Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina.
Speaker 1: I'm Corren' sorry about last night, the anti slut shaming podcast.
Speaker 1: I never stopped. Hey fuckers, Welcome to another episode of
Speaker 1: Guys We Fucked if the anti slot shaming Podcast. I'm Coren.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina's checking those volumes you know had you a
Speaker 1: little low my bad? Uh? Speaking of my bads. You know,
Speaker 1: everyone needs therapy, but sometimes in this day and age
Speaker 1: where everything is just comes to your door whenever you
Speaker 1: want it, you're like, do I really got to leave
Speaker 1: my house? No? Not anymore? With talk Space. Today's show
Speaker 1: is sponsored by talk Space, which is an online therapy company.
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Speaker 1: how we live today. Come see us live. On Friday,
Speaker 1: January seven at eleven fifteen pm, Nacho Bitches happens at
Speaker 1: New York Comedy Club tickets or ten dollars with code
Speaker 1: Nacho co hosted by myself and Blair Saki h. And
Speaker 1: then that coming weekend, the Long Weekend, I will also
Speaker 1: be in Boston for an assortment of fun bar shows
Speaker 1: that I'll post about on Instagram. Yeah, and if you're
Speaker 1: in New York City on Friday, February sevent at seven
Speaker 1: thirty is the Christina Hutchinson Birthday celebration to Glama Post
Speaker 1: at Sinc Bar, hosted by myself and when He Startling,
Speaker 1: featuring Ryan Rees, Jimmy Fayla, Jessica Hearson, uh and Current Fisher.
Speaker 1: That's me. You should come, Oh my gosh. And if
Speaker 1: you're not New York number one, sorry about that, uh,
Speaker 1: but you can come see us other places. Los Angeles
Speaker 1: on Saturday, January one, at five pm, will be at
Speaker 1: the Alleyway as part of riot Fest. Yeah, it's five pm.
Speaker 1: Whatever you're in l A, come out early. You're in
Speaker 1: a good mood all the time. Yeah, fuck you. In
Speaker 1: San Diego Sunday this coming Sunday the two at the
Speaker 1: American Comedy Company Boston. On Thursday April we will be
Speaker 1: playing the Fucking wilbur And that's almost told out, so
Speaker 1: if you want to see the experience, you better get
Speaker 1: those tickets. And my Mom's coming Chickapee, Massachusetts, Friday, April fourteenth.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be at the Hookie Low Washington, d C.
Speaker 1: Saturday April fifteenth. At the Legendary nine thirty Club, Austin, Texas.
Speaker 1: April two, we're gonna be at Moontower Comedy Festival and Houston,
Speaker 1: Texas on Sunday, April We're gonna be at Warehouse Live. Uh.
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Speaker 1: read some fucker. So this email kept me up at night.
Speaker 1: I can't sleep for a lot of reasons, but last
Speaker 1: night it was because I read this email and was horrified.
Speaker 1: And it's a long one, but it was so beauty
Speaker 1: written that I'm pretty sure I can get through it
Speaker 1: without stumbling. We'll see fingers crossed. The following text is
Speaker 1: my friend's experience, and I'm sending it to you in
Speaker 1: the hopes that you will shine some light on this.
Speaker 1: I can't continue to it can't continue to happen. I
Speaker 1: know the fuckers are relentless. Even though it's a little long.
Speaker 1: If you could maybe talk about it briefly, that'd be great.
Speaker 1: My name is Ida, and uh this happened to my
Speaker 1: friend Erica, and this is written by her I'm gonna
Speaker 1: read it in full and open. Oh wait, it just
Speaker 1: say the person's names? Is that? Okay? I mean they
Speaker 1: they stand it to us, Okay. An open letter to
Speaker 1: Sheriff Jim are Not of Green County, Missouri, Dear Mr.
Speaker 1: Are Not. My name is Erica Russell, and I'm a
Speaker 1: victim of the Green County jail. I say victim because
Speaker 1: what you are doing to people in there is well
Speaker 1: outside the scope of any anything anyone could call law enforcement.
Speaker 1: It's more like sadistic third world torture. Anyone could google
Speaker 1: your history of corruption and quickly agree side note I did.
Speaker 1: Is there. What happens to me in your jail has
Speaker 1: made me mentally handicapped. Your force carried out such egregious
Speaker 1: and unimaginably humiliating injustices against me that I am no
Speaker 1: longer the same in my head. And I'm a writer, Mr.
Speaker 1: Or not, so my head is fairly important to me.
Speaker 1: But it happens, sir. It's all on the cameras at
Speaker 1: the Green County Jail. My endless humiliation, my very darkest
Speaker 1: hour for doing. And I cannot stress this enough. Nothing.
Speaker 1: I had gotten married to the man I love because
Speaker 1: I'm a dumbass, fucking optimist, and I tried to hug
Speaker 1: him on our wedding night and he told me I
Speaker 1: was a stupid, fucking bitch and knocked me over in
Speaker 1: a long chair and hurt my hip badly in the process.
Speaker 1: And so I called you, Sheriff, because I thought you
Speaker 1: would help me. My family isn't an option, And through
Speaker 1: some impossible combination of audacity and unconscious hatred, you took me, Sheriff.
Speaker 1: You took me with literally zero legal reason or justification.
Speaker 1: I would know, Sheriff. I'm a smart woman with a
Speaker 1: formal and fucking continuously expensive legal education. And if it
Speaker 1: could happen to me, then no one in your county
Speaker 1: is safe, and they need to know that. As I
Speaker 1: am a writer by trade, I'm going to tell you
Speaker 1: my story and hopes that others will join me and
Speaker 1: getting you permanently ousted from your post. The corruption and
Speaker 1: incompetence which you have allowed to periferate within your force
Speaker 1: and with such audacity, poses a real danger to the
Speaker 1: people of Green County and represents an unconscionable miscarriage of
Speaker 1: the American justice system. And now I want to simply
Speaker 1: tell my story and get it over with because I've
Speaker 1: been putting it off for two weeks. It's not something
Speaker 1: I want to do. I don't want to have to
Speaker 1: relive this in any way. I'd rather just move on
Speaker 1: with my life. But I feel like if I don't
Speaker 1: do my best to get you fired, I am guilty
Speaker 1: by association in other crimes you'll commit against other people,
Speaker 1: and that's not something I can personally live with. On Tuesday, November,
Speaker 1: my fiance and I got married at the Green County
Speaker 1: Courthouse in matching Pegasus Onesie's from Walmart. We were on
Speaker 1: our way to a beautiful ranch in southwestern Colorado, where
Speaker 1: we had just secured employment after many months of job searching.
Speaker 1: We were over the moon and excited. My new sister
Speaker 1: in law Christine my soon to be brother in law
Speaker 1: Jared live in Springfield, so they helped us get the
Speaker 1: license and celebrated with us before we all went home
Speaker 1: to their house to go to bed. Unfortunately, the celebratory
Speaker 1: adult beverages had been excessive, and my new husband, to
Speaker 1: my horror, got angry at me for something or nothing
Speaker 1: I don't even remember, and decided to knock me over
Speaker 1: in the lawn chair. I was sitting in bruising my
Speaker 1: hip badly. I cried out in shock and pain, and
Speaker 1: my soon to be brother in law came outside to
Speaker 1: investigate the commotion. He grew very angry, saying that he
Speaker 1: and Christine had to work in the morning and we
Speaker 1: needed to shut the funk up and get the funk out,
Speaker 1: or he would have the police come remove us. It
Speaker 1: should be noted here that my soon to be brother
Speaker 1: in law is a history of domestic abuse himself and
Speaker 1: was eager to blame me instead of my husband for
Speaker 1: what had happened. My husband would not come down, and
Speaker 1: Jared called the police. I told them what had happened.
Speaker 1: They took a picture of the upturned lawn chair in
Speaker 1: the yard and decided, at Jared's urging to arrest me
Speaker 1: and not my husband, because, as Jared stated it, one
Speaker 1: of them's got to go, and it clearly wasn't going
Speaker 1: to be his future brother in law. When I realized
Speaker 1: I was actually going to get arrested for getting knocked
Speaker 1: over in a lawn chair and then sitting silently in
Speaker 1: a chair at the kitchen table as my husband continued
Speaker 1: his rampage, I went into the guest room and I
Speaker 1: laid down on the bed and I started to cry.
Speaker 1: Three officers came in and told me to get up.
Speaker 1: They were taking me to jail. I pleaded with them
Speaker 1: and said I hadn't done anything wrong and I couldn't
Speaker 1: just go to a hotel because I had been drinking
Speaker 1: and didn't have any kind of money for that. Anyway.
Speaker 1: They didn't respond and grabbed my hands from my sides
Speaker 1: and cuffed them behind my back as I sobbed into
Speaker 1: the pillow, terrified, begging them to please just make it
Speaker 1: stop and let me go to sleep. But I was
Speaker 1: the one going to jail, apparently, and I was terrified.
Speaker 1: I had never been to a jail as an inmate,
Speaker 1: only as law school fellow law school fellow for the
Speaker 1: Ohio Innocence Project and more recently as a volunteer public
Speaker 1: speaking teacher for the Prison Education Project in Southern California.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what else to expect, and I didn't
Speaker 1: know anyone else in the city, so there was no
Speaker 1: one I could call for help. I had been taken
Speaker 1: into custody by badge number fourteen seventy two, I remember,
Speaker 1: and I was going to be punished for being punished
Speaker 1: on my wedding night. I had no one, no one,
Speaker 1: and I wanted people who are people who are reading
Speaker 1: this to stop and close their eyes and imagine confronting
Speaker 1: that new knowledge that you have no one. You are
Speaker 1: completely at the mercy of people who are going to
Speaker 1: openly get off on your suffering. So they want you
Speaker 1: to I begged them not to take me and scream
Speaker 1: that it was my new husband and quotes who had
Speaker 1: been abusive and hurt me early. My early arthritic bum
Speaker 1: fucking hip didn't matter. I sobbed and begged as these
Speaker 1: officers cuffed me violently and dragged me into the cop cars.
Speaker 1: I tried to cooperate and walk. I pleaded with them
Speaker 1: not to hurt hurt me further, not to hurt my
Speaker 1: already fucked up arthritic risks and joints. As they grabbed
Speaker 1: me roughly under my arms and knees and forcibly hold
Speaker 1: me out of the house like a child or animal,
Speaker 1: I could not believe this is happening to me. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: my academic legal background had falsely assured me that this
Speaker 1: kind of barbarism simply does not occur in the modern
Speaker 1: United States. I'm here to tell you it does as
Speaker 1: it did, and as it did. As I sobbed and
Speaker 1: struggle to stand on my feet and walk off, the
Speaker 1: officer asked me why I couldn't act like a damn adult,
Speaker 1: even though I was clearly trying to amid my horrified fog.
Speaker 1: I was getting arrested for being victimized by my own
Speaker 1: husband on my own wedding night, largely because my soon
Speaker 1: to be brother in law's own guilty conscience wanted to
Speaker 1: so badly see the female victim pay for her own
Speaker 1: abuse in order to vindicate his own violent outbursts towards
Speaker 1: my sister in law. Officer number fourteen seventy two put
Speaker 1: me in the cop car without reading me miranda rights
Speaker 1: or informing me that I was being charged with and
Speaker 1: I wasn't because there was absolutely nothing to charge me with,
Speaker 1: and they they didn't. After my ten hours in hell
Speaker 1: was over anyway, I asked Badge number fourteen seventy two
Speaker 1: if he would cuff me in the front due to
Speaker 1: my arthritis in my hands and wrists. He said no,
Speaker 1: behind behind the back was policy, and close the car door.
Speaker 1: We drove to the station, where he held me in
Speaker 1: a room temporarily as he filled out some kind of
Speaker 1: paperwork and told me I was being placed on a
Speaker 1: five hour administrative hold. I was then told to join
Speaker 1: two other women down in the female booking pit, who
Speaker 1: were crying and obviously distressed. Sure, I said, cheerfully, I
Speaker 1: bet I give vote a mis congeniality, and I made
Speaker 1: a bee line down the stairs to the female booking pit,
Speaker 1: having decided that if there was some good to come
Speaker 1: out of this, it might be cheering up these two
Speaker 1: poor souls with a little bit of humor and emotional support.
Speaker 1: I sat down in a chair next to the two
Speaker 1: of them, Amanda and Carol, and cracked some kind of
Speaker 1: joke that I now forget, but which made them both
Speaker 1: laugh for at least a second. Amanda asked what I
Speaker 1: was in for, and I told her my husband had
Speaker 1: knocked me over in a lawn chair and I had
Speaker 1: gotten arrested for it. Amanda perked up immediately and told
Speaker 1: me she was in for fighting back against her own
Speaker 1: abusive husband, who had not been arrested either. She then
Speaker 1: turned turned her back to me ashamed and lifted up
Speaker 1: the back of her long brown hair so that I
Speaker 1: could see the six inch scar running up the back
Speaker 1: of her skull. This is what happened to me last time,
Speaker 1: she said. Carol said she was in for stealing a
Speaker 1: fifteen dollar watch. Not right, maybe, but kind of laughable
Speaker 1: in a world where Wells Fargo is still in business.
Speaker 1: I hugged them and told them that they shouldn't let
Speaker 1: these people or anyone make them feel ashamed. I told
Speaker 1: them that this night would end, and when it did,
Speaker 1: they should let it go, move on with their lives,
Speaker 1: and not let it affect how they felt about themselves.
Speaker 1: In the morning. I told them that that at least
Speaker 1: we had each other's company to get it, to get
Speaker 1: through it, and we should try and get some rest.
Speaker 1: I got up to get another chair to put my
Speaker 1: uh to put underneath my feet so I could kick
Speaker 1: them up as I slept, and when I did, an
Speaker 1: angry mail officer barked at me from the desk to
Speaker 1: sit down. I don't recall his name, but he was
Speaker 1: old and vaguely pick like. I told him I was
Speaker 1: just getting another chair so I could pick kick up
Speaker 1: my feet, to which he replied, this is jail, honey.
Speaker 1: You do what I tell you to do. What I'm
Speaker 1: telling you to sit down. I then told him I
Speaker 1: wasn't doing anything wrong, and I wasn't aware of any
Speaker 1: law requiring prisoners to remain seated well in custody. He
Speaker 1: said okay, and came down to the booking pit with
Speaker 1: a pair of handcuffs, spinning me around and once again
Speaker 1: handcuffing me behind my back. I asked what he was doing.
Speaker 1: He didn't respond and simply led me back to a
Speaker 1: small concrete cell with nowhere to sleep and to toilet.
Speaker 1: He told me this was where my mouth had gotten
Speaker 1: me and slammed the door of the cell. I tried
Speaker 1: to stay calm and spent the first few hours looking
Speaker 1: out my cell window to stay occupied and keep me
Speaker 1: from losing it. I kept quiet and tried to make
Speaker 1: eye contact with the individual officers at the desk, all
Speaker 1: of whom would catch my eye and inevitably look away shamefully.
Speaker 1: One of the female officers, a hardened old brunette with
Speaker 1: a smoker's face and the worst blue highliner I have
Speaker 1: witnessed to date, caught my eye several times and seemed
Speaker 1: increasingly perturbed. As there was no clock in my cell
Speaker 1: to see how much time I had passed my quote
Speaker 1: administrative hold, I tried the intercom in my cell to
Speaker 1: ask the desk what time it was, much less what
Speaker 1: it was I was actually being charged with. I tried
Speaker 1: the intercom again and again, but no one responded. I
Speaker 1: started banging on the window of my cell to get
Speaker 1: their attention. The hearten old brunette stormed off from the
Speaker 1: desk and back to my cell. Obviously vexed, I asked
Speaker 1: her what time it was and demanded to know what
Speaker 1: exactly I was being charged with. She laughed at me
Speaker 1: and echoed Officer Pigman's sentiment that I was in jail
Speaker 1: and didn't have the right to demand anything. She stared
Speaker 1: at me cold, with cold green eyes, smiling. I told
Speaker 1: her I knew the law and would have her badge
Speaker 1: if she didn't tell me what I was being charged
Speaker 1: with immediately. She just laughed again and said, bitch, you're
Speaker 1: not the first one to try and take my badge,
Speaker 1: to which I looked her her dead in the eye
Speaker 1: and replied, maybe not, but I'm the one who's going
Speaker 1: to succeed. I looked down at her badge to learn
Speaker 1: her name and remember it, Sergeant Stewart. Her name was
Speaker 1: Sergeant Stewart, and she stared at me with a truly
Speaker 1: bone chilling smile for silently, long time, long time, before
Speaker 1: storming back off down the hall. Moments later, she returned
Speaker 1: with five male officer officers. They opened the door and
Speaker 1: stretched out stretched on a latex glove before instructing me
Speaker 1: to turn around and pull my pants down, presumably because
Speaker 1: she was going to check my personal orifices in front
Speaker 1: of everyone. I cried and told her I didn't want to.
Speaker 1: At that, the six officers entered my cell without a
Speaker 1: word and wrestled me to the ground. A sheer panic
Speaker 1: gripped my being. One of the largest male officers shoved
Speaker 1: me to the ground and start and crushing the back
Speaker 1: of my neck with his forearm as I screamed, sending
Speaker 1: agonizing waves of pain down my back, while the others
Speaker 1: held my legs down and jerked my bruised arms behind
Speaker 1: my back to cuff me again. I cried, I begged
Speaker 1: them to stop. I told them I hadn't done anything wrong,
Speaker 1: and I asked why they were doing this to me
Speaker 1: or what they had arrested me for. I received no
Speaker 1: answer to any of these questions as the six officers
Speaker 1: roughed me up and hauled me out of the cell
Speaker 1: like some kind of wounded animal, kicking and screaming and
Speaker 1: confused utterly without hope, they dragged into a new me,
Speaker 1: into a newer and even more spartan cell, just a
Speaker 1: concrete cube with a single drain in the center and
Speaker 1: no bed, no toilet, no privacy, just a concrete block
Speaker 1: to piss and puke in. As I sobbed, they forced
Speaker 1: me into the corner of the cell, where a large
Speaker 1: male officer once again crushed the back of my neck
Speaker 1: while the others drew my handcuffed arms upward behind me
Speaker 1: into an excruciating torture. As I screamed and cried and
Speaker 1: told them I was sorry, I was so sorry, it hurts.
Speaker 1: Please stop. Then the real horror or began. The officers
Speaker 1: held me down in the corner of my cell and
Speaker 1: unzipped my jacket, even though I told them I had
Speaker 1: nothing underneath it. I screamed desperately for them to stop,
Speaker 1: to please not expose me. I didn't want them to
Speaker 1: see me and just my bra Please please don't do
Speaker 1: this to me. But they did anyway. As I fought
Speaker 1: to catch my breath between desperate sobs, the ripped they
Speaker 1: ripped off my jacket off me as five male officers
Speaker 1: stared at my breasts and bare stomach, laughing. Then they
Speaker 1: grabbed my arching arm may aching arms again and forced
Speaker 1: them through a black and white striped jail issued short
Speaker 1: sleeved t shirt. Finally, they left me alone, trying to
Speaker 1: catch my breath. As I lay in the fetal position
Speaker 1: in the freezing concrete floor of my cell, I could
Speaker 1: hear the officers outside laughing at me as they made
Speaker 1: their way back to their desk. I was so scared
Speaker 1: that I honestly did almost pee my pants when it
Speaker 1: was happening, and now I really had to. So I
Speaker 1: hit the innercom button and I said I needed to
Speaker 1: go to the bathroom. But I didn't want to pee
Speaker 1: into the drain of my cell, where all the surrounding
Speaker 1: male inmates would freely observe me through the glass. I
Speaker 1: asked again and again, and there was no response. Finally,
Speaker 1: I couldn't stand it anymore, so I pulled down my
Speaker 1: pants and piston the drain like an animal, sobbing and
Speaker 1: flushed with embarrassment, while the officers at their desk at
Speaker 1: a dozen or so male inmates witnessed my debasement and
Speaker 1: with vocal enthusiasm and laughter. Finally, after twenty minutes of
Speaker 1: begging to be taken to the bathroom, the urgency uh
Speaker 1: became too much and I simply had to do it.
Speaker 1: I pulled down my pants and peted into the drain
Speaker 1: in the middle of my cell. Sergeant Steward laughed as
Speaker 1: she saw me do it, and then returned to my
Speaker 1: cell with three other male officers. I told them I
Speaker 1: was sorry and begged them for toilet paper so I
Speaker 1: could wipe the urine off my legs before I put
Speaker 1: my pants back on. And then the unthinkable happened. They
Speaker 1: took away my pants, and again I was not wearing
Speaker 1: anything underneath them because all my clothes have been packed
Speaker 1: up in the car for the move to Colorado, so
Speaker 1: I had changed out of my uncomfortable dress and into
Speaker 1: my husband's jeans and jacket by the time the police
Speaker 1: arrived at my house. So when Sergeant Stewart, Sergeant Stewart
Speaker 1: came in and took even my pants from me, claiming
Speaker 1: I would quote use them to hurt myself if she
Speaker 1: didn't take them from me, I was completely exposed for
Speaker 1: all to see, my bare ass pussy on display for
Speaker 1: over four hours, as I sobbed on the freezing concrete
Speaker 1: floor of of my cell, while male inmates and officers
Speaker 1: alike freely stared and made fun of my exposed body
Speaker 1: and my pathetic state. They laughed and yelled awful things
Speaker 1: at me as I sobbed and pleaded for help. They
Speaker 1: told me they were going to fuck my face if
Speaker 1: I didn't stop bawling. They told me my ass was
Speaker 1: fat and ugly. They told me I should trim my
Speaker 1: fucking bush and laughed. Five hours, five hours, I was
Speaker 1: on display and an all glass cell for everyone to humiliate.
Speaker 1: I puked, and I shipped, and I sobbed. They laughed
Speaker 1: at me. I could not believe that all of these
Speaker 1: people were tactically agreeing that this was fine to do
Speaker 1: to me. Apparently I'd never before beheld people, complete strangers,
Speaker 1: who opened lee laughed and at and and relished in
Speaker 1: my pain. And that changes you. It changes you. It
Speaker 1: changes your head, your heart, and how you view the world.
Speaker 1: It changes everything. I banged on the door of my
Speaker 1: cell and asked the officers on duty if they had wives, daughters,
Speaker 1: or mothers, and how they would feel if somebody did
Speaker 1: this to them. I asked what I was being arrested
Speaker 1: for and when I could be let go to the
Speaker 1: latter question. One particularly sadistic young officer, his name was
Speaker 1: m Painter, according to his shirt, smiled viciously and happily
Speaker 1: at my horrified countenance, and answered my initial question by
Speaker 1: mouthing the word never, never, never. I would never get
Speaker 1: out of here, according to the sociopath, just out of
Speaker 1: community college, new recruit running this place. And that's when
Speaker 1: I started to think I actually wasn't hell, which makes
Speaker 1: sense because nothing else did, because this doesn't happen in
Speaker 1: real life. It just doesn't. Nice white girls think they're safe,
Speaker 1: And I'm so sorry, ladies, but you're not safe anymore.
Speaker 1: This administration hates women, and you will experience the sentiment
Speaker 1: in ways you thought were unimaginable. You will, and I'm
Speaker 1: so so sorry. I am your sister, no matter who
Speaker 1: you are, but you must defend yourself and make a
Speaker 1: plan because this ship is unprecedented in the American legal system.
Speaker 1: And I graduated in the top ten of my Ohio
Speaker 1: state class. My parents got involved, invited to a dinner
Speaker 1: to shake Bill fucking Clinton's hand because I worked so
Speaker 1: fucking hard and they can all go funk themselves royally
Speaker 1: if they cannot support me. Now, I do not need
Speaker 1: their money. I'll create an opportunity out of a goddamn
Speaker 1: dumpster and Craigslist if I need it. I am Erica
Speaker 1: van Mark Russell, and I am meant to lead people
Speaker 1: to joy in whatever capacity they need. And they rendered
Speaker 1: me naked whaling like a whaling animal in that prison,
Speaker 1: and they'll do it to you too, nice white girl
Speaker 1: reading this. I'm not admonishing you. I'm identifying I was you.
Speaker 1: I was calm and collected and erudite. I sat commonly
Speaker 1: in a chair and cooperated and they and they did
Speaker 1: it to me anyway for hours. And I am not
Speaker 1: the same. But I still love people and believe the
Speaker 1: best about life. And for it's worth noting, perhaps that
Speaker 1: I was taught in law school that an innocent person
Speaker 1: just doesn't get arrested without explanation or human rights, Like
Speaker 1: you don't just rip an innocent person from their bed
Speaker 1: and traumatize them for life, just for jolly good sport.
Speaker 1: But that's what's happened. And I learned the truth about
Speaker 1: America because I was not taught in law school that
Speaker 1: there was any plausible scenario in which a completely innocent
Speaker 1: woman would have her dignity forever stripped by the abuse
Speaker 1: of the state with no report or care. This doesn't happen. No,
Speaker 1: this is the kind of thing that he just doesn't
Speaker 1: happen to intellectually decorated, agreeable white women. Right, of course,
Speaker 1: not that'd be horrific. What what would we do? Nice
Speaker 1: people who have committed no crimes in their past or
Speaker 1: now don't get arrested and abused in a small town
Speaker 1: jail in America. It doesn't happen, right, They don't get
Speaker 1: roughed up by six different police officers, have their jacket
Speaker 1: forcibly ripped off and their breasts exposed for all to see,
Speaker 1: only to them be deprived of her own pants, left
Speaker 1: solving and shivering, shivering in the concrete floor of a
Speaker 1: glass front cell, naked from the waist down, begging for mercy,
Speaker 1: reduced to a subhuman state, while dozens of laughing officers
Speaker 1: and male inmates get off to her humiliation and exposed
Speaker 1: body parts. That just doesn't happen, certainly, not in America,
Speaker 1: or a well educated, innocent woman with no criminal records.
Speaker 1: So I started to believe Officer M. Painter, I was
Speaker 1: never going to get out of here because this was
Speaker 1: hell and I had just somehow earned my place there.
Speaker 1: And just like Officer M. Painter had said, I was
Speaker 1: never going to get out, I was never going to
Speaker 1: see my family or friends again. I was unloved and
Speaker 1: without hope, and they could do anything they wanted to me.
Speaker 1: And would I beg down the door of my cell
Speaker 1: and scream that I was sorry for whatever it was
Speaker 1: I had done, and I pleaded with them to give
Speaker 1: back my pants and I shivered on the painfully cold
Speaker 1: concrete floor of my cell. At one point, Officer and
Speaker 1: Painter led three male inmates past my cell and had
Speaker 1: them look at my bare ass before laughing, not bad, right,
Speaker 1: you guys want me to unlock the door? Or what?
Speaker 1: I thought? I was going to be raped, because if
Speaker 1: they could do this to me, if they could do
Speaker 1: this to me, why would they stop there? I'm genuine
Speaker 1: I genuinely thought I was about to get gang raped.
Speaker 1: But apparently striking yet more fear into my heart was
Speaker 1: enough for Officer and Painter because he chuckled and told
Speaker 1: the boys to move on. Finally, after four hours of
Speaker 1: desperate screaming. I lost my voice entirely and I just
Speaker 1: cried silently. I was given no food, water, or restroom
Speaker 1: privileges Throughout the ten hours of my detainment, which was
Speaker 1: supposed to have been five. I threw up violently into
Speaker 1: the drain in the middle of the floor multiple times.
Speaker 1: The only time anyone came into my cell was when
Speaker 1: one annoyed male officer threw a straight jacket at me
Speaker 1: and said, here, put this on, as the rest of
Speaker 1: them laughed from the desk. I wrapped it around my
Speaker 1: waist and wats to try and hide my nakedness and
Speaker 1: try to get warm enough to fall asleep, but I couldn't. Finally,
Speaker 1: seven hours after my nightmare began, a redheaded female officer
Speaker 1: came to the door of my cell. After asking the
Speaker 1: rest of the officers on duty why I hadn't been
Speaker 1: released yet, she told me I could come out and
Speaker 1: wait to be discharged. My heart filled with relief after
Speaker 1: genuinely believing I'd been taken to hell and would never
Speaker 1: be released. She looked down at the strait jacket I
Speaker 1: was using to cover myself and ask me why I
Speaker 1: wasn't wearing swebtpants I had told her Sergeant Stewart had
Speaker 1: taken them from me and left me naked, and she
Speaker 1: said she didn't know anything about that, but that Sergeant
Speaker 1: Stewart had finished her shift already, so she couldn't respond.
Speaker 1: It was another hour that I waited in my cell
Speaker 1: before the red headed officer came back and actually let
Speaker 1: me out out of it. I could hardly walk by
Speaker 1: that point, and I couldn't look anyone in the eye.
Speaker 1: I sat down in the chair, rocking myself and waited
Speaker 1: another hour to actually get fingerprint and let go. Finally,
Speaker 1: some twenty five year old mother fucking frat boy named
Speaker 1: m Painter, according to a shirt process my release eerily
Speaker 1: cheerful and acting like he hadn't just done and said
Speaker 1: the things that he had clearly had, and like neither
Speaker 1: of one of us was going to a knowledge it,
Speaker 1: which I didn't obviously, because I didn't want to get
Speaker 1: put back in that cell. I simply not and hope
Speaker 1: that this hell would end as quickly as possible, and
Speaker 1: I would wait another hour to be released, unjustly extended
Speaker 1: by five hour administrative hold to ten hours, because I
Speaker 1: guess it was more fun for everyone else. Someone out
Speaker 1: the jail door and to the main lobby a different woman,
Speaker 1: a different person, and I will never be the same
Speaker 1: person because of what happened to me in your jail.
Speaker 1: Sheriff are not. I'm about to take your bad Sheriff's badge,
Speaker 1: Sheriff Stewart's and whoever the funk officer and painter is,
Speaker 1: and I mean to follow through better lawyer up your
Speaker 1: fat funk. I am coming for you. I mean, this
Speaker 1: is obviously fucking a terrible email, but unfortunately, I think
Speaker 1: this is something that's happening a lot to a lot
Speaker 1: of people, and it's you know, we talk a lot
Speaker 1: about like white women and and black women and you
Speaker 1: know everyone in between. Uh. But yeah, I mean I'm
Speaker 1: interested to see what happens because, like you know, this
Speaker 1: is happening to black women every every day. So I'm
Speaker 1: curious to see if if if a white woman's please
Speaker 1: is heard a little bit louder I mean, which is uh,
Speaker 1: that's obviously terrible, and that would just be like more
Speaker 1: racism that we're you know that we know existed coming
Speaker 1: to fruition, But of her, it takes Jesus Christ. I mean,
Speaker 1: I read this email last night at one am and
Speaker 1: I was spent the rest of the night googling her name,
Speaker 1: the sheriff's name, the county jail, everything, and there was
Speaker 1: there their Facebook pages or these compliments, and then sprinkled
Speaker 1: in between is they arrested my friend for nothing. And
Speaker 1: and then I I've yeah, I mean yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: this is and this is this is, this is what
Speaker 1: happened and during the course of ten hours. So I
Speaker 1: can only imagine what's happening to people. I mean, we
Speaker 1: all like the show Orange is the New Black, but
Speaker 1: I mean the character of Piper, that's a real person
Speaker 1: who went through a bunch of it in jail. So
Speaker 1: it's like, this is happening. I mean, that's why there
Speaker 1: are organizations that just collect uh tampons and sanitary napkins
Speaker 1: for women in prison, because so often they are not
Speaker 1: even given that and they're just like bleeding in their cliches.
Speaker 1: So such a humiliating I mean, I mean, there's so
Speaker 1: much our justice system is corrupt. I learned that. I've
Speaker 1: we've learned that so many times, and many prisons are
Speaker 1: are funded too, so it's like, okay, so it's like
Speaker 1: we want to send all these American we love sending
Speaker 1: people to prison. That's like our favorite thing. Let's send
Speaker 1: everyone to prison, everyone who steals a fifteen dollar watch,
Speaker 1: to people who are doing crime. We love sending people
Speaker 1: to prison, but then we don't want to pay the
Speaker 1: taxes to fund the prisons, so then people are just
Speaker 1: getting treated inhumanely. Like you know, obviously we were talking
Speaker 1: before we turned on the recorder, Like the way to
Speaker 1: teach someone who's abusive or who has raped someone, or
Speaker 1: who has murdered someone not to treat humans like that
Speaker 1: is not to then treat them just as poorly as
Speaker 1: they treated their victims. Yeah. So, and uh, if anybody
Speaker 1: is listening to this, who is a reporter, it's happened before. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know this is so it's so fucked up.
Speaker 1: It's not I've never I know what happens. I knew
Speaker 1: people get abused in jail. The Stanford Prison Experiment is
Speaker 1: a fascinating documentary to that shows with students. Half the
Speaker 1: students were randomly chosen to be guards, half the students
Speaker 1: were randomly chosen to be prisoners, and within a couple
Speaker 1: of days the experiment almost had to be called off,
Speaker 1: but it didn't, which it should have. Been because the
Speaker 1: people who were assigned to be guards took advantage of
Speaker 1: their power their their college students. It was a college
Speaker 1: experiment to to to show what power, how power can
Speaker 1: corrupt people. And in two days you saw people making
Speaker 1: others crawl on the floor and lick their shoe and
Speaker 1: stuff them in a closet. But there it was to
Speaker 1: their fellow students who they were previously friends with, right,
Speaker 1: I mean there that blew my mind. That's why I mean,
Speaker 1: there's very little fellowship. And I often wonder, like, if
Speaker 1: you know, something truly horrific happen amongst my peers, what what? What?
Speaker 1: Who would actually stand up for me? So I want
Speaker 1: this is my food deliverate, I will stand up for you, Karen.
Speaker 1: But if you're if you're I mean this fucking god,
Speaker 1: damn it. This first. This woman is a beautiful writer.
Speaker 1: I love a lot of people write as and they're
Speaker 1: just like they just speak so eloquently about their experience.
Speaker 1: And I've never read something so eloquent about such a
Speaker 1: horrifying thing I'm not capable of. And then what's upsetting
Speaker 1: is okay, so this is it's almost not that it's
Speaker 1: this is happening anyway. So it's almost so it's almost
Speaker 1: better that it happened. But it's like, think about all
Speaker 1: the people who aren't eloquent, who can't write at all.
Speaker 1: I can't read, and that's a lot of people in prison.
Speaker 1: So it's it's so it's just like wow, it's almost like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like sometimes when something really heinous happens,
Speaker 1: it's like, well, you know, thank god it did happen
Speaker 1: to you, white woman who can write, because unfortunately, maybe
Speaker 1: this is what we fucking needed to make people pay attention.
Speaker 1: And that's a whole another conversations, conversation about heinous racism
Speaker 1: and the prison system. Yeah. Absolutely, and it's it's it's yeah, honestly,
Speaker 1: like I wipe forward the email to Kuren last night
Speaker 1: and I was like, I know we just talked last
Speaker 1: week about trigger warnings and we shouldn't, but uh, heads up,
Speaker 1: this emails are off it O, man, let's do something
Speaker 1: about this. I don't know what more than being rough.
Speaker 1: I never want a trigger wing on this because I
Speaker 1: want everyone to hear this. This is conversations that need
Speaker 1: to be having had and if you were having a
Speaker 1: similar experience in prison. UM, I don't know what our
Speaker 1: prison listenership is like. UM, but yeah, fucking right in
Speaker 1: It's like this is not It's like, there's so many
Speaker 1: bad things happening um in the world simultaneously that sometimes
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to remember all the bad things
Speaker 1: that are happening. So it's great approve. I sincerely appreciate
Speaker 1: the reminder. And you know, we don't like to be
Speaker 1: the constant bearers of bad us. But I think it's
Speaker 1: things like this that make people be like, wow, maybe
Speaker 1: I should fucking do something and stuff just tweeting nonsense
Speaker 1: that you know Donald Trump absolutely Because at this email
Speaker 1: enraged me so much, I'm hoping it does the same
Speaker 1: to people that are listening to this. This is fucking
Speaker 1: atrocious and please. I emailed the friend back who sent
Speaker 1: it to me, and I asked if it was okay
Speaker 1: if I we connected with people want to be connected with. Um.
Speaker 1: She hadn't write me back yet. I just emailed her. So,
Speaker 1: but if if you're interested in reaching out and talking
Speaker 1: or just just take what we fucking said, I mean,
Speaker 1: that's a story. But yeah, I think whatever it's like
Speaker 1: for a lot of you know, a lot of you
Speaker 1: are are writers and journalists and have connections to places,
Speaker 1: and this is where we actually do something. This is
Speaker 1: where something can be done which is really exciting, which
Speaker 1: is not anything I ever. Yeah, because it's cool to
Speaker 1: feel empathy and it's cool to be listening to the
Speaker 1: podcast and sit in your car and be like, oh man,
Speaker 1: that story is terrible. I can't believe that's happening. But
Speaker 1: it's like, then to go the key is to go
Speaker 1: that extra step to contact the journalists that you know,
Speaker 1: contact your person, your friend or family member who were
Speaker 1: in the prison system, like actually takes steps to make
Speaker 1: change and that and that change is often like really small,
Speaker 1: start on a small level, and then it will work
Speaker 1: its way up like a trickle up effect. Um. And
Speaker 1: I mean I think that you know, the listeners, we've
Speaker 1: we've done some stuff together. Yeah, I think that we
Speaker 1: wanted to air it out and then take it and
Speaker 1: take it to the next step and make sure people
Speaker 1: hang hear this because holy yeah, and this is happening
Speaker 1: to It's not just happening to women. I mean obviously
Speaker 1: with you know, being nude and stuff, that's and and
Speaker 1: kind of that way humiliation. Sure, and and you know
Speaker 1: obviously like there's different. Uh, like a cast system that's
Speaker 1: going on in the prison, and people are people's bitches like,
Speaker 1: it's not good. So anyone who's like, oh, just go
Speaker 1: to prison, prison, cushy, it's not the death penalty. A
Speaker 1: lot of cases, I think the death penalty might be
Speaker 1: the cushy end of your life. You though, I am
Speaker 1: still against that and that whole statistic of America has
Speaker 1: the largest jump population of a developed nation out of
Speaker 1: how many because we don't even fucking habilitation. We're just like, oh,
Speaker 1: what you like your fucking kids, Go to jail. You
Speaker 1: robbed someone, go to jail. You try to murder someone,
Speaker 1: go to jail. You didn't do anything at all, you
Speaker 1: probably should jail. I feel like, if you smoked the blunt,
Speaker 1: go to jail. Jail, jail, jail. Jail is not a solution.
Speaker 1: Jail is a holding space where nothing happens um and
Speaker 1: we're stripping people of their humanity. It's fucked up. So
Speaker 1: uh yeah, so yeah, if you're mad, if you're angry,
Speaker 1: if you're sad, those are all good feelings. Use them
Speaker 1: to make change. We're gonna change the tone a little bit,
Speaker 1: change the tone up. It's good to go you know,
Speaker 1: a little, a little light, a little heavy. Uh So,
Speaker 1: this week's guest is a She's a comic presence on
Speaker 1: the internet. She doesn't write, and she does indeed, Jing
Speaker 1: you might know her from the Lady Love and podcast.
Speaker 1: Please give it up for our friend Jilly Hendrix. SI
Speaker 1: as your nation trying, they do shame to your good
Speaker 1: clean spreads, take kings, your bread and deep prussing fraud.
Speaker 1: Have someone's type, but someone are you? Are you always tired? No?
Speaker 1: I like, I feel like love is always I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, I was like, I think we know who
Speaker 1: we're talking She's always like I'm tired. Today we're like, okay,
Speaker 1: guys were here with Jilly Hendrix and we were just
Speaker 1: talking about you're telling us what kind of dick you
Speaker 1: want to have? If you had a dick? Yeah, what
Speaker 1: kind was it? It would be like, um, a little
Speaker 1: bit smaller, but then it would like grow quick, grower,
Speaker 1: not a shower, and then it would surprise you. That's beautiful.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like that's representative of your personality? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a little shy at first, but
Speaker 1: it's like you never know what's coming around the corner,
Speaker 1: you know, because when we first met you to do
Speaker 1: your podcast, You're like, yeah, I just got a part
Speaker 1: of movie. It's at the pack, So I'm go like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, what do you have to go? Like I
Speaker 1: have to be the airport like an hour, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you gotta go. You were very laid back about yet
Speaker 1: you know, I don't get stressed out. I love it.
Speaker 1: What unless like it's death, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And then I'm like, oh, ship, have you always been
Speaker 1: that way? I think so, I don't know, really, I
Speaker 1: guess from as far as I could remember your sense
Speaker 1: of chill, my mom is like very anxious at so
Speaker 1: maybe you like comple and by just purposely being non anxious.
Speaker 1: And then that was just developing pessionally very stressed out
Speaker 1: about like small things. So I'm just like, everything's okay,
Speaker 1: it's fine, We're going to be good. And then I
Speaker 1: was blessed with this monotone voice, so I feel like it.
Speaker 1: I love it though. It makes your comedic timing so
Speaker 1: fucking funny because you deliver you could deliver the harshest
Speaker 1: thing in like the chillest tone, and I love that. Thanks. Um.
Speaker 1: What do you think about sucking about sex? In general,
Speaker 1: what's your philosophy of philosophy? Um, I don't know really.
Speaker 1: I think it's like, you know, do whatever you're comfortable with.
Speaker 1: I guess sex to me is like to get to
Speaker 1: that place where you really enjoy it. I feel like
Speaker 1: it's all about comfort levels. So like if you're uncomfortable
Speaker 1: with the person or with the situation, you're never going
Speaker 1: to be able to fully enjoy it, so the way
Speaker 1: it should be enjoy if you're too busy being uncomfortable exactly. So,
Speaker 1: I don't know a lot of people relate comfort to sex,
Speaker 1: but you know, that's kind of how I feel about it.
Speaker 1: I don't think they think that you're like in sweatpants
Speaker 1: eating cookies. No, but always in lingerie. There's different types
Speaker 1: of comfort. How did you learn about sex? Did your
Speaker 1: mom give you an anxious talk? No? I think I
Speaker 1: remember like in health class in sixth grade, they like
Speaker 1: brought in a video or they like rolled in the
Speaker 1: like TV and the rollers. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Did you know it was the birth video? No? It
Speaker 1: was just like all about your parts and then split
Speaker 1: the way to tell you. So they just made they
Speaker 1: didn't want to tell you, like what you what your
Speaker 1: body came with you know what I mean. So they
Speaker 1: were like, oh, in case you didn't know, this is included.
Speaker 1: This is your vagina and these are your boobs, and
Speaker 1: you're like okay, were you like oh yeah, so we
Speaker 1: had that. It was like separated into girls and boys.
Speaker 1: And then I think they probably mentioned sex, but I
Speaker 1: don't know, like I don't have like an exact moment
Speaker 1: where like I was like, oh, sex, when did you
Speaker 1: first have sex? When I was eighteen with a boyfriend
Speaker 1: or this guy that I that I really liked in
Speaker 1: high school for four years? Oh that's nice. You finally
Speaker 1: got to bang four years. That's some four play. How
Speaker 1: did you make that happen? Well, it was outside of
Speaker 1: a party. Outside of a party, it was a hill.
Speaker 1: It was not, um, I mean, that's pretty perfect a hill. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it wasn't on the hill. It wasn't a beautiful moment
Speaker 1: per se. Why not? Why wasn't a beautiful you know,
Speaker 1: it's on a hill outside of a party. It was
Speaker 1: more like the grass damp It was for me, it
Speaker 1: was more like get it over with yeah people, which
Speaker 1: I I mean obviously like I don't regret that, but
Speaker 1: I wish that I had more of When I say
Speaker 1: the comfort thing, I wish I was more comfortable with
Speaker 1: myself to be like, why don't you wait until you
Speaker 1: are ready or until you have like someone that you
Speaker 1: want to do this with, rather than just like, you know,
Speaker 1: you're eighteen, why not? I don't know? I am legal. Now.
Speaker 1: Did you masturbate before that? Yes, like frequently or just
Speaker 1: some times? I don't know really to be honest about
Speaker 1: my so probably not that frequently, because I feel like
Speaker 1: I did it pretty frequently. I guess I don't know
Speaker 1: what's your method of masturbation and has there been an
Speaker 1: arc since you first started? I don't know if I
Speaker 1: want to talk about that. Really, I will hump everything
Speaker 1: when I was a kid, let's let's because this isn't
Speaker 1: going to kind of come up. So when we message
Speaker 1: you to do the podcast. Now you you are one
Speaker 1: of the co hosts on the Lady Love and podcast
Speaker 1: with Greta and Lowe and um. When we message you
Speaker 1: to be on the podcast, you told me that you
Speaker 1: were Orthodox Jewish and I was like, what say so? So, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess about that. So I've recently in the past
Speaker 1: year become more religious. I was raised Jewish, and in
Speaker 1: a reformed household. How about mitzvah all that? But UM,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I sort of feel like I kind
Speaker 1: of um lost myself over the years, and I was
Speaker 1: really trying to figure out like how to get back
Speaker 1: to the place where I was, you know, UM, who
Speaker 1: I really am, and felt like every decision I was
Speaker 1: making was a decision I wanted to make and was
Speaker 1: really enjoying my life and UM just kind of like
Speaker 1: setting myself up to have a great future. And I was,
Speaker 1: you know, trying to figure out like how I needed
Speaker 1: something else. You know, it's going to therapy, and I've
Speaker 1: kind of always dealt with like a little bit of
Speaker 1: depression stuff, and nothing was really working. I tried meditating
Speaker 1: and you know, doing yoga and a lot of exercise,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, I kind of recently um started
Speaker 1: becoming more religious and that's like very much helped me
Speaker 1: just find more UM like meaning in my life, I guess.
Speaker 1: And I think it's a common story with people when
Speaker 1: they either dive deeper into a religion or rediscover it
Speaker 1: or just discover it for the first time. But with you,
Speaker 1: with you, I mean, when I hear those stories, it's
Speaker 1: always like reformed. What is it Like I found Jesus now,
Speaker 1: so I'm going to use the capital H with he
Speaker 1: and I don't know it comes I'm like, okay, see,
Speaker 1: I don't really feel like that for me per se.
Speaker 1: But I think more of the different practices, like, for example,
Speaker 1: like on Friday to Saturday, don't use my phone for
Speaker 1: twenty four hours and I have shabat dinner and I
Speaker 1: just sit there with people and talk and drink wine
Speaker 1: and enjoy life and be in the moment. And I
Speaker 1: don't feel like I have anything pulling me somewhere else.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I'm like racing to go to
Speaker 1: the best party that sort of thing. It's kind of
Speaker 1: like a minute for me to take time for myself
Speaker 1: and to think about what I'm doing. And therefore, like
Speaker 1: during the week, it really helps me, you know, set
Speaker 1: up I guess, you know, a better schedule for my
Speaker 1: life because I know that I'm like unavailable those because
Speaker 1: you're out of exactly. And it's also like you have
Speaker 1: to make plans with people to meet up with them
Speaker 1: during the day before that day, you know. So it's
Speaker 1: like I feel like those practices UM have really like
Speaker 1: helped me just get more focused in general. So it's
Speaker 1: not so much I would be like I would say
Speaker 1: that it's like I'm reading all this like you know,
Speaker 1: religious stuff and like praying all the time. It's more
Speaker 1: just like living more of a Jewish life has helped me,
Speaker 1: I don't know, be able to function better as a
Speaker 1: human and be more you know successful in my career
Speaker 1: and with my relationships and all of that. How does
Speaker 1: one need more of a Jewish life other than the
Speaker 1: sat Well, you know, I eat kosher now, and so
Speaker 1: that also is like, you know, take a minute when
Speaker 1: you're at a restaurant, like what do I want to eat? Like,
Speaker 1: you know, that's sort of rather than I'll have a
Speaker 1: bite of everything, you know what I mean. Does it
Speaker 1: affect your sex life at all? Um? I would say
Speaker 1: that around this same time that I became a religious
Speaker 1: I've decided that I wanted to take sex more seriously because,
Speaker 1: like I said earlier, I don't really like enjoy sex
Speaker 1: unless I'm comfortable, and I feel like a lot of
Speaker 1: the past experiences I've had have not been you know,
Speaker 1: where I've been comfortable. So it's like I'm just going
Speaker 1: to wait until I find someone that I feel great
Speaker 1: with you know, So that's kind of more of my
Speaker 1: vibe at the moment. But um, yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I really do. I think my whole life, I
Speaker 1: wish I was that girl that could like go out
Speaker 1: and have a one night stand or just like you know,
Speaker 1: hook up with a bunch of people, because like sex
Speaker 1: is great, like it feels amazing, you want to have
Speaker 1: it all the time, like it's a part of life,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But for me, it's just
Speaker 1: that I realized I'm not so comfortable, like you know,
Speaker 1: doing it with everyone and like that's okay too, you
Speaker 1: know absolutely. I think sometimes people pressure themselves because they're
Speaker 1: not doing X y z and people around them are
Speaker 1: doing X y z. But it's exactly have to do
Speaker 1: that though it's either like your labeled the sletter approved,
Speaker 1: you know what, and it's hard to find that middle
Speaker 1: ground where you feel like you're doing stuff that you
Speaker 1: want to do. And especially I feel like with a
Speaker 1: lot of women, like you know, it's not like we're
Speaker 1: orgasm and every time we hook up with someone, you know,
Speaker 1: so right, so it's like I think that you forget
Speaker 1: that you're like this is for me too. It's not
Speaker 1: just the guy. And I think I had a lot
Speaker 1: of that when I was with a lot, when I
Speaker 1: was with a lot of men, now when I was
Speaker 1: you know, a huge hour when I was yeah, with
Speaker 1: previous partners. So it's like really just taking a step
Speaker 1: back and looking at like what I want for myself
Speaker 1: in all aspects. I never had to sex like go
Speaker 1: hilariously awkwardly awry where you had to either stop in
Speaker 1: the middle because there was an incident, there was a
Speaker 1: bodily fluid in a place where it shouldn't have been,
Speaker 1: or oh my god, I've had so many awkward sexual experiences.
Speaker 1: What's your favorite? Yeah, what's your favor awkward sex experience?
Speaker 1: I mean one time, I mean I'm really like not,
Speaker 1: I haven't even had sex with that many people, to
Speaker 1: be honest, but I would say that one time when
Speaker 1: I was younger, there was a house party and like
Speaker 1: a different house party. I've known the guy, Like it's
Speaker 1: not it wasn't a whatever, but um, we were dating
Speaker 1: and we had a dog and like the dog brought
Speaker 1: the con them downstairs, the used condom, and that was
Speaker 1: uncomfortable to everybody in the party. Yeah, Like I feel
Speaker 1: a lot of experiences like that where it's just like
Speaker 1: I don't know, like why does everyone have to be
Speaker 1: involved in my like sexual experiences. You got the used
Speaker 1: condom out of the dog's mouth. I don't even know.
Speaker 1: I was just like, by, I gotta go, time to go.
Speaker 1: It's weird that happened to me once. But with a pad. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The dogs just like love to eat anything they're not
Speaker 1: supposed to gnarly a ship. You know, you think that
Speaker 1: they're like, oh that smells like not good? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like have you ever had sex with
Speaker 1: a dog in the room? Yeah, does it make you
Speaker 1: feel I don't know if I could do that. Well,
Speaker 1: we're not like watching, right, They're not like sitting by
Speaker 1: the bed like breathing. Yeah. I think it's just like
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know, they're just there sometimes it depends.
Speaker 1: I mean with the dog I used to live with
Speaker 1: was a PERV like he d percent knew like I
Speaker 1: knew it was when I was getting undressed, like would
Speaker 1: just stop and scaring yet Sarah to a point where
Speaker 1: I was like, Um, how old are you? Okay? I
Speaker 1: didn't know I thought you were. I thought you were younger.
Speaker 1: I'm always just I am just always surprised when people
Speaker 1: are in there. Also in my thirties. Um, and you
Speaker 1: are from California, right, Yes, I grew up in Orange County, Okay. Perfect.
Speaker 1: We were like a rich kid. That's a nice neighborhood.
Speaker 1: I mean, I would say that my parents are well off,
Speaker 1: but I will say that I had had a drop
Speaker 1: since I was sixteen. Yeah, they weren't just like here's
Speaker 1: my CRR card whatever. I used to sell flowers at
Speaker 1: the flower shop, but they also illegally sold birds, and
Speaker 1: like one time I knocked over the bird cage and
Speaker 1: all these like yellow canaries flew away, and then they
Speaker 1: were just like they just looked at me like no,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I know, I gotta go, you guys,
Speaker 1: I know, And they were illegally selling the can so
Speaker 1: they couldn't. Really. It was just like a bad scene.
Speaker 1: And then we of this thing called the Saddust Festival,
Speaker 1: which is an art festival in the town I grew
Speaker 1: up in, and I used to sell There was like
Speaker 1: a stand that sold ceramic mushrooms that you could place
Speaker 1: in your garden. What a life. And so I used
Speaker 1: to sell these ceramic mushrooms. But I used to make
Speaker 1: so much money, Like people love ceramic mushroom. I'm not
Speaker 1: even kidding you. I got like a commission of how
Speaker 1: much I sold, and it was like the best job
Speaker 1: I've ever had were those pricey mushrooms. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It was like I definitely made more
Speaker 1: like the most money there per hour for any job
Speaker 1: I've ever had. Besides, like now what I do. I
Speaker 1: feel like if you're buying a ceramic mushroom to put
Speaker 1: in your garden, you're either brushing all of your problems
Speaker 1: under the rug or you really just don't have many.
Speaker 1: They also so like humming bird feeders, but like some
Speaker 1: of the mushrooms came in like different sizes, and then
Speaker 1: there would also be like flowers, you gotta have multiple,
Speaker 1: I know, because you would have like the baby one
Speaker 1: and all of that, and then there would be like
Speaker 1: I kind of want one. I gotta be honest, I
Speaker 1: can't even tell you. There'd be like flowers and I
Speaker 1: don't know what people are always on vacation or like,
Speaker 1: of course I need to buy this fucking mushroom, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? You know, when your vacation somewhere
Speaker 1: tropical or like warm and you're just like I need
Speaker 1: to get so much ship before. Well, I've never been
Speaker 1: a tropical place, but anytime I'm I'm anywhere, I love
Speaker 1: like souvenirs. Any plastic cup you gave me from this
Speaker 1: fake castle restaurant, Like I will wash it out and
Speaker 1: bring it home because we live in the city of
Speaker 1: tourist knickknacks. But then I'm like this is bullshit. And
Speaker 1: then I go to another state. I'm like, I need
Speaker 1: this T shirt that says I love Seattle. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: like everyone would come to this art festival and just
Speaker 1: like buy a bunch of art and like weird other things,
Speaker 1: Like my county is really it's a specifically what's the town,
Speaker 1: Uhuna Beach, That's where I'm from. Yeah, that's a very
Speaker 1: artsy town. It reminds very art Hope, Pennsylvania. But in California, Yeah,
Speaker 1: well people think that it's like very like ritzy, and
Speaker 1: I feel like there's so much of that art culture
Speaker 1: and like so much of that like sixties free spirit vibe.
Speaker 1: And then like as like the housing market went up,
Speaker 1: obviously all these wealthy people came in and bought homes
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. So it's like a mix of that.
Speaker 1: You still get a lot of that sort of really
Speaker 1: cool art stuff that they have going on. Like they
Speaker 1: have this show called The Passion of the Masters where
Speaker 1: people just, um, it's like the Mannequin Challenge, but like
Speaker 1: in paintings. So they're like have this painting and then
Speaker 1: all of the people that are in the painting they
Speaker 1: stay still. They stay still, so it's like they're acting
Speaker 1: now in the painting. Oh they're still acting, they're just
Speaker 1: not painted on a canvas so they can't move. I
Speaker 1: didn't describe this right, but it's basically like it would
Speaker 1: be like the scenery and then if there's like two
Speaker 1: humans in the paintings, they don't paint the humans, and
Speaker 1: it would be real humans and you can't tell that
Speaker 1: they're real. Yeah, so like that's a very big attraction.
Speaker 1: Was there any weird sex ship like sex stores in
Speaker 1: your town or strip clone? Now? Oh my god, there
Speaker 1: was like three fast food restaurants that was it? What
Speaker 1: that was like the danger? You know, it was like
Speaker 1: very much like you would go to the b and
Speaker 1: just like get drunk because I feel like that. You know,
Speaker 1: obviously we've all watched the guna beach and the hills.
Speaker 1: So we have, you know, these concepts of what reality
Speaker 1: is in those places, and it seems like, I mean,
Speaker 1: it seems like rich kids just lead a very different
Speaker 1: life than a lot of us are used to. That's
Speaker 1: filled with like drugs and sex and boob jump. You
Speaker 1: have some insight to this, I mean, like for me,
Speaker 1: like I was like forced to like read for two
Speaker 1: hours every Saturday. Like I didn't get a car when
Speaker 1: I turned sixteen, Like I had you wish parents, I
Speaker 1: had like fake blonde hair and all that other bullshit.
Speaker 1: But like I wasn't like, you know, living the high
Speaker 1: life as a teen, So I kind of I didn't
Speaker 1: have that. But yeah, there's some people that you know,
Speaker 1: but that's everywhere. There's some talent, you know, everyone in
Speaker 1: high school, you always have someone that's more well off,
Speaker 1: that's able to like that doesn't have so much parental
Speaker 1: guidance and able to do whatever. But it's not everyone
Speaker 1: is like that, you know what I mean, the crazy
Speaker 1: house parties going on in your heart. When yeah, I
Speaker 1: was always like tennis pros and like are like doctors,
Speaker 1: and like my mom was like where are you going?
Speaker 1: Like all the time I do yeah, those parties in college.
Speaker 1: They would happen a lot early in college, like the
Speaker 1: boat hose and no one knows I forget right now.
Speaker 1: And there was the theme party literally every weekend, and
Speaker 1: I loved At the time. I was like, hell, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a golf hoe you know what that means. But
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear a bra. So your parents forced you
Speaker 1: to read for two hours, but then when you left
Speaker 1: the house as a tennis ho everything was okay. Well
Speaker 1: I got really good red so it's cool. Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1: Like I got the I got the reading that I
Speaker 1: don't know, I got really good grades. And I never like,
Speaker 1: I've never liked um, had a drink and driven, like
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've always been like really into safety,
Speaker 1: so I don't think they were so worried about me.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been slut shamed? Um by men or women?
Speaker 1: Only like with like girls whose boyfriends that I dated
Speaker 1: right after them. Like one time I got like pushed
Speaker 1: at a club because I was like dating this girl's
Speaker 1: boyfriend in college. Friend. Yeah, a lot of like read
Speaker 1: friends with the girl obviously not she pushed, you know, wow,
Speaker 1: she got that. Would I've never gotten into a physical art.
Speaker 1: At one time, I got into a physical altercation with
Speaker 1: a bouncer pushed me, and I was like I every
Speaker 1: cell in my body like heat it up? Did you
Speaker 1: freak out? Or were you? Like I mean usually like
Speaker 1: when I when people like come at me with a
Speaker 1: lot of force, I just like say something. I just
Speaker 1: speak and then they're like I can't even deal with
Speaker 1: talking to you, and they just like why are you angry?
Speaker 1: And like literally I'm just like I don't understand why
Speaker 1: you just pushed me? Like you guys broke up and
Speaker 1: I'll go into this whole thing and the girls just
Speaker 1: like why didn't like walks away? Why did you push me? How?
Speaker 1: I don't yah know. But even in high school, people
Speaker 1: are means in me. I just like I don't understand,
Speaker 1: like we've never met, Like what is what is your
Speaker 1: base for judging me off? And they would just like
Speaker 1: not even want They're like I thought there was gonna
Speaker 1: be a lot easier to exactly. I'm just like, I
Speaker 1: don't get it. What's what's the most traumatic thing that's
Speaker 1: ever happened to you? Thus far? Most traumatic thing? He
Speaker 1: still got a lot of time, but so far, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's just breakups. I think I take heartbreak
Speaker 1: like very you know, it really affects me because I'm
Speaker 1: very sensitive and you or human, I mean, heartbreak is
Speaker 1: like it's pretty bad. It's really I've been fortunate enough
Speaker 1: to not have any like immediate deaths in my family
Speaker 1: or that sort of thing. So so what was heartbreak
Speaker 1: at this moment? What was your recent heartbreak? Um? I
Speaker 1: was dating this guy and we couldn't be together for
Speaker 1: religious reasons, a whole another history. But I can't even
Speaker 1: get there with but his and that was very hard
Speaker 1: for me to comprehense he Jewish. Yes, O, wait, is
Speaker 1: that why you're coming around now? Isn't it is nothing
Speaker 1: to do nothing to do with him? But um, it
Speaker 1: just it wasn't going to work out, and that was
Speaker 1: very hard for me to you know, I'm very much
Speaker 1: like a hopeless romantic. I'm like, I don't understand, like
Speaker 1: we love each other, understand it, just like don't get it,
Speaker 1: you know. But um, yeah, I guess like there's bigger
Speaker 1: things in life or like in a relationship besides love,
Speaker 1: And I think that's like a very hard thing. It's
Speaker 1: a heart realized Yeah, but I like you, it's weird.
Speaker 1: It's nice that you that you kind of just have
Speaker 1: this thing that like we both love each other. Because
Speaker 1: I feel like that's why I'm very conflicted with religion,
Speaker 1: because it is great and it's you know, it works
Speaker 1: for some people at in different moments in their life,
Speaker 1: but then when it does something like keep you away
Speaker 1: from someone you love. And what's the point where his
Speaker 1: parents uh pressuring him or on his side with whatever
Speaker 1: his reason? Oh? His own? Yeah? Interesting? Yeah? Were you
Speaker 1: not the right type of Jews or no? Bullshit? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I love Jews. I don't know. It's sorry, real quick.
Speaker 1: What were you saying before that? I had a comment
Speaker 1: and I totally forgot it before. How far away in
Speaker 1: the in the past are we talking. I was just
Speaker 1: saying that I think religion is useful, but it tears
Speaker 1: people apart. Oh yes, heartbreak, Yeah, I think. Well, okay,
Speaker 1: going back to that, I was just going to say
Speaker 1: that I think the thing that's helped me with the
Speaker 1: religions stuff is just acceptance, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's sort of like you have to realize that things
Speaker 1: are a certain way, and like that's you know, what's
Speaker 1: going to happen, and you can't live in La La land,
Speaker 1: And I feel like I don't know that sort of
Speaker 1: really helped me. But yeah, with him, it wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: work out, and so like I had to go. I
Speaker 1: couldn't just hang around longer. Was he a New Yorker
Speaker 1: in California? Okay? And how long? How long have you
Speaker 1: lived in New York? Um? Four years? So how do
Speaker 1: you think dating is different between Orange County and New
Speaker 1: York City. I feel like I feel like it's pretty
Speaker 1: well after So, I went to college in Boston and
Speaker 1: then I lived in l A. So I didn't really
Speaker 1: I haven't dated dated in Orange County when I was
Speaker 1: in high school, but I haven't really lived there that
Speaker 1: l A New York l A. I would say, it's
Speaker 1: just I don't know, It's like, you know, l A
Speaker 1: there's like the entertainment industry assholes, and New York there's
Speaker 1: like the banking. People always wanted to try to like
Speaker 1: make it seem different. I think dating everywhere is the same. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I did a different vibe in l I've never dated
Speaker 1: in l A, but I do get a different It's
Speaker 1: just such a different vibe than here. It's just a
Speaker 1: different type of person, but like also a different type
Speaker 1: of man lives there, different type of woman lives there,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So like when you're in
Speaker 1: New York, it's like a different type of thing, but
Speaker 1: there's still if there's the same issues everywhere. And what
Speaker 1: made you move to New York from Los Angeles? UM
Speaker 1: to be a professional DJ? Yeah? Because I read Yeah,
Speaker 1: I read that you're about your DJ and obviously on
Speaker 1: your Instagram and stuff, So how did you get into that?
Speaker 1: So I always wanted to be in a band, Like
Speaker 1: my whole life. Do you play an instrument? No? Like
Speaker 1: I was so bad at every instrument, Like I just
Speaker 1: I mean, I got the triangle because I like to write,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, I'm going to be this
Speaker 1: like musician like guitarists and sing. But it's like, do
Speaker 1: you know how to read and write music? No? And
Speaker 1: I like I don't know how to play the guitar.
Speaker 1: Terrible at it, Like my voice sucks. No, I see
Speaker 1: my throat every night like trying to just make it better.
Speaker 1: And then I know. And then I got a job
Speaker 1: after college working in the music industry at cia UM
Speaker 1: and so I was doing marketing and booking. But then
Speaker 1: I was like, I still have this desire to create,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? So I bought turntables and
Speaker 1: a mixer. I think this was like six years ago.
Speaker 1: And then I just taught myself how to DJ with
Speaker 1: like YouTube tritorial nice and that you actually have turntables,
Speaker 1: not just your book pro though that's very nice because
Speaker 1: you could just press a button and really kind of chill,
Speaker 1: but it's good. And then I, um, I don't know,
Speaker 1: so I started like playing friends parties, like bringing all
Speaker 1: the equipment they're like making my boyfriend at the time
Speaker 1: like lug everything everywhere. And then I moved to New
Speaker 1: York and took it like way more seriously. Like when
Speaker 1: I first got here, everyone's like, what kind of music
Speaker 1: do you like? I was like electronic music and they're
Speaker 1: like what, there's like seventy different types of electronic music,
Speaker 1: Like what kind of DJ are you? You know? So
Speaker 1: I really had to like figure that out. But it
Speaker 1: was very fun for a while, and then I just
Speaker 1: sort of got sick of being out till five am
Speaker 1: every night. Yeah, I was gonna say, did you ever
Speaker 1: see anything weird while you were dying? Yeah? Used to
Speaker 1: DJ at the box, like do tell us, dude, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: That's a very exclusive place. I want to go there
Speaker 1: so bad. It was just like a sex show. Every
Speaker 1: night they have actual sex on stage. No, they just
Speaker 1: like it's like a sex and quotations show. I don't
Speaker 1: really know what does really mean, but it's just there's
Speaker 1: like naked people posts out I think so yeah, and
Speaker 1: like you know, boobs out and popcorn obviously. I think
Speaker 1: there's popcorn in like every sex show. Right. It's just
Speaker 1: like where there would be like someone like Pean on stage,
Speaker 1: like it was very like stuff that would shock you,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And DJ yeah, so because
Speaker 1: it would be like a club like it didn't DJ
Speaker 1: during the show, Like the show is only like two
Speaker 1: performances I think a night, and it's self contained. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they don't exactly, so just DJ like before and after.
Speaker 1: But it was like from eleven thirty till four in
Speaker 1: the morning song do you play? After? Everyone just watched
Speaker 1: some guy pe on something. I would just play whatever
Speaker 1: I wanted. That was like the biggest problem I think
Speaker 1: with my club, Djane is I would not cater to
Speaker 1: the crowd. I like you're supposed to be like, you know,
Speaker 1: one for you and for them or something that would
Speaker 1: be like, no, I'm just playing music. I would like
Speaker 1: if you get a lot of it's my friend's birthday,
Speaker 1: I use that and it was never my friend's birthday.
Speaker 1: But I would always go up to the DJ, and
Speaker 1: then I realized, you're not supposed to really do that.
Speaker 1: It's like all always like drunk people are to be like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, it's a girl, like literally like that that
Speaker 1: they couldn't play the woman with not even getting because
Speaker 1: how does she know all the buttons? Like when I
Speaker 1: started DJ, there wasn't as many like female DJs as
Speaker 1: there are Samantha Wronson. Well, I think there was like
Speaker 1: a few obviously more than that j J. But I
Speaker 1: uh yeah. So they would always just be so surprised
Speaker 1: that there's like a woman there. Really, how would they
Speaker 1: show that? Would they say like chick, They'd say, oh, ship,
Speaker 1: it's a girl, like I said, as if you were.
Speaker 1: It was like a where I just came out of
Speaker 1: that exactly as they'd be like, oh wow, like you're
Speaker 1: a girl. Like it was always a question, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm so interesting even like something in the entertainment business,
Speaker 1: which I think, you know, people are pretty comfortable with
Speaker 1: having women in the entertainment business. Something like being a
Speaker 1: DJ is still like, oh, that's like seeing a woman
Speaker 1: get on board to fly your plane, which you know,
Speaker 1: Christina and I point out a lot. I'm all for
Speaker 1: ladies doing whatever they fucking want exactly, but sometimes you're like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: nerve wracking. I don't know. That's just sexist of me,
Speaker 1: but but I think it's so funny. It's just a
Speaker 1: funny joke. Um. So, so you're not DJing anymore? So well,
Speaker 1: I DJ for like private events and brands. So I
Speaker 1: do a lot of fashion stuff and I just did
Speaker 1: like an event at the Google store and soho for
Speaker 1: the for the pixel phone. So I do a lot
Speaker 1: of like tech stuff and like a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: for um fashion brands. And I like that more because
Speaker 1: the events are over by ten pm, which is a
Speaker 1: plus because then I can go to sleep. But you
Speaker 1: aren't very thirty, Yeah I am, but it just pays
Speaker 1: better and I don't have to deal with a bunch
Speaker 1: of drunk people. And they're very much like, this is
Speaker 1: the type of music we want to hear, and they
Speaker 1: like they want you to be there, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like I thought a lot of the times
Speaker 1: at the clubs, it's like you're still like proving yourself,
Speaker 1: or like you're getting requests like every two minutes for
Speaker 1: a new song, and you're like, you know, it's just
Speaker 1: like a lot to deal with and the pace where
Speaker 1: you like, I don't understand why you're asking me to play.
Speaker 1: I already have my songs. You just like don't make
Speaker 1: eye contact, Like that's the number one key to DJ.
Speaker 1: How also, how you avoid crazy home with people from
Speaker 1: harassing you? My contact is all kinds of problems. Now,
Speaker 1: you experienced some sexism with clubgoers, how about people who
Speaker 1: hired you a club owners, managers? I know it's very
Speaker 1: like it's a shitty industry. Yeah, because it's like they're
Speaker 1: also surprised that you're a girl. Then you also need
Speaker 1: to prove yourself more. I don't know, did you apply
Speaker 1: for these gigs or did they come to you or
Speaker 1: how did you get them? It was a lot of
Speaker 1: like I had a friend that worked at the box,
Speaker 1: so that's how I started doing that, and then I
Speaker 1: did a good job, so they wanted me more like
Speaker 1: that sort of vibe or like you know, when I
Speaker 1: first moved here, this guy Sean Glass shout out to
Speaker 1: Sean Wait. I know, I feel like, I know it's
Speaker 1: well known person. Yeah he did, he DJs a lot,
Speaker 1: he's in the music biz. But he really introduced me
Speaker 1: to a lot of people. Is like very thankful for
Speaker 1: that and kind of like taught me the ropes and like,
Speaker 1: you know when sometimes I'm like the right person is
Speaker 1: introducing to people they know they can't funk with you,
Speaker 1: which is good, but um, yeah, I mean I always
Speaker 1: felt that way. Were there any specific examples that you
Speaker 1: can recall at the top of your head of like
Speaker 1: just blatant sexism or yeah, like one time I was
Speaker 1: DJing this event at in Tribeca, this private party for
Speaker 1: some architecture firm. I don't even know why I said yes,
Speaker 1: and literally the guy didn't like my music played exactly
Speaker 1: what they wanted me to play, and one of the
Speaker 1: people that worked for him and the company came out
Speaker 1: to music like Yeah, he's just like really upset because
Speaker 1: you're a woman in djane and he thinks the man
Speaker 1: would do a better job. So I hired you. Took
Speaker 1: my computer and left right and I said that I
Speaker 1: was like, you can play your iPod yeah, and then
Speaker 1: I got like a bunch of phone calls from like
Speaker 1: the venue apologizing and like, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I still got paid and all of that. But I
Speaker 1: mean you could see someone for saying that. If someone's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you just leave, you know what I mean, Like, don't
Speaker 1: take it. I was like, by I love that you
Speaker 1: did that. That's great. And then I took a bath.
Speaker 1: Of course you did. I probably had lavender mineral song
Speaker 1: and paid to take that back sucka. So now you're
Speaker 1: with taking sex more seriously. Are you dating anyone right now?
Speaker 1: Not at the moment, So how are you kind of
Speaker 1: like taking integrating this seriousness into dating, which is um
Speaker 1: a funk fest. I don't really know, Like I'm having
Speaker 1: a bit of well, it's the same thing. It's like
Speaker 1: I'm going on a few dates and then you tell
Speaker 1: people like, oh, like I don't use my phone for
Speaker 1: twenty four hours, and if they're not religious, they're like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck? You know what I mean? So if
Speaker 1: I'm not religious, and I get that, I'm like that sounds.
Speaker 1: I think it scares people that you don't use your
Speaker 1: phone for twenty I think the dedication, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? And I think that is that's something that
Speaker 1: has a in the relationship living you too, of course,
Speaker 1: and it's sating that like I take my life seriously.
Speaker 1: I take like my you know, who I want to be,
Speaker 1: who I am. All of that like is no joke.
Speaker 1: And I feel like people when you're going on like
Speaker 1: of course, like dating, updates and that sort of thing,
Speaker 1: they if they're just looking for something casual, they know
Speaker 1: they're not going to get it from me. And I
Speaker 1: guess it's a good way to avoid that type of
Speaker 1: thing because I do want a serious relationship, but um,
Speaker 1: I don't know. And it's also they weed you out though,
Speaker 1: in terms of like, oh, how do they deserve a
Speaker 1: moment where you can see that they're like, oh, this
Speaker 1: girl's not just gonna suck me. Yeah, definitely do they
Speaker 1: say something lass. I went on a date two weeks
Speaker 1: ago and the guy walked in and after like ten
Speaker 1: minutes he was like, Oh, I expect you to be
Speaker 1: covered in tattoos and classy, but you're covered in tattoos
Speaker 1: and like not classy, but you're actually really refined. Why
Speaker 1: did he get that idea? I guess it's because like
Speaker 1: I'm a DJ or something or he looked me up online.
Speaker 1: I feel like people looked me up online and like
Speaker 1: think something completely different than like who I am or whatever.
Speaker 1: But so what is it like? Do you primarily date
Speaker 1: using dating apps? For I know, but I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm trying to, Like I've been on three dating app dates,
Speaker 1: so not really, but which this is like a new thing.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to dating app date because how else are
Speaker 1: you supposed to like get them get it going? Well?
Speaker 1: So many people are doing yeah, going outside that filing
Speaker 1: up people. You have so many friends. It seems like
Speaker 1: in like or in the cool situations, I would think
Speaker 1: that you know people. I guess I just haven't met
Speaker 1: anyone really since. I mean, I broke up with that
Speaker 1: other guy like in the fall, So how long have
Speaker 1: you had you been together with him? It was like
Speaker 1: on and off, So I don't even know. You don't
Speaker 1: even know, you can't even But now you're on these apps?
Speaker 1: And are you only looking at other Jews, other orchithodox
Speaker 1: Jews anyone, because it's very weird. They don't it out
Speaker 1: oh religiously right of course, So are you on a
Speaker 1: religious dating app? So, like I know that I probably
Speaker 1: shouldn't go out with a guy named Chris because it's
Speaker 1: more of a Christian. However, my brother's name is Chris J.
Speaker 1: So basically I have no idea what I'm doing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: is there? So you're on a Jewish dating app. But
Speaker 1: they that's interesting though, that they don't explain, they don't
Speaker 1: divide it or categorize it, just because a lot of
Speaker 1: people in that are Jewish. I would imagine if there's
Speaker 1: so many different sets of it that you want to
Speaker 1: date within your do you want to date an orthodox
Speaker 1: Jewish person? I would like to like a modern light,
Speaker 1: you know, because I would call myself light because gonna
Speaker 1: say it was like a you know, like it's just
Speaker 1: like people on Jay Day. Yeah, because I'm you know,
Speaker 1: someone's super religious is not going to be a match
Speaker 1: for me because I do you know, still we stall
Speaker 1: the jacket you away. Yeah, I still temple, I would say,
Speaker 1: a non super orthodox life. So I don't know. I'm
Speaker 1: figuring it out though, right. It's a process. That's what
Speaker 1: life is, that you learn as you go. Are you
Speaker 1: going to temple regularly? Yes? I do go to temple
Speaker 1: every Saturday. Isn't temple a lot of praying? It's the
Speaker 1: same as church just on Saturday, and then you really
Speaker 1: the church. You read the tour portion for that week,
Speaker 1: and then you analyze it and you try to learn
Speaker 1: a lesson from it, which I like, Yeah, that's okay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I think Judaism has like a lot of
Speaker 1: great things where even like I don't believe in God,
Speaker 1: but I can, I still like a lot of parts
Speaker 1: of Judaism and I feel like connected to it. I
Speaker 1: feel like it's part of my culture. So it's you know,
Speaker 1: I totally get what you mean, like living a Jewish lifestyle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I feel like it was something that I wanted to.
Speaker 1: I knew, like my whole life, I wanted to raise
Speaker 1: my kids Jewish. I have this microphone on my lap
Speaker 1: and I feel really weird about it. I'm just fun
Speaker 1: apologizing to current and Christina microphone this way. No, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to, Um, I knew I always wanted to
Speaker 1: raise my kids Jewish. And I was like, I guess
Speaker 1: I'll just wait till i'm married to figure out what
Speaker 1: that looks like, what being more religious looks like. And
Speaker 1: then I'm just like, why I do I have to wait?
Speaker 1: I can just do this now, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: so I kind of got to the point where I
Speaker 1: wanted to sort of discover like what that meant and
Speaker 1: like how much I want Judaism to be in my life.
Speaker 1: And then it just sort of like escalated to me,
Speaker 1: like observing Shabbat and eating Kosher and you know, and
Speaker 1: put your phone away and meeting with this lovely rabbi
Speaker 1: every week. I love. Oh you eat with a rabbi
Speaker 1: everyone I do one on one? Is he hot? He's
Speaker 1: seven and the seventies, I thing, is he hot? You
Speaker 1: didn't answer my question that you've been watching too much
Speaker 1: sex in the city. The episode the rabbi was a
Speaker 1: very few references for religious but but also that guy
Speaker 1: wasn't hot either, and it was and it was weird
Speaker 1: in me out so hard. But when somebody that you're
Speaker 1: not supposed to want to fuck it is the hottest thing.
Speaker 1: God damn. I don't feel that way about my rabbi.
Speaker 1: I think that he is like my spiritual guide and
Speaker 1: that's the correct that's good. That's probably more, you know,
Speaker 1: you get more stuff done that way. Guy, have you
Speaker 1: ever been like had a crush on like I hate
Speaker 1: when I have crushes on guys. I'm like this is
Speaker 1: so inconvenient because now I'm not gonna get work done.
Speaker 1: And yeah, someone you work with, or also I feel
Speaker 1: like you if you like a guy, I would imagine
Speaker 1: in my in my head, this is what you do
Speaker 1: when you like a guy. But then you tell me
Speaker 1: you just go up and be like I like you
Speaker 1: on a date and they're like, yeah, yeah, for sure,
Speaker 1: it's definitely me doing that. You don't guys, No, I
Speaker 1: do do that. It doesn't sometimes, I guess I don't
Speaker 1: approach them that often, but usually if I do approach
Speaker 1: a guy and I say something like that, Like the
Speaker 1: last guy was like, we had a conversation. Then afterwards
Speaker 1: I w MP to him and I was like, are
Speaker 1: you flirting with me or just being friendly? And he
Speaker 1: was like, excuse me, a fellow question. Yeah. It was
Speaker 1: like if we, like, we need to dive deep into
Speaker 1: this and figure out, like what just what this interaction was?
Speaker 1: Do you like sucking dicks? Do you like getting blow jobs?
Speaker 1: Is that offensive? Class? Sorry, I didn't have these means
Speaker 1: as a question that she doesn't want to Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: I did phrase it a little aggressively, but I'm interested
Speaker 1: in because I was reading a couple of emails from
Speaker 1: our inbox about girls are like I just don't want
Speaker 1: We got an email that's like, do you have to
Speaker 1: suck his dick on Valentine's Day? I'm like, no, I
Speaker 1: think that's the thing, like do what you're comfortable. But
Speaker 1: I also think have open conversations with the people you're dating.
Speaker 1: Like if you're dating someone and they really would like that,
Speaker 1: and you're in love and whatever, like, then you should
Speaker 1: probably do that because that you do nice things for
Speaker 1: each other, you know that suck his dick because you
Speaker 1: like actually like But it's interesting I found because some
Speaker 1: of the emails I was reading, some girls just hate
Speaker 1: giving blow jobs. I never was one of them. I
Speaker 1: find when people say that it's because of a prior
Speaker 1: horrible experience, well, I mean also, it's just not like
Speaker 1: your mouth isn't really meant to fit a dick. To
Speaker 1: be honest, I know, maybe something wrong one that's why
Speaker 1: we get no. I mean, I know, I love, it's
Speaker 1: just it. The thing is that I'm in twit in
Speaker 1: the in the beginning, but then it just goes on
Speaker 1: too long, Like during that particular blow jobs, I need
Speaker 1: to start blowing like nineteen year olds we're going to
Speaker 1: come from. There's nothing worse. When you're like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to keep going, but I don't want to give up.
Speaker 1: Harry came this far. When you're in your thirties, I
Speaker 1: am like, I have things. It's like, it's not fair
Speaker 1: because you get you get busier, but then dicks take
Speaker 1: longer to do they have really, so I had to.
Speaker 1: I've had conversations with anyone who's dating someone like who's
Speaker 1: just kind of gone over that I'm dating someone in
Speaker 1: their twenties to moving on and dating people in their thirties.
Speaker 1: Sex is just different with guys in their thirties, they're
Speaker 1: they're just dying slowly from the inside, Like you know
Speaker 1: what we are. I always date people you're younger than me,
Speaker 1: so I've never dated anyone in their thirties. Well, so
Speaker 1: this is something to look forward to, just the same
Speaker 1: way as like you used to be able to DJ
Speaker 1: until five in the morning, and now you want to
Speaker 1: be taking bath and go to bed at ten and
Speaker 1: I hear you and I feel that, um, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just you know, everything everything is slowing down. One thing though,
Speaker 1: I realizing I think girl like in relationships and some
Speaker 1: guys have emailed us about this, like they'll be in
Speaker 1: a relationship for one to three or four or five
Speaker 1: years and the blow jobs go away. But I guess
Speaker 1: it's because they didn't really want to give the blow
Speaker 1: jobs in the first place. They were just so excited
Speaker 1: to be in the thing. You can't not be yourself
Speaker 1: from the beginning. Yeah, you gotta if you don't like them,
Speaker 1: not you got in from the beginning. That because there's
Speaker 1: not worse than a year later going here are my
Speaker 1: true colors. Although I've never been in a relationship longer
Speaker 1: than two and a half years, so I don't know
Speaker 1: it happens like after, like in five years, Like I
Speaker 1: have no idea. It's a pretty two and a half
Speaker 1: is I know people who haven't been in relationships like
Speaker 1: more than like six months. True, but five years scared me.
Speaker 1: It's actually not that bad. I always used to you
Speaker 1: in a relationship for five It will be six in March. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I've done five years. My first boyfriend, I did
Speaker 1: it for five years. I always though I had this
Speaker 1: thing of like, oh, I don't want to I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get tired of the person, Like I always had that
Speaker 1: philosophy of people like a long term relationship just didn't
Speaker 1: sound appealing whatsoever, because we're gonna get think of each other.
Speaker 1: But I was Stephen, I'm like, yeah, I'm still still
Speaker 1: sucking his dick. Great, still like him, I still like
Speaker 1: him as a person. Love it. Yeah. I always thought
Speaker 1: like that stuff goes away the more you're together, But
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to. I don't think it does either.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's like the wrong and you're with
Speaker 1: the wrong person, right exactly. Yeah, that's just an unhappy
Speaker 1: forty five year old men writing screenplays. That's what's thin
Speaker 1: where their girlfriends twenty? Yeah, that's not that's that's not
Speaker 1: everything because I mean, I've spent so long basing my
Speaker 1: entire life off of what I see in movies and
Speaker 1: what I read in books, and like, then you then
Speaker 1: you become an artist, and then you realize all most
Speaker 1: artists are pretty freaking miserable. So maybe don't take everything
Speaker 1: they say. Yes, gospel, for sure, did you see La
Speaker 1: La Land not yet heard? Was excellent? Okay, Well then
Speaker 1: I'm not going to say anything. Well, just like, is
Speaker 1: there a thematic thought that you can give us, like
Speaker 1: a particular thing that bothered was depressed you're depressed by
Speaker 1: bad ending. They all die in each other's arms. No,
Speaker 1: but you should see it also. I don't want to
Speaker 1: ruin it out there for any of those people. I mean,
Speaker 1: if anyone likes to be dying to see it. But
Speaker 1: I would say it was like a good example of
Speaker 1: what you were saying just now. Yeah you see the notebook? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I cry every mean it hasn't seen the note Stephen,
Speaker 1: my boyfriend. I don't know that I've seen the Notebook
Speaker 1: to be really, I don't know that I have. Do
Speaker 1: you have it? Had a friend that like forced you
Speaker 1: to like watch the movie. But that's how I first
Speaker 1: saw me to know, because you know what days I
Speaker 1: only I don't have a ton of girlfriends. I mean,
Speaker 1: and I said, and I want to watch that movie
Speaker 1: with I would like to. I was like, what was
Speaker 1: that I doing? I was doing the other other day
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I saw a picture on
Speaker 1: Instagram of like two of my friends like laying in
Speaker 1: a bed on pillows next to one another, like as friends.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I've never done that. I don't
Speaker 1: have like a proper galfriend me either. I was never
Speaker 1: like when girlfriends like hug each other like sending each
Speaker 1: other's laps. I've never had that, Like I'm open had
Speaker 1: that either with like anyway, I have a lot of girlfriends,
Speaker 1: but I've never been like, I'm not like a super
Speaker 1: touchy person unless we're like in love, so always like
Speaker 1: like like close that close. I guess I'm like that
Speaker 1: with my friend area, but that's it. Like I don't
Speaker 1: because I get too awkward. But then if you're just
Speaker 1: like nonchalantly like sitting on my lab, I'm like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: if someone wants to come to me, yeah, But I'm
Speaker 1: never the one that goes to a girlfriend and is like,
Speaker 1: let's just let me touch your boob. Yeah whatever. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I asked. I asked the girl if I
Speaker 1: could touch her boobs in improv class, and she was like,
Speaker 1: nopros during a performance. I'm during But I just I
Speaker 1: don't know, because again, watching too many movies, and I
Speaker 1: thought that was an appropriate thing that you could feel
Speaker 1: like we're both women. When you see someone with like
Speaker 1: fake boobs, they were real and you asked to touch them,
Speaker 1: I feel like they're much more like totally. I think
Speaker 1: because when it paid someone, when it's someone's like real breast,
Speaker 1: they're less likely to let them be touched. Maybe, I
Speaker 1: mean I asked, I didn't just go for it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well acccene is always great, or like those group of
Speaker 1: girlfriends that always like I had friends like this, but
Speaker 1: I never really participated in it. And I always felt
Speaker 1: like if there's something, am I cold hearted? But they
Speaker 1: would just like be naked or topless and just didn't care. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like as I've gotten older, I can like
Speaker 1: change and I'm like whatever, But when I was younger,
Speaker 1: I never was like, let me just like rip this off.
Speaker 1: But also like all of my friends, like I said
Speaker 1: I grew up at the beach, were like very thin
Speaker 1: and I'm very curvy. So it's just like I was like,
Speaker 1: what's happening? What is my body? Did you feel weird
Speaker 1: because of that? I hated my boobs my whole life
Speaker 1: until recently because they're big. If I hear you, girl, so,
Speaker 1: but you just felt like people were looking at you
Speaker 1: or that it just felt uncomfortable. I just felt very
Speaker 1: uncomfortable within my body. Where did your your close friends
Speaker 1: not have big boobs? And did they make a big
Speaker 1: deal out of your boobs? Maybe? Yeah, probably? And like
Speaker 1: all of the guys, like you know when you first
Speaker 1: get them, yeah, as a oh my god, like your
Speaker 1: dress and you're like, yeah, well how do so how
Speaker 1: if you recently came like to have find an appreciation
Speaker 1: with your body, what was that process? Like, you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of masturbating. I think it was, like I said,
Speaker 1: I mean I previously, like I was kind of depressed
Speaker 1: for a while, and I think that I went through
Speaker 1: like a phase where I didn't even post like a
Speaker 1: photo of myself online. Like I couldn't even do it
Speaker 1: because I was just like, who is like this person
Speaker 1: is gross? Yeah? Um, and not to be like oh.
Speaker 1: I started like then just like posting more photos of
Speaker 1: myself and realizing that I was like a fine looking human,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But even if you aren't,
Speaker 1: you who cares? I don't know. I think it's like
Speaker 1: just it was just trying to get back to finding myself,
Speaker 1: which I've been trying to do. I think you are
Speaker 1: an attractive person because I think you're super party. Thank you. Um.
Speaker 1: You know something I struggle with really do and that's
Speaker 1: like something that I'm working on. I remember always looking
Speaker 1: at my face when I was a kid. I'm like yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm there on the average whatever. And I always like
Speaker 1: not in a negative way though, I'm like, okays want
Speaker 1: to look like I think I've always been that, like
Speaker 1: I could do better, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: that's always been my vibe. So I think I put
Speaker 1: that towards my looks too. But every everyone can always
Speaker 1: do better in almost every capacity, and so that's just
Speaker 1: going to be a constant nightmare. And you can always
Speaker 1: do worse. And that's the thing we don't tell ourselves.
Speaker 1: It could be worse. And that's like a fun one,
Speaker 1: yeah right now, Um, but I don't know. I guess
Speaker 1: like then I went through a phase when I was
Speaker 1: like trying to figure out like what I was like
Speaker 1: okay with like showing my boobs too much, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, girls gone wild because I was like
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable, no, like topless, you're a woman, put them away.
Speaker 1: My thing is much more tameing that. I just mean
Speaker 1: like showing like showing more cleavage, like because that's the
Speaker 1: thing too, when you have boobs, you have to figure
Speaker 1: out like what you're comfortable in, and I mean just
Speaker 1: stay comfort way too much. On this episode. I'm very sorry, No, no,
Speaker 1: that don't be sorry. No, I totally hear you on
Speaker 1: that because I would. I don't usually wear cleavage e stuff,
Speaker 1: but I know that when I did it, just the
Speaker 1: reactions were way different, and I felt like I went
Speaker 1: through a phase where I was like, Okay, now I
Speaker 1: kind of like myself and so I'm going to like
Speaker 1: wear what I want to wear, and like fuck it.
Speaker 1: But then it's like now I feel like I'm in
Speaker 1: a better place where I'm like, we're just going to
Speaker 1: tone that down a little bit, like it's okay to
Speaker 1: like bobs and like you know what I mean, and
Speaker 1: like your body had like your titties out like just
Speaker 1: so it was just like a lot of low cut stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: But I think it's hard to because people just are
Speaker 1: always going to say something about boobs, you know, and
Speaker 1: it's girlfriend's boyfriend, like and yeah people you love and
Speaker 1: respect and it's not even a bad things. But we've
Speaker 1: just been trained. I mean, I can't when I am
Speaker 1: talking to someone with a low cut shirt, and I
Speaker 1: honestly can't pay attention either, And I don't even I
Speaker 1: don't want boobs in my mouth. I don't want them normal.
Speaker 1: I do want to I want I like to touch
Speaker 1: some I'm just because first as someone who's flat chested,
Speaker 1: it's just really, I'm truly curious because this is something
Speaker 1: I thought I was getting with this whole woman deal
Speaker 1: never came. I feel jipped to waiting by the window.
Speaker 1: I'm sure we're not We're not. I guess we're not
Speaker 1: saying that anymore. The gypsies are going to email me. Um,
Speaker 1: oh god, yeah, that's right. That's how I learned. But
Speaker 1: that was I don't care. I'm justissily. I'm still saying it.
Speaker 1: It's like an old it's like my grandma kind of thing,
Speaker 1: which you know you should always say that, don't anyway. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, that's that's why it's like a fascination, a
Speaker 1: cultural fascination. I mean, products are sold off of every
Speaker 1: beer is pretty much sold off. We should all every
Speaker 1: woman should get a little bit of money for Carl's Jr.
Speaker 1: Making so much. But then I all so hate that too,
Speaker 1: because it's like I hate even in high school and
Speaker 1: when you're younger, it's like women it's like girls can't
Speaker 1: wear certain things because it distracts boys. Like I hate
Speaker 1: the stag so much because it's like you should teach
Speaker 1: your son to control his because you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: why do aways women have exactly? So I hate that too,
Speaker 1: But I completely like get that, Like whenever I do
Speaker 1: wear something lower, I feel a little bit odd because
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't want all of people to
Speaker 1: comment on it all the time, and men and women too.
Speaker 1: It's not it's hard to like, you know, you wear
Speaker 1: something like beautiful and you feel great, and maybe you
Speaker 1: are showing some cleavage and you feel like amazing, and
Speaker 1: then there's the comments and you're like, but I'm happy.
Speaker 1: You know. It's a very hard thing I think to
Speaker 1: figure out thinking about that. Yeah, like when when I like,
Speaker 1: someone had asked me if I wanted to do a
Speaker 1: pin up photo shoot, and I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I've been coming to the conclusion lately that like these
Speaker 1: are gonna sag soon, so let's let's show them off.
Speaker 1: But then I'm like, am I sexualizing myself because I
Speaker 1: want to? Or my sexualizing myself before somebody else does,
Speaker 1: or my sexualizing myself because I think I have to.
Speaker 1: I'll fucking no. I think it goes back to what
Speaker 1: I was saying. It's like you have to figure out,
Speaker 1: like it's like with everything in life, like what you're
Speaker 1: okay with? You know what I mean? Are you okay
Speaker 1: with that? Then yes? If you're not, then don't do it.
Speaker 1: And that's something like overall over arching that I struggled
Speaker 1: with my whole life, and that like now I feel
Speaker 1: like I have a good hold on it just gets
Speaker 1: more confusing because you're like, okay, I am okay with it.
Speaker 1: But then I go once and further go why is
Speaker 1: it because society? Or is it in my heart? Like
Speaker 1: it's I always I think there's nothing wrong to you know,
Speaker 1: having like a sexy photo that you feel good, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, There's nothing wrong. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's empowering in itself because sometimes like like the Instagram,
Speaker 1: the hot Instagram girls that are just super famous on
Speaker 1: Instagram for being hot. I'm like, do you I mean
Speaker 1: you wanted hot? That's your thing is being hot on Instagram? Anyway.
Speaker 1: I don't know who you are, but you're saying is
Speaker 1: being hot? Are you happy with that? Is that? Like
Speaker 1: I'm always I always wonder if people that are kind
Speaker 1: of their main thing is just being hot, are you
Speaker 1: do you ever think I'm capable more? Or does that
Speaker 1: even matter to you or is that just what you want?
Speaker 1: And then I don't know. I was, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1: I was just say I feel like some of the
Speaker 1: you know, the Instagram models per se, like are building
Speaker 1: a business and they're making money and that's what they
Speaker 1: want to do. Yeah, you know, and they're using their
Speaker 1: hot like well they could say, you know, society and
Speaker 1: marketing is all funked up, it's all sexualizing. I might
Speaker 1: as well, if I feel good about it, make fucking
Speaker 1: career out of it. Yeah, I feel like Instagram I
Speaker 1: was thinking about this, like the other Night is kind
Speaker 1: of like the new stripping. It's like it's an Internet
Speaker 1: because it's like there is something about it and it's
Speaker 1: fun to post like semi nude photos on Instagram because
Speaker 1: it feels kind of naughty, uh, and it's like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna capture that. It makes it like if it feels sexy,
Speaker 1: like I I like doing it, and I like looking
Speaker 1: at other women. Like Instagram models are one of my
Speaker 1: favorite things to look at because I don't know those
Speaker 1: people and it feels i'd rather look at like someone
Speaker 1: I don't know half naked than a celebrity. Like celebrities
Speaker 1: just don't do it because I like that's so packaged,
Speaker 1: whereas Instagram it feels like it's more genuine, kind of
Speaker 1: this little look into someone's bedroom or like it has
Speaker 1: a very Instagram has that suicide girls feel, which is
Speaker 1: like my favorite kind of porn to look at, I mean,
Speaker 1: like photo porn. I guess I feel like it's it's
Speaker 1: good probably for those types of people that like want
Speaker 1: that type of career because they're really in control, yeah,
Speaker 1: as opposed to like signing off to a magazine where
Speaker 1: they don't know if they're going to be in a
Speaker 1: compromise position or like someone's going to make them do
Speaker 1: something they don't want to do, like having this outlet
Speaker 1: to like post their sexy photos they want to do.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like I feel like webcam girls and
Speaker 1: like the industry, it's like they're completely in control, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, They're like I can this is
Speaker 1: what I'm doing, and like I'll set it up myself,
Speaker 1: and like that's great, because I think women are sometimes
Speaker 1: just because of the society, the double standards of hypocrisy
Speaker 1: around being a woman, and nothing's ever good enough for
Speaker 1: you're too sad, you're too happy, or whatever. Women are
Speaker 1: constantly looking for of field where they can they can
Speaker 1: take control over themselves and and do whatever it is,
Speaker 1: whether it be hot girl on Instagram or or or
Speaker 1: DJ you know what I mean. It's like, I want
Speaker 1: to be in charge of this because whenever I'm not,
Speaker 1: it just doesn't it gets too convoluted in Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it being hot as a fine thing to be
Speaker 1: as long as that's not the only thing you're bringing
Speaker 1: to the table. Yeah, I know, if it is, is
Speaker 1: it bad? I don't know. I was thinking. I've been
Speaker 1: thinking about that a lot. Yeah, I think it. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's a lot more to be because I feel bad
Speaker 1: that I think. I agree. I think that you're better
Speaker 1: that you're You're beyond this, and I'm like, that can
Speaker 1: even be your main thing. I just think that, like
Speaker 1: you can't. It's it's almost dangerous to go out in
Speaker 1: the world with being hot being the only thing that
Speaker 1: you know, well, it's always I feel like it's dangerous
Speaker 1: to lead with your looks. Yeah, yeah, I would agree
Speaker 1: with that because I think it's cool and I and
Speaker 1: I don't you know, and I want the models that
Speaker 1: I look at to be pretty. I don't think that there.
Speaker 1: I don't think there should be not pretty muths. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna say it, like, because then everyone could be
Speaker 1: a model. Model, Yeah, I know whether that's that's a
Speaker 1: certain occupation and that's that's what you're doing, and that's cool.
Speaker 1: Models don't even look normal in real life, Like what
Speaker 1: a quote unquote normal person looks like. It's fine, But
Speaker 1: there's also like, you know, the other thing that's good
Speaker 1: about Instagram is is breaking those boundaries of like what
Speaker 1: is a model? Yeah, like what is that definition? Yeah,
Speaker 1: of like because you have people that are just like,
Speaker 1: you know, I sold an ad on Instagram for like
Speaker 1: a beer company, so like I was a model, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Were you in the it was
Speaker 1: me holding a beer emotional model for I was in
Speaker 1: a turtleneck but that tiny there, there was a little neck.
Speaker 1: But like, yeah, Julie, can you compromise, give us a
Speaker 1: little bit? No? But I mean, like, you know, anyone
Speaker 1: can anyone can be a model, for sure, But there's
Speaker 1: there's just something about it like that. It's like with
Speaker 1: the anyone can be a model thing. I get where
Speaker 1: it's coming from. The hot of actually Graham is so hot,
Speaker 1: but what type of model, Like, are you talking about
Speaker 1: a runway model? Yeah, Like, not everyone can be a
Speaker 1: runway model. Not everyone could be like a lingerie model.
Speaker 1: Not everyone could be a model for a beer company.
Speaker 1: Like me with the problem with a Dove campaign where
Speaker 1: we're like doing like people who look like, you know,
Speaker 1: different kinds of weights and stuff is to me, it's
Speaker 1: still telling women that that being perceived as attractive is
Speaker 1: so and it's not so. It's like, yeah, Okay, models
Speaker 1: are pretty people and that's fine. Why I feel like
Speaker 1: that way? Like I'm like, okay, models are pretty people
Speaker 1: and that's fine. There are other things to be but
Speaker 1: do you also think that, Like for me, even going
Speaker 1: back to like when I first decided that I wanted
Speaker 1: to like write or be on television or something like that,
Speaker 1: I had like so many thoughts in my mind, like yeah, right,
Speaker 1: you don't look like any of the women that are
Speaker 1: on TV. Sure, And TV is different because TV is
Speaker 1: supposed to be um like you know, you're you're watching
Speaker 1: everyone on it up until recently it's like the hottest
Speaker 1: thing alive. But I mean there's you know, there's shows
Speaker 1: you know they're like, oh, make a show about fat
Speaker 1: people now, and then I'm just saying, like I feel
Speaker 1: like they're until there's like that sort of breaking boundaries,
Speaker 1: like until like I saw like I'm not knocking lenage
Speaker 1: on them at all, but until I saw her on TV, Yeah,
Speaker 1: when she was naked, I never even thought, oh wow,
Speaker 1: that could like literally never thought that someone that wasn't
Speaker 1: like ninety pounds could be on telling Yeah, the lead
Speaker 1: I mean exactly, like, yeah, there's like first you see
Speaker 1: the quirky best friend. Oh that's that. That's the role
Speaker 1: for the heavy person, but for the person who's on
Speaker 1: the show the most. And this is only for women
Speaker 1: because lots of ugly men have TV shows, um, but
Speaker 1: for the woman who is the lead character to also
Speaker 1: be one of the you know, Societali's least good looking
Speaker 1: people on the show. I think it's interesting. And her nudity,
Speaker 1: it wasn't always sexualized. She was just changing her clothes.
Speaker 1: She was just like this is like a real human.
Speaker 1: And I think when I saw that, I was like, oh, ship,
Speaker 1: like maybe there's like a chance and that I could
Speaker 1: do what I want to do and that it would
Speaker 1: be accepted. So like going back to like seeing like
Speaker 1: the Dove campaigner that like I think it's really important
Speaker 1: for you know, to show all different shapes and sizes
Speaker 1: no matter what it is. I really do. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: I like even modeling because it's like, why do we
Speaker 1: all have to just look at If you're looking at
Speaker 1: the same thing every day, you think that's what it
Speaker 1: is like me growing up in Orange County looking at
Speaker 1: like tiny, skinny people all day because like no one
Speaker 1: was curvy. That's like literally, I was like, the world
Speaker 1: is like this and like I'm different, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? And I'm like, we I'm like not attractive.
Speaker 1: With the Dove campaign though, that one of the things
Speaker 1: that that the main thing that kind of got to me.
Speaker 1: I like the Dove campaign, but I wish they would
Speaker 1: have just you didn't have to say we're beautiful no
Speaker 1: matter what size or how much. Just show the women.
Speaker 1: Just give show us the women and that's it. You know,
Speaker 1: we don't have to say, we don't have to bait you.
Speaker 1: Maybe they did this for marketing reasons or whatever, the fuck,
Speaker 1: but babying everybody be like, say she can be pretty
Speaker 1: and on TV two to me sounds condescending and as
Speaker 1: if that woman is less than and she's so brave
Speaker 1: for taking her natural fucking body and putting it on television.
Speaker 1: I wish we could just see all of those women
Speaker 1: of various shape, sizes, colors, uh makeup, no makeup, whatever,
Speaker 1: and just see them advertising the product, because I feel
Speaker 1: like that would have made the message a little stronger. Well,
Speaker 1: I think my I think My thing is I just
Speaker 1: wish that we didn't we saw women women as more
Speaker 1: than body. It's like, it doesn't fucking matter, just you
Speaker 1: need soap because you're dirty. Yeah, but yeah, that's the thing.
Speaker 1: It's like, how do you how do you market like
Speaker 1: makeup and you're not like, oh, use this blush because
Speaker 1: it's you know, you'll look smarter. You know what I mean, right,
Speaker 1: I mean the whole makeup industry. I mean it's still
Speaker 1: to a certain point we'll always have to revolve around.
Speaker 1: Unless it's something like, uh, this is good for your skin.
Speaker 1: This is like food for your skin. This point to
Speaker 1: make you make your skin healthier. Unless you're going from
Speaker 1: an angle like that, it has to be in some way,
Speaker 1: no matter how they mask it, no matter how any
Speaker 1: trans people they put on the fucking Mabel Dad, it
Speaker 1: has to be like you don't look good enough. Put
Speaker 1: this on, because even when they put a trans person on,
Speaker 1: it's still the fucking most beautiful trans person I've ever
Speaker 1: seen in my life. So it's like it's still beauty
Speaker 1: is still the selling point, you know, and like, yeah,
Speaker 1: well you put clean Latifa, but she still looks like
Speaker 1: the best Queen Lativa's ever looked. It's it's all, it's
Speaker 1: all nonsense, But I do think that, like, do you
Speaker 1: want to feel beautiful? Yeah, but feeling beautiful it's not
Speaker 1: going to come from me putting on Mabel Lee and true.
Speaker 1: But like when you're going out, like date with someone
Speaker 1: and you want to just like feel your best, do
Speaker 1: you not wear any makeup? I mean I wear makeup
Speaker 1: a lot, a lot, but I do like it. I
Speaker 1: always feel I always feel like beautiful pretty much, yea,
Speaker 1: with or without makeup, Like I mean, I am he
Speaker 1: like when I'm like wake up in the morning, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh this looks pretty good. Yeah yeah, yeah sure. I
Speaker 1: used to think makeup though, the more makeup a girl wore,
Speaker 1: the more insecure she was, like when I was younger,
Speaker 1: and that's just just not true. I think some people
Speaker 1: just like makeup, like some people just it's the same
Speaker 1: thing like you go about makeup, you go to the gym,
Speaker 1: because like maybe you're not going to lose ten pounds
Speaker 1: just for going to the gym once, but you feel
Speaker 1: great when you do that, Like yeah, I add lip
Speaker 1: gloss on or something like you know, if I if
Speaker 1: I'm going on a date or like put on my
Speaker 1: makeup because like I feel good. But it's not I know,
Speaker 1: that's not like the defining thing for exactly know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I still like it for like a boost of confidence,
Speaker 1: like I do if I've put on a great contour
Speaker 1: to my left sheet, I'll notice that and be like,
Speaker 1: oh cool, makeup is fun. I love experimenting with makeup.
Speaker 1: I remember when I first started dating Stephen. He's like, man,
Speaker 1: if if guys had to it was societally socially acceptable
Speaker 1: for guys to like better themselves, better their looks with
Speaker 1: makeup or heels, I would totally do it. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: you fucking would it. He can wear a little eyeliner.
Speaker 1: The one thing I hate that was like when you
Speaker 1: go out with a guy and they like think that
Speaker 1: you don't have makeup on and then that you like
Speaker 1: wash your face or something, and they're like, oh, but
Speaker 1: like I thought, like you didn't wear makeup like they
Speaker 1: think it's like cool. They're like, oh yeah, like my
Speaker 1: girlfriend doesn't wear any makeup. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You're just like shut God. I've got out with a
Speaker 1: few guys like that. It's so weird. Dan Pearlman has
Speaker 1: a amazing joke about that, uh and it's it's kind
Speaker 1: of like alves around like, oh yeah, I just want
Speaker 1: my uh my girl to be like beautiful, naturally, I
Speaker 1: don't want someone like wearing makeup. And he's like, oh
Speaker 1: so you just want one of God's home runs. Like
Speaker 1: it's like it's exactly that's even expecting more from a
Speaker 1: human being. I love that joke. I think it's so
Speaker 1: funny for sure. But yeah, like I feel like there's
Speaker 1: that guy react to you after you wash your face
Speaker 1: and he's like, who where's Julie. No, because I don't
Speaker 1: wear that much. If I could, if I knew how
Speaker 1: to do it, I'd probably wear more makeup. But also
Speaker 1: like I'm so lazy, Like my beauty routine is like
Speaker 1: five minutes and I cannot. I'm just like cons like
Speaker 1: sometimes I'll do like a lip liner and then like
Speaker 1: by the time, like I have one drink, it's like god,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, I know or like I
Speaker 1: do lick woid eyeliner. Then you fuck that up. That's
Speaker 1: another hour because you gotta wash it off. But then
Speaker 1: it smudges and you're like, now I have to re
Speaker 1: fucking do the whole goddamn thing. When I lived in
Speaker 1: l A, my roommate knew how to do liquid eyeliner,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I should add this to like
Speaker 1: it should be like a requirement for anyone I live with.
Speaker 1: You must know how to put on a liquid liner.
Speaker 1: Saw A roommate who can do makeup is the fucking best.
Speaker 1: Also for your lips, so you just you have to
Speaker 1: you have to put a ceilant on it, and then
Speaker 1: it won't do that. I don't even wait, what's that like?
Speaker 1: They well, I mean they have they have a liquid ceilant,
Speaker 1: Like you can get a sephora before or after after.
Speaker 1: I mean you should, fully, if you want to really
Speaker 1: have a long stay, you fully eat the lips. Um.
Speaker 1: I don't have a ceiling, and as why it's coming off,
Speaker 1: but you fully the where my celant today It's annoying
Speaker 1: because then anytime you eat it's like on your food.
Speaker 1: And also I hate the taste of lipstick. Uh taste
Speaker 1: like it. Yeah, and then my Grandma, you can spray
Speaker 1: or you can spray like just a makeup setting thing
Speaker 1: on you. You can also use a toner as a
Speaker 1: makeup setter. Yes, you have much to listen and and tips.
Speaker 1: And I'm actually starting to do little Instagram videos of
Speaker 1: like how to do a blowout and how to put
Speaker 1: on makeup. But they're funny. I loved it. And also
Speaker 1: you were using the fucking fo hair jar that I
Speaker 1: Dyson makes a hair dry I wanted so badly, but
Speaker 1: I just was like, Krinn, you don't eat at four
Speaker 1: and dollar hair draper, But I think that I do.
Speaker 1: Is it life changing? So I do own that. That
Speaker 1: was the woman that does my hair and makeup for
Speaker 1: DJ Gigs, and I decided to She's very talented. I
Speaker 1: love her. Her name is Nina. And we decided to
Speaker 1: do these like fun beauty videos because like I like,
Speaker 1: you know, doing my hair and makeup and that sort
Speaker 1: of thing, but I'm not that great at it, and
Speaker 1: like I can't sit there and watch, you know, our
Speaker 1: tutorial doesn't work. So I thought I would make I
Speaker 1: thought it would make like funny videos about like doing
Speaker 1: hair and makeup, so we're doing that. I enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: I thank you when stay tuned for more. When that
Speaker 1: whole thing with Kylie Jenner with like she was born
Speaker 1: with very thin lips and all of a sudden, it
Speaker 1: was just like and then I guess there was a
Speaker 1: rumor or something about she like put her lips inside
Speaker 1: her glass and like sucked in. I totally did that.
Speaker 1: You did that? Did it work? Okay? I don't even
Speaker 1: think it was, yes, because there's people that posted it
Speaker 1: and they were bleeding. Yeah, but I'm like I didn't
Speaker 1: even inflate a little bit time seeing the wrong thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but one time I woke up with
Speaker 1: an allergic reaction on my lips and I was like,
Speaker 1: this looks great. Yeah. Well. They also used to have
Speaker 1: that like thing that would burn when you put it
Speaker 1: on your lips and it would make your y Yes,
Speaker 1: that was very big and cinnamon was in it, and
Speaker 1: it was just like it was basically just like spicing
Speaker 1: your lips so that they plump. Oh my god. I
Speaker 1: used to wear that in like high school, and then
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I want to make out the guy
Speaker 1: and I used to wear a dark brown lip liner
Speaker 1: with light tan lips. That was the thing that I
Speaker 1: see a photo someone I don't even I on the
Speaker 1: on the East Coast. That was the look I used
Speaker 1: to remember. I yelled. I was like, Mom, how the
Speaker 1: fund did you let me out of the house? Like then,
Speaker 1: She's like, it just did what you wanted to do.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I figured you learn. Can you wait for
Speaker 1: that trend to come back? I hope it doesn't, because
Speaker 1: god damn, I thought I looked and blue eyeshadow? What
Speaker 1: the fun? What kind of blue? Give me? Like a
Speaker 1: like a royal blue? Okay with the lips, with the
Speaker 1: brown and like a vision of the outfit? You know what?
Speaker 1: I probably still wore like T shirts and jeans. Love it,
Speaker 1: but like I just I was like, I'm wearing makeup
Speaker 1: now with butterfly clips. So many have curly hair and
Speaker 1: you don't yet know what to do with it. I
Speaker 1: tried ironing it. I was um that I just a
Speaker 1: lot of clips to distract from the hair. Huh. And
Speaker 1: nothing distracts more than a butterfly, shiny, sparkly butterfly in
Speaker 1: the middle of your head. I would really wish you
Speaker 1: had a photo I probably do, Okay Hutchinson Archives all right,
Speaker 1: Oh no, I was just saying the same thing as you,
Speaker 1: which was, oh yeah, it's a wrap up time. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you wanna say? Tell us about
Speaker 1: a philosophy, a tip about anything. Um, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like my my secret to life is just
Speaker 1: you do you? Right? I kind of Actually, I feel
Speaker 1: like I came up with that four years ago. Really.
Speaker 1: Then I told a bunch of friends, and then they
Speaker 1: told a bunch of friends. Yeah, that's that's the story
Speaker 1: that I got with, even though probably someone else came
Speaker 1: up with. I say, who was the first celebrity to
Speaker 1: say you do you like RuPaul or? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean the first try to say Yolo is zac Efron,
Speaker 1: which we all know. Yeah, he like that was like
Speaker 1: his thing. I gotta stop giving credit to Drake about that.
Speaker 1: I think I could be drink. I don't know, but
Speaker 1: I really feel like you do you? It's always been
Speaker 1: my thing. Have you ever had like a panic attack
Speaker 1: or gotten anxious over something? Yeah? I get anxious over men.
Speaker 1: Men made me really anxious. But I don't know what's
Speaker 1: going on because I'm very much like you know, if
Speaker 1: I'm like emotionally involved with someone, I got to have
Speaker 1: like a lot of talks obviously. If you guys haven't noticed,
Speaker 1: that's good. I gotta know what's going on. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's your your half of that relationship, so you should
Speaker 1: know where it's where it's going. Yeah, um, and where
Speaker 1: can we find you? I know, but tell the listeners,
Speaker 1: I'm just Jilly Hendricks everywhere on Instagram and someone that
Speaker 1: you take screenshots of you selfie. Oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: so fucking thank you. I write I write these notes
Speaker 1: notes to myselfie and you guys should follow that too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you and Greta and Low have the Lady Love
Speaker 1: and pod. Yes, we have a Lady Love in podcasts.
Speaker 1: You should all listen to it. It's fun. Yeah, we're
Speaker 1: saying recording a lot of times there will be five
Speaker 1: women on the mics and works out. Well. Yeah, we're
Speaker 1: a good balance. Like you know, Greta is very wild
Speaker 1: and then Love is a little more tame, and I
Speaker 1: think I fall somewhere in the middle. So it works.
Speaker 1: It's awesome. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for sitting
Speaker 1: down with us. To you guys, this is so fun.
Speaker 1: Thanks uh. This has been Guys We Fuck, the Anti
Speaker 1: suching podcast. We'll talk you next Friday. How much we
Speaker 1: will have Love have much thanks again to Third Love
Speaker 1: response rate today's episode of Guys Fucked. Third Love. Braw
Speaker 1: were developed using thousands of real women's measurements and range
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Speaker 1: Third Love stands behind their products so much that they're
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