Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys, We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm We're sorry about last night the anti sluck shaming podcast.
Speaker 1: I never stopped Surprise Fucker's Monday stuck a lot. So
Speaker 1: we're gonna make your Monday better with a very special
Speaker 1: surprise bonus episode of Guys We Fucked, brought to you
Speaker 1: by Tanga. Are you surprised? Do you know what Tanga is? Well,
Speaker 1: the surprise we can't fix if you weren't, but we
Speaker 1: can let you know what Tanga is. Yes, Tanga teams
Speaker 1: up with us for this very special episode in honor
Speaker 1: of masturbation May. If you don't know, Tanga is a
Speaker 1: Japanese based company focused on the betterment of sexual health
Speaker 1: and wellness, with a core concept of broadening the cultural
Speaker 1: acceptance of masturbation and making sexuality something everyone can enjoy.
Speaker 1: And we're certainly on board with that. So he said, hey, Tanga,
Speaker 1: we'll do a special episode where we just talk about
Speaker 1: jerking herself off. Yeah, and then Tanga was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: here's eighty thousand dildos and pocket and things not dildos,
Speaker 1: vibrators and things to put your penis in that we're
Speaker 1: gonna be talking about in depth shortly with our very
Speaker 1: special guest. I'm so excited. We've hung out with him
Speaker 1: before at Amba Roses House. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome our guest,
Speaker 1: Dr Chris Donnah Hu. Hello, Happy masturbation May Chris donnyh Yo. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Have you guys been partaking in that? Oh? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I do anyway, but I've been doing an extra
Speaker 1: because Tanga sent us a bunch of vibrators and I
Speaker 1: use three of them last night, not at once. Can
Speaker 1: we talk for a second about how beautiful the Tanga
Speaker 1: product is. It's so smooth and soft and the freaking
Speaker 1: uh Stephen, and I use those masturbation sleeves that they have.
Speaker 1: They have three kinds. The one with the buttons on them,
Speaker 1: it's they gave me the name of it. I should
Speaker 1: probably you know, different buttons um and the internal sleeves
Speaker 1: have different um designs internally to give different sensations. But
Speaker 1: I think what's always interesting to me about their product
Speaker 1: is so I could send a lot of sex toys.
Speaker 1: I believe you too probably do as well. I'm literally
Speaker 1: a full chest in my living room filled with just
Speaker 1: sex toys. I have to dedicate a closet now to
Speaker 1: sex toys, not choose, it's now sex toys. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: well me as well. And the funny thing is that
Speaker 1: a lot of them are just ugly or cheap looking. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they feel like I shouldn't stick this up me right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: this goes where. Yeah, it's scary. I mean, to put
Speaker 1: your dick in something like a machine, or to put
Speaker 1: something inside your vagina, you have to trust it. Uh,
Speaker 1: speak for yourself. I'm pretty venture what's the weird places
Speaker 1: over the years. You know, I'm a little bit older
Speaker 1: than you too. You're not you are? I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: I hope you are. But the products do look they
Speaker 1: have a great texture to them, and they just they
Speaker 1: feel like they're not a cheap aduct. And I've had
Speaker 1: a lot of and they've won design awards and and
Speaker 1: that's the funny joke I make is it's a joke,
Speaker 1: but it's serious, and that you know, their whole goal
Speaker 1: wasn't to have anything that looked like a replacement for anatomy.
Speaker 1: They don't want to be threatening to anyone. A lot
Speaker 1: of a lot of guys sometimes feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: a sex toy on their girlfriend or wife is something
Speaker 1: that they have to compete with, and you know, they're
Speaker 1: architecturally attractive. They don't look like anatomy. It's something that's
Speaker 1: just supposed to be a compliment to sexual health and wellness. Well,
Speaker 1: although I gotta say when we were using those sleeves,
Speaker 1: I was using the the one of the cup the
Speaker 1: air Tech series on Steven and I was like, it's
Speaker 1: just gonna be better than my pussy and he was
Speaker 1: like no, stop, Like okay, so I and then I
Speaker 1: kind of was like, Okay, now I know how dudes
Speaker 1: feel a little bit with the vibrator, but still all
Speaker 1: in all, just give it's fine. Yeah, our tongues and
Speaker 1: fingers and penises can only do so much. I know.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, I mean, my boy the reason I even
Speaker 1: know about taying it to begin with is because my
Speaker 1: boyfriend James is like obsessed with the masturbation cups. So
Speaker 1: I actually I don't. I don't like sex toys, and
Speaker 1: I was very open with Tanga about that. Uh, but
Speaker 1: he loves them. So I was like, can you just
Speaker 1: send me only the dude stuff? And he came over
Speaker 1: the other day and we wanted to have sex, and
Speaker 1: then he was like acting weird and I was and
Speaker 1: I was like, what what is up? And he's like,
Speaker 1: I gotta be honest. Since Tanga sent me that stuff,
Speaker 1: I've been masturbating NonStop and my dick is raw. That's
Speaker 1: the worst thing. But let's not let that be a
Speaker 1: cautionary tail for everyone. Don't be afraid of the tail. No.
Speaker 1: I thought it was funny. It didn't bother me at all.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, that's less work for me.
Speaker 1: Just banger man, we can go to bed. You guys
Speaker 1: are special like that because there's a lot of people
Speaker 1: for many reasons, but there's a lot of people that
Speaker 1: are afraid to talk like that with their partner. I know,
Speaker 1: it's so weird to me because I've always been open
Speaker 1: with Steven. You've always we've always been open like that.
Speaker 1: But then since doing the podcast, we're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: people don't talk about what they want in the sack
Speaker 1: with the person they're fucking, and that's crazy to me.
Speaker 1: Or do you keep masturbation as competition like you mentioned before? Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: And if you're monogamous, then you're kind of committing to
Speaker 1: being one's only sex partner. And if you're not willing
Speaker 1: to really open up with what that would be for you.
Speaker 1: You're going to be either miserable, You're gonna end up cheating.
Speaker 1: No one's gonna be happy. So you gotta talk that
Speaker 1: stuff out. I know, I got your fulls of gems.
Speaker 1: Do you how often do you masturbate? It's a good question,
Speaker 1: well right now, because it's masturbation, may it's daily took
Speaker 1: the pledge, took the pledge? Did you seriously up your
Speaker 1: masturbations in honor of the month? I didn't really have to,
Speaker 1: but you know, in honor, in honor of the tanga,
Speaker 1: you know, pledge um frequently. I mean, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I I think I'm from a camp educationally where I
Speaker 1: was trained to believe that sex wasn't appropriate nor was
Speaker 1: it an adequate tool for entertainment or self soothing. You know,
Speaker 1: the psychology field loves to pathologize that. So yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: why why are we allowed to I was jokingly say this,
Speaker 1: why are we allowed to watch football or Real Housewives
Speaker 1: for four to six hours on a Sunday? But please
Speaker 1: do not be doing that with porner masturbation? Like, what
Speaker 1: is the difference? Who's watching Real Housewives for four to
Speaker 1: six hours. They have a problem. I'm not an intervention.
Speaker 1: That's a real bad things in Atlanta and the New
Speaker 1: York Marathon on and you got to watch Mall. I
Speaker 1: feel like this is like a sell of a problem
Speaker 1: that is Christian or are you okay? Chris? You want
Speaker 1: to talk about it? You watching the Flip on the
Speaker 1: Table too much? Honestly, I've never watched that show at all. Funny. Really,
Speaker 1: I respect you so much more. Thank you. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: would be. You might be a little. I don't. My
Speaker 1: My television choices are quite out there at times. I'm
Speaker 1: not really standard television. Yeah, what's like the weirdest thing
Speaker 1: you watch? It's not that it's weird as much as
Speaker 1: there's a consistent theme. And I'm really into shows that
Speaker 1: have murder, Like I'm I'm Instigation Discovery. Oh that's not weird,
Speaker 1: that's fine the first I mean, they have all these
Speaker 1: shows that are murder. So yeah, yeah, comes to town,
Speaker 1: murder comes to town. I like that is that just
Speaker 1: Santa Claus killing children? I hope? So yeah. I fear
Speaker 1: thy neighbor shops shaking things up. But I'm waiting for
Speaker 1: my husband to murder me. Question about sticking your dick
Speaker 1: in uh in things to get pleasure. The cups this
Speaker 1: this was the interesting product, the cup series that Tanka
Speaker 1: has because it's disposable, right, it's for it's for masturbators
Speaker 1: on the go. And I was saying that Stephen. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you take this and you carry on, you go to
Speaker 1: the bathroom. You could jerk off pretty quickly. And He's like,
Speaker 1: I would never pay Sorry, Yes, recycle, can you recycle
Speaker 1: something with coming it? Question? Want that next to your
Speaker 1: bottles and cans? No, that wouldn't be hygienic, I was
Speaker 1: gonna say. I was like, I hope not for my sake.
Speaker 1: I don't want something to be like a Tanka masturbation
Speaker 1: cup and and a soda bottle. We should hand Tanga
Speaker 1: masturbation cups and what disposal wants to people who can't
Speaker 1: call us. Oh yeah, yeah, it's actually really funny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just thought that right back to them, right, But like,
Speaker 1: what's what's the ideal situation that you would use that in?
Speaker 1: Because apparently Stephen thinks that masterbding in the bathroom of
Speaker 1: a plane is is crude. I don't, well, I think
Speaker 1: he's among the minority. Is the answer to that, Yeah, idiot,
Speaker 1: I travel a lot, and so for me, it's just
Speaker 1: to throw in my bag a few of them at
Speaker 1: the hotel, get home, pre bed, and the little is
Speaker 1: right there, the lube is right there. I mean, the
Speaker 1: egg is my favorite. It literally unwraps like an egg.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, one with you. The Tanga egg literally looks
Speaker 1: like an egg, unwrapid the lube is inside. And what
Speaker 1: I love about it is it's it's malleable, so you
Speaker 1: can use it just over your the penis head or
Speaker 1: you can stretch it all the way down over the
Speaker 1: shaft as well. Um one used throw it away. I've
Speaker 1: been known using maybe more than once, the same one.
Speaker 1: I'm environmental dirty and and those are tiny too. You
Speaker 1: could literally, if you wanted, if you're that paranoid, put
Speaker 1: him in an egg carton. And then when t s
Speaker 1: as like you can't transport food, stir and you're like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's a masturbation, sleep when I like, carry on, give
Speaker 1: me one. I think that would be weirder to have
Speaker 1: like a dozen eggs. A dozen eggs. The Tanga eggs
Speaker 1: six pack looks like a six pack of eggs. So
Speaker 1: there you go. Yeah, that's true. There's the photo of
Speaker 1: it right there. Wow. I like they call it a
Speaker 1: six pack of eggs, like it's beer. Should get sick, bro,
Speaker 1: pick up a six pack of eggs from the cool
Speaker 1: So I well, I think it's really interesting because, uh
Speaker 1: so often with sex toys, it's it's one of the
Speaker 1: few things in life that is more female oriented than
Speaker 1: male oriented. It's like sex toys and up and makeup,
Speaker 1: that's what we have. And then that's why Tanga came along.
Speaker 1: And it's like, really the first brand name that I
Speaker 1: was familiar with that was concentrating first on male masturbation,
Speaker 1: and then they obviously developed a to female products because
Speaker 1: you know, people have the misconception that the Guys We
Speaker 1: Fucked listenership is mostly women, and that's not true at all.
Speaker 1: And I feel like we're always like promoting products about
Speaker 1: women's pleasure and we don't talk a lot about men's pleasure. Um,
Speaker 1: and why do you why do you think that is?
Speaker 1: Why do you think more sex choice have been created
Speaker 1: for women than men? Yeah, it's a good question. Well,
Speaker 1: before you even get to that, I think it's important
Speaker 1: for guys to listen to a show that maybe focus
Speaker 1: is predominantly on female pleasure because the educational resources, what
Speaker 1: do you say, because they don't know about it exactly,
Speaker 1: that's why they need the resources are horrible. It's it's
Speaker 1: pretty much porn is the only resource for guys. They're
Speaker 1: not really going to do much googling. And you know,
Speaker 1: some women aren't confident enough to really maybe speak up
Speaker 1: for what they're looking for for multitude of reasons, patriarchy
Speaker 1: or low self esteem, like whatever you want to make
Speaker 1: it about. And so it's good for the guys to learn,
Speaker 1: for sure. So I think that's important. But um, I
Speaker 1: think honestly, I'm gonna get a lot of hell for
Speaker 1: saying this. I think guys are lazy. No, right, you're
Speaker 1: a guy. You can say whatever, you're lazy and unorganized.
Speaker 1: But you can be lazy and unorganized, you know. And
Speaker 1: I think to um go purchase a sex product is
Speaker 1: to have to really put yourself out there and acknowledge
Speaker 1: that you masturbate. And I think, you know, the stat
Speaker 1: is that came out a tank of survey was about
Speaker 1: us masturbate. Actually think it's higher less than half of
Speaker 1: us are comfortable really acknowledging and talking about it. That
Speaker 1: really even dude. See, but dudes, I thought everyone just
Speaker 1: assumed every dude all the time in their socks and
Speaker 1: their mom's annoyed about the laundry. Imagine this. So if
Speaker 1: I going to meet up with my boys, I'm going
Speaker 1: to happily go in there and say something like, yo,
Speaker 1: you know, just worked a long day ten hours, where
Speaker 1: I could say, you know whatever, But I'm not going
Speaker 1: to go in there and be like, dudes, I just
Speaker 1: had the most amazing masterbased session. Let me tell you
Speaker 1: all about it, stuff I was doing, let me tell
Speaker 1: you what I was watching. It's not going to happen, yeah,
Speaker 1: because that's weird though, like you know, like men, but
Speaker 1: but women. When women talking about masturbation, it's not it's
Speaker 1: not like, hey, ladies just jerked off. I'm in a
Speaker 1: better mood. But it is more like if something weird
Speaker 1: happened or something, or if it was like a product
Speaker 1: that I'm like, holy sh it, I would tell my
Speaker 1: girlfriends about it, like, but guys are And this is
Speaker 1: one of the myths that got debunked after doing the podcast.
Speaker 1: Men talk about sex with other men way less than
Speaker 1: women talk about with other women. So maybe the lack
Speaker 1: of sex toys for men kind of contribute, so that, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it does. And that's why I tell guys
Speaker 1: the act of purchasing or possessing a male sex product
Speaker 1: is a sign of just sexual liberation, um and maturity. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And that's why, like guys are more reluctant to like
Speaker 1: go to a sex class because it feels like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm not inadequate, so it doesn't matter, and it's so
Speaker 1: much stuff gets in the way, right, Well, I mean
Speaker 1: men seem to talk about not the actual physical act
Speaker 1: of sex, but more like the conquering of the women
Speaker 1: in terms of heterosexual men. I feel like that's like
Speaker 1: kind of the thing that people discuss, like the I
Speaker 1: conquered this you're a I up this girl, but like
Speaker 1: not like, oh I gave it an amazing orgasm and
Speaker 1: what a loss, Because you know, when two people have sex,
Speaker 1: there's were more people, there's two people who are involved
Speaker 1: and both you know, having being impacted by the experience.
Speaker 1: And if you go into sex just looking at looking
Speaker 1: at as something to achieve in a certain way and
Speaker 1: just something to conquer, not only are you stealing the
Speaker 1: experience from your partner, you're stealing it from yourself, like
Speaker 1: how boring does that kind of sex sound? That was beautiful? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that sounds horrible. That's not being present and in the
Speaker 1: moment during sex is like tortuous almost well when I'm
Speaker 1: when I'm with amber Rose. And just to clarify what
Speaker 1: that means, I mean on the podcast, because there's a
Speaker 1: lot of ways to hear that. Um, well, in the
Speaker 1: beginning there was because a couple of people I get it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well people tweeted me, dude, aren't you hearing what she's saying?
Speaker 1: Look at the way she looks at you, because we
Speaker 1: were live streaming at one point and I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: just friends at this point, Yeah, that door open. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're very smart though it's easy to get like, well,
Speaker 1: I can see like kind of just like looking at you,
Speaker 1: like when we were in person with you, I was like,
Speaker 1: this guy is so smart. I love it. And and
Speaker 1: I don't know how you sit next time, amber Rose
Speaker 1: and not just go, but I don't. But because it's good. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, that's one of those people where her external
Speaker 1: beauty and our internal beauty are really congruent and a
Speaker 1: log they really are. That woman is just the has
Speaker 1: the heart as big as her boobs. Yeah, and that's
Speaker 1: a gigantic heart's big heart. Yeah. She's so you know,
Speaker 1: and she's so open and she doesn't there's like she's
Speaker 1: not ashamed of anything and all these names and she
Speaker 1: just doesn't give a funk. I'm like totally. And that's
Speaker 1: why I love spending so much time with her, is
Speaker 1: that we've been able to really positive influence each other.
Speaker 1: And we both talk about it's really funny. You know,
Speaker 1: sometimes I wish there was always a camera on us
Speaker 1: why we're recording, because we were talking just a couple
Speaker 1: weeks ago about how we'd like to have sex and
Speaker 1: what what's hot for us, and like the one day
Speaker 1: I was like really going for and she was sitting
Speaker 1: there and she was kind of like choking up, and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I mean, I want my eyes open,
Speaker 1: I want to see my partner and I want them
Speaker 1: to be looking at me. And I was like, and
Speaker 1: I want my mouth everywhere on them, and I want
Speaker 1: their mouth everywhere on me. And I was like going
Speaker 1: on and on, and she's like damn, damn, like slying
Speaker 1: of her chair. I'm sorry what we're recording, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: it's getting real. But then you think of the opposite
Speaker 1: as the people that are like, Yo, I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to hit that and I'm like that sounds lame for
Speaker 1: her and for you. Yeah, you're not doing anybody any
Speaker 1: favorites when you talk about sex like that. Yeah, no, absolutely.
Speaker 1: I mean and so you're a license sex therapist? Is
Speaker 1: that you're and so can you explain to our listeners
Speaker 1: just for those who have never had the pleasure of
Speaker 1: meeting so, like, what is your job entail? Yeah? I mean,
Speaker 1: my my, my education is actually quite diverse. Like I
Speaker 1: did a doctoral program in clinical psycho doctoral program in
Speaker 1: human sexuality sexology, and then I'm also a licensed therapist
Speaker 1: and a certified sex therapist. So I've been in school
Speaker 1: forever around this stuff. But you know, basically I do
Speaker 1: couples of marital therapy and general therapy, but my focus
Speaker 1: and specialization is really on things that are sexually based.
Speaker 1: So it's everything from you know, dysfunctions to um sexual
Speaker 1: pain to M s M two gender and or attaintive
Speaker 1: issues to how to to sexual embody esteem. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's really quite expansive. Wow, I have a question actually
Speaker 1: about you said pain and sex. We've gotten a lot
Speaker 1: of emails about vaginousness. I'm pronouncing it right. For women
Speaker 1: who can't they can't have sex on it, and they've
Speaker 1: gone to a g y N and there it seems
Speaker 1: to me. But I don't know what sikes. I don't
Speaker 1: know anything about it that. I'm sorry you just kind
Speaker 1: of said the problem. And this isn't to knock gynecology,
Speaker 1: but it typically is not a biological issue. It generally
Speaker 1: is an emotional psychological issue. And what really, Damn We're
Speaker 1: we're good because we say stuff like that a lot.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, we are great at this. It's closing
Speaker 1: you guys, honorary degrees. Yes, You're body doesn't lie. And
Speaker 1: if you were if any sexual part of your body
Speaker 1: to make it sexual for a second, or you know
Speaker 1: your vaginal muscles are tightening, that's because you're afraid. There's anxiety,
Speaker 1: you're not comfortable. Honor that look into that what's going on.
Speaker 1: Maybe the person you're trying to have sex with is
Speaker 1: not someone you should be comfortable having sex with, or
Speaker 1: maybe not in that dynamic, or maybe you're not comfortable
Speaker 1: in your body. But it's probably a rational response, and
Speaker 1: so there's got to be some psychological work through on that.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to go to a doctor and
Speaker 1: have it forced open. So wait, so vagin is miss
Speaker 1: then is all mental? I believe? So for sure? Oh interesting, Wow, Okay,
Speaker 1: damn that well that opens the door up to other
Speaker 1: ways that you can actually like address the fucking problem
Speaker 1: because doctors don't know. Right, It sounds kind of a
Speaker 1: lot like vaginal ibs. Honestly, what you just explained, it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, because there's a lot of stomach related problems
Speaker 1: that you know, they have medicines and they have these
Speaker 1: commercials for them. But when you ever you talk to
Speaker 1: someone with it with IBS or like, I think this
Speaker 1: isn't more of an anxiety disordered a very stressful life,
Speaker 1: and like if your stomach is directly correlated to what's
Speaker 1: going on in your head, why ain't you pussy? I mean? Well,
Speaker 1: then that's why I try to use the word like
Speaker 1: mind body or body mind as opposed to saying your
Speaker 1: mind or your body. I always trying to combine them
Speaker 1: to get people to understand they are the same thing.
Speaker 1: They're connected to impact each other, think in those terms.
Speaker 1: And that's why I love working with sex is it's
Speaker 1: a really beautiful entry pointing to the psyche to really
Speaker 1: look at what's going on, because I'll tell you, if
Speaker 1: you work on your sexuality in terms of, you know,
Speaker 1: speaking up, honoring and engaging all the things that you're
Speaker 1: turned on by, and if you can get comfortable in
Speaker 1: your body being naked and with a partner, that's how
Speaker 1: you can work on these other issues like general self
Speaker 1: esteem and body esteem and general confidence in the world
Speaker 1: because sex is probably the most private, shamed part and
Speaker 1: if you can work through that, you can work through
Speaker 1: the other stuff. Yeah. Are you single? Oh no, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, probably a lot of puss.
Speaker 1: Are you in a long term relationship? I am, it's
Speaker 1: it's um it's a new relationship, but it's it's committed.
Speaker 1: And do you ever ring on? Oh no, you're married.
Speaker 1: I'm engaged. Oh congrats, that's awesome. Why do you have
Speaker 1: are you? Do you most of your relationships? Um? Monogamy
Speaker 1: is where you guys do um? I have had all
Speaker 1: types of configurations and so you kind of lit up
Speaker 1: the time because I love talking to people if they've
Speaker 1: ever had an open relationship, like, how did that go?
Speaker 1: Was it weird? Yeah? You know the way I kind
Speaker 1: of explain it, and I and I explained this this
Speaker 1: way for clients and also about myself, is you know,
Speaker 1: there's going to be different phases in your relationship or
Speaker 1: you're going to have possible needs that are shifting. Meaning
Speaker 1: there's times where's really important, I think, to have a
Speaker 1: lot of closeness and intimacy, and that might mean spending
Speaker 1: a lot of time together, having a lot of affection,
Speaker 1: having a lot of sex because maybe something disruptive happened,
Speaker 1: or maybe going through a tough time, or maybe needing
Speaker 1: a lot of extra support. And then those times, no
Speaker 1: matter what configuration is, be close close at be monogamous.
Speaker 1: It's about the two of you. There might be other
Speaker 1: times where things are really great, you're feeling really good,
Speaker 1: you're feeling really close, and one of you maybe feels
Speaker 1: like you have sexual needs outside of that, see if
Speaker 1: that can work and can be possible. And I've been
Speaker 1: in past relationships where right now my current one is monogamous,
Speaker 1: but I've been in ones in the past where one
Speaker 1: of us, due to traveling a lot or being interested
Speaker 1: in something sexually that the other wasn't, that was meaningful
Speaker 1: and made sense. Yeah, because like because one of the
Speaker 1: things that I'm experiencing now is we're just gonna go
Speaker 1: into a therapy set um. Like I were. Curent and
Speaker 1: I were doing a comedy festival in Austin, Texas, and
Speaker 1: I was I found out later, like looking back, I
Speaker 1: was ovulating and I usually don't do the stereotypical like
Speaker 1: hungry for dick when I'm ovulating, but I was. I
Speaker 1: was flirting with everybody and it was like whoa. I
Speaker 1: was so like horny every second of that trip, and uh,
Speaker 1: it was really annoying. But then and in my head,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I can really I have a cuckling fetish.
Speaker 1: So I like seeing my partner for other women a lot.
Speaker 1: He doesn't. He's open to having a three with the
Speaker 1: guys not bisexual, but he's like, if that's what you want,
Speaker 1: and then I'll make you happy, yes, but he doesn't
Speaker 1: want to have experience sexual experiences without each other. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, if this get I was like almost
Speaker 1: surprised by how thirsty I was, and I didn't do
Speaker 1: anything because I would never cheat on him, that would.
Speaker 1: I mean, we've been together for six years, but I
Speaker 1: feel like it might get to a point where I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: if I'm like on the road or something, and and
Speaker 1: that happens. But I can't figure out if that's me
Speaker 1: being selfish or because my commitment to him is more
Speaker 1: important to me than getting that satisfaction. But why would
Speaker 1: getting that satisfaction mean to not honor the commitment if
Speaker 1: you can, as an adult share with him that interest
Speaker 1: of doing that, him allowing you thereby maybe strengthening the relationship,
Speaker 1: because I see the strengthening if it's transparent, me too.
Speaker 1: But he doesn't. He doesn't feel comfortable with me doing
Speaker 1: anything sexual with another person and him not being there.
Speaker 1: And that's okay, that's fair, And I don't think that's old,
Speaker 1: and I think I think it's actually pretty evolved that
Speaker 1: he's at least open to doing things with with with
Speaker 1: you in presence having someone come in, Like there's a
Speaker 1: lot of couples that aren't even ready for that, and
Speaker 1: I think that could be a beautifully bonding thing to
Speaker 1: have sex together and have a third party commit for me.
Speaker 1: If a third comes in, I say this lovingly, they
Speaker 1: come in as a human sex toy. It I don't
Speaker 1: want to be about them. It's about me and my
Speaker 1: partner and he's the third person to enjoy each other. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I I agree totally, but like the idea for like I,
Speaker 1: and then it's kind of imbalanced because the idea of
Speaker 1: him with another woman while I'm not there, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: tell me about it later, like that sounds great. But
Speaker 1: then he just doesn't have that. He doesn't have that
Speaker 1: coupled thing at all. He doesn't get turned on by it.
Speaker 1: He probably, honestly seems after we talked like that would
Speaker 1: make them really sad. I'm like, Okay, me and you
Speaker 1: would make a quite a pair because I'm on board
Speaker 1: with you, but like mine, you fucking tell me about it,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna suck her and then we'll meet at the
Speaker 1: Starbucks and yeah, with their silence next to what's happen? Well,
Speaker 1: you know, I have a question I was coming happen
Speaker 1: because I was like, we talked about this a lot,
Speaker 1: you know, obviously, like this is a super sexually progressive podcast. Uh,
Speaker 1: And I actually, over the course of this three years,
Speaker 1: have become what I would say, more vanilla, like after
Speaker 1: talking about all this crazy stuff and doing a bunch
Speaker 1: of crazy stuff and going to sex clubs and giving
Speaker 1: people blow jobs and whatever. I'm just like I'm kind
Speaker 1: of kind of over it all and really just looking
Speaker 1: for something pretty simple and monogamous, which is what I'm
Speaker 1: in now. Uh. We're kind of like both huge former slots.
Speaker 1: We've kind of like my boyfriend I have did everything
Speaker 1: we wanted to do and then found each other and
Speaker 1: we're like this is great. We're just gonna be boring
Speaker 1: and like make fun of other people together and it's
Speaker 1: super good and like the sex we have is good,
Speaker 1: but it's pretty like simple basic sex. Uh, and I'm
Speaker 1: like happy with that. So and then sometimes i feel
Speaker 1: like I've like shut down progressively kind of like but
Speaker 1: I'm not, like I'm not I'm certainly not interested in
Speaker 1: adding anyone. Like I'm a person. I don't. I am
Speaker 1: not a people person at all. The fact that I
Speaker 1: found someone that I have spent a year and a
Speaker 1: half with is a easing. I can't even believe I
Speaker 1: found a person that I would want to spend that
Speaker 1: much time with. But like I I have a pattern
Speaker 1: of like getting into like, um, yeah, like it takes
Speaker 1: me a while to find someone, but then when I do,
Speaker 1: I usually stay with that person for a long time.
Speaker 1: It makes sense because some people. So this comes up
Speaker 1: with Amber as well, where some people assume that, um,
Speaker 1: the way we might be sexually in terms of how
Speaker 1: progressive we are in one domain, that it should or
Speaker 1: will apply to all domains, and it doesn't. And you're
Speaker 1: giving a beautiful example where Amber is very much a
Speaker 1: slut in some ways. In some forms, she will go
Speaker 1: out of the house with her boobs hanging out or
Speaker 1: at Coachella, as she called it, Hotella in the fishnet
Speaker 1: boobs blazing, where I go out and I dress pretty
Speaker 1: covered up in stiff, then stiff, I go home and
Speaker 1: I'm more kinky. She goes home and she's more vanilla.
Speaker 1: And so you are very progressive on the podcast. Your
Speaker 1: work involves all of that, and that's kind of where you,
Speaker 1: you know, act out and encounter your sex positivity, but
Speaker 1: when you go home, you don't feel the need to
Speaker 1: do that, and there's something beautiful about that. There's a
Speaker 1: balance in that for you. Yeah, well, it's kind of
Speaker 1: like to like you can compare it to you know,
Speaker 1: we go when we go on tour and we're doing
Speaker 1: like a city and night, two shows a night and whatever,
Speaker 1: and I come home and I'm like I just want
Speaker 1: to read a book on the couch like that, and
Speaker 1: I enjoy this. I love enjoying simple things and I
Speaker 1: but in order to want to enjoy simple things, I
Speaker 1: need to have like either have done non simple things
Speaker 1: for a really long time. And I'm just like that's
Speaker 1: what I crave because because Steve and I like sometimes
Speaker 1: he's just like, can we just make out? And I'm like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's just make out on the couch and that's it.
Speaker 1: I just want to cuddle and lay there and be
Speaker 1: held and that's all I have and that's all I
Speaker 1: want and that's all I need. Yeah, it's beautiful. I
Speaker 1: think that's really interesting what you just pointed out, because
Speaker 1: I was like, I definitely, uh like will like to
Speaker 1: dress like promiscuously as I hate that word, but I
Speaker 1: definitely like to do that and I like to, you know,
Speaker 1: like take like nude photos of myself and I would
Speaker 1: totally like I've I've performed stand up nude in front
Speaker 1: of my peers, Like I have no problem with that,
Speaker 1: and like I'm into like kind of weird ship like
Speaker 1: blood play is something I really want to explore. I'm
Speaker 1: just nervous about it, like hygienically and like safety wise.
Speaker 1: But that's the kind of stuff, but only things where
Speaker 1: it's just me and my partner doing really weird things together,
Speaker 1: Because for me, that's a huge bond. Like even when
Speaker 1: I went to sex clubs, I wasn't in a relationship,
Speaker 1: but I went with a really good friend that I
Speaker 1: was sleeping with, and I feel like us going to
Speaker 1: a sex club together and me like giving him a
Speaker 1: blowjob in public and like having this lady finger me
Speaker 1: while we were together, Like it really honestly made our
Speaker 1: friendship that much deeper. I'm glad you're saying that that's
Speaker 1: such a beautiful example of how bonding through sex can
Speaker 1: can be done in a multitude of ways, and that
Speaker 1: things that are quote unquote promiscuous or I don't know,
Speaker 1: kinky or more anonymous, somehow people want to take the
Speaker 1: connection in intimacy building out of that and that's not
Speaker 1: honest or fair. Yeah, because you're being so vulnerable in
Speaker 1: those situations of like a sex club or sex party
Speaker 1: or a three way or something like after Steven I
Speaker 1: had the first all every time Steven and I've had
Speaker 1: a three way afterwards, I just feel this new closeness
Speaker 1: to him, and it's so like strange that him sticking
Speaker 1: dick and another woman's vagina makes me go. You saw
Speaker 1: new new layers of him. You know, someone else is
Speaker 1: not how you see him when he's with you, and
Speaker 1: so you've got to see different sounds and expressions. You
Speaker 1: got to see different parts of his psyche, and so
Speaker 1: you saw him more of his totality, You saw deeper
Speaker 1: parts of him. That's stunning, that's beautiful. Think of how
Speaker 1: limited some people are that won't engage in some of
Speaker 1: these different pieces or things. You know. Again, you know,
Speaker 1: people will talk about dating where they'll say, you know,
Speaker 1: on the first date, I'm not having sex because I
Speaker 1: want to really get to know them, and I'm like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: coffee at Starbucks can maybe be really getting to know someone.
Speaker 1: And maybe it's not because you're anxious and you're you know,
Speaker 1: selling a dream and coming forward with parts of yourself
Speaker 1: that aren't authentic. Sometimes sex first is actually the most intimate, bonding, honest,
Speaker 1: authentic thing in terms of dating as well. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: true because you can put the and your social some
Speaker 1: of my anonymous mis sex, some of my anonymous sex
Speaker 1: has been the most intimate experiences because we're maybe not
Speaker 1: exchanging names and it's a hook up, but there's connection
Speaker 1: and there's depth, and I'm you know, when you're sexual someone,
Speaker 1: you are learning a lot about them. You're learning their
Speaker 1: body esteem, You're learning their intimacy tolerance and how close
Speaker 1: they can handle getting. You're learning your communication skills, you're
Speaker 1: learning their levels of empathy. Past wounds and traumas come up.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're not going to get that at Starbucks
Speaker 1: over coffee. What's um so true? What's uh? An example
Speaker 1: of something coming up that indicates a past wound or
Speaker 1: trauma while you're having sex specifically, I'm curious with an
Speaker 1: anonymous person. Sure. A very dramatic example is twice I've
Speaker 1: had sex where my partner either didn't want an air
Speaker 1: of their body touched at all and pulled away immediately
Speaker 1: when touched. And that could have been because of body
Speaker 1: shaming or some kind of sexual trauma in an area,
Speaker 1: or even a surgery, I don't know. And another time
Speaker 1: someone started kind of getting into tears while we were
Speaker 1: making out. Something just got triggered and opened, and I
Speaker 1: don't know what unless we further, you know, discussed it,
Speaker 1: which I did because it wasn't really appropriate that moment,
Speaker 1: but those were signs where I was like, something just
Speaker 1: got opened up. So when that girl was crying when
Speaker 1: you were making out with her, you didn't talk about it?
Speaker 1: Did you keep making out? You're like, I'm a full
Speaker 1: You're if you're going to keep making out with me,
Speaker 1: I guess I'll keep making out with you. But you're crying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I try to keep my work separate from my personal life.
Speaker 1: You know, it would have been awkward, like stop lights on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess it was with somebody you don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know the way that's a that's an l if,
Speaker 1: that's an awkward What did you do in that situation? Um,
Speaker 1: it wasn't you know, it was in all honesty. It
Speaker 1: wasn't someone that I was that interested in really being
Speaker 1: that close to, and so I didn't fake interest. I
Speaker 1: didn't fake interest, and so I didn't want to really
Speaker 1: open it up and get closer. You know. That's the
Speaker 1: other thing, Like, you know, sexual maturity is about being
Speaker 1: really transparent about what you're looking for with someone so
Speaker 1: that they don't go home trying to code a text message. Yes,
Speaker 1: so fucking true. And I think I think it's so
Speaker 1: um of important that, uh, that you can say, hey,
Speaker 1: you don't have to feel guilty and be like, I
Speaker 1: guess we'll talk about it. Because if you really don't
Speaker 1: give a ship, that's unfair to the other person that
Speaker 1: you're lending them your fake empathy. Totally. Yeah, yeah, don't
Speaker 1: do that. Of what when you were when you were
Speaker 1: mentioning anonymous sects? How does one go about getting anonymous sex?
Speaker 1: What do you mean by that? You just kind of
Speaker 1: I have a pretty good idea of what you mean.
Speaker 1: But my my idea of this is more like my
Speaker 1: gay friends on grinder or not even like like bathhouses.
Speaker 1: So like, what what what kinds of like anonymous sex
Speaker 1: experiences have you had? I find this fascinating. You kind
Speaker 1: of like just said it like it was a normal thing.
Speaker 1: I mean it should be, it could be a normal thing,
Speaker 1: but I don't think it's accepted yet. Years I've been
Speaker 1: in um some back to back serious relationships. So I
Speaker 1: guess for me, as of let's say five years going back,
Speaker 1: it would fall more under um having set up a
Speaker 1: date that after coffee or dinner, led to sex, but
Speaker 1: then upon having sex, realized there's really not full compatibility
Speaker 1: or interest here, and so we didn't really ever speak again. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta cut it. And you never like a lot
Speaker 1: of that anonymous sex there's no name exchanging. It's kind
Speaker 1: of hot. Um. Well, in those instances there is, but
Speaker 1: more first name based, like you know, let's meet at Starbucks,
Speaker 1: get some coffee or whatnot. You talk a little bit,
Speaker 1: you look at the cup to see what the person's name.
Speaker 1: That's that's a weird spelling. Could you are you allowed
Speaker 1: to talk about because I know that there's a confidentiality
Speaker 1: thing with with when you work with couples in therapy,
Speaker 1: but could you talk about like the most interesting obviously
Speaker 1: no names, but a problem that you've encountered, or like
Speaker 1: the one that, like, what's a problem that really stumped
Speaker 1: you in therapy, in marriage counseling or sex therapy. Well,
Speaker 1: the most interesting namic ones, unfortunately, usually tend to be
Speaker 1: really sad and heartbreaking people. You know, people don't come
Speaker 1: in because things are going well, and they don't come
Speaker 1: in to celebrate things. So it's often really sad, disheartening
Speaker 1: things where you are reminded that the world could be
Speaker 1: a shitty, dark place. Oh yeah, that's our inbox. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's really and you and there's Yes,
Speaker 1: you have to get to a point where you're like,
Speaker 1: I can't let this ruin my day. This is the
Speaker 1: worst thing I've ever read, But I can't imagine being
Speaker 1: face to face with that person. And then your job
Speaker 1: is to help them. You both work with sex and
Speaker 1: dating relationships, and so you know that that brings up
Speaker 1: some of people's biggest struggles because it taps into social value,
Speaker 1: Like all sorts of stuff is embedded in there. I
Speaker 1: would say the more colorful things though, that aren't so dark,
Speaker 1: would just be different kinks where people come in saying
Speaker 1: I'm turned on by this? Is that okay? Or how
Speaker 1: do I find a partner based on me being interested
Speaker 1: in this? And you know, every now and then, at
Speaker 1: this point, I think I've kind of heard it all,
Speaker 1: or at least when I learned something new, I'm not
Speaker 1: surprised or ox. I realize you can eroticize literally anything.
Speaker 1: That's the weirdest thing you've ever heard anybody eroticize weird
Speaker 1: meaning just uncommon, prized. Yeah, sure, so on our this
Speaker 1: is actually more helpful. On our podcast on love Line,
Speaker 1: we Amber had thought she had heard of everything at
Speaker 1: this point, and someone called in and the question was
Speaker 1: literally not about the specific interests. It was just more
Speaker 1: along the lines of how do I set boundaries around
Speaker 1: things I don't want to do that my partner wants
Speaker 1: me to do. And Amber kept saying, but what are
Speaker 1: you talking about? And the girls like, I don't really
Speaker 1: want to open that up, and it was like no,
Speaker 1: tell us, tell us. So girls like, well, he wants
Speaker 1: to watch me fuck a dog, and well that was
Speaker 1: a shocker. Oh, for sure, you've not heard that. I
Speaker 1: don't a girl a dog before a dog get fucked
Speaker 1: by dogs? That can a dog have? That? Does a dog?
Speaker 1: That's dexterity to suck a person? Sure, dog knows where
Speaker 1: the pussy is. You just stick your dogs. You just
Speaker 1: stick your dog's dick and your vagina. Google that ship.
Speaker 1: For sure. It more colorful in that there was like
Speaker 1: a secondary piece and Amber's like, oh shit, okay, we'll
Speaker 1: wait what else? And I was like I'm all no, no,
Speaker 1: keep she's pushing, she's pushing. And then the girl's like, well,
Speaker 1: he wants to watch me fun his dad, and Ambers like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to say now. She's like, I'm
Speaker 1: sweating comfortable, So you hear a lot. What did you say? What?
Speaker 1: And I would assume that that, well, I want to
Speaker 1: see my dad thing is maybe from a past trauma
Speaker 1: in his life. Maybe, Well, no, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: like to pathologize and assume that colorful sexual interests inherently
Speaker 1: came from a damaged history. They don't. They don't have to.
Speaker 1: And as we age on shore, our sexualities grow as works,
Speaker 1: you know, um, new things are brought to us, and
Speaker 1: we realized, well, I never found that arousing. I do now,
Speaker 1: So it's less about that and more just about talking
Speaker 1: about taking care of yourself and boundaries and can an
Speaker 1: animal consent to sex? And your thoughts around that and
Speaker 1: you know those issues. I mean, do you think an
Speaker 1: animal can consent to sex? I feel like no. My
Speaker 1: My answer is is kind of punchy in that I'm
Speaker 1: pretty much vegan. So I'm like, you're you're all out
Speaker 1: there killing animals to eat them, So don't act like
Speaker 1: you're upset about giving one a blow job, like there
Speaker 1: are existential questions and that I mean, I'm wrong, I
Speaker 1: kind of yeah, I wouldn't do it, nor would I
Speaker 1: recommend anyone doing. But I but I when I kind
Speaker 1: of agree with you, like also, I just don't think
Speaker 1: animals like you. I don't think you're gonna destroy an
Speaker 1: animal's mind by having them have sex without saying like yes,
Speaker 1: the way you would a human, Because I mean I
Speaker 1: see animals go up to other animals who don't want it,
Speaker 1: and but the other animals like, yeah, it's animalistic. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh true. Yeah. Well I also I also see some
Speaker 1: of these same people, and again I'm not weighing in
Speaker 1: on your name, but I also see some of these
Speaker 1: same people, you know, smack their dog because they want
Speaker 1: their dog on the couch. And it's like, well that
Speaker 1: once again, this episode is brought to you by Tanks Peter. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: It's it's amazing that this is why people tune in,
Speaker 1: because we get into the hard topics, including dog. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's why the other podcasts are afraid to talk about
Speaker 1: dog fucking not us I do. We won't end on
Speaker 1: a darknesse. So I'll ask this question now, um, what is?
Speaker 1: Because I think it's so important to talk about what's
Speaker 1: the darkest scenario or situation or problem you've ever heard
Speaker 1: somebody have Wait, I thought we weren't ending it. No, yeah, now,
Speaker 1: so we don't end it on the stats, you know again,
Speaker 1: um man? One that really was like, oh, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know I'm sensitive, so it's frequent because me too,
Speaker 1: I mean me too. There's one for me that sticks out,
Speaker 1: which one a girl who was raped by her father
Speaker 1: and on her tenth birthday. Her father administered several abortions
Speaker 1: on her and on her tenth birthday, he invited his
Speaker 1: friends over and they gang raped her. She escaped. That
Speaker 1: was it was a happy ending. But I was like
Speaker 1: she she wrote a very long email detailing it, and
Speaker 1: I was like, holy fucking shit, And uh yeah, that
Speaker 1: was that Things that involve family assault tend to be
Speaker 1: the darkest and most difficult to work with because you hope,
Speaker 1: and this isn't always the case, but you hope that
Speaker 1: the family dynamic can be a nourishing, nurturing, safe space,
Speaker 1: and that can be quite difficult when it's not. And
Speaker 1: so yeah, I would say ones that follow on those lines,
Speaker 1: or even you know, just adults that are out in
Speaker 1: the world in there and they're married and just having
Speaker 1: a partner really deceive you in a multitude of wage
Speaker 1: and I work with a lot of that where they
Speaker 1: come in and they thought that they were leading this
Speaker 1: really beautiful life and they found out they weren't. And
Speaker 1: it kind of that brings us a us back to
Speaker 1: the topic we're talk earlier, which is be transparent. You know,
Speaker 1: give your partner a chance to weigh in on what
Speaker 1: they're willing to allow or be a part of, take
Speaker 1: that risk to be known, versus just deciding that they're
Speaker 1: not okay with that, are not open to something, and
Speaker 1: doing without their consent so that they find out later
Speaker 1: and they feel so wounded because that's not okay. Um. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's crazy how much fear has such a huge part
Speaker 1: in people holding back. And it's like, if you just
Speaker 1: feel the fear and do it anyway, you will feel
Speaker 1: so much better. I promise you if you just talk
Speaker 1: about the thing that you want to talk about or
Speaker 1: or you know, just fucking open up and won't feel better.
Speaker 1: And that's part of realizing that there's inherent limits in
Speaker 1: monogamy or being with a partner, and you either allow
Speaker 1: that and you more in the loss of what you
Speaker 1: won't have, or you realize I need a different partner.
Speaker 1: I don't know that's a beautiful moment for some adults
Speaker 1: to really have to sit in that that bind of
Speaker 1: what do I want to do about this? Because I've
Speaker 1: worked with clients and I'm thinking of one that was
Speaker 1: younger in their teens, late teens of adult age, and
Speaker 1: he was interested in something in terms of kink that
Speaker 1: he wasn't confident bringing to his girlfriend and each wise
Speaker 1: was a little bit understandable to nineteen year olds might
Speaker 1: not have the sexualistication and confidence to be told that
Speaker 1: their partners into something really kinky. And so he was
Speaker 1: going online and finding anonymous people to do it with,
Speaker 1: and that's not really safe either. Heve in their houses,
Speaker 1: and he was heterosexual, and he was doing it with
Speaker 1: men because he was only able to find men that
Speaker 1: were willing to engage in this kink. And so brought
Speaker 1: up for him, am I sick because I'm into this?
Speaker 1: What do I do about this girl that I love?
Speaker 1: And what does it mean that I'm doing it with men?
Speaker 1: Just because he didn't have the confidence just to sit
Speaker 1: down Heather his girlfriend or whatever name was. I give
Speaker 1: him the name Heather because in my head she's blond,
Speaker 1: maybe not, and to say to listen I am really
Speaker 1: turned on at the idea of being treated like a
Speaker 1: pet or a dog and I want to be put
Speaker 1: on a leash and all of that. Are you willing
Speaker 1: or open to that in any form? Maybe she would
Speaker 1: have been like, sure, I love you, even nearly as
Speaker 1: weird as right, But for him, there was so much
Speaker 1: shame in bringing that. He'd meet guys online and go
Speaker 1: to their house and they put them on leashes and
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're being post we bound. You're with someone anonymous?
Speaker 1: Does anyone know where you're going? And he's like, well,
Speaker 1: of course not. And so the first part of my
Speaker 1: work with him would be around safety and that he
Speaker 1: was going to do this, So we had to work
Speaker 1: on safety and shame reduction. It's okay to into this,
Speaker 1: how can you engage in it safely? And then the
Speaker 1: third step would be how can we possibly bring in
Speaker 1: your partner and together talk to her about it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I think too if she were to meet, if
Speaker 1: he were to open up, if you opened up to
Speaker 1: her about that and she was like what And even
Speaker 1: if she had a weird reaction, that doesn't necessarily mean
Speaker 1: it can't happen. Yeah, And also she might be like yes,
Speaker 1: oh my god, yes, right, she might exactly. But there's
Speaker 1: also always remind people that it's a it's a coming
Speaker 1: out process. You know, coming out is not just about
Speaker 1: being gay or leves being or trans. Coming out about
Speaker 1: being your sexual self. And it took him years to
Speaker 1: get to that point. You need to give her more
Speaker 1: than one hour to digest and wrap her head around
Speaker 1: such stuff. Acclimate to that. And you know, I also
Speaker 1: work with some mails and this actually break my heart
Speaker 1: as well, where I work with some heterosexually defined males
Speaker 1: who are also interested in trans sexualism, meaning they're aroused
Speaker 1: by the idea of being sexual with a partner that's trans,
Speaker 1: and that has in many cases been very difficult for
Speaker 1: their wives to stumble upon or find out about, thinking
Speaker 1: that then he's gay or like, yeah, because I'm not
Speaker 1: good enough? Am I not satisfying enough? Or I'm yeah,
Speaker 1: and what's I mean? Uh? What do you say to like?
Speaker 1: What would you recommend he say to his wife? Then?
Speaker 1: If he wasn't a situation we've heard, We've had a
Speaker 1: couple of emails about them. It's twofold. It's always about
Speaker 1: caretaking on some levels or partner and making sure they
Speaker 1: understand that they are loved and that you are aroused
Speaker 1: by them, but then also confidently letting them know that
Speaker 1: there is this other part of you and that it
Speaker 1: is normal and it is acceptable, and that you want
Speaker 1: to find ways to have both and it doesn't take
Speaker 1: away from one or the other, like it doesn't take
Speaker 1: away to all over you. Yeah, and that sometimes you know, again,
Speaker 1: if you're in a committmentnogous relationship, your engagement with this
Speaker 1: other parts of your sexuality would be through porn and masturbation,
Speaker 1: and that that's appropriate. Solo sexuality is not under your
Speaker 1: partner's control. North should it be, and they really shouldn't
Speaker 1: weigh in on their thoughts about it. But if they
Speaker 1: stumbled upon something on your browser, then they're going to
Speaker 1: but they you know, you got to manage that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: kind of a piggybacking off of the what you just
Speaker 1: said about safety and then going back into masturbation. What
Speaker 1: are your thoughts or experiences with auto erotic asphyxiation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: dangerous people people die from that. That can be something
Speaker 1: that's you know, when you're when you're aroused, your executive
Speaker 1: functioning and judgment is decreased and can go offline a
Speaker 1: little bit, And a really easy example is, you know,
Speaker 1: the things will put in our mouths when we're aroused
Speaker 1: are not the things we want in our mouths when
Speaker 1: we're sitting there watching television, right, Like, you're not going
Speaker 1: to just put your partner's foot in your mouth while
Speaker 1: the dinner table. It's gross, But if it turned on,
Speaker 1: maybe you're more willing. So my point is that while
Speaker 1: you know, choking your off, if you're using a belt
Speaker 1: or something you don't even have a lot of control
Speaker 1: over when you're aroused, you might tip into that great
Speaker 1: danger area not caring or not aware and then lose control,
Speaker 1: literally lose consciousness. A multitude things can go wrong, So
Speaker 1: that for me tends to fall under a little bit
Speaker 1: of a danger zone that I tend to not recommend.
Speaker 1: I tend to say, I tend to say the whole
Speaker 1: what else turned you on? Right, Let's try everything else? No? No,
Speaker 1: I love that answer. Yeah, just because you know you've heard,
Speaker 1: we've heard a lot of not good great stories and
Speaker 1: endings to that and then kind of going off that,
Speaker 1: how about blood play because that's I mean, for personally,
Speaker 1: for me, I'm into it. We've had only one guest
Speaker 1: and he was a registered nurse who was able to
Speaker 1: like safely do blood play. It's something I'm very interested in,
Speaker 1: but just you know, I seems very dangerous. I'm okay,
Speaker 1: I'm actually okay with blood play, but you nailed it
Speaker 1: in that that falls from me under the topic of
Speaker 1: something you need to do a lot of research on safety.
Speaker 1: And also that falls under something I think it's great
Speaker 1: if you can find a mentor someone who's done it
Speaker 1: and it is knowledgeable and can explain it to you.
Speaker 1: And luckily we if you're in especially if you're in
Speaker 1: a major city, places like the Pleasure Chest and other
Speaker 1: places and a lot of them, and for people that
Speaker 1: are listening Google, there are a lot of b D
Speaker 1: s M and kink dungeons and groups where you can
Speaker 1: find someone experienced in these things and they can explain
Speaker 1: and walk you through. And I think that's very important
Speaker 1: for something like that because there there is a safety
Speaker 1: issue for sure. Yeah. Absolutely, but you have my support,
Speaker 1: thank you. I have a question um having to do
Speaker 1: with specifically the masturbations really love line right now. One
Speaker 1: thing that a problem that we get or a question
Speaker 1: that we have when a guy can't get it up
Speaker 1: with a condom on. That's a big problem. But I
Speaker 1: was thinking, like I said, I was using those masturbation
Speaker 1: sleaves on Stephen last night. It was really fun, um,
Speaker 1: and I know that it's uh they help with you
Speaker 1: can um kind of increase your duration with sex if
Speaker 1: you kind of practice on one of the ango sleeves
Speaker 1: like it. But could you, in theory put a condom
Speaker 1: on your dick and and masturbate with that and get
Speaker 1: better at getting hard with things do? Because when guys
Speaker 1: say I can't get hard without a condom, you can.
Speaker 1: You're just not trying, right. No, I don't agree. Um,
Speaker 1: condoms aren't aren't aren't really that hot in general. And
Speaker 1: I also struggle with staying hard the condom. It decreases sensitivity.
Speaker 1: It does turn me off, you know, Like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm in I'm in a committed relationships, so I don't
Speaker 1: use them and so to then put one on at
Speaker 1: some point would really throw me off. But that is
Speaker 1: where sex toys help, because you then are getting used
Speaker 1: to the sensation of having something. They're like a like
Speaker 1: a barrier. But I would say that you just nailed
Speaker 1: to like masturbate with a condom. Learned to eroticize condom
Speaker 1: use learned to get comfortable and habituated to arousal with
Speaker 1: a condom. And that's what i'd say if you're you know,
Speaker 1: if you're only using them when you're with a partner.
Speaker 1: I don't know how often you're doing that, but it's
Speaker 1: probably not that often, and so it's going to be
Speaker 1: new for you. But if you're masturbating frequently with one,
Speaker 1: it will then become an aroused thing. It will be associated,
Speaker 1: so you can there's no such thing as like a
Speaker 1: penis like medically being just no chance in hell getting
Speaker 1: hard with a condom on. It's all what you're used to,
Speaker 1: what used to it. It's just a little bit decrease.
Speaker 1: And here's the other thing I always throw in there too.
Speaker 1: You know what's beautiful about our sexual psychology is that
Speaker 1: we can override biological issues with more biology or more psychology,
Speaker 1: which means this, if biologically my penis isn't holding enough
Speaker 1: blood to stay erect, okay, I can a amp up
Speaker 1: my arousal level by psychologically looking at something, thinking about something,
Speaker 1: saying something, having something said to me, adding another piece,
Speaker 1: or I can add another level of biology, meaning how
Speaker 1: about you lick my balls while you stroke my penis,
Speaker 1: and a condom taught me get hard. How about one
Speaker 1: penetrating you stoke in my direction. You're also playing with
Speaker 1: my nipples. Use use other biological things. You're fingers and
Speaker 1: toys and fold stuff in place some porn. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's other things to kind of amp it up totally.
Speaker 1: Is there such a thing as masturbating too much? Um?
Speaker 1: It's such a good question. It's actually a really really
Speaker 1: important question because it falls under sex shaming at times,
Speaker 1: and there's this made up label called porn addiction and
Speaker 1: sex addiction. Those aren't real things. You can't be addicted
Speaker 1: to those things. Those things, those things were made up
Speaker 1: by non sexually trained professionals, people that aren't training human sexuality.
Speaker 1: The sex therapy world doesn't acknowledge it. The American Psychological
Speaker 1: Association doesn't. The Diagnostic Manual rejected it as a real thing.
Speaker 1: It isn't real. It's not efficult to even use that word.
Speaker 1: But so it's just an excuse. Well, I would say this,
Speaker 1: can you master me too much? Um? Well, sure, you
Speaker 1: can masturbate to a point where you're hurting your penis.
Speaker 1: You can master me to a point where you're not
Speaker 1: available to be sexual with your partner because you're prioritizing
Speaker 1: solo sex. And some people are solo sex where they
Speaker 1: aren't geared towards partnered sex and let your partner know that,
Speaker 1: you know what. Not in terms of it being an addiction.
Speaker 1: But you know, I can eat so much that then
Speaker 1: when it's time for dinner, I'm not hungry. I'm not
Speaker 1: addicted to um, you know, pretzel walls. But sometimes well yeah,
Speaker 1: because it seems like if someone masturbates all the time,
Speaker 1: it's there, they don't. They're avoiding something that that seems
Speaker 1: to me as like an example that pops up as like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's a valid reason for why you're doing They're just living.
Speaker 1: If if I can, you know, do any If I
Speaker 1: can read for three or four hours, and I do,
Speaker 1: then I can also mask me for three or fours.
Speaker 1: If I can play video games for two hours every day,
Speaker 1: I can masturbate for chart. If I can go to
Speaker 1: yoga for an hour every day or prayer chant for
Speaker 1: an hour every day, which I do, I can also masturbate.
Speaker 1: You know, we love to the sexualized version of something
Speaker 1: inherently problematic. If I can travel the world to look
Speaker 1: at art. I can travel the world have different kinds
Speaker 1: of sex. If I can be a connoisseur of food
Speaker 1: and knowledgeable about it, I can be a sex geek
Speaker 1: who reads all the sex stuff and reads all the
Speaker 1: sex blogs. You know. So true and that's why, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: and that I always thought that about like massage therapy
Speaker 1: because I always get massages and like I'm so pro
Speaker 1: sex worker and uh and it's but it's so that's
Speaker 1: a comparison. That's not even that different. You are getting
Speaker 1: physical pleasure from another person. How is that any Like
Speaker 1: every time someone like kind of pooh pooh sex work,
Speaker 1: I'm like, have you ever gotten a massage? Because like,
Speaker 1: and to stick with the massage thing, I in l A,
Speaker 1: one of my favorite places. They wouldn't massage any higher
Speaker 1: than your mid thigh, and I would say to them,
Speaker 1: I'm not coming back. I want massage. Yeah that's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I love but massage is great. Don't don't ignore a
Speaker 1: part of my body as inappropriate or shameful and not
Speaker 1: being willing to touch it. Like what Yeah, I always wondered,
Speaker 1: like if we just made up a stigma that getting
Speaker 1: your shoulders rubbed was discussing and mentual war. Would people
Speaker 1: avoid it? They probably would promoted there's a time when
Speaker 1: people covered the legs on a chair and women wore
Speaker 1: dresses to their ankle because to see the legs on
Speaker 1: a chair or woman's leg was inappropriate. I know. And
Speaker 1: now it's just like it's all out there, baby. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then how about as like with with masturbating, like
Speaker 1: as a woman specifically, because that's the only way I've masturbated, uh, like,
Speaker 1: desensitization of the clip because for me, like I'm great
Speaker 1: at masturbating with my hand, but for me, the reason
Speaker 1: I have trouble with sex toisies because honestly, like the
Speaker 1: feeling of vibration on like clip, I don't really understand
Speaker 1: that because that's vibration is not the feeling that I'm
Speaker 1: getting when a penis is inside me. Do you have
Speaker 1: any insight to that? Because I don't like it, like
Speaker 1: it burnt. It hurts, even the lowest level on anything.
Speaker 1: I tell people a couple of things. You know, Number one,
Speaker 1: your method of masturbating. If you masturbate frequently and often
Speaker 1: and for long periods of time, it's going to habituate
Speaker 1: your arousal to one specific consistency or speed or motion,
Speaker 1: and it's not always transferable to a human's fingers, tongue,
Speaker 1: penis or whatnot. Like guys penises cannot keep up with
Speaker 1: you laying in the tub with the water from the
Speaker 1: tubs shooting on your clip like cannot be done, and
Speaker 1: so you have to check in about that. I tell
Speaker 1: some people, Wow, if you want partnered sex and to
Speaker 1: get off, you might need to masturbate differently, right, And
Speaker 1: guys do that as well, the masturbate rubbing on the bed,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, a vagina doesn't have a grip like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I I sucked myself over When I started
Speaker 1: masturbating early as a kid, I would be humping everything
Speaker 1: in sight and so it took me. So I can't.
Speaker 1: I've never masturbated with just my hand, and I just
Speaker 1: can't because I need that, uh, that type of hard stimulation.
Speaker 1: But you can retrain, I would assume retrain your your puss. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I tell guys masturbate with a lube. Some women they
Speaker 1: put direct pressure on the clutrus and I'll say, put
Speaker 1: a towel between the toy and that that's a good idea.
Speaker 1: There's there's things like that. There's also different toys that
Speaker 1: do have variable motions and directions. There's this new one
Speaker 1: and you almost have to google it to see it.
Speaker 1: It looks like a circular ferris wheel and it has
Speaker 1: little tongues going down and around it. It just kind
Speaker 1: of flips and smacks wet or like rubbing like the
Speaker 1: I hate the vibration. I also don't like sticking plastic
Speaker 1: inside my vagina something inside me. I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is normal, Like if I sick my own finger
Speaker 1: inside me or a toy inside me. I actually get
Speaker 1: like what I would call like sea sick. I feel
Speaker 1: sea sick. Is that before here's the other thing, and
Speaker 1: you're bringing us to a beautiful gem, which is everyone's
Speaker 1: sexual anatomy and orogenous stones are going to be different.
Speaker 1: So I think we all know at this point that
Speaker 1: only like one third of women will orgasm from vaginal penetration. Okay,
Speaker 1: yet there's a third that do. Some women, it's not
Speaker 1: going to even be clatorial play that's rousing for them.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's more about people really grabbing on and playing
Speaker 1: and tugging with the laby on the lips, because it's
Speaker 1: more centric that way other women. It's more like what
Speaker 1: we kind of i'll call the uth spot, which the
Speaker 1: urethrow opening because of all that concentrated tissue. They're like
Speaker 1: that rubbed or licked. There's like eighteen different things kinds
Speaker 1: of orgasms. I feel like women can have well current.
Speaker 1: I was just I was using last night. I used
Speaker 1: it's called the yuki. It's a vibe. It's the I
Speaker 1: love the feel of it. It's a silicone, but it's
Speaker 1: like soft and uh. I had it on and I
Speaker 1: had like the vibrating part on, but then I turned
Speaker 1: it off and I was just rubbing it and I
Speaker 1: was like, whoa, this is fun. So it was like
Speaker 1: I was kind of surprised by Uh. I didn't kind
Speaker 1: of want the vibration at that time because the texture
Speaker 1: felt so good to explore. Yeah, right, because they're made
Speaker 1: of silicone, so it has like it has like a
Speaker 1: soft feel because this is the era roha. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't I can't pronounce Japanese things, guys, you're really,
Speaker 1: I mean they are. They are the stunning designs product
Speaker 1: and I hate when sex toys look cheesy. It just
Speaker 1: I don't want to use them. It makes me feel
Speaker 1: stupid using them. Um, some women, I'm always I've always
Speaker 1: want to ask somebody about this. My friends, Like I
Speaker 1: have my friend uh who she has what I call
Speaker 1: a magic vagina. She can come fucking eighteen times in
Speaker 1: a row. She can have sex with someone. She doesn't
Speaker 1: have to even I mean, she has to like him
Speaker 1: as a person, but like, it doesn't matter what she
Speaker 1: feels towards them. If there is a man in the
Speaker 1: room and they decide to fox, she will come a
Speaker 1: billion times. That's like me, what the fuck? Why can
Speaker 1: come right now? From you looking at me? I'm really
Speaker 1: sexually charged? How can I get well? How can I
Speaker 1: get like that? Don't set a goal, You're that's the
Speaker 1: worst place to walk yourself and always tell people like
Speaker 1: I love the idea of having a vision of what
Speaker 1: you want, but it also sets up for failure when
Speaker 1: you're trying to force your body and your sexual psychology
Speaker 1: into something. Okay, how do I ease into it? Then? Really,
Speaker 1: whenever I have a couple of girlfriends that are like this,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, shit, really, like ten times you came
Speaker 1: ten times? What I want? That? Yeah, I would say
Speaker 1: a couple of things, you know, comfort asking for you
Speaker 1: need comfort putting the time in that it might take
Speaker 1: to get you there, even though I know you want
Speaker 1: it really quick and easy. The more orgasmic we are,
Speaker 1: the more confident we are in different positions. It literally,
Speaker 1: the sloppy, lazy knowing answer is going to be confidence,
Speaker 1: confidence in allowing and opening. People will say to me
Speaker 1: I want to As a female, they'll say I want
Speaker 1: to ejaculate, I want to squirt, and I'll say same thing.
Speaker 1: To get there, you have to be comfortable having this
Speaker 1: sex you want when you want it. To be comfortable
Speaker 1: master being for long period of time, emptier bladder, put
Speaker 1: some plastic sheets down, be comfortable just letting body fluids released.
Speaker 1: You have to just be willing to let go. But
Speaker 1: what if it's a libido thing, like because when I come,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm tired, let's go, I don't know, or
Speaker 1: like my interest goes from oh my god, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm so horny, ium so horny, to like, let's go,
Speaker 1: I gotta go to the deli. By like, I just
Speaker 1: get so immediately disinterested in sex right after I come.
Speaker 1: When the thing it's that's something I can retrain well.
Speaker 1: Sex and sexuality aren't this contained package thing. You know,
Speaker 1: Sexuality is what you're both wearing today. It's how close
Speaker 1: you're sitting to each other. It's the eye contact you're
Speaker 1: making with me, it's what we're talking about. It's it's
Speaker 1: so ubiquitous, it's everywhere, it's everything we do. And so yeah,
Speaker 1: it alties in everything. If you were a distractable person,
Speaker 1: that's going to impact your sexuality, if you're anxious, if
Speaker 1: you're overworking. I mean it's really a big topic. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta everything. When you're having sex. How much energy
Speaker 1: do you have? Have you eaten a good meal? Are
Speaker 1: you taking care of yourself? Are you with partners that
Speaker 1: really turn you on? Is a sex you want to
Speaker 1: have worth even having? Is a good sex? Two? Yes? Okay? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You know, though I do work a lot, the deep
Speaker 1: the deepest answers. I love the I feel like I
Speaker 1: could just go on and take over the world. Jesus Christ. Um. So,
Speaker 1: how can masturbation be used as like like a beneficial
Speaker 1: tool for one's health in in in every every possible way,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I was saying earlier, I think just
Speaker 1: just masturbating and taking time aside out of your life,
Speaker 1: you know, we live in this like you know, productivity obsessed,
Speaker 1: capitalist culture where it's all about money and going to work,
Speaker 1: and so there's something really radical in terms of sex
Speaker 1: and saying I'm going to take time away from all
Speaker 1: of that and just be with myself and pleasure myself
Speaker 1: and there's really no goal bigger than just feeling good,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to set aside time. I'm going to
Speaker 1: spend money, maybe on a sex toy. That's that's psychologically
Speaker 1: meaningful to put yourself first. Um second to that, there's
Speaker 1: something beautiful and the autonomy and self ownership of saying
Speaker 1: I don't need a partner, a man or a woman
Speaker 1: to feel good or to feel whole, and I can
Speaker 1: have sex with myself. I love the idea of having
Speaker 1: sex wherever you want, when you want, and our sex
Speaker 1: little bit culture that's so radical to be like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go have sex in the bathroom, or I'm gonna,
Speaker 1: you know, masturbate my car. It's not legal if people
Speaker 1: can see, but I'm going to do in ways where
Speaker 1: I can't be seen. Or I'm gonna leave work early
Speaker 1: to a home and have sex with myself where I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get to work late because I'm prioritizing self care,
Speaker 1: which is masturbation arousal, or I'm going to set Sunday
Speaker 1: aside to go to a sex botique, find a sex product,
Speaker 1: go home. It's also good for as we age, vaginal
Speaker 1: and public floor muscle strength and tone so that you
Speaker 1: don't have any urinary issues. Um. It helps with childbirth,
Speaker 1: you know, again keeping the muscle tone strong from orgasm.
Speaker 1: It's a great resource and tool when couples aren't getting along.
Speaker 1: You know, some people say, like I at the beginning
Speaker 1: along with my partner, to have sex really for not
Speaker 1: getting along, Sex is a way to get you back
Speaker 1: to that place. I mean, the value in it is
Speaker 1: vast so and I love like I love that. The
Speaker 1: main thing that Tanga is kind of focusing on as
Speaker 1: a company and then also with masturbation, may is just
Speaker 1: like eliminating the shame that is often associated with masturbation.
Speaker 1: What would you tell someone who came to you who
Speaker 1: felt ashamed or scared or embarrassed of either, you know,
Speaker 1: the time that they spent masturbating, how much they liked it.
Speaker 1: That kind of a thing. Yeah, I always try to
Speaker 1: normalized diversity. So the first thing I'd say is that
Speaker 1: there is no right way to masturbate, There is no
Speaker 1: right length of time to dedicate it to it. And
Speaker 1: some people masturbate more and some others less. And it's
Speaker 1: really about you getting confidence in who you are. And
Speaker 1: then second to that is and what we I'm about resources.
Speaker 1: You know, the social media are are psyche in our
Speaker 1: brain is nothing but all the social media we surround
Speaker 1: ourselves in. And so I'd say them, are you listening
Speaker 1: to podcasts and reading blogs that are sex negative? Start
Speaker 1: listening podcasts like yours, ones that are going to reinforce
Speaker 1: you're okay the way you are, and that sex is
Speaker 1: meaningful and valuable. You have to really surround yourself with
Speaker 1: that stuff and go go buy a sex product because again,
Speaker 1: the idea of spending money and having something is like
Speaker 1: a concrete way to acknowledge that something is meaningful and
Speaker 1: important to you. That's a good point, and you could
Speaker 1: argue too. I feel like with people that I know well,
Speaker 1: people and those who are sexual healthy, meaning they have
Speaker 1: a great relationship to their own sexuality and with partnered sex,
Speaker 1: they just seem like overall they got their head on
Speaker 1: more straight than other people. Like I feel like in
Speaker 1: their lives. They come off like it really does reflect
Speaker 1: how you feel about your own sexuality. I can see
Speaker 1: it shine through in somebody's everyday life because the ones
Speaker 1: that are have a healthy sex life just seem more
Speaker 1: calm and logical and put together. Yeah. I mean, there's
Speaker 1: the boring blah blah blah and doorphins. But that's true
Speaker 1: though on board of that. But what's more meaningful to me,
Speaker 1: and what you said was that in our sex negative
Speaker 1: phobic culture, to be sexually confident and a prioritize sex
Speaker 1: is such a radical thing and it's so confident enhancing
Speaker 1: that if you've worked through that piece, you are ahead
Speaker 1: of the game. Yeah. Yeah, like you got a lot
Speaker 1: more boxes checked than most people. Totally. Yeah. Um, and
Speaker 1: so we're going to wrap up, I think, uh and
Speaker 1: uh so do you have any closing words of wisdom
Speaker 1: about masturbation? Uh. It's kind of like a pat on
Speaker 1: the back for you too. I think I always want
Speaker 1: to just highlight and say thank you and talk about
Speaker 1: how valuable is that people like you exist and that
Speaker 1: you guys are doing the work you're doing because it's
Speaker 1: so needed, it's so meaningful to so many people, and
Speaker 1: it's so valuable on all levels. So like kick ass,
Speaker 1: I'm glad you guys are out there doing it. Thank you,
Speaker 1: and right back at you. Honestly, there are very few.
Speaker 1: I am always interested by our guests, but they're not
Speaker 1: often do I like leave the podcast table feeling lighter
Speaker 1: or or better, or more open or more willing to
Speaker 1: try new things? And I honestly every time I sit
Speaker 1: down with you, I really do feel that way. Seriously. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the way you phrase things is it like it's very
Speaker 1: eye opening and and just to like and this sounds
Speaker 1: like a shameless plug and it's it's truly not. You know,
Speaker 1: my book Sex Outside the Lines came out last year,
Speaker 1: and people will say to me, you know, I want
Speaker 1: to do the work, I want to work with someone
Speaker 1: like you, and sadly not everyone has access to the
Speaker 1: funds or to a sex therapist period. And so the
Speaker 1: whole purpose of that book was to give people some
Speaker 1: resource that could really make them feel more sexually confident
Speaker 1: and kind of walk them through some sex therapy. So
Speaker 1: I lovingly point that out as a resource for people
Speaker 1: that want to support around the thanks you're talking about, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know what the funk you're talking about so
Speaker 1: definitely by his book, I got good advice from a
Speaker 1: doctor's perspective. I'm so like you said that, because I
Speaker 1: actually was like, what book am I going to read?
Speaker 1: As I am avoiding hanging out in casinos in Las
Speaker 1: Vegas and I'm going to go sex outside and Amazon
Speaker 1: Matt immediately, I'm so excited. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: taking the time to talk to us about masturbation and
Speaker 1: tanga and life. Uh and hopefully we'll see you around soon. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you very much. Well, thank you very much to
Speaker 1: all the listeners and Dr Chris Donna Hughe for joining
Speaker 1: us for that very special surprise Monday edition of Guys
Speaker 1: We Fucked in honor of Masturbation May, and just to
Speaker 1: sum up, Masturbation May is a month long celebration of
Speaker 1: self pleasure. Participants sign up via social media or at
Speaker 1: do it in May dot com, pledging to masturbate throughout
Speaker 1: the month of May as often as they can, with
Speaker 1: the encouragement to quote go above and beyond. This way,
Speaker 1: participants do their part to prove that masturbation is a
Speaker 1: common sex positive act, shattering the stigma around masturbation. I
Speaker 1: like it if I got to prove it. I guess
Speaker 1: I got Sorry. I guess I'll just have to deal
Speaker 1: with this. For the team, Tanga isn't just encouraging participants.
Speaker 1: They're putting their money where their mouth is. Tango will
Speaker 1: donate money to the Sexuality Information and Education Council of
Speaker 1: the United States. A lot of you, including myself, probably
Speaker 1: didn't even know that exists. I was going to say, well,
Speaker 1: it still exists. Yeah, it's called SKUs s i e
Speaker 1: c u S, an organization committed to providing Americans with
Speaker 1: accurate and comprehensive sexuality education. So guys, if we didn't
Speaker 1: get it in school, we can get it now as adults. Uh.
Speaker 1: They're giving a dollar for every online sign up and
Speaker 1: two dollars for every use of the hashtag do it
Speaker 1: in May, up to ten thous dollars. As a bonus,
Speaker 1: the first fifty people to register will receive a thank
Speaker 1: you gift courtesy of Tanga. Participants are encouraged to keep
Speaker 1: it up, spreading the word to family and friends as appropriate.
Speaker 1: Daddy should jerk off once in a while via social
Speaker 1: media and or word of mouth. So thank you again
Speaker 1: to Tanga. This is really cool. We really like this company. Uh,
Speaker 1: and if you want to know more about them, we
Speaker 1: highly encourage it. Uh. If you want to go to
Speaker 1: masturbation May current said do it in May dot com
Speaker 1: is where you could sign up. Um. If you want
Speaker 1: to look at Tanga's website and what they have, go
Speaker 1: to US store dot Tanga hyphen Global dot com. We'll
Speaker 1: put that in the description. UM. The Tanga Global website
Speaker 1: is www dot Tanga t e n g A hyphen
Speaker 1: Global dot com. You can follow tang on Facebook, Facebook,
Speaker 1: dot com, slash Tanga Global, Twitter is Tanga Underscore Global,
Speaker 1: Instagram is Tanga Underscore pr and Uh. They have a
Speaker 1: lot of YouTube videos educational videos on their YouTube site.
Speaker 1: If you just you can go to YouTube dot com,
Speaker 1: slash user slash tanga channel. Yeah, and anything that you're
Speaker 1: posting about it, you know, why don't you just like
Speaker 1: take a picture of all your like masturbation stuff or
Speaker 1: or just like tell your friends, Like I feel like
Speaker 1: there it really is such a stigma around it, and
Speaker 1: it was such an interesting thing because it's not a
Speaker 1: stigma that I think about, but it's a stigma that
Speaker 1: certainly exists. So hashtag do it in May, hashtag masturbation
Speaker 1: may hashtag tanga. This was sponsored episode. We're not trying
Speaker 1: to fucking lie to you about that, but honestly, we're
Speaker 1: one of the most educational episodes I think we've done,
Speaker 1: and I'm really proud to have been a part of this.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much to listening. As always, to guys,
Speaker 1: we sucked the anti slut shaming podcast. We'll talk to
Speaker 1: you on Friday. By