Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Karren. We're sorry about last night, the anti slut
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hello, fucker's Welcome to yet
Speaker 1: another episode of Guys We Fuck. It's the anti slut
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I'm Karne, I'm Christina, and you're you. You're
Speaker 1: whoever that is, no matter how cooks. It probably does,
Speaker 1: but maybe it doesn't, you know, but it's great, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Stup by stup day by day. Tonight, guys, tonight,
Speaker 1: It's Friday, seven thirty pm. I am going to be
Speaker 1: at the beautiful Lucy's Laugh Lounge in Pleasantville, New York.
Speaker 1: That's right, pleasant Ville, New York. Everybody, bring your friends,
Speaker 1: bring your family. Going to be black and white. Dicks
Speaker 1: are twenty dollars dicks or twenty dollars, you know, ticks
Speaker 1: or twenty dollars. Dicks are probably more, but you never
Speaker 1: know what I might feel like they might be for.
Speaker 1: They might be on the house. Um, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: a fun time. Michael Bruscia is hosting at Rosebud Baker
Speaker 1: featuring me headlining. Come just entertain yourselves. At the Old
Speaker 1: Lucy's Laugh Lounge and Pleasantville. We'll put the link in
Speaker 1: the description and also it'll be on my social media
Speaker 1: and then St. Louis, Missouri, you can see us at
Speaker 1: Helium Comedy Club on Thursday April nineteen through Saturday April.
Speaker 1: Tickets are up and available now. Gonna be such a
Speaker 1: fun show. It's the Bridget Bishop Tour coming at you. Yo.
Speaker 1: This fucking tour is really fun and everyone loves it
Speaker 1: and they always say they're crying laughing. So if you
Speaker 1: don't come, it better be because you're not twenty one yet.
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry about that, but that's comedy club rules.
Speaker 1: I feel bad. I wanted to be like some New
Speaker 1: York comedy club is sixteen and up, which I love,
Speaker 1: but some clubs just don't do that. They should, but
Speaker 1: they don't. And that's you know, I just lost my space. Okay, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Glamor pus Hey in New York City Saturday A well
Speaker 1: An PM, Wendy Starling and I are co hosting the
Speaker 1: April edition of Glamor Plus, which is at Zinc Bar
Speaker 1: in the West Village. It's a fun night that is
Speaker 1: also unfortunately tickets are fifteen bucks links in the description Columbus, Ohio,
Speaker 1: We'll be in you May three at the Funny Bone
Speaker 1: and then um, Cincinnati Sunday May six, We're gonna be
Speaker 1: at the Funny Bone. So for tickets you can go
Speaker 1: in the description of this podcast, but the link is
Speaker 1: sorry about last Night Comedy dot com slash Tours and
Speaker 1: then guys. Thank you so much to everyone who listened
Speaker 1: to episode one of two Less Lonely Girls, my adult
Speaker 1: Justin Bieber podcast with rosebud Baker. It's hard to stay
Speaker 1: without laughing. Um, it's thirty minutes or less every it
Speaker 1: comes out every Monday. Episode two is available now. So
Speaker 1: now episodes one and two are both available on iTunes
Speaker 1: and Spotify. I know some international listeners have been asking
Speaker 1: about Spotify. I don't know the international rules for Spotify.
Speaker 1: Oh I don't either. But it's on Spotify. But it's
Speaker 1: on Spotify in America and it's on iTunes in America.
Speaker 1: It should be on it because it should be on
Speaker 1: iTunes everywhere. Um, and it's free, and it's thirty minutes
Speaker 1: or less every week, and by that I mean about
Speaker 1: thirty two minutes. Um. First week we talked about Patty
Speaker 1: Millette's romantic vacation with Justin that's the mom Yes. And
Speaker 1: then the second week we dissected the song love Yourself
Speaker 1: and found out who it was about. Because I'm fucking
Speaker 1: great at internet researching and I'm really proud of myself.
Speaker 1: Is that the one's like the time? Yes, I do
Speaker 1: know the words, just not right now. It's a good
Speaker 1: it's a catchy tune. So yeah, if do you listen
Speaker 1: to that, it's very fun. It's mindless, it's light, and
Speaker 1: it's uh, it just really shows you what a psychopath
Speaker 1: I am. It's true. I realized most of you listen,
Speaker 1: all of you listen, you will never have the opportunity
Speaker 1: to go into Karin's childhood bedroom. Take it from someone
Speaker 1: who's been in there. It's fucking museum of pop culture.
Speaker 1: You should you could sell tickets to your childhood bedroom.
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding. Well, that's why I didn't undo it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's funny that you should say that, because I do
Speaker 1: have a dream that I'm gonna just slice off the
Speaker 1: attic and you then have it be a free standing museum.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be mad. I have a picture. My favorite
Speaker 1: picture of James ever is a picture where he saw
Speaker 1: my childhood bedroom for the first time, and it's just
Speaker 1: him ride him sitting on my Hello Katie comforter, like
Speaker 1: in a state of shock. Like he looks like he
Speaker 1: just went through a traumatic experience. And I caught I
Speaker 1: caught a photo of it him. She has the barbies
Speaker 1: in the Barbie house, but like they're still sitting at
Speaker 1: the kitchen table. That's the most I'm impressed because I
Speaker 1: I went hard on Barbies. When I did Barbies in
Speaker 1: my room, I locked myself in my room for like
Speaker 1: eight hours. I made a village. But you're set up.
Speaker 1: I was like, ship, I had little sections. I had sections. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a that's a good idea. I'm like, why didn't
Speaker 1: I think of that? Yeah, I really really love you
Speaker 1: miss playing with barbies, Like, don't you miss when that
Speaker 1: was enough? I missed when playing with barbies was enough? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean even I'm sure I found some way to
Speaker 1: make that not fun. That's why they're set up like that,
Speaker 1: because I would set them up and then not allow
Speaker 1: anyone to play with them. Yeah, but it was fun
Speaker 1: for you. Yeah, I to just you. That's basically my
Speaker 1: whole life is me inviting friends over and then yelling
Speaker 1: at them for touching my stuff. I would invite friends
Speaker 1: over to play board games, and then eventually they would
Speaker 1: never come over because they're like, you lose your temper
Speaker 1: when you lose. Oh yeah you are. It's very competitive.
Speaker 1: And then I realized, well maybe I do. Maybe I
Speaker 1: shouldn't throw the board at Austin. Well Sam, well he
Speaker 1: shouldn't have beat me. It was my house. Yeah, everyone knows.
Speaker 1: Don't be Christina or a home home. That's I mean,
Speaker 1: this is a rule many levels. A bumber's dicker, yeah, um,
Speaker 1: and you know what should be in your home a
Speaker 1: Casper match. Great transition you thanks so much, Casper mattress man.
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Speaker 1: Every one of those guys sleep on it. You gotta
Speaker 1: fun on it. You gotta throw yourself on it dramatically
Speaker 1: as if you're having a fight in an old timey movie.
Speaker 1: After all, you spend one third of your life sleeping,
Speaker 1: so you should be comfortable. I love my cap Casper mattress.
Speaker 1: I sleep on it every night because it's my bed,
Speaker 1: because it's my bad me too, Yeah, I mean the couch.
Speaker 1: It's not fun to be like a cool kid sometimes
Speaker 1: and try to sleep on the couch. But then you're like,
Speaker 1: my back hurts. I gotta go back to this Casper mattress.
Speaker 1: I'm too old for this ship. So guys, be like
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Speaker 1: conditions apply. What happened, Christina? I just remembered someone I fucked.
Speaker 1: His name is Casper Ka. I'm totally pretty sure I
Speaker 1: fucked him. Shit, I got to reach out to him.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a memorable experience. Well, you know it wasn't that,
Speaker 1: did he ghosts? Yeah? No, but we did rible jokes
Speaker 1: at him all night of like Casper, don't haunt me
Speaker 1: like it was just bad. It was before Stargical. I
Speaker 1: was like nineteen when I met him. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Inner Comedy Ship. I can't remember if I fucked him
Speaker 1: or not, though, just I sid him on Facebook message.
Speaker 1: I've said that. I've asked that to a lot of people. Also,
Speaker 1: we should have Niko back on. I was thinking about
Speaker 1: that the other day because I was thinking him, you
Speaker 1: just I think you just want to hang out with me.
Speaker 1: I do. But also people keep asking about him or
Speaker 1: emailing us about how sexy is voice sentual voice, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, we should interview him again. I
Speaker 1: might need to stop and get to do it through
Speaker 1: a booth or something, so you guys can be alone. No,
Speaker 1: it's fine. Um uh yeah, I think I did. Fuck Casper. Shit,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. Okay anyway, Oh, thank you cast from mattresses. Guys. Um,
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Speaker 1: slash GWF. I mean, I'm looking for um Mliss and
Speaker 1: I see Beyonce. I'm gonna use this like they want.
Speaker 1: They want you to think that this is just a
Speaker 1: thing for psychedelic drug users, right. Oh, it's a weird
Speaker 1: I got out of it com. I mean, oh, I
Speaker 1: didn't even think that. I was like, I thought they
Speaker 1: were trying to encourage all to have a naked hot
Speaker 1: tub party, which I would Oh. I thought it was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like that right at this house. If you're
Speaker 1: gonna do drugs, don't do them on your own property. Idiot,
Speaker 1: you dummed them. I'm sure they wouldn't want that, but
Speaker 1: it does seem as though they're open to it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they don't have any rules shripn dot com. But I
Speaker 1: was on the website earlier because I was like, oh funk,
Speaker 1: I need to find a place for us to say
Speaker 1: and I don't hotels. I do like hotels, like when
Speaker 1: we're touring, hotels are so clutch. But when I go
Speaker 1: on a vacation or thing, I I like to try
Speaker 1: and stay in a home because it just feels fun,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It depends. It's never feels
Speaker 1: like my home. Okay, yeah, oh oh, this is a
Speaker 1: great segue into personal stuff. Oh yeah, well I'm going
Speaker 1: to drop a bomb. So it's not that big of
Speaker 1: a bomb. I don't want to sell it too high.
Speaker 1: But do you I don't know what you have? What
Speaker 1: yours is? Now? You go first? Oh mine's very mundane.
Speaker 1: Or do you want me to go first? No, I
Speaker 1: can go first. Now that one's going to be just
Speaker 1: thinking about it. Well in the ongoing saga that is
Speaker 1: me and Frank, which is not a saga at all
Speaker 1: because he's been married for quite some time. But you
Speaker 1: know what, if it's a saga, you it's a saga.
Speaker 1: He's like, if he ever listened to, Like this is
Speaker 1: a one sided saga, bitch. Um no, so I I'm
Speaker 1: doing really well, obviously you are no no no, but
Speaker 1: like for real, obviously, like the first couple of years
Speaker 1: of the podcast, we're like, you know, if you mentioned
Speaker 1: Frank drink you know, and I was just drunk all
Speaker 1: the time. I sound drunk now it's just I'm very tired. Uh.
Speaker 1: But so now I only look at his social media,
Speaker 1: I would say, five times a year and like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty great considering like this. I was looking social
Speaker 1: media like multiple times a day. When did that stop
Speaker 1: a long time? Okay, yeah, I I love looking at
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend social media, not even if it ended poorly
Speaker 1: great if I sucked you, I want to stock you
Speaker 1: on social media every once in a while. Oh of course,
Speaker 1: I was just actually just talking someone that I used
Speaker 1: to do, like in the from from the Couch. Um.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's right. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: I have a psychic power where I always check Frank
Speaker 1: social media whenever something big happens in his life. So
Speaker 1: like when he uh proposed Uh. Literally days after I
Speaker 1: saw the uh, I went to the to his social
Speaker 1: media and I saw it, and then when he got
Speaker 1: married literally days saw it. Wait, it's either one of
Speaker 1: two things. And then I was like I just I
Speaker 1: was just like, you know what, time for a little
Speaker 1: frank update. And of course they're having a baby. I
Speaker 1: was like, divorcer kid, see the divorce kid. Oh no, divorce. No.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't celebrate that either. I'm not I'm not interested anymore.
Speaker 1: But uh and I was like, but it's so interesting.
Speaker 1: It is so adult. Um, I cannot even amend, but
Speaker 1: it's so interesting because like the gay aagement that stung.
Speaker 1: The engagement stung hard, even though because that was pretty soon, right,
Speaker 1: it was like they had been dating for like two years.
Speaker 1: It wasn't and it wasn't the fact that like it
Speaker 1: wasn't like oh I want to get engaged too. It
Speaker 1: was just like that to me was like, Wow, you
Speaker 1: officially chose this person. And it's hurtful when it's the
Speaker 1: person who they dated right after you, because then it's like, wow,
Speaker 1: they really know what they didn't want and that's me
Speaker 1: that has happened. I mean, not with a serious relationship
Speaker 1: like that, but with like David and fucking an Um
Speaker 1: and oh my god. They immediately immediately dated someone else
Speaker 1: right after me. I'm a real good luck chuck. After
Speaker 1: saying they didn't want a girlfriend that was mine because
Speaker 1: I was never in a relationship with these people, they
Speaker 1: would say I'm not ready for a relationship. I think
Speaker 1: it's happened three times in a row. We stopped fucking,
Speaker 1: they immediately started dating somebody, and then they got married
Speaker 1: within the year. Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know, but but years you were, like you
Speaker 1: guys were together. Yeah, So the engagement that song I
Speaker 1: had just like a moment I was like home for
Speaker 1: the holidays too, when I found just like this is sucks.
Speaker 1: And I found out that like my like other people
Speaker 1: in my family and like friends knew before me and
Speaker 1: like just didn't tell me. And I was like, good damn,
Speaker 1: I knew like twelve hours before. Like I feel like
Speaker 1: everyone was just looking at me like a sad, pathetic
Speaker 1: person for like twelve hours without me knowing, and I
Speaker 1: felt extra bad. Then it's like, what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: Did you hear Frank got a gage? I know? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not good to say. I was just like fuck,
Speaker 1: like and I don't want to be the one to
Speaker 1: I don't want to be the reason why you found
Speaker 1: out right now, of course it was fine, and then
Speaker 1: the wedding, I was just like, oh, you really did it,
Speaker 1: and uh, but it's stun a little bit less because
Speaker 1: it's like I knew it was coming and it was just,
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't see anything about like plans or anything,
Speaker 1: so that would have been nice. But whatever, you know,
Speaker 1: it's fine, it's it's okay, you don't have to cater
Speaker 1: to me. We only that is true. And then I
Speaker 1: gotta say this one, like I totally expected them to
Speaker 1: have a baby. I know that he wanted a baby,
Speaker 1: and this one I gotta say, like I didn't sing
Speaker 1: at all so much so that I wanted to talk
Speaker 1: about something today and I forgot what it was. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, oh, yeah, the ex level of
Speaker 1: my life is making a human with someone that he
Speaker 1: likes much better. And it should have hurt and it didn't.
Speaker 1: I think it a kind of really helps that I
Speaker 1: really don't want kids. I think that also really helps,
Speaker 1: and I know that he really did, and that's a
Speaker 1: you know, obviously there was other problems. Shouldn't be together
Speaker 1: in the long run, if you know, and that was
Speaker 1: the reason. I think he realized that I was just
Speaker 1: not like this. I did not want this traditional family
Speaker 1: life that he really wanted. And so I like, I'm
Speaker 1: happy for them that he found someone that that's going
Speaker 1: to do that for him. I mean, I am just
Speaker 1: I'm always worried. I'm like, just don't give up on
Speaker 1: your dreams. But that's just like the talent that's like
Speaker 1: the talent manager slash entertainment business in me. Yeah, well slash.
Speaker 1: When you love somebody and you know what they're capable of,
Speaker 1: you want to see them do their best because you
Speaker 1: know that they can. I do, and I know how
Speaker 1: talents I want to and I don't. And it's nothing
Speaker 1: against I mean everyone, but I also I'm kind of like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I hope, like your wife is also following
Speaker 1: her dreams. I don't know what they are because I've
Speaker 1: never met her. Um oh you never, Oh yes, I've never.
Speaker 1: I've seen her. I met her like in person from
Speaker 1: a from a couple of feet away, but I've never
Speaker 1: actually had in a verbal exchange with her. Think I
Speaker 1: did with her and I like almost passed out. It
Speaker 1: was no, no, God, it was before we did the
Speaker 1: podcast I'm pretty sure I think I was there. It
Speaker 1: was I think I think I know it was that.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I think world beast, but she's
Speaker 1: probably a great person. I just nothing, yeah, but nothing
Speaker 1: nothing against her, and I've you know, never revealed her density.
Speaker 1: It is weird, though, I don't know, and if you
Speaker 1: don't want me to talk about this, we can bleep
Speaker 1: it out later. But it is weird that she looks
Speaker 1: like you. It's weird, but I mean, like you have
Speaker 1: a type. I mean like for me, like I always
Speaker 1: like like tattooed bearded guy and Jared, yeah, looks like Steve.
Speaker 1: But we just fucked though. She's just pale with like
Speaker 1: big eyes and you know, brown hair, dark hair. She
Speaker 1: and she also has like that kind of like a
Speaker 1: horror like yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, like her like
Speaker 1: um like Wednesay Adam's type of Yeah. And like her
Speaker 1: wedding dress was exquisite and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: she picked like a vintage piece and I was like
Speaker 1: this is yeah, yeah, it's fine, everything's good. No, I
Speaker 1: just thought, I don't know, Okay, I don't know what
Speaker 1: that means. It could just mean the person has similar
Speaker 1: I I because I'm somebody who I don't date. When
Speaker 1: I date somebody, they're all different because I liked different.
Speaker 1: But like, uh um yeah, but it is so funny
Speaker 1: because like the baby totally thing totally didn't bother me
Speaker 1: at all. But the other day, I like, I saw
Speaker 1: like a food booth. I saw food booth at Barclays.
Speaker 1: You know, I went to I went to Barclay's to
Speaker 1: see Lord. Shout out to the gals that I met
Speaker 1: there for that. I listened to the podcast Great Concert
Speaker 1: Lords so dramatic. Oh my god, her and and Jack
Speaker 1: Anson offer totally in love and like and it's so strong.
Speaker 1: The love of love is so strong. The whole arena
Speaker 1: felt and it was like very uncomfortable and but in
Speaker 1: a good way. Um, but there is a food booth
Speaker 1: there from the restaurant because it's all like local, local
Speaker 1: Brooklyn foods, this restaurant that I know Frank and this
Speaker 1: his now wife went to on their first date. And
Speaker 1: it like that's still that's me. I then you knew
Speaker 1: that because that was still at the point where you
Speaker 1: were talking about like a couple of times and it
Speaker 1: was so soon. It was just so like because they
Speaker 1: went on it wasn't. Maybe it wasn't the first day.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was like their first day celebrated, like his
Speaker 1: birthday was something something like event really early and they
Speaker 1: went and they like he made this like pick stitch
Speaker 1: of the event, and like, I just the food place
Speaker 1: has like rappers with the name on it, and like
Speaker 1: it's just like I remember that singular picture like broke
Speaker 1: my heart again and so like to this day. So
Speaker 1: that did you cry? No, But it's just like it's
Speaker 1: it's it's very jarring, even worse than everyone makes jokes about.
Speaker 1: And I thought that was a really traumatic thing happened.
Speaker 1: And but that's but that's and that's PRENI doesn't bother me.
Speaker 1: I've eaten up in there and many times, but this
Speaker 1: place I don't think I can ever eat at. It's
Speaker 1: fine because they is it a chain? Me? Um, I
Speaker 1: think it's like there might be like two locations or
Speaker 1: three locations in New York, but it's not like a
Speaker 1: full it's not probably off there and I won't go there,
Speaker 1: you know, trying to support not only think you even
Speaker 1: think you would like it, but yeah, yeah, so I
Speaker 1: was just it was just it's just very interesting. Do
Speaker 1: you um uh do you ever miss him? Like nice,
Speaker 1: not that like you think you're gonna get back together
Speaker 1: anything like because sometimes I when when I do this,
Speaker 1: like they spoke talking like a couple of times a year,
Speaker 1: and like you know, you get into the back into like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah that was them, this is their essences is fine,
Speaker 1: and you're like, yeah, I mean I would like to
Speaker 1: see him and I and I and I wouldn't. And
Speaker 1: It's it's hard because like the more life like important
Speaker 1: things that happened in his personal life, the more detached
Speaker 1: I feel from him. And so I'm kind of disappointed
Speaker 1: because I did kind of want to have like a
Speaker 1: conversation with him on the podcast. Uh and um, he would,
Speaker 1: would you do? It's just because he has so much,
Speaker 1: you know, he has you know, because he has a family.
Speaker 1: Now you know, he's married, and that's always the thing.
Speaker 1: It's like I think he personally would be into it.
Speaker 1: But but there's just like and I think and I think,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like his wife doesn't know me. I
Speaker 1: think that she maybe thinks that my intentions are not good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I And I'm trying to destroy him and like I'm
Speaker 1: like I could have done all right, I could have
Speaker 1: done that, all right, come on? Yeah, And it's like
Speaker 1: whenever the guys that I fucked that won't come won't
Speaker 1: come on the podcast, I'm still not giving up. Though,
Speaker 1: Um a couple of them excited, you know, my girlfriend
Speaker 1: and my wife would be it's okay with that, And
Speaker 1: at first I was like, I'm not a fucking who cares.
Speaker 1: But then I'm like, oh, they don't want to divulge
Speaker 1: all the details of our sexual relationship. That makes sense,
Speaker 1: I get it, and out of respect, Like it's even
Speaker 1: like even if the wife was like that sucks for me,
Speaker 1: but if you want to do it, like I can
Speaker 1: still understand somebody going, you know what, I don't want
Speaker 1: to respect for you, I don't want to come on
Speaker 1: because what it's you know, well right, because it's like
Speaker 1: it's like it's great that I've kind of gotten past
Speaker 1: all the feelings, but there was this it was such
Speaker 1: a big event in my life that I kind of
Speaker 1: feel a little bit sad that I won't be able
Speaker 1: to like I feel like I'm forgetting the emotions and
Speaker 1: the feelings and that like if he ever decides to
Speaker 1: come on, it will be too late and I won't
Speaker 1: I won't have the feelings, and I will kind of
Speaker 1: be like, it's would almost be sadder for him to
Speaker 1: come in it not to be super important to me.
Speaker 1: That's almost sad, of course, But I don't think there's
Speaker 1: any way it wouldn't be. I funk. We've talked to
Speaker 1: xus that I had from fucking and I just like
Speaker 1: went back there immediately, and I hadn't talked to most
Speaker 1: of them, I hadn't talked to in a year. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I probably would definitely cry, but I
Speaker 1: mean he would cry, to know. I think it's an
Speaker 1: emotional thing. I mean, it's sucking. Well, I know because
Speaker 1: like for me kind of like the last the last
Speaker 1: thing was like writing the book and like that was
Speaker 1: like really I got a lot out in that, and
Speaker 1: then it was kind of like beautifully written. I cried
Speaker 1: when I read it. I cried a lot when I
Speaker 1: wrote it, So yeah, it was It's just it's just weird,
Speaker 1: and it's just weird how someone could be such a
Speaker 1: big part of your life and then it kind of
Speaker 1: like haunt you for so long, both negatively and positively.
Speaker 1: And then that's why breakups feel worse than death. And
Speaker 1: then you just because you it's the death of this
Speaker 1: thing that will never be ever again, even though that
Speaker 1: person is alive. Yeah, and it's it's so weird to
Speaker 1: me that he has like he has his whole life
Speaker 1: and that like I will you know, I'll probably never
Speaker 1: meet his kid and not like it's just it's just
Speaker 1: kind of weird. It's kind of sad because I like,
Speaker 1: because I wanted to like say congratulations, but then I
Speaker 1: was like, well that's creepy. Yeah, Like I wanted to
Speaker 1: be like, you know, like send him like a little
Speaker 1: I thought you were dramatic. It's really sad, and I
Speaker 1: was like I wanted to like we're just gonna sit
Speaker 1: here and cry over. I don't even know Frank's unborn baby,
Speaker 1: but like good tears. But I just and I because
Speaker 1: I come like because I was thinking, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: like when they have the baby that I wanted, I
Speaker 1: wanted to send him like a little wall like and
Speaker 1: like like a feminist thing. Or his wife won't like
Speaker 1: that like that at all, so I won't. Just maybe
Speaker 1: she would maybe she hasn't care. No, she does, okay,
Speaker 1: but I don't, okay, And the more she does, it's
Speaker 1: it's understand, and she doesn't. It's her baby and it's
Speaker 1: her life. It's not it's not even though it'd be
Speaker 1: meaningful to me. It's not my place, and it's not
Speaker 1: like it's not worth her feelings or like ruining something
Speaker 1: that's special to her to do that. Oh jeez, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking, oh god, it's so fucking even like
Speaker 1: I don't know if you were you'd met Frank's mom
Speaker 1: wants not but you weren't close with his family her okay,
Speaker 1: like a brother or siblings, like when but he's an
Speaker 1: only child, but he's no. It was it was he
Speaker 1: wanted me to meet his mom too soon, and and
Speaker 1: he had put his mom kind of like on such
Speaker 1: a pet of soul that I was like, I can't
Speaker 1: meet her because I'm not great with moms, right yeah,
Speaker 1: And I was like, if she doesn't like me, then
Speaker 1: I know this is not gonna work. So I'm just
Speaker 1: not even gonna risk that. And like for me, I can't, like,
Speaker 1: I can't fake who I am. So it's like I
Speaker 1: am who I am and if you don't like that,
Speaker 1: which a lot of people don't, but I can't do
Speaker 1: anything to just it. And if like I sent someone
Speaker 1: not liking me, My instinct is not try hard or
Speaker 1: my think, well, I understand that I just don't care,
Speaker 1: Like I just don't, because if they don't like you,
Speaker 1: it means that they're not taking the time to get
Speaker 1: to know you. And you're the kind of person where
Speaker 1: you when you get to know you, you get your
Speaker 1: heart is very clear and it's very like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: But maybe I'm just not their type of person. And
Speaker 1: that's okay, that's yeah, and that too. But it's like
Speaker 1: I just knew how much it meant, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I just I just it was just too soon. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, and I'm like, you don't, You're I just didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to risk it. Yeah, And that's very understandable.
Speaker 1: And I'm not I'm not like a he like sometimes
Speaker 1: some in some ways I'm a huge risk taker and
Speaker 1: in some ways I'm like plits. But that's more like
Speaker 1: you understanding who you are and going accordingly. Like that's
Speaker 1: like a smarter move, right right, But like, uh yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, but being familiar with somebody's family or
Speaker 1: their friend circle or their favorite place to go eat,
Speaker 1: and that's where you hung out during your relationship, like
Speaker 1: it's just all that dies. There's a lot. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's like I mean, I still my my first, very
Speaker 1: first boyfriend were like the cologne that they sell at
Speaker 1: Abercrombie and Fitch, and you know, they're very into Brandon there,
Speaker 1: and like in the summer of the how the doors
Speaker 1: open and it'll just be wafting out and I I mean,
Speaker 1: I just think of it. I still think of Tim
Speaker 1: every time my first boyfriend wore ax body spray, and
Speaker 1: it takes me back to like, but it takes me
Speaker 1: back to how much I loved him when I was fifteen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like a nice warm thing. I always have like
Speaker 1: good feelings with that, with that sense like you know,
Speaker 1: he's moved on and he has a girlfriend now that
Speaker 1: I'm you know, been stalking. But I just it's kind
Speaker 1: of nice to keep because he's like the one who
Speaker 1: was like my closest friend at him. But we're not, Oh,
Speaker 1: you haven't hung out in a while, No, we don't
Speaker 1: remember you guys hang out. It's like we don't talk anymore.
Speaker 1: Like it's really funny, you know. He like, yeah, he
Speaker 1: tried to the last time I saw him, which was
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago. I think you were there
Speaker 1: that night at the bar, that bar that you love. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he tried to He tried to make a move on me,
Speaker 1: and I rejected him, and then it was just done.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like in a mean way. It was just
Speaker 1: like I think he just realized that once and for
Speaker 1: all it wasn't really going to happen, and that we
Speaker 1: were And then I think maybe he was still interested
Speaker 1: in like pursuing something with me, but it just wasn't.
Speaker 1: You know, man, there is something weird about seeing somebody
Speaker 1: you dated, uh again, like in person, because it's nice,
Speaker 1: but also you never can recapture a camp but then
Speaker 1: send the Like I kind of the back of my mind,
Speaker 1: I'm like, we should just fun to see what it's
Speaker 1: like now, not even because I'm attracted to them, but
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh that closeness, Like I would love
Speaker 1: to just take a stroll down memory lane for an hour.
Speaker 1: Yeah right now, I actually can't think of any exploy
Speaker 1: friend that I would want to have sex with. Like,
Speaker 1: lots of people who I like, like the guy, the
Speaker 1: older guy I dated before James, Like I would have
Speaker 1: sex with him, but we didn't have Like that was
Speaker 1: more of like a fun summer. Even though it was
Speaker 1: like for you went on for years, it was like
Speaker 1: more of like a summer. It was like a summer Roman. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I would want to have sex with all
Speaker 1: of them, but not necessarily because I'm attracted them. I'm
Speaker 1: just curious, like I couldn't. I don't even think I
Speaker 1: could get wet for any of them. I'm doing this
Speaker 1: fucking weird thing now where like, um, I don't know
Speaker 1: it's because we talk about sex all the fucking time,
Speaker 1: but just because of the podcast. But I'm like wanting
Speaker 1: to curious, curiously fun people like I just want to
Speaker 1: know what it's like to but like not in a
Speaker 1: I don't want to use them. I guess you could
Speaker 1: say I am using the person unless they didn't want
Speaker 1: to suck me back. But like just I've never wanted
Speaker 1: to somebody I'm not attracted to I have a crush
Speaker 1: on usually, but I'm like finding myself like interested in
Speaker 1: having sex with people that just because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: let's get nerdy about sex because I don't really I
Speaker 1: don't know you. You have a very uh like adventurous
Speaker 1: but and also like learning like a like a student
Speaker 1: approach to sex. Yeah, just so I can know that
Speaker 1: missionary is still the best position. Um, I don't like
Speaker 1: to be on top. I you know what, I haven't
Speaker 1: been on top in a long time. It depends where
Speaker 1: your c I feel like the guy likes it. I
Speaker 1: like it on when I'm on the bottom. See, I
Speaker 1: like it on top. Of that's just because of where
Speaker 1: my clut is located. Cluts man and your birth control.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I didn't know even. I was like, oh, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: my personal thing is very mundane. No, I've been. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to update everyone because I know lot of
Speaker 1: people messaged me about like Natural Cycles, which is an app,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I was actually already familiar with that. I
Speaker 1: was just kind of like, uh, with everything, I give
Speaker 1: myself three months, like not eating meat. I gave myself
Speaker 1: three months, and I was thinking about it and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I've already eaten meat for much longer
Speaker 1: than not three months. It's already staking April and it
Speaker 1: like flew by, and it was not hard. And I
Speaker 1: had never intended on eating meat again. I mean like
Speaker 1: once a year I'll have a hot dog. But other
Speaker 1: than that, it was like it was like too easy,
Speaker 1: and then I was kind of like, why didn't I
Speaker 1: do this fucking so you feel better? I don't feel
Speaker 1: I feel emotionally better, I don't physically, I really know,
Speaker 1: no difference. Yeah, but that's interesting, and like going off
Speaker 1: birth control, I have no absolutely no weight change, no
Speaker 1: emotion change, no how long and normal skin change. I
Speaker 1: mean it's been like two so you should maybe a month,
Speaker 1: and I hate there were going, yeah, I just haven't.
Speaker 1: I don't know, and I didn't, and then I was
Speaker 1: kind of like, you know, I don't know. I mean
Speaker 1: it's hard because I'm there's a lot of other variables,
Speaker 1: like emotionally, so I can't tell sometimes where things are,
Speaker 1: like where feelings are coming from. And then also I'm hornier,
Speaker 1: but the weather is getting nicer, so I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: that's connected. That's why I'm getting horn here like two
Speaker 1: times in the past couple of weeks, which is like
Speaker 1: a lot for you for me, And I think it's because, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of like there's like a kind of
Speaker 1: like a weight lifted. Yeah, and yeah, just a lot
Speaker 1: of well, I've been fucking waiting for the goddamn warm weather.
Speaker 1: Whenever I go out something like whenever I'm wearing short
Speaker 1: sleeves or tank top, I'm so horning because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm barely I'm basically naked. Guys, let's fun, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it feels good. So no, okay, so just really not
Speaker 1: that much different. No, I'm just I don't know. I
Speaker 1: have to go. I have to go like to it,
Speaker 1: like I mean, I have to go holistic. That's what
Speaker 1: I always works, like a crazy like allergist in Brooklyn. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if anyone's an allergist or nutritionist or maybe or I
Speaker 1: want to try first because I have a ton of
Speaker 1: food allergies and I feel like last time I had
Speaker 1: like a problem with my body and it turned out
Speaker 1: I was just severely lactose intolerant, right right right right right,
Speaker 1: because I just feel heavy in my stomach and I
Speaker 1: r dead, like I don't. That's got to be somewhere.
Speaker 1: I carry wheat like in my like limbs, my legs,
Speaker 1: my butt, my arms, but like never in my stomach.
Speaker 1: And it just feel heavy and you've been eating like
Speaker 1: really well, I don't, And I work out so much.
Speaker 1: I'm like I can't really work out. I wake up
Speaker 1: at nine and work out worked out that today and
Speaker 1: I'm I'm tired. Yeah, yeah, alright my personal stuff. Yes, um, okay,
Speaker 1: this is you're laughing already because this thing has been
Speaker 1: happening lately where I wipe my ass and like I
Speaker 1: feel like my butt cheeks are starting to fuse together.
Speaker 1: Like I know they're connected because like it's your body,
Speaker 1: but like it's like something's like getting caught above my asshole,
Speaker 1: and I'm too free to look because I'd rather not know,
Speaker 1: which is fucking not good. Like it's like it feels
Speaker 1: like the skin in between my butt cheeks is starting
Speaker 1: to just melt or something. I don't know what's happening
Speaker 1: because then I'm wiping it. I'm like I'm catching something.
Speaker 1: I'm like, is there tape up here? But it's above
Speaker 1: my asshole? It's not my asshole. Do you have it's
Speaker 1: like something so it's nothing to do with the asshole,
Speaker 1: is it? Have you felt it? No? I mean yeah,
Speaker 1: with toilet paper, but I'm trying. You gotta feel with
Speaker 1: your fair finger because it may be I mean, like
Speaker 1: it's like scares me. I'm like, what it felt like
Speaker 1: you can get a little like somebody put Elmer's glue
Speaker 1: in between my butt cheeks and like I have like
Speaker 1: it hurts, but I shout, like I've really been showing
Speaker 1: it like a fluid. Is it like a piece of skin,
Speaker 1: It's like dried glue, but it's not like, uh, that's
Speaker 1: what it seems like. But I'm only using toilet paper.
Speaker 1: I'm not really, I'm not. I'm not doing my due
Speaker 1: diligence and you know, taking a mirror to it. One time,
Speaker 1: I had like a little mark and like my basically
Speaker 1: like my like it'side my ass cheek, like like a growth. Okay.
Speaker 1: And so I was having sim with the good guy um,
Speaker 1: and he thought it was like some kind of an
Speaker 1: s t I, and I was like, doubt it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's anything wrong with having an st I, but I'm
Speaker 1: just like doubt it. But I was just like, I know,
Speaker 1: I'm having sex with it unless it's from you, but
Speaker 1: also there it wouldn't be there from you. It's not.
Speaker 1: I don't know who it is. I'm not I'm not
Speaker 1: that cool. Um. So I went to the O B
Speaker 1: G N and basically she looked at it and it
Speaker 1: wasn't an aste. She like tested it and like, but
Speaker 1: it was just like a growth and She's like, I
Speaker 1: think this is from like wiping too hard, and so
Speaker 1: she just gave me a so you can have like
Speaker 1: little gross and things that come in from just like
Speaker 1: basically the aggression of wiping. I just you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: you just got a white, white white. I'm like, is
Speaker 1: it my asshole or is it everybody's asshole? You just
Speaker 1: have to wipe white white white. I always I got
Speaker 1: wet wipes so that you don't have to wipe this hard.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good idea, and it really helps. And
Speaker 1: it also just makes you feel super fresh and clean
Speaker 1: all the time. That's true. That's true. Wipes are good.
Speaker 1: My parents use those. And then when I'm home, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's like I just gave my ass
Speaker 1: a mint. Yeah you know, yeah, yeah, it feels very nice. Okay,
Speaker 1: so my but cheeks might be fusing together. Um. Personal
Speaker 1: thing number two, I just have two things. Uh oh,
Speaker 1: this is funny. This isn't anything. This is again non prolific. Uh.
Speaker 1: But I've been noticing lately at our shows, Um, there's
Speaker 1: this certain type of dynamic between us and and audience members.
Speaker 1: After our shows. We do meet greets after the late show,
Speaker 1: and uh, when we dore two shows a night during
Speaker 1: a venue and uh, there's this thing that happens where
Speaker 1: it's a couple, it's a it's a straight couple, and
Speaker 1: and uh, the guy comes up and he kind of
Speaker 1: you could tell. I could tell right away if the
Speaker 1: guy got dragged there whatever. And I've been noticing lately
Speaker 1: of these guys, I know they don't listen to the podcast,
Speaker 1: their girlfriend and wife dragon there, but they fuck more
Speaker 1: because the girlfriend or wife listens to the podcast, and
Speaker 1: they have this type of gratitude that it's just no words,
Speaker 1: it's just a look and a touch like on the shoulder,
Speaker 1: like a thank you, like a like a wow, like
Speaker 1: like there and and there's it's it's an empowering feeling
Speaker 1: and a weird camaraderie that I feel a straight man
Speaker 1: that I've never felt before of like, yeah, you girl
Speaker 1: wants to jump on your dick more because listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast God or more comfortable with herself or more
Speaker 1: comfortable asking for what she wanted or what you want,
Speaker 1: whatever whatever it is. And uh, and some people that
Speaker 1: listen to the podcast that are like influential people like I, Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, just people have surprised me with um,
Speaker 1: with that reaction, like the guy, I don't know it's
Speaker 1: At first they walked away, they thanked us with like
Speaker 1: this swag or this gratitude that was very unique to me.
Speaker 1: And then I finally figured out it's because their girlfriend
Speaker 1: and wife wants to and guys, we've fucked. Is the
Speaker 1: female viagra. Okay, So if you're trying to get your
Speaker 1: friends to listen to the podcast, UM, tell them that.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of times. Also, they have like
Speaker 1: a better time than they thought they were going to
Speaker 1: have getting dragged to our show. Yeah, and there relief
Speaker 1: our live shows. You guys are sort of they're really
Speaker 1: fucking good, I gotta say. I mean, they're fun. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like we have a one time only fun
Speaker 1: party with just you guys in the room. It's really cool. Absolutely. Um, Okay,
Speaker 1: I just want yeah, Okay, go ahead, Okay, Okay, this email.
Speaker 1: We're gonna read an email now and I'm gonna find
Speaker 1: it because okay, here it is. It's cool and if
Speaker 1: you want to email us, it's sorry about last night's
Speaker 1: show at gmail dot com. The subject line of this
Speaker 1: email is he fun my fat role help Hey ladies,
Speaker 1: hope the subject caught your eye. It did. Okay, skip
Speaker 1: the part where I tell you how great you are
Speaker 1: and that I love you. The show I've binge all
Speaker 1: the episodes, etcetera, etcetera. Um, let's go get to the story.
Speaker 1: My name is uh? Is that okay to say? I
Speaker 1: don't know his name is. It's a person. I am
Speaker 1: a large and in charge gentleman. I feel like I
Speaker 1: am somewhat proportional. So I had a gentleman caller over
Speaker 1: to my house the other day. We started making out,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, he goes. He got on
Speaker 1: top of me and started humping me, not like a
Speaker 1: central hump trying to be sexy, but like he really
Speaker 1: thought he was fucking something. I thought it would stop,
Speaker 1: but I was wrong. Then I thought about Christina. God
Speaker 1: damn it. Then I thought about Christina and how she
Speaker 1: used to jump everything to masturbate. I think, hump, But
Speaker 1: I thought we were gonna have sex anyway. So we
Speaker 1: still continue to make out, and then he really got
Speaker 1: into the rhythm. Please remember, he is not inside of
Speaker 1: me and I am not inside of him. So I'm
Speaker 1: lying there and with this man on top of me,
Speaker 1: humping my fat role where my stomach connected to the
Speaker 1: lower part of my torso, right above the groin area.
Speaker 1: His face is beside me, thank god, so he couldn't
Speaker 1: see the faces I was making. He's really using me
Speaker 1: like a fun boy. Uh. And he is grunting like
Speaker 1: a wild animal. Wow. Uh. Now I am all for
Speaker 1: people doing the thing, doing their thing and being sexually explorative,
Speaker 1: but not nothing was ever communicated that this was going
Speaker 1: to happen. So he finally says he's about to come.
Speaker 1: I am thinking in my head, thank god, finally, so
Speaker 1: he comes on my body and I'm just thinking this
Speaker 1: is so weird. Then he decides to lay on top
Speaker 1: of me for a good while. I'm like, first of all,
Speaker 1: I want to clean up this come so we're not
Speaker 1: crusted together like my butt cheeks. Second, what the fund
Speaker 1: just happen? So? Uh? So I have some follow up questions.
Speaker 1: Is this normal or something that is common? I know
Speaker 1: he uh is a he has a thing for heavier guys,
Speaker 1: but damn well now we know why? Uh? Should I
Speaker 1: be offended or put out because he didn't did this
Speaker 1: without even talking to me about it, or do I
Speaker 1: even address it with him? I don't think I ever
Speaker 1: want to see him again because it was so awkward.
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts I need to advice? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I think, Um, I think if you have the energy
Speaker 1: in you to talk to him, it's a nice deed,
Speaker 1: but you are certainly not indebted to you. You might
Speaker 1: be making, you know, the next guy have a better
Speaker 1: time if you do say something to him, if you
Speaker 1: do to get through to him. But if you don't
Speaker 1: feel like it, that's you're right to go. Yeah, fuck it,
Speaker 1: I'm good. But I think he was just uh he say.
Speaker 1: I don't think he said old. He was maybe this guy, um,
Speaker 1: it seems like he had he's fetishizing fat people. He's
Speaker 1: either fetishizing fat people or there is this thing when
Speaker 1: you masturbate a certain way as a kid that you
Speaker 1: sometimes like Sometimes I'll find myself using Stephen as like
Speaker 1: a couch chair, like a couch arm of a couch times.
Speaker 1: And I've done that and it's fun for me, and
Speaker 1: but I think to myself while I'm doing it, so
Speaker 1: obviously it's attracting enough that I like come out of it.
Speaker 1: But but I'm like, I feel like I'm just I
Speaker 1: like I remember when I was being a kid. I
Speaker 1: go back to being a kid, like wildly humping the
Speaker 1: fucking furniture. And I mean, it was great when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, but then you forget, Oh, there's another
Speaker 1: person here. Stephen isn't the arm of the couch anymore,
Speaker 1: is a He's a real boy. Um, so you gotta be,
Speaker 1: you know, mindful. But I've been in a relationship with
Speaker 1: him for a long time, so I feel like when
Speaker 1: I do that now, it's like, you know, if he minded,
Speaker 1: or if he thought it was weird, he would tell me,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, the first time you hook up,
Speaker 1: that's fucking weird, that's weird. He could be fetishizing the
Speaker 1: fat thing, or like I'm just wondering if that's how
Speaker 1: he masturbated with like a pillow or yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: but I mean also to the gentleman who wrote in,
Speaker 1: I mean, it just the same advice we would give
Speaker 1: to a straight woman or anyone anyone, really is that
Speaker 1: like it's always good, Like if you felt uncomfortable in
Speaker 1: that moment, like you you could have stopped, you could have.
Speaker 1: But I've been in situations where what's happening is it
Speaker 1: necessarily harmful to me? I'm confused, and I just sit
Speaker 1: there with my mouth open like that well right, because
Speaker 1: it's just like a little bit after the fact, it's
Speaker 1: kind of like, I mean, obviously it doesn't matter because
Speaker 1: you don't are not interested in having sex with him afterwards,
Speaker 1: but like I mean just kind of like a note
Speaker 1: to everyone, like you don't have to be a woman
Speaker 1: to stop sex. Like that goes for strict guys, like
Speaker 1: if you something that's happening that you don't like or
Speaker 1: that wasn't talked about, or it's okay to even take
Speaker 1: a beat and be like and there's a way to
Speaker 1: address it without kind of like running the mood. You
Speaker 1: could be like, oh is this like like oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you're into that you like even like you like sucking
Speaker 1: my fat roles right right to kind of like kind
Speaker 1: of make it, you know, fun for everyone, or to
Speaker 1: help you or to help you understand maybe where the
Speaker 1: person is coming from, because it's like for me, if
Speaker 1: I understand where they're coming from, I can either say like, Okay,
Speaker 1: is this weird and does this go deeper emotionally to
Speaker 1: a place that I don't want to be a part of,
Speaker 1: or is this just like they like how it feels
Speaker 1: and he saw this and that's fun. It's kind of
Speaker 1: like getting to know somebody's can't get maybe off for
Speaker 1: you at first, but then when you like that conversation
Speaker 1: we have with Andrea Allen last week was so good.
Speaker 1: I love the way she described like, uh as satiating
Speaker 1: someone's fetish. It's really fun. So maybe you can get
Speaker 1: to that place. I mean this guy clearly yeah, And
Speaker 1: it's like some things are just not for you and
Speaker 1: you're just not going to enjoy them, um sexually, and
Speaker 1: that's totally fine. This guy just seems to have no
Speaker 1: clue that. It's not the weirdest thing I've ever heard ever,
Speaker 1: I mean honestly, like it seems like he wasn't even
Speaker 1: didn't even like it's like the guy couldn't even have
Speaker 1: been didn't have to be there. Yeah, it seemed like
Speaker 1: he was not a good sexual partner. There was a
Speaker 1: partnership in his sexuality, and he was kind of using you.
Speaker 1: And I mean using someone as kind of a sexual
Speaker 1: object is a kink in and of itself, just not
Speaker 1: a kink that every right, right, But it's also weird
Speaker 1: because it's like, how do you bring that up? And like,
Speaker 1: you know, you're afraid of offending people of different but
Speaker 1: there's this you know what though, if I was this guy,
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're not going to date this guy,
Speaker 1: I would just I would Maybe I'm too comfortable honest
Speaker 1: with people, but I'd be like, hey, you funk my
Speaker 1: fat roll last time we hooked up and it it was
Speaker 1: very odd and uh, I didn't know how to feel.
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, like, is that what you do with
Speaker 1: guys when you woke up with them? Like if you're
Speaker 1: if you're if you feel like doing the community service,
Speaker 1: and if you're less of a chatter, I think you
Speaker 1: just send it. If he if he hits you up
Speaker 1: and he wants to hang out again, you could just
Speaker 1: be like, hey, um, no things. I was just like
Speaker 1: I just felt uncomfortable, Like if you're gonna, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: all into kind of exploring kinks, but you've got to
Speaker 1: give people a heads up, just something really, because it
Speaker 1: could be the case could be that this guy who
Speaker 1: sucked us fat role is like doesn't know how to communicate, uh, sexually,
Speaker 1: but he just like does the thing and he just
Speaker 1: doesn't know that disconnect is important to partners. You know what,
Speaker 1: I mean like it's important to have you know, and
Speaker 1: you know it's that is it is it is peculiar. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but as good thank you for sending us that email.
Speaker 1: You really is peculiar in general. You really know how
Speaker 1: to use uh summarize the best of the email with
Speaker 1: the subject line, I will tell you that. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, today's guess uh. This is a He's
Speaker 1: a wonderful person. He's a really really funny stand up comedian.
Speaker 1: He's the host of the Stupid Little podcast. Please welcome
Speaker 1: our friend Brendan Sagalow. Think of found moment, silence, he
Speaker 1: found my piece, and empty roads with empty souldiers sucking
Speaker 1: foth to peace of mind. They cannot buy back in
Speaker 1: the busy city where the people stays to hours of
Speaker 1: make up all night and day. But those who break
Speaker 1: free coast with the knowledge of humanite. My soulf makes
Speaker 1: easy on the soul, not free. Um. It's beautiful sense
Speaker 1: of the time, little feed feed feel no break to see.
Speaker 1: That's a big rat landlord. We're here with Brenda Sagala.
Speaker 1: Karn just got terrified by a Wendy's cat Sebastian because
Speaker 1: I forgot to warn yeah, when here was a cat
Speaker 1: in here. When you go to someone's house for you know,
Speaker 1: you know, four years straight and there's never more than that,
Speaker 1: and there's never a cat. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you're just sitting here in a huge cat, huge cat,
Speaker 1: And you know what. Honestly, I was in my head.
Speaker 1: I was just like, I gotta leave New York. Did
Speaker 1: you think for a second that I brought No, that
Speaker 1: never crossed my mind. I just thought a cat had
Speaker 1: gotten into Christina's apartment. That's more likely. There is a
Speaker 1: raccoon in the building. You know, amongst the building. You're
Speaker 1: going to be careful. Those are making go crazy. He's
Speaker 1: in the back side of the building, so like them,
Speaker 1: you know exactly, how are you? I'm good? Oh? I
Speaker 1: meant to tell you, guys, I told you this? Did
Speaker 1: I tell you this? I don't know. I was at
Speaker 1: a funeral recently, so big you guys are getting that
Speaker 1: were funeral at a funeral, and it's really sad. It's
Speaker 1: a very tragic funeral. Person. My buddy, my my buddy
Speaker 1: odeed on like twenty cans of uh, what's that cleans
Speaker 1: your computer? What? So he committed suicide. I don't think
Speaker 1: it was suicide. I like excessive drug use. I would
Speaker 1: say it's like a passive form of suicide, you know,
Speaker 1: because I have a friend who actually the same thing happened.
Speaker 1: Like he just overdoes so hard that he knew what
Speaker 1: he was doing. Yeah, yeah, wait, you can. You can.
Speaker 1: He huffed it, huffed it. Yeah, the ship that cleans
Speaker 1: your computer, Like, um, yeah, it's like the air. You
Speaker 1: should not huff it, but you can. But yeah, you can.
Speaker 1: Get Really anyway, what about us? So I'm at the
Speaker 1: funeral and it's really sad. Everybody's crying, and my buddy
Speaker 1: turns and he goes and you listen to the guys.
Speaker 1: We was someone giving a eulogy. Yeah, there was a
Speaker 1: guy in the middle. Real Jewish dude too, just like
Speaker 1: real Jewish. Do you listen to the guy? Oh my god, Hey,
Speaker 1: you guys pop up everywhere in the most unexpected of places. Damn.
Speaker 1: I did immediately tell Karin, like at the funeral, which
Speaker 1: I guess what would you say to him, like, yeah, yeah, dude,
Speaker 1: shut up. Wait, Oh did you Facebook message me from
Speaker 1: the funeral? No? No, I know you didn't tell me.
Speaker 1: You didn't tell me a person, are you face. I
Speaker 1: didn't know, but I told you at a at a
Speaker 1: diner after the Classics better post funeral diner out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I gotta get that brownie ice cream. I was very proud.
Speaker 1: I was very proud of you guys. Oh, thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about your friend. Yes, sorry, your friend died.
Speaker 1: It's okay, suck it so you're you know you We
Speaker 1: had a great conversation lastide in your comedy club. Your
Speaker 1: parents sucked you up. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm very um. I've been going to therapy
Speaker 1: for a while and I want I just watched that
Speaker 1: Gary Shandling documentary. Yeah, and it's so good. I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is. But the mix of watching that
Speaker 1: and then immediately like it ending and then going to therapy,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at things a little bit different. I think
Speaker 1: it didn't cure me, but it was like it's like
Speaker 1: it insured me, like the way people quit alcohol. I
Speaker 1: think I understand that you know that they have this
Speaker 1: disease or whatever you call it, but it's I'm now
Speaker 1: I have to fight everything like I'm I'm now looking
Speaker 1: at things more positively. So wait, what are you fighting
Speaker 1: depression or alcoholism are both depression I have. I'm definitely
Speaker 1: an alcoholic, but I'm not fighting that. I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know, I got we got
Speaker 1: beers for this occasion, right, So I didn't know you
Speaker 1: an alcoholic and encouraged it is that bad? Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: seven years sober. Actually, I mean most comedians I know
Speaker 1: or have some sort of addiction issue. But I'm looking
Speaker 1: at things like the whole thing that happened with this
Speaker 1: past year, with my relationship and everything. I'm now, Look,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to let positivity push me more than negativity.
Speaker 1: So this isn't the podcast I was hoping for. What
Speaker 1: brought that giant cat? Okay, what's your How did your
Speaker 1: parents suck you up? Like? What they were? Just they
Speaker 1: yelled a lot, and yeah they I know this sound
Speaker 1: we were when we were talking last night, and I
Speaker 1: was like, my parents yelled at me. I heard myself
Speaker 1: say that, and I was like, some people get beaten
Speaker 1: by their parents, I guess, but like, also, some people's
Speaker 1: parents don't scream and yell. It's and it depends on
Speaker 1: what kind of person you are when you're a kid, though,
Speaker 1: If you're like I was a very weak, naive, like
Speaker 1: what kind of persons? And as a child, so my
Speaker 1: parents screaming at each other, I injured me. It injured
Speaker 1: my soul. Really gave me anxiety that would happen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: No one likes screaming you. I don't like it to
Speaker 1: this day. I mean my parents didn't. But I also
Speaker 1: don't like it. Well, I was talking again. I was
Speaker 1: talking to Alan, my therapist, about it, and I was
Speaker 1: comparing it to like when you go to work and
Speaker 1: your boss yells at you and screams at you, and
Speaker 1: then you come home you take it out on your
Speaker 1: wife and then she takes it out on the kids
Speaker 1: or whatever. I'm that guy that got yelled at by
Speaker 1: the boss, and I'm taking it out on everybody. I know, everybody.
Speaker 1: It's funny because I mean I never really had like
Speaker 1: an intense combo with you, but I did sense not lately,
Speaker 1: but like you know, I don't know, maybe like six
Speaker 1: months ago or whatever, like an anger in you. And
Speaker 1: I couldn't tell if you hated women or not, but
Speaker 1: I figured if you did, it was because someone fucked
Speaker 1: with you and they broke your heart. Well, that was
Speaker 1: a big thing that when when my girlfriend left me
Speaker 1: for another guy. And that's the third time that had happened.
Speaker 1: Every girlfriend I ever had left you specifically for another person.
Speaker 1: What is it about you? I Well, that's the thing.
Speaker 1: That's the thing too. I was thinking, like, all right,
Speaker 1: if everybody smells like ship, you gotta check under your shoe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And uh, I was telling
Speaker 1: you I didn't make that up. So I shouldn't have
Speaker 1: even said that. I wish I should have let live
Speaker 1: your entire life that I just said something so smart
Speaker 1: and astute. That's all right? Uh So, so every girlfriend
Speaker 1: has left you, yes, for another My first girlfriend when
Speaker 1: I was in tenth grade left me for one of
Speaker 1: my best friends. But this is was this this? This time?
Speaker 1: Was it also a friend of yours? Or no? Okay?
Speaker 1: So how many times has it been a friend? Just once?
Speaker 1: The first time it was a friend, first time it
Speaker 1: was a friend? How long are you dating that girl?
Speaker 1: Six months? And it was but still in grade? Six months?
Speaker 1: A long time? We did we never we never actually banged,
Speaker 1: but we you know, I had all my first experiences
Speaker 1: with this girl at So how how did you feel
Speaker 1: when that happened? I mean, well, I went to a
Speaker 1: surprise party for myself. My friends threw me a surprise party.
Speaker 1: I went with her and she hung out with him
Speaker 1: the entire night, and I was like, what the fun
Speaker 1: at your surprise party? Yeah? And then people were like,
Speaker 1: you know, when something's going on around, no one's talking
Speaker 1: to you for you. Yeah, that was that was the
Speaker 1: bigger surprise than the actual fucking party. So everyone knew. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everybody knew. Maybe that's why they throwed you the party
Speaker 1: because it's like, well, this is a better surprise that
Speaker 1: distract you. I don't know, damn. And yeah, my friends
Speaker 1: were like, you know, when you walk into like a
Speaker 1: I'd walk into the kitchen or something and people would
Speaker 1: just shut up, like immediately. They're not good at talking
Speaker 1: behind people's backs. You always got to stay another amateurs. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for me, I start, I say, when I'm talking to somebody,
Speaker 1: I go, hey, if anybody, if they walk in, just
Speaker 1: start talking about something. Just start like talking about your job.
Speaker 1: I'll usually continue the conversation but replace the name. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so they're like, oh, like nothing weird here. Yes,
Speaker 1: So that happened, and eventually one of my buddies was like,
Speaker 1: because I pulled him aside, like the next day, I
Speaker 1: was like, what the funk is going on? And he
Speaker 1: was like, this is all happening. They left you. And
Speaker 1: then halfway after that all happened, and I was kind
Speaker 1: of healing from it a little bit because that's a
Speaker 1: that was like my first girlfriend was years old, but yeah,
Speaker 1: that's not a great first girlfriend. Interesting, And halfway through
Speaker 1: that year I found out that she dated me just
Speaker 1: to make that guy jealous. For six months. It was
Speaker 1: just god, damnit, dat, how did you find that out?
Speaker 1: I mean, he kind of put two and two together.
Speaker 1: Someone told me. Someone told me that they that talked
Speaker 1: to her in like fuck, you know, I I gotta
Speaker 1: say I did start dating one of the people I
Speaker 1: dated for a long time has been as podcast. I
Speaker 1: don't think I told him. I feel terrible. I did
Speaker 1: start dating him to make my ex jealous. But then
Speaker 1: I really liked him, So she might have really liked you.
Speaker 1: Yeah you might have been all right, maybe after you're awful,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, she's enough to hang out with me
Speaker 1: and go to movies and stuff with me. Yeah, were
Speaker 1: you paying? Or of course I was paying. Now I
Speaker 1: now I leave it to I'll pay sometimes and let
Speaker 1: the other woman or whatever pay sometimes Yeah, because feminism, Yeah, podcast,
Speaker 1: that's fair. I mean, you know, sluge shaming totally. I
Speaker 1: totally especial because we're all we're all like comics. The
Speaker 1: only the only time I'm comfortable with someone always paying
Speaker 1: is if they're like, way more financially successful than me.
Speaker 1: Then it's like, did you pay even every now and again?
Speaker 1: I'm sure that person gets tired of paying for everything. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: the other night my girlfriend is like, she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll get assist and I'll go I'll pay and she goes, no, no,
Speaker 1: let me pay. And I was like, all right, she
Speaker 1: never I don't question it. Yeah, it doesn't need to
Speaker 1: be a big thing. So the second time, another person.
Speaker 1: Second time, my girlfriend basically told me, and I don't
Speaker 1: know if because I wanted we were going to college
Speaker 1: and I wanted to stay together and uh, this is
Speaker 1: a different girlfriend than we went to after prom, she
Speaker 1: broke up with me the week before prom. What do you?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, heartless? But you know what happens with everything.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if that's about me or if
Speaker 1: I just I don't know if it's a weakness or not.
Speaker 1: I like to think of it as a strength is
Speaker 1: that you know, I I'm very forgiving, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, I forget if I go, okay, um, maybe
Speaker 1: it's something I did, or maybe it's I try to
Speaker 1: look into me instead of Well, it depends because you
Speaker 1: want to forgive because you don't want like it's a
Speaker 1: way you're gonna be a weight on you ultimately if
Speaker 1: you're harboring all this anger, but then to continually like
Speaker 1: forgive and like let people who have done you wrong
Speaker 1: back in your lifetime and time again, that could ultimately
Speaker 1: be destructive to you, very destructive. So I mean, there's
Speaker 1: a fine line between being forgiving and then getting walked over.
Speaker 1: So how long were you with the senior year girlfriend?
Speaker 1: About a year? Okay year? And she broke up with you?
Speaker 1: Did she say why? Um? I think she kept she
Speaker 1: just didn't want to be in the relationship and she
Speaker 1: kept trying to do it. But I was such a
Speaker 1: I was such a psycho. You know, when you're in
Speaker 1: high school, you're like, no, when you send, somebody's going
Speaker 1: to break up with you, so you make them feel
Speaker 1: terrible that Wow, I'm so glad I'm with you. Keep
Speaker 1: trying to be with that person when it's you should
Speaker 1: just end it? Yeah, And why did you want? Why
Speaker 1: did you do? You? Are you a relationship person you
Speaker 1: would prefer to be in a relationship versus like single
Speaker 1: and sucking people or data. I think I want to
Speaker 1: be in a relationship for like a year and a half,
Speaker 1: two years, and that's it. And then it gets that's
Speaker 1: a sweet spot right there, baby, the one where yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: as soon as the honeymoon phase starts leaking off, I
Speaker 1: could spend a year of Saddam Hussaining. A year can
Speaker 1: be magical with any Watch his corpse, girl, he dead,
Speaker 1: his corpse? So wait and then and then that was
Speaker 1: was that traumatic for you? Was that? Like? Fuck, it's
Speaker 1: all traumatic? The whole thing. Life is traumatic. Life is traumatic,
Speaker 1: Being born is traumatic, the whole thing. Relationships I feel
Speaker 1: are more traumatic than most deaths. I think I have
Speaker 1: a joke about that. Yes, yes, she does, is a
Speaker 1: very good joke. I mean, it's it's really because you
Speaker 1: feel I've read so many articles about like the chemicals
Speaker 1: involved when you fall for somebody and when you have
Speaker 1: chemistry with somebody and how how you go through withdraws
Speaker 1: when that thing ends, and it's I mean I've I
Speaker 1: would consider myself a relatively sane person. I have done
Speaker 1: the craziest ship when I've either gotten cheated on or dumped. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean insane. I lost twenty pounds. I mean that's
Speaker 1: gained it all back. Yeah, I do. I do a
Speaker 1: little depression weight loss too. That's the best. Oh we Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't. It's the easiest diet you'll ever go on,
Speaker 1: and then the most recent one to go through that
Speaker 1: in detail, I'm curious about. So. I mean, we were
Speaker 1: living together in uh in Forest Hills, and we basically,
Speaker 1: like I I was thinking about it, I did this.
Speaker 1: I I feel like I do have part to blame
Speaker 1: for it because I'm going out. I'm doing my job,
Speaker 1: which is going out and going to the clubs and
Speaker 1: having to and partying and having to schmooze and all
Speaker 1: that bullshit. Yeah, I would say staying at mc swiggins
Speaker 1: until four am singing part of that job. Part of
Speaker 1: the job. Do you know how any gigs I got
Speaker 1: from just knowing the lyrics to that song? Don't underestimate
Speaker 1: was right. I mean, I think we all have pushed
Speaker 1: that kind of like because it is true. Comedians do
Speaker 1: need to go out, and I think we've all been
Speaker 1: guilty of, you know, especially when we have someone at
Speaker 1: home waiting for us, like pushing it a little further
Speaker 1: and it needs to be pushed yea. But the thing
Speaker 1: was I wasn't making any time for her. I wasn't
Speaker 1: investing any time. Did you like her? Yeah? And until
Speaker 1: I didn't basically, And we've talked about that, like we
Speaker 1: started both just not liking each other, but we lived together,
Speaker 1: so we're like, alright, I guess we've got to figure
Speaker 1: this out. How long have you been dating when you
Speaker 1: moved in? A year? Okay? All right, that's same, Yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's the New York speed. Yes, that's New York speed.
Speaker 1: Yorkers go on lesbian speed. It's not when when they
Speaker 1: move in, with the moving and things. It's not healthy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if it doesn't work out that, I mean, you really
Speaker 1: figure are out if you want to be in the
Speaker 1: relationship or not when you move in, because if you
Speaker 1: do want to live together eventually in your future, that's
Speaker 1: when you know, like can I live with this person
Speaker 1: or not? And we were living in a studio apartment,
Speaker 1: so there were no doors to slam. No, not even
Speaker 1: the best couple the most. You know, wonderful couples who
Speaker 1: love each other all the time could serve. That is
Speaker 1: really tough. You have no doors. We were making fake
Speaker 1: doors with like curtains and stuff like. And even if
Speaker 1: you're not mad, there is just something for sanity. You
Speaker 1: need some time by yourself. Yes, no, what I wouldn't
Speaker 1: want to come home to that like tiny little shoebox.
Speaker 1: And when I was there when she when we were
Speaker 1: broken up, but I was still living there. When we
Speaker 1: were still living there but broken up, I realized how
Speaker 1: she felt because she was going out with her new
Speaker 1: life and all that stuff, and I was home sitting
Speaker 1: on the couch and she was singing. She was like hello,
Speaker 1: and you were like hello to new Cox. So what okay,
Speaker 1: so before the new Cox came in, Okay, you were
Speaker 1: living together, we're living together. I was not investing in her.
Speaker 1: I was just you know, im, were you aware of
Speaker 1: that as it was happening. So, I mean, not to
Speaker 1: rub song on the wound, but this seems like you
Speaker 1: you're like you're like, I'll take partial responsibility. I mean
Speaker 1: it seems like a lot of this, you know, they're
Speaker 1: the like solution is never to like go out and
Speaker 1: cheat or like just leave something. But it's also like
Speaker 1: you when you're when you're not being an active member
Speaker 1: of the relationship, like an active purchase. Do you know
Speaker 1: why you do? Could you it? Was there a reason
Speaker 1: or you just kind of it. We got into this
Speaker 1: zone of just like, okay, this is our life. We
Speaker 1: lived together, you're here whatever I'm out. You weren't putting
Speaker 1: any maintenance in. Yeah. No, sex was almost never How
Speaker 1: how far apart was it? Would you think like once
Speaker 1: a month, once a month, twice a month and uh
Speaker 1: and when it was it was the same thing. And
Speaker 1: I still have this problem where I come to fast
Speaker 1: and how fast. Everyone says always like how fast is fast?
Speaker 1: My boyfriend sucking is so self conscious about that. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: it's I like it. Okay, this is how fast makes
Speaker 1: me feel pretty now? But when but wait, when did
Speaker 1: it start from the topic? No? No, no, okay, wait ready,
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's in ye okay, it's like a song.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, tell to you you that I'm gonna come right now.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that was pretty much it. Okay, So wait,
Speaker 1: how old are you? And have you talked to a
Speaker 1: doctor about this? What am I going to say to
Speaker 1: a doctor, become too fast. This is the problem though.
Speaker 1: People don't like your sexuality and like you're how you
Speaker 1: like like the about the ability to sustain, like you know,
Speaker 1: at least fifteen minutes of healthy sex is part of
Speaker 1: your health. And I think people don't know, like on
Speaker 1: when I when I go to like men don't have
Speaker 1: an O, B, G y NS. You're just gonna have
Speaker 1: to go to your rologists. Yeah, but that's not like
Speaker 1: a right, you don't see a eurologist on the right.
Speaker 1: You're just really going to a general practitioner, right, you know,
Speaker 1: like you guys, I guess don't have a dick doctor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you don't have a specialized sick doctor. And for
Speaker 1: that I have I feel for you. Okay. I think
Speaker 1: it's just like one thing you guys don't have. I
Speaker 1: think it might even just be a mix of jerking
Speaker 1: off too much. I think no, I see, I would
Speaker 1: think jerking off would make you come no, because you
Speaker 1: get into this like zone of like see you never
Speaker 1: when you fast, Um, I mean because sometimes people get
Speaker 1: control and you want do you ever like slow with yourself? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I do, and I actually I even do that during sex.
Speaker 1: I'll be like okay or whatever, I'll switch into another
Speaker 1: position just to keep myself from But when you're with
Speaker 1: somebody for a while, different positions start becoming. There's no
Speaker 1: I don't think there's It was eight and now it's one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so there's no like sexiness to being with when you're
Speaker 1: with somebody for a while, there's no like. But see,
Speaker 1: I disagree with that because I'll have sex less frequently
Speaker 1: when i'm with someone a long time, But when we
Speaker 1: actually have sex, to me, is not like less hot.
Speaker 1: It doesn't become like boring, like because you're like, let's
Speaker 1: switch it up and do something weird because I know
Speaker 1: your body really well, or even if I'm still into it,
Speaker 1: like I like it. You know, having sex with someone
Speaker 1: the first time, people are like, oh, that's so hot,
Speaker 1: Like that's not the hottest, it's not good. They don't
Speaker 1: know you. I don't think it's great. I love that.
Speaker 1: I love because you can do anything you can. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's to me, that says you're not you're getting
Speaker 1: to know people's bodies. Is the woman enjoying this first time?
Speaker 1: Yeah she having fun? Yeah? The girlfriend you're with, yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so. She came or, as she told me,
Speaker 1: I always know when she's lying. I always know when
Speaker 1: a woman's lying. You know when a woman's faking it? Yes,
Speaker 1: how can you tell when a woman's faking it? Because
Speaker 1: not every woman went to acting school, so it's very Wait,
Speaker 1: so wait, what's like the worst fake attempt? You when
Speaker 1: when you know, when you with somebody and you're having
Speaker 1: a like a good time and you can sense that
Speaker 1: they're having a great time and it's all that, and
Speaker 1: then when they're not, when they're faking it, they're not
Speaker 1: like who they were, you know what I mean? So
Speaker 1: I could sense that if they're like, oh, like dramatic
Speaker 1: when they start going like come for me, when they
Speaker 1: I feel like when the woman come for me, they're
Speaker 1: like end this, that's what they That is very very perceptive.
Speaker 1: But I don't hate it. I like I noticed this
Speaker 1: ship well, I mean yes, if I don't feel I
Speaker 1: also like Jina tensing up when she's coming. If it's
Speaker 1: if she comes clicktorially, the actual cervix might not be clenching.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that was option, to be honest, I
Speaker 1: had no idea that girls can have like a billion
Speaker 1: different kinds of orgasms. I mean that's a lie. Three
Speaker 1: or four. I was like, yeah, but like click is
Speaker 1: like the rubbing and up and then vaginally it's just
Speaker 1: like if you're lucky, you know, yeah and then But
Speaker 1: it's something I think is definitely a problem with me
Speaker 1: that I'll have to talk about in therapy. And really
Speaker 1: what I've been doing lately is I've been thinking inward,
Speaker 1: finding my own problems and acting on them. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: because of the Chandling documentary. I'm journaling, which is love journaling,
Speaker 1: helping me see my problems and how I feel on paper,
Speaker 1: and it's yeah, I can flit through it and I go,
Speaker 1: this is how I felt at this time. And and
Speaker 1: it's just nice to say because you have a podcast too,
Speaker 1: so you know what it's like to just like mentally,
Speaker 1: like just verbally barf into a microphone. It's nice to
Speaker 1: have your own thoughts to yourself and no one else
Speaker 1: will give you feedback or like, yeah, sometimes when I
Speaker 1: tek my podcast, it's I've started it as like a
Speaker 1: comedy thing, but it's become this Like someone told me
Speaker 1: it was like a coming of age podcast. Like someone
Speaker 1: who listens to it was like we accurate yeah, this
Speaker 1: is it really is me gearing myself out and that's
Speaker 1: what I've been trying to do. And uh, that's amazing.
Speaker 1: I feel like men don't get encouraged to do that.
Speaker 1: Would you agree? Because women are women. It's always like, girl, relax,
Speaker 1: take a spaw day, you know, be spiritual, meditate. Everybody's
Speaker 1: got issues that they're not to but women are always
Speaker 1: encouraged to like, like you, you had a hard day,
Speaker 1: like you know, just like look within kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: I wanted to relax, so we get out of the
Speaker 1: office or just stop talking, stop tinkering with the computers.
Speaker 1: Get the funk out of my face, bitch. If you're
Speaker 1: not have sex with me. I think everything is a
Speaker 1: conspiracy theatery theory. I'm like, oh, yeah, where am I going?
Speaker 1: What are you doing? Here? Are you guys? Start? Is
Speaker 1: that where the alien is going to probe? Me starting
Speaker 1: a business when I'm away? But that's okay. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I just feel like self help is always it typically
Speaker 1: seems to be more geared towards women, which is stupid
Speaker 1: because men needed to. Yeah, so to get back to
Speaker 1: the thing, we we're living together. She we were just
Speaker 1: not happy. You could just sense it. There were so
Speaker 1: many times I had this inner monologue of like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're gonna go in, You're gonna go Are you happy? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I never did it? Why not? I was afraid?
Speaker 1: Oh that's my favorite question to shout. Are you happy
Speaker 1: at someone aggress sex? During sex? Are you happy? No?
Speaker 1: Not during not during sex? That would have been a
Speaker 1: bade that would have maybe made you last longer if
Speaker 1: someone yelled at yes, because I could say no all
Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, yeah, But I never asked. He never
Speaker 1: did that, never tried, just because you knew the answer yes,
Speaker 1: which was we're both unhappy, so what was So? What
Speaker 1: was the fear then? In just kind of admitting we
Speaker 1: are both unhappy, let's get out of this. Were living together,
Speaker 1: that's it, just living together? Well, but you could also
Speaker 1: like fix it possibly, yes, exactly, didn't have to end it.
Speaker 1: There was fixing it possibly, And there was I don't
Speaker 1: know when you know, I really love this girl, so
Speaker 1: it's hard to kind of admit it's over, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: but your love with her? This is very confusing day.
Speaker 1: I know, it's very confusing to make the way I
Speaker 1: am now is I make I am that guy that
Speaker 1: I should have been. Now, So, were you, like, not
Speaker 1: spending time with her because you were afraid that she
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna like the real you? Was it that kind
Speaker 1: of an issue? So, so if you love someone so much,
Speaker 1: what would be do you love comedy more? I uh, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I mean it's ok I mean she should know that.
Speaker 1: I hope she's not finding out on the shout. But
Speaker 1: her thing was she never she knew she was second.
Speaker 1: And that's okay. I mean to me, I feel like
Speaker 1: that's not the worst thing in the world. But she
Speaker 1: didn't ask for that. No, it's good to know, but
Speaker 1: it is still it's a hard pill to small, even
Speaker 1: for me as a comedian dating another comedian, for me
Speaker 1: to swallow the pill that comedy is perhaps more important
Speaker 1: than me, I don't like it. Yeah, but you know
Speaker 1: someone in comedy about five years ago. But well you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: that that's comedy's fault where society's fault. Really but yeah,
Speaker 1: or my ax fault, you know, But what? Okay, So
Speaker 1: you never asked that question? Never asked? Then she was no,
Speaker 1: she was lonely, she she wasn't she had no friends.
Speaker 1: Would she say, how would she communicate that? To you
Speaker 1: or you just kind of sensed it. Um. She would
Speaker 1: communicate a little bit and I'd be like, well, you
Speaker 1: gotta make friends. I wouldn't. I wouldn't be like, you know,
Speaker 1: a part of me very helpful, very available? Are you?
Speaker 1: Are you beailable for life coaching? I never said I
Speaker 1: was a smart guy. That's my whole thing. Have no
Speaker 1: idea what I'm doing. Yeah, I basically just friends. I'd
Speaker 1: bring friends over just to pick on her a little bit.
Speaker 1: Friends a lot. So I told him, like, you gotta
Speaker 1: go have friends. I'm i gotta to stand up. I
Speaker 1: gotta go out. I gotta sing adele at Nick swigs.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a fucking nightmare. I know I'm a nightmare.
Speaker 1: I know it. My god, I feel lonely talking to
Speaker 1: you right now. This is awful. I'm gonna give your
Speaker 1: girlfriend a hog Yeah. Okay, all right, let's remember also
Speaker 1: the victim here. Okay, there's still that. Okay, so I
Speaker 1: don't know that you are fully now that I know
Speaker 1: the story, Now you're gonna hate her for coming back
Speaker 1: to me, Okay, yeah I might. So what happens next? Well, anyway,
Speaker 1: she she started doing like a like a sports activity
Speaker 1: and after schools even know what sport I knew what
Speaker 1: surely weren't involved in. You're like the parent who had
Speaker 1: the kid. And then that was the that was it.
Speaker 1: She was playing. Which I also thought that sports kind
Speaker 1: of thing. I don't even know what that is. It's
Speaker 1: an organization where you could sign up for its sports. Yeah,
Speaker 1: basically lonely folks. Honestly, people let me friends. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: thought about doing a zog sports but commits every weekend.
Speaker 1: That's because you love hanging out with people. Most people
Speaker 1: are just desperate, like, yeah, I guess it's like going
Speaker 1: to It's like going to a eat up. You know
Speaker 1: the people that do meet up. Yeah, that's how everyone feels.
Speaker 1: Comedy rooms in New York. Hey, it's smart. Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 1: Meetup dot com yea, our next sponsors meetup dot com.
Speaker 1: And then Razor Blades just blades, no particular cup, just
Speaker 1: all of them whatever you Okay, So she starts joining
Speaker 1: team Yeah, and she was happy. She was because someone
Speaker 1: looked at her all right, good night, everybody, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: out of here. I know that I was. I'm wrong. Anyway, Listen,
Speaker 1: when we were the initial pitch for this episode in
Speaker 1: the car together. We really were on your side, so
Speaker 1: we didn't come in to this morning to well, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm happy that you're on her side. That's
Speaker 1: the whole I don't want, you know, I don't want
Speaker 1: her to be a villain here. Everybody's got their own
Speaker 1: finished the story. Yeah, maybe she does something crazy. So
Speaker 1: she murdered my parents a bit a fit of rage.
Speaker 1: But were they making passive aggressive call? Ye, they needed
Speaker 1: friends to so everyone that hangs around me. It was
Speaker 1: over a reps call at Zog Sports. So so she
Speaker 1: starts hanging out with this team and specifically this one guy.
Speaker 1: Oh it was that's how they met. It was two gender,
Speaker 1: all gender. Well, yeah, how fucking mad would you be
Speaker 1: if you're selling for an all girl kickball team? Of it?
Speaker 1: Get that funk at it? Yeah, but every game would
Speaker 1: be zero. No, that's not why I wouldn't like it.
Speaker 1: And also, I'm a beast on the field. I actually
Speaker 1: would be to play on all women just because I'm
Speaker 1: I'm physically five ft three. Like a lot of times,
Speaker 1: playing sports with men is just not fun because they're
Speaker 1: better just because of the they're physically larger. They didn't
Speaker 1: earn it anywhere more competitive too. Yeah, I would think
Speaker 1: she's very Christie's very competitive. That's why I want to
Speaker 1: play against dude because I'm like, well, they got the teams.
Speaker 1: But um, so she's hanging out with this guy and uh,
Speaker 1: I kind of when she bring him up. She would
Speaker 1: bring she'd be like, oh, this there's this new guy
Speaker 1: that it's you know, from hanging out with this these
Speaker 1: guys and oh, this dude wants to go to a
Speaker 1: concert and everything. And I start going, like, you're gonna
Speaker 1: ship with different, like another guy, and she's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but don't worry about it. Don't worry about you know what.
Speaker 1: Every time I see that goddamn meme now where it's
Speaker 1: like you versu the guy, she tells you not to
Speaker 1: worry about the photo show. Oh yeah, throw my fucking phone.
Speaker 1: So the anger is going while managing it. Huh, well no,
Speaker 1: because I feel you should be able to feel like
Speaker 1: you should get your should that's a part of you
Speaker 1: should be able to don't keep it in be angry. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, but it should get to a point when
Speaker 1: you're not, so you don't feel the need to be
Speaker 1: so angry. So often because I actually my best friend,
Speaker 1: my mem there us, and he said that just like
Speaker 1: getting her anger out kind of like like rage rooms
Speaker 1: and stuff is actually not super healthy. Sorry, sort something
Speaker 1: that you probably should go to, but some kids, it's
Speaker 1: my heaven. It's where you you you go in a
Speaker 1: room with a bunch of TVs and glassware and you
Speaker 1: take a sledgehammer and you fucking beat the ship out everything. Anyway,
Speaker 1: so she was sorry, Um, so I can't wait to
Speaker 1: if you win, you're single again. Look up the tension.
Speaker 1: You cut it with a knife. She goes this concert,
Speaker 1: you raise concerns, Well, who is the who is the
Speaker 1: musical artist? Musical artist? I don't know anything about your
Speaker 1: girlfriend's lying like the band? Why did she go? Well
Speaker 1: I think we all know because she liked this guy
Speaker 1: and everything. So anyhow so but I think there was
Speaker 1: there was a ship that was happening before, Like one
Speaker 1: time I drove her to his house. Wow, did you know? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I was a real cut. Okay, that's not an insult,
Speaker 1: that's a fun activity. People like doing it. Yeah, I do. God,
Speaker 1: I love that word I too, I know, because it
Speaker 1: replaces all the words that we can't say. Now you
Speaker 1: know what valid? Yes? Yeah, so okay and when you
Speaker 1: drove her to his house? Did you know it was
Speaker 1: his house? And where are you upset about it? I
Speaker 1: was very cocky. I was like, this is okay, hold on,
Speaker 1: I have to hope you have followed him, like clear
Speaker 1: my nose. But I don't want people to think I'm
Speaker 1: crying Brendan. He doesn't want you to know. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: actually have to go where's that cat? So I drove
Speaker 1: her and that's when I was starting to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's what's going on here? Then one night, um she
Speaker 1: goes to a concert with this guy I don't know
Speaker 1: the musical guests, Karin Well, because I was gonna say, like, like,
Speaker 1: if it was like Joan's brothers, it was like Mumford says,
Speaker 1: that's romantic. But if it's like fucking, that's not romantic. Yeah,
Speaker 1: depending on who you know. What happened before this, though,
Speaker 1: that I totally skipped. I watched him fuck her. Oh.
Speaker 1: I sat in the corner using all the listeners because
Speaker 1: this is like that would really happen on a story
Speaker 1: that would be carried the podcast, you know. But what
Speaker 1: did happen was we went to a diner and just
Speaker 1: you and your girlfriend. Yes, diners really have like a
Speaker 1: place in your life. It's a real depressing I'm going
Speaker 1: to die in a diner, face into a better than
Speaker 1: die in a hotel, bit affixiated by a belt, you know. Yeah, wow, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was a little scenario on the next episode of Whatever.
Speaker 1: Christina looks a porn anyway. So we so we go
Speaker 1: to her therapist because we're like, something's going on and
Speaker 1: I we were like, we're not happy. We're not happy.
Speaker 1: We started actually talking. We're like, we need to take
Speaker 1: a positive It was the first time that I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm losing this. So this was before she fell in
Speaker 1: love with the Zog sports kickballer. I wouldn't call love.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say she was smitten. She was smitten with
Speaker 1: a guy who, alright, has a good knee. All right,
Speaker 1: I'm still mad at this Guy's call him Zack. That's
Speaker 1: a z I Zach with only a cz exactly, idiot.
Speaker 1: Isn't that how zach Efron spells us? Yeah, but he's hot.
Speaker 1: So whatever, do I see blue eyes? You can say
Speaker 1: whatever you want, doesn't matter. You don't even have to talk,
Speaker 1: all right, So went to the So we go to
Speaker 1: her therapist, and we talked it out. Her therapist was
Speaker 1: kind of on my side a little bit, like I
Speaker 1: feel kind of I think that's a I think that's
Speaker 1: a therapy tactic, to be on the other person's side
Speaker 1: a little bit the one who's wrong. Yeah, well I
Speaker 1: would I say wrong. But this was Zach in the
Speaker 1: picture when he went to the therapist or not yet. Uh,
Speaker 1: you were there. He was on the team. Okay, so
Speaker 1: they weren't. They knew each other, he was there. She
Speaker 1: already had planned out their wedding in their head. You
Speaker 1: don't know, you know, if you're you're such an expert
Speaker 1: on women, you know I am not an expert on women.
Speaker 1: You know what I was telling Christina last night. I
Speaker 1: every experience I've ever had I with women. I told myself,
Speaker 1: don't be the guy that hates women. But being here
Speaker 1: in this apartment talking to Karim, I want to go
Speaker 1: on a piler rampage. She has that effect on people.
Speaker 1: It makes me very happy. I didn't. I have no
Speaker 1: problems with it. Even if you didn't, I'd be okay. Okay.
Speaker 1: Usually people say I love you too, Oh sorry, Well
Speaker 1: you know why, I you know what you are? Right?
Speaker 1: I love you too. Okay, I don't really, I don't really,
Speaker 1: we don't really Okay, people to be on here that
Speaker 1: we don't like, like I don't believe that. Well, but
Speaker 1: that's not had a few, but it was more like
Speaker 1: it was more like during the course of the pot
Speaker 1: but maker, Yeah, what a terrible I just saw her
Speaker 1: before this and she said very nice things about you.
Speaker 1: I love Rosebud. Yeah, she's amazed. There. You have a
Speaker 1: weird way of showing love. I know. I'm going to
Speaker 1: talk about it with Alan, my therapist. You should Okay,
Speaker 1: so you went to hurt on your side, well confused,
Speaker 1: Well not really because how is it how would you
Speaker 1: present that situation where you're right, well, that wasn't even
Speaker 1: happening yet, okay, but we were just like, you know,
Speaker 1: but the therapist was like, well, he does have to
Speaker 1: be out every night. But you know what she should
Speaker 1: have said, Brendan, you gotta find time to take a
Speaker 1: night off and you got to go on vacation with
Speaker 1: your girlfriend. You got to spend time investment or make
Speaker 1: make her happy, but also to you know, and this
Speaker 1: is something you learn as you get older. But like
Speaker 1: a partner needs to communicate, like hey, I need you
Speaker 1: to hang out with me because now right now I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm single and that sucks and we need
Speaker 1: to hang out. So can you please make time? But
Speaker 1: you know, I'm a idiot and I do fall into
Speaker 1: the same ways that I now I'm a little bit
Speaker 1: more conscious, even it's only been like a year since
Speaker 1: all this happened. I'm a little bit more conscious on
Speaker 1: the ship that I do to make myself better. But
Speaker 1: so we go to the then we have we go
Speaker 1: to bowling. It was really nice right after therapyost okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: Then we go to a diner. Um, I love Greeks.
Speaker 1: I don't know what me too that my first girlfriend
Speaker 1: was gree Just my friend's Julius Caesar. Yeah, memis. So
Speaker 1: we're at the diner and she goes, She's like, I
Speaker 1: gotta tell you something. Oh I hate that. There's no
Speaker 1: fucking worse sens. I know. She's never like, we gotta talk.
Speaker 1: Sex is great. I mean, I gotta get that off
Speaker 1: my chick. Super Yeah. I mean, you've got big balls,
Speaker 1: but I love them. That's a great sketch that you
Speaker 1: just wrote there. Okay, yeah, my manager's head stopped saving
Speaker 1: your sketch premises just making bits. And then that's how
Speaker 1: I'm like, fucking good advice, Rick, because you just want
Speaker 1: to stop watching YouTube videos, yeah, sending me links like Rick,
Speaker 1: I really need help here, just watch making a bit.
Speaker 1: This is actually a tweet that I was thinking about
Speaker 1: doing on stage. It's stupid joke, but this is my
Speaker 1: impression of a blind guy doing a one man show. Hey,
Speaker 1: I didn't see you guys there or there or there
Speaker 1: or there all? Right, back to the story why your
Speaker 1: girlfriend doesn't like you. Uh, I'm headlining Carolines May eighth,
Speaker 1: where you'll see tons of jokes like that. No. Um,
Speaker 1: so we're eating and she's like, I gotta tell you something.
Speaker 1: There's the guy. I'm starting to kind of develop a
Speaker 1: crush on this dude, which is but it's like, thanks
Speaker 1: for being honest. Yeah, I mean to have the balls
Speaker 1: to actually say that, to have the ovaries to say
Speaker 1: that too. I could never do that. I would just
Speaker 1: have a crush on someone and go Okay, I have
Speaker 1: a crush on them and then still be with my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Was right, yeah, but I mean crushes past. If I
Speaker 1: told my boyfriend crush on I know he'd be like,
Speaker 1: oh stop, like like brother, But obviously it wasn't just
Speaker 1: it was something that she needed tell you. So because
Speaker 1: I had crushes on people, I don't tell Stephen. But
Speaker 1: then one the one time I told him, he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: don't tell me that. That's rough. It's really I'm on
Speaker 1: team Steven. I don't like. I know you guys are
Speaker 1: like me, oh, but I'm like, let's not. I agree
Speaker 1: sit the lips on that. I do agree, But I
Speaker 1: do think it takes ovaries or whatever the to whatever
Speaker 1: down there got something every person has. I've actually never
Speaker 1: had sex, so I have no idea below it takes
Speaker 1: woman penis. That's not It's not an easy thing to side.
Speaker 1: It's not. She says it. So I go, well, this
Speaker 1: has got to end then, right, your first action, yeah,
Speaker 1: which I've talked about in therapy. So wait said, the
Speaker 1: relationship between you and her has to end, okay, because
Speaker 1: you were scared. I was scared. I understand that reaction
Speaker 1: and my gut reaction because of ship that I did
Speaker 1: that happened to me when I was a kid, is
Speaker 1: to quit and run. There is a certain point part
Speaker 1: of it though, It's like, yes, fear is involved, but
Speaker 1: also it's kind of like fuck her in a way.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no. But like, so if I'm in
Speaker 1: a relationship and someone says me at a dad on
Speaker 1: hood of dinner and tells me they have a crush
Speaker 1: on someone, I mean, that's too formal for me. That's
Speaker 1: not for me that if you're I don't need to
Speaker 1: have this conversation, Like I don't need to be more cash.
Speaker 1: I love to talk, you know, we can talk about
Speaker 1: people's feelings as far as like their career whatever. But
Speaker 1: but if we're gonna have it, sit down. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna sit and hold your hand while you tell me
Speaker 1: about the crush that you have on somebody else. That's
Speaker 1: not going to happen. Yeah, And it's especially being at
Speaker 1: a diner where real depressing. That's my favorite place and
Speaker 1: I've got a crush on somebody. Hey enjoy pickles or what?
Speaker 1: Sure that was selfish because it ruined a place that
Speaker 1: you really like diners. I get that. Um. So she
Speaker 1: says that, I go, all right, I guess we gotta
Speaker 1: end this, right She goes, No, I don't want to
Speaker 1: end it. I still want to be with you. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I don't know what to do. What
Speaker 1: do we do. And it's ship like that that also
Speaker 1: makes you go, I gotta I gotta really invest in this,
Speaker 1: pay attention to her, look her in the eye. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the ship like that that. So then we go, well,
Speaker 1: why don't we do like an open relationship? We her you,
Speaker 1: we both are you both kind of? She was like
Speaker 1: she brought it up actually, but yeah, but I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: open relationship, like I'm gonna get some see pussy and
Speaker 1: then I have someone that I love at home. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is the way not to start an open relationship
Speaker 1: for anyone. I was telling. I was like, man, I
Speaker 1: will say, like a cardinal rule should be to not
Speaker 1: start open relationship because there's somebody specific in mind that
Speaker 1: you would funk. I know, I told you this last night.
Speaker 1: I just want to read it. Or because something is wrong, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: when you're not happy, I mean, oh god, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: that's just never this is the worst time. And then
Speaker 1: I was telling all my friends, like, you know, I
Speaker 1: remember telling like Mike Cannon. I was like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: in an open relationship and he was like, what the
Speaker 1: funk is wrong with you? It's like that's not what
Speaker 1: you do? And yeah, yeah, because he knew the situation.
Speaker 1: So did you get any pussy? I did not? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: but did you that's what it's going to say with
Speaker 1: my grave stone. It's gonna go. Did you get any pussy? Question? Wow?
Speaker 1: My god, it was two weeks. You should? You should
Speaker 1: at the time. I want who care? Doesn't matter? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's could of being a man exactly, could be bold,
Speaker 1: frinkly fat, who gives a ship? Yeah? Great woman? Yeah, guys,
Speaker 1: we fucked. Let me tell you. Let me tell you
Speaker 1: you really. We've gotten so many dudes late and there's
Speaker 1: nothing more powerful than meeting a couple after the show
Speaker 1: and you tell you look in the guy's eyes and
Speaker 1: you're like, she sucks you more because she listens to us. Huh.
Speaker 1: I know. And you guys have such hot fans to
Speaker 1: we really do. And I always do well in your shows,
Speaker 1: I think, right. Yeah, yeah, um did Yeah, You're gonna
Speaker 1: go home and be like, you know what, We're in
Speaker 1: a good place. Now, how about we open up this relationship.
Speaker 1: Did you come up with any rules? Did you have
Speaker 1: a discussion? What word it was? You don't? You don't
Speaker 1: have sex in our apartment? You stay out. You let
Speaker 1: me know where you are, which also seemed a little
Speaker 1: but you let me know you're staying out. That's that's
Speaker 1: a safety thing. If I live with if I shouldn't
Speaker 1: expect you home and you're not that, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: exactly freaked out. It would be word my dad or whatever.
Speaker 1: No family, my father. I didn't say that too, you
Speaker 1: would think that spoken. But yeah, ever know, So those
Speaker 1: were the rules where condom, don't fuck in our apartment,
Speaker 1: tell me when you're And was there a maximum? Did
Speaker 1: you put a cap on how many people are? No? No? No,
Speaker 1: but like and you didn't have any conversation about like
Speaker 1: people you knew mutually because you oh yeah, there there
Speaker 1: was that. There was don't suck anybody I know? No comics, no,
Speaker 1: none of that ship right. I'm sure she didn't want
Speaker 1: to suck another comic. Yeah, that's not a real don't
Speaker 1: another guy goes. I know this is gonna be the
Speaker 1: hardest her outgoing. Is this funny? That's funny? Okay? So
Speaker 1: and then you made your rules. So we made the rules.
Speaker 1: And then two weeks go by, did that improve your
Speaker 1: sex life with her at all? Just out of curiosity
Speaker 1: or your bond? Were both excited this kind of like
Speaker 1: a new phase and new adventure because you're like, this
Speaker 1: isn't all I got? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm practicing
Speaker 1: for other potatoes. Yeah yeah you think, yeah, you think
Speaker 1: your neighbor would. But um, yeah, so that that was
Speaker 1: happening too. We did it for two weeks and then uh,
Speaker 1: I just couldn't handle it. I was like, was she
Speaker 1: out fucking every night? Like what was happening? She was?
Speaker 1: She was out. I didn't ask if she got laid
Speaker 1: or anything. Your imagination was taken about. She did say
Speaker 1: she didn't. Okay, really she said she didn't. Did she
Speaker 1: ever not come home one night? Does she have some
Speaker 1: kind of like a scar on her face? Or she
Speaker 1: did come home with jizz on her chip? So but
Speaker 1: I just thought that it was my dad an acid
Speaker 1: attack or no, no, no acid attack. She didn't Muslims
Speaker 1: or anything. I was referring to the documentary Crazy Love,
Speaker 1: where there's a woman just hasn't got acid thrown on her,
Speaker 1: and then she was like, I guess I'll settle for this.
Speaker 1: No way, Like yeah, more like someone throws acid on
Speaker 1: your face and you fall in love with them. But yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so you know in this world you gotta take what
Speaker 1: you can get, yea. So we I said to her,
Speaker 1: We're at our apartment, we're having like a good time.
Speaker 1: I'm making tacos. I make great tacos. And I would
Speaker 1: just go, we can't do I can't. I'm worried, You're
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on. I'm anxious. I don't
Speaker 1: want this, and she goes, I hear you, Let's not
Speaker 1: do it. Then like it went and started going back
Speaker 1: to the old ways, which was me hanging out, doing karaoke,
Speaker 1: doing karaoke, singing, adele going crazy. She came up with
Speaker 1: a new album, as You Got More, Yes, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: only the Rain being my relationship. Like literally, what was
Speaker 1: that we were that? It was like that was like
Speaker 1: a year and a half ago that you discovered it.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I knew she was around, but
Speaker 1: when I when I started listening to her, and this
Speaker 1: is a good voice to this day, I have I
Speaker 1: feel this power when she's oh you should I I've
Speaker 1: never seen her in concert, but if you watch her
Speaker 1: concert videos, her live performances on YouTube, it is fucking moving.
Speaker 1: And if you can get moved for YouTube video, she's
Speaker 1: only funny too. Of those. She's very funny. She watched
Speaker 1: her car Polkaraioki No oh, you gotta she sucking wraps
Speaker 1: Nicki Minaj James Gordon. Yeah, you're you're right, but but
Speaker 1: just watch that one. It's it's good. So anyway, okay,
Speaker 1: so you say I can't do it anymore, she says
Speaker 1: totally cool. Um, so she says totally cool. Then it
Speaker 1: goes back to the old ways of all that bullshit.
Speaker 1: And then she's hanging out with this guy and I
Speaker 1: was still like Zach with a C and I. She
Speaker 1: didn't have much friends and she was lonely, so I
Speaker 1: was like, she's going out, she's having fun. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: was with a group. She wasn't just with this guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how they do it right in front of idiot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. I'm feeling the rage right now out like pulsating.
Speaker 1: And I would do things where I'd pick her up
Speaker 1: from like a house that she was hanging out with,
Speaker 1: and he'd be like outside talking to her and stuff.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, what did he wear? Was he hot? He? No,
Speaker 1: I mean he was better than me, but he did
Speaker 1: kind of look like a better looking meat that was
Speaker 1: like this Irish guy who um who like, had you know,
Speaker 1: big eyes or something. I don't. I don't know, but
Speaker 1: your eyes aren't big into that, right, My eyes aren't big. No,
Speaker 1: they're very I know they're the smallest in the world
Speaker 1: right now. Everything I secure about it was he had
Speaker 1: to make somebody out to be your antithesis, but in
Speaker 1: a good way. Yeah, when you when you have that anger.
Speaker 1: So eventually there was this one night where I go
Speaker 1: out with my buddy, uh and we're going to the bars.
Speaker 1: We get drunk. She goes out to a concert with
Speaker 1: this guy. Right, Okay, this is the concert they went to,
Speaker 1: The Jonas Brothers. We'll say it was the Jonas. That
Speaker 1: was some fucking indie bullshit. D I y fake punk rock.
Speaker 1: I'm taking it out on the band. I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: it out on anything that touched me during this fucking couch.
Speaker 1: So she goes out and she's telling me, She's like,
Speaker 1: I'm going out with this guy to a concert. He
Speaker 1: has nobody to go with. Blah blah blah. Created a
Speaker 1: SOB story for the guy. Big Brothers Big Sister's Confert Edition.
Speaker 1: I really do feel and this might be either out
Speaker 1: of ignorance or or something. I don't think she knew
Speaker 1: what she was doing. I really don't. Well, you know
Speaker 1: her very well. So I'm the kind of person who
Speaker 1: will go out and be like we're friends, and then
Speaker 1: I called hearin and be like save me. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: was probably doing that with some friends. But I really
Speaker 1: think it kind of rolled into this, you know, so anyway,
Speaker 1: so you can kind of like you can, I can
Speaker 1: understand like treading the waters and not knowing exactly how
Speaker 1: deep it's going to go, and then you you kind
Speaker 1: of like lose hold of yourself. Yeah, and maybe because
Speaker 1: I wasn't paying attention to her, she was like I
Speaker 1: can flirt with a guy whatever I'm not getting from
Speaker 1: my boyfriend, and then it steamrolled into some bullshit. I
Speaker 1: don't know that she's as innocent as you want to
Speaker 1: make her out to be. But somewhere in the middle, well,
Speaker 1: it's not that I think she's innocent. I just I
Speaker 1: don't want to make corruption she didn't go out there.
Speaker 1: She go to the concert and being like, is it
Speaker 1: mean the end of the night exactly? She wasn't like
Speaker 1: I'm getting this phone I'm getting And now at one
Speaker 1: point in this timeline, she told you she had a
Speaker 1: crush on him before that, before the open relationship to
Speaker 1: weak thing. Yeah right, because that's what the and I
Speaker 1: was still an idiot, was like, oh, she's going out
Speaker 1: with the guy she has a crush on. It's fine.
Speaker 1: That was pretty dumb on. Yes, anyway, my funeral is
Speaker 1: going to be hell yeah. Yeah. So she goes, um,
Speaker 1: where at my funeral? Well, someone will turn to another person,
Speaker 1: got it? I think this is oh god, oh god.
Speaker 1: So so and I'm out with my buddy. She texts me.
Speaker 1: She goes, hey, do you mind me and this guy?
Speaker 1: We're going to come back to our part. We're just
Speaker 1: gonna beers. We're gonna like watch some TV hang out
Speaker 1: a little bit after the show. I go, that's fine. Whatever.
Speaker 1: She goes, text me, when you're on your way home,
Speaker 1: that's some pants on so I can get his dick
Speaker 1: out of my butt hole. Well yes, so, um, so
Speaker 1: I go out. I text her, I'm on my way home.
Speaker 1: It's about two am. I get home. She doesn't answerer
Speaker 1: I got home. She's sleeping. I get into bed. I
Speaker 1: give her a kiss, and Zax in the bed too.
Speaker 1: We kind of you give her a kiss, give her
Speaker 1: a kiss. She checks her phone and goes, doesn't even
Speaker 1: look at you, doesn't look at me, and goes, h oh,
Speaker 1: you gotta go. Brennan's right here. Yeah, So I flip out.
Speaker 1: I go what the fuck? I go this what? But
Speaker 1: she's like, and you know that feeling when you're like
Speaker 1: waking up into an argument what she's doing, and she's like,
Speaker 1: what's going on? What happened? I'm like, fuck you dumb?
Speaker 1: You called her a dumb bitch. No, I never called
Speaker 1: her a bitch ever. I mean whatever, I just said
Speaker 1: then that it doesn't matter if you did. I mean,
Speaker 1: I just go, I was like, what the fund is
Speaker 1: wrong with you? Why would you say that? What the
Speaker 1: fund is happening? Because she obviously said that for a reason. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because she thought you were Zack and they were in
Speaker 1: bed together, that's the reason. Yes, Well, I just want
Speaker 1: to keep it, make sure everyone's following along for the
Speaker 1: listeners like, that's I mean, how I mean, I oh
Speaker 1: my god? And yeah, oh my heart, that's a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that I mean I think you and I'm guessing
Speaker 1: we have a very similar temper. And at the times
Speaker 1: of my life where I've gotten the most angry were
Speaker 1: times like that where like I found out the guy
Speaker 1: was cheating up and I I mean, I it's like
Speaker 1: if you feel like you're on fire. Yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not a good feeling at all. I was physically I
Speaker 1: fucking pushed him into a brick wall. Yeah, his head.
Speaker 1: It was not a proud moment. I was so angry.
Speaker 1: I wanted him to I wanted to die or anything,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to like hurt him physically. Well, I
Speaker 1: didn't know what to do. I went, I actually went,
Speaker 1: I'm sleeping on the couch. And I took and you
Speaker 1: walked two feet. I did, Yes, I took a pillow,
Speaker 1: I took a blanket, I went on the couch, I
Speaker 1: laid down. I went, fuck this, you're sleeping on the
Speaker 1: couch and I got off that. Yeah, And she she
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know what's going on. I went,
Speaker 1: you just said this. Yeah. She was like, I don't
Speaker 1: know where that came from. I swear to to this
Speaker 1: day she does. I was like, and I told you this,
Speaker 1: she stands by Yeah, I'm out him knew anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I know she was just having a really romantic dream.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, she haven't dream. Yeah, some that's
Speaker 1: the only way. That's the only explanation. And she really
Speaker 1: didn't do anything, or maybe she was drunk and she
Speaker 1: got into bed and she thought that he was still
Speaker 1: there and kissed her and was like, But then my
Speaker 1: reaction would be like, what the funk are you doing?
Speaker 1: Get off me? So many questions? Serial Part two? Yeah,
Speaker 1: part three? Oh sorry, I second one no one paid attention. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't even know the second one existed. Problem the
Speaker 1: guy from the army. Yeah, anyway, it wasn't great. So
Speaker 1: um so that happens. She swears this day nothing happened.
Speaker 1: She's I was like, I need clarity. Tell me if
Speaker 1: I'm like, that would drive me fucking nothing. She's like,
Speaker 1: I swear to God, I swear nothing. And I mean,
Speaker 1: you know her, I do her. Just have to choose
Speaker 1: to believe. And even if she is lying, it's whatever.
Speaker 1: We're past it, yeah, because keeping bringing it up it
Speaker 1: does not health. It doesn't make anything. To choose to
Speaker 1: let it go. So then we were still living together
Speaker 1: and she went away to a on a vacation and
Speaker 1: that's when I think she got sports camp. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was actually she called me with a bunch of cocks
Speaker 1: in her mouth shut up. Hey h Now she goes
Speaker 1: away um to this trip and she calls me. I
Speaker 1: think that's when she got the balls to be like
Speaker 1: we gotta end this. Calls me, goes, I'm about to
Speaker 1: go up on a show. I'm literally standing waiting for
Speaker 1: the host to stop bombing. All right, we get it
Speaker 1: my cannon just so I'm waiting, and you know, she
Speaker 1: she breaks up with me. We do it kind of together,
Speaker 1: not saying it was my idea, but I go, you
Speaker 1: know what, you're right, this is not working. You're not
Speaker 1: in person. You are you're at a show on phone
Speaker 1: on the phone. Yeah, And then I went, I have
Speaker 1: to go, I'm about to go up. And then it
Speaker 1: was text message. So I'm shaking when I when you
Speaker 1: have the text combo like that that you're like fucking
Speaker 1: furious it is. It's a bummer, it's yeah, something else.
Speaker 1: But there was also a little bit of like, oh,
Speaker 1: we were we kind of got the balls to do this,
Speaker 1: to break up. There's a relief there, sure is. It's like,
Speaker 1: finally we're not going to have to deal with this.
Speaker 1: I don't I guess it wasn't getting better. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: did have a great set if that means anything, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because you were all amped up, so we're feeling real feelings. Yes,
Speaker 1: So then after whatever, we're done. Um. She were still
Speaker 1: living together. So for a month while I was trying
Speaker 1: to find a new place, which I moved into this
Speaker 1: terrible My roommate was a Croatian war vet. I mean
Speaker 1: that sounds fun, and he would smoke cigarettes and indoors. Indoors.
Speaker 1: He would let hell people stay over well kind of
Speaker 1: very sweet, kind of dangerous. My neighbors were right at
Speaker 1: my window blasting it was. It was a nightmare. I
Speaker 1: was still living there for a month. And tell me
Speaker 1: if I'm rambling, no, no, no way. So I'm still
Speaker 1: living there for a month. She's now she went to
Speaker 1: a wedding with this guy. Right. Did you see pictures
Speaker 1: on Facebook? No? No, she told me, she went, I'm
Speaker 1: going okay, no, But afterwards, did you see pictures on Facebook? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I saw one picture. But I wasn't living there and
Speaker 1: I hadn't talked to her, and I blocked her. I
Speaker 1: blocked her on everything. I was like, I can't put
Speaker 1: myself through this. But so when I was still living there,
Speaker 1: she said to me, She's like, yeah, I'm going to
Speaker 1: a wedding blah blah blah with this guy. I go,
Speaker 1: that's a big deal. I'm like, that's a really big
Speaker 1: and still to this, to that point, she was saying
Speaker 1: that they weren't anything. So then after God, come on,
Speaker 1: one time I get home in an uber and he's
Speaker 1: driving her car. Yea, which, by the way, I still
Speaker 1: want to say, she's not a bad person for all
Speaker 1: of this. No, I don't. I don't think that at all.
Speaker 1: This is where it starts getting like on her part,
Speaker 1: you were broken up, she could do wherever she wants. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, we'll see about that anyway. So anyway, I
Speaker 1: did get home once in an uber and uber pool
Speaker 1: and he was driving her car like with her in it,
Speaker 1: and I just got I was like, oh it, literally,
Speaker 1: this is nice, great And she goes what She's like what,
Speaker 1: And I go, I know what you're doing. I see it.
Speaker 1: I'm not a freaking idiot. She starts crying. She's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what it's got. It's nothing's happening, I know.
Speaker 1: So then after the wedding, she comes by to pick
Speaker 1: me up from beauty bar because we're still living together,
Speaker 1: and she told me something happened for the first time
Speaker 1: between them at the wedding. So you're not outdating, but
Speaker 1: she's still like giving you right, she's still living together.
Speaker 1: I don't know she we were still talking and who
Speaker 1: tell you that she was the uber pool? But maybe
Speaker 1: did that give you some sense of sanity or that
Speaker 1: make you feel valid in your I pushed it out.
Speaker 1: Did they fun? Did they make out? They didn't. Okay,
Speaker 1: they made out finger blow dry. I don't know. Sucks
Speaker 1: a dick, looked his asshole whatever. I think it was
Speaker 1: just asshole. They hooked up. Okay, that's not bad. So
Speaker 1: they hooked up. There's clarity. Whatever I'm screaming, I go.
Speaker 1: I actually said to her. I was like, you're his
Speaker 1: fucking problem now, blah blah blah blah blah. So then
Speaker 1: I so then she's like sleeping at his place and
Speaker 1: I'm at home and I'm just leaving. It's always good
Speaker 1: to push people right into the arms of the person
Speaker 1: you don't want. It's my tactic. Yeah. I did everything wrong,
Speaker 1: everything wrong, everything that could take. But I mean, this
Speaker 1: is human. You're human, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: so many people have been in these shoots. You're all
Speaker 1: learning experiences, especially forgiveness. It's a big learning of Jesus
Speaker 1: or something. I'm kidding this, I don't know, but you're
Speaker 1: you're more in touch with yourself. I've been letting negativity
Speaker 1: push me for my entire life, right, and I've been
Speaker 1: this negative. I'm still going to be the self building
Speaker 1: piece of ship that I am. Yeah, because that's what
Speaker 1: makes you lovable. Yeah. Well, I mean it's funny, and
Speaker 1: it's trying to like yourself at some point, because you
Speaker 1: can still like yourself and be funny. I don't know
Speaker 1: about that. It's true like ourselves. Yeah, it's very important
Speaker 1: for yourself. I'm gonna go up on stage later and go,
Speaker 1: you know, man, I think I'm great. Okay, no one
Speaker 1: likes that. Don't do that. Self deprecating humor is also hilarious,
Speaker 1: But self deprecating humor it's so much more fun to
Speaker 1: do when you actually don't feel the things, like so
Speaker 1: deeply that you're saying, yeah, like, oh, I mean I was. Well,
Speaker 1: now I'm like trying to I'm really trying to get
Speaker 1: in touch with like good things about myself. I want
Speaker 1: a good approach. I never wanted to protest before, and
Speaker 1: now I didn't think that was where I was going.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I actually went to go March
Speaker 1: re Catharsis. I went to I went to go March,
Speaker 1: but I took the six tring to the entry and
Speaker 1: then had to walk through. That's by the time I
Speaker 1: got there, I was like, I think, yeah, I'm tired.
Speaker 1: So so anyway, yeah, so I am trying to be positive,
Speaker 1: but I'm trying not to be like that guy. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean, that's like speak ritual, but I
Speaker 1: would love to be spiritual. But anyway, so basically I
Speaker 1: kept saying everybody, I'm like, I'm like so mad. I'm like,
Speaker 1: she didn't even wait for my fucking body to get
Speaker 1: cold kind of thing. Like she's she's staying at that
Speaker 1: guy's place. I'm still in this apartment, and I'm feeling
Speaker 1: the ironic nous of the whole thing where now I'm
Speaker 1: alone in this apartment. She was alone, and now I'm
Speaker 1: alone here, and she's going out and living up the
Speaker 1: life that she wants to live. So then we break up.
Speaker 1: Four months go by, Um, I actually hooked up with
Speaker 1: somebody in this apartments my apartment. Oh yeah, I didn't
Speaker 1: suck anybody here wait my apartment. Oh my god, that
Speaker 1: makes me really happy. Yeah. So it's it's all going okay,
Speaker 1: it's going through the breakup thing. And then she turn
Speaker 1: this off. Don't always forget when I say that, when
Speaker 1: we say that to people, and then I forget. I'll
Speaker 1: tell you guys after so um so, okay, whatever, we
Speaker 1: broken up. Whatever, and then she show it up. Well,
Speaker 1: she was texting me sometimes and then I went to
Speaker 1: my therapist and he goes text her right now to
Speaker 1: never talk to you again. Whoa, And I go, dude,
Speaker 1: I can't do that. Yeah, that's a little harsh. And
Speaker 1: he goes do it. He goes, do it. You'll never
Speaker 1: do it. He watched the Tony Robbins documentary one too
Speaker 1: many times. Well, yeah, I go to the same therapist
Speaker 1: as a lot of people. I know. I want you.
Speaker 1: They said, I want to go to him. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I give you, and they said he's a comic. Who
Speaker 1: this is. I didn't go to him, but I have
Speaker 1: sent people there because I can't think of anything I
Speaker 1: would want less than a therapist who knows everyone I know.
Speaker 1: I'm like, nope, I want a therapist that no one.
Speaker 1: Well he's good. I've heard he's told comics that like
Speaker 1: they're just mediocre. Sometimes it goes, well, maybe just maybe
Speaker 1: the second way you do us send him a tape
Speaker 1: like our first couple of sessions, He's like, send me
Speaker 1: a your stone. You know what, Now I like this
Speaker 1: to get a tape for my therapist. I'm like going
Speaker 1: to clubs and can und damn you have seven minutes.
Speaker 1: I just got past that my therapist office. Yeah you guys,
Speaker 1: are you going to therapy? Fester? So I checked her
Speaker 1: never talked to me again, Oh you did it? I
Speaker 1: did it? And she goes, what question mark? Question mark
Speaker 1: question calling me? Finally answer and she's like, what's happening?
Speaker 1: What's going on? And I go I'm like just I'm like,
Speaker 1: don't talk to me. And she was like okay, And
Speaker 1: then she shows up at a comedy after that day, whoa,
Speaker 1: and I went, I'm sorry. I was like, I didn't
Speaker 1: want that. I know I didn't want that, but you
Speaker 1: were also that's how you felt you didn't want that,
Speaker 1: That's really how I felt. We hugged, we kissed, um,
Speaker 1: we didn't lick each other's butt holes or whatever. But
Speaker 1: then why did you say it initially? Why did you
Speaker 1: let someone force you into saying something that you didn't feel.
Speaker 1: Because I was vulnerable. I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1: Maybe this guy does know what's best. Yeah, because technically
Speaker 1: he was right, that is kind of what you should do.
Speaker 1: But I shouldn't let him tell me to do it
Speaker 1: for sure, I guess, you know. So then after that,
Speaker 1: whatever we're talking. Then I'm at the road Rhode Island
Speaker 1: Comedy Festival and I mean Rogue Island Comedy Sorry, Rogue Island.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And she texts
Speaker 1: me and she's like, I know you didn't want me
Speaker 1: to talk, but I made the biggest mistake of my life.
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah blah, very feeling bad and all that
Speaker 1: ship And then Sports has a small dick. Yes, yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: well she said he was a real asshole. Seriously, yeah,
Speaker 1: I said he was a real dick. So, I mean,
Speaker 1: who here is surprised? I mean a little. I painted
Speaker 1: him as like a nice guy who does that? Who
Speaker 1: fucking who tries to get with someone who has a
Speaker 1: you know, he's like five, he hangs at zog Sports,
Speaker 1: he preys on people. He was my dad, he's nine,
Speaker 1: he's he's the fonds of Zog Sports. Yeah yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: He had the best knee and the team really yeah.
Speaker 1: Um so and then were you like, I'm yours? Well,
Speaker 1: I I was like, I was like, funk off. I
Speaker 1: was like no, yeah, thank god. I really was hoping
Speaker 1: that you would know. I was like, and then you know,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, but I still care about you,
Speaker 1: and she's like, okay, all right. And then a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks went by where it was like, okay, we
Speaker 1: said that, and we kind of got that, and I
Speaker 1: felt a little bit of clarity. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: so this kind of didn't end so bad, don't. I
Speaker 1: don't like when I know someone out in the world
Speaker 1: hates me or or or if it ends bad. I
Speaker 1: hate that. So whatever. And then really, that's an interesting
Speaker 1: fact about you. Why I just wouldn't think that you
Speaker 1: would that, because that was audiences leave hating me. You're
Speaker 1: paging stuff is not funny, and you're so funny. I
Speaker 1: very rarely see you bomb. I didn't bring this up,
Speaker 1: but you're my I mean, I've told you all the
Speaker 1: goddamn time, But my guys, you're listening to my father's
Speaker 1: favorite comedian he just one bit about a c pat machine.
Speaker 1: My dad. She was He almost had a heart attack.
Speaker 1: He was laughing so hard. When crying you got to
Speaker 1: see like the forty year old and up men they kneel.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, because there I mean. Yeah. So anyway,
Speaker 1: so a couple of weeks go by and nothing's going on.
Speaker 1: I feel a little bit better. I'm sure she does too. Hey,
Speaker 1: we we know we still care about her. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: so happy that it didn't work out. Not in a
Speaker 1: way that I'm like I want her to be happy,
Speaker 1: but I'm not with this fucking So one night she
Speaker 1: shows up to uh New York comedy club and a
Speaker 1: real swim fan here, she's soaking that it wasn't raining. Yeah,
Speaker 1: her pussy was leaking and now and she's like, can
Speaker 1: I talk to you outside? She's like, I'm constantly thinking
Speaker 1: about you. I hate how things ended. I'm so happy
Speaker 1: with you. I'm not happy stuff where it's like a
Speaker 1: part of me. She did say, She's like, I don't
Speaker 1: think I could be happy with someone again, which I
Speaker 1: was like, be happy with somebody, Well, that's sometimes you
Speaker 1: can't see into the future like that. Sometimes you just
Speaker 1: never be happy. That that takes a lot of trial
Speaker 1: and anyway, so you got anything to plug or sometimes
Speaker 1: we'll never be happy. Next three week Amber Rose comes
Speaker 1: back for any so we um we start talking again
Speaker 1: and you know, we kissed that night and well, I
Speaker 1: don't want to get too into it. She was having
Speaker 1: that night. It was you know, like or like it
Speaker 1: was like a like a peck. No, it was like
Speaker 1: it was it was it was passionate, but it wasn't
Speaker 1: Tom passionate. You were in public. We were like, just like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to It was just like a just
Speaker 1: really standing there stoically. It was like that firm lift. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, so that happened and then uh and then
Speaker 1: we started kind of seeing each other with being like,
Speaker 1: we're not boyfriend girlfriend, it's really for that. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that was coming from solely me, by the way. And
Speaker 1: uh so I just said that like Colin Quinn if
Speaker 1: you yeah, so yeah, I don't know what's happening, right, sorry.
Speaker 1: Uh Colin Quinn lived in a coal mine for his
Speaker 1: whole life, did he? That's what I think your head
Speaker 1: over and started talking deep like Colin Quinn was a
Speaker 1: little bit of a Stephen thing on Instagram or I'm
Speaker 1: doing this thing on Instagram where I'm doing a female
Speaker 1: Colin Quinn. So it's just Colin Quinn saying like femalely
Speaker 1: things like you know, I went to putting a tamp
Speaker 1: on the other day and I was expired. I didn't
Speaker 1: even know it could get expired. And it was like milk,
Speaker 1: So keep running with that, and uh so can we
Speaker 1: talk to se Is Brendan on like an apparition? So
Speaker 1: then we started dating again. But when we every time
Speaker 1: we got into a fight, I fucking used that thing
Speaker 1: like it was a visa that never yes exactly, why
Speaker 1: don't you go on dog sports dot com? That was
Speaker 1: like so dumb where it was like carrying out tonight.
Speaker 1: It was like get off my case, fun someone else
Speaker 1: like that. And then eventually she was like, you can't
Speaker 1: keep holding that over me, and I was like, you're right,
Speaker 1: you're right, I'm nasshole. I'm sorry. We make mistakes, and
Speaker 1: uh now we're in a long distance relationship. We went
Speaker 1: from living together till now now she's living in Long Island. Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean, I thought you were gonna stay like Australia.
Speaker 1: Now she's in Australia, And I keep saying pictures of
Speaker 1: guys and but I'm sure it's nothing. Make the same
Speaker 1: mistake twice. Yeah, she's from Long Island. Or is it
Speaker 1: nice being long distance in the time you do have
Speaker 1: you treasure? Yeah? Okay, yeah? Do you need to run away? Christina?
Speaker 1: And you need help? Who's getting the forward to you? Heart?
Speaker 1: And just need to be positive people. I totally get
Speaker 1: what you're saying. But it was hard for a while,
Speaker 1: but then I just started telling myself, like again with
Speaker 1: the letting positivity push me instead of fucking negativity. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I go, because you can pick, like, just pick positive.
Speaker 1: It's easier. I'm on a train, I can write, I can,
Speaker 1: I can. I feel good when I'm out there seeing her,
Speaker 1: So why is travel on such issue? I also, like,
Speaker 1: I dated someone in Jersey for a while and it
Speaker 1: was actually really nice because it felt like an escape
Speaker 1: to do that, a vacation, like when I would go
Speaker 1: and see him and like, now I know, like when
Speaker 1: I'm in New Jersey, this is like time for this person,
Speaker 1: and then when I'm back it's time for me. And like,
Speaker 1: because when you're a comic, like you really can't give
Speaker 1: up more than one night maybe two a week. So
Speaker 1: when you're here, you really can focus and put a
Speaker 1: percent of your energy into it. It doesn't seem bad
Speaker 1: at all. And so you're together currently, Yeah, and I'm
Speaker 1: I'm trying to, you know, invest my time in her,
Speaker 1: and you know, it still sucks because I'll be like,
Speaker 1: we should go on vacation, and then months will go
Speaker 1: by where I'm like, I didn't do anything about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you gotta ball hand something, Yeah, you gotta make moves.
Speaker 1: But that's you know. So I'm going out there tonight.
Speaker 1: I'm going and I'm gonna spend a couple of days
Speaker 1: with her and oh good, all good? Yeah? And is
Speaker 1: your sex life better a little bit? I still come
Speaker 1: super fucking early. Are you wearing a condom when you
Speaker 1: do this? You know if I was wearing a condom,
Speaker 1: wear a condom? Yeah that's the problem. Yeah, are you
Speaker 1: being Is this a joke? How come home? Already? Have
Speaker 1: had this conversation with so many guys. Where a condom?
Speaker 1: What's the probably give you some skin condoms, they're the best.
Speaker 1: We haven't have so many condoms here, and it's right,
Speaker 1: so many we have, but plugs, we have everything. It's
Speaker 1: just so frustrating because it's like, you know, you're going
Speaker 1: you're going through this thing that's obviously frustrating for yourself
Speaker 1: and like there's a real but you could you could,
Speaker 1: you could figure it out even you know, and yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's one of those things where it makes me
Speaker 1: feel like shit, I'm like fucking that, And honestly, it's
Speaker 1: probably annoying for her. Every time Stephen does that, I'm like,
Speaker 1: he's like, are you came too fat? I'm like, you
Speaker 1: say that after every time? Shut the perfect Yeah, I
Speaker 1: personally don't care like that the length of time. It's
Speaker 1: I'm totally good with that. Actually, while I was looking
Speaker 1: for like a numbing jell or something like that, just
Speaker 1: take a brick and just drop it on your day
Speaker 1: that I have a lot of traumatic things that I
Speaker 1: think about, Like I saw my grandma fully nude once,
Speaker 1: so I'm sorry, and so what you think about this
Speaker 1: while you're fucking sometimes One time, one time I was
Speaker 1: with a girl and that that said to me. She
Speaker 1: was like, think of something else, and I was like, jeez,
Speaker 1: where some fucking romance in this? But I did. So
Speaker 1: are you to think about my grandma naked? Your grandma's vagina?
Speaker 1: And I think about her drowning. Did she drown you? Okay? No?
Speaker 1: Oh did you hate her? I love her? She's my name.
Speaker 1: You can think about like you know, you can think
Speaker 1: about like a lamp or something, you know. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't mean to take this into a weird I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to be fully honest here. Yeah. No, it's good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's curious why you went to drowning. Sex doesn't
Speaker 1: need to be that hard, and like if it feels
Speaker 1: like it's that hard, there probably is something like medically
Speaker 1: like that you could be doing that. You don't why
Speaker 1: you don't have to think you don't have to do
Speaker 1: because I think you're like it's great that you're like
Speaker 1: went to a therapist and you're seeking out all these
Speaker 1: kind of mental health tactics, but like physical health is
Speaker 1: part of it too, So like if you can't come,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go see a therapist first, I would go
Speaker 1: see a doctor first. Yeah, because especially as a man
Speaker 1: for a woman, I actually might see a therapist first,
Speaker 1: but like a man coming, I would see a doctor.
Speaker 1: Well whenever, whenever I get hammered, I I'm super, it's
Speaker 1: the best. I come right on time. Everything's great. But
Speaker 1: I don't want to be like, yeah, it depending on Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we're a condom. I'll give you a bunch. I'll
Speaker 1: grab some condoms. Um, we have to wrap because we've
Speaker 1: been talking for every hour. But is there anything else
Speaker 1: that you want to want to end on and then
Speaker 1: promote your ship? No? I just think you know, I
Speaker 1: like this self that you're you're you're really into self
Speaker 1: exploration and ship and yeah, it's a new thing, hi Kei.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be more and this is solely inspired
Speaker 1: by that documentary Present and accept my life, and so
Speaker 1: many people are not will never be present, and they
Speaker 1: don't even realize that they're not being present. And it
Speaker 1: feels so good to be president. Yeah. And I would
Speaker 1: just say to everybody, try to let positivity push you,
Speaker 1: but don't be a fucking quick you're about yeah right, don't.
Speaker 1: Oh god, that was bad on two levels. Um, so
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you you offended me with the positive
Speaker 1: comment and then you fended like half Like half Brendan
Speaker 1: is very not homophoba. Thank you for having me. I'm
Speaker 1: I've known you guys for so long. Yeah, man, it
Speaker 1: was fun. Now I'm seeing you guys fucking grow and thanks.
Speaker 1: Here's so many more funeral conversations. I can't wait. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Yeah, that's really cool. And where can we
Speaker 1: find you on the internet. Brendan Sagalo on everything and
Speaker 1: listen to my podcast because I'm I love it very
Speaker 1: much and I love doing It's called the Stupid Little Podcast,
Speaker 1: Little podcast, stupid little podcast. And also May eighth, I
Speaker 1: am headlining Carolines commed New York City. Yes, seven thirty. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's gonna being code SAgs s A G S perfect
Speaker 1: Yes for like ten ten dollar tickets. Brand is very
Speaker 1: fucking funny and Rosebuds on it. My kid, guys, people
Speaker 1: except might be so great but fiend dog. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a great show. Awesome. Well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for talking to us. We really appreciate it's fun.
Speaker 1: Thanks for going across street getting beers to this has
Speaker 1: been guys. We fuck the Anti Slot Chimney podcast. We'll
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