Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Karn. We're sorry about last night, the anti sluck
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey fucker's Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fucked, Guys We Fucked. It's the
Speaker 1: anti shaming podcast. I'm Karine, I'm Christina. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much to today's sponsored talk Space uh. Talk Space is
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Speaker 1: therapy for how we live today by not talking to
Speaker 1: anyone in real life. Oh man, I just learned I'm
Speaker 1: Jewish and it is the best thing ever. You're so excited.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. So you're Jewish. Your best friend's Jewish,
Speaker 1: everyone's Jewish man. Everyone is, that's so your kid is
Speaker 1: going to technically be Jewish. Then I guess I didn't
Speaker 1: realize this is mom, this is a Christina's exposing a
Speaker 1: stupid she as. Yet again, I didn't know Jewish Jewish
Speaker 1: was a race. I've been trying to tell people that
Speaker 1: for years. I thought it was just why you can
Speaker 1: be part Jewish. I am part Jewish, right, because it's
Speaker 1: a religion and an ethnicity, right, But I know, and
Speaker 1: I always was confused by that. But then you know,
Speaker 1: like people sometimes people you could tell if they're Jewish
Speaker 1: that whole thing, and I'm like, oh, I guess it
Speaker 1: is a race. And there are diseases that are only
Speaker 1: that only Jews, I think, j Yeah, I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I mean, lactose and tolerance is not a disease, but
Speaker 1: it's it's something that's very common amongst Jews. It's not
Speaker 1: like there's it's not like there's something that's very like,
Speaker 1: you know, prevalent with Catholics or something besides guilt. Well,
Speaker 1: I should preface to um, I I got a genealogy
Speaker 1: test thing out. That's how I know him Jewish because
Speaker 1: I'm forty percent Jewish. And then a bunch of percentages
Speaker 1: of all this other ship. But it's very exciting, you know.
Speaker 1: I you know, I didn't get any point one percent
Speaker 1: North African. That was the other conciting about specifically what
Speaker 1: North African is. I thought it was just Israelian or
Speaker 1: South African. Yeah, Israel is not in Africa. I thought
Speaker 1: I was. No, it's in Asia. Oh damn it. I
Speaker 1: don't know anything, you guys. Um, okay, well that's that's
Speaker 1: neither here nor there. But I am forty eight percent Jewish,
Speaker 1: so it's very exciting. Um. You guys. We've got a
Speaker 1: lot of people being like, I didn't know you were
Speaker 1: in Portland's I didn't know you were in or your
Speaker 1: or they're like they're like come to Los Angeles and like,
Speaker 1: well we did and we are. Okay. You gotta follow
Speaker 1: us on social media if you want to be up
Speaker 1: to date with all of our shows. That's the easiest
Speaker 1: way you can listen to that episodes out of order.
Speaker 1: You can listen to them late. Never feel bad about that.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, within reason should feel horrible about that.
Speaker 1: But yeah, the best places are the official story about
Speaker 1: Last Night Twitter, that's s r y about Last n
Speaker 1: y T and then on Instagram, it's all spelled out
Speaker 1: sorry about last Night. Also you can always check sorry
Speaker 1: about last Night comedy dot com. We're pretty good about
Speaker 1: putting tour dates up there as soon as we announce them.
Speaker 1: So that's it. If you if you check all those things,
Speaker 1: just put a follow on you're definitely gonna CS. We're
Speaker 1: pretty we're pretty pretty obnoxious about promotering social media. On
Speaker 1: social media, don't you worry, we will tell you. Speaking
Speaker 1: of telling you, come see us live you guys. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: Nacho Bitches is actually already sold out before I even
Speaker 1: made the poster, so that's a world record. Very exciting
Speaker 1: about that. Um, but you read yours first. Yeah, Friday
Speaker 1: February eighteenth is um the day before my birthday, and
Speaker 1: it's also the day at seven thirty pm we're Wendy
Speaker 1: Starling and I ho host co host ho host. Oh
Speaker 1: that was a slip. You're the ho I'm a hole host.
Speaker 1: We got a hole host Glama pus. It was my
Speaker 1: birthday edition. I'm really excited. I love my birthday. It's fun.
Speaker 1: It's a fun time. Last year's show was so fun,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, so fun. In this year we got
Speaker 1: a stack bass lineup, y'all. We got Krin Fisher, we
Speaker 1: got Jimmy Fayley, we got Ryan Weish, we got Jessica Kerson,
Speaker 1: we got so many more people's So come out to
Speaker 1: my newly Jewish show, because I am newly Jewish, even
Speaker 1: though I knew it all along, you were always. I
Speaker 1: was always Jewish, but now I could. I feel like
Speaker 1: I can exclaim it on the mountaintops. So that's me
Speaker 1: doing that. And then on Wednesday, February twenty seconds at
Speaker 1: eight p m. Come check out The Comedian Project at
Speaker 1: the Standing Room in Long Island City. Tickets to that
Speaker 1: or five dollars when you use the code sex. And
Speaker 1: for our tour shows, the guys we experienced tour Boston, Massachusetts,
Speaker 1: We're gonna be in your Thursday April thirteenth at the
Speaker 1: Wilbert Theater, Chickapee, Massachusetts. Friday April fourteenth at the Hooky Lou, Washington,
Speaker 1: d C. Saturday April fifteenth at the ninth thirty Club
Speaker 1: in Texas, April twenty two for the Moon Tower Comedy Festival, Houston, Texas.
Speaker 1: Sunday April three, We're gonna be a Warehouse Live and
Speaker 1: this is a new one. Las Vegas, Nevada, Thursday eight
Speaker 1: through Saturday. We're gonna be at the Crapshoot Comedy Festival.
Speaker 1: And just a heads up, that is not the experience.
Speaker 1: That's just Christina and I don't stand up. Gonna be
Speaker 1: so fun, so excited. Uh And also I forgot if
Speaker 1: you're in Boston this weekend. I'll post on social media.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna do a bunch of our shows and
Speaker 1: they're all five dollars a less, So come out to
Speaker 1: that West Impact I can't have it. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: go see that was pretty good. Bad. Sorry, Um, I
Speaker 1: can't see really any accents except for British. That's it. Hello,
Speaker 1: oh my god. Um. We're also we have had the
Speaker 1: honor of being nominated for Shorty Award, which is really exciting.
Speaker 1: So um, but if you want to win the Shorty Award,
Speaker 1: you gotta get people to vote for you. You You can
Speaker 1: actually vote every day, once a day. You don't have
Speaker 1: to just do it once and then quit, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, So you can keep at it and
Speaker 1: ship The link to vote for us for Best Podcast
Speaker 1: the Shorty Awards is in the description of this week's episodes.
Speaker 1: So you should vote for us if you if you want,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, you know for you are, But
Speaker 1: like us, maybe we're going up against some pretty big podcast,
Speaker 1: so it's extending. It's an honor seriously, and you know,
Speaker 1: you know, if we went, I'll be pretty good. We're
Speaker 1: in great company. But our egos cannot handle losing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so true, um, guys. This episode is also sponsored in
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Speaker 1: way to cook and thanks to our third and finals,
Speaker 1: got a bum me Andy's Fancy Dinners and Chocolates last
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Speaker 1: again and again. Matching underwear from yeah, it's as cute
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Speaker 1: me Andy's are made exclusively out of modal a fabric
Speaker 1: with a touch three times softer than cotton, so they
Speaker 1: are unbelievably comfortable. This is true. We love me Andy's.
Speaker 1: They are very comfortable, They're very breathe of right now.
Speaker 1: They fit well. The elastic seems to stay in touch
Speaker 1: even when you know you're putting it in the dryer,
Speaker 1: which is a problem with elastic. So just thumbs up
Speaker 1: all around. But for some reason you and me Andy's
Speaker 1: aren't a perfect match. They'll give you your money back
Speaker 1: and let you keep the first pair. There's no refund
Speaker 1: on a bad fancy dinner, but there is on these underwears.
Speaker 1: That's a good point actually, even if they're dirty, and
Speaker 1: for limited time, our listeners get off their first order
Speaker 1: plus free shipping, but you have to go to meet
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Speaker 1: right now for off your first order. That's me andys
Speaker 1: dot com slash g w Also, while we were on tour,
Speaker 1: I did get the flu, and I apologize to all
Speaker 1: the people I get sick, because I definitely did. I mean,
Speaker 1: and I said, I was like, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: if you don't want to come near me. I get
Speaker 1: it when I'm sick. I don't like being treated like
Speaker 1: a disease. But I was at you know, I had
Speaker 1: to perform, so I did. But then everyone hugged me,
Speaker 1: and that was very sweet. I told you, no one
Speaker 1: was not gonna hug you because even if they get sick,
Speaker 1: they're gonna be like, do you know who I caught
Speaker 1: this flu from? If there can be a silver lining
Speaker 1: about any flu getting then I hope I can. That's
Speaker 1: that's very kind of you. Absolutely, um and just speaking,
Speaker 1: you know, just speaking of of shows, guys, we had
Speaker 1: a great time. We really appreciate you coming out. But
Speaker 1: something that we noticed on during our travels was that
Speaker 1: a lot of people, um, we're coming to the show's
Speaker 1: real fun that's real. It didn't matter if it was Monday,
Speaker 1: didn't matter if it was Tuesday, didn't matter if it
Speaker 1: was five p m. Wednesday, five o'clock. I mean, just
Speaker 1: to the point where it was beyond fun or silly,
Speaker 1: and we thought that we truly needed to say something.
Speaker 1: I mean, when you're in the green room and they're
Speaker 1: holding the doors because people are vomiting in the bathroom,
Speaker 1: that's not cool, you guys. It's no, you're no, you're
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Yeah, and this, and I know we've read
Speaker 1: emails on this podcast about drink shaming. Right there, there
Speaker 1: is a fucking limit, okay, And I think everyone is
Speaker 1: responsible for knowing their own limit with substances, whether it
Speaker 1: be alcohol or marijuana or molly or whatever the fox
Speaker 1: substances you're putting in your body. Number One, educate yourself
Speaker 1: on the effects of those substances and how to take
Speaker 1: them responsibly. Number two, No here limit because it is
Speaker 1: not cool or cute or funny when someone is stumbling
Speaker 1: all over themselves. I'm sorry, it's sloppy, and it's I Yes, drink,
Speaker 1: if you want to drink, drink, but please don't when
Speaker 1: you come to a comedy show tanked out of your
Speaker 1: fucking mind. It's it's not a good look. You don't
Speaker 1: You're not gonna enjoy it, and you're ruining You're actively
Speaker 1: ruining the show for those people around you. And you
Speaker 1: know it's like, I know you gonna make your guys
Speaker 1: are hypocrites. Yeah, I especially have told many stories about
Speaker 1: myself getting black out drunkle totally. That being said, when
Speaker 1: I'm blackout drunk, I don't act like a fucking idiot.
Speaker 1: Well and also too like I I There was a
Speaker 1: year that I had at Penn State, my first ever
Speaker 1: year of college, the only year I had a Penn
Speaker 1: State was a real learning experience for me about because
Speaker 1: I never really drank that much beforehand, and this I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I could drink it, like
Speaker 1: everyone's gonna tell me not to, this is nothing. I
Speaker 1: got tanked my first the first half of that year,
Speaker 1: and I was throwing up. I didn't know what my
Speaker 1: limits were right, and I was walking around like a
Speaker 1: sloppy fucking mess. And I realized like, Okay, this is
Speaker 1: not I don't want this. What can I do? How
Speaker 1: can I How can I drink and have a good
Speaker 1: time with my friends and be responsible towards my body
Speaker 1: and those around me, and and I just really want
Speaker 1: to encourage everybody to just really truly drink responsible responsibly.
Speaker 1: Yeah there's a time, there's a time and a place responsibly.
Speaker 1: And did do drugs and not against any of those things, um,
Speaker 1: but for me certainly. I mean I definitely drink a
Speaker 1: lot less than I I used to, And I mean
Speaker 1: that happens too, is people get older. And also I
Speaker 1: haven't you know, it's like and I also just so
Speaker 1: everyone knows, not because I have a problem, just because
Speaker 1: I was like, let me see if I can do
Speaker 1: it for kicks. I did the whole tour completely sober.
Speaker 1: Was it less fun? Absolutely? But did I feel a
Speaker 1: lot better? And did I like lose weight instead of
Speaker 1: gaining weight on tour? Absolutely? So just keep those things
Speaker 1: in mind. And I also, I mean, like, just like,
Speaker 1: for something, when you're on the road for a long time,
Speaker 1: can't be drinking every night. And then also just have
Speaker 1: your body being good enough shape to do the job
Speaker 1: you need to do. Like comedy is all funny games,
Speaker 1: but it's our fucking job we take seriously. So when
Speaker 1: you guys were interrupting the show and you know, yelling
Speaker 1: out and coming on stage and acting like an idiot.
Speaker 1: It wasn't funny. We're the comedians, we can take care
Speaker 1: of the funny. It was just obnoxious and it made
Speaker 1: you look bad. And you're also putting yourself in danger.
Speaker 1: You're putting yourself in danger. Uh, because you were surrounded
Speaker 1: by creeps. You're putting yourself in danger if you're getting
Speaker 1: behind the wheel of a car your god especially and
Speaker 1: other people's life. You're incent people, it's it's dangerous. And
Speaker 1: then this this doesn't mean that you know, if you're
Speaker 1: drunk you deserve to get sexually assaulted, obviously not, but
Speaker 1: this is it's it's it's dangerous to get so drunk
Speaker 1: or so fucked up on drugs that you can't you
Speaker 1: don't even know where you are, where you are, you
Speaker 1: can't take care of yourself. This is a lot of
Speaker 1: times I would think, you know, if you're gonna do substances,
Speaker 1: be around people you trust and love. And then a
Speaker 1: lot of times, like we've we've done shows before. I
Speaker 1: forget which city was in, but someone they were laughing
Speaker 1: about drinking and driving like it was hilarious. I'm like
Speaker 1: we were in a driving is not fucking funny. It's
Speaker 1: not kidding, it's not I know many people have lost
Speaker 1: lives of their loved ones because of a drunk driver.
Speaker 1: It's disgusting, it's it's awful. You deserve to have your
Speaker 1: license be taken away and you're not. You're just please
Speaker 1: be responsible without called. Please thank you have a problem
Speaker 1: or if you think that life isn't as good if
Speaker 1: you're not drunk or on drugs, that's not a normal
Speaker 1: way to feel. And I really really encouraging you to
Speaker 1: get help. Ye I did a lot of the shows
Speaker 1: of this past because I don't. I my body is
Speaker 1: just not capable of getting drunk anyway. But like I'll
Speaker 1: have all drinks all of our tour shows. I have drinks.
Speaker 1: I have a couple of drinks. And then I was
Speaker 1: so sick that I was like, all right, I guess not.
Speaker 1: But to me it was not any less fun at all. Well,
Speaker 1: I do it because sometimes I can't tolerate people, you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know it two different different issues. Yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 1: but just be be responsible and really think about your
Speaker 1: drug and alcohol intake and and be responsible with it,
Speaker 1: and and enjoy yourself and enjoy substances, but but also
Speaker 1: in a way that everyone around you can have fun.
Speaker 1: You can have fun and you're not ruining anyone's because
Speaker 1: what's more empowering than you knowing when to stop. That's
Speaker 1: so much more empowering than someone else telling you when
Speaker 1: to star. That's a good point. Its ruining yourself full agim.
Speaker 1: All right, let's read some emails. If you want to
Speaker 1: email us, you can email it right to us at
Speaker 1: sorry about last night show at gmail dot com. Uh.
Speaker 1: This email subject is my girlfriend killed my sex drive.
Speaker 1: Dear Kurrent and Christina, I love your show so much.
Speaker 1: It's really opened my eyes on what I want in
Speaker 1: a relationship and how people should be people and not
Speaker 1: hide their sexuality and bullshit. Keep up the good work.
Speaker 1: Super excited to be going on one of your to
Speaker 1: one of your shows in a few months. Anyway, So
Speaker 1: my dilemma. My girlfriend and I have been dating for
Speaker 1: a year now, sort of a long distance about an
Speaker 1: hour apart from each other, and in the beginning the
Speaker 1: sex was amazing. I am a very kink filled person
Speaker 1: where I loved using toys and accessories and being a dom,
Speaker 1: and she was an open minded person who was down
Speaker 1: for whatever and experiencing mostly anything. But that hasn't been
Speaker 1: the case lately. We both are recent graduates from our universities,
Speaker 1: and everything has gone great for her post grad an
Speaker 1: amazing new job, brand new apartment, very career driven, etcetera,
Speaker 1: where whereas I am not that. In that case, I'm
Speaker 1: a twenty three year old post grad who at times
Speaker 1: severely deals with depression and anxiety, living with my parents
Speaker 1: to save money, and unable to catch a career break
Speaker 1: even though I've been three or four years, I have
Speaker 1: three or four years of experience in my uh my
Speaker 1: perspective field. The moment just won't hire you if you're
Speaker 1: twenty three, sadly, so, basically, my girlfriend is leagues in
Speaker 1: front of me career wise, and because she's seen my
Speaker 1: anxiety freakouts from time to time, not directed at her,
Speaker 1: just in the fact that I feel like I have
Speaker 1: no control over my life even though I feel I'm
Speaker 1: doing all the right things. She almost talks down to
Speaker 1: me like I am a child. We are both the
Speaker 1: same age, but she acts like she's the older one
Speaker 1: in the relationship. Her last relationships have been with people
Speaker 1: who are five to ten years older than her, and
Speaker 1: typically have a hedge fund. I do not, but I
Speaker 1: try to give her everything I can, even if it
Speaker 1: makes me go broke. She still talks down to me.
Speaker 1: It's both. It's been really humiliating because I feel like
Speaker 1: she's using my depression and unfortunate circumstances against me, and
Speaker 1: it really fucks with me. In the beginning of the relationship,
Speaker 1: the only thing I felt I had control over over
Speaker 1: my life was sex, being the dom, being the one
Speaker 1: in charge and having control. But because she's now so
Speaker 1: driven with her career, which is not a bad thing,
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to have sex, which is fine. I'm
Speaker 1: not want to push sex on anybody who's unwilling. But
Speaker 1: when we do have sex, I'm not allowed to be
Speaker 1: the dom. We do just missionary once and that's it.
Speaker 1: No toys, no experimenting, just missionary. And what makes it
Speaker 1: worse is that, since she's been berating me like she's
Speaker 1: my mother and she knows best, I feel emasculated and
Speaker 1: I'm unwanted. When I finally get to have sex, I
Speaker 1: can't last as long as I used to. I can't
Speaker 1: make her come anymore because I'm so self conscious about
Speaker 1: my life and I've let her get into my already
Speaker 1: anxious head. I feel powerless. I'm tired of being berated
Speaker 1: every second like I'm a child, when I know I'm
Speaker 1: not a child. I'm a fucking adult who just thinks
Speaker 1: differently than her. And I've gone over and over again
Speaker 1: in my head about what I could do. I've talked
Speaker 1: to her, and she's just she. She's just let my
Speaker 1: ideas slide as unimportant. When my depression gets bad, I
Speaker 1: try to break up from our mutual benefits so she
Speaker 1: doesn't have to deal with an unsuccessful loser like me.
Speaker 1: He in quotes which she's made me feel, and I
Speaker 1: can learn to be my old self again. And she's
Speaker 1: always denied my reason for wanting to break up. She
Speaker 1: doesn't take me seriously and pulls me back in. I
Speaker 1: love her very much and I want things to go
Speaker 1: back to how they used to be. But if she
Speaker 1: won't personally try to change some things around, and she
Speaker 1: she won't let me go, what do I do? I
Speaker 1: want to be a sexual person again and I want
Speaker 1: to love her, but apparently these two things don't go
Speaker 1: hand in hand. Sincerely, a depressed and sexless fuck her. Um.
Speaker 1: I have a few thoughts on this email, um, but
Speaker 1: one of the things upon reading it a second time
Speaker 1: is just maybe you do need a fresh start with
Speaker 1: another person, because it seems like this has gone not you.
Speaker 1: You might not be in too deep, but this is
Speaker 1: a this sounds like a problem, like her talking down
Speaker 1: to you. I I've I almost wish I had your
Speaker 1: phone amber to call you. I should run me back.
Speaker 1: But I'm wondering if you do that thing where some
Speaker 1: people do. You might not, but where you internalize your
Speaker 1: lack of success and her having success so much that
Speaker 1: you act a certain way towards her. Because with sex,
Speaker 1: no one wants to have sex with when they're feeling
Speaker 1: down and depressed, and MOBI, I know I don't and
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to if my partner was feeling that way,
Speaker 1: that would make me that would turn me off personally.
Speaker 1: And it's okay that you're feeling that way though, that
Speaker 1: you're feeling down and depressed. Her talking down to you
Speaker 1: is not cool, and you said you've talked to her
Speaker 1: about that. But if that's not something she changes, but
Speaker 1: I haven't emotionally using relationship. That's not fair to you.
Speaker 1: Because you're you're young, you're you have you have the
Speaker 1: career experience, your go you know what your goals are.
Speaker 1: I almost think for you, it's better for you to
Speaker 1: maybe not be in the relationship and really put your
Speaker 1: foot down, don't let a rope you back in, because
Speaker 1: that doesn't have to have have to happen. If you
Speaker 1: put your foot down, you need to go back to
Speaker 1: just doing you and focusing your your efforts on getting
Speaker 1: the career you want and doing extracurricular activities that are
Speaker 1: related to the career field you want. That's what's gonna
Speaker 1: make you happy and put you around people who are
Speaker 1: in a similar position where they know what their goals are,
Speaker 1: they're defined, you know, they're just working towards them. Because
Speaker 1: a lot of people when they graduate, they don't get jobs,
Speaker 1: good God, for many years after they graduate. It's really tough.
Speaker 1: And and and I think the last thing that's going
Speaker 1: to help you is talking down to you like that.
Speaker 1: That's horrible. I would never want to have sex with
Speaker 1: a person who talked down to me like that, And
Speaker 1: no wonder you can't get it up or if you
Speaker 1: lose your heart on halfway through, I would do. I
Speaker 1: don't have a dick, but I mean it makes a
Speaker 1: lot of sense. That's what I'm saying. It seems like
Speaker 1: she's lost respect for you. Yeah, and I know because
Speaker 1: I've been there, and definitely one thing when I lose
Speaker 1: respect for a partner, I do, like, you know, I've
Speaker 1: definitely talked down to people, and it's not good. It's
Speaker 1: a top it's a toxic situation, um and so. And
Speaker 1: then what happens is she feels like because of the
Speaker 1: behavior you've exhibited and because you always stay with her
Speaker 1: even when you try to break up, now she she
Speaker 1: knows that she has you wrapped around her finger and
Speaker 1: can just kind of take or leave you as she pleases.
Speaker 1: And that's no way to be in a relationship. It
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good. It's not going to make you feel good.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I gotta agree with Christine like this is
Speaker 1: it just seems like if you're twenty three, you're so young.
Speaker 1: And when I was gone when I was twenty three,
Speaker 1: twenty three is the age that I realized I wanted
Speaker 1: to be a stand up comedian. And then I had
Speaker 1: so much work ahead of me of being broke, of
Speaker 1: not affording barely being able to afford a ride on
Speaker 1: the subway for two dollars and fifty cents or however
Speaker 1: much it is right now that but I knew that
Speaker 1: those days were not over until many many years of
Speaker 1: doing the work and working my ass off. Your twenty three,
Speaker 1: you already have this amazing experience at a career. Do
Speaker 1: you have the an idea of what career do you want? You?
Speaker 1: I read this email and I look at you and
Speaker 1: I see so much potential, And I don't think you
Speaker 1: should be with a person right now. I think you
Speaker 1: should just vote. Yeah, focus on yourself, man, and that's
Speaker 1: gonna help you get less suppressed. And if you find
Speaker 1: that that's not helping you get less suppressed, you might be,
Speaker 1: you know, more clinically depressed. And then there's medicine, there's doctors,
Speaker 1: and there's yoga, there's chocolate cake. So yeah, but I
Speaker 1: really do think that this relationship is not going to
Speaker 1: get any better. Once it goes down that toxic road,
Speaker 1: it's hard to go back. It's over and you're twenty three.
Speaker 1: You don't need to put up with it. Yeah, my
Speaker 1: invit feel like so many times it's just ended. But
Speaker 1: I honestly I stand behind that it's not worth it's
Speaker 1: um Okay, Oh is this email on here is it not? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yes it does. Um. This next email is called my
Speaker 1: birth control as a hundred and sixty two dollars Fuck high, ladies.
Speaker 1: I've been listening to your podcast for quite some time now,
Speaker 1: and I absolutely love it. I am very open about
Speaker 1: my sexuality and my own personal experiences with sexual abuse
Speaker 1: and rape. It's refreshing to be able to listen to
Speaker 1: a podcast where so many different issues are addressed and discussed.
Speaker 1: I appreciate everything that you do to create awareness and
Speaker 1: promote open dialogue. I'm a twenty one year old female
Speaker 1: and currently use the neuver ring as my birth control
Speaker 1: method of choice, along with the use of other contraceptives
Speaker 1: such as condoms. I have tried many different pills over
Speaker 1: the years, all of which made me very sick and
Speaker 1: or I would forget to take them. That's a yeah,
Speaker 1: You've got to remember. Uh. The neuver ring is perfect
Speaker 1: for me, and not only does it help protect me
Speaker 1: from pregnancy, but it is comfortable and I can't forget
Speaker 1: to take it seeing as it stays in my vagina
Speaker 1: at all times. It has also helped lighten and regulate
Speaker 1: my incredibly heavy, painful, and irregular period. I recently found
Speaker 1: out that my insurance policy has changed and no longer
Speaker 1: covers any of my prescriptions. My birth control, which was
Speaker 1: once completely covered by my insurance, is now going to
Speaker 1: cost me a hundred and sixty two dollars. I don't
Speaker 1: even want to know how much my antidepressants and anxiety
Speaker 1: medications are going to cost me. I have been told
Speaker 1: by others to find another form of birth control control
Speaker 1: or just suck it up and pay the hundred and
Speaker 1: sixty two dollars. The thing is, I shouldn't have to
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have to switch birth control once I finally
Speaker 1: found something that works with my body, or pay a
Speaker 1: hundred and sixty two dollars for said birth control. After
Speaker 1: a bit of research, I found that Planned Parenthood offers
Speaker 1: the neuver rang for half of that price, if not less.
Speaker 1: I am sending this email as a personal testimony as
Speaker 1: to why Plant and Parenthood is such an important organization.
Speaker 1: It offers so much more than just abortion services, but
Speaker 1: affordable and easily accessible birth control, as well as std S,
Speaker 1: t I testing, cancer screens, and so much more. Thank
Speaker 1: you again for everything you do and for giving people
Speaker 1: like me a voice. Much love, Amanda, I guess some
Speaker 1: say it, Um, yeah, I thought this is important to
Speaker 1: read because I think I certainly have gone through it.
Speaker 1: I know Christina has gone through it, and most of
Speaker 1: my bucks with insurance low eestern fee. I have insurance.
Speaker 1: Most of my my female friends have gone through a
Speaker 1: point in their time when they were like, I don't
Speaker 1: know what to do. I literally cannot afford my birth
Speaker 1: control anymore, and so planned parenthood a great option. I
Speaker 1: also do want to give a shout out to Target.
Speaker 1: I'm a little less sensitive, so I can switch birth
Speaker 1: controls just from pill to pill as long as there's
Speaker 1: something with like a low a low estrogen in it.
Speaker 1: And so I switched to something because I just did
Speaker 1: my research when I found out. When I was broke
Speaker 1: and I found out my birth control was gonna cost
Speaker 1: me eighty dollars a month, I didn't have it. I
Speaker 1: couldn't do it, but I was not going to get
Speaker 1: off birth control. So I went online and I found
Speaker 1: out that Target has a great program where they offer
Speaker 1: a couple of different types of medications that are very
Speaker 1: commonly needed, one of them being the birth control pill
Speaker 1: for eight dollars a month. Doesn't matter, you don't need
Speaker 1: a car. You don't need anything. It's just eight dollars,
Speaker 1: no fucking questions asked. And I did that and my
Speaker 1: other a couple of my other friends did that and
Speaker 1: it was great. Um, So there are ways. Sometimes you
Speaker 1: just have to get around the laws. You gotta get
Speaker 1: around your insurance, and you gotta find something that works
Speaker 1: for you. Yeah. Planned Parenthood is a great organization and
Speaker 1: it should never be defunded because especially if you are
Speaker 1: somebody who is uh anti choice. Someone pointed out that
Speaker 1: I should be saying anti choice instead of pro life,
Speaker 1: and I absolutely agree. It was a dude who did it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, good, thank you sir, your choice.
Speaker 1: You're absolutely right, thank you for pointing that out anti choice.
Speaker 1: For those of you who are anti choice. Planned Parenthood
Speaker 1: also provides so many pre natal care services. They will
Speaker 1: be your doctor throughout if you need an exam while
Speaker 1: you're pregnant and you want you want to get an
Speaker 1: idea of what kind of vitamins you should be taking
Speaker 1: while you're pregnant because you're gonna have your baby, because
Speaker 1: that's your choice that you made. Um. They are very
Speaker 1: pro sustaining the life of people babies, and I think
Speaker 1: it's um. I think living in a major city, we
Speaker 1: are a little bit spoiled. Major cities, we do have
Speaker 1: more access to things like planned parent heard. I always
Speaker 1: say New York City is uh the best and worst
Speaker 1: place to be poor because you know it stocks and
Speaker 1: you can't have any on but there are really great
Speaker 1: things if you don't have enough money to eat, if
Speaker 1: you don't have enough money to live somewhere, if you
Speaker 1: don't have enough money to get your birth controls, really
Speaker 1: great resources. Um. And so you know, this is a
Speaker 1: time when I think everyone's like, what can I do?
Speaker 1: To hell? What can I do? What? I'll tell you
Speaker 1: what not to do. Don't write a Facebook post a
Speaker 1: good thing to do? Why would you do? That? Good
Speaker 1: thing to do would be to um, perhaps organize a
Speaker 1: bus trip for a bunch of young females in your
Speaker 1: area who all need to go to Planned parenthood because
Speaker 1: you don't live in a major city and you go
Speaker 1: to that major city together, fucking get a car pool going.
Speaker 1: These are good things that you can do. Just let
Speaker 1: people know that you do have the access and unfortunately
Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta put a little extra work into it,
Speaker 1: but it's fucking there, and keep going. And supporting it.
Speaker 1: And if you have money, give money to plan parenthood.
Speaker 1: Yes please, and uh yeah, just fucking don't don't don't
Speaker 1: just like say, okay, this is a law and now
Speaker 1: I can't get what I want. You can fucking get
Speaker 1: what you want. Fucking imported from Canada, go on the internet.
Speaker 1: Anything is possible. You can these This ship is available.
Speaker 1: You just gotta do a little digging. Support and love
Speaker 1: each other, you guys, and do your research. Love you.
Speaker 1: Speaking of love, this episode of Guys We Fucked is
Speaker 1: very near and dear to my heart. Um yeah, please,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, give a very warm welcome to my mom.
Speaker 1: I lived on the corner of Second and Colleague many years.
Speaker 1: I've been here and seeing a lot of things young
Speaker 1: loves cause my sholes make happy whole. But there's a
Speaker 1: key that hop opens me the story. Still, I wish
Speaker 1: Love would come to me and apen up his story
Speaker 1: honest am, time and again, and I can't take it anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm fronging now, and God that I'm hanging in that
Speaker 1: dream harshly one days call so at this I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start started off. Hi, I'm so excited to have you lunch,
Speaker 1: I am, so I hope I can give some good
Speaker 1: in fun and not you will. Well let's um, I
Speaker 1: wanted to start off by listing all of the you
Speaker 1: have your health and anomaly. Yes, and uh I've never
Speaker 1: met anybody who has as many health problems as you.
Speaker 1: And uh so what are all the things you have? Okay,
Speaker 1: wisdom for everybody? Okay, when you got them? Yeah, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: because in in nineteen in nineteen eighty, I had gotten
Speaker 1: Bell's palsy, but then they weren't sure if it was
Speaker 1: palsy your stroke when you had DJ when I gave
Speaker 1: her to you, brother, Yeah, but before that, you got
Speaker 1: hit by the truck, right, Yes, I think that, Yes,
Speaker 1: I was. I was in St. Augustine, Florida, and I
Speaker 1: have been partying that night and we went like five
Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning into the beach and fell asleep
Speaker 1: like everybody else. But you can drive on the beach there,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I was eighteen, and um, I got a
Speaker 1: rude awake the guy will. I woke up really, Uh,
Speaker 1: it was like a truck hit me because it was
Speaker 1: so hard and I don't remember everything clearly because I
Speaker 1: obviously had a concussion. I felt real sick to my stomach.
Speaker 1: And the car backed up and I was still trying
Speaker 1: to figure out what happened. And it backed up and
Speaker 1: then it turned and ran over my arm, and you
Speaker 1: had tire marks on your arm. And then you met
Speaker 1: You met dad the next day and he said, didn't
Speaker 1: he say? He said, you looked like he got hit
Speaker 1: by a truck, and I said I did. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: is a crazy run, right then. You know that because
Speaker 1: he was stationed there. But it turns out, and this
Speaker 1: is another crazy thing. He's nine years older than you.
Speaker 1: But you found out you talking this trip when you
Speaker 1: were there in Florida, that your mom was his priest
Speaker 1: Sunday school teacher. That's so crazy. They both grew up
Speaker 1: in Jersey. I had never adopted mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I was like wow then, but we had met
Speaker 1: at a game room and we got talking because the
Speaker 1: people who owned it lived in New Jersey. They knew
Speaker 1: he was from Jersey and I was from Jersey. So
Speaker 1: we got talking and it was like, you know that,
Speaker 1: that's crazy. Yeah, it was pretty Yeah, and then like
Speaker 1: you moved in with him pretty soon after. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: went home like a couple of weeks later, and I said, Mom,
Speaker 1: I want to go back, and I drove my dog
Speaker 1: in my car. I went back. And you told you
Speaker 1: always told me that when you and dad first lived together,
Speaker 1: he slept on the couch and you slept in the bed. Yes,
Speaker 1: that is really not for a whole long time, but
Speaker 1: I did because I knew when I was little, like, yeah, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: I used to. I used to. I used to lay
Speaker 1: on the bed and make shadows from my hands in
Speaker 1: his room. Yeah, and he'd be in the living room
Speaker 1: trying to guess what they were. So sweet. Did you
Speaker 1: have a discussion about why you were to see you
Speaker 1: separately or you just wanted to or I just said
Speaker 1: I wasn't ready for that. Oh I had enough of
Speaker 1: it for what ye? So okay, I love that story.
Speaker 1: And so the so you had when you had DJ,
Speaker 1: you had bells. You had a stroke while you had DJ, yeah,
Speaker 1: about less than twenty four hours and then the Bell's palsy.
Speaker 1: It was half your face got paralyzed, right right, okay?
Speaker 1: And then what else we got Let's go down the list, okay.
Speaker 1: And then, um, I was very athletic because you know,
Speaker 1: I'm playing softball and stuff and Um, I started well
Speaker 1: really before that. When I was kid, I had a
Speaker 1: d D and um, I had issues like that. But
Speaker 1: after I'm trying to think I had gotten dystonia depression.
Speaker 1: I've had most of my life depression. What's dystonia. Dystonia
Speaker 1: is a neurologic condition that affects I have vocal cord
Speaker 1: dystonia and cervical estonia, so it affects the muscles and
Speaker 1: the twitching in my neck and shaky voice. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: can you see the like the muscle in her neck
Speaker 1: here there, it's like pulling down. That's part of it. Yes,
Speaker 1: and um, and I have a central tremor and I
Speaker 1: have partial epilepsy. And uh, I know I probably left
Speaker 1: something out. We got a lot of arts, rightest crap
Speaker 1: in your because you've had surgery on both your hands
Speaker 1: and both your feet, three surgeries too on my hands.
Speaker 1: I've had two surgeries on my feet. I've had to
Speaker 1: me I had a serious in mind. He had a
Speaker 1: um servical im anactomy because it was pressure on my
Speaker 1: spinal cord. So they had to do that, and that
Speaker 1: was a surgery. I remember you, I think you said
Speaker 1: like you looked at that and you're like, I hope
Speaker 1: I see you after this, Like that was a risky surgery, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: and that was my first surgery. You have a result.
Speaker 1: They took us up in the elevator. He went my
Speaker 1: mom and I went to the other and I just
Speaker 1: now it's just like, okay, give it, give it to me. Yeah.
Speaker 1: You with surgery, You're like, all right, fine, we'll do
Speaker 1: it today if you want. But you're so not afraid
Speaker 1: because when I when you came with me to get
Speaker 1: my uh, microscopic surgery, I was freaking the fun out,
Speaker 1: you know, she was, she was unconsolable. Yeah, and the
Speaker 1: whole the whole thing. Everyone was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what are you gonna print it on? And I don't
Speaker 1: want to and everybody in the waiting room half the
Speaker 1: people were getting surgery, and I'm like, she's there in
Speaker 1: the hell out of you give me anti anxiety stuff.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, but you've had how many surgeries have
Speaker 1: you had? Let's see, cervical am anectomy. His direct me
Speaker 1: three ft three hands, two feet um an ovary and
Speaker 1: they wanted to take my intestines out. Oh yeah, but
Speaker 1: they want to Yeah, yeah, I have what's called kalonic anarcia.
Speaker 1: But it's all the central nervous system, right, right, right,
Speaker 1: and good we got good news about the dementia. Is
Speaker 1: there she hasn't a ravnoid cyst in the back of
Speaker 1: her skull, in the base of her skull. And this
Speaker 1: is one thing I want to talk about. Two like
Speaker 1: doctors being like no, no, no, you don't know I
Speaker 1: know which, Okay, great, got a medical degree, that's great.
Speaker 1: But I remember my mom is always brought up her
Speaker 1: recnoid cyst as a possible cause for all these neurological things,
Speaker 1: and they always said no, right Johns Hopkins said no.
Speaker 1: Well they were yes, they said no, but they were
Speaker 1: very I'm not going to tell you it isn't causing problems,
Speaker 1: but they were. They wouldn't they didn't want to go
Speaker 1: near it. What's an arachnoid cess? Is it spider related?
Speaker 1: I know you say, but it is? Idea is They
Speaker 1: weren't sure if she was born with it? Right? And
Speaker 1: then she was telling me she was looking over her
Speaker 1: X rays from the nineties and she's noticed it wasn't
Speaker 1: there some obviously, that's like a great album title. Looking
Speaker 1: over my rains from the nineties hits. Yeah. Um, but
Speaker 1: the doctor she has now is saying that she she
Speaker 1: think they think that that's what's causing the dementia, is
Speaker 1: a side effect of the arachnoid cess getting bigger and
Speaker 1: putting pressure on her. They're gonna drains, right, They're gonna
Speaker 1: drain it first, only last up to three months maybe,
Speaker 1: but then removal of it is very risky. But that
Speaker 1: can stop the continuation of the dimensia, like stop the
Speaker 1: dementia from pressing. Yeah, yeah, because your brain is active. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's cool. They're saying that I'd help the tremors
Speaker 1: because the movement is back there, control of movement and
Speaker 1: a lot of things in your brain stemp and you've
Speaker 1: had your depression was worse when we lived in Virginia, right, yes,
Speaker 1: but was it because you were put on every medication
Speaker 1: order the sun I had, I was taking so many medications,
Speaker 1: and back then I was not knowledgeable with this doctor stuff.
Speaker 1: It was all really just beginning and whatever they told
Speaker 1: me to take, I took. And I had pink, yellow, green, orange,
Speaker 1: I had every color of the rainbow that I took
Speaker 1: it every day. And I would go to the doctors
Speaker 1: and say I would either feel nothing better or get
Speaker 1: way worse. One of the medications, for the only time
Speaker 1: in my life I ever was psychotic, but it made
Speaker 1: me psychotic in Virginia? What was I? How was I?
Speaker 1: I remember a lot of that stuff now because you
Speaker 1: weren't like bott four what and what is when you
Speaker 1: me say psychotic? Like what is that? Because we use
Speaker 1: it as such like a colloquial term, but like what
Speaker 1: does it mean? Really? Sign? Well, the main thing I
Speaker 1: remember is I was talking and he was talking to yeah,
Speaker 1: and um as he was talking to me, I wasn't
Speaker 1: really here. And I saw this big circle in front
Speaker 1: of me. I was in a casket and there was
Speaker 1: it was like you looking at there was a whole
Speaker 1: bunch of me. I was in a pink shirt, I remember,
Speaker 1: as clear as good me. And I'm going like this
Speaker 1: going on, You were actually in a pink shirt. You
Speaker 1: were envisioning yourself. No, I remember wearing a pink shirt. Casket.
Speaker 1: You saw yourself in a casket in a picture. Wo. No.
Speaker 1: And we had called the doctor. He didn't call. Seven
Speaker 1: days went by. He kidding me, no, Daddy, good days
Speaker 1: and said, my wife is really my wife? Saloon right now?
Speaker 1: So then I had an appointment seven days later, and
Speaker 1: we were hot and we went in there and we said, look,
Speaker 1: this stuff is because we didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1: Did you go off the medication or no, because you
Speaker 1: didn't know that was causing you ship. So it was
Speaker 1: seven days of psychosis well in and out of bit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good constant. But I don't remember that at all, thank go.
Speaker 1: Huh sounds horrible. Yeah, So when we went in there,
Speaker 1: we sat down with him and he was like, why
Speaker 1: didn't you call it? Well, if it was that bad,
Speaker 1: and you should have got an emergency room. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: have a history of doctors just talking down to you
Speaker 1: and not being very nice. Well, unfortunately, I think moms
Speaker 1: have to go through that. Yeah. If if that's the case,
Speaker 1: I learned later on and I go somewhere else exactly,
Speaker 1: you don't need to put up with that, because I
Speaker 1: only I don't remember you being away. I do remember
Speaker 1: times where Dad would cook for us and it was
Speaker 1: not good. Remember one night, I'll never forget it. He
Speaker 1: made us flounder because he always bought cheap ship. He
Speaker 1: always thought there I don't know why. At the time,
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, that's so embarrassing. Don't buy the
Speaker 1: generic and some reason embarrassing. Yeah, I don't know why,
Speaker 1: but I don't know cereal in a bag, you know,
Speaker 1: I cared. I don't know, but I would never buy that.
Speaker 1: I made. My mind was somewhere else, so whatever I remember.
Speaker 1: He cooked us flounder and it was the most I
Speaker 1: must have been five or six. It was the most
Speaker 1: disgusting thing I've ever I looked at DJ and we
Speaker 1: were both like, Nope, A lot of kids don't like
Speaker 1: flounder anyway, that's a little. That's a little. And it
Speaker 1: was a shitty flounder. Fish sticks and a lot of
Speaker 1: fish hicks. I love a lot um Now. One of
Speaker 1: the things that I think is so interesting. And I
Speaker 1: learned it because, first of all, the title of this
Speaker 1: podcast I kept from you for a very long time,
Speaker 1: and you found out through DJ or No, why did
Speaker 1: you find out? No, it came on my Facebook. That's
Speaker 1: because somebody liked it and I said, and I blocked her.
Speaker 1: She found out from a friend on face and I
Speaker 1: feel guy was like Crane came up with it. It
Speaker 1: wasn't mine out of it. I did take full blame
Speaker 1: for it. I was sitting and talking to your brother
Speaker 1: one day when I first found out, and I was
Speaker 1: just like, why did she have to call it that?
Speaker 1: Because I remember DJ called when he goes, mom knows
Speaker 1: about the time, and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: she does. What did she says, She's like, I just taught.
Speaker 1: It's like I said, it's like a market. It's like
Speaker 1: it pulls you in, and then it's something more than that.
Speaker 1: And he doesn't even listen. He explained it to me,
Speaker 1: so I know I was reading a face and yeah,
Speaker 1: not like and I that's why I didn't tell you
Speaker 1: because I figured you would be But once the pocket,
Speaker 1: once we did like the ted talk and stuff, I
Speaker 1: got so excited. I wanted to include I wanted to
Speaker 1: tell you guys about it. So I just said it
Speaker 1: was the anti slut shaming. There you go, there you go.
Speaker 1: But then I remember you asked me what slut shaming
Speaker 1: and I kind of went into how people have written
Speaker 1: us who have been sexually assaulted or or made to
Speaker 1: feel bad about their sexuality or made to feel bad
Speaker 1: about wearing whatever, or being called just it's such a
Speaker 1: double standard with women. And then you told me, and
Speaker 1: it was so fascinating about when you were a kid,
Speaker 1: you were assaulted that that and I never knew that.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you would have ever told
Speaker 1: me that. No, I wouldn't. Yeah, and then so what
Speaker 1: happened was you were babysitting for a couple. This happened
Speaker 1: six eight times. Oh, I didn't know that different who
Speaker 1: whoa WHOA what? I felt like I had something written
Speaker 1: across my forehead or something. But I think people feel
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, it's different people. I was. I was
Speaker 1: eleven years old, twelve years old, but I was five
Speaker 1: ft eleven and a half at that. Cindy know who
Speaker 1: did I say? She looks like young glen close to me?
Speaker 1: That's what tell me? Like rail thin, tall, tan, blue
Speaker 1: eyes on hair, like stunning at eleven. That's that's not
Speaker 1: that can't be fun right to look like sixteen seventeen
Speaker 1: when you're eleven. It was really hard. When I went
Speaker 1: into fifth grade, we had moved and we went to
Speaker 1: a new school and it was this ringy dingk little
Speaker 1: school and I sat in the back of the class
Speaker 1: and nobody talked to me. I really everybody kind of
Speaker 1: really wasn't nice. I went through a lot of bullying,
Speaker 1: which now that it's out in the open. But um,
Speaker 1: and I just I look go home and just crying.
Speaker 1: They thought it was a teacher, a student teacher. And
Speaker 1: because I looked so much older. We moved from one
Speaker 1: end of the state to the other. One end of
Speaker 1: the state where I used to live. You dressed real nice,
Speaker 1: and my mom used to make clothes and Grandma and
Speaker 1: you went down to south and and it was different.
Speaker 1: And I stuck out anyway, you know, because were thumb
Speaker 1: she and one time, UM, this Raymond. His name was Raymond.
Speaker 1: I'll never forget it. If you're listening, Fuck you, Raymond,
Speaker 1: I murder you. And my teacher was was the principal,
Speaker 1: and he was out of the room. And I got
Speaker 1: because we used it because I was so tall. They'd
Speaker 1: have films on animals and stuff in Africa and stuff,
Speaker 1: and so they called me. Look when a giraffe came up,
Speaker 1: there's there's Nancy. Look. Well I heard it over and over.
Speaker 1: I picked the kid up by his arm and I
Speaker 1: want him around room. And Mr Burg, my principal, walked in.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I had to sit in trouble. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: had to sit on the wooden bench, outing all the way.
Speaker 1: And did you tell him that he called you giraffe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we got it straighten out. No, we got it straight
Speaker 1: down and realized it what was going on. But I
Speaker 1: had people come up to me later at some point
Speaker 1: when they realized that was a student and said, we
Speaker 1: thought to her teacher, they were making fun of a teacher.
Speaker 1: I I'm not sure if it was before that. I
Speaker 1: don't remember once to that, and that was in fifth
Speaker 1: grade with the harassment stuff. What the hell I didn't
Speaker 1: know it was that many separate times. I thought it
Speaker 1: was the daddy babysat for when you were a little
Speaker 1: there was a dad that had twin and then I
Speaker 1: was only ten. Then there was a very old man
Speaker 1: who owned a um oh I remember this, I think, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had my horse trading post and because she owned
Speaker 1: horses when she was a little shot and so I
Speaker 1: had the horse and I used to go on Sundays
Speaker 1: and help him with the antique shop because we would
Speaker 1: get busy, you know. And then I was about eleven,
Speaker 1: I think twelve, and yeah, and he was like a
Speaker 1: grandpa figure to me, and I jumped to my horse
Speaker 1: and I what did he do? What did he He
Speaker 1: had tried to touch my breast? So he came there
Speaker 1: and he goes, you're really developing. Gross, And it scared
Speaker 1: me to death. So I got up my horse and
Speaker 1: went fast and sell to her. And he started following me,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, he's coming after me.
Speaker 1: And I had his keys to it. He took the keys.
Speaker 1: Was he trying to get the keys? Yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: he wanted. And that hurt that her. Yeah, well that's
Speaker 1: when you realize. I mean, because I had boobs young,
Speaker 1: I never had him and didn't I still had the problem. Well,
Speaker 1: you looked what you did. Like I saw pictures of
Speaker 1: her when she was twelve, Like she looked like a supermodel.
Speaker 1: It was yeah. And and so when you look older
Speaker 1: and when you're sexualized like that, you I was so great.
Speaker 1: The first time I was sexualized, I was seven. Oh
Speaker 1: keeps she I forgot about that one. You kind of
Speaker 1: just try sometimes, He's said. That's when I lived in
Speaker 1: the other part and I went to a friend's house.
Speaker 1: What was a friend that my mom, his daughters, and
Speaker 1: a boy that was like seventeen eighteen. Yeah, what did
Speaker 1: he do? He asked me to go in the room
Speaker 1: and sit on his lap, and oh, good god. But
Speaker 1: you knew that that was no, I really didn't, not
Speaker 1: because a lot that's why a lot of people we
Speaker 1: get that email so often when they were kids, they
Speaker 1: were molested or assaulted when they were children. You don't know,
Speaker 1: and then you grow up and you look back and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh wait a second, that wasn't right. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it's that's why people shove it down because they don't
Speaker 1: want to. Yeah, it's not your fault, but that a
Speaker 1: lot of people feel guilty. I didn't directly talk about
Speaker 1: it until I told you. Ever, that's and you never
Speaker 1: told dad or anything that And didn't you have over years?
Speaker 1: Didn't you have a boyfriend before dad that was abusive?
Speaker 1: Very and what didn't have a funny name? Oh he
Speaker 1: did I remember it? I don't know. No Ernie, No, no,
Speaker 1: Ernie was my first kiss, Ernie Ernie lang Bang. He
Speaker 1: wasn't nice guy, but this guy was. No. It was abuse.
Speaker 1: I got thrown out of a car going about and
Speaker 1: you're in high in high school, I got and he
Speaker 1: would get jealous if any boy, right, even if they
Speaker 1: opened the door for me, And he said, I can
Speaker 1: hold my own girlfriend's door, thank you? And do you
Speaker 1: tell grandma Grandpa this or for a long time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because they kind of figured it out, and he told
Speaker 1: me when I went to break up with him, I
Speaker 1: was afraid he was going to kill me. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean people today you have that situation where they
Speaker 1: have like a lawyer. If they're married, especially, they'll have
Speaker 1: like a lawyer the voice lawer do a safety plan.
Speaker 1: Because when I used to come home and visit with Deeja,
Speaker 1: you aren't here yet in it, he would go past
Speaker 1: Grandma's house, the abuse. So for about eight years living
Speaker 1: in California and everything I dreamt about him, I had
Speaker 1: this thing he was gonna come fine. Jus talk about anxiety.
Speaker 1: So when I met your dad, he was dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean uniform any man looks hot, and I think
Speaker 1: that's why I don't I like a man. I like
Speaker 1: a uniform, but I like firefighters, but navy I just
Speaker 1: just reminds me. I just think of Dad. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, that's attractive. But but yeah, he pictures back
Speaker 1: in the day, he was a stud. Yes, he looked
Speaker 1: like John Steams, like a young, very handsome um. And
Speaker 1: so that when you finally I didn't realize that happened
Speaker 1: that many times. But you told me that after I
Speaker 1: told you about you asked me what's about slut shaming?
Speaker 1: And I told you about all the emails we get
Speaker 1: from people who have a very circumstances, and you said, well,
Speaker 1: that happened to me. And then I'm like, that's why
Speaker 1: you reacted that way when I first told you I
Speaker 1: had sex, which is so so so overly protect right.
Speaker 1: And I was fifteen, which I looking back is you
Speaker 1: were severy fifty when I met Greg, but I was sixteen,
Speaker 1: um and we were at a restaurant. It was me, you,
Speaker 1: DJ's then girlfriend Ashley, and grandma, who was fresh off
Speaker 1: a stroke, had the mentality of a five year old
Speaker 1: and would go up to people. We would take her
Speaker 1: to restaurants and she would go up to people on
Speaker 1: our way to the table and bag what she eat
Speaker 1: and she like pick up people's she would take her
Speaker 1: teeth out. It was hilarious. I thought it was so funny.
Speaker 1: But in times of dress like that, because I forget
Speaker 1: you were talking about one of your friends who had
Speaker 1: a kid and something, and you remember, you go, you
Speaker 1: wouldn't do something like that, would you. I forget exactly
Speaker 1: how it was worded, but I didn't want to lie,
Speaker 1: and I said, you were pissed the check please? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think did pick me up. No, we all when
Speaker 1: we all went, because I remember when we I I
Speaker 1: was so stressed out and upset that I upset you
Speaker 1: and Grandma. I was walking her to the front door
Speaker 1: and she fell and she was going off over and
Speaker 1: I was like pissed and sad. I'm like, oh god,
Speaker 1: damn it, Grandma, and I was trying and like Ashley
Speaker 1: fell down with her, like it was just the men.
Speaker 1: I felt bad after that that reaction because I didn't
Speaker 1: really try to make sense and it just yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's I mean, so many parents are so protective.
Speaker 1: But now hearing the stories, like I get and I
Speaker 1: was looking back, God, I was so young. Sixteen is
Speaker 1: so young. And then and then you okay, so this
Speaker 1: is the part that I didn't realize until you were
Speaker 1: reminded me in the cab. Apparently after a couple of
Speaker 1: days later or whatever, I guess, I had texted Greg
Speaker 1: and told him Greg was my boyfriend's time. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: my parents found out we had sex and then hate
Speaker 1: me and you and Dad sat me and Greg down
Speaker 1: at a diner. I cannot believe he said he's putting
Speaker 1: cheating on me anyway at that time, I don't I
Speaker 1: think it was like the time, I don't really know.
Speaker 1: I never can find about serious and yeah, happy with it, right,
Speaker 1: and he was he fine, what did he say? I
Speaker 1: forget he was very probably apologetic, but he was like
Speaker 1: I understand where he was pretty understanding. Then then I
Speaker 1: found out cheated on me, and then I was ready
Speaker 1: to kill right, But I remember I found out upstairs
Speaker 1: at the house you guys living now. I remember Dad's
Speaker 1: office was my bedroom because I think DJ was living
Speaker 1: with us, and and uh, and I like went outside
Speaker 1: and I like went down in the middle and all
Speaker 1: my knees in the middle of the street and like
Speaker 1: the middle of the night, and I was just scream crying,
Speaker 1: and I like, oh my god, what was going through
Speaker 1: your head? Were you? Well? I ran and I have
Speaker 1: to get sat on the curb with you. But yeah,
Speaker 1: just I not out. Wait what were you freaking out about?
Speaker 1: Because they found out he cheated on me? Cheating, okay,
Speaker 1: and it was for the duration of our relationships. How
Speaker 1: did you find that out? One of the girls messaged
Speaker 1: me on a O Len's to messenger. I was digging
Speaker 1: for it though. I think someone gave me someone's screen
Speaker 1: name and I asked her because he was away at
Speaker 1: college and I was in high school. So yeah, he
Speaker 1: was much older. Would you guys never gave me shift
Speaker 1: for dating older guys much older? He was like six
Speaker 1: six years or five? No, I forget five. Four was
Speaker 1: in I was. He was in his second year college maybe,
Speaker 1: but I was my first year of high school or
Speaker 1: second year of high school. Third, I was sixteen. I
Speaker 1: was sixteen. If you're sixteen year junior or so, I
Speaker 1: might have broken up with stre or four years and
Speaker 1: I was right after that and I wasn't And I
Speaker 1: almost didn't like. You go to the college is college?
Speaker 1: I didn't like that either Darren's or Gregg's. Well they
Speaker 1: were the same college. Yeah you know yeah, And I said, yeah, Christina,
Speaker 1: And that's not a good idea. I don't want. Well,
Speaker 1: nothing will happen, mom, oops, sorry, um, Mom's no. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But with Greg, I don't think I tried to get
Speaker 1: back with him because I remember he was teaching swimming.
Speaker 1: We both have the same job, summer job at Philadelphia
Speaker 1: Sports Club with Terror, that's right, Yeah, that's right, and
Speaker 1: I had to see him. I remember one day we
Speaker 1: left a note on my car and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: you don't talk to me. What did the notes say?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry but sorry, Like it wasn't even like I
Speaker 1: want you back, because that's what I was kind of expecting.
Speaker 1: I didn't say that. I was like, God, damn it,
Speaker 1: this was an apology. Yeah, sorry about that thing. I
Speaker 1: still don't like. But I remember I got a urinary
Speaker 1: track infection and I had to go to the yard
Speaker 1: and you went with me. And I called Greg and
Speaker 1: I was crying and he was like rushing me off
Speaker 1: the phone and was like so upset by that. That
Speaker 1: was before I found a cheating on me, and I like,
Speaker 1: I think I timed it out after I found I
Speaker 1: cheated and he was with somebody that night, and here
Speaker 1: I was like laying in the hospital probably from sex
Speaker 1: that I got a ut, honor and they had to
Speaker 1: give me a catheter because I had my period, and
Speaker 1: I remember, oh awful, and all I wanted with him
Speaker 1: to come from that day too. Yeah, get in consultable
Speaker 1: a lot. You really had a rut. But I feel bad,
Speaker 1: and I'll apologize to you because I would have liked
Speaker 1: to have been less anxious and more supported of you,
Speaker 1: because yeah, but because I was sixteen, I really so
Speaker 1: so I really hadn't right, It's just that your protective unprotected.
Speaker 1: But also with all I had gone through, that's all
Speaker 1: I could think was that was going to happen to
Speaker 1: you and realized didn't. So many different occasions w it
Speaker 1: to happen to you. Well, I was never assaulted, so
Speaker 1: that's good. Oh ship, Yeah it's not gonna still happen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so common even but yeah, no, I was never
Speaker 1: one of the few people I know that's never had
Speaker 1: a situation like that. Every every sexual encounter I've ever
Speaker 1: had has always been consensual. It's never I've never had
Speaker 1: like a moment, wait, didn't the doctor touch your boobs?
Speaker 1: One time a doctor did touch my I needed blood work.
Speaker 1: This old guy in the every side I forgot about
Speaker 1: that what's his address gave me. He gave me a
Speaker 1: breast exam, and I was like, I don't think he's
Speaker 1: supposed to do that because he was just a general doctor.
Speaker 1: I wanted I need to get blood work for a
Speaker 1: physical or something years ago, and I left and I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't think that was supposed to happen.
Speaker 1: And I googled it and I was like, God, damn it.
Speaker 1: Yeah he wasn't supposed to do that, but I didn't.
Speaker 1: I wasn't scarred from it. It was I looked back
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what the funk? I can't believe. I
Speaker 1: didn't realize until I left. I didn I did it.
Speaker 1: Used to do a stand up joke about him. Have
Speaker 1: you ever gone sexual assaulted? But you didn't realize until
Speaker 1: the next day. You should have gotten a discount on
Speaker 1: that doctor. I know, I know he should have paid me. Um,
Speaker 1: but but yeah, yeah, that is the only thing that's
Speaker 1: ever happened. But it wasn't. It was more like, damn it.
Speaker 1: I wish I would have gone, yeah, exactly, exactly. Um,
Speaker 1: but then you then I had because Dad. Boyfriends were
Speaker 1: always scared of Dad, but they really should have been
Speaker 1: more scared of you. Absolutely, because Dad never he looked horrifying.
Speaker 1: I guess I wouldn't want to date me, but he
Speaker 1: was never. He never did that. He certain things when
Speaker 1: I was a kid he wouldn't let me do because
Speaker 1: I was a girl. I remember straight up asking him,
Speaker 1: like DJ was allowed to do this and is it
Speaker 1: because I'm a girl, And he would just be like, yep,
Speaker 1: that's not fair. And I remember being so pitted. He
Speaker 1: was over protective, but you know quiet, yeah, you know quiet.
Speaker 1: But I didn't really give him a chance to like, well,
Speaker 1: I remember you were called Darren dag Wood. I don't
Speaker 1: know why you called him. No, that was Dad. I
Speaker 1: didn't call Dad a cartoon. Did he look like dag
Speaker 1: Wood the cartoon? Now we just started calling that because
Speaker 1: it's just getting a hard time because he didn't think
Speaker 1: he was motivated enough as a person like Darren. When
Speaker 1: I met Darren, he was he was trying to figure himself.
Speaker 1: And because he's he's doing yeah, and he's doing so good. Now,
Speaker 1: he's doing so good. He's been doing really I liked him,
Speaker 1: he was I didn't want to beat him. There's just
Speaker 1: to now. And Chris, who won't go on the podcast.
Speaker 1: He checked out, Yeah, he checked out. He moved back
Speaker 1: here and then I asked him to Chris and Greg
Speaker 1: and but when so Chris cheated on me and I
Speaker 1: was living in n Street because he lived in the
Speaker 1: building that I lived that we lived in the same
Speaker 1: building upstairs, And then I called you crying. What did
Speaker 1: I don't Oh my god, I just packed my stuff
Speaker 1: and got into train. Thanks and came and son of
Speaker 1: m a gun right upstairs. And I heard him coming
Speaker 1: down the steps and I went to the door because
Speaker 1: I would have punched him, you know that. And she
Speaker 1: opens the door crack and please, please, please, mom, don't
Speaker 1: go out there, Please don't go out there. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm doing this for you because I would have had
Speaker 1: no problem more. Dad was more just different, and I
Speaker 1: guess it's usually the opposite, but but Dad gave people
Speaker 1: a hard time in different like passive aggressive nays, which
Speaker 1: was almost a little scarier. I don't know, and I
Speaker 1: don't know that's true. It is scary from a man,
Speaker 1: especially because passive aggressive is usually attacked to us more
Speaker 1: by women calling Darren dad wood in a way that's
Speaker 1: just a little demeaning. It's like a little murdery. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you ever know when it's coming. Yeah. But Dad was
Speaker 1: Dad's like been deployed a lot, but he never thought
Speaker 1: he wasn't. He was the chief and the scene or
Speaker 1: chief when he were tired. Um. And he didn't like
Speaker 1: the ships because he got c sick, so he worked
Speaker 1: on airplanes and helicopters. I thought you did airplanes on
Speaker 1: aircraft carriers. I didn't. Really they have that, but he
Speaker 1: didn't do that. He mainly worked on P three's and helicopters,
Speaker 1: and he used to do some rescues, like when their floods.
Speaker 1: And yeah, because I think I remember you saying the
Speaker 1: navy guys would hit on you a lot. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I hope it's not like that. Yeah, they were rude
Speaker 1: and crude, to be honest. Well that was too at
Speaker 1: a time where I don't I'm sure. I'm sure it
Speaker 1: still happens here and there, but probably not as much.
Speaker 1: But when the military, but because well but it could
Speaker 1: openly be gay, which was crazy nuts. But you know,
Speaker 1: it's people are being more humane about but they know
Speaker 1: the worst thing. And that's why it kind of didn't
Speaker 1: go to the the grouping, you know, to the different
Speaker 1: activities because I had just had DJ and I'm flat chested,
Speaker 1: but boy, when after I had DJ, I mean huge,
Speaker 1: like you wouldn't believe. And I showed Daddy, said Michael,
Speaker 1: I was so proud of myself. I never had big
Speaker 1: booze in my life. And I showed him and he goes,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you looked deformed. It was so so Um.
Speaker 1: After I had him, we were sitting playing boncos it's
Speaker 1: a game. A whole bunch of us, all military were there,
Speaker 1: other wives there, all husbands and wives, couples, and um,
Speaker 1: he just said, uh, he goes, My Jesus, I can't
Speaker 1: believe how big your tips still long? Husband? Wait, what
Speaker 1: did Dad say? Yes, that didn't say anything. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly. But we left. I said we're
Speaker 1: going home now. Yeah, you said that good. Yeah, we laughed.
Speaker 1: That's insane. But things like that. It's really funny because
Speaker 1: back then I found out the language and everything. That
Speaker 1: was just kind of the way it was. I'm sure
Speaker 1: Dad talk like that there, but he never ever did
Speaker 1: to me. No, he was. He's a very respectful man
Speaker 1: because you guys, you guys separated. Such an interesting story too.
Speaker 1: They separated for three years, and he would like send
Speaker 1: you books of poetry, which he didn't write the poems,
Speaker 1: but he like bought. I always had a love for poetry. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I remember better to send poems from something a
Speaker 1: good poet, you know, like one who knows that they're doing.
Speaker 1: But I was like, wow, Dad, I didn't realize that romantic.
Speaker 1: But as he gets older, he's I see the softer
Speaker 1: side of him. But was that always there? It was
Speaker 1: always there, but it was covered. You know. Being in
Speaker 1: the military, I think makes you a little tougher. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was always good man, but he was more covered.
Speaker 1: It was covered up. Yeah, and uh we never stopped loving.
Speaker 1: And you guys have such a great relationship because I
Speaker 1: think what the bonds you guys is laughter, Yeah, laugh
Speaker 1: at everything. You really again some of the ship like
Speaker 1: the hell ship. It's like, I mean, you both have breathing.
Speaker 1: You both have oxygen machines because you have sleep a
Speaker 1: sleep machines. Yeah, we both have heart monitors in our
Speaker 1: bed bedroom and he has oxygen. And I had just
Speaker 1: refinished all the room and made it all nice atmosphere
Speaker 1: and got new curve bedspread. Next thing I know, we
Speaker 1: got all this medical equipment my room. Man, It's like
Speaker 1: that kind of takes away. Yeah, amoshere and I am
Speaker 1: bedded nurse this loud. Yeah, but we just laugh about
Speaker 1: it because what can what else can you do? And yeah,
Speaker 1: that time when you we thought you were dying a
Speaker 1: cance and we didn't even know what it was, but
Speaker 1: it was because the dog gave you a concussion. I then, damn,
Speaker 1: he jumped up, hit my head. It's a pit hit
Speaker 1: my head so hard and older to calm down. I'll
Speaker 1: get her salty got me salty crackers. I said, you
Speaker 1: don't understand. I mean when I came up, my nose
Speaker 1: was bleeding. But I felt like I get hit by
Speaker 1: a truck again. Yeah, so um, I didn't think anything
Speaker 1: of it, and then I felt sick all night. I remember,
Speaker 1: I'm not if I remember we looked at see if
Speaker 1: you're under your eyes were black and blue, because then
Speaker 1: that was an indicator you broke your nose or something
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, but I didn't, It's just spled. But
Speaker 1: but after that point, I wasn't hungry. I was dizzy,
Speaker 1: and I didn't even relate it to the dog after
Speaker 1: a while, and I lost thirty pounds back then. N
Speaker 1: I mean, I looked like everybody was saying, I'm so worried.
Speaker 1: What the doctors were there, like I don't know cancer.
Speaker 1: So like Christine, I want you to have my dining room,
Speaker 1: said you can have my china. You and DJ decide
Speaker 1: who wants the car, like well, well I did, because yeah,
Speaker 1: I would know like I was. And I went to
Speaker 1: a doctor who was in the n T and I
Speaker 1: had never been to them before, and he did all
Speaker 1: these you know test tests in the in the office
Speaker 1: and he said, um, oh, your crystals are off in
Speaker 1: your ears, and I'm like crystals. I didn't even know
Speaker 1: we had crystals and our ears. And he took my
Speaker 1: head and shook it like it was a rag doll,
Speaker 1: so hard back and forth. It was instant. It went away,
Speaker 1: and I gained twenty pounds in a couple of months.
Speaker 1: But like, he didn't die, so that was cool. I
Speaker 1: got better. It wasn't because you were hungry again, right,
Speaker 1: Like that was nuts. I remember like really thinking that
Speaker 1: was it. And then it came back a little bit
Speaker 1: and I went Uncle Craig was coming into town, so
Speaker 1: I went back, made it appointment and I said, I
Speaker 1: have family coming in for out of town. Can you
Speaker 1: shake my head again? And he wouldn't do it because
Speaker 1: he wouldn't do further tests because I don't know, I
Speaker 1: think that happens periodically. Yeah, it was a bizarre thing.
Speaker 1: But Christina thought it was just oh, come mom, you're
Speaker 1: being I really thought but when you think she's being dramatic,
Speaker 1: really not, because there's so many things intense situations have happened,
Speaker 1: and only Dad and I were in the living room
Speaker 1: when it happened, and I said, oh my, I think
Speaker 1: I'm saying so oh my god, I broke my nose
Speaker 1: and and I took my and Daddy's laughing, and you
Speaker 1: thinking I'm being dramatic. And I take my hand away
Speaker 1: and was full of blood, and he's like he changed
Speaker 1: his attitude. Yeah, yeah, a little blood changes attitude. Yikes.
Speaker 1: And um oh, I have so many random questions. I
Speaker 1: want to go over the spelling of my name. That
Speaker 1: was just truly random. Some chick you knew a couple
Speaker 1: of times, a friend of mine you don't talk to anymore. No,
Speaker 1: I haven't talked to her for years. But at how
Speaker 1: long age you know? Own her? When she suggests k
Speaker 1: R y S T y n A three years for you? Um,
Speaker 1: But it was a boot named There was a boutique
Speaker 1: in Newtown, Pennsylvania was called that, and she had seen
Speaker 1: it because I wanted to name you Christina, and she said,
Speaker 1: this is the coolest way to spell it, and I
Speaker 1: just liked it. Okay, Well, I mean, I'm I ended
Speaker 1: up being that I'm glad that you spelled it that
Speaker 1: way because it's so unique. It really does. But people
Speaker 1: man in school, the teachers would just get angry because
Speaker 1: they didn't know how to pronounce it. Grandma, Grandma Cards
Speaker 1: was writing to check. She wanted me to go out
Speaker 1: and get some things for you when you were born
Speaker 1: and we were sitting in the hospital. She got aggravated.
Speaker 1: You spell it how and she's trying to write it.
Speaker 1: She no grandparents spelled it right ever. They always did.
Speaker 1: They just always And I was like, damn whatever, not
Speaker 1: to care. Um. And you were adopted, yes at how old? Well,
Speaker 1: I was in it out of foster homes. I went
Speaker 1: to my adoptive family. I wasn't adopted but at three
Speaker 1: and a half and I was adopted at five. Oh
Speaker 1: I didn't. I don't know why. I thought my head.
Speaker 1: You were adopted at too. You lived with them for
Speaker 1: a year and a half and then they decided to
Speaker 1: adopt you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they're like, we can't let
Speaker 1: this one go. Yeah, it's like I guess it's like
Speaker 1: a trial period. They want to make sure that the
Speaker 1: Finnish is right. Yeah, and um, yeah, and you are
Speaker 1: one of how many siblings for biological of us altogether,
Speaker 1: and you're the only one that got adopted to my
Speaker 1: two sisters. One was older, one was younger. They got
Speaker 1: adopted together. Uh with that, oh before you at the
Speaker 1: right the same time, I guess, I don't know. And
Speaker 1: the brother ended up right, and uh, I forget the
Speaker 1: other ones. Donna, Donna, is she alive? I don't think so.
Speaker 1: She was drugs, yeah, yeah. But the brother was a
Speaker 1: brought up with the biological father because didn't he die
Speaker 1: of mouth cancer? The biological your biological dad, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: And then the brother ended up going to prison. He
Speaker 1: was in prison for eight years for supposedly in voluntary manslaughter.
Speaker 1: He seemed like the nicest guy. And how we met,
Speaker 1: we met at each other and we went and we
Speaker 1: sat in the graveyard. That's that's how we really spend time,
Speaker 1: just talking about everything. Of your biological mothers. Yes, and
Speaker 1: that's when I found I saw her name was Nancy.
Speaker 1: Also she named your mom after her. It really happens, yeah,
Speaker 1: and she remember we there, we discovered a picture of her.
Speaker 1: It was very dark because she had depression, oh, very
Speaker 1: and she because she killed she committed suicide right at Yeah,
Speaker 1: well you guys were still all home because the state
Speaker 1: had threatened to take away you guys. Well, at that
Speaker 1: they we were in an Anna foster homes. And then
Speaker 1: they finally said because she tried to I don't know how.
Speaker 1: It only said on this state paperwork she tried to
Speaker 1: take the lives of all. But oh, and I don't
Speaker 1: know how that. I wish I knew what that was
Speaker 1: that but um, so after that the state took us
Speaker 1: and said never again. You never see him again. And
Speaker 1: two weeks later she yeah, and I remember we uh,
Speaker 1: because you have a bunch of photos of your biological
Speaker 1: parents and your biological mother, like I kind of look
Speaker 1: like her. It's so weird. There's this very bleak picture
Speaker 1: of her as a young woman, black and white. It's
Speaker 1: it sounds weird, but we have like the same legs,
Speaker 1: we have a very similar shape. And she there was
Speaker 1: a clothesline and it was she like walked up and
Speaker 1: it was under her neck as if she was and
Speaker 1: it was just it was very dark. It was the
Speaker 1: same thing with when she was holding the brother, she
Speaker 1: had her hand around the neck. Yeah, I remember the
Speaker 1: creepy picture of the grandmother and ripped it up. Oh,
Speaker 1: in l a we ripped it up and threw it
Speaker 1: off amountain. That was such a release that Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was fun. That was cool. Oh we went to see
Speaker 1: a healer. Yes, I figured this is all intertwining. Now.
Speaker 1: What was What's funny about life? It's strange about life
Speaker 1: is my biological father's name was Donald Edward and my
Speaker 1: brother's name was Donald. I think I don't know if
Speaker 1: he was a junior not. Did you know that when
Speaker 1: you had DJ? No, oh, you named DJ Donald and
Speaker 1: he didn't know, well, Grandpa's carns his name. But so
Speaker 1: I married had a son Donald. It's just yeah, that's
Speaker 1: so weird. And do you think, do you there's so
Speaker 1: many theories of like kids who are adopted, even at
Speaker 1: a young age, there's the sense of abandonment. Did you
Speaker 1: ever feel that? I mean, you know, I grew up
Speaker 1: wondering because he had great parents, Grandma grand currents were Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: um I had. I just would have liked to know
Speaker 1: what happened. So I put in my head this was
Speaker 1: the thing I made up at my head. She was
Speaker 1: only sixteen, She couldn't take here of me, and I
Speaker 1: got adopted, and so I lived with that and it
Speaker 1: was fine. So all I really knew. I mean I
Speaker 1: remember some things at three and a half five years old,
Speaker 1: I do remember things. I remember being in a foster
Speaker 1: home and stuff. Yeah, I thought it was my mom
Speaker 1: and dad, but I found out it was foster home.
Speaker 1: And yeah, so they suffered from generations and depression. But
Speaker 1: I can't believe in alcohol. But alcohol played a big
Speaker 1: and alcoholism is hereditary. Yeah, but I don't have it.
Speaker 1: I definitely don't. Depression is super happy, yeah, and I
Speaker 1: don't have it because depression I have that alcoholism you
Speaker 1: don't have right now. So speaking of depression you've had,
Speaker 1: you know, there was a moment I remember after Rob
Speaker 1: Williams died, he killed himself, and you you would contacted
Speaker 1: me because you were in a dark you weren't you
Speaker 1: were going through like a bad phase. And you told me,
Speaker 1: like you you understood why and I and I always
Speaker 1: and that makes that I'm that makes total sense to
Speaker 1: me because I've seen your depression. I've seen what it does,
Speaker 1: what place it puts you in, and and I've I've
Speaker 1: said before I don't believe that suicide is selfish. It's
Speaker 1: a weird thing because like with Robin, because because you've
Speaker 1: basically because you've told me that, because you've said, like,
Speaker 1: the feeling that you feel when you're in your darkest
Speaker 1: depths is not is a prison. It's just the way
Speaker 1: you describe it to me something fucking awful. And so
Speaker 1: that made me understand, Okay, you feel like you're in
Speaker 1: a big bubble separated from the whole world that nobody
Speaker 1: were like here and you don't. It's it's you really
Speaker 1: feel like you're physically in a bubble, thick bubble and
Speaker 1: you're just not in the world. She's just kind of
Speaker 1: sitting there, and um, what was his name? Robin Williams
Speaker 1: really struck me because I don't believe in suicide. Obviously
Speaker 1: I didn't do and brought about it a lot and medications,
Speaker 1: but it was on medications. But I felt his pain
Speaker 1: because in his case, he was depressed what was life
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure if it was bipolar. But then
Speaker 1: he got diagnosed with Parkinson's. She didn't disclose or anything right,
Speaker 1: and and he was starting to lose his bill and
Speaker 1: he was just such an awesome, awesome actor and a
Speaker 1: person from what I could see, he just seemed like
Speaker 1: a really good person. And and I think people who
Speaker 1: go through depression and have a lot on their play
Speaker 1: with health and stuff gives us empathy and I think
Speaker 1: it makes us kinder as people. Yeah, um, and I
Speaker 1: felt that about him. So when I found out as
Speaker 1: much as my heart hurt and I miss him and
Speaker 1: seeing him, he suffered enough, right, and I think he
Speaker 1: knew what he could handle and where to draw the line. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm not advocating early, you know, to ever do that, um,
Speaker 1: but because your belief is if you because we talked
Speaker 1: when when the Dabnia conversation happened about you don't want
Speaker 1: to ever be at a place where you're dependent on
Speaker 1: somebody to go to the bathroom to you can't barely talk,
Speaker 1: you don't know who anybody is. And that to me
Speaker 1: is that makes sense. And I think every person, every
Speaker 1: human deserves the the option done because we have where
Speaker 1: we give our animals more dignity, um, human beings. And
Speaker 1: you know a lot of things involve money. Everybody may
Speaker 1: money down the line on a carcass, so you could
Speaker 1: be a carcass and just be empty. But of course
Speaker 1: you know seventy thousand dollars a year to care for
Speaker 1: you and the care is not that great and it's
Speaker 1: a it's a burden on the family, and um, yeah,
Speaker 1: because with Grandma and Grandpa I remember, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: Grandpa would have her hung in there longer than I
Speaker 1: think he wanted to. He wasn't having fun, he was
Speaker 1: in pain, he was, I mean. And it's like, you
Speaker 1: should give every human being the option before you get
Speaker 1: to that state. And they're working on that compassion dying
Speaker 1: I can't remember dying with dignity, and dying is one
Speaker 1: and um, they're trying to get legislation. I think it's
Speaker 1: in about three states. And it just makes so much
Speaker 1: sense to me and a lot of people actually, because
Speaker 1: I've been very open about this with with you and
Speaker 1: our family, and I really appreciate and my really true
Speaker 1: close friends, and I only had one and object and
Speaker 1: not be happy with it. She's very very religious, so
Speaker 1: I kind of understood where it was coming from. But
Speaker 1: at the same time I sent her that piece that
Speaker 1: I saw that it's called yeah, well we'll talk about
Speaker 1: a heavy read, but was so beautifully written, and she said,
Speaker 1: by the time I beget something, yeah, I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: I will have passed already by the time you read
Speaker 1: this and whatever, and just going through why she wanted
Speaker 1: to do it or just and the thing that was
Speaker 1: jarring to me was she seemed very with it. So
Speaker 1: like I called my mom and I was like, she
Speaker 1: seemed like she was doing she was mentally there can
Speaker 1: you can? You know what happens is I think the
Speaker 1: last thing to go, like you start not to be
Speaker 1: able to verbalize with people, that kind of goes, but
Speaker 1: to be able to write it down on paper what's
Speaker 1: in your mind is an easier task that you can
Speaker 1: still hang on to that, but each day it gets
Speaker 1: to a point where each day it just goes faster
Speaker 1: and you just can't function in normal and you know
Speaker 1: it and you don't know what the progress is and
Speaker 1: you go, no, I don't want Why would I want
Speaker 1: to cast the stake cause that my family have my
Speaker 1: family goes because I yeah, because I remember what we
Speaker 1: saw with Grandpa and it was just this saw. I
Speaker 1: think that that. I think that really convinced me that
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go there, though I probably would
Speaker 1: have felt that way anyway, but I saw the worst
Speaker 1: of it you did, and um, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1: I think every human being has the right and to
Speaker 1: control that. Now, if you're terminal or something that's going to, yeah, deplete,
Speaker 1: you eventually see you. I think if it's if it's
Speaker 1: just if it's depression or something I don't know, I
Speaker 1: means that that's something that could go away, could be better,
Speaker 1: could go away. It could be managin could be. I
Speaker 1: think the important thing with people who have depression is
Speaker 1: to have a support See. That's what got me through
Speaker 1: it because Dad was a good husband of a depressed person.
Speaker 1: He is such a rock. Yes, yeah, what is your
Speaker 1: advice to someone who is in a relationship with a
Speaker 1: depressed person but is not themselves depressed? Like, what are
Speaker 1: the things that helped you? That's a tough I think
Speaker 1: it was almost tougher for daddy, right because he had
Speaker 1: to see you suffer and and he had I thought
Speaker 1: he was holding the way to the world on his
Speaker 1: shoulders and he was gonna explode one day, But he
Speaker 1: really doesn't. That's not how he He doesn't bottle stuff up. No,
Speaker 1: he's just truly just deals with it stoically. The As
Speaker 1: far as the question you asked for inn um, I
Speaker 1: think that is a very hard place to be and
Speaker 1: some people can handle it and some people, you know,
Speaker 1: I've often said if it was the other way around,
Speaker 1: I don't know that I could have don't want daddy,
Speaker 1: did you know? Don't you want to fly through life,
Speaker 1: have your goals. You want to go a certain you know,
Speaker 1: distance and a certain speed, and you know I couldn't
Speaker 1: keep up with them, and he slowed down for me.
Speaker 1: But not everybody is willing to do that. And it's
Speaker 1: okay if they're not. Yeah, but when they are, I
Speaker 1: don't think. I don't think a lot of people other
Speaker 1: than your dad could have been married to me. That
Speaker 1: was rough, you know, yeah, I picked the right one.
Speaker 1: But it's okay, though, if if you know, because I remember,
Speaker 1: I went on a day with a guy and he
Speaker 1: told me that he was bipolar on the first date
Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, thank you for telling me,
Speaker 1: thanks to meet and uh, I was that when you
Speaker 1: told me that? Though I know, because I because I
Speaker 1: think of all people, I could hear it. It's hard.
Speaker 1: Most people in my life have to brush Stevenson a downer.
Speaker 1: Not I don't think he's clinical depression. He has depression
Speaker 1: of some sort like but it's so interest because that's
Speaker 1: what I can handle. That's to me, is not I
Speaker 1: don't know why I said it with that guy right away.
Speaker 1: I think there were a couple of other things that
Speaker 1: I was weary about. He but but that was one
Speaker 1: of the things that I was like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: but a lot of people in my life are depressed,
Speaker 1: like or more geared towards the press, certainly not optimistic comedians, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: And I love that. Though that first got me through
Speaker 1: life was humor still does and I wonder if that's
Speaker 1: why I became a comedian because I remember when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, I would always be like, Mom, I
Speaker 1: clean the house, and You're like, thank you, and I'd
Speaker 1: lived for that. I'd be like, yes, but I did.
Speaker 1: I always liked cleaning was very weird, and I always
Speaker 1: liked entertaining. Well. I think I want to get back
Speaker 1: to Karin's question because I feel like I didn't answer.
Speaker 1: But a person who has to is with somebody who's
Speaker 1: depressed and they're not depressed, if they're the type of
Speaker 1: person that can handle it, and then you really just
Speaker 1: have to give them space. Is and kind of you're
Speaker 1: kind of like a puppet in in a way, because
Speaker 1: you don't know what tomorrow is gonna bring. If you're
Speaker 1: the kind of person that can deal with that, also
Speaker 1: get them support support, support. I was surrounded by love.
Speaker 1: I was loving no matter what. I remember asking Daddy,
Speaker 1: I said, how can you still love me? Like? Why
Speaker 1: are you? And his answer to me at the time
Speaker 1: was because you do everything you can to get better. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'll never forget those words. Um, well, you really
Speaker 1: you are someone who, no matter what health that was
Speaker 1: for you, indeed change me. Mainly, all I wanted to
Speaker 1: do was be a good mom. Yeah, and I always
Speaker 1: wanted kids. And I was so angry that I had
Speaker 1: to be blunted like that from what I wanted to
Speaker 1: do with my family. But he hung in there. You
Speaker 1: went to doctor's appointments. I went through the medical medicine
Speaker 1: root with some medics, and for me personally, that um
Speaker 1: really put me over the edge. They made me worse
Speaker 1: and it just put me into and the doctors that's
Speaker 1: a that's an example of the doctors looking at you
Speaker 1: like ten heads, as if I was the only one
Speaker 1: in the world. And the fact is that out of
Speaker 1: all the depressed people fifty percent, only fifty percent of
Speaker 1: people actually have a positive reaction to medication where it works.
Speaker 1: I thought it was like one percent, and it's me,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, because they made so it's not it's
Speaker 1: I remember when I went to Remember when I um
Speaker 1: went to my gynecologists and I told her that birth
Speaker 1: control made me moody and she looked at me like
Speaker 1: I was nuts, And you're like, yep, that's what they
Speaker 1: do some A lot of times doctors will look at
Speaker 1: you like you don't know what you're talking about, and
Speaker 1: you're you've you've been right about so many things about
Speaker 1: your body and it's just been overlooked because they're like, no,
Speaker 1: you don't know. And unfortunately, it wasn't until I got
Speaker 1: older and lived at all that I said this is BS,
Speaker 1: I mean really and and it was when to be
Speaker 1: honest with you. For me personally, medication, remember helps fifty
Speaker 1: percent and it doesn't help percent, so it's not something
Speaker 1: i'd rule out for for certain people. But UM, when
Speaker 1: I went off at all, it was the best part
Speaker 1: of my life. That was then it became I was
Speaker 1: able to handle it once and went off. All the
Speaker 1: medicines were just messing with me. What things did you
Speaker 1: use when you want off the medication to handle the depression. Well,
Speaker 1: around that time, they also found I had an epilepsy,
Speaker 1: and so I did. I did go on and UM
Speaker 1: and epile anti epilepsy medicine and UM. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I was at a piece. I had gone through so
Speaker 1: much stuff, and I had the kids. They were my
Speaker 1: incentive to make it the best I possibly could. The
Speaker 1: worst part was that three or four years in Virginia
Speaker 1: and uma, because you ended up in a hospital right
Speaker 1: in Virginia and I didn't write it. Didn't tell me
Speaker 1: like a psychiatric hospital. Yeah, yeah, because I remember when
Speaker 1: you told me when I was older and you describe
Speaker 1: it did not seem like an environment like that? Would
Speaker 1: that environment seemed like enough to put me in a
Speaker 1: psych ward like horrible, because well, my situation I always
Speaker 1: seem to feel like and even in that atmosphere, it's
Speaker 1: like here over here were people who had drug addictions
Speaker 1: and you all get together in groups. Here over here
Speaker 1: was alcohol, over here was you know, um, incest in
Speaker 1: people who had family, and and here was me and
Speaker 1: I didn't have any of those things. You were the
Speaker 1: only person the psych ward with depression. I had depression,
Speaker 1: but it was due to all these different things. For me,
Speaker 1: I just had it and I'd sit there and they
Speaker 1: had this session where people were beating up their pillows
Speaker 1: to try to get there. It was, you know, like
Speaker 1: an exercise, and I just sat there because they had
Speaker 1: stuff to be mad about. I only had. I said, No,
Speaker 1: I have a wonderful husband, wonderful kid, I have a
Speaker 1: dog in great house. We built a new house, yeah,
Speaker 1: I said. And I said, I don't know why I'm
Speaker 1: like this. No, I don't take drugs and I don't
Speaker 1: not an alcohol and I'm not And they had so
Speaker 1: much more taboo depression. Well, it's scarier to be sad
Speaker 1: and not know why you're sad, like if there's a reason.
Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes I feel like to him, like why,
Speaker 1: I'm like, why am I sad right now? Exactly? Like
Speaker 1: there's all these great things going on. It's it's puzzling.
Speaker 1: And I feel like only until maybe the past like
Speaker 1: twenty years, has clinical depres shouldn't even been talked about,
Speaker 1: like being sad just because you're sad, because that's the
Speaker 1: way your brain is functioning well when you're sad for
Speaker 1: a reason, any reason, and grieving any death or anything
Speaker 1: that is depression. But that's something when it's tangible and
Speaker 1: you can you can take that and say, Okay, I
Speaker 1: can work on this. What's the healthiest way for me
Speaker 1: to deal with this? What? It doesn't matter what it is.
Speaker 1: If you're if there's a reason you're depressed, you can
Speaker 1: make it better. When you're just depressed and there's there's
Speaker 1: nothing to grab onto to say, oh I can fix this.
Speaker 1: All I gotta do is this, or all was I
Speaker 1: gonna do is exercise or all I gotta do is
Speaker 1: talk to this person or whatever it is. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: it is harder correct. Yeah, then that's kind of because
Speaker 1: you sit there and go on, I know, I'm not
Speaker 1: supposed to be what and you want to do and
Speaker 1: you just can't. Yeah, and that probably helps keeps you
Speaker 1: in the depression almost because like that's gotta be frustrating.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah. And I just I think people with
Speaker 1: depression personally, all my health things I have gone through
Speaker 1: and continue to go through since I was very young,
Speaker 1: I take any of that tenfold over depression. I can
Speaker 1: handle that. Depression is the cruelest thing. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that it's done to human being because you know, you
Speaker 1: can walk, you can talk, you can, but you have
Speaker 1: all your body is all working, but you keep your
Speaker 1: brain isn't. Your brain isn't. And if your brain isn't,
Speaker 1: And I I sat many you know, I'll sit in
Speaker 1: my living room and look outside the window and there's
Speaker 1: people and kids and dogs walking by, and people laughing
Speaker 1: in cars and friends going to the movies and do
Speaker 1: and I'm just sitting there and I'm going watching the
Speaker 1: world go by, and I don't can't get myself involved
Speaker 1: with it. So surround yourself with love, all people who
Speaker 1: love you. And there are good doctors out there. And
Speaker 1: maybe medication is good for some people. Um, if it's
Speaker 1: not and you have a bit, there's other options, yes,
Speaker 1: And we have to end soon, but I want to
Speaker 1: talk about this because before we wrap, because we're gonna
Speaker 1: do a bonus episode in a little bit where we're
Speaker 1: gonna read emails about from people about depression and you
Speaker 1: can give advice because credit and I don't have clinical depression,
Speaker 1: so you are a better fit. But this is amazing
Speaker 1: because I was telling you are earlier a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: So I talked to you and you just sounded sad
Speaker 1: in a way that I've never heard you be sad,
Speaker 1: and I've seen you be pretty sad, and it just
Speaker 1: and then you were talking about this machine. I'm that
Speaker 1: a doctor recommended a doctor, and you sound like yourself,
Speaker 1: Like I remember I talked to you on the phone
Speaker 1: a couple days ago. I'm like, oh my god, you
Speaker 1: sound like you. This is amazing. And so this thing
Speaker 1: seems to be working for your depression. It does far
Speaker 1: in a short period of time. I've only been on
Speaker 1: it probably ten days. A little depression. What means this
Speaker 1: is can I say that name? This is called the
Speaker 1: Fisher Wallets Stimulator, And it's very simple. It's about the
Speaker 1: size of a like a a TV remote or something,
Speaker 1: and it has two electrodes on it and you just
Speaker 1: let them and put them on your temples. You do
Speaker 1: it twenty minutes twenty minutes, two times a day. And
Speaker 1: after all I've discussed that I've been through, I don't
Speaker 1: have a whole lot of anything. Give me anything, but
Speaker 1: I'm not very It's not like I have no expectations
Speaker 1: because so many things didn't work. So so it's not
Speaker 1: a placebular effect. I can tell you that because I
Speaker 1: know I had no expectation so about they for me,
Speaker 1: it's different for everybody. But about day six, don't I
Speaker 1: found myself laugh in my buttle off like I used
Speaker 1: to do, and um, Daddy brought it to my attention,
Speaker 1: like and I've been really good for about four days,
Speaker 1: three or four days, and um it's a simple thing.
Speaker 1: And what it is for not just depression. It's for depression,
Speaker 1: anxiety and also insomnia. And um, it's for people who
Speaker 1: can't tolerate medications. That's my cases. They're trying not to
Speaker 1: put me on medications, so they want to see if
Speaker 1: this works. People who are on medications and who have
Speaker 1: the bad side effects. They can do this in conjunction
Speaker 1: with their medicine. And a lot of people have cut
Speaker 1: down on their medicine or gone off it completely. It
Speaker 1: just depends on, you know, and the individual. But it
Speaker 1: is six hundred dollars. But insance, well they might really
Speaker 1: it just depends on I might get reimbursed for it.
Speaker 1: But let me tell you it's worth that root penny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you have to get it prescribed to you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the doctor has to order. And it's the what's it
Speaker 1: called again, the fisherman fisher fisher while a stimulator and
Speaker 1: you can look up some you can google reviews on
Speaker 1: the Fisher wash and it comes up and there's just
Speaker 1: pages and pishes of people. It's non invasive. And you
Speaker 1: were saying no side, but you specifically you're insami because
Speaker 1: you've had psomnia for as long as I You've never
Speaker 1: sleep No, I didn't and I had when I was
Speaker 1: in high school. Yeah, and you restless, leg I think
Speaker 1: I might. I think I restless because I have trouble sleeping.
Speaker 1: But um, you said, you're You're insomnia is getting a
Speaker 1: little worse. But that the doctor said, it's okay, it's
Speaker 1: probably gonna get the insomnia partm might get worse for
Speaker 1: you before it gets better. It doesn't mean he can't
Speaker 1: get better, but that I mean, you're you seem like
Speaker 1: yourself and well, oh cool. I was before I had
Speaker 1: that breakthrough, and like you said, I was totally different.
Speaker 1: I felt no empathy for I just felt like I
Speaker 1: was flat and I didn't couldn't feel anything. So I
Speaker 1: told my doctor, I said, the only problem is is
Speaker 1: now I'm super sensitive. Like when jet your uncle Jeff left,
Speaker 1: and I've never cried him when left, Yes, I hugged
Speaker 1: him and I was okay, I was just bald, and
Speaker 1: he was so sweet. He said, he's so I see
Speaker 1: you at the beach. But I'm like, I never cried
Speaker 1: like that. So I told the doctor, I said, I'm
Speaker 1: a little She said, I'd rather have that you're feeling
Speaker 1: the emotion. And really what started it was I was
Speaker 1: so happy to be happy. Yeah that I cried, Yeah,
Speaker 1: tears of joy. Yeah, it wasn't you wouldn't been here.
Speaker 1: You hadn't been yourself for a while, and it had
Speaker 1: been so consistent that I'm like, this isn't just a
Speaker 1: depression phase, but it's like a other thing with partners
Speaker 1: dealing with somebody with depression when you don't like I
Speaker 1: know one thing that me, Dad and DJ have always
Speaker 1: just been understanding of, it's just giving you space when
Speaker 1: you're in the mood and you want to go in
Speaker 1: your room, Okay, just going room, like you don't have
Speaker 1: to explain it to us. And I think that's that
Speaker 1: would be something I would recommend to somebody wants. It's
Speaker 1: not about you, Like, don't think it's about you. It's
Speaker 1: just give the person the space that they need. I
Speaker 1: think it's an important exactly and not everybody does that
Speaker 1: because they try to think, you know. And I've even
Speaker 1: had close friends, not close close friends, but friends I've
Speaker 1: known for years, and it's like, you know, pull your
Speaker 1: big piannies, big bigger pannies on it. Just push off
Speaker 1: and make yourself go do this and make it's like,
Speaker 1: don't fuck you exactly can't. Yeah, Well, thank you for
Speaker 1: being on the podcast. Mom. I never thought the stay
Speaker 1: would come. I didn't either, but I enjoyed it and
Speaker 1: and thank you for making me the calm. But I'm
Speaker 1: wonderful creative person. I am because I really attribute you
Speaker 1: and Dad. I feel like I used to tell you
Speaker 1: for a very long time when I was a kid
Speaker 1: that I wanted to be a heart surgeon slash scientist.
Speaker 1: I was like four or five, and you were like
Speaker 1: and then I was like, no, I want to be
Speaker 1: an actress and you're like, but you still supported me.
Speaker 1: I did. I went to all your play the place.
Speaker 1: You bought me a page in the yearbook with the
Speaker 1: in the senior year I'll never forget. You wrote me
Speaker 1: a poem very sweet. Yeah, but thank you for believing
Speaker 1: in me. We're very proud of everything you do, because
Speaker 1: everything you do with hard and you work hard. Thanks,
Speaker 1: thank you for making me the lovely woman I am God. Alright,
Speaker 1: so thank you so much for joining us. And this
Speaker 1: is I'm gonna turn away as I said, guys We
Speaker 1: fucking podcast. We will talk to you in next week.
Speaker 1: The Cup of the Front. I didn't know common. I
Speaker 1: didn't even say goodbye all the person in the sky grass.
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