Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys we Book.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina, I'm Karren. We're sorry about last night, the
Speaker 1: anti slut shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey Bucker's Welcome
Speaker 1: to another episode of Guys We Fucked. It's the anti
Speaker 1: slot shaming podcast. I'm Karen, I'm Christina, and today's show
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Speaker 1: So we had a lot of tweets, which are twitters
Speaker 1: s r y about last and why being like, I
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Speaker 1: favorite times in recording history. We have been drunk and
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Speaker 1: And we read hate mail. That was so much fun.
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Speaker 1: I was this Emmy a war winning episode. I was
Speaker 1: inspired by this cheap divorce sign that I always see
Speaker 1: And so we just called a lot like those random
Speaker 1: numbers that for help for relationship and sex help. Uh.
Speaker 1: And they, I want to say, they weren't They weren't
Speaker 1: even really prink calls as much as they were play
Speaker 1: acting informative calls exactly. It was a great time. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. The Lawyer one, there was a lot. It
Speaker 1: was a lot of fun. It was so when Stephen
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Speaker 1: Free form Alright, So, in continuation with June being Pride Month,
Speaker 1: we are going to play for you another interview from
Speaker 1: a client at New Alternatives, right and Uh, if you're
Speaker 1: interested in donating to New Alternatives, it's New Alternatives and
Speaker 1: my c dot org. We're gonna always put the link
Speaker 1: in the podcast description. If there's anything that you want
Speaker 1: to do to celebrate Pride and you can't get out
Speaker 1: there physically, donating money to New Alternatives is a great idea.
Speaker 1: They have a PayPal donate button right on the page,
Speaker 1: and the money really does go directly to the clients.
Speaker 1: We know, we're seen it. We've seen it. It's amazing.
Speaker 1: So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Day Kwan. We're here
Speaker 1: with Dai Kwan. Are you doing great? I'm doing pretty
Speaker 1: well good. How so, how how old are you? Okay?
Speaker 1: And what? How do you identified I intersexually as bisexual? Bisexual? Yeah? Cool?
Speaker 1: And how did you find new alternatives? Well, it was
Speaker 1: about three years ago. I a friend of mine who
Speaker 1: was like telling me about this place that was originally
Speaker 1: in Christopher Street, and I went in there for a
Speaker 1: few weeks and the first time it was okay in
Speaker 1: until I like started to like really get into it
Speaker 1: with with the people or with the community. Well the
Speaker 1: community and the people as well, I mean with like
Speaker 1: everything has been like going for me doing that time period,
Speaker 1: I would like, you know, trying to like you know,
Speaker 1: trying to find like a place that's has not only
Speaker 1: like with the lgbt Q community, but also people who
Speaker 1: just like me as well. And what do you said,
Speaker 1: dress like me or dressed like me? I said, Jess,
Speaker 1: you're a great dress What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1: Other than sexuality, just like me, Like, it's not only
Speaker 1: with like, oh gbt Q community. I mean it's with
Speaker 1: like people who have like mental health problems and like disabilities.
Speaker 1: That's in the LGBT community. It's important to have resources
Speaker 1: and and just under just a general understanding and respect
Speaker 1: for that. And what what do you have going on
Speaker 1: in terms of mental disability? Well, I well I was
Speaker 1: diagnosed as a child with h D any h Yeah,
Speaker 1: and well growing up with that, I mean I was well,
Speaker 1: very like not so good child and with how so though,
Speaker 1: did you just misbehave? Were you ye running around everywhere? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I was like very like active. Okay, well that's common
Speaker 1: for kids with a d h D, just like overactive.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And well I was it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, growing up, I was doing like you know,
Speaker 1: like man, I can't think of the word a little bit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I was sort of like sort of soul searching myself.
Speaker 1: You're trying to find find yourself and who you are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's a big undertaking. And what did you find
Speaker 1: when you were searching? Well, I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I wasn't like, you know, like that's perfect growing up,
Speaker 1: but I try to be like the best human being
Speaker 1: in my own abilities. Yeah, the best you that you
Speaker 1: can be. Yeah, did you get um a lot of
Speaker 1: Did you get yelled at as a kid for being hyperactive? Yeah?
Speaker 1: A lot? And how so, like, how was that, um?
Speaker 1: Did you grow up in your parents house, mom and
Speaker 1: dad or was it it was just me and my
Speaker 1: mother and also my brother and sister. I mean we
Speaker 1: were adapted. She had like three other biological kids off
Speaker 1: irn okay, so there were six total in the house. Yeah. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's a lot, a lot of kids. And then how
Speaker 1: did she discipline you when you were being hyperactive? Like
Speaker 1: do you think that did she ever kind of like
Speaker 1: get too hard on you? I mean for some moments Yeah,
Speaker 1: when you like, you know, being discipline like very hoshly,
Speaker 1: I mean there are like you know, some roads that
Speaker 1: can go either bad or you have to like move
Speaker 1: on from that, like what happened the experience? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Does she ever use physical force mostly with like belts?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. And it's hard when because
Speaker 1: when you're a kid, especially if you have a d
Speaker 1: h D and it's like, well I don't know why
Speaker 1: I'm acting like this. I'm trying to not or even
Speaker 1: if you even if you're unaware, but then you're getting
Speaker 1: punished for it, and it's like, what the funk am
Speaker 1: I doing? Like it's it's like why am I being
Speaker 1: yelled at? Or why am I being hit? And then
Speaker 1: you get older and you learn to not feel ashamed
Speaker 1: about that, But that's hard to come to terms with.
Speaker 1: Did you how was that for you? Yeah? Well, come
Speaker 1: into like terms with it when you're like about eighteen.
Speaker 1: I mean you just have to like basically owned it,
Speaker 1: and not only like for like other people, but for yourself.
Speaker 1: I mean, but at the end of the day, it's you.
Speaker 1: Just you are all you have. Yeah, are you? Are
Speaker 1: you on medication now for the A D H D
Speaker 1: or house? No? No, I've been off that fall well
Speaker 1: since I was. And do you find that it's easier
Speaker 1: being off of it or help you? Well? For me,
Speaker 1: for my experience, I mean, it really didn't did like
Speaker 1: anything like for me once I was like off of it,
Speaker 1: I mean I still feel like I was like the
Speaker 1: same person. Good. That's great, because medication can fuck someone's
Speaker 1: life up or it can make their life light years better.
Speaker 1: And there's just so many different ways that a body
Speaker 1: can react to it. Yeah, And when did you know
Speaker 1: that you were bisexual? M h, Well I was sort
Speaker 1: of a like bloomer, so about maybe twenty two, so
Speaker 1: like three years ago. And was there a certain experience
Speaker 1: or a certain person that brought that out on you
Speaker 1: or do you just always knew that you were interested
Speaker 1: in more than just one one sex to well as
Speaker 1: far as like sex, I'm in while I'm in interested
Speaker 1: with transgender women. Yeah, I mean I had like a
Speaker 1: few experience I mean, and for me, I it was
Speaker 1: sort of sort of nice. Yeah, yeah it did. That's amazing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: were you around uh when like were you around transgender
Speaker 1: women growing up? Or when did you first meet because
Speaker 1: you know, some people don't have never possibly even met
Speaker 1: a transgender woman. Well, I there was this person who
Speaker 1: got me into it at the village. Well let me unciate. Uh,
Speaker 1: this was like a few years ago, and I this
Speaker 1: was like late at night, and I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: walking with this person to the village and I so well,
Speaker 1: during that time, there was like a lot of like gay, straight,
Speaker 1: transgenders and lesbians out there. Yeah, I mean it was
Speaker 1: a place that you can be yourself. Yeah. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: and that's when you kind of like we're able to
Speaker 1: be comfortable and relaxed and like discover that new side
Speaker 1: of yourself. Yeah, that's amazing. And there was like, well,
Speaker 1: I'll give you like few and it is the first
Speaker 1: time I was with this transgender woman and well she
Speaker 1: gave me oral sex at well I can say like
Speaker 1: where exactly, but it was somewhere public, okay yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: And then the second time it was with this again
Speaker 1: a trans sexual well Danny, and it's a lot to
Speaker 1: keep trucking transgender woman at this program. Well, we had
Speaker 1: sex in the bathroom. Been there, my friend. Do you
Speaker 1: like do you enjoy like having sex or sexual encounters
Speaker 1: in public places? Does that turn you? A lot of
Speaker 1: people love that. That's like they're well some parts of me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like dangerous. Yeah, like you like you're having like
Speaker 1: sexual relations with this person while you're trying to make
Speaker 1: sure nobody like cops. Yeah yeah yeah yeah, that's not
Speaker 1: gonna be fun time. But it's like it's thrilling. Yeah
Speaker 1: that's fun. Yeah, Wow, I love it's it's fun to bauchery.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. And well, getting back to the new turn,
Speaker 1: it is, well, I was like, you know, down there
Speaker 1: in they have these like groups like every Sunday, and
Speaker 1: it can be like various like topics with like std S,
Speaker 1: xd I S and they would talk about politics, which
Speaker 1: can be like a very sensitive to some people. And
Speaker 1: then the other times, well give again when I'm going
Speaker 1: we understand short because then when that subject comes up
Speaker 1: and then it just like sometimes all all hell can
Speaker 1: break loose and you're like, wow, did we get here?
Speaker 1: It's just the people? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there were
Speaker 1: like a few times, but I can't well I don't
Speaker 1: want to like you know this granttion. Well, we don't
Speaker 1: want to discruption. Sometimes people can do and say things
Speaker 1: that you're like all right, well all right there that
Speaker 1: is well it's great. So so New Alternatives offers meetings
Speaker 1: where the clients can come in and talk about STDs
Speaker 1: and s t I S and how to prevent them.
Speaker 1: It's like an educational thing. Yeah, that's awesome. That's like
Speaker 1: more than a lot of people get in school. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it is. In like Dad, there was like
Speaker 1: we can talk about like various things like the community
Speaker 1: and like other stuff like how you're like handling during
Speaker 1: like Mother's Day. Yeah, yeah, because that's that can be
Speaker 1: a difficult time for clients who might not have a
Speaker 1: good relationship with their mother or might who might not
Speaker 1: have a mother living any longer. Yeah, okay. And what's
Speaker 1: your relationship like with your mother? I mean it's going okay.
Speaker 1: I mean would have been some hurdles that you've had
Speaker 1: to get over in your relationship? Well, for my mother,
Speaker 1: I mean we well, I mean when I she asked me, yeah,
Speaker 1: well asked me when I was like interested in like
Speaker 1: trans sex transgender women, And I tell her yeah, And
Speaker 1: I mean she was okay with it. Okay, that's great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's nice to not get flack for your sexual preferences
Speaker 1: from your parents. That's awesome. And are you in a
Speaker 1: relationship right now are you? Are you single? Ready to mingle? Well,
Speaker 1: I'm definitely single, but I don't know about the whole
Speaker 1: mingle sometimes, like let me just take a break, yeah,
Speaker 1: and the just do me for a little bit. And
Speaker 1: what are your like career aspirations, Like do you have
Speaker 1: anything in mine that you maybe like to go like
Speaker 1: a field you'd like to go into. Well, I am
Speaker 1: interesting of like writing, I and more. I do a
Speaker 1: lot of like philosophical like meanings to the sorry that
Speaker 1: I'm writing in. Mostly they're like very short, but they
Speaker 1: pack like really like meeting to it like a lesson. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. Are your stories online? Are they You're just
Speaker 1: kind of writing them privately for right now right now,
Speaker 1: um like randing him privately. And I also do like drawing.
Speaker 1: They are mostly like abstract, but anything can be odd nowadays,
Speaker 1: were selling my dad? No, you're right, yeah there was.
Speaker 1: I was taking a bus here and there was a
Speaker 1: unicloe but there was like the cartoon giraffe, so they
Speaker 1: look like children's illustrations, but it wasn't for like children's
Speaker 1: clothes on un clone. It was like giraffes and whoever
Speaker 1: the artist was And I was like, it looked like
Speaker 1: a toddler did it. And I was like, wow, I
Speaker 1: guess we're just saying anything's art. Okay, cool, but it's
Speaker 1: true because that's that's awesome to someone, you know, and
Speaker 1: human beings are so vast, so that's awesome. Yeah. Any
Speaker 1: artists just expression, so yeah, you know, everyone can is
Speaker 1: able to express themselves however they see fit. Um, so
Speaker 1: we're almost sudden. We just want to close with kind
Speaker 1: of uh now, I love how open you are that
Speaker 1: you are attracted to transgender women. What would you say
Speaker 1: to someone who maybe feels uncomfortable about what they feel
Speaker 1: sexually attracted to or who they feel sexually attracted to. Well,
Speaker 1: I would have to say that if you're like in
Speaker 1: love with like a transgender or like a gay man,
Speaker 1: or like any like sexual like, well, if you're like
Speaker 1: dating somebody who is like the opposite sex, I mean,
Speaker 1: go for it. And you might have like a few
Speaker 1: people who would like support you, and while the rest
Speaker 1: be just looking at you like strange like and to them,
Speaker 1: fuck them, bless you. You've probably killed it. That's awesome.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your time. Thank you very much,
Speaker 1: Thank you. I loved Kuan. That was fun interview. That
Speaker 1: was a fun day. That was a really nice day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was good. We have another att just kidding, just kidding.
Speaker 1: So many people got mad right now. No, I I
Speaker 1: got a new bed this week, which is I mean,
Speaker 1: especially in New York City, like when you've been broke,
Speaker 1: I've had the same bed for a long time. It
Speaker 1: was literally like, I mean I had the new Casper
Speaker 1: mattress on top that we were given, but like the
Speaker 1: best same everything adult thing it was. It was literally
Speaker 1: something that my friend Nadia had given me when when
Speaker 1: she moved out of her apartment, because she was like,
Speaker 1: I just bought this. My parents are you know, wealthy?
Speaker 1: Do you want this nice bed? Ray? She's like, all
Speaker 1: you have to do I know they are. Um. So
Speaker 1: it was a nice as bed and I was like,
Speaker 1: that's a expensive song, dude, I'm actually looking trying to
Speaker 1: get another bed, but they're they're very expensive. And I
Speaker 1: was so excited. And of course it has have like
Speaker 1: a specific look when you're me, has to look like
Speaker 1: it came out of a vampire's castle. Otherwise it's not acceptable.
Speaker 1: That's your brand of your apartment. Yeah, and like so
Speaker 1: they're really really really like hand carved ones or like
Speaker 1: thousands of dollars and I was like, well, that's just ridiculous.
Speaker 1: But I found this really amazing black velvet one that
Speaker 1: matches with my black velvet cats. And also needed black
Speaker 1: furniture because Alfred's black and I can't have a little Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh my god, pinkerton and black jeans was not Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it was very bad. Um. And so we had sex
Speaker 1: just built the bed. Tommy helped me build it, thank god,
Speaker 1: and then I got to have sex on the new
Speaker 1: bed with James, and I just was like, I have
Speaker 1: never had a soft headboard before, and it is life
Speaker 1: changing because I mean, I get fucked from I get
Speaker 1: fun from behind a lot um wake at it and uh,
Speaker 1: it's very uncomfortable and sometimes if you're not paying attention
Speaker 1: to your loss in the moment, you can get injured.
Speaker 1: Well do you hold the head of the bed with
Speaker 1: your hands. I've done that in the back. But then
Speaker 1: also and also loud that hard bed bed. Hard headboards
Speaker 1: are very loud, like in my my other headboard, it
Speaker 1: was so loud when we had sex, I had to
Speaker 1: put I had to put like washcloths behind it, which
Speaker 1: looks tacky because it was knocked against the walls so much.
Speaker 1: And now it's like number when the bed is like
Speaker 1: just say, it's like not on like any risers or anything.
Speaker 1: So it's like the other pad was an adult bed,
Speaker 1: but it was just like not it was just like
Speaker 1: an older kind of model. Um. And this is like,
Speaker 1: I've never had a soft headboard except for when I
Speaker 1: was in a hotel. Yeah, I guess so, And I
Speaker 1: mean I've never slept because I even thought about this
Speaker 1: because these really ornate ones that were really beautiful. I
Speaker 1: was like, that looks gonna poked dangerous, Like if there's
Speaker 1: a gargoyle coming out of it, that looks all well
Speaker 1: and great, but I'm going to get a gargle out
Speaker 1: to the eye. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. And so this
Speaker 1: was soft and like so I don't even have to
Speaker 1: put my hands up to protect myself anymore. I can actually,
Speaker 1: I can actually just get my head knocked into it.
Speaker 1: And it's being a woman's son. Everybody welcome. I don't
Speaker 1: when you when you want to get fucked ladies, so
Speaker 1: you just want your head to hit against a saft,
Speaker 1: do you know when you're getting sucked in like kind
Speaker 1: of hurts anyway, but then on top of it, like
Speaker 1: your head is getting fucking bruise. Yeah, this is great.
Speaker 1: Got a hot bar. I'm trying to fucking I want
Speaker 1: to get a new bed and then our bar bed
Speaker 1: with Steven's and he's head forever and I have my
Speaker 1: bed forever, but it's on the floor, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want to higher bed. I want to feel like
Speaker 1: I'm sleeping on the fucking floor. See I went lower
Speaker 1: my I always had very high princess in the pea bed,
Speaker 1: which I really like. I like to get to me.
Speaker 1: But now it's but now it's low, so it's you know,
Speaker 1: it's got used to it. But I like it. I
Speaker 1: have like black silk sheets and it's a size I
Speaker 1: mean I can lay diagonal. Uh, king, you have a kid.
Speaker 1: Oh it's a kid. Yeah. I went from full to king.
Speaker 1: I'm not mesting around. I have a big bedroom. I'm
Speaker 1: allowed to do it. Yeah, No, that's great. I just
Speaker 1: feel like just a vampire princess waking up every day.
Speaker 1: I don't get you know, migraine from getting sucked anymore
Speaker 1: because you're not getting hit with that hard ashes. Really,
Speaker 1: it's the little things in life. Yeah. Wow. And Alfred
Speaker 1: really likes it. He's very Oh my god. It as
Speaker 1: soon as the bed was built, he got in and
Speaker 1: I was like, you're the cutest little thing. Now do
Speaker 1: you guys kickhme out? When he fucked, we actually did.
Speaker 1: Yesterday was the first time we didn't um. We just
Speaker 1: attempted it because we just went right into it. At
Speaker 1: one point we were going like he he Alfred can
Speaker 1: take a hint. So he she stayed in the bed,
Speaker 1: but he wasn't touching me, so it was fine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he because he well, he won't stay on the floor.
Speaker 1: Oh he likes comfort, like he's not a pets and
Speaker 1: dog he like um. So he was just at the
Speaker 1: foot of it. But there's so much room now that
Speaker 1: it's donlessly fine. And then at one point he came
Speaker 1: to see what was going on. It's like, and I
Speaker 1: didn't see it. And then all of a sudden he
Speaker 1: disappeared and I go, James, did you just hit my dog?
Speaker 1: He goes, and I just knocked him out of the way,
Speaker 1: which is fine. Even the dog trainer got push. You
Speaker 1: can gently knock a dog out of the way just
Speaker 1: to get, like to get because they're fucking animals. They
Speaker 1: need to know, like you know, if he gently places,
Speaker 1: you're gonna stop sucking for a second, like Alfred heel
Speaker 1: over there Like No, that's when you become a crazy
Speaker 1: dog person with a with a nighty that like I
Speaker 1: saw today on Broadway that said I was normal. Three
Speaker 1: dogs go like I would n down someone's wearing nick
Speaker 1: on a side. No, it was for displaying in the
Speaker 1: window in a party store. But I guess it's like
Speaker 1: like if you're a sad person who goes to party
Speaker 1: of stores when there's no party. That's the saddest of
Speaker 1: the mall, just to get a nightgown that says I
Speaker 1: was normal. Three dogs like that makes me sad. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I mean, did you just keep adopting
Speaker 1: dogs or did you murder them? So many questions, Well,
Speaker 1: you just opened up a wormhole in my head, right,
Speaker 1: I mean I kind of wanted to get the nighty,
Speaker 1: but that was like, what if I actually end up
Speaker 1: like that? There's a good chance and you don't want
Speaker 1: to like make that I mean not the I mean karma,
Speaker 1: I only as a karma thing, but like in my
Speaker 1: ear like attracting like universe ship laws. I'm sure there's
Speaker 1: a stigma against dog ladies though, and like I be
Speaker 1: a dog lady, there's a stigma against doglet there's cat
Speaker 1: ladies are stigma anyone. Hud just like is a single
Speaker 1: woman with a lot of animals. I feel like it's
Speaker 1: not like really respected by a society, even though she's
Speaker 1: helping living really more than people who are being shitty wives.
Speaker 1: Huh wow, you're really killing it today with all these theories.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I spent a lot this is. I mean,
Speaker 1: I always spent a lot of time thinking alone. That's
Speaker 1: why you like to be by yourself, because you're like,
Speaker 1: I gotta have time for all these the amount of
Speaker 1: thoughts that I have, in the amount of times that
Speaker 1: I have to stop and write something down during the day,
Speaker 1: it's like success when I date, like when I like,
Speaker 1: wander up my thoughts wander off though I think of
Speaker 1: like the people I love dying, and then I cry
Speaker 1: where why, oh ship I'm at Chipotle, Like I gotta
Speaker 1: order No, that's my that was my new my new opener.
Speaker 1: That doesn't work when I when I just go on
Speaker 1: stage and I go, hey, who else has thought of
Speaker 1: the inevitable, the the inevitable depths of everyone that they
Speaker 1: love all day? Well, I get no one really related whatever.
Speaker 1: They just didn't want to a minute. I I relate
Speaker 1: her in That's all that matters. Um. But I'll get specific.
Speaker 1: I'm like what I'll see like a struction crane. I like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, what if what if the crane falls?
Speaker 1: It's even like under it right as it falls. And
Speaker 1: then what am I going to say at his funeral?
Speaker 1: Like do I call his mom or do somebody else
Speaker 1: called I like the performance. Yeah, what I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: at his funeral in front of everybody where it offer
Speaker 1: funeral black dressed this week? Oh my god, Like, could
Speaker 1: I have her love again? I would cry so hard
Speaker 1: and like what he would he? Like? Could I connect
Speaker 1: with him as a ghost? And I gotta hire a psychic?
Speaker 1: MS cost so much money? Yeah, I really go into
Speaker 1: Teresa Caputo. You gotta call yes psychic? That fucking what's
Speaker 1: your title? The Long Island made fun. I love anyone
Speaker 1: named Teresa. She's fantastic. She talks to that people and
Speaker 1: she flipped tables either way. She talks like this, her
Speaker 1: hair and her nause everything sumbs up speaking it thumbs up.
Speaker 1: Oh man. Our guest this week is uh. He's a
Speaker 1: stand up comedian. He is a writer, he's a podcast host. Um.
Speaker 1: He comes quickly, which you'll talk about a lot during
Speaker 1: this episode, which I love him for that. This was fine,
Speaker 1: so much fun. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Kevin Brennan. Yes,
Speaker 1: Kevin Brennan's recording. He's setting up a record. This is
Speaker 1: a first. It's gonna married No, I record, I record everything.
Speaker 1: It's like every conversation you haven't read if I could,
Speaker 1: I like recording record every set, I record every comment set.
Speaker 1: I do that, but but I always have, even before
Speaker 1: the iPhone, before I became like super easy. I would
Speaker 1: use like an old cassette because I just want to
Speaker 1: know what else are you? I'm old, held like fifty something.
Speaker 1: Liken't even tell my Wikipedia page is not even don't
Speaker 1: even because I know the guy who does my Wikipedia
Speaker 1: and he took off my age? Did you threaten his life?
Speaker 1: Now you can still find out, but I don't make
Speaker 1: it easy for people. Okay, are you self conscious about
Speaker 1: your age? Because I don't look I don't really look
Speaker 1: my age, and then people here in my age ago,
Speaker 1: what the fun? People know my age, so it's not
Speaker 1: like a huge secret. But I would say fifties makes sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but also in show business, you're not supposed to like age. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you're a man. Yeah, especially but I'm not Harrison
Speaker 1: Ford like it's not but Kevin Brennan anyway, like if
Speaker 1: I mean, you're just not. I had a manager one
Speaker 1: time and he saw my age and he was like,
Speaker 1: whoa like in front of it? Well that that means
Speaker 1: you look good now, because he was like he was
Speaker 1: surprised that I was that old. But I wasn't even
Speaker 1: that old. Then he would go, he goes, whoa, because
Speaker 1: it was my birthday or somebody called me to like,
Speaker 1: and then he goes how old. Then I said, I'm
Speaker 1: not telling you, and they looked it up and he goes, WHOA.
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, we're a young guy? Was he
Speaker 1: a young And I wish I was great for seventy
Speaker 1: to honor to be here. It's so much to have you.
Speaker 1: So you guys are on fire with this fucking stupid thing, right,
Speaker 1: thank you. We were waiting like how long it's on?
Speaker 1: Kevin roasts us at everything that we've done. I love that.
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's amazing that. Uh, it's just amazing.
Speaker 1: It's amazing that you guys are doing so good. Thank
Speaker 1: you not come one, you know, I meally can't believe
Speaker 1: you guys. Thought you guys are the number one rated
Speaker 1: I hate to say it, but you're the number one
Speaker 1: rated women's No, we're number three in comedy on iTunes
Speaker 1: with women three in comedy. Is there another woman that
Speaker 1: any women have? Yeah? Yeah, my murder. But we were
Speaker 1: number two yesterday and then number three. Yeah yeah, you're
Speaker 1: number three or everything comedy, So Joe Rogan's number one
Speaker 1: all us in the American charts, and then it's just
Speaker 1: a bunch of motherfuckers below us. I don't even care
Speaker 1: right below you. Meaning so there's like Mark meron floats
Speaker 1: around the time. Bir what I'm saying. There's so there's
Speaker 1: no women ahead of you, though there are as of
Speaker 1: Now is my favorite murder? This a comedy? Yes? Oh,
Speaker 1: and that's like a thing where they saw murders, you know,
Speaker 1: they talk about their favorite murders. I guess I had
Speaker 1: a lot of favorite murders. I've never real life like
Speaker 1: real murders, a ton Jon Bonnet. And then that's I
Speaker 1: mean there's so many obviously yeah people, yeah people I heard.
Speaker 1: I guess those are popular, right, people trying to like
Speaker 1: solve when when that guy Richard Simmons was missing, that
Speaker 1: guy he just know he retired and people were like
Speaker 1: you worked out, he were tired, and then everyone kept
Speaker 1: just kept like sucking knocking on his door, and he
Speaker 1: was like like there was a suspense. Murders should be
Speaker 1: just called. Richard Simmons isn't want to be bothered. He
Speaker 1: was done. He was just he was just in his house.
Speaker 1: He was tired. Yeah, exactly. It's like you can't even
Speaker 1: But it was like when you see that you got
Speaker 1: it's genius to go like Richard Simmons is missing and
Speaker 1: then he's like it goes at number one sure, and
Speaker 1: then he's like, guys, I'm right here. Because before I
Speaker 1: did a podcast, I didn't know anything about podcast, so
Speaker 1: I had no idea. When I heard about your podcast,
Speaker 1: I go, wow, that's dumb, and so what did you
Speaker 1: think this podcast was? I would love so I just
Speaker 1: thought it was like, first of all, I was telling
Speaker 1: you before we got in there, it was like obviously, uh,
Speaker 1: they're going to run out of guys. They fucked. I
Speaker 1: mean like everyone's so concerned about that than your parents
Speaker 1: concerned about Like my mom was like, honey, I just
Speaker 1: want you to keep suing people so you can go podcast.
Speaker 1: Another thing, did you can you guys get advertising? Heart
Speaker 1: to get advertising? Too easy? Actually, way too easy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when you have numbers, you have to have number no.
Speaker 1: I know because somebody said, well if you call it
Speaker 1: something like that, they have to bleep. You can't get over,
Speaker 1: but you can can. They just want numbers. They don't
Speaker 1: care what it's called. They don't care what it's called.
Speaker 1: People spend too much time thinking about things like before
Speaker 1: they do them, like like what are people going to
Speaker 1: think about this? Like that? What do you want to do?
Speaker 1: What you want to do? Don't sense yourself No matter
Speaker 1: what aday, people are mad. The only time we ever
Speaker 1: had an advertised WED it is when we like insulted
Speaker 1: the product actively and I'm like, yeah, it's fair, it
Speaker 1: wasn't I stand by that. Yeah it was squatty Potty.
Speaker 1: I'm actually so glad that we shipped on them we've
Speaker 1: ever done because when they just get in trouble squatty Potty,
Speaker 1: well know, because they just fired Kathy Griffin for her.
Speaker 1: So I was so. I was so glad that we
Speaker 1: already had cut ties with them, because I was I would.
Speaker 1: I was pissed about that. I was like, she was
Speaker 1: a national spokesperson for squatty potty. Squatty when oh, man,
Speaker 1: I have one downstairs. I think my wife has one
Speaker 1: where you where it helps you take a basically elevates you.
Speaker 1: It's a stool. Yeah, yeah, she has previously known as
Speaker 1: the phone book. When we have yeah, that's all it is.
Speaker 1: She says it does help her. Yeah, it helps my
Speaker 1: mom tip she has a kinked colin. Yeah, okay, I
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about that just because like the North,
Speaker 1: the way that we sit is not the proper way
Speaker 1: to you know when like squat overholes, that's how you
Speaker 1: should be shitting necessarily this and that's how they do
Speaker 1: in Asia, right, I have no idea hole? Um, I
Speaker 1: think in like yeah, and like Morocco in some countries,
Speaker 1: like in restaurants and so they will have like a tile,
Speaker 1: it's tiled, and because yeah, absolutely pretty. My friends who
Speaker 1: travel goes right into the stewart. My friends who travel
Speaker 1: as comics, they say they all have bits now where
Speaker 1: you have to shop into a hole and it sounds
Speaker 1: it sounds terrible because what if you shoot on your
Speaker 1: foot or whatever I mean, then you shoot on your foot,
Speaker 1: you wipe it off. Yeah, but still have you never
Speaker 1: not shipped on your foot in a blind? I haven't
Speaker 1: shipped on my foot. I've gotten shoot on my hand.
Speaker 1: You guys or you guys live together? Do you guys
Speaker 1: live together? No? Everyone thinks we do though, Um, we
Speaker 1: have bunk beds downstairs and as soon as you wake up,
Speaker 1: we start chatting about you, like we should record this. Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: we're funny. Um, so let's start off with the thing
Speaker 1: you told me about yourself game a little well tip
Speaker 1: about you that you're a late bloomer. I was a
Speaker 1: late bloomer because I'm just I'm just just for the
Speaker 1: people listening. Uh. I don't usually talk well on stage.
Speaker 1: Now I talk about my like I come quick. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've seen you talk about some raunchy ship on stage,
Speaker 1: and I really I like the way you make people
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable. On somebody, It's like, I can't because as
Speaker 1: I get older, I thought, like and I knew, I knew.
Speaker 1: I had a hunch it wasn't going to change. Because
Speaker 1: because Manny, the guy who in the comedy seller he
Speaker 1: I talked to him one time about coming quick, and
Speaker 1: he said he and I said, well, as you get older,
Speaker 1: do you know, because you think you'd be less excited
Speaker 1: and you wouldn't come as quick. He goes, no, it
Speaker 1: doesn't change. How quickly do you come so quick? How quick?
Speaker 1: Everyone every guy said it? Second, I just came right now. Now. Now,
Speaker 1: I tell somebody I was making out with when I
Speaker 1: was in probably like in my early twenties I was
Speaker 1: making out with a girl that I didn't even like,
Speaker 1: and I came in my pants? Why making my pants?
Speaker 1: Were my pants? Were like, does she even go near
Speaker 1: your dick? No? Nothing was touching my day. You didn't
Speaker 1: like her and I didn't even like her because I
Speaker 1: was drunk, but I but I came and then she
Speaker 1: was like are you okay? And I just had to
Speaker 1: leave because then I was like, didn't like her at all? Well,
Speaker 1: she left feeling like I am the hottest. They're all
Speaker 1: confused when you come too quick. Oh, I just think
Speaker 1: compliments to me. I don't know why women don't say
Speaker 1: it's it's like the ultimate compliment. Like if you had
Speaker 1: a restaurant people ate fast, wouldn't you be like, Wow,
Speaker 1: they must really like the food. I don't know, I
Speaker 1: hear you, I hear you. I'd be like, why is
Speaker 1: everyone in a rush? You know? But wait, okay, So
Speaker 1: why I've heard this a lot? Why do guys like
Speaker 1: not like women a lot after they come, Like you'll
Speaker 1: be into it, and then you'll come and then you'll
Speaker 1: be totally grossed out by the person that you're with. No,
Speaker 1: it's not grossed down, you just like it's like it's
Speaker 1: like when you're when you're going down on a woman
Speaker 1: and then like you're sexually roused, it's easy. But by
Speaker 1: then if you come and then you have to do that,
Speaker 1: then it's like you don't want to go down. No,
Speaker 1: Then it's just I'm just saying, like when you're aroused,
Speaker 1: you're in a different state, and then once you come,
Speaker 1: then once you come, it's like that that kind of dissipates.
Speaker 1: And I mean that's a good good test if you
Speaker 1: like somebody, if you come and then like they do
Speaker 1: old theories, you if you have a date with somebody,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to jerk off before and if you still
Speaker 1: want to go out with her. Yeah, So that's how
Speaker 1: I knew I like my wife because when we first
Speaker 1: were I can't really talk about because the anniversary, no,
Speaker 1: But the thing was like when we first started hanging
Speaker 1: around with each other, like she always wanted to have
Speaker 1: sex and I was like, I was like what because
Speaker 1: I was just out of a relationship, that relationship six
Speaker 1: or seven years. Yeah, so I wasn't looking at I
Speaker 1: wasn't like, I wasn't looking for sex necessarily. But I
Speaker 1: just like my wife. She was my grandfriend and I
Speaker 1: just liked her, so we would fun and I would
Speaker 1: just like, let's just get sus over with so we
Speaker 1: can like talk, you know, because the fucking was like okay,
Speaker 1: like I can funk anybody, you know, I mean, I
Speaker 1: can suck my hands, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I wish, I wish, I know. But if women were
Speaker 1: like us, then it would be a disaster because we
Speaker 1: would be all the time, and restaurants would shut down
Speaker 1: because nobody would even go out. So there was some
Speaker 1: like there's a certain like whatever it creates, its supports
Speaker 1: civilization that we all just don't want to fun somewhere.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's a good thing, but anyway, so uh so
Speaker 1: I come too quick, and even my wife something like
Speaker 1: recently we're having sax and then she goes. She even
Speaker 1: said after she goes, I can't believe how like because
Speaker 1: we were like when I was about to Father's Day
Speaker 1: but four Father's Day. No, she even afterwards, she goes,
Speaker 1: I can't pl how fast you went from like not
Speaker 1: even totally hard to coming like it was like probably
Speaker 1: probably within a minute, Like I wasn't even totally fast,
Speaker 1: and then I was like then I got hard enough
Speaker 1: to penetrate and then and then it was like you
Speaker 1: get back in the game quickly. What do you mean?
Speaker 1: Now so do you so? Do you like in a day?
Speaker 1: I cub But now so that's a you thing. Then
Speaker 1: I guess you just eat a lot of pussy because yeah,
Speaker 1: because with my wife, I'm like, I gotta I gotta, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I gotta make her come. Yet, like if
Speaker 1: I know she's not even ready, I'll just you know,
Speaker 1: I'll just I'll just go down on her. And she
Speaker 1: never seems to mind, you know, no, no one ever mind.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. I don't have a vagina,
Speaker 1: so I don't know what it feels like to have
Speaker 1: a guy go to I mean, because it is it
Speaker 1: is more complicated than blowing a guy, because blowing a
Speaker 1: guy it's like everything's right there, I'll be open, so
Speaker 1: there's not a lot of mystery. There's it's not like
Speaker 1: worse to clip, you know what I mean. Like one time, sorry,
Speaker 1: I never recently my I thought I was trying like
Speaker 1: a new move. I was like, I don't see it important. No,
Speaker 1: I know you're gonna say that, but I don't watch
Speaker 1: points I go. But but my wife was like afterwards,
Speaker 1: she goes, why are you always to want? Like she goes,
Speaker 1: you're on one side the whole time, like, and she goes,
Speaker 1: that was like weird. I was going to say something.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know. I thought I was like
Speaker 1: on the on a good spot. But then after watch
Speaker 1: she's like, you gotta move over and just do it evenly. Please. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just I don't know. But that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: If you had a dick, then I wouldn't because I
Speaker 1: would know where everything is. There's no mystery, but there's
Speaker 1: like how how tighter looses the grip and how fast
Speaker 1: should you go? And yeah, but that's but it's still
Speaker 1: like it's still like you know what you're touching, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. But for me, it's like I
Speaker 1: would like to lick a pussy just to compare, because
Speaker 1: I feel like I'd rather I'd rather lick something than
Speaker 1: have something so big in my mouth for that so
Speaker 1: for so long, especially if you're just little, yeah I know,
Speaker 1: well not you don't know, my boyfriend. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: just taste fucking forever to come everything everything, Yes, it
Speaker 1: must be so annoying. Mine doesn't mine, boyfriend doesn't come
Speaker 1: when I suck him off, but that's because I want
Speaker 1: to have sex with him. But like he doesn't even
Speaker 1: I don't mean he doesn't come on purpose. Uh, I
Speaker 1: guess if we were like, let's do it, do it
Speaker 1: in my mouth? Is in my mouth? Like we have
Speaker 1: to have a talk because I'm getting blowing him and
Speaker 1: then I'm like, all right, we're gonna fuck, so calm pissed.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, James loves blow jobs, as do you
Speaker 1: like blowjobs better than intercourse? Oh? Yeah, absolutely, yeah most guys.
Speaker 1: Because then there's no pressure. Like if I'm ok because
Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about her pleasure. If she's
Speaker 1: blowing me right, then I'm just then I can finally
Speaker 1: fucking relax. It's like hitting a home run where you
Speaker 1: you just can take your time going around the bases,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, there's no there's no so
Speaker 1: you just go. You just look. And then sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel bad if I'm taking too long because she's like,
Speaker 1: I know, she's thinking, what the fund has he taken?
Speaker 1: Because he if he if he's inside of me, he's
Speaker 1: thirty seconds, you know, right, Okay, you're just enjoying it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm thinking stopping and smelling the room loud. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was telling I think I was on. I don't
Speaker 1: know who's I was talking about this. But the girlfriend
Speaker 1: before my wife, she was young, and so I didn't
Speaker 1: want to my wife's. She was really she was like
Speaker 1: half my age. And I met her at the comedy cell.
Speaker 1: She yah, half your age when you're old is not
Speaker 1: the I was gonna say, when we need it to
Speaker 1: the point where half your age it's But she was
Speaker 1: like twenty, you know, and I think I was. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I was trying to impress her, I
Speaker 1: don't know, but anyway I was so I wouldn't come quick.
Speaker 1: I would reach around my leg and pinch my balls.
Speaker 1: I was about because you know, people go like think
Speaker 1: about baseball or think about your grandma, but like I
Speaker 1: I was like, I go, I can't because anything like yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah my grandma. Grandma makes a sweet mouth. But but
Speaker 1: like I would like reach her. I would like pinch
Speaker 1: my balls to stop myself from coming. Did that girl go,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? No, I don't know, excuse me,
Speaker 1: I don't know what people think like I never and
Speaker 1: then with her one time. Her name is Jane, and
Speaker 1: then she was one time I when we first started dating,
Speaker 1: it was like early on and I right when I came.
Speaker 1: But this is like we used to work at a
Speaker 1: comedy seller and then so it would be late, you know,
Speaker 1: be like six in the morning, we'd be having sex
Speaker 1: or whatever. And then uh, one time we as I
Speaker 1: was coming, I farted, you know, but we love is
Speaker 1: a good fart. Never were just probably we had just
Speaker 1: started dating, so I didn't I don't know if we
Speaker 1: were like even official yet. No, I don't know, but
Speaker 1: but like I didn't bring it up until like later,
Speaker 1: maybe we're at the diner. I go, did you did
Speaker 1: you know? I farted? And she goes, yeah, So it
Speaker 1: was like a quiet fart. No, it was loud, it was,
Speaker 1: but it was but it was like it was so
Speaker 1: much ship going on that I thought maybe she wouldn't
Speaker 1: hear today. But that's what my point is that I
Speaker 1: think women always notice what's happened, they just don't bring
Speaker 1: it up. Women, but if I was pinching my balls,
Speaker 1: maybe she knew it, but she's not gonna be like,
Speaker 1: why are you pinching your balls? I'm like, so I
Speaker 1: won't come obviously that you don't know. I'd be like,
Speaker 1: you're young, you don't know. That's what I like. I
Speaker 1: I've really developed a sense of communication with the people, like, well,
Speaker 1: my boyfriend people, because do they like your show my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: you your boyfriends? My one? Oh yeah, mine? Does it
Speaker 1: pays for his dinners? No? Same, No, but do they do?
Speaker 1: They don't care about were you dating them when you
Speaker 1: started the show before. I was not dating him when
Speaker 1: he was getting exactly kind of knew what he was
Speaker 1: getting in, but you were. I dated him before, like
Speaker 1: a year before, and he didn't care. He was like,
Speaker 1: that's weird because he had just dated Ah, a porn
Speaker 1: star right before me. So yeah, and uh and so
Speaker 1: he was like, don't get in that sex world, because
Speaker 1: I guess he saw what it did to her. I'm like,
Speaker 1: but I'm not podcast. She was a porn star. He matters.
Speaker 1: She was a porn star. She is a porn star. Stoya.
Speaker 1: I like how every woman in porn as a porn star.
Speaker 1: There's no like, there's no middle that title gets thrown
Speaker 1: around real freely. But she actually, yeah, she really is. Yeah.
Speaker 1: We first started dating her. She was on the cover
Speaker 1: of the Village Voice when I first started dating him,
Speaker 1: and it's really the prettiest girl in New York is
Speaker 1: a porn star and wow, god damn it. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: a porns her and she's pretty, she's gorgeous. Yeah she's
Speaker 1: from here, New York or from Russia. Know she has
Speaker 1: a Russian name. American? Yeah she is. Yeah, what's her
Speaker 1: real name. I'm not going to say it. You can
Speaker 1: I just test people. Well, everyone's googling your age. They
Speaker 1: can also google story. I was really I always I
Speaker 1: act like everything to my show. I always trying to
Speaker 1: entrap people. Yeah, I don't fall for a lot of
Speaker 1: ship anymore because prints saw me to not spill the bean.
Speaker 1: Yeah everything. Well, I mean I fully expected you to
Speaker 1: be to try to run the podcast, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh good, because I'm very tired. We were talking before
Speaker 1: the show about like people some people just they just
Speaker 1: come in and like they don't say anything. Yeah, that's annoying.
Speaker 1: I've taken the lead on other people's podcasts as well,
Speaker 1: because I'm like this is I'm like, this is going terrible.
Speaker 1: Let me pick this up for you, buddy. Because the podcast,
Speaker 1: the whole podcast ideas like like keep it fresh, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, if they there's a million out there, so
Speaker 1: why have a boring podcast. Let's go back to you. Though,
Speaker 1: I'm talking like, yeah, I just saw. Yeah, I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't stop thinking about dude. A
Speaker 1: guy across the street from me, the building directly across
Speaker 1: the yesterday, I jumped off the roof yesterday and I
Speaker 1: saw these sirens and I went to my window and
Speaker 1: I saw the body. And then I went outside and
Speaker 1: I was like, what the funk happened? And and there's
Speaker 1: all these people, there's cops everywhere, there's crime scene tape
Speaker 1: or whatever. I want to make sure no one was pushed.
Speaker 1: And he's like suicide. And I like freaked the funk out.
Speaker 1: It came inside. I was like, the guy jumped off
Speaker 1: the roof, Stephen, Oh my god, And uh that sucked.
Speaker 1: And I just stare. You know, you drive past a
Speaker 1: car accident, you just stare. Because I have like a
Speaker 1: depression in my family. I don't have depression, but like
Speaker 1: my mom had very severe depression, and there was moments
Speaker 1: where she struggled with with suicide, like while talking to me,
Speaker 1: and so I vary, yeah, and uh, and I just
Speaker 1: wo that but then I just stood out there for
Speaker 1: thirty minutes and I and it's just this body off. Man.
Speaker 1: It was bad. I know. I was equally upset. They
Speaker 1: make a really good egg sellet wrapped there, and I
Speaker 1: can never eat at that saliot gains Well, I can't
Speaker 1: even he was twenty five. He was a young man.
Speaker 1: He's five. He jumped up the roof. That's too young.
Speaker 1: He jumped off the roof with ba Well, I actually said,
Speaker 1: wait till your forty if you want to commit suicide.
Speaker 1: And I kind of I'm sticking by that. I'm not
Speaker 1: like encouraging it, but I'm like, you gotta give it.
Speaker 1: Twenty five is not a good time to make that decision.
Speaker 1: What did they think? Do they any? Was it in
Speaker 1: the paper? No? I mean it was literally yesterday. I
Speaker 1: don't know. There was no reporters, which thank god, because
Speaker 1: to fucking leave them all, leave the leave everyone alone,
Speaker 1: like it's a suicide, could have some respect. But I
Speaker 1: was sitting out there and all these people were asking
Speaker 1: what happened, what happened? What happened? And uh, and I
Speaker 1: made a little sign, yeah he killed himself. He was sad.
Speaker 1: But then this woman asked and she like, all these
Speaker 1: little group of kids with her. I'm like, and I go, ah,
Speaker 1: you know, it's a little She goes, know what happened.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you want me to tell you what happened?
Speaker 1: She goes, yeah, I'm like, he killed himself. She was like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, he jumped off the route and the kids
Speaker 1: were right there. I'm like, they don't need to hear
Speaker 1: they shipped. There wasn't their mom or just something. I mean,
Speaker 1: maybe she had like mother. It's New York, so when
Speaker 1: you see a body on the ground, my shot is
Speaker 1: always the person jumped. I mean that's the most common reason.
Speaker 1: Like I mean, after fourteen years living in New York,
Speaker 1: like that's happened at last like three times where I've
Speaker 1: walked by and really I never seen Yeah, I've never
Speaker 1: seen a dead body. Common. I mean they don't even
Speaker 1: report the suicide. And also like jumping in front of
Speaker 1: the train like that, that happens all the time, so
Speaker 1: it's really common. But anyway, back to your deck. I
Speaker 1: want to talk about that. We'll talk about but I remember,
Speaker 1: we'll text about it. But uh no, what do you
Speaker 1: guys think about Like people going on Facebook and like
Speaker 1: saying they're going to kill themselves. I think that's a
Speaker 1: tension seeking for help or cry. It could be a
Speaker 1: cry for help, but it could be attention seeking. A
Speaker 1: tension seeking, in my opinion, is a cry for help.
Speaker 1: Like comedy, that's a cry for help. That's the biggest cry.
Speaker 1: I want help him doing great, that's a big cry.
Speaker 1: I don't want. I don't want anyone's feedback. But like,
Speaker 1: for me, like it's helping myself. That's what stand up
Speaker 1: comedy is. I'm just talking out my problems, like when
Speaker 1: I talked them out in public. It helps me to
Speaker 1: be like, oh, that sounds crazy. I don't really need
Speaker 1: everyone else's feedback, but a lot of people do. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I just think if the guy, if a guy
Speaker 1: threatens on Facebook to like kill himself and then he
Speaker 1: kills himself, it's like anybody should people feel bad? I
Speaker 1: don't know, because people do that manipulatively, and people do
Speaker 1: a three year out so when whenever, I know, But
Speaker 1: it seems very like it seems like a very fucked
Speaker 1: up move to be like, because you're putting it on
Speaker 1: everybody else and you're like my friends, you know, desperate,
Speaker 1: But then you're like, is it desperate, like desperate or
Speaker 1: is it desperate for attention? Right? And you don't know.
Speaker 1: It could be this one guy I don't want to
Speaker 1: say his name, but he helped you know, you know
Speaker 1: he's going to kill himself. He doesn't say that. He goes,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm done. And then when people and then
Speaker 1: people on friend him because I don't want to deal
Speaker 1: with it. You know, yeah, I've done that. Then he
Speaker 1: gets mad that people on friend him, and it's like, dude,
Speaker 1: you're gonna make up your you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: That's the guy who puts his finger in the candle
Speaker 1: flame and it goes, why is this hurt? Shut up?
Speaker 1: I sometimes I think about kill myself, but then I
Speaker 1: think every human being has his thoughts, Like how like
Speaker 1: I always no, I always said, like what I was anyway?
Speaker 1: Happy father? Yeah, I've much rather talk about your dick
Speaker 1: than suicide. I don't like suicide, but suicide, I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't love. I love talking about I know people
Speaker 1: have killed themselves and it's so fucking dumb, Like after
Speaker 1: the fact, it seems so dumb. It's you know what
Speaker 1: it is, it's you know what's weird. And I've never
Speaker 1: seen this before. Because I've never seen I've never seen
Speaker 1: a dead body, and I've never seen somebody somebody after
Speaker 1: they've killed themselves. But like I went out side that body.
Speaker 1: We were at Kevin Mini's funeral. I mean, yeah, was
Speaker 1: that your first steady my aunt Johnie? Yeah, was open casket.
Speaker 1: Of course, you guys are friends with them. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: was on the show. He was a friend of the show.
Speaker 1: He's a very nice man. Yeah, you know Mantell, she's
Speaker 1: one of his best friends. Wasn't what she was there? Right?
Speaker 1: Wasn't she like a pall bear? Oh? I don't know that.
Speaker 1: It wasn't the face was the way. Yeah, But it's
Speaker 1: weird to be there moments after somebody makes that decision.
Speaker 1: It's like you go on as normal after that person's
Speaker 1: made that permanent decision. It's just weird. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm just never perspective though, right. Yeah, I don't think
Speaker 1: it's always stupid because you said that, Because there's been
Speaker 1: people who have attempted to kill themselves, failed like everything
Speaker 1: else in their lives, and then and then gotten mad
Speaker 1: that they you know, that they failed, that they failed again.
Speaker 1: Yet I think they in turtalized. I think that's so funny.
Speaker 1: Can try some You've heard about the guy jumps front
Speaker 1: of the train and tried to kill himself and now
Speaker 1: he has one leg and he's an inspirational daily motherfucker's Okay,
Speaker 1: I want to go back to your day. I didn't
Speaker 1: who taught you about sex? How do you find out
Speaker 1: about sex? Nobody? Like I'm right now, Kevin, Nobody taught
Speaker 1: me anything. And you've had a lot of siblings, right, yeah, ten,
Speaker 1: I want to ten. And I was so naive that,
Speaker 1: like I was dating some girl and um, when I
Speaker 1: was in like I dropped out of college and then
Speaker 1: I was working at this restaurant and she was really hot,
Speaker 1: you know, and then she, um, she called me, or
Speaker 1: she told me, she goes, you should call me, let's
Speaker 1: go out. But I thought she was like like mocking
Speaker 1: me or whatever you have you fucking call she was,
Speaker 1: so then I've I've got the nerve the caller. And
Speaker 1: then she was like and then we went out and
Speaker 1: then we started fucking. And then but I wasn't looking good.
Speaker 1: I would like, come wait too quick, quch she was hot.
Speaker 1: I was I was a mess, you know, like sometimes
Speaker 1: we'd be like trying to funk and then and then
Speaker 1: I would come just from like so you get to
Speaker 1: the intercourse yea, And then she would go, she would go,
Speaker 1: are you okay? She's like, what's wrong because she thought
Speaker 1: like I lost my inaction. She didn't even now like
Speaker 1: I was so ashamed. I wouldn't even talk about it.
Speaker 1: You were ashamed? Yeah, I was totally ashamed, so sort
Speaker 1: of face when you came. You didn't even make it.
Speaker 1: I was just I would do it as quietly, like
Speaker 1: fucking could you like sense that it was coming? Now? Yes,
Speaker 1: I don't understand how you can come just from making out.
Speaker 1: I know, how do you think I feel? I've been
Speaker 1: living with this. I want to fucking jump up in
Speaker 1: the fucking building across the street now, so I would
Speaker 1: fuck it? So then so then I would I think
Speaker 1: she finally realized I was coming quick, and then we
Speaker 1: would wait. And I was young, so I then I
Speaker 1: could suck her again anyway. So then I got so
Speaker 1: then when I and she was not just sucking me anyway,
Speaker 1: I got crabs like back in the day, I don't
Speaker 1: even know you, Oh I do crabs? Are I do?
Speaker 1: I haven't had them, but I know exactly what So
Speaker 1: I got crabs. And then my friend I lived in
Speaker 1: Chicago the time. My my roommate was went to doctor
Speaker 1: shuls Foot College. I didn't know Dr Donald Trump's fake
Speaker 1: for I didn't think Dr Shuls was actually a doctor.
Speaker 1: Huh no, it really is, so he was, so I
Speaker 1: told him I go, I got crabs, you know. So
Speaker 1: his friend was like, what went to pharmacy college and
Speaker 1: CBS pharmacy college. That okay, So he goes get he
Speaker 1: just got me the shampoo and uh so then I
Speaker 1: washed it out all good? Then is it one wash
Speaker 1: to get rid of crabs? And they're like, literally crabs
Speaker 1: pull him off here. So that's how he freaked out.
Speaker 1: You're like, what is this little buck? No? I I yeah,
Speaker 1: because I was like why am I itchy? And then
Speaker 1: I and then I was like I looked. I was
Speaker 1: like it was a fucking crab, like you could put
Speaker 1: him in and it looked like a mini crab. It
Speaker 1: is a mini crab, like throwing it a fucking boiling
Speaker 1: hot a thing of water and always if you haven't
Speaker 1: big enough bush anyway, So then I fucked her again
Speaker 1: like an idiot, because I was like, there's no way
Speaker 1: she gave it to him, because how wouldn't she know?
Speaker 1: And then my friends and my friends are like, my
Speaker 1: friends are like, of course she gave it to you.
Speaker 1: Who else you're fucking? I go nobody, But she wouldn't
Speaker 1: she know if she had crabs like I knew, wouldn't
Speaker 1: she know? That's how naive I was. I was like,
Speaker 1: but like her, No, I didn't know that. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: then you knew, and then I know balls. I know.
Speaker 1: I was this this pre stand up. Once I started
Speaker 1: doing stand up, you know, I have to balls a
Speaker 1: little bit, you know. But back then, if the girl
Speaker 1: was hot to be like you, no, she didn't give
Speaker 1: it to him. I gave it to myself. I was pathetic,
Speaker 1: so I I didn't like I could never turn to
Speaker 1: my dad for any advice because my obviously my dad
Speaker 1: didn't know how his dick worked. He had ten kids.
Speaker 1: You know, it's not like he was like, here's what
Speaker 1: you do? And I joke about in my act. Now
Speaker 1: I go, how sweet was my my mom's snatch that
Speaker 1: my dad never pulled out? Like? How fucking? Because they
Speaker 1: must have known. Yeah they might so now, but my
Speaker 1: dad told me nothing. He told me nothing. A family
Speaker 1: entertainer was he religious? Yeah, they were religious. They went
Speaker 1: to church like well, Jesus put us here. No, my
Speaker 1: mom was really religious, so my mom was probably against
Speaker 1: him any kind of pulling out, even pulling out. So
Speaker 1: so but now like and my wife. I talked to
Speaker 1: my wife. She her parents taught her nothing, and she's
Speaker 1: younger than me, so like generally, generationally it's something. But
Speaker 1: you guys probably know everything from I'll tell I'll tell
Speaker 1: my kids everything. I'm going to tell my kids everything.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell him, like who to avoid? Yeah, you
Speaker 1: have kids? Do you have kids to say that you like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to like you were like yeah, four and
Speaker 1: eight okay, girl boy boy and a girl and they're
Speaker 1: half and half. My wife's Hispanic, so they're beautiful kid.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, they're hotties. Their children. So my
Speaker 1: son's gonna get crazy snatched and I'm going to help him,
Speaker 1: is he? How do you know? Well, I'll just get
Speaker 1: already Ala guys like that, Guys who have tremendous track records.
Speaker 1: Are you're going to help your daughter gets But why
Speaker 1: are so unfair? That's her job? Okay, well her responsibility.
Speaker 1: She can have my daughter and I'll have my son.
Speaker 1: So you're you're not against your daughter getting lots of dick,
Speaker 1: you just don't want to personally help. Now I won't.
Speaker 1: I won't want my daughter get a lot of dick,
Speaker 1: but I will tell her one thing. I'll say, when
Speaker 1: guys are want to get laid, they're they're very charming,
Speaker 1: So don't fall forth. We'll see this is we We
Speaker 1: had a conversation krit and I with a gnome of
Speaker 1: the Seller the Seller podcast about this whole thing, because
Speaker 1: he said, if you had a daughter, or his daughter
Speaker 1: does have a daughter, she he will be very upset
Speaker 1: if she gets a lot of dick, but if his
Speaker 1: son gets a lot of pussy, he'll be fine. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, and yeah, yeah, And he was talking about
Speaker 1: daddy issues. I'm like, that's how a chick gets a
Speaker 1: daddy issue is when he's encouraging his son to go
Speaker 1: funk everyone. And then and then when the daughter does
Speaker 1: one thing he likes, you know, gives her this side.
Speaker 1: I that's a fucking daddy issue, right the daughter that
Speaker 1: the norm will give his daughter a daddy issue if
Speaker 1: he doesn't. Yeah, because you're you're raising your daughter, you're
Speaker 1: raising your son. One way and saying sex is fine,
Speaker 1: it's free, it's great, enjoy it, and then you're raising
Speaker 1: your daughter to be afraid of it and to be
Speaker 1: like you're a pressure. No, I asked him, yeah, because
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, you're serious, right, So, yeah,
Speaker 1: he doesn't really joke that much. But uh, that's why
Speaker 1: he's not He's funny, but he doesn't joke podcast. He
Speaker 1: doesn't joke because because he has a business to run,
Speaker 1: you know, so he doesn't want to be it's fun
Speaker 1: debating him though he's really funny. Yeah, but that's what
Speaker 1: he wants to He wants to be serious or whatever.
Speaker 1: Like when he was on my podcast, he was he
Speaker 1: was not very forthcoming because he's you know, he's a businessman,
Speaker 1: so he doesn't want to offend too many people. Well,
Speaker 1: he was very busy talking about his new comedy Brunch
Speaker 1: and the Right, Yeah, he was. He was very busy
Speaker 1: with that, like a good brunch would. But did he
Speaker 1: say it's mostly when minutes that what he said, most women?
Speaker 1: It was a racial thing more, oh that conversation, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you mean we have two many white people here.
Speaker 1: He was concerned that not enough black people are attending
Speaker 1: the seller was his concern for the brunch or everything, everything, everything,
Speaker 1: But he wants to have a diversion. She wants to
Speaker 1: have a diverse audience. Yeah, anyway back here, dick um,
Speaker 1: So this girl who gave you crabs, you sucked her twice,
Speaker 1: no more than twice? Are you poked up with her twice? No?
Speaker 1: We no? Yeah, I was never like her boyfriend. But
Speaker 1: you get crabs if you didn't suck her no we
Speaker 1: we I did fuck her, yeah, but we didn't. I
Speaker 1: wasn't like our steady boyfriend because she was she got
Speaker 1: to crabs from somewhere else, but got it. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I wasn't even getting a lot of Like,
Speaker 1: I never got a lot of I mean, the fun
Speaker 1: up thing was, you know, I don't want to encourage
Speaker 1: more people to do stand up, but that whatever, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I got more pussy, the better my act got
Speaker 1: and the women got better looking, the better my act,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, Well, because because intelligence or humor is intelligence,
Speaker 1: which signifies but the one one weight, one one way
Speaker 1: just from the improv when it was at nine, like
Speaker 1: I tried to data for a long time and then
Speaker 1: when I far as finally started getting weekend spots. Then
Speaker 1: she she she was like into me, like like literally
Speaker 1: the next next couple of days. And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's what I said. Do I go what the
Speaker 1: funk was that? She goes, no, You're just seemed more confident.
Speaker 1: I'm like, come on, well that's hot. Shen't know. Three
Speaker 1: days after I got weekend spots, She's like, let me
Speaker 1: let me you know, because I tried to date I
Speaker 1: we had I think we had gone on one date
Speaker 1: while I was still like not getting weekend spot was good. No,
Speaker 1: we I dated it for like six years. Like every
Speaker 1: situation I'm in, they think I'm like a one night
Speaker 1: stand and I end up dating for like seven years.
Speaker 1: Is it your charm? Yeah? Where? Yeah? I mean, do
Speaker 1: you seem a little rough around me? They think I'm
Speaker 1: a loser, and then then they know they just think
Speaker 1: I'm a loser because I have no careers, might have
Speaker 1: no charm. And then and then when I'm alone with them,
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, he's not that bad. What are you
Speaker 1: doing with for seven hours? Like when I'm like when
Speaker 1: I do stand up, I'm like, I'm not like there's
Speaker 1: a crowd there, but it's basically just me, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So it's like if it's one on one,
Speaker 1: I'm good, you know what I mean. Yeah, I'm like that.
Speaker 1: Like even if there was five people here, the more
Speaker 1: people that are here the less the less I do well.
Speaker 1: So if it's one on one, if it's one on one,
Speaker 1: the women women are like like I remember this the
Speaker 1: girlfriend that I used to pinch my balls like, I
Speaker 1: remember like she slept over one the one day and
Speaker 1: then I was like making her laugh so hard the
Speaker 1: next morning that I think in my head when that
Speaker 1: in my head, I'm thinking, like, I think I'm in
Speaker 1: with this girl now because she was laughing like so hard.
Speaker 1: So you know they like that. They like if they
Speaker 1: sleep over, then you make them laughing at like a
Speaker 1: woman with a sense of human Yeah, no, if a
Speaker 1: woman is not, if like, I can be attracted to people.
Speaker 1: But if the woman is not, should I have a
Speaker 1: good person Like I always fault for personality good because
Speaker 1: that's like my wife was funny. My wife's funny. She
Speaker 1: she didn't do stand up, she never did. I would
Speaker 1: kill her. She even brought it up, but she wasn't.
Speaker 1: She didn't like to she wouldn't even consider it really,
Speaker 1: but but she was funny. Yeah, how didn't you guys meet?
Speaker 1: We met at the Comedy Seller. She was there seeing
Speaker 1: a show. Yeah. She was actually friends with Alreadie for
Speaker 1: quas uh Art. I always had a lot of girlfriends.
Speaker 1: I met a bunch of so it was one of
Speaker 1: his one of his girlfriends. Already. What Already would do
Speaker 1: was like, no, I'm not slamming Alarty because I love Alreadie.
Speaker 1: But he would bring he would he would like invite
Speaker 1: a girl to the to the comedy Seller, but he
Speaker 1: was m C and so they have to hang out
Speaker 1: with somebody. Know. They would hang out the bar all night,
Speaker 1: and then Already would basically ignore them because he was like, no,
Speaker 1: I gotta keep moving. But he was a lot of
Speaker 1: times he was outside. So so this girl, Lydia, who
Speaker 1: name is Lydia anyway? That's her real name? Anyway, your wife, No,
Speaker 1: that's that's my wife's friend. Okay. So so she got
Speaker 1: so sick of going by herself and send at the bar,
Speaker 1: she brought my wife and then she she she had
Speaker 1: I talked to her, I guess the week before. Whatever,
Speaker 1: how do you approach her again? I have no game,
Speaker 1: I have no The only reason I even I knew
Speaker 1: Lydia because I had already spoken her when she was
Speaker 1: by herself that a couple of weeks before or whatever.
Speaker 1: And then and then Chris Rock did a guest said,
Speaker 1: I followed Chris Rock. And then I was I was leaving.
Speaker 1: I was upstairs at the alvat, I was getting paid
Speaker 1: or whatever. So I said, I waved to Lydia or whatever.
Speaker 1: And then my wife goes, she goes, oh, you were
Speaker 1: the best one on the show. I was like, and
Speaker 1: then you came. I came practically so then and then
Speaker 1: so then yeah, I was like, oh I gotta leave
Speaker 1: now than my pain. So then so I said, well,
Speaker 1: I go, let's go out. Then she goes, well, she goes, well,
Speaker 1: you said you have a girlfriend, and I go, that's
Speaker 1: just my act. But I did have a girlfriend. But
Speaker 1: we were breaking No, I was actually looking for apartments
Speaker 1: like that or two before. Yeah, now I was looking
Speaker 1: for apartments because I was, I was. We were breaking up,
Speaker 1: me and my girlfriend anyway, So then, uh, I know
Speaker 1: what really was that? The clincher was I asked her.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I asked her that. Now I've
Speaker 1: told this story before, but anyway, I asked her that
Speaker 1: then I go, who, I said, you go to a
Speaker 1: lot of comedy shows, you know, And then she said, no,
Speaker 1: she goes I've only been to a show twice. And
Speaker 1: I said, well, and she goes, I saw the same
Speaker 1: guy both times. I was thinking, like Karen tomp like,
Speaker 1: I just felt like the most ridiculous things, and I
Speaker 1: go and she I said, who? She goes? David Tell
Speaker 1: David Tell because me and me and a Tel were
Speaker 1: like best friends for like ten years. You know, we
Speaker 1: started together, so we were very tight at the time.
Speaker 1: We weren't tight, but um, but you know, anybody who
Speaker 1: likes David Tell, Yeah, like I got. That's basically was
Speaker 1: like the clincher and then her pussy and then her
Speaker 1: pussy tasted good too. Have you ever eaten a pussy
Speaker 1: that tasted ransom? Yeah? But you know, I mean sometimes
Speaker 1: you just go like it was never like, oh serious, girlfriend.
Speaker 1: It was like one of those things where what's a
Speaker 1: bad pussy taste? Like just taste like it's been to
Speaker 1: the gym, you know what I mean. It's like sweaty
Speaker 1: and salty or has a little that bad, has a
Speaker 1: little smell to its people who didn't like freshly bower.
Speaker 1: Yeahat so, no, I know, but believe me, No Tell
Speaker 1: talks about balls all the time, Like I don't have
Speaker 1: an obsession with my balls because I think they're like
Speaker 1: a necessary evil. But you don't do anything. Nobody says
Speaker 1: has your balls in their mouths. No, never, No one's
Speaker 1: advertising with my ball. I don't know even licked. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think I think my mom did one time now,
Speaker 1: but seriously, come on in No, but no, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I never I never forced the issue with my
Speaker 1: balls and never go like lick my balls. You never
Speaker 1: your bass. That's very respectable, but it seems like they're
Speaker 1: never into it and they're like they never Yeah, but
Speaker 1: your wife. You're younger. You guys are younger. That's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. But it's more like a generational thing, like
Speaker 1: like I hope I'm still looking balls when I'm saying
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like you're younger than You're not my generation,
Speaker 1: you're like the generation that's start looking balls. I'm you're
Speaker 1: you're on the cusp. I'm not a millennial one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're older than you. I'm twenty nine. I told you.
Speaker 1: Guys were like, Okay, well you're not seven. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say you look thirty seven, isn't it. Your apartment is
Speaker 1: my apartment. You'll throw me out anyway. No, no, but
Speaker 1: you look the same. But you're both young, so you
Speaker 1: both grew up like watching porn, and you're like guys
Speaker 1: like and grow up watching it. I'm scarred by it.
Speaker 1: When I was five, and then a couple of years
Speaker 1: later I was like, maybe this isn't no, but there's
Speaker 1: so much available like when we were when I was
Speaker 1: sure the internet was able to like too much of
Speaker 1: the full speed ahead. Yeah, the criminalized stigmata or DECENTI yeah,
Speaker 1: the sensitized like when because you say it, you know,
Speaker 1: and then you're like, holy should I should probably look
Speaker 1: more ball you don't like the I like the guy,
Speaker 1: or if I feel like the guy's super attracted me
Speaker 1: or something, I'm like, yeah, if you think the guy's
Speaker 1: sticking around, or if you want the guy who stick
Speaker 1: around around buddy before Yeah, I mean for me, it
Speaker 1: was just like I saw it there and I was like,
Speaker 1: usually like things like if you touch something, especially something
Speaker 1: that's not often touched, it's like this is like a
Speaker 1: massage therapy rule that my old roommate pointed out to me, like,
Speaker 1: you know, like that's why, like the ears are very
Speaker 1: erotic because it's like an overlooked area. People kind of
Speaker 1: go to the same thing as like nipples, vagina, dick,
Speaker 1: but but there's like a lot of other parts that
Speaker 1: can be more erotic because they are not touched very
Speaker 1: often in everyday human life. And a sexual partner, if
Speaker 1: you're a good sexual partner, you want to make your other,
Speaker 1: the person you're sucking, feel good. So you're like, well,
Speaker 1: let me see if this doesn't. Yeah, and you look
Speaker 1: at their face and then you get a gauge like
Speaker 1: I love like neck and like ear like to me,
Speaker 1: like that's really awesome. Neck in the air, Yeah, anywhere
Speaker 1: other than your dick. But my ass. Yeah, you know
Speaker 1: what I was, You know what I was, the the waitress.
Speaker 1: Everything's a waitress the way. Yeah, but the waitress that
Speaker 1: I was telling you about who started dating me, um
Speaker 1: after my act got better. Yeah, her name was Susan. Anyway,
Speaker 1: her birthday, her birthday was yesterday, so I don't know
Speaker 1: if as her birthday present, I'm gonna talk about it,
Speaker 1: but she was like she was really hot, you know.
Speaker 1: So and even when I started dating our people are like,
Speaker 1: she's dating you, like they were a little like taken
Speaker 1: aback by it. So then one time she was, you know,
Speaker 1: my wife's not gonna like this, but anyway, I mean,
Speaker 1: I gotta be able to speak freely. It's not fucking
Speaker 1: communist Russia right yelling at you right now. But also
Speaker 1: also she has a sexual past too. She's gotten right,
Speaker 1: she has gotten some great dick. Anyway, maybe too much
Speaker 1: great dick, huh, I don't know. I hope a lot
Speaker 1: of She's gonna be leading your daughter towards more day anyway,
Speaker 1: so they go the first two seconds so anyway, um so, anyway,
Speaker 1: my name was Susan. So she's blowing me, which is
Speaker 1: good anyway because she's like, she's hot, and she's like,
Speaker 1: I think it's not the first time she blow on me,
Speaker 1: but but it's still like cool when she's blow me anyway,
Speaker 1: she no, but she's like hot because even because even
Speaker 1: if even if even if it doesn't go past this
Speaker 1: or whatever, I can still be like she blew me,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, I can tell my cocause
Speaker 1: she's hot better like, oh I got yeah, like total
Speaker 1: status anyway, So she's blowed me. But at this I
Speaker 1: think at this point where like dating anyway, she she's
Speaker 1: blow me. She puts her finger in my ass and
Speaker 1: I came like, I came so fucking ridiculous. Has anybody
Speaker 1: ever done that before? That? No? Nice? So I was like,
Speaker 1: she didn't even rub your button hole, she just went up. No,
Speaker 1: she just was in there. And I was like, Susan
Speaker 1: got Matt tricks. That's then I was like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: we're getting married. Like I'm like the guy in fucking Indiana.
Speaker 1: It was like the first time he gets he gets
Speaker 1: off really good. He's like, I don't care that. She's like,
Speaker 1: she's my cousin. I'm married. We're getting married. That's how committed.
Speaker 1: Because I was like, I've never had that before and
Speaker 1: it was fucking great. You know. So even now, you know,
Speaker 1: I hear I hear guys joke about like, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't like it, and I don't like people to
Speaker 1: think it's not gay. You don't like fun. No, it's
Speaker 1: fun and it feels good and you have a prostate
Speaker 1: up your butt and can you can come there? You
Speaker 1: have done a second orgasm, right, and it's totally not gay, right,
Speaker 1: Not that I care, because only people with really archaic
Speaker 1: views think there is like, oh, it's enjoying your body
Speaker 1: because there is like an erotic it's it's right, yeah, no, absolutely,
Speaker 1: it's yeah. No, I'm like, yeah, right, tell me, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm okay. You guys are like fucking sex therapist. You
Speaker 1: like to be a guy every once in a while
Speaker 1: a book. So I notthing, But has did that lady
Speaker 1: Susan do that to you again? Because I would I
Speaker 1: had to if I went had to pay her, I
Speaker 1: would know then afterwards I would be like, you know,
Speaker 1: but then I would like then I think when I
Speaker 1: was having sex, I couldn't because then I would come
Speaker 1: so quick that they I wouldn't even let them put
Speaker 1: put a finger up. I would just come to quick.
Speaker 1: Now I do sound like a little gay, right, No,
Speaker 1: Like I mean, if there's one thing everyone's to know
Speaker 1: about Kevin Brannan's that very fast that's going to be there.
Speaker 1: And I almost feel like I should be with a guy,
Speaker 1: so I can really take a long time to comment
Speaker 1: be like obviously I'm not, well, I do it like
Speaker 1: I like women more. Yeah, I've been with girls. It's
Speaker 1: all women have. No, I haven't, not at all, no
Speaker 1: interest like yeah, no women stated lesbians. Yeah, Jane was
Speaker 1: a lesbian. James a lesbian? Now is it because she
Speaker 1: was a lesbian When I met her? She was day
Speaker 1: one of the wages at the Commons A bit. I
Speaker 1: met Katie laying haircut at the time, So I was,
Speaker 1: I was working that pretty hard all. No, I used
Speaker 1: to be. I used to be prettier. Yeah, you see
Speaker 1: my head shot from the nineties, I would love to
Speaker 1: see it's okay. No, I have it somewhere and my pants. No,
Speaker 1: it's soaking wet because I came five times and looking
Speaker 1: at myself. No. But she was dating a waitress at
Speaker 1: the Comedy Seller, and then a woman and then and
Speaker 1: then she was a waged to the comment and they
Speaker 1: broke off and she was getting drunk and mean to
Speaker 1: tell we're there. Of course the tell wasn't about me,
Speaker 1: and to tell we're there, So she started to leaving,
Speaker 1: but she was drunk, you know, So I said, I
Speaker 1: go go go grab her and like and see if
Speaker 1: she's okay. And then so we went out and then
Speaker 1: we grabbed it and we got drinks and then grabbed her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like are you okay? Because when you you want more
Speaker 1: drinks out you okay, let's keep drinking til you're not okay.
Speaker 1: Exactly sounds I know, it sounds terrible, but like we
Speaker 1: were very we were very concerned about the waits as well.
Speaker 1: Fare seems that yeah, she was going back to Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: and so we didn't want to you know she We
Speaker 1: just want to make sure she was okay. But but
Speaker 1: again a Tel was always talking to the waits Is
Speaker 1: because the Tel was always at the time he was drinking,
Speaker 1: and he was always I've never know, I know, we
Speaker 1: never knew drinking. He was the best and he would
Speaker 1: he would he was no matter any night, like they like,
Speaker 1: if you were sad, he would always drank with you
Speaker 1: like he's he was the king. But he couldn't. He
Speaker 1: had to stop because he was going to die. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he had to hear his mom right, I heard, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's more about dying okay. Wait, he was drank
Speaker 1: that much. Yeah, the doctor was like, you're gonna die. Okay.
Speaker 1: Well I don't know if this, I don't know if
Speaker 1: people know this, but anyway, but yeah, he was gonna die.
Speaker 1: I'm glad he's a wife, he's one of the best. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So then so he ran after he got her, and
Speaker 1: then uh, and then and then we started dating. But
Speaker 1: again she was she was a lesbian. But how did
Speaker 1: you start dating? Confused? But she dated a guy in
Speaker 1: college or in high school? Her boyfriend was was a
Speaker 1: man in high school. I'm getting my turns next up. Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: Her she went to a prom, her boyfriend was a boy.
Speaker 1: She lost the City Children's novel. Yeah, she lost the virginity,
Speaker 1: you know, to a boy and her mom, her mom
Speaker 1: caught the guy whatever it is. Her mom a lady, Yeah,
Speaker 1: give me so then um then um. So when we
Speaker 1: started dating, it was very cash because I was like
Speaker 1: day it was like day. It was day by day
Speaker 1: because you didn't know when she was going to go
Speaker 1: back to back the girl everything. But then it was
Speaker 1: really day by I really had to put out. That's
Speaker 1: why I was pinching my balls because I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'll go back the women if right, if
Speaker 1: she finds out yeah, like Kevin, come in one minute, Brennan,
Speaker 1: because if my dick is this worthless, then she'll go
Speaker 1: right back to women. And we had the same birthday
Speaker 1: we had exact same birthday, so I thought that was
Speaker 1: a sign that maybe we're whatever. And we dated for
Speaker 1: a long time and then and then you know, and
Speaker 1: then he gradually like and gradually I become like a
Speaker 1: shitty boyfriend or what lose? I lose I don't try
Speaker 1: as hard because I lose interest. And it's not like
Speaker 1: I lose interested, like it's just it's like erosion of
Speaker 1: like you know, your your your initial passion for and
Speaker 1: then you start eating late at night and then yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm but I'm more like I'm like, well, we're together,
Speaker 1: I'm doing a good job. Right. She's like, no, you
Speaker 1: gotta take me out. You gotta do this try. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you gotta put in the effort. But you got with
Speaker 1: your wife now. Yeah. So she's always, man, we don't
Speaker 1: go out, but I'm like, I work a night, so
Speaker 1: it's hard to like want to go out on you
Speaker 1: on your days off, and plus the cost money and
Speaker 1: we have kids. We gotta get a babysitter. It's not
Speaker 1: like I'm a total fucking cock about it. You know,
Speaker 1: you have to plan sex when you have kids that
Speaker 1: are like four, can't fun, You can't sex have sex
Speaker 1: whenever you want because they're around, and sometimes sometimes we do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes we do, and that they'll open the door. We
Speaker 1: can't lock the door because then they freak out if
Speaker 1: the doors locked, so they'll open the door and then
Speaker 1: what we you know, we always do it in a
Speaker 1: way that we can stop and we can pretend we're sleeping.
Speaker 1: But why would you even testing if the door is locked,
Speaker 1: because if they don't, if they don't know where we are,
Speaker 1: then they go like, where's mom and dad. You can't
Speaker 1: just be like mommy and Daddy have to go do something.
Speaker 1: We have to take Sometimes we say we're taking that.
Speaker 1: But I think my daughter like kind I think women
Speaker 1: have like a women have more of like an intuition,
Speaker 1: like something's going on. The eight year old yeah okay,
Speaker 1: well that's also old enough to have start like that's
Speaker 1: when I yeah, yeah, so sometimes she'll like open the
Speaker 1: door and then she'll close up. Any of your kids
Speaker 1: actually seen you have sex? I mean not that we
Speaker 1: know of. They never said like we saw you having sex.
Speaker 1: They brought it out. That's the beauty of coming quick
Speaker 1: because it doesn't you know what I mean, because they
Speaker 1: don't have much time. The time. Windows very sure, window
Speaker 1: and then at least I have an all by and
Speaker 1: my wife's like, well, I was like, oh yeah, but
Speaker 1: we're on the timeline right, That's why it was fast.
Speaker 1: It would be like in the old days. I tell me,
Speaker 1: I like, if I was, I would be I would
Speaker 1: be great when the dinosaurs were around, because then you
Speaker 1: had a fast your boyfriend will be dead right right
Speaker 1: right now? Has your wife ever been like, man, I
Speaker 1: wish you wouldn't come. I know she thinks that I
Speaker 1: apologize almost every every time. Maybe she doesn't care. No,
Speaker 1: she cares. Everybody cares about everything. I mean, uh does
Speaker 1: she say suggested with the cons I'm like, no, I say,
Speaker 1: funck blank dudes whoa okay you jump? I mean black
Speaker 1: dudes that they don't they have They have a stereotype
Speaker 1: of having larger dicks but not coming slower. You just
Speaker 1: you just hear such great things about their funckness. You
Speaker 1: think that black guys. Honestly, it's it's really not the
Speaker 1: actual The actual intercourse is not much different. Doesn't look
Speaker 1: at that much here when it gets hard or was it? Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: it's not. I've I mean, the biggest dick I've had
Speaker 1: is not at either of the black guys. Really yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it was a Jew. That is a stereotype. I'm serious,
Speaker 1: I am at but it was No, it was a Jew,
Speaker 1: a Jew by a land bro. That's probably anti Semitism
Speaker 1: or whatever I'm trying to say. And then an Italian person.
Speaker 1: Italian was shody though, but yeah, Chody, look cocaine, big cocaine.
Speaker 1: It's pretty big. Yeah, it was pretty very wide what
Speaker 1: it means, Yeah, it was wide and long. It was
Speaker 1: really on. It was literally like that wide. Just that
Speaker 1: was the only time I was in the biggest The
Speaker 1: biggest dick was a Jew, was a Jewish con it
Speaker 1: was a circumcise and everything, uh everything. Sorry, I've never
Speaker 1: had text with someone who was not circumcised. How could
Speaker 1: you just by chance? I mean, I didn't like put
Speaker 1: out a ad or have you know. I wish I did, though,
Speaker 1: because I want to see I want to We've seen
Speaker 1: one though, because our friend is uncircumcised and he was
Speaker 1: on the show and we're like, we gotta act, can
Speaker 1: we see your dick? And he showed us a sick Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like disgusting. No, it wasn't at all. I
Speaker 1: mean I was in a little sleeping back I was
Speaker 1: really thankful because now I'll be prepared for what if
Speaker 1: I have to have sex with someone who's UNCircumcising and
Speaker 1: then you I don't want to be alarmed. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be trying boy from want to hear that
Speaker 1: if I have to in the future trying. We're realistic people.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, your guys are growing up. What you
Speaker 1: mean that you're you do you think it's possible to
Speaker 1: only be attracted one person? For us? You're life? No, No,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying like I'm saying, but like, no, I'm
Speaker 1: living happy. You know what I'm saying, Like, but I
Speaker 1: think again, you guys have more evolved with like you
Speaker 1: just you're more realistic. You came from like divorce parents,
Speaker 1: her together. That's what I meant to say. That's what
Speaker 1: I meant to say. Anyway, love when people get us wrong,
Speaker 1: it makes me so happy. No, I just I just
Speaker 1: because guys, we fuck. You're probably your parents, you know,
Speaker 1: my dad's awesome, good people, how I know. But my
Speaker 1: point is that you're still more involved in terms of
Speaker 1: like you're you know, like you just said, like you know,
Speaker 1: it's not about because you're friends, that are you know?
Speaker 1: Leads your friends parents are divorced, and you just know
Speaker 1: practically that it's not that the monogamy is not the
Speaker 1: most natural state. I got married. Just for the record,
Speaker 1: I got married late and so I knew it was
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, well that's good though, right, isn't there?
Speaker 1: But I think if I met when I met my
Speaker 1: wife at thirty five, I probably have married her then
Speaker 1: if she you know, how long have you been married?
Speaker 1: Eleven years? Right? Because I mean actually, when I started
Speaker 1: the podcast, I was more against monogamy than I am now,
Speaker 1: which means what uh that I'm more like, I'm more
Speaker 1: into the concept of marriage. I think people just really
Speaker 1: aren't trying very hard, like you can't make it work,
Speaker 1: but it's it's like a lot of work. Do you
Speaker 1: want to? Yeah? And you know, it's interesting because my
Speaker 1: podcast might have saved my marriage, because it seems like
Speaker 1: it did because I started my pod casts and just
Speaker 1: to like vent, I vented a lot of my pot
Speaker 1: Can I can I plug my podet? Actually have to.
Speaker 1: Misery Loves Company, which used to be on rand cast
Speaker 1: is not anymore. It's on it. You can find it anywhere.
Speaker 1: Go to my website or go to my Twitter Kevin
Speaker 1: Brannon six six six, And I have a new I
Speaker 1: have a new I have a new podcast, Burning Bridges
Speaker 1: at the Cumean Network. That's appropriate name for you, so
Speaker 1: and I do burn a lot of bridges as and
Speaker 1: that was the second one. I have a question. But
Speaker 1: let me just finish anyway, venting a lot from my
Speaker 1: podcast because as a and I've talked to my old
Speaker 1: partner Lenny Marcus about this, and I've talked to other
Speaker 1: comics as a As a comic, you don't really vent,
Speaker 1: like you said. You you talk to strangers, but when
Speaker 1: you're doing your act, you're not venting. You're doing your
Speaker 1: act and it's not really you don't express like like
Speaker 1: when when somebody jumps out of a fucking building, you
Speaker 1: can't talk about that in your act. You you if
Speaker 1: you can get away with something, but you can talk
Speaker 1: about it, and you have to have a point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you have to have a point. You have to have
Speaker 1: a punch line. So sometimes you sometimes you just want
Speaker 1: to talk. You know, I'm talking like but but sometimes
Speaker 1: you just want to talk and you don't have to
Speaker 1: worry about a fucking punch up, you know, And that's
Speaker 1: nice and that and that because a lot of your
Speaker 1: anger out from my for me, well yeah, to our
Speaker 1: like to actually verbally articulate your thoughts. It's kind of
Speaker 1: nice because then sometimes you say some gems and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: ship didn't know what I thought that right now. It's
Speaker 1: interesting because you were you were in the beginning and
Speaker 1: you are still recording about maybe your wife is gonna
Speaker 1: your wife is gonna listen to this now you um,
Speaker 1: it's interesting to talk to somebody you were. Sarah Silverman
Speaker 1: wrote about you in her book because she lost her
Speaker 1: virginity to you, and that's it was an interest. It
Speaker 1: was very detailed, passive. Did she ask you before she
Speaker 1: wrote it? Because legally you have to be like cool,
Speaker 1: he's a he's a person who's known to Actually I legally,
Speaker 1: I don't think you don't. You don't because you're when
Speaker 1: you're a known like a performer, you don't have to
Speaker 1: run up by. Yeah that's interesting, but you did you
Speaker 1: read every thing? Looked at it. I didn't read it.
Speaker 1: Oh you didn't know? But she she she has a
Speaker 1: Netflix thing out. It was on a bus bus station. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I took the picture. I didn't post anything. I
Speaker 1: don't want to I'm gonna post something about like I
Speaker 1: had that. I'm sure she'll appreciate it, will be like, wow, Kevin,
Speaker 1: you are a feminist hero. No, I know she's she anyway,
Speaker 1: it was it's not it's not. Yeah. I mean like
Speaker 1: I read the book and I didn't know that you
Speaker 1: came fast until you told. She didn't even say that
Speaker 1: that's very kind, and I was like, I mean, she
Speaker 1: has nothing to compare it to, so well now she does. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but and now she might have been like, but she
Speaker 1: back then it was so like traumatizing for her, probably
Speaker 1: because she thought she had sex, so she said, yes,
Speaker 1: I had. It was not that it was the fact
Speaker 1: that we did it in Queens, which is he never want.
Speaker 1: She did say you were in Queen because I always
Speaker 1: lived in Queens because it was like cheaper and it
Speaker 1: was closer to LaGuardia. And I was not not to
Speaker 1: sound like a fucking complete asshole like taking c for
Speaker 1: ridiculous ship, but I was like, now everybody lives in
Speaker 1: Queens and Historia. I was the first guy there. I
Speaker 1: was literally the first guy. There was no one there,
Speaker 1: nobody there bragging about living there first. So but I
Speaker 1: mean everybody there's like hundreds of comics that living the
Speaker 1: Softball Association. It's like it's ridiculous. But I was like,
Speaker 1: why would't you want to live there? It's I don't
Speaker 1: have to be you know, if if I'm going home
Speaker 1: at night, who cares how long it takes to you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It wasn't like I had to
Speaker 1: be you know, if I if I had to beat
Speaker 1: at work at nine o'clock in the morning, it might
Speaker 1: be a situation. But I have to be at work
Speaker 1: at night, Yeah, you don't. Yeah, so I'm not. I'm
Speaker 1: not worried about getting to the city, like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be late or gotten shipped for this queen's thing. Haven't
Speaker 1: You're really defending it? No, because people know everybody thought
Speaker 1: like that. But it was hard to get women to
Speaker 1: go out the queens, so you would have to get
Speaker 1: them really drawn. And then where do you live? They
Speaker 1: go the Upper Why is there a bridge to the
Speaker 1: Upper East It's a new bridge to the Upper East
Speaker 1: east side, so Kevin so when she so that's what happened.
Speaker 1: I got kided. On my first night on New York
Speaker 1: we went over a bridge. I'm like, this isn't Manhattan
Speaker 1: that she didn't know she was going to Quean think
Speaker 1: she did well, but she was young. She was an
Speaker 1: open mic and I was running the open mind. And
Speaker 1: it got me thinking. I reread the passage and it
Speaker 1: got me thinking. It got me remembering the times when
Speaker 1: I was new and older guy comics like, but yeah,
Speaker 1: every every girl who's new, it's what happened. It's what
Speaker 1: happened for any time you break up with a boyfriend,
Speaker 1: when people all know that you're in a relationship, and
Speaker 1: then you make it known that you're out of a relationship,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, oh wow that day Facebook message like
Speaker 1: and it's like it's two pm. But no, but like
Speaker 1: that Facebook back then, so a little bit it was
Speaker 1: a little bit trickier. Yeah, but it's still it's still happened.
Speaker 1: But I can imagine what the Facebook. I was like,
Speaker 1: are you okay? And the person, oh yeah, that was sliding. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know the vernacular. But it's if if it's on Facebook,
Speaker 1: is at a dmf PM private message either way. But
Speaker 1: I mean, I got dems from fans of the show
Speaker 1: and fans of my podcast, and I'm like, I'm sure
Speaker 1: you know from guys they go like, are you are
Speaker 1: you of your work, I know, but still it's a
Speaker 1: little fucking intimate to be sending me a fucking direct
Speaker 1: message your public figure. You better believe it. Anyway. So anyway, anyway,
Speaker 1: when I got to Queen, when I got into Queen's
Speaker 1: I was like, I think that was more traumatizing that
Speaker 1: you lose originally, then you have to go back take
Speaker 1: the train. So she stayed, but then she had eventually
Speaker 1: get her to back into the city because she went
Speaker 1: in the city. The best, even a better story than that,
Speaker 1: was I was doing the We were in Queens and
Speaker 1: I was about to do my first uh Network It
Speaker 1: wasn't well Network, it was MTB half hour comedy hour,
Speaker 1: and I was about to tape that. So and a
Speaker 1: cab was about A cab was like, look like it
Speaker 1: might be about out to jump the curb and supposedly
Speaker 1: like I grabbed Sarah and put her between us because
Speaker 1: you pieces ship, because my life was more valuable Indians.
Speaker 1: I mean at the time, I think what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Sarah was like, Sarah goes, did you just put me
Speaker 1: in harm's way? I go, well, I have to do
Speaker 1: I have to go to Boston in three days. Because
Speaker 1: they were doing they were tabling in Boston. So I'm
Speaker 1: more proud of that. I'm more proud of that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm more proud of that. I'm more proud of that.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's very fun that I have such a
Speaker 1: survival instinct. Yeah. Yeah, I'm more proud of that than No.
Speaker 1: We dated for a little bit, but I was dating.
Speaker 1: I had two girl friends. I had two girlfriends at
Speaker 1: the time in addition to Sarah. No I was dating.
Speaker 1: I was not dating anybody seriously. I was dating Sarah
Speaker 1: a little bit, and I was dating another girl, Cathy Brown.
Speaker 1: I'll say her name because she's not Joe Buzzess. But anyway, Um,
Speaker 1: Sarah likes me. Sarah liked me, and she she has
Speaker 1: Dave just go Um what should we what can I
Speaker 1: do to get Kevin? I liked me, So David love
Speaker 1: Sarah solmana goes Dave goes maker a mix, make Kevin
Speaker 1: and mixed a mixtape and writing my letter. So he
Speaker 1: wrote me a letter. He wrote you a letter, and
Speaker 1: you still have this. But I was laughing. I was
Speaker 1: laughing at this letter because it was like it was
Speaker 1: like she's so sweet. It was like she was in
Speaker 1: high school, like, I really like you, I hope you
Speaker 1: liked me, and what did you say? But she was
Speaker 1: a fucking kid. I wasn't gonna date her. She's a babe,
Speaker 1: she's she was still talent, like, she was probably very
Speaker 1: talented when she started. Yeah, I would imagine, like since
Speaker 1: Sarah in her forties as child like, I can only
Speaker 1: imagine Sarah sounds like a great actually young she was.
Speaker 1: She was a baby. I couldn't date. Yeah, but she
Speaker 1: was an open micer. Yeah, yeah, well that's what happened.
Speaker 1: That's what happens. No, it wouldn't have worked anyway. I
Speaker 1: don't think you're wrong. And then I'd set her free,
Speaker 1: and then she dated everybody. Think, wow, that came off
Speaker 1: as a little better. She dated everyone in New York.
Speaker 1: Well she needed David tell right now. Well, what happened
Speaker 1: was I don't want to slander Sarah, but it sounds like,
Speaker 1: don't it sounds like a song slandering Sarah. No, but
Speaker 1: slandering Sara. But I think I think what I did
Speaker 1: was I taught her don't get attached to comedians because
Speaker 1: it's a valuable lesson. And then after that she would
Speaker 1: date and now she would break up with them before
Speaker 1: and then she would just so you made her hard,
Speaker 1: damaged her a little bit, yeah, and both both heart
Speaker 1: So then she dated a towel and a Tel fell
Speaker 1: for I never felt for it, but a Tel fell
Speaker 1: for her. And then she because she's the ship. And
Speaker 1: then she moved and then she broke up with a
Speaker 1: towel and then that made a Tell crazy and then
Speaker 1: this this is true, but this this mad, and this
Speaker 1: made a Tell crazy but also made it also brought
Speaker 1: out the genius because he didn't trust anybody because he
Speaker 1: thought everyone was trying to fund this girl that he
Speaker 1: loved and like and and his friends like he was.
Speaker 1: He didn't trust me and trust Marco and I know
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. And then uh, but then that that
Speaker 1: craziness like unleashed the fucking beast that was became David Tell,
Speaker 1: the genius. And he hasn't had a girlfriend since then,
Speaker 1: WHOA no way, I know, are you kidding? I didn't
Speaker 1: know my only goal in there's something to that because
Speaker 1: well not the only girlfriend ever, but like that's how
Speaker 1: the podcast came about. Through that, Through that, like I
Speaker 1: didn't say anyone for four years. I was very still
Speaker 1: like but I then I really really wanted to have
Speaker 1: sex with davidtel really badly when always and I just
Speaker 1: talked to him a lot of that. We sat on
Speaker 1: the steps of the seller and talked for like an
Speaker 1: hour one night, and um a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1: We still see him. We'll say hi to us. He's like, hey, girls,
Speaker 1: in the fact that he guys wet I'm a person
Speaker 1: on the planet is like already like I'm winning. He's
Speaker 1: really like he's you know, people will say this guy's
Speaker 1: a genius. That tells the genius. Yeah, but he tells
Speaker 1: the one guy. We'll say the guy's a fucking genius.
Speaker 1: Like the shift he says, it's he comes off the
Speaker 1: top of like I'll do jokes. I'll do like if
Speaker 1: he if I used to go out, Like sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: go up on stage with him or whatever I'm mom
Speaker 1: or I'm around, and then he'll he'll do I'll do
Speaker 1: his jokes that he don't even remember, and he'll get
Speaker 1: hold the crowd will laugh, and then he'll get mad
Speaker 1: at me. I go, yeah, no, it's like he don't
Speaker 1: even do the joke because he always does the joke.
Speaker 1: He goes, I love kids. I spent all day on
Speaker 1: the internet talking to them, and it's like if everybody,
Speaker 1: if somebody else had that joke, they'd be like, this
Speaker 1: is my best joke. Forgets about it. Yeah, like he
Speaker 1: don't even remember it. Yeah, that's how good he is.
Speaker 1: We all know what causes uh racism vaccinations, just like
Speaker 1: his one liners are like, so my favorite one of
Speaker 1: my favorite jokes. When I was a kid who think
Speaker 1: my dad was a superhero, and then I got older
Speaker 1: realized he was just a drunk who likes to wear
Speaker 1: a kate. That's my favorite to tell jokes. He goes,
Speaker 1: he goes, he goes, Um, he goes when you know,
Speaker 1: because he used to he's like a sexual, he was
Speaker 1: like a porno. Yeah, but he goes, he goes, he goes.
Speaker 1: I used to go to the like the sex store.
Speaker 1: He always he goes. You go with your friends and
Speaker 1: then you laugh and then your friends leave and you
Speaker 1: go back by yourself. He goes, he goes. I'd always
Speaker 1: buy two pairs on an edible edible underwear because I'd
Speaker 1: always eat one on the way home, you know, which
Speaker 1: is like the greatest show. Because he's kind of fat,
Speaker 1: like now he's not, but he was fat. Back then
Speaker 1: because yeah, so he was like, you know, I liked
Speaker 1: him even better than yeah, because then he was more
Speaker 1: like whatever. I only him once and it was definitely
Speaker 1: fat Why I had asked him once to do that.
Speaker 1: I was like, could you ever want to do that?
Speaker 1: I can't believe he's never done your show talking about sex,
Speaker 1: like but he's STU in sex life, But so I yeah.
Speaker 1: And then I went back and when I first watched
Speaker 1: road Work, I was like, this guy is so sexual?
Speaker 1: What And then but I get it if he do,
Speaker 1: but they're not personal. They're all like these fabrics. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't feel comfortable getting personal. That's
Speaker 1: but then he did the show Blade Sarah silver Man,
Speaker 1: I'm telling I'm telling you, but that was about poor
Speaker 1: and again like it was nothing personal, right personal, because
Speaker 1: he can really like something like if he's insulting me
Speaker 1: on stage, I'll go like, how's your love life? Like
Speaker 1: that's all I have to say, And then he has
Speaker 1: nothing know what I'm saying. He can't. No, I don't
Speaker 1: think he is now, but he does. He hasn't had
Speaker 1: a girlfriend. I want to make a rom calm now
Speaker 1: with them? Oh my god. And then like making me
Speaker 1: like him. It's like days Sarah. Yeah, and it takes
Speaker 1: place something and then him and Jessica might get married
Speaker 1: and have a child. Dave, Dave Jessica. When David tell
Speaker 1: my getting married, Yeah, they want to see if they
Speaker 1: can have a Can you have a child and get
Speaker 1: married without being gay? I'm sure you can. I said, well,
Speaker 1: you guys lived to that. That goes and just tells
Speaker 1: never but it Jessica says it so because I've always said,
Speaker 1: they like, even if Jessica gets a girlfriend, which is rare,
Speaker 1: that's okay, tell a cock block because they want to
Speaker 1: be from my boyfriend. Yeah something like that. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so they need each other and then they're like, well,
Speaker 1: should we have a kid. But they're not gay, right,
Speaker 1: But that's fine. This guy's a little gag. One of
Speaker 1: my gay guy friends. One of my gay guy friends.
Speaker 1: Him and I always used talking high school like, oh man,
Speaker 1: if we're like at this age, we don't kids, but
Speaker 1: let's just have a kid together and then we'll just
Speaker 1: be like rad friends. Yeah. So, but but I don't
Speaker 1: think it tell at this point he's he's too set
Speaker 1: in his ways to have a girlfriend. But but but
Speaker 1: I'm not making this up like I'm not talking at school.
Speaker 1: I know he hasn't. He hasn't that he can say
Speaker 1: he's staying people. But he's never had a girlfriend since Sarah,
Speaker 1: like a real girlfriend that he says like he if
Speaker 1: he brings to the call, like this is my girlfriend,
Speaker 1: or like there's nothing. There's been nobody in his heart
Speaker 1: that no one else can fill. Or he does. But
Speaker 1: he don't trust women either. He don't trust women. But
Speaker 1: because of you, you put the bug in Sarah and
Speaker 1: then Sarah dumped to tell before she was because his
Speaker 1: unhappiness is your damn Kevin. But I also helped him
Speaker 1: unleash the genius because literally he was like he was funny.
Speaker 1: He was funny, funny, funny, and then once this happened,
Speaker 1: he just became like this beast, Like he became a
Speaker 1: fucking beast where like fascinating every show, every show, you
Speaker 1: people would just watch him. Heartache can do something. No,
Speaker 1: I mean that's yeah, it did it for me, like
Speaker 1: it can more. It's like it's turns into the whole
Speaker 1: because once you get that crazy, all you want to
Speaker 1: do is fucking You don't want to interact with regular people,
Speaker 1: just want to go in front of an audience exactly.
Speaker 1: But it's like, how can I take how can I
Speaker 1: use this energy? If you take that breakup energy, that
Speaker 1: sadness and you put it towards something, whatever that you
Speaker 1: put it towards will go far. Yeah. Music, I mean
Speaker 1: so many like great Atlanta's Morris, So many great albums
Speaker 1: came out of just sadness or yeah, break up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like that Fleetwood Mac album not to be a sound
Speaker 1: like a total fag and quote and Fleetwood Man, whoa
Speaker 1: straight and gay and bisexual and trance people, isn't a
Speaker 1: Flutwood Max everyone over? And then just I think people
Speaker 1: listen to Fleetwood Mac, it's a more seventy I have
Speaker 1: a Stevie Nick's reference in one of my jokes and
Speaker 1: like if it's like twenty two year allD, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I have to explain a Britney spears cloth. But their
Speaker 1: Fleetwood Mac best album was like all you know, they
Speaker 1: were all dating each other and breaking up it, which
Speaker 1: is complete fucking chaos. Raw raw emotions create uh content, yeah,
Speaker 1: and truth and it's vulnerable and it's refreshing and it's yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: this has been very fun. Jesus Wow, I would you know,
Speaker 1: you know some of you guys are lucky I'm a spot,
Speaker 1: because otherwise I would keep talking. I know you would,
Speaker 1: I know you would. I was like, once I stopped,
Speaker 1: I mean, once I get started, I never where's your spot?
Speaker 1: Maybe I got a compensate from my dumb dick because
Speaker 1: I was like, I just try to compensate for your
Speaker 1: dumb dick. Come man, all right, but I mean if
Speaker 1: you if you're dicks, and it's like, you know, people
Speaker 1: talk about threesome like threesome is like it's beyond, it's
Speaker 1: something never ever ever differ, because it would just they
Speaker 1: would be like are you because it's like one thing,
Speaker 1: but it's it's a girl and you humiliated. She's it's
Speaker 1: it's it's like it's it's like when it's two. No,
Speaker 1: it's like it's like, what do we say when it's
Speaker 1: like he said, she said, it's like he said she said.
Speaker 1: She could be like he came so quick and be
Speaker 1: like you don't have any proof, but now there's a witness.
Speaker 1: But if there's somebody else there be like I got
Speaker 1: proof to see. That is such a man way to think. No,
Speaker 1: so I could never ever three something because they'd be like,
Speaker 1: they would just laugh and they fucking giggle. Do you
Speaker 1: still come with no one touching her dick? Um? Okay,
Speaker 1: So have the two people in the threesome play with
Speaker 1: each other and do stuff in front of you and
Speaker 1: no one touches you. There's so much. You know, people
Speaker 1: go like, how could you do? Standing? Like you guys
Speaker 1: do stand up so you don't feel the pressure, But
Speaker 1: like regular people go like, how could you? They think
Speaker 1: that's stressful, Like, it's not get in front of the mike.
Speaker 1: To me, is never stressful and and it never was
Speaker 1: even the first time. I thought it would be like anxiety,
Speaker 1: but it just wasn't. Like I was. I was calm,
Speaker 1: you know, so so but but sex is always stressful.
Speaker 1: It's always like I gotta yeah, I gotta driver, I
Speaker 1: gotta produce. Sex has stressed me out way more in
Speaker 1: my life than comedy. Oh yeah, I agree for sure.
Speaker 1: But also when with straight sex, the dick a hard dick,
Speaker 1: you know, everyone's stereotypical thought is like, well, if there's
Speaker 1: no hard dick, how do we do it? There's a
Speaker 1: lot of other things to do. What about if you
Speaker 1: had a strap on? I'm not kidding I knew you
Speaker 1: were going, No, I'm laughing and thinking that's Genie Oul
Speaker 1: and then you can rail your wife. All my laws
Speaker 1: might appreciate you. Sep mac album, Happy, Happy fucking Father's Day, Kevin. Know,
Speaker 1: the funny thing would be I would just putting that on.
Speaker 1: No that I have a dick, but having to put
Speaker 1: a strap on, but that's a lot of people do
Speaker 1: that a lot. And also with it would be great
Speaker 1: content for my podcast for that, Yes, wife's pleasure, you're
Speaker 1: on our podcast, and then we put this be in
Speaker 1: your bonnet and then you gotta that and then I
Speaker 1: would go, I would go U, I would go, you
Speaker 1: like that black dick because I would get of course
Speaker 1: black yeah, well yeah yeah, I would get a black deck,
Speaker 1: a black strap. I enjoy your love of novelty very sweet.
Speaker 1: I enjoy white man's obsessions with black man's ticks because
Speaker 1: you just because then you even hear you like Kevin
Speaker 1: Hard is a huge dick. And it's like he's little.
Speaker 1: He's little, that's not just a bit, he's tiny, but
Speaker 1: but he's got a huge dick. Like because I know people,
Speaker 1: I know people that have seen his SPAN's has a
Speaker 1: huge because he's shown it to me, yeah, in a
Speaker 1: picture and not he's not a big dude, No, he's
Speaker 1: not already already has a huge dick. Yeah, So if
Speaker 1: Kevin Art is a huge dick, then like you gotta
Speaker 1: assume like ninety percent of guys had a right there's
Speaker 1: three guys. Yeah, but how can Kevin Hart be little?
Speaker 1: I mean, can you imagine a white dude being little
Speaker 1: and then having a huge dick, Because Kevin Hart's a
Speaker 1: little bulkier, like a little little pitbull like like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's that he could you can bulk up. You
Speaker 1: can't help your dick. You can tell how big someone's
Speaker 1: dick is, like from their confidence law exactly. I've been
Speaker 1: saying that I've been because sometimes I'm like talking to
Speaker 1: a guy who's ugly, and I'm like, why is this
Speaker 1: guy so fucking great? And then I see his dick
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow, I would also be cocky and
Speaker 1: with me, I'm like, Dave, can you go track that
Speaker 1: drunk likest town because I know else talked to her
Speaker 1: for me? Because I know if I talk at you
Speaker 1: tracked me down for this, for this dick for you?
Speaker 1: But he small? No, so that was quick. Well, then
Speaker 1: like your dick, all right, you want to plug anything again?
Speaker 1: All that? When everyone? Next week, Yeah, I'll be at Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1: We're having a d w d V radio station is
Speaker 1: a big station there and we're doing a show with
Speaker 1: Robert Kelly, Colin Quinn and Rachel find stuff and the
Speaker 1: best part of the best well not the best part anyway.
Speaker 1: I've made a lot of enemies from my podcast. Robert
Speaker 1: Kelly's one of them, so it should be. Oh, I
Speaker 1: would love to see you guys go at it because
Speaker 1: he he used to be my boss at Riot Cast
Speaker 1: and then he fired me or anyway, and then the
Speaker 1: next and then then July, I'll be in a Fort
Speaker 1: Worth and um, what's your website? Kevin Brennon comedian. Okay,
Speaker 1: so that's where, Yeah, you go to Kevin Brennon six
Speaker 1: six six on Twitter. Everything every link is there. Perfect.
Speaker 1: And then six six six was like a joke. I
Speaker 1: didn't know it's gonna be like rebel, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know it's gonna be this rebel podcaster. And then
Speaker 1: and then it worked out because people go six six six,
Speaker 1: he is a rebel. You know what I always do
Speaker 1: it tell joke when I go, I go, you don't
Speaker 1: even have an act, you just a tell goes, he goes.
Speaker 1: I don't worship the devil. I just agree with a
Speaker 1: lot of things he says good anyway. So that's why
Speaker 1: I say about the six six six No, But it
Speaker 1: was just a joke because Kevin Brennon was gone, I
Speaker 1: was gonna do one Kevin Brennon one. It was like,
Speaker 1: that's corny. I think that was taken Kevin Brennon like
Speaker 1: sixty nine. But then that's like a sex thing and
Speaker 1: that that is kind of corny. So six six six
Speaker 1: it was a yeah, And I was like that. People
Speaker 1: think I'm like, that guy's nuts and whatever. Anyway, ladies,
Speaker 1: I can't, are you ladies, that's fine. I heard Jim Florentine.
Speaker 1: You guys know Jim Florentine. Yeah, he was talking about
Speaker 1: he was on the show with some women and he goes,
Speaker 1: he goes, he goes, the first comic was a girl
Speaker 1: and the last comic was a girl. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't think they want to be called girls. If they're
Speaker 1: like a I don't mind comedian. It's the tone. If
Speaker 1: he's not even he's like, he's not a he's not
Speaker 1: a like he's a sweet guy, Like he's not like
Speaker 1: he's not like misogynst Yeah, but he said the first
Speaker 1: comic was a girl in the last cop. That sounds
Speaker 1: a little fishy. No, that made me that. That made
Speaker 1: me laugh because he is he's from New Jersey. But
Speaker 1: but it just made me think, like, I don't think women.
Speaker 1: I all bring it up to the next time I
Speaker 1: say him, because we did. He's on my podcast regularly.
Speaker 1: Be like, I don't think they want to be called girls.
Speaker 1: So I'm basically asking you because you guys are basically
Speaker 1: spokesmodels for us. Yeah, we are spokes I don't think
Speaker 1: you want to be called spokesmodels either. Not that model
Speaker 1: flies that I have to look hot a lot, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. That was from Star Search.
Speaker 1: Remember they had spokesmodel competition Star Search. Yeah, we're American
Speaker 1: idol generation. I know. I like the boys. Um No,
Speaker 1: but I mean you don't want to be called girls,
Speaker 1: don't you know? Sometimes and so we record ourselves as girls,
Speaker 1: but usually girls. When other people say it, it's a
Speaker 1: little usually demeaning. For me, it's all the tone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's whatever you want if you respect me. I could
Speaker 1: tell you, don't. I think you can even say hunt
Speaker 1: with the proper Absolutely, you could say my name with
Speaker 1: a condescending What would you call a guy to disrespect
Speaker 1: them casually like like but nothing like a girl? There's
Speaker 1: no like you maybe faggot, but that's that's not that's
Speaker 1: not appropriate. And call my boy? Would that be the same?
Speaker 1: I like the word boy, but there was a couple
Speaker 1: of boys on the show, because that makes us sound
Speaker 1: like they're right. Yeah, well that we'll cut this out
Speaker 1: of the podcast. No, we won't. This is anywhere. We
Speaker 1: don't cut it anyway than anyway. Having this has been guys,
Speaker 1: we fucked the anti slut shimming podcast. We'll talk to
Speaker 1: you next Friday. No way to pull the time smer
Speaker 1: brother in the Bain, when your possy, Dan Scha your
Speaker 1: way coming out, the style and concern, tone up, the
Speaker 1: tops man and the shame, and I don't where you
Speaker 1: love Dancer, the worm out with the names, sad, Soul,
Speaker 1: soul turning tap side, don't make te soul, soul die side, Yeah,
Speaker 1: don't like mine. To check out the new series The
Speaker 1: Bold Type from her in July eleventh on Threeform, inspired
Speaker 1: by the women of Cosmo. The Bold Type fos three
Speaker 1: twenties somethings trying to make their mark as they cover sex, politics,
Speaker 1: and fashion at a prominent women's magazine, all while going
Speaker 1: through the ups and downs of adulting, and they aren't
Speaker 1: keeping quiet about it. The Bowl Type Tuesdays at nine
Speaker 1: Central on free Form