Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys, We guys, we book.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina, I'm correct, We're sorry about last night anti
Speaker 1: sluck shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hi fuckers, and welcome
Speaker 1: to another episode of Guys When We Fuck. It's the
Speaker 1: Anti slot shaming Podcast. I'm correm I'm Christina. Hey you
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Speaker 1: to come see us live? Hey? We all need a laugh, right?
Speaker 1: I need a laugh? Uh So let's do this starting
Speaker 1: on Friday October. It's Nacho betchs Uh it's fifth what
Speaker 1: is a twelve dollar tickets, sorry, twelve dollar tickets with
Speaker 1: code Nacho hosted by Blair Sackey and myself. Uh it's
Speaker 1: eleven fifteen pm at New York Comedy Club and the
Speaker 1: next day, Saturday, October twenty one is Glamourpus hosted bout
Speaker 1: myself on Wenday Starling. It's a it's at Zinc Bar
Speaker 1: and uh fun fact Zinc Bar. Uh. Nina Simone played
Speaker 1: in Zinc Bar back in the day. It's a very
Speaker 1: historical jazz bar. And Uh, Wendy and I open every
Speaker 1: show as two prostitutes named Nina and Simone and it's
Speaker 1: very fun. You should come. Uh. Thursday, October starts the
Speaker 1: book tour that will be doing this one is going
Speaker 1: to be in Washington, d C. We also do have
Speaker 1: some New York dates for that, but oh yeah, we'll
Speaker 1: know about them. We'll promost about them. So just follow
Speaker 1: us on social media because there's gonna be a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff coming up with the book. On Instagram, it's
Speaker 1: sorry about last night. On Twitter it's s r y
Speaker 1: about last and yet and then Facebook you can just
Speaker 1: type it in sorry about last night. Uh, and all
Speaker 1: these things will be around. We'll be signing books, will
Speaker 1: be reading trip from the books. It will be very fun.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be very fun and funny. And Uh. Phoenix, Arizona, Saturday, August. No,
Speaker 1: not August, it's October and October twenty nine, we're gonna
Speaker 1: be in your town for the All Things Comedy Festival,
Speaker 1: and we are doing a live recording of Guys We
Speaker 1: Fucked on Saturday. See Vermont. We've never performed there and
Speaker 1: now one of us of us will be there. A
Speaker 1: November two, I'm gonna be at the Vermont Comedy Club.
Speaker 1: I heard the club is really beautiful. I'll be performing
Speaker 1: with James Uh. And that's November two. I think the
Speaker 1: shows at like seven thirty UNA code. It's just fifteen
Speaker 1: dollar tickets. Uh, and that's going to be uh. In
Speaker 1: the description of this podcast, also our last Guys we
Speaker 1: Fucked the Experience Show. We are retiring this show. All
Speaker 1: good things must come to an end, and this certainly
Speaker 1: is a fucking great thing. And if you want to
Speaker 1: experience the Experience Show, it is a once in a
Speaker 1: lifetime event because the show only goes that way that
Speaker 1: night with those people in that room, Uh, because it's
Speaker 1: an interactive show that's also include stand up comedy. Reserve
Speaker 1: your tickets now. We will sell out this venue and
Speaker 1: we are so excited to be a part of the
Speaker 1: New York Comedy Festival. This is gonna be on Thursday,
Speaker 1: November nine at the Tribeca Performing Arts Center, So get
Speaker 1: your tickets now, just go to All these things are
Speaker 1: on our website. Sorry about last Night Comedy dot com.
Speaker 1: I think on the lower half of our website you
Speaker 1: can sign up for our email address. We are gonna
Speaker 1: be sending out a couple of emails this month about
Speaker 1: the book. Some of them in our include exclusive things
Speaker 1: that you can only get if you're on our email list.
Speaker 1: So if you want to sign up, if you don't mind,
Speaker 1: uh adding another email to your inbox, go to Sorry
Speaker 1: Bellace Night Comedy dot com. Yeah, I mean really ever
Speaker 1: send out emails and when we do, they're really good
Speaker 1: and really funny. Yeah, we will be, prior to the
Speaker 1: release of the book, be sending out some exclusive excerpts,
Speaker 1: so if you want to read those before everybody else. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we got we We all know this bad ship
Speaker 1: is happening in the world. It always has been. Uh,
Speaker 1: it just seems like this week really was a punch
Speaker 1: in the dick um. And if you want to know
Speaker 1: what you could do, there are some things and these
Speaker 1: are just some suggestions if you're interested in helping Puerto Rico.
Speaker 1: They were damaged, demolished, I should say, by a hurricane,
Speaker 1: by Hurricane Maria, and so much of the island still
Speaker 1: doesn't have power. People still don't have water, people still
Speaker 1: don't have food. Some people do, but most people don't.
Speaker 1: And uh, there are folks in Puerto Rico that are
Speaker 1: dying right now and they need our help. So if
Speaker 1: you can financially afford to go to UNICEF USA dot org,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have this link in the description of this
Speaker 1: week's episode. You and I c e f USA dot org.
Speaker 1: You can donate to the relief efforts to Puerto Rico.
Speaker 1: You can also donate to the efforts to rebuild Mexico
Speaker 1: after that fucking god awful earthquake that killed a lot
Speaker 1: of people. And uh, the mean mar refugees also need
Speaker 1: your help. There's all these people that need your help,
Speaker 1: and sometimes it feels very overwhelming and I want to
Speaker 1: scream and pull my hair out because everyone is suffering
Speaker 1: I feel at times, and I just want to give
Speaker 1: everyone everything they need. And no humans should ever go
Speaker 1: to bed, you know, not in a bed or without
Speaker 1: a roof over their head. But that is not the case.
Speaker 1: So if you have any money and you would be
Speaker 1: interested in donating to any of these, if you go
Speaker 1: to UNICEF USA dot org. That is an opportunity to
Speaker 1: do that. Also, um donate blood. Las Vegas needs your blood.
Speaker 1: If you go to Red Cross Blood dot org. Uh,
Speaker 1: you can donate blood. You don't have to be in
Speaker 1: Las Vegas to donate it. They can ship it. They
Speaker 1: can There's apparently lines around the block at blood donation
Speaker 1: centers in Vegas, which is really exciting, uh that that
Speaker 1: people are just showing up. You know, you feel so
Speaker 1: fucking helpless after this ship and you want to do
Speaker 1: something and that is one thing that you can do
Speaker 1: that's not gonna go see money. Well, especially if you
Speaker 1: have like more some of the rare types of blood,
Speaker 1: Like there are more rare types or the types that
Speaker 1: are blood like a dyna you can put where you
Speaker 1: where they can uh, Like they're interchangeable. That's not the
Speaker 1: correct word, but you know what I mean. Interchangeable with
Speaker 1: a lot of different other types of blood types. Um
Speaker 1: so I'm blood type A positive because and I remember
Speaker 1: that because I am a positive person, I fear all
Speaker 1: week folks, I would say I might be a positive too.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I mean negative. I can't remember. I
Speaker 1: used to know and I forgot. Um uh. And then also,
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of this this The problems in
Speaker 1: these places are like people, they don't they can't get
Speaker 1: to the people fast enough. So like when you donate,
Speaker 1: it helps, you know, recruit more people to be able
Speaker 1: to do these jobs and get things faster. My good
Speaker 1: friend from high school, her cousin actually died just because
Speaker 1: they couldn't get medical attention to her fast enough. She
Speaker 1: was like a thirty year old woman. Um so that's
Speaker 1: not cool. And that's it. And then just a reminder
Speaker 1: that we are comedians, and you know, even when it's terrible,
Speaker 1: it's actually our job is to make jokes. That is
Speaker 1: how that is how as people as human beings are soul.
Speaker 1: That's our soul functions. First of all, our soul functions
Speaker 1: in a way that when something bad happens, we want
Speaker 1: to make a joke. Yeah, but I mean when when
Speaker 1: my mom had a suicide attempt, I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I gotta make this funny. I have to
Speaker 1: make this funny in my head. I wasn't even a
Speaker 1: comedian then, and I was like, I have to joke
Speaker 1: about this to a friend so that I can get
Speaker 1: over it. But you still had it in your soul though,
Speaker 1: And I mean, you know, some people, it's a you know,
Speaker 1: some people like to be serious and serious times, and
Speaker 1: that's fine, that's what we need those people to We
Speaker 1: are not those people. And for me, like the things
Speaker 1: that make me honestly like, I get so overwhelmed with
Speaker 1: sadness about the state of the world that sometimes like
Speaker 1: I just I can't even look at anymore. And then
Speaker 1: the thing that gets me out of the rut is
Speaker 1: the joke, like Louis c k saying the most fucked
Speaker 1: up thing, um is what got me out of many depressions.
Speaker 1: To his SNL opening about pedophiles. He did like a
Speaker 1: solemn minute on pedophile It was fucking hilarious, right, and
Speaker 1: then sorry, it's never too soon. It's never it's never
Speaker 1: like picking and choosing things that we can make fun
Speaker 1: of us. People are dying from every fucking thing every
Speaker 1: single day. I know. That's why I'm like, life is
Speaker 1: full of so much bullshit and horror. How can you
Speaker 1: not make jokes for a living? I mean, it's like
Speaker 1: I can't. I wouldn't. I don't understand how I would
Speaker 1: ever even function in my in my in this world
Speaker 1: if I couldn't do that well. And I also, I
Speaker 1: mean it's I think there's something to like being a
Speaker 1: professional comedian, and it's not just someone making a joke.
Speaker 1: You know, Donald Trump makes a lot of jokes that
Speaker 1: he's not the appropriate person because you know, hate a
Speaker 1: president United States, not the comedian he's he's the president.
Speaker 1: And also he's not someone who's skilled or trained in
Speaker 1: being a comedian. Like when you're a professional comedian, like
Speaker 1: you've done a lot of live performances, you've the craft,
Speaker 1: you know, like you're doing work to be a comedian
Speaker 1: and the and there is a responsibility that goes along
Speaker 1: with that. But there's also you know, a talent to
Speaker 1: know how to execute things properly. And it was just
Speaker 1: it's just it's just a lot of times and again
Speaker 1: with the people fucking retweeting things and not checking the
Speaker 1: source or a simple time feed where you can go
Speaker 1: through something and be like, oh, this person just you know,
Speaker 1: retweeted a bunch of stuff about you know, gun control,
Speaker 1: so they're probably not rooting for the shooter, you know,
Speaker 1: like just like use some fucking context. Yeah, also to
Speaker 1: like with the joke thing whenever people, because I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of people who listen to the the Guys
Speaker 1: We Fucked they think of us as podcast because that's
Speaker 1: how they know us podcast. Big problem a lot of people. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it is because and this is why I get. This
Speaker 1: is why I personally get piste, so fucking piste off.
Speaker 1: If someone gets offended by a joke like that, if
Speaker 1: I tweet out a joke or s a joke, I
Speaker 1: have ate it on stage in front of hundreds of
Speaker 1: strangers with my own words and my own body and
Speaker 1: my own mouth, giving those like when a comedian goes
Speaker 1: on stage and bombs meaning they don't do well. It
Speaker 1: is the most It's just a feeling like no other.
Speaker 1: It is a type of rejection like no other. And
Speaker 1: you get it day in and day out as a comic.
Speaker 1: So when you finally get your bearing straight and you
Speaker 1: figure out the art of joke telling and you're still
Speaker 1: gonna sunk up. You're still never gonna not bomb. But
Speaker 1: like when I say something and you're pissed that it's offensive,
Speaker 1: you can be pissed that it's not funny, like if
Speaker 1: it's a joke that I truly get mad when jokes
Speaker 1: aren't funny, they're stupid, and I'm like that that's that's
Speaker 1: offensive to me. But when people get offended because the
Speaker 1: joke is a well crafted, uh edgy commentary on a
Speaker 1: tragic thing, I'm like, no, no, no no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 1: I earned that right to say that joke. I'm a
Speaker 1: fucking comic I put in my dues. You can't if
Speaker 1: you're offended by it, that's okay, just be off and
Speaker 1: it feel it go oh, I feel funded by that,
Speaker 1: and then you know what you do? You move on
Speaker 1: with your day. Well, I mean, yeah, it's just it's
Speaker 1: a real You know that there's a lot of tragedy
Speaker 1: that's happening and I'm not and I know I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna put the death of comedy on the same level
Speaker 1: as the death of human beings. But if something you
Speaker 1: loved was being destroyed by people giving a lot of
Speaker 1: feedback on it who know nothing about it, you would
Speaker 1: be mad too, um, And yeah, I mean that's the
Speaker 1: thing I think. I think a lot of times, especially
Speaker 1: recently on this podcast, things have been more serious because
Speaker 1: we're in serious times and we are really dedicated to
Speaker 1: feminist issues and lgbt Q issues and trying to be
Speaker 1: an inclusive podcast. But we still are who we are
Speaker 1: and I don't forget that, because it feel like sometimes
Speaker 1: people forget that. Yeah, and before being podcasters and before
Speaker 1: being um, you know these people, these feminists kind of
Speaker 1: flash philanthropists, which we did not set out to do.
Speaker 1: You you've thrust that upon us, which I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be clear, and that's cool, and we're happy to
Speaker 1: be your guys. But like we're preferred, we're stand up comedians,
Speaker 1: Like that's the occupation that we are. And so if
Speaker 1: you're not into comedy, then you probably shouldn't be listening
Speaker 1: to this podcast because you're gonna hear weird ship and
Speaker 1: you're and you're gonna need to learn how to deal
Speaker 1: with it. But I will apologize, and I'm fucking I'm
Speaker 1: just like, I'm just gonna mute you, yeah on Twitter,
Speaker 1: and I will say though, like the past couple of
Speaker 1: times we've gone on the road and stuff with with
Speaker 1: the state. With regards to the stand up you guys
Speaker 1: are great stand up audiences. Yeah, but it's it's all appreciative. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's the Internet sucks its stand up people. I
Speaker 1: mean people in person too. I mean I think you know,
Speaker 1: I you know, definitely first I push it a lot
Speaker 1: of times, but I mean that's the that's for me,
Speaker 1: that's the joy of being Comedian's who you are pushing
Speaker 1: the boundaries and that's what I've always done. And I'm
Speaker 1: share some stories over the next couple of weeks that
Speaker 1: well that Paula reminded me of this weekend. Um, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's really important remember that. And the whole
Speaker 1: reason that we started talking about feminist issues with a
Speaker 1: sense of humor is because feminism is sorely lacking a
Speaker 1: sense of humor, as is everything. When you when it's
Speaker 1: like when you just see a timeline of tragedy, tragedy,
Speaker 1: donate do this, do this like it doesn't really but
Speaker 1: then what you know, what pops out is the joke.
Speaker 1: Because on my feed yesterday on Facebook, it was a
Speaker 1: bunch of quote unquote comedians just saying a lot of
Speaker 1: unfunny stars, thoughts, prayers, and the people who I will
Speaker 1: specifically point out, Tim Dillon, loving gat Men who have
Speaker 1: both been on the podcast, were the only fucking two
Speaker 1: comedians who were really doing their goddamn job which was
Speaker 1: making me laugh. And those were the two people who
Speaker 1: maybe want to get out of bed, who made me
Speaker 1: want to go, go, go and do something, and who
Speaker 1: made me like kind of reflect on the situation in
Speaker 1: a way that I had not looked at it before,
Speaker 1: which is the beauty of comedy, and it kind of
Speaker 1: jokes your mind into thinking about something in a different way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Tim Dillon really fucking crush it with his commentary the
Speaker 1: past couple of day. You're not friend him on Facebook.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he has enough room for friend
Speaker 1: requests and stuff, but Bomb on Twitter I did. Twitter
Speaker 1: is not as many characters, but he is one of
Speaker 1: the funniest fucking people on the planet. And he is
Speaker 1: a great example of somebody who just makes uh jokes
Speaker 1: at the time at a time when it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: something horrible just happening, you feel itchy and you feel
Speaker 1: gross and whatever. Um Like, he just this is one
Speaker 1: of his Facebook updates? Would you rather have gone to
Speaker 1: see live comedy? And then you know someone shot five
Speaker 1: times at a concert like like that's But to me,
Speaker 1: I'm like, that doesn't make what happened less bad because
Speaker 1: it's still it's so bad that it's it's just so bad.
Speaker 1: I'm not making fun of the people. It's like, it's
Speaker 1: like I don't understand. That's why there's a misconception somewhere,
Speaker 1: and I think that might be where it is making
Speaker 1: fun of the people who died. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's horrible, like that's not what and that, but that's
Speaker 1: not all how that joke reads. It's just I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm just because I work in
Speaker 1: the business. I'm just like everything to me is like
Speaker 1: translated as a joke. But it's like, you know the difference,
Speaker 1: you know, the difference between a joke and anjo I'm
Speaker 1: sorry you do. And I'm tired of people. And everyone
Speaker 1: who complains is always some person who's really never had
Speaker 1: a problem in their life. And I look, because I
Speaker 1: look at everyone complain, I'm like, oh, you go on
Speaker 1: a bit about this, let me look in the life
Speaker 1: a little bit. It's so interesting that people who are
Speaker 1: who are like it was a joke are people who
Speaker 1: look like they've actually been through something in their lives,
Speaker 1: so they know the difference between a joke and seriousness.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I just gets your heads out of your
Speaker 1: own fucking asses. I'm really just fucking sick of everybody.
Speaker 1: Get your head yes, so you can see clearly. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's one ad I was. I was just being mad
Speaker 1: at my own head, and I didn't think about this.
Speaker 1: I just walk around fucking piste off a lot, like
Speaker 1: I went to the wrong train today because I was
Speaker 1: just piste off. Um, what have I told you? That?
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Speaker 1: I like advertising things that we like. It makes you
Speaker 1: feel better. Well, that's what we only do I know
Speaker 1: we say no to a lot of stuff, you guys,
Speaker 1: but we really do everything we fucking talk about in here,
Speaker 1: we've used or are using. Um speaking to that. We
Speaker 1: wrote a book. Did we tell you that? Do we?
Speaker 1: You guys know that? Wow? If you did, and you're
Speaker 1: at you're on living under a fucking rock. Um. We
Speaker 1: wrote a book. It's called Fucked. Being sexually explorative and
Speaker 1: self confident in a world that's screwed. And goddamn is
Speaker 1: this world screwed? You know, I'm good. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of good advice in it. There's a lot of personal stories.
Speaker 1: We tried not to reiterate things that we've already talked
Speaker 1: about the on the podcast. Uh, and if we did,
Speaker 1: we put a lot more details into them. Uh. This
Speaker 1: was one of the few pleasant experiences I've had in
Speaker 1: my life. So writing people writing this book, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: love writing it was so it was it was really fun.
Speaker 1: A lot of self reflection went into it. So we
Speaker 1: hope that you'll buy it. We spent we put a
Speaker 1: lot of we put like a year of work into this, UM,
Speaker 1: So we appreciate it. If you're not going to read it,
Speaker 1: pick it up for someone who you think, well, I
Speaker 1: think it's a nice gift for uh, somebody who like
Speaker 1: a young woman in your life who maybe you can't
Speaker 1: have this conversation verbally with, but you can a good
Speaker 1: way to get get the message across. I do this
Speaker 1: all the time. It's just like give him a book,
Speaker 1: just slide into the Like I didn't have. I didn't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable. I'm not close enough with my younger cousins
Speaker 1: to have like sit them down and have like a
Speaker 1: chalk with them about this stuff. But I picked out
Speaker 1: for Christmas last year. I picked out books that I
Speaker 1: think they would really benefit from because I know I've
Speaker 1: learned so much from books for movies where you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes like character or someone you know, an author always
Speaker 1: sounds like someone who's like, oh, You're like this person
Speaker 1: is an author, they must know a lot more than me.
Speaker 1: And then you read the book and you're like, well
Speaker 1: this this helped my life a lot. And I retained
Speaker 1: this information and I'm going to use it along the way. Um.
Speaker 1: And it's also available in Yeah, the audiobook and which
Speaker 1: we recorded the Google Books I Books. Karen and I
Speaker 1: recorded the audiobook. We read each of our parts because
Speaker 1: we write separate chunks in the book. So everything that's written,
Speaker 1: there's a little avatar of one of us at the
Speaker 1: bottom of the page. You always know who's speaking, and
Speaker 1: if you listen to the podcast frequently, you'll know by
Speaker 1: what we're saying. But yeah, so we we do the autobook,
Speaker 1: and oh man, it's pretty good. It's really good. I
Speaker 1: was cracking up when you were reading, when you and
Speaker 1: the recording studio karning you were reading, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this book is really funny. Oh my gosh. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: personal stuff, Oh yeah, I have all. I mean, I
Speaker 1: did a fucking lot this week. You really did you wanted?
Speaker 1: Which is I did? I went to Salem, Massachusetts from
Speaker 1: a high. To everyone on Twitter who like said, is
Speaker 1: that you? Yes, it was me, you was celeb and
Speaker 1: also high. To the people I met in the Honey
Speaker 1: Dude Donuts, you were very nice, cute off it's on
Speaker 1: um now that that's what definds a woman, uh and so,
Speaker 1: but yeah, basically, I wanted to do a bunch of
Speaker 1: like weirdo ship that I had never done before for
Speaker 1: my birthday, and I didn't have This was the first year,
Speaker 1: uh in a long time that I didn't have a
Speaker 1: birthday party because I truly cannot um, I just can't.
Speaker 1: I'm done, I can't stand. Yeah, I feel like after
Speaker 1: thirty even May, I'm like, I'm gonna have mine. I'll
Speaker 1: tell you about that later. I just got an idea
Speaker 1: for my birthday party, my thirty birthday. It's going to
Speaker 1: be crazy. That's right, it's your thirty year. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: kind of like, just I don't want because you know,
Speaker 1: birthday parties a lot of times you have to invite
Speaker 1: a lot of people that you don't actually like, I know,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I'm gonna invite them for solidarity, and
Speaker 1: then they're like, I'm gonna come. You know, you weren't
Speaker 1: about to say yes, I'm just not doing that anymore.
Speaker 1: And I and I realized, and I didn't think I
Speaker 1: could probably execute it with inviting like the people I
Speaker 1: wanted while keeping the people I didn't want out. So
Speaker 1: I just didn't have a birthday party. A lot of
Speaker 1: people ask me about it, and I said, no, not happening. Sorry.
Speaker 1: Last year, I mean, last year was amazing when you
Speaker 1: got the puppies and the fucking McDonald's food and the
Speaker 1: fucking but that was like cool. You spent like a
Speaker 1: night like your You had your friends over that you
Speaker 1: liked for that part and then you just did like
Speaker 1: they could go come on later when you were drunk exactly.
Speaker 1: Um oh and then so what did I do? So
Speaker 1: me and James Will had a birthday day before and
Speaker 1: I did all this weird shot ship like I got
Speaker 1: to be twelve shot. Oh how did you like that?
Speaker 1: Because I was considering didn't like it at all. I
Speaker 1: didn't have any effect on me. And it left a
Speaker 1: huge bruise on my arm because you get it in
Speaker 1: the muscle. Some people just bruise. You're so goth, you're immune.
Speaker 1: I found literally I didn't. I was if anything more tired,
Speaker 1: had zero ft. Some people really like it though. It
Speaker 1: just didn't do it for me. Um, but it was
Speaker 1: fun to try. I'm glad I tried it because I
Speaker 1: need more energy and somehow and I went. I did
Speaker 1: a cry I went in a cry o lounge, which
Speaker 1: is the thing that looks like basically you're kind of
Speaker 1: a flying saucer. You get naked and you go into
Speaker 1: a thing that's between negative one thirty and negative and
Speaker 1: ninety degrees for three minutes and three minutes. It's get them. No,
Speaker 1: I loved it. Actually, I love the cold. Were you
Speaker 1: in water or air? No, it's air and you're naked
Speaker 1: and you're naked. How hard your nipples did? They were
Speaker 1: very They were very hard. They were chopping a little bit. Actually,
Speaker 1: you have to put gloves on your hands and feet
Speaker 1: because it's so cool to could damage your fingertips and toes.
Speaker 1: James was very concerned about his dick. But it's fine, everybody,
Speaker 1: don't worry his dicks. Okay, okay, okay, covered his dick
Speaker 1: with his gloves because, like James, I'm sure, I'm sure
Speaker 1: other people have with dicks have gone in here. I
Speaker 1: even asked. I even last the lady. I just like,
Speaker 1: I have no I have no knowledge of how to
Speaker 1: exist in regular life anymore. So I said to the lady,
Speaker 1: I was like, this is dick going to be okay? Hey,
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to ask this, but his wing is
Speaker 1: gonna be He's six going to be okay. And she
Speaker 1: laughed and she's like, I honestly could get frost, but
Speaker 1: I was calling on. Yeah. She's like, I get this
Speaker 1: question a lot, but it was fine and it's good.
Speaker 1: It's so you went in together. You can't fuck the
Speaker 1: ladies looking at you. Oh, we're naked out, your whole body.
Speaker 1: It's like a tanning bed with you in your face.
Speaker 1: Is too cold for your face? You would, it would,
Speaker 1: and you did that invigor You're not able to breathe.
Speaker 1: I loved it. I thought it was great again, like
Speaker 1: it was there. It sounds nice, actual benefit benefit. Probably
Speaker 1: got cold for a couple of minutes. It's good for
Speaker 1: like pain, It's good for people who have nerve damage,
Speaker 1: that kind of a thing. Some people use it for
Speaker 1: weight loss. I mean, I think Joe Rogan does the
Speaker 1: cry a lounge too. He does um that submission fucking
Speaker 1: sensory deprivation. He does a lot of Like he's so interesting,
Speaker 1: so he's interested in so it knows so much sh
Speaker 1: a lot of wu of stuff. Yeah, that's why I'm
Speaker 1: into that kind of stuff. So I did all that
Speaker 1: and then because I said, you know what the fuck? Uh,
Speaker 1: then I did dm T. What's that? It's the most
Speaker 1: powerful psychosolic that is available. Uh. Basic is that the
Speaker 1: one you feel like you're gonna die or something. It's emulating. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's basically emulating the chemical that your brain releases when
Speaker 1: you Die, Holy People, and there's a whole documentary again.
Speaker 1: Joe Rogan actually did has a documentary about it. I've
Speaker 1: been this is not something I just like, did has
Speaker 1: he this Joe or and done it? Yes? Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: but he's like he's a very experienced psychedelics. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: very nerdy about it, like you have to. I had
Speaker 1: to go and get a fucking meth pipe to smoke
Speaker 1: this out. Do tell Wait, okay, how it was it?
Speaker 1: I just who was there? Who? It's great? No, you
Speaker 1: have to do it by yourself and no one's have
Speaker 1: someone watch you. So James James watch James had done
Speaker 1: it previously, he was He was like, on you know,
Speaker 1: I always have someone like around, like you know if
Speaker 1: you need to call my nine one one or something.
Speaker 1: But basically I had been studying, like and when I
Speaker 1: see I take psychedelics very seriously. We get a lot
Speaker 1: of emails and I don't even like talking about enough,
Speaker 1: but I just like, I think it's very interesting, so
Speaker 1: I like talking about it. But this is not for
Speaker 1: anyone you've had it. You have definitely have to have
Speaker 1: done acid several times to be able to do this,
Speaker 1: Otherwise you will free and also to like, like, I'm
Speaker 1: the kind of person where I don't think I'll ever
Speaker 1: do acid or much rooms. I just don't think that's
Speaker 1: good with my personality. And that's okay. There's people listening. Well,
Speaker 1: it's funny to me because drug things. Everyone's like, I
Speaker 1: don't want to do that. You're no, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to do the things, but I'm fucking interested. We also
Speaker 1: people give me a lot of people seem are super
Speaker 1: weird about talking about psychedelics. Meanwhile, I see people by
Speaker 1: I see twenty four year old doing bumps of cocaine
Speaker 1: like it's nothing, And to me, I think cocaine is
Speaker 1: way more dangerous than doing this, and you know than
Speaker 1: doing these psychedelic psychedelics is you know, I'm getting really
Speaker 1: weird into it. But it's like, you know, it's an
Speaker 1: entry into another different m of the Universiti. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: been studying for months. I talked to several people who
Speaker 1: have done it. I know several I know people who
Speaker 1: actually make it. I Joe Rogan did a whole time.
Speaker 1: They they they administered d m T in an actual
Speaker 1: hospital in an experiment to trace what it does. There's
Speaker 1: a actually no one who's ever died from d n T.
Speaker 1: There's like no record of any doubt that would make that,
Speaker 1: think of all the other drugs that so it's not encouraging.
Speaker 1: This is able that from my alcohol. And yeah, this
Speaker 1: is a very long process. I've been you know, working
Speaker 1: up to this for several years and I've been studying
Speaker 1: to do this particular drug for several Wow, so you
Speaker 1: did it. I was sitting on my table for a
Speaker 1: long time, and I really, I really really waited until
Speaker 1: I was not only felt like I was knowledgeable enough
Speaker 1: about it, uh, where I knew how to, where I
Speaker 1: knew how to use it, where I knew what the
Speaker 1: you know kind of trip was going to be like,
Speaker 1: and where I felt comfortable that it was okay with
Speaker 1: my box to you know, to use with my body.
Speaker 1: And I had also done acid, which you definitely need
Speaker 1: to do as a stepping stone into this otherwise you will.
Speaker 1: So it was scary even for me. Really. Well then
Speaker 1: let's see, I would imaginary but not just because you're
Speaker 1: you're on a rye. You've lost control, like so you
Speaker 1: you have to take basically like three hits of it
Speaker 1: because you're smoking it out of the like a meth bowl, um,
Speaker 1: which is the guy the store was like tobacco you
Speaker 1: sulely and I was like, great girl, yeah, and uh,
Speaker 1: I mean James immediately turned, you know, because he has
Speaker 1: to hold it for you because otherwise you drop the
Speaker 1: thing because by the second, like like with it tastes,
Speaker 1: you see the pipe and it's like melting and you're
Speaker 1: like looking at it and it's melting but it's obviously
Speaker 1: not it's not melting, but it just looks like But
Speaker 1: I imagine being knowledgeable allows you to be scared and
Speaker 1: thrilled but also like comforted. And you knew that was coming.
Speaker 1: I knew it was gonna happened. I knew what else
Speaker 1: I was going to take a puff, and that the
Speaker 1: thing was gonna appear like it was melting. But I
Speaker 1: knew that I had to take the third one to
Speaker 1: kind of like go beyond so cool. So I mean
Speaker 1: basically people have a lot of this is the one
Speaker 1: where people are like, oh, I met God and stuff
Speaker 1: and mean a journey. Did you meet her? I actually was,
Speaker 1: She's a black lesbian. So I fell back and I was, um,
Speaker 1: you know, just because you feel like you have the
Speaker 1: spins almost like you're drunk, but you're not drunk at all.
Speaker 1: Uh so feels like you took acid and but it
Speaker 1: hits immediately and it's way more powerful than any acid
Speaker 1: you've ever taken. And I was at this like Egyptian
Speaker 1: party where wait, but you're actually in your apartment, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what everyone asked. That's so funny. Yeah. No, I
Speaker 1: was in my bedroom. But in my when you close
Speaker 1: your eyes, you have to close your eyes, and first
Speaker 1: of all, your whole head looks like a kaleidoscope. So
Speaker 1: I was closing my eyes and then I could look
Speaker 1: back and like every it was like I had a
Speaker 1: kaleidoscope in my brain and U and then I was.
Speaker 1: I was at it like an Egyptian party, and everyone
Speaker 1: was having a really good time, and it was like
Speaker 1: yellows and reds and greens, and everyone was kind of
Speaker 1: just like doing this like dancing hand motion, like come
Speaker 1: towards us, come towards corny. No damn no, drugs stop. Yeah,
Speaker 1: drugs don't really the eyes shut party. Psychedelics don't usually
Speaker 1: make me horny, it's not that's not like a common
Speaker 1: you feel love, but not horny nous. So it has
Speaker 1: the and CMT has the visuals of acid and the
Speaker 1: love of Molly. I would say, um, and uh so that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was at the party, everyone's dancing, and then basically
Speaker 1: the struggle in the last fifteen minutes Max, that's my
Speaker 1: kind of drug. Yeah, but like the short ones, it's yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very out of commission afterwards. No, it's just you
Speaker 1: just really got to be ready and you can see
Speaker 1: things that you don't want to see. Mine was fine
Speaker 1: because I mean it's a reflection of yourself. So if
Speaker 1: you're hiding like demons and stuff, or if you're unhappy
Speaker 1: with yourself, I I would imagine it could be a
Speaker 1: very unpleasant experience. Um. I have a good success rate,
Speaker 1: and I think it's because I do like myself and
Speaker 1: I am comfort with my ultimate lit Miss Tellson, do
Speaker 1: you like yourself? Cool? Do this damn T and see
Speaker 1: if it sucks you up? Just getting us a joke.
Speaker 1: It is scary because you're like, oh, is there something
Speaker 1: that maybe I'm repressing or hiding that I don't that
Speaker 1: that I, you know, do I secretly think I'm a
Speaker 1: bad person. I'm like, I mean I don't think that
Speaker 1: I do right? Uh? And then and then you know,
Speaker 1: basically there's supposed to be a moment when someone kind
Speaker 1: of like takes you beyond to but come one. I
Speaker 1: kept asking, like a being, like being is different from everybody,
Speaker 1: African American lesbians, different for everybody, and so but you
Speaker 1: can't control it, Like I would have never imagined I
Speaker 1: would have been at this Egyptian party, and like it
Speaker 1: could be like they were actual Egyptians, or it could
Speaker 1: be that you're Egyptian. Egyptians were based off Aliens and
Speaker 1: like they and Aliens got and aliens or we're wearing
Speaker 1: what Egyptians are wearing. And then Egyptians were visited by
Speaker 1: Aliens and then started dressing like that, Oh so if
Speaker 1: you want to get I like, I like to get
Speaker 1: super weird with it and see how weird I can.
Speaker 1: And then what happened? And then I was like I
Speaker 1: kept asking everybody. I was like where are we No,
Speaker 1: there was no I kept asking everyone. I was like
Speaker 1: where are we going? When are we going on this journey?
Speaker 1: Like where where? Where are we going? And they were
Speaker 1: just like no, you're not ready yet. And then then
Speaker 1: it's fated to black and it almost went back to
Speaker 1: like the Egyptians kind of went back into the wall
Speaker 1: like they were hieroglyphics, glyphics on the wall. I was
Speaker 1: talking to me and oh there was there was also
Speaker 1: flying dogs there which was awesome. And it looks like
Speaker 1: they had the head of Alfred but the body of
Speaker 1: like that ghost dog from Nightmare before Christmas. So it's
Speaker 1: like a bunch of little Alfred's but and uh yeah,
Speaker 1: and so they said you're not ready. Good, So I'll
Speaker 1: try again in a couple of months, because a lot
Speaker 1: of times people are like no, but people are told
Speaker 1: no what the drug head? Yeah, like I had. It's fascinating,
Speaker 1: like you said, like because you have to say, like
Speaker 1: am I like you Usually the being will ask you
Speaker 1: like are you ready to go? Let's go ce ce
Speaker 1: cee not dot no no, no, no, go beyond, Like
Speaker 1: are you ready to go and take this journey and
Speaker 1: see things? Because you know, maybe you don't want to
Speaker 1: see like how your life is gonna turn out, or
Speaker 1: maybe you don't want to see like things that you're
Speaker 1: not supposed to be doing, or maybe like you want
Speaker 1: to kind of continue on the journey that you're having
Speaker 1: in this life and you don't. It doesn't matter, you know,
Speaker 1: seeing the future or seeing the repercussions of your actions
Speaker 1: right now. People don't want to see that. That's why
Speaker 1: that could make life very tense. You know, you don't
Speaker 1: want to know. But is it is it necessarily if
Speaker 1: you do you go beyond, if whatever, when you're in
Speaker 1: the trip, in the midst of it and you do
Speaker 1: go beyond, are you going to see the repercussions of
Speaker 1: your life or is it like a psychic insight to
Speaker 1: your life for something? And it's positive and negative for
Speaker 1: some people. I mean, I think I think it's you know,
Speaker 1: gonna be It's not gonna be anything I think that
Speaker 1: really surprises you. I think it's probably gonna be a
Speaker 1: pretty accurate representation of the kind of life that you
Speaker 1: know in your heart that you're leading. And so for me,
Speaker 1: I think mine was just kind of like a like
Speaker 1: a reinforcement to like stay in the moment, keep doing
Speaker 1: what you're doing, and when the time is ready, you
Speaker 1: will know. That's how I cool. But yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: number one, this is super hard to get some like
Speaker 1: not really concerned with like people like you know, just
Speaker 1: getting it. But also like again, there really did a
Speaker 1: lot of work. Have been reading about it for a
Speaker 1: long time. It's disclaim or do not do it You'll
Speaker 1: freak the funk out. Do not do it alone, You'll
Speaker 1: lose your mind and set your apartment on fire. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: accident Christinea. That's okay. Well, because it was even even
Speaker 1: when I like, even knowing all I knew by the
Speaker 1: time it was like going, I was like, stop top.
Speaker 1: But then I was like then I just like I
Speaker 1: was like, no, okay, I'm fine, I'm okay, all right,
Speaker 1: there was no damn. I was helping my mom with
Speaker 1: the yard sale. I was going alone in my room
Speaker 1: a lot. That sounds fun. I keep staring at your
Speaker 1: ass in a photo. Looks so good. I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of that. Should we enjoy our guests? H oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I read Probably we can read one, I guess. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you want to read yours? Yours more lighthearted. I think
Speaker 1: mine's about gun control, and it's uh, you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: you just want to listen to a pot comedy podcast
Speaker 1: about sex to forget about stuff that's bad. So right, yeah,
Speaker 1: I forgot to talk about flirting. I really I really
Speaker 1: like to make birthdays big, a big bang, no good
Speaker 1: that you should all right, So this one I like
Speaker 1: this one. Because I think sometimes we get off the
Speaker 1: track of like just normal everyday advice and we get
Speaker 1: into you know, really crazy heavy stuff that hopefully most
Speaker 1: people won't experience, And so I don't want to forget
Speaker 1: about you know, regular everyday problems too. Hey, bitches, I
Speaker 1: need some advice. My boyfriend is the love of my life.
Speaker 1: We've been together for two and a half years. We've
Speaker 1: always taken things slow because both of us are notoriously
Speaker 1: bad at relationships, even though I'm twenty six and he's
Speaker 1: twenty eight. This is his first relationship beyond three months,
Speaker 1: and this is my first relationship where I've had zero
Speaker 1: desire to cheat. We spend nine of our time our
Speaker 1: free time together and lived together. We do things kind
Speaker 1: of out of order. We told each other I love
Speaker 1: you at nine months. I said it first, and became
Speaker 1: exclusive at one year, although neither of us had slept
Speaker 1: with anyone else during that year. What prompted the exclusivity
Speaker 1: conversation was me finding nudes and sex from a girl
Speaker 1: on his phone. He said he had never been with
Speaker 1: her physically, but he had matched her on Okay cubid
Speaker 1: two sex for masturbating while he was out of town.
Speaker 1: After thinking about it, I told him that I was
Speaker 1: fine with that sort of sexting since we both watch porn,
Speaker 1: and as long as he doesn't meet anyone in person
Speaker 1: or develop a relationship with them, I don't really feel
Speaker 1: like sexting a stranger to get off is any different,
Speaker 1: providing it doesn't affect our sex life. Then about a
Speaker 1: year ago, while he was on another trip, I saw
Speaker 1: in his email that he had added Snapchat. I went
Speaker 1: through his Facebook and saw that he was flirting with
Speaker 1: an X when he had dated in high school, his
Speaker 1: first love and the girl he lost his virginity too.
Speaker 1: She lives in a different country. He asked her for
Speaker 1: a picture, and then the Snapchat ad in his email.
Speaker 1: I fully admit to snooping, but he had asked me
Speaker 1: to get into his work email to send him a file,
Speaker 1: which is when I saw the Snapchat stuff, So it's
Speaker 1: not like I had been digging to find something in
Speaker 1: the first place. Everyone always as defensive of the snooping,
Speaker 1: but I agree with the second he asked you to
Speaker 1: email something from his work email, you were probably like bingo, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a stupid thing for someone to ask
Speaker 1: you to do. Anyway, Like I'd never give anyone the
Speaker 1: password to my email. When I confronted him about it,
Speaker 1: he said that he didn't have feelings for her, it
Speaker 1: was harmless flirting. I asked if they had exchanged nudes.
Speaker 1: He said they hadn't, but the thought had crossed his mind.
Speaker 1: We almost broke up. I told him because I cheated
Speaker 1: a lot in the past but had never felt the
Speaker 1: urge with him, that if it was this hard for
Speaker 1: him not to seek out flirting with others, and then
Speaker 1: maybe that meant I wasn't the girl for him, and
Speaker 1: that sexting random strangers on the internet are certainly different
Speaker 1: from women he has had relationships with in the past.
Speaker 1: At this, he was silent for a while, then said
Speaker 1: that he if I wanted him to stop talking to her,
Speaker 1: he would. I've been trying to be a model girlfriend
Speaker 1: in terms of paranoia and jealousy for the last few months,
Speaker 1: and it had been going really well. Making the choice
Speaker 1: to trust him and deciding not to go through his
Speaker 1: phone and stuff has helped me a lot. But every
Speaker 1: few months I will see a text pop up on
Speaker 1: his iPhone screen. I'm not opening his phone, I swear
Speaker 1: from three different girls he's been with before in the past,
Speaker 1: although none of them currently live in our part of
Speaker 1: the country. He's a popular friend and very charismatic, with
Speaker 1: lots of friends who are girls, many that I have
Speaker 1: met and like. So it could be that these texts
Speaker 1: are platonic, in which case I'm a psycho jealous girlfriend.
Speaker 1: But realistically, I'm sure there's some degree of flirting going on,
Speaker 1: whether harmless or not. I don't know. What makes it
Speaker 1: harder for me to stomach is that I'm going out
Speaker 1: of town for work for a few weeks, and I
Speaker 1: have fears that he'll be sexting one of these girls
Speaker 1: while I'm gone. Maybe it would be easier to understand
Speaker 1: what was going on if he talked about them. Ever,
Speaker 1: but even though I hear about most of the communications
Speaker 1: with his other friends, see their picks and snapchats that
Speaker 1: he'll show me, he never talks about his exes, possibly
Speaker 1: because he's afraid I'll get upset or jealous, but I
Speaker 1: think i'd feel better. I'm just used to cutting and
Speaker 1: running when problems happen in my relationship, and part of
Speaker 1: me feels like I'll never fully trust him, so I
Speaker 1: should just leave. On the other hand, I wish I
Speaker 1: knew how to talk about this stuff so we can
Speaker 1: resolve it. He's a great guy and he's never actually
Speaker 1: physically cheated on me. Does that matter? Have you guys
Speaker 1: had problems with boyfriends who quote harmlessly flirt or exes
Speaker 1: that don't seem to go away? Should I just cut
Speaker 1: and run? Thanks for any advice. I love you, guys, sincerely,
Speaker 1: Tired of feeling distrustful. I think it's an interesting exercise
Speaker 1: to if you like the person enough, try and got
Speaker 1: to talk to him about it because I because I mean,
Speaker 1: Steven's a flirty person. I know he I mean he's
Speaker 1: just flirty naturally, like every time we text, somebody's just
Speaker 1: very alerting, and he's a lot of girlfriends. But I
Speaker 1: don't really care, like even if it is really flirting nudes,
Speaker 1: we got to talk about that first, like he would have,
Speaker 1: I mean, if he was, like if our relationship because
Speaker 1: I've kind of I've tried to push Steve into like
Speaker 1: you should be monogamish and like other people sometimes but
Speaker 1: he's not comfortable with that. But I honestly feel like
Speaker 1: if we were monogamish and we exchange photos and sex
Speaker 1: and every once in a while, with people. That's cool too, write,
Speaker 1: but you didn't really they didn't agree to that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I think well she said it was okay
Speaker 1: for the sexy thing. I mean, I think there's a
Speaker 1: I think that's an interesting kind of uh compromise. It
Speaker 1: definitely has to be people. You don't know that. Where
Speaker 1: he's getting into trouble is when he started talking to
Speaker 1: these people that he's previously had sex with. Like, if
Speaker 1: you're sexting with people who you have previously had physical
Speaker 1: sex with, I think that's a really slippery slope. That's
Speaker 1: why you have with the monogamish. I think there has
Speaker 1: to be really clear boundaries and you have to be
Speaker 1: careful that, like, okay, so once you hit you know,
Speaker 1: once you kind of scratch that itch and you know,
Speaker 1: so it's like, okay, I can't be monogamous. I know
Speaker 1: that about myself. And I'm not talking about me personally.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying like hypothetically exactly. So like if you
Speaker 1: say to yourself, I know I can't be monogamous, but
Speaker 1: I my partner, you know, and I we don't actually
Speaker 1: want to have sex with other people, so maybe we
Speaker 1: can sex with other people. But it's like then once
Speaker 1: that gets boring than what you do, because the kind
Speaker 1: of always going to get boring. And that's my main
Speaker 1: problem in this kind of so early ongoing thoughts in
Speaker 1: my head that I have about monogamy versus open relationships,
Speaker 1: and I really have been on both sides where I
Speaker 1: see both things. Right now, I'm definitely in a more
Speaker 1: monogamous kind of mindset, but not for lack of thinking
Speaker 1: about not being in it. And so I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like there have to be really clear boundaries
Speaker 1: and it's and I also the sentence where you said
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be the model girlfriend. To say that
Speaker 1: that an alarm because it's like you you can't try
Speaker 1: to not be paranoid. You're either not paranoid or suppressing paranoid.
Speaker 1: It's suppressing. It's that good. So if you're if you
Speaker 1: want to feel the feelings and you're telling yourself, no,
Speaker 1: you're crazy, don't feel these feelings, that's not helpful to you.
Speaker 1: You need to fully feel whatever feelings you need to
Speaker 1: go through, and you can work on maybe not feeling
Speaker 1: those feelings so quickly, but that's a long process and
Speaker 1: certainly just shutting them off is not the proper way
Speaker 1: to handle that. Yeah, yeah, that's not that's that's you
Speaker 1: not dealing with your feelings and they're gonna come out
Speaker 1: one way or not. But it's also you curating your
Speaker 1: feelings for another another person. Your feelings belong to you,
Speaker 1: and they're there to help you, and they're there to
Speaker 1: they're there to set off an alarm for you to
Speaker 1: say something isn't right. Um, so I think that's the
Speaker 1: key there. So I think you definitely have a conversation
Speaker 1: about it. This ship with the fucking Axes absolutely needs
Speaker 1: to go. And you know, I you know, yeah, that
Speaker 1: would not it can't be friends with their axes. I
Speaker 1: don't think that's fair. But also you shouldn't be flucking
Speaker 1: flirting with axes, don't. We're getting Asian. Yeah, you're being ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, that's that. You know. Who's not ridiculous but
Speaker 1: also kinda ridiculous. Our guest. Yes, he's amazing, he's great.
Speaker 1: He's a very funny comedian. We had such an interesting,
Speaker 1: fun conversation with him. Uh there's a little ball action
Speaker 1: which you'll find out very exciting, very thrilling. Our guest
Speaker 1: today is a stand up comic. He co hosts the
Speaker 1: podcast Skeptic Tank. His comedy special Double Negative, is now
Speaker 1: streaming on Netflix. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it warm.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Ari. Sheaffear Press a button to feel the less,
Speaker 1: starting it to the siss, dress a button to feel less,
Speaker 1: darting it. Color says, it's so pointless. Chant your things
Speaker 1: when you are saying you're feelings, It's so pointless. Can't
Speaker 1: your game when you are saying you're feeling it's so pointless.
Speaker 1: Can't you see to feel when you are failing you're
Speaker 1: feelss it's so feeling here when we do an interest
Speaker 1: separately so we don't meet, you sit here while we
Speaker 1: talk about whatever you stuck up our. But this weekend
Speaker 1: I said, listen to people like, do like fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: of ad braids. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's so awkward.
Speaker 1: I hate because it's hard for me to be silent,
Speaker 1: so it's yeah, don't breathe. The best is David Alan
Speaker 1: Grit doing corollas and he was like, what the fund
Speaker 1: is this? You can't talk, you can't curse, sorry, ad
Speaker 1: raids and he just kept cursing that's funny. And already
Speaker 1: hit myself with the microphone, so it's all good. How
Speaker 1: long ago did I meet you? I met you when
Speaker 1: I was wingman and a friend. Yeah I was I
Speaker 1: was good. Was I a good wing woman? Yeah, you're great.
Speaker 1: You left at the right time. Absolutely, that was what
Speaker 1: I was telling Stephen. I was like, that was the
Speaker 1: first time I met Ari, and I'm pretty sure I
Speaker 1: was good because I knew. Indn't believe. Oh I know what,
Speaker 1: I know who this is. Okay, Yeah, it was weird.
Speaker 1: It was like it was like, okay, I canna have
Speaker 1: my friend show up. She's a comic though. I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: to be comfortable, all right, that's extra weird if it's
Speaker 1: a comic. Yeah. She was like, oh, she has a
Speaker 1: show at got I think it was got Them, And
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, well, and then we'll go to
Speaker 1: the bar next door. Sort of one goes afterwards, and
Speaker 1: then you came and I was like, okay. It was
Speaker 1: actually kind of nicer to have a way because then
Speaker 1: you don't have all the responsibility of the conversation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's just all talk. You're comfortable. I love talking, so
Speaker 1: I was like I don't care. Yeah, and then you
Speaker 1: just get the benefit. So yeah, when you're talking. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when I talked and I'm trying to funk at the goals,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to funk at the end. I never talked well,
Speaker 1: but then when I'm just talking to talk, I'm great
Speaker 1: better yea, so much better and so charming. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well you were doing a good job. Thank you. Oh
Speaker 1: that's looking awesome. How old are you and what how
Speaker 1: is your like? Beginnings of your sexual career started like
Speaker 1: a really yeah started really? It was a virgin toast three,
Speaker 1: So I'm going for twenty years. Good for you the anniversary.
Speaker 1: I haven't funcus since I was sixteen. Since I was eighteen,
Speaker 1: I had out of New Jersey to fuck. I always
Speaker 1: look back though, and I'm like, man, I was so
Speaker 1: bad at it and I wouldn't have Not that I
Speaker 1: would have been better if I waited until I was older,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I would have seen more and
Speaker 1: understood more and not wanted to rip a band aid off.
Speaker 1: It was all preports so weird. The virginity. It's like
Speaker 1: I have this massive thing. That's the only time sex
Speaker 1: is that big? I know, well, is it for guys?
Speaker 1: Because girls are like he's trying to get it over
Speaker 1: it's gonna hurt all bad. Yeah, we don't think it's
Speaker 1: gonna hurt. We want to be good, but it's not
Speaker 1: gonna be Yeah, we just want to do it. We're
Speaker 1: not a virgin anymore, I know. Yeah, and then it
Speaker 1: was like stigma. But also you walk differently when you're not,
Speaker 1: Like I knew when I went into my high school.
Speaker 1: My friend Melissa, she's like, you just had sex, didn't you?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah it she smells you're like
Speaker 1: the father and boys in the hood. I wish. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But people make up things like I remember my friend
Speaker 1: in college she was just like, your hips look wider?
Speaker 1: Did you have sex? And I was like, I was like,
Speaker 1: you're literally just making this up, like he's just a bit.
Speaker 1: It was a dude, Oh he's just a bit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: as if you're suddenly birth, I think I'm just in
Speaker 1: college gained some weight, probably freshman, Like I think that's
Speaker 1: the issue. Um wait, when when you were twenty three
Speaker 1: when you lost, were you a comic already? No? No,
Speaker 1: I was in college. Okay, yeah, oh you loved her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I waited for the right girl. I'm glad I waited.
Speaker 1: It was the right It was the right, girl, It
Speaker 1: was a good memory. It wasn't some shitty Here's how
Speaker 1: women losing virginity one of two ways, generally, either the
Speaker 1: guy you love for forever or right after you break
Speaker 1: up with him, like a fuck it, who's here? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how I get over boyfriends. Yeah, when I break up,
Speaker 1: I'm like, just let me just get on another to
Speaker 1: break the streak. I know. Yeah, so your first time
Speaker 1: was actually good? And did you play, like did you
Speaker 1: like touch each other and go to all the other bases? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we did all that before. Yeah, not the Christian anal.
Speaker 1: Oh my boyfriend had done that with a girl, not
Speaker 1: his first time, but he couldn't have sex because Jesus
Speaker 1: was like not with then the butt. It's cool, it's
Speaker 1: so weird, but it's so weird when you be the
Speaker 1: real questions that you're like, you know, that's way past
Speaker 1: I mean, our pastors like okaying this or I don't
Speaker 1: know where this rumor started, because I know I remember
Speaker 1: it was like the first time I really heard about
Speaker 1: it was with Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake did the
Speaker 1: But I mean apparently that was like the thing because
Speaker 1: they you know, they're very southern and very like god
Speaker 1: loving people. I mean when they first came out, I
Speaker 1: think that I think they've watched that away since. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that was like that was talking, I mean. And then
Speaker 1: also on the Jessica Simpson reality show, there was a
Speaker 1: lot of like talk about her virginity, like her dad
Speaker 1: used to publicly talk about it all the time, being
Speaker 1: a virgin. Yeah, and it was he was really really weird.
Speaker 1: I would not want my dad talking about Yeah, did
Speaker 1: your parents ever talked to you about sex? Nope? Never,
Speaker 1: that's nice. Did you grow up orthodox or Okay? I
Speaker 1: thought you did. Out of the question for a while,
Speaker 1: not like if we forbid it, but like, you don't know,
Speaker 1: he's been thinking about this. Really did your parents have sex?
Speaker 1: I mean they did obviously at least once. I asked
Speaker 1: my mom once if she had sex with my dad
Speaker 1: before they get married, and she lost it on me,
Speaker 1: So you don't ask her that. So she did? That
Speaker 1: was that was very guilty. But I was like, it
Speaker 1: sounds like it was just some dude. You ended up
Speaker 1: with him for eighty years or whatever and not that long.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's impressive, but yeah, but it's like you got
Speaker 1: to test drive the car before you buy it, I
Speaker 1: would say, so, God, damn, I cannot imagine. I've yet
Speaker 1: I would imagine that. Can you imagine? I want to
Speaker 1: talk to a person who waited until marriage. I've heard
Speaker 1: from people via email. My friend did. Actually, yeah, Orthox
Speaker 1: Joe got a couple of blow jobs before, and he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm in that's those great blow jobs were good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but he had never gotten that before. Okay, so any
Speaker 1: blow pretty good. Yeah. He had sex six times in
Speaker 1: four years. Then she started cheating and then with some
Speaker 1: on virtue and then just started compact. Yeah, who just
Speaker 1: knew how to fuck? Whoa Yeah? And he was like
Speaker 1: blew his mind. And then it was like, okay, I'm
Speaker 1: out of that marriage. Oh no, how's he doing now? Oh? Good?
Speaker 1: Is he sucking a lot? I had a new family
Speaker 1: with it with a new girl. Oh what a fairy tale?
Speaker 1: That is. How is divorce treated in the Orthodox community.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if they respect it. You really got
Speaker 1: to give it a chance. Uh, divorce or marriage, they
Speaker 1: make it like come on, come on, let's go to
Speaker 1: the counciling first. They don't want to just break it up,
Speaker 1: especially if you got kids. Who's they like the rabbis
Speaker 1: Rabbis council, they'll they'll get involved. So cheating is like
Speaker 1: they would like banish the woman, like you gott to
Speaker 1: move to a different community. We have to keep this
Speaker 1: marriage going. You're like, oh, like the woman who was
Speaker 1: like the other woman. Yeah, but yeah, I was only
Speaker 1: giving advice, like no, man, you love this new girl,
Speaker 1: Like it's yeah, okay, okay. Have you ever had anything.
Speaker 1: I've heard you can have sex in the shower. Did
Speaker 1: know that? It's like you can have sex in the car.
Speaker 1: That's kind of horrible. I've heard. Um, I've only heard
Speaker 1: a couple of stories of from people from the Orthodox community,
Speaker 1: but they all evolve sexual assault with miners. Really yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I I know a lot of religion. It's just
Speaker 1: religion and dreatholicism, any extreme like or more intense version
Speaker 1: of a religion. Everyone touch because there's a trust there.
Speaker 1: So it's like it's it's the same as a family friend.
Speaker 1: I think they're very similar situations. It's like you trust
Speaker 1: the people at your church or your temple. You trust
Speaker 1: your family friend. So when you have enough trust, that's
Speaker 1: a perfect time to really break Uncle Bill wouldn't hurt
Speaker 1: you yeah, exactly go in for the kid. But you can't. Also,
Speaker 1: you can't just put constraints on people's lives. I feel
Speaker 1: like that's it too, like just more extreme versions of religion, religions,
Speaker 1: they're just more controlling. Montreal once and that you know
Speaker 1: where that corner is where the three big clubs are,
Speaker 1: two big clubs in this trip club. Uh, I didn't
Speaker 1: go to trick called Montreal. Nobody goes there. I was
Speaker 1: just one. But there's a believe you anyway. So it
Speaker 1: gets like seedy at night about eleven. If you get out,
Speaker 1: it's fine. Twelve, Like I start to get out of
Speaker 1: here because the fucking drug addicts move in. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: remember seeing like a Hasidic Jew in his driving his
Speaker 1: car dropping off just a fat black hooker. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, it just looks so weird. Well
Speaker 1: it's nice to see, what I mean. It sucks that
Speaker 1: you have to hide it and be sneaking about it,
Speaker 1: but then also that's kind of hot. So pros and
Speaker 1: cons like guy was probably married though. Yeah, Well a
Speaker 1: lot of sex workers that we talked to you are like, yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot of my clients are I gotta, I gotta
Speaker 1: because they're so yeah, and it's like, man, everyone should
Speaker 1: just be themselves, just do what you want to do.
Speaker 1: What's like that, I feel like you're a freaking bed am.
Speaker 1: I correct, because you're Orthodox and you felt trapped for
Speaker 1: so long. Yeah. At first I was just normal. I
Speaker 1: was just normal for a while. And then some woman
Speaker 1: in San Diego was like, slap me and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: it's no. That was the first time you've ever even
Speaker 1: had that proposed to. Yeah, no way. I was like,
Speaker 1: that's great while you were naked. She said yeah, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't think she's like, come on,
Speaker 1: I watched it. I was like, and then deck dirt.
Speaker 1: She passed out. No, no, I'm sorry. I first said
Speaker 1: choke me, and I was like, that seems weird, and
Speaker 1: then I would like and then I choked you a
Speaker 1: little bit. She's like, what are you just resting your hand? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was just it was like holding a cup, like
Speaker 1: do something pussy and I was like what al right.
Speaker 1: So as as soon as I squeezed it, it was
Speaker 1: like a lightbulb went off and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: well into this and that wasp back handing her. She
Speaker 1: was wow, Oh my gosh, nice. Yeah, I was like,
Speaker 1: you gotta be careful. You're kind of big hands. You
Speaker 1: look like you could actually hurt somebody. I would be like,
Speaker 1: just fake it. I've been. I've there have been many
Speaker 1: moments in my sexual career where a slap went awry
Speaker 1: really yeah, and I was like you in the ear
Speaker 1: or it just totally fun up the mood for the
Speaker 1: rest of the night. Enough, what the fun was? I
Speaker 1: fuck it hurt. Do you have high threshold for pain? No,
Speaker 1: I'm not really into it. The other so you like
Speaker 1: giving but not receiving pain, Yeah, somebody was like choking.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I guess, try it, and then she did
Speaker 1: and it was like, yeah, a lot of guys are
Speaker 1: bitches about it. I gotta say, because you like giving pain, right,
Speaker 1: I like receiving more. You like slapping dudes and choking them? Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: I like either I'm fine with pain, but like, uh yeah,
Speaker 1: people uh don't are not very receptive to it. But
Speaker 1: I like when I find a boyfriend who is and
Speaker 1: it's like great, like ramming a dildo with dudes, But no,
Speaker 1: I don't like toys, like any of them, and like
Speaker 1: she gave them all to you. Yeah, you can do
Speaker 1: so much with your finger. It's great. Yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: I always did. And then occasionally now I don't know,
Speaker 1: liberation or something. I don't Maybe it's because Trump women
Speaker 1: are more outgoing, but yes, that is why I think
Speaker 1: I'm weird for not liking it. I'm just like the
Speaker 1: Ariel of of sex, you know, just using my fingers
Speaker 1: and putting forks, yes, forks, And when I discover a fork,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, what isn't this neat? Okay? Very you get,
Speaker 1: you get, could touch, you get like actual like yeah,
Speaker 1: but like vibrations super you know, yes, it makes me nauseous.
Speaker 1: That's why I gave I gave them. Yeah for real,
Speaker 1: Exactly have you ever gotten like intimidated by a sex
Speaker 1: toy or had a sex toy be used or a
Speaker 1: girl like grab it and you're like, oh really in
Speaker 1: the beginning, it's like not at the beginning, the first
Speaker 1: couple of times, I haven't had it much, whereas woman's like, hey,
Speaker 1: let's use You're at my place, like I want to
Speaker 1: show you what I use. Yeah, and it's like oh okay,
Speaker 1: But then it's like, yeah, a little intimidate because like
Speaker 1: I don't know how to use these exactly right. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know things what Coringe just gave you. I
Speaker 1: don't know what the fun that is? Is that a vibrator?
Speaker 1: Was it a rabbit thing? Yeah, it was a rabbit.
Speaker 1: I thought that one was pretty classic. I just it's
Speaker 1: just it just don't like sticking stuff inside myself. That
Speaker 1: little claw though at the bottom, I don't get. Is
Speaker 1: that for the rest on your clock? For your butts? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I know how you turned it the other way. You
Speaker 1: put the big part inside the original opening and then
Speaker 1: you rest the other one. You're I know how to
Speaker 1: use it. I just don't like it. I thought an
Speaker 1: thought that one of your butt hole, Like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to fork in my butt hole. They must have
Speaker 1: that two of the pink one of this think Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it just looks like a hand, but ones are
Speaker 1: usually more like sheep, like a horseshoe. Yeah, because I
Speaker 1: did have a butt one too, but I was like,
Speaker 1: but stuff, I kind of like, so I kept that one. Really. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the butt end as big as the vagina end. Uh.
Speaker 1: It wasn't not exactly the same, but they weren't like
Speaker 1: crazy different. Yeah. Yeah, I like that you guys have
Speaker 1: made a career. I'm just being open sexually, but just
Speaker 1: like I don't know ship. I really thought that part
Speaker 1: went in your butth hole. Yeah, you know that's the
Speaker 1: best part. Were so we're open about it. But a
Speaker 1: lot of misinformation being spread across I just don't know anything. No,
Speaker 1: that's the best part about it. So I'd be so safe.
Speaker 1: What's like, what else? What else is on your resume
Speaker 1: of like freaked? Um, I had a couple of threesomes
Speaker 1: in the last year. Hell yeah, your friend hooked up one? Yeah,
Speaker 1: my girl and so were these the first three stomes
Speaker 1: you've ever had? Yeah, welcome you surprises. I'm just not
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I don't know. What did you expect?
Speaker 1: I just figured something. I don't know. I don't know orgies.
Speaker 1: Have ever been orgy? I say suits you wear something
Speaker 1: more spectacular. I would say, yeah, yeah, like you would
Speaker 1: throw a Willy Wonka orgy or something, but like it
Speaker 1: wouldn't be like it would just be hot. I definitely
Speaker 1: thought you had sex with a little person. Why did
Speaker 1: you say you did know? This is just preconceived notions
Speaker 1: you have about him, the Jim Norton. How can I
Speaker 1: be figuring them Jim Norton. I don't know. I just
Speaker 1: kind of had this idea in my head that I
Speaker 1: think always done everything. Probably. I think if you if
Speaker 1: you're like looking for a normal range person, I'm at
Speaker 1: the high end of that. Okay, that's fun. Okay, so
Speaker 1: upper middle class. Of second, everybody loves Ray of Sex.
Speaker 1: It's like nothing, you're gonna be like, wow, that was
Speaker 1: my favorite show. But like I watch it. Okay, good,
Speaker 1: it's good. Okay, that's a fair review. So how did
Speaker 1: the threesomes go? How the first one go? So she
Speaker 1: was like, already done it with the woman, and then
Speaker 1: we met at a bar at the stand actually, and
Speaker 1: then we talked for a little bit and then's all right,
Speaker 1: let's walk home. We kept talking. I walked my walks
Speaker 1: on like minutes away there. So then it was like okay,
Speaker 1: and then she's like, hey, wait out here, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: keep going with it with the girl. The woman. Excuse me, um,
Speaker 1: you added yourself you um. So she went in there
Speaker 1: for a while. I just stayed out in the living room.
Speaker 1: And then after a while you were in the apartment.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, they were hooking up a little
Speaker 1: bit to get the other one comfortable and then she's like,
Speaker 1: all right, come in. I was like, whoa like an
Speaker 1: air traffic controller? Yeah, damn it was crazy, that's great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I aired towards the side of the woman
Speaker 1: I already hooked up with a bunch and because they
Speaker 1: were more familiar with the Wow, that's not the normal
Speaker 1: thing that people do though, Yeah, I'm so, I'm STI
Speaker 1: that's so that's a yes people and like that's like
Speaker 1: a big mistake. And usually the original girl gets really
Speaker 1: pissed about it, because yeah, people just go towards the
Speaker 1: new Well, this one had already hooked up with a girl.
Speaker 1: They hooked up a few times. Yeah, so she was
Speaker 1: gonna feel left out right event she was like, can
Speaker 1: you please stop my friend? Alright? My friend already could
Speaker 1: so to be in the middle there, but like, yeah,
Speaker 1: and how long it last? Lasted A long time? Wow,
Speaker 1: he lasts long. It's usually nice. How long is long
Speaker 1: for you? Every guy's are on Definition And a podcast
Speaker 1: we did with Bert Kreisher him and he was talking
Speaker 1: about something. It was a live podcast a year or
Speaker 1: two ago, and he was like, do you make sure
Speaker 1: the girl comes before you have sex? And I was
Speaker 1: like what, I don't know. He's like, I always make
Speaker 1: sure she comes first, and I was like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: you don't like, dude, we're all gonna come a bunch
Speaker 1: of times. It comes before you have sex. He makes
Speaker 1: sure he goes down and make sure she comes, and
Speaker 1: then he can Oh, I hate that. I actually seen
Speaker 1: seconds and then finish. Oh. I'm like, it's just gonna
Speaker 1: happen a bunch. Yeah, I'm not really worried about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're gonna come multiple times in one sexual encounter. No,
Speaker 1: she is, and then then will stop for a while
Speaker 1: or I'll do other stuff. Do it again, get back
Speaker 1: in the game quick. Sometimes what's your rebound time depends?
Speaker 1: There are so many variables with that. What are some
Speaker 1: things that like sometimes an hour or sometimes just like
Speaker 1: what affects your dick? What is there stuff that makes
Speaker 1: your dick like not work? I stop, get nervous? Oh,
Speaker 1: just nerves. Nerves, that's the number one thing. That's the
Speaker 1: number one. Do you get nervous when you're in sexual situations?
Speaker 1: And sometimes new girls someone I know, and I'm like
Speaker 1: looking forward to it for too long and then it's
Speaker 1: like if you stop and then get a condom, and
Speaker 1: then like now you're thinking about it, right, And then
Speaker 1: sometimes you like, let's just wait fifteen minutes, let's just
Speaker 1: calm down. It's like, stop the pressure on it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because guys, guys, dicks can cannot work for so many reasons,
Speaker 1: and a lot of times women are like, am I
Speaker 1: not enough? Like it truly isn't not It's not that.
Speaker 1: Actually that's not the worst. What's the word words? The
Speaker 1: worst is what the fund is wrong with you? I got?
Speaker 1: I mean, we're done. That's horrible. How you can't yell
Speaker 1: at a dick, you can't pressure in a going Yeah,
Speaker 1: because imagine, I mean just you just always think about
Speaker 1: everything in reverse. Like imagine if a guy said to like, yeah,
Speaker 1: why the funk aren't you wet? I mean that would
Speaker 1: cry and leave. Yeah. Yeah, wow, that's rude, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: But it's honestly, if the guy's dick isn't working, wait
Speaker 1: five just like just say, hey, it's okay, let's let's
Speaker 1: sit down for a minute. Let's just calm down, hold
Speaker 1: each other for five minutes, you hold each other whatever,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Learning so many new things about out
Speaker 1: make out, the start blowing, take the pressure off yeah,
Speaker 1: then start blowing him and then we're good. Yeah start yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, yeah, it's not that hard. Yeah, literally, it's
Speaker 1: not that hard yet. Yeah. What are you guys into
Speaker 1: crazy stuff? I like three ways? You like three but
Speaker 1: I like seeing my boyfriend with another person. You do?
Speaker 1: So girls are guys and girls girls. He doesn't like guys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have that problem to know where It's like, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I have somebody, this one that I'm going
Speaker 1: to later today. Yeah. She was like, get a get
Speaker 1: a vibrator. I mean that was an expensive errand to
Speaker 1: tell her, lucky you have a friend like me, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because those are those are really expensive. She's gonna think
Speaker 1: a lot of you. I know, she must think you're
Speaker 1: very rich. You probably are. You got money? Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure, I'm sure Jewish lit'll taste so yeah yeah
Speaker 1: really that much? Yeah, I could tell by you. Yes,
Speaker 1: I honestly looked. I was like, look to this neighborhood.
Speaker 1: I was like, I gotta get one. So I was
Speaker 1: like looking for like a pleasure chest or something like
Speaker 1: around here, like Story Hill would have it would have
Speaker 1: one because it's a lot of young people, a lot
Speaker 1: of basic bitches. But that's why, because there's no fucking there.
Speaker 1: There would not be a sex story here. I would
Speaker 1: be shocked if one opened, but I would also be
Speaker 1: very excited. But almost every woman I know has a vibrator,
Speaker 1: So how are they ending them online? Yeah? One, because
Speaker 1: I did look online is said would ship it would
Speaker 1: come tomorrow spoiled. I can't get my bibran and tell
Speaker 1: tomorrow fun this ship. Yeah, I mean the CVS, they
Speaker 1: were probably like winking to tell you to get a
Speaker 1: back massage that you could use it says it full out,
Speaker 1: says the CVS. Ballgreens. They're like Woman's erotic. Oh they
Speaker 1: know they do. You're right. Actually, I've noticed that aisle
Speaker 1: it's TVs because they've also started telling very nice shampoo
Speaker 1: and condition are for curly hair, and they have they
Speaker 1: do have the locks. No, I've graduated from that. Um
Speaker 1: it's the tin but that's the brand. But yeah, they
Speaker 1: have some text toys in the aisle with the condoms.
Speaker 1: But are there are they locked up? No? Huh yet.
Speaker 1: The razors are like I had to get permission to
Speaker 1: shave my legs from the store clerk so I could
Speaker 1: buy a fucking razor bill. Then I can just that
Speaker 1: must be something with violence. And then the condoms are
Speaker 1: locked up because people get embarrassed, so they steal them.
Speaker 1: That's why the condoms are locked. That's what I would
Speaker 1: have done early on, because yeah, because it's embarrassing. It's
Speaker 1: because they're on. Yeah. I walked by the condom mile
Speaker 1: the first time I had bought a con It was
Speaker 1: like this, there's an act out happening right now. Okay,
Speaker 1: he's walking. It's very shy. When the candle is okay,
Speaker 1: I'm just going this. I just like and then and
Speaker 1: then I look this way a little bit. It's like
Speaker 1: I'm looking for something right here. You have scotch tape
Speaker 1: on your butt, by the way, and then this is
Speaker 1: the motorway. This is so this makes it so much
Speaker 1: more obvious what you're doing. Just standing in the aisle
Speaker 1: walking back and forth for a long time. I just
Speaker 1: and then I just like look and walk. And then
Speaker 1: when I did buy one, I bought I think at
Speaker 1: twelve times when Israel. For first six I didn't, but
Speaker 1: I was going, oh, you went to Israel to lose
Speaker 1: your virginity. Did you think they didn't have condoms in Israel?
Speaker 1: They might not have no idea, because they wanted Jewish
Speaker 1: people to procrate with other Jewish people. They really might
Speaker 1: not have. But there's other people besides the Jews in Israel.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I forgot, but yeah, but I bought them.
Speaker 1: I bought like fifteen other things to cover up what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, pens g Q magazine, Like, uh, one
Speaker 1: of those toilet plungers. I don't even like that's a
Speaker 1: good one because I don't really throw people off because
Speaker 1: they'll be too busy whatever. Just a bunch of stuff
Speaker 1: I don't know, just make it all that place and
Speaker 1: then we're like, yeah, caught, but whatever, it's fine. Self
Speaker 1: checkout though, Oh that would make it so much easier. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh if there were self checkout. Yeah, your sex toys
Speaker 1: are over. This is like what people think. The guys
Speaker 1: we fund turned ice by vibrator. We just come in
Speaker 1: and just vibrators. That It's true. It is. Our apartments
Speaker 1: are seas of vibrators and sex toys and condoms. We
Speaker 1: just don't really use them. We just give them to friends.
Speaker 1: So what do you get for free? Like what do
Speaker 1: people think of you? So you said drugs? Drugs? Say
Speaker 1: anything else? Usually like psychedelic drugs, more weed, mostly weed,
Speaker 1: mostly because that's easier to obtain. I mentioned once on
Speaker 1: a podcast, I said I got a heavy handshake, and
Speaker 1: just use the term heavy handshake. And then from then
Speaker 1: on and started flooding in wait, like I got like
Speaker 1: this heavy handshake. Yeah, it's kind of like an Italian thing,
Speaker 1: like yeah, you know whatever, you'll pay you sometimes. And
Speaker 1: then all these people gave you drugs after you said that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have a heavy handshake as well. It was great.
Speaker 1: You should all give this to these women. Cool. They'll
Speaker 1: do things like you left this pack of cigarettes in
Speaker 1: the bathroom, I think, and you're like, I don't. There's
Speaker 1: just two joints in there. That's so nice, especially when
Speaker 1: you go on the road when you like can't really
Speaker 1: bring it with you. Yeah. Well people do give us,
Speaker 1: give me weed on the road, and it's so sweet.
Speaker 1: It's just so nice. But one time I ate a
Speaker 1: cookie and it didn't go well really, Yeah, I freaked
Speaker 1: out too much, almost freaked out. Yeah, at the airport
Speaker 1: when Krim went, we were at the terminal and kent
Speaker 1: we'll get a Starbucks, can't. I was fine. She came back,
Speaker 1: not fine. I was getting coffee for us, and she
Speaker 1: texted me and she goes, I got to confess something.
Speaker 1: She's like, I had an edible before we got the air,
Speaker 1: when I was like, why would you do that? Because
Speaker 1: it's not if you are petrified of flying, scared of flying,
Speaker 1: it's definitely not the right time. I was crossing at
Speaker 1: so hard and I literally was in my chair like this.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna die right Like, I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to say. I don't know if
Speaker 1: to say if she's handy capable, like I didn't know what,
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do. Kept coming over. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, and you know, I guess because it's
Speaker 1: two kinds that they're not as like nice with people
Speaker 1: who are quite scared of flying. Because I just kept
Speaker 1: saying she really scared flying, and like that doesn't fly anymore. Again,
Speaker 1: no puny for day. It's not really just not trying
Speaker 1: to make those. But she was originally sitting next to me,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, whoever says to me, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take a switch. And that was an easy switch off.
Speaker 1: The woman didn't even sit down and she's like, yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: whatever homemade cookie you have any idea? Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it was that was a pack. We weren't we were
Speaker 1: coming from San Francisco. It was a pack. It was sealed. No,
Speaker 1: I didn't know yet to check that, check that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I had one too, and it wasn't great. Like the
Speaker 1: night before I had had the same one. And I
Speaker 1: went to bed. Uh, and I just had a talk
Speaker 1: with myself. I was like, well, you're gonna die tonight.
Speaker 1: So I took a shower and I went to bed,
Speaker 1: and I was like, it's been fun. Like I was
Speaker 1: a hundred percent convinced. How common that I was not
Speaker 1: dead yet, but that I was going to die. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is not this is not okay.
Speaker 1: We didn't even text me. Yeah, well, because you would
Speaker 1: have freaked on made it worse. You know you're going
Speaker 1: to die. You're not a doctor, says you CPR. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't think CPR works for that. You have to
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess you'd have to make me vomit.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how to Have you ever had a
Speaker 1: bad experience with a woman I used to hook up
Speaker 1: with and then um at date and then um, she
Speaker 1: she got she was like but she was like, let
Speaker 1: me try an edible. I was like, okay, and I
Speaker 1: gave her. It was just when this banana bread was
Speaker 1: going around Los Angeles, it was killing people wait, literally
Speaker 1: killing people. No, I mean just like it was great.
Speaker 1: And I gave her. I mean honestly, maybe a quarter
Speaker 1: size of it. And the banana bird slice was, you know,
Speaker 1: like a regular because I supposed to eat less than
Speaker 1: the whole thing. I eat the whole thing, but your
Speaker 1: experience and your big guy a quarter maybe less than
Speaker 1: a quarter size, not a quarter of it, a quarter, right, um.
Speaker 1: And then she got so overdosed on it she started barfing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have sex at night. And it was like,
Speaker 1: that's not going to happen. She's still trying to I
Speaker 1: still was WoT yeah. And then eventually like, all right,
Speaker 1: this is a woman throw up on your dick. I
Speaker 1: had a woman. No really, but I doesn't happen enough. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it just makes sense that that's it would, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because that's to believe excuse to stick something down there
Speaker 1: to dick. My boyfriend said it happened to him two times,
Speaker 1: and I was like, just don't ever tell me that again.
Speaker 1: I was like, stop ragging. I had a woman throw
Speaker 1: up from hard fucking really though, said she hadn't done
Speaker 1: it in a while, and she was in a car. Yeah,
Speaker 1: were in a car. Your first gave it to her harder,
Speaker 1: you know, and then then she had like trying to
Speaker 1: open the door and it all came out of my
Speaker 1: rental car. Can you imagine that? She was like, I'm embarrassing, Like,
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's didn't get in the star. Were you
Speaker 1: really okay with it? Yeah? I thought it was weird,
Speaker 1: but like but then you're like like your shoulder dick too. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I felt like that it was like a regular thing.
Speaker 1: It would have been like, it's annoying. How how do
Speaker 1: you fucking a car? You're tall? It was suv. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I like doggies tis so you in the back seat?
Speaker 1: In the back seat, are you on the are your
Speaker 1: knees on the floor of the car. It's like one
Speaker 1: leg is down, the leg is back, and then she's
Speaker 1: kind of hunched over facing the I don't know, or
Speaker 1: you lay down the back. I don't know, car. It's
Speaker 1: not great in the car. Yeah. I only did it
Speaker 1: because that was my only option when I was yeah, right,
Speaker 1: but it was a van. It was a minivan, take
Speaker 1: those back, take those seats out, leave my mom dad's garage. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like a van or something. You have a whole hotel
Speaker 1: room in the back. Yeah, play and cry and look
Speaker 1: at each other's eyes. I used to have sex in
Speaker 1: like the parking garage of malls. Yeah, because my boyfriend
Speaker 1: had a van in there, and like, problem was it
Speaker 1: got hot because you can't leave it like running because
Speaker 1: mall security, you know, post nine eleven, you've got to
Speaker 1: be really sensitive about these things. It was fun. You
Speaker 1: just gotta get it over quick so you don't pass
Speaker 1: out from the heat because it was the summer. I
Speaker 1: think I had sex in a Macy's elevator once May
Speaker 1: just in there, like yeah, really quick. But it was
Speaker 1: like in the back section where no one was at
Speaker 1: any was like furniture section. It was in Pennsylvania. Are
Speaker 1: you riding? Yeah. Yeah. We were closing it and then
Speaker 1: we had pressed the stop button. But then some guy
Speaker 1: was like everything okay, We're like yeah, we're fine, so
Speaker 1: we had to keep going. But we yeah, because no
Speaker 1: one was really using that elevator because there was a
Speaker 1: lot of people there. I could see an elevator while
Speaker 1: it's moving, you're safe while it's not moving at any moment.
Speaker 1: Somebody why it was fun? Yeah, where's a risky place?
Speaker 1: You've ever boned? Risk? Yes? I did it at Hustler Hollywood.
Speaker 1: We did in the parking lot bent over the hood
Speaker 1: just outside. Yeah, no, no, no, it's ship club. It's
Speaker 1: like a sex store, like Larry Flinty store on Sunset.
Speaker 1: Wait outside a little a little less cool? Was it
Speaker 1: in the back of the building. It was in the back,
Speaker 1: but just in a public parking lot. It was just
Speaker 1: like yeah, and then we did it in a trunk
Speaker 1: once in a Jetta Jetta. Yeah, with a with a
Speaker 1: glow in the dark like latch that would open it
Speaker 1: up in case you got locked in. There was the
Speaker 1: trunk closed closed in a parking lot. You both fit
Speaker 1: in a Jetta trunk. It's hue. I cannot envision a Jetta.
Speaker 1: If you have stuff to transport, you can really fit
Speaker 1: a lot like multiple full size devil. So any serial
Speaker 1: killers listening Jetta carpet, I would be so scared the
Speaker 1: whole time that I would be locked in forever though
Speaker 1: like that something would malfunction, because you know, getting locked
Speaker 1: in a trunk is tested. It's had a glow of
Speaker 1: the dark release latch and then kicking the nappy in
Speaker 1: the back in the back of a car. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure you can always kick in the back seat if
Speaker 1: you're if you're stuff, Whose idea was it to fucking
Speaker 1: the trunk curse? She was nuts, she was nuts. That's
Speaker 1: my ex x wife. Actually, whoa you were married? Quickly married? Yeah,
Speaker 1: kind of girl, will give me in a trunk. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she was nuts. She was great. Wow, why didn't work
Speaker 1: out because of that? No, we did work out. It
Speaker 1: was great. I mean, it seems like it didn't work
Speaker 1: because you weren't you're not married anymore RNT. Oh yeah right,
Speaker 1: but that's the only way you can have a relationship
Speaker 1: work out. I mean no, it's definitely not no. But
Speaker 1: you just dated then, why the marrit Why did you
Speaker 1: just said okay? It was like it was like a
Speaker 1: weekend of dating. Oh, Darmine, we had hooked up before,
Speaker 1: like three years before. She was an acting class for
Speaker 1: like three months just to try it, and uh we
Speaker 1: hooked him a few times. But then she went away
Speaker 1: for a few years and then wow, yeah she was like,
Speaker 1: well hooked up with somebody, was like, I don't care
Speaker 1: she's like, yeah, you won't get married. Okay, whoa open relationship? Nice? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why did you separ right then? It seems that seems
Speaker 1: like it was great. We just sort of became friends,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, and each other and we still did that,
Speaker 1: but it was like it just didn't feel Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was just like buddies it film. Yeah, yeah exactly. It
Speaker 1: just like faded into that How long were you married? For? Year? Long?
Speaker 1: As relationship? By far my next relationship? What what age
Speaker 1: were you? Probably thirty maybe or something like that. Still
Speaker 1: talked to her, We did for a while, and then
Speaker 1: she started getting real Christian. What trunk all got Christian? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And then yeah, and then she started trying to get
Speaker 1: me to go to sermons and stuff, and it became
Speaker 1: annoying to talk to her. But you're like very Jewish,
Speaker 1: yeah exactly, and not religious, So like if I'm going
Speaker 1: to be religious, that's not the one because of that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm also not gonna be religious. Yeah, I got weird.
Speaker 1: That is an odd turn that she took. Did something
Speaker 1: happen in her life to make her go? You know what? Jesus? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was your third marriage. I think she got married
Speaker 1: once after me. She liked the idea of getting married.
Speaker 1: She loved it, it seems, yeah, so that she couldn't
Speaker 1: should have kept going, that was your thing. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: think she just thought her life was empty after a while. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you fill that hole with Jesus. It's just weird.
Speaker 1: Never works out well, just never works out. Well. Wow,
Speaker 1: we were for four years. It was great with somebody.
Speaker 1: Oh you've never lived with a girlfriend or anybody ever since.
Speaker 1: And before she got a Christmas tree, we had a
Speaker 1: great It was great. She cleaned because I don't claim
Speaker 1: my I mean this place looks great. Claim you could
Speaker 1: tell this a woman lives here. Do not know how?
Speaker 1: Or you just don't like to it's not interested in Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's sam As Stevens. Doesn't drive me. I love it.
Speaker 1: And then when she does clean what she did cleanse me.
Speaker 1: It was like she was like, don't you like this? Yeah?
Speaker 1: This is way better than it was. Yeah, so will
Speaker 1: you do it? Absolutely not. Yeah, that's the scene. I
Speaker 1: feel like if someone could clean my apartment but I'm
Speaker 1: not doing yeah. Yeah, I mean it's not it's hygienically clean,
Speaker 1: but it's like I just have a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: and I'm not clutter Why am I going to organize
Speaker 1: it so I can mess it up again? No? Thank you?
Speaker 1: You got a couple of cho Yeah, thank you. No.
Speaker 1: I I love cleaning and I love organizing, and I
Speaker 1: love I like my space to just be like make
Speaker 1: to make me happy, you make your bed? Hell, why
Speaker 1: would I do that? Fine one of I I do
Speaker 1: when someone's coming over. Yeah, of course I used to
Speaker 1: when I was a kid, like my mother would make me.
Speaker 1: But yeah. But but that was like, I mean, that's
Speaker 1: because when I was a kid, people who I weren't
Speaker 1: going to funk, We're coming over, you know, Like now
Speaker 1: usually if someone comes over, you know, have you ever
Speaker 1: banged a girl who got a Brazilian wax which the
Speaker 1: butthole everything. I haven't been with many women who I
Speaker 1: would say, oh, you need to wash your butth hole.
Speaker 1: Well that's nice, yeah, but maybe maybe they do. Some
Speaker 1: have had really hairy butt holes. Because I don't really
Speaker 1: have a harry butth hole, but I'm like, well, people
Speaker 1: must long hair right on the on the hole in
Speaker 1: the hole. Yeah, stuff coming you know. How you ever
Speaker 1: have nipple hair? Yes? Yeah, it comes up right on
Speaker 1: the yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. So it's like that with
Speaker 1: the butthole really yeah, and then some they just grow
Speaker 1: like long, how long? What butthole hair can get that long?
Speaker 1: Usually a twist though, because there's like the very few
Speaker 1: times as a like super it's like a main yeah,
Speaker 1: or just kind of curls around. I mean it's all
Speaker 1: being compacted down, and so you're like you're in the
Speaker 1: back just like looking at this like charting, maybe like
Speaker 1: putting a little pencil more. You just notice it and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, look at that. It's never gonna be
Speaker 1: like I lost my boner because of that. Fucking gross.
Speaker 1: It's never that. Yeah, but full like vaginal that's not Brazilian,
Speaker 1: that's just Brazilian. Is everything waxed? So you're button Yeah?
Speaker 1: So yeah, I guess I guess I've been with that.
Speaker 1: What do I was? I was thinking about this. I
Speaker 1: did the show called stand up on the Spot the
Speaker 1: other day and this girl before me was talking about
Speaker 1: braziliance and I got stage and I was like, what
Speaker 1: do guys do to make us want to fuck them?
Speaker 1: Like inter turn your balls? Yeah? They all said keep
Speaker 1: it low like the pubes. That's it. No. I did
Speaker 1: almost no trimming, no trimming, are you Harry? Yeah, a
Speaker 1: little bit. Yeah. I was like, you're yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I probably should. Is it because you want to give
Speaker 1: the woman a challenge? I just never really honestly should.
Speaker 1: It makes your dick look bugger anyway. So it's like
Speaker 1: we both wins. Had anyone ever complained your knees feet tall?
Speaker 1: My dick is fine? Everybody, It's never been what I mean,
Speaker 1: do you haven't always be bigger? Do you have a
Speaker 1: huge dick? It's like fat, that's what that's I'm only
Speaker 1: going through the reports I get okay, comes up like
Speaker 1: not with you? Oh fig got that fat? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: guess I don't know that telling I derived like personal
Speaker 1: like worth from or anything. It was just like I
Speaker 1: used to think it was tiny. And then I mentioned
Speaker 1: or girl wants to really Yeah, she was talking about
Speaker 1: some guy. She was like it was like his stump.
Speaker 1: That's as much as it was. And I was like
Speaker 1: like that. She goes, well, you know you're not like that.
Speaker 1: Though I thought I thought she was exaggerating it. I
Speaker 1: have nothing to compare it to it. You've seen porn. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not as big as that. These fucking monster but
Speaker 1: they need a wheelbarrow to come in. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: not the kind of porn I like, why you where
Speaker 1: they get split into no, no, thank you, like you
Speaker 1: know normal porn where it's like, you know, a dick
Speaker 1: that's big, but it's not like you can't run away. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm right there with that. Okay, that's good. But we've
Speaker 1: never seen another guy's dick, like look, I've seen I've
Speaker 1: seen Louis Goma. Sorry sorry, but like that's like tricolored
Speaker 1: tri colored. Yes, I'm roasting him later. I need to
Speaker 1: learn that tips. Yeah. I like how you guys don't
Speaker 1: like each other but also interact. That's more me and
Speaker 1: I don't and I don't want mean we do shows together.
Speaker 1: I'm a fucking not a child, but I'm like, hey, Boddy, hey,
Speaker 1: best friends and then he laughs. I love when people
Speaker 1: get so mad at the comics, like I'm not showing up.
Speaker 1: If they're showing up, it's gonna be a road. That's
Speaker 1: why I forced. I forced the interaction immediately because I
Speaker 1: hate awkward moments and I just give people hugs. I
Speaker 1: don't like them. Lewis, if I can do shows that
Speaker 1: we're people I didn't like were performing, I would never perform.
Speaker 1: You'd never seen me. Have you ever fucked a comic? Yeah?
Speaker 1: A few? Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, female comics because like
Speaker 1: we couldn't always say like male comics can be you
Speaker 1: have you have I have, I mean almost exclusively comics. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I wish I missed out on that. Yeah. Well, here's
Speaker 1: the negative. They say, like it's gonna get in the
Speaker 1: way or whatever. But here's the reality. It's your coworkers.
Speaker 1: You're around them all the time. That's any job people.
Speaker 1: For the coworkers, they get it on a level, but
Speaker 1: they get it so it's not even a question of
Speaker 1: like I was talking recently about like younger comics, like
Speaker 1: newer comics, and then they're like, well, isn't annoying when
Speaker 1: they asked for advice, Like yeah, if they do, sure,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to give them advice or help. But
Speaker 1: because it's like, sweetheart, your path, I'll just hold you back.
Speaker 1: You help, just hold you back. Yeah, you just gotta
Speaker 1: fucking do it. Just help. But you can give advice
Speaker 1: without helping people like a hot tip yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: where it's like, oh let them let the heckler dig
Speaker 1: a hole for themselves before you go off like a
Speaker 1: little curt to write that down, but like somebody give
Speaker 1: me that advice spots, but like things like that, but
Speaker 1: not like how can you get me an age and
Speaker 1: or can you get me in this room? So do
Speaker 1: this in your own Yeah, but like you can talk
Speaker 1: about like, oh it's a good it was a big
Speaker 1: showcase for me and I didn't do well. I understand
Speaker 1: what that means. They understand what that means. If space,
Speaker 1: what matter what level it's at. It's just like I
Speaker 1: wanted that to go well and it didn't. Yeah, sucks,
Speaker 1: or a family members there and it went bad or
Speaker 1: it went well or whatever. It's like you can relate
Speaker 1: on a level that you can't relate. Yeah, that's why
Speaker 1: it seems nice, Like it seems like a good but night,
Speaker 1: I'll be done eleven thirty, Okay, I'll be done. And
Speaker 1: that's the thing, like meeting up at midnight with anyone
Speaker 1: else who was in a comic would seems sketchy, But
Speaker 1: with your book comics, you're like, oh no, that's completely normal,
Speaker 1: and it's not like that you think less of me, right,
Speaker 1: I think less of you. Our female comics is there?
Speaker 1: Like our female comics, how are they to date? Like
Speaker 1: would you say they're they're needy. Okay with this, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna say what male commons and our data once
Speaker 1: and how to deal with them on that left right. No,
Speaker 1: but I like hearing it from male comics perspective, but
Speaker 1: from looking at a woman, they're needy insecure? Oh really,
Speaker 1: Oh I guess. So it's like it's not a wonder
Speaker 1: one with actresses, but it's a bit of an overlap.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so some of them want to be center
Speaker 1: of the detention, but not all. Yeah, it's like there's
Speaker 1: multiple breeds of female comics. Well, insecure is most comics
Speaker 1: always which is, But that's the that's the that's the
Speaker 1: one problem I come across with dating comics because that's
Speaker 1: like the one comic quality that I'm I'm pretty much
Speaker 1: very much a comedian, but I'm not insecure. And then
Speaker 1: every time I find someone who I think is not insecure,
Speaker 1: they're always just actually so insecure that they've created this
Speaker 1: himself and they got a data for a long time
Speaker 1: to find out might just some insecure You just say
Speaker 1: something like oh I love Bill bar Saw said it
Speaker 1: was so fun, and they go, well, it's's and be
Speaker 1: like Jesus Christ's black. What the Yeah, yeah, your set
Speaker 1: is good too. Can we just talk? Yeah? Right, obviously,
Speaker 1: Like if you think that that Bilberg conversation is about you,
Speaker 1: that's crazy. But like even if I say, like someone
Speaker 1: who's like on my level it's funny, people will be like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm not funny. Like two people can be fucking New
Speaker 1: York City. If you really want to hear a comic
Speaker 1: and even listening, if you heard of comic but but
Speaker 1: not have any sort of guilt on yourself, just go,
Speaker 1: you're my second favorite comedian and watch him. Just just
Speaker 1: swirl that, which is an amazing thing to be the
Speaker 1: second best comics in someone's mind. Yeah, but they're like,
Speaker 1: why who's who's the best? Why? Why second? Why did
Speaker 1: you say second? Said first? One of my favorite comedians.
Speaker 1: It's okay, but yeah, qualify it. They hate it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I missed out on date. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: could date. It makes sense because if they get it
Speaker 1: on the level. But like banging male comics, I feel
Speaker 1: like they're freaks in bed. It seems a lot of
Speaker 1: them are very good and weird, and I feel like
Speaker 1: female comics are probably good and weird freaks in bed too,
Speaker 1: because It's just you're so used to being authentically yourself
Speaker 1: on stage and stuff and kind of honing in on
Speaker 1: that that when you bomb in front of a group
Speaker 1: of strangers with your own thoughts and opinions, it's like,
Speaker 1: how can lower than that? The prudes also, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: like they'll blugg in the car before you leave. It's
Speaker 1: fun friends here, isn't that? Bonnie Bonnie McFarland told us
Speaker 1: that she made Rich eat her out like their first
Speaker 1: date in a car, and I was like, yeah, car
Speaker 1: angle on that last comic standing, I think maybe yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a great story. Yeah it's hard to get Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard to get eaten out in like vehicles and stuff.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, yeah it is unless you got fingered,
Speaker 1: unless you got a vanny or move the seats. Also,
Speaker 1: bow jobs are hard unless you have a really nothing
Speaker 1: console in the middle. Otherwise, thinking RoadHead all the time.
Speaker 1: I was thinking about this the other day. That's very dangerous.
Speaker 1: It is very dangerous. Why did I do that? Because
Speaker 1: it's so exciting. I guess we could diets. I tried
Speaker 1: to do it with my boyfriend. Now we've been together
Speaker 1: for a long time. When we first dated I tried to,
Speaker 1: like I put put my hand over his dick, and
Speaker 1: he's like stop it. I'm like, you don't have RoadHead?
Speaker 1: What the funk? He's like, I could crash. I'm like,
Speaker 1: point point about men right now. A lot of times
Speaker 1: when I say stop it, we mean try harder. Really, yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure he might stop, but he seemed very annoyed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he means like I don't want to do it, but
Speaker 1: like if you keep pushing, it's like I kind of
Speaker 1: do want to do it, but I feel like I shouldn't.
Speaker 1: And then sometimes we say no, and then as soon
Speaker 1: as we say, like why did I just say that,
Speaker 1: really back on it. So if you just keep trying.
Speaker 1: So no means using with consent because I feel I
Speaker 1: agree with you, And a lot of times with girls
Speaker 1: no no does mean yes, but you can't say that now,
Speaker 1: so what do we do? It does mean that a
Speaker 1: lot of times that's why you know you know the
Speaker 1: difference when you're familiar with somebody, when you should know
Speaker 1: the difference. But I truly feel like some people my
Speaker 1: mind don't know the difference between like no and I no.
Speaker 1: H Well, if a person is pushing you off, them,
Speaker 1: that's a that's a no. Yeah, I don't want it
Speaker 1: to get there. Women, when I've stopped and go what then,
Speaker 1: why didn't you try harder? I was, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you're crazy, You're not was way too strong, right, So
Speaker 1: she gave you a firm no and then got piste
Speaker 1: when you respected that. Yeah, you're wrong here, I should
Speaker 1: you were right to stop. Yeah, because it's just played
Speaker 1: safe and we try to brate you a lot. There's
Speaker 1: been a lot that one of those you well only
Speaker 1: I think it would be an interesting tactic for someone
Speaker 1: like I could see using that as a tactic just
Speaker 1: because you're kind of rude a lot. So I could
Speaker 1: see like that coming, like people trying that with you,
Speaker 1: People trying to neg me a lot because they think
Speaker 1: that's going to work, and then just sucking annoys me more.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, I'm going to leave. Why am
Speaker 1: I here getting insulted? I don't need to be here. Yeah, um,
Speaker 1: you're see your roommates. Am I rude? Oh yeah, you're rude.
Speaker 1: You know you're rude. It's not a secret. You're being
Speaker 1: very nice right now, but I mean, you know, we've
Speaker 1: got a lot of rude interactions. Oh yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean you're kind of rude. It's fine, it's fine. I'm
Speaker 1: sure I've been rude to lots of people. Sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: just rude, is good, right, right? Right? Sure. I had
Speaker 1: this problem when I'm like I've become a boss sometimes
Speaker 1: here there, I mean like a like a like a
Speaker 1: boss bitch. No, no, like an overseer of people's right,
Speaker 1: you're in charge. Yeah, And then I just get to
Speaker 1: the point and then it becomes a problem where it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: can you can you make sure that's done? And then
Speaker 1: I don't think. I just feel like we're all here
Speaker 1: to your jobs, and the people like, well, I just
Speaker 1: feel like Jesus Christ because I would never want it,
Speaker 1: like come on, like I'm shooting something like let's go,
Speaker 1: you're up, and I'm like okay, they're like, hey, how
Speaker 1: are you feeling? Thank you so much for doing it.
Speaker 1: I don't think other people that's all fluff and bullshit. Anyway,
Speaker 1: even if you're appreciative, like it doesn't matter do the thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think if you just say to establish at the
Speaker 1: front that like, uh, you like and appreciate people being there,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna be like listen, we're gonna there's not
Speaker 1: gonna be any like thank you so much as in
Speaker 1: handshakes and hugs on the step, But I appreciate you
Speaker 1: being here. Let's get our jobs done and then I'll
Speaker 1: buy you like fucking donuts, think a great job, but
Speaker 1: like but like wait for three days to pass and
Speaker 1: then I can do it right. But then, sometimes, especially
Speaker 1: when talking about stand up, I just don't even think.
Speaker 1: I just think we're all. You asked me once about
Speaker 1: a story, and I was like, I just told you, like,
Speaker 1: here's what I think is wrong with it, here's what's
Speaker 1: good about it. And then I had to like stop myself, like,
Speaker 1: oh hey, I hope this isn't coming off. Yah. Know
Speaker 1: that was pretty rude, but it was. It was okay.
Speaker 1: I took it. Actually I was not. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is this is very direct, and I think I
Speaker 1: was just like, let's talk about the art form. But
Speaker 1: I also think it was a little more like and
Speaker 1: I think the story was better than you said it was.
Speaker 1: But then I but then so I was like okay
Speaker 1: with it, and I was actually not insulted. I was like,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you getting me back to me in such detail. Um.
Speaker 1: But then I sent it to my manager actually because
Speaker 1: I was just like not getting response, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I know, Ari, I'm just gonna messag him directly because
Speaker 1: I was like, I feel like I've met him enough
Speaker 1: times that this is not like annoying because I actually
Speaker 1: know and uh. And then I showed it to my
Speaker 1: manager and like, my manager really does not get insulted
Speaker 1: on my behalf a lot. Uh. And he was like,
Speaker 1: you don't need to work with them what he said,
Speaker 1: and like only because he's never reacted in that way.
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm just like I kind of
Speaker 1: like took his lead on that, and I'm fine with it.
Speaker 1: Like I left my boyfriends like that. My boyfriend can
Speaker 1: be like an assholet with feedback. But he's like, well,
Speaker 1: do you want to know what I think or not?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, I do, so okay, I could
Speaker 1: take it. Yeah, I mean there's also a way to
Speaker 1: be Like sometimes I think that if I'm going to
Speaker 1: fluff it up with someone, the person I am going
Speaker 1: to fluff it up with is the person I love,
Speaker 1: if that makes sense. Yeah, just because it's like you're
Speaker 1: like your significant other. I think sometimes like especially as
Speaker 1: comics like me and my boyfriend get like too direct
Speaker 1: and I'm like and I'm just good, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not assurance, Like I still think you have value, right,
Speaker 1: And it's also like the Dan Savage says, it's like
Speaker 1: you kind of want to fluff it up and try
Speaker 1: to make a relationship of fairy tale as much as possible,
Speaker 1: Like you still want the person that you're digning to
Speaker 1: think that, like that they're the best person in the
Speaker 1: world and your eyes. I think that's really important for
Speaker 1: open relationships. It was like, you do whatever, but you
Speaker 1: gotta understand they're gonna feel left out. So you just
Speaker 1: have to say I love you a little more often
Speaker 1: than yeah, pay attention to the person and flirt with them.
Speaker 1: But when people talk about what we do a comedy,
Speaker 1: I'm always just like, just give me the negatives unless
Speaker 1: there's some huge positive, like for sure, don't lose this.
Speaker 1: I've never seen anything like this before. Of course that
Speaker 1: it's like just hit with the negative. You can't learn.
Speaker 1: That's why. Yeah, I like I like criticism for people
Speaker 1: that I that I respect, and even if I don't
Speaker 1: respect them, Like it's just interesting to hear people's criticism
Speaker 1: because that's what you learn from that's how you figure
Speaker 1: it out and tweak it. Have you always been in
Speaker 1: open relationships? No? When did that start? That? That wife?
Speaker 1: Oh and she was the one who proposed it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I was like, you know, I just gotta have
Speaker 1: relationship where it was like cheating on me. She definitely
Speaker 1: wasn't faithful. She was started dating other people. I don't know,
Speaker 1: another guy, but like it wasn't like she slept with them,
Speaker 1: but like enough where it's like, what am I doing
Speaker 1: in this closed relationship? Pressing up opportunities to meet new people,
Speaker 1: and like meeting new people. I couldn't make new friends
Speaker 1: right now. There was a yachting trip that I didn't
Speaker 1: get to go on about having people in your life
Speaker 1: that like add to your life. Yeah, well that's what
Speaker 1: life is about. I mean you're talking about sticking your
Speaker 1: dicking people. I mean that you can have more friends
Speaker 1: and it's fine too. You don't have to like tiptoe
Speaker 1: around that. It's fine to be like I want to
Speaker 1: house sex with other people, more people. I met this
Speaker 1: girl on a set and we started talking about she
Speaker 1: was a wardrobe person, wardrobe and hair makeup people. The
Speaker 1: coolest people and sets the only ones to really talk
Speaker 1: to unless you're trying to network, than the last ones
Speaker 1: to talk to, but like I never did. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: it's like they have sense of style. That's interesting. We
Speaker 1: started talking about Tarantino. She was a fan, so was I.
Speaker 1: It was fine. I was dating a comic at the time,
Speaker 1: and um and should She said that Tarantino has bringing
Speaker 1: some movie over from China and he's like showing it
Speaker 1: in lost filas. I was like, oh cool. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's let's go to that. It was cool. It's just friendly.
Speaker 1: And then we kept talking and and then I started
Speaker 1: getting flirtier and flirtier. And then I realized like, oh
Speaker 1: this thing was before it was just like I could
Speaker 1: be friends with a girl, a woman. Is that all
Speaker 1: it was? Now it was like this has turned into
Speaker 1: a date. The plans we made is just a friendship
Speaker 1: thing now has become a date. And I had to
Speaker 1: tell like, hey, I can't go with you, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's like we're flirting and I can't do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because you weren't. You weren't a relationship. Yes, find a
Speaker 1: woman like that into my life. We could we could
Speaker 1: share something. It would be about sex. Sure, yeah, no, sorry,
Speaker 1: when you're married, you can't go on dates. I think
Speaker 1: it's what we just said were part of our marriage.
Speaker 1: But the relationship now I can, I can have something
Speaker 1: with somebody grow. Why you hear what you're saying. That's
Speaker 1: so ridiculous. Why because, yeah, you can't have your cake
Speaker 1: and eat it too, Like I don't going on dates,
Speaker 1: I know, but going on there's a difference. I mean
Speaker 1: there's different levels of open relationships. Open relationships where you
Speaker 1: can suck other people. I can understand where you're going
Speaker 1: on dates where other people get the funk out of town.
Speaker 1: That's what I was thinking of. Come on, that's so ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I met with you, oh yeah, oh yeah, and she,
Speaker 1: I mean I worked out for a long time with
Speaker 1: her and the guy. Um, But that I was thinking,
Speaker 1: why why do you have to just dick and move
Speaker 1: just you can enjoy a person they're intelligence right, Well,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't need to. If I were to have an
Speaker 1: open relationship, it would have to be with people. But
Speaker 1: I have to have a crush on you to want
Speaker 1: to fuck you, and I need to get to know
Speaker 1: you'd have a crush on you. Whether that's a date
Speaker 1: or even just like hanging out. It doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be anything formal, but I need some sort of I
Speaker 1: can't just it's not just sit around washing Netflix and
Speaker 1: smoking pot and talk to Yeah. Well that's fine, Yeah
Speaker 1: you don't want to dummy, but like going out to
Speaker 1: like dinners and like movies and like dressing up in
Speaker 1: like a getting that post Like I mean for me,
Speaker 1: that just wouldn't then just don't get married. It's fun to,
Speaker 1: it's fun to. Yeah, I don't know. I always thought
Speaker 1: like I really would, I really would be into the
Speaker 1: possibility of open relationship, and I'm like, do you date
Speaker 1: other people or you just them? But then there's a
Speaker 1: lot of just sucking. And there was some just like
Speaker 1: oh I'm in love with somebody else too. That sucks.
Speaker 1: And that's also just a lot of work. It's a
Speaker 1: lot of work. But she was out of town, so
Speaker 1: it's okay. So you were only in love when she
Speaker 1: was out of like the woman lived out of town.
Speaker 1: Oh that's nice because then she went away and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you eventually forget about her on the road. You do
Speaker 1: have anything long for her and write like emails the
Speaker 1: other girl either out of town girl. Yeah. Yeah, see
Speaker 1: sometimes that can be like that can be more consuming
Speaker 1: than someone who's in town because like people will annoy
Speaker 1: you slower if they're away, and it's more romantic. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's always fun to text somebody and then wait for them.
Speaker 1: All I love like a sexy pen pal. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: great sexy and the benefit of having a relationship. So
Speaker 1: you have a sexy pen pal, you have somebody you're
Speaker 1: like smitten with, and then instead of dumping the person
Speaker 1: you are with and then the new person probably fizzle
Speaker 1: out in a month or two anyway, you let it
Speaker 1: fizzle out and you stay with it. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: do you appreciate the person you in love with more,
Speaker 1: especially with the other person gets crazy or needy or whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: then you're like, oh, you're never that, but right, And
Speaker 1: that's that's what I would think, That's what I have
Speaker 1: in my head. But then what if what if the
Speaker 1: other person is like better than you weren't meant to be? Yeah,
Speaker 1: my thing is just like I agree, Like, but I
Speaker 1: think when when you're getting you're getting married, you're saying
Speaker 1: you're saying to that person that you're marrying. I've looked
Speaker 1: into these other options enough to know that I like
Speaker 1: you the best anyone in the world. I mean, you
Speaker 1: haven't met everybody. Yeah, but also like people all over
Speaker 1: the world, I'm like, you're I'm not. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just I'm always gravitated towards people from the Northeast.
Speaker 1: I don't have anything in common with someone from like Nevada, Texas.
Speaker 1: Was it you was saying a marriage is like a
Speaker 1: business us. Is that somebody else? I mean it is,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure I have said that, but I'm sure
Speaker 1: you said that too. Oh I did. That means somebody
Speaker 1: else said it to me, that wasn't you. But I
Speaker 1: like thinking of it that way. I like thinking of
Speaker 1: marriages like a partnership, like we're we're fucking not you know,
Speaker 1: but not in the sense of like we're going to
Speaker 1: brand ourselves on Instagram to be like fucking perfect. But
Speaker 1: I really hate you, like not that, but just more
Speaker 1: life partners like fucking you know, what do you need
Speaker 1: from me? Yeah? Exactly there for you? Yeah? Like that
Speaker 1: to me, I'm like, that's actually a really good way
Speaker 1: to think about those trade rules for relationships. Hey, my
Speaker 1: parents are coming to town, so can you not suing me?
Speaker 1: For three days. Well I need you around, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: absolutely right, and that's a nice I wouldn't do mushroms
Speaker 1: to night before finals, Like, I gotta be studying, so
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't do that. It's just like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, be smart about it, being responsible, Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I feel like you can the whole having your cake
Speaker 1: anyting it too. I think you both people could potentially
Speaker 1: achieve that. I just haven't seen it yet. I don't know,
Speaker 1: Like I don't like to dance, so like if if
Speaker 1: a girl, I'm a woman of dating, has you have
Speaker 1: a thing with every time you say girls see girls,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not bad, so I'm not offend. It
Speaker 1: isn't fund I don't I've never gotten offended by the
Speaker 1: world girl. And I also would never think you're referring
Speaker 1: to a minor. Ever. Yeah, I know, I'm just trying, Kate, Well,
Speaker 1: it's got in my head. Oh it's like degrading to women. Yeah,
Speaker 1: where it's like I know, it's like guy and girls
Speaker 1: to geez. That's why that's why I would justify saying it.
Speaker 1: But it is like the meaning I guess I called
Speaker 1: grown a man and I'm like, hey, hey, boys, like
Speaker 1: I see it all the time. Yeah, it's kind of hot.
Speaker 1: It's just cute. See people get so wrapped up about
Speaker 1: fucking words and I can't handle it anymore. It's like
Speaker 1: your tup of words and none of her actions, right,
Speaker 1: and that's yeah, it's it's your Yeah, you're taking the
Speaker 1: focus away. But yeah it's fine. I mean also, like
Speaker 1: you know, like I wake up at noon and like
Speaker 1: we're sneakers and like tell jokes for a living, like
Speaker 1: I am a girl, like you're wearing a dress. Yeah
Speaker 1: you're a girl. Yeah, even more girl like us are adults.
Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, it's I belly knocker filled with
Speaker 1: sex toys and lou I don't care and old playboys
Speaker 1: from the nineties. Yeah, what were you going to say?
Speaker 1: I cut you off because I was calling you on
Speaker 1: and forgot Wait what we'd open relationship? Haven't kicking you too?
Speaker 1: I think it's possible. I've never seen it, and Kate
Speaker 1: will it well? No, that was that was the tangent
Speaker 1: she got any best saying girl about how you have
Speaker 1: to like make time for your Have you had anything
Speaker 1: up your butt? No? Really? Yeah? Did you anyone ever? Try? No?
Speaker 1: But I don't even lick my butt once and I
Speaker 1: was like, don't do that. Oh you didn't like it?
Speaker 1: There was no okay, well, it was like I felt
Speaker 1: bad for the whole time. I feel bad for it too.
Speaker 1: Sting butts are not good. Is your bottle, Harry? It's gross.
Speaker 1: I have the worst butt hole in comedy, the worst
Speaker 1: bottle in comedy. Have you pulled a Charlotte and held
Speaker 1: a mirror up to your butth hole? He's just comparing
Speaker 1: to Louis J. What I know is wax. It's on
Speaker 1: spots and everyone's looking at Pele's butt holes. And then
Speaker 1: I was just quiet and like all because I know
Speaker 1: that I'm going to be the one that from all
Speaker 1: of you in person. You guys were looking looking at
Speaker 1: each other's butthole, so trying to see the future show
Speaker 1: who showed their bottles showed? But no Big J did
Speaker 1: not think and uh, yeah, they probably had a nice
Speaker 1: butt hole. They probably had the nicest one. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and you did ultimately show it, or you didn't. I did,
Speaker 1: but I was like, oh, way too, because I don't
Speaker 1: want to want hep you into. They made a lot
Speaker 1: of noises, not the first time, I know very well.
Speaker 1: I had a horrible But why is your bottle so horrible? Hemorrhoids? Okay,
Speaker 1: well you can fix that. You can fix that. Not really,
Speaker 1: you can't. It's like surgery that works. Sometimes it's just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't get this. You can see hemroids on a bottle.
Speaker 1: You have to burn them all that they were inside
Speaker 1: your intestines. That's how I went. I mean, I wasn't uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: You gotta take a light. Sure, it is a painful surgery.
Speaker 1: Have you had no, no, no, I have a lot
Speaker 1: of gay friends. But you can get them burned off
Speaker 1: warts or I'm pretty you have Alfie No no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no. That was number one. Alfie does not
Speaker 1: have that. And we're not naming names. He was on
Speaker 1: the podcast and he said it because he said it.
Speaker 1: This is different though, um burned off, Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: it's I believe it's like a burning burning is what
Speaker 1: they use it. Yeah, it's I mean, because I just
Speaker 1: I think your life would be it would be a
Speaker 1: little pain, you have the worst bottle of comedy, and
Speaker 1: then you would feel better. Ultimately, I only think about
Speaker 1: it when it comes up in conversation like this. It's
Speaker 1: not saying that bothers me anyway, But this girl was
Speaker 1: doing it trying to convince you. Yeah, I guess to
Speaker 1: make you but hole better. Ari, It's like what are
Speaker 1: you doing by that? But also I was deriving no
Speaker 1: sexual pleasure from it, Okay. It wasn't like it was
Speaker 1: like if she licked the back of my knee. It
Speaker 1: was like, it's interesting, that's don't think it's hot. It's
Speaker 1: not like balls. I don't know. There wasn't anything specific
Speaker 1: about it that was like I want you to do that, right?
Speaker 1: So then it's like, do you like full balls in
Speaker 1: in mouth? What do you just mentioned balls in passing?
Speaker 1: Like you really like the ball? We had a lady
Speaker 1: sexual there right, like I don't know, you're licking me
Speaker 1: as nice, but like not some people have weird spots
Speaker 1: that are like just my pussy, that's a good one,
Speaker 1: as I like, I like just being slowly touched, but
Speaker 1: not with the tongue because then I'm like that's wet
Speaker 1: and I'm cold and it's just stop. Yeah. Have you
Speaker 1: ever had a girl put all of your balls in
Speaker 1: her mouth? Both of your balls? I'm yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it one at a time. Also, I have very long balls.
Speaker 1: I love the look reveals how long are they? They're
Speaker 1: probably the longest ones in comedy too. So you have
Speaker 1: the worst butthole but longest. You're like a circus surprised.
Speaker 1: I mean, IM like a show him to you now,
Speaker 1: but like I would show up to you, show us
Speaker 1: your balls, I would like, but you are really how
Speaker 1: tall are you? Oh? Actually, do you know what? I saw?
Speaker 1: Your baller than that? My dad six six, and you
Speaker 1: feel so much taller than him. I don't think there's
Speaker 1: a correlation with No, you're both thin. I'm so confused.
Speaker 1: I don't know because I was already comic when you
Speaker 1: start a comedy that you look up to me in
Speaker 1: a different way. Okay, what about your balls? Already shut up,
Speaker 1: I'd rather see your ball. Yeah, I'm very curious. I
Speaker 1: just gotta aspected me though. So there's a little Oh,
Speaker 1: I would have talked about that. You don't need kids. You.
Speaker 1: I can't even believe that we're alrying. I'm so I'm
Speaker 1: so scared that's red to hold them in. Oh, because
Speaker 1: you just it's like a tall your little balls. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, right now, actually they're not that long. Oh,
Speaker 1: you're she's shaking and then there's blood shaking. Wait where's blood? Oh? Oh? Ali,
Speaker 1: they just look big actually kind of tight up right now.
Speaker 1: Not long, They're just big, not long. You have big balls,
Speaker 1: big balls, damn dude. Yeah, they are big. It's like
Speaker 1: pit bull balls. And also now I get to see
Speaker 1: what it happens at post vasectument. And you do have
Speaker 1: a thick penis. Okay, so I forgot. I didn't realize
Speaker 1: that's pulling the dick out. I thought it's how you're
Speaker 1: going to do one without the other. Anyway, we've I
Speaker 1: wish you could say this is the first time someone
Speaker 1: showed us their dick on the podcast. It's the second
Speaker 1: thing we're learning. How is it avasectomy? What is it?
Speaker 1: What I mean, I obviously know what it, what it entails,
Speaker 1: but like they go through your like that was, well,
Speaker 1: you're gonna show us anyway. So like we've walked taking
Speaker 1: his pants after removing three layers of clothing, the surgeries,
Speaker 1: the word okay, okay. Oh oh, so it's like a
Speaker 1: little microscopic it's started to heal and you are you
Speaker 1: under when this is happening? Are you awake? The hitch
Speaker 1: with liquid valium? Okay, liquid valium. I'm sorry to take
Speaker 1: my dick out. I didn't seem that sorry when you're here.
Speaker 1: We asked, we asked, and we got it, um wow,
Speaker 1: a liquid valium. And then they I guess they shoot
Speaker 1: you with novocaine in the dick. But I had a
Speaker 1: ton once and that novocaine shot was so painful. And
Speaker 1: then I heard people about the novocaine shot in the
Speaker 1: ball and it was like just when it goes in
Speaker 1: then it numbs it. But like just going in and so.
Speaker 1: But with the liquid value in the arm, you didn't
Speaker 1: gives You were like whatever, bit not even cut them off.
Speaker 1: I don't care. At some point it's like I'm done.
Speaker 1: I was like, are you okay? Wow? That was just
Speaker 1: in and out quickly on stage that night, three sets
Speaker 1: that night. And how did you make the why did
Speaker 1: you make the decision to finally get ava sectumuse? No
Speaker 1: one could be like, all right, I haven't got my
Speaker 1: period in a really long time, like sorry, not me
Speaker 1: for the reason, No, I mean that's it. And you
Speaker 1: just know that you don't want to have kids. I
Speaker 1: know I've been putting this off for five years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just been too lazy to actually call a doctor. Like,
Speaker 1: so it is? What was the conversation, Like, I'm curious,
Speaker 1: because like if a single woman who was still of
Speaker 1: child wearing age went in and was like, I want
Speaker 1: my tube ties, we would get a doc and talk.
Speaker 1: The doctor would be like, do you really do not
Speaker 1: respect you? Guys? So true? They respect respect this guy.
Speaker 1: Damn it whatever, I'm just making messing with you. Yes,
Speaker 1: So what was a conversation, Like, I'm really curious. He
Speaker 1: was like, are you I gotta referral? It's my regular doctor.
Speaker 1: He was like, I know a guy that I always
Speaker 1: said every right to a guy um dr gluck um.
Speaker 1: And he goes, are you sure you don't want kids?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I really have no interest
Speaker 1: in him, And honestly, I think adoption is a way
Speaker 1: to go anyway. I agree, my mom's adopted and it
Speaker 1: worked out great. Yeah. Okay, So it just almost seems
Speaker 1: no offense to people who have biological kids, but it
Speaker 1: seems selfish, selfish, rude. I've been thinking about that a
Speaker 1: lot lately. Actually. See, I have a joke. I have
Speaker 1: a joke about about how people get shit if they
Speaker 1: don't rescue a dog, but people just keep making new
Speaker 1: kids instead. Of using instead of recycling them. And people
Speaker 1: really don't like kids because they think hilarious. My mom
Speaker 1: was the only one for all of her siblings to adopt,
Speaker 1: to be adopted, and all of our other siblings are
Speaker 1: they're dead or in jail, and she was, Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: the only one with a life. She got adopted. She
Speaker 1: got adopted the rest day in the home. Yep, foster.
Speaker 1: My first boyfriend who I dated for five years, was adopted,
Speaker 1: and he is a great person. Would he want to
Speaker 1: regular kid or adopt a kid? Um, I don't think
Speaker 1: he wants I don't think he wants kids at all.
Speaker 1: But um, I'm not sure. I think actually he probably
Speaker 1: would want to have a kid. But that's because he's
Speaker 1: really good looking but also part of me, like my
Speaker 1: brother as a kid, and that child, Brentley, looks exactly
Speaker 1: like him. It's so cool. I mean, I think it's
Speaker 1: cute as fuck. But then that's I mean, any kid
Speaker 1: is cute, so it's like and then it's like unless parents,
Speaker 1: biological parents are willing to say that adopted kids and
Speaker 1: their relationship with their parents are not as strong as theirs,
Speaker 1: then there's no excuse to me. I think the only
Speaker 1: fear is uh, you know, if you don't get them early,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of times a lot of like mental
Speaker 1: problems and then also sometimes they do come back and
Speaker 1: murder you. But that also can happen, could happen if
Speaker 1: you have a kid. Yeah, can be a huge piece.
Speaker 1: What's it called feel alcohol syndrome. That's why they've been
Speaker 1: put up. That's a chill way to say. That was
Speaker 1: the hang loose side. Is there anything you can do
Speaker 1: about that? Or is it just like I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I'm like saying, like once they once they have it,
Speaker 1: is there a cure or no? My mom had that. No,
Speaker 1: I think you're just coming out like the Osbourne but no,
Speaker 1: but what happened Like she had a lesser version, but
Speaker 1: she had like a learning disabilities, all kinds of ship
Speaker 1: and her racnoid sense might be from that shoot but
Speaker 1: there's no really way of knowing. But she's got a
Speaker 1: lot of health problems. It's probably a reason my adopted
Speaker 1: boyfriend also had a lot of health problems, a lot
Speaker 1: of mysterious ones. Yeah, really that's a problem. They don't
Speaker 1: know that you have this any genetic problems in your family,
Speaker 1: and you're like I don't know. Oh yeah, but we
Speaker 1: got the history on my mom's biological mom. It's dark
Speaker 1: and I look like her. I don't think anybody in
Speaker 1: my family looks like the biological grandmother. Yeah. Then there
Speaker 1: was a picture of her in the backyard. She was
Speaker 1: like seventeen, and there was a close hanger that you
Speaker 1: you know, hang clothes up to dry, you know, in
Speaker 1: the backyard, and her neck was a round the clothes hanger,
Speaker 1: like she was walking past the clothes hanger and it
Speaker 1: was on her neck and it was just so dark.
Speaker 1: And I was like, but I mean, even if kids
Speaker 1: are like, you know, have physical problems like that, they
Speaker 1: still need a life. So true, you just have to
Speaker 1: make sure you have the finances, I guess, to make
Speaker 1: sure that they get the care. But also part of
Speaker 1: me is like, man, a baby could come out of
Speaker 1: my vagina. That's amazing. I want to know what that's like. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: I get why a guy you mean, you're we don't
Speaker 1: have either way. He gives a ship and it isn't
Speaker 1: affecting me reversible nothing you can like, you can say,
Speaker 1: I can go back on this. It's not really. They
Speaker 1: make it seem like it's a lot more reversible. I
Speaker 1: thought it was. I mean they could. I'm sure you
Speaker 1: could like freeze your sperm or something. Well, do you
Speaker 1: want to have a kid or not? If you really don't,
Speaker 1: then you're gonna pay a thousand bucks set up for
Speaker 1: fifty bucks a month for what? Fifteen years? For what?
Speaker 1: How long ago did you get it? He talked to
Speaker 1: you the way you like it nice? And Kurt, can
Speaker 1: you how soon after can you jerk off? You were
Speaker 1: have no fear? It was funny you heard my manager's
Speaker 1: feelings so deeply. I'm sorry. Chris are is apologizing to
Speaker 1: you right here, right now. I just when I respect
Speaker 1: the comic, I'm just like, let me tell you what
Speaker 1: I think me I actually laughed, that's good. How long
Speaker 1: after you're retested me? Becauld you jerk off? Uh? He said,
Speaker 1: no sex for two days, that's Jesus. And then he
Speaker 1: goes and then he goes, you still got to wear
Speaker 1: a condom until we test to see if the tubes
Speaker 1: are cleared, the pipes are cleared, so it's like a
Speaker 1: straw firm. And I was like, what if I wasn't
Speaker 1: wearing a condom before? He's like what And He's like
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, we're gonna do I have to
Speaker 1: wear a conomy that's here, doctor, I can still get
Speaker 1: people pregnant. It goes, we're yeh sho, wow you were
Speaker 1: really testing his patient. Yeah, but just it's like when
Speaker 1: they prescribe you antibiotic and like can I drink? Like,
Speaker 1: I mean, how much do you drinking? Like like if
Speaker 1: I had a bottle one, is it gonna get a
Speaker 1: drunker or is it going to negate the control? Yourself
Speaker 1: going to come back or not? That's all I did now, Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: two weeks ago. Oh so you've been jerking off, jerking off?
Speaker 1: You stopped a year ago? What the hell that you
Speaker 1: wait till an hour seven in to say this? Why stop?
Speaker 1: I was in Ireland? Oh oh, I get it? Then
Speaker 1: right now, it's good. I was about to go to
Speaker 1: Edinburgh for a month, um and I was going to
Speaker 1: live with like Joe Rosa and three other comics. So
Speaker 1: part of me is like I'm gonna be fucking four
Speaker 1: of the dudes jerk it off. I mean I saw
Speaker 1: him own room. But like, but then also it's like
Speaker 1: it was going to make me not as social the
Speaker 1: year before. It wasn't out there trying to meet new people,
Speaker 1: and because it wasn't pent up, and so then it
Speaker 1: was like, let me be at the point where if
Speaker 1: I meet a girl, I was like, hey, you want
Speaker 1: to go to drink, it's going I'm gonna meet my
Speaker 1: friend instead, Like yeah, yeah, I gotta do something. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Let's you keep saying things like make new friends and
Speaker 1: be social when every time you just mean fu that
Speaker 1: I end up? I like kind of like a fling there,
Speaker 1: that's great the whole month that's sexual though, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it's all based in sex. You still haven't spots
Speaker 1: in Edinburgh. Joe Rosa could have done that. He's a
Speaker 1: fun guy. Yeah he does, he's well travel Um you
Speaker 1: still you kept that any relationship is just about sex.
Speaker 1: Then I have no friends that. Oh yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: you can just have friendships. I didn't even consider that.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, I had that too. But I mean to
Speaker 1: meet up straight home and there's not a comic. It's
Speaker 1: like would I ever do that? Right, So there's a
Speaker 1: motivation comics. I understand regular people can be you know,
Speaker 1: it's confusing, but does it strengthen your friendships? Have you
Speaker 1: have your friendships strengthened since you stopped jerking off. No, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the same exact. It just gets me to be
Speaker 1: go out more. Yeah, all right, guys, this has been fun. Also,
Speaker 1: you're flick special. Yeah, really fucking good. Yeah, promote everything now.
Speaker 1: I love it. I loved it a lot. Really, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was really fucking good. I love that. I love
Speaker 1: the two themes that each took. And yeah, I love
Speaker 1: when comments like take their time with it. But then
Speaker 1: it's just it's just consistently really funny. I didn't watch
Speaker 1: it yet, but i'll send your Facebook message about what
Speaker 1: I think an open letter to Aria. Um. By the way,
Speaker 1: I never got involved in that Louis coma. We didn't either.
Speaker 1: Yeahad to the point where um, they were asking me
Speaker 1: who was on this season? And um and um I was.
Speaker 1: I waited. I looked Louis in the face, I got
Speaker 1: right next to him, was like, Christina's on this year?
Speaker 1: Did he cry? He was like? Because I like to
Speaker 1: see people's reaction when you catch them on things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like I'm going to the store. Who cares? But
Speaker 1: when you're like, yeah, when you know they're going to
Speaker 1: be upset about something, or like when you know they
Speaker 1: know that you're sucking somebody and it's like I'm just,
Speaker 1: let's say, sucking some guy names like Bill, Like I'll
Speaker 1: just you know, hung out with my friends, you know,
Speaker 1: Dave and uh and Sam and Bill or if you
Speaker 1: know they got new faces at Montreal and you're just
Speaker 1: looking right in the face and how you got new
Speaker 1: faces and right off guard. Man, I love doing something
Speaker 1: like that, such a joke because like everyone knows before
Speaker 1: his and then but you have to walk around like
Speaker 1: you don't know friends. Yeah, so stupid. Yeah, anyway, my
Speaker 1: specials on Netflix right now. It's called Double Negative. I
Speaker 1: worked really hard. I thought about like five six months out.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I think you like two themes. I want
Speaker 1: to plan it this way, and I really like worked
Speaker 1: hard on it that way. Yeah, I really liked it.
Speaker 1: You could tell you put a lot of thought into
Speaker 1: those concepts and like how they relate to your life
Speaker 1: and just in general, I like your observations were very funny.
Speaker 1: And where can we find you on social media? Ari
Speaker 1: Shaffer two fs, I don't know how to say that
Speaker 1: on on Instagram and uh Twitter and as any of
Speaker 1: our I this is not most people named Ari. Yeah.
Speaker 1: My podcast called Ari Shaffer's skeptic tank um, which is fun.
Speaker 1: We do a different topic every every episode. This last
Speaker 1: one was about menopause with Lynn Oh. I love her
Speaker 1: so fucking yeah, she's crazy. I love her makes me laugh. Heart.
Speaker 1: I know that I now know that we're talking about
Speaker 1: link oplets, but I thought for a second that you
Speaker 1: met Lynne Miranda, and it was very confused about what
Speaker 1: he was going to draw. I was like, are you
Speaker 1: wrapping himout? I'm so confused. Okay, alright, perfect, Well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for you guys. I'm glad I got
Speaker 1: to do this with you. It was such a pleasure
Speaker 1: and we got to see your balls, dick and day.
Speaker 1: What a day. When I when I woke up in
Speaker 1: the morning, I had no clue. I think that's a
Speaker 1: sign I respect somebody. It's just be like, yeah, you
Speaker 1: can see my post, yes something I wonder if ever
Speaker 1: do that. I'm like, yeah, I was checking my pussy. No.
Speaker 1: If it's a right it's a right environment. What's the
Speaker 1: right environment? Whip a lip out. Yeah we're talking about Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I guess, yeah, Okay, anyway, thanks so much.
Speaker 1: This has been a guy sweet fuck the Anti Sections podcast.
Speaker 1: I can't believe we're going to Thanks by address to
Speaker 1: Red Star, What see you. Thanks so much for listening
Speaker 1: to another episode of Guys we Funked, the Anti slut
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