Speaker 1: Welcome to stuff Mom never told you. From how Supports
Speaker 1: dot com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Kristen
Speaker 1: and I'm Caroline, and today we wanted to do something
Speaker 1: a little bit different, which is devote an episode to you,
Speaker 1: our listeners. I mean every technically every episode is devoted
Speaker 1: to you, but we want to talk to you guys
Speaker 1: and gals. Yeah, we we get a lot of great
Speaker 1: listener mail, whether it's through email or Facebook. We also
Speaker 1: get a lot of great shout outs from you on Twitter,
Speaker 1: and so we wanted to take a little bit of
Speaker 1: time to read some of those letters. Yes, and every
Speaker 1: episode we do read listener mail, but we wanted to
Speaker 1: also maybe answer some of your questions. Yeah, and also
Speaker 1: heads up for our summer programming schedule. You might be
Speaker 1: noticing in the coming weeks a few reruns. It's because
Speaker 1: you know what, Caroline and I work super duper hard
Speaker 1: to bring you podcast, two of them in fact, each week,
Speaker 1: so we're taking a little bit of time off. But
Speaker 1: we have a special summer series coming for you. So
Speaker 1: every week there will be a brand new podcast you've
Speaker 1: never heard before, and one other one that you also
Speaker 1: might not have heard before but have been really popular
Speaker 1: in the past. So don't fret if you see reruns
Speaker 1: in your queue. Just listen again. There's always great stuff
Speaker 1: to learn. Yeah, you probably miss something the first time around, anyway,
Speaker 1: I know I do. So Wow, Kristen, that was so
Speaker 1: interesting what you just said, Caroline, you're so hilarious. Well,
Speaker 1: why don't we hop through some questions? Shall we? Sure? Well?
Speaker 1: I have a letter here. It's a Facebook letter. What
Speaker 1: I guess it's also called a message Kristen h It's
Speaker 1: from Fodd and he got hooked on the YouTube channel
Speaker 1: which introduced him to our podcasts. In staid, I was
Speaker 1: listening to an older podcast about females super heroes, which
Speaker 1: side note we published in November, and I wanted to
Speaker 1: know if you would do another podcast looking at positive
Speaker 1: female fictional heroes. Side note we did one recently. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you go to stuff Mom Never Told You dot
Speaker 1: com and look in our podcast archive, which you can
Speaker 1: get to by clicking on the podcast tab and then
Speaker 1: scrolling down to the very bottom of the page, there's
Speaker 1: a little button that says brows our podcast archives, and
Speaker 1: that pulls up all five hundred plus episodes of Stuff
Speaker 1: Mom Never Told You, and you will see the rise
Speaker 1: of female action heroes that came out on November. Okay,
Speaker 1: so five goes on to say, with the popularity of
Speaker 1: shows like Game of Thrones, strong female heroes seemed to
Speaker 1: be more on the rise. I read an article recently
Speaker 1: about how Marvel is or has made an all female
Speaker 1: X Man group led by the weather controlling mutant called Storm.
Speaker 1: Her portrayal has prompted her to get her own standalone comics,
Speaker 1: something that has been long wanted, and since she is
Speaker 1: the most popular female comic book hero or on par with,
Speaker 1: if not more so than, Wonder Woman. Sorry if this
Speaker 1: would cause a Marvel DC beef, that is very telling
Speaker 1: since she is often the only female leader in the
Speaker 1: X Men and is one of the most fleshed out
Speaker 1: and powerful characters in the Marvel universe both power and
Speaker 1: personality wise, yet it took this long for her own
Speaker 1: comic to happen. Add On top of that, her being
Speaker 1: a black woman who is also proudly pagan puts her
Speaker 1: into a minority, which one wouldn't naturally expect to be
Speaker 1: so popular, especially among the assumed demographic of comic book readers. Okay,
Speaker 1: now to his questions, do you think that in the
Speaker 1: years since you made the Superhero Podcast, fictional women heroes
Speaker 1: have become more popular and easily acceptable to the masses,
Speaker 1: even if they don't fit the stereotypical bill of what
Speaker 1: we expect a female hero to be. Has the relatively
Speaker 1: small time difference been enough for women hear us to
Speaker 1: stand out due to their personality alone? If so, what
Speaker 1: changes in society or in the industry do you think
Speaker 1: helped that to happen? Or have women become more active
Speaker 1: in consuming media in which there are strong female heroes. Okay,
Speaker 1: so do we think it's gotten better? Why do we
Speaker 1: think it's gotten better? What do women viewers have to
Speaker 1: do with it? I think it's gotten better because you
Speaker 1: are seeing more just female lead action series such as
Speaker 1: Hunger games such as Divergent. I do think. Don't you
Speaker 1: think that it is getting better? Absolutely? Yeah? I um,
Speaker 1: you're you're also asking the person who is obsessed with
Speaker 1: lady spy shows. So like Li fem Nikita all time
Speaker 1: favorite and love with Peter Wilson. Like I've said this
Speaker 1: a million times before, kick Butt character. I'm currently in
Speaker 1: the middle of binge watching Covert Affairs with Piper Parabo.
Speaker 1: Also so kick butt and she does it all on
Speaker 1: the super high heels. I don't even I can't even walk,
Speaker 1: and she was like, she wears to run in anyway,
Speaker 1: I do think it's a lot better than even a
Speaker 1: few years ago. And I think something that might be
Speaker 1: helping is just that people are even just talking about it,
Speaker 1: and that there's this younger generation coming up who were
Speaker 1: who kind of cut their teeth on the young adult
Speaker 1: lit featuring active female characters and heroes, and so when
Speaker 1: those end up becoming movies like The Hunger Games like Divergent, um,
Speaker 1: you've got young boys and young girls who are super
Speaker 1: excited to watch. Yeah, I think that awareness factor is
Speaker 1: a big key to all this. And listening to his letter,
Speaker 1: one thing that I was reminded of was how much attention,
Speaker 1: um deservedly so, was paid to how Scarlett Johansson, in
Speaker 1: the role of Black Widow in The Avengers, was treated
Speaker 1: on press tours for that film compared to the male
Speaker 1: superheroes in those movies, and she repeatedly called out reporters
Speaker 1: for just asking her over and over again, well, how
Speaker 1: did you wear such as skin tied oftfit? How did
Speaker 1: you lose all that weight? How are you so fit?
Speaker 1: Whereas the guys would just get questions about their characters
Speaker 1: and action all that, And how many times I've seen
Speaker 1: posts about that on Tumblr I couldn't even count, and
Speaker 1: I feel like that helps start a big conversation. They've
Speaker 1: also been tons of conversations surrounding women in the new
Speaker 1: Star Wars, for instance, and the celebration of women. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's obviously Carrie Fisher's coming back, but there's also Lupida
Speaker 1: and Yango, who we talked about extensively in our podcast
Speaker 1: about exoticizing non white beauty, and the brid of Tarth
Speaker 1: actress Game of Thrones. I mean, the Game of Thrones
Speaker 1: conversation you and I could have would be an entirely
Speaker 1: different podcast because it would take us two hours to
Speaker 1: talk about. But when you have characters like Aria, are
Speaker 1: you kidding me? She's like my hero? Yeah? I mean,
Speaker 1: and Game of Thrones is a great example of Yes,
Speaker 1: sometimes some problematic and we could say egregious rape scenes,
Speaker 1: but all of these really strong, active female characters as
Speaker 1: well that the public clearly wants. We were asking for it,
Speaker 1: and we're asking for it loudly. And I think that
Speaker 1: studios are starting to pay more attention to that. Absolutely. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I think I think the landscape is getting better.
Speaker 1: I think it's things are looking up. Knocking on wood
Speaker 1: with that one. Um but yeah, I I I loved
Speaker 1: your letter, FOD, and I wanted to I wanted to
Speaker 1: read it and see what see what Kristen thought too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and one final shout out, I know that Orphan Black
Speaker 1: the show, the BBC show gets a ton of attention
Speaker 1: for its portrayal of women. You know, this very strong
Speaker 1: lead female character who plays all of these different roles,
Speaker 1: but also in particular how they intentionally objectify the men
Speaker 1: in the show and like make them sort of empty
Speaker 1: shells of themselves. That makes some people upset, but really
Speaker 1: it's just flipping the whole treatment of women on screen
Speaker 1: for so long paradigm. Yeah, So just another one to
Speaker 1: toss onto the pile. And listeners, if you have other
Speaker 1: examples of shows and movies that are really showing strong,
Speaker 1: active women and girls on screen, hollaradus per usual. Well,
Speaker 1: I've got a question here from Lana titled how do
Speaker 1: you date someone who's a sexual? Lana rights Hi girls, Hi,
Speaker 1: Lana Hi. I'm in a relationship with another female who
Speaker 1: identifies as a sexual. I've just listened to your podcast
Speaker 1: about a sexuality from forever ago, and I'm interested in
Speaker 1: knowing what your thoughts are on being in a relationship
Speaker 1: with someone who is a sexual when you aren't a
Speaker 1: sexual yourself. I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment
Speaker 1: and would appreciate some of your inputs. So I know
Speaker 1: I'm not just looking at this from my own perspective. Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, I think we should acknowledge that we well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to speak for you, Caroline, I I
Speaker 1: am not a sexual, no, so uh also grain of
Speaker 1: salt from our perspective. And speaking of that podcast episode
Speaker 1: you're referencing, it was for a while ago. It was
Speaker 1: from also November two thousand and ten, the title what
Speaker 1: is a sexuality? If listeners want to go look that
Speaker 1: up on the website. Um, honestly, I think that that
Speaker 1: is a pretty huge challenge that you're setting up for
Speaker 1: yourself if you are not a sexual and the other
Speaker 1: person is a sexual. I don't know the degree of
Speaker 1: sexual interest that the person has the woman has, but
Speaker 1: if they're a sexual in the sense that they aren't
Speaker 1: interested in any kind of physical contact and yet you are,
Speaker 1: and by physical contact, I mean I'm talking about like
Speaker 1: sexual contact. I should say, then, I think you might
Speaker 1: need to think long and hard about how this relationship
Speaker 1: will shape up for you, whether it will ultimately be
Speaker 1: edifying for you, right, And I mean, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't want to go into the degrees of sexuality and
Speaker 1: like there's you know, spectrums and we can talk about
Speaker 1: that forever. But that's what the podcast is for. You
Speaker 1: can go listen to that older episode. But um, you
Speaker 1: do have to keep in mind that while you may
Speaker 1: love and care for someone, it's still that doesn't necessarily
Speaker 1: mean it's the right relationship for you to be in.
Speaker 1: And it doesn't necessarily mean that that person is the
Speaker 1: person who can fulfill the needs and the wants that
Speaker 1: you have. And having needs and wants that might be different,
Speaker 1: and even conflicting with another person isn't bad. I think
Speaker 1: it's more important to acknowledge whether it is a fit
Speaker 1: or is not a fit. And this also isn't to
Speaker 1: throw a sexual under the bus whatsoever. I think it's
Speaker 1: great that there is more a sexuality visibility happening. I
Speaker 1: think it's good that we are starting to recognize, like
Speaker 1: Caroly mentioned that there is a spectrum. Even wrote a
Speaker 1: blog post recently do a sexuals Masturbate? Talking about how
Speaker 1: you know there there's often this knee jerk negative response
Speaker 1: to people who identifies as sexual as oh, well, they
Speaker 1: have some kind of disorder, must be some kind of disorder. No,
Speaker 1: it's not a disorder at all. Their needs and wants
Speaker 1: and desires are simply different than people who are sexual. Um,
Speaker 1: but I don't know, I don't. I don't want to
Speaker 1: say that that's a deal breaker, but I think that
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're clearly at a point of struggling
Speaker 1: with it. So um, communication, communication, communication, no matter what
Speaker 1: direction the relationship takes, will be crucial to this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: communication is very important, and it's also important to remember
Speaker 1: that it's not a bad thing to put yourself first
Speaker 1: and that while this person is absolutely deserving of love
Speaker 1: and respect and being cared for and to care for
Speaker 1: someone else. Um, if if it's not right for you,
Speaker 1: if the sec sual or non sexual aspect of your
Speaker 1: relationship doesn't fit with what you need and want, then
Speaker 1: maybe maybe you should part ways well. And I would
Speaker 1: love to hear from any a sexuals listening about your
Speaker 1: perspective on being with someone, dating someone, even just spending
Speaker 1: time with someone, whether you qualified as dating or not,
Speaker 1: who is sexual. How you you know whether that feels similarly,
Speaker 1: um like a challenge for you to maintain as well. Um,
Speaker 1: So please let us let us know if you have
Speaker 1: any insights on that and good luck, Lana. Al Right,
Speaker 1: I have a Facebook message here from Christie. She says,
Speaker 1: one of the double standards that makes me so angry
Speaker 1: is when men and sometimes women tell women to cover
Speaker 1: up or tell them that she was asking for it
Speaker 1: based on what she was wearing. I'd love to know
Speaker 1: when this started and why we are still supporting it
Speaker 1: as a society, because it seems to me, no matter
Speaker 1: what you wear as a woman, something could happen to you.
Speaker 1: This is based off of three personal incidents of street
Speaker 1: harassment while wearing modest clothing, and observation of the media,
Speaker 1: and yet we're always told to be careful of what
Speaker 1: you wear. Kristen, what do you think? Oh, I think
Speaker 1: that's a lot of slut shaming nonsense. Um, I got
Speaker 1: I've I've had this whole modesty thing on my brain
Speaker 1: for a really long time, partially because I grew up
Speaker 1: in a really conservative home in which my sisters and
Speaker 1: I were constantly told that we needed to watch out
Speaker 1: what we wore. Um for the reason that we didn't
Speaker 1: want to send off the wrong message that you know,
Speaker 1: boys will be boys, and it's up to us to
Speaker 1: cover ourselves up to make sure that you know our
Speaker 1: I guess morality is preserved. And I realized that my
Speaker 1: parents were doing what they thought was best. But in retrospect,
Speaker 1: it is those kinds of messages not just reinforced in
Speaker 1: more conservative homes, but in say, dress codes in schools everywhere. UM,
Speaker 1: in these kinds of messages that girls will get in um, say,
Speaker 1: freshman orientation in college of oh, you need to watch
Speaker 1: out what you're wearing because of your skirts too tight?
Speaker 1: Then dot dot dot and all of it. Really, the
Speaker 1: only purpose that ultimately serves is to reinforce rape culture,
Speaker 1: really because to me, it not only removes agency from
Speaker 1: girls because uh, really, there's like nothing we can do
Speaker 1: to prevent anything from happening, And it also removes agency
Speaker 1: from boys and guys because they're being told that they
Speaker 1: have no control over their sexuality either that if they
Speaker 1: see something that they like, then well let's just roll
Speaker 1: the dice and see whether or not you go for
Speaker 1: it right it all? I mean it also, I mean,
Speaker 1: speaking of rape culture, there is that whole sort of
Speaker 1: I can't even call it a perception or an idea
Speaker 1: because I feel like it's it's quieter and it's more subtle,
Speaker 1: and it's more deeply ingrained than that. But just the
Speaker 1: idea that women are objects, that they almost exist for
Speaker 1: other people, other people being men, and in that regard
Speaker 1: that means that you, as a woman, have to wear
Speaker 1: a longer skirt, wear a long sleeve shirt, don't wear
Speaker 1: something that's a V neck that can possibly show cleavage
Speaker 1: because men are uncontrollable animals and women are always victims,
Speaker 1: which is just throwing all of us under this horrific bus.
Speaker 1: And the one thing that always comes to my mind
Speaker 1: too whenever this argument of watch what you wear comes up,
Speaker 1: I think about when I go jogging and I'm wearing
Speaker 1: my typical outfit of like biker shorts and like a giant,
Speaker 1: ill fitting T shirt, and and my face is red,
Speaker 1: beat red, and I still get cat called that has
Speaker 1: absolutely nothing to do with what I'm wearing. I'm clearly
Speaker 1: not looking provocative. Well no, but It has everything to
Speaker 1: do with the attitude that, oh, you're a woman, you're
Speaker 1: there for me to look at, and because you're this object,
Speaker 1: that you're there for me, just for me as a man,
Speaker 1: like I can do whatever I want to you. I
Speaker 1: can yell at you, I can cat call you, or
Speaker 1: I can attack you if I feel like, because you're there. Well,
Speaker 1: and it's also I think, uh, in the minds of
Speaker 1: some cat callers, they're paying us a compliment. You know.
Speaker 1: It doesn't perhaps in some people's minds that I'm not
Speaker 1: making an excuse, but I do think that it's like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, don't you want to be called pretty? Isn't that?
Speaker 1: You know? That's all we're saying. We're just asking you
Speaker 1: to get in our car um And no, we also
Speaker 1: need to culturally change the fact that that is kind
Speaker 1: of like the pinnacle of a compliment that you can
Speaker 1: pay to a woman is that she is pretty, that
Speaker 1: she is like sexually desirable. And I also think that
Speaker 1: the whole modesty thing also just like limits in general
Speaker 1: what sexy can be and can look like, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just it's just lose, lose all over
Speaker 1: the place. And I'll tell you anytime I go jogging
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend. Nothing, of course, noone hanks at me
Speaker 1: because I'm running with a guy. It's a similar kind
Speaker 1: of thing that comes up a lot where if you
Speaker 1: are at a bar and someone starts hitting on you,
Speaker 1: the most effective deflection is not I'm not interested, or
Speaker 1: even in some cases, which is the truth, I'm a
Speaker 1: lesbian and therefore I'm simply not attracted to you. Nope,
Speaker 1: even that won't work. It's I have a boyfriend or
Speaker 1: I have a husband. How she's somebody else's property, right, yeah, right,
Speaker 1: And I know it sounds probably to some people like
Speaker 1: really extreme and overblown, and no, that's not what we're
Speaker 1: thinking about. But I think it's undeniable that. Nonetheless, that
Speaker 1: logic traces back to that era when women were essentially property. Yeah,
Speaker 1: women were property. We were expected to be these pure
Speaker 1: virgins who had been untouched. They were you know, we
Speaker 1: were just pure as the driven snow, or at least
Speaker 1: just not pregnant outside of wedlock. Yeah, we could we
Speaker 1: have sex as long as there was like no outside
Speaker 1: sign that we had committed such an act. So that's
Speaker 1: a lot of an answer for that. That is a
Speaker 1: lot of an answer. But I mean it's everything from
Speaker 1: thinking about back in the times of Dowries to now
Speaker 1: thinking about like when I was in school. I was
Speaker 1: at a private school and we had a really strict
Speaker 1: dress code, and I mean you even hear about it
Speaker 1: now as far as well, your shorts can't be too
Speaker 1: short because you'll distract those poor boys, and it's like,
Speaker 1: would you please let boys be like I mean talk
Speaker 1: about agency, like do we really have no faith in
Speaker 1: our children? Well, and also to speaking of dress codes,
Speaker 1: the fact that the there there are types of bodies
Speaker 1: that are disproportionately penalized. If you are a young woman
Speaker 1: who happens to have breasts and hips in a butt
Speaker 1: then or like me, you have really long arm, so
Speaker 1: I like fingertip length just like is impossible for me.
Speaker 1: Then you know, it's always those kinds of bodies that
Speaker 1: are called out. Oh yeah, well, I mean like I'm
Speaker 1: I'm pretty booby, and you know I can't. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I can't, But she's pretty booby. I'm pretty booby and
Speaker 1: you know, sorry, not sorry. And I'm not gonna wear
Speaker 1: sports bras try to minimize them. I'm just wearing normal
Speaker 1: T shirt bras from the gap that are comfortable, and
Speaker 1: I want to wear v nex shirts, you know, like
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to put my boobs in your face,
Speaker 1: although that is tep typically how I greet friends, But
Speaker 1: I mean, I do think that it's a lot of
Speaker 1: young women like that in high school who get the
Speaker 1: short end of the stick because because people are just
Speaker 1: like you're flaunting it, you know, you need to go
Speaker 1: home and put on a T shirt. Yeah, I hate
Speaker 1: that because I am not so booby and I can
Speaker 1: wear v neck T shirts and not get a second look.
Speaker 1: But that doesn't make sense. We could be wearing the
Speaker 1: same shirt and simply because we should do it, we
Speaker 1: should do a sminty experiment, and we're the same thing
Speaker 1: a cleavage experiment. See what happens. Stay tuned well. Also,
Speaker 1: I mean, my legs are much shorter than yours, so
Speaker 1: if we were the same shorts, I'm sure they might
Speaker 1: look shorter on you. There we go. Yeah, I'd be
Speaker 1: showing the games, showing off my gams Booby and Leggy.
Speaker 1: Yeah there's I would like to do a podcast soon
Speaker 1: on the whole modesty issue, because clearly we have lots
Speaker 1: of thoughts on it, lots of thoughts. Oh, and boy,
Speaker 1: do we have a lot more to say. Um, let's
Speaker 1: let's get us some more letters here. Alright, Well, I
Speaker 1: have some feedback and a question here from Chelsea in
Speaker 1: response to our Women and Weed episod showed from a
Speaker 1: while back, she writes, I can't tell you how excited
Speaker 1: I was to hear your episode on women and Weed.
Speaker 1: I actually discovered your podcast last year while I was
Speaker 1: growing in California. I'm happy you touched on the gender
Speaker 1: difference between marijuana growers and trimmers. I experienced extreme isolation
Speaker 1: during these summer months and was surrounded by only men.
Speaker 1: Your podcast became a refuge where I could plug in
Speaker 1: while working outside and pretend to have some girl time.
Speaker 1: I've grown for years and even voted to pass the
Speaker 1: recreational marijuana building Colorado when I lived there. No matter
Speaker 1: how hard I worked, and despite growing the same quality
Speaker 1: of weed as my fellow grower guys, I never received
Speaker 1: the same recognition. When harvest came, I was expected to
Speaker 1: trim as well, because quote, women are better at that stuff.
Speaker 1: If you have ever trimmed, it is a very long,
Speaker 1: boring and tedious process that you don't want to do.
Speaker 1: If you don't have to. As the US becomes more
Speaker 1: accepting a marijuana I'm excited to break these stereotypes. I
Speaker 1: love my craft and I've always found a deep connection
Speaker 1: with weed farming. When growing marijuana, the female plants are
Speaker 1: the ones that will produce the buds. As a woman,
Speaker 1: I've always felt a powerful connection to this concept and
Speaker 1: the importance of having a female presence around female plants.
Speaker 1: Since becoming a grower, I've always wondered why is it
Speaker 1: that when thinking of regular gardening, women are the norm,
Speaker 1: but when it comes to farming or growing, it is
Speaker 1: a male dominated world. Thank you so much for your podcast.
Speaker 1: I will be tuning in all summer long. Sincerely, Gonja
Speaker 1: Gal And what a great question. So gardening, it's it's
Speaker 1: sort of like, um, how being a cook is for
Speaker 1: women and being a chef is for men. All that
Speaker 1: no offense to female stress out there. I have a
Speaker 1: feeling you know what I'm talking about though, how in
Speaker 1: uh industrial kitchens are very much, uh sort of masculine enclaves,
Speaker 1: similar kind of thing when it comes to gardening versus
Speaker 1: farming or growing. What do you think that is? Um?
Speaker 1: I think it goes back to a lot of things
Speaker 1: we've talked on the podcast before, as far as the
Speaker 1: professionalization of certain industries, because I mean we talked about
Speaker 1: this if you go back and listen to our coffee episode,
Speaker 1: um and and several other episodes we've done. As far
Speaker 1: as you know, women will be in it just as
Speaker 1: much as men are. But when an industry becomes professionalized
Speaker 1: or unionized, or there's like a guild of some kind
Speaker 1: and there's an apprenticeship system set up, basically when there's
Speaker 1: money to be made, men have a tendency throughout history
Speaker 1: across industries of of of entering the industry, taking it over,
Speaker 1: making it into something fancy schmancy, and displacing all of
Speaker 1: the women who had been there all along. Well, and
Speaker 1: I think gardening is more considered like a domestic hobby
Speaker 1: whereas farming is a profession. And then I mean, we
Speaker 1: could probably do a million podcasts like just tracing the
Speaker 1: history of agriculture if you think way back in time
Speaker 1: too before we could go to grocery stores and buy
Speaker 1: all the food we needed, when people, families, et cetera,
Speaker 1: would grow their own food. Clearly, that would be in
Speaker 1: times when you have the stricter domestic structures with men
Speaker 1: at the top. Women would be doing all sorts of things.
Speaker 1: It would be very active in sort of cottage industry production,
Speaker 1: but it would probably still be the men working out
Speaker 1: more out in the fields. So it probably they're probably
Speaker 1: all sorts of kind of reasons why that, you know,
Speaker 1: like tumbleweed has now blown into the divide that we
Speaker 1: still see with as ganja gal brings up in the
Speaker 1: marijuana industry of men being the farmers and women being
Speaker 1: more of the gardeners with the trimming. So any farmers
Speaker 1: or gardeners out there who have some insights, let us know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: let us know how you grow? All right? I have
Speaker 1: a letter here from Beth uh sort of a pop
Speaker 1: culture reference of the moment. She's very curious. She says,
Speaker 1: what's up with that guy's mug shot that got a
Speaker 1: zillion likes on Facebook and comments from women like he
Speaker 1: can assault me anytime. As a woman who has been
Speaker 1: a victim of dating violence, I find these comments offensive
Speaker 1: and disturbing. Why do women make light of such serious
Speaker 1: crimes and why do they find criminals attractive? I think
Speaker 1: it goes deeper than just the women like bad boys stereotype.
Speaker 1: I think it has more to do with rape culture
Speaker 1: and the way women are treated and expect to be
Speaker 1: treated in our society today. But what do you guys think? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I have a feeling. By the time this podcast airs,
Speaker 1: Jeremy Meeks, better known to the Internet at this moment
Speaker 1: as the hot Convict, his fame will probably have fizzled
Speaker 1: out a bit, simply because, as with many Internet memes,
Speaker 1: they blow up and then fadeaways quickly as they blow up.
Speaker 1: And his story and the mug shotgune viral his problematic
Speaker 1: on so many levels. Women's comments aside for the moment,
Speaker 1: but just simply the fact that we have collectively flattened
Speaker 1: a man's life into one single attractive photo for our pleasure.
Speaker 1: You know, this is a guy who is in jail.
Speaker 1: He has a wife and a mother and a kid,
Speaker 1: and all he is is just he's He became a
Speaker 1: Twitter hashtag at one point, hashtag hot fellon Friday. That's disgusting, Like,
Speaker 1: that's not um, that's not good behavior. Not because of
Speaker 1: in the sense of oh, we shouldn't you know, give
Speaker 1: criminals any any credence or anything like that. It's not
Speaker 1: even that, it's not even the question of well, did
Speaker 1: he do this or not. He was arrested on felony
Speaker 1: web and charges and has had other run ins with
Speaker 1: the law of this is not his first time in jail.
Speaker 1: But all of that aside, it's simply a really poor
Speaker 1: reflection of how our culture just treats people sometimes, and
Speaker 1: especially minorities, as very disposable. Um and I actually wrote
Speaker 1: a blog post about it because that happened right around
Speaker 1: when Caroline and I were were searching for our episode
Speaker 1: UM called Exotic Beauty, all about the fetishization of non
Speaker 1: white beauty and using Lupetea and Yongo in particular as
Speaker 1: an example. And while he lives in a world just
Speaker 1: beyond far away from the world in which Lupetea lives,
Speaker 1: to me, it echoed similar kinds of things of us,
Speaker 1: almost consuming and commodifying, you know, non white attractiveness when
Speaker 1: it served us pleasure, when we can get a kick
Speaker 1: out of it, and then we sort of leave it
Speaker 1: by the wayside and go on our way. And I
Speaker 1: found thought it was telling that the sky Jeremy makes
Speaker 1: you know, he's lighter skinned and he has blue eyes
Speaker 1: and jawline cut from just just chiseled, and it reminded
Speaker 1: me of a question that we quoted in that episode
Speaker 1: about that was from a BuzzFeed conversation about lupin Yongo
Speaker 1: and fetishization of non white women, and it was this
Speaker 1: question of, well, are people so like fawning over Lupida
Speaker 1: so much because she transcends the superficial idea of what
Speaker 1: black is? And I feel like there was a lot
Speaker 1: of that going on with this mug shot. Mania was like, oh,
Speaker 1: well he doesn't he doesn't look like your typical criminal.
Speaker 1: Look at him. Oh he could model? And then I
Speaker 1: don't know, what do you think about the stuth Caroline
Speaker 1: with the comments of women saying flippantly, well he could
Speaker 1: assault me. I well, obviously it's gross um and obviously
Speaker 1: they're not really thinking about what they're saying. It's not funny.
Speaker 1: It's also not funny. It's it's not funny. And it
Speaker 1: surprises me that people would say that. I mean, because
Speaker 1: on the one hand, like, think about who you're saying
Speaker 1: this to, Like you could have friends and family who
Speaker 1: are reading this who have dealt with this, But also like,
Speaker 1: what are you what are you saying about yourself? Like
Speaker 1: really you're I mean, I get like Okay, let's step
Speaker 1: back for a moment from this guy. And like, I
Speaker 1: get when you see an attractive person and you think
Speaker 1: I want to be intimate with that person whatever whatever
Speaker 1: that ends up meaning. But to turn it into a
Speaker 1: sexual assault joke, uh, is is pretty pretty demeaning for
Speaker 1: everyone involved. Well yeah, and it also I mean there's
Speaker 1: a whole other layer to it as well. Of supposedly
Speaker 1: in our criminal justice system, people are innocent until proven guilty,
Speaker 1: and that right there, he wasn't, you know, even arrested
Speaker 1: on assault charges. It's just a this assumption that oh,
Speaker 1: well this is uh, you know, a man of color
Speaker 1: who has been arrested, well he must also you know,
Speaker 1: be a rapist too. So it's just wrong on on
Speaker 1: multiple levels. And was uh just kind of it was.
Speaker 1: It was a gross Friday for me. Yeah, it was. Um,
Speaker 1: I mean I think it was a low moment. It
Speaker 1: was a low moment in internet. Uh miss Yeah. Um.
Speaker 1: And this actually brings up a question I would like
Speaker 1: to pose to listeners. One of the worst responses that
Speaker 1: I saw to all of this hubbub over the mug
Speaker 1: shot was this very pick up artist e men's rights
Speaker 1: activisty Comeback of Well, this just shows the never ending
Speaker 1: hypocrisy of American women and how they only want bad
Speaker 1: guys and nice guys. You know we're never gonna step
Speaker 1: up and beta mails. It's time for you to blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. Uh. And we have been getting the question
Speaker 1: I have is um whether we should do a podcast
Speaker 1: looking at the men's rights movement because we have been
Speaker 1: getting more requests for it. And I'll be honest, it's
Speaker 1: it's not the most Uh. It wouldn't be a topic
Speaker 1: that I would look forward to researching because there's so
Speaker 1: much bile in it. Um. But if it's something that
Speaker 1: people would like to hear more about because it is
Speaker 1: being more and more mainstreamed to a disturbing extent um,
Speaker 1: if you'd like us to do that and shine some
Speaker 1: light on it, we will do it. But please let
Speaker 1: us know if you would. Well. Switching gears for a moment,
Speaker 1: I've got an email here from Becky about our phantom
Speaker 1: pregnancy podcast because it happened to her. She wrote, this
Speaker 1: happened to me once, but me lasted for about a
Speaker 1: month during the winter. My cycle lasts longer, and it's
Speaker 1: not uncommon for me to go sixty days between periods
Speaker 1: have a feeling some woman listening or saying, oh lucky.
Speaker 1: But she says, the first time this happened, I missed
Speaker 1: my period and I also really wanted to get pregnant.
Speaker 1: I started feeling the symptoms of pregnancy and I went
Speaker 1: out to the doctor. Tests came back negative, which really
Speaker 1: confused me. At the time. My doctor wouldn't say anything
Speaker 1: about potential phantom pregnancy. I asked repeatedly, why do I
Speaker 1: have symptoms then? And the only answer I got was
Speaker 1: You're not pregnant. That was it. It was very frustrating
Speaker 1: and confusing. I was worried something was wrong with my
Speaker 1: body and my doctor wouldn't address it. Needless to say,
Speaker 1: I never went back to that doctor. A few months later,
Speaker 1: I did get pregnant and I now have an amazing
Speaker 1: five year old. Thanks for the podcast, ladies. It was
Speaker 1: excellent and the information helped me to better understand what
Speaker 1: actually happened during that time period. Okay, we have one
Speaker 1: last note for you. This is from Jessica. She says,
Speaker 1: have you done a podcast on curly hair stereotypes? No, Jessica,
Speaker 1: we have not. She says, I just listened to the
Speaker 1: hair colored one, and I really enjoyed it. I have
Speaker 1: super curly hair, and I've always felt as that the
Speaker 1: media and fashion industry don't give curls the representation they deserve,
Speaker 1: I mean curly haired men models. Anyway, if you've already
Speaker 1: done a show on this, how would I find it? Okay, Jessica,
Speaker 1: we haven't, but we're going to give you like a
Speaker 1: quick discussion right now about hair. Yeah, we haven't talked
Speaker 1: about curly hair before, but she is not the first
Speaker 1: person to request a podcast on it. And this is
Speaker 1: always so fascinating to me, how many questions we get
Speaker 1: and also questions that I have myself related to hair,
Speaker 1: whether it's hair on our heads, hair on her arms,
Speaker 1: hair on her volva's hair on her legs. Humans are
Speaker 1: fascinated with their own hair. It's true, and it seems
Speaker 1: like as far as head hair is concerned anyway, the
Speaker 1: grass is always greener. I have really fine, straight, limp
Speaker 1: sad hair and so lovely hair, Caroline, thank you, But
Speaker 1: I always want to when I'm shampooing, it's with volume
Speaker 1: izing shampoo. When I'm blow drying, it's upside down so
Speaker 1: I can get more volume, and then because then it
Speaker 1: frizzes a little bit. Then I have to use a
Speaker 1: straightener to kind of like take any of the weird
Speaker 1: kinks out of it. And then I use my straightener
Speaker 1: and a twisty motion to give it some waves. That's
Speaker 1: a lot. I could be president in the time that
Speaker 1: it takes me to just get ready every day. But see,
Speaker 1: it's funny you say that, because and you're right, grass
Speaker 1: is always greener because as someone with naturally wavier hair,
Speaker 1: I I've come to embrace my hair now and I'm
Speaker 1: at a good I'm at a you know, solid point
Speaker 1: with my hair good. But for a long time I
Speaker 1: always wanted straight hair so I could pull off shorter,
Speaker 1: choppier cuts. Because if you've got you know, random wave
Speaker 1: in it, if you get it above my shoulders, then
Speaker 1: it starts to get a atton ball of it and
Speaker 1: doesn't look so nice. It's just hard to tame. Um.
Speaker 1: But if we're talking about like curly curly hair, like,
Speaker 1: let's think of Emmy Rossum, that actress. She's got curly
Speaker 1: curly hair, and she always straightens it when she's on
Speaker 1: the red carpet and everything. Yeah, yeah, maybe it's time
Speaker 1: for us to do a curly hard episode because this
Speaker 1: also gets into the whole issue with African American hair
Speaker 1: and you know those really tight curls and how you
Speaker 1: know historically, um, the whole issue of them being told
Speaker 1: that they need to straighten their hair, and also if
Speaker 1: they let their hair grow naturally, the thing of people
Speaker 1: and particularly white people, asking to touch it, which I
Speaker 1: just don't know cuts your own hair. Yeah. I had
Speaker 1: a really awkward coffee shop experience one time. I was
Speaker 1: on line to buy coffee and the guy in front
Speaker 1: of me, the cashier. The woman at the cash owister
Speaker 1: was African American and had beautiful hair and had let
Speaker 1: it grow out naturally, and the man in front of me,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was in an effort to
Speaker 1: be like, hey, look, I'm cool with black people, but
Speaker 1: he wouldn't stop talking about her hair to her, and
Speaker 1: the look on her face, she was just like, please
Speaker 1: make this end, Please make this end. And he was
Speaker 1: just like, oh, your hair is so beautiful, it's so curly.
Speaker 1: I just oh, and and and all of her response
Speaker 1: was just like yep. It reminds me of when strangers
Speaker 1: will without asking first, rub pregnant women's bellies. That's so
Speaker 1: strange to me. Yeah, oh, I know, because if you
Speaker 1: reached out and just touched me like any other time,
Speaker 1: that's not okay. Why would it be okay to touch
Speaker 1: my pregnant belly. Yeah, we you and I know each
Speaker 1: other very well. We've never touched stomachs before. Maybe we
Speaker 1: should start greeting each other that way. No, no, So,
Speaker 1: if there are other curly haired people out there who
Speaker 1: would like us to do a podcast on curly hair
Speaker 1: or any other kind of body hair, I'm curious about
Speaker 1: arm hair for some reason, I might just do a
Speaker 1: video on it. Yeah. No, I had a friend who
Speaker 1: got hers lasered off completely. Yeah, I knew a girl
Speaker 1: in college who shaved her arms, And I am one.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest, folks. I have pale skin and dark
Speaker 1: arm hair, and when I was growing up, it was
Speaker 1: a big source of insecurity. She's talking to her arm
Speaker 1: right now. I am. I'm sorry armed that I didn't
Speaker 1: embrace you in my youth. Um. Yeah, so so yeah,
Speaker 1: I do feel like in the media anyway, to sort
Speaker 1: of wrap up your question in a tidy little bow,
Speaker 1: I do. I do feel like there aren't a whole
Speaker 1: lot of curly haired women or or men out there.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, Bradley Cooper got a perm for
Speaker 1: American Hustle, but he already has pretty nice curly hair.
Speaker 1: I love not to go off on a tangent, but
Speaker 1: I love men with curly hair. Run your fingers through
Speaker 1: those curls. Yeah, yeah, well, let us know if you
Speaker 1: like a curly haired episode. And as we are wrapping
Speaker 1: up this special listener male episode, keep your ideas coming.
Speaker 1: We always want to hear and love to hear what
Speaker 1: people want to hear about. We want to talk about
Speaker 1: what y'all want to learn about. So keep the ideas
Speaker 1: coming to us. Um, if there are specific videos you
Speaker 1: would like made, or blog posts or whatever, whatever, we
Speaker 1: can do really, because Caroline, you know I I don't
Speaker 1: want to get too sentimental, but I'm going to get
Speaker 1: sentimental and say that I'm always just so impressed and
Speaker 1: touched and feel very grateful for the audience that we have.
Speaker 1: It's so thoughtful and inquisitive and it means a lot
Speaker 1: that people take the time to share their feedback with us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so keep it coming, Please keep it coming. And speaking
Speaker 1: of which, if you have letters you want to send
Speaker 1: to us, Mom stuff at how Stuff Works dot com
Speaker 1: is our email address. You can always tweet us at
Speaker 1: mom Stuff podcast or messages on Facebook, and we will
Speaker 1: try our best to get back to you, although sometimes
Speaker 1: it takes a little while because we do hear from
Speaker 1: a lot of you, but believe me, your your feedback
Speaker 1: matters oh so much, so keep it coming and in
Speaker 1: the meantime, if you want to check out all of
Speaker 1: our blog posts, videos, podcast and find links to all
Speaker 1: of our social media, remember there's one place to go,
Speaker 1: and it's Stuff Mom Never Told You dot com. For
Speaker 1: more on this and thousands of other topics, does it
Speaker 1: how stuff Works dot com