Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Karren. We're sorry about last night, the anti slut
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey fuckers, Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fuck. It's the anti slut shaming podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Karne, I'm Christina. And support for this episode of
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Speaker 1: Third Love. It's how was your week? It was good.
Speaker 1: I don't remember what I did, but it was fun. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: James was James was on the road in Richmond, Virginia,
Speaker 1: so I just been there stayed home and uh tried
Speaker 1: to write, but then was like mostly just master, I'm
Speaker 1: actually do something. It's personal. I forgot about this. Speaking
Speaker 1: of when you Rob James, I was like, oh yeah, um,
Speaker 1: Stephen and I did this thing because he's meditating him
Speaker 1: and he's starting a podcast and one of the things
Speaker 1: that's like we're gonna improve ourselves and uh one of
Speaker 1: the things that we got to meditate for fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: a day for like a week just to see if
Speaker 1: it does anything. But were not you too know, not me,
Speaker 1: but he was doing it so but he was like,
Speaker 1: we should do meditating while we're fucking and I was like,
Speaker 1: how's that gonna work? And we just he just stuck
Speaker 1: his penis in me and we just kind of breathed
Speaker 1: and it was so hot, and I like came a lot.
Speaker 1: Wait you came from just your his penis being inside you? Yes,
Speaker 1: but well there was like when you breathe, you move
Speaker 1: a very slight motions and uh, and then I was like,
Speaker 1: oh okay, and then I started like thrusting on him
Speaker 1: because I was like this this is going somewhere great
Speaker 1: and I wanted to. So you meditated and then turned
Speaker 1: into regular very minimal movement, very minimal movement and effort
Speaker 1: or you on Toper on ball. I was on the bottom.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, you know his full weight layoff. I know
Speaker 1: you're god, I'm so strong. Yeah, but that's not Italian.
Speaker 1: That sounds like a fucking nightmare. No, for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: it worked. But I hate when even James his leg
Speaker 1: on me. He's also a lot bigger than me. Well,
Speaker 1: I I said, next time we do this, and there
Speaker 1: will be a next time, I'm gonna lay on my
Speaker 1: stomach so that the curve of my back and you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Because when he breathed in the
Speaker 1: stomach got bigger, and I'm like, right, it's uncomfortable. But
Speaker 1: it was kind of like what's gonna happen? It was
Speaker 1: really fun, way more fun than I thought it would be,
Speaker 1: so connective. I almost I did cry. I think, boy,
Speaker 1: I'm getting my period. That's no. I mean that's like
Speaker 1: a I feel emotional during like yoga, Oh be too
Speaker 1: in boxing. I did boxing ones crime my eyes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's your repressing. I know that I need a bat.
Speaker 1: Need come see us live, you guys on Friday apri
Speaker 1: if you're New York City. When he startling and I
Speaker 1: co host a great show called Glama Pus. There's characters
Speaker 1: and wigs and whiskey. It's at Zinc Bar, eighty two
Speaker 1: West third Street in the West Village, seven thirty pms
Speaker 1: when the show starts. Ticket a link in the description
Speaker 1: of this podcast. And then the next day is Saturday,
Speaker 1: April nine, We're doing a special Saturday edition of Nacho
Speaker 1: Bitches at eleven fifteen pm at New York Comedy Club.
Speaker 1: Tickets are ten dollars with the code Nacho co hosted
Speaker 1: by myself and Blair Saki. Unfortunately, no whigs or characters,
Speaker 1: but whiskey is what fun is available? Hell yeah? And
Speaker 1: do you live in in Massachusetts? Yeah, you were near it, Dan, Dan,
Speaker 1: stop typing. But Austin, we're gonna be in your Thursday,
Speaker 1: April thirteenth. We're gonna be at the Wilburg. There's only
Speaker 1: a few ticket tickets left. My parents are coming and
Speaker 1: we just I just want to put sold that on
Speaker 1: the website. Well we say yeah, we say this every week.
Speaker 1: That's only really there's not a lot of tickets left,
Speaker 1: but there are tickets left, which is obnoxious, just like
Speaker 1: scattered and to be honest, We're just gonna buy the
Speaker 1: tickets ourselves out, not so like, don't just just be
Speaker 1: there because if we have to buy them, then you're
Speaker 1: not getting them. Yeah, we're just the world. We're just
Speaker 1: roping off thirty seats and I'm writing fuck you on
Speaker 1: masks tap. We should write a paper, you know, it's
Speaker 1: like reserve for Cia or whatever the manager. We should
Speaker 1: say like we should write like celebrity names, but we
Speaker 1: reserve for fans who didn't who didn't pull the trigger.
Speaker 1: And just to spite you, I will not let you
Speaker 1: sit in those seats. I'm very spiteful and I will
Speaker 1: absolutely do that. So if it doesn't sell out like before,
Speaker 1: if it's two days before, because I need to go.
Speaker 1: There's a Panera Bread across the street. I need to
Speaker 1: stand at the Panera Bread and be like, look through
Speaker 1: the window that did sell out the Wilbur and be
Speaker 1: like I've come a long way. Yes, I need that.
Speaker 1: You should sit out a pair bread table and look
Speaker 1: out onto the Wilbur and red a little by the
Speaker 1: same meal I'm not. I mean, so just make the dessert.
Speaker 1: Is you get to perform at the Wilbole right, and
Speaker 1: it needs to stay sold out and there's a big screen,
Speaker 1: and if it's not, we're not above telling you the
Speaker 1: exact reason why. Yes, oh I got I got issues. Whatever.
Speaker 1: The show is great, so that's so fuck you if
Speaker 1: you don't come. But also, dear God, we need this,
Speaker 1: give this to us. Gone. Then the next day our
Speaker 1: egos deflate significantly as we had to Chickenpee, Massachusetts to
Speaker 1: perform at the Cookie Law, where I'm just gonna drink
Speaker 1: the most fun drinks ever as a consolation prize. That's
Speaker 1: gonna be a fun show. That's gonna be the ne'er
Speaker 1: duels who can't afford to live in Boston. And then us, Hey,
Speaker 1: the I love me some some some super fans are
Speaker 1: coming to both the Wilbur and the Hookio. Well, the
Speaker 1: show is different every time, and it's so God, this
Speaker 1: show is so good. Yeah, Like, it'll be good at
Speaker 1: the Wilbur and then I'm just getting now it'll be
Speaker 1: great at the Hookie Lou It'll be drink confused, you know,
Speaker 1: oh my god. And then we're going to a bunch
Speaker 1: of other cities, you know, Texas, Vegas, Minneapolis, but buy
Speaker 1: tickets for that online, Milwaukee, Chicago, Starry about last Night
Speaker 1: dot com slash tours. Yeah, you know whatever, speaking of whatever.
Speaker 1: We all need a little take a take a little
Speaker 1: better care of ourselves and taking care of our mental
Speaker 1: health is not an exception. That's why today's sponsor, talk Space,
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Speaker 1: talk Space therapy for how we live today. Alright, we're
Speaker 1: almost some of the housekeeping guys, so either fast forward
Speaker 1: or shut the funk up. Thank you so much to
Speaker 1: our new sponsor, Hubble Contact Lenses. This is an exciting
Speaker 1: one because Christine and I are both pretty blind. Oh dude,
Speaker 1: we're so blind. It's not a good situation. Get a
Speaker 1: five point five over here with the home negative sick said,
Speaker 1: negative six point five. What's going to happen to us?
Speaker 1: I mean I make negative twenty Truly, Sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 1: there could be a murderer in my room right now.
Speaker 1: I would have no So Hubble contact lenses they reached
Speaker 1: out to us and we're like, great, No, it was fine, God,
Speaker 1: But I was very I gotta say I was very skeptic.
Speaker 1: I was like, these contact lenses are too cheap. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the name is a telescope, but this has what it's
Speaker 1: like one of my eyes. Yeah, I was. I was
Speaker 1: very hesitant. And I put them in my eyes, and
Speaker 1: I gotta say they were very, very soft and comfortable,
Speaker 1: actually more soft and comfortable than my regular contact lenses.
Speaker 1: But I'm seeing through clouds. I was. I was really
Speaker 1: amazed because I said to Christina privately. I was like,
Speaker 1: these are going to be garbage and then yeah, and
Speaker 1: then then we weren't, and that's good because then we
Speaker 1: I don't think we would have done the ad. So yeah,
Speaker 1: what we're not going to advertise like, you know, knives
Speaker 1: for your butt hole or something and not try it.
Speaker 1: So what we found out is that we've all been
Speaker 1: over paying for contact lenses and now I'm just mad
Speaker 1: about something I'm annoying. So these are great because if
Speaker 1: you don't worry. I've been wearing dailias for a while
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Speaker 1: You just enter your prescription info or Hubble can recommend
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Speaker 1: but it's Hubble contact dot com. You get your first
Speaker 1: two weeks of lenses free, so like, just try it,
Speaker 1: even if you run out of context, just enter it.
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Speaker 1: know what's funny about this? And I am going to
Speaker 1: talk a little bit more about Hobble, but not the
Speaker 1: actual product. It's great. I read this copy last night
Speaker 1: and I read it in a voice that's like easy
Speaker 1: on the eyes and the wallet. And then Crank came
Speaker 1: over and I was like, Krim, this copy is so cheesy.
Speaker 1: We had the phone call on it. He was great,
Speaker 1: and I totally was excited. And then this this copy
Speaker 1: and I was like, read it, read it. She's like
Speaker 1: that one line was cheesy, but I mean that was
Speaker 1: it over exaggerate. But I was so stone that I
Speaker 1: was like, this is the gnarly this is the part
Speaker 1: of the add that I will cut out before upload
Speaker 1: the website. That's the point is I'm fucking idiot. And
Speaker 1: I was high. So well, it sounds like you have
Speaker 1: a good time high, so much fun? Am I going
Speaker 1: first with this? Yeah? Another favorite segment here on guys
Speaker 1: we fucked names names name thanking people who bought the book.
Speaker 1: Oh we are by the way, we're gonna be doing
Speaker 1: this for a couple of more episode. If I got
Speaker 1: one more tweet saying IOK, and guys, we're not gonna
Speaker 1: read you eight hundred names at once. Not to brag,
Speaker 1: we sold a lot of books. We really appreciate it. Also,
Speaker 1: never contact me ever again, Karen Fisher always there when
Speaker 1: you need. Nope, I'm not here for you. That's why
Speaker 1: you get not here for you. I had like a
Speaker 1: real problem. Sure, but the problem is not getting a
Speaker 1: shout out. I wish that was my problem. Um, So
Speaker 1: thank you very much to Angela Garcia, Carly Hill, Paul Hamenez,
Speaker 1: uh Logan Is saman isn't a man though, Thanks for
Speaker 1: the note, Sophie Bishop, Whitney, Villarial, Kate Davis, Courtney Calberough,
Speaker 1: angel Aboozid Yasmine, Omar, Lena Sarschuck, Emily Howell, Joshua Silver,
Speaker 1: Maddie Hine, Autumn Mischler, Joanna Montoya, Suzanne Starns, Danielle Fletcher,
Speaker 1: Crystal Romero, Alison Calzada, Colleen Bowen, Rachel Woodzinski, Kendall stay One,
Speaker 1: Matt gian Quinto, Alison calls Otto, Aliah Beaumont, Gillian mcman,
Speaker 1: Micky stevens Head, there is Zebrasky, Kristin Freeze, Megan McFee,
Speaker 1: Stephanie Thomas, Darthy Lozac ordered two copies, one for myself
Speaker 1: and the other for my friend Allah, who is a
Speaker 1: bigger friend than me. Just want to let you know. Thanks.
Speaker 1: Pam Jackson, Page Hawkins, Giovanna Accordino, Adrian Varwick, Hi, Adrian,
Speaker 1: Alicia Appleby, Amber King, Chrissie Throat, Jessica topel Uh, Samantha Lenore,
Speaker 1: Diana Chavez, Jubilee Westergard, What a name. That's the That's
Speaker 1: the Name Award for this week, Jordan Johnson Lands, Brittany Owen,
Speaker 1: Jessica Kovac, Candice Newgard, Caylin Hublett, and Jordan's Santani. Also
Speaker 1: thank you very much to Kaylin, Shannon Eden, Burshty, Megan
Speaker 1: stock Shut the funk up, Ansha Ankle, Sarah Rose, and
Speaker 1: Megan Stalker. Kristin moon Oh I read her name twice,
Speaker 1: You lucky bitch. Um Uh Aaron Silva, Alicia Lovely, Laura
Speaker 1: Oo's cataggal That I'm sorry, uh, Emily bid Bidwell, Kaylee Jordans,
Speaker 1: Caitlin wider Kerr, Heather McCord, Melissa's Her Brigand Page, metcalf
Speaker 1: Manny Cassis, Chelsea Thumb, Tom Joy Shriner, Sarah Vanis, Kaylin Davidson,
Speaker 1: Jennifer it says Jenna F. But I feel like you
Speaker 1: meant to say Jennifer. But maybe it's jennif f the
Speaker 1: Mr Clius jam You guys are challenging my intellect. Rachel Jenkins, Page, Claypool,
Speaker 1: Sarah Dan, Emily Resnick, Jillian Higbee, Lily Albricht, Alexis, Ronan,
Speaker 1: Megan and Ann's Lee Lesbian's fish A. That's just what
Speaker 1: it says. I don't know, Megan Fox in parentheses, Sorry,
Speaker 1: not the famous one, Madeline Hunt, Sarah back Him, Cat Nardiz,
Speaker 1: Alika nilesh War, Courtney Guru oh pronounced shru Courtney shoot Duru.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you guys, Brendan Muniz, Jennifer, I have
Speaker 1: good I feel like I'm drowning in a pool. Melissa Bates,
Speaker 1: Christie Walders, Caitlyn Mendoza, Stephanie Bowen, Mandolin Harper. That's a
Speaker 1: good Is that your real name? That's a good name.
Speaker 1: Kisa Sitter and Baker, Alexandra Nick, Whoa, Lauren Oaks, Peter Higher,
Speaker 1: Taylor Bird, Amber Warded, and Stephanie. Yeah, we did it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I feel like it just takes you
Speaker 1: back to fourth grade, you know. And I had to
Speaker 1: do the passage of tuck her for last thing and
Speaker 1: it was really bad. You just not going at reading
Speaker 1: a lout or yep, yep, that's it. It isn't oh,
Speaker 1: you suck at reading in front of people. It isn't. Well.
Speaker 1: I thought it was specifically the names maybe because aren't
Speaker 1: real words, you know. I know, so that's different. It's
Speaker 1: just any words, it's any letters. Um, alright, let's let's
Speaker 1: go to the GW of mail bag. Oh, let's subject line,
Speaker 1: A fucking plant is ruining my relationship question mark Questions.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, found your podcast a few months ago and
Speaker 1: I've been listening every week. You give great advice and
Speaker 1: I really wanted your opinion on an issue I'm having.
Speaker 1: An outside perspective could be exactly what I need. So
Speaker 1: let me give you some important background info to help
Speaker 1: further understand why I'm so stressed. I am a twenty
Speaker 1: two year old lesbian from a tiny ask town of
Speaker 1: about ten thousand people. I have struggled with serious mental
Speaker 1: health issues my whole life. I survived two suicide attempts. Uh.
Speaker 1: That seems like two failures, right, But that's good. It's
Speaker 1: the one good thing. It's good to fail at fail,
Speaker 1: don't get better at it. That when I'm a stuff.
Speaker 1: Lots of therapy and medication and multiple drug addictions, including heroin,
Speaker 1: zanix and pain pills. Wow, girl, you strong. So that escalated.
Speaker 1: I replaced all that with marijuana and I am now
Speaker 1: clean from our drugs for almost sixteen months. Great. That's uh.
Speaker 1: These issues have also affected my love life. I have
Speaker 1: never been in a relationship before now, partly because there
Speaker 1: are like six lesbians in a twenty five mile radius, uh,
Speaker 1: Partly because I didn't want to settle with anything less
Speaker 1: than the best for me, right, and partly because I
Speaker 1: was so scared of getting hurt. But finally I found
Speaker 1: someone I can see my self spending the rest of
Speaker 1: my life with. I've been seeing a lot of this
Speaker 1: girl for almost six months. It actually took me almost
Speaker 1: four months to officially call her my girlfriend out of fear,
Speaker 1: but she maybe my soul mate. She is the most
Speaker 1: beautiful girl I've ever seen. She loves me and she
Speaker 1: listens to me. All we do is laugh, talk and fuck,
Speaker 1: and it is the best sex I've ever had. I
Speaker 1: came seven times last night. But anyway, before I met her,
Speaker 1: I wasn't doing too well. I stopped with the hard drugs,
Speaker 1: but I was broke, jumping from job to job, never
Speaker 1: managing my money, and being way more concerned with fun
Speaker 1: than bettering my life. I lived in disaster and was
Speaker 1: so irresponsible. I have been in and out of hospitals
Speaker 1: due to my depression and anxiety. My family was so
Speaker 1: worried about me. But she has fixed that. We lived
Speaker 1: together and I now have a steady job with benefits.
Speaker 1: My house is actually looking like a home. I have
Speaker 1: a savings account, and I am starting to grow up.
Speaker 1: I'm happy for the first time in my life. Because
Speaker 1: of her, I am a better me. But we do
Speaker 1: have one huge issue marijuana. She hates it. She hates
Speaker 1: everything about it. She has tried it and she freaks
Speaker 1: out and gets sick. Uh, and she has some very
Speaker 1: strong feelings against it, but I love it. I love
Speaker 1: the feeling and how it relaxes me. It also has
Speaker 1: helped me drop all all the other drugs out of
Speaker 1: my life. I love the social aspect of it because
Speaker 1: all my friends are avid stoners. I just seriously love weed.
Speaker 1: I don't drink ever, so this is a fun way
Speaker 1: to escape. But she hates that I smoke. I feel
Speaker 1: like the only way she will be truly happy is
Speaker 1: if I completely quit, and that's just not happening. We
Speaker 1: have already tried to compromise on the subject. I get
Speaker 1: rid of all my weed related stuff in the house.
Speaker 1: I don't do it by myself anymore, and all I
Speaker 1: want to do is smoke every once in a while
Speaker 1: when I'm with friends. But we still fight about it.
Speaker 1: It's a never ending issue, sho. We have broken up
Speaker 1: three times now over it. I can't go out with
Speaker 1: my friends without coming home to a lecture and interview.
Speaker 1: So did you smoke? How much did you smoke? Who
Speaker 1: were you with? And now she is making me have
Speaker 1: a limit. I am only allowed to smoke twice a month. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's just that I'm only allowed to smoke twice a month.
Speaker 1: I hate that. I have to ask permission to go
Speaker 1: have fun. Well you don't, uh, And her argument is
Speaker 1: always the same, well why do you need to smoke?
Speaker 1: Aren't you happy without it? Or my favorite, you are
Speaker 1: choosing weed over me. Nothing I do or say will
Speaker 1: change her mind on marijuana. I have had some issues
Speaker 1: with drug use in the past, and she thinks I
Speaker 1: will spiral out of control again. I wanted to respect
Speaker 1: her feelings because I love her, but I feel so controlled.
Speaker 1: I'm a big girl. I can handle myself when I ever.
Speaker 1: I asked for advice from my conservative doctor mother and
Speaker 1: teacher slash school board president father. They beg to just
Speaker 1: They beg me to just quit smoking because they see
Speaker 1: how well I'm doing with her. But on the other hand,
Speaker 1: my friends are begging me to break up with her
Speaker 1: because it's just a fucking plant and she's quote not
Speaker 1: my mom. I love her. I could see myself marrying her,
Speaker 1: and whenever we broke up, I was devastated. But this
Speaker 1: is insane. I shouldn't have to ask permission to do things,
Speaker 1: and no one can control me but myself. I'm afraid
Speaker 1: that if we break up I will go into a
Speaker 1: deep depression again. But this is hard. Is this how
Speaker 1: relationships work? This is my first one, so I don't
Speaker 1: know what is normal or not. I guess I'm just
Speaker 1: begging for some outside perspective because I'm lost. Any advice
Speaker 1: would be greatly appreciated. I feel like you guys could
Speaker 1: shed some light on the subject. With love. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: withhold your name for this one. Okay, there's a lot here,
Speaker 1: uh my darling Um. First off, God, I don't even
Speaker 1: know where to start with this. Well, I think you
Speaker 1: should make yourself happy, not another person. I mean, I
Speaker 1: I get fighting happiness another person. That's amazing how they
Speaker 1: coun uplift your life. But she didn't fix your life.
Speaker 1: You did, and may Wanta helped right. Well, The thing is,
Speaker 1: I before you even got to the part where you
Speaker 1: detailed your weed usage, which is very minimal at this point,
Speaker 1: I smoke every night by myself. So you guys know
Speaker 1: you My problem with this email before we got to
Speaker 1: the weed part was that you, Yeah, you were like
Speaker 1: this girl is helping. It seems to me like you
Speaker 1: are addicted to this girl. You obviously have a very
Speaker 1: addictive personality, and you you can't be like this person
Speaker 1: fixed my life because number one, you can never rely
Speaker 1: on another person that much. Like it is possible that
Speaker 1: someone can kind of like help you through your life,
Speaker 1: but number one, that's more of the job of a parent,
Speaker 1: not a spouse, to kind of lead you in the
Speaker 1: right direction. Uh. And secondly, uh, just think about what
Speaker 1: would happen if she left you. You You never want to
Speaker 1: be so dependent on a person that if they leave you,
Speaker 1: your world will fall apart. That's a very dangerous situation
Speaker 1: to put yourself in. It's a lot of pressure to
Speaker 1: put on one person too. Yeah, and I mean she
Speaker 1: this may be this seems like someone who likes, you know,
Speaker 1: for lack of a better phrase, cleaning up messes. And
Speaker 1: there are many of people have people out there who
Speaker 1: just love a mess and love to clean it up.
Speaker 1: I at certain points have certainly been that person. But
Speaker 1: it's it's not a good place to be for that
Speaker 1: person or for yourself. Uh. You know, it certainly seems
Speaker 1: like you do always need to have a mechanism to cope,
Speaker 1: and you do like to use substances to do that.
Speaker 1: Marijuana obviously a lot safer than the other things that
Speaker 1: you have listed, better than alcohol, certainly better than heroin,
Speaker 1: better than zan X and better than pain pills. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But and then if you were prescribed as an X
Speaker 1: once a day or whatever by a doctor, which a
Speaker 1: lot of people are, none would shoot on that. But
Speaker 1: then when you smoke weed, which is less harmful of
Speaker 1: your body, Oh, now you're a crazy loon. Huh Right.
Speaker 1: I just have a problem with people who are who
Speaker 1: whoo poo poo marijuana because I've seen it helped so
Speaker 1: many people, and it's it's an alternative to taking medication. Sure,
Speaker 1: I mean that this is just you just have a
Speaker 1: super addictive personality. That's something you have to deal with.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, you definitely need to be seeing a
Speaker 1: therapist regularly, it seems, and that and that will keep
Speaker 1: you not you know, trying to kill yourself. That will
Speaker 1: keep you in law line without having to rely on
Speaker 1: a partner. A partner, as we've said before in the podcast,
Speaker 1: is not a therapist, is not a parent. They are
Speaker 1: just that a partner. They can help you a little bit.
Speaker 1: But if that's your main source of like that's the
Speaker 1: person you're relying on, you're using them as your crutch.
Speaker 1: That's not healthy for you, that's not healthy for them,
Speaker 1: and that's not healthy for the relationship. On the flip side,
Speaker 1: as someone who doesn't really smoke weed and has had
Speaker 1: many partners over the years who smoke a ship ton
Speaker 1: of weed, it can be annoying. It can be too
Speaker 1: much because especially my last boyfriend didn't too much and
Speaker 1: he woke up in the morning and smoked it, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I mean, if he doesn't stop this,
Speaker 1: I can't be with him. Sure, And it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: how are you when you're on weed? And it's the
Speaker 1: same as alcohol, Like, uh, some people get violent or
Speaker 1: shitty when they're on alcoholic. I'm delightful when I'm on alcohol,
Speaker 1: So that's not a problem. But I still wouldn't want
Speaker 1: to do it too much because for me dating someone
Speaker 1: who smokes a lot of weed, sometimes it makes me
Speaker 1: feel like they're never them. Yeah, so it's like, are
Speaker 1: we even hanging out? I feel like I can tell exactly,
Speaker 1: or if feels like do you have to smoke weed
Speaker 1: to deal with me? Oh? God, I even think of that.
Speaker 1: It can also be that So those are two things
Speaker 1: that can feel hurtful. It seems like you've really cut
Speaker 1: it down. Though I can understand not wanting to have
Speaker 1: a bunch of weed paraphernalia on theven. That's the one thing.
Speaker 1: Because Steven's super cool about like it is it is child,
Speaker 1: That's exactly what he said. He's like, I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm in a fraternity when I wake up. I don't
Speaker 1: want to see your your weed on the coffee table,
Speaker 1: and like that is fair, Nor do I put it away.
Speaker 1: Anytime I walk into a person's house and I fucking
Speaker 1: see a bong out, I'm like, for the lover God
Speaker 1: put on a close Jared Garcia, Yeah, um so I
Speaker 1: think that's that. But she also seems way too controlling.
Speaker 1: And also like you haven't even been dating that long
Speaker 1: and you've broke up three times. This is this is
Speaker 1: this is a man. I know exactly the type of
Speaker 1: relationship you're in. Yeah, when things are going well, it's amazing,
Speaker 1: but when things are not, it's a fucking nightmare. So
Speaker 1: and also you've also said, like I can see myself
Speaker 1: spending my life with this person, like three times in
Speaker 1: a page letter, you're issing yourself of something like it
Speaker 1: doesn't reader. Yeah, just date someone who do you have
Speaker 1: fun with your twenty two You don't need to spend
Speaker 1: the rest of your life with this person. A lot
Speaker 1: of people email us it's like, Okay, my advice for
Speaker 1: used to reread the email that you sent us out
Speaker 1: loud to yourself. And then if you read it as
Speaker 1: if a friend was writing you that, what would you
Speaker 1: tell that friend? Yeah, And I mean I don't like
Speaker 1: to depend on all my friend's opinions for anything. I mean,
Speaker 1: I certainly respect them that I don't they don't use
Speaker 1: that their opinion as my end all and be all.
Speaker 1: But if all your friends are saying not like, well,
Speaker 1: then all your friends are in the wrong. I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean, of course, your parents like because they don't know.
Speaker 1: They don't I mean, they probably don't, like, they don't
Speaker 1: care about the sex you're having. They don't care about that.
Speaker 1: They just like they're like, Wow, our drug addicts suicidal
Speaker 1: daughter hasn't tried to kill herself and has stopped doing heroin,
Speaker 1: Like that's what they mean. But that seems as parents,
Speaker 1: But you need to have done that for you and
Speaker 1: have the strength to be suicide attempt and heroin free
Speaker 1: without this check. So if it's only her that's keeping
Speaker 1: you from doing that, you're not well yet. Boom dropped
Speaker 1: that my girl next subject. Cheating girlfriend has left me
Speaker 1: feeling emasculated. Hey guys, I've been listening to you guys
Speaker 1: since the story episode, and what you guys are doing
Speaker 1: is awesome. Never thought i'd find myself writing and looking
Speaker 1: for your advice. But I I'm want to embrace. I'm
Speaker 1: not wanted to go to my friends. So here it goes. Uh. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had to add a lot of words in there,
Speaker 1: but that's okay. I was laughing at that. I'm not
Speaker 1: wanting to go to my friends. I was like, but okay,
Speaker 1: way are your friends just I mean maybe. I met
Speaker 1: my girlfriend over three years ago. We were together for
Speaker 1: a year and had a awesome relationship. Something about us
Speaker 1: just clicks. It was going great, and due to a
Speaker 1: series of unfortunate events, she found herself moving to New Zealand. Naturally,
Speaker 1: I was heartbroken, but we both moved on and had
Speaker 1: other relationships, but we kept in touch. Around mid last year,
Speaker 1: she came home. We met up as friends, but all
Speaker 1: the old feelings are still there and we still had
Speaker 1: fun the way we did before and ended up looking up.
Speaker 1: So we got back together. Things have been going great since, like,
Speaker 1: holy sh it great. Recently, we spend all weekend in
Speaker 1: bed together, but I could tell something it was up,
Speaker 1: so I asked her if she needed to talk. She
Speaker 1: burst into tears and told me that it wasn't working out.
Speaker 1: She told me that she knew we were awesome together,
Speaker 1: but she couldn't be with me. After several hours of
Speaker 1: mutual tears, she said her goodbyes and I was left confused.
Speaker 1: The next night, I sent her a text saying I
Speaker 1: was thinking about her, and then I hope she was okay,
Speaker 1: and I was worried about her. She called me and
Speaker 1: broke down and told me that she had cheated. She
Speaker 1: had been with her friends at her friend's house, a
Speaker 1: guy I thought was a creep and was after something.
Speaker 1: It was after something, but she told me they were
Speaker 1: just friends. She texted me that night asking if if
Speaker 1: I was okay with her sleeping on his couch. I
Speaker 1: genuinely am pretty confident. I'm not intimidated by their men,
Speaker 1: so I said, yeah, of course, I trust you. Turns
Speaker 1: out I was wrong. They lay in bed watching a
Speaker 1: movie together and he came on to her. She didn't
Speaker 1: say no. I don't have a clue what to do.
Speaker 1: She came to my house and floods of tears, saying
Speaker 1: she would do anything to fix this. A big part
Speaker 1: of me wants to fix it because I love her
Speaker 1: and I don't want to give to give up. I
Speaker 1: know this wasn't an ongoing thing, and that we're all
Speaker 1: human and we sunk up, but I totally feel betrayed,
Speaker 1: human related and emasculated. I'm a strong person, but right
Speaker 1: now I feel like my masculinity has been robbed of
Speaker 1: me and my confidence is in the gutter. I feel weak.
Speaker 1: The thought of another man touching her makes me sick.
Speaker 1: I love her and I want to fix this too,
Speaker 1: but I don't know how to go to about it.
Speaker 1: How do I rebuild the trust? How do I feel
Speaker 1: like a man again? Do I even give her this chance?
Speaker 1: I'm seriously lost and would appreciate your your guys help.
Speaker 1: Sorry for reading, And if any of this is hard
Speaker 1: to read, as I'm not exactly a poet, I don't
Speaker 1: apologize the amount apologized to. It seems you didn't give
Speaker 1: any clues about how you're. It seems like everything was
Speaker 1: great except for that, And if that is the case,
Speaker 1: I mean she just felt bad. I've got if you're
Speaker 1: you seem like a really nice guy. And if you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I trust you, and then she portrayed your trust after
Speaker 1: you were like yeah, I trust you to not do anything,
Speaker 1: and then she did that exact thing. And she just
Speaker 1: feels awful about hurting your feelings and she hates herself
Speaker 1: for hurting your feelings. Um, and she wants to make
Speaker 1: it work. I just can't tell if she wants to
Speaker 1: make it work or she feels horrible and she wants
Speaker 1: to fix it and she doesn't want you to be
Speaker 1: miss r Ble, or you guys are in a good match.
Speaker 1: But it seems like just because someone cheats, I don't
Speaker 1: think cheating should be I don't think cheating means the
Speaker 1: end of the relationship. It's all dependent upon the circumstances.
Speaker 1: It also depends how you are as a person. Some
Speaker 1: people just like they're pride, or like some people just
Speaker 1: it's not even pride. There's some people just that that's
Speaker 1: something and that and that's okay, like a deer barker. Few.
Speaker 1: I think that's totally you have to know that, yes,
Speaker 1: because I've had people trying, like people sometimes try to
Speaker 1: get over it and then it just ends up becoming
Speaker 1: a very abusive relationship. Exactly because it's like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: want to get over this, Okay, you want to, but
Speaker 1: can you Yeah, you can want to, but you should
Speaker 1: know yourself low enough, like like before you take the
Speaker 1: journey down that route of trying to uh forgive someone
Speaker 1: for cheating, you gotta know that you have to have
Speaker 1: a feeling that that's inside of you. Yes, and and
Speaker 1: you can't throw it, you know, use it against her
Speaker 1: down the road for anything. Once you're once you're done
Speaker 1: talking out as much as you want to talk about
Speaker 1: if you want to work it out. I think it's
Speaker 1: totally fine if you want to work it out. I
Speaker 1: don't know how else your relations and hip is, or
Speaker 1: how you guys viber, how she treats you, how you
Speaker 1: treat her. I have no idea. It sounds pretty respectful.
Speaker 1: It's just I don't have a lot of details here.
Speaker 1: But if you think that you could still continue to
Speaker 1: be with her and not use that against her, talk
Speaker 1: it out as much as you want to talk out,
Speaker 1: talk it out, fask whatever you want to ask, figure
Speaker 1: out whatever you want to figure out, and then move on.
Speaker 1: Because I think that you can truly have a sexual
Speaker 1: interaction with another person while still being with somebody else
Speaker 1: and loving them no less than before after that sexual interaction.
Speaker 1: I really don't think that you can have a sexual interaction.
Speaker 1: But but it really bothers me that she like texted
Speaker 1: him that night to say if it was okay. It's
Speaker 1: almost it's like she's trying. She's being over the defensive.
Speaker 1: It's like you're doing some weird weird if they live together.
Speaker 1: Wait do they live together? I don't know. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't really that doesn't say that was weird, because
Speaker 1: then I would be like, oh my coming if I
Speaker 1: didn't come home, I have to tell Stephen something right,
Speaker 1: And it's okay to feel mad. And I think the masculine,
Speaker 1: the feeling emasculated is maybe. I mean, obviously you feel
Speaker 1: how you feel, but I would say that's not the
Speaker 1: that's not like the you shouldn't that that nothing happened
Speaker 1: to your masculinity in this situation, Like technically nothing. This
Speaker 1: is trust and and just because she uh hooked up
Speaker 1: with some other guy doesn't mean he's more masculine than you.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm attracted to a lot of different people.
Speaker 1: It doesn't it's just it's more like time place. I
Speaker 1: mean dude by like that. It's those things. I get
Speaker 1: why you use emasculated, I think. I mean, I've been
Speaker 1: cheated on so many times, you guys, and I felt
Speaker 1: so out of control, like I was drowning. I felt
Speaker 1: like I was drowning. It was the worst heartache I've
Speaker 1: ever felt was when a relationship bending because of cheating,
Speaker 1: because it was I didn't even get a chance to
Speaker 1: say anything. It just happened and then boom, fuck you by.
Speaker 1: And in those both instances, there was no trying to
Speaker 1: work it out because it had. It was way worse
Speaker 1: than where you're describing to me if it was just
Speaker 1: a one off thing. Um, so I get it. It's
Speaker 1: a shitty fucking feel. Heartache is the one of the
Speaker 1: worst feelings in the world. And when it involves being
Speaker 1: cheated on, oh my god, that's twisting the fucking dagger
Speaker 1: that is in your heart because it makes I think
Speaker 1: it's it's like it's a emasculated is weird only because
Speaker 1: like a woman is also going to feel away, but
Speaker 1: it's I wouldn't even I wouldn't even say I would
Speaker 1: feel like. You feel like less of a person, you
Speaker 1: feel less attractive, feel less special. I don't feel like
Speaker 1: less of a woman getting cheated on to make me
Speaker 1: feel like less of a woman. Know, it wouldn't make
Speaker 1: me feel like less of a woman, made me feel
Speaker 1: like less of a like a person, less of a purse,
Speaker 1: less of a lover, loves of a partner, less of
Speaker 1: my value as a partner, as a romantic satner went
Speaker 1: down for sure. Yeah, and that's that's not a specific
Speaker 1: to sex, but uh, you know gender. Um yeah, And also,
Speaker 1: I mean this is annoying. You have to figure out
Speaker 1: yourself whether you foresee yourself getting over this or not.
Speaker 1: Time will heal it, I will say, but you have
Speaker 1: if you decide to get over it, you gotta you
Speaker 1: have to give it, set some kind of a deadline,
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna give my give myself three months and
Speaker 1: then like you literally can't bring it up again. You
Speaker 1: can't bring it up in fights. You gotta just it's done.
Speaker 1: And watch Esther Peril's Pearls Esther Pearl's Ted talk on infidelity,
Speaker 1: and Savage had recommended it a couple times on his podcast,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you don't want I want to
Speaker 1: watch Esther Pearls talk on infidelity. It is fascinating, it's
Speaker 1: really interesting. It will give you a perspective that you
Speaker 1: didn't have. Um, yeah, some homework for you. Thanks for
Speaker 1: writing all right. You can have in second with more
Speaker 1: than one person. This week's guest guys. He has a
Speaker 1: new album on iTunes called No Kidding. He has a
Speaker 1: new special out called Small, Dork and Handsome on Netflix.
Speaker 1: Please give a warm welcome to this week's guest. Mike
Speaker 1: Caplan spen fun. I am tweet full, SI learn to love.
Speaker 1: It's the thin with this line next to me, it's
Speaker 1: cud of past time. You know, it's feeling four, feeling Okay,
Speaker 1: we're here, what my cape? Hey very well? Thank well?
Speaker 1: Your names sou I did when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: It was when Prince changed his name to a symbol,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'll be weird too. And then
Speaker 1: is that the truth? O? You you chose m y Q?
Speaker 1: I did? I did? I like, aged fourteen or so,
Speaker 1: just rolled with like a white wrapper or something. I
Speaker 1: was a you know, a kid at a summer camp.
Speaker 1: I mean, well I've never been a summer camps, so
Speaker 1: you can't. It was white rapper summer camps. It was like,
Speaker 1: you know, a weird artsy thing, like a bunch of
Speaker 1: you know, like the kids who are misfits and outcasts
Speaker 1: and uh like not I didn't have like tons of
Speaker 1: friends in school, but we all kids like that, like
Speaker 1: you know, would convene on this camp and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: there are actually people who care about each other, and
Speaker 1: it's like nice. Since that's sort of like where I
Speaker 1: sort of became, uh like, learned that there were other
Speaker 1: sort of socially caring human beings and started to become one,
Speaker 1: I think. And the first thing you did was changed
Speaker 1: the spelling of your name one of them, you know,
Speaker 1: sort of perhaps a symbolic I had a dream once
Speaker 1: about uh like around that time. I think, I don't
Speaker 1: remember most of my dreams, but I had a dream
Speaker 1: that I was like Batman and also a history teacher,
Speaker 1: like that was my secret identity. And then in college
Speaker 1: or like uh later, I think in like grad school orientation,
Speaker 1: there was like a psychology professor who talked about interpreting
Speaker 1: dreams and how like books can't really tell you because
Speaker 1: different things mean different things to different people. He's like,
Speaker 1: the way, if you want to interpret them, it has
Speaker 1: to be what things mean stuff to you. So like
Speaker 1: I started thinking back, and I'm like, well, Batman I
Speaker 1: thought was cool, and History I thought was like not cool.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I guess those were like the two
Speaker 1: aspects of myself, like my school self that I hated,
Speaker 1: like the history version, and then the cooler like summer
Speaker 1: camp part that was like I'm gonna change my name,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be weird, I'm gonna be fine, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be different, you know, having an alter ego like Batman,
Speaker 1: and so that was what a deep response I lost. Well,
Speaker 1: that's true, but I guess I've been asked that before.
Speaker 1: I too have double I wive two wise and I
Speaker 1: and people look at me with disgust sometimes when they
Speaker 1: see the spelling. Christina, hasn't ee ever told you that
Speaker 1: you are two wise? Yeah? I was called double y
Speaker 1: by one of my teachers, history teacher, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm more than just spelling on my name. And also like,
Speaker 1: I mean, what do what do words and letters mean anyway?
Speaker 1: Human beings connecting on a different level? Here? Is that
Speaker 1: also your philosophy with sex? I mean human beings connecting
Speaker 1: on whatever? No, that's on the same level. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't want to connect with people on different I mean,
Speaker 1: you know what what, I haven't said anything of meaning
Speaker 1: yet at all, but happy to answer questions. All right, yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I mean at the story I do. We definitely wanna
Speaker 1: focus on polyamory for this episode because it came at
Speaker 1: the perfect time last week. This will air in a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks. But so a few weeks ago, we
Speaker 1: answered an email from someone who like thought they were
Speaker 1: in a polyamorous relationship. They thought they were, and they
Speaker 1: definitely weren't. Basically, their boyfriend just wanted to fund multiple
Speaker 1: people and then they were using a like a word
Speaker 1: that they didn't really know the true meaning of. And
Speaker 1: it's we've had this podcast for three years, but we've
Speaker 1: actually never really had someone on who identified as a
Speaker 1: polyamorous person. And that means that you are romantically involved
Speaker 1: with multiple people, not just an open relationship where you
Speaker 1: got some fund buddies on the side. That you don't
Speaker 1: tell a wife you about that she doesn't tell you
Speaker 1: about hers either, that's fair, Yeah, that's I mean, there's
Speaker 1: definitely there's so many ways to have open relationships. Some
Speaker 1: people do have, don't a stone tells. Some people do
Speaker 1: have like tell like I I had one, my first
Speaker 1: really like fully open relationship was maybe like five or
Speaker 1: six years ago, and she wasn't because she's probably she
Speaker 1: was monogamous before with most people. But I was like,
Speaker 1: this is a thing that's important to me, and so
Speaker 1: I want to try this, and in that situation I
Speaker 1: did and she was like, I'll do it. And a
Speaker 1: lot of people, my friends were like, what if she's
Speaker 1: just saying it to go along with it? Like people
Speaker 1: on friends on podcasts would ask and she'd listen to
Speaker 1: this podcasts and she tell me she's like I really
Speaker 1: want to do and she would do things. She would
Speaker 1: act on it with other people as well, and that
Speaker 1: made me feel, you know, initially like sort of like
Speaker 1: a pang of like, oh, you know this is happening.
Speaker 1: But moreover, I was happy that she was taking that
Speaker 1: she was, you know, connecting with people in the way
Speaker 1: that she wanted to, and that sort of demonstrated that
Speaker 1: she wasn't just doing it for me. And also, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be like I know what's I know
Speaker 1: what you mean, I know what's best for you. Like
Speaker 1: I'm like, if you tell me, if you tell thank
Speaker 1: you that you're not yeah, No, I definitely, Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: I can you explain to us how you don't man
Speaker 1: play it's a trapped you probably will, um, you can,
Speaker 1: you can have me. I definitely like. So in that relationship,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're as I believed her. I believe like,
Speaker 1: if you say that you're into what I'm into, then wonderful.
Speaker 1: And her thing was, I want to know when you
Speaker 1: do things, but like if you know, I go on
Speaker 1: the road, uh, and I hook up with somebody when
Speaker 1: I come back, I would tell her because that way,
Speaker 1: she said, not knowing, She's like, what if? What if
Speaker 1: it's happening all the time, Like I just be like
Speaker 1: sort of freaking out anxious about it. So it didn't
Speaker 1: happen all the time, Maybe it would happen like once
Speaker 1: a month, maybe some months more, maybe some not at all.
Speaker 1: And I would come home and I'd be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm back, I love you, we're here, we're in this thing,
Speaker 1: and a thing happened. And then also sometimes she would like,
Speaker 1: sometimes you would ask for lots of details, sometimes she
Speaker 1: would ask for no details, and then sometimes like later
Speaker 1: when we were having sex, she would like ask for
Speaker 1: more to really tell me about it again. Because great,
Speaker 1: I love I love hearing I kind of thinking relationship
Speaker 1: sounds awesome into the sexual sense though for me, not
Speaker 1: the romantic part of it. But that's just because it
Speaker 1: sounds fucking exhausting romantically. Because so you've been romantically, where
Speaker 1: are you keeping correspondence with these with these people like
Speaker 1: on the world that you would meet afterwards? Sometimes there
Speaker 1: would be sometimes it would be just a one off,
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes like you know, you're in, you're out,
Speaker 1: then that's it forever. But sometimes I mean, here's the
Speaker 1: thing that I think might make it seem like less
Speaker 1: challenging or in a different way challenging that Like I
Speaker 1: have just some people who are like I consider mostly
Speaker 1: friends who are like in different parts of the country,
Speaker 1: like friends who I love, who I've known for many years,
Speaker 1: and like at different stages of our relationship, like maybe
Speaker 1: we were just friends and then sometimes we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe if we're both available and want to then when
Speaker 1: we're in the same place we hook up. We're sexual.
Speaker 1: So there could be like, oh, when I go to
Speaker 1: that town, if you go there once a year, whatever, exactly.
Speaker 1: Who told you I have no idea is a very
Speaker 1: common name. There have been a Sarah to Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: you got it. I'm psychic. But yeah, so there's definitely
Speaker 1: like you know if I And it's kind of nice too,
Speaker 1: because I like, I like having there's this quote. I like,
Speaker 1: it's uh, it's like repetition makes us feel secure, variety
Speaker 1: makes us feel free, and so we want to feel
Speaker 1: both of those things. And so obviously, like the like,
Speaker 1: if you're in a monogamous relationship, you're like heavy on security,
Speaker 1: heavy on repetition, and maybe you have to you can
Speaker 1: try to like do things that are like variety to
Speaker 1: spice up the relationship, but the whole thing is the
Speaker 1: same relationship, Whereas in this situation, it's sort of like
Speaker 1: a variety of secure things that happen, you know, when
Speaker 1: they happen around the country. So it's like like I
Speaker 1: like to travel for comedy and I like to come home,
Speaker 1: like I like to leave like a new thing and
Speaker 1: I like my old thing. Like it's it's nice to
Speaker 1: have all of the experience as possible. Was that quote
Speaker 1: used in the context of romance and relationships or just
Speaker 1: just life in general, life in general? Yeah, I apply
Speaker 1: it to many things. Yeah, I do think that people.
Speaker 1: I mean, I I guess everybody. Everybody is different. I
Speaker 1: don't have to guess. I know everyone's so different. But
Speaker 1: I would imagine someone in a relationship after ten years
Speaker 1: or something, They're going to be like, well, I just
Speaker 1: want to see what bill over, there's dolleh am, it's possible. Mean, well,
Speaker 1: I mean these days, like so that that particular relationship
Speaker 1: that I that I was just talking about, I've been
Speaker 1: like talking about open relationships like since probably like you know,
Speaker 1: on stage, since maybe ten years ago, because you've always
Speaker 1: wanted one. That's when I wasn't So. I was married
Speaker 1: in my mid twenties and it was monogamous for the
Speaker 1: most part, and then after that I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I guess I don't think that lifelong monogamy is a
Speaker 1: thing that I can do. So I initially thought I
Speaker 1: would just have like, you know, a relationship for a
Speaker 1: year or two years more as long as we both
Speaker 1: wanted to do it, and then just keep married. Going
Speaker 1: back before that, like it's like, so, do you think
Speaker 1: that your marriage didn't Well, I don't know the reason
Speaker 1: your marriage didn't work, only you know that, but I
Speaker 1: mean did have more to do with like you not
Speaker 1: being able to be monogamous or like you just getting
Speaker 1: married too young. I'm part partly that I got married
Speaker 1: like younger then. I think I would recommend to most
Speaker 1: people or myself in the past, if I could go.
Speaker 1: We met when I was twenty four and got married
Speaker 1: at twenty five, So it was damn yeah. But it
Speaker 1: was because I had never been with a person that
Speaker 1: I really wanted to be with more than a year,
Speaker 1: and sort of, you know, society was like, you know, hey,
Speaker 1: you you found the persons marriage. Really society said that.
Speaker 1: I mean it was like Mike, first of all, fuck
Speaker 1: you for your spelling. Second of all, get married. I
Speaker 1: was in Boston, I mean, but I think I grew
Speaker 1: up in New Jersey, and I'm just like, I didn't.
Speaker 1: You might have been just so amped that you found
Speaker 1: somebody that you were like, wait, I can actually see
Speaker 1: being this person for more than a year. That means
Speaker 1: I should marry that. I can. I get how that,
Speaker 1: especially artists, we get wrapped a romantic nons and one
Speaker 1: other thing. I mean, it wasn't like I knew for
Speaker 1: sure that this was going to last forever. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know the future. I know that divorces the possibility,
Speaker 1: but also one of the practical reasons we got married
Speaker 1: when we did is that we wanted to live together.
Speaker 1: And I think, like living together after a year seems
Speaker 1: like also could be reasonable. But I was in at
Speaker 1: school living as a resident assistant, and like we weren't, like,
Speaker 1: so nobody could move in unless they were officially married,
Speaker 1: which is not necessarily like, but we're like we think
Speaker 1: that we will be heading in that direction so earlier.
Speaker 1: Like I have a friend who like married a British
Speaker 1: guy after she knew him for a year because they
Speaker 1: wanted to live in the same country and they're still together, like,
Speaker 1: you know, a decade later. So it works for some
Speaker 1: people for sure, But I think that we we the
Speaker 1: marriage didn't work because we ultimately weren't compatible. Because obviously
Speaker 1: knowing somebody and being into them for a year doesn't
Speaker 1: guarantee that you're going to be compatible for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life in all the ways because of the
Speaker 1: you know, new relationship energy everyone is just really that
Speaker 1: might just just how old are you now? Do you mind?
Speaker 1: Some thirty eight? Okay? Because so I just wanted because
Speaker 1: I think that's like that's important because people like angels
Speaker 1: just number No, it's not. When you're thirty eight, you
Speaker 1: know a lot more. Ship I'm thirty one, you know
Speaker 1: more than me. And when you're together with somebody for
Speaker 1: a year, you an x amount about him. When you're
Speaker 1: with them for two years, you'll learn more. When you're
Speaker 1: three four, we're still learning shit about my six year relationship.
Speaker 1: I listened to uh Dan Savage all the time. He's
Speaker 1: one of my favorite and I like he he says this,
Speaker 1: and so I I'll repeat this from him, like you know,
Speaker 1: sort of butchering or paraphrasing. But it's like if you're
Speaker 1: you know, if you're whatever age you are, if you
Speaker 1: meet somebody and you think you want to be with
Speaker 1: them forever after a year, then keep staying with them,
Speaker 1: and that will still if you're right, you'll still want
Speaker 1: to be with them forever after five years. Like there's
Speaker 1: no reason that it has to you have to be like,
Speaker 1: we gotta get this label, we gotta get this piece
Speaker 1: of paper like enjoy, like you know, be in the moment, live,
Speaker 1: live and enjoy each day and then eventually and that's
Speaker 1: a new, a new sort of perspective that I've taken recently.
Speaker 1: Is I think that I still have the idea that
Speaker 1: I want to be with you know, I don't currently
Speaker 1: have you know, a primary relationship, a specific you know,
Speaker 1: like one girlfriend, one partner, uh that I'm seeing that
Speaker 1: I planned to you know, like potentially marry or live
Speaker 1: with or build a life with. Like that's the thing
Speaker 1: that I believe that I want and I think that
Speaker 1: maybe I will have again. But I used to like
Speaker 1: jump into relationships or I used to like believe that
Speaker 1: I knew that I wanted a relationship sooner, like I
Speaker 1: could know after like a few days, like you know,
Speaker 1: like that Malcolm gladb like blink, like I see you
Speaker 1: and and there were good people see you. I've dated
Speaker 1: good people. And but even then, like I said, I
Speaker 1: love you very quickly after like you know, weeks or
Speaker 1: like definitely, and so now the first days at it,
Speaker 1: and so I mean I remember how I know that
Speaker 1: those feelings like exist and it's possible. But I don't
Speaker 1: have to you know, you don't have to act all
Speaker 1: the time on the things that you think and feel
Speaker 1: because like it like it's like I said, like he said,
Speaker 1: like if it's true now and it's going to be true,
Speaker 1: if it's really as big and if your confidence is warranted,
Speaker 1: then just chill out, enjoy now, and then you'll be
Speaker 1: able to, like after the course, after six months have
Speaker 1: gone by, and be like, oh, I guess we've been
Speaker 1: having a good time for six months. Maybe this is
Speaker 1: a relationship as opposed to we've been having a good
Speaker 1: time for a month. Let's make it be a relationship. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: that's absolutely true. I've it. I've been with the same
Speaker 1: person for six years and we're not married. But it
Speaker 1: kind of it's cool because when we do eventually get married,
Speaker 1: like that's a new thing in a relationship of however
Speaker 1: many years it will be. By that time, you're always
Speaker 1: different people and you're always in a different relationship because
Speaker 1: you know, like the molecules of your body and mind
Speaker 1: and relationship are constantly changing. Damn. I got some deep
Speaker 1: best knowledge, That's what I majored in his deep best
Speaker 1: knowledge and could tell so pitching the idea of pitching.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so to get back, I was talking about
Speaker 1: it on podcasts on stage. So like the person who
Speaker 1: I ended up in this relationship with for like a year,
Speaker 1: year and a half, she had heard me talk about it,
Speaker 1: so like, wasn't a surprise already. I didn't have to
Speaker 1: like reveal it out. Yeah, she came up to me
Speaker 1: after a show and told me she'd been like she'd
Speaker 1: see me on TV and she was listening to I'm
Speaker 1: so fascinated by that fan relationship because that happens to
Speaker 1: men a lot and not to women, and I just like,
Speaker 1: I'm like obsessed with it kind of I would I
Speaker 1: would do it, Like I would go up to like
Speaker 1: there's women that I think are awesome that I've seen
Speaker 1: that I would say, like I'm a fan of and
Speaker 1: I so I would not always say they would, but
Speaker 1: then I feel like they never do it. I would
Speaker 1: be freaked out. Honestly, I would probably never did I
Speaker 1: was going to say, I wouldn't do I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just really interested in the concept. Well, there's also
Speaker 1: those you know, the gender dynamics of just in general,
Speaker 1: like you know, if a woman approaches a man, like
Speaker 1: there's less physical danger, there's less you know, the unknown,
Speaker 1: whereas like if a man approaches a woman's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's gonna kill me potentially. Uh So. Yeah, So I
Speaker 1: guess talking about it early is for me the thing
Speaker 1: to do. Now, Like there's two ways of like going
Speaker 1: about dating. For me, I feel like now like I
Speaker 1: haven't specifically gone to like there's Polly cocktail knights, like
Speaker 1: where you know like minded groups of polly people all
Speaker 1: like meat and they're like, oh, now, so you know
Speaker 1: that people are like minded? Does it turn into a
Speaker 1: I've legitimately not done any yet, but I don't think so.
Speaker 1: I think it's but wait, wait, is so okay? Before
Speaker 1: we get any deeper into this, I started to keep
Speaker 1: interrupting you, But that's just so many questions I understand,
Speaker 1: and I love the speed up which you're talking. It's
Speaker 1: so new Jersey strong because I'm also from Jersey. But
Speaker 1: what okay? So what is the difference then? Because you're
Speaker 1: talking a lot about open relationships but then using the
Speaker 1: word polly, and I think we have perhaps a different
Speaker 1: understand maybe we're confused. So what is the difference or
Speaker 1: is it it's a part of it? Like great question.
Speaker 1: I would say that polyamory is a subset of open
Speaker 1: relationships in general. So here's some example. Openness I would
Speaker 1: say is like, I mean, I'm not an expert, but
Speaker 1: as far as like, so just for my for my definitions,
Speaker 1: I would say open is the largest category of like
Speaker 1: not monogamous. If that's like things are under exactly yeah,
Speaker 1: so every everything else will fall under openness. So examples
Speaker 1: include like if you're monogamous, but you have threesomes once
Speaker 1: in a while, that's not technically not completely monogamous, right,
Speaker 1: you're right. Monoga mish is like I think Dan Savage
Speaker 1: did coin to say, like you're mostly monogamous, but every
Speaker 1: once in a while, like there's some extra, like if
Speaker 1: you're away for a year, and like who knows, like
Speaker 1: you can everybody can make their own rules. So monoga
Speaker 1: mish is just like whatever you want it to be.
Speaker 1: Then there's like obviously people who swing, Like there's swingers.
Speaker 1: Were like, we're we're together as a couple of monogamously mostly,
Speaker 1: but you know, once a month or once a year whatever,
Speaker 1: we do this different thing we exactly uh. And then
Speaker 1: I would say, then Polly is like the one that's
Speaker 1: most like other relationships, Like all those other things are
Speaker 1: more like socially monogamous but sexually not monogamous, you know.
Speaker 1: So uh, Like socially monogamous is like where you don't
Speaker 1: you know, your your goal is to just have your
Speaker 1: life be you know, like romantically involved, emotionally involved with
Speaker 1: one person and then sexually. I mean it's it's interesting
Speaker 1: because like these terms and boundaries are never you know,
Speaker 1: like a black book on it. People kind of define
Speaker 1: them for themselves, and like I mean, if I have
Speaker 1: a friend who I care about and I hook up
Speaker 1: with them, it's not like, oh do I love them?
Speaker 1: Do I in my romance? Am I in? Like ultimately,
Speaker 1: like the terminology doesn't specifically matter except in as far
Speaker 1: as like you you whatever you agree on with your partner,
Speaker 1: you know, like if you get like my last relationship,
Speaker 1: which was also with a person who had like heard
Speaker 1: me on podcasts and she was an open relationship land
Speaker 1: up everybody some poon my getting some two years of
Speaker 1: a long term relationship poon yeah two and a half. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So she emailed me when I was actually in a
Speaker 1: monogamous relationship at the time, but and just was like, Hey,
Speaker 1: I like your stuff, and if you know you're ever
Speaker 1: in the city that I live in, uh, let me
Speaker 1: you know if I can get you a drink. And
Speaker 1: it's like I was like, I'm not available currently, but
Speaker 1: but thank you know, whatever the case. I forget the
Speaker 1: exact but will tell, and I will reach out to
Speaker 1: you at that point next time that I was when
Speaker 1: I was single, like a few months later I was
Speaker 1: in her town, and you keep that email in like
Speaker 1: a special box, like possible vagina box. I didn't like,
Speaker 1: she wasn't specifically hit in the possible vagina box. I
Speaker 1: mean I have that, I mean not with penises. I
Speaker 1: think I hadn't really met her right now, but I did,
Speaker 1: like so when I went out there, like she came
Speaker 1: to a show and I met her, and like, she's cute.
Speaker 1: So then we did start you knowing each other in
Speaker 1: a romantic way, and that relation was initially like the
Speaker 1: opposite of the other one. It was like pretty much
Speaker 1: not just not don't ask, don't tell, but like if asked,
Speaker 1: will tell. But in general, especially because she was in
Speaker 1: l A And I was in New York, like while
Speaker 1: we're in our different places, like have a good time,
Speaker 1: go crazy, you don't have to run things by me.
Speaker 1: But in general, it was like are we didn't like
Speaker 1: explicitly say like and don't have a relationship with somebody
Speaker 1: else or don't fall in love with somebody else. Uh,
Speaker 1: I mean you can say that all you want, but
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, if you're fall in love,
Speaker 1: are gonna fall in love? And the heart ones they
Speaker 1: don't follow rules. And without getting like into too much,
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe I'll get into more detail, but essentially,
Speaker 1: like over the course of our relationship, I grew That's
Speaker 1: when in that relationship is when I grew to like
Speaker 1: realize or decide that I was Polly and she was
Speaker 1: not that Like that relationship wasn't a Polly relationship. It
Speaker 1: wasn't set up to have like different relationship that we
Speaker 1: talk about with each other, but that became a thing
Speaker 1: that I decided that I did want. And so like
Speaker 1: last year, uh, like that relationship ended and I like
Speaker 1: I started. I saw this other woman for like some
Speaker 1: number of months. That was like not at all, Like
Speaker 1: we didn't have a quote unquote relationship. It was just
Speaker 1: like when we were we would see each other maybe
Speaker 1: once a week, maybe less, maybe more. And one of
Speaker 1: the cool things was that, like she did she was
Speaker 1: interested in like my if I was in a relationship
Speaker 1: or if I was going on dates with other people,
Speaker 1: she would like be curious about that. Would she just
Speaker 1: get turned on by I think I think a little.
Speaker 1: I mean it wasn't explicitly like for that, but it
Speaker 1: was more the way that like if you have a
Speaker 1: friend who was like dating people, You're like, tell me
Speaker 1: about you're my friend. I want to hear what's making
Speaker 1: you happy, what's interesting to you, what's fulfilling you? And
Speaker 1: so it was it was like that, well Dan dan
Speaker 1: Sevaie also was this word, and every time I bring
Speaker 1: it up, I go, I forget what the funk the
Speaker 1: word is? Yes, yes, I knew you would know it. Yes.
Speaker 1: Compulsion is basically as I understand it, like sort of
Speaker 1: the flip side of jealousy were like the classic jealousy
Speaker 1: is your you know, if your partner is getting pleasure
Speaker 1: from somebody else, You're like wow, like no, don't you
Speaker 1: don't do that, Whereas compulsion is like if your partner
Speaker 1: is getting pleasure from somebody else, you're like, yeah, more
Speaker 1: happy for them. I want you to have. And I
Speaker 1: have a buddy in l A whose name is Emory Emery.
Speaker 1: He's also a polly dude, uh and he he puts
Speaker 1: it like this. He says, like, if my girlfriend goes
Speaker 1: out and gets a massage from somebody who's not me,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not mad at her for getting that pleasure.
Speaker 1: I'm happy for her to get that pleasure, and then similarly,
Speaker 1: like the parallel feeling for sex. You know, I've been
Speaker 1: thinking about that a lot lately with massages specifically, because
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm getting touched in places sensually and it
Speaker 1: feels fucking great, and then we'll go home and see
Speaker 1: be like, how's your massage? It was amazing. It's like
Speaker 1: that's great. Like, what's the difference between a shoulder and
Speaker 1: a clip? Really? Well, I mean, but the massage surpas
Speaker 1: don't think of that essential. They think of it as healing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is healing, I mean it is. I mean, well
Speaker 1: I meancause I were I all, this is like I'm
Speaker 1: obsessed with massage because I worked at a spa for
Speaker 1: like five years. But they're getting pleasure out of healing you.
Speaker 1: They're getting pleasure, but it's not a sexual pleasure. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously sometimes it does feel audict because it feels but
Speaker 1: I mean, I I would see a lot of like divorce,
Speaker 1: you know, women in the process of a divorce would
Speaker 1: come in and it would and you know that people
Speaker 1: would cry during the massages, like because when you're not
Speaker 1: being touched anymore, like human touch is important, Like I
Speaker 1: mean there were even times when like number one, I
Speaker 1: couldn't go and experience human touch or number two, like
Speaker 1: get paying for It was the only way I felt
Speaker 1: comfortable because it was getting like this very like uh
Speaker 1: simple level of touch without the emotional baggage of the touch. Dely.
Speaker 1: There's a book called Paying for It. It's a graphic
Speaker 1: novel and it's like an autobiography of this guy, Chester Brown,
Speaker 1: who lives in Canada, where like prostitution is legal in
Speaker 1: much more ways, many more ways than it is here,
Speaker 1: like like I think like walking the streets and like
Speaker 1: advertising is not okay, but like brothels are legal, and
Speaker 1: like house visits, like home visits are legal. So he
Speaker 1: basically was a guy who's like I love like I
Speaker 1: love my friends as my friends, and I love those
Speaker 1: meaningful connections, and I have these long term relationships essentially
Speaker 1: that aren't romantic, I mean or a romantic, but they're
Speaker 1: not sexual, not sensual. But then for my sexual physical needs,
Speaker 1: He's had like a number basically the books just about
Speaker 1: all of his connections with different prostitutes over the years,
Speaker 1: and sometimes like there might have been one that he
Speaker 1: saw for ten years. So it was like like a relationship,
Speaker 1: like like the way that you'd have with you know,
Speaker 1: somebody at your salon, you know, like oh this person
Speaker 1: massage therapist. Now I have one that I go to
Speaker 1: only and it's it's kind of similar. It's and it's
Speaker 1: a relationship like you you know, you care about that
Speaker 1: person in some way, they care about you in some way.
Speaker 1: Obviously it is like a business transaction, but it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that you can't still like, you know, care about
Speaker 1: They could decline to see if they really pulse by
Speaker 1: it or something. Right, Yeah, I mean like my hairstyle
Speaker 1: is like like I've been going to him since I
Speaker 1: was in high school. And if anytime someone even asked like,
Speaker 1: oh get your cut hair haircut here or died here,
Speaker 1: I'm like no, no, no, I would feel like I
Speaker 1: was cheating on like a long term boyfriend. Because these
Speaker 1: are these are relationships. You know, relationships are like coming
Speaker 1: all kinds of forms and mean different things. And uh
Speaker 1: so let's see the to finish up the different I
Speaker 1: feel like the different kinds of like Polly, I'm relationships
Speaker 1: that exist. So like we covered all the things that
Speaker 1: aren't probably or some of them, but like so one
Speaker 1: form of it could be uh, like you know, say
Speaker 1: you have you know, two people in like a marriage
Speaker 1: or a long term relationship, and they're like, that's our
Speaker 1: primary connection. But then each of them also has you know,
Speaker 1: other like not spouses, but like long term partners could
Speaker 1: be on the side. Or it could be that they
Speaker 1: they see other people together, like they're people who date couples.
Speaker 1: There could be like the triad where it's like it's
Speaker 1: not just two people and then extra people, but it's
Speaker 1: like three people who are all equally each other tryads quads.
Speaker 1: I have not been in for a month. It does
Speaker 1: seem like, I mean, here's the thing. Is the way
Speaker 1: that I think about it, uh is like when people
Speaker 1: are like, aren't you, you know, jealous, aren't you afraid?
Speaker 1: Are you like all the fears that people have, I
Speaker 1: think I address like, I'm not jealous when my friends
Speaker 1: have other friends, you know, like especially because like my
Speaker 1: friend is not going to be stopping He's not gonna
Speaker 1: stop being my friend unless he wants to for some reason.
Speaker 1: You know that is not because he met some other
Speaker 1: friend that was like you can't be friends with that
Speaker 1: friend anymore. Everybody involved is like on the same page
Speaker 1: as far as the way the relationship structure works. And
Speaker 1: then you have to be you know, honest with yourself
Speaker 1: about what you want, honest with like if you have
Speaker 1: one partner, about what you guys are together, and if
Speaker 1: you're like, well, we're going to go out and look
Speaker 1: for another person to be a third or if we're
Speaker 1: only going to be us, and then everybody else is
Speaker 1: going to be Some people say primary and secondary, but
Speaker 1: then some people there's a thing called relationship anarchy where
Speaker 1: it's like, essentially it's basically the way I think that
Speaker 1: I would say most friendships work where you know, you
Speaker 1: could have a best friend, but you could also not
Speaker 1: have a best friend, and you just have like each
Speaker 1: friendship is not like ranked in a hierarchy with all
Speaker 1: of their friendships. You're like, well, who's maybe you have
Speaker 1: friends that you're like you see more, but other friends
Speaker 1: that you're closer to or if they're farther away, talk,
Speaker 1: but all of your friends, all your friendships are their
Speaker 1: own thing, like and so some people have relationships that
Speaker 1: are like that, my relationship with this person is its
Speaker 1: own thing. Maybe we see each other once a week,
Speaker 1: but then I have like a meaningful connection with somebody
Speaker 1: in Atlanta and I see him once a year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I wonder if why people I think there's a
Speaker 1: couple of reasons why uh, non monogamy frightened so many
Speaker 1: people specifically, like in you, I don't know, I don't
Speaker 1: know how other countries work, so maybe not. But just
Speaker 1: like straight people specifically, stand Savage talks to all the
Speaker 1: time about how, like gosh, straight people are, they're real
Speaker 1: jealous over ship. Um is one. It's been happening for
Speaker 1: a long time, not crazy long, but like monogamy is
Speaker 1: the assumed existence of every relationship. Everyone assumes it's monogamous.
Speaker 1: And also I wonder, like two people don't want to
Speaker 1: share their partner or explore the things because they think
Speaker 1: because it'll make them feel like they're not good enough?
Speaker 1: Is that why they like monogamy, that comfort of monogamy,
Speaker 1: because they want to know that they're good enough to
Speaker 1: be the only other person for that person. Well, just
Speaker 1: to cut of real quickly, dance Savage is a hunt
Speaker 1: persent only talking about gay men because lesbians are the
Speaker 1: most possessive he is. He has in the plant on
Speaker 1: the part and go ahead, I'll go, Oh, no problem
Speaker 1: at all. I mean, I don't know why. I think
Speaker 1: what you're saying makes sense as far as like people's
Speaker 1: fears or desires as relationships go. But I would again
Speaker 1: make it like no one person does everything for everyone,
Speaker 1: Like if you're even if you're in a monogamous Like
Speaker 1: you're in a monogamous relationship, but you don't do your
Speaker 1: podcast with your boyfriend or partner or whoever, like you
Speaker 1: don't you know, you don't only go out if you're
Speaker 1: only spending all your time with and or you're in
Speaker 1: an abusive relationship because they're like cutting you off from
Speaker 1: all your friends and family. See the ankle bracelet on
Speaker 1: me that attracts me. And so I mean, I definitely
Speaker 1: do understand the idea of like having a person that
Speaker 1: you build your life with and care about. But also
Speaker 1: I mean for me, I want them to have as
Speaker 1: much joy and pleasure and connection as they can have.
Speaker 1: And I think it's I don't want to say it's
Speaker 1: more honest necessarily you can have a very you can
Speaker 1: think it is, you can have an honestus connection. But
Speaker 1: the idea like number one for centuries for millennia, like
Speaker 1: humans are technically not monogamous, like most people are not
Speaker 1: lifelong monogamous, even if it's like see really like one
Speaker 1: relationship with another than another. But also the fact that
Speaker 1: I think like the majority of long term relationships have
Speaker 1: some kind of infidelity, so technically not like if anthropologists
Speaker 1: look at humans, which they have. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you've read Sex at Dawn, like that is all about
Speaker 1: the just you know, sociological like you know, since like
Speaker 1: we were like Bonobo's you know, like it was like
Speaker 1: a tribal communal thing where like Bnobos raise their kids
Speaker 1: all together, they have sex all different like different matchings,
Speaker 1: and it's just a bonding thing and it brings them
Speaker 1: all closer and they're not jealous of each other, just
Speaker 1: like we all do this, Like it takes a village.
Speaker 1: And that's the way that people that I think this
Speaker 1: book says that humans used to be as well, but
Speaker 1: now we are choosing to be like, oh well, it's
Speaker 1: just gonna be us because there are obviously advantages to it,
Speaker 1: Like if you want to know who your child is,
Speaker 1: then monogamy is to know that. So how did it
Speaker 1: so then how did it make this change to marriage?
Speaker 1: Like does it did. Are you well read on how
Speaker 1: that kind of came about? Not exactly, I'm definitely, I
Speaker 1: mean I I I probably medium level read on it.
Speaker 1: But it's economics and stuff in the family unit and
Speaker 1: the and the probably like ten thousand years ago when
Speaker 1: agriculture came around and religion came around, and then yeah,
Speaker 1: the land ownership. But then it's like, well, wait, you
Speaker 1: take my daughter for your son and then give me
Speaker 1: all that farmland and ship and everyone's like, which is
Speaker 1: an interesting thing. You know when people talk about you know,
Speaker 1: when when gay marriage was not legal and people were
Speaker 1: anti it on the grounds of like traditional marriage, you
Speaker 1: look at it in the roots they cut. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: I mean Abraham had a wife and also like a
Speaker 1: concubine and like whoever else and like and owned the
Speaker 1: you know, you owned the women. Like that was because
Speaker 1: I understand the concept. But just like, just like the
Speaker 1: thought of anything communal to me sounds disgusting. Like I
Speaker 1: don't even like going to like Benny Hannah, I mean
Speaker 1: that is fair and that is funny, and also I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm also not trying to make anyone like that's OK,
Speaker 1: because I think I'm like respectful thumbs up, I get
Speaker 1: it if it works for you, And truly like thought
Speaker 1: many years about us and at points like I've been
Speaker 1: in an open relationship myself, but like, I, uh, there's
Speaker 1: this thing where I think, like everyone thinks like they
Speaker 1: can have a threesome, everyone thinks they can have an
Speaker 1: open relationship, and I truly don't think everyone can or
Speaker 1: should have it. And like, so what are your thoughts
Speaker 1: on that? I mean, I'm here, like I only talk
Speaker 1: about as far as I'm like what we're experience for me.
Speaker 1: And if you're listening, and like there's people who are listening,
Speaker 1: and you know, who reach out to me and uh,
Speaker 1: my next girlfriend whoever? You know, Uh, there's people, she's
Speaker 1: out there. I mean there's and who however many there are.
Speaker 1: But it's true because no boundaries are rules legitimately, I mean,
Speaker 1: or only the boundaries and guidelines that you set up
Speaker 1: for yourselves. Like uh yeah, so I if there are
Speaker 1: people who listen and they're like this makes sense to me,
Speaker 1: this resonates with me. There are things down all around us.
Speaker 1: But yeah, the point is that like you don't you
Speaker 1: definitely don't have to do it, like anyone gives you
Speaker 1: advice you're not legally, of course acquired or obligated in
Speaker 1: any way. So definitely if you're like I have some friends,
Speaker 1: like I have some friends who are wonderfully monogamously happy,
Speaker 1: completely and like that's that works for you, that's great
Speaker 1: just with with but with polyamory there I feel like
Speaker 1: sometimes and not this is not from you, but from
Speaker 1: the community, there seems there's a there's a slight arrogance
Speaker 1: in that people who cannot be uh polyamorous as well,
Speaker 1: they don't have them in them like that they are
Speaker 1: lesser or jealous or I feel it for sure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I understand's like like it seems like it's like people
Speaker 1: who are polyamorous. Sometimes I think it is like a
Speaker 1: expressive like it's the liberal to my conservative and conservative.
Speaker 1: But I do understand what you're saying, and I think
Speaker 1: that there are you know, we're all flawed human beings,
Speaker 1: like if we're we're human, like you know, nobody's perfect
Speaker 1: every we're all trying to figure it out. And I
Speaker 1: think that the impression that you have might be due
Speaker 1: to like the son, there's certainly people if you obstitute monogamy,
Speaker 1: there's totally people who are like monogamy is the right way.
Speaker 1: If you don't do it, you're wrong. It's the best,
Speaker 1: you know maybe, which I don't fail, Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1: And so that's but that's like, you know, that is
Speaker 1: what like society group, and so I mean that is
Speaker 1: still like the majority opinion of you know, most people
Speaker 1: in society. I think if you you know, did it
Speaker 1: a poll, they'd be like, monogamy is good, like even
Speaker 1: if it's flawed, even if it doesn't always work, even
Speaker 1: if half of marriage is end uh be you know
Speaker 1: then that therefore we don't have lifelong monogamy, like it
Speaker 1: is the goal to aspire to. And if it is
Speaker 1: uh your goal and you want to aspire to it,
Speaker 1: then of course wonderful do it. But dictating you know,
Speaker 1: so monogamous people dictating that everyone should be monogamous is
Speaker 1: not the thing to do polyamorous people, Like I think
Speaker 1: that there so there might be people, uh in the
Speaker 1: polyamorous community. Like again I do I only speak for myself.
Speaker 1: I don't can't speak for everyone, and I understand that
Speaker 1: there could be people that are like, oh yeah, like
Speaker 1: like listen, read this book that says that monogamy is
Speaker 1: a fiction or it is impossible, and so you'll but
Speaker 1: again it's not it's not better or work, it's definitely.
Speaker 1: My theory is just basically everyone is equally unhappy no
Speaker 1: matter what you try to do it to fix it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think in short, that's what I'm trying
Speaker 1: to say. I think there are people, though, who want
Speaker 1: to be either open or polyamorous, and I'm saying this
Speaker 1: is an monogmous person, uh currently that they don't want
Speaker 1: that to be. There's like they they're in a monogamous
Speaker 1: situation and they're like, I don't really want that, and
Speaker 1: they're not. They're kind of allowing themselves. Well, here's the
Speaker 1: thing I do think. I mean, I understand what you're
Speaker 1: saying about everybody being unhappy. I don't. I think that
Speaker 1: everybody is not. I think that a lot of people are.
Speaker 1: And I think that you I don't know if you
Speaker 1: have talked extensively like about you know, are you don't
Speaker 1: know if you suffer from depression or specific things everyone thinks.
Speaker 1: I do. I just I just I think I self
Speaker 1: from realistic out look on life, I understand. I mean,
Speaker 1: you are do you think it's not it's not like
Speaker 1: clinical depression? Yeah, I mean, I'm a general like you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I wish there was an opposite to
Speaker 1: clinical depression that I'm like, I don't have that. But
Speaker 1: I'm like a glass half I'm a glass like totally
Speaker 1: fol glasses overflowing. It's nice, a nice match for each other.
Speaker 1: I hear there was some wine earlier. But but yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I think that we're all I mean, we're
Speaker 1: all human beings moving through space and time like, so
Speaker 1: we're not at a point. I think that there's a thing.
Speaker 1: Have you heard of this thing called there's a book
Speaker 1: called Finite and Infinite Games. Uh, and so a finite game,
Speaker 1: for example, I haven't read it, but here is the
Speaker 1: information that I have a dot com absolutely, So a
Speaker 1: finite game is as an example, could be like you know, checkers,
Speaker 1: you play until somebody wins. Baseball you play, there's rules,
Speaker 1: you figure out how to get to the end, and
Speaker 1: you get to the end and somebody wins. An infinite
Speaker 1: game like that or forever exactly, or like catch even
Speaker 1: you know, like how do you win at catch? You
Speaker 1: don't win the goals to just keep playing the but
Speaker 1: you win by doing it. It's it's all being in
Speaker 1: the moment. The game is in the enjoyment of the
Speaker 1: game exactly. And for relationships, a lot of people think that,
Speaker 1: like a lot of people act as though like the
Speaker 1: wedding is like the end point of the dating game,
Speaker 1: the finite game of dating ends. But in reality, the
Speaker 1: goal of I think, you know, a healthy life in
Speaker 1: a relationship if you want, is that you you get
Speaker 1: to keep being, you get to keep playing, You get
Speaker 1: to keep being with the person that wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: be with, right, Like, if you're in a relationship, it's
Speaker 1: not the end, it's not frozen. You're like, I did it.
Speaker 1: You know. Maybe people want to like put pictures on
Speaker 1: Facebook and be like we did it, but hopefully now yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly what really did you do? Yeah? I had a
Speaker 1: lot of people you really like to have wine with,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, and so I mean my goal
Speaker 1: is to, you know, whether I'm in a relationship or
Speaker 1: not in a relationship now, like you know, be as
Speaker 1: you know, sort of in the moment and in touch
Speaker 1: and mindful and enjoying as much as possible. Like the
Speaker 1: things that I'm doing, like right now, this podcast, you know,
Speaker 1: this morning, meditating, like tonight, a show like tomorrow a
Speaker 1: trip like just sort of you know, either filling your
Speaker 1: life with things or enjoying as full as fully as
Speaker 1: possible the things that you are doing. What makes you sad?
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, social injustice. Uh, I mean I'm
Speaker 1: I'm lucky. I'm very fortunate. Like my my parents were
Speaker 1: you know, loving and wanted me, and I was welcomed
Speaker 1: into the world. Yeah, like they got married and didn't
Speaker 1: have me for like seven years. So that's the thing
Speaker 1: that isn't the case for everybody they were, you know,
Speaker 1: it was like I grew up in the suburbs of
Speaker 1: New Jersey. They were both teachers, Like we didn't we
Speaker 1: weren't you know, like millionaires. But like I was, I
Speaker 1: was always fine. I was always cared for, loved, Um
Speaker 1: give siblings. I don't have siblings, I thought, So, I
Speaker 1: don't know that's why you need some extra extra I mean, yeah, possibly,
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just searching for siblings, you know, that's
Speaker 1: just looking for a new sister to have. Not really
Speaker 1: I'm not really big. I'm not really big into like
Speaker 1: connecting childhood events to why you are the way you are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's another dance savage thing is like He talks about,
Speaker 1: you know, people who like getting spanked, and how sometimes
Speaker 1: people are like, it's because I never got spanked as
Speaker 1: a kid. I was really curious, and other people are like,
Speaker 1: it's because I got spanked as a kid and it
Speaker 1: imprinted on me. And it's like, well there are people
Speaker 1: who feel both ways. Yeah, who gives? It's just fun
Speaker 1: to get you like that? Yeah do you? I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm fine with it. I'm I like, I think I
Speaker 1: prefer I like being with people who like getting spanks.
Speaker 1: You like spanking, now, how do you? You know? And
Speaker 1: I have had these moments where the spank just either
Speaker 1: wasn't in the right place or a little too hard,
Speaker 1: and then it's like, oh, oh yeah, yeah, you gotta
Speaker 1: be careful, you gotta. I mean, ask somebody where how
Speaker 1: you know, like start starts, off starts. I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't know if this is a tutorial, but no, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Because I have noticed there's a lot of men,
Speaker 1: are a lot of women that tell me that they
Speaker 1: are with men who um don't want to be don't
Speaker 1: want to hit him in the bedroom, basically in a nutshell,
Speaker 1: And it's like guys get nervous. But I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: if it's a it's a weird climate right now to
Speaker 1: be hitting with women. Though fortunately for people like don't
Speaker 1: hit him on the streets and him in the sack
Speaker 1: if they ask you, don't hit him on the streets,
Speaker 1: do hit him in the sheets. Yeah, they ask for
Speaker 1: it exactly the way that they want to. But I
Speaker 1: had a too, so the girlfriend that I guess it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter who. There's two girls in my life that
Speaker 1: in the past ten years. One of them, like the
Speaker 1: first one was like I want you to dominate me.
Speaker 1: And I had never really done that before. I've never
Speaker 1: really been into like dirty talk. I was mostly like
Speaker 1: quiet and I was just like I'm like pretty Vanilla's life.
Speaker 1: Now now I'll talk a little more. But you know,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people, actually I feel like I
Speaker 1: don't know if this is a you know, they're sort
Speaker 1: of tropes of like the high powered business person who
Speaker 1: like you know, is in charge and so like in life,
Speaker 1: I talk all the time, and I'm like in bed,
Speaker 1: like why don't you do the talking? You know what
Speaker 1: I mean? But but also I do enjoy I've learned.
Speaker 1: But at the time this person wanted like some kind
Speaker 1: of domination, but wasn't specific about the way you wanted,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, I and you know, give
Speaker 1: me some websites. But I was like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to do the wrong. I don't want to you know,
Speaker 1: we can't just copy off of a porno because that's
Speaker 1: not genuine to you. And everyone gets all. So then
Speaker 1: like a couple of years later, I dated this girl
Speaker 1: that was great and she was like, I'd like you
Speaker 1: to dominate me. It was like, can you give me,
Speaker 1: like any example? She was like, yeah, definitely, like pull
Speaker 1: my hair like this, and like slap me here, like
Speaker 1: like various specific things. I'm like, oh, and now once
Speaker 1: I had those initial tools, I can be Now I
Speaker 1: can like improvise based on like the things that I
Speaker 1: understand that you want. Where's the first person was like,
Speaker 1: I tell you how to do it, then that ruins
Speaker 1: you being dominant, And I'm like, well, I'm glad that
Speaker 1: that didn't have to be the case for everybody. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: well because you know, I mean, especially if I haven't
Speaker 1: done it before. Direction is important when it becomes to
Speaker 1: physical roughness. Yes, but you can give direction I think
Speaker 1: in a sexy way, and you can also talk about it.
Speaker 1: When you're not in a situation, then it's not ruining anything.
Speaker 1: It's just you're having brought. You could also just start
Speaker 1: by hitting not too hard though, absolutely that there's so
Speaker 1: many ways, so many ways to approach this ship. But like,
Speaker 1: I also don't want to hit a person who doesn't
Speaker 1: want to get hit. Yeah no, no, no, nor not
Speaker 1: someone who doesn't want to get hit like so kind.
Speaker 1: I mean, here's the thing is, like, sometimes I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, there's many ways in life that I like,
Speaker 1: do know what I'm doing, But then if somebody was like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing, Like, oh, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Similarly, like, you know, there was so after
Speaker 1: I dated this one girl who wanted these things and
Speaker 1: wanted to be like demeaned, you know, like with specific language,
Speaker 1: you know, like be called you know, like horror slut
Speaker 1: or like things that how dare you say that on
Speaker 1: this I'm playing on and send it over? Sometimes we
Speaker 1: call this, Well that would probably, I mean there might
Speaker 1: still be some perspective girlfriends out there who want that.
Speaker 1: But uh, but then I like dated somebody else, and
Speaker 1: you know, when we started, you know, being intimate for
Speaker 1: the first time or two like I would say something
Speaker 1: and she'd be like, can you not do that? Like,
Speaker 1: oh did you say? I mean it was something very
Speaker 1: like something like that, and she was like, I actually
Speaker 1: don't identify as a dirty I was like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: then it's not like you called her something along the
Speaker 1: lines of a dirty slush. She did not want to
Speaker 1: be called any directory type names in the bedroom, and
Speaker 1: it wasn't you know, obviously I wasn't you know, like,
Speaker 1: you know, physically doing anything that she didn't want to happen.
Speaker 1: But she was like, you know, can be I was like, oh, definitely,
Speaker 1: I like And so that's why it used to be
Speaker 1: like when people are like what are you into, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, what are you like? You know, when you
Speaker 1: go to do a comedy show or like get book
Speaker 1: for something, They're like, what do you want to get paid?
Speaker 1: I'm like, what can you pay me? You know what?
Speaker 1: I mean? Like, you gotta like I need to know
Speaker 1: like what range we're working in here exactly. There's no
Speaker 1: indication of yeah, what kind of like And so some
Speaker 1: times I'll be like, I could like to call you
Speaker 1: these things. I could like to be dominant in this way.
Speaker 1: If that's not what you want, then that's not what
Speaker 1: I want? Like, yeah, it's well, those conversations are fun though,
Speaker 1: Like I started having them when we went on dates
Speaker 1: for potential people that we want to have a three way. Well,
Speaker 1: I was like, well, you know, we're all on the
Speaker 1: same page here. I'm gonna just try like a little
Speaker 1: experiment with myself and see how comfortable this is. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, what do you want out of this? Because
Speaker 1: I know what I want out of this. I want
Speaker 1: to see you get fucked by my boyfriend from behind?
Speaker 1: Is that something that you be into and there? And
Speaker 1: then they're always I mean everyone's like that's very important.
Speaker 1: It's fun. It's it's like it's it's intellectual for play.
Speaker 1: It makes it makes a ton of sense to do
Speaker 1: that for you. What are some things like besides the polyamory,
Speaker 1: what are things that you require in a relationship that
Speaker 1: is romantic slash sexual. It's mostly like I I don't
Speaker 1: want kids currently and I don't know if I ever will,
Speaker 1: so as long as you're not, we should take you here.
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. He means it, ladies. But I mean
Speaker 1: there have been like a you people like lately that
Speaker 1: are like I definitely want kids, and so if you're
Speaker 1: going to date me, then that has to be at
Speaker 1: least an option. And so I've definitely liked good to
Speaker 1: get that out of the way at the beginning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, my new album is called No Kidding, and
Speaker 1: it's about how I don't want kids. So like, actually,
Speaker 1: there was somebody that I was like seeing very briefly
Speaker 1: or like starting to potentially, you know, talk about hooking
Speaker 1: up with. And it was like an old friend, so
Speaker 1: it was like we knew each other, but this was
Speaker 1: like a new a new aspect to what might might
Speaker 1: have been relationship. And but like then this album came
Speaker 1: out and like she read an interview and she was like,
Speaker 1: it seems like you really don't want kids, and I
Speaker 1: really do. And I was like, uh, well fair, that's fair,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I mean, it's it's it is difficult
Speaker 1: when you like, really like someone so much and you're like,
Speaker 1: this could be really good if one of us was
Speaker 1: slightly different on this very important thing, like such an
Speaker 1: important thing, you're not going to escape a kid. I
Speaker 1: would say monogamy and kids are like the two biggest
Speaker 1: things for me right now. I mean, and I also
Speaker 1: could like there's some people that I've talked to you about,
Speaker 1: like maybe in ten years, I would like be happy
Speaker 1: to if my life was like yeah, exactly. And so
Speaker 1: if I'm with I just have to be with somebody
Speaker 1: who is at least on board with maybe never having
Speaker 1: kids or maybe playing it by ear uh coming down
Speaker 1: the line. But in general, I mean, and there are
Speaker 1: other things that are bonuses but not required bonus, like vegan.
Speaker 1: Is I'm vegan? Right? Yes, you are? Yes? And look
Speaker 1: how long we've gone without my saying it. Wow, that
Speaker 1: is impressive actually, and fifty seconds. That is impressive that
Speaker 1: I've never met a vegan like you, and I knew
Speaker 1: you were vegan, and I forgot that's how not annoying
Speaker 1: you were. Wow. Do you want to hear here what
Speaker 1: an ideal vegan? The funny thing that happened today on
Speaker 1: the streets of New York City. I hope it's a vegan. No, guys,
Speaker 1: it's a nice story for me, not for you. A
Speaker 1: woman was like, are you a comedian? And I was
Speaker 1: like I am. She was like, oh, I saw you
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago at a show talking about
Speaker 1: being vegan, and I'm vegan. And I was like, oh. Uh,
Speaker 1: that's so men are uh. And she's like, I just
Speaker 1: moved here. I don't know why. I'm like, why did
Speaker 1: you move here? She's like, I'm an actor. I'm like,
Speaker 1: well that's why. So uh and she moved from Orlando.
Speaker 1: She said like, oh, were you like a Disney princess
Speaker 1: And she's like yes. I was like, so I met
Speaker 1: a vegan princess. You guys. I did get her number,
Speaker 1: and I don't have the rest of the information, but
Speaker 1: I like, what a name? Oh no, no, I have.
Speaker 1: I have her first name and number, but the arrest
Speaker 1: of the information, as in, will we fuck? That was
Speaker 1: the other questions if she wants to? Yes? That was so.
Speaker 1: That was so slick. I didn't even know what you're talking.
Speaker 1: Have you ever talked to a woman about you wanting
Speaker 1: to be polyamorous in her going? What the fact like
Speaker 1: being met with judgment? Uh? Talk a bunch of checks. Yes,
Speaker 1: I definitely there was. I did a show in New
Speaker 1: Hampshire sometime in the past, like six months or a
Speaker 1: year or something, and I was talking to this girl afterwards,
Speaker 1: not specifically trying to I wasn't like looking to hook
Speaker 1: up with her or pick her up she was just
Speaker 1: a person at the show who talking loudly uh during
Speaker 1: the show, and after a little a little bit was
Speaker 1: very good natured. It wasn't problem even consider I'm appalled.
Speaker 1: I wasn't considering it. But I mean, also, who knows
Speaker 1: thank you no no guys, no, no, no, no, no whatever.
Speaker 1: You can't reward poor behavior. In fact, I'll actually after this,
Speaker 1: I'll go through my my messages, my Facebook message. I
Speaker 1: got a message from her, like like days later, because
Speaker 1: she was like a friend with another comedian who was
Speaker 1: like embarrassed that she had been yelling things out and
Speaker 1: so like she sent me a thing that was sort
Speaker 1: of like an apology but also almost not. But the
Speaker 1: point is it was her. It was her reasoning for talking. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but but she was definitely I forget all the ways
Speaker 1: in which like she did by talking like turned me
Speaker 1: off as far as she was like, basically, I know
Speaker 1: that I don't talk the way that other people talk,
Speaker 1: the way like my voice and my manner of speaking.
Speaker 1: She was like, why are you talking like that? And
Speaker 1: so I don't remember specifically like a fun robot, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a fun robot. Yeah, yeah, like a robot butler, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I think it's cool to have like a very
Speaker 1: specific type of voice everyone, like I could pick like
Speaker 1: if I could close my eyes and I couldn't know
Speaker 1: that you. That's awesome, that's great. Yeah, I love people's
Speaker 1: voice signature. Is nice of you there. It is really
Speaker 1: interesting that there are still people. I did a show
Speaker 1: at m y U a couple of weeks ago, and
Speaker 1: I talked about being Polly, and I was like, is
Speaker 1: anybody here Polly? And it was like very few people
Speaker 1: like raise their hands, and I was like, who's monogamous?
Speaker 1: And very few people, like just very few volunteers at all.
Speaker 1: They were all phrase. But there were definitely people that
Speaker 1: were like, what is you know? What is polyamory? So
Speaker 1: that girl judged you though on Polly girl at the
Speaker 1: show was heckling you, I think. So I don't want specifically,
Speaker 1: I just remember her general vibe being judge and so
Speaker 1: whether or not she delivered it specifically, because I don't
Speaker 1: think she knows how seriously you take it, and like,
Speaker 1: once you hear how seriously you take it, you can understand.
Speaker 1: But like if a guy just came up to me
Speaker 1: and said that, I would also probably think even being
Speaker 1: a co host of this podcast and being thirty one
Speaker 1: that he was just trying to funk a bunch of
Speaker 1: people and not make a commitment. That's fair. I mean,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. Number one thought. That's fair. I there's
Speaker 1: definitely people probably doing that for sure. I would say,
Speaker 1: like in the early stages of dating, whether you're Polly
Speaker 1: or want to be monogamous, like dating looks pretty similar,
Speaker 1: you know, like if you're not, you're not just going
Speaker 1: on one date one person and then like over the
Speaker 1: course of a month, like you might go on you know,
Speaker 1: a couple of dates and then they're like, oh, this person.
Speaker 1: Maybe if you're monogamous, you're like, I'm gonna start, you know,
Speaker 1: weeding out some people and focusing in just on this
Speaker 1: person and see if they want that. And then I
Speaker 1: think that if you are Polly and you are dating,
Speaker 1: I think it's responsible and ideal to like put it
Speaker 1: in your profile if you're dating on apps or like
Speaker 1: bring it up sooner than later so that you don't
Speaker 1: you know, get people who wouldn't want to be like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to trick people into you know, getting
Speaker 1: into my thing when uh, you know, my asshole. I
Speaker 1: don't want to trick people into me getting into their things,
Speaker 1: Like I just I want to be completely like you know,
Speaker 1: because it's possible to to have a completely honest, to
Speaker 1: be transparent about it would be happy and part of
Speaker 1: the I think some people are afraid, like what if
Speaker 1: it decreases my chances or decreases like the dating poem.
Speaker 1: Well great, like there's so much there's billions of people
Speaker 1: and there's definitely especially I mean in New York City
Speaker 1: and like there's so many people. Possibly its great to
Speaker 1: have things to like whittle it down, things like like
Speaker 1: eating choices, smoking drug us like yeah, oh my god,
Speaker 1: oh my god, what burrow. I don't want to know
Speaker 1: long distance bullshit. There was queens. I understand, Yeah, we
Speaker 1: can do this. But there's a thing some people when
Speaker 1: I when I talk to people about Polly stuff, like
Speaker 1: they do think they're like, there's this attitude of isn't
Speaker 1: the fun part though, like of you know, I would
Speaker 1: want to like sleep around, but isn't the fun part
Speaker 1: like sneaking around and like cheating and lying And there
Speaker 1: are people that I'm like from not, I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: the fun part is getting to have sex with people
Speaker 1: that you want to and connecting with people in ways
Speaker 1: that they want to and you you can do it.
Speaker 1: It's fun for you. That sounds like they've had a
Speaker 1: conversation with Tucker Max like that was some very like
Speaker 1: old school I don't know who that is because it's
Speaker 1: good for you. Wow, I like you the more kind
Speaker 1: of do you like his books? But yeah, he's just
Speaker 1: a guy, like like the kind of stuff, Well, tell
Speaker 1: a woman she's a bit it's how too. It's just
Speaker 1: these stories of debaucherous things that he's done that involves sex,
Speaker 1: alcohol and drugs and bros. Lot of bros, a lot
Speaker 1: of Murray Hill bullshit. I understand. Uh yeah, no, I
Speaker 1: I just probably don't believe it's possible though. I mean
Speaker 1: it really especially the more people that do believe it's
Speaker 1: possible and try to make it possible, like the more
Speaker 1: possible it actually. So have you been in love with
Speaker 1: two people at once? I have? And you were seeing
Speaker 1: them at once? Uh it was well, since this is
Speaker 1: like the I really haven't been Polly for specifically Polly
Speaker 1: for all that long. It's like during my last relationship,
Speaker 1: like and I mean again, I don't know what like
Speaker 1: you know, love, like what is love? Maybe don't hurt me,
Speaker 1: you know, and I would I was in love with
Speaker 1: my girlfriend. And then here's the way that I used
Speaker 1: to be, Like when I would you say, if the
Speaker 1: house was burning down, that was there a pick? Really,
Speaker 1: there wasn't a pick. There wasn't one person. I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess in the situation, in the situation that I
Speaker 1: was in, uh, my girlfriend was my primary. So like
Speaker 1: I took her feelings into account more at that point.
Speaker 1: But I don't want I don't specifically necessarily want to
Speaker 1: be in that situation thing that you wanted her to
Speaker 1: din a fire. That's because that's like not romantic and ship.
Speaker 1: But let's see the thing that I was gonna say
Speaker 1: about being in love with two people at once. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I so I got into the relationship before I
Speaker 1: knew that that is what I thought I might have wanted,
Speaker 1: so oh yeah. And the way that I used to
Speaker 1: be was like if I was single and i'd meet
Speaker 1: a person that I was like, oh, like you know,
Speaker 1: when I'm in between relationships, like you're I'm hooking up,
Speaker 1: I'm like going on date something whatever, having a good time,
Speaker 1: and every once in a while, like they maybe like
Speaker 1: four or five people that i'd like be involved with
Speaker 1: over the course of like several months or whatever, and
Speaker 1: like one of them would sort of rise to the
Speaker 1: forefront of like oh, or like I meet a new
Speaker 1: person and be like bam, like I know immediately, And
Speaker 1: the joke with my friends would be like, hey, like
Speaker 1: I found like the person I'm going to the next
Speaker 1: person I'm gonna marry or the next you know, just
Speaker 1: as a joke, but like kind of like, here's the
Speaker 1: next person that I'm going to be seriously, like, I
Speaker 1: love this person even though I just met. Obviously, I know,
Speaker 1: you don't know that you're immediately in love in a
Speaker 1: long term when an idea of right about what the
Speaker 1: future may hold. And so the thing that happened in
Speaker 1: this situation with my last girlfriend, I was like she
Speaker 1: was one of those people. I was like, I told
Speaker 1: her I loved her very soon, we loved each other.
Speaker 1: We were together two and a half years. So I
Speaker 1: was like right ultimately about that relationship. But then during
Speaker 1: the relationship, I met another person that made me feel
Speaker 1: very similarly at the outset, and I was like, I
Speaker 1: met the person that I'm gonna be in a three
Speaker 1: way tryad marriage with right now. Question for you when
Speaker 1: you met when you were dating this girl for two
Speaker 1: and a half years and you met the other girl,
Speaker 1: I did your feelings for her? For the new girl?
Speaker 1: The triangle, the one you halfway through? Take away anything
Speaker 1: from your girlfriend? Not a bit, right, because that's what
Speaker 1: That's what I think. It's not a people that has
Speaker 1: different slices that once you take one away. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: how about time though? Time? Time? Of course you only
Speaker 1: have so much of it. But but feelings and and
Speaker 1: and a level of importance in your head and where
Speaker 1: you place them in your in your life. It could
Speaker 1: be the same. They don't have to be. It goes
Speaker 1: back to the friend thing. Like you know, meeting a
Speaker 1: new friend doesn't mean that you love your old friends
Speaker 1: and at and in this situation specifically, if you have
Speaker 1: a relationship with somebody who wants you to be happy
Speaker 1: with other people, then in fact, I would say it
Speaker 1: makes you love them. It could make you love them more.
Speaker 1: Like I'm so grateful to you and this relationship because
Speaker 1: being with you helps me allows me to be to
Speaker 1: have these feelings and act on them. As opposed to
Speaker 1: if you're monogamous, you probably if you meet somebody and
Speaker 1: you have those feelings for them that could probably lead
Speaker 1: to like resentment of the prison. Yeah, because can you
Speaker 1: tell the person that you're gonna tell anybody and then
Speaker 1: you're and then it just lives within you and you
Speaker 1: have to be like, oh, we never see that person
Speaker 1: or else going to pissed at my boyfriend or whatever.
Speaker 1: That's when you call a friend and your friend tells
Speaker 1: them like shitty things that they heard about that person
Speaker 1: and not like, I mean, there are ways And do
Speaker 1: you feel that special? I mean I get like when
Speaker 1: you you've dated somebody who also started seeing other people too.
Speaker 1: Right now I've got for the past like couple of months,
Speaker 1: I've seen a woman who is in like a five
Speaker 1: year relationships. Doesn't make you feel any less special as
Speaker 1: compared like do you or do you not even compare
Speaker 1: yourself to the five year I definitely, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's totally different. I am who I am, Like, I
Speaker 1: am as special as I am. Like I mean to her, like,
Speaker 1: that's her, that's her boyfriend, that's her partner. They lived together,
Speaker 1: they're happy, like and this is the prime meet him.
Speaker 1: I know I haven't met him, but do they do
Speaker 1: against the rules they don't, but I was. Actually, here's
Speaker 1: the thing I performed on this holistic vegan cruise for you,
Speaker 1: perfect for me. I mean there's like meditations, there were
Speaker 1: sound healings. There was like talks by doctors, talks by
Speaker 1: like this. I learned a lot of animal my in facts,
Speaker 1: like about the ways that animals brains work, and most
Speaker 1: mammals are not anogamous. Oh yeah, which I think is interesting.
Speaker 1: So I mean they also murder each other and eat
Speaker 1: their flesh. So true, And I were like, it's wildlife whatever.
Speaker 1: I mean, humans murder animals and but then they go
Speaker 1: to jail. So on the on the cruise, there's not
Speaker 1: Also there's not a lot of humans eating other people's flag.
Speaker 1: But also but most animals, most animals aren't killing their
Speaker 1: own kind and eating their own So but that part
Speaker 1: is not what we're talking about, uh A race war. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So um. So I performed on the cruise the first
Speaker 1: night I was there, and then I just stayed on
Speaker 1: for like another day and a half and like participating
Speaker 1: in the activities and people after uh A seminar, like
Speaker 1: this couple came up to me and they were like,
Speaker 1: we heard you say that you were Polly in your
Speaker 1: comedy set. Uh, and they just want to talk to me.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I don't know if they were
Speaker 1: hitting on me. I don't think they were. But their
Speaker 1: flexual couple it was a woman, it appeared to be
Speaker 1: a woman and a man. And I was like, oh, Peter,
Speaker 1: that's very nice to you. And so they were like
Speaker 1: they certainly presented as ye look at you, fun to
Speaker 1: do stuff. I like talking, so if I can anything
Speaker 1: that you can say more words, um. But so they
Speaker 1: were like, we just wanted to like we obviously there
Speaker 1: could be other Polly people here, but we don't know.
Speaker 1: You said you were, so we'd love to talk to
Speaker 1: you for We just talked for like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: twenty minutes or something. And I was like cool, Like
Speaker 1: I it was a very like communal thing where it's like,
Speaker 1: what do you like, are you guys married? And they
Speaker 1: were like the woman was like, I'm married and the
Speaker 1: guy was like I'm not. But they both live in
Speaker 1: like the I was like, do you guys live near
Speaker 1: each other? He's like, I moved like twenty miles to
Speaker 1: be living in the same neighborhood at so like we're
Speaker 1: on vacation together. Her husband is on vacation with his
Speaker 1: girlfriend right now. I'm like, do you guys all know
Speaker 1: each other? Different? Different boat uh? And they said though
Speaker 1: that they have gone on vacations together, they have socialized together,
Speaker 1: like they're all cool. Like the woman's been married fourteen years,
Speaker 1: she's been they've been polly for eight years. She's like,
Speaker 1: I've loved my husband the whole time, like the guy.
Speaker 1: The guy was like. This guy was like, I've been
Speaker 1: with her for like a year and a half and
Speaker 1: be like the best years of my life. And the
Speaker 1: woman was like, and it's good for me to like
Speaker 1: she's like, I love my husband. So she's not going
Speaker 1: to say it's like the best because I mean to her,
Speaker 1: like her husband relationship is like the primary one. It's right,
Speaker 1: but but it's the same way, like she gets to
Speaker 1: have this vacation that's fun with this guy. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: it seemed like the guy, it's like she was the
Speaker 1: primary to that guy. I think that's okay. That one
Speaker 1: is his longest term relationship and it was it was
Speaker 1: working like I don't know, like so the person who
Speaker 1: who I mentioned that I'm seeing, like she has so
Speaker 1: she has her five year boyfriend and they have like
Speaker 1: you know, their their rules are they're allowed to go
Speaker 1: on like external dates like twice a week if they
Speaker 1: want to. Okay, Like what if you fall madly, madly
Speaker 1: in love with this woman? I mean I think, I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm I don't know, I'm not not
Speaker 1: allowed to. But if it got to a point again,
Speaker 1: I don't know, if it got to a point where
Speaker 1: I was like, I want to take things to another level,
Speaker 1: but you don't because you can't, then I would probably
Speaker 1: stop seeinger, I'd probably back off because you don't want
Speaker 1: to do that to yourself. Hopefully before it got to that, though,
Speaker 1: you have the mindset like coming into yes, I mean
Speaker 1: that's protected place where I'm like, this is not going
Speaker 1: to be a long term thing for me. Like if
Speaker 1: if down the line their relationship ended and I wanted
Speaker 1: to see her in that, if that, you know, when,
Speaker 1: then I would deal with it then. But for right now,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is a cool, fun thing that I
Speaker 1: get to do when whenever we want to. And and
Speaker 1: there's really such there's not a lot of downsides to
Speaker 1: being completely upfront and honest. That really is it. Whether
Speaker 1: you're a monogamous or polyamorous or whatever the fuck, because
Speaker 1: sometimes even people will say, like, in the context of
Speaker 1: a relationship or romance or dating or fucking whatever, and
Speaker 1: you ask somebody a questions, they're honest, and you kind
Speaker 1: of get like offended, but you're like, I can't get
Speaker 1: you're being honest. I'm not gonna get mad at you
Speaker 1: for being honest. And that's that's such a good way
Speaker 1: to live. And you get to make your decisions based
Speaker 1: on all the information, which is yeah, And I think
Speaker 1: the only the thing that people fear is like number one,
Speaker 1: being alone, which is a possibility no matter what, it's
Speaker 1: possible that you won't end up with a partner, a
Speaker 1: lifelong partner, you won't end up what you want. But
Speaker 1: also being alone is I think and a lot of
Speaker 1: people say it can be. It's definitely nice, and it
Speaker 1: can it's better than being I think there's another dance
Speaker 1: avage things like like better to be to feel alone
Speaker 1: because you are alone than to feel alone because you're
Speaker 1: in the wrong relationship. Oh, that's a sad loneliness. Like
Speaker 1: some people have the idea that like if the goal
Speaker 1: is a relationship a thing, then but if but some peoples,
Speaker 1: a lot of people and which I learn and then
Speaker 1: they're in a relationship, but they're not happy, Like I
Speaker 1: have what I thought I wanted and then to get
Speaker 1: what they actually would want, which is the right relationship
Speaker 1: or better being happy not in this relationship, Like but
Speaker 1: I have to go backwards. It feels like going backwards
Speaker 1: out of this. But it's like do you ever hear
Speaker 1: this thing about like you can be really fast at
Speaker 1: running up a ladder, but what if the ladders against
Speaker 1: the wrong building, then you're in the wrong place. Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think people don't. So many people in life don't
Speaker 1: really take their own happiness and wants and desires into
Speaker 1: consideration because there's all the all these social constructs, and
Speaker 1: monogamy is one of them that they're it's just they
Speaker 1: don't even think twice about like is this for years?
Speaker 1: It not? They just go into it. There's so many
Speaker 1: different things that we do is as a society that
Speaker 1: we but it's like there, you know, if you take
Speaker 1: the time to really reflect and be like does this
Speaker 1: make me happy? And then you go from there like
Speaker 1: was there a moment? Was there an aha moment with
Speaker 1: you with that or no? You just kind of always
Speaker 1: were upfront with yourself. No, I mean I think I
Speaker 1: was definitely like, you know, sort of subject to like
Speaker 1: society is not brainwashing, but just like you know, I
Speaker 1: marinated in the soup that is society and like you yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know, when I was in my early twenties,
Speaker 1: I remember at age twelve, like never having kissed a girl, Like,
Speaker 1: wouldn't kiss a girl till I was like almost seventeen.
Speaker 1: I was like, I remember thinking at age twelve thirteen,
Speaker 1: being like, when am I How am I going to
Speaker 1: get married? I've never I haven't started along. I think
Speaker 1: there are people in my class having sex, like they're
Speaker 1: smoking and drinking. I'm not doing anything. And then I
Speaker 1: remember when I finally started dating people, like you know,
Speaker 1: I had a girlfriend senior year of high school and
Speaker 1: then a couple in college. And then after I was like,
Speaker 1: now I'm I feel like I'm not I'm closer, but
Speaker 1: I'm still no closer to feeling like but when do
Speaker 1: I feel like I wanted? How will this get across
Speaker 1: the bridge to the place that I'm told is supposed
Speaker 1: to make me feel the wealthy whatever? And it's do
Speaker 1: you guys know the zen coan story thing. Chopwood carry water.
Speaker 1: It's real short, it's basically just before enlightenment, chopwood carry water.
Speaker 1: After enlightenment, chop wood carry water. And so like an
Speaker 1: example that isn't about relationship, just like a guy at
Speaker 1: a job in a cubicle that he hated for a
Speaker 1: specific company for many years and he finally he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm out of here, and he went like just traveling
Speaker 1: the world with the savings and doing other things for
Speaker 1: eleven years, and then he loved it so much. Found
Speaker 1: himself eleven years later back in the same town that
Speaker 1: he started from, and they were like somebody was like, hey,
Speaker 1: do you know your actually your old job is available.
Speaker 1: Would you want it? And he's like sure, And then
Speaker 1: he did it. And now that he had, he knew
Speaker 1: what he was missing, and he knew when he had,
Speaker 1: and he's like, I actually do enjoy this, but I
Speaker 1: didn't know before. So he's like doing the exact same
Speaker 1: thing that he was doing before, but with this added mindfulness,
Speaker 1: this living in it. And so relationship wise, like growing up,
Speaker 1: I was like this is what I'm told I want,
Speaker 1: But then I've had all these experiences that I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: is that even what I want, I'm doing it because
Speaker 1: I'm doing it for somebody else or because my parents
Speaker 1: or my grandparents or everybody, or you know, movies, religion, TV, whatever,
Speaker 1: all these things to pop culture, and then eventually, like you,
Speaker 1: I hopefully people come to the idea that oh I
Speaker 1: get to I don't have to, but I get to
Speaker 1: make my own decisions. I can take things from religion
Speaker 1: or from other people or what I see or society.
Speaker 1: I can like, you know, a feminist can choose to
Speaker 1: be a stay at home mom, but she she has
Speaker 1: the choice, like everyone has the choice from all the
Speaker 1: things that have come before and anything that's different. If
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't actually see any of those things,
Speaker 1: Like before a sexuality was like represented in pop culture.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm sure that there were people that are like,
Speaker 1: I'm different than everybody. But now they're like, oh, now
Speaker 1: there are people who are a sexual out and be
Speaker 1: like that's great. And there's people who are you know,
Speaker 1: polyamorous of people who are you know, even gay was
Speaker 1: probably a thing that like if you grew up gay
Speaker 1: before the Internet in a town that didn't have a
Speaker 1: lot of people, you'd be like, this is weird, I
Speaker 1: am bad. Yeah, that's we're still like reaping the opposite
Speaker 1: of the benefits of that mindset. And so now, like
Speaker 1: I might, I feel like I don't know exactly what
Speaker 1: I do want for the future. Like I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to focus on being you know, who I am and
Speaker 1: honest and like with myself in the present. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I think I do want to be with, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe a long term partner at some point. I know
Speaker 1: I can't force it. I know I can't make myself me,
Speaker 1: But you don't pressure on yourself the way society does
Speaker 1: to everybody. You don't do that to yourself. And I
Speaker 1: think it's awesome. Yeah, but it's possible I may end up,
Speaker 1: you know, with the exact shape of you know, at
Speaker 1: least from the outside. I might end up, like, you know,
Speaker 1: living in a house with a woman the way that
Speaker 1: society originally said to you, doing it because it makes
Speaker 1: you happy. Um, and God, that would be such a
Speaker 1: beautiful place to end. But I really have one more questions, no,
Speaker 1: just because um so, I think a lot of times
Speaker 1: in monogamous relationships, a reoccurring problem is like jealousy or
Speaker 1: feeling suffocation. So are there any problems that you see
Speaker 1: constantly come going up in like any thematic problems in polyamory?
Speaker 1: I mean I do think that. I mean communication is
Speaker 1: like this is very boring to say, like the key
Speaker 1: in any relationship or relationships. So I think that, uh,
Speaker 1: like setting up you know, guidelines and expectations like the
Speaker 1: thing that that often comes uh, it comes to be
Speaker 1: a problem in monogamy is people don't have those conversations
Speaker 1: because they just go ahead, like assuming some default, some
Speaker 1: societal status quo where like whereas but even amongst monogamous couples,
Speaker 1: there's probably all kinds of things that you could differ on,
Speaker 1: as far as like is it okay to flirt with
Speaker 1: other people in front of me? Not in front of me?
Speaker 1: Do you want to see it? Do you not want
Speaker 1: to see? Do you not want to come? Don't want
Speaker 1: the other one watching? Poor like we love their own?
Speaker 1: Which is uh? And you and me um and your boyfriend? Uh?
Speaker 1: Do you ever want to just watch me your boyfriend
Speaker 1: from behind? Not a thing that I want. But I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean, well, I guess let's fair enough. Let's let's
Speaker 1: get him on this, I guess. But has he ever
Speaker 1: has he been on the podcast. Oh yeah, okay, that
Speaker 1: makes sense. I'm sorry, I haven't listened every episode. I'm
Speaker 1: out of Yeah. So there's all kinds of ways that
Speaker 1: like communication can break down based on people's assumptions. And
Speaker 1: I've had some open situations where like said, there was
Speaker 1: a girl that There are a couple of relationships I
Speaker 1: had before, like the fully open ones that I talked about,
Speaker 1: where there were sort of like one person was like, Hey,
Speaker 1: if you're on the road and like some groupie wants
Speaker 1: to blow you in a bathroom, that's cool. Or if
Speaker 1: you get drunk and you make out with somebody in
Speaker 1: a bar, or if I do that, that's cool. But
Speaker 1: don't like bring a girl to like your hotel room
Speaker 1: to have sex in the bed, because that's like more
Speaker 1: intimate than the thing. I'm on board with that, So
Speaker 1: that was a cool And then I was like, what
Speaker 1: about the hotel bathroom? You know, but technically, yeah, you're right,
Speaker 1: and I would probably find a loophole bathrooms, Okay, as
Speaker 1: long as she doesn't touch the carpet of the hotel
Speaker 1: room and we're all good. Yes, But uh so, the
Speaker 1: so that one of the relationships that I was in
Speaker 1: was the person completely intellectually understood the desire are for openness,
Speaker 1: and she was like, maybe we can work towards that,
Speaker 1: like you know, step wise like but ultimately it didn't
Speaker 1: work for one of This is part of it that
Speaker 1: we established a rule like definitely, if you want to
Speaker 1: make out with a stranger, go for it, but definitely
Speaker 1: right now, like no penetration, like don't like, don't like that.
Speaker 1: That was the rule. But here's the thing is those
Speaker 1: were our rules that we said. We didn't specify anything
Speaker 1: in between, and there's a lot of stuff mutual I
Speaker 1: would go right to mutual masturbation, and so that is
Speaker 1: a thing that did happen. Like I was like, I
Speaker 1: think I'm following the rules technically, but when I did,
Speaker 1: and so I told her about it, but she was like,
Speaker 1: that is not like we had different understandings of where
Speaker 1: of what like making out innocent like with your clothes
Speaker 1: on would be like my thought if you said making yeah, definitely,
Speaker 1: so I think like no one I fucking yes and
Speaker 1: laying out. So I think that that those are the
Speaker 1: kinds of things, like the same kinds of problems that
Speaker 1: can affect monogamous relationships can affect open or polly relationships
Speaker 1: if you don't you know, do enough diligence, if you
Speaker 1: haven't had you know, if you're going into it, knew,
Speaker 1: Like there's books you can read. There's like The Ethical Slut,
Speaker 1: There's I think Opening Up is another book that I've
Speaker 1: heard about on Savage's podcast, Like you can definitely like
Speaker 1: listen to Dan Savages podcast, Like there's so many potential resources.
Speaker 1: If this is a thing that you're like, I think
Speaker 1: I'm interested, and then be as open and honest as possible,
Speaker 1: because like nothing is like nothing is the be all
Speaker 1: end all per se, you know, like or I could
Speaker 1: be wrong. But like my last girlfriend when when we
Speaker 1: were together, just like a couple of months, she told
Speaker 1: me we were actually on a podcast together and somebody
Speaker 1: asked her, like, what's the best thing that happened this week?
Speaker 1: And she's like, oh, coming to visit Mike, my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: She's like, no, no, no, not that one, Like, uh,
Speaker 1: what's the like, what's not this guy related best thing?
Speaker 1: And she's like, I had a threesome with two dudes
Speaker 1: and and it wasn't me. Uh, and it wasn't that
Speaker 1: that was the first time you knew you were hearing
Speaker 1: about like, uh, I mean, I was definitely like, I mean,
Speaker 1: you can potentially listen to the podcast. I feel like
Speaker 1: it is not We did go on their podcast as well.
Speaker 1: They have one, they do, but uh, I can't wait
Speaker 1: to go back on when I have I just have
Speaker 1: to keep getting new partners, like repeat guests on There
Speaker 1: Were You upset though upset. It was definitely I was
Speaker 1: intellectually completely like, this is fine, You're allowed to do this.
Speaker 1: But I mean, ultimately I'm glad, Like I mean, ultimately
Speaker 1: I was like glad for her in the moment. It
Speaker 1: did take me like thinking about it and processing and
Speaker 1: asking questions as opposed to like, so, you know, might
Speaker 1: have thought in advance like I don't want to know
Speaker 1: about this, I mean, and that's why we sort of
Speaker 1: had the you know, don't don't ask, don't tell her
Speaker 1: if asked, will But she was sort of like it
Speaker 1: is a sexual thing, can I? And I was like
Speaker 1: go ahead, I mean I gave I was, yeah, she didn't.
Speaker 1: She didn't do anything wrong at all in doing it
Speaker 1: or sharing. What kind of questions did you ask to
Speaker 1: make yourself feel better about it? I mean I asked,
Speaker 1: like who they were? Uh, and they were like people
Speaker 1: I have. I didn't meet one of them, like there
Speaker 1: were people that she worked with UM and I but yeah,
Speaker 1: so and without and she's definitely talked about in a
Speaker 1: podcast as well. So I don't want to, like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to blow up her spot,
Speaker 1: so not give too much information. But the kind of
Speaker 1: questions that I asked is like, I mean kind of
Speaker 1: like where were you, like what sort of like just
Speaker 1: getting yeah, I mean, and like what like who did
Speaker 1: who did what? Like just sort of honestly, I'm just
Speaker 1: curious how those questions made you feel good. Also because
Speaker 1: I mean, like for me, like I don't know, it
Speaker 1: just like a threesome with two other dudes almost sounds
Speaker 1: like ideal because it was just kind of like sexual
Speaker 1: debauchery as to like something like meaningful or romantic. Which
Speaker 1: also though I mean if she like she at some
Speaker 1: point would be like dating a girl, and I'd be like,
Speaker 1: that's I mean the idea of a woman. Uh, and
Speaker 1: her was like less even less threatening for sure, right,
Speaker 1: And my boyfriend can have a boyfriend any day he wants.
Speaker 1: And but I remember thinking like I I was, I
Speaker 1: felt like I would have been upset, like back to
Speaker 1: the question of here's what Here's what I wanted to say,
Speaker 1: Like when you're us, do did I feel less special
Speaker 1: in this? In this situation, there was some version of like, oh, hey,
Speaker 1: it wasn't me, Like, it's not us having the threesome.
Speaker 1: It's not like I. I in some ways like was
Speaker 1: left out because like I wasn't there. I couldn't have
Speaker 1: been there. It was in another place at another time, like,
Speaker 1: but there was still that little ping initial you know,
Speaker 1: ping or ping, and but the valuable thing for me
Speaker 1: to know is that that went away, like after you know,
Speaker 1: a couple of days, and it's okay to feel that.
Speaker 1: That's what I think, Like I felt that the first
Speaker 1: time I saw my boyfriend somebody else and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh god, do I like this? And I just had
Speaker 1: to sit with it for a second and then I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I like it. But you know, that's fine.
Speaker 1: And if you and it's possible that not everyone is
Speaker 1: like you and not everyone is like me, and if you,
Speaker 1: if you have that experience and then a few days later,
Speaker 1: a few weeks later or whatever, you're still like that
Speaker 1: bothers me, Well, then now that's a new data point
Speaker 1: that you have for moving into the future and don't
Speaker 1: do things like yeah, and even if it's still like
Speaker 1: comes up and it bothers you like for like hypothetically,
Speaker 1: like say you stole one of her moves when she
Speaker 1: was sucking with different dick and you're like, oh ship
Speaker 1: he and then you got mad at first after she
Speaker 1: left and she's like, does she suck your dick better
Speaker 1: than me? He was like no, but then like two
Speaker 1: days ago, you stole her moves. And then he says
Speaker 1: out loud, you're the best person. That's something like you're
Speaker 1: the best person has ever suck my dick. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: are you just saying that because I'm stealing the moves
Speaker 1: of the other girl that did a really good blood job.
Speaker 1: It's like, wow, Christina, But that's okay, It's like human nature.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's also like, there's nothing that You're not
Speaker 1: guaranteed the best person to give a blowjob. I'm not.
Speaker 1: I just know him not statistically, I can't be. And
Speaker 1: and so if there is somebody that blows him quote
Speaker 1: unquote better, and then but then if you learn how
Speaker 1: to do that, then you are better to steal the
Speaker 1: moves you are closer there, You're not being the best
Speaker 1: a bunch of separate things anyway. It's like the person
Speaker 1: who your is your primary partner, is the best complete
Speaker 1: package for you. Exactly. Can't people do polly? People ever
Speaker 1: have two primary partners. I guess it would be you
Speaker 1: won't say co primary. I mean I would say in
Speaker 1: that situation. There's sometimes, like I mentioned their triads where
Speaker 1: you have three people, sometimes there are like the type
Speaker 1: relationships where a person might you know, not everybody is involved,
Speaker 1: so it's not a complete triangle where all three or together,
Speaker 1: but it's like one focal point and then one relationship.
Speaker 1: That way, one relation you would have two relationships with
Speaker 1: women that you're in loveless yeah, and so yeah, there
Speaker 1: definitely are people who have uh, you know, like they
Speaker 1: don't live with anybody. They there's a thing called like
Speaker 1: solo polly, which is basically just like you don't have relationships,
Speaker 1: you just you know, you are you are your own
Speaker 1: primary is what people might say that your primary. I
Speaker 1: mean that's good for everybody. Like that is good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not alone, you're with yourself and you're good. But
Speaker 1: being love with two people isn't exhausting. I mean, is
Speaker 1: I'll say, is like loving two friends exhausting, Like so, yes,
Speaker 1: waking up in the boarding exhaust If everything is exhausting,
Speaker 1: then yes, this will be It's about Yes, it does take.
Speaker 1: A relationship takes energy. Two relationships takes more energy and
Speaker 1: a lot of organizations seemingly yeah, you've got a lot
Speaker 1: of coordinating. Well that's why I mean. And like, say
Speaker 1: the woman who has this other boyfriend, like I if
Speaker 1: I only see her once a week or sometimes every
Speaker 1: two weeks or once a month, like that's fine, but
Speaker 1: that doesn't take a lot. I'm just very needy. Like
Speaker 1: when I fall in love with somebody, I'm like, I
Speaker 1: would just want to be with them. And then if
Speaker 1: I fell in love with two people at the same time,
Speaker 1: would be like, what am I gonna do? I understand, Well,
Speaker 1: that would probably be you know, relaxing for those guys.
Speaker 1: Be like, okay, you take twelve, I'll give you the
Speaker 1: other twelve. Team tag me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's fun. Tag teaming in a much different way than
Speaker 1: you might think. When you're seeing two people one day,
Speaker 1: I have you know, I want to plug. Well that
Speaker 1: was certainly important. Ocean informative. Yeah, where can we Where
Speaker 1: can we find you? My name is spelled weird everywhere
Speaker 1: m y q k A p l A N dot com, Twitter, Instagram,
Speaker 1: all those things. Uh. My new album is called No Kidding. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's about not wanting kids. And where can we get that?
Speaker 1: That's on iTunes, at Amazon, on my website, at a
Speaker 1: special thing dot COM's website. They produced it. And then
Speaker 1: I do also have a Netflix special dope that's called
Speaker 1: Small Dork and Handsome, and you can. My podcast is
Speaker 1: called hang Out with Me and I'd love to have
Speaker 1: you guys on sometimes. And then also you had Dan
Speaker 1: burn on, didn't you? Can we say? He listens? And
Speaker 1: also I love him and say hi, hey Dan perfect.
Speaker 1: Thank you for doing that. I love you all right,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for hanging out guys. This has
Speaker 1: been Guys, We Sucked, the anti slut shamming podcast. We'll
Speaker 1: talk to you next Friday. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: a sell and I don't want to yah. Thanks again.
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