Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys We Book.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina, I'm Karren. We're sorry about last night, the
Speaker 1: anti slut shaming podcast. I never stopped, Yo, fuckers. How
Speaker 1: you doing? Welcome to another episode of Guys We Fuck is,
Speaker 1: the anti slut shaming podcast. I'm Karen, I'm Christina, and
Speaker 1: today show is sponsored by talk Space, the online therapy company.
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Speaker 1: Are you in Nashville, Tennessee tonight Friday December eight? That's cool?
Speaker 1: Are you also there and or today and tomorrow December nine?
Speaker 1: Because Krant and I are co headlining Zanies in Nashville,
Speaker 1: and we're very excited. Buy tickets, you know, because that's
Speaker 1: why we like performing. If no one's there, it kind
Speaker 1: of sucks and it takes away the point of doing it,
Speaker 1: So you should come out. Tickets you can find on
Speaker 1: our website Sorry about last Night Comedy dot com. We
Speaker 1: will also be in Irvine, California at the Improv from
Speaker 1: January eleven through the four te uh, so make sure
Speaker 1: to buy tickets because it's a long time and we
Speaker 1: can't come back if we don't sell those, uh to
Speaker 1: a decent amount. Other cities we're gonna be in in
Speaker 1: the coming year, uh Sacramento, San Francisco, Denver, Ottawa, Buffalo,
Speaker 1: San Diego, Philadelphia, Portland's St. Louis, and Charlotte. So just
Speaker 1: go to Sorry about last Night Comedy dot com, um
Speaker 1: slash Tours and all the ticket ticket licks that are
Speaker 1: available as of now. We're there. And I know sometimes
Speaker 1: we say a city and we don't have the link yet,
Speaker 1: that just means the link isn't available, but we are coming.
Speaker 1: We're not just listing cities and then being like we
Speaker 1: might come there, Like we're going to these cities, so
Speaker 1: that's it. Uh. And then me personally. Friday, December twenty
Speaker 1: two is the holiday edition of Nacho Bitches at New
Speaker 1: York Comedy Club, and it's gonna be very fun and
Speaker 1: very holiday s We have some specialty performances happening that
Speaker 1: I only let go down once a year because you know,
Speaker 1: I don't like craziness. Um, but tickets are twelve dollars
Speaker 1: with code Nacho as usual and then just a reminder
Speaker 1: if you're in Seattle or Bellevue or I don't really
Speaker 1: know the difference between the two, but apparently there is
Speaker 1: one that people are very sensitive about. New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1: You can spend it with me and the comedian Steve Byrne,
Speaker 1: who's awesome. At Parlor Live. There's two shows seven thirty
Speaker 1: pm and ten pm, So you can either spend it
Speaker 1: with me and then go ring in the actual New
Speaker 1: Year somewhere else, or we can ring in the New
Speaker 1: Year together again. Can't really reiterate how alone and by myself,
Speaker 1: I will be in a city that I'm not familiar with,
Speaker 1: which probably is not the safest thing to tell people,
Speaker 1: But I'm just gonna be very open about this. So
Speaker 1: it's gonna be fun. Ticket to like fifteen sixty bucks,
Speaker 1: which for a New Year's thing is pretty reasonable. Bring
Speaker 1: some fronts, we'll have a good time and then, oh
Speaker 1: do you have more dates? Just have one Friday, January nine,
Speaker 1: that's the next Glamor Plus seven thirty pm at Sink Bar.
Speaker 1: The last one we had just had this past Saturday
Speaker 1: sold out. It was one of the most fun fucking
Speaker 1: shows in the world and we had we do it.
Speaker 1: Wendy Starling and I do a sketch at the top
Speaker 1: of every Glamor Pus show as characters. The sketches different
Speaker 1: every time, and this month, this past month, we made
Speaker 1: guys Um demonstrate how good they are eating women out
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Speaker 1: that's done with that part, all right, So we need
Speaker 1: to figure out how how did the big birthday celebration
Speaker 1: with Stephen go where we left? So actually, let's let's
Speaker 1: leave off right. So right after we recorded that intro,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm excited to like dedicate a
Speaker 1: day or night to fucking and so we got an
Speaker 1: early start and we went to fuck that night because
Speaker 1: I was like feeling horny because I was thinking about
Speaker 1: sucking them the next day. Oh you mean the night before,
Speaker 1: like literally right after I left recording. Okay, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean you know, we waited right right before we go
Speaker 1: into bed and um okay. So he I was given
Speaker 1: him a great blow job. Nobody know how to do
Speaker 1: it right. It was really good and I was doing
Speaker 1: excellent job. And then I laid down and he was
Speaker 1: eating me out, doing an excellent job. We were in
Speaker 1: my our room and the door to our bedroom was opened.
Speaker 1: The door kind of opens into the bedroom, having a
Speaker 1: great time, feeling great, haven't come yet, but like really
Speaker 1: excited about to get there, And all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I hear of ah. He banged the top of his
Speaker 1: foot on the corner of the door so hard, and
Speaker 1: I felt so bad because when that happens to me,
Speaker 1: I get angry. I don't know why, but my reaction
Speaker 1: to physical pain is anger in that if I dive
Speaker 1: into it, it's more like, why did you do that
Speaker 1: to me? Door? Like I just have to blame somebody else,
Speaker 1: I guess, or something else. And he was in the
Speaker 1: fetal position. I could tell it was one of those
Speaker 1: when you hit a part of your body like the right,
Speaker 1: like the TOAs stubbing kind of sensation where its just
Speaker 1: like that hurts so fun. Yeah, and his foot started
Speaker 1: to swell up and I was like it's okay, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, it's okay. And he was like naked in
Speaker 1: the fetal position in my arms and like I'm so
Speaker 1: soort this happened, like it's okay. And then I'm like cool,
Speaker 1: So like I'm gonna, I'm gonna go upstairs. We're done, right,
Speaker 1: You're not gonna And he's like, yeah, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: go to bed. I'm like, I'm sorry. And I know
Speaker 1: how much he hates his birthday. So the day of
Speaker 1: his birthday, after we were done working, you and I
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, I went because I was like, I'll just
Speaker 1: I have some ship at my house that I'll wear.
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, you know what, no, I want to
Speaker 1: wear new things. And I bought lingerie that night the
Speaker 1: night of his birthday, right after work, and I bought
Speaker 1: high heels, very sexy high heels. Because this is interesting.
Speaker 1: Steven and I attended a workshop about kink the Pleasure
Speaker 1: chest tapped by Tris and Teremino. She was a porn
Speaker 1: actress and also just an author but like really knows
Speaker 1: her ship with instructional stuff. And she said, have a
Speaker 1: pair of bedroom shoes, like sex shoes, and that's that's
Speaker 1: what she uses personally, like get in the zone and
Speaker 1: you only wear you can wear them in the bed
Speaker 1: because you don't wear them outside, Like it's only shoes
Speaker 1: that you would wear indoors boots. Yeah. Yeah, And I've
Speaker 1: never had that before. I'm a great idea trisanim And
Speaker 1: so when I bought those, um before I came back
Speaker 1: that night, I was like, this is gonna be my
Speaker 1: fuck insects she is. And I went to Babyland and
Speaker 1: I got one of those triangular cushions. Have you ever heard?
Speaker 1: It's like, um, so it's a cushion that you basically
Speaker 1: if you're laying on it in your back, it props
Speaker 1: up your your your pussy basically yoga square but for sack. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's a triangle, so yeah, you can't you really
Speaker 1: hit angles that you can't hit otherwise. And I always
Speaker 1: see in the in the porns when a woman is
Speaker 1: laying on those but laying on her. She's laying down
Speaker 1: on her stomach and important I have it looks it's
Speaker 1: fun to look at him, like, bet, it's even funner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's word to experience. So um, I bought that. I
Speaker 1: bought the lingery at the heels And what else did
Speaker 1: I buy? I bought something else lube already a lube. Oh,
Speaker 1: and I bought a gag a ball gat because uh.
Speaker 1: And so I came home and I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm gonna be. I actually took a page
Speaker 1: from the Current Fisher handbook and I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna text him how this night is gonna work, because
Speaker 1: we had already agreed like, oh, you know, I just
Speaker 1: want to have sex with you on your birthday, like
Speaker 1: because I was like, what do you want to do?
Speaker 1: And he's like this is funk. I'm like perfect. So
Speaker 1: I said, I'm coming home and I'm gonna need twenty
Speaker 1: minutes uh in the living room all to myself and uh,
Speaker 1: then you can come up. And then I was like
Speaker 1: we need to do sex stuff first and then we're
Speaker 1: gonna eat. That was code for like, if you're hungry,
Speaker 1: get good in all the bar now. And then he
Speaker 1: texted me back while I was after doing all that
Speaker 1: shopping really was sweaty and cranky and gross. And he
Speaker 1: text me back, all right, cool, and I was already pissed.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, you know what, don't make
Speaker 1: this about you, Christina. It's his birthday, his birthday, he
Speaker 1: has every right. So I came home and he was
Speaker 1: in a bad mood, and I was like, and I
Speaker 1: had all this stuff, and I thought he would see
Speaker 1: all my shopping bags and feel guilty and then just
Speaker 1: like let us roll with the plan. But he didn't,
Speaker 1: and I was like there. And so we went out
Speaker 1: and we played pinball, we went out to eat, eat,
Speaker 1: and we kind of just had a really nice night.
Speaker 1: We like flirted really hard with each other, which we
Speaker 1: hadn't done in a while, and it was really nice.
Speaker 1: And then we came home and I was like, can
Speaker 1: I put on my outfit now? And there were some obstacles.
Speaker 1: I was gonna do it on this couch, you know,
Speaker 1: to take out the pullout couch. Almost broke the couch
Speaker 1: try to pull it out. So I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's not gonna work. And then I moved over that
Speaker 1: green chair that we usually have The podcast guests. I
Speaker 1: pushed it aside so I could roll out the bed.
Speaker 1: When I found out the couch wasn't gonna roll out
Speaker 1: or otherwise it was gonna break, I was like, all right, cool,
Speaker 1: I'll just do something else and you know, we'll do
Speaker 1: it downstairs. Went to move the that green chair back.
Speaker 1: It was a barefoot, moved it, slammed it right on
Speaker 1: the top of my foot, so and he was downstairs.
Speaker 1: I was like, start jerking off or watching porn or something,
Speaker 1: and then I'll tell you when to come up and
Speaker 1: you just hear me go and uh. I was like,
Speaker 1: well this okay. You know what, Christina, you can either
Speaker 1: make a lemonade out of this moment and just calm
Speaker 1: the funk down and then eventually just move the activities downstairs.
Speaker 1: And that's what I did. Um, it was so much fun.
Speaker 1: It was so fucking hot. Get one of those triangle cushions. Injuries,
Speaker 1: A lot of injuries, I know, And I said, you
Speaker 1: know what, maybe it's me. I'm just gonna you know what,
Speaker 1: can I be doing better? I still don't know the
Speaker 1: answer to that. Um, how did you have so much time?
Speaker 1: It was kind of late when you left, and then
Speaker 1: you did all the shopping, and then there was a
Speaker 1: big land of Victoria's Secret and a shoe place within
Speaker 1: a block radius of each other, like a five minute
Speaker 1: walk from the office. Because that's the only reason I decided,
Speaker 1: because I was like, I was like, because I was like,
Speaker 1: that's already mistake number one, because you get that's like
Speaker 1: this is that's like a classic mistake I make you
Speaker 1: with events, you stress yourself out doing all the work
Speaker 1: to make something perfect that is never going to play
Speaker 1: out as perfectly as you have just put the work.
Speaker 1: Like the work the level of work you never put
Speaker 1: in the reward is never going right reach that work level? Boy,
Speaker 1: is that true? And never work? I told myself when
Speaker 1: I can home and seems like I want to do that,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, that's okay, and I just
Speaker 1: kind of let it go and I mean, you'll use
Speaker 1: this stuff another time exactly. It's it's gonna go bad.
Speaker 1: God damn it. Get yourself one of those triangle cushions,
Speaker 1: because they're an actual word for it. I mean maybe
Speaker 1: I'm just sure. I don't know. Um here, wait, let
Speaker 1: me get the box actually the boxes in my boxes
Speaker 1: in my office. Oh it's in a it's an office
Speaker 1: that's right by the couch. Oh it's a big box. Um,
Speaker 1: it's but is it just phone? Where is there? At Liberator,
Speaker 1: we celebrate love by inspiring romantic imagination and providing intimate adventure. Okay,
Speaker 1: that doesn't give me anything. It's just called it's just
Speaker 1: from it's just Liberator wedge. It's called a wedge wedge.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah, there she is. It's I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's basically like a like a yoga block kind of.
Speaker 1: It's similar compress. So like the Casper mattress, you take
Speaker 1: it out of the package and watch you grow, and
Speaker 1: then you figure, okay, got it, got it? Got it?
Speaker 1: So great sex and also I mean the more seven
Speaker 1: when Steven and I like we'll go through period lulls
Speaker 1: of having sex and not having sex. You have sex
Speaker 1: more you just want to funk all the time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well that's why it's good. Sometimes you need to get
Speaker 1: stuff done to just not have sex for a long time.
Speaker 1: But then when you have sex, you immediately created. I
Speaker 1: mean that's also were of the reason that I don't
Speaker 1: what you need. You're getting along better, Like we're just
Speaker 1: we're just like, hey, good morning, do you want anything
Speaker 1: do you want when you have sex? Yeah, like I'm
Speaker 1: being a better girlfriend and he's being a better Boyfriend's funny, Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: because like I think it's also maybe part of the
Speaker 1: reason I don't masturbate a lot, because then I would
Speaker 1: just get not get anything done right right, and when
Speaker 1: you want then it's something something you have to do
Speaker 1: all the time instead of just not doing it right.
Speaker 1: Time saver. Yeah, I don't know. So that was That's good. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm glad it all worked out. Even though it didn't
Speaker 1: work out the way you thought it was going to work,
Speaker 1: it was perfectly in perfect good to roll with the punches. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm proud of myself because I usually would have
Speaker 1: had a panic attack, and you know what, I got
Speaker 1: time for that ship. Yeah, it's very time consuming having
Speaker 1: a panic attack. I would imagine, uh what you tended
Speaker 1: a wedding. I went to a wedding yesterday. My brother
Speaker 1: flew in from California and it was his one of
Speaker 1: his good friends from high school actually, who used to
Speaker 1: date in high school, used to damn you know he
Speaker 1: used as a woman's a girl. Yeah, he used to
Speaker 1: date her in high school and I just know her
Speaker 1: she's like, you know, one of his oldest friends. She's
Speaker 1: very lovely. I like her a lot. And uh, it
Speaker 1: was interesting. I don't go to weddings that often, but
Speaker 1: when I do, I kind of like stare off into
Speaker 1: space a lot of the time, just like thinking about
Speaker 1: and and you know, it was very It was a
Speaker 1: very nice wedding, very high class wedding, very expensive wedding. Um,
Speaker 1: I mean, thank god the advertiser, the advertiser hour. It
Speaker 1: was like I kept I told the bride. I was like,
Speaker 1: isn't it weird that we're both sharing the best day
Speaker 1: of our lives. But like for me, it was just
Speaker 1: because they had a Belgian wafflemaker that you can get
Speaker 1: ice cream. I mean freedom you're giving your wedding guests
Speaker 1: well because they had well, they had an amazing cocktail
Speaker 1: appetizer hour, and then they had the Viennese Table, which
Speaker 1: is which is basically an unlimited dessert buffet. I mean
Speaker 1: the appetizer. We're talking taco bar, We're talking slider and
Speaker 1: French fried bar. They had sweet potato fries, they had
Speaker 1: waffle fries, they had steak fries, they had yuka fries,
Speaker 1: they had she saw scravy catchup like anything you could
Speaker 1: think of putting on it. Um. They had an Asian station,
Speaker 1: they had carving table, they had Italian station. They had
Speaker 1: a Mediterranean table, I mean, and but better because no
Speaker 1: one who would go to Vegas was there. It's just
Speaker 1: full of like people you know, or people that are okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: top shelf, open bar, and the Viennese table. I mean.
Speaker 1: So they had the Belgian wafflemaker. They had a cotton
Speaker 1: candy machine. Uh. They had ice cream cones with just
Speaker 1: a bunch of ice cream and toppings that you could
Speaker 1: get in every kind of cake you could imagine. They
Speaker 1: had fried oreos, they had zeppels. I mean, just if
Speaker 1: the fried fried dough it's basically like uh, kind of
Speaker 1: a tiny funnel cake. So that same fried dough, but
Speaker 1: it's thicker and it's stepped in the powdered sugar. Carnival fair.
Speaker 1: You did look happy in your post. It was great.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know that's the that's online. You just
Speaker 1: let me run free on on that and I still
Speaker 1: looked good and address even because I just put banks
Speaker 1: on underneath so I could hold it in and uh yeah,
Speaker 1: And it was so because it was like there's the
Speaker 1: ceremony was nice and short because I was like ten
Speaker 1: minutes or under, and hell yeah later in this episode
Speaker 1: where we're gonna talk about weddings more. And it was
Speaker 1: very interesting to me because there is something nice that
Speaker 1: I mean, I did discover this when I married myself
Speaker 1: when I was twenty five, for that ceremony, Like there
Speaker 1: is something nice about getting everyone that you care about
Speaker 1: together and kind of like publicly saying why you are together,
Speaker 1: like like sharing the story of your love, Like it
Speaker 1: sounds corny, but then when you're actually there and people
Speaker 1: play it out in a tactful way, it really is nice.
Speaker 1: Like I was getting very choked up during the wedding,
Speaker 1: and it's also maybe maybe like I didn't get choked
Speaker 1: up during Paul's wedding, but that's also because like they
Speaker 1: even to get up for ten years, I knew that
Speaker 1: was happening, and I'm like her peer, So maybe this
Speaker 1: is because this woman is younger than me, Like she's
Speaker 1: twenty seven, and so I remember her from when she
Speaker 1: was like a younger kid, and so to see that
Speaker 1: and I actually coincidentally know who she married to, like
Speaker 1: they were all people like my brothers, was my brother
Speaker 1: was friends with and uh and the husband was just
Speaker 1: as equally excited about getting married. And I think we
Speaker 1: have this this like notion of like husbands are not
Speaker 1: amped to get married, but I think a lot of
Speaker 1: husbands are amped to get married. Maybe they just don't
Speaker 1: want to, like plan a wedding, but like a lot
Speaker 1: of people don't want to plan weddings and women it's
Speaker 1: a pain in the fucking ass. I like a career, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I would, yeah, but like my career would be
Speaker 1: party planner if I wasn't a comedian. So I like
Speaker 1: doing that and I can, but it's stressful as fun.
Speaker 1: And if you're doing it, I'm like, what's supposed to
Speaker 1: be one of the most important days of your life.
Speaker 1: I can't. I mean, you're just gonna come home with
Speaker 1: all your sex shit and then drop the couch on
Speaker 1: your foot. Yeah yeah, And that's why you need to
Speaker 1: kind of separate yourself so if it doesn't go perfect,
Speaker 1: you're not like stressing out. Um. But then there are
Speaker 1: weird things like you know that I can't get past,
Speaker 1: Like the daddy daughter and the mom's son dance are
Speaker 1: weird as fuck. And my brother and I just kept
Speaker 1: looking at like at each other, and my brother always says,
Speaker 1: you know, well we were shown love in a different
Speaker 1: way in our household and so and then he goes
Speaker 1: into this big thing about how he's like, I have
Speaker 1: trouble sometimes getting intimate with people. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I think you're reading too much into this, Chris. I
Speaker 1: was just I was just like, I'm a huge snuggler
Speaker 1: and I and you know, and maybe it's just fucking
Speaker 1: weird to be incestuous with your dad. You have a point, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, also, I'm not some people
Speaker 1: are touching with their parents like kids and parents are
Speaker 1: are touchy in a way that's not creepy. It might
Speaker 1: be creepy to people like me, for example, sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: not like that. I'm not my my parents don't hold me.
Speaker 1: Parents don't. But I know people whose parents they do.
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, that's your life and I don't understand that,
Speaker 1: but you do. And that's great, right, I mean it
Speaker 1: is and these people weren't like that at all. But
Speaker 1: I mean, just even like that kind of the notion,
Speaker 1: Like I just turned to my brother and I was like,
Speaker 1: can you can imagine like me dancing with dad, Like,
Speaker 1: I love my dad so much, But do I want
Speaker 1: you have a dance with him? No? And then everyone's
Speaker 1: looking and it's weird. I don't But you know, they're
Speaker 1: so chill. That's just such such a chill couple. And
Speaker 1: they did it like they were very like their kiss
Speaker 1: was very like cool and loving. It wasn't like fucking
Speaker 1: making out in front of everybody, which I just think
Speaker 1: is the fucking grossest thing. I don't know. Don't that
Speaker 1: is also weird, Like, don't invite me if you want
Speaker 1: to kiss, don't. Why do you invite me? If you
Speaker 1: want to like tongue kissing mountain and kiss all you want.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see this. Have you ever seen
Speaker 1: a kiss at a wedding that was like, yo, no,
Speaker 1: because I don't have friends like that. My friends, I haven't.
Speaker 1: My friends are chill and they wouldn't do that to
Speaker 1: me put me in that position where I would feel
Speaker 1: that's so weird. Hey, friends and family watch just make up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that whole thing about and like I hate when people
Speaker 1: like make sex jokes or like when like a mother
Speaker 1: in law gives their daughter in law lingerie weird. And
Speaker 1: if you've ever done tradition or if you receive that.
Speaker 1: Some people do it though. It's weird as fuck and
Speaker 1: you need together the relationship a S A P. It's
Speaker 1: not a normal thing to do, and I don't care
Speaker 1: for We're in a judgment free zone. I'm judging the
Speaker 1: funk out of you. If you do that, that's so
Speaker 1: fucking weird. Stephen's mom gonna be the lingerie. That's so weird.
Speaker 1: That is weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, and a lot
Speaker 1: of well, I wouldn't have the giving away thing. I
Speaker 1: was already my own want to give me away. They
Speaker 1: didn't do that. They didn't even play traditional here comes
Speaker 1: the Bride. They played like they had an orchestra, playing
Speaker 1: like Halo. Actually it was it was great, great taste girl. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was super good. And then I and then I
Speaker 1: just got into the thing where I was thinking, I
Speaker 1: was like, what the fund is life all about? This
Speaker 1: is so weird. We do all these things and to
Speaker 1: find this person where we have this weird ceremony, everyone's crying,
Speaker 1: we're starting new lives together, but like, kind of what
Speaker 1: for what the funk is going on? I don't know.
Speaker 1: It was very weird, so it's like we we we
Speaker 1: put all this struggle into finding a partner to go
Speaker 1: to go through this struggle with and then live ship.
Speaker 1: You want to have it with me so that we
Speaker 1: can complain. And it's like you're stressed out if you
Speaker 1: don't find that person, but life is stressful even if
Speaker 1: you do find this person, and then their stress and
Speaker 1: keeping this relationship that was you know that started so
Speaker 1: fresh to help ship, Yeah, and there's so much and
Speaker 1: even like I love their vows because it was kind
Speaker 1: of like one of the things that she had had
Speaker 1: written into the vows was to help us if we
Speaker 1: ask for help in our relationship, but to leave us
Speaker 1: alone if we don't ask, basically, And everyone laughed because
Speaker 1: it was so because I think everyone was thinking in
Speaker 1: their head, like a lot of married people there were
Speaker 1: probably like, oh God, damn, I wish I had written
Speaker 1: that into my vows. And then when you just had
Speaker 1: a lot of personality like I know this girl, I
Speaker 1: don't know we're like super well, but I mean I
Speaker 1: know we're well enough. I fought, you know, she's a
Speaker 1: friend of my brothers that I follow on Instagram, and
Speaker 1: I just thought it was like I just thought it
Speaker 1: was really great and had a lot of personality. The
Speaker 1: best or the maid of honors speech I just called
Speaker 1: the best woman. The maid of honor's speech was was great,
Speaker 1: and I felt like I traveled through their friendship together
Speaker 1: and then I went through this whole thing and I
Speaker 1: was just like, I was thinking of Blair's bit about
Speaker 1: how fucking awesome female friendship was, and I was like,
Speaker 1: they were there for job. This is so cool and
Speaker 1: I love this, and like that was my favorite part
Speaker 1: of the wedding with Paula, was like just seeking like seeing.
Speaker 1: It wasn't really like I was like, yeah, I was
Speaker 1: like the love between owner and Paula, but it was
Speaker 1: also like this cool journey that paul and I got
Speaker 1: to go on together throughout like the wedding process. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well that's why I like weddings. When weddings are good
Speaker 1: like that, and you can tell no one's pretending to
Speaker 1: go along with something just because that's what everybody does
Speaker 1: or that's what their parents want them to do, and
Speaker 1: and it just reeks of them genuinely and not a
Speaker 1: forced way. It's so refreshing. It's really nice to be
Speaker 1: just inspired by that ship because I feel like that's
Speaker 1: what people try and make fucking social media. They're goddamn
Speaker 1: wedding every day. But being like Legolanda, I can you
Speaker 1: look at and there's no why that annoys people. I
Speaker 1: think it's because there's no genuineness behind it. And when
Speaker 1: you go to a wedding that's really truly heartfelt, you're like,
Speaker 1: fucking yeah, it felt it felt good. There was no
Speaker 1: gold guard throwing or people fighting for the bouque. It
Speaker 1: just felt nice that it felt like them. I didn't
Speaker 1: feel like I was there. There was. It's also like
Speaker 1: it was help because it was it was a wedding
Speaker 1: with a lot of young people, like it was the
Speaker 1: first wedding I remember where I saw like tons of
Speaker 1: chicks and tattoos, like had like visible tattoos. Yeah. Yeah, um.
Speaker 1: So it was good because I was like, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: this is not the wedding I would have it. I'm
Speaker 1: not this person and like that. I just I was like,
Speaker 1: this feels good, and it feels like it feels like you.
Speaker 1: I think it's the most important thing. Awesome, because I
Speaker 1: don't know, like I'm very like sometimes I feel like
Speaker 1: anti wedding, but I'm not. I'm not really I know
Speaker 1: the idea of celebrating the person I love with the
Speaker 1: friends and family that I love, just it does sound good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I would make it like an extension of my
Speaker 1: self expression, like I would, I would really And I
Speaker 1: like treating people, but like, like I like to have
Speaker 1: like a birthday party that is fun for other people
Speaker 1: to attend, you know, because that makes you feel good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just yeah, I'm like, I think the key is
Speaker 1: like maybe concentrate on people that you want to be
Speaker 1: there whether rather than people that you think that you
Speaker 1: need to invite to make whoever else happy. It's like,
Speaker 1: why would you start this, Like I hate the word.
Speaker 1: Why would you start this new journey with somebody else
Speaker 1: by doing things that do not feel uh like genuine
Speaker 1: to you. So it's like, funk everybody else that's start
Speaker 1: on the off on the right foot. And just like
Speaker 1: you're only invite people don't care about anyone else's feelings.
Speaker 1: But you guys, you guys, And if somebody accuses you
Speaker 1: of being selfish for that, go yeah, exactly, it's my day.
Speaker 1: I'm not. I would have a friend heavy wedding and
Speaker 1: like only invite like the closest family, Like if I
Speaker 1: if you're some aunt or cousin, I would barely talk
Speaker 1: to you, like you're not coming. I'm not giving you
Speaker 1: a pity invite just because I feel like I should.
Speaker 1: And now it's weird. I have someone's gonna be asking
Speaker 1: questions and taking your timeable on that day, and like,
Speaker 1: why are you talking to other people that you don't
Speaker 1: want to be there? And it's a ton of money
Speaker 1: too to feel bad about, and you're true life. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's the ads. Let's read when email? Sure I can
Speaker 1: read this? Uh? This one is called how Do I
Speaker 1: Resist my psychopathic urges? I am a twenty one year
Speaker 1: old female with bad urges. I have difficulties containing I
Speaker 1: feel like I want to hurt the people I dislike,
Speaker 1: including myself. After a bad breakup, I got into a
Speaker 1: difficult depression I have still not gotten out of. On
Speaker 1: the opposite, it's gotten worse. My issues started long before that,
Speaker 1: though I never realized that they were a problem until
Speaker 1: my tendencies started working into my disadvantage or to my disadvantage.
Speaker 1: I've never been able to understand social conventions or what
Speaker 1: people around me actually mean when they are talking to me.
Speaker 1: I just can't get my head around things. I just
Speaker 1: don't understand. I'm an outsider. Many times me and others
Speaker 1: around me have questioned if I could feel empathy. Once
Speaker 1: I remember, I've had the feeling of regret for doing
Speaker 1: something bad. It's not just that. Unfortunately, I'm extremely superficial.
Speaker 1: I'm very good at manipulating bowl and since a young age,
Speaker 1: I realized I could get anyone to do whatever I want.
Speaker 1: The only thing that actually means something to me is money,
Speaker 1: financial success, material things and beauty. Don't forget the obsession
Speaker 1: I have with myself. Am I writing into the um
Speaker 1: just so? Uh? To the outside world, I seem to
Speaker 1: have good opinions, a stable head, and a nice life.
Speaker 1: That is all a lie. My darkest thoughts make me
Speaker 1: contemplate suicide every day. My mask only comes off when
Speaker 1: I am by myself or with a few people like me.
Speaker 1: The people I can relate most to are the white,
Speaker 1: manipulative and psychopathic men. I to struggle with the urges
Speaker 1: to choke people to death or to drown them. To
Speaker 1: be honest, uh no, it's a girl to be honest.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I look forward to more than
Speaker 1: taking my last gasp of air. And disappear into eternity.
Speaker 1: I want to make the people that hurt me disappear,
Speaker 1: preferably take care of it myself. How do I resist
Speaker 1: these urges? I have not felt happiness in a long
Speaker 1: time him now, and I spend my days crying and
Speaker 1: googling how to take my own life the easiest. I
Speaker 1: usually chicken out when it comes to taking action, though
Speaker 1: I'm not a pain slate, really, I just want out.
Speaker 1: I literally can't afford therapy, and I have very few friends.
Speaker 1: I don't want to burden them. My feeling does not understand,
Speaker 1: and my mom bribes me to keep me quote happy. Anyways,
Speaker 1: I'm a long time listener and I fucking hate the world,
Speaker 1: but your podcast gives me some light. That last part
Speaker 1: really resonated with me. Um, Honestly, that's why I read
Speaker 1: the email, because like, there's parts of it where about me.
Speaker 1: Though there's parts of it, No, there's parts of it
Speaker 1: where you get scared for her. There's parts of it
Speaker 1: where you get scared for ourselves and other people around her,
Speaker 1: And then you're like, wow, you get it because you
Speaker 1: felt that way where you like if you hate everybody,
Speaker 1: But like then the movie Spring Breakers really like struggle
Speaker 1: forward with you. So I get it, um and and
Speaker 1: it says EXO a law student and she's a law student. Um.
Speaker 1: So that's very interesting. I uh, I mean we try
Speaker 1: to pick, like, you know, the so emails that like
Speaker 1: catch our eye, and this one certainly does. And we
Speaker 1: haven't talked we've been talking so much about being a
Speaker 1: sexual predator that we haven't talked kind of about mental
Speaker 1: health to in longer form in a while. And you know,
Speaker 1: it is coming up around the holiday time, so I
Speaker 1: think it gets a lot worse. Yeah, And if you
Speaker 1: see a lot of happiness, a lot of it contrived
Speaker 1: around you, some of a genuine some of it contrived
Speaker 1: around you. Sometimes a contrived happiness can really make you
Speaker 1: want to take fight. And you see people doing holiday
Speaker 1: stuff and whatever. So just you know, number one, just
Speaker 1: a reminder that you know, it can be a really
Speaker 1: difficult time of the year for people, especially if they
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of family, if they don't have
Speaker 1: a lot of money, if they're not in a relationship.
Speaker 1: So maybe kind of like I always think, like in
Speaker 1: the holiday spirit, you know, that doesn't mean doing a
Speaker 1: lot of fake ship. It can just me mean like
Speaker 1: if you're in a good place, reminding yourself that everyone
Speaker 1: else is not in a good place, and trying to
Speaker 1: be like an extra cool, understanding, patient human being during
Speaker 1: this time when it's extra hard for people who aren't
Speaker 1: having a good time to also remember or that most
Speaker 1: times when people are being mean or acting out towards you,
Speaker 1: it's really something that they're projecting from their themselves, and
Speaker 1: a lot of times to other people's happiness around this
Speaker 1: time of year or any time is not. Sometimes it's
Speaker 1: easy to feel as though they're doing it to rub
Speaker 1: it in your face, and a lot of times most
Speaker 1: times they're not. But if they truly were, that's sad
Speaker 1: for them. So I think that's an easy thing to
Speaker 1: remember so that your anger, uh doesn't ignite. That's personal vermain.
Speaker 1: But yeah, well and then also just you know, if
Speaker 1: you're one of your if you're someone like the writer
Speaker 1: who you're you're just having a difficult time within you know,
Speaker 1: I would say, if you're thinking of committing suicide, attacked
Speaker 1: during December and I know the original no, no, just
Speaker 1: don't like they're the suicide rates really really truly skyrocket
Speaker 1: during this time of year, And I get it, and
Speaker 1: it's like you know, you're especially you're going into January
Speaker 1: and you're and then you know you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I have to go through kind of like another year.
Speaker 1: It can feel very heavy. So just really try to
Speaker 1: remind yourself, like, don't get stuck in that, And how
Speaker 1: can you express what you're feeling inside? Maybe if you're
Speaker 1: people around your your family don't understand it, expressing it
Speaker 1: to them I don't think is helpful a lot of
Speaker 1: the times, because then you're just being met with confusion
Speaker 1: and then you're like, well, why do I fucking say
Speaker 1: something in the first place. Maybe you could express it
Speaker 1: by have writing it down, having an anonymous blog, or
Speaker 1: do with something, because I think those feelings are real
Speaker 1: and they're important to just because who the fuck Dan
Speaker 1: Harmon were answered to a person sweet about depression, about
Speaker 1: what can you help? And one thing he said that
Speaker 1: seemed to resonate with a lot of people where your
Speaker 1: feelings are real, but that does not mean that your
Speaker 1: feelings are reality, And I think that's a really important
Speaker 1: thing to keep in mind. But writing it or getting
Speaker 1: it out somehow is also probably going to be helpful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And like if you're if you remember a family that
Speaker 1: maybe doesn't understand you, And I think we've all been
Speaker 1: there at one point or another. You know, there is
Speaker 1: I'm not saying to ever mask who you are, but
Speaker 1: you know, if you're you know, gay, for instance, and
Speaker 1: your uncle doesn't understand being gay, who cares? I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it really is a who cares Like you're
Speaker 1: on you don't get it, He's not gonna get it.
Speaker 1: Maybe one day I'll get it, and maybe he won't.
Speaker 1: Don't let and let don't let that hurt you or
Speaker 1: ruin your fucking holiday. Just I think it's there is
Speaker 1: a lot of power in thinking to yourself, what this
Speaker 1: guy just doesn't get it? And I honestly feel sorry
Speaker 1: that he's going to live his whole life and not
Speaker 1: know the joys of all the wonderful like gay people
Speaker 1: that you know you have in your life. It's just
Speaker 1: kind of like they're lost. They don't get it. Rise above,
Speaker 1: eat cake and figure it all out. Also be careful
Speaker 1: with over drinking during this time of year to mask
Speaker 1: your sadness. Um for this girl in particular. Uh, you
Speaker 1: know this is a deeper level situation where we got here.
Speaker 1: I know you say that you cannot afford the therapy. Um,
Speaker 1: I mean it's the point where you need to do
Speaker 1: everything you can. Uh, And I don't know what kind
Speaker 1: of like you personally, it does your campus afford therapy?
Speaker 1: Can you go online to look at any government programs
Speaker 1: or a hotline maybe suicide hotline because they can refer
Speaker 1: you to people in your area that can help you
Speaker 1: for or a low or free rate. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean you need to talk to someone on a
Speaker 1: deeper level. And it's like it's really difficult when you
Speaker 1: can't afford. But I mean that's why we hopefully there
Speaker 1: are ways, especially if you're in a major city to
Speaker 1: look into and you definitely are in college because you're
Speaker 1: a law student, and if you're twenty one, she might
Speaker 1: be just entering grad school. But that's a little bit
Speaker 1: more difficult because they're not going to have the same
Speaker 1: services that an undergrad program will have. Undergrad is a
Speaker 1: little bit more nurturing environment. But I mean, you're gonna
Speaker 1: you need to see someone, and you need to see
Speaker 1: someone a S A P. Because you know, besides hurting yourself,
Speaker 1: which you absolutely you know, don't do that. And I
Speaker 1: think kind of maybe like the fact that you don't
Speaker 1: like pain is going to help you in the long run,
Speaker 1: because it's going to kind of just instill that a
Speaker 1: little bit of fear and you to not do something
Speaker 1: that's physically harmful to yourself. Um, but you know it's
Speaker 1: step one is realizing that you do have psychopathic tendencies,
Speaker 1: I mean lack empathy. Like it's so, but it seems
Speaker 1: like she she already realizes that. No, no, no, which
Speaker 1: is that's what I'm saying, Like, that's like it's a
Speaker 1: huge hurtle. Yeah. Yeah, I really like the fact that
Speaker 1: you are aware of that and you're like, yes, it's weird,
Speaker 1: and that's a that most people go to the grade
Speaker 1: without getting to that step. Yeah, I'm gonna just give
Speaker 1: you like a real quick piece of info, like don't
Speaker 1: choke anyone or drum even though you want to, and
Speaker 1: and yeah, And it seems like maybe there's like some
Speaker 1: kind of a circle that may if you like you
Speaker 1: kind of just sit at home and like obsess over
Speaker 1: things and think about you need to like try to
Speaker 1: get out and get out of your own head. For me,
Speaker 1: I do scratch off Crossworld a lot of tickets. I
Speaker 1: don't sounds stupid, but it really helps me get out
Speaker 1: of my own head. Maybe it wouldn't help you, but like,
Speaker 1: what what is that? What is a scratch off crossworld
Speaker 1: A lot of ticket to you. Yeah, this is something
Speaker 1: I would file like. This is not something I can
Speaker 1: be like right to post secret. This is something I
Speaker 1: would file under too heavy of of of kind of
Speaker 1: a mental uh problem that I can that I cannot
Speaker 1: and we cannot help you with you you need professional help.
Speaker 1: And and so if anyone's having kind of these really
Speaker 1: intense urges, it's to recognize that this isn't quote normal,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that there's that you can't live
Speaker 1: at one point like a totally functioning lifestyle. So it's
Speaker 1: good advice. There you go, Mary Gross, Mary, do you
Speaker 1: want to I we have time to read this email
Speaker 1: is really short? Or you do you have anything else
Speaker 1: you wanted to say to that lady. No, I just
Speaker 1: wanted to read it because sometimes I think it's like, well,
Speaker 1: even if I can't really offer you any concrete advice,
Speaker 1: maybe other people are going through the same thing. And
Speaker 1: just the fact that you know someone else listening might
Speaker 1: also want to choke someone to Jeff or draw them
Speaker 1: in a bathtub. She's inspiring them to not Yeah, you
Speaker 1: might feel a little kin a kinship in that. Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: we fuck saving lives. This email subject is confused, old man.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, first, thanks for what you do. For what
Speaker 1: you do for women, you provide an amazing perspective to
Speaker 1: women and men alike. Here's my problem. I'm a forty
Speaker 1: nine year old dude that with a wife and nearly
Speaker 1: twenty one year old daughter. We raised our girl to
Speaker 1: be one strong ass bitch and she has become exactly that.
Speaker 1: So proud of her. So here it goes. I've raised
Speaker 1: the strong woman. My wife is a strong woman. I
Speaker 1: love strong women who fight for in respect, for the
Speaker 1: respect that they deserve. I am a fan that women
Speaker 1: are getting the voice that they have deserved for decades.
Speaker 1: The problem is, well, I love strong women. I am
Speaker 1: also forever twelve in years old in my brain. I
Speaker 1: love porn. I love the female form. I catch myself
Speaker 1: oggling and objectifying women's at times. How the funk do
Speaker 1: I mesh the two? I do not disrespect women at all.
Speaker 1: I am not a cat caller. I just like to look.
Speaker 1: I don't think, I don't think a creepy look, but
Speaker 1: a look. Nonetheless, I struggle with this, especially in the
Speaker 1: time our culture is finally addressing the terrible treatment women
Speaker 1: have endured for generations. Am I an asshole? Or am
Speaker 1: I normal? Help? Thanks? You're normal? Yeah, that's that's it.
Speaker 1: That's the end of that. Yeah, I think don't don't.
Speaker 1: Don't waste your time feeling guilty over something you shouldn't
Speaker 1: feel guilty about. Everyone aggles, I fucking ogle agles. Oggling
Speaker 1: is fun. I think it's christinaggles more than I. Alright,
Speaker 1: may you are right, but you know, if someone catches
Speaker 1: the oglin and then they seem disturb by it, maybe
Speaker 1: you know, check yourself and go and become a little
Speaker 1: more self aware about how you're coming off. But you
Speaker 1: sound great, not you do when is wrong, and it
Speaker 1: certainly doesn't earn you the title of an asshole. And
Speaker 1: if anybody calls you an asshole for what you just
Speaker 1: told us in that email, they're wrong and they're taking
Speaker 1: this ship to a level that is a disservice to
Speaker 1: feminism and women. Um, and I appreciate I appreciate you
Speaker 1: writing us with that, because I feel like a lot
Speaker 1: of men kind of go to the opposite, the extreme
Speaker 1: that is not productive of all of this things coming
Speaker 1: to surface about powerful men sexually arrassing women, sexual assaulting women,
Speaker 1: and people finally being comfortable talking about it. I think, uh,
Speaker 1: the dialogue is important, but one thing that's just not
Speaker 1: gonna be helpful is Okay, well is looking bad? No? Done? Settled?
Speaker 1: It's not. Yeah. We're living in a time when there's
Speaker 1: so much finger pointing that then you just sit at
Speaker 1: home and you get to the point where it's like
Speaker 1: I'm fucking sitting at home being like, have I raped someone?
Speaker 1: Everyone needs to show the funk out. It's like, I think,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you fucking know if
Speaker 1: you're a bad person or a good person. And also
Speaker 1: that people are not black and white, bad and good.
Speaker 1: I am not ad a good person, nor is anybody
Speaker 1: mother Teresa wasn't a good person. I don't know what
Speaker 1: she did with that wasn't good. I don't know. They
Speaker 1: read an article calling her a bit and I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: strong words for none, but okay, right, And it's like
Speaker 1: we keep putting these things. It's like, Okay, let's take
Speaker 1: this little little chunk of a person's life and habit
Speaker 1: to find the entirety of their existence up because we
Speaker 1: because we can't live if we can't categorize someone terrible
Speaker 1: or awesome. No one's either be a ball. That's that.
Speaker 1: That's what you probably are. Yeah, that's that's it. So
Speaker 1: and it's making and I think it is making a
Speaker 1: lot of uh, you know, people who are you know,
Speaker 1: good leaning really question and freak out out about themselves.
Speaker 1: The same standards and morality should apply and you should
Speaker 1: have been living them the whole time. So it's like
Speaker 1: you're just finding out now that it's not going to
Speaker 1: take your dick out and masturbating in front of people
Speaker 1: who didn't want it. Then you need to recheck your
Speaker 1: moral compass in its entirety. And that's that our guests
Speaker 1: today is a wonderful human. I'm so excited. I've been
Speaker 1: wanting to interview him for a really long time. He's
Speaker 1: a stand up comedian, he's a correspondent on the Daily
Speaker 1: Show on Comedy Central. He's going to be hosting the
Speaker 1: upcoming season of This Is Not Happening on Comedy Central.
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to roy Wood Junior. Lady,
Speaker 1: I've been feeling like I am my type of the world.
Speaker 1: I am on top of the world. To save me
Speaker 1: because I've been feeling like I'm on top of the world.
Speaker 1: I am on top of the world. I've been feeling
Speaker 1: like I'm on top of the world. I'm on top
Speaker 1: of the world. Save me because I've been feeling like
Speaker 1: I am on top of the world. I hit him.
Speaker 1: Tell me not to jump. Jump You've got so much
Speaker 1: to live for. First they say live a little, but
Speaker 1: now they say to live on. Which one is it?
Speaker 1: I see the city from the sixty four floor and
Speaker 1: you'll still think gonna play a game. Well, I'm still
Speaker 1: feeling like a waste of space over capacity in this planet.
Speaker 1: I don't change the day in my car. No more
Speaker 1: times in the stands. Still climbing up the mountain, but
Speaker 1: the mountain is a landfield. Don't like to wear my
Speaker 1: eyes froll block if you're happy life feels a bit
Speaker 1: sick of smacking up a grass sticks. They're looking raw
Speaker 1: from her right there, y'all shop paused with the rest
Speaker 1: of y'all. It wasn't nice to meet you. Don't introduce
Speaker 1: me to your family. Happen rack on me tho these
Speaker 1: apples don't fall far from the trails up if your
Speaker 1: friends drop with your job top or let's see called
Speaker 1: will play follow the lead. I've been feeling like I
Speaker 1: am the tip of the world. I am on top
Speaker 1: of the world. Don't I save me? Because I've been
Speaker 1: feeling like I am on top of the world. I
Speaker 1: in my top of the world. Aby, I've been feeling
Speaker 1: like I in the tope of the world. I in
Speaker 1: my top of the world. I save me because I've
Speaker 1: been feeling like I in my top of the world.
Speaker 1: I hear to draw, don't shop, give a fund, don't
Speaker 1: let it go, and come down to the mouse moving
Speaker 1: sounds proof like, but I'll really see it. I've been
Speaker 1: looking out to the starts my belief and not this
Speaker 1: motherfucking propagan. This is a very comfort. I'm glad. I
Speaker 1: was gonna get rid of it when I redid my room,
Speaker 1: my living room, but my boyfriend said no, because a
Speaker 1: lot of great people have had in that chair. This
Speaker 1: is a nice chair. This is one of those like
Speaker 1: when you like just sitting a blanket and just sip
Speaker 1: apple cider, yes, snows outside, yeah, with a little knitted
Speaker 1: yeah you guys living. I think I've ever one in
Speaker 1: a cabin that's that's very sweet. That's nice. Where are
Speaker 1: you from. You're from Alabama, from Birmingham, Alabama. And I
Speaker 1: apologize for everything. No not Uh, born in New York.
Speaker 1: Parents split what nine months old? Okay, so you'll remember it,
Speaker 1: New York. Uh. Mom goes to Memphis for grad school.
Speaker 1: I'm with mom. Somewhere around the third grade, my parents
Speaker 1: reconcile and yeah, oh minded too. That's but they were
Speaker 1: separated for a while. Yeah, that was. I don't know
Speaker 1: how you are in the third grade, but that's probably
Speaker 1: like seven eight years. I guess I'll be with you.
Speaker 1: No one else wants me, so Alabama reason and how
Speaker 1: Basically the conversation they had was that, hey, he's your
Speaker 1: son's becoming an asshole. Oh, would you mind being a father?
Speaker 1: You were an asshole at nine years old? I was.
Speaker 1: We started a brush fire in the creek. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's kid git kind of right. In an apartment complex, though,
Speaker 1: brush fires are found upon and you might get evicted.
Speaker 1: And so I think they were trying to evict my
Speaker 1: mom over the brush fire. She didn't, we didn't get evicted,
Speaker 1: but it was definitely the catalyst for oh my god,
Speaker 1: I can't control him along. But then that brush fire
Speaker 1: got your parents back together. So in a way, that's
Speaker 1: kind of beautiful and I'm glad you did it. I
Speaker 1: just want you back with dead. That's why it's great
Speaker 1: lighter fluid on your dead leaves, Joyce. You can use that,
Speaker 1: and I feel like you can use that as leverage though,
Speaker 1: like you know, you can really if your parents are
Speaker 1: the right kind of parents, you can guilt them into
Speaker 1: a lot of things, because you know, I don't have
Speaker 1: a full family. I don't know, I don't have a structure.
Speaker 1: I have to start brush fires. That's what I do.
Speaker 1: What did they When did you first get a boner?
Speaker 1: Do you remember? I love asking guys this. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think because that question also correlates to when I
Speaker 1: first discovered porn and Newton and that was in Birmingham,
Speaker 1: so it was pretty third grade. I'd say fifth grade.
Speaker 1: Fifth grade. Okay, you're like one eleven, Yeah, okay, um
Speaker 1: first went dream I think was seventh grade. You remember
Speaker 1: your first wed dream? I remember it because I was horrified.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know how many of what dreams
Speaker 1: dudes have, but I only had the one that only
Speaker 1: one one, and I just because after that you start
Speaker 1: jacking off, and oh yeah, yeah, I feel like what
Speaker 1: dreams are just a byproduct of you just having not
Speaker 1: jacked off yet, and your body's like, yeah, this is
Speaker 1: gonna get out of here. Yeah, my boyfriend will have
Speaker 1: them if he hasn't jerked off in a really long time.
Speaker 1: See what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. If for me, it
Speaker 1: was just the one and I woke up and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I've done enough reading. Like
Speaker 1: when I used to get put on punishment, I would
Speaker 1: read Encyclopedias. What a good kid. That was a sweet
Speaker 1: lack of better options. It's the only no Nintendo, no TV.
Speaker 1: You've got to do something. And I like animals, and
Speaker 1: I saw I would read about animals and all of
Speaker 1: these stupid books I had, and then I started reading
Speaker 1: about him and encyclopedias, and then eventually you run out
Speaker 1: of animals and you just go, fuck it. I'm tonight,
Speaker 1: I'm going to read the w Encyclopedia. So that would
Speaker 1: be the one anytime I'm on anishment. And I just
Speaker 1: worked my way through them and somehow ended up on
Speaker 1: sexual reproduction and read about it. So when the wet
Speaker 1: dream actually happened, and I woke up that morning, like,
Speaker 1: good break out your psychopedias exactly what it said. Yes,
Speaker 1: I used to count my pupil cares like that was
Speaker 1: like you count how many pup Yeah, when I got
Speaker 1: my first pupil care, that was like an achievement. I
Speaker 1: can't even explain. Yeah. See, I don't remember those moments.
Speaker 1: I don't remember the first time I masturbated or the
Speaker 1: pube thing the first time either, But I for sure,
Speaker 1: I for sure remember the first pubic care. I guess
Speaker 1: that's what happened. When you don't have TV to distract
Speaker 1: you and kind of fill your brain with useless shit,
Speaker 1: you make memories with yourself. It's kind of nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was very nice. Did your parents give you a
Speaker 1: sex talk? Not really my father, it was my mom's
Speaker 1: was just don't get nobody pregnant. You need to wear
Speaker 1: these condoms and all of that. I remember as a
Speaker 1: kid middle school and maybe like ninth or tenth grade,
Speaker 1: I remember practice putting on condoms so that if ever
Speaker 1: I got laid, I would know how to put the
Speaker 1: condom on properly, so I would like jack off until
Speaker 1: I got hard and then go get one of the condoms.
Speaker 1: They give you the health department, you have but roll
Speaker 1: it on and look at it and yeah, that seems right.
Speaker 1: When would you continue to jerk off with the condom on? No,
Speaker 1: these are like nineties condoms, so they're way thickly, and
Speaker 1: the once you get for free at the health department
Speaker 1: are always the worst kind of condoms, like a NYC condoms.
Speaker 1: It's literally setting you up for breaking, sets you up
Speaker 1: to get a disease racket. And then did your dad
Speaker 1: give you any type of my dad? The only real
Speaker 1: sex talk I got is when my mom found two
Speaker 1: playboys that I had stashed under the living room couch.
Speaker 1: The living room, not your own room, because everyone checks
Speaker 1: my room. Yeah, that's actually I think that's actually smarter.
Speaker 1: The only thing is, like if when you vacuum, you're
Speaker 1: going to go into the cab, that's how they were found. Yeah.
Speaker 1: What I should have done is zip the couch cushion
Speaker 1: and put the inside the actual couch cushion, not under
Speaker 1: the cushion. Yeah, because who would have looked there? So
Speaker 1: my mom is moving the cushions to vacuum and get
Speaker 1: all the loose change, finds them, uh, sets them down
Speaker 1: on the counter. My father says, well, if that's what
Speaker 1: you're gonna be looking at, then you need to know
Speaker 1: what you're looking at. By tomorrow, you need to know
Speaker 1: all parts of the male and female anatomy. Damn being
Speaker 1: about just sexual reproduction. And nine months like learned all
Speaker 1: that ship administration, menopause. What's menopause? Tell me? I don't
Speaker 1: know about that ship. I had to know that ship.
Speaker 1: If that's what you're gonna look at, that, you're gonna
Speaker 1: fucking know everything. Wow, did you know like the volva
Speaker 1: the inner outer like ship? I had to learn. I'm
Speaker 1: sure I've forgotten most of it by now, but at
Speaker 1: the time some good stuff with that steak. So you
Speaker 1: learned that your you seem like to have gotten smarter
Speaker 1: and smarter through just doing about ship and getting caught
Speaker 1: throughout your life. Yeah, that's like the trouble you got
Speaker 1: yourself in really educated you. The story of my life
Speaker 1: that's not even it's Yeah, So that's kind of how
Speaker 1: I learned that. My dad never really gave me a
Speaker 1: well this is what happens when a man and a woman.
Speaker 1: It was just assumed that I knew I was a
Speaker 1: pretty smart kid. So my parents were just like Alright,
Speaker 1: we know somebody already told you, so here's what here
Speaker 1: the dudes and dunks now that you know how this
Speaker 1: is done. But they didn't really have anything to worry about.
Speaker 1: I was a video game kid. I was pretty awkward,
Speaker 1: so like you weren't going to get laid or yeah,
Speaker 1: like I never you plan this this. My social circle
Speaker 1: didn't lend itself to be an out late and making
Speaker 1: out under the bleachers. I had girlfriends and stuff like
Speaker 1: that periodically. But they weren't freaks either, Like they were
Speaker 1: like well read and yeah it's a student nerdthing couch.
Speaker 1: You saw a movie. I'm lucky if I'm sneaking a
Speaker 1: kiss in the back seat on the way home. They
Speaker 1: were like very very chill, which is why college was
Speaker 1: working off the chain. Did you go nuts? I'd say
Speaker 1: pussy everywhere like up here didn't. I didn't lose my
Speaker 1: virginity until my senior class trip of high school or college. Okay,
Speaker 1: so Cancun, Oh high school trip. That seems very unsafe.
Speaker 1: That seems like we're gonna a lot of our suns
Speaker 1: are gonna lose their virginity. And this is pre Natalie
Speaker 1: Holloway or Rubic kitnappings, so you could you could send
Speaker 1: the kids down without fear of being snatched away into
Speaker 1: sex trafficking, which would be my fear. It's no way
Speaker 1: and let my kid leave the country without you, or
Speaker 1: and it's just at all not to mix. Sex trafficking
Speaker 1: is a real common thing. Cancoon is way too much debauchery,
Speaker 1: Like I would yeah, even just like I can't, I
Speaker 1: can't believe that was even okay, I mean, was there
Speaker 1: any it was just pure fun? Well, what the thing
Speaker 1: about it is that whatever company this was that does
Speaker 1: like the senior class trips, they coordinate them with other
Speaker 1: high schools across the country that are doing their trips
Speaker 1: on the same weekend. So it's like college spring break
Speaker 1: and like say Panama City Beach, but it's all high schoolers.
Speaker 1: So the city is full of high school kids. In theory,
Speaker 1: that makes it a little safer because there's volume their
Speaker 1: strength and numbers or whatever. So maybe one of them
Speaker 1: to get kidnapped. I was like, you know that all
Speaker 1: the people in town are like, this is high school weekend.
Speaker 1: Let's go have a file. Is is it the drinking agent?
Speaker 1: Cancoon eight? Oh shit, that's crazy that that was my
Speaker 1: first time with alcohol for real, for real? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: so you got laid. How is that? Were you drunk? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's usually pretty bad. It was very horrible. Was I
Speaker 1: drink once in high school because I thought it would
Speaker 1: make me better at baseball? Is the only reason I
Speaker 1: ever tried to drink in high school? What was the
Speaker 1: thought process? Some of my teammates and not all the time.
Speaker 1: It was like once or twice in the season, they
Speaker 1: came to practice drunk. They came to baseball practice like
Speaker 1: you could smell it. Oh god, drunk, damn. And these
Speaker 1: motherfucker's hit the ball so far. What the fuck? They
Speaker 1: were drunk and they were better. So in my brain,
Speaker 1: mad dog is a performance enhancing DRUGA, so let me
Speaker 1: drink this as well. And I fell asleep in the
Speaker 1: dugout in the practice, I fell asleep. And so that
Speaker 1: was the only time I drank until I got to Cancoon.
Speaker 1: We started doing tequila shots and all that. Like it was.
Speaker 1: It was It was short, like does it count? Is
Speaker 1: losing your virginity if you If it's only like four strokes,
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, oh yeah, you gotta bust They say,
Speaker 1: you gotta bust a nut. You don't have to if
Speaker 1: it gets in, if it's in that sex. Yeah, honestly, technically,
Speaker 1: if you lick it or if you poke it, that's
Speaker 1: also a type of sex. That's oral sex. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: you didn't come because you were drunk on tequila. Her
Speaker 1: roommate was sleeping the next bid, and so she started
Speaker 1: getting a little weird about that she might wake up.
Speaker 1: We should stop and again. And this goes back to
Speaker 1: my father, and she's like, if if both people don't
Speaker 1: want to be on board with it, you stopped at meeting.
Speaker 1: It's like, like considering today's climate, that was the type
Speaker 1: of ship my dad taught me way back in the nineties.
Speaker 1: So she goes, yeah, let's let's try again tomorrow. But
Speaker 1: the next day her school was leaving. Well that you
Speaker 1: had sex. Yeah, and it was not your girlfriend, it's
Speaker 1: a girl you met because she went yea, I guess
Speaker 1: I can tell this has been twenty five years. Like
Speaker 1: I knew on that trip that my girlfriend was gonna
Speaker 1: break up with me when I got back to Birmingham.
Speaker 1: How old you know? Because one of her friends had
Speaker 1: called her from Cancun. This is so one of her
Speaker 1: girlfriends that's on the trip. My girlfriend was like a
Speaker 1: junior and then senior. So she calls it goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: Roy was with so and so and so and so,
Speaker 1: and I think they did that or than that, and
Speaker 1: you did you didn't At that point, I I did
Speaker 1: not do the things that I was accused of. That
Speaker 1: debauchery was done by other people that I knew, But
Speaker 1: I didn't do the debauchery that I was being accused of.
Speaker 1: Were you up to no good? Bow in general? Like
Speaker 1: were you flirting and touching? It was? It boiled down
Speaker 1: to me being next to some people in the club
Speaker 1: who were making out. So it's like one of these
Speaker 1: stupid phone parties or whatever. And yeah, I'm just still
Speaker 1: in shock that this was allowed. The rash that you
Speaker 1: get where you get a rash from phone if you
Speaker 1: don't take a bath immediately after, like leaving a phone party,
Speaker 1: it's just so sitting on your skin. Oh, I guess
Speaker 1: that makes sense, damn rash because it's some Mexican cheap soap,
Speaker 1: not some quality Paul malav I never would have thought
Speaker 1: of that part of a phone party, but it does
Speaker 1: make a lot of sense. So I'm in the club
Speaker 1: and I'm basically on the same couch where a bunch
Speaker 1: of my buddies are making out with chicks from another school.
Speaker 1: And if you just glance over at the couch, yes,
Speaker 1: it would appear that I'm also awaiting my turn to
Speaker 1: make out or this is some weird two on one situation.
Speaker 1: But I was not making up, was I? There was
Speaker 1: that close couch. I never fucked before. You start a
Speaker 1: couch making out knowing what I know. Now, you get
Speaker 1: up and get a drink and get the funk out
Speaker 1: of there and let your friends and have some fun.
Speaker 1: I guess I wanted to say. I was so support
Speaker 1: If I was going to call my friend and be
Speaker 1: like your boyfriend, she I would have gone up to
Speaker 1: the guy and be like, hey, were you making out
Speaker 1: with that? I would have gotten some clarifications. I went down.
Speaker 1: She spent ten cent a minute to call my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: That's kind of a friend. Didn't do it. I didn't
Speaker 1: do it, And so my girlfriend called me. Well, I
Speaker 1: call my girlfriend like, you know, I'm being a you
Speaker 1: know I'm not having a good time. I just want
Speaker 1: you to know I'm not having fun because she blasted
Speaker 1: me about the couch ship. And we'll just talk about
Speaker 1: it when you get it. You get back to Birmingham,
Speaker 1: all right, fine, And I thought about it and I
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, she's probably gonna break up
Speaker 1: with me because she already believes. Yeah, the other girl
Speaker 1: and I had in my head and this is just
Speaker 1: how a man can justify cheating. In my head, I
Speaker 1: had a two year flawless resume with this woman, no incidents,
Speaker 1: no issues, no argument. I did one pitty thing in
Speaker 1: an art but it was like, yeah, you did something.
Speaker 1: We were supposed to wear matching football jerseys on Twins
Speaker 1: Day at school and I deliberately wore both jerseys earlier
Speaker 1: that week and hilarious, in high school, you can't repeat
Speaker 1: clothing in the same month, so it basically canceled out
Speaker 1: us for twin today, which means we didn't get in
Speaker 1: the yearbook time stuff. You have such good memory like that.
Speaker 1: But my point is, I mean that was that just
Speaker 1: seemed like being like, that's terrible if you showed up.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have respect for you if you had showed up.
Speaker 1: Sometimes girls do stuff like that, though, so that they
Speaker 1: know that they have you under their spell. Like yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like they have you. It's a trick move. I've
Speaker 1: done it and try to convince someone to like do
Speaker 1: a couple's Halloween costume, and like you do in your
Speaker 1: heart want to do a Halloween costume with your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: But then if he did it, you would actually not
Speaker 1: have any respect for him anymore. So that's the move.
Speaker 1: So I canceled that. My point is I had two
Speaker 1: years of flawless behavior with her, and if that didn't
Speaker 1: earn me enough equity for the benefit of the doubt,
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna go this check at this phone party
Speaker 1: because I know you're gonna break up with me when
Speaker 1: I go home. So sad about that that she's gonna
Speaker 1: break up with you? Or were you like you just
Speaker 1: accept inevitable. My father's death really like changed how I
Speaker 1: deal with bad news depending because my father died of cancer.
Speaker 1: So I was sixteen. I was in high school. My
Speaker 1: father died earlier that year. So with cancer, it's weird
Speaker 1: because you know, you know two years I knew two
Speaker 1: years ago he was gonna die eventually, and then that
Speaker 1: last month of his death, the last month leading up
Speaker 1: to his death, you've already processed it and it's gone.
Speaker 1: The funeral is literally a formality. I hate to say
Speaker 1: it like that it's whatever emotional journey and processing I
Speaker 1: need to go through. It's already him because I know
Speaker 1: that's coming. So I'm at peace with that it's coming.
Speaker 1: All right, fine, bring it on. I'll deal with. So
Speaker 1: if you told me on Monday, my girl's gonna break
Speaker 1: up with me on Saturday, all right, Cool, that's just
Speaker 1: what it's gonna be. That sucks. I'll figure out how
Speaker 1: to navigate it. In the meantime, I'm gonna try to
Speaker 1: get this condom to put the good use, because that
Speaker 1: was That was the crazy thing. When you're like a
Speaker 1: teenager's how many condoms you would carry? How many? Did
Speaker 1: you care? I thought people guys only carried one. No,
Speaker 1: that's college ship. Once you know that you only need
Speaker 1: one or maybe two if you'd spending the night or
Speaker 1: some ship. But like in high school we were in Kanku,
Speaker 1: we had like four condoms each every day, like an
Speaker 1: even time, like fucking like the police have those extra
Speaker 1: clips of Ammo condoms in our built loops like that.
Speaker 1: I would never put condoms in my pocket because I
Speaker 1: didn't want the indentation in the wallet and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to accidentally put it out and lose it. So
Speaker 1: I will put my built on and then I will
Speaker 1: slide the condom between the belt and my blue jeans
Speaker 1: like that right in there on. Your T shirt is
Speaker 1: over it, so it's it's not in your pocket, you know.
Speaker 1: Because girls is fascinating me, because girls at that age
Speaker 1: in high school, the sex to them is more what
Speaker 1: it means figure like what sex means to a woman
Speaker 1: is not necessarily like organ as physical pleasure. We don't
Speaker 1: really take into consideration until much later because a lot
Speaker 1: of times it will either hurt or the person won't
Speaker 1: know what they're doing, or the girl won't know their
Speaker 1: own body enough. So it's kind of like with virginity,
Speaker 1: get it over with and then the continuation of sex.
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's more like a social like we
Speaker 1: should be having sex kind of thing. Not that girl
Speaker 1: couldn't want to because you're not doing it right, But
Speaker 1: for guys, I'm curious because you get more, you get
Speaker 1: physical pleasure out of it. I would say the rates
Speaker 1: of in which you get physical press are out of
Speaker 1: sex is higher than a girl's chances of getting like
Speaker 1: coming sex. So did it meet Were there any of
Speaker 1: those social things to you in your head? Or was
Speaker 1: it just physical because I think it's so sweet, like
Speaker 1: guys carrying around condoms, Like my boyfriend did that. He
Speaker 1: like collected bras. He was a perv in high school.
Speaker 1: But like, guys were so obsessed with sex in high
Speaker 1: school and girls were too. But I think for different reasons. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's it's social currency. Yeah. Not being in a
Speaker 1: virgin somehow puts you in a different if it's like
Speaker 1: a cast system, you're in a different group people. And
Speaker 1: so for me, me having a girlfriend that everyone knew
Speaker 1: I wasn't having sex with because she was very good.
Speaker 1: She was a very good woman, and she was in
Speaker 1: like all of those groups where we don't drink and
Speaker 1: her body is so you didn't one of these bodies
Speaker 1: of temple chicks. Oh your homeboys, No you're not sucking. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So thankfully playing sports was my end socially. But you're
Speaker 1: never quite cool until you're the guy that it's sucking
Speaker 1: a check or oh man, you're hitting that, Oh man, yeah,
Speaker 1: do your thing. Man, I see your player, Like that
Speaker 1: was somehow attached to manhood, and I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's right. Probably I think that sucks up a lot
Speaker 1: of guys though, because I think then they feel a
Speaker 1: sense of entitlement sometimes or need to fuck for the
Speaker 1: sake of being able to tell their friends that they fucked. Yeah,
Speaker 1: did you tell anybody that you fucked that night in Kiku?
Speaker 1: I mean, here's the crazy thing. The girl caused the
Speaker 1: room the next morning. She caused my room. We're saying
Speaker 1: the same. She caused my hotel room the next morning,
Speaker 1: and I told people that because of course the next morning. Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: I remember a girlfriend. Man, you ain't like nobody believed me.
Speaker 1: That was my reputation a high school. I go, hey, man,
Speaker 1: I lost my virginity last night. No, you didn't shut
Speaker 1: the funk up. Shut your fat head us up. You
Speaker 1: ain't get no bullshy the girl. I leave the room.
Speaker 1: We go do some ship all day. And the girl
Speaker 1: called the room to tell me goodbye and left her
Speaker 1: phone number, and one of my homeboys forgot to write
Speaker 1: it down, and but that call was enough for them
Speaker 1: to believe. Yeah. Oh, some girl called the rule. Oh
Speaker 1: sh And it's literally like you ever seeing like Major
Speaker 1: League baseball, where like a walk off home run, where
Speaker 1: like the the game winning home and the guys rounding
Speaker 1: third and the team is waiting for him at home
Speaker 1: plate to fucking jump up and down. That's what when
Speaker 1: your friends find out you lose your lost your virginity,
Speaker 1: that's what that is. Like, Really, that sounds fun. I
Speaker 1: don't get that. I got my best friend going, did
Speaker 1: you fun today? Yeah? Cool, that's it. No, it's it's
Speaker 1: very much um, probably way too celebratory. It's probably very
Speaker 1: toxic now that no one it sounded fun. It sounds sweet.
Speaker 1: I think that's sweet. I don't think it's bad, but yeah,
Speaker 1: it's nice. It's like supportive, but it is interesting. I've
Speaker 1: been thinking a lot about masculinity and kind of where
Speaker 1: guys get fucked up mentally from a young age. And
Speaker 1: I was talking a lot about this documentary of the
Speaker 1: mask I live in about about masculinity, and you hear
Speaker 1: these little boys say, you know why, doing things like
Speaker 1: a girl is bad and wimpy and whatever, and it's
Speaker 1: that mixed with getting high five when you get laid.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, I can't tell if that's bad or
Speaker 1: good or sweets or I don't know, because girls don't
Speaker 1: do I never did that. I did that when I
Speaker 1: got older. Girls do it for other things, though, like
Speaker 1: getting engaged or like showing a ring on Facebook, which
Speaker 1: is equally toxic. I think that's weird and stupid Sophy
Speaker 1: behavior that like, yeah, remember in college, like there was
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell the story without incriminating people defend themselves.
Speaker 1: I remember in college we had an apartment and there's
Speaker 1: three of us and the three people paying rent in
Speaker 1: this apartment. But we were the first of our social
Speaker 1: circle to move off campus, so our apartment was more
Speaker 1: of a clubhouse than it was an actual apartment, if
Speaker 1: you follow me on that. So at any given time
Speaker 1: on a Friday night, there's anywhere from six to ten
Speaker 1: people in our house until three in the morning, and
Speaker 1: we're just video games, drinking, yelling, just being college students.
Speaker 1: If you had a date or you were dating someone,
Speaker 1: it was considered, almost to some degree, not customary. But
Speaker 1: if you wanted a little bit of praise, if you
Speaker 1: had a bad chick that was real fucking good looking,
Speaker 1: you'd bring it by the house for a little while
Speaker 1: and then you'd go out on your date, like almost
Speaker 1: on some hey man, we need to meet her, man
Speaker 1: bring up because if you had this gorgeous woman, you
Speaker 1: would want to bring her by. Looking at what I
Speaker 1: caught today. It's like a fucking You're literally like a
Speaker 1: fisherman bringing your catch to the fucking doctor. Gonna look
Speaker 1: when that got alright, alright, I'll see you boys later.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go have a good time with this one.
Speaker 1: And that that was the subtext. Now to the naked
Speaker 1: eye to the girl, it's just oh, I met his friends.
Speaker 1: That was so nice. Yeah, for sure, that's what that
Speaker 1: move is. And met his friends. Know, I was so
Speaker 1: fucking thrilled to fucking somebody that I had to show
Speaker 1: you off. Like it wasn't about do you because now
Speaker 1: I would like my friends still know you as a
Speaker 1: person and get to like you, respect to you. It's
Speaker 1: not about now that I'm older. I'm I'll be thirty nine.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty nine. For the sake of this recording. Someone
Speaker 1: meeting my friends is legitimately important in terms of how
Speaker 1: I believe we can relate to one another, because these
Speaker 1: are the people who I hang with him there, So
Speaker 1: now I'm bringing around my friends for the legit purpose
Speaker 1: of relationship assessment. Yeah yeah, Like it's not gonna work.
Speaker 1: Get thirty nine, like your friends are more important than
Speaker 1: any like new person you're bringing into the relationship and
Speaker 1: there has to be some level of synergy to the two. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do think though, like I've done that before. I've
Speaker 1: I've paraded a guy before. It does it's a animalistic
Speaker 1: thing where I mean women like to do it too.
Speaker 1: I like chasing dick. I think it makes me feel
Speaker 1: like a woman. It makes me feel like it makes
Speaker 1: me feel like like like, oh, you're punched the wall,
Speaker 1: like it makes me feel good. It's just it's there's
Speaker 1: just an escalation. And this is going back to the
Speaker 1: high five theory of whether or not that's good or bad.
Speaker 1: What happens the escalation of the high five theory becomes
Speaker 1: when yeah, you've got some man you did your thing
Speaker 1: in college. It becomes oh, damn, look at her, she's fine.
Speaker 1: I know you're gonna tear that up. Go do your thing,
Speaker 1: which eventually evolves into you fucking chicken your house and
Speaker 1: you are basically being raided by your friends who are
Speaker 1: also in the house on how much noise she makes
Speaker 1: when a So, now you'll come downstairs from fucking she's
Speaker 1: still upstair asleep or whatever. You come downstairs to get
Speaker 1: some water, and you're just in box of breeze sucking
Speaker 1: and you just, oh, I need some water, so you're
Speaker 1: going to and yeah, it's literally it's a fucking victory
Speaker 1: walking and they're all your friends are playing PlayStation and
Speaker 1: going giving your thumbs up like at the end of
Speaker 1: Karate Kid with Mr Miyaki gave your son that fucking
Speaker 1: smirk of a at a boy. So you come like,
Speaker 1: so it's it escalates, yeah, ye, and so then beyond
Speaker 1: that now with this technology, the next level after that
Speaker 1: is videosta. Yeah, look look at me hitting it and
Speaker 1: sucking selfie mode while you're sucking a chick from behind
Speaker 1: and she doesn't know, like, oh take a selfie? Why
Speaker 1: your bone and a chick? Oh yeah, that's a lot
Speaker 1: slot whisper too. I mean, I belave. I keep my
Speaker 1: enemies close. I follow all this ship the people that
Speaker 1: I hate their ideals on Instagram, so I can keep
Speaker 1: an eye on what people are ingesting. I think it's
Speaker 1: important because you have to see it's like, it's nice.
Speaker 1: You know a lot of times, like feminists and liberals
Speaker 1: we live in this bubble as we talk about a
Speaker 1: lot on here and like, but that's not the way
Speaker 1: most people are thinking. So I got to keep an
Speaker 1: eye on everybody. See the conversations that we need to
Speaker 1: be having reporters, and we have to report on the world.
Speaker 1: Sure of course that link and watch that. Yes, you
Speaker 1: were doing research? Do you look away looking on the floor? Great?
Speaker 1: When did you know you were funny? Um? I knew
Speaker 1: I was funny high school. Did you start using it
Speaker 1: to at your advantage in high school or did us
Speaker 1: not till later? Or for anything? It only it only
Speaker 1: helped me fitting in socially. Um, I was a I
Speaker 1: was an introvert. I grew up an only child. I
Speaker 1: have a lot of half siblings, but look alone. So
Speaker 1: I lived in my head only kids are there's a
Speaker 1: song about that by our friends Sarah Doing. And I
Speaker 1: was never at any school until high school. I was
Speaker 1: never at any school more than two years. Goodness still
Speaker 1: now later on as an adult that worked to my benefit,
Speaker 1: because going to school all over the city meant I
Speaker 1: knew everybody in the city. I knew people from the
Speaker 1: East side, which you were comfortable with change correct, and
Speaker 1: so I would. I had this comic strip that I
Speaker 1: used to draw in the sixth grade, Like I used
Speaker 1: to draw like a little comic strip because at that time,
Speaker 1: my dream was to be like Bill Waterson. So I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I have some of cover I want
Speaker 1: to write like that. Yeah, I'm glad I let go
Speaker 1: of that. Prince. I was like, it's a dying art. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So that was when I feel like I had some
Speaker 1: semblance of a sense of humor. I don't think I
Speaker 1: realized it then, but in high school I wrote the
Speaker 1: bench playing baseball. I wasn't that good at a player,
Speaker 1: but I was coach like having me around, so I'm here,
Speaker 1: and your job on the bench that our high school
Speaker 1: was to heckle the opposing team, oh ship, for the
Speaker 1: duration of the game, encourage that it's this is all
Speaker 1: that pre brilliant. Like I tried to do that when
Speaker 1: I played softball, and they were like, we were fucking
Speaker 1: relentless night. We were a fucking predominantly black high school
Speaker 1: and we're playing baseball. You're playing mostly white schools half
Speaker 1: the time. If you played another black school, we wouldn't
Speaker 1: say ship because it'd be a fucking fight. Like if
Speaker 1: you crack on somebody too long, too hard, they'll want
Speaker 1: to fight in the parking lot. But with the white schools,
Speaker 1: you could just fucking rewarding. I took pride in that
Speaker 1: I took pride and coming up with creative heckles and
Speaker 1: stuff that was funny and you could hear the snickers
Speaker 1: from the adults in the stands, and that's what I love,
Speaker 1: And that was the currency that was, like, that's what
Speaker 1: I wanted. I wanted this fifty eight year old man
Speaker 1: to acknowledge that what I just yelled at a child
Speaker 1: was hilarious. And so that was like the first inklings
Speaker 1: of like, oh, I think I'm funny. I think I
Speaker 1: have a sense of humor. I think I know when
Speaker 1: to crack a joke. And when I got to college, um,
Speaker 1: my degree is in broadcast and they make you take
Speaker 1: a public speaking class and so for a month we
Speaker 1: had to do impromptu speeches. So you had three minutes
Speaker 1: of prep. Time you leave the class, you get three
Speaker 1: minutes of prep, and then you come back in the
Speaker 1: classroom and you give a five minute presentation on the
Speaker 1: topic that you're just given. So you just you feel
Speaker 1: abust on the topic for five minutes. And I figured
Speaker 1: out if I could get the class to laugh, then
Speaker 1: it made you believe me more. Yeah, that what I
Speaker 1: was saying is actually true. That was for all purposes
Speaker 1: as far as I'm concerned. That was like my first
Speaker 1: real open mic. Yeah, I was gonna say, that's riffing.
Speaker 1: So I did that, and I got a job at
Speaker 1: Golden Corral. I fucking love that place. I used to
Speaker 1: go there every weekend as a kid in Virginia. So
Speaker 1: a Golden Corral. I figured out, if I can make
Speaker 1: the table laugh, then like, even if everybody at the
Speaker 1: table is like in a bad mood, there's always one
Speaker 1: person that's not as pissed as everyone else. That's their
Speaker 1: idea to go to Golden Corral. Yeah, so the week
Speaker 1: I call them the weakest link, the weakest link at
Speaker 1: the table. If I make them laugh, their mood usually
Speaker 1: would permeate to everybody else at the table by the
Speaker 1: over the duration of the meal. So if I can
Speaker 1: make the table laugh, I made more in tips. And
Speaker 1: then I figured out, all right, this row of tables
Speaker 1: in my section can't hear what I'm saying to this
Speaker 1: row of table sec up the same jokes, take them
Speaker 1: right across to the other part of my section. So
Speaker 1: by the end of the day I had four different
Speaker 1: sets that I was working. Oh my god, that's awesome,
Speaker 1: like four different jokes and like, all right, this guy
Speaker 1: looks like a football fans, so we'll do sports with him.
Speaker 1: This lady clearly cares about the park, like you could
Speaker 1: just you profile and make you make up conversation based
Speaker 1: on that person's profile. And in my head I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is basically like comedy reading the audience. That's exactly,
Speaker 1: And so that is kind of how it in terms
Speaker 1: of figuring out, Oh, maybe I'm funny, maybe I could
Speaker 1: do stand up like that was the Batman begins And
Speaker 1: how how long have you been on the Daily Show
Speaker 1: on TV? Two years? I started in, and you really
Speaker 1: are fucking crushing it like you when you start on
Speaker 1: the show, it was like, holy sh it, you're so
Speaker 1: funny and you bring a sense of more that I've
Speaker 1: never seen on that show before that I really love
Speaker 1: and I rate black Man, but I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: just it's very unique to you. I like, I like it.
Speaker 1: I've never seen. I don't know. The way you make
Speaker 1: people laugh is very unique to to who you are,
Speaker 1: and I love that. Have you have you noticed are
Speaker 1: you single? Are you in a relationship? I had a
Speaker 1: girlfriend we put together. I don't know how long A
Speaker 1: couple of years, so before you went on okay cool,
Speaker 1: at least three. I don't know. It was just one
Speaker 1: of those relationships we're like, we're just talking and they're like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I guess we're to get to get Yeah,
Speaker 1: is that how you are? Too good? Yeah? It was
Speaker 1: just one day. I started introducing her as my girlfriend
Speaker 1: and she didn't stop me nice like, I don't think
Speaker 1: we have I should talk to her. I don't even
Speaker 1: think we have an anniversary, Like we don't have like
Speaker 1: an official day to observe time that you can like
Speaker 1: figure it out, maybe like a month or I would
Speaker 1: just play it from the first date. Yeah, I make
Speaker 1: it our first day. That works. That wasn't supposed to
Speaker 1: be a date, but yeah. The first date was in
Speaker 1: like May or something whenever the While West Comedy Festival
Speaker 1: is and that's where that's where Wait, you met her?
Speaker 1: I think, did you comedian? No, she was this is
Speaker 1: we had already talked. I don't want this to sound
Speaker 1: like some weird critics list. I hand. No, she was
Speaker 1: on the middle of a cross country trip moving to
Speaker 1: San France and so we had talked enough. She was
Speaker 1: in d C. I was in l A and I go, hey,
Speaker 1: I don't know which way you're going to fucking California,
Speaker 1: but if you're headed down at forty stop in Nashville
Speaker 1: on these days, it would be nice to meet, even
Speaker 1: if it's just for lunch, and lunch turned into like
Speaker 1: a day and a half. Oh yeah, it's one of those.
Speaker 1: But again, I don't even know what fucking day that was.
Speaker 1: I can't wait. When did you message her? You can
Speaker 1: look up that. You can look up first contact, first
Speaker 1: wirst day? Was it? Email? Was it text? Was it well?
Speaker 1: Because of a comedy festival? Though you would be able
Speaker 1: if you just sat down on a computer, you could
Speaker 1: easily figure. Because I found out our anniversary date, I
Speaker 1: had to go back on my big A calendar and
Speaker 1: it's a brunch with Steve, and I was like, that's
Speaker 1: our anniversary just because I wanted a date. I wanted
Speaker 1: a date because it's nice to have a day where
Speaker 1: you just focus. I've been with my boyfriend Firth. It'll
Speaker 1: be like it'll be seven years, so it's a while,
Speaker 1: but you want to just focus on them, like it's
Speaker 1: just nice to have make an excuse to just funk
Speaker 1: all day, eat, sleep, watch TV funk again. It's just
Speaker 1: nice and then you don't feel bad like you're being lazier,
Speaker 1: you're not getting work done because it's your anniversary. I
Speaker 1: guess that's pick a day. Yeah, what if I just
Speaker 1: picked any day? Pick any day? Anniversary is it don't
Speaker 1: come on all day? How about you picked today? It's
Speaker 1: the day that you forced yourself to pick an anniversary. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's sweet. No, I think it'll I'll just wait for
Speaker 1: like marriage or something, and then that'll be. It doesn't
Speaker 1: matter because whatever date talking about now is going to
Speaker 1: get superseded. Are you planning on getting married? That would
Speaker 1: be nice. Hey, that's that's a process. What does the
Speaker 1: marriage mean to you, because I'm trying to figure that out. Neither,
Speaker 1: no idea. What I do know is that and having
Speaker 1: a child, and having a child together, a nineteen month
Speaker 1: old I can speak to if we go back to
Speaker 1: the brush fire, the need for there to be proper
Speaker 1: family structure around this child. Yeah, there's nothing negative that
Speaker 1: I can say about my relationship with her, and it
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with with our child. Like that's like,
Speaker 1: it's not like it made it worse, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying? And that when you look at a scenario
Speaker 1: like that in terms of love and all of that stuff,
Speaker 1: it's it's, oh, wow, we had this kid. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: take a breather on growing together and make sure we
Speaker 1: figure out how to not funk up his life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's hard. That's going to be together. We will
Speaker 1: figure out everything that doesn't sunk up his life. And
Speaker 1: then I guess, I don't know what you do do
Speaker 1: you emerge back into Okay, to relationship is a part
Speaker 1: of the relationship, It's part of I think it's part
Speaker 1: of the relationship. I mean, was that did you sit
Speaker 1: down and have a plan, like we're going to have
Speaker 1: a kid? Now? Was it? Okay? But it's coom on
Speaker 1: your butt loop? Yeah? You know you use one of
Speaker 1: those city condoms and that's why you don't How is
Speaker 1: that conversation if you don't mind talking about like I
Speaker 1: always thought about, if that ever, if I ever got pregnant,
Speaker 1: because I'm not on the pill. We use condoms all
Speaker 1: the time, and I'm fine with I don't care, but
Speaker 1: you know, if something happened, I'm like, he doesn't. Actually,
Speaker 1: he's the one who's more crazy about it than I.
Speaker 1: Take that back. Condom technology is getting to the point
Speaker 1: now where basically it's not even a condom. Skin condoms
Speaker 1: are really good. They they sponsored us for a second,
Speaker 1: but they gave us like boxes of the and that's
Speaker 1: all I use. I gotta say they're the best. Can
Speaker 1: give you some if you want one of those where
Speaker 1: you just have to keep checking, Like, but what's that conversation,
Speaker 1: like how do you? I mean that's gonna be I
Speaker 1: don't know, that's gonna be a mind fun because I
Speaker 1: always thought about what if I got pregnant. I don't
Speaker 1: think I guess I would have. I don't know. But
Speaker 1: there's layers two of them, because it's not just you're pregnant,
Speaker 1: it's are you It's not just you're having a kid,
Speaker 1: it's are you having a kid with someone that you
Speaker 1: could actually stomach raising a kid with? If if everything else,
Speaker 1: if the whole fucking forest of relationship stability broke down
Speaker 1: between you, could you and this person just raise this child?
Speaker 1: That's the bare minimum for parenting to me, And so
Speaker 1: you have to start there and then work your way
Speaker 1: back into all right, we're in love, this is great,
Speaker 1: this is good. This is not what should have happened
Speaker 1: at this time, but it is not a detriment and
Speaker 1: if anything, it probably it probably made me having a kid.
Speaker 1: If you if you don't, if you pay, if you
Speaker 1: pay close enough attention to it, added responsibility to your
Speaker 1: life can sometimes make you more focused. So if there's
Speaker 1: an upside, for lack of a better word, for having
Speaker 1: a kid before you were planning to have a kid,
Speaker 1: it's definitely going to force you to typen down the
Speaker 1: hatches and all other aspects of your life. And does
Speaker 1: that feel good? Yeah, that's a good thing because I
Speaker 1: am I operate under an economy of time now where
Speaker 1: every minute that I'm outside of the house needs to
Speaker 1: be something that's forwarding my career and putting food on
Speaker 1: the table and making sure that my family is comfortable.
Speaker 1: So hanging just to hang that ship is old. That's done.
Speaker 1: If I'm leaving town, it is to accomplish something. It's
Speaker 1: not like I used to be able to add an
Speaker 1: extra day on, Like I just came from Atlanta and
Speaker 1: we're here tonight. We're here today on a Sunday recording this. Normally,
Speaker 1: if I'm in Atlanta that's close enough to Birmingham that
Speaker 1: I would add a day on the Thursday, and the
Speaker 1: Atlanta was a Friday Saturday gig. But I fly to
Speaker 1: Birmingham Thursday, shoot the ship and dick around and then
Speaker 1: stay Sunday. No, now it's land Friday. Do the show's
Speaker 1: first thing smoking Sunday morning, get the funk out of town.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, So I think having less time makes you
Speaker 1: better with your time. Yeah, that makes sense. It makes
Speaker 1: you prioritize things and make make sure everything is productive,
Speaker 1: and it forces you into that because you have no
Speaker 1: choice unless it's either that or you're just gonna be
Speaker 1: an asshole father and that's nothing that can't feel good
Speaker 1: Because you had your kid is nineteen months old, so
Speaker 1: that means she was pregnant when you first got the
Speaker 1: Daily Show. So okay. So that's man, that's a lot though.
Speaker 1: You get on TV and then you have his job.
Speaker 1: That's like whole because I would that would make me
Speaker 1: just's I think that's how kind of always how life happens.
Speaker 1: Everything happens at once. It'll be like your months when
Speaker 1: you're sitting around like there's anything gonna hit, what's happening,
Speaker 1: and then everything happens altogether. It's fine. You know, you
Speaker 1: figure out how to handle it. It's a lot. But
Speaker 1: then it just goes right back to the whole cancer
Speaker 1: theories are, all right, what's happening. This is what's happening.
Speaker 1: That's figure it out alright. Well, first things first, Uh,
Speaker 1: I guess we're living together now in New York. I
Speaker 1: love you. We had already had that type of structure
Speaker 1: in l A anyway, so it's like there wasn't that
Speaker 1: much that changed. And I think that's where I really
Speaker 1: when you when you think about when I look at
Speaker 1: my friends who have had children that weren't planned and
Speaker 1: they were with people that they did not love, that's
Speaker 1: a whole another level. And then it's with people that
Speaker 1: they may not love who also maybe hate them. Like
Speaker 1: there's so many different Yeah, it's kind of a good
Speaker 1: reminder like if you're not happy to get out sooner
Speaker 1: than later, you know why you're sticking around having sex
Speaker 1: with someone when you know, I think sometimes as adults
Speaker 1: we forget like there is like a risk with sex
Speaker 1: and I don't want to call it, but you know,
Speaker 1: like you have to you have there should you should
Speaker 1: always feel a real like intimacy with the person you're
Speaker 1: sucking in a relationship. Otherwise, what the are you doing
Speaker 1: If you don't respect that person, that's going to blow
Speaker 1: up your face eventually. Yeah, and I think that for
Speaker 1: what it takes to have a child and then give
Speaker 1: it the proper attention and love it deserves, that's that's
Speaker 1: a two man job. It just is. So I mean
Speaker 1: to bring it all the way back to marriage, yes,
Speaker 1: of course, that's like something I wholeheartedly will think about.
Speaker 1: I don't know when, how and all of that ship,
Speaker 1: but who knows. I might just like I have a
Speaker 1: friend who literally just woke up with his girlfriend one
Speaker 1: day and which was like, let's just go to the courthouse.
Speaker 1: I know people who did that. Sounds kind of funny.
Speaker 1: She was cool and that was it. Yeah, And that's so.
Speaker 1: That's so that's beautifully simple because I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people put a lot of thought into it. Seems
Speaker 1: silly to me. The whole the ring has to be
Speaker 1: really perfect, and it has to and you have to
Speaker 1: ask me in this circumstance, it's just like, that's issue.
Speaker 1: That's not the point of why you're doing it. If
Speaker 1: you ask me if I believe in marriage, I'd say yes.
Speaker 1: If you ask me if I believe in weddings, I'd say, no, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's interesting. I just went to a wedding yesterday, So
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk talk a lot about that in
Speaker 1: the intro. But I don't know. I always flip on
Speaker 1: it because I'm like, I'm certainly not someone who has
Speaker 1: really planned on getting married or want that whole show.
Speaker 1: But then but then when you're there, you're like, this
Speaker 1: is really nice, and that's so different than the home
Speaker 1: run high five. A wedding is a woman's home run
Speaker 1: high five moment. And so even if I don't get it,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't it didn't feel like that. That's not
Speaker 1: what I was getting. The engagement to me, the gaty
Speaker 1: engagement raring pictures on Facebook, that to me is the
Speaker 1: high five because it's truly something that really doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: It's literally for other people. Yeah. However, my boyfriend is
Speaker 1: like a registered gemologist and diamondtologist, like he used to
Speaker 1: work at Kay and he like and on our first
Speaker 1: date he kind of I kind of was like making
Speaker 1: fun of engagement rings and he takes them very seriously
Speaker 1: and it's endearing in a way because he understands what
Speaker 1: it takes to create a like a good looking diamond
Speaker 1: and how much work and how much work other people
Speaker 1: and and danger they put their lives into. And he's like,
Speaker 1: that's the meaning of a diamond. And I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: that was a real heavy interpretation of a diamond. But
Speaker 1: I understand now. So it's like when you understand something,
Speaker 1: I think maybe there's more meaning to it. But most
Speaker 1: people don't understand deamontology. I'm not here to rag on it.
Speaker 1: It's you know, it's not it's personal. It's just not.
Speaker 1: It's not a day I've ever thought about a dream,
Speaker 1: give a funk about the details, and I don't think
Speaker 1: I ever will. Yeah, and that's good. That's that's good.
Speaker 1: And then at that then you've got to do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because if you don't here, it's like here nor there whatever,
Speaker 1: and then it means a lot to your partner. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: it's it's literally the Chris Rock joke. I'll be there.
Speaker 1: Just tell me what time, and I'll be there an
Speaker 1: hour before. Yeah, I don't give a ship, just give
Speaker 1: me a suit. I'll show up an hour before with
Speaker 1: my friends, will do it. That's my favorite thing I
Speaker 1: ow is half the time I just tell my boyfriend
Speaker 1: for things. I'm just like, I'll do everything. All I
Speaker 1: need to do you to do is show up in
Speaker 1: a good mood and do whatever it is that I said,
Speaker 1: and that's it. I'll pay for it, I'll set it up,
Speaker 1: I'll invite everyone. Just come with a fucking smile on
Speaker 1: your face. I just go. For a lot of people,
Speaker 1: that's the dream, especially in the South, that's the dream
Speaker 1: women are sold is that something is less than with you.
Speaker 1: If you don't have a man, you get young, married
Speaker 1: young a lot. You then date people that have attached
Speaker 1: a sense of validity to that process. Then as a man,
Speaker 1: you either got to get weed or not. You can't
Speaker 1: You can't spend time trying to change someone's ideologies and
Speaker 1: opinions on stuff. You just have to decide whether or
Speaker 1: not you want to be with somebody that wants to
Speaker 1: pomp and circumstance or somebody wants to go to the courthouse. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a pick your battle. But then sometimes I wonder though,
Speaker 1: like weddings and a lot of these traditions, men are
Speaker 1: like whatever, and then women are like yes, And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: what do the do the guys get stuff that they
Speaker 1: that means a lot to them, like what means a
Speaker 1: lot to the guy in that in that scenario, I
Speaker 1: don't think or you don't even need that. Maybe I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think weddings are for men. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't think they are. I think marriage men are way more.
Speaker 1: If you told a guy who you just get married
Speaker 1: and didn't have to do all the church ship, I
Speaker 1: believe there would be a higher rate of marriage and proposed,
Speaker 1: I believe there would be more married people. It probably
Speaker 1: it's it's just all of that planning, chicken and who's
Speaker 1: gonna sit at what table? Fucking kill me. That sounds horrible.
Speaker 1: I cannot sit on the floor with a bunch of
Speaker 1: arts and crafts from Michael's Yea figuring out what font
Speaker 1: to make the invitations. Any smart woman doesn't want you
Speaker 1: there anyway, because you're just gonna mess it up like
Speaker 1: she's a tall boy a fucking weddings planning. I would
Speaker 1: be like, please leave the room. But I feel like
Speaker 1: marriage though, like when when you're actually entered into the marriage,
Speaker 1: the man, you know, if we're talking about like the
Speaker 1: more stereotypical like gender rules, the man is looking out.
Speaker 1: It's Statistically, married women die younger because you're fucking killing us.
Speaker 1: Like us, I my blood prepression is growing up, going up,
Speaker 1: and like I know it has to do with having
Speaker 1: a boyfriend. I was fucking great and great health for
Speaker 1: like four years, bouncing our around doing great. Is that
Speaker 1: why married men live longer? Because yes, because they're getting
Speaker 1: taken care of you and we're making sure you eat healthy.
Speaker 1: You're not going out binge drinking. You know, you're not
Speaker 1: getting crabs or whatever. We're keeping an eye on zero crabs,
Speaker 1: No crabs on a life manager, yeah kind of and
Speaker 1: then who is our life manager? Us too, so we
Speaker 1: got to manage to people. It's very stressful. I'm always like, wow,
Speaker 1: I wish I had a Kuran girlfriend. This would be great.
Speaker 1: Everything would be organized. I'd never forget my keys. I'm
Speaker 1: always cleaning. It sounds like to me that maybe my
Speaker 1: marriage needs a second woman. Interesting theory. Well, yeah, your
Speaker 1: wife needs a wife, your future wife needs a wife.
Speaker 1: When you watched Sister Wives, like this sexual part point,
Speaker 1: I have to look aside. But like because I wouldn't
Speaker 1: want to be like, oh he's going on a sandy
Speaker 1: today in the tunnel, But like I like I would
Speaker 1: it seems great to have all this help and not
Speaker 1: have to think about a babysitter. Like if you leave,
Speaker 1: you leave your kids with his sister wife who you like,
Speaker 1: really really trust. It sounds kind of good, It sounds
Speaker 1: kind of nice. It scares me, man, like all that
Speaker 1: open relationship stuff. Well, I mean that's this is different
Speaker 1: from open relationship. It's like just a whole different get
Speaker 1: a vacation three out of the seven days you don't
Speaker 1: got to put up with You got a bunch of
Speaker 1: houses in a call to sack and he's just going
Speaker 1: from house to house. Yeah, it seems like a lot
Speaker 1: of work for him. Yeah, he's way too stressful. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to be in that possession. I was gonna say, like,
Speaker 1: it just seems like something where you're having to be
Speaker 1: a little different to each woman, keep having to be
Speaker 1: a portion of yourself whole with one person. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: he definitely has some personality to sort That's why I
Speaker 1: think at the end of the day, the women have
Speaker 1: the better the better deal, and that end with the
Speaker 1: with the polygamy aspect, because you only get to you
Speaker 1: only have to deal with him a couple of days
Speaker 1: and then when you see each other, you missed him
Speaker 1: because you haven't seen him, and then he leaves. I
Speaker 1: probably sucked someone on the side too, totally. Yeah, just
Speaker 1: data dude with a travel job. That's good point date
Speaker 1: some sucking George Clooney up in the air, motherfucker. I
Speaker 1: thought dating a flight attendant would be cool, but it
Speaker 1: was a little did I have. And it was because
Speaker 1: I traveled so much. Yeah. I didn't like the fact
Speaker 1: that you travel so much. Yeah, because then you never
Speaker 1: see each other. Yeah, And that's kind of on some
Speaker 1: selfish ship where it's like when I traveling is my thing, Well,
Speaker 1: but I know I like it. I just want someone
Speaker 1: to like stay, like be a househusband. I have one
Speaker 1: last question I want to ask you because you have
Speaker 1: to go for a shoot. So in this era of
Speaker 1: this couple of months of all the people being out
Speaker 1: at a sexual you know, being sexual predators, like everyone's
Speaker 1: sexual predator and legit, and we've been talking about credit,
Speaker 1: I've ben talking about this a lot, and like to me,
Speaker 1: I think one of the best things that can happen
Speaker 1: out of this is just to have people who have men,
Speaker 1: especially a self awareness of what it's like for women.
Speaker 1: But I think one thing that would work really well
Speaker 1: is when a guy here's this happening, or sees his
Speaker 1: friend do something or whatever. The guy saying something to
Speaker 1: that person is going to resonate way harder than uh,
Speaker 1: you know, women saying stuff. And I'm wondering if you've
Speaker 1: ever had an instance where whether in Hollywood Land or
Speaker 1: just in your life in general, like where you've had
Speaker 1: some where you've witnessed someone say something kind of fucked
Speaker 1: up to a woman, and what your reaction wants say
Speaker 1: something or do something. I was in the same room,
Speaker 1: so I do put this dick out. Wait, here's the
Speaker 1: whoa like, was there a woman in the room or
Speaker 1: it wasn't for me? Sorry, we were I was. I
Speaker 1: was wing manning with him. Wow too hard? U is
Speaker 1: classic road comic story to chicks post show. Yeah, were
Speaker 1: you guys? Getting get some drinks? Is getting drinks and
Speaker 1: it's get drinks. So we go get drinks and we're going, No,
Speaker 1: we're the party continuing. We should go back to the room.
Speaker 1: We should get some beers and go back through. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's keep beers and go back to the room. So
Speaker 1: we're all back in his hotel room. This is that
Speaker 1: the comedian I was recommended, and we're just talking and
Speaker 1: you know, like we're both trying to figure out how
Speaker 1: and when to make a move, which one, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that that kind of already been. I would say when
Speaker 1: you decide that, like you did you like text him
Speaker 1: or give an eye or like, how do you know?
Speaker 1: Usually the girls lock in on the one they want
Speaker 1: to fund, grab it, whoever favors you, that's who you
Speaker 1: wrote whatever, because then by not, you give the woman
Speaker 1: the power to choose instead of you choosing, and you
Speaker 1: choose wrong. And your friend was gonnaun. But now he's
Speaker 1: not gonna because we're not. So we're in the room
Speaker 1: and we're just chilling or whatever, and my boy gets
Speaker 1: up and just walks into the bathroom. I forgot, it's
Speaker 1: gonna go pee. He comes back from the bathroom with
Speaker 1: just his shirt on, pants off, socks off, and he goes,
Speaker 1: let's get it cracking. Oh wow. And the three the
Speaker 1: three you guys are sitting on the bed or something
Speaker 1: like open like dude, what the fuck, and they just
Speaker 1: both go, I'm gonna leave, and Night has concluded it's
Speaker 1: over game, set match. Nobody fucks could. Yeah, so what
Speaker 1: was he think, how did he read the room song?
Speaker 1: That was a wrong reading of the room for sure,
Speaker 1: And I guess he just wanted to, like, pulling your
Speaker 1: dick out is very much a fast forward, but he
Speaker 1: just wanted so as a man who's in that situation,
Speaker 1: knowing what I know now and understanding why something like
Speaker 1: that isn't funny, right because normally that's the story that
Speaker 1: I've told to hilarious gafalls from men when you tell
Speaker 1: man a story about the time dude put this dick
Speaker 1: out in front of some girls, and now you have
Speaker 1: to understand that in that moment, I should have said, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, I should have been as indignant as they
Speaker 1: were instead of just going, all right, well, will you
Speaker 1: call me sorry about that? That's yeah, And that was
Speaker 1: kind of my My energy in that moment, wasn't anger
Speaker 1: or disdain or dude go back in the bathrooms shocked,
Speaker 1: of course. But the problem is that as a man,
Speaker 1: you can't if we're talking about what you're talking about,
Speaker 1: I can't play the will there's this how we do
Speaker 1: sometimes did come out. I can't play that lane. So
Speaker 1: I think the onus is our men to do more
Speaker 1: to shame guys when little incidents happened, when there's a
Speaker 1: little thing and then I told that bit, but I
Speaker 1: don't like, Yeah, man, you shouldn't have done that. Let's
Speaker 1: not do that. And we also have to be comfortable
Speaker 1: with being called a pussy and being called an asshole
Speaker 1: by other guys, by other guys for being that dude. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they feel stupid or they feel I don't know.
Speaker 1: There's guys that I don't hang with that much. And
Speaker 1: this is in the past couple of years. Like there's
Speaker 1: certain guys that I'm cool with into the liquor flows
Speaker 1: because I know when the liquor flows should become a
Speaker 1: different person the guys. This is when all the cat
Speaker 1: calling ship was going on New York and so you know,
Speaker 1: down south that culture is a lot. It's it's very
Speaker 1: gropy a nightclub. Nightclubs are very gropy, to say the least.
Speaker 1: And there's certain people. I can't go to the club
Speaker 1: with you, man, because I know you're just gonna start
Speaker 1: yelling ship at girls when they walk by. And I
Speaker 1: don't even want to be attached to this. But I
Speaker 1: guess the thing that can help facilitate change is me
Speaker 1: being and that's choosing to instead be in that situation
Speaker 1: and in real time, go please fucking stop instead of
Speaker 1: just not being Choosing to not be there doesn't do
Speaker 1: anything to facilitate real change because he's still in the
Speaker 1: v I P who've dropped yeah, saying let me see that,
Speaker 1: and no one's no one's saying otherwise to him, So
Speaker 1: it's like, how does he know? Yeah? And there's a
Speaker 1: cool way to just be like, man, just that's weird,
Speaker 1: that's not cool, Like you can you can say it
Speaker 1: with your goal is to get pussy. That's not how
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it. And probably someone else is thinking
Speaker 1: it at the table and just is playing along with
Speaker 1: kind of whatever the aggressor is doing to seem cool. Um,
Speaker 1: what do you want to promote? I don't have anything.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, yes, um, this is not happening. Premiers in February.
Speaker 1: I think February. Second, I just ask my manager when
Speaker 1: that was getting whatever. The first Friday is in February.
Speaker 1: I think just that's the rollout midnight on Comedy Central
Speaker 1: Season four Storytelling. I'll find out when your episode is
Speaker 1: are okay cool? I'll ask you and thank you for
Speaker 1: being so nice because I was so nervous, and then
Speaker 1: afterwards you were hanging out with Miss Pat and I
Speaker 1: was saying bye, and you was said like the nicest thing,
Speaker 1: and because I couldn't tell how I did, and you
Speaker 1: just made me feel so much more comfortable. Conversation. That's
Speaker 1: all it is. It's not even stand up. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was fun, rush warmed up and good and so yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll promote that and uh daily show eleven o'clock the
Speaker 1: Eastern Comedy Central. And then what's your website if people
Speaker 1: want to see you. My friend was Roywood Jr. That's
Speaker 1: at signed dot com, whatever the social media, it's that
Speaker 1: would you perfect? Thank you for talking with us. Of
Speaker 1: course this has been guys. We fund the Anti slut
Speaker 1: Chimmy podcast. We'll talk to you next Friday. Get it
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