Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys we Guys we Booked.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina, I'm Kren. We're sorry about last night, the
Speaker 1: anti slut shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey fucker's Welcome
Speaker 1: to another episode of Guys We Fucked. It's the anti
Speaker 1: slot shaming podcast. I'm Krinn, I'm Christina, and uh you
Speaker 1: know top of the show. Very appropriate sponsor today for
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Speaker 1: how we live today, but also like do it. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, that's such a great idea pocket therapist. I
Speaker 1: just have to publicly because it has happened so long
Speaker 1: ago and we didn't get to talk about on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Thank you for babysitting me. I was like, what are
Speaker 1: you gonna say right now? Who the fuck? Some girl?
Speaker 1: Well intentioned? It was a girl, for sure. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure with what a guy gave us, though, no guy
Speaker 1: gave me a joint after the San Francisco show, and
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure two people gave me edibles. Pretty sure.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, I gotta ask my fans kindly please stop
Speaker 1: giving drugs to Christie. No, you can give me a joint,
Speaker 1: maybe a joint, but just with weed, and it just weet,
Speaker 1: not wax. I never, I will never. These police sirens
Speaker 1: actually portray how my brain fell. I So here's what happened.
Speaker 1: I was, you know, we're in the we're in Cleveland,
Speaker 1: we're leaving the hotel to go to our final destination
Speaker 1: of New York City last you know, after the last
Speaker 1: show whatever whatever, the final and uh and I had
Speaker 1: the wheat cookie and it was like, you know what
Speaker 1: because we had had some, you know, you had some.
Speaker 1: Your brother had sell my hands them in San Francisco
Speaker 1: a little tiny bit right. Oh and that didn't go well.
Speaker 1: But I kept goddamnit. Bit Ship told me I took
Speaker 1: a very little bit. I didn't know you had them left,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna take them again. Your god, so stupid.
Speaker 1: So what I did was, you know it was in
Speaker 1: my suitcase. I was like, I'd rather not fly. I
Speaker 1: really want to get back to New York. I don't
Speaker 1: want any trouble. I'm just gonna I want to throw
Speaker 1: it out, but maybe we'll take a little piece. I
Speaker 1: guess I took the biggest piece or something, because by
Speaker 1: the time, not only our our and our car driver
Speaker 1: from the hotel to the airport in Cleveland was so
Speaker 1: fucking he was different. He was he was a little
Speaker 1: legitimate serial color. Yeah if he hasn't killed someone yet,
Speaker 1: he is about He was telling us how much he
Speaker 1: loved uh name is no trainer, M train. He calls
Speaker 1: her M train, well, because that's you gotta get on
Speaker 1: the M train so much. Who is definitely a serial killer?
Speaker 1: And also like you know when they show pictures like
Speaker 1: he is a murderer and you're like, yeah, that looks
Speaker 1: like a murderer. DA's the guys, he was a murderer.
Speaker 1: He was a fucking creepy ass. Child horror movie, like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. And I wasn't so anyway, I wasn't
Speaker 1: high at this point, but I was like, this is
Speaker 1: a very bizarre conversation that we are having well, and
Speaker 1: I kept making jokes like right to him about how
Speaker 1: he was probably a starial killer. Yeah, and he was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he loved them. He loved them a little too much.
Speaker 1: Them a little too much, and uh, you know, and
Speaker 1: that was weird. And then we got into the airport
Speaker 1: and something something weird happened. I forget what exactly what
Speaker 1: it was, but someone was weird and I was like, man,
Speaker 1: is it. We gotta get out of here. There was
Speaker 1: a fun show, but the people that we were encountering
Speaker 1: this day were very weird. And then we get to
Speaker 1: the gate and and the Karan goes, you know, we're
Speaker 1: sitting in the chairs. We had some time, and Karan goes,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to Starbucks. You wanted things. It was
Speaker 1: far away, so I was like, yeah, I'll watch our
Speaker 1: stuff and give me a thing. And while Karin is
Speaker 1: walking to the Starbucks, I all of a sudden feel
Speaker 1: like everything around me is melting and also blaring loud
Speaker 1: music at me and also vibrating, and also black and
Speaker 1: white and also colored. I have never felt this way
Speaker 1: in my fucking life. And that's why I don't do drugs,
Speaker 1: like I don't do hard drugs because are hallucinogens. I
Speaker 1: feel like I would, yeah, definitely gonna say that cookie
Speaker 1: had something in it acid and it was sealed. It
Speaker 1: was purchasing seal, but holy sh it felt a lot
Speaker 1: like acid, but bad, like a bad trip. I text
Speaker 1: Karin and I was like, Krn, You're gonna kill me,
Speaker 1: but like, I took a little bit of this week cookie,
Speaker 1: but I guess I accept it took a lot and
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna die. And she gets back and
Speaker 1: I'm ballowing my eyes out. I'm bawling my eyes out.
Speaker 1: And this fucking little girl, this fucking little girl. Man,
Speaker 1: she was a tiny little girls, just maybe three or four.
Speaker 1: And I go was talking to Karta, my Karrent, I
Speaker 1: don't think I'm gonna I don't thin I'm gonna die
Speaker 1: on this plan. I don't think I'm going to plane
Speaker 1: and I just got it. Krim was like, you just
Speaker 1: just please don't make a scene or will get kicked
Speaker 1: off the plane. I'm like, I know, I'm really worried.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be okay, this fucking little girl, three
Speaker 1: year old doughey eyed comes right up to me and
Speaker 1: just stares at me. I'm like, you bitch, don't do
Speaker 1: this to me. Now, why are you doing this to me? Now?
Speaker 1: It was weird, right, it was weird, Well, I explained,
Speaker 1: I was like, and Christine was like, why is this
Speaker 1: little girl looking at me? Girls, it's weird right that
Speaker 1: she's looking I was like, she probably just has never
Speaker 1: seen an adult like cry, because she's like, that's like,
Speaker 1: that's like she's like, probably I think honestly, she was
Speaker 1: probably like I do that. Why is like a grown
Speaker 1: up doing that? Because usually you don't see crackers growing
Speaker 1: up aren't allowed to like cry, well, especially when you're
Speaker 1: like four in public. Think she was she was just curious.
Speaker 1: It really wasn't that weird. Was so weird at the time.
Speaker 1: She just had a little bit of an m Night Shamalan. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but she looks she was like a breath tape, like,
Speaker 1: she looked like a I would cast her in a
Speaker 1: movie because she has like an interesting she had an
Speaker 1: interesting look for a four year old. Yeah, No, she
Speaker 1: really goddamnit. I never hope I never see that girl again.
Speaker 1: You just hire to walk out on stage during our
Speaker 1: shows dead center, look at everyone, and then walk off
Speaker 1: so eerie. And I was like and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna die or and we're gonna die, I think.
Speaker 1: And then it was just bad and there was every
Speaker 1: it was. It was like a joke. It was like
Speaker 1: the world's playing a joke on me. But I know
Speaker 1: it was and it was just because I was so
Speaker 1: fucking high. But I really think that there were a
Speaker 1: lot of weird circumstances surrounding our trip to the airport,
Speaker 1: and the airport in general. Cleveland itself was questionable, but
Speaker 1: other than that, it was very normal. It was just
Speaker 1: an airport. It was the worst day of I say,
Speaker 1: I was there, it was pretty normy. It was the
Speaker 1: worst one of the worst day, one of the worst time,
Speaker 1: the worst couple of hours of my life. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: so a girl. What you put in that cookie? Because
Speaker 1: it won weed? Well that's why it was. It was
Speaker 1: sealed with enlisting ingredients on the back. And I was like,
Speaker 1: did you like make this in your house or well,
Speaker 1: because I had taken the same thing and like, t
Speaker 1: she has yet to affect me. Denver, California, you name it,
Speaker 1: I've taken. I tried to ingest it, and um but
Speaker 1: I was, I was. We drank a lot that night. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, with the homeless person. That was one of
Speaker 1: my favorite nights. That was the tour We invited the
Speaker 1: homeless guy in and well because in my drunk mind,
Speaker 1: I saw him outside and in my head, this is
Speaker 1: was my train of thought. I go, you know what
Speaker 1: if Hillary Clinton wasn't a bar drinking and she saw
Speaker 1: a joyous homeless man outside, she would invite him in.
Speaker 1: And that's why that's why I decided that we should
Speaker 1: invite him. It was such a beautiful moment. It was
Speaker 1: like Hillary Clinton's America and he's inside, were in his bar,
Speaker 1: dancing and laughing with like it's just seven of us
Speaker 1: doing karaoke, singing songs and then this joyous looking older
Speaker 1: homeless man and you were like, come on in, and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, come on in, and the bartender
Speaker 1: was like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wha, wha, wha what
Speaker 1: are you doing? Were like, it just shitty to be
Speaker 1: having so much fun when someone else in the outside
Speaker 1: by himself and like a kind of cold weather. It
Speaker 1: just seemed shitty, and it was so much fun. He
Speaker 1: was great. He sang skryo, well apparently like some homeless
Speaker 1: person in San Francisco like murdered someone not too long ago,
Speaker 1: and that by everyone was a little bit up in
Speaker 1: arms when we did that. But it's also like, we're
Speaker 1: not We're not coming in from you know, Georgia, like
Speaker 1: or like a place I don't know where they don't
Speaker 1: have homeless people, like a sweet town. We're coming from
Speaker 1: New York City. Like it's not like we don't we've
Speaker 1: seen it, Like we're not familiar with homeless ship, but
Speaker 1: we've seen him. I'm well versed, and I know I
Speaker 1: will say homeless people in California are a little bit
Speaker 1: more on edge. Yeah, right, but however, I am pretty
Speaker 1: good with saying sensing if someone is capable of handling it.
Speaker 1: And we were right. He was a great dude. And
Speaker 1: I remember he went at the bottom of beer singing
Speaker 1: no problem. He was already drunk. Yeah, so I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, he wasn't gonna hurt anybody, not making it
Speaker 1: any worse, and he tried it to your joy. I
Speaker 1: remember he was like, why do you invite me in?
Speaker 1: I'm like, because you were. You look so happy, like
Speaker 1: you want to have some fun. Come half all with us. Well,
Speaker 1: I hate the story kind of because when you when
Speaker 1: you retell a story like this, it just sounds like
Speaker 1: a bunch of white bitches, like, look, we like danced
Speaker 1: with the Hollocks person, aren't we? All right, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get it, see sir, it was nice. Just pretend we
Speaker 1: didn't tell you about it. It was nice. Sorry, it
Speaker 1: was nice. But yeah, no, I don't know the whole thing.
Speaker 1: But anyway, but so that was my favorite, genuine moment,
Speaker 1: but it was great. We took one of the week cookies,
Speaker 1: so yeah, that was pretty. That was the night I
Speaker 1: was drunk on the on the tour because I was
Speaker 1: with my brother. Um, but then I took I took
Speaker 1: a piece of this week cookie too, just because I
Speaker 1: keep trying to test it. And then at the time
Speaker 1: I got home, when we got home to my brother's house,
Speaker 1: I was like shaking, like like I had drank an
Speaker 1: original four logo, which not my listeners do it, but
Speaker 1: I mean it's like drinking entire pot of coffee. And
Speaker 1: then something was like so I, um, so I was
Speaker 1: shaking and I and I truly thought I was going
Speaker 1: to die. I was like, I don't want to go
Speaker 1: to bed because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. So that's
Speaker 1: exactly how I feel. Well that's why I was explaining too.
Speaker 1: I was like, I know exactly what you're doing because
Speaker 1: I just did this two days ago. Um, and I
Speaker 1: just and I took a shower and then I just
Speaker 1: went to bed. I was like, well, this is a gamble,
Speaker 1: might not wake up tomorrow. But I was like, at
Speaker 1: least I'm my brother's house, so if I'm going to die,
Speaker 1: you know, that would be nice family. Um yeah, no,
Speaker 1: But but also it just felt that's sometimes like when
Speaker 1: I when you take acid, you you have that thing
Speaker 1: like is this going to end? Is this ever going
Speaker 1: to end? And I'm going to die? Those are two
Speaker 1: thoughts you have sometimes. I ever said I was going
Speaker 1: to die before. Well that's why I can't compare it
Speaker 1: to an edible because I've never had an edible work before,
Speaker 1: even though I've tried them. But it felt very much
Speaker 1: like a bad trip. So I don't know what the
Speaker 1: funk was going on, but it just didn't last long
Speaker 1: enough to be a high amount of acid if there
Speaker 1: was any acid in it, because because the high amount
Speaker 1: of asset would have lasted so much longer acid that ship.
Speaker 1: Fuck that annoise twelve hours. How is your Thanksgiving? Oh?
Speaker 1: It was great. Yeah, my dad and my mom and
Speaker 1: James came to my apartment and I cooked like an
Speaker 1: extensive meal. I was saying, I gotta say I knocked
Speaker 1: it out of the park. Yeah, well I'm a very
Speaker 1: good cook. I just um was like concerned with timing.
Speaker 1: But I just bought a set of chafing dishes, uh
Speaker 1: from party City, like if you were having like a
Speaker 1: buffet style party, to keep things warm, so I didn't
Speaker 1: have to time it so much. So as I cook stuff,
Speaker 1: I put it on a flame and those nice tip
Speaker 1: and there was no arguments over Oh no, my my
Speaker 1: family doesn't. We're not an argumentative family. We see problems
Speaker 1: under the rug. Yeah, well that sucks too. We do
Speaker 1: both have like we're kind of like it's good, like
Speaker 1: I have a not my my immediate family is important,
Speaker 1: but like when we get together with aunts and uncles
Speaker 1: and like, it's it's pretty boring, which is good because
Speaker 1: good no one's fighting yeah, So I told my mom
Speaker 1: because my Thanksgiving was great because I was I wanted to.
Speaker 1: I did want a bitch about Trump, but Steven's to
Speaker 1: only the Stephen's parents say they get it. My parents
Speaker 1: do not. So I was like, my parents didn't end
Speaker 1: up coming so the Thanksgiving because they had other plants,
Speaker 1: but it was argument free. And I'm very nervous about Christmas.
Speaker 1: So I told my mom. I called her and I said, Mom,
Speaker 1: because I have uncles and family members that are coming,
Speaker 1: you think they're still gonna be getting political on Christmas. Yes,
Speaker 1: because we've we've it's gone there before, and I've he
Speaker 1: people have said very upsetting things about black lives matter
Speaker 1: to me a couple of Christmases ago, and I fucking yelled,
Speaker 1: screamed and yelled and then went upstairs. And I don't
Speaker 1: want that to happen. So I said, if anyone talked,
Speaker 1: we're gonna put a jar out on the kitchen counter.
Speaker 1: And like, if Uncle so and so fucking pipes up
Speaker 1: about Hillary Clinton be in the worst person in the
Speaker 1: world or whatever the funk or some stupid ass racial remark,
Speaker 1: he has to put twenty dollars in the jar. And
Speaker 1: at the end of the holiday, we're donating that to
Speaker 1: the Clinton Foundation. I think gonna go for that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she said she can make the jar. Yeah, because I
Speaker 1: was like, I just feel I don't know, I just
Speaker 1: try to I don't want to bring it up. I'd
Speaker 1: rather I just don't talk about stuff like that with
Speaker 1: my family. Well, that's the way older they're gonna, you know,
Speaker 1: hopefully die. I mean not hopefully, I'm not meaning that's
Speaker 1: just the way number years work, you know, you know.
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, no one said anything that crazy,
Speaker 1: and and honestly, like you're not going to change someone's
Speaker 1: opinion over Christmas interact. That's why I'm like, I would
Speaker 1: love to get it, but I feel like I feel
Speaker 1: like we've taken our work elsewhere, so we just have to,
Speaker 1: you know, go along with that in the jar. Put
Speaker 1: twenty dollars in the jar. All right, is the time
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Speaker 1: She like reads letters that scientology has written her like
Speaker 1: as if the religion is just pet and then you
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Speaker 1: my calendar that sounds almost as fun as a snoop dogg.
Speaker 1: Fucking uh Mary not Meryl Street, no Martha Stewart. Stewart,
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Speaker 1: Two sixteen, the year we lost all our sponsors sponsors
Speaker 1: in our sanity, I think that we cook acid cookie
Speaker 1: really just it did something to me. It's made a
Speaker 1: permanent effect on you. Yeah, maybe you know. I'm not
Speaker 1: taking so much bullshit anymore. And ever since that last
Speaker 1: bonus episode on how I Really Let Loose and I
Speaker 1: really listened back to it, I was like, it's pretty funny.
Speaker 1: I get really high and drunk. You guys you should,
Speaker 1: oh if you want to subscribe to how A bonus episodes, Seriously,
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Speaker 1: other podcast bonus content, but you don't get funk about that.
Speaker 1: You're just gonna work about us, right If you don't
Speaker 1: know problem, Uh, come CS live. Yeah. Tonight Friday, seven
Speaker 1: thirty pm is Glamour Plus, hosted by myself and Wendys
Speaker 1: Starling at Zinc Bar, eighty two West third Street in
Speaker 1: the West Village doors at seven show at seven thirty
Speaker 1: tickets or fifteen bucks get in the link on the
Speaker 1: description of this podcast, and that same night at eleven
Speaker 1: fifteen pm, it's Nacho Bitches at New York Comedy Club,
Speaker 1: hosted by myself and Blair Sack. But tonight we're doing
Speaker 1: a special thing. Blair and I are both doing our
Speaker 1: half hours of material and it's gonna be host did
Speaker 1: by Harrison Greenbaum, who's amazing. You've heard him on the podcast.
Speaker 1: We have had sex. Everyone pretty much knows that the
Speaker 1: hell and um yeah, he's one of my best friends though.
Speaker 1: And use code Nacho to get ten dollar tickets for that.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be really fun and special and the last
Speaker 1: glamor Pus and Nacho Bitches of the year. Do oh dude,
Speaker 1: you guys, We're going on tour again. Remember that second
Speaker 1: lag we were kept promising. Here it is. Are you ready?
Speaker 1: You're some here? Some cities and dates jotted down. Don't
Speaker 1: pull over on the highway. Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Wednesday, December
Speaker 1: will be at the Improv the next day, West Palm Beach, Florida, Thursday,
Speaker 1: December twenty nine, will be at the Improv. Seattle, Washington. Saturday,
Speaker 1: January four, we're gonna be at Parlor Live Comedy Club,
Speaker 1: San Francisco, California. We're coming back on on Sunday, January
Speaker 1: fifteenth at Cobb's Comedy Club again as part of riot
Speaker 1: Fest Denver, Colorado. You fucking weed people. We're gonna be
Speaker 1: there for two days Monday January six than Tuesday January
Speaker 1: sevent We're gonna be a comedy works Portland, Oregon. Wednesday
Speaker 1: January eighth, we are going to be at Helium, Vancouver, Canada.
Speaker 1: Friday January at the Rio Theater, Los Angeles, California. Saturday
Speaker 1: January one, we will be there for riot Fest San Diego, California.
Speaker 1: Sunday January will be at the Bricka Comedy Club and
Speaker 1: then lond Oh my god, we've got to go to
Speaker 1: the UK and we're gonna talk like this and everyone's
Speaker 1: gonna be so annoying. We're gonna do the show like
Speaker 1: everyone's gonna hate. We won't promise. Friday February three and
Speaker 1: Saturday February four, we will be at the So Hot Theater.
Speaker 1: Sell that we need to sell this out a samp
Speaker 1: so that we can come back and do a bit.
Speaker 1: These are the there is a tiny venue. We're losing
Speaker 1: money on that. One guy, I don't even give a yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean we can give a little bit of a
Speaker 1: ship like, we're just coming, We're just coming, We're just
Speaker 1: fucking coming. Yeah, Jerry Hollywell, if you listen to this,
Speaker 1: oh my god, if anyone knows Jerry Hollywell, please you call.
Speaker 1: Somebody knows Jerry Hollowell listening to this. She was my
Speaker 1: favorite one. She ginger Spice was me. She was She
Speaker 1: was my second favorite one. But she's but Victoria lives
Speaker 1: in America, of course not, but sometimes she goes to
Speaker 1: the UK. You guys, someone listening to this knows a
Speaker 1: spice girl. Please please, we're not We're not fucking with you.
Speaker 1: Please please please please set us in touch with it
Speaker 1: with a spice girl. That's all we ask. And also
Speaker 1: buy tickets to all these shows you can find it.
Speaker 1: We should have all the links up by today, by
Speaker 1: Friday of the day that we're putting the podcast out,
Speaker 1: and we don't. They'll come in soon, all right, Just
Speaker 1: calm down, sorry about last night. Comedy. Dot com slash
Speaker 1: tours tours plural is where you get all the links
Speaker 1: to this ship. Um, okay, let's bring some emails, but
Speaker 1: first I want to put my phone. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: please hook us up with Jerry Hallowell. I still have
Speaker 1: the Spice Girl Barbie Doll. This subject of this email
Speaker 1: is is it fucked up that I'm not sucked up?
Speaker 1: A perspective you might not have heard before. Hey girls,
Speaker 1: I'm a twenty year old female living in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: I just recently discovered the amazing world of empowering sex
Speaker 1: positive podcasts such as Guy's We Fun on the Savage
Speaker 1: Love Cast. Immediately obsessed. I already been through most of
Speaker 1: your episodes in just a few days. Gone. Damn what
Speaker 1: While I'm fan girling, I have to seriously mentioned how
Speaker 1: much I appreciate an applaud your encouragement on having complete
Speaker 1: open mindedness and understanding as human beings towards each other.
Speaker 1: You're truly helping your listeners brought in their sexual horizons. Bravo.
Speaker 1: I know you guys aren't therapist, so I'll try to
Speaker 1: make this quick. I've I've found out having UM. I
Speaker 1: found myself having a problem with not having a problem.
Speaker 1: So I was molested as a child from a very
Speaker 1: young age, and it continued for a long time from
Speaker 1: about ages five to nine. It was by a close
Speaker 1: male family friend my parents age. My parents obviously trusted
Speaker 1: him and thought he was a great guy. Because he
Speaker 1: was my babysitter for most of my childhood, I spent
Speaker 1: a lot of time with this person. I remember pretending
Speaker 1: that it wasn't happening, and then every once in a
Speaker 1: while he would try to touch me. I would have
Speaker 1: a meltdown and threatened to tell my parents, but unfortunately
Speaker 1: I never had the guts to follow through. As I
Speaker 1: write this, I can't believe it went on for years.
Speaker 1: I feel sick and a shame that I never spoke up.
Speaker 1: Fast forward to now, and here's the not having a
Speaker 1: problem part. I don't feel very affected by it. I
Speaker 1: have no sexual insecurities or PTSD. I don't feel a
Speaker 1: weight on my shoulders in my everyday life. I don't
Speaker 1: feel I've really developed any issues stemming from this horrible
Speaker 1: event of my life. Sometimes it comes to mind, and
Speaker 1: of course I feel disgusted, and I wish I had
Speaker 1: done something to put that asshole through hell, but I didn't.
Speaker 1: I've never told anybody, and it's too late now he's
Speaker 1: sort of drifted out of our lives and nobody has
Speaker 1: really heard from him in years, wondering why. But my
Speaker 1: point is, is it fucking weird of me to not
Speaker 1: really be affected by this. I mean, this is a
Speaker 1: fucked up thing that happened, and I feel final overall.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like a freak for not having issues
Speaker 1: about this, or that maybe I do have hidden issues
Speaker 1: that I don't realize or that are there, or that
Speaker 1: might just fucking might be a jack in the box
Speaker 1: into my life someday. Should I tell anybody about this?
Speaker 1: Am I suppressing by just internalizing the whole thing? Or
Speaker 1: should I keep it to myself and continue living my life?
Speaker 1: Sincerely a fellow fucker girl, If you fine, You're fine.
Speaker 1: You don't have to have a You don't have to
Speaker 1: be affected. Uh, you don't have to be anything other
Speaker 1: than how you don't have to feel any other way
Speaker 1: other than how you feel about it. So I don't
Speaker 1: think you need to tell other people. I think one
Speaker 1: of the things that telling people about an event like
Speaker 1: that is it does two things. I think it lets
Speaker 1: you air stuff out if you want, if you feel
Speaker 1: like you want to air stuff out, and also it
Speaker 1: prevents it from happening, possibly could prevent it from happening
Speaker 1: if this person should experience repercussions from their actions. Um,
Speaker 1: you don't know where this guy is he's along gone
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. He's a molester, he's a pedophile,
Speaker 1: so you know he's s caedattled. But or maybe somebody
Speaker 1: he did it to somebody else and somebody else did
Speaker 1: say something to say something. You don't know. But if
Speaker 1: you're cool, you're fucking cool, man. I don't think I
Speaker 1: don't think you should feel I get that you maybe
Speaker 1: might be weirded out by the fact that you are
Speaker 1: not affected by but I think that's great. Well. I
Speaker 1: think it's like society coddles victims and and we we
Speaker 1: treat them like, oh, are you okay? Do you need help?
Speaker 1: They should be really upset right now. But it's it's
Speaker 1: your experience, and you have the freedom to handle your
Speaker 1: experience however you want. And if for you, handling your
Speaker 1: experience is not handling it because it's not affecting you,
Speaker 1: that's fine. There's a million reasons why you could not
Speaker 1: be affected. Maybe it's because you were so young and
Speaker 1: you didn't really feel like a sexual being yet, so
Speaker 1: it's just some kind of fucking weird thing that happened.
Speaker 1: It seems like you are still dealing with it a
Speaker 1: little bit, like if you think about it, and get
Speaker 1: not like So that's that It's not that it hasn't
Speaker 1: affected you at all, but it just everything that happens
Speaker 1: in your life. You know, people go through tragedies. That
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily mean that your whole life is going to
Speaker 1: fall apart. People handle things differently and that's fine. That's
Speaker 1: what makes you a unique human. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: think I think you should feel free to talk about
Speaker 1: it shouldn't feel like a secret. But it also doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be this event or you sit down everyone
Speaker 1: in your family in a chair in a semicircle and
Speaker 1: you and you break down. You know, maybe you can
Speaker 1: just say it's casually, you know however it feels right
Speaker 1: for you. But just know that other people might were
Speaker 1: going to react at a higher level. So maybe it's
Speaker 1: not a big deal to you. But if you tell,
Speaker 1: maybe your mom and dad, I was gonna say, maybe
Speaker 1: they're gonna be like, wow, holy sh it, this is
Speaker 1: a huge deal, and that could make you feel worse exactly,
Speaker 1: I could say, I bet I would think if you told,
Speaker 1: your parents are gonna feel guilty for having that person
Speaker 1: around you and have no no idea. They're gonna feel
Speaker 1: heartbroken for the rest of their lives about this, and
Speaker 1: it's like, if you're fine, just I mean, I think
Speaker 1: every person should have a therapist, but like if you
Speaker 1: want to see if you should, but do what you
Speaker 1: feel and right now I feel like you're you're fine, man. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean the most important thing is how it affects
Speaker 1: you in your sexual and emotional Like if you're kind
Speaker 1: of a sexual man woman relationship, like that's the thing
Speaker 1: where you just have to keep an eye on that
Speaker 1: and make sure it's not affecting you and if it's not,
Speaker 1: you know. And then just if you have kids, I
Speaker 1: think it would be great to maybe share that story
Speaker 1: with them only just so that they're really hyper aware
Speaker 1: of stuff of that. I think that's a great way
Speaker 1: to use that absolutely, because children do not get taught
Speaker 1: about a lot of children do not get taught about
Speaker 1: being touched in appropriately. And I think if more kids
Speaker 1: haven't awareness like that, when it happens, they don't go, wait,
Speaker 1: what this is confusing? They go, oh, this is someone
Speaker 1: being inappropriate with me. I must do what I was
Speaker 1: told and tell my mom, yeah I know what this is.
Speaker 1: This is wrong, And I think it creates you will
Speaker 1: create a great parent because you'll believe your kids, and
Speaker 1: so often we do not. UM. So yeah, dear thing,
Speaker 1: thanks for writing. Have a nice day. This next email,
Speaker 1: I was called only men in relationships want to be
Speaker 1: with me, and I've never been in one. Let's get
Speaker 1: to the bottom of this. I'm thirty three, yep, never
Speaker 1: been in a relationship. I have been in long term
Speaker 1: side bitch situations, but no man will be with just me.
Speaker 1: I was very overweight, and I thought that was the problem,
Speaker 1: like I deserved it. I feel that now that I've
Speaker 1: lost more of the weight, I was feeling more bold
Speaker 1: and like other people could see the beautiful woman I
Speaker 1: always knew I was. I have random strangers stop me
Speaker 1: to tell me how pretty I am. I have a
Speaker 1: great job, and I I'm smart and funny. What the hell? Sure,
Speaker 1: I'm a little awkward, but let's be honest. Some real
Speaker 1: social creeps are in LTL long term relationships and no
Speaker 1: one knows why. Indeed, I can't blame these men. I
Speaker 1: need to understand why I'm I am always in long
Speaker 1: term other people's relationships. Ladies, I have heard you solve
Speaker 1: some creepy problems. Can you tell me what's wrong with me?
Speaker 1: Or how to overcome it. Okay, I mean, first of all,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of stuff going on here. Number one,
Speaker 1: it's nice that people tell you that you're pretty on
Speaker 1: the street, but if you feel the need to tell
Speaker 1: strangers in an email, that weirds me out. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: no one's ever told me I was pretty. Was like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no. But the fact that she needed to tell
Speaker 1: us that people say that, that that tells me that
Speaker 1: you're seeking approval from outside sources. That's not like someone
Speaker 1: who's truly confident knows there beautiful doesn't need to share
Speaker 1: that fact was strange. Well, because strange. What I what
Speaker 1: I that made me think of is I remember Stephen
Speaker 1: would tell me that people go up to Stoya uh
Speaker 1: and like take her headphones off, be like you're really
Speaker 1: beautiful because she can be like very strikingly pretty. And
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, that's cool, but like, I don't
Speaker 1: you know, well that's him talking about her though. If
Speaker 1: she had told us that story, I'd be like, you're
Speaker 1: a narcissist. Really, but if people actually do that, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. You keep that's yourself. It's a weird thing
Speaker 1: to tell me it really, it's a strange thing to
Speaker 1: tell people. It just it sucks to me, It says
Speaker 1: I am still seeking approval from outside sources. It's like
Speaker 1: a nice thing that you go home and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: that was cool, but like I still feel just as
Speaker 1: good about myself as I did. It shouldn't actually make
Speaker 1: you feel better about yourself if you truly like and
Speaker 1: know your own beauty. You know, I'm obsessed with people
Speaker 1: who used to be overweight. This is like my number one,
Speaker 1: my favorite thing. I've did a lot of people who
Speaker 1: used to be overweight, Like, I love it. It's my
Speaker 1: favorite personality type. I think it's so complex and wonderful.
Speaker 1: Um it is complex, it's yeah, but I mean like
Speaker 1: there is there is even if you it seems like
Speaker 1: you probably still have an overweight person personality and that
Speaker 1: you constantly like you probably are like an over people pleaser.
Speaker 1: I think that's a lot of times well, that thing
Speaker 1: of like getting no not as much attention from the
Speaker 1: opposite sex if you're if you're heater of sexual to
Speaker 1: getting like Ryan Reese, like, that's such a fascinating thing
Speaker 1: for to see a person experience former fat guy, he
Speaker 1: brings it up. I love it's my favorite thing. And
Speaker 1: he's like, I'm really cute now, so it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: He is. He's like, he's very handsome. He's so handsome.
Speaker 1: He's great, dude. But like I have noticed the similarities
Speaker 1: of the of that former overweight person. The that's so
Speaker 1: interesting because you find other ways to please people because
Speaker 1: you have made the decision, Like a lot of just
Speaker 1: because you were overweight does not mean you cannot be
Speaker 1: aesthetically pleasing. But I think a lot of overweight people
Speaker 1: decide for themselves that they cannot be aesthetically because they were,
Speaker 1: so they immediately go towards other things. Like that's why
Speaker 1: a lot of fat people are funny, Like it's just
Speaker 1: it's just it's just happened. I mean, you know, Santa,
Speaker 1: he's fat. We love him, he's funny. But no one's
Speaker 1: like I want to fox Sanna. Um, some people, well
Speaker 1: that's really weird. Heard. There's definitely people out there. I
Speaker 1: know there are porns about that. I've actually left it up. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that after you leave. Um. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: And she says that here that she used to feel
Speaker 1: like she deserved only to be the side bitch Number one.
Speaker 1: You never for a lot of reasons. You should never
Speaker 1: be the side bitch for your for yourself and for
Speaker 1: the other woman and the relationship. Yeah, that's just it's
Speaker 1: just not it's not a good place for you to
Speaker 1: be in. It's not a good situation for any of
Speaker 1: the other parties to be in. A bad, bad, bad
Speaker 1: You're not having news bears. Yeah, you're creating trouble. You're
Speaker 1: not getting the love that you need and deserve. What
Speaker 1: are you talking about. Absolutely not. I think you've just
Speaker 1: kind of at this point, you're thirty three, and you
Speaker 1: probably it's been happening so much, or it happened a
Speaker 1: few times, and you're like, well, this is a pattern
Speaker 1: and I'm not Instead of getting out of this pattern,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go home and be like this is
Speaker 1: this is me, This is just I'm just always a
Speaker 1: side But you know you're not. You've just you just
Speaker 1: created this box for yourself where you're always a side,
Speaker 1: but you're not always a side bit. You get your
Speaker 1: head out of that mind space. What do you even thinking?
Speaker 1: The front row bitch, Yeah, there's being the front row bitch.
Speaker 1: What it's the opposite of sidebit, center bitch, front center bitch, center,
Speaker 1: front and center bitch. I like that. Yeah. I can
Speaker 1: see Beyonce talking about being a front and center bitch
Speaker 1: for sure, and they'll be light shining on her and
Speaker 1: it would be great, beautiful body. Sorry, and it's just like,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I can't blame these men. I never this.
Speaker 1: That has nothing to do with anyone except for yourself.
Speaker 1: Stop talking about other people. And if you have a
Speaker 1: great job, that's awesome. You're smart, and you're funny. Those
Speaker 1: are great. It's great to know that about yourself. You
Speaker 1: don't have to leave with that. Just be those things.
Speaker 1: You don't have to talk about being those things. Just
Speaker 1: well because anybody talks about it. It's like, just be
Speaker 1: those things, just do it, and then well I'll believe
Speaker 1: you'll be impressed and be Yeah, walk around your life
Speaker 1: being pretty and being smart and being funny and having
Speaker 1: a great job and nailing it. And next time someone
Speaker 1: approaches you who wants to be in a romantic situation,
Speaker 1: if they are not completely single, say bye boy bye.
Speaker 1: Also dating, I mean I've not been. I've been It's
Speaker 1: been a long time since I've been single. But when
Speaker 1: I was single, most dates sucked. I wasn't. I didn't
Speaker 1: a pattern of they were all with other people and
Speaker 1: I was a side bitch. But the pattern that I
Speaker 1: noticed was these dudes blow not in a good way,
Speaker 1: in a bad way. But that's and it could seem
Speaker 1: so like, oh is it me? What the funk men suck?
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. It's easy to get sucked up in that.
Speaker 1: But like, just learn to recognize that those patterns before
Speaker 1: they really come to fruition and before you realize you're
Speaker 1: you know, in deep with somebody as a side bitch,
Speaker 1: you know, be self aware about that and just focused
Speaker 1: on yourself and and doing you and probably wasted a
Speaker 1: lot of time if you've been in long term side
Speaker 1: bitch situations, that's what that you just wasted a bunch
Speaker 1: of time. And that's why your three three and like, god,
Speaker 1: stop saying thirty three, like it's like a hundred and seven.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, I'm thirty I'm thirty one. Just never
Speaker 1: felt better. Things are going great, so like and that's
Speaker 1: not even sarcastic. Just calm down, guys, will be okay.
Speaker 1: We have a lot of modern technology and we could
Speaker 1: be living way longer than we even want to. All
Speaker 1: of that. Okay, I'd be good with LIKEEO, I mean,
Speaker 1: that's pretty pretty old. That's pretty good. I'd be cool
Speaker 1: with that. I would love to make it to a
Speaker 1: hundred because it seems fun or yeah, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know, speaking of a hundred one, he's not going
Speaker 1: to appreciate him. Not going to appreciate that. Our guest,
Speaker 1: I love and if we wanted, We've been wanting to
Speaker 1: have him on the podcast for a really long time.
Speaker 1: He is a standup comedian. He's been in the game
Speaker 1: for many years and I saw him when I was
Speaker 1: like a little kid on the Last Comic Standards. He
Speaker 1: is a stand up comedian. He is married to the
Speaker 1: one and only other standard comedian that we love and
Speaker 1: have had on the podcast, Bodie McFarlane. Doesn't seem like
Speaker 1: she's the only other one that we've liked. No, We're like, no,
Speaker 1: we like a lot of them. Um, not all of them.
Speaker 1: Not all of them. You shouldn't you know, Um, But yeah,
Speaker 1: we've been We're so excited to have him on. We
Speaker 1: have a a fun conversation about having daughters being politically correct,
Speaker 1: which he is allergic to, which I love about him. Uh,
Speaker 1: and what you know what sex is like when you're
Speaker 1: pushing sixty. And we also talk about a lot of insire,
Speaker 1: communy stuff that you probably have to google, like yeah,
Speaker 1: but going forward, when we say Colin, we mean Colin Quinn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Maria,
Speaker 1: Maria Bamford. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the show, Rich
Speaker 1: boss sayings by Mr tell me y, you know, living
Speaker 1: this night, finding this fight changing out. See I'm standing
Speaker 1: on the side, and now keep telling you want to
Speaker 1: see what you want? Sent up the enemy number one
Speaker 1: leg it is elements even gonna change the world. On
Speaker 1: the stream we had and see what the saying. It's
Speaker 1: all a night and so you tell what I was
Speaker 1: trying to do. Attraction of yours and it's so unique.
Speaker 1: I really like it. So I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: It's not because kiss and that's not that bad. Well
Speaker 1: it's not that bad. But okay, first of all, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to replicate and I can't. I only I only
Speaker 1: screw up two letters, Like right now, does it sound
Speaker 1: like I have a list? No, no, thank you, but okay,
Speaker 1: but there's two letters that ruin me. Sh h, what
Speaker 1: A B, C, D E F oh sometimes g and
Speaker 1: but one letter, one letter has ruined my life. Have
Speaker 1: you had that list forever? Didn't develop? Yeah? I haven't
Speaker 1: since I was since I was a kid. My brother
Speaker 1: had one too. Really, I like lists. I think they're
Speaker 1: you listen, I mean, people go. How come I don't
Speaker 1: try to do voice over? Uh? Yeah, I think it's
Speaker 1: a great list, but I can't figure out what the
Speaker 1: I I usually I like replicating people, I like doing voices,
Speaker 1: but I really pay attention to people's voices. That's kind
Speaker 1: of one of the first things I noticed about them.
Speaker 1: And I've been trying to get down what then your
Speaker 1: lisp is for? Even my first name rich rich. But
Speaker 1: it's not that. But it's not that bad. Holy fuck,
Speaker 1: came here in a goddamn rainstorm and already I'm being
Speaker 1: so now you've opened up the door for abuse. I
Speaker 1: know it seems like you're wait, did you get me
Speaker 1: made fun of a lot? Because of the list? I
Speaker 1: think it's not not not that much, because I was
Speaker 1: always hoping I was always a cool kid, you know,
Speaker 1: not really in sports, being sarcastic. Tattoos. When you were seven,
Speaker 1: I had tattoos. The only tattoo child on the block.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? I was banging broads at eight No, no,
Speaker 1: not at all. I was a late bloomer when we
Speaker 1: start banging broads. Well, the first time I ever had sex,
Speaker 1: I was eighteen. That's not late bloomer. Yes, it was
Speaker 1: because it was my accident at at a hotel and
Speaker 1: she side, did you fall in your dick? You know,
Speaker 1: it's just it's a long, horrible story, but it's gross,
Speaker 1: and I'm not that kind of person. I just we
Speaker 1: rented a room. It was Labor Day weekend, friend and
Speaker 1: I and she sighed, okay. So the room had two
Speaker 1: double beds, so it's Labor Day weekend, and the lady said, look,
Speaker 1: if I could rent the other bed to two other guys,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna And we were young. We go, we don't care,
Speaker 1: and who's gonna do it anyhow? Right, you know who's
Speaker 1: gonna do it? So we we went in the room,
Speaker 1: put our stuff in there. I went to the boardwalk,
Speaker 1: came back. She rented the room to five other guys,
Speaker 1: three for the floor and two for the bed. All right, well,
Speaker 1: we're not gonna be in the room anyhow, because we're
Speaker 1: gonna be partying and we're young, and so we go
Speaker 1: back to the board walk again I understanding of it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well we were seventeen. I don't like lucky. I paid
Speaker 1: for one room people in it. But first of all,
Speaker 1: I don't even know where we got the money from
Speaker 1: to get you know, we probably we hitchhike down there,
Speaker 1: most likely. Wo you know, we're seventeen. We didn't have
Speaker 1: a call. No wonder you didn't mind if there was
Speaker 1: thing because my dad did it too, and like today
Speaker 1: that's like unheard of. Oh yeah, if my kids, what
Speaker 1: do you came? I I don't even want my my
Speaker 1: young daughter to watch at the bus stop by myself.
Speaker 1: And now, and that's in the townhouse we live in, right,
Speaker 1: I don't know who's in these other townhouses. I thought
Speaker 1: there's somebody like me. So uh so I go to
Speaker 1: the boardwalk, did I come back by myself? And I
Speaker 1: walked into some guys having sex with this girl. One
Speaker 1: of the guys and he goes, do you want to
Speaker 1: have sex with her? And I go, okay, I've never
Speaker 1: had sex before. But here's I sort of got. Not
Speaker 1: only did I have sex and it was horrible because
Speaker 1: I've always been After I was done, I swort of god.
Speaker 1: This is how this is how horrible. Okay, I had sex,
Speaker 1: and then I walked to the beach and I sat
Speaker 1: and looked at the water and reflected, like moment I
Speaker 1: sat to is it always supposed to go this quick? Uh? Wait,
Speaker 1: so your first sexual experience was a gang bang? Well, no,
Speaker 1: I was second, it was left. I was second. But
Speaker 1: then when I walked out of the room, it was
Speaker 1: like a line down the hall. No, there wasn't. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if the girl was I mean this
Speaker 1: years ago, Yeah, I was. Was this girl okay? With Yeah,
Speaker 1: she wanted another man to her. This is you know,
Speaker 1: back in a day you were speaking before you know, HIV,
Speaker 1: before ship. You know this is to you what I
Speaker 1: mean I know from Wikipedia. But let's say I'm I
Speaker 1: could be your dad. We google this. Come on, rich
Speaker 1: men are so weird about their age. I always try
Speaker 1: my age. But your listeners, I know your listeners, older listeners,
Speaker 1: but your listeners, your younger listeners will go, why we
Speaker 1: don't want to listen to this old man? That it
Speaker 1: off right away. Now there's smart people. They like interesting adults.
Speaker 1: I'm very interesting. I'll show you how old I am
Speaker 1: waiting hold on. Oh boy, okay, that can I say
Speaker 1: what you're holding up? I'm fifty nine. Yeah, okay, I'll
Speaker 1: be good. You know. Well, so I said to Karen, well,
Speaker 1: before you came over, I was like researching, you know.
Speaker 1: I was like how old rich and was like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, forties and I was like, shit, he's fifty nine,
Speaker 1: well into his forties for the round. But that's still complimentary. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I don't look. I don't look. I don't look
Speaker 1: beaten down, you know. I mean I had some fun
Speaker 1: in my I mean, if you're an m R. I,
Speaker 1: then yes, I'm beating down on the inside. But you know,
Speaker 1: I also have thirty years sober too, So I didn't know,
Speaker 1: not thirty one year sober so for the last thirty
Speaker 1: years I've been, you know. I mean I was a
Speaker 1: horrible drug addict back right. Yeah, I didn't know that.
Speaker 1: Du Yeah we did. We talked to Bonnie a little
Speaker 1: bit about it, because I said, I said, what's it
Speaker 1: like to data attic and she was like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It was like, oh, perfect, grand because I think bomb
Speaker 1: on um addicted to anything that makes me feel good
Speaker 1: or you know, and everybody well but yeah, but not
Speaker 1: to the extreme. Nobody does what I Like, what's the
Speaker 1: worst thing you did for drugs? We're saying I did
Speaker 1: for drugs? Yeah, it's like a drugs I just kissed it.
Speaker 1: I mean my gun line. Like I can't go to
Speaker 1: the parade and be proud, but I could still go. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's so funny. Now there's uh, you know, what is
Speaker 1: it LBG all that stuff l g B T Q
Speaker 1: I A And now there's que Yeah, Q is what
Speaker 1: queer questioning question? So you sit here a going I
Speaker 1: don't know, so you LGBT Q I A which I
Speaker 1: A stand for? Um? Um we wet sexual as a I.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm not look it up. We're talking about
Speaker 1: this at dinner last night. I mean, it's just a
Speaker 1: lot of everybody has a label. Can just people be people?
Speaker 1: It'd be nice if that was the case. It's so
Speaker 1: much easier. I'm just a person. I wish we could
Speaker 1: get rid of the word feminism because why can't we
Speaker 1: just be fucking equal? Why do we have to push feminism?
Speaker 1: Like I get it, and I and I and I
Speaker 1: labeled myself as that just for the sake of that.
Speaker 1: People don't think they should be equal still, and I'm like, gosh,
Speaker 1: my wife is so she's such a feminist on so
Speaker 1: many causes and and not on so many others. Well,
Speaker 1: it depends like she agrees with me on this one.
Speaker 1: Like you know, female comics, a lot of them, it's
Speaker 1: so stupid, but on their CD covers or whatever, they're
Speaker 1: like half naked and bikini. That's your comic. That's not
Speaker 1: what comics supposed to do, in my opinion, And I agree.
Speaker 1: I absolutely agree, because sometimes when I see covers of
Speaker 1: females of their of their album, I'm like, come on,
Speaker 1: you didn't need to do that. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I'm like shit. But also I should be like, you
Speaker 1: do whatever you want, girl, because the media, the entertainment
Speaker 1: industries a bunch of ship heads to women in terms
Speaker 1: of like, if you want to be on TV, you
Speaker 1: want to be in the movies, you gotta be skinny
Speaker 1: and naked now. But I don't. I don't agree with
Speaker 1: that because you could. I could give yes, yes, the
Speaker 1: world is obsessed with weight and beauty and skinny, and
Speaker 1: but if you turn on the TV there's just every
Speaker 1: walk of life. I'm sure it's harder for somebody you
Speaker 1: know who Well, let's for example, Melissa McCarthy. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: sure it's harder, a little harder for her in the
Speaker 1: beginning than it was for whoever you know you would
Speaker 1: consider attractive on TV. But the same goach for guys,
Speaker 1: the same goach for guys. You know, if you're not,
Speaker 1: if you don't Kevin Kevin fucking what's his dumbass name?
Speaker 1: Kevin does it again? That motherfucker Kevin Kevin James gets
Speaker 1: And now I actually do think he is a good
Speaker 1: looking guy. But if we're looking at like the way
Speaker 1: TV people like the ideal body, whatever the fun, Kevin
Speaker 1: James is getting some tens on TV and I'm like,
Speaker 1: fuck this, but yeah, but just one out of every
Speaker 1: for every I guess guy, I mean, you know, I
Speaker 1: guess Calvin clemb I don't fucking know. I think talent,
Speaker 1: to me, talent should be the most important, should override everything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it does usually at the end as a comic. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which is why I love comedy, because you really have
Speaker 1: to fucking be good at it to go somewhere. Do
Speaker 1: I mean, no one's no one's shouldn't here going. Oh look,
Speaker 1: how good looking Louis she k is not even him, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, certainly not even you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: if you're a great comic, some of the best comics
Speaker 1: on the planet, you know, male or female? You know, right,
Speaker 1: you know pricess girls are When because Louis c kay
Speaker 1: is so talented, girls are then going to want to talent?
Speaker 1: No one, I mean, most guys are. No matter how
Speaker 1: funny Melissa McCarthy is or how good her pratt falls are,
Speaker 1: no one's gonna want to true, there's always are you
Speaker 1: kidding me? There's dude McCarthy if he's facially very beautiful,
Speaker 1: kidding me and pray right that she comes go old
Speaker 1: coins come flying out of her pushy I would love
Speaker 1: that all that money, my kitten jaspectful. Always wait, wait,
Speaker 1: you're saying I'm disrestracted. What You're the one who's saying
Speaker 1: what I or her? No? No, no, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1: It's it's uh, listen, I'm attracting. You don't think there's
Speaker 1: people attracted you know to everybody has somebody attraction? Yeah,
Speaker 1: there are. And I think Melissa McCarthy is attractive. I
Speaker 1: think I think Kevin James is attractive. I do think
Speaker 1: Louis kay is attractive because he's so talented, but like
Speaker 1: that mainstream idea of what a tract like, when I
Speaker 1: refer to like well Musim McCarthy, it's because she's not
Speaker 1: mainstream attractive. You asked some douche bag on the street
Speaker 1: what what he thinks of hers? He's going to say,
Speaker 1: some ship, that's gross a fact. Guy wearing a no
Speaker 1: Fat chick shirt. Yeah, I mean when I you know,
Speaker 1: comedy in the look what I was share my funny.
Speaker 1: I was, you know, always working always, you know, headline
Speaker 1: and whatever. Even and I had long curly hair, bad
Speaker 1: teeth and back then bad teeth. He's great from drugs
Speaker 1: or just from life. From life. Uh. And you know, girl,
Speaker 1: it was easy to meet. I mean this is you know,
Speaker 1: in the eighties too, girls were you know, I mean
Speaker 1: I guess because you were funny, right, Well it was
Speaker 1: funny and I had a lot of confidence on stage. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm very you know. And even saw a video and
Speaker 1: me goes, look how look at your horrific looking but
Speaker 1: look how confident you look. Confidence of Tom Brady. Look
Speaker 1: at your confidence. That's so true. Women are so attracted
Speaker 1: to that, and it really out does looks any I
Speaker 1: mean all the time for me, you know, when you're
Speaker 1: with somebody after a while. That's why I mean Bonnie
Speaker 1: and I a trial of Bonnie. I mean, it's so
Speaker 1: hard to say that work has ever been on record
Speaker 1: that you've said, which loss loves Bonnie? Well no, because
Speaker 1: here's because we connect works like when you know, she's
Speaker 1: so funny and so brilliant, and then we get to
Speaker 1: when we can attack the same person and just like
Speaker 1: the same person that brings us together so sweet, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, uh, you know, it's got
Speaker 1: to be so fun if we turn on serious and
Speaker 1: listen to comedy and we just stick. You're both going, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know nice, you get it. You guys get each other.
Speaker 1: Well that's what I said you in the beginning. She
Speaker 1: hates I go, well, you know, uh I said to her,
Speaker 1: and I go, you get it, and she goes, you
Speaker 1: know because I said to her, you get it. But
Speaker 1: she really did. Like when I first met her, I
Speaker 1: remember when we were just fucking. I remember she was
Speaker 1: staying at a hotel in New York and I went
Speaker 1: up to a room and it was just sucking clothes
Speaker 1: all over the place. And she's some that's just she's
Speaker 1: the coolest, these cool boots, and she's a babe. She's alright,
Speaker 1: she I mean, she's all right. You know, guys, she's
Speaker 1: a hottie and she's so brilliantly funny. But you the
Speaker 1: thing is, any relationship, yeah looks aren't is important down
Speaker 1: the road you don't want somebody is gonna complete because yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree, and I would think about that a lot lately,
Speaker 1: because it's like, you just want somebody who cares about
Speaker 1: themselves and their own physical wellness and health, and because
Speaker 1: that's attractive. So it's not like I don't want to
Speaker 1: get fact because I don't want to. I don't want
Speaker 1: to suck you anymore. I just don't want you to
Speaker 1: lose your sense of self. Well that too, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to. But no, uh, I have what a
Speaker 1: brave man. I used to during we sha have big,
Speaker 1: big parties, and I used to keep a mattress into
Speaker 1: garage or one into basement. Uh, for when you'd suck
Speaker 1: a girl, you go on. Yeah, no, for in case
Speaker 1: I don't want my roommates to see who I was sucking,
Speaker 1: I would go into basement and the mattress really like,
Speaker 1: I can't tell with you what was I saying about. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: you and Bonnie making fun of like you get each other,
Speaker 1: you make fun of people together. But know what started
Speaker 1: this whole thing is the whole feminist and and yes,
Speaker 1: I look I look at it this way. This is
Speaker 1: not an easy business for anybody. And that probably any business.
Speaker 1: Probably if you work at Apple or Microsoft or whatever
Speaker 1: and you're trying to you know, you know, you're trying
Speaker 1: to get to the top. It's not the only differences
Speaker 1: you go for promotion, you know, in these companies once
Speaker 1: a year, yes or no. As an entertainers, especially comedians,
Speaker 1: you deal with rejection on a daily basis. You deal
Speaker 1: with it, you know, uh, a lot of knows. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and before the yeses or you know, yes, it's come,
Speaker 1: but there's still knows. And I'm talking about even you know,
Speaker 1: the biggest acts get knows. So it's this is a
Speaker 1: tough business for everybody. Now, I'm sure females because we
Speaker 1: made a whole fucking movie Women Aren't Funny about Thank
Speaker 1: You about comics. It's on iTunes, it ran its court,
Speaker 1: it was on Netflix for two years. So yeah, if
Speaker 1: I was if I was a lady, I don't want
Speaker 1: to go to some of the places I go to,
Speaker 1: I don't want to go. I couldn't imagine if I was,
Speaker 1: if I was a female comic or a lady comic,
Speaker 1: I don't know. When you say females grows, So if
Speaker 1: I was, yeah, I mean I mean the females anyhow,
Speaker 1: I don't care. So yeah, I wouldn't want to go
Speaker 1: to those places. And so you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because they're creepy fucking club there's managers. You know, the
Speaker 1: other comics are fucking just as creepy as the fucking
Speaker 1: you know. Have you witnessed Bunny or other women in
Speaker 1: the in the industry get creeped on or get some
Speaker 1: ship said to them that you're like, funk this, Like,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's important for other guys to see
Speaker 1: it at least to know that it happens. We're not
Speaker 1: just bitching. Well yeah, of course, of course, guys. Look,
Speaker 1: if you're a comic already, you're fun and damaged. You
Speaker 1: there's something fucking wrong to be in this, To do this,
Speaker 1: you're damage, and good comics are damage. If you see
Speaker 1: some like the comics nowadays, they don't have any self awareness. Date.
Speaker 1: They all strut around the stage like they're fucking, you know,
Speaker 1: on the runway. But you gotta, really, you gotta kind
Speaker 1: of be embarrassed to do this. To be good, you
Speaker 1: gotta be like, why what the fuck? I was on
Speaker 1: stage and I go, why what am I saying? Why
Speaker 1: am I here? What? I got nothing for these people? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm doing I'm killing But I go, so, yeah,
Speaker 1: So comics are fucking damage to begin with. Then you
Speaker 1: know they're lonely, creepy and you know, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: see image. Yeah, I commy. Here's what commics get away with?
Speaker 1: Male comics? Uh, female girl comic female A comic could
Speaker 1: say something to tour and use while I'm joking, uh
Speaker 1: uh you know, uh you could say, you could say
Speaker 1: something disgusting and then say, I just just kidding, I
Speaker 1: want to put my ships in your pussy, just kidding.
Speaker 1: They want to in the bad room, j K. Show
Speaker 1: comics they had that fucking they use that, you know.
Speaker 1: But I've seen yeah, I've seen guys that you know,
Speaker 1: say stuff about my way. Well like I've heard you know, no, no,
Speaker 1: I just here to I just know I could feel
Speaker 1: in my gut when somebody wants to be friends with
Speaker 1: her helper or fucker insured, Well, yeah, I would imagine
Speaker 1: by now you get the vibe like because you know,
Speaker 1: and that's a good that's a good sense to have,
Speaker 1: you know, just you know, you go home and discuss
Speaker 1: that with Bonnie. She thinks I'm jealous and because she
Speaker 1: goes but she's you're right. Probably I'm right most of
Speaker 1: the time. Some guy, you know whatever, because you speak
Speaker 1: fluent guy, I assume and you're you're a guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you get it. Also to also to some people network
Speaker 1: to get you know, No, she has a better career
Speaker 1: than a new comics so don't go, well, let me
Speaker 1: do this for you. Definitely for for you know, networking.
Speaker 1: You can know some guys are just creepy fucking guys.
Speaker 1: Have you ever had to say anything to a guy
Speaker 1: that's either said something to her, done something, or her
Speaker 1: I think I've had Yeah, I've had fights or blowout
Speaker 1: or really we had fights, me and her blowout fights
Speaker 1: over he wasn't trying to suck me. You're because she says, well,
Speaker 1: what if you know, girl, try wants to do this
Speaker 1: for you, I go, what it doesn't happen like that
Speaker 1: because I don't get that. You don't get that. Not
Speaker 1: really what's your girl gonna say, you know, for her
Speaker 1: social media rush? Yeah? Actually I did have somebody to do.
Speaker 1: That wasn't a girl? Was she not necessarily trying to
Speaker 1: suck you? But no, not at all she was. But
Speaker 1: that that was last year. That wasn't in the beginning,
Speaker 1: you know, we were whatever. That was all the way
Speaker 1: last year, twelve months ago. That was Oh shit, I
Speaker 1: don't think so in order. People just sometimes people buzz
Speaker 1: I want to go out and yell at him, um,
Speaker 1: but not while we're recording. Uh so, I don't know
Speaker 1: where I'm going. Maybe I'm talking in fucking circles, maybe,
Speaker 1: I think, But I can tell you kind of getting
Speaker 1: nervous or not nervous around the subject. But it's like
Speaker 1: you don't you're not necessarily afraid to say something wrong
Speaker 1: because you don't give a funk about that, Like it's
Speaker 1: a it's is it a tricky subject for you to talk?
Speaker 1: Like to um navigate, like if you're in a room
Speaker 1: full of male comedians, or you've heard that so and
Speaker 1: so said something about something nasty about your wife, Like
Speaker 1: just like I would say something. Yeah, yeah, I would.
Speaker 1: I would have before, Yeah, I would say something. She
Speaker 1: but she gets mad at me. She goes, I could
Speaker 1: handle myself. I'm a fucking adult, And she says, you know,
Speaker 1: And I get that. I get where she's coming from.
Speaker 1: I just don't fucking disrespect me. Yeah, that's you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, especially because you're a comic. So it's
Speaker 1: and and yeah, everyone knows someone in Look if he
Speaker 1: wants to bang a guy in front of me and
Speaker 1: I picked him, that's different that I never did it.
Speaker 1: It's fun. Huh, I like it's fun. I'm sure it is.
Speaker 1: Try I'm not the one saying now anyhow, So uh
Speaker 1: what was I saying? Yeah, I mean doesn't happen. Liked her, Yes,
Speaker 1: but it's not only with sensual harassment or anything like that.
Speaker 1: Just if somebody sucks her for money or some gig
Speaker 1: you know, or well you know, and I say something,
Speaker 1: what do you you know? I can handle you know?
Speaker 1: But then again, she can't order a peach on the phone.
Speaker 1: That gives her anxiety, you know, right, Well, I see
Speaker 1: where she's coming from, though I agree to, but also
Speaker 1: it's it's tough because I don't look at it. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's a comic I look at as my wife and
Speaker 1: you know, that's not how you treat my wife, or well,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that if you're in a room
Speaker 1: and she's at home or wherever she is, she's on
Speaker 1: the road, you're on the road, in separate rooms, and
Speaker 1: then you hear somebody like you have every right to
Speaker 1: say something to that fucking asshole just said something that's
Speaker 1: not to do with her. It's it does, but it's like,
Speaker 1: you don't have to go tell her, you can just
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. We were doing a podcast radio
Speaker 1: show where it's a long, long story. I don't want
Speaker 1: to use names, but this comic was really going on
Speaker 1: the after my life like she was a fucking audience
Speaker 1: member and to her face, yeah, at the show and
Speaker 1: I just fucking like, you know, and it's so hard.
Speaker 1: It's a long story. I'll tell you. I don't want
Speaker 1: to bring the only reason I'm not talking because I
Speaker 1: don't want to give that person props or people or
Speaker 1: it's to me, it's punching down. Yeah, yea, it basically
Speaker 1: is because when somebody like that, who is not in
Speaker 1: my fucking league in this business, you know, but and
Speaker 1: and and I really I My recourse was on our podcast,
Speaker 1: I fucking really live. I mean I laid into him
Speaker 1: the rest of the radio, the podcast with him, you know,
Speaker 1: back and forth. But on our podcast, I just fucking
Speaker 1: beat him down. And Bonnie was like, you don't do this,
Speaker 1: but I had to because the way that's so fucking yeah,
Speaker 1: rude and disrespectful and like, yeah, but I get so
Speaker 1: mad sometimes where Steven's like, oh, sometimes he'll joke he's
Speaker 1: never done it, and I don't think you ever will.
Speaker 1: But he's like, I don't know what you want to do.
Speaker 1: I gotta beat a guy up. I'm like, no, God,
Speaker 1: damn it, Like you don't do you don't have to
Speaker 1: do anything. I got it. I got this. But so
Speaker 1: I do get that mentality of like fucking handle myself.
Speaker 1: But well, it's different too for your boyfriend. He's not
Speaker 1: in comic. He's not in the business. You know, if
Speaker 1: if my wife was let's say, if she was banging
Speaker 1: somebody behind my back, if it was someone down the block,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't care. If it was a comic, then what
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Then you look like
Speaker 1: a chump in front of your here you know, but
Speaker 1: if your wife was cheating on you with like a neighbor,
Speaker 1: a med let me drill a hole in the wall.
Speaker 1: Have you guys? So are you guys? Monogamy is your
Speaker 1: I couldn't have sex with another girl because one well,
Speaker 1: I mean obviously I love my wife and and uh my,
Speaker 1: it's like I've been sucking the same girl for twelve years,
Speaker 1: so if my dick touched any other skin, I would
Speaker 1: explode within no time. I mean it's like it's like
Speaker 1: getting into a fucking new car. How excited you are?
Speaker 1: Like do you know what I mean? Well, it's like
Speaker 1: trying on new shoes, but then you put on your
Speaker 1: old shoes. Yeah, I'm back in the dentist car. You know,
Speaker 1: Look at that. The old car smells, smells like just
Speaker 1: white castle that if you fux somebody else, you'd never
Speaker 1: want to suck your wife again? No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: I first of all, I wouldn't. I'm an addict. So
Speaker 1: if I did, if I did something once I already
Speaker 1: did it, I might as well keep doing it, I would.
Speaker 1: You know, once you you know, hey, I already sucked around.
Speaker 1: What's gonna be? Well? Yeah, because it's like once you
Speaker 1: allow yourself to go there. You do you allow yourself
Speaker 1: to go there, So you're that that that mental moral
Speaker 1: gap has already been crossed. It's already been so that too.
Speaker 1: And plus I would just disappoint somebody because I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be well, I wouldn't be because I'm not used to
Speaker 1: that person. If it's different for a girl, she doesn't
Speaker 1: have to stay hard. And you know, a guy comes quick,
Speaker 1: he's done, and and if I come, I'm done for
Speaker 1: a week more or less that night. Come once a week.
Speaker 1: I come once a week. I think this is a
Speaker 1: bit I do on stage. So I put my wife
Speaker 1: the other night for disclosure. Yeah, I just don't want
Speaker 1: people to think I'm doing fucking dumb bits. But here's one.
Speaker 1: Not to my wife the other night. Well it's a
Speaker 1: true story. Well she was blown me and she said,
Speaker 1: come on my face. And the only way I could
Speaker 1: possibly come on my waist face if she laid directly
Speaker 1: under me and it fell on her or I came
Speaker 1: in my hand and I wiped it on her face.
Speaker 1: That's the only possible. Wife, I don't shoot. I dropped, Okay,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, because you don't have the distance
Speaker 1: the distance I used. I can't even get to my
Speaker 1: belly button anymore when I jerk off, I used to
Speaker 1: get to my eye. Is that what happens when you
Speaker 1: get older? Your sperm doesn't flies. I just fucking jerked
Speaker 1: off so much in my life. I'm done. Are you kidding?
Speaker 1: It's it's just what sex like when you're it's good.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean we look it. I mean it's
Speaker 1: not like we're not making out, we're not fucking. It's
Speaker 1: me too, I mean I'm not you know, Freddie four
Speaker 1: play either. Uh you know, although I do like I
Speaker 1: do like toys, you know, we'll break the toys out
Speaker 1: sucking nine year old like I have them behind my
Speaker 1: hats in my closet, but next to my fucking uh
Speaker 1: sexuality and so my kid, once you put my hats on,
Speaker 1: she saw these vibe vio she's nine, she started laughing.
Speaker 1: I know what that is, a mommy whatever? You know.
Speaker 1: So we have like one porn that we don't never watch,
Speaker 1: but we have. I have a couple of choys, and
Speaker 1: but Bonny's she's not into it. But once in a while,
Speaker 1: you know, into the porn, into anything, you know, But
Speaker 1: we don't do it. As Look, we've been together twelve
Speaker 1: years plus, we're not Look how Yeah, that's what I'm curious.
Speaker 1: I'd rather watch a good movie. Go ahead. That's the
Speaker 1: truth about marriage. Ye years into a marriage and this
Speaker 1: is your second marriage. Yeah, you know, what's the sex? Like,
Speaker 1: what's the arc of I remember she told me that,
Speaker 1: like your first day of the first time you guys
Speaker 1: really hung out, you wait her out in a car
Speaker 1: and then so what's the arc of your sexual fire
Speaker 1: as a couple? Where does it go? We used to
Speaker 1: be I mean sex a lot. Yeah, you know. I
Speaker 1: mean I when I first met my boy friend, I
Speaker 1: was like, I expected, okay, Nextually before we went to bed,
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're not going to bed without Yeah, here's
Speaker 1: the difference. It's so much. I could wrap it up
Speaker 1: with two things, but I'll tell you more. But in
Speaker 1: the beginning, we kissed when we had sex. Now just
Speaker 1: fucking bend over. Really don't know, we don't kiss. I'm
Speaker 1: a police overrated uh the future? No? Uh well, we
Speaker 1: like just sometimes she'll walk downstairs with her teeth, with
Speaker 1: her T shirt and no bra, and then it's fucking exciting,
Speaker 1: like I like, you know, I mean like whoa look
Speaker 1: at those nips and you know what I'm saying. But like,
Speaker 1: you know, like I like like weird ship, like if
Speaker 1: we were downstairs and you know, she started blowing me
Speaker 1: in the kitchen or something like that, you know, and
Speaker 1: that's fun, that's cute little puppies watching, you know, the
Speaker 1: fucking puppies driving me nuts. We just gotta you. I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, no, we're just so also too, we
Speaker 1: have a kid, you know, right, So what is that? So?
Speaker 1: I mean when when Bonnie was pregnant, did you have sex?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, Because some women I feel
Speaker 1: like that you don't want any want to touch him
Speaker 1: when they're pregnant, and some are like I'm more horny
Speaker 1: than I've ever been about. But I was crazy too.
Speaker 1: I'm like, fucking I remember saying, oh, you're having an
Speaker 1: affair because I'm pregnant. I go, why is my draw
Speaker 1: apart open next to my bed or something, or why
Speaker 1: something like I was like a fucking profiler back in
Speaker 1: the I gotta know. I was like fucking Kathleen Bates
Speaker 1: and misery. If one of the one of the figurines
Speaker 1: was pointing the wrong way, you're fucking somebody because I
Speaker 1: was I was nuts. But I remember one time. This
Speaker 1: is true. I'm trying to I'm trying to have sex, right,
Speaker 1: So I got like this little This is no bullshit,
Speaker 1: that's just true. Sure, I got this little like bullet
Speaker 1: vibrator goes, yeah, little, So I got this on her.
Speaker 1: Uh and then I'm on clint No, on her elbow,
Speaker 1: stupid and yes on her clint here now we're even
Speaker 1: could have been up her butt. No, no, it's too small.
Speaker 1: I would have lost it. And I doesn't even let
Speaker 1: me go nearer. But okay, and we've never done sixty nine.
Speaker 1: We hate sixty anti we've got it, good for you,
Speaker 1: but she calls it a working vacation. Yeah, she's brilliant.
Speaker 1: I knew it, guys. Bonnie McFarland said it. No, we
Speaker 1: got We got so much feedback. People be like you guys,
Speaker 1: just don't do sixty nine right, Like, no, we fucking
Speaker 1: do it right. It's very easy to execute. We're not idiots,
Speaker 1: just not fun. But it sucks. We haven't done to me.
Speaker 1: Then I'll do you. We have enough time. That's that's funny,
Speaker 1: that's true. So I remember, so I got this thing
Speaker 1: on her with my left hand on her. Then I'm
Speaker 1: looking trying to look at the porn at the same time.
Speaker 1: So as I'm trying, then I'm trying to suck her
Speaker 1: right I look like a fucking Salvador Dolly painting. And
Speaker 1: the whole time I'm sucking, I'm not lying. The whole
Speaker 1: time I'm doing it with my right hand, I'm shaking
Speaker 1: the bassinet. So the baby, you are not just I
Speaker 1: even I think I did this as a bit. It's
Speaker 1: your true story. I'm on the bed, I'm all crooked,
Speaker 1: shaking this sting, trying to with this thing on there
Speaker 1: and looking at a porn a kid at that point,
Speaker 1: h and kids in the best they're baiting a couple
Speaker 1: of months too much. And the best that was next
Speaker 1: you to be. You know, there was no was there
Speaker 1: a question of is it cool to funk with the
Speaker 1: baby in the room or do you just just start
Speaker 1: working with the baby in the well? It's different in
Speaker 1: the best and the baby can't yeah, you know, I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: Baby can't see over the side, and they don't they
Speaker 1: don't copy, and parents are sucking, and I wouldn't do
Speaker 1: it with a five year old, you know. On iPad
Speaker 1: on our bed. You know. Uh, God, get off of
Speaker 1: that shite, you know, do it? Listen to me. Mommy
Speaker 1: and Daddy are shortly after you had the baby, you
Speaker 1: were you were doing all this fancy ship. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: that might have been out. I don't know how many
Speaker 1: yeah three. Yeah, we've always had checks and we don't
Speaker 1: we always come, you know, great, Yeah, that's what I mean. Look,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sucking when I do drugs. I wasn't
Speaker 1: gonna smoke crackless crack you know what I mean. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna funk without coming. What's the sense? And you know,
Speaker 1: if I take a head of by Man, I take
Speaker 1: a half a biography. She has a fun she owes me. Fine,
Speaker 1: you're paying. Have you ever taken by anger? Have I
Speaker 1: ever to VIAGRAA? No? No, I'm just gets you. What
Speaker 1: is viagara? This viagara doesn't make you horny, but it
Speaker 1: just makes your dick har makes it hard. So but
Speaker 1: then you got to do the work to get horny,
Speaker 1: which probably isn't that hard. Oh yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: All I like your new My dick is flying like
Speaker 1: did you have a rectile dysfunction or were you just
Speaker 1: like I don't want to be hard on command? Well,
Speaker 1: I don't know you know what it is? I mean
Speaker 1: you think he's yeah that too, And like I get
Speaker 1: hard sometimes sure as might get older hard as high
Speaker 1: as forty five, and like it does get less hard,
Speaker 1: yes it does. Yeah, what's your dick? Like like, what's
Speaker 1: the stadium besides all the bumps and colors? Yeah? Meaning like,
Speaker 1: how is it easy is it for you to get
Speaker 1: hard without faggar? Do you always use I got to
Speaker 1: be really excited to get hard without I gotta be excited.
Speaker 1: But then again, I only have to take a half
Speaker 1: of I I don't take a whole you know what
Speaker 1: I mean a whole one, although I do melt it
Speaker 1: down and shoot it. But and uh so, like I
Speaker 1: didn't know where just your dick podcast, I don't mind.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about my dick all the time. I'll show pictures.
Speaker 1: I we just need verbal Okay, I don't have that.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, we just need verbal. So No, it
Speaker 1: depends how excited I am, just like just like her,
Speaker 1: how what is she going to get? How excited? You
Speaker 1: know what I mean? That's what I'm good. I'm good
Speaker 1: at oral. Well, no, she doesn't think so because ide drool.
Speaker 1: But like, so, I don't know if to seem like
Speaker 1: because of the list, Yeah, I don't know. No, it's
Speaker 1: because I have a lot of like she gets butthole
Speaker 1: and she's like, god, damn it. Rich. She gets mad
Speaker 1: when I go down here if I don't take my
Speaker 1: nicotine come out. But I don't know if she's getting
Speaker 1: excited or just me drooling. Right, it's damn down there. Good,
Speaker 1: that's great, that's what you gotta do. But we you know,
Speaker 1: look at marriages, like you know, it's like also too,
Speaker 1: it's like a business for sure, you know it's it's
Speaker 1: plus we're in the same business and we do a
Speaker 1: lot of projects together and that never gets in the way,
Speaker 1: Like it's never really caused because you guys have a
Speaker 1: great team. You seem like a fun Your marriage seems fun.
Speaker 1: It is kind of my dream. Like I did a
Speaker 1: comic and I would never not date a comic and
Speaker 1: I love and I would love the idea of like
Speaker 1: having this person who I create projects with. So have
Speaker 1: you set boundaries? Uh, Like, do you have any rules
Speaker 1: when you're working together or things you just kind of
Speaker 1: do whatever they mean? Our podcast, we kind of bounded.
Speaker 1: Are certain things I don't I don't have any I
Speaker 1: don't have filters up here. I like that though, I'll
Speaker 1: say whatever the fuck you know? I mean on stage,
Speaker 1: I don't care. You know, I've done bits that no
Speaker 1: one else can get away, right right right because and
Speaker 1: but it works because you don't I don't give really
Speaker 1: when you step on stage or when you're here, like,
Speaker 1: you're not an asshole, you're not a bad guy. It
Speaker 1: becomes very apparent when people trust you to say, go
Speaker 1: as far as you want, which is people are gonna
Speaker 1: blog if you're not going to apologize. Yeah, that I'm
Speaker 1: not famous enough where I have to apologize and perfect.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, I mean, I'm well known, but
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, I'm not that fucking Tracy
Speaker 1: Morgan and Luish k level, right, you know, And and
Speaker 1: and that whole apologizing and is only about money, what
Speaker 1: you know, it's all bullshit. It's only about money. And
Speaker 1: because if you you are, if you're a good comic,
Speaker 1: in my opinion, you don't, you're gonna offend somebody. If yes,
Speaker 1: look at to me, there's to me, no one's funnier
Speaker 1: than Stan Hope. Yes, yes, stores, Stanhope. And and also
Speaker 1: Maria Bamford is there. She's up there. She's in her
Speaker 1: own league of amazing. So if you listen to them,
Speaker 1: I'm not Maria. She's not really offensive, she's just nuts.
Speaker 1: She's yeah, it's funny. But you know, you listen to
Speaker 1: anybody good or anybody to me that's really talking from
Speaker 1: their gut not their head. You know, a gut comic,
Speaker 1: that's that's that's a Colin, that's fucking Stanhope, Patrees, you know,
Speaker 1: and any kind of comedy is is great for me,
Speaker 1: you know when you're talking about you. My wife doesn't
Speaker 1: talk about her like she's a joke writer. She's great
Speaker 1: at it on the one in ten scale. She's a
Speaker 1: tent So no, but Brian Reagan's a joke right, he's great.
Speaker 1: But you don't really know Brian Regan. Leave the show,
Speaker 1: you don't, you don't, there's no vulnerable you don't cross
Speaker 1: that wall. You don't have a relationship with them. You know, Stanhope,
Speaker 1: when you leave the show, you know, you know Chappelle,
Speaker 1: when you leave you know fucking you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: You know Colin? And that's why I think Trees doneil
Speaker 1: was best at that, Like you felt like you guys
Speaker 1: just had a heart to heart and you left your Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I've taught him. I taught him everything, but
Speaker 1: I was sitting down before him. Believe me, he stole
Speaker 1: that sitting down. Even you have the half before him,
Speaker 1: the purple half. We were all hat Okay, I probably
Speaker 1: had hats first two I did. I had tangles. But uh,
Speaker 1: you know, so if you don't offend somebody, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, everybody's gonna get fucking offended. The only
Speaker 1: reason people apologize so they don't lose their fucking money. Well,
Speaker 1: Amy Schumer is an example. She's had to apologize for
Speaker 1: wearing a goose down coat, for fucking doing the lemonade,
Speaker 1: like and certain things. But people getting pissed or annoyed.
Speaker 1: I get, But like the apologizing thing of like I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry I offended. No, she's not fucking sorry. She's
Speaker 1: a comic. First, it's not enough money. I think when
Speaker 1: you have enough money, you can said go fuck your
Speaker 1: That's what I would think. But is she apologizing for
Speaker 1: the money? I don't know, Like does she have to
Speaker 1: maintain It's kind of it's interesting to see what's been
Speaker 1: Amy Schumer has been doing. Just she's so out there
Speaker 1: and famous, which is so exciting. Well, she has also
Speaker 1: been elevated to kind of like this like feminist hero
Speaker 1: in a way. That's why I think she has to
Speaker 1: apologize to kind of uphold that sometimes, whereas like someone
Speaker 1: like Kathy Griffin, she has a rule. She's like, I
Speaker 1: do not apologize for jokes. And I know a lot
Speaker 1: of people have problems with her comedy. I fucking love
Speaker 1: her and she's one of my heroes as far as
Speaker 1: like her work, ethic, her feelings as a comedian, Like,
Speaker 1: she has never apologized for anything. She she was like
Speaker 1: making a joke that Da Code of Fanning was in
Speaker 1: prison and Steven Spielberg got like so pissed about and
Speaker 1: she was like, it's a fucking Joe. Yeah, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: she's burned. I love Kathy. Yeah, And she's a nice
Speaker 1: you know, like she's like a nice sca know. I
Speaker 1: mean every time I talked to our scene her, she's
Speaker 1: always I mean, I didn't she she knows Bonnie more
Speaker 1: than she knows me from l A. But she always
Speaker 1: We've seen we I saw in a casino. We talked
Speaker 1: for like a half at and she just you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Yeah, also to people don't realize there's
Speaker 1: a lot of it, you know, is exaggerated you're on stage.
Speaker 1: But a lot of people don't get you know, they
Speaker 1: don't get it. I you know, whatever, you know. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I don't know if Sarah apologizes maybe
Speaker 1: I think she did recently did for something she said
Speaker 1: about Yeah, she's got a little soft in her old age.
Speaker 1: I gotta say, yeah, well what I love about her
Speaker 1: her just I don't give a fuck. Yeah, she's attitude
Speaker 1: is so refreshing and amazing. What do you she's a
Speaker 1: good actress, did you she I want to see that
Speaker 1: movie where she's depressed and she fucking yeah she'sh or
Speaker 1: the one posters her sideways like sideways, Wait what she's crying?
Speaker 1: I believe that's the only one we're all talking about,
Speaker 1: the same one she was up for a Golden Globe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's so fucking good in this I smile back or
Speaker 1: something so yeah, like you in a movie years ago,
Speaker 1: uh with Benito Delto whatever his Yeah she would played
Speaker 1: his girlfriend and she got punched in to Joel or
Speaker 1: whatever in some movie. But dish fucking movie. She I like,
Speaker 1: I I watched this movie and I was like, holy.
Speaker 1: I remember when she went on Marion to promote it.
Speaker 1: Marion was like Jesus Christ here that was make believe it. Well,
Speaker 1: she's one of those women that, like I don't and
Speaker 1: I don't know if you have this with men or
Speaker 1: just with comics, but like her, women like like Sarah
Speaker 1: Silverman and and Bonnie and Amy Poehler and Tina felt
Speaker 1: like the way they connivingly, cuttingly get a point across,
Speaker 1: like just makes me happy in a way, like to
Speaker 1: be a woman, to be a comic, to be just
Speaker 1: like give my my heart explodes with joy just because
Speaker 1: they are who they are and they don't give a
Speaker 1: fucking They just don't apologize for ship. No, it's great.
Speaker 1: I I don't watch well, I don't know. Growing up,
Speaker 1: I always watched comedy. I loved it. That was my
Speaker 1: mechanism to deal. I guess when my parents divorced was comedy.
Speaker 1: We had no money, but it was divorced, no no
Speaker 1: fucking money. You know, mother lived for free about my grandparents.
Speaker 1: You know. It was a growing up in in a
Speaker 1: black neighborhood and a little white on the front white,
Speaker 1: in the front black, and the on the side street
Speaker 1: you know, you know what I mean, Like the front
Speaker 1: front of our house, all those people next door were white,
Speaker 1: and on the side street going back, that was a
Speaker 1: black neighborhood. And so I always felt in between. I
Speaker 1: never felt I wasn't good enough for the white people.
Speaker 1: It seemed like I was a little better than I
Speaker 1: connected with all the other kids from the broken homes,
Speaker 1: and even though the white kids were just as funked up,
Speaker 1: I just didn't see it. Uh, I don't know what
Speaker 1: was so so. Comedy was my mechanism. I always love comedy,
Speaker 1: so I'll watch I'll listen to a comic, you know.
Speaker 1: I listened to Shears all the time in my car,
Speaker 1: just to hear if I'm gonna be on. But no,
Speaker 1: and there's certain comics. The second I hear the voice,
Speaker 1: I turned off. But there's certain that I fucking love,
Speaker 1: Like I fucking love Anthony. I don't know what he's
Speaker 1: like then, like, yeah, but I haven't heard Tush enough
Speaker 1: to touch I don't know specialist. I don't watch I
Speaker 1: don't have time to watch him on TV, just into
Speaker 1: my car. I like him as a person, Yeah, I like,
Speaker 1: you know, I like him as you know, because he's
Speaker 1: an ass. Yeah yeah, yeah, Jessel Neck. I don't just something.
Speaker 1: His writing is so dark and you know, it's just punchy,
Speaker 1: and you know, I mean, he did he did it.
Speaker 1: But I heard the other day in the car. I'm gonna,
Speaker 1: holy fuck even this one. God, I'm like, are you
Speaker 1: kidding me? Somebody's dead kid you're talking about? But he
Speaker 1: made it really funny, but it was like really dark.
Speaker 1: It was so fucking dark. It was so dark. It
Speaker 1: was Bernie dark his complexion. Uh so yeah. So so
Speaker 1: I'm proud, like I'm proud to be in a business,
Speaker 1: or I'm proud. Look, this is self centered. I'm proud
Speaker 1: that I've accomplished what I have accomplished in this fucking
Speaker 1: competitive business, especially with all the different platforms that people
Speaker 1: have heard now and it's like, good god, it seems
Speaker 1: like there's so many more comedians, I'm sure, Versus when
Speaker 1: you started, it was not as popular of an ambitious,
Speaker 1: you know, a career. Well, I mean not to yeah,
Speaker 1: not to the extent now because everybody and also to
Speaker 1: to stay relevant, you know, I mean, I do TV,
Speaker 1: I do radio. But the last biggest thing I did
Speaker 1: biggest was you know, twelve years ago last comic. Well,
Speaker 1: but I've done special since then. I've done you know,
Speaker 1: I have five CDs, I have a lot of ship.
Speaker 1: But you've gotta keep staying relevant, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: and expect you know, people my age get fucking pushed
Speaker 1: out of this business. You know, well the Yeah, there
Speaker 1: are a lot of them on fucking boat's cruise ships
Speaker 1: and doing whatever, you know, because they people cops. Some
Speaker 1: comments get lazy too, Like I have to keep writing.
Speaker 1: I have to keep coming up with new material because
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have people that are gonna come see me
Speaker 1: time after time. You know, I have repeat so I
Speaker 1: you know, it's not music. You know, no one's sitting here,
Speaker 1: you know, say you know, uh play that. You know
Speaker 1: they don't want to be able to predict your punchline. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know. I you know, if I saw the Rolling Stones,
Speaker 1: I would expect you know, whatever as tears go whatever,
Speaker 1: uh you know, Rolling Stones songs rolling. But so I
Speaker 1: gotta keep generating. Like so I just you know, came
Speaker 1: out with the fifth CD. It came out, I don't know,
Speaker 1: a month ago whatever, and it hit hit the billboard
Speaker 1: sharks hit the billboard, not it was number one on iTunes,
Speaker 1: you know. But I said, you know what, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take a couple of months before I start working on
Speaker 1: something else, just to fucking relax. And you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Yeah, yeah, you know, because I try to
Speaker 1: always have a project going on my own or with
Speaker 1: my wife. So you know, uh, maybe I'll do a
Speaker 1: CrowdWork c D. Look, there's great comics doing crowd work, great,
Speaker 1: very special I loved. I didn't see if I heard
Speaker 1: it was good like I was doing crowd I've been
Speaker 1: doing CrowdWork for years. I didn't crowd. I didn't invent it,
Speaker 1: not at all, you know. I mean, Belger was doing,
Speaker 1: Jimmy Broke, Don Rickles, everybody, you know. So there's a
Speaker 1: lot of like Big J is great at crowd I
Speaker 1: love watching Big J do trees. I love when he
Speaker 1: would do it during specials. I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: he was just like a perfect song. You're just like
Speaker 1: it's his perfect notes. And Bondie years ago, years ago,
Speaker 1: said why don't you do a CrowdWork special or c
Speaker 1: D or DVD or I go because I go. I
Speaker 1: know I could do it. I don't want to do it.
Speaker 1: That's not a challenge for him. I know I can
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, you know what I mean. You like
Speaker 1: doing things that you're not sure you can do it.
Speaker 1: I'd like to work on I'd rather do I'd rather
Speaker 1: do CDs with more material because then you could see
Speaker 1: more of how I think or how I you know,
Speaker 1: how I see things. Right, crowd work is boom, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, and also too, it's just like, well, it's
Speaker 1: got to come natural to which you know you can't.
Speaker 1: You know. It's like I guess Todd did it right
Speaker 1: because he did over a bunch of shows, you know,
Speaker 1: because you you really can't do an hour and make
Speaker 1: a ced. You can, but it's not gonna be as
Speaker 1: good as you know, like I I've done crowdworking like
Speaker 1: I did the other night. I wasn't taken, but I
Speaker 1: talked to I was talking this lady in the audience,
Speaker 1: what do you do? When she was I run a
Speaker 1: plumbing company so throughout there and I was talking to her.
Speaker 1: Then I go, we might buy a house and we're
Speaker 1: getting a new septic tank put in. She was what kind?
Speaker 1: I go, Really, the one with mermaids in it? The
Speaker 1: hold fucking ship. It's a septic. You're a fucking you
Speaker 1: own a plumbing business, right, So I mean in the moment,
Speaker 1: this is killing. So I said, to where I go?
Speaker 1: Did somebody did somebody leave you this plumbing business? And
Speaker 1: she said, and she said right, she said my grandfather right.
Speaker 1: So I said, out of nowhere, I go, I go.
Speaker 1: Your grandfather and grandmother had a dollar bet. And you
Speaker 1: know your Grandma's like, okay, Mortimer, I guarantee she funks
Speaker 1: it up like in trading places where they had the
Speaker 1: dollar bet. So that fucking two minutes or whatever was
Speaker 1: its fucking great as any CrowdWork moment. And that was
Speaker 1: that was the CrowdWork of that show. There's no way
Speaker 1: I'm going to follow that in that show with something
Speaker 1: better because you know that the peak has been met
Speaker 1: to material because you don't want to try it. You
Speaker 1: don't go backwards, They're gonna lose the test for you.
Speaker 1: And there is shows I'll do all crowd work and
Speaker 1: funk around the second show or later, or if it's
Speaker 1: not as heavy. You find that nowadays, like as the
Speaker 1: years go on, people get more funded in the audience
Speaker 1: or did people always get offended in the audience because
Speaker 1: I feel like comics are recently bitching about the PC stuff,
Speaker 1: but I don't know if that's been always been around.
Speaker 1: It's always people get offended, but not as much now
Speaker 1: because now they have, you know, the Internet and an
Speaker 1: outlet to to, you know, write about their fucking fake rage,
Speaker 1: and they're fake, you know, and they're horrible. I want
Speaker 1: to be part of something outrage. Okay, shut up with
Speaker 1: your stupid fucking outrage. Don't go to a comedy club.
Speaker 1: Go home and watch Will and Grace your fucking asshole, right,
Speaker 1: go fuck your mother. Here's what I'm saying. Maybe before
Speaker 1: if you were outraged, you were outraged at the show,
Speaker 1: and then you went home and go home your wife
Speaker 1: or husband about it, and then it's over. Right Now,
Speaker 1: you can be outreached for days. You can tweet itt
Speaker 1: in on that. You can first keep been going. You
Speaker 1: can create a hashtag it's stop shop, don't care. Also,
Speaker 1: to a lot of my show, so a lot of
Speaker 1: people know who I am, are coming to see me,
Speaker 1: so don't know the Yeah, your brand. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: could do if I want. I could be a hundred
Speaker 1: percent clean. There's gonna be some political incorrectness. I could
Speaker 1: clean to find more correctness incorrectness. Please keep calling it
Speaker 1: political incorrectness, because that's amazing. Can you name your next album?
Speaker 1: Made it up? I like it? It's great. So god damn,
Speaker 1: am I stupid? Idiot? I fu makeup words and like
Speaker 1: that wasn't a word. Fucking dammit. I was talking. I
Speaker 1: was talking to Bobby Kelly on the phone yesterday. We're
Speaker 1: talking about money, but how much you guys have? Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I love being rich. I'm not. I'm far from it.
Speaker 1: I said to him, I can't wait till I get
Speaker 1: stupid money. Yeah, all of your money is stupid money.
Speaker 1: He started cracking up. He goes, every time you bring
Speaker 1: money to bag, they go here, come stupid with his money. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you want here to? Okay? I was talking to
Speaker 1: a comic on the phone three days ago, and I
Speaker 1: was trashing this other comic, this girl comic. You're trashing
Speaker 1: a girl coll asshole? It was us. Oh no, no comic.
Speaker 1: I wish rich talked about us. I know that would
Speaker 1: be my c Oh, my god, that would be Here's
Speaker 1: so I this is so weird, Like why I tried
Speaker 1: to I played the lottery numbers on trashing this girl
Speaker 1: comic and then right, we're on the phone. Right when
Speaker 1: I hung up with her, I turned on here us
Speaker 1: and it was her Dan. Then last night I was
Speaker 1: talking to Bobby Kelly and way to hang up, I
Speaker 1: turned on here It's just Bobby Kelly. Isn't that weird?
Speaker 1: You're possessed? No, it means uh, Well, when it happened
Speaker 1: with Bobby, it was seven thirty eight. That was the time,
Speaker 1: so I wouldn't play that number, but didn't come out.
Speaker 1: I played like a bunch. And when do you also
Speaker 1: have a gambling problem? When I start? Have you ever
Speaker 1: shot crops? No? Better than set? Craps? Is better than sex?
Speaker 1: If yes, are you killing me? That sounds horrible? I
Speaker 1: would step over fucking are you kidding me? To crap?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so much fun. If you're wrong, right,
Speaker 1: I lose twenty dollars and I'm pissed. Yeah, I wished
Speaker 1: twenty at the fucking valet. Question about about daughters? You
Speaker 1: have daughters? You have how many daughters? Total? Three and
Speaker 1: nine and nine nine? With body and then my first wife.
Speaker 1: You know we've been getting We get emails a lot
Speaker 1: from from men your age and older about daughters and
Speaker 1: it's like they don't. I remember a recent one I
Speaker 1: thought was really interesting, Like this guy was didn't want
Speaker 1: to censor is what his daughters were saying on line.
Speaker 1: And then there was a thing with his mom was
Speaker 1: commenting on what his daughters were saying was bad and
Speaker 1: the son could say whatever you want. But like, do
Speaker 1: you find that you're over tower you as a dad
Speaker 1: two daughters? Like do you well? I mean I just
Speaker 1: my daughters. Did you give him? How were you about
Speaker 1: like their sexuality? Never talked to him. Look, here's what,
Speaker 1: here's why I think I have good kids, and this
Speaker 1: is this is all what it breaks down to, attention
Speaker 1: and affection. When my kid when I got divorced, my
Speaker 1: daughters were foreign to Okay, my extual wife and I
Speaker 1: got along even though we couldn't be mad. That's great.
Speaker 1: I had him all in the days. I had him
Speaker 1: in the days because she had him at nights, holidays,
Speaker 1: I'd stay over her house. I mean we still bang
Speaker 1: for like three or four years. Yeah, for like five
Speaker 1: years or for you and off on and off, which
Speaker 1: is you know she got married young and for I
Speaker 1: was her second marriage and whatever so and I whatever
Speaker 1: so and just well that's great though, that you guys
Speaker 1: could get along, that's amazing. So my kids grew up
Speaker 1: with a lot of attention from both of their parents
Speaker 1: and affection. You know, we went to all their games,
Speaker 1: we went to So if you feel loved, if you
Speaker 1: feel wanted, yeah, you're not gonna go out and try
Speaker 1: to get negative attention. You're not gonna do the negative
Speaker 1: things that somebody who isn't getting that attention at home.
Speaker 1: If you can't get attention, is this a strippers of
Speaker 1: daddy issues theory? Well, no, it's just as a kid,
Speaker 1: when you're negative attention is better than no attention. So
Speaker 1: if your parents aren't giving it to you, it's easier.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying for everybody it's easy. Like psychologically, I
Speaker 1: understand that because I got I got. There are sometimes
Speaker 1: where I got no attention. I didn't really act out
Speaker 1: on that, but I also got negative attention. You're you're
Speaker 1: you're no. Here's the thing, if my if your parents are,
Speaker 1: if my parents weren't giving me the attention, so I'm
Speaker 1: going out doing stupid shit. I'm getting negative attention from
Speaker 1: an under going What the funk are you doing that for?
Speaker 1: Do you think you associate your drug used with that,
Speaker 1: did you Okay, so you didn't get much attention? Oh no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that makes sense because you're you're like God. So I'll
Speaker 1: do negative things to get attention from my parents, got it,
Speaker 1: that's negative. My kids got attention from us, so they
Speaker 1: didn't have to do those they had. They they were
Speaker 1: getting attention from us, so they did more positive things
Speaker 1: in life, does that? Yeah? Yeah, I get that. You
Speaker 1: don't in any way. They played sports in school. You know,
Speaker 1: they dragged my daughter drinking one door to drink. You know,
Speaker 1: they party, but they're not fucking. And also too, they
Speaker 1: saw their dad growing up sober, you know, throughout life.
Speaker 1: You know, when they were young, when they were eight
Speaker 1: and six, I was taking them to you know, twelve
Speaker 1: step meetings with me. Yeah, because I yeah right, and
Speaker 1: I had him in the date. And how do you
Speaker 1: explain that? Like, how do you explain that to your kids?
Speaker 1: I was a drug addict. Don't do this. I wasn't
Speaker 1: short and sweet. Yeah, you gotta tell them what it is.
Speaker 1: I hate when parents like my parents did this a lot.
Speaker 1: They would mask things or cover up things to lie
Speaker 1: to me because they didn't think I could handle because
Speaker 1: I was a kid. I'm like, and then I get
Speaker 1: older and I find out what the truth was, I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: you come on, I got kind of piste. Well, nowadays,
Speaker 1: there's no reason to why, because kids are on the
Speaker 1: fucking online, on the internet. They know everything. But even
Speaker 1: back then, my daughter's you know, they knew, they knew
Speaker 1: I was that I did drugs. They've never seen me
Speaker 1: high or drunk. Wow. I mean, because you're twenty six.
Speaker 1: But when they were kids, where did they I got
Speaker 1: thirty years sober? Okay, that's unfortunate. Yeah, so they weren't.
Speaker 1: They weren't even you know, yeah, even before you had kids,
Speaker 1: you were know. I think as a parent, you know,
Speaker 1: you get two questions. What can I You can't control
Speaker 1: your kids what they do. All you could do is
Speaker 1: love your kids, show them affection, attention, pay attention to
Speaker 1: what they're doing in life. Oh, my nine year old,
Speaker 1: that's the coolest pitch I've ever seen. Your kids. Your
Speaker 1: nine year old daughter is fucking rad. Yeah, she's fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: I mean she's pretty cool. Yeah, but me and Bonnie too.
Speaker 1: She's also she says things she shouldn't say. You know,
Speaker 1: what's that guy? Tim Dylan. He was leaving the club
Speaker 1: the other night. She goes, goodbye, fat ass, and then
Speaker 1: that is amazing yelled at her. So the next night
Speaker 1: she probably loved it. So the next night she saw him,
Speaker 1: she goes, it was nice seeing you again, fat ass.
Speaker 1: Your daughter After Bonny yell at her, she complimented them
Speaker 1: before he said. She said, you know, she adjusted it.
Speaker 1: That was. She's got a smart wit to where I
Speaker 1: can tell believe. She made a movie the other day,
Speaker 1: show me it was so cool on on on her iPad.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, some apps. She's making kids and technology crazy
Speaker 1: fucking get it. But her sense, you know, the other
Speaker 1: day she came in the room the other day. I
Speaker 1: think this bits on my CD, but it's true. She goes,
Speaker 1: Mommy told me to shut the funk up, Like, well,
Speaker 1: don't shut the funk up. You don't say ship. You
Speaker 1: get on our nerves. Like we'll say to her, like
Speaker 1: you know, we'll say, you know, you just think we
Speaker 1: don't love you, and she'll start cracking up or something, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, something like the way comedians like Police Hawkins
Speaker 1: is post videos. I've heard her kid all the time,
Speaker 1: and I have like such I love watching those videos.
Speaker 1: Because she's so she'd be like, oh, I have a
Speaker 1: cursing jar. I can't fucking curse anymore. I fucking need
Speaker 1: to get all this out. And the kids like tann
Speaker 1: or I don't know, but like and the like. It's
Speaker 1: such a beautiful relationship that you could just be that
Speaker 1: honest with your child. They can because as its proof
Speaker 1: they can handle it. They're fine, They're not gonna go
Speaker 1: to school and repeat it if you're open with what
Speaker 1: I mean. There was like a yeah, and there was
Speaker 1: this whole thing when to show the Osbournes came out,
Speaker 1: Everyone's like, oh my god, they're cursing so much in
Speaker 1: that house. And then the therapist was interviewed on or
Speaker 1: something and they're like, no, no, this is like a
Speaker 1: way healthier household than most households because at least they're
Speaker 1: folding back, are able to express themselves. Like the word
Speaker 1: fund doesn't mean jack ship. It doesn't matter, you know,
Speaker 1: it just doesn't matter. My daughter is so creative and
Speaker 1: that's mainly because of Bonnie. Bonnie spent a lot of
Speaker 1: time with her, you know, creating projects. She did art
Speaker 1: work with her growing up. You know, Yeah, I'm on
Speaker 1: the rune and plus I've given up on kids. Yeah,
Speaker 1: uh so my my kids really creative. But my kid, look,
Speaker 1: she's a kid, but she has both of her parents
Speaker 1: and paying attention, you know, and and and she already
Speaker 1: has this charm to her. Well, she's been going to
Speaker 1: comedy clubs and she was fucking two years old. Bonnie
Speaker 1: did her special pregnant, Okay, yeah, yeah, she was the
Speaker 1: original basic. Yeah yeah, the original Ali want Special. Because
Speaker 1: everyone was making a big thing about that and we're like,
Speaker 1: oh well Bonnie Bonnie did. Yeah. But Alice, Alice was
Speaker 1: pretty anyhow. So if you're a parent, that's my advice.
Speaker 1: You're not going to tell your kids. What all you
Speaker 1: could do is set an example, and fucking you know,
Speaker 1: people are a parents kids. So I mean, I know
Speaker 1: with my mommy, she was so afraid to expose me
Speaker 1: to anything that it sucked me up so bad. Like
Speaker 1: it's just she didn't curse. She didn't let me say
Speaker 1: the word fart. I had to say the word too,
Speaker 1: Like I'm like Jesus, my mom also hated the word fart,
Speaker 1: for the record, and I was able to say whatever,
Speaker 1: but just there was something about the word fart that
Speaker 1: she really didn't. Couldn't, curt I couldn't. I could say funk,
Speaker 1: but not fart. Yeah for sure. Yeah maybe she had
Speaker 1: like a I don't know my mom. I remember my
Speaker 1: mom hated the word dad. She left her right right,
Speaker 1: that's happened. I got to get the funk out of Oh. Yeah.
Speaker 1: We also, just for the record, l g B T
Speaker 1: Q I, I just want to hope act to that
Speaker 1: full circle. The Q is queer, not questioning, and I
Speaker 1: is intersect, which is a person who is born with
Speaker 1: a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn't fit the typical
Speaker 1: female or male definitions. So it's like a Jamie Lee Curtis.
Speaker 1: That's if you're actually born. That's true about her. I
Speaker 1: mean I think it's like, yeah, she but but it's
Speaker 1: like one is like a little nub and that she
Speaker 1: has like a vagina and then like a little nub
Speaker 1: which is like the start of a baby penis but
Speaker 1: not but not like I'm just mission to Vachina. That
Speaker 1: could be Jamie Lee Curtis. Yes, her math for dit Yes.
Speaker 1: Well listen, folks, if you're uh if here's the deal. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not straight rich, just go to fucking iTunes. You
Speaker 1: were going to give us some much this advice. Advice
Speaker 1: if you want to be a comic, be funny. Not
Speaker 1: you guys, I mean in general, you know, get on
Speaker 1: people always youm me, what should I do? Go on
Speaker 1: stage right and go on. Stop asking me advice. Just
Speaker 1: get out there. Don't do everything I didn't do? Alright? Uh,
Speaker 1: buy my CD. It's it's on iTunes. Just well, I
Speaker 1: got five of them, but just the latest one is
Speaker 1: Rich Flos five, The Rich Floors five. I'm telling you
Speaker 1: you'll like, you'll like the last three still empty inside.
Speaker 1: That's the three ago still empty inside, and one I
Speaker 1: Q but five is online? Oh I took a test
Speaker 1: online on thirty is genius? Yeah online? Yeah online, So
Speaker 1: we can't really I gotta do it out of a
Speaker 1: five hundred scale or some shing Ao Rich Flash five
Speaker 1: on iTunes. I'm not on social media too. Yeah, where
Speaker 1: can we find your dates? Because you perform all over
Speaker 1: the city, all over the country, give a live because
Speaker 1: you're one of the few comments like I can try,
Speaker 1: like when I go to ever, I got a roast
Speaker 1: bottle the Stanley and you're judging, like, I trust you're
Speaker 1: gonna say the worst ship it's gonna be fucking great
Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of people do hold
Speaker 1: back still comics. They're weary, not hold back to Sarah,
Speaker 1: but they're just hesitant with certain subjects. And you've never
Speaker 1: been one of those comedians. Yea. As homework, we should
Speaker 1: assign all the people who get easily offunded to your
Speaker 1: shows live in the front row and then see how
Speaker 1: they do, and then if you survive afterwards, and hey,
Speaker 1: it'll be okay, that would be great. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: bringing on a spit. Uh, it's like seeing Gallagher. Look
Speaker 1: old dow Bags said, sh oh, don't say church again.
Speaker 1: Bring your shows, kids, bring an umbrella. You're not it's
Speaker 1: not gonna be watermelon website, rich Vos dot com. All
Speaker 1: my at my website. Go see him live, you guys.
Speaker 1: You'll like it. But get to c D. I want
Speaker 1: to buy at a new house. I really do. We're
Speaker 1: working on the house. Give him the house, come on, daughter, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you deserve it. Jersey Strong, you work hard than
Speaker 1: Are you from Jersey? Yeah? What part Union get to
Speaker 1: funk out? Yeah from Plainfield Ridge? Okay, well you kind
Speaker 1: of of both Union County. I thought you were from
Speaker 1: northern Doylstown, Pennsylvania. Doyles Town. Yeah, okay, I know where
Speaker 1: Doyles Town. It's just a club. I never worked years
Speaker 1: ago for any Scar Patty years ago in Doylestown. I think,
Speaker 1: isn't that off a route something you got? You know?
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, Doyles Town is off of two O
Speaker 1: two two two is off of Yeah, my parents live
Speaker 1: off Doylestown. Well look at that. Well, bust my button
Speaker 1: and before I leave, just is no bullshit. I swear
Speaker 1: to God, I don't tell the title. I'm not really
Speaker 1: a good liar. The last time I was supposed to
Speaker 1: do your podcast and I said I was sick. I
Speaker 1: really was sick. Oh I believe you had really Yeah,
Speaker 1: he texted me, I tell you, he texted me. He said, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I relayed the diarrhea part. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that your whole family is diarrhea, said sick. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I know that you actually wanted to do it so
Speaker 1: especially because Bonnie had already done it so long ago.
Speaker 1: When I asked Bonnie when I approached, it was like
Speaker 1: nervous to ask her to do because I really I
Speaker 1: was going to ask. Both of you are like whoever
Speaker 1: wanted to do so I so I she talked. I
Speaker 1: came up to her and I was talking to her
Speaker 1: and I said, oh, yeah, I've heard of that. And
Speaker 1: then you came up into the you like came into
Speaker 1: the group and you're like, what are you talking about?
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, guys, I go to Bonnie.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you guys can come on together. Goes Na.
Speaker 1: Just met a girl. There's certain things we won't do together. Anyhow,
Speaker 1: this was fine. I could talk to you guys for
Speaker 1: a fing ou there's a lot of it was about
Speaker 1: me and self. I am no I would well, I
Speaker 1: interviewed you guys when you did our radio show. To
Speaker 1: you it was good, good interviewer. We're canceled anyhow, it
Speaker 1: sucks so canceled. It was a great interview. Uh. But
Speaker 1: on our podcasts by c DS canceled. Give him a house.
Speaker 1: But we do our podcast once a month live now
Speaker 1: like we used to just do it from Mark like this, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, from the big studio like this, and uh
Speaker 1: and they know it's my apartment. I tell you what
Speaker 1: we did. We did arch in our fucking in our
Speaker 1: dining room, our podcast and you know, and we but
Speaker 1: we don't have guests, but we have guests on when
Speaker 1: we do. God, I'm just bad. I was like, we
Speaker 1: better wrap this up before all the listeners. Everything dot
Speaker 1: com go and by the c d Rich. Thanks for
Speaker 1: listening to Guys We Fun, the Anti slutch Me podcast.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you next week's getting left spe shape,
Speaker 1: Come get a yonding on the dance flow. Goddamn, she
Speaker 1: can feeling through the past stuff. Don't give me nothing
Speaker 1: that I can't hand. You're gonna make me take you
Speaker 1: back to the band dough. I got what you need.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm on you. I can feel the girl you
Speaker 1: on me. Go frown. Don't know your name, but you
Speaker 1: know I like what I see. I like holder shake.
Speaker 1: I want to get you naked. I can see him
Speaker 1: and rely all night. But it ain't no need for
Speaker 1: me to faith and damn girl or with word badass
Speaker 1: will test my little man paces and so let me
Speaker 1: know if you with it won't wait some time if
Speaker 1: I can't get it Sea Shake. Thanks so much to
Speaker 1: for listening to Guys we Fun. Support for Guys We
Speaker 1: comes from talk Space, the online therapy company that believes
Speaker 1: that therapy should be affordable, confidential inconvenient joined over five
Speaker 1: hundred thousand people who have used talk space for online
Speaker 1: therapy with their licensed therapist. For a special offer, visit
Speaker 1: talk space dot com slash g WF again. That's talk
Speaker 1: space dot com slash g w F. Please do it.