Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked Guys, We Guys book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm correct, We're sorry about last night the anti sluck
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey fucker's Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fucked the first one. Oh and
Speaker 1: what a year. It's gonna it's gonna be. I mean,
Speaker 1: I have no idea. Actually, I just realized that I
Speaker 1: should probably open up this intro sheet because I'm really professional.
Speaker 1: I just forgot that's our late our latest hell bonus episode,
Speaker 1: gonna plug it. I was stoned because just sometimes you
Speaker 1: need to be stoned, and uh, I kept forgetting that
Speaker 1: we were on the mics, and I do that up frequently,
Speaker 1: even when I'm not stoned. Yeah, me, me too, That's
Speaker 1: I think that's a sign though. So I were like
Speaker 1: so mad, real and ship um okay, so what were
Speaker 1: let's talk about New Year's What did everyone do? And
Speaker 1: by everyone I mean you and me because when you
Speaker 1: people here, I took any PM yoga class on New
Speaker 1: Year's and the instructor when eight seven and we're doing
Speaker 1: a plank. It was awesome because I was like, I
Speaker 1: need to do something different. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: around drunk easy. I want to be with only people
Speaker 1: that I love, and I want to have good conversation
Speaker 1: because fox small talk. I don't care about your life.
Speaker 1: I care. I want to hang out with people that
Speaker 1: I care about. So we were holding a plank as
Speaker 1: the instructor all the sudden I counted down and then
Speaker 1: she made us hold it for thirty more seconds, and
Speaker 1: I was like this it was. It was my favorite
Speaker 1: New Years I've ever had in my entire life. Stephen, come, yeah, Stephen.
Speaker 1: It was me, Stephen, Melissa, my friend Claire McGinley was
Speaker 1: an awesome band called Gina Davis. I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: I was like I heard I saw something about Claire
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't know, there's one of
Speaker 1: my favorite She's one of the best people ever. And
Speaker 1: it was so special. It was just the four of
Speaker 1: us and uh my, but my nose. I haven't got
Speaker 1: a nosebleed in a while, like a couple of years.
Speaker 1: And after the countdown, like a minute after the countdown,
Speaker 1: we were like, you know, downward dog or whatever, and no, no, no,
Speaker 1: oh god, I can't do that. Try it passed out
Speaker 1: and the instructor was like, this is a view. I
Speaker 1: was like, all right, thanks for being honest anyway, but
Speaker 1: my nose started bleeding, and my immediate thought was on
Speaker 1: my mom died, because I gets I've been thinking about lately.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, but it it wasn't a dark It
Speaker 1: wasn't I didn't think that in a dark crying sad way.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, something happened. I gotta go get
Speaker 1: my phone, and just my nose is bleeding all over
Speaker 1: the the mat and that I rented, and then I
Speaker 1: went back and got a tissue, and then I was
Speaker 1: like maybe. I was like, it's a sign. It's like
Speaker 1: an omen. Something's wrong. She's not okay, and she was fine.
Speaker 1: I was like, happy to your mom. She goes happy
Speaker 1: new your sweetie. I'm like, oh okay. And then I
Speaker 1: was like now everyone's now. Then I got nervous. Everyone's
Speaker 1: gonna think I was doing coke. What I know. I
Speaker 1: don't know why I just happened. Sometimes I know I
Speaker 1: don't know why. It's because I didn't want to think
Speaker 1: that something bad happened to my mom. So I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I just wanted to distract myself with a
Speaker 1: more stupid thought. So I was like everyone's and then
Speaker 1: I was cutess coke and goes to yoga and then
Speaker 1: stupid goes probably one day startling. I'm like, oh, she wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I told her this story, and I'm gonna say that,
Speaker 1: but I didn't want to out her on the pud No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I told her that story. She talks about coke, she's
Speaker 1: not an addict, she just does it for fun. And
Speaker 1: then I told her that story. I'm like, people are
Speaker 1: gonna think I cocing go to yoga class. She goes, Oh,
Speaker 1: that sounds fun, right, And you have so much energy
Speaker 1: to do yoga. I mean it's probably because it's very
Speaker 1: um it's cold, and you're just the way your lips chap.
Speaker 1: Your nose is probably chopping in that cause it's bleeding. Yeah, sorry,
Speaker 1: sorry to do science. I wasn't a sign, but all
Speaker 1: the things I thought it was a sign for was
Speaker 1: weren't good. So right, right, and thank you good God.
Speaker 1: I didn't even know we had that many listeners. Christ
Speaker 1: we have a lot of stars. But I really I
Speaker 1: really appreciate you guys reaching out, but you you for
Speaker 1: the one For once I was more positive than you.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, oh, she's gonna get
Speaker 1: a ship ton of emails. I just wanted to make
Speaker 1: sure they were quality and not a bunch of fucking
Speaker 1: kisy faces. Well, it's funny because everytime like a negative
Speaker 1: thing happens, my immediate reaction, even if it's something like
Speaker 1: this bad, is to like get to a point where
Speaker 1: I want to make fun of it or be funny
Speaker 1: about it. Like that's because then, um, you know, I
Speaker 1: can do with it better. And a lot of the
Speaker 1: emails were great, Like a lot of the emails were
Speaker 1: people going through the exact same thing or something similar
Speaker 1: and helpful advice or neuroscientists who had cures and like,
Speaker 1: well I'm getting some inside info. It's really awesome. But
Speaker 1: it was like there was once like I'm sorry, you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to watch the slow regression of your mother's
Speaker 1: mind as she forgets who you are right in front
Speaker 1: of eyes. I'm like, happy Monday, thanks Todd. You know,
Speaker 1: it was it was so they were so they were
Speaker 1: there helpful or so depressing that they were kind of funny.
Speaker 1: So yeah, well, I mean I think, you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: maybe we get so real in this podcast that people
Speaker 1: think that we also want them to be real. Back
Speaker 1: and I absolutely don't. I don't know, you know, it's
Speaker 1: not necessary, Yeah, but it really Yeah, there's I haven't gotten.
Speaker 1: I'm reading them all day and all night, and then
Speaker 1: I'm like, I gotta take a break. I was gonna say.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, maybe, well my dad had dementia.
Speaker 1: He died a week later. Well I'm sorry, and that
Speaker 1: didn't help, but thank you for I don't know, but
Speaker 1: it's I can't believe how many people are have a
Speaker 1: parent with that, or have experience with that. I knew
Speaker 1: about to mention. My grandpa had it. I had at Alzheimer's,
Speaker 1: but he was old and it he died at an
Speaker 1: age where you die, it's a human you die, so
Speaker 1: it's you know, I'll see. Well, just so, I mean,
Speaker 1: I saw someone in the email was like, just don't
Speaker 1: spend the next or they were saying how they spent
Speaker 1: like years before their father's passing, dreading their father's passing.
Speaker 1: So I think that's just don't torture yourself like that. Well,
Speaker 1: I talked to her about it. She's actually more calm
Speaker 1: than I've ever heard her be right, She's like kind
Speaker 1: of like adapted this, I got this. It'll be fine
Speaker 1: and too, which is great. Um, but I talked to
Speaker 1: her about it and I'm like, this sucks. I'm sad
Speaker 1: and it's good. Yeah, she's gonna come and decorate my apartment,
Speaker 1: Um January. I'm excited and bring her to the Boston
Speaker 1: show so she can see what we got. It would
Speaker 1: be fun. Yeah, that's you know, and then you'll have
Speaker 1: a touch of her here always exactly. How is your
Speaker 1: How was your New Year's so? I mean a little?
Speaker 1: I mean it was great. Surprised it was just you
Speaker 1: and James, thank god, yes, just us. We both paid everyone. Yea,
Speaker 1: we have that and go in the cabin and just
Speaker 1: make fun of people and just drink and do whatever
Speaker 1: you're gonna do. We didn't even drink that much, honestly,
Speaker 1: was like very athletic. Really, Oh yeah, you ski, but
Speaker 1: I mean we seed all days, two days in a row.
Speaker 1: How is skiing? I've never done that? Terrifying Sonny he dies, Oh,
Speaker 1: I liken right into a tree and very easy to do,
Speaker 1: like like it was on on day two. I mean,
Speaker 1: they don't check. Like so if you're someone who you know,
Speaker 1: a man basically who thinks that you are more capable
Speaker 1: than you are, because that's definitely a man move. Um,
Speaker 1: and you are going you have You're just out there.
Speaker 1: I could have hitten like eighteen trees. I could have
Speaker 1: fallen over a cliff. It was very easy. There's nothing
Speaker 1: and there's no one there, so I'd be dead for
Speaker 1: at least like an hour before anyone even noticed because
Speaker 1: everyone's falling all around you and no one gives a ship.
Speaker 1: No one helps you up. You're helping yourself up. Well
Speaker 1: that's like rough of the New York City. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: you can't and even if you're skiing like with a friend,
Speaker 1: like your friend can't get to you and you can't
Speaker 1: stop because you're gonna hurt. So it's like that's what
Speaker 1: I loved about it. Honest's gonna say, what was the
Speaker 1: part I loved it. I think it's the perfect sport
Speaker 1: for me. Number One, I was like surprisingly good at it. Good.
Speaker 1: I took two classes and I was like at the
Speaker 1: top of my class and I was very proud skiing class. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not athletic, Like I'm this not a thing I am.
Speaker 1: I you are a play basketball, and I can play
Speaker 1: basket ball a little bit, but like I've never found
Speaker 1: a sport that like that. I was like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: can do this. I understand this. I could. I can
Speaker 1: see myself like progressing and getting better. Number One, it's
Speaker 1: one of the few sports where it's a solo sport.
Speaker 1: So that's great for me. Anything where I don't have
Speaker 1: to depend on anyone else amazing, so good. And it's
Speaker 1: quiet because you're just on. All you hear is you're
Speaker 1: like skis against the snow. That's great. I mean, and
Speaker 1: you can't think about it was the first time and
Speaker 1: so long when I didn't think about anything else. I
Speaker 1: didn't think about the comedy, I didn't think about the
Speaker 1: guys we FU podcast. I didn't think about even my
Speaker 1: boyfriend was I didn't think about him. I didn't think
Speaker 1: about anything except for I got a ski and I
Speaker 1: gotta not die here on this slope forces you to
Speaker 1: be in the moment, like, because you have to concentrate
Speaker 1: so hard, especially when you're learning, I mean and like,
Speaker 1: and there's no second when you cannot be present because
Speaker 1: every turn is imperative. You gotta do everyone. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's super I think you sell me on this case.
Speaker 1: It's super fucking dangerous and terrifying. And I mean we
Speaker 1: went on this course, uh, and it's said easy, and
Speaker 1: I knew it was. The lift was way too high
Speaker 1: no matter how easy it was. I was like, this
Speaker 1: is too high in this mountain and I know it is.
Speaker 1: And then fucking James somehow convinced me, and we're getting
Speaker 1: higher and I'm like, how am I going to get down?
Speaker 1: And he's like, and it was marked easy because the
Speaker 1: trails are marked Green is easy, blue is intermediate, black
Speaker 1: is don't even think of And and so I was
Speaker 1: on the easy trails that I had not I had,
Speaker 1: you know, mastered as much as you can the three
Speaker 1: other ones like baby ones um, and then the bunny
Speaker 1: trail I had gone past, and so I was doing
Speaker 1: the the easy level skiing slopes. And then so we
Speaker 1: went to this higher run and like we get to
Speaker 1: this one place where it is so steep you can't
Speaker 1: even like see. Was it like the time that I
Speaker 1: was driving home high from the show's house and I
Speaker 1: was like, We're gonna die if I go down this hill? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I was just like I was so angry. But
Speaker 1: the thing is like when you're skiing, like I gotta
Speaker 1: get down unless I would have to like stop the
Speaker 1: whole slope and call the ski patrol to get me down.
Speaker 1: So it's like, you gotta get down yourself. So I
Speaker 1: was like sucking out. James is like over, yeah, I
Speaker 1: see him, but he's already down the slope and he's
Speaker 1: like looking at me, and I'm just giving him the finger.
Speaker 1: I'm like, do not. I got me into this fucking mess.
Speaker 1: And I was so mad at myself because I knew
Speaker 1: that it was beyond my capabilities. I know my capabilities
Speaker 1: and I don't. I try to challenge myself, but never
Speaker 1: put myself in a situation where I can't handle it.
Speaker 1: I've never optimistic about, especially with something athletic. And then
Speaker 1: I was like, God, fucking damn it, but I got no.
Speaker 1: I got myself down. I mean I feel a couple
Speaker 1: of times, but that's normal. If you're not falling, you're
Speaker 1: not trying. Um. So yeah, and I was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: thank God. And we were like stayed in the nicest
Speaker 1: place I've ever stayed it and and the whole like
Speaker 1: and I just was like oh, and the whole time,
Speaker 1: we're just like, oh, this is like people have been
Speaker 1: living like this all along and we just didn't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's nice to get it, to get wrapped up in
Speaker 1: a sport that, especially when it involves nature like that,
Speaker 1: it's very calming. It was great. I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't want to come back, and then I came back.
Speaker 1: It's like fucking raining there, like yeah, blowing, okay back,
Speaker 1: Well we came back from Florida. Wasn't bad. It was
Speaker 1: okay Florida. I wasn't like looking forward to that much.
Speaker 1: I was just tired. Yeah, no, it was. I had
Speaker 1: a dream, you know, a dream when you you're kind
Speaker 1: of it's like a day dream, but it's like at
Speaker 1: six am and you haven't slept in twenty four hours
Speaker 1: and you're like daydreaming slash actual dreaming. It was so
Speaker 1: real that I woke up. I almost text you because
Speaker 1: I thought it was real. But that a member of
Speaker 1: ISIS like listens to the podcast like a group and
Speaker 1: they love it and they think we're hilarious. And they
Speaker 1: wrote in they were like, hey Corona Christina, and they
Speaker 1: spelled your name wrong with two rs. And even in
Speaker 1: my dreams they spell your name wrong and uh and
Speaker 1: I remember going, oh my god, this guy and he's like,
Speaker 1: oh my name, I forget what he says name was.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm an Isis, but like, you know, I
Speaker 1: really like like what you guys do a little bit
Speaker 1: about me, and I was, I was. I couldn't. I
Speaker 1: woke up and I couldn't tell it was real or not.
Speaker 1: I'm like and I was just so like this guy
Speaker 1: an Isis, He's he's got a sense of humor. This
Speaker 1: is the most Christina really like it. Do We don't?
Speaker 1: And then the FBI came. We didn't even say anything,
Speaker 1: and it was weird bringing everyone together, even ices. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, maybe he got sweeped swooped up
Speaker 1: into that life and he's not about that life and
Speaker 1: he's trapped now and he's trying not to bomb himself.
Speaker 1: It's possible. And I woke up and I was like
Speaker 1: to someone from Isis, listen to guys, I fun, it's possible. Hey,
Speaker 1: if you're out there, you can create a fake email address.
Speaker 1: I'm just curious. Oh boy, tough terrorized. It's just so much,
Speaker 1: you know when when when you go through something tough
Speaker 1: that's just like well tough ship kid, your mom's depleting,
Speaker 1: you know, like just something that's just like you really
Speaker 1: have no patience for bullshit, and I usually have a
Speaker 1: lot of patients for bullshit. I think I've been so
Speaker 1: direct with people that just too direct. Just the deli guy,
Speaker 1: how are you? Why do you fucking care? You don't
Speaker 1: care like to be? And did you say that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And what did he say? He he laughed because he
Speaker 1: thought I was joking. And then I smile and he's like,
Speaker 1: because he's seen me before, yeah, and he's like, she's
Speaker 1: not joking. Right. Then I saw Tony, my super who
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with. I just love him, and I was
Speaker 1: just like, why, what's the point tones what does it
Speaker 1: all mean? This is all bullshit? You know anyway? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but kind of once you come to terms with that
Speaker 1: it is all bullshit, then then that's freedom. Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1: It is. My friend was like, should I move to
Speaker 1: New York to do comedy? I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's just fucking no one makes it in comedy and
Speaker 1: it's really fucking hard. So if you're not ready to
Speaker 1: fucking work, then just stay back in Kansas. Well, that
Speaker 1: sounds like an email that I would write, and I
Speaker 1: wrote a very similar email like that to my dad's
Speaker 1: friend who had like a little daughter, and then she
Speaker 1: became Matilda on Broadway. So sometimes people need advice like that,
Speaker 1: because I basically was like, yeah, do it's but it's
Speaker 1: it's thankless and for a long time, and you're not
Speaker 1: gonna have any money, and it's rejection after rejection. So
Speaker 1: if you're ready for that, then I said, go ahead.
Speaker 1: Now she's Mattila on Broadway, So there we go. Yeah, Corinia,
Speaker 1: the mother of the Teresa of Freight Talk. I know
Speaker 1: that it's a little in retrospect, it was a little
Speaker 1: aggressive to write a mom about her child, but I
Speaker 1: get figured it out eventually. What is this wow point here?
Speaker 1: I said, Karin skied Christina di yelga, Wow, I did
Speaker 1: it more of a you know Ben Stein from the
Speaker 1: clear ice commercials. I know him from the one years.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I guess that's the prominent role. I don't
Speaker 1: really watch. Oh gosh, okay, now come see us live.
Speaker 1: Is that what we're doing next? We'll do that one, okay.
Speaker 1: So Friday, January seventh, at eleven fifteen pm, it's the
Speaker 1: first Nacho Bitches of seventeen. It's going to be at
Speaker 1: New York Comedy Club, like it always is, hosted by Blair,
Speaker 1: Saki and myself. I'll just have come back from tour
Speaker 1: with Christina, so I may or may not be cognizant,
Speaker 1: but whatever, use code Nacho to get ten doll our
Speaker 1: tickets and we'll have a great time. Our tour shows
Speaker 1: are selling out, like most of them are sold out,
Speaker 1: so we're adding second shows, so listen up. Seattle, Washington, Saturday,
Speaker 1: January at Parlor Live Comedy Club. There's tickets available to
Speaker 1: the ten o'clock show. San Francisco World be at Cobbs
Speaker 1: Comedy Club as part of Sketch Fest only. Tickets available
Speaker 1: to the nine thirty pm show for that one. Portland's Wednesday,
Speaker 1: January eighteenth, we had a second show at Helium ten pm.
Speaker 1: Get you damn tickets. Spocon Washington. Guys, when we say
Speaker 1: something wrong, number one, just know that we don't care.
Speaker 1: At number two, just if you think unless you're gonna
Speaker 1: tell us the moment after the podcast dropped, just eighty
Speaker 1: thousand people have already told us, and now you're just
Speaker 1: aggravating us. So maybe your your town should get more popular. Well,
Speaker 1: it was because Rachel does of with us like a
Speaker 1: good reason. And also there's an either so maybe I
Speaker 1: know that spoke on Washington Thursday, January nine. Will be
Speaker 1: at the Spocon Comedy Club, Los Angeles, California, Saturday, January
Speaker 1: twenty one, at five pm. It's a little early, we'll
Speaker 1: make it feel like ten pm, so fuck you. Come
Speaker 1: to the Alleyway. It's part of Rice Fest. See us
Speaker 1: and hang out. Boston Thursday April. We're going to be
Speaker 1: at the Wilber I'm so excited for that. Chickapee, Massachusetts.
Speaker 1: Friday April four. We're gonna be at the Hooky Law.
Speaker 1: Thank you for sending me all the YouTube videos of
Speaker 1: how to pronounce it. No, but really though I didn't
Speaker 1: know pronounce it. Oh God. Washington, d C. Saturday April
Speaker 1: ninth at the ninth thirty Club. That's like a really
Speaker 1: cool club. Um Houston, Texas Sunday April Warehouse Live. And Austin, Texas.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be at the Moontower Comedy Fest. We don't
Speaker 1: really know the dates or times, but you know, just
Speaker 1: will be there. Google guys, we be fucked in Moontower
Speaker 1: and some'th going to come up because that's all we
Speaker 1: were gonna do. Fucker tweeted out, Oh you're Houston tick.
Speaker 1: I just got Houston tickets that I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's a ticket, like cause you said that some Yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't know if you think that we like know
Speaker 1: things are getting booked for us. We have no idea
Speaker 1: what's going on, don't know what day it is. We
Speaker 1: don't know or where my shoes are, Oh they're on
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Speaker 1: gonna read some fucker mail. It's good to hear problems
Speaker 1: that aren't yours. UM subject advice on dealing with stupid
Speaker 1: rape jokes during open mics please, oh, I love letters up.
Speaker 1: Comedians Hi, Karen and Christina. Y'all are hilarious and inspiring.
Speaker 1: Thank you for bringing feminist comedy to the mainstream media
Speaker 1: and all that cool shit. I mean, I don't just
Speaker 1: it's just comedy, but I'm a twenty four year old
Speaker 1: cunt living in Minneapolis. Um, it's twenty four year old
Speaker 1: cunt well bout bound me uh, and I started pursuing
Speaker 1: comedy last summer, doing some open mics and writing and
Speaker 1: performing some other feminist crap when I have time. This
Speaker 1: also means I have been an audience member at a
Speaker 1: bunch of open mics in the Twin Cities. These tend
Speaker 1: to be dominated by male performers. These also tend to
Speaker 1: be coupled by me drinking a fair amount because why
Speaker 1: the funk not so maile comics In quote she put
Speaker 1: plus drunk lucy well get your name out, uh equals
Speaker 1: angry feminist with lack of polite ways of calling bullshit out.
Speaker 1: The other nights, some idiot was rambling on about date
Speaker 1: rape and his jokes weren't funny. While you're gonna come
Speaker 1: across that a lot, I'm not saying rape jokes are
Speaker 1: inappropriate or should not be told correct. I'm advocating that
Speaker 1: jokes that are not funny and maybe hurtful or triggering
Speaker 1: or promote hate of women can be dangerous. I truly
Speaker 1: believe there is a way to make a joke about everything,
Speaker 1: but the feminist and me would like to see stupid
Speaker 1: rape rape jokes be eradicated. Here's my question, what do
Speaker 1: you do as women? Uh? When you see rape slash
Speaker 1: date rape slash violence against women jokes that are not
Speaker 1: funny being performed. I know, heckling is so inappropriate, and
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to make enemies. Should I just keep
Speaker 1: my mouth shut and wait until I find a comedy
Speaker 1: partner that wants to make a podcast with me, and
Speaker 1: then on all these idiots l O L O L
Speaker 1: I hate men. Thanks, you're both the best. I'll be
Speaker 1: at your show soon. Okay, recently happened to us? Um
Speaker 1: wait when uh, there was a rape joke written by
Speaker 1: a female comedian who I'm friends with that I fucking hated.
Speaker 1: Oh it was it was. It was a bad joke,
Speaker 1: it made from the victim. It made me grossed out.
Speaker 1: I made me not really like her that much just
Speaker 1: for that second that I read it. But she's a
Speaker 1: comic because say whatever she wants, right, And also I
Speaker 1: mean that that the circumstance that you're talking about is
Speaker 1: a little bit different because someone in the community had
Speaker 1: just said publicly that they were raped, and it was
Speaker 1: a joke that was obviously directed at that percause that
Speaker 1: girl who came forward wasn't trying to make a joke
Speaker 1: out of it. She was like, this sucks, and this
Speaker 1: happened to me, and then all these fucking comics, so
Speaker 1: many female comics, We're making rape jokes at her expense.
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck you. Oh I expanded that fish and
Speaker 1: it made a mental note of everyone who liked it
Speaker 1: and I And so if you guys think too, this
Speaker 1: is I'm glad you read that email, because I feel
Speaker 1: like people think we don't get offended by anything and
Speaker 1: nothing is off limits. Of course, you can joke about it,
Speaker 1: and I'm never going to tell that person, Hey, you
Speaker 1: can't joke about that. I would never, no matter how
Speaker 1: fun and atrocious that joke was. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: say that. But man, oh man, did it give me
Speaker 1: a sour taste in my mouth? And did I right?
Speaker 1: I mean that that. That was my my problem with
Speaker 1: it was very, very directly that it was just about
Speaker 1: this other person, and I thought, I don't even really
Speaker 1: know this person, but I just can't imagine having number
Speaker 1: one having this thing happens to me. I'm raped already.
Speaker 1: I already am upset about that, obviously, And then I
Speaker 1: finally get the courage because unfortunately It takes a lot
Speaker 1: of courage to say that you were raped in today's society,
Speaker 1: and I go out and do that and then everyone's
Speaker 1: having like kind of just running a muck with my
Speaker 1: experience and my feelings and not getting a show. Especially,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. It doesn't mean it does hurt more coming
Speaker 1: from a fellow female. It definitely does because because that's
Speaker 1: who I would expect to not do that. If, oh
Speaker 1: my god, someone taking my pain and my vulnerability with
Speaker 1: coming forward and using that as a fucking joke, right,
Speaker 1: fuck you. That being said, there media, they could say
Speaker 1: whatever funk they want, But it doesn't mean it's always good, right,
Speaker 1: and especially, but especially you're talking about open mics here.
Speaker 1: Open mics have to be you know, we love safe spaces.
Speaker 1: This is that has to be a safe space in
Speaker 1: that you can say whatever the funk you want. I
Speaker 1: don't think anyone truly shows up to an open mic
Speaker 1: trying to say something malicious. It's a workout room. Things
Speaker 1: aren't always gonna be funny, things aren't always gonna come
Speaker 1: out right. Sometimes you just get up to the mic
Speaker 1: and you talk about your day and you're feeling how
Speaker 1: you're feeling and stuff. Comes off as misogynistic or without
Speaker 1: heart or racist, and that is that and you cannot.
Speaker 1: But it's an open mic. It's an open mic. You're
Speaker 1: any suppost to figure it out. On the mic there
Speaker 1: anything can happen. You can say anything, and as a
Speaker 1: as a peer to this comic or as an audience member,
Speaker 1: whatever role you're playing at that time, those people need
Speaker 1: to work out their ship without you putting your two
Speaker 1: sons in unless that person asks for your two sons.
Speaker 1: If that person says hey, sometimes I'll ask like, Hi,
Speaker 1: I am not this type of person, I am not black,
Speaker 1: I am not a man. What are your feelings on
Speaker 1: this joke? As a Sometimes I'll just say it in
Speaker 1: the mic, and I think that's totally appropriate. But yeah,
Speaker 1: you should absolutely don't go up to people after because
Speaker 1: they didn't ask for your opinion. Honestly, I hate when
Speaker 1: people come up to me after open micx unless unless
Speaker 1: you are a way more accomplished comic than the comic performing,
Speaker 1: then I think that's the only time when you can
Speaker 1: do that. Sometimes comics have come up to me with
Speaker 1: a suggestions for tags for jokes, and they've been really good,
Speaker 1: and sometimes they're bad. I'm like okay, and then when
Speaker 1: they're good, I'm like, oh ship, thanks right. I would
Speaker 1: only expect that from a more accomplished comics though. Uh.
Speaker 1: And you definitely shouldn't heckle. And honestly, I gotta say
Speaker 1: I wouldn't recommend drinking during open mics. I know you
Speaker 1: get nervous and stuff, but that's uh, it's just a
Speaker 1: bad habit to start. There are so many comics with
Speaker 1: alcohol problems, and you're then you're you're clouding something that
Speaker 1: is already a little bit cloudy. Um. And I also
Speaker 1: want to add, you know, Katie Hannaghan and I do
Speaker 1: a show called The Comedian Project where it's a show
Speaker 1: about no sex, dating relationships. So sometimes people come to
Speaker 1: this show, um, thinking that it's a clean show, which
Speaker 1: is not that this show is. It's just a show
Speaker 1: that it's not a show where you don't be dirty.
Speaker 1: It's a show where you do not get yourself locked
Speaker 1: in to the relationships that you have been in defining you.
Speaker 1: That is what the show is about. So it's a freedom,
Speaker 1: but a different kind of freedom. And so recently, at
Speaker 1: our last show, so we we do allow rape jokes
Speaker 1: at that show because we you know, we joke it's
Speaker 1: it's sex, but not it wasn't consensual. So you know,
Speaker 1: we talked about that we make rape jokes because it's
Speaker 1: kind of like this is a rape is a is
Speaker 1: a personal thing, not a partnership in thing course, So
Speaker 1: that's why we allow the rape jokes. And believe me,
Speaker 1: we we've thought it out. There's nothing that goes into
Speaker 1: that show that me and Katie haven't thought over a
Speaker 1: million times. And so there were rape jokes at the
Speaker 1: last show. Yeah, and and we've because we've really really
Speaker 1: talked about We worked this out with Ted Alexandro, like
Speaker 1: we this is not something that we took lightly. It's
Speaker 1: been through a lot of process, and we didn't make
Speaker 1: rape jokes at the last show. Uh, maybe more than usual.
Speaker 1: I don't really know. I don't like keep has on everything.
Speaker 1: I just let people talk about whatever they want to
Speaker 1: talk about, as long as it's not the three things.
Speaker 1: And there was some of the audience who was a
Speaker 1: rape victim and wrote us this letter afterwards like not
Speaker 1: you know, it was well thought out, but just saying
Speaker 1: like you know, there needs to be uh triggers, trigger
Speaker 1: warnings and stuff like that, and it's it's just kind
Speaker 1: of like that's not life. That's life goes when you
Speaker 1: come to a comic that's sacred place where uh, the
Speaker 1: joke might be bad, it might be good, it might
Speaker 1: be triggering, but it's you don't expect to hear anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's the thing, like just when you walk into
Speaker 1: a comedy room, you gotta be prepared to handle anything.
Speaker 1: And that goes for people who are going to participate
Speaker 1: in comedy as both comedians and audience members. Um, and
Speaker 1: you know, I felt shitty that she was raped and
Speaker 1: that it had such a crazy effect on her um,
Speaker 1: not crazy like she was crazy, just crazy, like a
Speaker 1: big effect um. And that she was on a date
Speaker 1: at the time and felt like she couldn't enjoy sexual
Speaker 1: activity with that person because of that. And I felt
Speaker 1: all those things I wasn't. I was and um, you know,
Speaker 1: off to that. However, just as much as she was
Speaker 1: offended by the rape jokes, Katie and I were offended
Speaker 1: by the email trying to say what we can and
Speaker 1: cannot talk about in our art space. And yeah, Katie
Speaker 1: and I weren't rap, but we've had people on the
Speaker 1: show who were who were raped, who talked about it
Speaker 1: and it's just like, yeah, it's like rape is going
Speaker 1: to come up in your life. It comes up in
Speaker 1: your life and my life every day. Right, we have
Speaker 1: a very unique perspective, right, And I know sometimes it
Speaker 1: feels shitty because thank god, neither of us were raped.
Speaker 1: But you know, it's something I care about very much,
Speaker 1: and I really want to help make people think about
Speaker 1: rape um in a different way. And and and just
Speaker 1: my personal approach to uh kind of helping this terrible
Speaker 1: rape culture that we live in is being comfortable to
Speaker 1: talk about rape on stage because that's yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1: One of the reasons why people don't believe other people
Speaker 1: because I don't think it's happening this much, You dumb fox,
Speaker 1: have no idea. Yeah, and you know, we weren't talking
Speaker 1: about you know, that person's rape. We were talking about
Speaker 1: rape as a thing that happens in society. So that's it.
Speaker 1: And so yeah, that's our that's our answer to that.
Speaker 1: We have a lot of feelings on that. Uh. This
Speaker 1: next email, the subject is how to be sugar babies
Speaker 1: and cam girls in NYC question Mark question mark question mark.
Speaker 1: Hey ladies, So my question is how to become a
Speaker 1: sugar baby and a cam girl in a safe, sex,
Speaker 1: positive and empowering way. Backstory, My two best friends and
Speaker 1: I just graduated colleges semester Magna cum lade fuyah you,
Speaker 1: and now we are moving to from New Mexico to NYC.
Speaker 1: We have a place in Queens and are in the
Speaker 1: process of finding jobs, etcetera. We are capable of working
Speaker 1: and we'll do We'll be doing so full time. However,
Speaker 1: we realize NYC is expensive and we want to also
Speaker 1: have some free time to go out and have fun
Speaker 1: and enjoy the city. We're hard workers and we get
Speaker 1: shipped done, but we realize there are other means to
Speaker 1: end that just a boring job. Uh. We're currently on
Speaker 1: seeking arrangements and chatting with a few daddies. We each
Speaker 1: have different daddies that want to meet up with us
Speaker 1: individually and possibly set up an arrangement. We want to
Speaker 1: be very safe and also want to use the situation
Speaker 1: to empower us rather than objectify us. We will do
Speaker 1: the obvious chat with the daddy beforehand, meet in a
Speaker 1: public setting, not share private info with them before trust
Speaker 1: is established. If one of us goes on a date
Speaker 1: with a daddy, the other two will follow behind and
Speaker 1: watch from a distance in the bar, restaurant, etcetera, GPS
Speaker 1: on each other's phones, etcetera. We also planned to be
Speaker 1: cam girls to make extra cash as well. We will
Speaker 1: not be doing anything outright sexual, but rather teasing sexy
Speaker 1: things like eating candy in like eat candy in our
Speaker 1: eat candy in while wear panties. I was like, you
Speaker 1: take the candy iat panties and then you eat it.
Speaker 1: That's weird. Paint in lingerie. Oh that's sweet. We're artists.
Speaker 1: My questions do you are is this a bad idea?
Speaker 1: Ha ha? We feel good about this, but are a
Speaker 1: little hesitant because we are so new to the world
Speaker 1: of sex. Do you think this could come back in
Speaker 1: in the future and possibly ruin a career opportunity? None
Speaker 1: of us plan to work in schools or any other
Speaker 1: situation where past in sex work could be seen as inappropriate.
Speaker 1: But regardless, is it worth the risk? Is there any
Speaker 1: risk at all at all? Or will the field we
Speaker 1: will be working in, which is art not give a
Speaker 1: ship because we're in forward thinking times. Any tips advice
Speaker 1: on safety, how to get money from daddies and men
Speaker 1: drinking off to cam girls? Well, you come to the
Speaker 1: right place. Girls. Um No, I don't have an experience
Speaker 1: with this, but I do have a very close friend
Speaker 1: who is on seeking arrangements and has had many daddies,
Speaker 1: And I have met said daddies. And if you're not,
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this and you're like, what the
Speaker 1: fund is that, uh, it's you. Basically, seeking arrangements is
Speaker 1: filled with old, mostly older men who are wealthy. Some
Speaker 1: of them are young, someone are like our age, and uh,
Speaker 1: they want a girlfriend, sometimes a sexual partner, maybe one
Speaker 1: that feels like a girlfriend. You hold hands whatever, uh,
Speaker 1: and they give you there. It's an arrangement. You figure
Speaker 1: out the arrangement between. Sometimes they give you a weekly allowance.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's here's my credit card, go shopping. Sometimes it's whatever.
Speaker 1: I've met several of my friends daddy's very nice men, honestly,
Speaker 1: really sweet guys, older, some of them much older. And uh,
Speaker 1: I kind of my thoughts on it after hearing about
Speaker 1: my friend's experience so closely, is like, first of all,
Speaker 1: my friend loves sex and she has a magic vagina
Speaker 1: and you can just come com com com comm always
Speaker 1: wants to fun. I'm like, I'll give to you. I'm
Speaker 1: so happy for you. Um, and she loves older guys,
Speaker 1: and she she didn't want to work at her day
Speaker 1: job anymore, and she started doing it, and like that
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. And then when I met
Speaker 1: a bunch of the guys or two of the guys,
Speaker 1: I'm like, they're really fucking cool. I'm like, man, that's
Speaker 1: so awesome that like both people come to the table
Speaker 1: with separate needs and they can find in common ground
Speaker 1: to work it out so that they're cool. She she
Speaker 1: has not had a negative experience. But that's only one
Speaker 1: person's experience on this on this website. There are a
Speaker 1: lot of people on this website, and I'm sure there
Speaker 1: are shitty experiences. If you have one, you want to write,
Speaker 1: any can tell us about it. But um, I think
Speaker 1: I don't think it's bad to do. I think if
Speaker 1: you want to go into art, I mean, who gives
Speaker 1: a fuck? Like and then if someone is a problem
Speaker 1: with it and you don't be like, I don't care, Well,
Speaker 1: I don't care. Why do you care so much? Um,
Speaker 1: safety precautions, it seems like, I mean that's really important.
Speaker 1: It seems like, uh, you got it intact, give you know,
Speaker 1: meet during the day in a public place a lot
Speaker 1: of times. Uh at the beginning, my friend, I want
Speaker 1: to use a real name. Don't use a real name
Speaker 1: if you don't want to. Um, I mean I probab
Speaker 1: probably wouldn't. I don't know. I haven't heard of any
Speaker 1: stories gonna ride, like I said, but I'm sure they happen. Um,
Speaker 1: maybe give give the phone number of the guy and
Speaker 1: all the info of the guy to your friends so
Speaker 1: you can just kind of keep tabs well. And also, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think basically I don't this is terribly different from
Speaker 1: any other dating website, like a tender, Like, yeah, every
Speaker 1: I got something you want, you got something I want,
Speaker 1: And every dating website is just as dangerous or as
Speaker 1: not dangerous as another one. Um, you're still you know,
Speaker 1: you're still gonna go meet up with with a stranger
Speaker 1: and put yourself in a sexual position. Um. I think
Speaker 1: just keep in mind, don't let yourself ever be so
Speaker 1: clouded by money that you start doing things that you
Speaker 1: don't want to do. I'm gonna say, if you've got
Speaker 1: a good, good job and you're your sugar baby and
Speaker 1: you're doing you're gonna be like rich. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: just you just you know, I think like, before you
Speaker 1: guys get into it, maybe like decide how far you
Speaker 1: are comfortable going and really think out different scenarios that
Speaker 1: you could represent it with so that you don't have
Speaker 1: to make an uninformed or impulsive decision. Um, Because I
Speaker 1: think sometimes when you there's a lot of money online,
Speaker 1: we we sometimes do things that we wouldn't normally do,
Speaker 1: whether because we don't feel comfortable with it, because we
Speaker 1: don't feel that it morally aligns with our thoughts and
Speaker 1: our foundation. Um. As far as coming back to haunt you, uh,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm gonna be honest about this. Yes it
Speaker 1: could absolutely, but some insecure asshole is gonna be like
Speaker 1: she was dating men for money. And then you go, yeah,
Speaker 1: not so much. The day, not so much, the daddy
Speaker 1: saying more the cam girls saying anything where you're putting
Speaker 1: your face um on you cannot, I don't know you can,
Speaker 1: you can, you cannot put your face on us. So
Speaker 1: but I just want to be like, you know, I
Speaker 1: would love to think that very soon we'll live in
Speaker 1: a world where there's not such a stigma, But to
Speaker 1: be honest, they're still gonna be a stigma. And so
Speaker 1: just keep in mind, yes that could absolutely come back
Speaker 1: to haunt you. But like Christina said, do you want
Speaker 1: to be in a career where they're sledge shaming sex workers? Anyway,
Speaker 1: that's something you got to think about, um for yourself.
Speaker 1: And then how to get money from daddy's I mean
Speaker 1: just I don't know. Again, like I don't know how
Speaker 1: much money is involved. There can be a lot of money,
Speaker 1: but I'm sure you you got to do more stuff
Speaker 1: to get more money. Yeah, I mean sometimes yeah, Like
Speaker 1: I said that, the arrangement is that I have personally
Speaker 1: heard of our weekly or monthly like allowance or stipend
Speaker 1: or something of like a thousand bucks or I don't know,
Speaker 1: it depends, but you know, maybe I don't know if
Speaker 1: you're a good negotiator, but like act like they say,
Speaker 1: your first time around the block, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: know your value you negotiating skills, no your comfort zone
Speaker 1: and start off slow. You have a lot of things
Speaker 1: that you want to do here. I would say, maybe
Speaker 1: you start do a profile and go on a date
Speaker 1: with a daddy before you start doing camerak and all
Speaker 1: this kind of shipped out at once baby steps. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a whole new world that you're entering, so
Speaker 1: take it slow and be smart and also just don't
Speaker 1: get to intoxicated while you're doing stuff like that. I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, just lay yeah, don't you can feel
Speaker 1: light on the alcohol and fake drinking does wonders like honestly, like,
Speaker 1: if your people are doing shots, you can fake do
Speaker 1: a shot. It doesn't it's I highly recommend that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm really glad we got this email now because if
Speaker 1: we did, before I had I've talked to my friend
Speaker 1: and met those men that were on the website, I
Speaker 1: would be like, that's weird and creepy. I don't like it.
Speaker 1: I would have judged the ship out of it. And
Speaker 1: then after meeting the guys, who were cool as fuck
Speaker 1: and just sweet and I'm sure they were pieces of
Speaker 1: ship in some errors of their life but whatever, but
Speaker 1: no more than yeah, they were nicer because they're older
Speaker 1: and they don't treat women like ship. I mean they didn't.
Speaker 1: They were very polite and sweet. They have the money.
Speaker 1: There's something that they want. They don't want to go
Speaker 1: through a big fucking headache of yeah, and they just
Speaker 1: want to be like, how do I get a young
Speaker 1: attractive woman to fuck me? Unfortunately, I might have to
Speaker 1: pay them, but that's and that's okay. If it's benefiting
Speaker 1: both people, you're both happy. Go ahead, yeah, and be
Speaker 1: your true self, you know, like you know, treat it
Speaker 1: like a date, as in like, don't like I wouldn't know,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't like create like a whole character, just like
Speaker 1: sucking yourself. And it might be nice and you might
Speaker 1: have you might have a positive, in fact impact on
Speaker 1: a lonely person's life. I don't know. I kind of
Speaker 1: think you might. You do what God's work. Alright, guys,
Speaker 1: So this week's guest is a wonderful comedian, UM comedy producer, uh, etcetera.
Speaker 1: She is a mom and she just got out of
Speaker 1: a relationship, so we talk about Yeah, kind of the
Speaker 1: perfect time to have her. Yeah, vulnerability, She's so good
Speaker 1: to be invulnerable. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome. Police talk
Speaker 1: is say look keep storm learning to tally learning is epsy,
Speaker 1: take times, so shines. Where we are is in addition
Speaker 1: by my next friend, got ready much torn and show
Speaker 1: that I'm still ready and got ready much and show y,
Speaker 1: ry up. I'm good. Are you guys talking about a
Speaker 1: bit a lago? What's the thing that's on my nuckles. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I uh, you know, there's it's kind of popular
Speaker 1: now to have models and stuff. Yeah, and I think
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people feel self conscious about
Speaker 1: anything that affects the way that we see them, like you,
Speaker 1: you know, judge people so much on like what you see.
Speaker 1: And Clue was saying, I know you talk about it
Speaker 1: very openly on Facebook, and I think that's great. Um,
Speaker 1: and you post pictures and stuff. I think it's just
Speaker 1: good to make it like how what what is your
Speaker 1: experience with it? I see. That's the funny to me
Speaker 1: that people are so concerned about something like that their
Speaker 1: skin color changing or whatever. I find it's interesting when
Speaker 1: people are like, wow, that's brave that you you know,
Speaker 1: people can't believe he took a photo of But yeah,
Speaker 1: because people like to hide any imperfection about themselves. I
Speaker 1: do get it in the sense of, honestly, there's so
Speaker 1: many ways to be scorned in society that you want
Speaker 1: to hide anything that you can't control. So you want
Speaker 1: to control every little piece of you so that people
Speaker 1: will relate to you in a way that you've decided. Um.
Speaker 1: I have an aunt when I was growing up who
Speaker 1: completely turned white because of the medication, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: she had the whole Michael Jackson thing going on, completely
Speaker 1: turned white, started abusing little boys. I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: that's verbatim. Maybe he did. She was an excellent singer
Speaker 1: and she could moon walk. Goddamn. When it started, it
Speaker 1: started like around her eyes and it was like allies.
Speaker 1: So she had a severe Viti lago and she would
Speaker 1: put crazy ship ton of makeup on to cover it
Speaker 1: to stay brown, which is her like my skin complexion
Speaker 1: was her natural complexion. But I remember as a kid
Speaker 1: thinking how weird she looked, because you know, make up
Speaker 1: wasn't even as advanced back then as it is now,
Speaker 1: so it was just a bunch of cream always on
Speaker 1: her face. She always looked like a like a cramp,
Speaker 1: like a pastel, And I thought that looks stupider than
Speaker 1: if it would be kind of cool if she walked
Speaker 1: around with a lie. Yeah, well I've I'm like, I've
Speaker 1: I got into like a like a wormhole of that model.
Speaker 1: I forget her name. There's I don't even know that
Speaker 1: she has it on her face and it's just stunning.
Speaker 1: She said. When she's a kid that used to call
Speaker 1: her cow. So now that's what I would understand. The
Speaker 1: child got Viti lago and wanted to cover it up,
Speaker 1: I would understand. But here's what I've come to find
Speaker 1: as an adult. Um, I'm always I'm an over share
Speaker 1: if you if you've seen on my Facebook, right. I
Speaker 1: like it though, because I'm like, at first time, like
Speaker 1: is she no, she She's just being real honest, and
Speaker 1: I really like it. Well, the reason I've been doing
Speaker 1: that where I've always done it is because I'm always
Speaker 1: in living in fear and anxiety that I'm going to
Speaker 1: be rejected or unloved. So I'm always reaching out with
Speaker 1: my biggest fears because I know that somebody's gonna say no,
Speaker 1: you're fine, and I and I and I connect with
Speaker 1: that and that's the only way that I can readjust
Speaker 1: to going onto the world. And I haven't been able to.
Speaker 1: Um okay, So basically, the only time I find that
Speaker 1: adults are like that where they where they are vulnerable
Speaker 1: with me is like in a pocket of a party
Speaker 1: when they're drunk and they're connecting there and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like that, And as a woman, I feel
Speaker 1: like this, and it's the only time well, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I I seek it out always. I constantly seek out
Speaker 1: their vulnerabilities because I'm always feeling like this. So now
Speaker 1: when it comes to something like Viti Lago, if you
Speaker 1: are talking about an adult who hides the vitilago, I'm like,
Speaker 1: a ha, you're all scared too, because that's some ship
Speaker 1: I would have did as a kid. I would have
Speaker 1: been I was a tormented, bullied kid. I was the
Speaker 1: kid everybody spit on and everybody laughed at when I
Speaker 1: walked by ship, so they cupped up. During childhood, I
Speaker 1: would have been like, oh, Ship, they're gonna know I'm
Speaker 1: not good enough to be around them. I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to hide it. Ship. Getting bullied is not that's a
Speaker 1: fucking scarring experience. Like when you were a kid, did
Speaker 1: you know at the time that they were being assholes
Speaker 1: and maybe their home life isn't the best or were
Speaker 1: you like what? Because I got bullied and I was like,
Speaker 1: why would anybody be that mean? I thought I was
Speaker 1: just a good day. You thought you were the only
Speaker 1: person getting bullied. Um, I knew I wasn't the only
Speaker 1: person getting bullied, but I was that girl. I was
Speaker 1: nobody sat with me nobody talked to me. I ate
Speaker 1: lunch in the teacher's room. I hid, I went up
Speaker 1: straight home. I ran too like I was never in
Speaker 1: the hallway. I never wanted to be around a group
Speaker 1: of kids. I never walked by. If I saw a
Speaker 1: group of kids, I turned around and found a stairway
Speaker 1: to go up and go walk above them and go down.
Speaker 1: It was I was just telling a friend of mine
Speaker 1: today I had this like crazy attachment to my pound puppy,
Speaker 1: so I would have to carry it in my coat
Speaker 1: on a bad day, so I had something close to
Speaker 1: my chest. It was bad. Why when did the start
Speaker 1: and was it for? It was just in generic bullying,
Speaker 1: meaning like you're just stupid and you're dumb and ugli
Speaker 1: and I don't like what was said or was it
Speaker 1: any one thing. Well, now I know why it affected
Speaker 1: me so much now that I'm older. Um because I
Speaker 1: realized I don't really to people the same way people
Speaker 1: relate to each other, I think, And so when I
Speaker 1: was younger, I think I became a victim of bullying
Speaker 1: and all the kids ship that's going on, because um,
Speaker 1: I didn't have any mechanism besides to fight them or whatever.
Speaker 1: But um, I was different than them. I grew up
Speaker 1: in a very small racist town and Myahara was an
Speaker 1: Afro and my mom wouldn't let me straighten it. I
Speaker 1: looked like a little boy. I was wearing my my
Speaker 1: brother's hand me downs. I just wasn't a cool kid.
Speaker 1: I just wasn't a cute kid. But a lot of
Speaker 1: it seemed to have to do with racism. So were
Speaker 1: you like one of the few black kids and you're no,
Speaker 1: But that's the thing. I was one of the few
Speaker 1: light skinned kids. So you're either black and you've been
Speaker 1: in with black kids. White? Yeah, white kids. We talked
Speaker 1: about this last week. We got a really long email
Speaker 1: that Carented read on the podcast because she's light skin,
Speaker 1: and she just talked about the roots of why people
Speaker 1: are assholes, like in the black community in the white community.
Speaker 1: And she dated it back and I'm like, ho, wait, fuck,
Speaker 1: that's because it had stem because what we Mike Brown
Speaker 1: was on and we were talking about Mike Brown and
Speaker 1: I were talking about when we were dating and we
Speaker 1: we both live in Harlem and how we felt people
Speaker 1: like looking at us all the time and they were
Speaker 1: not happy about it. Um, So we were kind of
Speaker 1: just chatting about that, and he was telling us how
Speaker 1: like sometimes like darker skin black women will get mad
Speaker 1: at lighter skin black like it's just this complicated, fucking
Speaker 1: the level of layers that that to me? How long
Speaker 1: ago was that? Two years? Okay, that's interesting. I'm curious
Speaker 1: because I haven't been um walking around in Harlem with
Speaker 1: a white guy in a while. But I don't think
Speaker 1: they look at us the same way though. But um,
Speaker 1: I thought that that was going out of style to
Speaker 1: give a funk about light skinned guys dating a white girl.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just because he's tall too, and he's like
Speaker 1: a good, good looking guy. Like Mike Brown and me
Speaker 1: have no effect on each other. We have a very
Speaker 1: similar um like you know, what is it vibration? I
Speaker 1: don't know, for lack of a better normal heart. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's nothing about us that we can offer each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying. So I don't have that feeling.
Speaker 1: If I saw my Brown with a girl, I'd be like, great,
Speaker 1: I don't care, you know what I mean? But um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess just people are petty and jealous no matter what. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's it's such a bummer to me whenever I
Speaker 1: get that reminder, but like, how did you overcome or
Speaker 1: or did you not? Like, how did you? Did you
Speaker 1: ever switch schools? Was there a moment where it got
Speaker 1: better or you just had to graduate high school? I
Speaker 1: got pretty and it's changed everything. And I was going
Speaker 1: to say, because you're like a beautiful woman, it made
Speaker 1: me whatever, because I don't that's not my foundation. So
Speaker 1: I don't. Yes, I know how to like. I think
Speaker 1: it's like it's a fun thing now. Yeah, yeah, you're like,
Speaker 1: oh this is a little it's like a hairstyle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: being pretty. But we're talking to Molly. Austin was telling
Speaker 1: us I think she's so beautiful that when she was younger,
Speaker 1: she was just like I apparently normally look and I
Speaker 1: haven't seen pictures, but that's what she said. And then
Speaker 1: she got by the time she got pretty, she didn't
Speaker 1: really care about looks, like they were never a priority
Speaker 1: for her. She never really saw it for herself, like
Speaker 1: being a good looking girl. So now when people she's like,
Speaker 1: whenever someone comes up to me and tells me I'm pretty,
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, mine wasn't the same. Mine was my
Speaker 1: only end. I was like, really, oh, oh this is
Speaker 1: what you wanted, and so then I tried to like
Speaker 1: fit into Okay, so guys like pretty girls, and girls
Speaker 1: feel more comfortable around pretty girls because it makes them
Speaker 1: feel prettier and I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: I'm doing it. That's what I am. Now, I'm a
Speaker 1: pretty girl. I fucking audition for cheerleading. I became a
Speaker 1: cheerleader to fit that mold. I dove into that mold,
Speaker 1: and I suffered for it because you know, it's not
Speaker 1: me at all, and um, I'm a lot smarter than
Speaker 1: I am pretty, so trying to hang out with cool
Speaker 1: kids and be pretty around them, and they all they
Speaker 1: do is small talk and that they have all this
Speaker 1: language that I hadn't caught up with yet because honestly,
Speaker 1: I was completely isolated until sixth grade. And that that
Speaker 1: what you got got hot, No I got. I got cute,
Speaker 1: cute like freshman like at the end of freshman year
Speaker 1: of high school, so sophomore year. So so you were
Speaker 1: on freshman or is when I try not for cheerleading.
Speaker 1: That's what made you notice that you were boys were
Speaker 1: the same boys that used to bully me on the
Speaker 1: bus and made life unbearable. Were the same ones who
Speaker 1: now wanted to go to homecoming with me, so small
Speaker 1: town exactly. It made me go, you're all full of ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're all fake pieces of ship. So then whenever a
Speaker 1: new kid would come on along, I would be like,
Speaker 1: that's the one that's my he might like, I would
Speaker 1: have fall crazy in love with a new kid because
Speaker 1: he had nothing to do with my past and nothing
Speaker 1: to do with any soul groups. Yeah, fresh start, he wasn't.
Speaker 1: He didn't have any shitty intentions or pass in good God,
Speaker 1: who was your first boyfriend? I didn't have a boyfriend
Speaker 1: in high school. I did, Actually I dated a guy
Speaker 1: for like a month. I was never good at like
Speaker 1: having a boyfriend. I was never good at because I
Speaker 1: would fall crazy in love with somebody from all the
Speaker 1: stories I built in my head, because I basically praised
Speaker 1: myself on books and an exposition and I and when
Speaker 1: it's not there, I I created. So there was a
Speaker 1: guy who was quiet, so I gave him a whole story,
Speaker 1: and then I was with him. I was like, he's
Speaker 1: still quiet? What it was your story that gave him?
Speaker 1: I just remember, I don't remember. It was just right now.
Speaker 1: I just have a feeling that he was better than
Speaker 1: the rest of the people who fit in because he
Speaker 1: was more quiet. He was a basketball player, so he
Speaker 1: was still one of the cool kids. He jumped the highest,
Speaker 1: and he seemed to be he was around them. I
Speaker 1: end up. I end up with those types a lot,
Speaker 1: the kind that don't really have a lot to say. Well,
Speaker 1: when you're quiet, it gives the less opportunity to disappoint you.
Speaker 1: That's what I find. I like quiet people too, because
Speaker 1: the more I know about people, the more I get
Speaker 1: disappointed because I have unrealistic expect expectations for people. Because
Speaker 1: like the way you raise yourself on books, I did
Speaker 1: the same thing but with movies, so everything is a
Speaker 1: movie to me. Me books, TV and movies and all
Speaker 1: of that. I raised myself one all of the entertainments
Speaker 1: and escape and that's where my value system is too.
Speaker 1: So I didn't understand when people got real shoot, because
Speaker 1: I was like, but what about the moral of the
Speaker 1: st Yeah, no one's gonna show on this coy. He
Speaker 1: just called me a bit. I'm reading so so dumbfounded
Speaker 1: that a kid like anybody could be mean. I like,
Speaker 1: really was born into the world going everyone's great and
Speaker 1: nice and we all love each other and let's hug.
Speaker 1: And then when you find out that's not like that
Speaker 1: at all, you're like, that sucks. Yeah, so how do
Speaker 1: you think it affects that? That affects How does that
Speaker 1: affect you? Now? The anxiety thing you said, you're always
Speaker 1: the anxiety thing. I haven't gotten on top It was
Speaker 1: parallel to when you were a kid. And I haven't
Speaker 1: gotten on top of that yet. But because I've gotten
Speaker 1: so angry and I've gotten so sick of everybody and
Speaker 1: sick of everything. Um, I've been living the opposite of
Speaker 1: what I was. So like, for instance, you saw yesterday
Speaker 1: maybe I don't know if you say, oh, yeah, you
Speaker 1: did you like that I post that picture of me
Speaker 1: with my legs open, Yeah, with that lacey thing. I've
Speaker 1: never worn anything like that in my life, right, So
Speaker 1: that's the opposite of who I was. So I'm like
Speaker 1: playing with identity right now? Yeah, how does that feel?
Speaker 1: How did that make you feel? Because that's I think
Speaker 1: it's scary going out. I I kind of I didn't
Speaker 1: know if this is what you were doing, But now
Speaker 1: that you said, I'm like, yeah, that's kind of Sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll wear like something that is out of character for me.
Speaker 1: But I'll get so like nervous to go out in
Speaker 1: the world in it because I'm like, this is I'm exposed,
Speaker 1: and I just feel so vulnerable in a way that
Speaker 1: I wasn't out in the world that was. I was
Speaker 1: definitely just filming something. Okay, so I shot, I took
Speaker 1: a picture as if but I did say it's for
Speaker 1: the music video. Oh that's right. Oh, I thought, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I thought didn't know if that was a joke. Um no,
Speaker 1: that's for real. I'm really making a music video because
Speaker 1: I've decided to fully embrace this role. That and I'm
Speaker 1: so glad you guys invited me to do this is
Speaker 1: perfect timing. I honestly, I'll be very honest with you.
Speaker 1: I've never heard your podcast. I didn't know what the
Speaker 1: point was and somebody told me it's anti it's anti slutshaming.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm coming on this to talk about
Speaker 1: how much I fuck. And he's like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's supposed to be um anti that or anti slut shaming.
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, that's still I can still Yeah,
Speaker 1: so talk about how much you want to suck and
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to disparage to say I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to like put you in a place to say that
Speaker 1: I don't do. It's because I have a kid. It's
Speaker 1: because I don't have time to listen to anybody's podcast.
Speaker 1: She's a constant I don't listen to podcast. She's constantly
Speaker 1: a podcast. In my face, she's my podcast. She's the
Speaker 1: only time I have for free time. And I still
Speaker 1: have to like pause her all the time, like your daughter,
Speaker 1: he shut up? What is your daughter? She's almost she'll
Speaker 1: be ten and a couple of days. I've talked about
Speaker 1: I probably talked about it on the podcast. I love
Speaker 1: the videos you guys make so much. I think she
Speaker 1: is one of the wisest seeming kids I've ever I've
Speaker 1: ever liked seen a video over met point blank and
Speaker 1: she she's better. Well that's what when she was getting over,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I was trying to find it stuff, like
Speaker 1: to see if I had a coloring book. I'm like,
Speaker 1: she's just like better and smarter than me. And she's
Speaker 1: not gonna like this ship. She doesn't. He's gonna be like,
Speaker 1: funk out of here. She just got an iPad so
Speaker 1: she can shoot and edit her own video. Course. Of course,
Speaker 1: Christina was like having like it was very anxious to
Speaker 1: compare Spot and I was like, this is a two
Speaker 1: thousand seventeen kid. I'm like, she's going to have some
Speaker 1: kind of electronic and she's gonna be fine for an hour.
Speaker 1: There's like something really amazing and special about your daughter,
Speaker 1: you know what, you know? I love it's the time
Speaker 1: she's growing up in. And it's because I'm so I'm
Speaker 1: not structured and I don't understand what everybody's doing, so
Speaker 1: I can't give you that to her. She's picking and
Speaker 1: she was in like genuinely she doesn't have a mom
Speaker 1: and dad going this is what you gotta be and
Speaker 1: this is how you gotta do it. She's got me going, huh,
Speaker 1: that's pretty cool. Yeah. I've always dreamt since I was
Speaker 1: a little girl. I'm like, I want to have a
Speaker 1: kid one day that's like wiser than me and I
Speaker 1: can be like, who what the funk? And then she'd
Speaker 1: be like, mom, don't say that word. I'll be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I love you like I just she's so, I don't know,
Speaker 1: she's really rad. She's she's what I think that my
Speaker 1: kid is no gender, honestly, and that's my fault because
Speaker 1: I never I never did the girly thing for her.
Speaker 1: But what's whatever she's and she doesn't And I had
Speaker 1: sometimes I asked her because I've what I've heard. But
Speaker 1: I think those people are even pushing those kids. I
Speaker 1: think those people are even pushing those kids to say
Speaker 1: they're more of a boy or like a girl to
Speaker 1: say they're more of a boy. When there's when a
Speaker 1: girl says she's more of a boy, where a boy
Speaker 1: says he's more of a girl. I think that those
Speaker 1: parents are either ostracizing those feelings or conditioning them. Because
Speaker 1: my kid is just like, I'm a girl, but I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want that ship. Yeah she's really to be
Speaker 1: put in that box. Yeah she got McDonald's. She's like,
Speaker 1: she goes, I wanna a happy meal with the board
Speaker 1: toy And I said, why do you always order the
Speaker 1: board tour? She's like, because the girl toy doesn't do anything?
Speaker 1: And I was like, so would you get the girl
Speaker 1: toy if it did anything? She's like, of course I
Speaker 1: would care. She's just like, I don't what am I
Speaker 1: supposed to do with this? Damn she's she's going to
Speaker 1: be such a well adjusted and they're not listening. People
Speaker 1: are not listening to their kids to two kids. Know, like,
Speaker 1: like society still trying to well because the parents aren't
Speaker 1: caught up yet. So it's still trying to tell the parents,
Speaker 1: get this for a girl, get this for a boy,
Speaker 1: when kids don't want that anymore. Yeah. I was buying
Speaker 1: trying to buy a Christmas present for my nephew Brantley,
Speaker 1: who's uh over like a year and a half, and
Speaker 1: just shopping at like the toys rust of the Carter's places.
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is so it's so clear to me
Speaker 1: that I don't even have a kid, but I'm stop
Speaker 1: trying to put everyone in a fucking box. It's literally
Speaker 1: the store is half blue and half pink like this
Speaker 1: encourage free thinking and and independent thinking and critical thinking
Speaker 1: and kids, and I think they're going to grow up
Speaker 1: to be give back to the world in ways that
Speaker 1: we never could. Yeah, and that's why, And that's why
Speaker 1: I think a lot of kids and her generation are
Speaker 1: skipping past toys straight to electronics and lifestyle. They would
Speaker 1: rather see how people are living and watch people live
Speaker 1: their lives than be told this is what you are, yea.
Speaker 1: And they also are doing it because they don't have
Speaker 1: much guidance in the home because everybody's working moms and
Speaker 1: dads now, so they need to watch other people experience
Speaker 1: because they're trying to figure out where they fit in.
Speaker 1: But I'm happy for her, and I'm happy that I'm
Speaker 1: excited to see what she becomes because I think because
Speaker 1: she doesn't have a rigid structure um to filter all
Speaker 1: her life experiences through. She just comes home and she
Speaker 1: just gets to be whatever she is. Um. She doesn't
Speaker 1: have any limitations. Yeah, I'm a little worried for it,
Speaker 1: but I'm I'm excited to see what that becomes. She's
Speaker 1: gonna whatever it is. She's going to pick a career
Speaker 1: that makes her happy, which is like the best thing
Speaker 1: a person could do for themselves. So I'm at a
Speaker 1: stage right now where I didn't get any of that,
Speaker 1: and I got dolls that I never played with, and
Speaker 1: I was reading books. I'm like, you've seen me read
Speaker 1: books all the time. I take myself to library, I
Speaker 1: come home with fifteen books, and you're still getting me
Speaker 1: a little little dog Teddy Bears exactly. I took my
Speaker 1: kid to see Matilda because that is like my heart song.
Speaker 1: And when I couldn't talk tomorrow Wilson. When I met her,
Speaker 1: I was like I can't. Oh my god. I watched
Speaker 1: them like twelve thousand times, when the kids and when
Speaker 1: and when that um woman was mean to the kid.
Speaker 1: My kid was like why why is anybody why would
Speaker 1: have anybody ever treat trash? It was like such a
Speaker 1: nice commentary to me about how she feels safe with me,
Speaker 1: because I was like, no, that's exactly how Wait when
Speaker 1: I was growing up, that's exactly how adults were. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had teachers who went right along with other shitty
Speaker 1: kids and would embarrass the funk out of me to
Speaker 1: be cool to the kids, to be a part of it.
Speaker 1: So I turned into the biggest jackass that you've ever met.
Speaker 1: I was because I'm too smart for for for all
Speaker 1: that ship like, So I turned into the biggest, most
Speaker 1: hurtful jackass, especially because you know, home life just function anyway.
Speaker 1: Moving on. So right now I've completely broken from this
Speaker 1: identity of I need to be scared, I need to
Speaker 1: hide who I am, and I need to be ashamed
Speaker 1: of myself too. I'm fucking with everybody's idea of what
Speaker 1: I look like. Oh, you think I look hot? You
Speaker 1: think I look like a ho. Well, let's let's see
Speaker 1: how that goes for you. I think that guys, the
Speaker 1: way they treat me when I walk by them on
Speaker 1: the street. If I'm just barely wearing a heel, if
Speaker 1: my butt is barely poking out under a T shirt,
Speaker 1: they go, girl, that's probably from me, huh, And it
Speaker 1: makes me go, yeah, all right, let's see, let's see
Speaker 1: how if people listen to me. Now, I'm gonna I
Speaker 1: have this whole idea for that I'm that I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I'm doing a social justice instagram ho. I'm owing myself
Speaker 1: like that. I'm telling you it's coming. I'm howing myself
Speaker 1: out as empowered women from history. I'm gonna I've been
Speaker 1: taking pictures with phil oh Provincio and of like Rosa Parks, uh,
Speaker 1: half naked like that, and then I'm a link it
Speaker 1: to real relevant shit. But I feel like I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't feel listened to unless I portray the image
Speaker 1: of of of how you know I don't. I have
Speaker 1: to first get your attention visually. But it's so interesting
Speaker 1: because that that notion to me is when I realized, oh,
Speaker 1: you just you just want something. You just want to
Speaker 1: see a titty or you want to fucking you need
Speaker 1: to be sexually interested in a girl. And women sometimes
Speaker 1: do it too, like they just want you. You want
Speaker 1: to to get my attention by me dressing a certain
Speaker 1: way like that that angers me too much to h too.
Speaker 1: I've always imagined giving into that and kind of incorporating
Speaker 1: that into a bigger thing, like your instagram. How social
Speaker 1: justice a bigger idea. But it makes me too mad
Speaker 1: that guys do. But I'm angry either way, and so
Speaker 1: I want to have Fun's a good point. I want to.
Speaker 1: I wanna have fun with it. Um that's a good
Speaker 1: album Tyle Police Hawkins Angry either way, I like that.
Speaker 1: Um wait, so you you you head on being a
Speaker 1: You turned into a jackass before because of you know,
Speaker 1: the way you were treated everything. Do you mean in
Speaker 1: your adult life or as a child. As a child,
Speaker 1: I thought the hypocrisy of how people treat each other
Speaker 1: and how adults treated me, um, and when it especially
Speaker 1: when it changed, especially when people wanted to talk to
Speaker 1: me now and just in general, it's not just looks
Speaker 1: for me, it's every little thing I'm hyper aware because
Speaker 1: I am always afraid. I'm always afraid that somebody's gonna
Speaker 1: attack me. So I'm hyper aware of their body language,
Speaker 1: the way they're talking to me, the way they're reacting
Speaker 1: to me. And because I grew up in a very
Speaker 1: shitty household where everybody was always attacking each other anyway,
Speaker 1: where it's like, um, if you cried, they won, I
Speaker 1: am very vigilant, right, So what happens is like in
Speaker 1: this condition, like we're here, this is supposed to be safe,
Speaker 1: this is nice, and we're fine, but subconsciously slashed. Consciously,
Speaker 1: I'm constantly making notes accidentally about how I view you,
Speaker 1: so that so that if I don't know yet, but
Speaker 1: but I'm I promise you was I promise you was there,
Speaker 1: so that if you make me uncomfortable, I'm more in
Speaker 1: control of it than I used to be. But if
Speaker 1: you put me in an uncomfortable position, I've already gotten
Speaker 1: ways to crush you. I already know how to hurt you.
Speaker 1: I love this because I gotta be honest with you now.
Speaker 1: I don't feel about this way about late in the
Speaker 1: past year or so, but previously I feel like there
Speaker 1: was like you kind seem scary, like like you were
Speaker 1: like a like a mean girl, or like a bully.
Speaker 1: But that's the thing I'm not. I'm just no, no, no,
Speaker 1: hyper hyper hyper defensive. So when somebody bullies me the
Speaker 1: way that my old therapist push It puts it, you
Speaker 1: become a puffer fish. You are bigger than them, and
Speaker 1: now you've put them in the victim role to take
Speaker 1: your power back when you could just walk away. And
Speaker 1: I've been working on the walk away part, but I'm
Speaker 1: back around. I did the walk away part for a
Speaker 1: little while, and sometimes it still works, especially in professional environments.
Speaker 1: But I'm back to the point of, nah, how else
Speaker 1: are they gonna learn? But you have your gloves up
Speaker 1: all the time, like you. Um, I can't explain it.
Speaker 1: It's just, Um, there's somebody. I was raised to be
Speaker 1: extremely vicious and I don't want to be. And so
Speaker 1: what happens is I try to be nice to people,
Speaker 1: and I try to, I try not. I I played
Speaker 1: by this set of rules of being nice and be
Speaker 1: respectful and and or I just avoid somebody completely, and um,
Speaker 1: if the person is not giving me that back, then
Speaker 1: I go, You've broken the rules. And now the thing
Speaker 1: I was raised to be. Is I get to be
Speaker 1: myself because I'm because I refused because of the moral
Speaker 1: of the story. I refuse to be the bully. But
Speaker 1: I'm the worst nightmare for a bully. I'm the worst
Speaker 1: nightmare for a both because you know how to play
Speaker 1: both sides kind of, it seems I don't know how
Speaker 1: to play the nice side. Honestly, Are I feel like
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a good person. I'm not a
Speaker 1: nice person. I'm constantly holding back. Mm hmm, Okay. There
Speaker 1: isn't make you feel like you're going to explode though
Speaker 1: all the time. If you're constantly holding your holding back. Um,
Speaker 1: maybe all I know is that, um, you meet the
Speaker 1: right kind of like for me, I'm I'm really good
Speaker 1: friends with complete assholes because we know how to talk
Speaker 1: to each other the same thing. Like I I know
Speaker 1: how to be around people who, um, who can't accept
Speaker 1: whatever it is that this is so like I met
Speaker 1: this guy recently who he he knows there's no malice
Speaker 1: behind some of the observations I make. The observations I make,
Speaker 1: they're not malicious and intent. I'm aware they can hurt you,
Speaker 1: so then I'll use them against you. If you're a
Speaker 1: hurtful person. But now I met this guy who he's
Speaker 1: not malicious. I'm not malicious, so we can just play
Speaker 1: this game the whole time where we're just jabbing for fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's that's free feeling, that's being in in a
Speaker 1: way because it's like, oh, I don't have to build
Speaker 1: up an arsenal. I can just give you whatever I'm
Speaker 1: thinking and you're like fucking cool with us. Yeah. My AX,
Speaker 1: on the other hand, would wait until I was vulnerable
Speaker 1: and use something hurtful against me instead of playing the
Speaker 1: game of I'm playing with something hurtful, right, it's a dance.
Speaker 1: It's a dance, yea. Or it's a I'm gonna wait
Speaker 1: to use this against you when I know you can't
Speaker 1: take it. That's a different thing. Sometimes people are in
Speaker 1: relationships they know how to hurt each other. They become
Speaker 1: terrible people. How long did you date that your last boyfriend?
Speaker 1: We were we would have been together for three years December,
Speaker 1: but that would have been from the day we met,
Speaker 1: so officially that would be like officially February fifteen would
Speaker 1: have been three years um, but we officially broke up October.
Speaker 1: That was the day after Valentine's Day, February fift I
Speaker 1: count my anniversary as the day I met him. But
Speaker 1: and he was like, what that wasn't a day. I'm like, whatever,
Speaker 1: it's just don't worry about um. How was that? How
Speaker 1: did that end? Or how you were saying earlier before
Speaker 1: we started recording, that you're going through a breakup with
Speaker 1: this person? Is it? How is it? Because breakups are
Speaker 1: I saw breakups were like one of the worst things
Speaker 1: ever until I experienced shitty health news about your family.
Speaker 1: That's even worse. But like breakups are, I've been through them,
Speaker 1: and there I feel like I'm drowning. I think the
Speaker 1: reason why breakups are so bad is because, like all
Speaker 1: the other stuff we're talking about, where you're trying to
Speaker 1: figure out where you fit in. So this person is
Speaker 1: supposed to be where you fit in. This person is
Speaker 1: supposed to go now, even if we're not perfect for
Speaker 1: each other, I understand and I think I love you.
Speaker 1: Is somebody saying, hey, I believe you. I believe what
Speaker 1: you're going through. I believe how you feel about me,
Speaker 1: and I believe that you're worthwhile and I don't care
Speaker 1: what else the world is. How else the world views
Speaker 1: you or is treating you. I'm your dude. That's why
Speaker 1: it's so hard to break up because safe zone, that's
Speaker 1: your safe and you build them up to support you. You.
Speaker 1: You try to give them the information they need to
Speaker 1: know to help protect you from the world and to
Speaker 1: support you and to make you feel loved. When the
Speaker 1: world's not going to do that, you're right. And so
Speaker 1: when they decide, when you guys decide that that's over,
Speaker 1: it almost feels like, oh shit, So this whole time,
Speaker 1: I actually am not um worth it. I'm not This
Speaker 1: is the person who was my my, my, I don't
Speaker 1: know my, I don't know your partner and your Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get what you mean, Like by when you show
Speaker 1: a vulnerability, do you're the person you're dating. And then
Speaker 1: they're supposed to take that and go, Okay, this is
Speaker 1: something I know about you, and I will respect and
Speaker 1: I will protect and I will you know, adhere to
Speaker 1: whatever I have to do to make you comfortable. For
Speaker 1: for me, it's even worse because for for whatever it is,
Speaker 1: whatever undiagnosed thing that I am, I don't know what
Speaker 1: it is. However, I relate to the world the person
Speaker 1: who I choose to spend my days with is the
Speaker 1: person who makes the world feel real to me, because
Speaker 1: I honestly don't connect to this as being real life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not a point in your life where that started
Speaker 1: to feel that way or has it always always it's
Speaker 1: always felt like because it never matched, you know, the
Speaker 1: imaginary world that I had built up, and so now
Speaker 1: I go, this isn't I don't agree. Yeah, sometimes you
Speaker 1: feel like you're just like kind of like you're in
Speaker 1: your body, but you're almost like watching everything happened around
Speaker 1: you but not participating in it. I'm always the one
Speaker 1: watching there. I watched in the moment, I watched them
Speaker 1: doing whatever they're doing, and I'm always observing them. Do
Speaker 1: it always constantly? Things for yourself, what do you mean,
Speaker 1: like take care of yourself, like, you know, do a
Speaker 1: little bit extra, have a nice day, just for Kale's
Speaker 1: kind of thing. I think there's a symbiotic relationship with
Speaker 1: me and taking care of myself. So for instance, um,
Speaker 1: if I didn't have that kid, then I wouldn't be
Speaker 1: here because because I'm a good person and I know
Speaker 1: she needs things like I know that um my kid
Speaker 1: needs breakfast. That means I have to wake up. I
Speaker 1: have to get up, I have to become home. M
Speaker 1: so so thank goodness that I'm a good person because
Speaker 1: when I do good things for other people, I get
Speaker 1: those things from myself. Now, I've been in relationships where
Speaker 1: people have taken advantage of that, where it's not in
Speaker 1: it's not um balanced all over, like they know that
Speaker 1: I don't have any sense of self. Yeah, you kind
Speaker 1: of need a partner that's gonna understand that they shouldn't
Speaker 1: cross the boundary of of how kind and generous you
Speaker 1: could be somebody like they need to fucking watch themselves
Speaker 1: because they don't want to, or maybe they have to
Speaker 1: be as giving. But usually I don't find that because
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know why I don't find
Speaker 1: that kind of person you usually do. You get your
Speaker 1: joy out of doing good things for other people. Are
Speaker 1: being can't say it's joy um for instance, Uh, there's
Speaker 1: it's a lot of guilt. There's a lot of guilt.
Speaker 1: I was. I was such an unhappy I think I'm
Speaker 1: such an unhappy person that when somebody says this makes
Speaker 1: me happy, I go, then this has to happen, because
Speaker 1: that's the most important thing in the world. What makes
Speaker 1: me now. Uh m hmmm, I don't know. I really
Speaker 1: don't know. Well, when's the last time you felt happy? Uh?
Speaker 1: I guess, I guess. Unfortunately, it does come when I
Speaker 1: feel like somebody sees me and goes, well, I'm excited
Speaker 1: about this person and I'm okay with whatever this is
Speaker 1: that she is, and that makes me relaxed. I can't
Speaker 1: say it makes me happy, but it makes me breathe,
Speaker 1: it makes me go all right good. Um, so then
Speaker 1: I can I can go out into the world and
Speaker 1: I can be this person because I know, at least
Speaker 1: there's one person who thinks it's not crazy. You can
Speaker 1: be a true self around that person without judgment. That's
Speaker 1: like a huge Yeah. Well, when you describe what the
Speaker 1: fund your bullshit you had to go through with your
Speaker 1: childhood with a bullying and then whatever happened at your
Speaker 1: your household, yeah, no, ship, I totally that makes sense.
Speaker 1: I think there was a lack of love in my household.
Speaker 1: So my mom was always working. She worked the third
Speaker 1: Watch as a cop, and then she was asleep all
Speaker 1: day and she was very depressed, which I didn't realize
Speaker 1: till later in life. And um, she was just short
Speaker 1: tempered and angry and mean, and she's not as bad
Speaker 1: as she used to be. I can talk to her,
Speaker 1: but I still have we still have issues. But um,
Speaker 1: I love her to death and she's a great person.
Speaker 1: She gave me a lot of ideas, but she didn't
Speaker 1: give me a lot of love. So I think I'm
Speaker 1: always looking for people to feel love with. And it
Speaker 1: could be a minimal interaction. It could be Starbucks, it
Speaker 1: could be I want that I want when that person says,
Speaker 1: good morning, how are you doing. I'm not the irritating
Speaker 1: like a good morning, and because I think that's a
Speaker 1: fake that's a fake thing that they're doing. I'm a
Speaker 1: real person who goes I'm good and how are you,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, that's good. Like like I have very
Speaker 1: transient friends and every single place that I walk like,
Speaker 1: I have a Starbucks friend. I have cop friends who
Speaker 1: are on the route to my gym. I have gym
Speaker 1: friends who are there who over time have seen me there.
Speaker 1: I have Bodega friends, I have subway friends. I have
Speaker 1: this is in the village. You know I'm gonna pass
Speaker 1: by your friends. I have friends from Jersey City who
Speaker 1: I just walked by them for so many years, I
Speaker 1: just started saying, hey, what's up, and now they're they're hey,
Speaker 1: what's up? Friends. I have really like connecting with people.
Speaker 1: I just I have to because it doesn't because life
Speaker 1: is not real to me. If I don't connect, I'm
Speaker 1: I feel crazy. I feel like, what's the fucking point?
Speaker 1: And so sometimes when my kid gets selfish with me,
Speaker 1: which is now we're in that place where she's starting
Speaker 1: to be a selfish human does she's nine, she'll be
Speaker 1: ten in a week. And then people go but she's
Speaker 1: a child, like oh yeah, but um, she's the only
Speaker 1: reason I'm here. So when she starts getting selfish, and
Speaker 1: I feel like, wait a hold on a second, but
Speaker 1: don't you realize this is hurting me? Wait, hey, stop,
Speaker 1: stop for a second. And then I go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: give me a second. I gotta take a walk. And
Speaker 1: I leave and I go take a walk, and I
Speaker 1: call it, like my friend Keith, Keith is great for this.
Speaker 1: And I called Keith and I go, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Who is that in there? Who is that? Why? Why
Speaker 1: is she doing that? And yeah, he's like talking about her.
Speaker 1: I don't know, dude, I have a very thin connection
Speaker 1: to reality. And I go why would she do that
Speaker 1: when it's obviously hurting me. He's like, because kids are selfish.
Speaker 1: And that's when I came up with that theory. I go, well, Ship,
Speaker 1: I gotta get on board with this. I gotta figure
Speaker 1: out what I your selfish as a kid. I feel like, Nope,
Speaker 1: you weren't at all. Nope. My whole family continuously and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this, and if they would listen to this,
Speaker 1: they know I don't mean it like this, but they
Speaker 1: know exactly what I mean. They constantly take advantage of
Speaker 1: me because I don't have a selfish bone in my body. Now,
Speaker 1: you you keep saying your kid is the only reason
Speaker 1: you're here. Do you mean like here living on the earth,
Speaker 1: like you would have taken your own life? You mean
Speaker 1: the way that I was headed? I'm so reckless. The
Speaker 1: way that I was headed, I think that my life
Speaker 1: would be over by now. How what were you doing?
Speaker 1: I just in cars? Don't have any I don't you know.
Speaker 1: People can get addicted to stuff. I don't have that.
Speaker 1: That's nice. So it's like I'm constantly trying to find
Speaker 1: ways to feel. Yeah, but addiction and feeling are two
Speaker 1: different things. I know. So, but I'll try anything so
Speaker 1: you don't have attachments to any thing or place or person.
Speaker 1: I get addicted to people, so then you do have it.
Speaker 1: That's I don't know, that's that would be it. I
Speaker 1: guess gets a thing to the people, to the people
Speaker 1: who make me feel like, oh, okay, I'm here because
Speaker 1: otherwise I finally found a float area where you can
Speaker 1: be you and who wouldn't want to be around that?
Speaker 1: So you can feel Because one of the things that
Speaker 1: I love most about my boyfriend, I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is selfish or not, but it's like he makes
Speaker 1: me the best version of me. It's like I act
Speaker 1: I'm the funniest around him. I have like these quippy
Speaker 1: one liners that I just like, I'm my god, I
Speaker 1: wish you could that on stage. But like it's I
Speaker 1: don't know, there's this this weird um level of whatever
Speaker 1: he gives me, what comes out is the truest form
Speaker 1: of me, and it's like, wow, it's it's nice to
Speaker 1: have that. Like when I first discovered that, I don't
Speaker 1: really think I would like that around a lot of
Speaker 1: other boyfriends, and I realized, like that's I can't decide
Speaker 1: if that's selfish or not like I like myself the
Speaker 1: best one I'm around you. But whenever that's what it
Speaker 1: feels like, that's I think that's good. If if as
Speaker 1: long as it's healthy and as long as you guys
Speaker 1: are doing that for each other, that's every good thing,
Speaker 1: and that's kind of the goal. Yeah, I think that,
Speaker 1: Um people have this, I think selfishness. They have the wrong. UM.
Speaker 1: I don't think selfish definition that thing, but what do
Speaker 1: you think about it? I don't even mean selfishness. I
Speaker 1: meant um like dependency issues. Like the way they say
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be selfish, you're supposed to be independent.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's true. Yeah, I think people need
Speaker 1: people all the time. I mean whether it's one person
Speaker 1: sometimes or a lot of people all the time, it's
Speaker 1: there's still this humanity. One thing that makes humans, I
Speaker 1: think unique and complicated people is that there we need
Speaker 1: other people. Like when I meant to my most oppressed.
Speaker 1: It's funny because when you were saying like you have
Speaker 1: DEGA friends, you have street friends, like having when someone
Speaker 1: at a Starbucks is like, hey, how are you doing,
Speaker 1: I'm like I'm good, You're doing okay, Like it's just
Speaker 1: it's better than anything. I mean, it's because because there
Speaker 1: is so much bullshit and everyone's I feel like there's
Speaker 1: so many fake angry just everyone's got their own fucking
Speaker 1: box over them and it's really nice to connect in.
Speaker 1: But it is, but it's to me, it's also real
Speaker 1: because people go with it. What's the point? Yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: give you one point, and I'll give you this is
Speaker 1: like the whole moral of the story point. It actually
Speaker 1: does play out like people. People write this ship and
Speaker 1: they wrote it in in literature a long time ago,
Speaker 1: and it really eventually, at some point in your life,
Speaker 1: it's gonna come true. If you were shitty with people,
Speaker 1: and if you didn't connect with people ever, then nobody's
Speaker 1: gonna give a funk about you. So I've been doing
Speaker 1: comedy now for almost thirteen years. When I when I
Speaker 1: was at stand in New York, I would do guest
Speaker 1: spots here and there, and every every new booker you
Speaker 1: start to work, and then you maybe you don't work
Speaker 1: for that next booker, and then you're done. Now, guess
Speaker 1: who's the booker. Somebody who used to weight tables there,
Speaker 1: somebody who I used to smile at and sit there
Speaker 1: and talk about we have daughters. She's a single mom
Speaker 1: I had. I don't have any relationship with her outside
Speaker 1: of what a friendly face I feel like talking to you,
Speaker 1: and now, thank god I'm also creative and funny. We
Speaker 1: can enjoy the fact that we always connected, and she
Speaker 1: can put me on stage and feel good about it,
Speaker 1: and I can feel good about Like when when Candy
Speaker 1: text me I have a spot on Wednesday, my first
Speaker 1: reaction is all fun, Yeah, I get to see Candy,
Speaker 1: and then she's not there and I go, oh, ship,
Speaker 1: I got not a spot. I forget that it's for
Speaker 1: comedy because I'm like Candies like been in my life
Speaker 1: now for years, just as one of my like stand
Speaker 1: up New York friends. Yeah, I used to you really
Speaker 1: valued that those interactions that you would have. They weren't
Speaker 1: as frequent or whatever, but they were like really special,
Speaker 1: meaningful and real and genuine. And I had no idea
Speaker 1: she had aspirations to be in comedy. Yeah, so that's
Speaker 1: even coming from a more genuine place of like, I
Speaker 1: just like you, and it was there's no like um endgame.
Speaker 1: It's just like um. A friend of mine was mad
Speaker 1: because of the guy, Like She's like, why do you
Speaker 1: like that guy who the fund is that guy, right,
Speaker 1: that's the guy you like. Yeah, And she was like this,
Speaker 1: this and this, and I was like, I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to for her husband. I'm trying to get through tonight.
Speaker 1: And that's my connections with people. I'm everybody's trying to
Speaker 1: be in the moment. I suffer from in the moment.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm reckless as fuck. Yeah. Yeah, because you're
Speaker 1: always just thinking about business right now. And until I
Speaker 1: had the kid, I didn't think about what needs to
Speaker 1: happen next? Yeah, how did she make you think about
Speaker 1: what needs to happened? I guess God does. There needs
Speaker 1: to be food, There needs to be shelter, one time,
Speaker 1: school where she can go to school where she got
Speaker 1: what neighborhood one time? Before this kid, I got into
Speaker 1: raw food dieting, where you're just eating purely raw food
Speaker 1: and for five days and then there's it is hard
Speaker 1: like that if unless you go to one of those
Speaker 1: fancy restaurants. And so I found this fancy rest quintessence
Speaker 1: macrobiotics and raw foods is different. Road food is just
Speaker 1: chopped mixed heat of any kind, nothing, and you know
Speaker 1: they have some minimal heat for some things, but they
Speaker 1: make this amazing dessert. They make this amazing like taco
Speaker 1: type ship. They make this fake hamburger ship they make
Speaker 1: you know, it's delicious. Right. So I was of me
Speaker 1: with a friend Casey, from a job I was at,
Speaker 1: who also was just a person I connected with who
Speaker 1: we who I was ended up needing a place to live.
Speaker 1: So and you know, that's just how my life is.
Speaker 1: So I couldn't pay rent because I got so addicted
Speaker 1: to this food. Oh ship, it was crices. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is healthy. Um, this is my thing. This is
Speaker 1: making me feel good, and I need to do this.
Speaker 1: I stopped paying rent because I was like, rand, I
Speaker 1: need to be I need to do this other thing.
Speaker 1: And we got evicted. Were you did you have? No? No,
Speaker 1: this is way before. I've been here since I was nineteen, damn.
Speaker 1: So this was like with Casey managed like what the
Speaker 1: fun police. Casey is a special creature and I love
Speaker 1: her to death and she's my oldest friend here and um,
Speaker 1: she needed out of the circumstances she was in, I
Speaker 1: think at the time, living with her mom and her
Speaker 1: younger brother. So she took it as a way. You know,
Speaker 1: it was like ship you sucked up and all right,
Speaker 1: let's get out of here. But she was also younger.
Speaker 1: She was like one year younger than me or something.
Speaker 1: And I don't know. It was just she's a very
Speaker 1: forgiving person. I don't know why, but um it never
Speaker 1: it never to her. It never hit her like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know why. She's a great person. Now, I
Speaker 1: just want to since you're going through how long ago
Speaker 1: did you break up with your with your ex boyfriend
Speaker 1: October October? Okay, and so what what stage of like
Speaker 1: the breakup process are you in right now? Would you say, um, well,
Speaker 1: he's doing it normal. And I really like how honest
Speaker 1: you were on on Facebook, Like I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: no one, no one has like no one. Everyone has
Speaker 1: the wall up and they're all curating whatever the funk
Speaker 1: they want you to think their lives are. And you're like,
Speaker 1: this is one thinking And I really appreciate that. I
Speaker 1: need to do it because otherwise he'll trick me. I
Speaker 1: need need to I need to say out loud to people,
Speaker 1: this is true, this is true. And because he'll say
Speaker 1: because we'll walk out of the therapist office and screaming
Speaker 1: and yelling, and I never want to see you again,
Speaker 1: and I'm like cool, and then he'll say, um, in
Speaker 1: a text the next day, Hey where are you? I
Speaker 1: want to meet up with you. What do you do?
Speaker 1: What do you up to do? And I'll be like
Speaker 1: wait a second, wait a second, um, um, No, I
Speaker 1: thought we weren't. No, there's not that that that's not
Speaker 1: I get confused. Yeah, it's like jarring. It's like, wait,
Speaker 1: you're going to therapy together. So we were going to
Speaker 1: a couple of therapy, and so we kept going a
Speaker 1: little bit after because just to make sure. I wanted
Speaker 1: to go to make sure I was done, but I
Speaker 1: needed somebody else there. Make two. I thought that I
Speaker 1: needed somebody else there to help me get out, but
Speaker 1: then we ended up happening as I needed somebody else there. Um,
Speaker 1: And I was like telling them and I knew that
Speaker 1: I was being I knew that I was out because
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure. And I'm not saying there was it
Speaker 1: was all bad the relationship. I'm just saying it was over.
Speaker 1: It was definitely over. And he's doing the normal stuff
Speaker 1: of I want to see you just you know, hang out,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I try to forget he ever happened Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: how you broke up? So that's give me a fucking second, dude,
Speaker 1: it's right? Is he being cruel by telling you that?
Speaker 1: I like? What are his motives? And still trying to
Speaker 1: see because he's like, hey, let's let's still be friends.
Speaker 1: We dated for a long time. I mean, that's pretty fresh.
Speaker 1: I think his motive is he wants to feel like
Speaker 1: he wasn't a monster. And I don't think he was
Speaker 1: a monster, but you'd become monstrous in relationships sometimes, and
Speaker 1: he's not the type of person who wants to take
Speaker 1: responsibility for those tendencies. So he wants to feel like
Speaker 1: he's helping me when I just want him to never
Speaker 1: have ever existed. Yeah, because that's what you need, right,
Speaker 1: I need because every time because I have this guy,
Speaker 1: because i'd fall quick. Man, I already am in love again,
Speaker 1: and I have this guy who I I love talking to.
Speaker 1: But every time I get a text from my AX
Speaker 1: and I and my sister and shuts down, and I
Speaker 1: shut down a little to the new guy. Yeah, of
Speaker 1: course you do, because the old guy needs to be gone.
Speaker 1: Well have you thought about setting the boundary of please
Speaker 1: don't talk to me until I'm ready? Every time I say, please,
Speaker 1: don't talk to me. Every time I try to express
Speaker 1: because it's only a text that I can't do this,
Speaker 1: He's like, well, then I set you up with a therapist.
Speaker 1: You need to talk to somebody about this. And I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not suicidal. I'm falling in love without you. Why
Speaker 1: don't you just I do? I do every once in
Speaker 1: a while, I do. Everything's complicated. I'm staying in our
Speaker 1: old apartment, my my old apartment that I allowed him
Speaker 1: to stay in. Yeah, And I feel bad because he's
Speaker 1: like out for the last three weeks. He's like at
Speaker 1: his parents house so that I can stay there, and
Speaker 1: it was your apartment first. I know that he doesn't
Speaker 1: quite get me. It's still my apartment. I'm going to
Speaker 1: say him stay there. But I still feel like in
Speaker 1: his world with his rules, that he thinks he's doing
Speaker 1: me a favor, and so I feel bad when I'm
Speaker 1: not like reciprocating. Sometimes it's communicating towards him, some kind
Speaker 1: of something to let him I I is he he's
Speaker 1: not saying. He's saying in his parents house currently, yes
Speaker 1: you yeah, you you? That's so uh interesting? Like you
Speaker 1: you set the boundary. But then it's like, what this
Speaker 1: guy's not like that's that's him trying to feel better
Speaker 1: about himself. Is just such a selfish thing to do
Speaker 1: after a breakup. It's like, you do what you you
Speaker 1: need to do. And it's a lot of the tendencies
Speaker 1: you're saying that you have, like where you you're very
Speaker 1: selfless and you want other people to be happy, like
Speaker 1: and have you ever like what goes through your head
Speaker 1: when you're like, you know what I should do? I
Speaker 1: should just stop talking, like permanently, stop talking to him
Speaker 1: for like two, like a couple of months or something like.
Speaker 1: Does that idea scare you because you're losing connection with him?
Speaker 1: I am the problem. I'll be completely honest with you
Speaker 1: because I honestly I I don't want to shoot on
Speaker 1: him at all, but so I'll showed on myself. But
Speaker 1: it's gonna shoot on him. It's okay because that's your experience.
Speaker 1: You know. I think that my ex boyfriend doesn't think
Speaker 1: very highly of me unless it's in his narrative. In
Speaker 1: his narrative within who he is, I was very relevant
Speaker 1: and I am something not to be lost. He doesn't
Speaker 1: want to lose whatever I was to him, but um
Speaker 1: independently of him. He doesn't believe I'm gonna make much
Speaker 1: out of myself in my career, as much as he
Speaker 1: might say it. And he thinks I'm psychotic and suicidal.
Speaker 1: So if he can help me, not which I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna do it anyway, it is a win win for him.
Speaker 1: He wants to be the hero if he Let's say
Speaker 1: he puts Let's say you see some old lady with
Speaker 1: grocery bags walking on the street and you run up
Speaker 1: to her and you help her carry your grocery bag.
Speaker 1: She's like, no, I don't, and you just take him anyway,
Speaker 1: So then you go, I helped her down the street
Speaker 1: with this you might have, but she was gonna get
Speaker 1: down that street. That's him. He's like, I'm a good person,
Speaker 1: and you're capable of great weakness. I'm capable of displaying
Speaker 1: great vulnerability because I don't understand why people are hiding
Speaker 1: therese now that I know that it exists, like my
Speaker 1: mission is to be like yeah, to be like, stop
Speaker 1: hiding it from me. That's why, by the way, moving on,
Speaker 1: I love millennials. I love what you guys are millennials, right,
Speaker 1: I don't aren't what're Yeah, you guys are the millennials.
Speaker 1: You're in the middle of it. You're in the muck
Speaker 1: of millennial and don't suck. The word has got negative stigma,
Speaker 1: but it really does. But I'll tell you what I
Speaker 1: love about young women, the women in the younger generation.
Speaker 1: You guys were raised that you're going to get more
Speaker 1: out of life, so you have let You don't deal
Speaker 1: with the same ship that we deal with. We you
Speaker 1: don't have a tougher skin, and that's also a negative connotation,
Speaker 1: but I think it's a beautiful thing because I think
Speaker 1: it means that you require more, you demand more. So
Speaker 1: I look to millennials for how I should leave my life,
Speaker 1: because when I see what you expect for your lives,
Speaker 1: I go I never knew I was allowed to have that, So, uh,
Speaker 1: I'm it's interesting. I was recently thinking about how people
Speaker 1: put on specifically millennials, this you're so liberal with your thinking,
Speaker 1: you're so you're too you want this world to be
Speaker 1: some utopia. It's like, and I used to be easily
Speaker 1: persuaded into going, yeah, liberals are kind of like fucking bullshit,
Speaker 1: but it's like, no, I just I'm like, treat people equally,
Speaker 1: dumb fuck, that's not being over sensitive. That's like I've
Speaker 1: recently being made aware that what millennials and liberals get
Speaker 1: accused of in just being like just wanting people to
Speaker 1: be fucking treated equally, is looked at this some hippie
Speaker 1: dippie pussy ship. But it's not like that's what you're
Speaker 1: projecting on me. And I've just like recently been really
Speaker 1: bitter and angry towards anybody who says that now, because
Speaker 1: I'm like this whole time, all we wanted to do
Speaker 1: was just we care about ourselves, but we also care
Speaker 1: about other people, and there's no thing fucking wrong with that, Like,
Speaker 1: there's nothing. I don't know it was it was. It's
Speaker 1: used against millennials and liberals as like a weakness, but
Speaker 1: it's actually I think it's a strength. Yes, everybody uses
Speaker 1: your best strength against you as your weakness to switch
Speaker 1: it up on just now realizing that as an adult, Like,
Speaker 1: it's great that it happens a lot, it's great that
Speaker 1: you realize it now. Though. Self awareness is the key
Speaker 1: to I think my ex boyfriend like like raised by
Speaker 1: parents who you know, the woman and the man have
Speaker 1: a certain dynamic from that generation. So basically, here's what
Speaker 1: it is with men, and that's why I don't want
Speaker 1: I'm dating younger bucket, I'm dating people who were raised
Speaker 1: by better people. I'm thirty six, but I'm I want
Speaker 1: to date men who were raised by a younger, more
Speaker 1: informed generation, you know what I'm saying. So the generation
Speaker 1: that raised my ex boyfriend, which is still a little
Speaker 1: bit younger than mine, they still did this. So they
Speaker 1: take what you say about yourself and how much you
Speaker 1: care about yourself and what you think about yourself, and
Speaker 1: they see that. Men see that in women. They see
Speaker 1: how powerful you are. But then you're supposed to just
Speaker 1: use that on them. They don't care that it doesn't
Speaker 1: um solidify in the world as you being great or
Speaker 1: having a career. They don't give a fuck because you're
Speaker 1: just supposed to help them get to where they're going.
Speaker 1: You're supposed to be great for them, right, So they're
Speaker 1: aware that you're amazing, and they disregarded. So now I'm
Speaker 1: dating a guy whose parents might have lived that dynamic,
Speaker 1: and he's aware I'm amazing, but he goes, I don't
Speaker 1: believe in you, because just because you're amazing doesn't mean
Speaker 1: the world is gonna care. And that is my experience
Speaker 1: in comedy. My experience in comedy is I'm I'm I'm
Speaker 1: not um egotistical. So I've seen men with the same
Speaker 1: amount of creativity and talent and the same results on
Speaker 1: stage get their hand. It's before they can get off stage,
Speaker 1: somebody grabs their hand and rushes them to an executive
Speaker 1: because they go the world want this, it's not because,
Speaker 1: and then everybody creates this narrative. Um, well, then get funny.
Speaker 1: If you want to be where we're at, then get funny. No,
Speaker 1: that's not truly disregarding the bullshit system that's helping. It's
Speaker 1: just where the world's at. The world wants Jordan's. You're
Speaker 1: the Jordan's. We're an off brand, same ship. We can
Speaker 1: get them to laugh too. But the world is not
Speaker 1: marketing us yet. It's now, it's starting, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So I see the changes now and I'm excited about it.
Speaker 1: And he doesn't see it yet. Ah, well, the current
Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend doesn't see that they are starting to
Speaker 1: value women and bravery a little bit differently than they
Speaker 1: did when his mom was Like the shows that are
Speaker 1: on now, are fucking forward thinking that television it's in
Speaker 1: the office. If he goes to work and there's no
Speaker 1: woman who's telling him what to do, then he's never
Speaker 1: got to come home to me. And hearing me say
Speaker 1: we're day, I think I'm going to be one. Sure
Speaker 1: you will and and and he'll support my dream as
Speaker 1: long as I'm under his thumb making sure he's the best.
Speaker 1: So here's why we broke up a weekend too, me
Speaker 1: going to Hollywood. He felt neglected. He told me I
Speaker 1: was damaging our relationship because I was not paying enough
Speaker 1: attention to him. But you're paying attention to yourself and
Speaker 1: pursuing your own dreams and he's including him in that.
Speaker 1: What did you calling him all the time? I was like,
Speaker 1: this is what What was your reaction to him saying
Speaker 1: to him showing you that that's how he felt, Was
Speaker 1: you or like, oh, maybe I am being neglect You
Speaker 1: know I told him our whole two and a half years,
Speaker 1: I've done this for you, and now that I have
Speaker 1: something I've been working towards for thirteen years, this is
Speaker 1: the biggest thing that ever happened to me. How dare you?
Speaker 1: How dare you not show up for me for the
Speaker 1: first fucking time you had an opportunity to do it.
Speaker 1: So you were just gonna keep taking this ship from me.
Speaker 1: You were just gonna taking all I had to give
Speaker 1: you and then never turn around and think that what
Speaker 1: I was doing had any stakes. So basically, so here's
Speaker 1: what's here's what's going on right now. This is why
Speaker 1: he thinks I'm suicidal. This is why he thinks I'm
Speaker 1: suicidal because I didn't get renewed. He knows that this
Speaker 1: job on you on at midnight was the biggest thing
Speaker 1: that ever happened to me. He knows how attached I
Speaker 1: was to this job. He knows how excited I was.
Speaker 1: He knows that when I didn't get it, when I
Speaker 1: submitted the first time, I cried and I was depressed
Speaker 1: for like three months, and then I finally got it
Speaker 1: and I lost it. So he thinks since I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna be something that that I'm not sitting here going
Speaker 1: This was a baby step towards something new, and I
Speaker 1: took everything I could out of it, even though it
Speaker 1: was frustrating. I know that I can get there now,
Speaker 1: and I know I can move on. He doesn't know
Speaker 1: that that's how I feel about myself because he doesn't
Speaker 1: feel that way about me. He thinks I took a shot,
Speaker 1: I missed it, and now we can go back into
Speaker 1: this so sad I should go see her. Now we
Speaker 1: can go back into this imaginary world of going one
Speaker 1: day you will be great, he could. He could always,
Speaker 1: so that you can always fantasize about I would be great.
Speaker 1: Eads you to need him until I was there, He
Speaker 1: needs you to need him. As soon as I got there,
Speaker 1: he was like, what are you doing? Why did you
Speaker 1: get a two better apartment? You're an idiot? What if
Speaker 1: it doesn't work out? Oh that's infuriatic, right, Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean also just getting the job in the first place,
Speaker 1: It's like you knew you could do it, and then
Speaker 1: getting the job as someone else saying, hey, I also
Speaker 1: know that you can do it. And I think that's why.
Speaker 1: That's how I sort of feel when in my life
Speaker 1: about why I can be angry at men, like just
Speaker 1: in general is there's been so many times in my
Speaker 1: life where my aspirations were cute and adorable, and that
Speaker 1: is like I can't even imagine when you're dating somebody
Speaker 1: who thinks that, it's like what the it's I feel
Speaker 1: it's I feel like very out of control. It's very
Speaker 1: suffocating and angering because it's like, what the funk do
Speaker 1: you have to do to get taken serious? Those people
Speaker 1: and dust I know, but just who cares? I want
Speaker 1: to say this because I just realized how popular podcast is.
Speaker 1: Like I just had a moment right now. I was like, oh, ship,
Speaker 1: this is a very popular podcast. I will I will
Speaker 1: speakers in the fireplace. It's good to forget that one
Speaker 1: recording now. But I will say this, if you were
Speaker 1: to have the same conversation with him, I don't think
Speaker 1: he would ever say that. He would never admit that
Speaker 1: he would. Why will you admit that? That's because it's
Speaker 1: a bad look. He doesn't want to work on himself.
Speaker 1: I only hear and feel in subtext because of the
Speaker 1: books I read. I can tell how people are treating
Speaker 1: me in their actions and how they reacted over time,
Speaker 1: their patterns and and how. And I know that this
Speaker 1: is who he is. But I want to represent for
Speaker 1: a moment his side, because he's not here. He would say,
Speaker 1: I think, and and to me, I heard that I
Speaker 1: heard something different. I hated. I hated when you would
Speaker 1: say this he would say, Um, I think you're you're
Speaker 1: better than doing stand up, that this isn't exactly what
Speaker 1: you're supposed to do. This isn't right for you, because
Speaker 1: you're so much better than this, and you're gonna be
Speaker 1: so much greater than this. Because he liked to speak
Speaker 1: in the imaginary world. He didn't like to speak in
Speaker 1: the world of I need to go get a spot
Speaker 1: tonight because this is gonna lead me to bigger things,
Speaker 1: and this is gonna lead me to whatever my life
Speaker 1: is going to be whatever this or this is my life.
Speaker 1: So he would disparage the fact that I was doing
Speaker 1: this thing that he wasn't even brave enough to do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what did he ever want? I met him because he
Speaker 1: was a crowd member who wanted to try comedy. Oh like,
Speaker 1: oh god, I mean I also I know somebody somewhere,
Speaker 1: so who who has that Like they need to be
Speaker 1: needed and they need to pat you on the head
Speaker 1: and they need there your your your dreams and goals are,
Speaker 1: whatever your career so far is okay, Yeah, know what's
Speaker 1: gonna work. Yeah, I know it's gonna work. But they
Speaker 1: need they kind of secretly want you to fail. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know if he wanted me to fail. As
Speaker 1: long as if I was winning, he was still more
Speaker 1: important than my career. Yeah, that's yeah, that noise. I
Speaker 1: think he doesn't secretly want me to fail. I think
Speaker 1: he secretly thinks, like, you make a bet right now, um,
Speaker 1: that I'm not gonna develop and make that's a pretty
Speaker 1: good bet. What do you mean you are against? I
Speaker 1: think that right now. If you say, if we all
Speaker 1: right now put our ten tho dollars, we all have that,
Speaker 1: right we do. If we all put ten thousand dollars
Speaker 1: right now on Calice is never going to get a show.
Speaker 1: She's never going to be in front of the camera,
Speaker 1: which is odd that I've never been in front of
Speaker 1: the camera. We go, it's never gonna happen. Um, that
Speaker 1: a pretty fucking good bet because there are so many
Speaker 1: people trying to do the same thing, and there are
Speaker 1: so many things that could change. So I think he
Speaker 1: was very comfortable thinking I can support her in this
Speaker 1: imaginary place. The odds of success are are, it's are low,
Speaker 1: and as soon that's when I got sick of him.
Speaker 1: As soon as it was real and he couldn't support
Speaker 1: me in the real world. I was like, done, Do
Speaker 1: you feel better now that you're not with that person
Speaker 1: who made you feel that way? Yeah? Did you do
Speaker 1: other things? But this was this was the I mean,
Speaker 1: pickups are still sad, even if he was the worst
Speaker 1: person ever, it's still it's like the death of that relationship.
Speaker 1: I wasn't sad this time. I was like, it depends
Speaker 1: there there. I have had one breakup where I woke
Speaker 1: up the next morning and suddenly the sun was shining
Speaker 1: and the birds were singing again. I swear to God,
Speaker 1: and he doesn't seem to get this, and I try
Speaker 1: to be very clear to him every time I hear
Speaker 1: from him, is the problem. Please stop, if you're if
Speaker 1: your friends are listening, police, text him and tell him.
Speaker 1: Tell tell, tell, tell tell him, I said, UM, tell
Speaker 1: him that I ain't ship and he needs to just
Speaker 1: let it go. And thank you so much for helping me,
Speaker 1: um with whatever you've helped me with during the time
Speaker 1: we were together, because you're not all bad. But um,
Speaker 1: the only damage you're doing now is pretending that you're
Speaker 1: helping me. You're not helping me. Go away forever. And
Speaker 1: on that note, damn, I think that was a solid
Speaker 1: close klice where can we find you um at Klice
Speaker 1: Hawkins dot com And do you live in New York
Speaker 1: now or are you? I'm back and forth. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to figure it out. I got I have a lot
Speaker 1: of seeds that are planning. Yeah, I couldn't think of
Speaker 1: the G word. I didn't want to say there's a
Speaker 1: G word, just gestationing dummy. I haven't slept all days.
Speaker 1: I'm emotionally intelligent, That's about it. It's an important kind
Speaker 1: of intelligence. You're very comfortable being vulnerable, right, Like, if
Speaker 1: you don't care, that's great. I am that. If I
Speaker 1: don't if I don't speak um the way that I do,
Speaker 1: I don't get to talk, yeah, because I can't do
Speaker 1: the small talk and then it's just me sitting there. Well,
Speaker 1: that's amazing. I don't don't conversations, by the way, why
Speaker 1: do you do this is no? This is fine because
Speaker 1: in your comics, But like me at a table when
Speaker 1: people are doing small talk and me going she hates you. Oh,
Speaker 1: people get upset by next course because I'm ruining. I
Speaker 1: guess I forget you just knock you just came and
Speaker 1: kicked down that facade real quick. Because everyone's scared to
Speaker 1: be invulnerable. But also, I mean sometimes facades are important,
Speaker 1: Like it's sometimes you have to pretend that you like
Speaker 1: people that you don't like, just just so things don't
Speaker 1: completely fall apart, especially in like a family, but at
Speaker 1: a wedding, you know, that's why I prefer sitting around
Speaker 1: a group of comics who are friends. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: it's just the ideo scene gristies. It's not when I'm
Speaker 1: on stage talking to a couple. Dude, it's brutal. You mean,
Speaker 1: I know, I'm not mean, I'm just aware, and it's
Speaker 1: just it's just and then just people. I just noticed
Speaker 1: people's interactions and people's reaction to each other and the
Speaker 1: reactions to me. It's just uncomfortable. Like I was on
Speaker 1: Marina's show for her Friends Like Us podcast, and there
Speaker 1: was a couple in the crowd that reacts to me
Speaker 1: in a certain way where I was like, oh, dang, girl,
Speaker 1: what are you doing with him? He's trying to suck me,
Speaker 1: and everybody on the other side of the room, everybody,
Speaker 1: everybody on the other side of the room was a
Speaker 1: gasp and then gasp. And then she turns out this
Speaker 1: wasn't a couple. This was a couple. Who met up
Speaker 1: to hook up, who afterwards tried to get me to
Speaker 1: join them. You were right, I'm not. I wasn't right
Speaker 1: about what the relationship was, but I was just like,
Speaker 1: but I'm right about how I feel about how somebody's
Speaker 1: reacting to me. I'm always there. I'm always right about that.
Speaker 1: And it's it sucks for people. It sucks for everybody
Speaker 1: to talk to me because they get called out on
Speaker 1: their ship. Yes, because not called out. It's not I
Speaker 1: don't I'm just trying to call them out. It's just
Speaker 1: I can't you lay the cards on the table when
Speaker 1: they don't want to, I can't talk the other way.
Speaker 1: That's I think that's wonderful. Where do you perform? You
Speaker 1: perform in New York in l a like all the time, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: tape a website? Well, no, it was because I want
Speaker 1: people to see you go see Kolice Lives. My shows
Speaker 1: are on my calendar on police Hawkins dot com. Okay perfect,
Speaker 1: and every show will be on Instagram. So if you
Speaker 1: follow me on Police Hawkins on Instagram, you're the a
Speaker 1: l I se Hawkins. Yeah, I'll go from being a
Speaker 1: complete um um ho to mommy, it's really you have.
Speaker 1: Your Instagram feed is probably the top three that I
Speaker 1: look at the most because I love your videos. I
Speaker 1: know you're trying to end it, but this is what
Speaker 1: I will say, because this is a podcast about sex.
Speaker 1: The reason my Instagram is so sexual is because I'm
Speaker 1: actually very sexually shy until I'm in bed with somebody.
Speaker 1: So I have to put it out there because otherwise
Speaker 1: nobody wouldn't approach me. So it's like I have to
Speaker 1: catfish them with sexuality. Then we get in bed and
Speaker 1: I'm like, we do wait, but you're crazy in bed?
Speaker 1: Step by step organically it can it can happen. We
Speaker 1: can get there, but I won't even they won't even
Speaker 1: like nobody will. Nobody talks to me. Do you understand
Speaker 1: nobody approaches me? Well, it's also because you're intimidating. Nobody
Speaker 1: wants to date me, and men are can be pussies.
Speaker 1: Nobody ever wants to date me. That's what do you
Speaker 1: think to reason don't want to date you, I'm nobody's type.
Speaker 1: What does that? What would that mean aesthetically or emotionally
Speaker 1: or the same the same way for casting. Reason why
Speaker 1: I don't get casting anything, I think it's because I'm
Speaker 1: not the black girl. I'm not the skinny, cute white girl.
Speaker 1: I'm not just a quirky like hippie. I'm just so general.
Speaker 1: Like it's like a guy doesn't know how to care
Speaker 1: any thinking. He doesn't realize I'll just do it if
Speaker 1: he asks. So if you see police guys, just directly say,
Speaker 1: I'll say, maybe you're no. Yeah, well she won't lie
Speaker 1: to you. We know that she's not going to be dishonest.
Speaker 1: I think though, ment like, I think people look at
Speaker 1: you and they see you at first glance and they're like,
Speaker 1: you're really beautiful, Oh my god, but like you don't
Speaker 1: give a shit about You're like, you don't really seem
Speaker 1: to give a shit about that or what people think
Speaker 1: about how you look in terms of that. So it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes guys are used to hot girls
Speaker 1: knowing they're hot, and they could kind of play with
Speaker 1: it and nag them and do certain things, and then
Speaker 1: they can't do that with you hot girls being underdeveloped
Speaker 1: because those girls leaned too much on their looks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they got a lot of things because of their looks.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing, those hot girls are also there
Speaker 1: are different types of hot girls there, there are differ
Speaker 1: so some of them play that role in person with
Speaker 1: you because you're too dumb to ask them about any
Speaker 1: thing else. You're too dumb to interact with them on
Speaker 1: another level than that they're a hot girl, so you
Speaker 1: never get to know that there's more to them than
Speaker 1: you accidentally get in a relationship with him and then
Speaker 1: you're floored, and then you're not good enough for them
Speaker 1: because you just wanted to date somebody who's fuckable and
Speaker 1: then turned out there were a gym. She's a gym,
Speaker 1: and she's a fully developed person in there, and you
Speaker 1: never checked. I. Men are seem to be more insecure
Speaker 1: than women, I think is what I'm slowly learning about life.
Speaker 1: Like I really didn't think that you got that a
Speaker 1: little bit wrong. Here's the truth. Men are just as
Speaker 1: insecure as women. That's the truth. And you know what
Speaker 1: you say. You want to say more because we've been
Speaker 1: taught that they're not insecure, But if you say just
Speaker 1: then you know, yes, it's just as insecure as us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're just as problematic as we are. Man. I want
Speaker 1: to hang out with you, have you just call me out.
Speaker 1: I want a team of millennials. I want to check in.
Speaker 1: I want I want to see what you guys are doing,
Speaker 1: and I want you guys to tell me how to
Speaker 1: feel because I feel like I feel like I'm playing
Speaker 1: catch up. I do. I feel like it's time now
Speaker 1: that we get to be real people, and you guys
Speaker 1: are You guys are experiencing experiencing the brunt of it
Speaker 1: because you're being very brave and bold about it, and
Speaker 1: I want to get there. I really want to be there.
Speaker 1: Think you're there. I mean, I think you're brave and
Speaker 1: blunt about being who you are, and I think it's
Speaker 1: wonderful because I I don't I don't think we've ever
Speaker 1: had an interview where someone was just this, like, all right,
Speaker 1: here's my thing, here it is, here's all my things.
Speaker 1: And how I feel like a lot of times we
Speaker 1: have to pull it's like pulling teeth, but not with you,
Speaker 1: and that's really refreshing and I really appreciate it. Any
Speaker 1: clothing statements I want to hate all hating the mine.
Speaker 1: I just want to tell women, um, especially in your twenties,
Speaker 1: because there's no place for us yet. We're still figuring
Speaker 1: it out. And and I love how everybody's finally, women
Speaker 1: are finally getting together, and we're not believing that women
Speaker 1: are catty, women hate each other ship that's not true.
Speaker 1: If you if you say there's only one spot for
Speaker 1: you with this job and you've got to be better
Speaker 1: than the women who get that spot are gonna think
Speaker 1: they're better and they're gonna be catty and shitty, and
Speaker 1: they just don't know how to be. They were trained wrong.
Speaker 1: They're idiots. But we're learning there are more spots, and
Speaker 1: we're creating those spots. So I just want to tell
Speaker 1: women in your twenties you're not crazy, and get a
Speaker 1: couple more female friends and treat them good and and
Speaker 1: realize that you're just developing still, and and puberty lasts
Speaker 1: a lot longer than they tell you it does, and
Speaker 1: someone else's success doesn't take away from your potential success.
Speaker 1: When I ever feel that inkling of feeling jealous, I
Speaker 1: go for me. It flips immediately as soon as I
Speaker 1: felt jealous of the two of you, because I should
Speaker 1: have done it. It's always a It's jealousy is not oh,
Speaker 1: I'm better than them, Why are they doing that? Why
Speaker 1: do they get that? Jealousy is a guilt and a regret.
Speaker 1: Jealousy is why the fund didn't I think of this?
Speaker 1: Why didn't I do this? And it's it's you not
Speaker 1: believing in yourself. That's why people get jealous. So if
Speaker 1: women could flip that and every time they feel a
Speaker 1: little jealous, just look inside and go, well, what have
Speaker 1: you neglected about yourself? Why haven't you developed that thing?
Speaker 1: You should not feel pain pain towards these other girls.
Speaker 1: You should feel encouraged. I always look at the two
Speaker 1: of you and I go, yes, that's what I can do.
Speaker 1: I can do that. Oh good, Oh shoot, I can
Speaker 1: do that now. Well, finding happiness and other people's success
Speaker 1: is something that I have found, like just feels better
Speaker 1: like I used to be. Why did they get that?
Speaker 1: Why did they? And then I'm like this feels gross,
Speaker 1: it feels wrong. I feel I feel icky, and then
Speaker 1: you realize that it's sucking stupid, like they don't. Just
Speaker 1: because they got an opportunity doesn't mean an opportunity got
Speaker 1: taken away from you. You can you just like you said, like,
Speaker 1: look inside yourself and work on you, and it's just
Speaker 1: a better way to live. Or just ignore that and
Speaker 1: put on blinders and keep working on what you were
Speaker 1: working on in the first place. I'm just stopping looking
Speaker 1: at everything else. That's my Some of the jealous people
Speaker 1: weren't working on anything. Oh yeah, no, for sure, for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Are you a jealous person caring? Oh god, no, I'm
Speaker 1: just a person who's caught like it's like the only
Speaker 1: person in competition with is myself. Okay, yeah, right. Jealous jealousy,
Speaker 1: I think is the worst feeling to have, and I
Speaker 1: try to feel it as little as possible. So when
Speaker 1: you say, ignore that you've gotten a lot of jealous
Speaker 1: jealousy towards you, No, I mean, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: truly just don't. Like I am not going to be
Speaker 1: happy for other people's success because that's not me, and
Speaker 1: I would be a liar up here on them. Might
Speaker 1: be like, I'm so happy when other people achieve things.
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not at all and I don't care
Speaker 1: and I'm never quite like my close friends I am. Um.
Speaker 1: But as far as just like achieving things like, that's cool.
Speaker 1: Everyone's doing what they're gonna do. I'm still doing what
Speaker 1: I was doing all along. It's not going to change
Speaker 1: what I was doing. That's all I mean. Neutral to
Speaker 1: ords other people's successes. You're like, okay, cool, but I'm
Speaker 1: going to get relieved. I get relieved because when I
Speaker 1: started comedy, women weren't getting shit. So when I see
Speaker 1: you guys get stuff, I go, oh, if something can happen. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: we are, we're we're a little spoiled, and that we
Speaker 1: are comics in a time when it's like good to
Speaker 1: be a female comic. Yeah, and and I we recognize
Speaker 1: that the whole the whole way. I think he's got
Speaker 1: work hard and do your best job. Thanks, thank you
Speaker 1: so much, guys. This has been Guys. We fun to
Speaker 1: the anti slut shaming podcast. We'll talk to you next Friday.
Speaker 1: You want a bed? I can read your poem from
Speaker 1: the imprint on my face. I think it's safe to say, Pacardi,
Speaker 1: you kickboxing classes really paying off and circle open wronging
Speaker 1: an hour on. My lips are turning purple, smell like showers,
Speaker 1: tripping over the tiniest detail. The last time that we
Speaker 1: all hang out, you have my hands for life, said
Speaker 1: just longer than you normally do? What does that meanone?
Speaker 1: Does that mean? One? Does that mean? I wish I
Speaker 1: could read now the time they came on the chapel,
Speaker 1: it would make things and come to which I could
Speaker 1: read line for that hours that time, but not at
Speaker 1: the time. People do know how much said anything. I
Speaker 1: wish I could read last that time to the time
Speaker 1: when it would make things and colorable. I wish I
Speaker 1: could read my time you left early? Was that just
Speaker 1: a coincidence or with the response to the awkwardness of
Speaker 1: the extended handle? Maybe one day I'll ask, But for now,
Speaker 1: I think I'll just be playing the same three five
Speaker 1: second clips in my head over and over and over
Speaker 1: and over and over and over and over, over and
Speaker 1: over and over and over and over and over and
Speaker 1: over again. Okay,