: How often do you see, like, how many patients do
Speaker 1: you have? That it's because I cannot tell you. I've
Speaker 1: said this on the podcast eight thousand times. The most
Speaker 1: common email we get was I was raped? Yeah, the
Speaker 1: most common email it's fucking or was this rape, and
Speaker 1: it usually was like when the fuck. You know a
Speaker 1: lot of times they've never told anybody in their life,
Speaker 1: and it's I, I can't, I don't. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: find a common link of to why the funk this
Speaker 1: is happening so much. I got nothing because people are
Speaker 1: made to feel bad when they speak about it, and
Speaker 1: and also because rapists aren't punished, so they're like, well, well,
Speaker 1: I guess this isn't really a crime or judicial schistem
Speaker 1: doesn't really seem to ticket still a pack of gum
Speaker 1: from a convenience the president, which which has been a
Speaker 1: huge problem going forward for me. It was too like
Speaker 1: I was a mess, and it's like rape culture is
Speaker 1: just gonna like skyrocket. But yeah, I would say, gosh,
Speaker 1: like if you add in sexual assault, it's closer to
Speaker 1: over half of women, and with grabbing and everything, it's
Speaker 1: closer do women. Yeah, I mean, if it's if you
Speaker 1: talk about how I think, god, we were not actually assaulted,
Speaker 1: but if it's grabbing and I've been sexually assaulted like
Speaker 1: so many times, and there's like a guy in here
Speaker 1: is like because I feel like a lot of guys
Speaker 1: are like, really does it happen? Talk to any woman
Speaker 1: in your life. I'm not even kidding, and there's there.
Speaker 1: Most of them have had an incident of something inappropriate
Speaker 1: happening that makes you feel so small and disgusting and
Speaker 1: belittle because we're treated like objects, and you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is like a this is a touch children's museum.
Speaker 1: I can just touch this, like I mean, there's been
Speaker 1: so many times when I've been leaning over. I remember
Speaker 1: trying to I was staying at top my friend Tommy's apartment.
Speaker 1: I was leaning over. I didn't know how to get
Speaker 1: the key into his door because it's not my fucking key.
Speaker 1: It was weird and old, and someone just walked by
Speaker 1: and just full on grabs my ass in the middle
Speaker 1: of the day on Ninth Avenue, million people looking around.
Speaker 1: No one gave a ship. No one gave a ship.
Speaker 1: You're fucking telling me, agreed, And so I think it's
Speaker 1: important if you even if you see, like, if you
Speaker 1: see something like that, just be like, what the funk?
Speaker 1: Just say s please say just see something. And I've
Speaker 1: got I've had unfortunately, walking down the streets. Even in Chicago,
Speaker 1: some guy in the middle of the day shouted from
Speaker 1: a car, I want to rape you, and I posted
Speaker 1: it on my Facebook page to get the awareness out,
Speaker 1: like don't be quiet about this, and I had an
Speaker 1: overwhelming amount of my friends saying, why didn't you take
Speaker 1: a picture? Why didn't you write down his license plate?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I was a little shocked. What old police
Speaker 1: don't even doing things about real rape. They're not gonna
Speaker 1: do anything about someone ship thing is gonna happen? Are
Speaker 1: you talking about people? Even I have just no idea
Speaker 1: what's going on. I think that's why it's so one
Speaker 1: or full. If you have it in you, after going
Speaker 1: through what you've been through, to speak out about it,
Speaker 1: that's the best thing you could do. And you too,
Speaker 1: get a step further by making Yeah, that's amazing, But
Speaker 1: it's do you feel like though there's this disconnect, like
Speaker 1: it is there? Because one of the reasons why you
Speaker 1: came up on stage is that because there's there's you,
Speaker 1: you hit a wall with guys. I I have because
Speaker 1: I've been on Tinder and okay, Cupid and everything, and
Speaker 1: I've made some connections with guys. But in the back
Speaker 1: of my mind, I'm concerned and like, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't want to go to his place because it's his
Speaker 1: home territory, and I want him to know where I live,
Speaker 1: and like it's something that's always in the back of
Speaker 1: my mind that I don't think like everyone has as
Speaker 1: much awareness as I do, or like why don't you try,
Speaker 1: Like yeah, Tindering, Okay, Cupid are scary now matter what
Speaker 1: you've been through it life, So yeah, even if the
Speaker 1: worst thing that happened is your cat died one day,
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't want to do Tinder. I don't
Speaker 1: come up against an animal. Yeah, I mean, I think
Speaker 1: you could either go with the route of like just
Speaker 1: ultradition like friend introducing to your friend if anyone knows anyone,
Speaker 1: or if you really want to find a partner and
Speaker 1: you're more serious, I think you have to go to
Speaker 1: one of the services that you pay for, like an
Speaker 1: e harmony something like that, where people are more seriously
Speaker 1: and more seriously just kind of it and tender. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying no one's ever found anyone. I do know
Speaker 1: people in relationships, but that's more like dick around fox sites,
Speaker 1: and I don't don't think people on those sites are
Speaker 1: going to be able. I'm not and us not speaking
Speaker 1: for everyone, but a lot of those people aren't going
Speaker 1: to be like just willing to invest the time and
Speaker 1: because you know, you maybe take a little more TLC.
Speaker 1: But I'm sure you're also like a much better person
Speaker 1: than a lot of You have a lot more layers,
Speaker 1: you know, and do you have you have an experienced Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, like, do you tell you tell everybody
Speaker 1: or do you tell them at a certain time or
Speaker 1: is there or do you just played by your I
Speaker 1: just I'm just curious. No, no, no, My friends are
Speaker 1: pretty amazing. My friend Kelly's here, very very supportive of me. Um.
Speaker 1: All my friends know. Um. But the guys I date
Speaker 1: I usually wait um to it. And the last two
Speaker 1: guys I've dated have been through friends. And one of
Speaker 1: them was the one that broke up with me because
Speaker 1: he didn't want to date someone, and the other one
Speaker 1: kicked my cat. Who it's about a rough da? What
Speaker 1: the fun? That's rough dating here? Your god? Why? Because
Speaker 1: she wanted him to pat her and she didn't think
Speaker 1: that that was suating. It's been kind of rough for me.
Speaker 1: You know, these are friend referrals, So all right, well,
Speaker 1: no friend referrals, Kelly, Jesus, how important is it to
Speaker 1: you right now to find a boyfriend. I pretty much
Speaker 1: just want to get laid right now. Okay, okay, so
Speaker 1: maybe Tinder, Okay, Cupid is but you but before have
Speaker 1: sex with anyone, you always tell them that you were
Speaker 1: sexually assaulted or no, is that you have to or no.
Speaker 1: If I've been, I have a few drinks in me,
Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter. But if I want to have
Speaker 1: like a relationship, okay, Yeah, it's definitely something that since that.
Speaker 1: By the way, I was a virgin when that happened,
Speaker 1: so that that was technically my first sexual experience. Um
Speaker 1: so it's definitely things that I worked through my own
Speaker 1: therapy and stuff. But it's it's there, right because it's
Speaker 1: just a funk. Maybe like I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: okay for you. Maybe that person doesn't need to know.
Speaker 1: But I was like in a relationship, I needed to
Speaker 1: trust them and feel safe with them because I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, just you know, it's sometimes it's good to
Speaker 1: just take a break and regroup and just continue like
Speaker 1: doing the things that you love to do. That so
Speaker 1: are we always recommend like just live the life that
Speaker 1: you want to live instead of like searching and then
Speaker 1: it sounds like comes to you. It really it's almost
Speaker 1: annoying because the second you focus on yourself there but like,
Speaker 1: don't sit at home with Netflix and eat and eat
Speaker 1: pizza by yourself, Like go out and actively live the
Speaker 1: life that you want to set up for yourself in
Speaker 1: that you will find someone who naturally fits into your
Speaker 1: life instead of forcing someone into your life that doesn't.
Speaker 1: Really that's not that's a puzzle piece that doesn't really fit.
Speaker 1: That's true that I just think, thank you for doing
Speaker 1: such great work and taking something really fucked up and
Speaker 1: making and helping a lot of people. That's great. Do
Speaker 1: you know what happened to that man who did that too? Is?
Speaker 1: Is he still working? What's what's do we know what
Speaker 1: happened to him? He's no crime, no punishment, working business,
Speaker 1: the same business of Florida, South Florida. But you guys
Speaker 1: are amazing and I have actually recommended the podcast to
Speaker 1: people I've done therapy with. Thank you, and I think
Speaker 1: you guys just do awesome work. And you're looking taking
Speaker 1: that fucking guy down. I want to kill him. I
Speaker 1: was like, there's no where I want to go less
Speaker 1: than Florida. But like now I only want a guy
Speaker 1: to forida. Well, we'll talk to you after about that.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, so much for coming up and
Speaker 1: talking about that. We're really clark, thank you, We're really
Speaker 1: appreciate it. I'm sure many people here have been through
Speaker 1: something to WHI it's really thank you for coming. We
Speaker 1: don't care anymore. Um, timing is everything, and yours was wrong?
Speaker 1: Is I'm actually curious is there a guy in here
Speaker 1: who is dated a woman who has been sexual assaulted
Speaker 1: and kind of had to Yeah, you can you would
Speaker 1: you mind coming on stage? You don't have to, but
Speaker 1: just to talk about it. I'm just curious. Pud like
Speaker 1: you too, Yeah, if you would like to, I would
Speaker 1: like you to thank you, go all the way in
Speaker 1: the back door and then go, because that's I'm wondering,
Speaker 1: because that's that's got to be a challenge rights and
Speaker 1: it's okay, Like it's like, I think it's okay to
Speaker 1: know that that's not something you can deal with because
Speaker 1: the same thing is like, okay, so I've dated a
Speaker 1: lot of addicts, and like we shouldn't just brush off addicts,
Speaker 1: but for some people, dating an addict is not something
Speaker 1: that they could deal with. That's my line. Of experts. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you really handle that. I love me an addict polar
Speaker 1: come to mama, I'm here. It's fine. Yeah, So I
Speaker 1: think it's all and I think it's also good before
Speaker 1: entering into relationship to know what kind of stuff you
Speaker 1: can deal with. Yeah, hey, how you dealing? What's your dead? Good?
Speaker 1: John n thanks for coming. Takeing Mike, Mike, John, So
Speaker 1: you've dated a person who has been sexual resulted? Yes,
Speaker 1: and could you describe, like, like, what was that conversation?
Speaker 1: Like were you dating where you just buddies? I'm just
Speaker 1: curious how you do how a guy who deals with that?
Speaker 1: Um started out as fun buddies, UM's oldest time. I
Speaker 1: kept talking about on field. But that's that's thrender. That's
Speaker 1: they changed your name because it got oh you um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it started out like that, and uh, I
Speaker 1: didn't really know about it for a while, but eventually
Speaker 1: it kind of came up. It was also her first
Speaker 1: sexual experience as well, so the sexual assault was her
Speaker 1: first sexual experience. And how did it come up? Was
Speaker 1: it was she did she like freak out during sex?
Speaker 1: Or was she just like, I want to tell you
Speaker 1: something about me that is personal. Yeah, it's more to
Speaker 1: the ladder. Yeah, um, and yeah, it's kind of hard
Speaker 1: to listen to. It kind of came out in pieces,
Speaker 1: but hard to listen to. And that, I mean you
Speaker 1: uncomfortable in that I made you feel for her, Like
Speaker 1: what was your thought process? It's kind of difficult that
Speaker 1: she was kind of talking, um, I don't know, not
Speaker 1: like in code, like she didn't want to say that.
Speaker 1: She didn't want to really say I was assaulted her
Speaker 1: I was, Yeah, she just said I was sexually assaulted,
Speaker 1: but didn't really want to get into the details. And
Speaker 1: not that details need to be said, but it's really
Speaker 1: hard to empathize as much when you don't know what
Speaker 1: you're empathizing with, right, or just understand? Yeah? Right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it's because I feel like your immediate impulse
Speaker 1: would want to be to understand so you could help.
Speaker 1: It's very when you say sexual assault. Unfortunately, it's very
Speaker 1: vague because there's so many variations, you know, and that sucks. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so then how did you take it from there in
Speaker 1: the relationship? Honestly, I didn't do too much different. Um,
Speaker 1: that's kind of unless she was like, can you not
Speaker 1: do this one thing? Right? Right? It was it didn't
Speaker 1: come out due to some sort of sexual event. It
Speaker 1: was just kind of I want to tell you something,
Speaker 1: but um, I don't think I changed too much, but
Speaker 1: I kind of might have. It's right, did you get
Speaker 1: uncomfortable or did you? I mean, I it's understandable, it's not.
Speaker 1: I don't think I got I don't think I got uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But you're trying your best not to write your your
Speaker 1: only human No one expects superhuman abilities of you, right, Um?
Speaker 1: But yeah, no, I mean it's just something that I
Speaker 1: felt that maybe just acting normal might be the best route. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure, did it go? What did that go? Well? Yeah?
Speaker 1: That one fine? So um, yeah, it wasn't what wasn't
Speaker 1: like a harrowing tale at all. Really, but it's uh,
Speaker 1: he's still together. No, we still talk, but yeah, she
Speaker 1: lives in San Francisco. So but it didn't end because
Speaker 1: of the sexual assault. It ended because of geography. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean we still talk, you're still friends, but just
Speaker 1: not having because she's in San Francisco, right exactly. You
Speaker 1: can't funk if you're here and here her vaginas all
Speaker 1: the way over there and you're like, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that's a good one I mean, I think if someone
Speaker 1: is not asking you to treat them differently, the same
Speaker 1: as we would do for a lot of other different
Speaker 1: kind of things in your life. I think it's nice
Speaker 1: to treat sometimes people just want to be treated quote
Speaker 1: unquote normally. Yeah, I think that's nice because that's like
Speaker 1: gives them some type of semblance of the normal existence,
Speaker 1: or like not feeling bad about something that happened, like
Speaker 1: it's it's something I feel like weighs on a lot
Speaker 1: of people, and it's like, just let me forget it
Speaker 1: by treating me like it never happened. Please right, Well
Speaker 1: while here maybe like, do you think I did the
Speaker 1: right thing by not pressing? I do because I feel
Speaker 1: like I feel like pressing. I mean, every person is different,
Speaker 1: because some girls and guys want you to press a
Speaker 1: little bit. I do. With this particular situation, I feel
Speaker 1: like you you go off of whatever she's comfortable with,
Speaker 1: and it depends on how close your relationship with it is.
Speaker 1: If you're not like in a exclusive, really deep relationship,
Speaker 1: you don't need to go as far. And I think
Speaker 1: you have to follow the person's lead in this event,
Speaker 1: Like if she says, okay, I need these things from
Speaker 1: you because this happened to me, then you follow the lead.
Speaker 1: But if she's like, I just want to tell you this,
Speaker 1: and you listen with open ears and you digest it
Speaker 1: and you make some sort of like response like Hi,
Speaker 1: I hear you, and I give a ship, then you
Speaker 1: don't have to keep bringing it up because she Sometimes
Speaker 1: people just need to get it off their chest and
Speaker 1: know that you're still okay and are still going to
Speaker 1: treat them the same way. You're not gonna be like
Speaker 1: I don't want somebody with baggage like that mentality, Like
Speaker 1: I'm still gonna suck the ship out of you even
Speaker 1: though you just told me that, because I think some
Speaker 1: guys are like then are gonna treat you weirdly, like
Speaker 1: you're not a sexual being, like you're a broken person,
Speaker 1: and so I feel like that's the last thing anybody
Speaker 1: wants to feel like. So I think you've did a
Speaker 1: good job. Okay, thank you, thanks for coming on stage.
Speaker 1: Thank you, we appreciate it. Thank you. UM do like
Speaker 1: one more, saybody one. I end with a just a
Speaker 1: crazy fuck tale of fuckory or some up lately craziest
Speaker 1: like like the gnarliest story about sex, like the like
Speaker 1: they're going to be a gape and we're gonna go
Speaker 1: what just we've heard a lot of things in our life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we really gonna shock us beyond water sports, like I
Speaker 1: want fecal matter involved, purposely. I want maybe some blood.
Speaker 1: What can we do? Who's the freakiest motherfucker in here?
Speaker 1: So it's so hard? Don't let us stone? Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is a strong hand raise right here. This is a
Speaker 1: strong I have confidence in this. Yeah. So you in
Speaker 1: the back the U can you stand out? I think?
Speaker 1: Do you see I'm pointing at you. You're wearing like
Speaker 1: a white sweat. Yeah, yeah, come Oh she wanted to
Speaker 1: come and talk earlier. And also you're wearing our leggings,
Speaker 1: so I appreciate that thing. Thank you. Oh you were
Speaker 1: an earl. I didn't know that when she came up.
Speaker 1: But this better be fucking ratchet. Yeah you tell us
Speaker 1: some ship. They're better be shipped on the ceiling, I know,
Speaker 1: and ship in the dog bed. But it wasn't from
Speaker 1: the dog. Maybe it's from your butt, or maybe it's
Speaker 1: from her butter. We're called but for a fun reason. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want all this cops speaker matter, vomit, whatever you
Speaker 1: met it at us earlier. You're you're a dedicated fucker.
Speaker 1: What's your name? Liz? Thank you so much? You know
Speaker 1: everyone's expecting yet you better if you want to, like
Speaker 1: make shut up. At this point everyone when the head
Speaker 1: to their seats. So there isn't there's not any ship
Speaker 1: on the walls? Is there a gaping? But um, I
Speaker 1: broke dislocated my jaw on a dick? Okay, all right?
Speaker 1: Um wow, I didn't think that really happened. I wasn't
Speaker 1: dick that big or was just my job? I ever
Speaker 1: really fucked up jow? Like, oh can you hear? Oh? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so is that it was? It sucked up before he
Speaker 1: sucked the day? Oh yeah, ok so um, and I'm
Speaker 1: like I had to go to the hospital. The guy
Speaker 1: had to was your hospital? Was your on the different
Speaker 1: for over an hour? Like I was just saying your
Speaker 1: job was just like oh my god, that's amazing like
Speaker 1: that like that did he come with you the hospital? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean it was my boyfriend at the time. I'm
Speaker 1: still like he understood, but like he's like, I know,
Speaker 1: but you are very luci about talking about how Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I was like sobbing hysterically, so I was just
Speaker 1: why were you sobbing and of embarrassment? I mean it's painful,
Speaker 1: it really hurts. I mean I just like lied and
Speaker 1: said I like, I'm like you say, like, I mean
Speaker 1: why your actors and like, oh I just got stuck
Speaker 1: And yeah they knew, but they went into the hall
Speaker 1: and they were like, this is a seven seven dick,
Speaker 1: Dick Sucker doesn't want to admit. If Dick Sucker doesn't
Speaker 1: want admit it, we got another seven seven in here. Well,
Speaker 1: I guess people do it a lot to get painkillers,
Speaker 1: like they'll dissipate their own jobs. But I'm like, I was, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like an hour and a half of just
Speaker 1: like your so your draw was in the dick sucking
Speaker 1: position for an hour and a half. Were you drooling
Speaker 1: like when you get to the dentist? Yeah, when you
Speaker 1: get the goal. I hope not. I don't. You might
Speaker 1: have been though he probably were probably did he come
Speaker 1: thanks to get that far? How far into sucking is dick?
Speaker 1: Did your drama up? Not very far? Like? How far?
Speaker 1: Like a minute? Twenty second? I feel like this is
Speaker 1: a raucous three minutes max. Like, but it makes me
Speaker 1: really insecure now with like people that I'm with. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm like this might happen again, and it's like warren
Speaker 1: um or not. Like I mean, I've had like random
Speaker 1: like one night stands like try to like push my
Speaker 1: head out. I'm like I pad down. Thing. That's a
Speaker 1: separate issue, Like never do that to me. I want
Speaker 1: to do how thick was this guy's cock? Can you
Speaker 1: just avoid chose? Or like what's the it's anything? Like
Speaker 1: mean anything anything? Because I've had like I've gotten it
Speaker 1: stuck like yawning before. That's a wide now, so don't
Speaker 1: give him that, you know, just like putting an effort,
Speaker 1: like I'm just trying, right, do you do you warn people? Though?
Speaker 1: Before you sat there, Dick, I tried to like are
Speaker 1: you not going to be very good at the or
Speaker 1: It's not that you're not gonna be good at it's
Speaker 1: like literally your jaw might lock up because you have
Speaker 1: a fucked up jaw. Yeah, I don't know. It's like
Speaker 1: and I like super insecure about it because I'm like,
Speaker 1: does that like make me like 's It's like if
Speaker 1: if a guy came up to me, I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to eat pussy, Like I'd be horrified, right,
Speaker 1: so you know, if he doesn't want to do something,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't force him. And like you also, but yeah,
Speaker 1: but is there nothing that you can do to make
Speaker 1: this job more secure? Extensive like orthodonic work that I
Speaker 1: can't afford, and like no one needs to do that.
Speaker 1: To suck a tick, I'm sucking, dick is like an insult.
Speaker 1: Like it's a lot of work, dick, and that means
Speaker 1: so much more to you. You're like, believe me, I
Speaker 1: wish I'm gonna get locked off. Yeah, like I mean
Speaker 1: I wish I could. I I want to suck, but
Speaker 1: you can't seriously suck it. I would be so good
Speaker 1: even it was like I'm right so hard, right, I
Speaker 1: know you can't. I can tell you what it is.
Speaker 1: You're great, thank you? Okay, all right, how long ago
Speaker 1: did you get the e R thing? Um, it's happened
Speaker 1: a few times in the past few years, like other
Speaker 1: times from actually yawning, like Jesus, how much does this surgery?
Speaker 1: Don't started going before you? Seriously, I will again go
Speaker 1: fund me. Started to go fund me for dick sucking honestly,
Speaker 1: be very failed in one day. Yeah, I promise you.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's a sail though. Wait, I thought
Speaker 1: you just said that there was no It's like it's
Speaker 1: like retainer things, like all right, so let's got a star.
Speaker 1: How much do you want to be like able to
Speaker 1: go into a sexual experience like feeling confident that like
Speaker 1: for sure, I'm not going to be a disappointment, you know,
Speaker 1: don't not think of it that way. It's like, do
Speaker 1: you want to suck it? If not, God just threw
Speaker 1: you a solid that was like, PS, girl, I got you.
Speaker 1: Don't worry about it. Doctors don't to give James, I
Speaker 1: can't suck today since I can't says it, so I
Speaker 1: can't suck your day. Tell me my fucking dream. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But if a guy came up to me with the
Speaker 1: doctors are like a kiddy, you pussy, I'd like get
Speaker 1: the funk out of my house. So there's a double standard. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't like to have double standards. Yeah. No, no,
Speaker 1: if you want me to start, we're not kidding, We'll
Speaker 1: start to fucking go fund me. Yeah, I'm not kidding. Seriously,
Speaker 1: who's gonna at least some people? Maybe you were just
Speaker 1: put on this planet to date a guy with a
Speaker 1: very very small dick. Yeah, because something why those people
Speaker 1: aren't any less good. They just have small dicks, you know,
Speaker 1: and they're probably gonna eat your pussy real good, and
Speaker 1: then you're not gonna get lockjaw. So it's a win win.
Speaker 1: Just don n love to it's kind of a joke,
Speaker 1: but also seriously it's true. I was like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is great. I always like to think of everything is
Speaker 1: like a calling from you know, the cause. Yeah, like,
Speaker 1: what what does that meant for? It's like a superpower,
Speaker 1: you know, when you're yea, So the cosmos are telling
Speaker 1: you don't like and no big dicks right on? That's fine.
Speaker 1: You're not missing I mean the peotball stuffs, you're missing
Speaker 1: a lot, but the dicks are not missing that much.
Speaker 1: You're fine. I start to go funny. I always love
Speaker 1: where people come up here, and I'm like, what do
Speaker 1: you want me to tell you? I can't perform surgery
Speaker 1: on your draw? You want me to operate on your
Speaker 1: draw in front of everybody? I can't and I won't,
Speaker 1: but I'll ask you. That's the best we could do. Girl,
Speaker 1: Thank you coming on stage, Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: Every you know, there's all kinds of problems I don't
Speaker 1: even know what problems in there. I'm like our own.
Speaker 1: It's like when I would make up for a teen
Speaker 1: sex comedy, but it's like actually a problem that people face, right,
Speaker 1: It's nice. So just you know, go out into the
Speaker 1: world knowing that everyone has a struggle. Some is launchaw
Speaker 1: and some is something else and dealing with the best
Speaker 1: sexual assault. You know, we've got to range your problems. Um,
Speaker 1: did you guys, do you have fun tonight? Okay, So,
Speaker 1: thank you very much for coming on. Thank you for
Speaker 1: letting us come to let you be the guests. We're
Speaker 1: very excited about that. Thank you for everybody who came
Speaker 1: on stage. We really appreciate it. Yeah, and we just
Speaker 1: want to thank you. See, the podcast would not be
Speaker 1: what it is without all your love and support and
Speaker 1: writing in and just keep eating up. Thanks. We love
Speaker 1: you to do it. Just keep speaking up no matter
Speaker 1: where you are. If you see something that's not right,
Speaker 1: be like, I'm gonna say something about this, even if
Speaker 1: you're not as start that it's happened to. Maybe if
Speaker 1: you could stand up and say something, a person would
Speaker 1: really appreciate it, and maybe we make the world a
Speaker 1: little bit of a better place. That needs to happen
Speaker 1: and we can and it'll be okay. Yes, be fine,
Speaker 1: We're gonna be okay. Yeah, we've been told to shut
Speaker 1: up for too long, especially women. Seriously, just speak out
Speaker 1: when things aren't right. Okay, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming out. We really appreciate it. Now it's hoppy in
Speaker 1: your game. We'll started out. We were just friends and no,
Speaker 1: don't know how to negotiate emotions and deal with these
Speaker 1: feelings I feel. Would not speak. It is that of
Speaker 1: say ones are don't be feeling this way if you
Speaker 1: knew how badly. I just want to kiss you. But
Speaker 1: actions speak louder and words. Wait, not loon with you.
Speaker 1: There's a little voice inside my head to scream now
Speaker 1: to tell you the way that I feel what I
Speaker 1: don't know. When I'm alone with you, I'm gonna show
Speaker 1: you that these feelings are real. The way that I
Speaker 1: feel make you understand we are more than wherever the
Speaker 1: bring you. Cony up now if lots of feels I
Speaker 1: want alone your head you say the words seem more
Speaker 1: than friends. We kissed and everything changed, best friends became
Speaker 1: strangers again. Will never be the same, I know, but
Speaker 1: I'd rather little loone than the tie and the friends
Speaker 1: out wherever robbing, then bring me to leave with thank
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