Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys. We Fucked. Guys, We Guys book. Christ
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about last night anti sluck shaming podcast. I
Speaker 1: never stopped. Hey fuckers, how you doing. Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys, Oh We Fucked. It's the anti sluck
Speaker 1: shaming podcast, Um kar um, Christina Welcome. You can follow
Speaker 1: us on social media at Philanthropy Gal. Sorry about last
Speaker 1: night Hutch with two Wise didn't pick it, and that's
Speaker 1: how you can keep up to date with our touring
Speaker 1: schedules and anything else crazy we have going on in
Speaker 1: our lives. Uh So, this week's news story that we're
Speaker 1: gonna cover I actually found on Instagram, which normally not
Speaker 1: a reliable source. In this case, I thought it was interesting.
Speaker 1: It's a little bit of a New York centric story story,
Speaker 1: but hey, we live here, and uh that's our lives.
Speaker 1: So unbound um, which is a person an all pleasure brand.
Speaker 1: We've actually advertised with them before. Uh that is not
Speaker 1: We're not being paid to do this. I just thought
Speaker 1: it was a worthy cause. So they posted on Instagram
Speaker 1: and a couple of fuckers tagged us in it, and
Speaker 1: I went to look at it and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this isn't a meme about choking. Maybe I should actually
Speaker 1: take this seriously because that's what you people usually tag
Speaker 1: me in. UM, so it says we need your help.
Speaker 1: Last week, Unbound submitted our first ad campaign to the
Speaker 1: m t A, which is the public transportation system in
Speaker 1: New York, and we were rejected. After emails and a
Speaker 1: phone call, the m t A confirmed that our ads
Speaker 1: were denied for being quote offensive sexual material um. And
Speaker 1: so I was like looking at that and there it's
Speaker 1: basically like they're really cool animations of like women in
Speaker 1: bed not touching themselves, but there's like vibrators and kind
Speaker 1: of feathers and shees and it looks like my room
Speaker 1: right now. Yeah, there's there's stuff out like this girl
Speaker 1: is ready to go to town and have a great
Speaker 1: U night with herself. And I was like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: understand them not wanting like a picture with a dildo
Speaker 1: in it. But then I saw pictures of all the
Speaker 1: other things that had not been rejected for the m
Speaker 1: t A, including um, something about a rectile dysfunction stuff
Speaker 1: for the Museum of Sex, which that those ads are
Speaker 1: all over Because there's really big ads in the subways.
Speaker 1: If you've never been in them um, And then there's
Speaker 1: literally one that just says in all caps, still a
Speaker 1: virgin for help call, And then there's a toll free
Speaker 1: number act as if being a virgin is like a
Speaker 1: problem or something. Yeah, it is. Uh, it looks like
Speaker 1: it is for a movie because there's an a rating
Speaker 1: on it. But just like a lot of stuff that
Speaker 1: is either sexual or sex related to men or bodies,
Speaker 1: it's certainly like it doesn't make sense based on the
Speaker 1: other stuff that has allowed in the subway that you
Speaker 1: wouldn't allow, especially because this is a it's a drawing.
Speaker 1: It's not even a real woman. It's artistic rendering of
Speaker 1: a woman's skanky, fun bedroom. And it's like it's not
Speaker 1: even really skate it's not. I mean, that's how I'm
Speaker 1: assuming the m t A had to have thought, right,
Speaker 1: And I'm bounces Beau. It's a great drawing, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it says uh Bound says we wanted to convey the
Speaker 1: idea that the pursuit of sexual well being and is
Speaker 1: an act of self love and to showcase the belief
Speaker 1: that women's sexuality is something worthy of more public visibility,
Speaker 1: and they did so by commissioning the artwork that is
Speaker 1: featured and you can follow on my Instagram at Unbound
Speaker 1: Babes and see this UM. And so, since the m
Speaker 1: t A won't take their ads, they're asking for the
Speaker 1: help of people. And this kind of stuff really strike
Speaker 1: strikes a chord with us here because we went through
Speaker 1: a very similar thing with guys we fucked when we
Speaker 1: first tried to get on iTunes. We had the same
Speaker 1: thing where there was other sexual content, there was other
Speaker 1: lewd quotes, content that was UM, male driven, and they
Speaker 1: just weren't getting the same kind of pushback that we
Speaker 1: were getting UM. And so take a look, obviously, don't
Speaker 1: just take our word from it, as with everything, go
Speaker 1: look for yourself, see your thoughts on it, if it's
Speaker 1: something that you would feel comfortable seeing, especially compared to
Speaker 1: the other things that are already allowed in the subway. UM.
Speaker 1: And then they said, if you believe that this art
Speaker 1: and women's sexuality deserve equal access to public forums, please
Speaker 1: consider screenshotting and sharing the artwork above with the hashtag
Speaker 1: uh w t F m t A UM. And I
Speaker 1: just thought that was really interesting because and then they updated. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: an erectic and erectile dysfunction company has bought out Grand
Speaker 1: Central Station good because starting today, I was just gonna
Speaker 1: say you should also people by a computer currently look
Speaker 1: up how much research and how many different kinds of
Speaker 1: boner pills there are, and how many studies go into
Speaker 1: boner pills. You'll find that there's a lot. There's only
Speaker 1: one female version of VIAGRAA that barely fucking worked because
Speaker 1: guys WoT the female viagra but the pill didn't really
Speaker 1: go anywhere. And then the one form of male birth control,
Speaker 1: half the fucking dudes dropped out of the study because
Speaker 1: they were moody, and I'm just like, god, damn. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I just thought that was really interesting, and I love,
Speaker 1: you know, I love getting together and fighting in the
Speaker 1: good fight for people trying to make a difference. So
Speaker 1: that's our news story for today. Listen to some ask guys. Hey.
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Speaker 1: F Christina. When things get crazy, I wind up eating
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Speaker 1: Oh my god. New York City Nacho Bitches May Edition
Speaker 1: is Friday, May twenty five at New York Comedy Club.
Speaker 1: Tickets are twelve dollars with code Nacho. That'll be co
Speaker 1: hosted by a Rosebud Baker and myself. We have a
Speaker 1: great lineup, very excited to present it to you. And
Speaker 1: then Los Angeles, Los Angeles, California. I'm coming back to you,
Speaker 1: even though you call me fat uh just as a city.
Speaker 1: You know, it's really just a gay man on Melrose
Speaker 1: that I'm holding a guy that just one guy um,
Speaker 1: and it's fine. I'll make sure I'll hold a grudge
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life and make sure that I,
Speaker 1: you know, make his life. I'm a living hell. He's
Speaker 1: unhappy with himself. It's his own thing. Um So, Los Angeles, Uh,
Speaker 1: Blair Saki and I are bringing Nacho Bitches for the
Speaker 1: first time ever to Los Angeles. We're gonna be in
Speaker 1: the Bell the Room at the Comedy Store on Sunday May. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's a Sunday, but it's a Memorial Day weekend, bitches,
Speaker 1: so you don't got work on Monday. Uh. Tickets for
Speaker 1: that will also be twelve dollars. The show is that
Speaker 1: a PM. We're gonna have a sick ass fucking line up,
Speaker 1: so stay tuned. Hey, if you're New York City. On Saturday,
Speaker 1: June two, Wendy Starling and I are co hosting our
Speaker 1: monthly show Glamor Plus at seven thirty pm, which is
Speaker 1: as Zinc Bar as always a to us Third Street
Speaker 1: tickets of fifteen bucks. Links by tickets is in the
Speaker 1: description of this podcast. Salt Lake City, we have two
Speaker 1: shows on June eighth and two shows on June ninth
Speaker 1: at Wise. Guys, come on down Minneapolis, Minnesota, June fourteenth
Speaker 1: through the sixteenth, we're gonna be at the House of
Speaker 1: Comedy that's in the Mall of America, So you're gonna
Speaker 1: go to Sorry about last Night Comedy dot com slash
Speaker 1: tours for all those dates. Please make sure to buy tickets,
Speaker 1: like in advance, because comedy clubs are like, wow, we
Speaker 1: thought no one was coming, and like, sometimes if you
Speaker 1: don't sell tickets out, a lot of times you guys
Speaker 1: are buying tickets that week, which is great and we
Speaker 1: super appreciate it, but like, if the tickets don't go
Speaker 1: sometimes they want to cancel, so we wanted them to
Speaker 1: not do that because we want to make sure we
Speaker 1: do all the shows. And then if you are bored
Speaker 1: and you're done listening to episodes of Guys, we fund
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Speaker 1: and now welcome a new sponsor. I mean this is
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Speaker 1: can't believe they both want to spot, they both want
Speaker 1: to work with that. This is an honor. There's two
Speaker 1: very special men who's who heard about guys we fucked
Speaker 1: and they said we need in on this. The first
Speaker 1: one is named Ben, the second Jerry. Holy Ship, boy,
Speaker 1: did they come from my break? I won some kind
Speaker 1: of an award honestly, I don't. There's copy here and
Speaker 1: I'm going to read it, but like, oh you guys.
Speaker 1: Number one, if you're not familiar with Ben and Jerry,
Speaker 1: where then do you live? And number two, if you're
Speaker 1: eating any other uh form of ice cream and you're
Speaker 1: not like poverty stricken, you need to you need to
Speaker 1: go back to our other sponsor, talk space and get
Speaker 1: somehow because you're making bad choices. I'm just gonna go
Speaker 1: out and say you're making bad choices if you look,
Speaker 1: if you look in a freezer and Ben and Jerry's
Speaker 1: is an option and you pick anything other than Ben
Speaker 1: and Jerry's, you're stupid. And that's again not copy coming
Speaker 1: from them, from our hearts. We're probably going to get
Speaker 1: an email about that. I choose a big ice cream
Speaker 1: because they sell in New York City. Great, there are
Speaker 1: awesome to Ben and Jerry's. God, Ben and Jerry's Classic.
Speaker 1: I've never had a flavor that I did not like.
Speaker 1: You have. Super Chunk was my go to. Even the
Speaker 1: dairy free is good. My favorite is actually this is
Speaker 1: a curveball and this is my I'm gonna give profits
Speaker 1: to my old room college roommate bow Me. She that's racist.
Speaker 1: It is she she introduced me to cookie. Oh, I
Speaker 1: would imagine that would be really good, and it is
Speaker 1: a fantastic, fantastic flavor. Okay, Summer is fast approchate, which
Speaker 1: means that we'll all be searching for ways to stay cool.
Speaker 1: Perfect timing, because Ben and Jerry's has a new line
Speaker 1: of frozen novelties called pint Slices. Wait, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to stay in the loop. It's like
Speaker 1: for months. Oh my god, what Please Ben and Jerry's
Speaker 1: don't insult me. Okay. Everyone knows Ben and Jerry's for
Speaker 1: their delicious ice cream and wide range of iconic flavors
Speaker 1: with chunks and swirls surrounded by Ben and Jerry's legendary
Speaker 1: ice cream and in robed which I love when they
Speaker 1: use that in food descriptions in a chocolate coating. Pint
Speaker 1: slices and I've had them, of course I have. Are
Speaker 1: everything you love about your favorite point of Ben and
Speaker 1: Jerry's sliced. I'm gonna tell now share a story about
Speaker 1: the first time I had a pint slice. Um, So,
Speaker 1: James and I we had gone out on a romantic date.
Speaker 1: We like to eat Indian food a lot. It's very spicy.
Speaker 1: If you're not following up Indian food with ice cream, again,
Speaker 1: your living life incorrectly. So we did walk several blocks
Speaker 1: in the rain. I got to a bodega. I looked
Speaker 1: in that freezer, the one that you looked down in
Speaker 1: that they always and then sometimes there's some bias and ship.
Speaker 1: There's some bleak options in there. There's some pushpops that
Speaker 1: haven't been touched in decades with stone Ship. But like
Speaker 1: a like a glimmering ray of sunshine in my bleak,
Speaker 1: bleak life. I saw a pint slice and I like
Speaker 1: the word slice because it mirids me a pizza. And
Speaker 1: I like the word pint because it reminds me of beer.
Speaker 1: And I said, let's get into this. Let's give me
Speaker 1: this pizza, you know what. I like it because it's
Speaker 1: like if you're getting a pint of ben and Jerry's Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't walk the streets. Even I wouldn't walk the
Speaker 1: streets with a full you're having a breakdown if you're
Speaker 1: walking the streets but a pint. But a pint slice,
Speaker 1: you can you eat it in the wrapper, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's some kind of a fast food Burger or
Speaker 1: something and still feel like, well, you know what, I
Speaker 1: have my Ben and Jerry's, but I also have my
Speaker 1: pride today. And you don't need no spoon. That's amazing.
Speaker 1: You don't get one after this recording available in seven
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Speaker 1: It's very good. One slice gives you all of Ben
Speaker 1: and Jerry is, Plus the convenient hand held format makes
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Speaker 1: but I I went off the okay whatever, whether your
Speaker 1: pool side or cruising along the coast, No spoon, no problem,
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Speaker 1: really love oh perfect, Christina, just got a weed delivery.
Speaker 1: You just did. You said it already on the record.
Speaker 1: I did. Hey, who's fab fit and fun? I thought, literally,
Speaker 1: your weed box looks like a fab fit Fun box,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Wow, what great timing that would
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Speaker 1: like you open the box and you're like, I hate
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Speaker 1: is moisturized. Yeah, and my lips. Look, it's really good,
Speaker 1: really man, So what's going what's going on in your life?
Speaker 1: We're like, what's going in pussy? Well? You did mention
Speaker 1: several times throughout recordings today that you need to get
Speaker 1: a Plan B shout out to all the hose of
Speaker 1: Murray Hill, because I have been to three pharmacies and
Speaker 1: they are all sold out of Plan Bay. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: this is the neighborhood to not have it. God damn it,
Speaker 1: the Upper East Side. Um. Yeah, yeah, so I gotta
Speaker 1: get it. Because he said he he like, maybe pre
Speaker 1: preaches babies or no joke. I have a last two
Speaker 1: preaches babies, Hi, Brian? Are their names pre come one?
Speaker 1: Pre come to? Um? It's still like Stephanie and Sarah. Um.
Speaker 1: I don't want to shot the kids out, but I
Speaker 1: don't know their names. Um. So yeah, your girl is okay.
Speaker 1: I have discovered appreciation in sexting, not only sexty. I
Speaker 1: lost my virginity. I lost my sexting virginity this past weekend,
Speaker 1: I lost my phone sexing virginity. Who would have thought
Speaker 1: that was gonna be fun? Very Miranda on sex in
Speaker 1: the City of You. I'm running for governor New York. Everybody,
Speaker 1: and I lost my naked photo. Yes, yes, yes, you're
Speaker 1: a little behind, but welcome to I know I'm a
Speaker 1: late bloomer. Hey, but I did not see the point
Speaker 1: in any of this ship. Yeah no, I just I
Speaker 1: knew that you saw the beauty in it. But I
Speaker 1: was like, maybe one day I'll see the light. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's just stop for me. And then you you meet
Speaker 1: somebody who's a fucking freak, and uh, you just I've
Speaker 1: never been so excited to send a photo. Oh it's great,
Speaker 1: it's great. I gotta fun, buddy, it was very fun.
Speaker 1: And uh and it's not when you say freaky, what
Speaker 1: do you mean? I mean for me like you did.
Speaker 1: I was like, you were pretty freaky before. I guess so,
Speaker 1: but like a lot of it just feels less freaky.
Speaker 1: I think when it's with a long term boyfriend, I
Speaker 1: guess so. But this started pissed on someone, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but yeah, well this is not dating at all. This
Speaker 1: is just the freak. And I've never gotten to know somebody.
Speaker 1: I've never gotten to know somebody very well their dirty
Speaker 1: side and not really know much about their life. It's
Speaker 1: kind of fun and show and hey, happy to be here. Um,
Speaker 1: it's great. I was in my apartment and one day
Speaker 1: he had come over and then he left, and then
Speaker 1: I was in my this apartment by myself, and I
Speaker 1: I started crying of joy because I seriously I I
Speaker 1: am so happy. Yeah, yeah, I am so happy. I
Speaker 1: am already experiencing the joy that I was desperately hoping
Speaker 1: I would find before I took the plunge. And wow,
Speaker 1: in your case, the plunge was leaving because most people,
Speaker 1: the plunge is getting married. The Plunge was not marriage
Speaker 1: at all. The Plunge was not getting married. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I but it was kind of this crazy moment
Speaker 1: of like when I first moved into this apartment when
Speaker 1: I was twenty two years old, I had ten dollars
Speaker 1: to my name. For the remaining five years after that,
Speaker 1: I had ten dollars to my name. But I have
Speaker 1: been through. I have had so many experiences in this apartment,
Speaker 1: and I've been I lived with these girls, Jesse and Julie,
Speaker 1: who I fucking love, and then Stephen and Jackie moved in,
Speaker 1: and then Jackie moved out. It was just Stephen and
Speaker 1: I and now it's just me and I'm looking around
Speaker 1: and I'm like I'm so cinematic. I am so fucking
Speaker 1: happy and proud of myself and doing like I just wow,
Speaker 1: I worked fucking hard and this is uh and I'm
Speaker 1: looking at that hard work, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And I'm like in a room surrounded by things I
Speaker 1: love and in a room where I've had so many
Speaker 1: like re record the podcast here. I just I don't know,
Speaker 1: It's just people have been in this living room. Amazing
Speaker 1: people have been in this living room. I fucked amazing
Speaker 1: people in this house. Amazing people have fucked in this house.
Speaker 1: I'm just so proud of this place. I really love it.
Speaker 1: It means a lot to me. Yeah, I know, there's
Speaker 1: like I'm an attachment. Like when I first moved into
Speaker 1: my apartment in Harlem. Like sometimes I'll just like, even
Speaker 1: if I'm not going on my terrace, I'll just look
Speaker 1: at my terrace and I'm like, that's really cool. I
Speaker 1: earned that. Yeah, every before. Man, it's gonna be meaningful
Speaker 1: because I pay the rent, pay my own damn bills. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I when I walked sometimes when I walked downstairs to
Speaker 1: my bedroom. First of all, like the fact that I
Speaker 1: fucking stares in an apartment. I think it is so cool,
Speaker 1: and I just I look around and I'm like, damn,
Speaker 1: I bought those curtains and I bought that fucking rug
Speaker 1: shoes on MATHI bottom couch. We're sitting there when you yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm so happy because I just I'm no longer
Speaker 1: letting the fear of making a decision that might be
Speaker 1: terrible way me down. And I'm seeing all the ways
Speaker 1: in which I was on edge over Um. Not it
Speaker 1: was the relationship that I had with Stephen, but it
Speaker 1: was also just I It's like, deep deep down, I
Speaker 1: knew what I had to do, but I was too
Speaker 1: much of a fucking pussy to do it, and and
Speaker 1: too much of a pussy to even realize like, oh
Speaker 1: you need to face this, Christina and actually not shove
Speaker 1: it down and like deal with it and like a
Speaker 1: big kid. And it's been amazing. Um and so but um, yeah,
Speaker 1: some the person spent the night last night? Um so
Speaker 1: what did you there? Was this a decision that you
Speaker 1: made a hand of time for him to stay over.
Speaker 1: He suggested it, and I was like, okay, I'm ready
Speaker 1: to take it to that level. And and I didn't
Speaker 1: sleep all night. Why you're oh, that's why I was
Speaker 1: he goddamn, this is a Whitney Cummings joke coming to life.
Speaker 1: He left the apartment and just I was buzzing around
Speaker 1: the letter. But I thought in the hallway and I
Speaker 1: was like Jesus Christ and echoes. I farted for like
Speaker 1: five straight minutes, and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's been so long since I held in farts for boys,
Speaker 1: and it's like a moment. It was nice. So he
Speaker 1: how did he suggest staying over? Like did he make
Speaker 1: it weird or sex? No? No, it was It wasn't
Speaker 1: weird at all. And it was like a thing where
Speaker 1: goodment well because I were very like open with each
Speaker 1: because I feel like if you could be honest with
Speaker 1: each other in a kinky way, like in filthy way,
Speaker 1: like like dressing up and using props, and if you can,
Speaker 1: if that's your sex life with the person, you can
Speaker 1: pretty much say whatever the funk you feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: without hurting people. Perverts, you know. I love pert Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I get it now and I love people who
Speaker 1: are outwardly perverts. Yeah, yeah, I mean I didn't I
Speaker 1: didn't think he was No, No, I don't know, he's not.
Speaker 1: I was like, I like like full on, like look
Speaker 1: like you're like a car salesman. But it's right, right,
Speaker 1: it's the same, you know, but on the inside, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's it's great because I've learned all
Speaker 1: of these tools to communicate with casual sex partners from
Speaker 1: this podcast. Right, it's annoying how much you've learned. And
Speaker 1: I've been using me too, and it's been amazing. We
Speaker 1: deserve these listeners because this goddamn good advice. It's great advice,
Speaker 1: is my own advice all the time. I've been using
Speaker 1: my own advice a lot and like good and we've
Speaker 1: had conversations and I'm not like if I think this,
Speaker 1: is he going to think that funk that I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna say what I feel. And then he were adults
Speaker 1: like it's fine, and it's been. It's it's it's just
Speaker 1: it's nice to have um too. It's just it's so
Speaker 1: interesting to learn about somebody just purely sexually and then
Speaker 1: have a little tidbits about their life that you kind
Speaker 1: of pick up as you hang out, which is cool too,
Speaker 1: but it's nice and I don't only fun facts like
Speaker 1: it's like a Snapple cap, No, I want all the
Speaker 1: I don't know what. Uh no, that's a fun fact though.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't like you're not like you don't know, yeah,
Speaker 1: like we're it's just like, oh I have a meeting
Speaker 1: tomorrow when I'm nervous, Like I don't even know that.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, um and oh yeah. And that's the
Speaker 1: other thing. I um, I'm happy. I'm so happy. Uh.
Speaker 1: And it's definitely not it's not because of him, it's
Speaker 1: not because of our sexual it's like in spite of that,
Speaker 1: I'm just happy. And you don't want to go from
Speaker 1: one person to another person like a ver Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and I usually, I guess because the last time was
Speaker 1: single was fucking twenty three. So I was like, what
Speaker 1: is this? What is this? You know, just live in it,
Speaker 1: just be in it and whatever, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And then if something pops up and feelings you tell
Speaker 1: each other. We already had the discuss. It was just
Speaker 1: it's just you already had a discussion about feelings, just
Speaker 1: like hey, like if you start seeing somebody like it's
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know. We just had a very quick, logical,
Speaker 1: nice conversation about that stuff. And it's just great and
Speaker 1: it makes me enjoy the sex even more because I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're cools ship, dude, and I'm just like fucking hanging out.
Speaker 1: We went to Vicky's drag show and like it was
Speaker 1: just the best, like me and you yeahah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah yeah. I'm looking at her and and then
Speaker 1: I'm realizing you can't see to fill in something. Congratulations
Speaker 1: to Vicky. She won the entire fucking drag Wars at
Speaker 1: this bar called pieces Uh in New York City where
Speaker 1: they do a weekly show called drag Wars that you'll
Speaker 1: learn more about because we're gonna have the host on.
Speaker 1: But that's exciting. I just love it. It's just like
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of my friend for like breaking boundaries
Speaker 1: and just like I mean, time and time again, I'm
Speaker 1: reminded of like the amazing people that I've surrounded myself
Speaker 1: with and like I love watching them grow and like
Speaker 1: these are all things that they're doing like on their own.
Speaker 1: Like she's single and she's just not even worried about
Speaker 1: She's just like focusing on her career and she's sucking.
Speaker 1: Every time I see her, she's better and better. It's
Speaker 1: so fucking awesome to watch. She's I get so excited
Speaker 1: and go to pieces. What do they have the drag
Speaker 1: I mean, we'll talk to the host next week, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know in the next season because like she
Speaker 1: just won the season and she's going to be on
Speaker 1: the maybe Lean panel for Pride. It's just like great,
Speaker 1: it's not it's not only like you're winning, but you're
Speaker 1: also like doing something boundary breaking, like in the LGBTQ community.
Speaker 1: It's just wonderful all around amazing. I love it. Drag
Speaker 1: shows are amazing, so good. Um So, I just like
Speaker 1: I'm in the thinking part of my breakup, which you know,
Speaker 1: if you get you guys listen to the podcast, you know.
Speaker 1: I just I spend a lot of time thinking a
Speaker 1: lot of long thoughts on my eight foot couch that
Speaker 1: I didn't think about that because it didn't fit in
Speaker 1: the apartment. We had to take it apart. But then
Speaker 1: I thought a lot of times all on the couch. Um.
Speaker 1: And so it's interesting because like there's a you know,
Speaker 1: like when you're dating someone, there's always like people that
Speaker 1: you have like on the pack burner that you're like
Speaker 1: that are ready to go. Like I knew exactly like
Speaker 1: why I was going to make a move for after.
Speaker 1: And it's so interesting because I'm just like more logical
Speaker 1: about stuff now. And I gotta say I love Mother's Day, um,
Speaker 1: because I learned so much on Mother's Day every year,
Speaker 1: because I can tell by how people celebrate their mother's
Speaker 1: if they're a fucking like psycho that I cannot have
Speaker 1: in my life with met not with women. I mean
Speaker 1: sometimes women you can be like, oh you have issues, um,
Speaker 1: but uh yeah. And I was kind of already a
Speaker 1: man thing though, because I have mommy issues and I
Speaker 1: don't think. Yeah, I was already on the fence about
Speaker 1: this person. And then he like posted a picture uh
Speaker 1: with his mom where it was to just not the
Speaker 1: they're spatially It wasn't right, I'll say, um, and the
Speaker 1: caption was not No, like I want to feel like,
Speaker 1: if there's a fire in our home, you're not gonna
Speaker 1: definitely get your mom first, you know. I want to there.
Speaker 1: I want there to be a hope to ask that
Speaker 1: you might try to rescue me first, or at least
Speaker 1: like maybe it's higher rope and to us both then
Speaker 1: pull us out together. Well, we can hold on to
Speaker 1: one another, be in the face as you drag your
Speaker 1: mom was saved, right, I would just like to not like,
Speaker 1: you know, like I don't want you to comb me
Speaker 1: your mom. I don't want you combing ash out of
Speaker 1: your mom's hair on the street as I'm being asphyxiated
Speaker 1: by fumes. Um out the window. Um, you know a
Speaker 1: high floor, That's all I ask. I'm not I don't
Speaker 1: feel like I'm high maintenance. Well, you've had experiences with
Speaker 1: men who are close to their mom in a way
Speaker 1: that is eerie and competitive because I dated a half
Speaker 1: Mexican person, is that like Latin men and their mom's Like,
Speaker 1: I can't like I've crossed off so many types of people.
Speaker 1: And yes, racially Jews are off the list, um, and
Speaker 1: I am a Jew, so they're just not allowed anymore. Um,
Speaker 1: there's I am looking for an atheist orphan, which was
Speaker 1: my dream growing up. So if you're out there, sir, um,
Speaker 1: really wait, I'm you know, I'm not waiting for you,
Speaker 1: but like, if you here, if you ring my bell,
Speaker 1: I will answer, um, But just wait a minute, because
Speaker 1: gotta put Alfred in the bedroom because all our to you. Um.
Speaker 1: And so I spent a lot of time thinking of
Speaker 1: that and more so, just like the amount of time,
Speaker 1: you know, because I was like the real thing, Like
Speaker 1: I just needed I needed to make sure that, like
Speaker 1: my life is being lived for me and I'm making
Speaker 1: my own dreams come true. And so I tweeted this
Speaker 1: tweet that said, I don't like to do math, except
Speaker 1: when I periodically add up all the time I've spent
Speaker 1: helping men I've dated to achieve their dreams and then
Speaker 1: subtract the number of hours they've spent helping me, and crazy,
Speaker 1: crazily enough, end up with the original sum. That's a
Speaker 1: great tweet. Thank you. I've been thinking about not the tweet,
Speaker 1: but just like this kind of sentiment, and I was like,
Speaker 1: how can I put this in a hundred and forty
Speaker 1: characters or whatever? And and it really struck a chord
Speaker 1: with people. Got over a thousand likes, hundreds of like
Speaker 1: read tweets, and a lot of real cuntry responses, all
Speaker 1: from men who I just you son. I muted so
Speaker 1: many people who was a great cool father in their
Speaker 1: profile and six followers, and I said a mute to you,
Speaker 1: this is not You're not part of this conversation. Wait
Speaker 1: what did they say? It's just like, you know, people
Speaker 1: like blaming me, like, well, you're we're all not like that,
Speaker 1: and like you're making the wrong that's all you're saying,
Speaker 1: and you're like, you know what, No, but it's like
Speaker 1: and it's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying all
Speaker 1: men are like that, but if you have to respond
Speaker 1: all men aren't like that, then you're definitely like that
Speaker 1: tweet is about definitely like that. They're calling themselves out.
Speaker 1: It's taking your job ways here. But also your tweet
Speaker 1: is about your experiences and it's not about you. This
Speaker 1: is more was like, this is more like a warning
Speaker 1: tweet to other women. This is not about it's not
Speaker 1: trashing men. No, that's not what it was about at all.
Speaker 1: It was about like, oh my god, this is this
Speaker 1: is something that I realized narcissists taken ship personally. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's also like, if you're such a great dad,
Speaker 1: like you shouldn't be tweet like replying on Twitter, you
Speaker 1: sh'll give your kid a pebe and Jay, you should
Speaker 1: be dating or green beans. So I thought about that,
Speaker 1: and then I had a couple of drinks last night
Speaker 1: and I wrote a little free form postry. You know,
Speaker 1: it was a long week. I was listening to a
Speaker 1: lot of Atlanta's Morrisset. My fingers were going on social media.
Speaker 1: I kinda gotta I couldn't be stopped. Couldn't be stopped.
Speaker 1: While it's coming to Broadway soon too, so shut the
Speaker 1: funk up. Well, yeah, Elanas has been working on the play.
Speaker 1: It's opening in Yeah, it's been opening. It's opening in
Speaker 1: Cambridge in a couple of months, or like in a month. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's a couple of weeks. Actually, Tommy's going to it,
Speaker 1: shout out what's up and probably and you know, it's
Speaker 1: like they're working it out in Cambridge to probably come.
Speaker 1: She's going to be in it, She's no, she's working
Speaker 1: on I don't know. I don't think she's in it.
Speaker 1: She's too busy, you know, feeding toddlers from her boobies
Speaker 1: or whatever, and hanging out with that white wrapper she married. Um,
Speaker 1: she married a white wrapper. That's what happen. You know.
Speaker 1: She likes she spends a lot of times like rolling
Speaker 1: around crystals and stuff. She's she's she's she's a special lady.
Speaker 1: And I just started I've been spending so much time
Speaker 1: thinking about like women and achieving and like the time
Speaker 1: we're in in progress and why women aren't achieving more?
Speaker 1: And I think so often, like the focus is that
Speaker 1: we are not being lifted up or we're not being
Speaker 1: given opportunities, and like, well, I can see that is true.
Speaker 1: I don't. It's not like women aren't achieving things because
Speaker 1: we're not capable. Everyone knows we're capable. I think the
Speaker 1: real problem is that we don't achieve things because we
Speaker 1: get sidetracked helping men. And I truly think and obviously
Speaker 1: this is like straight women, but I really I spent
Speaker 1: so much time thinking about this. Um and uh, it's like,
Speaker 1: you get a relationship with a man, you we love them,
Speaker 1: we see them struggling and the nurturer inside us and
Speaker 1: even I have it with my cold, cold heart. Uh,
Speaker 1: and you and when you look at the struggle that
Speaker 1: is a straight man and and it's not even your guys,
Speaker 1: it's fault. A lot of times it's because you're fucking
Speaker 1: coddled from the tea from your mom, and then your
Speaker 1: mom posts a picture of it. Later, your mom takes
Speaker 1: removes your lips from her tea, and then another girl
Speaker 1: puts hurt eat right back out and it's like, please
Speaker 1: get on this team. I'm I'm when a grown man
Speaker 1: is sucking on your nipple, it doesn't make you wonder,
Speaker 1: are you thinking it's a lot? It's strange and a lot,
Speaker 1: it's just a lot. I was thinking that it's a
Speaker 1: lot going on, and and and and so the nurture
Speaker 1: inside of women were so capable, and we look at
Speaker 1: this mess of a man not knowing how to function,
Speaker 1: and we go, well, I know how to do what
Speaker 1: you want to do, so let me just help you,
Speaker 1: and then we help them. But it's like I have
Speaker 1: to constantly remind myself, like my boyfriend is not my son.
Speaker 1: I am not responsible for his for protecting him, or
Speaker 1: for his success. I absolutely always support my significant others,
Speaker 1: but it's not like I do but I don't need to.
Speaker 1: I don't need to give them the tools to succeed.
Speaker 1: That is not your role as a significant other. And
Speaker 1: I think so often like I feel like it is
Speaker 1: and yeah, and I'm not. It's not about not supporting. Yes, support,
Speaker 1: but you you can't support someone to the level that
Speaker 1: you sacrifice your own dreams and your own success. And
Speaker 1: if you accidentally get into a situation where you put
Speaker 1: so much effort into the dreams of another that you
Speaker 1: could have achieved that dream yourself. You've done You've done
Speaker 1: too much, and if you do, happen to be a
Speaker 1: large part of helping someone in your life, a man
Speaker 1: achieve something. You are you. I feel like you're You're
Speaker 1: not wrong to ask for credit, and I think that's
Speaker 1: the mistake a lot of people do. Like that. You know,
Speaker 1: behind every successful man is a strong woman. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: those women should have been asking for credit. They should be,
Speaker 1: they should have their names should be on things. They
Speaker 1: should be a co producer, a co owner, a co creator.
Speaker 1: And I feel like so often, like we just women
Speaker 1: end up being like someone who stands silently in a
Speaker 1: pretty address shedding, shedding it's here, and hoping he remembers
Speaker 1: to thank you by name and his acceptance speech, and
Speaker 1: like that's who we are. Where the where the supportive
Speaker 1: woman in the dress behind, where the woman and the
Speaker 1: that the camera cuts too, where we shed it's here.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so happy. I couldn't have done it
Speaker 1: without the support of my wife, but like he couldn't
Speaker 1: have done that without you, And like we need to
Speaker 1: stop being like okay with like a fucking thank you
Speaker 1: or a pat on the back. I guess some money, bitches,
Speaker 1: She Karin just through her phone perfectly behind her shoulder.
Speaker 1: It was a little bus when I wrote that, but
Speaker 1: it was just as beautiful as I remember. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think you, I think you've touched on a lot
Speaker 1: of very important point And that's something we've been talking
Speaker 1: about for a while. And actually my best friend Melissa
Speaker 1: and I were hanging out two days ago and she said,
Speaker 1: when you were telling me about the conversation you know
Speaker 1: with Karin, about how who in our lives what woman
Speaker 1: is at least even in the relationship, at least they're
Speaker 1: both getting the same amount out of it, not one.
Speaker 1: She couldn't think of anyone either. Nope. And and it's like,
Speaker 1: and I know, I do know, I do know. There's
Speaker 1: like two men that I know that. Uh, that's just
Speaker 1: too I know a lot of men. To all them though,
Speaker 1: I see them doing the same thing, and I'm like, put,
Speaker 1: but put your put that effort. Support you support your partner.
Speaker 1: It feels good to be a loving, supportive partner, but
Speaker 1: they need to fucking figure it out for themselves. And
Speaker 1: if they don't have that drive within them, you will
Speaker 1: always forever until the day you fucking die together. If
Speaker 1: that's how long you last, you will always be that
Speaker 1: for them, And that is not that is such a
Speaker 1: fucking disservice to yourself. I say, I know to women
Speaker 1: two men that do that for their partners, their female partners,
Speaker 1: and and and they are upset about it and then
Speaker 1: dairl every woman. I know. Yeah, yeah, No, it's just
Speaker 1: like it's just a real It's not about trashy man.
Speaker 1: It's not about like leaving someone high and dry. It's
Speaker 1: just about really like taking a moment to reflect and
Speaker 1: be like you know, because it's like we talked so much,
Speaker 1: like you know, there's romance, but like we've talked about
Speaker 1: this many times, like it's a business relationship also that
Speaker 1: you're having with your partner, and I kind of like
Speaker 1: that you're deciding to have someone be a part of
Speaker 1: your life, your daily life, Like that's a big if
Speaker 1: you have a baby, if you have a big thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you have to work too well together and then
Speaker 1: you have to both be lifting each other up. And
Speaker 1: if you're both not lifting each other up, have a
Speaker 1: conversation about that. But then really really really pay attention,
Speaker 1: and there can be moments it's like, you know Chris
Speaker 1: Rock sayn't his specially sometimes you gotta play tambourine. Hell yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't have to be equal at all points. Sometimes
Speaker 1: when when one person is low, the other person can
Speaker 1: lift that person up and you can switch roles. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: But if you're always, if you're consistently the one carrying
Speaker 1: the extra weight, you get a bounce. Our guests today
Speaker 1: actually has a wait is that? Oh? I think no,
Speaker 1: I think we're done. Yeah, we're done, right, Okay, cool
Speaker 1: as I thought. Um, I loved this conversation. This has
Speaker 1: This man has a relationship that I'm like, fuck, dude,
Speaker 1: I was so, I'm just very impressed by him and
Speaker 1: how to talk. Hearing about how far he's come in
Speaker 1: life and what he used to be and when he
Speaker 1: is now and story and getting your ship together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is. It was a beautiful conversation. This is. He
Speaker 1: is one of the funniest stand up comedians on the
Speaker 1: fucking planet. Okay, if you are ever in the in
Speaker 1: the area that he is in, he's at the Comedy
Speaker 1: seller a lot, you have to see him. He's an actor.
Speaker 1: He is the host of the podcast you Know What Dude.
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Robert Kelly. When they want
Speaker 1: to be and they want to be you, when they
Speaker 1: want to bee you, and they want to view you,
Speaker 1: and they want to view you, and they want to you,
Speaker 1: and they want to view you. I'm doing what I
Speaker 1: love to do. I don't go what they say. I
Speaker 1: pick up a guitar and expressed of all I played
Speaker 1: these people in the room already to impress what should
Speaker 1: be looking at. I'm not gonna close a run and dressed,
Speaker 1: but don't keep me wrong. I'm not ping um coming down.
Speaker 1: It's easier to express myself on looking at the ground.
Speaker 1: Don't need another infraction. That just brought my instrance dound.
Speaker 1: Don't need another distraction already blot in the music cloud.
Speaker 1: And they want to be you, but they're not, and
Speaker 1: they want to pay right here Robert Kelly, and they
Speaker 1: want to be I'm so excited to interview you, and
Speaker 1: they wanted you. Very nice you. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1: You're one of the funniest people I've ever seen on
Speaker 1: the planet. And yeah, seriously, you're like one of the
Speaker 1: few cons like you. Link Coplets. There's a couple of
Speaker 1: commics that I just like Billy laughed so hard that
Speaker 1: I'm aching afterwards. That's nice. Um, so you just got
Speaker 1: in a fight with your wife, you guys, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I really love you. What's up with the twat? Um? No,
Speaker 1: me and my wife. Here's the funny thing, though, we
Speaker 1: fight like the honeymooners. Would you know what with that accent?
Speaker 1: That's why we moved to west Chester so we could
Speaker 1: fight the way we meant to. Yeah, not in the
Speaker 1: bottle bubbles kitchen. Yeah, we had a first floor apartment. People,
Speaker 1: we couldn't keep the windows, windows open. No, we we fight. Look,
Speaker 1: she gets me. Um, she's very low key passive aggressive.
Speaker 1: I'm very aggressive. Um, so we kinda Does her passive
Speaker 1: aggressiveness make you angry? It's the most infurious passive The
Speaker 1: word they don't understand because here's why, Because passive aggressive
Speaker 1: people don't understand that the word aggressive is in there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're being aggressive in a country way. You just about it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And of course I couldn't
Speaker 1: send it to my wife. Oh of course. Yeah. During
Speaker 1: therapy in the last ten years, I've learned a lot
Speaker 1: of things you can't say to your spouse, and they are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can do what you can do. You can't do
Speaker 1: what I can do. Oh yeah, I would not think
Speaker 1: that would be okay to say to a spouse. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean as a comic though, Yeah, what we do. Look,
Speaker 1: I could go to a steticians school this is I
Speaker 1: said it to you a long time ago and become
Speaker 1: an astetician in a year, a fucking year. I could
Speaker 1: go take the class popsits learn about creams. You have
Speaker 1: to have like a gentle touch. So I worked at
Speaker 1: a spot for five years and there's more that goes
Speaker 1: into it. I'm not an esthetician, but I can learn
Speaker 1: a gentle touch. You can, you can I have. First
Speaker 1: of all, look at these little softenings. They look very soft.
Speaker 1: I didn't say that. Now. See it's so funny because
Speaker 1: I can tell right now there's I think there's five
Speaker 1: people in the world. I just think there's five people
Speaker 1: and that's it. And then I don't care what skin color.
Speaker 1: There's a me in Japan, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I guess there is, there's a you in the depths
Speaker 1: of Africa. There's somebody. If you took out the language
Speaker 1: of the skin and you just heard them talking about personality.
Speaker 1: That's Bob Kelly Japanese dude, because me and you agreeing,
Speaker 1: and she's my wife right now, Yeah, you do it. Listen.
Speaker 1: I understand that that's wrong, but you can't say those
Speaker 1: things because it's unfair. She worked her butt off, probably too,
Speaker 1: because she an esthetician is that she was. Actually when
Speaker 1: we had the kids, she was like, I don't I
Speaker 1: want to stay at home. So I was like, all right, cool.
Speaker 1: I just had to figure out what I had to
Speaker 1: do to make more money. It was either that or
Speaker 1: paying for childcare. Right I I'm look it. I would
Speaker 1: have done that if she wanted to work. But it's
Speaker 1: it's a wash unless you're a millionaire, unless you make
Speaker 1: unless you're fucking sick money, that New York City money. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get that nanny, that point per hour nanny. But
Speaker 1: if you look at I go to the parks in
Speaker 1: New York with my kid and they're just on their phones.
Speaker 1: They are and it's paying attention. It's a weird. It's
Speaker 1: really weird. It's when the parents are there, it's great,
Speaker 1: but when the when it's just a nanny, they're just
Speaker 1: on their phones and the kid. I literally saw a
Speaker 1: kid hanging off a fucking jungle gym's little beautiful, gorgeous
Speaker 1: I was talking about the kid, this little toe head,
Speaker 1: about the fall off of this thing, and then nanny
Speaker 1: was just on her phone. One in seven nannies look
Speaker 1: up from their phone. But that's about it. I see
Speaker 1: a lot of nanny's pushing strollers into intersections when the
Speaker 1: light was just about the turn. Well, they're just kind
Speaker 1: of strangers, Like, I really trust those people with my dog.
Speaker 1: If not when you were when you have to so
Speaker 1: you support your whole family, then I support my whole family.
Speaker 1: Do you ever resent that? I am so proud that
Speaker 1: I I'm able to do that, you know, because my
Speaker 1: wife really just like I want to be a stay
Speaker 1: at home mom, and so I want to do I
Speaker 1: was like, cool, I have to figure out now how
Speaker 1: to pick up the slack and then something, because she
Speaker 1: wanted a house to like we both wanted to get
Speaker 1: out of the city in the backyard. We want because
Speaker 1: you when you live in the city for sixteen years,
Speaker 1: you forget where you came from. You forget that you
Speaker 1: went to a super stopping shop and fields of grass,
Speaker 1: like you don't have to go to this place for meat,
Speaker 1: in that place for vegetables, in this place for fruit,
Speaker 1: and that place for syria. Because you have like an
Speaker 1: eight acre grocery store and your suburban, you don't have
Speaker 1: to like look for a spot for five hours at night.
Speaker 1: You just pull into your driving and leave your keys
Speaker 1: in the car. What what that's weird? It really in
Speaker 1: Westchester they leave their keys in the car. Well, now
Speaker 1: everyone knows that take it, take it all. You got
Speaker 1: two cars and guys are like a team like truly, Well,
Speaker 1: I look, we're a business when you're married. And it's
Speaker 1: like I had to tell her one time. I was like, look,
Speaker 1: you're me and you are the CEOs of this business.
Speaker 1: You're part of my business. Like I know that you
Speaker 1: don't go on the road with me. I know, you
Speaker 1: know you know, And it kind of it kind of
Speaker 1: is against what I've said to it ten years ago
Speaker 1: when you can't do what I do, you know, because
Speaker 1: she I wouldn't be able to do what I do
Speaker 1: unless she did what she did, if me and her
Speaker 1: didn't fucking melt at some point where something happens, because
Speaker 1: she all the ship that I hate doing. She's she
Speaker 1: picked up that I'm not good with fucking details. I'm
Speaker 1: not good with sucking hotels. I'm not good with that stuff,
Speaker 1: like part of your I get in there and I
Speaker 1: don't know where I'm going, Like I don't know how
Speaker 1: to fucking book, I don't know how to like the
Speaker 1: air fair ship. I fuck, I would follow all the
Speaker 1: all the time. So she kind of helps you schedule,
Speaker 1: like when you're she's like precise with all that ship
Speaker 1: she likes. So I lucked the funk out. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: you both seem like you really compliment each other. She actually,
Speaker 1: I mean if she lost, every woman is losing. We
Speaker 1: had this discussion if do you know any woman who
Speaker 1: didn't lose truly? Um, yeah, I know people who have absolutely, Yeah,
Speaker 1: my mom didn't lose. On the third husband, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying the first guy. I think I know a couple
Speaker 1: of friends of mine. I mean, listen, all the people
Speaker 1: that I know, the couples are good people and strong people.
Speaker 1: I don't think yeah I think that you know even like, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, I have a friend of mine, Jack Vaughan,
Speaker 1: who's in the business, but his wife as an editor,
Speaker 1: and they're fucking we vacation together. They were fucking just
Speaker 1: great people like you. Okay, maybe that's what it is
Speaker 1: because we don't know anybody. Well, yeah, of course you
Speaker 1: not look in your my thirties. Everyone's ship. We're all
Speaker 1: ship because we're not ready to commit to taking care
Speaker 1: of somebody else. You're gonna understand. You know, I committed
Speaker 1: and then I just didn't get anything bad. But but
Speaker 1: you're not in you. You didn't find my wife committed
Speaker 1: to me. I know I need a wife and my twenties,
Speaker 1: and I did not commit to her. It just wasn't
Speaker 1: meant to happen at that time. Oh so she tried
Speaker 1: to get with you, like we were together. We've known
Speaker 1: each other for over twenty five years. You mean we
Speaker 1: used to weight tables, and that was in the prime
Speaker 1: when I first started. I was in love with stand
Speaker 1: up comedy for a long time. Was my first wife,
Speaker 1: my first relationship. Nothing, family, women, friends, everything else was
Speaker 1: below that. I'll go anywhere, do anything to make to
Speaker 1: make this happen. So it took a long time to say, hey,
Speaker 1: I think I might want a life other than this.
Speaker 1: But it's good though, that you waited until you wanted that, right,
Speaker 1: So so you you carried on and you didn't have
Speaker 1: the I guess, did you break up with her? Is
Speaker 1: that what happened? Oh? I fucking dumped her like a
Speaker 1: hot potato. Remember I met an eighteen year old. This
Speaker 1: girl away out of my league, Like my wife is
Speaker 1: in my league, you know what I mean? Yeah, she's remembered.
Speaker 1: But I think you marry your league. You don't, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't. I mean, you don't really marry out of
Speaker 1: your ship. I guess that would be an even marriage
Speaker 1: that just work. Like like this girl that I met,
Speaker 1: she was like, you know, an eleven, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? But this was what I was shredded. I
Speaker 1: had six pack and hair and I was at I
Speaker 1: was at may E eleven. What wasn't there? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like there's good look at people, then
Speaker 1: there's Tom Brady and Gizell. It's a different thing. This
Speaker 1: girl came into my life younger than me. She used
Speaker 1: the day the guy who owned a Corvette dealer ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was way better than just know he owned the court,
Speaker 1: the deal He was like the motherfucking guy. I had
Speaker 1: to be like twenty three or something four, but I
Speaker 1: was doing comedy. I still I was kind of the
Speaker 1: ship and you know what I mean and that little
Speaker 1: realm of it like me, Dane and and and Patrese
Speaker 1: and Burr kind of the motherfucking young guys in Boston
Speaker 1: and you know where I could say, Hey, come down
Speaker 1: and do a show, and you know what's up there?
Speaker 1: Good night, all that ship walk up. Hey do you
Speaker 1: have a good time? Oh my god, comedian, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: would love it to get just dick thrown at me
Speaker 1: after you didn't. Just hot guys coming up to us
Speaker 1: wanting to fox So yeah, yeah, laughing all my jokes.
Speaker 1: Yeah I want to be yeah. Yeah. But it wasn't
Speaker 1: because I was a guy that people laughed at my
Speaker 1: jokes funny. Yeah, it was because I was at you
Speaker 1: extra no, not girl. First of all, my ship because
Speaker 1: my ship was not. No no, I'm saying that my
Speaker 1: ship girls didn't like hat girls have never really liked me.
Speaker 1: I'm serious. When I used to do shows with Dane Cook,
Speaker 1: you'd look out in the crowd and because of what
Speaker 1: I talked about. Yeah, it wasn't silly ship. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was always talking about some are very different. I was
Speaker 1: just talking about some fund up ship or some angry
Speaker 1: thing or whatever that the girl that like to me
Speaker 1: wasn't that hot. Was a tough chick. I never got
Speaker 1: it was just a pretty much like regular person type
Speaker 1: thing like I never I remember doing tours with Dane
Speaker 1: and you'd see the hot chicks when I was on
Speaker 1: stage just on their phones like fucking you know, like
Speaker 1: they want they don't give. Even now, even now. I
Speaker 1: had a chick the other night, Saturday night, Connecticut, sold
Speaker 1: out show murdering for an hour and the smoking hot
Speaker 1: chick in the front row literally talking like and I
Speaker 1: was like, disconnects from what. I was like, I can't
Speaker 1: whatever he's saying it's not shiny enough or something, and
Speaker 1: I was like, what what? What the funk happened? She's like,
Speaker 1: I need gum? What she need a gum? Because she
Speaker 1: could smoking texting someone for it. She was talking to
Speaker 1: the guy across from her, trying to show it was
Speaker 1: a the that's a move that hawkrol would do that
Speaker 1: because hawks get what they want, man, they really. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's a different hot people. I don't like good looking
Speaker 1: people like top of the shelf. Good looking people have
Speaker 1: always bugged me, even when I was at my best,
Speaker 1: I was never that and these people that why it
Speaker 1: bugged you? No No, it's just there's something Their attitude
Speaker 1: towards people is a little weird. It's weird because they
Speaker 1: get what they want and people treat them better for
Speaker 1: something they didn't. It depends if they're always hot, they're weird.
Speaker 1: If they were not cute as kids, or if they
Speaker 1: went through some kind of trauma, then they and then
Speaker 1: they end up okay. If they were overweight and then
Speaker 1: they got hot, they're so nice, yes, because they have
Speaker 1: that ability to uh be insecure and there humble humility, humility,
Speaker 1: and they and they're kind of grateful too. Those are
Speaker 1: the two things in life I found that are amazing.
Speaker 1: Humility and being grateful will help you in any fucked
Speaker 1: up situation, you're in, any bad relation, anything happens to
Speaker 1: you that sucks. If you can find humility and be
Speaker 1: grateful for something, it kind of takes. It's like almost
Speaker 1: like a drug will take you out of it. And
Speaker 1: they don't have that. They don't right because there's no
Speaker 1: depth and you sense it a little, you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's I don't know what the funk it is, but
Speaker 1: it's like I'm like gum, like gum, she goes. I
Speaker 1: quit smoking too, I know, I don't give a fox.
Speaker 1: I quit smoking too, I put drugs. I'm not fucking interrupting,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. She's like, well, I mean
Speaker 1: after even saying she didn't even go no, she wasn't
Speaker 1: being a twat that if she was a twat, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, you're a twat. She was just just just
Speaker 1: w she went, We went through this whole thing, and
Speaker 1: then she goes, I just need gum, like she still,
Speaker 1: fuck everybody, I need my gum. So I had the
Speaker 1: whole room. I go, everybody who has gum, please throw
Speaker 1: it right now. I wish I got a video the
Speaker 1: whole room. I've never seen so much gum throne. That's great.
Speaker 1: And it's all like at her. So it didn't hit
Speaker 1: her where I would have probably maybe felt a little bad.
Speaker 1: That's hilarious. It was just a piece in the eye
Speaker 1: would have been nice. It all just fell right at her,
Speaker 1: and she did. She looked just a fucking twat looked
Speaker 1: this piece. And she because she got what she needed,
Speaker 1: what she wanted. And that's the didn't have people. They
Speaker 1: confused wanting and needing. That's one of the things. But
Speaker 1: you did what you did that for her, so you're
Speaker 1: mad about it, but you made it happen because if
Speaker 1: she if she was the show, Like, why did it
Speaker 1: bother you that she was, that she was unattractive, she
Speaker 1: wouldn't have done it. Well, no, I think you're on
Speaker 1: a I look it. I don't make up peep when
Speaker 1: I go to the theater. I don't when I go
Speaker 1: jazz or I don't fucking make up peep. But she
Speaker 1: was texting, that's silent. She was talking, she was doing both.
Speaker 1: She was, she was she just couldn't not deal with
Speaker 1: what she wanted. I get what I want when I want,
Speaker 1: I want comb I need coma. I know and I
Speaker 1: yell at young sir, young hot chicks come to our shows.
Speaker 1: Is a big chunk of the audience. And a lot
Speaker 1: of times, honestly, seventy percent of the time they're great.
Speaker 1: But like the thirty percent is what gets me, and
Speaker 1: what fucking infuriates me is the entitlement and the talking
Speaker 1: to your friend. I mean, like that's crazy, right, Like,
Speaker 1: shut the funk up. Every every question we ask is
Speaker 1: is hypothetical. It's a weird fuck. It's a weird thing
Speaker 1: for me that it's always that girl. It's not it's
Speaker 1: never and I mean this, it's never been a chubby
Speaker 1: person that I've had a problem with a show because
Speaker 1: they know they're they're lucky to be there. Chubby people
Speaker 1: are lucky. You're right about that. I feel grateful today.
Speaker 1: But I made it here. I made it here without
Speaker 1: having a heart attack. So you're absolutely right chubby people.
Speaker 1: But you know, but going back to like what you
Speaker 1: said about men being lucky, I mean it is you
Speaker 1: under stay comedy for me, I was just talking to
Speaker 1: somebody about this. Comedy for me was how thank God
Speaker 1: because I got sober. I went to a meetings for
Speaker 1: five years, literally the same ones for five years. Like
Speaker 1: I hadn't you understand. I had to unlearned how I
Speaker 1: met girls because when I got when I before, I
Speaker 1: was when I was drinking and going to jail and
Speaker 1: as a teenager, Ji I knew I met girls. How
Speaker 1: I met girls, I was kind of you think you're
Speaker 1: a bad boy kind of guy. Yeah, Like I wasn't
Speaker 1: a I was. I wasn't a bad boy. I was
Speaker 1: like if you if if the outsiders, I wasn't pony boy,
Speaker 1: I was probably Johnny, Like I'd probably get burned into
Speaker 1: fire and die at some point. But people would be like,
Speaker 1: you know, doing forby yea yeah, But I wasn't the guy.
Speaker 1: I was a Dylan. I wasn't soda pop, right, but
Speaker 1: I was definitely cool and you had I'm sure you've
Speaker 1: always had a great sense of humor. You were all
Speaker 1: probably always too, because back when I was in Juvie,
Speaker 1: you either fought or you were funny. So I learned
Speaker 1: how to be funny. I mean, I fought, but I
Speaker 1: got beat up, right, I just what landed you in Juvie? Fighting?
Speaker 1: No on brobbery, unarmed saw battery and Melissa's how do
Speaker 1: you rob somebody without a weapon? Why would you do
Speaker 1: an unarmed give him a mean look? Well, you threaten
Speaker 1: their lives. You can go in and say you have
Speaker 1: a weapon or something candy but under your shirt. I
Speaker 1: thought that a movie. I just thought't actually pantomimeed, I love.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you have to know how to
Speaker 1: do an unarmed robbery a box PANTOMI I um we
Speaker 1: the two guys there, my friend. I was actually trying
Speaker 1: to pick up the girl. She was Julie Talian girl.
Speaker 1: Really big nose, I love. I just love a big nose.
Speaker 1: It's the sexiest thing in the world. Were you so
Speaker 1: mad when that girl from thee what the movie is it?
Speaker 1: She got her nose cut off or the other one?
Speaker 1: The other one dancing ridiculous ruined her career. Loved her nose.
Speaker 1: It was a big ruined her career. There's nothing hotter
Speaker 1: than a big I rarely hear that, and it's nice
Speaker 1: to hear. I like what I hear. I like a
Speaker 1: big nose on men. It's like you don't hear it
Speaker 1: a lot that people like it on women. I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is. Something really gets going. It's just well,
Speaker 1: this girl, Julie Talian girl big nose loved her never
Speaker 1: talked to me in history class right back then, history
Speaker 1: before we knew real history histories like now forgets slavery.
Speaker 1: We just did. Everyone learned that. We just learned. You
Speaker 1: didn't learn about slavery, not really we had liked but yeah,
Speaker 1: I would just school like slavery happened, and then we do.
Speaker 1: I don't remember any of that ship, Like we didn't
Speaker 1: really talk about that. We didn't, you know, like it
Speaker 1: was like you know, like Catholic people can't we just
Speaker 1: forget and move on, like my mother. Can't you just
Speaker 1: why do you gotta keep bringing up the past? Is
Speaker 1: literally the point of history, the past? So uh, but
Speaker 1: I remember I was holding her. I was trying to
Speaker 1: get a date with her. I was all fucked up,
Speaker 1: and I'm trying to Frankie, my friend, who had beat
Speaker 1: up the manager because the most Italian of the store.
Speaker 1: He beat up. So beat up the cook, not the manager.
Speaker 1: Why I don't just saw coming. They went to school together.
Speaker 1: It was an There was a lot of man there.
Speaker 1: We was just tough guys, and he beat so he
Speaker 1: threatened me, I'm gonna beat you up again if you
Speaker 1: don't let us take the money. So Frankie comes out
Speaker 1: fucked up, trying to take the money out, couldn't open
Speaker 1: the register. I'm talking to her. I'm like, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be right, relax. I'd love to take you out, and
Speaker 1: I go, hang on a second. I went and I
Speaker 1: pushed the button, took the money. We ran. I wanted
Speaker 1: up be in a mob owned pizza place. Well, obvioustairs
Speaker 1: was a pizza place. Downstairs was an Italian restaurant that
Speaker 1: only certain people could go to. Right, so we so
Speaker 1: the cop chef I was gonna get fucking arrested and
Speaker 1: killed at I think it was what a suave, fucking
Speaker 1: thirteen year old man. It was a little fucked up,
Speaker 1: but h so back. I mean, look, I had a
Speaker 1: lot of ship like that happened. So when I got sober,
Speaker 1: I had to clean like I wiped all that out.
Speaker 1: I went to a rehab with no women. Not only
Speaker 1: no women are girls, no frattnization. You couldn't talk to
Speaker 1: girls for a year and three months. And is that
Speaker 1: part of the reason why you went to this particular rehab.
Speaker 1: I had a choice, he to go to UM to
Speaker 1: a co ed for six months, or go to this
Speaker 1: place for twelve fourteen months all boys. And I asked
Speaker 1: the guy, I said, what do you think I should do?
Speaker 1: He goes, knowing you you need to go to these
Speaker 1: Do you just like hump? Did you like hump women
Speaker 1: on the street. It's a weird thing because I hung
Speaker 1: out with a lot of violent guys that that did
Speaker 1: shipped to women like what. They would hit him and
Speaker 1: screaming him and fight and I would always no, uh no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, but I would always I would always walk
Speaker 1: the girl home, you know what I mean? Got hit, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was always like a concierge. Well I felt I
Speaker 1: just didn't. It felt like shit, like I didn't understand it.
Speaker 1: And I was abused as a kid, so you wanted
Speaker 1: to help. I think you wanted to be kind to her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But it was weird because I would always fall in
Speaker 1: love with him as you walked them home after they
Speaker 1: got hit, because like a weird time. It was well
Speaker 1: because it was an older girl. It was like an
Speaker 1: older girl, maybe a little older than me, but with
Speaker 1: you know, beautiful whatever, anybody would fall in but with that,
Speaker 1: you know, the guy, you know, the muscle, fucking tough
Speaker 1: guy in the park we hung out at and then
Speaker 1: I'd be walking her home and they would just really bond,
Speaker 1: like we talk and hug and we you know, and
Speaker 1: cry sometimes. I remember crying. I used, I used used
Speaker 1: to fucking I think that, you know, you know. And
Speaker 1: then next time I saw her, she was back with
Speaker 1: him and she wouldn't even talk to me, and they
Speaker 1: were like making out hopefully. I mean, what happen? Who
Speaker 1: who beat up as a kid? Second stepdad? Terrible? No,
Speaker 1: not just a piece of ship. Well he can't from that,
Speaker 1: you understand. Back in the day, hitting the kid is
Speaker 1: not really correct. My dad got the ship kicked out
Speaker 1: of him. But it was a thing, you know, so
Speaker 1: it was, but he did it too much. He was
Speaker 1: he punched me, abused me for when he did no like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd be late and he sucking throw me out of
Speaker 1: fight of stairs. Did he do that to your mom?
Speaker 1: Did he hit my mom a couple of times? But
Speaker 1: I was from kindergarten to fifth grade. Was sixth grade?
Speaker 1: It was so fifth grade, so it was a little
Speaker 1: it was a little hard for me when you realize
Speaker 1: that was sucked up. Did you always know when I
Speaker 1: was in fifth grade and I fucking went out, I
Speaker 1: went after him with a hatchet? What that? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean if I saw somebody abusing me and abusing my
Speaker 1: mother and went off for five years. And when you
Speaker 1: show up to school though back in the day, like
Speaker 1: if you have bruises and stuff, I didn't want to
Speaker 1: say anything. Remember I went in with a black eye
Speaker 1: and I was in Catholic school. They actually kicked me
Speaker 1: out of Catholic school because, yeah, I went in. I
Speaker 1: remember sister Mary took me in the hallway. I was crying.
Speaker 1: I didn't have my dumb tie. You know my rogue
Speaker 1: got an X because I did have a time with
Speaker 1: all that shit. Yeah, so I'll never put my kid
Speaker 1: in fucking Catholic school. Um and yeah, I remember I
Speaker 1: said that he nothing ever happened. Well, Katholic school itself
Speaker 1: was kind of abusing, Like my mom went to Catholic
Speaker 1: school and she was getting hit with rulers. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: got hit Catholic school a little bit. Uh, yeah, it was.
Speaker 1: It was just changing at that time, Like we were
Speaker 1: learning how to think what we were, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. We were just learning about ship like that,
Speaker 1: and so it was changing. And my mom finally divorced
Speaker 1: this piece of ship. When old were you when she divorced,
Speaker 1: I was I was in fifth grade, just going in
Speaker 1: sixth grade, So we were with the five years, and
Speaker 1: my sister got the front of it because I was
Speaker 1: a fuck I psychologically tough. I but it split me
Speaker 1: and my sister, so we we were surviving on our
Speaker 1: own because if he was mean to her, he was
Speaker 1: nice to me. If he was nice mean to me,
Speaker 1: be nice to her. So he kind of divided the
Speaker 1: family and she was a little weaker than me. Um emotionally, emotionally,
Speaker 1: so I felt I feel bad for her with that ship.
Speaker 1: She okay, now, all right, do you ever talk about it?
Speaker 1: We talked about it once in a while. We've talked
Speaker 1: about it, but we don't really you know, now we
Speaker 1: we don't talk about it as much. Yeah, because that
Speaker 1: was I mean, it's not the situation now, so it's
Speaker 1: like you guys can be there for each other. It
Speaker 1: was weird, it was fucked up, but that's what threw
Speaker 1: me down that path. But then come to fifteen where
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck everybody, I'm going to do this.
Speaker 1: And then around sixteen and a half, I remember walking
Speaker 1: up to a girl and just being like, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: God doesn't have to be God can be whatever you
Speaker 1: wanted to be. Um, you know, because I was in
Speaker 1: a so it's like it could be a light bulb. Huh. Shut. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I remember talking to this girl. I really like using
Speaker 1: the lines as a pickup. I didn't know that was
Speaker 1: my life for you and a half was going to meetings,
Speaker 1: talking about this ship and recovering from this fucked up things.
Speaker 1: So your year in non cooet in mail only was
Speaker 1: this young? You were sixteen, right, so I had to
Speaker 1: I remember I met this guy Mark Caesar. He was
Speaker 1: going to Berkeley long hair. I was at a meeting.
Speaker 1: I remember some guy was like, uh, go to a
Speaker 1: meeting far away from your house that you have to
Speaker 1: get a ride, but don't get a ride back, so
Speaker 1: you'll meet somebody. Good advice. So I go. First, I
Speaker 1: went to a young people's meeting, and I remember I
Speaker 1: was so nervous, and this guy walked in. I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: can you give me a ride? No. I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: I'm I asked like two to other dudes. No. I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I'm gonna kill myself
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna walk home in the woods. You know.
Speaker 1: It was way out in the middle of nowhere. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna kill myself because there's not why I go
Speaker 1: on with life. All of a sudden, this dude comes in,
Speaker 1: looks like the lead singer, a fucking warrant, fucking bouncing
Speaker 1: and go hey, I go, hey, can you give me
Speaker 1: a ride? And goes looks me up and Daddy's fuck yeah.
Speaker 1: After the meeting, went over to the piano and just
Speaker 1: started playing piano, and these girls just went All these
Speaker 1: girls in the meeting went around him, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck is that? And we ung out till
Speaker 1: two in the morning at a Bickford's with these girls,
Speaker 1: and and that's when I realized you didn't have to
Speaker 1: be some weird iron worker to be sober. You could
Speaker 1: actually be a cool dude, not drink and not use drugs,
Speaker 1: and you didn't have to be some fucking could still
Speaker 1: be charming without that. Yeah, well, I you always try
Speaker 1: a musician before comedian. I feel I tried it. It
Speaker 1: was a guitar instrument, though she said it's a little
Speaker 1: too small. Yeah, I have little shitty guy heads. But yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I I had to learn how to meet girls like
Speaker 1: I had to learn how to uh like talk to
Speaker 1: women again, How did you what? What was your what
Speaker 1: did your skill set develop into when you were in
Speaker 1: your twenties. I had to go to a I went
Speaker 1: to a dances. Oh that sounds like everyone's just distant
Speaker 1: from using in a church basement. No, it's a bunch
Speaker 1: of dirt balls who would just months ago fucking wasted
Speaker 1: drunks and drug addicts. Now they're in a church basement, clean,
Speaker 1: drinking coffee all night and then just go on the
Speaker 1: fucking car and just start sucking each other. Yeah, I guess. Wait,
Speaker 1: one advice replaces another, right you fucking wait till stairway
Speaker 1: to heaven place. And as soon as you're done, you
Speaker 1: want to go. Oh my god, I wound up. I
Speaker 1: want to meeting a lot of girls at a meetings,
Speaker 1: um man. I remember this one girl who I forget
Speaker 1: her name, God if I could, it's so weird. I
Speaker 1: just remembered her for the first time in probably twenty
Speaker 1: years right now. What she look like? An Indian princess.
Speaker 1: I remember she was, Oh my god, I remember we
Speaker 1: would I met her at a dance I think, and
Speaker 1: she was so beautiful and we would fuck after meetings.
Speaker 1: Got a car on the like the church, like the
Speaker 1: dirty Yeah, not not in the church, but the church. Church.
Speaker 1: All churches have like a little basement with a theater,
Speaker 1: like a stage. I don't go to I never went
Speaker 1: to church. I don't know. Well they have like they
Speaker 1: have like a you know, plays like a black box
Speaker 1: theater downstairs. Yeah, yeah, a place for you to suck her? Well,
Speaker 1: I would. We would go to these meetings and then
Speaker 1: we just fuck. What'd you say to her? What do
Speaker 1: you went up to? Where do you remember? She was
Speaker 1: actually the aggressor. She was actually very Uh. I had
Speaker 1: sex my first time at ten? Whoa, whoa? Okay, wait,
Speaker 1: I do you even know what to do? I didn't
Speaker 1: even How do you know to do? How do you
Speaker 1: know where to stick your dick when you're ten? Dickie
Speaker 1: and Scott and the Bushes telling me how were they know?
Speaker 1: I don't know they had brothers. I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember this girl, Tawny. She was she was a
Speaker 1: mulatto girl, moved into the neighborhood. What's that? Mulatto white
Speaker 1: half black? Oh? By rachiel? Okay, by racial whatever you
Speaker 1: say that. I was like, I don't know, but you
Speaker 1: can't say I would doubt it. I know what you meant,
Speaker 1: but I doubt what do you get to deal with it?
Speaker 1: I hope you get a lot of comments. I'm sure
Speaker 1: we will. Christ Okay. So no, she was holy, she
Speaker 1: was older than me, and she wound up being my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: But I didn't know she was fucking everybody. Wait wait, wait,
Speaker 1: oh my god, fifteen year old and a ten year old?
Speaker 1: That's I mean, what is what happened to her? Something
Speaker 1: happened to her? Maybe not? Maybe you were a very
Speaker 1: sure looking ten year old. No, I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1: I really liked to she was my girlfriend. I remember
Speaker 1: I carved our names in a tree and then you
Speaker 1: stuck your taking her. Of course she liked that. She
Speaker 1: was fifteen. That's a huge score for a ten year
Speaker 1: old pretty. But we wanted fucking in the bushes and
Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was doing, and she kept
Speaker 1: telling me. I put my remember this at a Dunlop
Speaker 1: windbreaker at the time. Is it when windbreakers first came
Speaker 1: out the little Kangaroo ones? Oh yeah, and uh my
Speaker 1: mom just got this for me, and I remember she
Speaker 1: was like, don't put that down underneath us. I was
Speaker 1: like why, She's like, I'm a spitter. I'm like, she goes,
Speaker 1: don't sput that down. I go, I don't know what
Speaker 1: the I'm too nervous. Just lie down, like I don't
Speaker 1: know what I was so fucked up. Um, were you drunk? No?
Speaker 1: I was just like I didn't know what I was.
Speaker 1: You were ten year old having sex? So yeah, So
Speaker 1: I remember she's like, all right, and then she I
Speaker 1: came in her Oh my god, I remember she didn't
Speaker 1: even know ten year olds could come Was that the
Speaker 1: first time you ever came. No, it was trying to
Speaker 1: be funny, but that'd be crazy. The first time you
Speaker 1: ever came in a girl? No, the first time, so
Speaker 1: it was I remember she she she spit all the
Speaker 1: comeback out on my jacket. Did she squirt as well?
Speaker 1: And no? She she just I think she said she
Speaker 1: just pushed. She said she was a spinner. I guess
Speaker 1: she she literally meant she spitted it out with her pussy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she spit out to come with her pussy and it
Speaker 1: went all over my jacket. And I remember I had
Speaker 1: to throw it out and my mom. I got in
Speaker 1: trouble because my mom was like, where's the fucking jacket
Speaker 1: I just bought you. I was like, well, if you
Speaker 1: want the truth, it's got my load all over it
Speaker 1: from from Tonny. But uh yeah, it was weird, remember,
Speaker 1: But then I found out she fucked my best friend
Speaker 1: Dicky in front of the rectory where my grandmother worked.
Speaker 1: And that's a lot of low blows and such the
Speaker 1: priest live, you know what I mean, that's so much
Speaker 1: it was. It was a lot. Look at it was
Speaker 1: a lot of fuckings. I should not. I should not
Speaker 1: like That's why I have a kid now. I truly
Speaker 1: hope that he does not get exposed to sex when
Speaker 1: I got exposed to sex. I don't think that's the
Speaker 1: youngest sex story I've ever heard. How old were you
Speaker 1: when you first got arouse? Their first jerked off? It
Speaker 1: was first grade? I sucked on titties for the first time.
Speaker 1: Titties in the first grade, they don't have titties. Then
Speaker 1: this girls, it was the only other toy kitain And
Speaker 1: so that's just like the best, that's the best name
Speaker 1: and is a great and love that. That's exactly that.
Speaker 1: Actually it was Again, I didn't I shouldn't have been
Speaker 1: in this situation. But because of this, you know, I
Speaker 1: I just I was just this girl. Older girl got
Speaker 1: ahold of me and took out that happened to you
Speaker 1: a lot. It was a weird thing. Man, I took
Speaker 1: out her titties and I need to see photos of
Speaker 1: you were smoking hot I've ever seen. Were you excited
Speaker 1: about this? I was not. I cried. Did you feel
Speaker 1: a little did you feel taking advantage of what happened? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I look, I wasn't taking advantage of because look, I
Speaker 1: mean she was a kid too, but also she was
Speaker 1: it too. I think that kids. I really believe this,
Speaker 1: especially in my generation. We were we were out there
Speaker 1: touching and feeling and doing things, and nobody was talking
Speaker 1: to us. Nobody was saying anything about our private parts,
Speaker 1: are feelings, our emotions? Uh? You know, is a penis
Speaker 1: or a vagina? Do you like? You know? What was it?
Speaker 1: Nobody sat down and said, hey, um, you know it's
Speaker 1: okay too. Like look, I remember I fucking. Me and
Speaker 1: my friend used to jerk each other off, and I
Speaker 1: thought it was gay until I went to rehab and
Speaker 1: the guy was like, what's the thing that you never
Speaker 1: talked about? And I said that and he goes, okay,
Speaker 1: hang on a second. He goes, bring Josh, Mike, and
Speaker 1: Joe up, and these three kids came up. He goes,
Speaker 1: do you have to jerk your friend off? Yea? You
Speaker 1: have a jerk your friend off? Yep? Do you have
Speaker 1: to jerk your friend off? Yep? He goes, everybody's done that,
Speaker 1: your asshole. I have heard that story a lot. And
Speaker 1: if you ate each other's asses out, that would have
Speaker 1: been a fun would have been story. I've never like
Speaker 1: fingered a girlfriend. Me and this girl, Catherine. I forgot
Speaker 1: about this until just this minute. We used to touch
Speaker 1: each other's butts when I was I was seven, I
Speaker 1: would I initiated it. And then my best friend at
Speaker 1: the time we live across the street with me. We
Speaker 1: play husband and wife. When we were like six and
Speaker 1: we got touch me, I would make him touch my
Speaker 1: non existent tits. Yeah, because and no one, I mean
Speaker 1: that's young though. No one fucking talked to us about
Speaker 1: that then. Yeah, it's like like nobody said, hey, man,
Speaker 1: you might you don't show somebody your privates if you
Speaker 1: don't want to. If you have that situation, come back
Speaker 1: and talk to me. Um, and I can talk to you.
Speaker 1: I mean, my kids five five, So do you teach
Speaker 1: him the proper names for the organs fucking back that's
Speaker 1: called the Clinton trombonus. Yeah, eat that as that's good.
Speaker 1: My nephews, my nephews three and his his fucking preschool
Speaker 1: started teaching him muffin for vagina and pickle for penis.
Speaker 1: And he starts talking to my mother like you have
Speaker 1: a muffin, And my mom's like, I can go to
Speaker 1: the store and kids, and they didn't tell my brother, Hey,
Speaker 1: we're teaching your kids about private parts because I'm like,
Speaker 1: fucking tell it. Tell him it's penis and vaginant idea.
Speaker 1: We taught him, We taught him about that, We taught
Speaker 1: him about private parts. I mean, my kid, it's so weird.
Speaker 1: I don't you know. We don't yell. Uh, we're trying
Speaker 1: not to yell, like even at each other. That's probably
Speaker 1: gonna do him a lot of good because that ship
Speaker 1: is scarring. Yeah. We he came out the other day
Speaker 1: for kind of a little argument. The tone changed and
Speaker 1: he walked out. He said, guys, guys don't talk to
Speaker 1: each other like that, and we were like, okay, thanks Max.
Speaker 1: So it's angel Yeah, like it makes me happy. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: he's he does sucked up ship here and there, but
Speaker 1: he's kid. We don't yell at him. We don't. And
Speaker 1: I know that sexually wherever the fucking Like, I let
Speaker 1: my kid paint his toenails. He wants to paint his toenails. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I like, but I remember we're on a ruben and
Speaker 1: the guy I was like, what's that. I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: my kid wanting to paint his Do you kid, I
Speaker 1: painted my fucking toenails? Go fund yourself. I wouldn't expect
Speaker 1: that from you, that's great. Yeah, So you know he
Speaker 1: wanted to he wanted a mohawk, and he wanted to
Speaker 1: be red. I'm like my wife was like, okay, man,
Speaker 1: that's your If you want a red mohawk, that's your hair. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And he's going to be his own person when he
Speaker 1: grows up thanks to you guys. Right. And but there, Look,
Speaker 1: it's hard because there's rules that you do have to
Speaker 1: follow when you go into these school situations or certain
Speaker 1: situations you can't so you have to follow. You have
Speaker 1: that there's a there's a certain line you have to
Speaker 1: breach because you can't. Number one, you'll get hurt. Okay,
Speaker 1: you can't just go do what you want. Number Two,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to be in these situations in life, work, school,
Speaker 1: where there are boundaries and people are telling you what
Speaker 1: to do and you have to listen to. You can't
Speaker 1: just do whatever the funk you want whenever you I
Speaker 1: think it's very positive to be able to go okay,
Speaker 1: I will do it. Yet, but also you have to
Speaker 1: learn that there's repercussions for being yourself because like I'm
Speaker 1: someone who was always like dressed and weird and stuff,
Speaker 1: and like you have to quickly like make a decision
Speaker 1: like is it worth this kind of backlash, social backlash
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get like, in my opinion it in my experience,
Speaker 1: it was worth it. But like everyone's not doesn't have
Speaker 1: that in coplace. Yeah, my kid wanted a bandanna on
Speaker 1: his head, and you know, it's like a little whatever.
Speaker 1: It was my wife's thing. I was like, it was
Speaker 1: a whatever, go ahead, dude, let's go. When we went
Speaker 1: to home depot, I don't give a fuck. If you
Speaker 1: don't give a funk, I don't give a fuck. Did
Speaker 1: you your wife talk about that out before he Max
Speaker 1: was either born or grew up to be making his
Speaker 1: decisions like that. You just both naturally did it. We're
Speaker 1: just both naturally we're both naturally cool with whatever he
Speaker 1: wants to do because, um, we just don't care because
Speaker 1: he's a good He's just a good person, that's all.
Speaker 1: The only thing we want to raise is a good
Speaker 1: person with good values. Have a son, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: bring him, but he's going to go into the world
Speaker 1: and be This is the thing I say, though, it's like, Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: have a fucking you have this boy, right, don't talk
Speaker 1: to me, my cake is baked. Okay, you understand. Let's
Speaker 1: go raise these kids with values, and let's go raise
Speaker 1: them with fucking creativity, and let's go we raise them
Speaker 1: to be good human beings because my cakes banked the
Speaker 1: people after me. They're done. That stepbread is old. You
Speaker 1: know you're trying to go, don't change this guy. Let's
Speaker 1: change these little kids, because that's who you're truly going to.
Speaker 1: It's gonna go by like that. They're gonna be the
Speaker 1: next motherfucker's. I remember we're on my podcast the other
Speaker 1: day and I think it was Loo saying the N
Speaker 1: word or something like that, and then he asked, Gabby,
Speaker 1: have you ever said the animald and she goes no.
Speaker 1: I was like, that's awesome, like to never have said
Speaker 1: the N word, Like it's not even in your car.
Speaker 1: It's like, that is a fucking cool place. Generations of
Speaker 1: people are being more respectful of everybody. Now there's a
Speaker 1: fine line because we don't want to be a bunch
Speaker 1: of fucking pussies either. Like I bring my kid on
Speaker 1: the roof, I let my kid use power tools. Like
Speaker 1: when we bring my kid on the roof, next go
Speaker 1: on the roof, run around a little. It sounds a
Speaker 1: little crazy, I trust you. I'll tell you why. Because
Speaker 1: what happened with my generation, we grew up with depression
Speaker 1: because we were abused mentally and no one talked about it,
Speaker 1: and nobody talked about it, so we were depressed and
Speaker 1: fucked up. What happened with the generation after me, they
Speaker 1: grew up with anxiety because they were so protected, they
Speaker 1: were so hidden from all the dangers of the fucking
Speaker 1: world that these kids that are coming up now have
Speaker 1: anxiety issues because they're afraid of everything, because they didn't
Speaker 1: have fear in their life being being on the reason
Speaker 1: why I bring my kid up on the he says,
Speaker 1: I want to go up. Okay, buddy, let's go up,
Speaker 1: and I, of course safely, Me and my wife put
Speaker 1: him on the roof. And now, okay, if you go
Speaker 1: to the edge and you fall, you'll get really hurt.
Speaker 1: He knows that when he uses a power tool, this
Speaker 1: is not a toy. This is a real This is
Speaker 1: how you respect. You respect it. You're not afraid of it.
Speaker 1: He's not afraid of going on a roof. He's not
Speaker 1: afraid of building something. He's not afraid of the noise.
Speaker 1: He knows how to use it, the difference between the toy,
Speaker 1: and he doesn't have that anxiety that like I have
Speaker 1: a friend of mine's kid wants to just be the
Speaker 1: same age, same week, do shit because they Yeah, so
Speaker 1: you don't want to. You wanna, you wanna let them.
Speaker 1: You want to give them as much love as you can,
Speaker 1: and you want to especially kids Like I got fucking
Speaker 1: violently angry when Tom Brady kissed his son and everybody
Speaker 1: was like, what the funk was that? I was like,
Speaker 1: did he kis him on the lips? They kissed him
Speaker 1: on the lips and it was a little long. I mean,
Speaker 1: here's a problem camera cut away. When I first saw it,
Speaker 1: I made a video. I was like, fuck you, I'll
Speaker 1: fucking kiss my son every day on the lips because
Speaker 1: I do. I kiss him on the lips, I hug him,
Speaker 1: I hold them as much emotionally stable. But Tom Brady
Speaker 1: did it, and they were all these men were like
Speaker 1: what the fuck? And I immediately lashed out against that
Speaker 1: good But then I watched the video was like, maybe
Speaker 1: it was a little I mean he was shirtless getting
Speaker 1: a massage and it was loub It was a little
Speaker 1: The scenario was a little there, but he the kid.
Speaker 1: The kid gave him a kid. He came in and
Speaker 1: gave him a kiss, and he's like that that was it,
Speaker 1: Like like a little kid goes that's that wasn't it?
Speaker 1: That was not good enough? And he gave him another
Speaker 1: kiss and it was a little I mean it was
Speaker 1: a little long. But how does the height. I was
Speaker 1: proud of his dad. I can't fucking tell you enough.
Speaker 1: As a as a man, if you have a little boy,
Speaker 1: you have the total option to raise him, uh, to
Speaker 1: be a good person. That's the only everything else is
Speaker 1: not up to you. He's going, well, it's really helpful.
Speaker 1: It's nice to see have somebody like you who seems
Speaker 1: seemingly like tough. You're manly man. But the fact that
Speaker 1: you you understand that, I know that, I appreciate that
Speaker 1: and put that the forefront of your relationship with your
Speaker 1: son is like, but it makes me a faith in
Speaker 1: the world. I had to be. But here's the thing, though,
Speaker 1: is I had I was. I had to be a
Speaker 1: piece of ship. I did a lot of fucked up
Speaker 1: things towards women, and I did a lot of fucked
Speaker 1: up things. I had women do a lot of fucked
Speaker 1: up things to me too. And then there was a
Speaker 1: point where this woman that I had, that I was
Speaker 1: given the opportunity to be with my wife now, um,
Speaker 1: where it was all going to go away. And a
Speaker 1: lot of my friends are like, fuck it, let it go.
Speaker 1: You're Bobby, You're a piece of ship. Just be you, dude,
Speaker 1: stop trying to be just let her go, let her
Speaker 1: go and let her be happy. One person, Colin Quinn, said,
Speaker 1: you could try to change, spend the next year or
Speaker 1: so trying to change who you are, and if it
Speaker 1: doesn't work, you can let her go then and just
Speaker 1: if if, if you can't do it, and you're a
Speaker 1: piece of ship, and blah blah. Uh. But at least
Speaker 1: you won't regret he goes, if you don't try, you'll
Speaker 1: always regret it. And he was right, because I went
Speaker 1: to therapy. And it's been a rough road for the
Speaker 1: last ten years. I went to therapy. Uh and still
Speaker 1: going and and and uh we I think right now, man,
Speaker 1: it's weird because you spend your whole life trying to
Speaker 1: be famous. You spend your whole young life trying to
Speaker 1: get uh that approval, that thing, and then when you
Speaker 1: get it, you just want to hold onto it until
Speaker 1: it dies because you're just so afraid of going back
Speaker 1: to what it was. But then there's a point in
Speaker 1: your life where you have the opportunity to make a life. Uh.
Speaker 1: And and then all of a sudden, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: the just a good feeling of having people who care
Speaker 1: about you in your life is enough. You know, my
Speaker 1: I have a life from outside of this comedy is
Speaker 1: not me anymore. This business is not me. And and
Speaker 1: and now I have this. When I go home, I
Speaker 1: my wife. We still fight, We're still a different people.
Speaker 1: I still funk up. She still sucks up. But this
Speaker 1: little kid, with this family, and it's a it's a
Speaker 1: I made something. I fucking made something. Finally I was
Speaker 1: a fucking hunk of garbage. You also made tourgasm. That's
Speaker 1: pretty great. I can't get over that. It's nothing about
Speaker 1: that was hall. But that's always gonna come up. You
Speaker 1: think that. Um, But because when you decided that Max
Speaker 1: is five, so when he before, right before he was born,
Speaker 1: when you guys decided you wanted to have a kid,
Speaker 1: was that when you felt that your priority switched? When
Speaker 1: did you feel that it's we never wanted kids, really God, damn,
Speaker 1: you guys seems like such great parents. We never wanted
Speaker 1: a fucking kids. We used to see parents at airports
Speaker 1: and like, we used to go to Rubal a lot,
Speaker 1: and then we'd always some parents trying to talk to us,
Speaker 1: and we would lie to and be like, what do
Speaker 1: you guys staying? Were like flip flopping away from funk
Speaker 1: out of here you're stayed. We used to stay at
Speaker 1: a boutique hotel in no no kids. Yeah, those kidless
Speaker 1: hotels are pretty sweet. I gotta thing, Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm happy we did that too, because I was
Speaker 1: in shape. She we were both in shape, and we
Speaker 1: both we both got to enjoy each other. But see
Speaker 1: your relationship with her, really you enjoyed every stage? Well,
Speaker 1: because I feel like, look, at some point physically, you
Speaker 1: just and you don't give it. You stopped giving a
Speaker 1: ship right. Well. It's weird because I don't know if
Speaker 1: this makes sense, but there are girls who are pretty
Speaker 1: and get less pretty, like gorgeous when they're young, and
Speaker 1: then when they hit their forties, it just all goes away.
Speaker 1: But then these girls that are pretty and when they're young,
Speaker 1: but then around thirty eight, forty and the older they get,
Speaker 1: they just become just these beautiful women. My wife was
Speaker 1: one of those people. So my wife in her twenties
Speaker 1: was a really good looking girl, like you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like I didn't have to worry about my
Speaker 1: friends wanting to fuck her because she was good looking.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't like Norton. It was gonna be like,
Speaker 1: oh god. But now my wife is is like I
Speaker 1: look at her and I fucking cry. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: what the fuck? But I feel back to her because
Speaker 1: I was one of the men usually age. Well, I
Speaker 1: think you're a looking guy. I shouldn't. I need to
Speaker 1: lose weight, here's the problem. But you're good like a
Speaker 1: guy personality. Someone told me you were really hot when
Speaker 1: you were young, and that made me feel uncomfortable, like
Speaker 1: they were like he was like a kid model, and
Speaker 1: I was like, how do you know about Really? I
Speaker 1: can see I can tell. This is a weird thing
Speaker 1: to know it was. It was because his photos. It's
Speaker 1: it's almost sad how good good I was. And my
Speaker 1: wife she met me then she met me at my
Speaker 1: like my fucking peak. Yeah, and as physical like and
Speaker 1: now I want to I'm rectal. Now she knows you're
Speaker 1: not going to leave, So that's not that's nice, right,
Speaker 1: I mean she still on her toes a little. I
Speaker 1: think you should keep each other. You go on the
Speaker 1: road a lot, I think I think you yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean she keep knowing a lot of hot girls from you, gum.
Speaker 1: So I think it like with yoga pants on, I'm like,
Speaker 1: who are you? Maybe she was, maybe she's maybe she's
Speaker 1: a wagging that ass for you. Well I not, but
Speaker 1: I think it's weird though. When you have a kid,
Speaker 1: it's it's you can't Having a kid is like they're
Speaker 1: always there. You can't not be around them. With kids, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like you can't fuck the Did your sex life
Speaker 1: I would imagine your sex life changed. How is it now?
Speaker 1: Do you have Do you have to schedule it? A
Speaker 1: lot of people I know with kids have to schedule it.
Speaker 1: But that's a I don't think that's a bad thing
Speaker 1: at all. It's well, it's weird right now we're actually
Speaker 1: not having sex by choice. Right right now, we're literally
Speaker 1: just mad at each other. Okay, no, no, here's the deal. Okay,
Speaker 1: you wake up. We both wake up at seven thirty
Speaker 1: in the morning, because pretty much wakes up seven thirty
Speaker 1: and she goes all day. She does not let him
Speaker 1: nap because if he naps, he'll step up all night.
Speaker 1: So she's very structured with him, so she goes all day.
Speaker 1: I'll usually have to go do shows or or or
Speaker 1: I'll have to go in the city or do something
Speaker 1: right and uh around we all if I'm home, we'll
Speaker 1: all sit on the couch and watch a movie. Around
Speaker 1: eight o'clock and he goes to sleep, and she'll go,
Speaker 1: you know, in the bed, put him in there, and
Speaker 1: she's gone. She's out where she goes to bed because
Speaker 1: she's been she's been up with him the fucking day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so for us, and now, okay, one time we tried
Speaker 1: to funk around. He went to bed. We went in
Speaker 1: the room. He was asleep. But it's like having a
Speaker 1: little demon in the house because he's in the bed,
Speaker 1: you know, and then all of a sudden he could
Speaker 1: wake up. You know, I'm I'm trying to finger blaster
Speaker 1: and he's at the end of the bed, going, Dad,
Speaker 1: what you doing? You don't like your do We don't
Speaker 1: have lost contemporary. That's the main thing you need is
Speaker 1: a lock on your door. Yet. But here's the thing though,
Speaker 1: if he started knocking on the door, I'd have to
Speaker 1: get off. Of course, what if it was in his
Speaker 1: throat and I had to like put my fingers in.
Speaker 1: I just I don't want to. You're concerned about putting
Speaker 1: your fresh, freshly dipped in pussy hands down your son's
Speaker 1: throat if he's accident he came from. I mean, he's fine,
Speaker 1: you know. And now how old your wife is she?
Speaker 1: Your age? She's around sixty? Yeah, I married an old broad.
Speaker 1: How old was she? Oh? It's so nice, Max, because
Speaker 1: you were forty two then? So now how old is she?
Speaker 1: Minus five? She hasn't told me your agent a long time.
Speaker 1: She really won't. She's like, I don't worry about you.
Speaker 1: Haven't seen like her documents there anything like you know
Speaker 1: the year I think she was thirty nine. So but
Speaker 1: here's the thing that she couldn't have it for a
Speaker 1: year and a half. We had a hard time. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you, I want here a fucked up story.
Speaker 1: So so if we made this decision. At some point
Speaker 1: I said to her, I go, do you want you
Speaker 1: understand I've been a selfish cocksucker my whole life just
Speaker 1: a piece of ship and in the last whatever years,
Speaker 1: I decided to have a relationship with a woman. But
Speaker 1: I really I gotta try. I gotta really try to
Speaker 1: do this. And you know, I just all the ship
Speaker 1: I was taught wrong, all the fucked up addiction, all
Speaker 1: this bullshit. It's like a constant battle all day long.
Speaker 1: We can be with this woman and try to do it,
Speaker 1: and she's helping me with it, and she understands me,
Speaker 1: and you know, we're working on it together. And then
Speaker 1: and then there's a point where I was like, you
Speaker 1: don't want to have a kid? She's like yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: like you do. She's like, yeah, I've been thinking about it.
Speaker 1: I'm like me too. I'm like, why are we fucking
Speaker 1: e fucking people not the kids? We just don't like
Speaker 1: the parents. We don't like because I love kids. I
Speaker 1: don't like fucking that parents. Those fucking worry too much
Speaker 1: and protect their kids and you see it, and you're like,
Speaker 1: that kid's gonna be so fucked up. Just so anyway
Speaker 1: is we gonna do this and that and just not
Speaker 1: unshitty parents, you know, and the the dad's on the
Speaker 1: phone and the wh and the wife's like, honey, what
Speaker 1: what what you know? That I hate that. We just
Speaker 1: fucking hate this people. And she was like I do.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, let's do it, let's fuck. Let's
Speaker 1: funck for real zy like form for a guy you
Speaker 1: have to understand to come in a woman for the
Speaker 1: first time and purpet scared to just let all your
Speaker 1: jis go. It was just like, yeah, I actually got
Speaker 1: the come almost like a woman. I didn't have to
Speaker 1: go deaf, get off, you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: I got to going me and just leave it yeah
Speaker 1: and be like wow, I mean you could also do
Speaker 1: that on the birth control pill. I still freaked me
Speaker 1: out because and I don't know, like with my wife,
Speaker 1: I could, but with a like growing up, I don't know. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: all right, you're on birth control. I don't want to.
Speaker 1: So we fucked for so long. She got pregnant. I
Speaker 1: funked up and told people she had a miscarriage. How
Speaker 1: long are you supposed to wait? To wait three months?
Speaker 1: Three months? And we didn't, and we fucked up, and
Speaker 1: we learned the hard way. So I'll never have that.
Speaker 1: How How how did that feel? A lot of people
Speaker 1: have written us about miscarriages, and then we did research
Speaker 1: and it's so common. As soon as the most common,
Speaker 1: it's still like devastating, know, like I like someone like
Speaker 1: as they went through it, and it was just like,
Speaker 1: it is not good. It's look, it's it is good
Speaker 1: physically because it means that it wasn't going to happen.
Speaker 1: So it said. Her body was like, now I need
Speaker 1: to let go of this. It actually if you look
Speaker 1: at it unselfishly and realistically your bought Her body was like,
Speaker 1: this isn't gonna work. Guys, I'm gonna let this go.
Speaker 1: Try again, and the next time it will probably be better,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So after we kind of
Speaker 1: heard that it was common, and it happens, and it's
Speaker 1: her body responding and it's you know, okay, cool, great,
Speaker 1: let's do it again. Nothing nothing, nothing, nothing for a
Speaker 1: long time to the point to go get my jis
Speaker 1: checked and she got checked and we're fine. And then
Speaker 1: fuck fu fucked scheduling fucking and it was just so
Speaker 1: schedule fucking is the worst. And then because you had
Speaker 1: to schedule around her ovulations schedule and then you fuck
Speaker 1: and then yeah, we hold their legs up in here.
Speaker 1: It's kind of hot. I like, those have you had
Speaker 1: did you have them in prison. It it made him
Speaker 1: a fire fire fire, so no we we Uh so
Speaker 1: this is fucked up and you may believe this, you
Speaker 1: may not, but it's absolutely fucking true. I do not
Speaker 1: believe in this stuff, but it happened. I'm not that guy.
Speaker 1: So we decided, I go, can we just fuck and
Speaker 1: just fuck and just see what happens? And if we
Speaker 1: don't have a baby, hunt it's just us. Maybe we'll adopt,
Speaker 1: maybe whatever. But if we do, we do. If we don't,
Speaker 1: we don't. So we're fucking After we talked about this
Speaker 1: and uh, I remember it was coming and as I
Speaker 1: was coming, I just started going and she started cracking up.
Speaker 1: She's like, what the funk are you doing? I'm like how,
Speaker 1: She's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I go,
Speaker 1: I think laughter will open up your vagina glands and
Speaker 1: she's like what. I was just trying to make her laugh.
Speaker 1: At the point of just let's who gives a fuck,
Speaker 1: Let's go back to be at us. She got pregnant.
Speaker 1: So with lyon, this is this is fucked up weight so'
Speaker 1: lying there we go to sleep. Um I wake up.
Speaker 1: Her mother is holding her, spooning her, rubbing her, stomach,
Speaker 1: that her mom getting a bit. That was actually I
Speaker 1: was but um um rubbing her belly. And I looked
Speaker 1: over at her and as soon as I looked over
Speaker 1: at her, now I'm awake, and she looks it back
Speaker 1: at me angry like fuck you, like back off, I'm
Speaker 1: doing this, and I I literally turned around and was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. I just shut my eyes and went
Speaker 1: back to sleep. Her mother's been dead for two years
Speaker 1: at this point. Oh, so it wasn't a dream. It
Speaker 1: was the ghost of her mom. Her mom was dead,
Speaker 1: she saw a ghost. I'm not believe you. I called listen.
Speaker 1: I called up Colin Quinn the next day. I go, dude,
Speaker 1: this happened last night. And he's like, she's probably pregnant.
Speaker 1: And that was when she got pregnant that night. Did
Speaker 1: anything in the night she had a dream? Did she
Speaker 1: have sleeping Holy shit? It I'm not a ghost guy.
Speaker 1: I'm not. I've never had a ghost. The non ghost
Speaker 1: guys always wanted to see the ghost. Now, it could be.
Speaker 1: It could be. I mean, it could be just you know,
Speaker 1: I was sleeping blah blah blah, and it see, I
Speaker 1: don't know, but I was up either. Even if you
Speaker 1: had a dream about that. Still. Yeah, it was crazy,
Speaker 1: like crazy, and she was it me like, you can't
Speaker 1: get it done, you small dick motherfucker. I gotta put
Speaker 1: ghost juice on her belly so your fucking stupid old
Speaker 1: jis will work. And then when she had the baby,
Speaker 1: we had to weight and blah blah blah. And then
Speaker 1: but here's what happens. When you become apparent, you have
Speaker 1: you just go and and who you are as a
Speaker 1: person takes over. Now, if you're trying to evolve, if
Speaker 1: you're trying to be a good person, I'm not saying
Speaker 1: you are, I'm saying trying. I don't think anybody's a
Speaker 1: good person. I don't think anybody's good. I think we're
Speaker 1: all fucking bad. But there's people who live in the
Speaker 1: bad and accept the bad and stay in the bad. No,
Speaker 1: don't even acknowledge that. And there's people who are trying
Speaker 1: to evolve out of it. I think we're all flawed
Speaker 1: at all times. This podcast is we're all pieces of ship.
Speaker 1: That's like the podcast motto. Right, Okay, then we're on
Speaker 1: the same page, right. Um, So it's parenting is just
Speaker 1: you trying, It's just you trying did come naturally to you.
Speaker 1: It comes naturally to me and her because we fucking
Speaker 1: love each other and we know what happened to us,
Speaker 1: and we knew what not to do. Now. We did research,
Speaker 1: we read blah blah blah. I was like, look, I
Speaker 1: don't I don't want to. I don't want to yell.
Speaker 1: I don't want to scream. Now look I still flip.
Speaker 1: It's great to talk about before the kid comes. Well,
Speaker 1: you have to. It's like, what do we want to do? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I guess you have to. Yeah, help all couples out
Speaker 1: of conversations they do. I want my kid to have
Speaker 1: everything he wants, but I want him to earn it.
Speaker 1: So if my kid wants a zip line, all right,
Speaker 1: that's two weeks good reports from school. I know people
Speaker 1: that just give their kids ship, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because they never had it and they just want to
Speaker 1: do They just want to. Yeah, I mean, look, we
Speaker 1: funk up my wife all right. Toys r Us is
Speaker 1: going out of business. She went to Toys Rust the
Speaker 1: other day, came back with ten things and he gave
Speaker 1: him all to him And I went, are you out
Speaker 1: of your fuck? Do you know that? Ten? But how
Speaker 1: much ship we could get him, teach him with that stuff.
Speaker 1: Never right now and again it's okay to have like
Speaker 1: a jackpot, not a karaoke machine. Well, that's that's bad
Speaker 1: for you, that's awesome. I was like, I find my
Speaker 1: five year old saying karaoke would hang myself. I thought,
Speaker 1: listen to me, I'm fucking with you until but you
Speaker 1: take over and you sing it. So you put a
Speaker 1: Journey song on. Oh my god, you seem like you're
Speaker 1: from Jersey. I'm from Jersey. We sang, we did karaoke
Speaker 1: me maxew with the baron that. I just heard my
Speaker 1: wife on the karaoke machine by herself that sunny and
Speaker 1: share song. Baby, I Got you, I got you, babe,
Speaker 1: and we and we ran the funk out and you know, listen, uh,
Speaker 1: you know. I don't want to say this. I look
Speaker 1: at this is what bother me about all this stuff
Speaker 1: going on with men. It's like there are guys out
Speaker 1: there who are sexual predators. There are guys who out
Speaker 1: there who are should be thrown in jail, there are
Speaker 1: guys out there should be exposed. Um, but as human beings,
Speaker 1: men and women, I think that this this this evolution
Speaker 1: of where we're going is happening now, And I think
Speaker 1: where we were ten years ago, fifteen years ago, twenty
Speaker 1: years ago, the way I was raised with women, the
Speaker 1: way I was brought up sexually. My movies were sticky
Speaker 1: dick through a hole of a girl's shower and some
Speaker 1: some will grab it and it's okay. My movie was
Speaker 1: a girl getting out of a pool topless and the
Speaker 1: guys jerking off in a bathroom. Last American Virgin Porky's this,
Speaker 1: this was socially acceptable. This is what we were taught.
Speaker 1: So when you have a bunch of guys acting that
Speaker 1: way in their late twenties, it's like, well, wait a minute.
Speaker 1: We spent their whole child goods not talking about sex,
Speaker 1: not telling what was right or wrong, not educating them.
Speaker 1: And then everything they saw on TV was titties, pussy,
Speaker 1: get your dick, sucked, uh funck chicks and you know,
Speaker 1: and don't don't tell your feelings, don't cry, don't don't
Speaker 1: be gay, don't be and then and then, and then
Speaker 1: we're sitting there holding these people accountable. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: we we were. What we have to do is go
Speaker 1: to these little guys right now, Yeah, I mean that's
Speaker 1: going to be the real change, hold these parents accountable.
Speaker 1: Do you think it can change? Yes, you can't change.
Speaker 1: But even me, it's hard. You know, I still watch
Speaker 1: hard porn that I didn't want to watch. I don't know,
Speaker 1: there's something you want to watch. It look sometimes because
Speaker 1: that's why it's good that you can watch it in
Speaker 1: the porn. Here's what it does. It desensitizes me to
Speaker 1: my wife's titties. Okay. There's a book called the the
Speaker 1: Kosha Sutra. Rabbi wrote it and it's about don't take
Speaker 1: ships in front of each other. I agree, don't don't don't, don't.
Speaker 1: Don't walk around topless around your husband have a shirt on,
Speaker 1: so when he sees your tits, he's not desensitized to
Speaker 1: your tits. Because if he sees your body all the time,
Speaker 1: if you're just taking a ship and you're going pea
Speaker 1: naked and you're in front of each like you you
Speaker 1: just he sense you could watch. If I hadn't watch
Speaker 1: a guy's floppy dick all the time walking around the house,
Speaker 1: they'd be like who cares? Yeah, it's like certain things
Speaker 1: like that. So like porn with me, Uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm an I'm an addict. I I have to. I'll
Speaker 1: sit there and edge for three hours until I find
Speaker 1: the right acting acting to say. I was watching per
Speaker 1: last night and like I was like, this acting is
Speaker 1: too is too bad. I can't even get into it.
Speaker 1: I agree with She was like, oh, we're shooting a point.
Speaker 1: I was like, come, I hate it, and yeah, it
Speaker 1: took me out of it. I need I need a
Speaker 1: build up. I needed like, hey, can you help me
Speaker 1: with this sink? You gonna just get you know, some knowledge.
Speaker 1: All you need just a flange a flange and then
Speaker 1: you know something happened. Yeah, exactly, So I'm what I'm
Speaker 1: saying though, is that was still fucked up, like all
Speaker 1: this stuff happening like like even with like Louis, I
Speaker 1: was curious what your thoughts are on that because he's
Speaker 1: your friends, right, well, I'm friends. Actually, even if even
Speaker 1: if I wasn't friends with him, I would have to say, listen,
Speaker 1: we have there's a difference between these The fact that
Speaker 1: a guy who's who who who maybe has doesn't know
Speaker 1: how to talk to a girl, doesn't know how to
Speaker 1: go Hey, what's up? You want to go on a date?
Speaker 1: Do you have a good time? I'll see again, you know,
Speaker 1: blah blah, you know, and then there is a progression
Speaker 1: of sex. This first base, second base, third base, home
Speaker 1: for a reason, you know what I mean. Some guys
Speaker 1: have their own way to do that, Like, hey, can
Speaker 1: I if the I jerk off in front of you know, Okay, yeah, okay, yes,
Speaker 1: but no, this this this, this is a guy. This
Speaker 1: has happened fifteen years ago. We're holding it accountable to
Speaker 1: our where we're at today, and I think it's good
Speaker 1: that we're talking about it. I don't think things should
Speaker 1: happen like when his fucking specials got taken off HBO.
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you fucking you're you're you're? The punishment
Speaker 1: is so But here's the guy. Don't treat him like
Speaker 1: he's fucking Cosby. But here's the guy here exactly. But
Speaker 1: here's a guy who who I never met a guy
Speaker 1: in this business who put women in power more than
Speaker 1: this guy. I mean, the head of his company was
Speaker 1: a woman that never happens her own show. I mean,
Speaker 1: look at the basket. But I wish Yeah, Louis Anderson again,
Speaker 1: I mean you can't. You can go on and on
Speaker 1: about all the women comics that he put on a show,
Speaker 1: uh that wouldn't get work, that Hollywood wouldn't fucking higher
Speaker 1: because of the way they look. Judy Gold was so amazing,
Speaker 1: I mean fucking amazing, incredible. She should be on TV
Speaker 1: all the fucking time in my own And yeah, you
Speaker 1: mean all these people, but Rick Crome and all of us,
Speaker 1: just I mean, and they and he's gone and they
Speaker 1: took him out like he was and then and I
Speaker 1: wish that because of that, I feel like people are
Speaker 1: then it's like, Okay, if something bad happened to you,
Speaker 1: now you know, if this guy's gonna get every fucking
Speaker 1: thing taken away, that's not what I want to happen. Now.
Speaker 1: I don't think anybody's jumping up and down saying Louis
Speaker 1: deserves everything taken away, because like that damages ship so
Speaker 1: much worse. If you're doing that, you me and kids
Speaker 1: should be out of the business. I mean, and and
Speaker 1: but I love the women in power thing. But sometimes
Speaker 1: like like there's like people like Eric Schneiderman who like
Speaker 1: will fight for away men's rights like so much like
Speaker 1: in the in front of the camera and then behind
Speaker 1: closed doors. So sometimes I feel like it is used
Speaker 1: as a decoy I'm not saying that's the situation with Louie.
Speaker 1: And I also don't think, like I want to live
Speaker 1: in a world where someone can ask me if they
Speaker 1: want to if they can jerk off in front of me,
Speaker 1: and then you know, and then they don't do it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like I think you should be able to ask.
Speaker 1: I really do should ask because I like and then
Speaker 1: but then you put the power thing into play. But
Speaker 1: it's like, I mean, I don't know, I was jo
Speaker 1: why did that become perverted? So it's like that it
Speaker 1: looks char but if you like it, then it's great.
Speaker 1: Well I think it was because it was people in
Speaker 1: the business. I think if it wasn't like comic on comic,
Speaker 1: I think maybe it would have been different. I love
Speaker 1: watching guys jerk off, but it's like I gotta but like, also,
Speaker 1: if I was in the dream room and the headliner
Speaker 1: came in and said, can I jerk off in front
Speaker 1: of you? Like that would probably be in approval. I
Speaker 1: would be like if he was opening for you and
Speaker 1: you were like, hey, Krin, can I jerk off? Because
Speaker 1: then I put me in a weird position because you're
Speaker 1: ahead of me in comedy and I want to do
Speaker 1: the show, and I want to time, by the way,
Speaker 1: but I don't if you ever do open for me,
Speaker 1: and I don't say that to you. I'm not funny.
Speaker 1: I'm not. The first thing is I don't know, but
Speaker 1: thank you for asking. Okay, I have a good set, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I think some of the ship, like the repercussion
Speaker 1: being worse than the than the crime and the than
Speaker 1: the action. It's it's like it's dividing people more. And
Speaker 1: I know the difference between what was bad and what's okay,
Speaker 1: what's acceptable, and and and and he still blows me
Speaker 1: away that like all the women I talked to talk
Speaker 1: like you guys, and there needs to be that force
Speaker 1: only talking to female comics though, no, my mother, my mother,
Speaker 1: all the women listen. This is another thing too. I
Speaker 1: have to say, like I hear, like strong women, strong women,
Speaker 1: strong women. I've never met a woman that's not I
Speaker 1: don't have any. I don't have any women in my life.
Speaker 1: I've never really met a non strong I don't know
Speaker 1: what that fucking means. I really don't. I don't know
Speaker 1: a woman that's not strong. Every single woman in my
Speaker 1: life is a strong woman. My wife's mother, my wife,
Speaker 1: my mother, my aunt's, my sister, my grandmother. I mean,
Speaker 1: these are all epic people in my life. I've never
Speaker 1: met that. And when they say to me, what happened
Speaker 1: to him is ridiculous. My mother is like, give me dicks.
Speaker 1: I saw that. I didn't want to say. It's like,
Speaker 1: what does that mean. That's a different generation, that's a
Speaker 1: different thing where it's like, look, sexually, you're gonna make mistakes. Sexually,
Speaker 1: you're gonna pull your dick out of the road. Look
Speaker 1: at I met my wife. If we were going by
Speaker 1: if we were going by rules today, I wouldn't be married.
Speaker 1: I remember I used to have a joke on my
Speaker 1: act about it. My my wife blew me on a
Speaker 1: rock for an ice cream on our first date. I
Speaker 1: remember I pulled my dick out and she was like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing. I'm like, nothing like a rock, yeah,
Speaker 1: And she's like why are you And we started kissing.
Speaker 1: She's like she's like put it away. I'm like, come on,
Speaker 1: But the vibes were there. I mean there's a you know,
Speaker 1: there's a difference. I think we just want to live
Speaker 1: in a world where like we don't maybe see so
Speaker 1: many dicks without wanting to like, that's just you know,
Speaker 1: I would just like, like I would love to have
Speaker 1: a dick they cannot press up against me on the subway,
Speaker 1: that that would be a great day. That terrible, and
Speaker 1: that does happen, uncut dick. Like I took a trip
Speaker 1: with a with a real big name comic when I
Speaker 1: was a nobody and we went up to a festival
Speaker 1: he was on. It was just him and I thought
Speaker 1: it was gonna be a lot more people, and he
Speaker 1: took out his laptop and started playing porn and I
Speaker 1: and I looked at him. I'm like, what are you doing.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, it's porn. I'm like no, and he's
Speaker 1: like okay, and he put it away like there we
Speaker 1: And I wasn't mad, but that was weird. I didn't
Speaker 1: think that was weird. He tried and then he said,
Speaker 1: we're sharing a room. I was going home that night
Speaker 1: on a bus after a show, but he had a
Speaker 1: hotel room. Yeah. I mean, look, did you literally just
Speaker 1: think he was taking you as like a fun comedy
Speaker 1: trip comics coming from named comics like Barry poor guy
Speaker 1: Todd Berry hates me because I had it going cock block.
Speaker 1: I'm at a bar downtown because Christina was like, I
Speaker 1: thought we were just going to talk about comedy. I
Speaker 1: was like, two. I was like, for the love of God,
Speaker 1: I think comics, I know, and I like that, right,
Speaker 1: So it's almost like LOUI to do that to a comic.
Speaker 1: And it was funny and they made fun of it,
Speaker 1: the two girls, and everybody says they were joking about
Speaker 1: it the next day and for fifteen years later for
Speaker 1: this to happen, it's like, guys, I just I wish
Speaker 1: same force that brought that tied up could come back
Speaker 1: up one more time and leave Louis on the beach,
Speaker 1: just bring just all that power, all that wow power
Speaker 1: that came in and and and took him out along
Speaker 1: with a bunch of ship would just come back and go, hey,
Speaker 1: let's put him back up on the beach. Let let
Speaker 1: him go back. Just so I wish, I wish that
Speaker 1: we could have uh in the when everyone's getting out
Speaker 1: and for all these terrible things, like a lot of
Speaker 1: people are getting out for things that are terrible that
Speaker 1: they should be in jail four. But it's like it
Speaker 1: would be nice if we could have Okay, they brought
Speaker 1: it back up again. Cool, let's talk about it, but
Speaker 1: let's also talk about the seriousness with which they should
Speaker 1: actually be treated, and then and then move on and
Speaker 1: then not take his specials down and then still go
Speaker 1: see him at MSG. Yeah, well there's no his comedy.
Speaker 1: People just want to bring people down because like even
Speaker 1: like you know that any Schumer interrupting thing, like I
Speaker 1: got pissed about that, but like I don't want My
Speaker 1: goal is not like, let's bring any Schumer down that
Speaker 1: Michael mix In was on t MC call calling or
Speaker 1: fat and I'm like, this is not This is not
Speaker 1: the only reason why people talk about it, right, It's
Speaker 1: because they want they get to say, oh, we get
Speaker 1: to attach Amy Schumer's name to our show, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, why the fuck is comics? You get bumped,
Speaker 1: You get bumped and it feels good. It was ever
Speaker 1: in the middle. It was in the middle. I was there.
Speaker 1: It was the middle. It was bad because I never
Speaker 1: heard that. I have literally been at the seller. I
Speaker 1: literally went, hey, how are you guys doing? And the
Speaker 1: literally rapping get the funk off, And I'm like I
Speaker 1: didn't even yeah, but the comics didn't come in the
Speaker 1: room and go, hey, Bobby, what if it was what
Speaker 1: if it was Chapelle? Chappelle asked, lle we gave Chappelle
Speaker 1: or Thursday Night the comedy works he but he asked,
Speaker 1: asked like Louie, like Louise waited for three comics to go.
Speaker 1: It's just a comedy crossing the line. There is that
Speaker 1: who I said it yesterday? I think it was big Ja.
Speaker 1: There is that when you know it sucks when you're
Speaker 1: on the list and the comic the headline, that big
Speaker 1: name comes in like Chapelle and goes, no not Norton,
Speaker 1: not no, not Lynn. Uh yeah, that guy Bob's Kelly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll go up before him like they do that. Listen,
Speaker 1: they go who will I? Who will up? Suck him
Speaker 1: right there? I want to go right there when you
Speaker 1: have that guy. I always love when the comic comes
Speaker 1: in and they go right after me. So I'm like, yeah, safe,
Speaker 1: getting bump sucks. What Amy You can't understand too, the
Speaker 1: circumstances that she's in, right, you have to say to
Speaker 1: yourself snl panicking anxiety having to do this new set,
Speaker 1: I gotta go right now. Caroline's right down the street. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like her publicist is calling Brennan like just it's like,
Speaker 1: it's just I got it, but it's just like a
Speaker 1: selfish panic, like I understand that should be dealt with
Speaker 1: between us not TMZ Comic picked it up weeks later.
Speaker 1: They'd be very late to it. We should be sitting
Speaker 1: there talking about it with us. We kind of we
Speaker 1: police our own we do for sure, and that definitely
Speaker 1: happened at Caroline's. Yeah, it's like we do our own
Speaker 1: thing for for every fucking podcast in the world. We're
Speaker 1: all sitting there going and and if it to go
Speaker 1: where she's fat, it's like, dude. But I was like, also,
Speaker 1: I'm like that you just ruined the entire argument because
Speaker 1: now you made it about something that it's not. But
Speaker 1: it doesn't. It seem like to me, it always evolves
Speaker 1: into that. It's like, this is this grossness. It's a
Speaker 1: weird thing, like weep shot. I mean, it's yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just I don't know, it's a weird thing. Would happen
Speaker 1: with her and I look, I love Brendon, I love Amy,
Speaker 1: and you know, and I said to Brendon, I go,
Speaker 1: how do you feel? Yeah, I go, what should I do?
Speaker 1: How do you feel? I don't care? Then don't who
Speaker 1: then why should we If you don't give a fuck
Speaker 1: and it's your thing and you're cool with it and
Speaker 1: you're happy your mom got to see somebody famous and
Speaker 1: you went up after and murdered, fucking why the fuck?
Speaker 1: I got way more ship to worry about than fucking
Speaker 1: if Amy comes in and bumps chubby little ginger Brendan,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I mean he's opening for
Speaker 1: me that night, which fucking that weekend. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: bring that little guy with me. I really do like
Speaker 1: him a lot. He's wonderful. He's very funny. I think
Speaker 1: he took it okay, so where you're wonderful. This conversation
Speaker 1: was light years more. I've cried, I don't know, um
Speaker 1: what you have a podcast? What what I want to
Speaker 1: We want to see more of you and see you live,
Speaker 1: listen to your podcasts. Well, you know, I just I'm
Speaker 1: getting so far. My podcast is you know what, dude,
Speaker 1: podcast it's going on for a long time. It's pretty
Speaker 1: much what it's. It's evolved a million times over the
Speaker 1: last I think eight years of six years where the
Speaker 1: funk it is? Um, but now it's it's it's pretty
Speaker 1: much two people. Now, I just have a couple of
Speaker 1: people on and it's just a comic. I mean there's
Speaker 1: I don't really where you go, wherever the funk it goes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just I want to to create just comics hanging
Speaker 1: out at the club and have but I have everybody on.
Speaker 1: I don't really just have I have everybody. I have
Speaker 1: a famous people. If there's a comic that wants to
Speaker 1: come on, they can text me and I'll have them on. UM.
Speaker 1: I have famous people on. I have my friends, my contemporaries.
Speaker 1: I have people who are right underneath me. It is
Speaker 1: what it is, you know. Uh, it's just you know,
Speaker 1: it's a fun and on YouTube, it's on riot cash
Speaker 1: dot com, which is my network that I run with
Speaker 1: Rob Sprants. But I just started a Patreon Patreon slash
Speaker 1: Robert Kelly, which I'm starting to do a lot more
Speaker 1: of because of the times we're in and because of
Speaker 1: I don't want people that aren't fans of mine to
Speaker 1: have as much free ship as I give them. I
Speaker 1: feel like even the little even the little videos and
Speaker 1: the stories and the stuff, it's like I'm working. I
Speaker 1: feel like five jobs plus stand up to keep a
Speaker 1: fan base that I don't a lot of them. I
Speaker 1: have a hundred thousand people on Twitter maybe yeah, but
Speaker 1: that's nothing now, and maybe thirty thousand of them are fans,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe twenty are you know what I mean? Because
Speaker 1: if I if you have a hundred thousand people, you
Speaker 1: should be selling out every fucking show you do. That's
Speaker 1: a hundred. Yeah. If you're if you're working clubs, you
Speaker 1: should be fine. But it's like you don't. These people
Speaker 1: just follow people now and they don't even funk. It's
Speaker 1: not really read. If it's a podcast like you guys have,
Speaker 1: you know, those are your fans. These are your fun
Speaker 1: because they have to work and they know you. They
Speaker 1: have to download this and listen. They have to listen
Speaker 1: to the consistently a week. Yeah that's a fucking I
Speaker 1: don't even do that. Yeah that is not listen to
Speaker 1: this podcast. I do. I think it's great. Never. I
Speaker 1: listened to four episodes and four years. I love listen
Speaker 1: to me you two. I fed you on mar show
Speaker 1: and I love how different you two are. I don't
Speaker 1: know how you became friends. Really, let me tell you
Speaker 1: just well, you know more, you and your wife like
Speaker 1: things you don't want to do. She does it's sad,
Speaker 1: but you but she's my wife and I'm yeah, yeah, offense, No,
Speaker 1: I mean I'd rather be your wife. What's your website?
Speaker 1: Because you were performed at the seller a lot. I
Speaker 1: really do love At the beginning of this whole show,
Speaker 1: you're saying I love everything you do, Bobby. She stared
Speaker 1: at me like she was looking at a frog about
Speaker 1: the jump. Well, I don't. I don't know you well
Speaker 1: enough to say that. Don about I love you. Got
Speaker 1: you gotta earn her love. She get mine automatically, she didn't.
Speaker 1: I like your skin. I like your skin. I think
Speaker 1: great got it? You don skin this nice skin. That's
Speaker 1: why I can tell you skin, great nose structures. I've
Speaker 1: always loved you guys. You guys have been fucking great.
Speaker 1: Uh and I'm happy for your success to you guys
Speaker 1: are killing you. When you called me and said you
Speaker 1: want to be honest, I was like, yeah, let's go
Speaker 1: sitting three hours of traffic. Yeah, thanks for enduring. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I think it was worth that. Are you guys are
Speaker 1: the best? Yeah? I just go to my Patreon and
Speaker 1: my website roberta live dot com. If you guys, I'll
Speaker 1: check out, all right, this isn't been guys, we fucked
Speaker 1: the anti splut shaming podcast. I just got the herring
Speaker 1: back in my left ear and we'll talk to you
Speaker 1: next week. I think God, don't think. Un never gave
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