Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys we Book.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina, I'm correct. We're sorry about last night anti
Speaker 1: slut shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey, everybody, welcome to
Speaker 1: another episode of Guys We Fucked. It's the anti slut
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I'm correct, I'm Christina, and this episode is
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Speaker 1: I mean come see us live Saturday, December two. If
Speaker 1: you're gonna be in New York City, you gotta come
Speaker 1: to Glama Plus, hosted by myself and Wendy Starling. It's
Speaker 1: gonna start at seven thirty pm at Zinc Bar in
Speaker 1: the West Village. Tickets are fifteen bucks. There's a link
Speaker 1: to get tickets in the description of this podcast. I
Speaker 1: am so excited. We have a lineup of very special
Speaker 1: comedians that you will know and love. Come see you
Speaker 1: there Nashville, Tennessee Friday December eight and Saturday, December nine.
Speaker 1: We are going to be co headlining Zany's and it's
Speaker 1: gonna be wacky. Get your tickets, and then Seattle, Washington,
Speaker 1: New Year's Eve. I know you're thinking, what the fuck
Speaker 1: am I gonna do? Well, I am solving this problem
Speaker 1: for you right now. I am going to be co
Speaker 1: headlining Parlor Live with comedian Steve Byrne. You know some
Speaker 1: of you were like, the link isn't working. Given If
Speaker 1: the link doesn't work, I just gotta say Google dot com.
Speaker 1: Corine Fisher, Steve Byrne, Coren Fisher, Seattle, Washington. Do I
Speaker 1: don't have to handhold you through? Please eat? Can you
Speaker 1: mail me the link? Can you write it down hul
Speaker 1: style mailing? We can chat, we can drink more TV's
Speaker 1: while we're there, But for the love of God, just
Speaker 1: find a ticket like going your own. I think, oh wait, no,
Speaker 1: this is not gonna be the first New Year's I
Speaker 1: haven't seen you last last New Year's you were in Virginia,
Speaker 1: West Virginia. What No, I wasn't you weren't yeah, because
Speaker 1: we hung out. No no, no, no no, you were
Speaker 1: doing you I know what you were doing. Oh you
Speaker 1: were doing yoga, and I was that's probably what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do again. You were skiing. I was skiing in
Speaker 1: New York State, up state. Do you ever go to
Speaker 1: Virginia or West Virgina? I think one time while I
Speaker 1: was trying to figure out where to ski, I did
Speaker 1: mention West Virginia. Great memory. Thank you with you because
Speaker 1: you know why, because I'm like, really, you can go there,
Speaker 1: although it's very beautiful. I'm sorry what's wrong with West Virginia.
Speaker 1: I've been there forever or maybe ever I've been to Virginia.
Speaker 1: Difference between Virginia West. I lived in Virginia for ten
Speaker 1: years and I lived in Chesapeake, Virginia and Virginia Beach
Speaker 1: is one of my favorite places. And Williams. I love Virginia.
Speaker 1: Billiamsburg is my favorite place on the planet because I
Speaker 1: feel like I was a like a like a colonial
Speaker 1: person in the past. Live. That's one one of the
Speaker 1: places my mom took me to torture me. Oh see,
Speaker 1: I was loving it. I I dragged my mom there.
Speaker 1: She was like, do you want to relax? Uh? And
Speaker 1: I was like yeah, And she was like, how about
Speaker 1: learning instead? That's what it's like growing up in the
Speaker 1: in the Fisher household. Anyway, if you need to talk
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Speaker 1: Therapy for how We Live Today? Hey you got titties? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Some some would say yes, Hey, you know the one
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Speaker 1: totally sober. I'm not to make a really brilliant statement. Nipples. No,
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Speaker 1: a joke about you uncomfortable family member looking at you titties,
Speaker 1: but I'm not gonna how you doing. I'm so tired
Speaker 1: me too. We are in Los Angeles. My voice is going.
Speaker 1: I do want to give a shout out slash thank
Speaker 1: you to Mr Joe Rogan who had us on that
Speaker 1: Joe Rogan experience today. That was very nice. He didn't
Speaker 1: need to do that. We appreciate really think I'm eating
Speaker 1: a breakfast sandwich as I'm recording, and you just made
Speaker 1: us bounce up in the chart and look what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: Is that the banks I give no that it's the
Speaker 1: Joe Rogan bump yo. It's real. Also, thank you to
Speaker 1: Brian red Band, one of the best people. If you
Speaker 1: he's a comedian and if you don't know him, you
Speaker 1: should look him up. Um, if you don't know him,
Speaker 1: you're like the rest of America. But get on the train. Hey,
Speaker 1: it's fucking phenomenon. Yeah, you're very all that was true.
Speaker 1: I love Brian. He's really really nice. He seems like
Speaker 1: someone who wouldn't be nice, and that's why I love him.
Speaker 1: And then you're like, wow, you're so nice, like a
Speaker 1: really sweet person. You find the podcast so so I'm trying.
Speaker 1: Do you hear the quality of my voice? It's not good?
Speaker 1: This is fun. It wasn't good before and it's extra
Speaker 1: not good now good. Hey, you're welcome, everybody. We we
Speaker 1: had a great time in Los Angeles. It started with
Speaker 1: boarding a plane and walking by first class and brushing
Speaker 1: shoulders with none other than jaw rule. And I was
Speaker 1: like clean and I said it like right in front
Speaker 1: of him, which is rude, man, And you didn't. You
Speaker 1: just kept going and I chased you, like no, corint
Speaker 1: I said it loud. I'm like, Corrint, did you hear
Speaker 1: it's John le Rapper? You're like, why am I doing this?
Speaker 1: Do you know how sometimes when people whisper it's it's
Speaker 1: just almost impossible to even hear what they're saying. I
Speaker 1: knew from the way you were acting there was someone famous,
Speaker 1: but there was no way that I could do it,
Speaker 1: that I could handle it without making a big scene.
Speaker 1: And then I found out that it was job role,
Speaker 1: and I was like glad I didn't turn around. And
Speaker 1: then we proceeded to walk into the very back of
Speaker 1: the aeroplane, like literally the last I didn't even know
Speaker 1: places that many rows man, but boy did I learn that.
Speaker 1: You know, that's where our podcast is going to be
Speaker 1: sitting after this episode. Oh you know how the Mighty
Speaker 1: have been humbled. Even Rogan could help us. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: could have gotten us in up grade. I tried. I tried.
Speaker 1: I was on hold with Delta for a while. Thanks Delta.
Speaker 1: But you know, our flight attend and made us feel
Speaker 1: like we were in a class that welln't first, but
Speaker 1: it wasn't last. It was like miss Swan from Mad TV. Yes,
Speaker 1: why did I think of that? Have you ever seen
Speaker 1: an Asian woman? And she said she's from Hong Kong, China.
Speaker 1: She she she shouted it out. Um, he was so proud.
Speaker 1: Yeah she was, girl. You do you girl? Um? But
Speaker 1: have you ever seen a woman from Hong Kong, China
Speaker 1: doing to a racist impression of an Asian woman from
Speaker 1: Hong Kong, China, Because that's really what it felt like.
Speaker 1: And I don't even want to repeat what she said
Speaker 1: because it feels wrong to say it, even though it
Speaker 1: would be accurate. Oh, welcome everybody to What did she say?
Speaker 1: Where did she say her name was? Oh? She was.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Here's the thing. Sure spirit was
Speaker 1: just her. It was magnetic and she could have been
Speaker 1: a mean person, and that would have made me feel,
Speaker 1: you know, like, yeah, fuck, of course I'm suiting for row.
Speaker 1: But she she gave everybody their individual attention. When she
Speaker 1: brought around the menus to everybody, she explained she had
Speaker 1: a little choreographed routine. But what she also any woman
Speaker 1: that came on the plane that looked remotely Mexican, she
Speaker 1: would go, oh la senor Rita, and then the latter
Speaker 1: when we were getting off the plane, she tried to
Speaker 1: befront one them that saying read did not want part
Speaker 1: of that. I didn't have the heart to tell it.
Speaker 1: It was so genuine though, so I think that was
Speaker 1: a lesson in like people are so quick to say
Speaker 1: you're racist. Sometimes people are just trying to connect in
Speaker 1: a way that is ignorant. But it's not. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not badly, poorly intentioned, or whatever the saying might be.
Speaker 1: It's not. It's not's not a piece of ship. She meant,
Speaker 1: well poo poo behavior. Um, oh my god, please help us. Okay,
Speaker 1: and then okay, so we're gonna go. We're gonna recap.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry if you were, uh, one of the three
Speaker 1: fifty people at our comedy store show, because this is
Speaker 1: gonna be something you've already heard, but again, maybe our
Speaker 1: hundred thousands other listeners might want to hear. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you heard. We were made our first and
Speaker 1: last appearance on the Joe Broken Show. They're just kidding
Speaker 1: in my fine he's great, Um yeah no, I mean,
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be his fault that would want to be
Speaker 1: his friends hours entirely though. Yeah, I guess you can't
Speaker 1: really make new for he probably don't want a new friend.
Speaker 1: I mean, do I need a new I don't got
Speaker 1: a time. But I really like him. I think he's
Speaker 1: really cool. Um. But yeah, so, uh so we did
Speaker 1: the plane thing. We went off, the plane got off. Fine,
Speaker 1: then we walked a little bit, got a car. Okay, no,
Speaker 1: you don't need to know every step. Um. And then
Speaker 1: so we decided we got invited to uh an early
Speaker 1: two thousands party with our new friend Jackie from Natch Beaute. Uh.
Speaker 1: And obviously, as you know from the past, like two episodes,
Speaker 1: I've berated people who don't know how to cost him themselves.
Speaker 1: I gotta say, you've earned that right to be rate people.
Speaker 1: Thank you, you really have. So obviously I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna be at this party for about ninety minutes.
Speaker 1: Let's drop three hundred on unclothed. We're never gonna wear again.
Speaker 1: Who cares? Money is meaningless? That's so terrible you I
Speaker 1: should turn it in byam for bing women. Hey, that's
Speaker 1: why I still can get a credit card. So whatever, Um,
Speaker 1: don't worry, I'm gonna I'm gonna wear these clothes again.
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not at that point, okay. And uh,
Speaker 1: and so we go into a couple of our favorite
Speaker 1: stores on on Melrose, the ones with that don't sell
Speaker 1: seven dollar for jack That seems to be a lot
Speaker 1: of the stories, and this one story we've been in before,
Speaker 1: it's uh, like co owned or co managed by two
Speaker 1: gay men. And this one gay man who works there
Speaker 1: looks like Jesse, the old VJ from MTV, the one
Speaker 1: who was like cracked out all the time, Like I
Speaker 1: think he was like a homeless youth. And they were like,
Speaker 1: do you want to be a VJ J? Well he
Speaker 1: won that VJ contest that well there he worked hard.
Speaker 1: They don't hide that line in Times Square. Anyone could
Speaker 1: get in it, you know. Um and so uh, you know,
Speaker 1: Christina walks in, uh, and they put put what looked
Speaker 1: to me like a black piece of cloth and then
Speaker 1: turned out to be a red carpet. Look. I said,
Speaker 1: there was a belt open toed shoes where it was flowing.
Speaker 1: And then he saw me walk in. It seemed to
Speaker 1: me that just my footsteps in l a sound like
Speaker 1: what I don't what's what can you make the can
Speaker 1: you make the sound of a of a dump truck
Speaker 1: moving backwards? He yeah, I got the sound I wanted.
Speaker 1: I wasn't good at sound effects. I'm also not good
Speaker 1: at uh give him a fat body out of gay
Speaker 1: men's faces, apparently because because then he looked he looked
Speaker 1: at me, and I was and I insisted I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not. I just got off an airplane.
Speaker 1: I'm not in a dressing up mood. And he said,
Speaker 1: you know what, Corren Pisher, current fresher, I have a
Speaker 1: trash bag with your name on it. But we didn't
Speaker 1: say that. He said, or all you need to wear this.
Speaker 1: It just handed me a shirt that was both wide
Speaker 1: and long. So we both emerged from the dressing room
Speaker 1: and I'm really looking good, guys, I'm looking real and great.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna buy that dress because it was like walks
Speaker 1: out of the dressing room and it was that good.
Speaker 1: I looked like a lesbian and camouflage and then and
Speaker 1: then and then so I'm wearing the trash bag already,
Speaker 1: and it's we get it. You can't see anything, nor
Speaker 1: does anyone in Hollywood want to. I get the message
Speaker 1: loud and clear. And then it seemed to me that
Speaker 1: maybe one or two of my arms I have to
Speaker 1: we're popping out. So he was like, you know what, Horne,
Speaker 1: I have something else to bring to this, and he
Speaker 1: brings out a huge leather jacket just in case any
Speaker 1: of my skin was showing. He wanted to make sure
Speaker 1: that wasn't happening. He's like, I don't know if you're
Speaker 1: an Orthodox too, but you're in a dress like one. Uh,
Speaker 1: you really did dress you like a trucker Orthodox. Then
Speaker 1: he brought out size fifteen gene that he measured. I
Speaker 1: didn't know that that he before before throwing them at
Speaker 1: my fat body. He put them around my neck and
Speaker 1: I go, is this a new measurement method or are
Speaker 1: you just trying to stop the food from going down
Speaker 1: into my body anymore? I don't know what the message
Speaker 1: you're trying to send us. So anyway, that was great.
Speaker 1: Only took a few memes to get over the trauma
Speaker 1: of that day. You know what, I bought every gun
Speaker 1: damn thing he put on my body because he was
Speaker 1: being a little pushy, and I didn't. I spent too much.
Speaker 1: I spent a stute like I wouldn't have never that's
Speaker 1: too expensive tactic. He guilted me into it, maybe, but
Speaker 1: it was not. It was my I take responsibility. Should
Speaker 1: have looked, I should ask. I hate when people don't
Speaker 1: put the prices on and then you feel like a
Speaker 1: peasant if you ask, Well, that's exactly I mean, that's
Speaker 1: like I felt for in l a trick. God damn it.
Speaker 1: Um the other l A trick is uh telling you
Speaker 1: you're fat, just in different ways. Yeah, they make the
Speaker 1: parking spots is that is humanly possible. So you've got
Speaker 1: to be two pounds to get out your car. You
Speaker 1: gotta slither out that car. Girl, you can't. Can't go
Speaker 1: out the window more than five times. And speaking of
Speaker 1: small spaces to get into. Then we got back to
Speaker 1: our Airbnb Christina, you know, push for the smallest car possible,
Speaker 1: which was a range roof. He gave off at us
Speaker 1: a free upgrade and I took it. I said, you know,
Speaker 1: you know it's a little it's a little tight in
Speaker 1: l A. And this car, I sucke. This car isn't
Speaker 1: that big. I drive no Honda. It's only this. If
Speaker 1: this car was an apartment in New York, it would
Speaker 1: only get a month fine. Yeah, it didn't work out well,
Speaker 1: this driveway thing. It's been a war on this AIRBB.
Speaker 1: It's a nice car. I enjoy I enjoyed riding around
Speaker 1: incase because you know, there's too much environment mentally friendly
Speaker 1: stuff happening. So I really wanted to guzzle gas while
Speaker 1: we're here. This town with their gas damn name think
Speaker 1: you always think about the environment, girl. Uh no. But
Speaker 1: then we had somebody had come over and uh they
Speaker 1: parked in the driveway or Airbnb, and there was these
Speaker 1: neighbors that are also Airbnb people that were I thought
Speaker 1: they were Swedish at first, and it was a couple,
Speaker 1: very attractive. Okay, and you know, the person came over
Speaker 1: and she had to go, but the Swedish people blocked
Speaker 1: her in because she parked in their space. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was getting it's been real. It's been drama on this driveway.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you now, any drama on the driveway
Speaker 1: l a anyway. Uh So I had to knock on
Speaker 1: the door. Was like late at night, was like eleven
Speaker 1: thirty on a Friday. That was so fucking and that's
Speaker 1: how we are. We just staying you were And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh no, I have to go and knock
Speaker 1: on that guy's door. And then I did, and he
Speaker 1: showed up in his underpants and Mama liked he. I was.
Speaker 1: I very rarely, I mean when I'm I'm so disappointed,
Speaker 1: Like I'm very rarely physically attracted to somebody, and I
Speaker 1: just like aggling over somebody. No one's ever that hot
Speaker 1: to me, truly, they're not. And so he answered that
Speaker 1: door and I was like him, oh, my car what
Speaker 1: and he's like, yeah, yeah, I can't do a sweet
Speaker 1: attax or whatever and he yes, yes, it was but
Speaker 1: hotter with a V muscle and uh. And then he
Speaker 1: moved his car and his underpants and I was like,
Speaker 1: you bless me anything, Yeah, you did it, and we um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was great. That was fun for me. And then
Speaker 1: Crenca on the next day. I didn't think he was
Speaker 1: attractive at all. I was like, really, he was very
Speaker 1: good looking, don't He peppered it with an anti semitic
Speaker 1: remarks did I didn't catch? I don't catch a lot
Speaker 1: of things in my life, and uh, one of them
Speaker 1: is better for it. Honestly, I'd rather be not even ignorant.
Speaker 1: I was deaf or something. I don't know, but uh.
Speaker 1: We saw him again. He was smoking a blunt in
Speaker 1: his underpants and I was like it again with just
Speaker 1: like we did with job role. He says, I know
Speaker 1: writing front. I was writing from he heard me, and
Speaker 1: then he came and he's like, do you want this blunt?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yes, I would like that, And
Speaker 1: then apparently I was so in La La land, and
Speaker 1: he just said something about he was from Hungary and
Speaker 1: we don't like Jews over there, and I was like, man,
Speaker 1: he's so hot. Unprompted, we weren't even talking about anything.
Speaker 1: I just said, please give me that blunt, sir. And
Speaker 1: we walked in and was like m and I was
Speaker 1: like hot right, and she goes hates Jews, were like
Speaker 1: hates Jews. Are'm like wait what I mean? It's one thing, okay,
Speaker 1: Like as a Jew, it's one thing to say something
Speaker 1: you know, negative about the Jews, if like you didn't
Speaker 1: like Steven Spielberg'slass film or something, but that's he represent
Speaker 1: all Jews. Like. It's like no, we didn't even say
Speaker 1: like jokingly like Lahiah. I'm like he just wanted just
Speaker 1: stated it. He just wanted us to know. Yeah that
Speaker 1: I was. I was like good. I walked inside and
Speaker 1: I was like, should I paint? Should I take my
Speaker 1: lipstick and put a swastick on his car? So everyone
Speaker 1: and them like yeah, oh, he would think that was
Speaker 1: solidarity that you also. I don't though we had an
Speaker 1: email we wanted to read. I just I kind of
Speaker 1: like the idea of just teasing this email every episode.
Speaker 1: Can you read it? We were twenty one minutes in. Okay,
Speaker 1: well I also and I didn't even tell people the
Speaker 1: last part. Yeah, let's do that, which was that. Then
Speaker 1: we went to this early two thousand's party. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: turns out it's at and this is another instance where
Speaker 1: you guys might not be as excited as we are,
Speaker 1: but it was at the house of the woman her
Speaker 1: name is Bodny mcga, who who wrote the song California
Speaker 1: Girls that Katie Perry sings. And I mean I was
Speaker 1: fucking and so excited about this. I did have a
Speaker 1: couple of glasses of whiskey. Then Bonnie sat next down
Speaker 1: down next to me, and I and I at one point,
Speaker 1: after some some chit chat about eighties toys, I did
Speaker 1: feel it necessary to tell her that she had impacted
Speaker 1: my life profoundly because she wrote the song California Girls,
Speaker 1: and I needed to let her know that. In the
Speaker 1: bathroom for that one. She still continued to talk to
Speaker 1: me for a good twenty minutes. She was beautiful, and
Speaker 1: she had great pink hair, and you know what, it
Speaker 1: was nice to be in a woman's house who she
Speaker 1: she earned that goddamn mansion. Of a house overlook in
Speaker 1: the Hollywood Hills and her fucking pool and her dope
Speaker 1: ass couches and lamps, and I'm like, man, I'm just
Speaker 1: honored to be in your home. And she was so
Speaker 1: kind and sweet and talented, and she just she's on
Speaker 1: her feet. She bought them, you know, yeah, that's right,
Speaker 1: shout out. She's a great lady, all right, And thank
Speaker 1: you for everybody has had us on their podcast Sex
Speaker 1: with Emily Natch Beautes, Grace, Hell big yes, Jack and
Speaker 1: friend or Foe Joe Rogan. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: guys heard Joe Rogan. We're on his podcast. Um probably
Speaker 1: And Adam yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, just so much
Speaker 1: just NonStop fun. Oh Adam twenty two from No John.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that was so much fun. To Lena
Speaker 1: for setting that up of the plug. Love you just
Speaker 1: so much, so much goodness, so much good stuff, and
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Everybody came to the to the
Speaker 1: show at the Comedy Store and you and big big
Speaker 1: hugs and kisses to Emily at the Comedy Store and
Speaker 1: our performers Blair, Saki, ben Hagen, Bobby Also, uh we
Speaker 1: got a really good I feel like a teacher or
Speaker 1: maybe like a parent, not a parent. I don't know
Speaker 1: what the feeling is, but I'm very proud. Uh. One
Speaker 1: of the people who worked at the comedy store, we
Speaker 1: were at a show tonight and he came up and
Speaker 1: talked to us, and he's like, I gotta say, your
Speaker 1: fans are so fucking polite and find yeah, consider it
Speaker 1: and no one's an asshole and everyone pays attention. I'm like, goddamn,
Speaker 1: that's so funny because he said think that made me
Speaker 1: that warm my heart. He told me he's like, I've
Speaker 1: never heard so many pleases and thank you is at
Speaker 1: a comedy show. And I was like, I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give them good marks on their report on the podcast.
Speaker 1: It is an honor to to have a podcast that
Speaker 1: resonates with people, but you know what, it's a it's
Speaker 1: a deeper honor to have the people that are so
Speaker 1: fucking supportive, be good kind motherfucker's that means the world
Speaker 1: to me. Have an orgasm. Hold a door, guys, this
Speaker 1: is a beautiful place. Um guest, Oh, are you reading
Speaker 1: this email? Or no you want to? I don't know
Speaker 1: what we're doing. Let's let's enjoy the guests because I'm
Speaker 1: it's like, I send this to Stephen and I don't
Speaker 1: want the file to be too big. That can't send
Speaker 1: it to him. Cut this part out right, Stephen, do
Speaker 1: what you want. I don't care. I love you. I
Speaker 1: miss you so much. I really do. You can edit that.
Speaker 1: I no, but it's a it's a loving message for
Speaker 1: me to him. Okay, alright, this week's guest guys. She
Speaker 1: hosts a podcast called Juicy Scoop. She was the host
Speaker 1: of t l C is All About Sex and I'm
Speaker 1: So Old. I interpreted that as a band DLC. You've
Speaker 1: seen her on Chaucie lately. She's an author, she's a comedian.
Speaker 1: Please give a warm welcome to Heather McDonald a special
Speaker 1: now to say. It's just that song sometimes good song,
Speaker 1: so good. So I'm just kidding. Oh no, goo uh.
Speaker 1: And we're here with Heather McDonald. Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: so excited. Or you. Thank you and thank you for
Speaker 1: coming out to l A. Yeah, thanks for having us
Speaker 1: in your studio. How are you enjoying it? It's good,
Speaker 1: l A. You know, I make fun of it a lot,
Speaker 1: but I'd like to make fun of tell me because
Speaker 1: you're too, you East Coast born girls, right, what's why
Speaker 1: are you making fun of um? Because a lot of
Speaker 1: a lot of it seemed like even that your doctor
Speaker 1: wants to be an actor, and that's weird. That's it's
Speaker 1: weird to have only one industry that people are like
Speaker 1: there and whatever their career is. Like a doctor, that's
Speaker 1: like a prestigious that's right. But if you can be
Speaker 1: on e being a doctor, why wouldn't you? And that's
Speaker 1: very l a alway doesn't want to be I mean,
Speaker 1: I think, I mean, I think, you know, as the
Speaker 1: more in the public eye we get, the more I
Speaker 1: think this is a terrible idea and stable whatever want
Speaker 1: to do this? You know, Like I'm like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: it's cool, like we're succeeding at what we set out
Speaker 1: to do. But this, this something went very wrong for
Speaker 1: us to even want to do this. I remember in
Speaker 1: high school I told my psychology a psychology teacher that
Speaker 1: that he was like, what do you want to be
Speaker 1: when you grow up? And I was like, very very famous,
Speaker 1: like Michael Jackson can't walk down the street famous. And
Speaker 1: he was like, I don't. I don't know that when
Speaker 1: you grow up you're gonna really want that. He's like,
Speaker 1: that's not I don't think that's what you think it is,
Speaker 1: And well he was right. What's interesting is I was
Speaker 1: born and raised here um in the Valley and Woodland Hills,
Speaker 1: and so when people would tell me, like, you should
Speaker 1: be a comedian as a kid, like my high school
Speaker 1: teacher said, I don't know why you're going to USC,
Speaker 1: you should be a stand up and I was like,
Speaker 1: I didn't understand, Like, well, how would people find what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about is funny? They don't know the teacher
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. They don't know the friend of doing
Speaker 1: an impression of Like I didn't understand set up and
Speaker 1: all that. But also because I was from here, I
Speaker 1: was really jaded and I'm like, I'm not gonna be
Speaker 1: a waitress a I'm going to USC. I'm gonna run
Speaker 1: a business, and you know, and because I know, I
Speaker 1: knew how hard it was. So it's like when you're
Speaker 1: born here, and then when I started doing stand up here,
Speaker 1: everyone all the other comics are like, well, you can't
Speaker 1: start stand up here. I'm like, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 1: Go move to Florida, Like like, I have to do
Speaker 1: it here because this is a bad place to start
Speaker 1: because I'm like New York, you can't get a bunch
Speaker 1: of spots in a night. I mean, it's lucky if
Speaker 1: you even could do three spots a week. So it
Speaker 1: wasn't a little lazy, it was like, but it was
Speaker 1: a little more. But you gotta go to the places.
Speaker 1: Like who wants to do it three times in a night?
Speaker 1: That sounds horrible. I mean, now I do it because
Speaker 1: I'm being paid, and I do a full hour, I
Speaker 1: lay on the couch and I do another That's a
Speaker 1: difference to see in New York. In l A though,
Speaker 1: New Yorkers, I feel like they love torturing themselves. Like
Speaker 1: I we try and I try and do three spots
Speaker 1: to night, and it's hell. I mean, I'm just like
Speaker 1: why I'm doing this? Why? But it's also like I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's just we value torture. Yeah, I consistently
Speaker 1: say yes the spots in Brooklyn. I live in West Harlem.
Speaker 1: It takes an hour to get there. I'm not getting
Speaker 1: paid and at best time, people will be in the audience,
Speaker 1: and I know, like I don't have to keep doing this,
Speaker 1: like I'm doing fine. People will pay me to perform
Speaker 1: but I just keep saying that. And in l A
Speaker 1: it's like you got good food, real healthy food, sunny.
Speaker 1: I mean, everyone's happier here. Maybe tomorrow is a days Thanksgiving,
Speaker 1: I'm hosting it. And yeah, and we're going to be
Speaker 1: like in the pool, like we will. It will be
Speaker 1: ninety degrees. We are smoking the turkey on our brag
Speaker 1: and we're telling all the cousins like, bring your bikini
Speaker 1: cocktails in the pool while you eat your just we
Speaker 1: probably won't go in the pool or the chaccusing until
Speaker 1: after we like say a prayer and eat, but then
Speaker 1: we're going to go in the pool. That is that
Speaker 1: is fat were good well in New York? Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: And another thing like the parking spaces are so thin
Speaker 1: and like getting out of here every yes, here in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, every just it's very like you have to
Speaker 1: like suck into like half your size. It's like everyone
Speaker 1: knows what it's like to feel like a woman, like
Speaker 1: just not enough room for you. Yeah yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it's never enough room. But when you so you decided
Speaker 1: when you were approached in high school, that's so cool
Speaker 1: that someone know. Then I went I went to USC
Speaker 1: and I was not pursuing um the film school nothing.
Speaker 1: Even my parents were like, I did this one one
Speaker 1: act thing and my mom's like, you don't want to
Speaker 1: switch to drama, like we're paying for it, and I'm like, no, no,
Speaker 1: let me just be like a marketing major, Like I
Speaker 1: want to own a house. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: like dependent on anybody. And so then when I was
Speaker 1: at SC, I would get um so like if I
Speaker 1: found out someone had an agent, which a lot of
Speaker 1: people did because we're in there and they're like commercial
Speaker 1: agent or modeling or whatever, and I'd be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I know I should be pursuing this. I
Speaker 1: should be pursuing this, and I'm not. And then at
Speaker 1: the end of college I started to get really anxious
Speaker 1: because it was ending and I had already gotten this
Speaker 1: like awful, like corporate job that I got a like
Speaker 1: um like at the fair, you know when they have
Speaker 1: like the people the fair, And I just knew, all
Speaker 1: this is enough that I can buy, you know how
Speaker 1: this apartment in Brentwood for with three girls, and I
Speaker 1: can wear a little like suit every day and feel
Speaker 1: like a independent woman. And I was like, but all
Speaker 1: I said, I wish I could find a job where
Speaker 1: all I'm doing is just recapping the night before at
Speaker 1: my sorority house because we had party on Thursday nights,
Speaker 1: and everybody would be like, don't did I miss Friday
Speaker 1: morning breakfast with Heather? Because I would like act out
Speaker 1: the whole thing of who was scamming on who? And
Speaker 1: I was doing questions and yeah, and I was like,
Speaker 1: how do I make that a job? Well, that's standing.
Speaker 1: Eventually I did, but it took a little bit of
Speaker 1: it took them to fire me from the corporate job
Speaker 1: for me to then pursue it, because there's something about
Speaker 1: like being in all a like because everyone was doing
Speaker 1: this was part of it. I didn't want. I wasn't
Speaker 1: an idiot about it. Like we all knew. I had
Speaker 1: an agent when I was little. My sister and my
Speaker 1: my my two older sisters, and I got this agent,
Speaker 1: but they represented the family next door. So then they
Speaker 1: were like you should go meet them, you know. And
Speaker 1: my sister was blonde and blue eyed. She's an attorney now,
Speaker 1: but her look was much more desired than my brown
Speaker 1: hair and brown eyed. Luck, so she got a lot
Speaker 1: of um. She had a lot of work, She had
Speaker 1: a lot of commercials, and the kids were really mean
Speaker 1: and to her, but my mom told her bitchy things
Speaker 1: to say. She was mom. A lot of people asked
Speaker 1: me how much I make, and my mom said, just
Speaker 1: turned around and say a lot. Yes, there, you have
Speaker 1: no friend. And then I'd be like, mom, everyone makes
Speaker 1: fun of my last name they you know, being McDonald.
Speaker 1: They say, if my dad Ronald goes, just tell him
Speaker 1: your father owns McDonald and so then id and then
Speaker 1: everybody liked me for a week until some kid came
Speaker 1: and said my dad said, it's a franchise and there
Speaker 1: was a one person. I was like, sure, right, so
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, so I The only commercial I got
Speaker 1: was there was like a sea world called marine Land
Speaker 1: and it was in Palace Ferdies. It's no longer there,
Speaker 1: but it was like a kind of a generic world,
Speaker 1: and so we did like a local commercial and I
Speaker 1: remember they were like, this is your dad, And my
Speaker 1: dad hadn't me at forty five, so I here's his dad.
Speaker 1: There's like a fucking babe, like five, and I'm like
Speaker 1: five years old. I'm like that's my dad. Like my
Speaker 1: dad like it's like a grandpa. So I'm like I
Speaker 1: remember holding onto the Sky's really strong arm and I'm
Speaker 1: like and it was all about this is you know
Speaker 1: Shammou and Shammos baby, and they showed it and I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to have a big thing and I have
Speaker 1: a line and the agents like, oh, you know, they're
Speaker 1: gonna start running it next week. And my mom was like,
Speaker 1: aren't you excited? Your commercial is gonna start running next week.
Speaker 1: And we're all sitting down eating food and the news
Speaker 1: comes up and they're like, very sad newsday, Adam Brita
Speaker 1: out of marine land. Um, Shammou like freaked out and
Speaker 1: fucking like ate her baby or smothered hit or something.
Speaker 1: She killed the baby, She killed her youth, killed her
Speaker 1: own baby, fuck up your commercial. And I was like,
Speaker 1: what what about that commercional And they're like, we're so sorry.
Speaker 1: But Shannon still got bold three Like my sister still
Speaker 1: had her stuff running. Oh you had to be come
Speaker 1: back in those days you could take your kids money.
Speaker 1: So Shannon, my sister paid for our audition. Yeah, a
Speaker 1: whole like a whole wing with her commercial money. Are
Speaker 1: you the oldest of the wings are young? How many
Speaker 1: of the youngest youngest of How have you noticed that, um,
Speaker 1: not like I'm gonna write a college paper on it.
Speaker 1: But I've noticed that, like you know how they say
Speaker 1: like almost every president except for I think except for
Speaker 1: jfk um Junior N. Bush Is, every one was a
Speaker 1: firstborn male, with the president the firstborn. And but I've
Speaker 1: noticed that most comedians are the youngest of their family,
Speaker 1: like the I was like, I'm the oldest, but I'm bossy.
Speaker 1: It breeds leadership skills. I just noticed, like in writer's
Speaker 1: rooms and stuff, I'd be like really, I go, oh my,
Speaker 1: and there's like seven of us, and you know, five
Speaker 1: of us are the youngest of like kind of bigger
Speaker 1: families too, because like you had to fight for the
Speaker 1: attention or you were, you know, you're probably exposed to
Speaker 1: inappropriate things, you know, like because your parents have given up.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, when are the youngest. They're like,
Speaker 1: we're yeah, when you're the youngest kid, They're like, we
Speaker 1: already tried with them, just tired on a ring, raised
Speaker 1: by the older siblings. So you're like you're watching inappropriate
Speaker 1: television and knowing about things that you shouldn't know about,
Speaker 1: Like you know, you have like an edgy part of
Speaker 1: you already because you're like, you know, being raised by wolves.
Speaker 1: Did you have any any instances in your childhood of
Speaker 1: seeing something sexual too soon? Oh? Yeah, I was, uh,
Speaker 1: well many things, but I was flashed my first time
Speaker 1: with a dick or boobs, oh dick. I was walking
Speaker 1: alme from school with my sister and she's two and
Speaker 1: a half years old the night I was so two
Speaker 1: school grades and she kissed me off or something. So
Speaker 1: I'm she's in sixth grade. I'm in fourth. So I
Speaker 1: walk ahead of her like leave me alone. And I
Speaker 1: walk ahead of her like she can see me. And
Speaker 1: this car drives up next to me, and the guys like,
Speaker 1: do you know where Dumont Street is or something? Well,
Speaker 1: my parents were in real estate. I had to deliver
Speaker 1: pumpkins to all the houses to be like what a
Speaker 1: weird child. So I'm like, oh, will you list your
Speaker 1: house with my parents? You know? So I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: Dumont Street. I'm trying exactly how I get there. You
Speaker 1: make a left here and right there, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, and the car and then the guy goes,
Speaker 1: what about this? And I see the dick come out.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's great, and I go and I
Speaker 1: turned around and I covered my eyes and then I'm like,
Speaker 1: kind of tell my sister, and we both decided like
Speaker 1: we're not going to tell anybody. And then I eventually
Speaker 1: think I told my older siblings and they my brothers
Speaker 1: and they were like they immediately my mom was like,
Speaker 1: what's wrong? Like I was really like weird that day,
Speaker 1: and so they don't you remember his face because I
Speaker 1: mean I remember just the little popping up over the window.
Speaker 1: It was like he was in the driver's seat and
Speaker 1: he was leaning over the passenger and then I was
Speaker 1: on that so he had a jacket on. I don't
Speaker 1: know what he had. But then the cops came over
Speaker 1: to interview me, and I remember I'm like, they're like,
Speaker 1: do you know what he's wearing. I'm like, I think overalls,
Speaker 1: And then I thought there's no way his dick could
Speaker 1: get through the overalls. I don't know. So they were like,
Speaker 1: what about car and so my brothers are bringing out
Speaker 1: car magazines and I'm like, I don't know it kind
Speaker 1: of like long and skinny pink. Yes, I'm like, wait
Speaker 1: to pink like. So then they said, well, if that
Speaker 1: ever happens, right down the license plate again. So I'm like, okay, um,
Speaker 1: you're in fourth grade. Did happened? It happened again? About
Speaker 1: two months later. We're at my Catholic school, dis V
Speaker 1: and they had a chain link fence between the school
Speaker 1: and the sidewalk, and uh, this is where all the
Speaker 1: girls played volleyball, the fourth grade players. So we're in
Speaker 1: our plaid uniform, I mean talking about a pedophile staying volleyball.
Speaker 1: We're totally I mean fucking like saddle shoes or whatever.
Speaker 1: That already's like kind of like beater car. And I
Speaker 1: think he was completely naked, I can't remember, but jacking
Speaker 1: off and these girls off, Yeah, and all these girls
Speaker 1: are like, oh, there's a guy and they're like dying
Speaker 1: and they're saying it and I'm like me a paper
Speaker 1: and pen and I like, I'm like, I think it's
Speaker 1: just a chebby. And so then somebody finally goes to
Speaker 1: tell a teacher. The guy drives off. We get into
Speaker 1: the principal's office, who's a nun and how does she
Speaker 1: he just was she like what happened? She was like,
Speaker 1: I mean, she was feeling for us, but she was
Speaker 1: kind of a bit because she was a bitching nun. Anyway,
Speaker 1: nuns are always been my moment's account of school too,
Speaker 1: and she's traumatized, and what did you say to her? Like,
Speaker 1: how do you know? We were like said, look, it's
Speaker 1: not gonna be a problem when the police get here,
Speaker 1: here's the license. And they're all crying, are we gonna
Speaker 1: have to go on trial? Like they didn't know, you know,
Speaker 1: they're nine years old lazing about you, Tiffany. So so
Speaker 1: then they called everybody's mother, and everybody's mother picked them up.
Speaker 1: So they called your mom and my mom and at
Speaker 1: the real estate office and she's like, she's fine, she's
Speaker 1: been through this before. I'll pick her up at the
Speaker 1: normal time. She's like a justice into a monologue like
Speaker 1: I'm not leaving this open house, so you're experienced. And
Speaker 1: then and then and they said, well, we do want
Speaker 1: you to know because of your daughter, they already caught him.
Speaker 1: He already admitted it. It's over with, like they know
Speaker 1: when they caught him right away, because the hell, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're a local hero. Yeah you really saved you probably
Speaker 1: saved somebody from getting touched eventually. Yeah, that is so.
Speaker 1: I think that's why when my own sexual harassment thing
Speaker 1: happened with the owner of podcast one. I just didn't
Speaker 1: put up with it the next day. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you guys know the story. So I was there
Speaker 1: for a year, and you know, I started doing the
Speaker 1: podcast thinking, I guess it's a low point in my career.
Speaker 1: I guess I gotta have a podcast like every other
Speaker 1: little okay, we hear you. Yeah. When we started this,
Speaker 1: I was like, I guess we're gonna just we're gonna
Speaker 1: be that like well, hold, I was on my podcast
Speaker 1: like just like my best friend your favorite podcast very much.
Speaker 1: So I kind of was like, I'll try this at
Speaker 1: least like disciplines, we need to do something every week
Speaker 1: after being writing and producing an appearing on Chelsea Lately
Speaker 1: for seven years. That discipline was something I really liked,
Speaker 1: and the daily topics and all that. So I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I just want to feel productive all the time, you know,
Speaker 1: if if I'm not on the road or whatever. So
Speaker 1: I started to do it and I went right to
Speaker 1: podcast one and the owner was like, oh, we'll have
Speaker 1: you on in two weeks whatever. I'm like great, And
Speaker 1: I was like I had no idea how many people
Speaker 1: were listening, Like I didn't even want to ask I'm like,
Speaker 1: because I didn't see a reflection in my social media,
Speaker 1: so I didn't know that actually, like a lot of
Speaker 1: people were listening, so it started to do better. And uh,
Speaker 1: Norm pattis the owners like this older like guy like
Speaker 1: seventy five, and he's you know, showing you his Laker
Speaker 1: ring and his Laker tickets and he's got a bode
Speaker 1: and that's all fine. He's like, here's my gun. I'm
Speaker 1: in l a sheriff and he's like, strapped, here's my gun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so. What did you think when he said, well,
Speaker 1: I am someone that um never like the first thing
Speaker 1: I asked my husband on a date was like, how
Speaker 1: do you feel about guns? I never want a gun
Speaker 1: in the house. My dad was a marine. My dad
Speaker 1: was a Republican who gave two gun control from my
Speaker 1: whole life. I did reports on it because he had
Speaker 1: all the information of makes sense. So like, I am,
Speaker 1: I'm extremely lame. I just told you I've lost podcasts
Speaker 1: and stuff I should not. I can't even work a
Speaker 1: VCR like not the BCRs around whatever, Netflix, Like, I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't be in charge of a gun every day
Speaker 1: go to I have to call the engineer to help
Speaker 1: me to work the shower, like, fucking I don't should
Speaker 1: not be working a gun. I just wanted to have
Speaker 1: a gun. Fine, but they make me very nice. I
Speaker 1: understand completely. I have a gun. Ever been to a shooting?
Speaker 1: I want to go because I am Actually I take
Speaker 1: that back. I went once when I was in my twenties.
Speaker 1: I went to like an indoor one and I hated it.
Speaker 1: It was too loud, the gun was heavy. I just
Speaker 1: it wasn't for me. Um and thank god my husband
Speaker 1: feels the same way. And well, the main thing is
Speaker 1: is like, you know, you watch a couple of date
Speaker 1: lines where if the person didn't have the gun and
Speaker 1: kill the perpetrator, they wouldn't be doing twenty five years
Speaker 1: in jail because they think that the perpetrator really wasn't
Speaker 1: a perpetrator and then she was dating or I don't know.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, why haven't put yourself in that position?
Speaker 1: So that's my opinion. But of course everybody that has
Speaker 1: a gun good for you. But also the argument of
Speaker 1: for every bad guy with a gun is a nice
Speaker 1: guy with a gun that could save you. Let's not
Speaker 1: put the saving on the pedestrians just for me, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't say, well, citizens will handle a murderer. I
Speaker 1: think the odds are better that like, yeah, like we've
Speaker 1: had weird things happen where my sister over straining around
Speaker 1: my sister, and my sister tried to and this is
Speaker 1: all my podcasts and go back and find the serially yes, okay,
Speaker 1: And so it got very heated and she tried to
Speaker 1: come in her house and my husband, you know, pushed
Speaker 1: her off of him, and she you know, the cops
Speaker 1: came and everything, but had and they're calling me she armed?
Speaker 1: Are you armed? And I'm like, no, you know, no,
Speaker 1: we're not. And I don't believe she is either. And
Speaker 1: but I'm like, you know, if we did have a gun,
Speaker 1: my husband be sitting in jail right now. Pull even
Speaker 1: though it's our house, he would have been sitting in jail.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, that's why that's for me, that's what works.
Speaker 1: But I understand if you're whatever your situation is, your
Speaker 1: situation don't want where would I get into this? So
Speaker 1: the share the owner of this podcast showed you his guns,
Speaker 1: and he's like that that made me nervous, even though
Speaker 1: he has a right to be. I don't know how
Speaker 1: he became an l sheriff. I don't know who he
Speaker 1: gave it. A weird thing to do. Okay, So then
Speaker 1: that being your nervous and you know, he's always like
Speaker 1: making a little like you know, comments and things like that,
Speaker 1: and you're just kind of doing, yeah, like that's address
Speaker 1: you should be wearing every day or something like that.
Speaker 1: But I was like, I was like, okay, like old fart.
Speaker 1: But then I was like, okay, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: come down to where his office is anymore. I'll just
Speaker 1: when I get to my place on the second floor,
Speaker 1: I'll just call the because I love talking to the
Speaker 1: book or like face to face this girl. So his
Speaker 1: office was around side, so I off like going and
Speaker 1: be like, who are we looking at for guests? And
Speaker 1: so I kind of stopped doing that and I would
Speaker 1: just call her from upstairs. And so then um, he
Speaker 1: came up and I was doing and he and I
Speaker 1: see him, and I'm like it makes me so uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: and then I start doing Um, I'm like, hey, I
Speaker 1: can't talk to you a lot, and I can't talk
Speaker 1: to you after this I have a meeting. He's like
Speaker 1: that's all right. I just want to tell your podcasts
Speaker 1: doing well whatever, and then um, we can give you
Speaker 1: the tape for your thing. So then because I start
Speaker 1: doing the a this ad, this Third Love, Third Love
Speaker 1: for all oh yeah, yeah you know it's memory foam hands.
Speaker 1: And he's like, and I go, and I start messing up,
Speaker 1: and I go, Okay, you're making me really nervous because
Speaker 1: now he's in the room and you're making me really nervous.
Speaker 1: And then he's like, um, well, can I ask you?
Speaker 1: These are memory foam hands? Can I hold your breath?
Speaker 1: And he comes around and you have a recording of that. Yeah, I,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't tell. I don't have any time. Hi. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just about doing my last Dad, my last Dad.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, hold on, you're doing good. Thank you going nicely. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're getting more interest in the show. Okay, it's good.
Speaker 1: All right, let me just do this really quick. Um okay,
Speaker 1: you guys. I love Third Love Slash seven T shirt
Speaker 1: PRA because it's the most comfortable raw that I've ever owned,
Speaker 1: and it's just super smoothing and it's invisible under every oftfit,
Speaker 1: which is great especially when you're wearing a light T shirt,
Speaker 1: which is so popular. It's the summer. And I think
Speaker 1: it's because the cups are made out of memory foam,
Speaker 1: so it molds to the shape and truly gives you
Speaker 1: the perfect fit. So here's the thing you want to
Speaker 1: brow that's comfortable. It's let me just you make it
Speaker 1: me nervous now, okay, let me do one more. Wait
Speaker 1: a minute, Yeah, can I hold your breast with that? Help? No,
Speaker 1: these your memory foam memory foae hands. Yeah, anyway, So
Speaker 1: then I go, Okay, So I go go away or
Speaker 1: whatever I say I needed. I'm like shaking and I leave.
Speaker 1: And I called him that day and I said, hey,
Speaker 1: my year contracts up in two weeks, and I want
Speaker 1: to let you know I'm no longer going to be
Speaker 1: doing a podcast. It's just not I wasn't making any
Speaker 1: money there. And I go and I'm just start making
Speaker 1: any money because I just didn't want to go there anymore.
Speaker 1: After that, I didn't, you know, I didn't secretly take
Speaker 1: him for a year. Not that whatever someone does on
Speaker 1: their path is fine, but I'm saying, like I did
Speaker 1: what everybody said you're supposed to do. You don't like it, quit, okay.
Speaker 1: So I sent him out and he's like, all right,
Speaker 1: we'll just do you can't do a podcast anywhere else,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what do a podcast anywhere else? Like
Speaker 1: my kid could start a podcast, And so I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: do I not own Juicy Scroop? I thought the whole
Speaker 1: point of doing a podcast is that, unlike serious, you
Speaker 1: own your stuff blah blah blah, and that's why you
Speaker 1: make no money. Because then so then um, I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: well I'll just start doing it from home with no ads.
Speaker 1: And then I but I got a server to do it.
Speaker 1: He went to that server and and threatened them. So
Speaker 1: then that week I had I lost it. Then I
Speaker 1: had to find another server, then he threatened them. Then
Speaker 1: he's sending me a letter from a billion dollar attorney
Speaker 1: and I'm like and I'm like, they're gonna tie me up.
Speaker 1: And I'm like at this point, this is all I
Speaker 1: had to get people to come to my live shows,
Speaker 1: which was providing for our family, Like I was coming
Speaker 1: with stand up and I'm not on TV anymore and
Speaker 1: the only way to get people to go to the
Speaker 1: stand up is they're listening to the show. Now, no
Speaker 1: one can find me because like not everybody follows you
Speaker 1: on social media that listens to your podcast. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: they're like, where did you go? I guess you quit
Speaker 1: her podcast, you know. And I'm like because they so,
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, everybody, now you need to resubscribe here. Now,
Speaker 1: can you resubscribe today? This Tuesday? Could you resubscribe? Like, so,
Speaker 1: get an attorney. We finally go through it, and and
Speaker 1: finally he releases me. He gives me my back stuff.
Speaker 1: Finally I'm out. Finally, So three months and several thousand
Speaker 1: dollars later, I got to come here wondering. Okay, So
Speaker 1: that was like September. Then all the stuff happened with
Speaker 1: Roger Ailes and the tapes of um Trump and everything,
Speaker 1: and I'm with my friend, and my friend was kind
Speaker 1: of like jaded about it. She's like, oh, who hasn't
Speaker 1: been sexually harassed or something? And I go, I go, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I was, I go. But I'm sure in
Speaker 1: my situation people will say, oh, you're a dirty stand
Speaker 1: up comic, like you should be able to put up
Speaker 1: with that. I just didn't know what the attitude would
Speaker 1: be because I'm like, I wasn't shoved up against my
Speaker 1: crotch wasn't grabbed. I just was made to feel uncomfortable
Speaker 1: by the person that was in power that could cancel me,
Speaker 1: not give me ads whatever. So I, um, I go, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I still I have that tape because I
Speaker 1: have everything. You know, I had the audio. He knew
Speaker 1: it was being audio tape. He knew it was being
Speaker 1: I can't believe here because because because people like just
Speaker 1: getaway with it for so long that he didn't think
Speaker 1: he was doing anything wrong because there's no consequence. There's
Speaker 1: people And so then I go, hey, guys, like, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna play this and you tell me what you think.
Speaker 1: So I play it, and the audience I couldn't believe
Speaker 1: the response. I mean, every single person was like this
Speaker 1: is horrible. And they're like, I've been listening to you
Speaker 1: for a year and your whole voice and demeanor and
Speaker 1: everything changed. I didn't even really recognize that in me,
Speaker 1: that it was so and so. Um. So then there
Speaker 1: were some articles that were written about it, and I
Speaker 1: was willing to talk about it. And uh, and he's
Speaker 1: a UC regent, which means you're appointed on the board
Speaker 1: of all the u C schools in California. He's appointed
Speaker 1: by Jerry Brown our governor and until two thousand and
Speaker 1: twenty six, and he'll be like eighty nine or whatever
Speaker 1: that is. And that's the one one of the appointments
Speaker 1: that you can't wait. But otherwise you're in it for light.
Speaker 1: And so yeah, and I'm like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: this isn't right. You know, our schools have gone up
Speaker 1: in thirty years. And I'm like, in this person who's
Speaker 1: with three fifty million dollars gets to make the decisions
Speaker 1: for our twenty year old daughters and sons. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is crazy. So a couple of people started to
Speaker 1: catch the articles. Girls that listen to me whatever you see,
Speaker 1: Berkeley wrote an article some people but they get kind
Speaker 1: of like buried and squashed, and you know, no one
Speaker 1: would have me on their TV show. No one wanted
Speaker 1: to talk to me about it. I finally spouted in
Speaker 1: on a CNN and the girls started to like shake
Speaker 1: because somehow they know him, and they're like, well, we
Speaker 1: need to talk to him about this, and I'm like, well, no,
Speaker 1: you don't, you don't. This is what happened. I had
Speaker 1: recorded everybody else, no one has proof like me, and
Speaker 1: here I have proof. And so I'm like, but you know,
Speaker 1: so it comes out and he does like he wrote
Speaker 1: this thing. Well, if you were offended, I'm sorry it
Speaker 1: was Joe. So I'm like whatever. So then so now
Speaker 1: with the resurgence that was a year ago. Then with
Speaker 1: the resurgence, they they start to hear, you know, they
Speaker 1: want him off again the board and he said they
Speaker 1: should be ashamed in themselves. There was a protest that
Speaker 1: you see San Francisco with at least thirty students, and
Speaker 1: he said they should be ashamed in themselves. They're using
Speaker 1: this opportunity to like, you know, what was funny a
Speaker 1: year ago? And I'm like, it was never a funny Okay,
Speaker 1: it was never funny. What So what's the current? What
Speaker 1: where is this guy? He's still doing his still doing
Speaker 1: it and say his name, Yeah, it's Norm Pattis. He's
Speaker 1: a UC regent, right saying I don't want this person
Speaker 1: making decisions about I did not sue because I'm like,
Speaker 1: if I said, maybe he would have given, maybe it
Speaker 1: would have ended up to be a financial amount um
Speaker 1: and then I would have had to sign something that
Speaker 1: says I can never ever talk about this again, and
Speaker 1: that money would have meant nothing. To him. To be honest,
Speaker 1: I think the amount wouldn't have changed my life, So
Speaker 1: I'm like, I much prefer to just give him shitty
Speaker 1: day after shitty day. Did you have a shitty day
Speaker 1: to day? Because another article came out not as much
Speaker 1: of the press that I would like, because I think
Speaker 1: this is important. But that's why I'm really passionate about
Speaker 1: all the other stories that come about now. People are like, well,
Speaker 1: shouldn't there be levels of it? And you know, like
Speaker 1: you know, Al Franken is not as bad as Louis
Speaker 1: c K. But Louis c K is definitely not as
Speaker 1: bad as you know wine Stein. And I'm my attitude
Speaker 1: is I fucking love it. Tell your story. If you
Speaker 1: have a story, tell it. Why can't you tell your story?
Speaker 1: The girl's not asking for Frankin's resignation. No, she had
Speaker 1: a story she wanted to tell you. I mean, she
Speaker 1: can fucking tell us. Is what's fascinating me about this time.
Speaker 1: It's very exciting. When the Woman's March happened, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, yes and you. And then I read
Speaker 1: Rebecca tray Star's book All the Single Ladies kind of
Speaker 1: a similar time, and she was pointing out how politicians
Speaker 1: and she was giving examples from political speeches of like
Speaker 1: how they're trying to suppress single women, like unwed single chill,
Speaker 1: childless women are the scariest thing to conservative Republicans. May
Speaker 1: because we are women have if every woman voted, Hillary
Speaker 1: would have won if every woman voted. And I feel
Speaker 1: like women are more powerful than they realized. In the
Speaker 1: Woman's March, was this a great example of Holy sh it,
Speaker 1: look what happens when we all show up and now
Speaker 1: these women are like and this happened to me and
Speaker 1: so and so and this did, and it's so exciting.
Speaker 1: It is really exciting. And you know, if a couple
Speaker 1: of guys um possibly our casualties and maybe they lose
Speaker 1: something that whatever in someone's opinion, they don't think they
Speaker 1: should lose. I don't care if Lui c K didn't
Speaker 1: think it was probably Why wasn't it a type five
Speaker 1: minutes in his flast special I used to whack off
Speaker 1: in front of women? Glad I don't do it anymore.
Speaker 1: Why wasn't that in his act? Because I knew it
Speaker 1: was wrong, and he was trying to keep those girls quiet.
Speaker 1: And when those girls try to tell people. They were
Speaker 1: telling them be quiet. And what people don't realize that,
Speaker 1: you guys know, all it takes is for him to
Speaker 1: feel like those girls, any one of his victims. And
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's many more that have chosen. He pushed
Speaker 1: someone into a bathroom and it wasn't the person you
Speaker 1: apologized to about it. So that's there's so many. I mean,
Speaker 1: you don't keep doing it like you Accedent apologized the
Speaker 1: wrong person, apologize, was sorry I pushed her into bathroom
Speaker 1: and she was like, you just that. It was in
Speaker 1: the Times article, in his trailer, the one his U
Speaker 1: who I forget what actress it was, but but yeah,
Speaker 1: and he apologized for the wrong thing and she's like
Speaker 1: that wasn't made dude, And he's like, uh, sorry for
Speaker 1: what I did to you. Then that's like how. But
Speaker 1: what's happening though, is it's it's interesting and I want
Speaker 1: to talk about what I'm curious what you think about this.
Speaker 1: So women are coming forward, they're telling their stories. No
Speaker 1: one there, and they're not like you said, you know,
Speaker 1: the women who told that story about al Franken, who
Speaker 1: was in that fucking photo. It's fucking disgusting and gross okay,
Speaker 1: and she came forward and she's like, now that we're
Speaker 1: all saying ship, I want everyone to know how often
Speaker 1: this happens. It happened to me with one of the
Speaker 1: guys that's a perceived good guy, and it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: he's a shitty senator. I think Al Franken's work in
Speaker 1: in the Senate is incredible. That was a fucking real
Speaker 1: shitty thing he did. But I feel like with Louis
Speaker 1: c Ky, for example, and when that piece came out,
Speaker 1: HBO pulled everything that he's in off. But those women
Speaker 1: didn't ask for that to happen, And I feel like
Speaker 1: that it almost discourages women from coming forward because then
Speaker 1: it's like, can you imagine going if I come forward
Speaker 1: about so and so that's really famous, HBO might pull
Speaker 1: all of his specials off of their platform. Like that's
Speaker 1: a big saying. I don't know how to feel about that,
Speaker 1: because I understand, I understand now what you know, And
Speaker 1: if more and more come out, there might just opulentive programming.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean that's for women. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: not mad about that, but I mean I I feel
Speaker 1: like that's that's there. That's the network's choice to do that,
Speaker 1: and I feel badly for anybody that you know, was
Speaker 1: what about the people that co starred in the Daddy
Speaker 1: Issues or whatever the movie was, I love you, Daddy,
Speaker 1: Like imagine, like you think this is gonna be a
Speaker 1: big break and then that happens, And I understand all that,
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I'm like, I mean, if
Speaker 1: they chose, if they choose to do that, then they
Speaker 1: choose to do that. And maybe Hollywood at least is
Speaker 1: taking better stance than Washington in respect. So I think, um,
Speaker 1: but with with Louis c K. Look, uh, did I
Speaker 1: ever meet Louise K. No, I'm not a comedy darling.
Speaker 1: I'm not the alternative comic that you know. Fucked a
Speaker 1: bunch of ugly comics in my life. I didn't, okay,
Speaker 1: I I wanted a nice, normal guy. I that just
Speaker 1: wasn't my path. So I can't say I'm asshole buddies
Speaker 1: with Louis c K. And he put me in five
Speaker 1: of his shows. So when it happened, I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't care good because I think what happened in
Speaker 1: the past is certain victims of his He may have
Speaker 1: known that or felt threatened or maybe hey, I heard
Speaker 1: Susie and whatever we're talking about how you did this
Speaker 1: sixth oh anyway, and then they maybe these girls have um,
Speaker 1: maybe they sold a show to ABC. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: he did this, but all it takes is for Louis
Speaker 1: to call his guy at ABC and say, I don't
Speaker 1: think they're very funny and they're talking shit about me.
Speaker 1: Don't worry, Louis. Their show will never see the light
Speaker 1: of day. That's all it takes. Yeah, it takes us.
Speaker 1: Someone to piss off someone's wife at a cocktail party
Speaker 1: and their thing is thrown away and that's the wife.
Speaker 1: So it's like when people go understand the blackballing things,
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's one person's decision whether you're gonna get
Speaker 1: something or not that could be life changing or keep
Speaker 1: you from something. Yeah, Unfortunately performers or a diamond doesn't
Speaker 1: like you were replaceable us. We are at Louis c
Speaker 1: K level. And then it's like, you're gonna notice if
Speaker 1: Louis c K stops making content, Like you're not gonna
Speaker 1: notice if if you do. What I've been noticing though,
Speaker 1: is I'm I am glad that ships getting pulled because
Speaker 1: it's like Kevin space they're gonna reshoot all of his
Speaker 1: fucking scenes. Well, he's been like trying to funk fourteen
Speaker 1: year olds for a while, so that's to me, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: do something that. Also, who's gonna want to go see
Speaker 1: that movie they're going to think about? Is that? So
Speaker 1: I think they're trying to save the movie and but
Speaker 1: I steal the people sucked over for worst. So comedians
Speaker 1: are consistently making jokes on Twitter and losing careers. I
Speaker 1: think which people should be careful about Twitter? Do? I
Speaker 1: don't think it's I always say it's no, no tweet
Speaker 1: is worth you know, fifty retweets if it's gonna like
Speaker 1: think about when you tweet. It's true, it's just be
Speaker 1: smart about it. It It seems to me, though, the people
Speaker 1: that are fans of the work of Kevin Spacey and
Speaker 1: Luisa k just for example, it's almost like they blame
Speaker 1: it on the people coming forward that for two things. One,
Speaker 1: now I love him, he's my favorite comedian. Now do
Speaker 1: I got it? You're telling me I got We're not
Speaker 1: telling you anything, first of all. But they feel like
Speaker 1: this conflict of can I enjoy his art? But that's
Speaker 1: up to you, Like don't fucking throw that on me.
Speaker 1: But also like, I feel like people get mad at
Speaker 1: the the victims that are come forward for his ship
Speaker 1: being pulled, and I don't know, I don't know. That's
Speaker 1: that's why. That's why when I've told my stories about
Speaker 1: on the podcast, I first started being honest about my
Speaker 1: sibling relationships that they're I have a dysfunctional adult sibling
Speaker 1: relationship and I called it serial sister, and it really
Speaker 1: struck in her with a lot of people because a
Speaker 1: lot of people are very embarrassed to ever admit that
Speaker 1: maybe they don't speak to their sister or their brother,
Speaker 1: or they would like to cut off all ties with
Speaker 1: this toxic person, but it's their sibling, and their parents
Speaker 1: guilt them into doing things. But you want to protect
Speaker 1: your children from this fucking nightmare that you lived in.
Speaker 1: So like when I started to reveal that, I realized that,
Speaker 1: you know, a lot of people feel like that. But
Speaker 1: I I kept waiting for people to say to me,
Speaker 1: it's horrible that you're telling the story about your sister,
Speaker 1: And nobody said it except a couple of people in
Speaker 1: my family, like why you didn't want to you shouldn't
Speaker 1: tell this story, and I'm like, you know what, why
Speaker 1: keep the secrets of those that treated you badly, whether
Speaker 1: it's your horrible ex husband, your priest. Why if if
Speaker 1: somebody or a guy that date raped you or someone
Speaker 1: that's sexually assaulted you. So if you didn't like the
Speaker 1: way Louis c k treated you twelve years ago, why
Speaker 1: can't you share that story? Like, why can't you yeah,
Speaker 1: and what happens happens. Why do you have to keep
Speaker 1: it a secret that someone made you feel like shit?
Speaker 1: And That's what I kind of love about this podcast
Speaker 1: world because there isn't the rules of like, you know,
Speaker 1: all that type of stuff, and I love it and
Speaker 1: I hope it never changes, because you know what, keep
Speaker 1: people on your toes. And I do think that you know,
Speaker 1: I'm Catholic. I was raising in Catholic household. My kids
Speaker 1: go to Catholic school now, and when I put my
Speaker 1: kids in Catholic school, I would get all the jokes
Speaker 1: from all the comics that are atheists, like what are
Speaker 1: you doing? Your kid's gonna be molested? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: you don't understand since the scandal, have you heard in
Speaker 1: the last ten years of a priest molesting somebody no,
Speaker 1: because they fucking cleaned it out. They make it rules.
Speaker 1: They're not left alone with anybody, and me as a parent,
Speaker 1: have to take a three hour class. They give your fingerprints,
Speaker 1: like they're the safest place that your kids. Is that
Speaker 1: a Catholics because people about it, It's been out and
Speaker 1: it all came out. So I'm like, if this all
Speaker 1: comes out now in ten years, we're gonna be like, wow,
Speaker 1: isn't that great? Like that sexual harassment like never happens
Speaker 1: at the bank, or rarely happening because the hushing of it,
Speaker 1: because that would happen too in the sexual harmassic case,
Speaker 1: like they would take the guy from the bank and
Speaker 1: move them to another bank, and another bank another, you know,
Speaker 1: that's like they did with the priest. So police officers,
Speaker 1: with teachers, with everything profession it's always the men always
Speaker 1: like cradled. So the minute somebody now says a story,
Speaker 1: they believe the woman and they do investigation and if
Speaker 1: it's true, that's it. Sorry, you lost your chance. And
Speaker 1: then our sons are going to be raised an environment
Speaker 1: where it just doesn't occur to them to be a creep,
Speaker 1: you know, like they know you just don't do that.
Speaker 1: So yeah, because there's consequences, and now you have examples
Speaker 1: of their being consequences and this person being publicly shamed.
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, I think shame does have a place,
Speaker 1: and I think sometimes the only justice you can get
Speaker 1: when you go to the police and they don't believe you,
Speaker 1: or it's like your your word against his. No one
Speaker 1: was there innocent until proven guilty. You fucked. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: the only justice you can get is by telling your story.
Speaker 1: What did you think about Sarah Silverman's speech. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't read it yet. I I saw the article,
Speaker 1: but that she was saying how it's very unco like
Speaker 1: it's just weird because this guy's my friend. But I didn't,
Speaker 1: I didn't look. Did you end up reading it? I
Speaker 1: remember you told me it was on her show. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't have your Hulu logan anymore. I
Speaker 1: I appreciated that she addressed it. Yeah, I thought she did.
Speaker 1: She she just basically said, I'm going to talk about
Speaker 1: the masturbating elephant in the room, like c K is
Speaker 1: my friend. It was like quiet, like people weren't laughing really,
Speaker 1: and she's just like, you know, he's my friend, and
Speaker 1: it's hurtful and but basically, someone can do a bad
Speaker 1: thing and all the good things that they did for
Speaker 1: me as a friend won't necessarily be a race. But
Speaker 1: I'm very sad about this, and I think that's true. Like,
Speaker 1: you know, when it happened with Bill Cosby, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure his you know, FeliCa were shot or whatever,
Speaker 1: only had fabulous relationships with him. I mean when people
Speaker 1: used to say, oh, ja, nicest guy in the world.
Speaker 1: The caddy at the l Country called just adored and
Speaker 1: they tipped great. I'm not denying that he wasn't a
Speaker 1: delight to the caddy, but he cut two people's throats,
Speaker 1: you know. So it's like, yeah, you can be both. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, and everyone's so uncomfortable with that idea. You
Speaker 1: can be both. You can be a rapist and a
Speaker 1: comedian delight. Yeah, to some people, Jeffrey, that's how he was.
Speaker 1: That's how he was a serial killing people. It's because
Speaker 1: he was such a fucking delight. That's how he got
Speaker 1: people into his apartment in the first place. And then
Speaker 1: your heads in a freezer. I mean, you know, you
Speaker 1: have to charm your way into things. I mean, anyone
Speaker 1: in the entertainment business. Should absolutely know that. I know
Speaker 1: a ton of people who are terrible in the entertainment business,
Speaker 1: but they can turn it on when they need to. Terrible,
Speaker 1: like they're not even talented. No, but I mean also untalented.
Speaker 1: That's that's I know everyone. But it's so interesting, Like
Speaker 1: I know there's rumors, rumors I've heard from like very
Speaker 1: trusted people that would never I believe them about comedians
Speaker 1: that everybody would know that are that are famously one
Speaker 1: in particular, it's very famous and on television, and that
Speaker 1: he's a rape And I'm like, I'm just sitting back
Speaker 1: on when that when's that going to come to surfaces?
Speaker 1: I heard bubbling that that's coming out. I can't wait.
Speaker 1: But but is it? It's kind of like it's kind
Speaker 1: of funked up that I don't want to say. I
Speaker 1: don't know why. I mean, I just think, I mean,
Speaker 1: we heard from somebody we don't even I think if
Speaker 1: we had heard from the person directly, but from like
Speaker 1: or from the person that he raped, that's what we
Speaker 1: heard from her, then I would feel comfortable. But we
Speaker 1: heard from a guy who his his friend who heard.
Speaker 1: That's not enough. I mean, I also believe that person,
Speaker 1: but that's not enough information to be like, because then
Speaker 1: it just seems like we're trying to trying to break rape.
Speaker 1: You know, if you're the victim, this is the best
Speaker 1: time to come forward. If you want to come forward,
Speaker 1: then it's then it should be you that comes forward.
Speaker 1: It's the most supportive time to come forward. I want
Speaker 1: to be you know, like and keep it in that.
Speaker 1: But that's what sucks about too, Like when you when
Speaker 1: you do come forward, then all of a sudden, you're
Speaker 1: not really necessarily in control of the narrative because like
Speaker 1: the Cosby Ship, no one gave a shit about it
Speaker 1: until someone snuck in and taped Hannibal doing his bit
Speaker 1: that he's been doing for months and it and it
Speaker 1: really opened people's eyes and they're right, I did hear that.
Speaker 1: And then when they went forward with it, and then
Speaker 1: all these women had each other, and you know, the
Speaker 1: truth is sadly in numbers, because I'm sure there's a
Speaker 1: lot of single people that are like, oh, if I
Speaker 1: can just find two more girls that could back my story,
Speaker 1: But you know, my story is still true, and you
Speaker 1: know it's just I always tell like when we would
Speaker 1: watch on it and my husband's watching it with me,
Speaker 1: and now he really gets it. But a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago, when we'll be watching like the Victims of Cosby,
Speaker 1: he was like hearing these horrible stories, you know, and
Speaker 1: he's like, I mean, I don't get it. On the
Speaker 1: next day, I would walk right into l ap d
Speaker 1: and I'd be like this. I'm like, because you're six three,
Speaker 1: white male, that sense you were about thirteen was too
Speaker 1: large to be thrown into a van, okay, but a
Speaker 1: girl could always be thrown into a van most girls.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know, So I'm like, you just
Speaker 1: don't get that. It'll never And when guys say, yes,
Speaker 1: I can be sexually harassing, so I'm like, yeah, you can,
Speaker 1: but it'll never be say because we're different, we're different entities.
Speaker 1: A man and a woman are different no matter what,
Speaker 1: we're different. Okay. So so going so going back to
Speaker 1: your your she you used, you went to Catholic school.
Speaker 1: How was what was the sex education if any, from
Speaker 1: your parents and from your school. So my mom told me, um,
Speaker 1: don't ever have sex before you're married, because the minute
Speaker 1: the guy gets it, he'll run. I didn't realize in
Speaker 1: the minute they don't get it, they run your mom's character.
Speaker 1: She was really funny. Yeah, she was great, so she
Speaker 1: Um so she didn't want to do that because then
Speaker 1: they'd run, like the minute they get it, they're like
Speaker 1: I'm done. That's what she would tell me. And don't
Speaker 1: you feel off full about yourself? So I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: So I just don't think she wanted like pregnant teens.
Speaker 1: And also back then, you'd watch a movie and the
Speaker 1: pregnant teen the parents would throw them out of the
Speaker 1: house and you'd be like living on the street with
Speaker 1: your baby. And my parents would tell me that too,
Speaker 1: So there wasn't like my son like teen moms and
Speaker 1: like the fifty year old nurse mom that gets to
Speaker 1: take care of your baby while you like fun someone
Speaker 1: new like that wasn't what was happening. You were like
Speaker 1: on your own with three jobs, you know. Like, so
Speaker 1: it's like I just didn't never want to get pregnant,
Speaker 1: and then um so you didn't, So I didn't, And
Speaker 1: then um no, but I thought I thought I'll have
Speaker 1: sex when I'm in love and I have a boyfriend,
Speaker 1: So that didn't happen. In high school. Then I got
Speaker 1: to SC and I was like yeah, when I get
Speaker 1: my boyfriend, you know, like I'll have sex. I want
Speaker 1: to be in love, like I've waited this long, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to screw someone and have them like skateboard
Speaker 1: by Tommy Trojan, like their heads up and that's the end. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm like okay. But then more and more time passed,
Speaker 1: you know, and then every time i'd get closer, I'd
Speaker 1: tell the guy like, well, the reason we haven't had
Speaker 1: sex status because I'm a virgin. They'd be like really
Speaker 1: freaked out, and then I never hear from them again.
Speaker 1: So so that's why how many times had that happen?
Speaker 1: So seven j christ n't got freaked out. My first book,
Speaker 1: I wrote, You'll Never blue ball in this Town of Gas,
Speaker 1: because everybody has such successful books about all their boning,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't have the boning stories, but
Speaker 1: I have like really funny dating, dry humping stories that
Speaker 1: I think are just as fun. And so I'm pregnancy.
Speaker 1: But finally when I did it, I know I didn't
Speaker 1: just did it. I'd oftentimes go on the pill, and
Speaker 1: you know you're supposed to go on the pill for
Speaker 1: thirty days for it to work, so I'd start to
Speaker 1: like someone I go on the pill. And then before
Speaker 1: the thirty days came up, he just kind like funk
Speaker 1: this bitch. He stopped calling because I didn't act like
Speaker 1: a virgin, like I dressed kind of slutty. I like
Speaker 1: to dry hump. I like to drink, you know, is
Speaker 1: that what you said your first day, the dry hump?
Speaker 1: And I like to drink around the Yeah, you wouldn't
Speaker 1: think like this is a girl that's like kind of
Speaker 1: you know edge comic is a virgin. I never would
Speaker 1: say as a virgin or anything on you know, I
Speaker 1: was at the groundings and like people thought I was
Speaker 1: not a virgin, like I didn't. I would never reveal
Speaker 1: that secret and so um. So then I didn't write
Speaker 1: the book until like you know, after I was married
Speaker 1: and so um yeah, so that so that it took
Speaker 1: him but any but I so I tell people all
Speaker 1: the time, listen, just get it over with, especially when
Speaker 1: you start to get too old, just fucking precious always,
Speaker 1: Like God, the the amount of times that like rich
Speaker 1: guys would be like want to go to Hawaii and
Speaker 1: I was like, well I can't because it's gonna expect
Speaker 1: to get boned, and like I have a bone chat,
Speaker 1: so I like, I mean i'd be like like yourself
Speaker 1: in the mirror. You haven't. I didn't. I don't want
Speaker 1: to let some my b shampoo. Like we went to
Speaker 1: like a fancy stories like do you like any do
Speaker 1: you need anything? And I'm like, no, I'm not. Like
Speaker 1: amount of times I missed out on ship? Yeah, how
Speaker 1: many the do you sleep before? Your husband just took
Speaker 1: and then and then him. Okay, so said I'm not
Speaker 1: great at it? How do you know? Really has your
Speaker 1: husband told you you're not great? The husband is fine?
Speaker 1: Like we still bone. I don't mean a brag. I
Speaker 1: don't need lub. He doesn't mean by agg or like
Speaker 1: when we want to do it. It's very if you're
Speaker 1: sexually I can get him like that if he wants.
Speaker 1: You know, if you wait, you're not you're you're good
Speaker 1: in bed done. I mean, I think, I don't think
Speaker 1: I'm excited. I don't ever think. I don't do a
Speaker 1: lot of like tricks or you know, fun things like that.
Speaker 1: I have never done tricks trick. I think I think
Speaker 1: it's very competitive to get out there now. I think
Speaker 1: you've got to do anals like come on the face,
Speaker 1: yes you do know you do, I mean, if you're
Speaker 1: out there, but I do have friends that tell me
Speaker 1: how they're your fascination with anoles not happening as a
Speaker 1: bunch of do you think, but I do believe it's
Speaker 1: it's it's harder because something it doesn't just something's not
Speaker 1: supposed to go up there. Yeah, I mean, I just
Speaker 1: I'm like my husband and I are what I like
Speaker 1: to call bread and butter boners, just only the two
Speaker 1: of us. We're not gonna we don't want a third
Speaker 1: we don't want a third party, you know. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, but that's what are you satisfying
Speaker 1: with your sex life with your Yeah, but it is ever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like, you know people better, so better,
Speaker 1: that's really that's kind of nice. I guess I can't
Speaker 1: be like, oh, that guy from a better pet than you, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I assume it seems to be the
Speaker 1: average size that I've touched and seen. He seems to
Speaker 1: be good, So I'm not. I'm not small. It's not
Speaker 1: I'm not seeing porn where I'm like, I don't even me,
Speaker 1: like I don't even know what that is, right, and yeah,
Speaker 1: and so it's all. It's all, how did you meet
Speaker 1: your husband? I was set up with him? Um, I
Speaker 1: had a friend. This is another thing I feel bad
Speaker 1: about your generation is that there's no blind dates, like
Speaker 1: real blighting. So this guy goes, you should meet this
Speaker 1: guy Peter. He's um, like, how tall is? Because I'm tall?
Speaker 1: He's like six three. I'm like, okay, I'm like, what's
Speaker 1: the hair doing? Like full head of hair. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh ship, this is like after a great start. But
Speaker 1: where does he live? He's like, oh, he owns a condo.
Speaker 1: I'm like, he's a you know, property owner in Sherman
Speaker 1: Oaks where it's like South the Boulevard, Like holy fuck,
Speaker 1: like stop the presses, how's this guy's single? So um.
Speaker 1: So then we finally met like at a party. I
Speaker 1: was on a date with someone else, but I knew
Speaker 1: who was coming to the party. So then after a
Speaker 1: few drinks, I went home with him and then ye man,
Speaker 1: I humped in a planter in front of my house
Speaker 1: and my planter there was like a planter and he
Speaker 1: kind of shoved me up against this consensual harvey. Yes
Speaker 1: this isn't yeh um, And then we just started you know,
Speaker 1: then we started to date and then see dry humped
Speaker 1: him in the plant in a planter and then just
Speaker 1: dated right after that. Yeah, and then um, and it
Speaker 1: was And I had read the rules, which is the
Speaker 1: nineties book that doesn't really apply. It doesn't really plant
Speaker 1: today because I don't believe that you could blow a
Speaker 1: text off for three days. Okay, like you're supposed to
Speaker 1: like fruit. Don't play a fucking game, dude. But the
Speaker 1: way it worked in the nineties, you were not at
Speaker 1: home when your phone rang or right, so you were
Speaker 1: because you're busy. That was the whole thing. I'm a
Speaker 1: busy lady. I've got this after time. I'm not waiting
Speaker 1: for you if you don't ask me by Wednesday, I've
Speaker 1: got planned Saturday night. So it was like and I
Speaker 1: but the first time I read it. Right after that,
Speaker 1: I met Peter and I fucking did it and it
Speaker 1: worked like a charge. Shit, wait what so what did
Speaker 1: you do? Basically? You just you You just are busy
Speaker 1: and they have to ask you out, like they have
Speaker 1: to ask you out and uh a couple of days
Speaker 1: before they don't assume. So we'd gone on a few
Speaker 1: dates and Friday came and I'm driving and he had
Speaker 1: not asked me for that weekend prior to that, and
Speaker 1: there was this charity event called the Bachelor's Ball. Had
Speaker 1: nothing to do with the Bachelor, but it was like
Speaker 1: this Bachelor's Ball, and we knew similar people, so I
Speaker 1: knew he'd probably know about this event. But he didn't
Speaker 1: go to sc He went to UC San Diego, so
Speaker 1: we didn't know the group that was going. And and
Speaker 1: he's like, okay, so what do you want to do tonight?
Speaker 1: You want to like see a movie, ran a movie.
Speaker 1: I was back when people are in a movie, so
Speaker 1: he assumed he had soon. I go, oh, I can't tonight.
Speaker 1: I have a charity event and he's like oh, And
Speaker 1: I knew he knew what it was. So I go
Speaker 1: out with the guy. I dry humped that guy, but
Speaker 1: I say, you gotta go home, like I'm boning someone.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to bone someone else down from who
Speaker 1: am I? You know? My mother? Yeah, like Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: It was like teach to the number down to like
Speaker 1: the ring fingers. So I was like, so I'm like leave,
Speaker 1: you know. And then that morning, at like six fifty
Speaker 1: or seven am, Peter calls me and he's like hey,
Speaker 1: I want to get breakfast, like totally checking up where
Speaker 1: the guy was there or whatever, so psychotic I it.
Speaker 1: So then I'm like, yeah, and you really want to
Speaker 1: know how long ago it was? We went rollerblading after breakfast,
Speaker 1: roller blading by the river. I love roller blade. I
Speaker 1: know what that was like, still flying it. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's a great exercise. You're you're not really working,
Speaker 1: you feel like athletic, You're like and you can almost crash.
Speaker 1: So that's kind of the it. You have to act busy,
Speaker 1: you know, and then you never say Okay. Here's my
Speaker 1: other tip that I've said, which I think is an
Speaker 1: amazing tip for your listeners. You know how everybody goes,
Speaker 1: you know, hey, I think the biggest advice dating question
Speaker 1: is like I don't know where we stand. You know,
Speaker 1: are we boyfriend? Girlfriend? Are exclusive? Boning? Like? What is it?
Speaker 1: So this is my tip, which is a controversial tip.
Speaker 1: Let's hear it. I think you say to the guy
Speaker 1: that you're dating, you say, um, hey, I just full transparency.
Speaker 1: I really enjoy spending time with you. But I was
Speaker 1: asked out by this guy. Seems kind of interesting, but
Speaker 1: I don't want to go on the date with it.
Speaker 1: I want to date you alread any other. I don't
Speaker 1: want to go on the date with him because I
Speaker 1: would I would feel terrible if you saw it or
Speaker 1: walked into a restaurant and saw that I was on
Speaker 1: a date with someone else. So I hate having this conversation,
Speaker 1: but like, okay with me going on a date. You're like,
Speaker 1: then you can see if they're like, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: give a fuck, then you know you know right away
Speaker 1: basically there's like a word out of the mill. I
Speaker 1: don't like that. Who is this person? You give them
Speaker 1: ball in their court? And and but and you're saying,
Speaker 1: you're saying, you're you're giving you're almost giving them the illusion.
Speaker 1: It's not an illusion, but kind is of choice here
Speaker 1: you That's exactly some people think. It's like Christ, that
Speaker 1: is exactly how I see have the deal with my
Speaker 1: boyfriend of six years because I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I have this this guy has been like a fun
Speaker 1: body of mine and we were going to hang out
Speaker 1: this weekend, and you know, I kind of only want
Speaker 1: to have sex with you, but I don't care to
Speaker 1: see what you think. That's great, And then it's like
Speaker 1: that's your girlfriend. I'm like, that's your versions like a
Speaker 1: little more modern than mine because you're involves buddies and
Speaker 1: mine involved a meal. Yeah, and I'm very aware that
Speaker 1: people don't get a lot of meals. I've never gotten
Speaker 1: a meal with a buddy. I wish I did. I
Speaker 1: did one time to do a nice Indian restaurant, and
Speaker 1: but he made it very clear that he doesn't usually
Speaker 1: do this with full I said it was well worth it. That. Okay,
Speaker 1: so they want to wrap because I still want to
Speaker 1: have time with you guys. So where can we find you?
Speaker 1: What's so? Please check up my podcast, Juicy Scoop with
Speaker 1: Heather McDonald. It's two days a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays,
Speaker 1: and it's whatever I find juicy in the news. I
Speaker 1: do enjoy some trashy TV that I talked about it recaps.
Speaker 1: You don't even have to watch the show. I act
Speaker 1: out all the voices, I uh, you know. And I
Speaker 1: have great guests. I have comedians, I have actors at
Speaker 1: reality stars, I have you know, and I do live
Speaker 1: shows too as well as stand up. So everything is
Speaker 1: that heathern McDonald dot net. Okay, So many of my
Speaker 1: comedian friends and non comedian friends have talked to me
Speaker 1: about your podcast so fucking funny. I'm so I'm so excited.
Speaker 1: I love doing it absolutely. Thank you so much. This
Speaker 1: has been guys. We fucked the anti slat Chimmy podcast.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you next Friday. I've been on my
Speaker 1: own and the I've grown still get a lonely sometimes.
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