Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Karn. We're sorry about last night, the anti sluck
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey, fuckers, how you doing.
Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of Guys We Fucked. Wow, you
Speaker 1: really do seem you seems very centered. It's the anti
Speaker 1: slush shaming podcast. I'm Karinn, Christina not must Day Oh boy.
Speaker 1: You can follow us on social media. I'm at Philanthropy Gal,
Speaker 1: I'm at Christina Hutch and our duo social media is
Speaker 1: sorry about last night On everything except Twitter, it's s
Speaker 1: r y about less n white te and that's where
Speaker 1: you're going to find all the up to date show
Speaker 1: information and make sure to subscribe, rate, and review on iTunes.
Speaker 1: That helps us a lot bumps. Us to the top
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Speaker 1: Guys We Fucked. Additionally, if you're having trouble with whatever
Speaker 1: platform and you usually used to listen to the podcast,
Speaker 1: if it's not showing up the past couple of episodes,
Speaker 1: we did switch where we host. We used to host
Speaker 1: on soundcloudy now host on Megaphone. Nothing against SoundCloud, We
Speaker 1: fucking love them. It was a it's a something that
Speaker 1: you'll learn about more later. But we we have someone
Speaker 1: working on it. So in the meantime, it's on Spotify.
Speaker 1: It's on iTunes still. I think it's should be on Stitcher.
Speaker 1: It's on Stitcher and I know, just look it up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's We're are updating episodes though, so you Canaly don't't
Speaker 1: even hear this though if you've stopped that, But I
Speaker 1: tell your friends, yeah and yeah, Ray, just take a
Speaker 1: second to ry to review us on iTunes because um,
Speaker 1: you girls appreciate it. Help. A Horror out Um News
Speaker 1: item for this week, once prominent conversion therapist will now
Speaker 1: pursue life as a gay man. Described as the intellectual
Speaker 1: godfather of ex gay therapy, David Mathieson told NBC News
Speaker 1: he is now dating men. Mathison's gay last name, the
Speaker 1: revel Dasian broke Sunday night after the lgbt Q nonprofit
Speaker 1: Truth Wins Out obtained a private Facebook post made by
Speaker 1: conversion therapist advocate Rich Wiler, which stated that Matheson says
Speaker 1: that living a single celibate life just isn't feasible for him,
Speaker 1: so he's seeking a male partner. Okay, that's why he's
Speaker 1: doing it, not because you know, he was born and
Speaker 1: then his sexuality. He realized he was homosexual, and then
Speaker 1: he hated himself for it, and so he wanted to
Speaker 1: make everybody else's life a little bit living hell. Mathieson
Speaker 1: then confirmed Wiler's assertions on Tuesday with a Facebook post
Speaker 1: of his own. A year ago, I realized I had
Speaker 1: to make substantial changes in my life. I realized I
Speaker 1: couldn't stay in my marriage any longer. I realized that
Speaker 1: it was time for me to affirm myself as gay. Monday,
Speaker 1: Come Out, Come Out. He's gay. Mathieson, who was married
Speaker 1: to a woman for thirty four years bless Her Soul,
Speaker 1: is now divorced, also confirmed in an interview with NBC
Speaker 1: News that he's now dating men. That's pretty cool. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know it. I've always had the hunch that people
Speaker 1: who are staunchly against anything, the politician that is the
Speaker 1: loudest against sex work is probably the one with the
Speaker 1: most sex workers in his hotel room. Um, and this
Speaker 1: kind of confirms this. And at the end of the article,
Speaker 1: it's a really great article. You guys should check it out.
Speaker 1: The end of the article, Matheson is far from the
Speaker 1: only ex gay therapist who has either come out as
Speaker 1: gay or has been exposed for leaving living a double life.
Speaker 1: In two thousand, conversion therapy advocate and success story That's
Speaker 1: Quotes John Poulk was photographed at a Washington d CEE
Speaker 1: gay bar. A decade later, he issued a formal apology
Speaker 1: for his ex gay past. Alan Chambers, former president of
Speaker 1: the now defunct conversion therapy organization Exodist International It's a
Speaker 1: shitty name, apologized to the LGBTQ community after he acknowledged
Speaker 1: he was attracted to men, and just two months ago,
Speaker 1: Truth Wins Out exposed x gay therapist Norman Goldwasser after
Speaker 1: it allegedly discovered him soliciting men on gay dating apps.
Speaker 1: Benson said conversion therapy programs give people false hope that
Speaker 1: they can be quote cured of being l g b
Speaker 1: t Q. It's a total and complete fraud from beginning
Speaker 1: to end, he said. As for Matheson, he denied accusations
Speaker 1: of fraud and said he's currently pursuing a new career
Speaker 1: as well as a boyfriend. It's a whole different world.
Speaker 1: What really makes me happy about it is how congruent
Speaker 1: it feels to me now, he explained, it feels like
Speaker 1: I'm in the right place. Well, But in addition to
Speaker 1: giving people false hope, I mean, I think that's like
Speaker 1: the wrong point to make with this story. The thing
Speaker 1: is like, X, you can't change your sexuality. The whole
Speaker 1: idea of conversion therapy as saying that being gay is
Speaker 1: wrong or bad or gross, and that you should it's
Speaker 1: something that you should want to change about yourself. Like
Speaker 1: that's the problem. And I mean if I was, if
Speaker 1: I was a member of the l g b t
Speaker 1: q Q community, I would be better and resentful as
Speaker 1: funk against people. I mean like this, I mean, can
Speaker 1: you imagine how many lives he's ruined were completely And
Speaker 1: he's backing up the parents of these kids, the parents
Speaker 1: who are not supportive of their children coming out as
Speaker 1: lgbt Q are only getting fueled more by his fucking morons.
Speaker 1: And let me tell you something, Mike Pen's probably the
Speaker 1: gayest motherfucker of them all. Yeah, I think he's very gay,
Speaker 1: And I've had that. I've had that hunch for a
Speaker 1: very long time because he is so pro conversion therapy
Speaker 1: for lgbt Q and other women. Because he's gay because
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to look at another woman. Well, I
Speaker 1: I just don't understand why. I mean, there are certain
Speaker 1: things that people do that present a danger to others,
Speaker 1: and being gay isn't one of them. So like to
Speaker 1: make it your life's mission to convert gay people or
Speaker 1: to stop them in quotes from being gay? Like what
Speaker 1: it's because if you lead that crusade, then you mustn't
Speaker 1: be gay. But the sad part is we all know
Speaker 1: you are. Yeah, just we all know if you're screaming yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you just shut the funk up honestly and lead
Speaker 1: your life, no bother you. Yeah, could whatever hole you want. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that you're misdirect ain't working. Yeah, take your dick out
Speaker 1: of your conversion therapy paperwork and put it into put
Speaker 1: into a flashlight to start, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Just get used to it anyway. That being said, if
Speaker 1: you're gay or not gay, you foh you buy a
Speaker 1: ticket to our shows? Yeah, come see us live tonights.
Speaker 1: We're in Raleigh, North Carolina at good nights. Uh there's
Speaker 1: two shows tonight and two shows tomorrow. Is that could
Speaker 1: be the bridget Bishop Tour? I don't know, I think
Speaker 1: maybe not I think we had decided to Winnipeg was
Speaker 1: the last what this one is going to be. We're
Speaker 1: not sure it out. We have a whole three and
Speaker 1: a half days to figure it out, so according this
Speaker 1: in advance, So we're gonna be great. But let's sell
Speaker 1: those out. I know there's a lot of fuckers in Raleigh,
Speaker 1: and if you're in the area, uh, put a tweet out,
Speaker 1: put an Instagram out, because a lot of times people
Speaker 1: are behind in episodes and they're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I didn't know that you were in town and I'm here,
Speaker 1: but I am king you. Yeah, and let's rid ourselves
Speaker 1: of those in Portland, Oregon. Valentine's Day twenty nineteen the
Speaker 1: singlest Valentine's Day and guys, we fucked history. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is my first single Valentine's Day, well not mine. I'm
Speaker 1: not a sad bitch, So guys, bad bitch. I've already
Speaker 1: bought my off and I'm excited for the Listen Up
Speaker 1: Podcast festival. You well, yeah, because I I have to
Speaker 1: wear a thematic Valentine's Day. You have to wear red,
Speaker 1: and I don't. Red's not really my power color, you
Speaker 1: know what? So really I think you look good and
Speaker 1: rend well, I mean, thank you, but I I would
Speaker 1: say like an emerald green or a royal blue or
Speaker 1: my power colors. You're right, you're right, because you gotta
Speaker 1: bring out those tiger eyes. Baby. Uh listen up. Podcast festival.
Speaker 1: We're doing a live recording of Guys, We Fucked You.
Speaker 1: Guys don't seem that interesting because I would hope that
Speaker 1: it was sold out already. I don't know how big
Speaker 1: this venue is, but if it's not sold out by
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, were never coming back Indianapolis. We're ne a Thursday, February,
Speaker 1: February Nope, April eighteen through Saturday for twenty you know
Speaker 1: your girl Gumby High, but not for the shows because
Speaker 1: I don't do that. We're gonna be Helium Indianapolis. So
Speaker 1: go to Sorry about Last Night Comedy dot com slash
Speaker 1: Tours and you get all the info for those shows.
Speaker 1: I'm excited to go back to Indianapolis. We haven't been
Speaker 1: there in a couple of years. And that was a
Speaker 1: really fun Crackers Yeah yeah, yea, yeah, yeah, that was
Speaker 1: a fun club. That lady, oh yeah, the lady there
Speaker 1: was a lady who ran it right there was very
Speaker 1: nice yeah, obviously that place. Wait did when a woman
Speaker 1: sucks up, she takes her whole gender down with her,
Speaker 1: and I hate that. Um, Los Angeles, I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: in the belly Room. But that shows sold out. That
Speaker 1: shows sold out really quick. Um. And but I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be doing other shows. Um. Sunday the tenth, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be doing John Camp and Nelly's show at the Improv
Speaker 1: February tenth. Um. I think it's a ten or something.
Speaker 1: I'll post it on my social media, Like we said,
Speaker 1: follow our social media because I have a couple shows.
Speaker 1: I'm doing Blair Saki show, I'm in town. Um. And
Speaker 1: then if you're in New York City Saturday, February, my
Speaker 1: Birthday edition of Glamorous is happening seven thirty pm at
Speaker 1: Zinc Bar co hosted by myself and Wendy Starling. The
Speaker 1: venues twenty one and up. Tickets or fifteen dollars link
Speaker 1: in the description of the very podcast you are listening
Speaker 1: to right now, please come. Uh. And then Monday, February,
Speaker 1: I am going to be in Los Angeles. Again, I
Speaker 1: don't have information for these shows. Yeah, I know, but
Speaker 1: I've been saying this for a couple of weeks. It's
Speaker 1: because I'm waiting for a shooting schedule and I don't
Speaker 1: know the locations or times, but I'm just giving it
Speaker 1: to you so you're so you can hold the night
Speaker 1: because then it really doesn't matter because it's gonna be
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. It's gonna be that night, and then
Speaker 1: you know, I'll tell you where it is and then
Speaker 1: you can go there. Yeah, so it all come together.
Speaker 1: It's not like other people know about it and you don't.
Speaker 1: It's fine. So this is just like a save the day,
Speaker 1: like I'm getting married, but I'm definitely not because I'm very,
Speaker 1: very alone. Now that's not true. It's just funny because
Speaker 1: it's funny to say. But I don't even feel that.
Speaker 1: Um and UH, if you want to uh not talk
Speaker 1: to people longer and listen to more podcasts Less Lonely
Speaker 1: Girls every Monday, UH is on Spotify, iTunes, etcetera. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. We appreciate it. And I also want
Speaker 1: to say I've done so every time I've done a
Speaker 1: TV taping. UH, And guys who FU fans come out
Speaker 1: and they always have. They they're always very supportive. It
Speaker 1: makes me feel so good and I just want to
Speaker 1: thank anybody who's ever been to a taping or a
Speaker 1: show of ours or anything, because whenever I come I
Speaker 1: remember the who was the first thing I taped? I
Speaker 1: think this is not happening. I was fucking almost gonna
Speaker 1: ship my pants because I I've been on a set before,
Speaker 1: but a Comedy Central show, Like, even if it was
Speaker 1: just digital, I'm like this, I'm gonna suck it up.
Speaker 1: And I walked on set on stage, I was announced,
Speaker 1: Royal Ju announced me, and then these girls in the
Speaker 1: back were like and they screamed, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I felt like I got hugged and I felt like
Speaker 1: I was in the womb. Well, it's like, really, are
Speaker 1: I really appreciate the support that these that you listeners
Speaker 1: give us. It's kind of like the team really if
Speaker 1: you get when you do a show where like non
Speaker 1: fans are there and like if the first laugh you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: thank god, at least I have some chancing to hold
Speaker 1: on funny. Yeah, yeah, I mean it can. It can
Speaker 1: spire a real quickly after that. It can go awry
Speaker 1: in the drop of a one word. Oh, I was
Speaker 1: on a real bombing spree this past week, So I
Speaker 1: like bombing, it's kind of fun. I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make me sad anymore. It doesn't make me sad,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm pretty good at bombing now,
Speaker 1: but um, you know, it's just there should be. Sometimes
Speaker 1: jokes are too new and like they'll they'll work for
Speaker 1: a while and then they stopped working. But like they have,
Speaker 1: I haven't had them in my rotation long enough that
Speaker 1: should they should have stopped working. So then you're like, well,
Speaker 1: what change? Because these were where where is their lack luster?
Speaker 1: And the deliveriers are lack lester in the audience part.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm on stage, I gotta say, and like last
Speaker 1: night I did shows that Fat Black and I the
Speaker 1: audience was so on board with me the second I
Speaker 1: got on stage, and then in the middle of a joke,
Speaker 1: they just were silent and they stopped any reactions whatsoever.
Speaker 1: And in those moments, I'm like, do I have is
Speaker 1: my pussy hanging out? So I have a booger and
Speaker 1: I physically check all those things while I'm telling the joke,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, it's just me. Well, then you
Speaker 1: start being self conscious about it, and then the comedy
Speaker 1: it's less good and they smelled the fear on you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if anyone somethings like a comedians fear or lack of
Speaker 1: self confidence, it's always bad. That's why. You know, sometimes
Speaker 1: you gotta do a shot if you're nervous about the show. Totally.
Speaker 1: I don't recommend it always, but you know, yeah, you
Speaker 1: know me, sometimes I show up half drunk to auditions.
Speaker 1: No one knows. Really the auditions better. Yeah, I do
Speaker 1: shots before auditions. Well, before we did Rogan, you did
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, I actually last date one
Speaker 1: of the last day jobs I had. I remember the
Speaker 1: CEO of this company had to do a TV interview
Speaker 1: and he did two shots of tequila before and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh word, and he was great. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: you know sometimes alcohol helps guys, It takes it's it's
Speaker 1: called self medicating. Yeah, I mean, I mean I do
Speaker 1: it too. Like, if you're nervous to drive, I would
Speaker 1: not recommend it, don't drink and drink, don't do it
Speaker 1: before rude driver's test or I wouldn't. Also wouldn't recommend
Speaker 1: it if you have a site anxiety about going to school, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: don't drink if you have an anxiety about going to
Speaker 1: don't drink before school. Oh, yeah, don't do that. I'm
Speaker 1: trying too, I'm trying to list places. No. I mean
Speaker 1: like I'm saying, don't go to school drawn. Yeah, don't
Speaker 1: go to school drunk. Listen, don't take any notes we
Speaker 1: have because we have a really bullshit career. So we
Speaker 1: make a living off of talking about dicks. I mean
Speaker 1: that's hashtag. I'm not gonna say it. I mean literally
Speaker 1: part of what I we We have a paid staff
Speaker 1: member and I sent her. I sent her footage of
Speaker 1: like fake Super Bowl commercials and the one my nipple
Speaker 1: was out and I apologized for it, and I was like,
Speaker 1: can you make sure to cut that out? So this
Speaker 1: is the kind of atmosphere we're running And I was
Speaker 1: like and I was like, oh no. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm i gonna be am I part of the me too,
Speaker 1: because I was really concerned. But it really just popped
Speaker 1: out and I didn't it was part of the body
Speaker 1: because I was like, I can't record the whole thing
Speaker 1: again just because I but I don't. Also don't want
Speaker 1: my nipple on the interns of the chair. One. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you look like a snack y'all. Instagram consistently falls out.
Speaker 1: It's okay because it looks like a bunny's nose exactly.
Speaker 1: It's so light and nonoffensive nipple. I don't know what
Speaker 1: an offensive nipple is. I do know what an offensive
Speaker 1: nipple is. I'm not gonna say it, but your nipple
Speaker 1: is so non offensive, very sweet. It's a cherubs gentile,
Speaker 1: It's a cherub. Um, Guys, I've been zening out in
Speaker 1: the Mexican jungle the past two weeks. Of the intros
Speaker 1: we recorded in advance and uh and this this is
Speaker 1: the first recording that we've done since I've gotten back. Man. Okay,
Speaker 1: so there's a lot of shout outs. I want to
Speaker 1: you should know about these people. Um, we stayed. My
Speaker 1: friend Ashley and her partner Brittany run this retreat business.
Speaker 1: She's gonna kill me. I should just ask her what
Speaker 1: you want me to say. But it's like a yoga
Speaker 1: retreat thing retreats. They do retreats. Bliss Camp Retreats, I
Speaker 1: think is the website. You can look it up. Um,
Speaker 1: they have really good ones. Are going to Bali in
Speaker 1: January for New Years. Yeah, and they're doing a surfing
Speaker 1: retreat and mama knows how to surf. Now anyway, we went.
Speaker 1: I went to the seven day Yoga Retreat in sal
Speaker 1: It was right outside of this town, sal Ulita, in Mexico.
Speaker 1: Someone picked up an accent. No anyway, I was a
Speaker 1: Harra Mara right now, that's like, you can't you can't
Speaker 1: make I stayed at this We stayed at this place
Speaker 1: called Harramara Retreat and it was wait what haamaama, I
Speaker 1: think I'm saying it wrong, Just sucking look it up
Speaker 1: and then Google will be like, did you mean not
Speaker 1: what the dumb dumb said? And you'll be like, yeah, um,
Speaker 1: no electricity in our room. So this place was on
Speaker 1: a cliff overlooking the ocean. This whole retreat, the whole
Speaker 1: ground which just want to end it all. Honestly. Going
Speaker 1: to other countries, they trust the people to not kill themselves,
Speaker 1: way more than anywhere in America except for the City
Speaker 1: Museum in St. Louis. Well. I think when you are
Speaker 1: distracted by by other things going wrong, you forget to
Speaker 1: kill yourself. There were so many opportunities to die in
Speaker 1: this retreat. No one took them because you know, if
Speaker 1: you gonna kill yourself, there ship's really going bad. And
Speaker 1: in that case, I get it. But but so we
Speaker 1: stayed in these cabanas and Melissa, uh me, Melissa and Stephanie,
Speaker 1: who's one of my really close friends. Um, and it
Speaker 1: was this there was a fourth person in this cabin
Speaker 1: that we had. Well, yeah, because darry was supposed to
Speaker 1: come and she couldn't. She had to resk out, she
Speaker 1: had a not she didn't come. And this is my
Speaker 1: other close friend. So is this this woman I felt
Speaker 1: bad for because we have so many inside jokes between
Speaker 1: the three of us that and sometimes we're talking and
Speaker 1: we're so obnoxious, but we don't like when other people
Speaker 1: are obnoxious around us. Were like those kind of friends. Well,
Speaker 1: the sound of other people laughing on a joke that
Speaker 1: you don't understand, it's the worst I'd rather hear. I'd
Speaker 1: rather hear, say, a deer being shot. But I actually
Speaker 1: don't know. I actually don't know if I believe that.
Speaker 1: But you know, do they I mean, you just hear
Speaker 1: a gunshot. Deers don't go I don't. I mean lobster
Speaker 1: scream when you boiled him. Yeah, I actually I'm adding
Speaker 1: there the list of things I can't it just goes
Speaker 1: gone and on. So there is no electricity, no WiFi.
Speaker 1: This place is fucking gorgeous. You have to hike to
Speaker 1: get in the cabana that we stayed all the like
Speaker 1: the activities and stuff to do, you have to like
Speaker 1: hike up. The cabanas are all kind of spread out,
Speaker 1: so some some of the people got lucky and they
Speaker 1: were right up top on the mountains. They didn't have
Speaker 1: to sucking, you know, hike for an hour in the morning.
Speaker 1: But it was really I deleted all my social media
Speaker 1: apps just in case I did get a flicker of WiFi,
Speaker 1: wouldn't go on them. And you really realize how often
Speaker 1: you look at things. And I know comedians use social
Speaker 1: media as a tool, so maybe maybe we're more involved
Speaker 1: in it than most people. I don't look at who's
Speaker 1: doing better than them in the business solutely and who
Speaker 1: who were max as dating and the guys I fucked,
Speaker 1: I can stop them. I mean, that's a great tools
Speaker 1: for a lot of things, but one of those a
Speaker 1: business tool. And I think it made me realize how
Speaker 1: often I will look at an object or see something
Speaker 1: anything that could possibly be perceived as funny, and I'll
Speaker 1: go to reach for my phone and put an Instagram
Speaker 1: story like and I'm like, I gotta stop, I gotta
Speaker 1: stop doing that and like live in the moment. So
Speaker 1: it was um, and I brought you know, I brought
Speaker 1: my vibrator on the road with me because we had
Speaker 1: the win Peg gigs. So I went from negative negative
Speaker 1: That's what I forgot. What your clothes? I was like,
Speaker 1: my vibrator, Well I could didn't give that to you. Um.
Speaker 1: We went going from negative thirty degrees fahrenheit to like
Speaker 1: eighty degrees fahrenheit. It's like crazy, but yeah, we did
Speaker 1: a lot of ship. It was amazing. We I learned
Speaker 1: how to surf. I caught waves. I caught like I
Speaker 1: stood up on the board. I'm a surfer. Now, I
Speaker 1: don't how did you? I mean I was. I was
Speaker 1: so Craig gave me a thing. They're they're girl board. Um,
Speaker 1: it was very thick and find I was surprised. But
Speaker 1: then I was like, I'm thinking about I learned how
Speaker 1: to ski in two days, so like, yeah, and I'm
Speaker 1: a book. I know this isn't a quin, but I
Speaker 1: crushed a boogie boarding. I crushed like the water balancing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can understand. Like when you went cattle and I
Speaker 1: stood up on the fucking thing. And it was man,
Speaker 1: Oh the ocean humbles you because I fell on my
Speaker 1: ass and I felt there's so many times I went underwater.
Speaker 1: My board went up. I went to go up from underwater,
Speaker 1: and the board was right on top of my head,
Speaker 1: which is my biggest fear that I was gonna just
Speaker 1: drown even though I just swim four inches to the
Speaker 1: Was anyone watching, Yeah, there were, There were instructors, but
Speaker 1: I was getting a little stubborn because I kept sucking
Speaker 1: up and I was getting mad at myself. So I
Speaker 1: was like, don't no one look at me. And then
Speaker 1: that's how I learned how to serve. Um. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very zen and that was amazing. I just kept
Speaker 1: like surprising myself. Um, learn how to surf. I we horseback.
Speaker 1: We rode horses through the jungle, Melissa and I and
Speaker 1: the guy let me gallop on them, which because I
Speaker 1: can gallop on a horse. My mom my mom raised
Speaker 1: horses and the horses equestrian ship is in our family. Um,
Speaker 1: and I love horses. And that was really fucking fun.
Speaker 1: And um, what else did I do? Oh? We did
Speaker 1: uh two mescal um ceremony. So we all these chicks,
Speaker 1: all of us. We got into this this clay It
Speaker 1: looked like an igloo made out of clay, and there
Speaker 1: was openings in it, but they covered them with these
Speaker 1: thick blankets and this this guy and I'm I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna say any of the terms because they're gonna be
Speaker 1: wrong with this. This guy lad the ceremony and basically
Speaker 1: there's four rounds and there's all these hot stones that
Speaker 1: this one dude prepares and he fucking lights him on
Speaker 1: fire for a couple of hours before we get there,
Speaker 1: and then we get we're so we're sitting on the
Speaker 1: dirt in this t p or this iglue that's made
Speaker 1: out of clay, and there's this fire pit in the middle,
Speaker 1: and there's all these hot rocks and the guy pours
Speaker 1: water and something something medicinal liquid over it, kind of
Speaker 1: like when you're in the sauna and um list it's steam.
Speaker 1: You pour it on the hot rocks and uh. And
Speaker 1: I was like, Man, I looked at most and I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't think I'm gonna last in this,
Speaker 1: because I did hot yoga once and the teacher in
Speaker 1: the middle of the class it almost passed out. The
Speaker 1: teacher was like, this is not for you, and I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, that's harsh, asshole, but okay, you're right.
Speaker 1: So I didn't think I was gonna make it, but
Speaker 1: then I did. And you you are so you're sweating
Speaker 1: from every inch of your body. It is so hot.
Speaker 1: We're in bathing suit, sitting in dirt, in this in
Speaker 1: this thing, and they closed the opening of this type thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a little claustrophobic, but it's crazy. If you
Speaker 1: really get your mind straight, you can fucking power through it.
Speaker 1: And we were he was reading excerpts and he was
Speaker 1: talking about how fear is the anticipation of pain. Just
Speaker 1: these great gems, um, and great gems have were dropping
Speaker 1: all fucking week. We did yoga twice a day. I
Speaker 1: slept through most of the morning classes, but that's fine, UM.
Speaker 1: And it was really nice, UM, and it made I
Speaker 1: was alone with my thoughts for the first time in
Speaker 1: a very long time, because at night I went to
Speaker 1: bed at a normal person hour instead of four am,
Speaker 1: and went to bed at eleven, I know, and I
Speaker 1: woke up at nine. It was the time difference there. Uh, now, no,
Speaker 1: it's more than an hour. I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know, it would have been earlier. I would
Speaker 1: I guess who knows. I woke up early, which is
Speaker 1: a huge thing for me. Um. But the roommate, that
Speaker 1: fourth girl, she apparent. One of the mornings, I wasn't
Speaker 1: nice because I was really tired, and then I took
Speaker 1: a nap on the hammock and she went to wake
Speaker 1: me up because we all have to go to the
Speaker 1: yoga class and she I saw her out of the
Speaker 1: corner of her eye. She looked into the hammocks, saw
Speaker 1: me sleeping and like like jutted back as if someone
Speaker 1: was gonna hit her because she was so terrified of me.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I gotta change. Yeah, I do
Speaker 1: like to remain quiet in the morning. Yeah. Yeah, me too.
Speaker 1: I'm a monster man around you. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah. Um. But I was realizing how important,
Speaker 1: and I know a lot of people resonate with the
Speaker 1: conversation we had with Justin Silver and those meetings that
Speaker 1: we talked about and stuff, how important safety is for
Speaker 1: me to feel safe. And when I'm with men, I
Speaker 1: was thinking a lot about men. They're the men that
Speaker 1: I'm fucking currently, Like the one in particular I had
Speaker 1: been thinking a lot of on this trip, and I
Speaker 1: was so upset with myself. I'm like, why are you
Speaker 1: Why are you thinking about him? Why are you like
Speaker 1: thinking like good thoughts are? Like you wanted to be
Speaker 1: with him. I just missed and wanted him to reach
Speaker 1: out to me, wanted him to I don't know it
Speaker 1: just but it was an anxiety, feel like when you
Speaker 1: think about a person you're like, I don't think they
Speaker 1: like me as much as I like them. That kind
Speaker 1: of anxiety kind of even though I don't think that's
Speaker 1: the who knows, but um but I was so disappointed
Speaker 1: in myself that I was just thinking about guys. Um.
Speaker 1: But then I realized, like men a lot of times
Speaker 1: are where I find my safety, and I need to
Speaker 1: figure out how to feel safe by myself. And I
Speaker 1: think it's possible. Yeah it is. But the safety I
Speaker 1: feel when I'm in the arms of a man I
Speaker 1: love is unparalleled to anything. Um but I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: I can get that on my own. I hope that
Speaker 1: would suck if I can. But well, but I also
Speaker 1: think that, I mean, if we're This is where sometimes
Speaker 1: feminism gets in the way a little bit of just
Speaker 1: like science and nature and how things that you know,
Speaker 1: the world kind of works. And that's what I'm dealing
Speaker 1: with now. I mean that is a traditional male or
Speaker 1: masculine energy role. So obviously, if you're in a you know,
Speaker 1: like a lesbian relationship, one person is still bringing the
Speaker 1: masculine energy even though they are female or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: In any working relationship, one person is bringing a masculine
Speaker 1: energy because some of my friends, I'm more masculine around
Speaker 1: and some of my friends are more feminine around because
Speaker 1: you meet the other person's energy. And even in friendships
Speaker 1: a lot of times, like Tommy and I, like Tommy
Speaker 1: has a masculine energy, but my my energy is more
Speaker 1: masculine than he told me. And you could see that
Speaker 1: because even if like we'll go someplace and like and
Speaker 1: someone needs to like get in an argument with a
Speaker 1: staff member, it's gonna be it's gonna be me. But like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you around somebody like like justin silver, like you're
Speaker 1: more feminine, Like certain people more feminine men that I'm
Speaker 1: attracted to, Oh yeah, because I'll naturally fall into that role.
Speaker 1: But again it's only when I'm trying to lure them in,
Speaker 1: which sounds so creepy. No, I mean sounds like the
Speaker 1: witch and motherfucker's in is like my favorite pastime. Sounds
Speaker 1: like the witch and handslan Greta like I'm just putting
Speaker 1: pussy crumbs down. Coming here, boys, you just have a
Speaker 1: yeast infection and just tounch of Vagina's sorry, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: if you're eating slash, I'm not sorry. Um, you should
Speaker 1: not eat during this podcast. Well yeah, but then I
Speaker 1: but then I was. But then like eventually I'll change
Speaker 1: and go back to my male energy, which is my
Speaker 1: more comfortable energy with person that you were once fat.
Speaker 1: That's the problem I'm trying to fix. I need someone
Speaker 1: who I don't. I don't go back to that. Man.
Speaker 1: Can't you just not have one of those energies and
Speaker 1: just be you? Are? We always? We always because you
Speaker 1: naturally are. But yeah, I'm thinking about it excessively right
Speaker 1: now because I'm trying to change stuff. But you don't know,
Speaker 1: you don't have to be so hyper aware of it.
Speaker 1: But like the safety thing, I mean, like, yes, you should.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't feel like unsafe on your own but and
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't feel unsafe, but I want to
Speaker 1: feel that safety. But you know what I look for
Speaker 1: that in a partner to you, I mean, like I
Speaker 1: I feel safe on my own, but like when I
Speaker 1: find a partner, like some people make me feel safe
Speaker 1: and some people don't. Yeah, I don't know. It's uh,
Speaker 1: it's it was an interesting I think I judge my
Speaker 1: I think the thought I judge myself, and then that's
Speaker 1: that's it. But I really hadn't time to marinate on
Speaker 1: a thought because I know, like you do things like
Speaker 1: think about things before you talk, and you like ruminate
Speaker 1: on like a subject or or an idea or something
Speaker 1: you want to say, and you write things down. I
Speaker 1: don't take my time like that. So it was really nice.
Speaker 1: And then I also had conversations with Melissa about some
Speaker 1: of the guys that I have seen am seeing and
Speaker 1: and she's like, dude, can I just be honest with
Speaker 1: you about the guys that you've seen? And uh, and
Speaker 1: and she was she said want Yeah. But it was great.
Speaker 1: I was good. It was such a good conversation because
Speaker 1: I was like, you think, first of all, I would
Speaker 1: never get mad at her for telling me that because
Speaker 1: and I love that we have that honesty that she
Speaker 1: she could just tell me, like, yo, if someone I'm
Speaker 1: dating is whack. I wanted to tell me. I wanted
Speaker 1: to tell me because I trust her opinion. She's always
Speaker 1: been right. Um and yeah, I don't know. That was
Speaker 1: a fun car. I just had so much fun in
Speaker 1: this retreat. It was really fucking great, and I felt
Speaker 1: I missed New York so badly. But uh, I feel
Speaker 1: really really good. If you're looking for a remote resorts,
Speaker 1: that's truly a peck double service. This website does not
Speaker 1: do with justice. I wrote that on the common card
Speaker 1: harm Our retreat and then bliss can't retreats. Uh, my
Speaker 1: friend Ashley has a lot of great ship planned. How
Speaker 1: are you? I am great? I'm I was so tired
Speaker 1: when I showed up that I could barely put words
Speaker 1: together because I get like drunk when i'm tired, and
Speaker 1: I'm still tired, but I'm tired for a good reason. Also,
Speaker 1: Uh semi crippled. My uh calves really are not working
Speaker 1: and my fear excessively damn it because you was sucking
Speaker 1: all day all night. Know what, okay, what sex would
Speaker 1: hurt my calves? You'd be surprised. I would have to
Speaker 1: be squatting and like taking a dick from a frog position,
Speaker 1: which is that's exactly what I did the other night.
Speaker 1: It's going to say that. Yeah, when the guys lying
Speaker 1: down and you do this and you go like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're talking about on the bed, I was like, how
Speaker 1: would I want to do that? Oh, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't put my feet down, I put my knees. Don't
Speaker 1: want to do that position because I want to hold
Speaker 1: myself with I want to use my thigh energy, not
Speaker 1: my calf energy. My thighs are my thighs are very powerful. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also just I mean like it looks like too
Speaker 1: much like you're shipping if you're standing on your feet
Speaker 1: in a position for it does and it's easier to fart. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so wait, why your calves? Okay, so it's been gosh.
Speaker 1: I don't even know how where to start the story
Speaker 1: or how much I really want to talk about it,
Speaker 1: because I don't you know, it's not going to reveal
Speaker 1: happiness on this podcast, as we've learned, um, and I
Speaker 1: will continue to do it even though it gets rumined.
Speaker 1: I don't care. Uh well, I don't say. I don't
Speaker 1: know where we left it off because sometimes I talk
Speaker 1: about people and I can't remember if I just told
Speaker 1: you personally, or if I said on the podcast, I
Speaker 1: know you talked about sex that you had with a
Speaker 1: particular person and that was probably the last time that
Speaker 1: you guys, and it still remains being the last time
Speaker 1: that was a person I was seeing before this. Uh,
Speaker 1: I can talk about that. That's kind of interesting. Yet,
Speaker 1: so I wouldn't know. The great sex was with someone
Speaker 1: I was eating someone, UM in an open marriage, which
Speaker 1: I haven't talked about before. UM. If you've seen me
Speaker 1: do stand up recently, I do have a joke about it,
Speaker 1: so you've heard it. That's why I feel comfortable. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to disclose anything more than that. UM, but
Speaker 1: it was it was interesting. It was you know, I'm
Speaker 1: got I'm more traditional kind of person with my relationship structures,
Speaker 1: so for me to even willing to date someone in
Speaker 1: an open marriage was a lot for me. But it
Speaker 1: was someone I had known for a long time, so
Speaker 1: I had a short, short thing with many years ago,
Speaker 1: and when he was with the same person, so I
Speaker 1: knew truly I knew her. I knew the relationship truly
Speaker 1: was open, because I usually wouldn't believe someone if they
Speaker 1: said that, but I knew that was a structured, working, healthy,
Speaker 1: open relationship and an open marriage. Um so, and and
Speaker 1: you know, I love enthusiasm. So this person was just
Speaker 1: very into it and he's and he's kind and it's
Speaker 1: great and I love the time that we spent together.
Speaker 1: And I knew going into it. It It was very clear
Speaker 1: verbally with him that there would definitely be a time
Speaker 1: limit on our relationship, and that the time limit was
Speaker 1: going to be pretty quick, like it wouldn't even last
Speaker 1: a year. Because I just was how far is that
Speaker 1: going to go for you? Exactly? And I said, and
Speaker 1: I was very clear. I was like, because this is
Speaker 1: I was like, You're the one getting the most out
Speaker 1: of this, okay. And I was like, and it's good,
Speaker 1: and it's good setting my self up for if I'm
Speaker 1: not careful, disaster, because you don't want to fall in
Speaker 1: love with someone in an open marriage. But I I
Speaker 1: know me, Um, I certainly wouldn't recommend it to most people.
Speaker 1: I'm really good at compartmentalizing my feelings or going into
Speaker 1: something with the knowledge of like, this can only be
Speaker 1: a companionship and sexuality. It cannot be more than that.
Speaker 1: You cannot fall in love with this person, because I
Speaker 1: you know, speaking about safety. I'm really good at protecting
Speaker 1: my own safety, um for the most part, emotionally, physically, etcetera.
Speaker 1: So I was I was really good about it. I
Speaker 1: did not fall in love with me. I care very
Speaker 1: deeply for him. I did not fall in love with
Speaker 1: him at any point. Um, but he's but he Uh,
Speaker 1: it just got it just got to be a lot
Speaker 1: and and uh and to the point where I felt
Speaker 1: like it was just not it wasn't healthy anymore, and
Speaker 1: it was it was my inkling. And then as soon
Speaker 1: as I stopped it, I was like, I was absolutely
Speaker 1: right because I felt like and I think it's just
Speaker 1: a good lesson in as soon as you kind of
Speaker 1: feel like some thing is toxic, get rid of get
Speaker 1: out of that sooner rather than later. Because it's also
Speaker 1: going to prevent you from resenting a good person. That's
Speaker 1: a good point because you're saving yourself a lot of
Speaker 1: time and hurt and like the like, sometimes I stay
Speaker 1: with people so long that I'll just resent them or
Speaker 1: I'll feel angry and it would be really hard for
Speaker 1: me to be around them. Yeah, well, because sometimes you
Speaker 1: want to hold onto the fact that I think is
Speaker 1: more meating. But like if maybe you're wrong, They're not toxic.
Speaker 1: Maybe your guts wrong. This is what I hold onto.
Speaker 1: But this isn't something I learned, because like you can
Speaker 1: think that something is not working or that the fire
Speaker 1: has whenever out of a relationship and be wrong about that.
Speaker 1: But in my like my mind's archive, I've never felt
Speaker 1: toxicity starting and then had it EBB. Once you feel
Speaker 1: that initial tang of of toxic, which is a very
Speaker 1: specific feeling, and then it's different from being bored, that
Speaker 1: is different from getting an argument. Toxic is very specific.
Speaker 1: So once you feel the toxic, it's probably proably never
Speaker 1: going to go away, So just get out of it.
Speaker 1: I think, I think it's I think get out of
Speaker 1: it immediately, um because I mean that's happened to me
Speaker 1: many times before, and uh, I never wrong. I was
Speaker 1: never wrong, and I always felt better, even if it
Speaker 1: was not immediately I felt better, but a getting out
Speaker 1: this relationship, I actually felt better pretty much immediately. It's
Speaker 1: also easy to get out of relationship that you're not
Speaker 1: in love with the person, and even though if you
Speaker 1: care for them very deeply, and we had like some
Speaker 1: of the most amazing trips I've ever taken, UM in
Speaker 1: my adult life, like we we travel well together. It
Speaker 1: was just really great somebody that you also have sex
Speaker 1: with you super hot, amazing sex, like just great, great
Speaker 1: across the board. But uh, I also was using that
Speaker 1: at a time where like I wanted companionship, but I
Speaker 1: was not. I was still too in love with James
Speaker 1: to move on. So I was like, this is an
Speaker 1: okay relationship for me right now because it gives me
Speaker 1: the comfort that I do need of a singular person,
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to be sucking just anyone. Um,
Speaker 1: so give me a safe safety and security of one
Speaker 1: singular person without like themitment or the It would also
Speaker 1: be unfair to enter a relationship and still be in
Speaker 1: love with James. Uh, you know that was not this relationship,
Speaker 1: but yeah, the circumstances really aligned. Yeah, it just felt
Speaker 1: like it was just it was just getting too much.
Speaker 1: And this is the other person is also like a
Speaker 1: little bit more relationship naturally than me, So I was
Speaker 1: getting some of the stuffing, suffocating parts of our relationship
Speaker 1: that aren't great for me. Um, and I uh so, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's over. And then someone else who I had
Speaker 1: gone on a date with, uh like a while ago,
Speaker 1: like less like in summer. Uh yeah, it's it's the
Speaker 1: corn guy. Oh but I don't. He's like, stop calling
Speaker 1: the corn guy and I was like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: it's only going to make me want to say the
Speaker 1: corn guy more. And I was like, I know, you're
Speaker 1: more in the band. He's like a corn farmer. He's
Speaker 1: not like, you know, that's the corn guy on the
Speaker 1: corn can Like you know, I know he's more than that.
Speaker 1: But it's like, I don't. I can't give away any
Speaker 1: more information. She's like, you can see my and I
Speaker 1: was like, no, no, no no, I can't. You don't know
Speaker 1: you know it? Um, so whatever, I'll just I have
Speaker 1: to make up a name. Um he's in the band,
Speaker 1: not currently, but what it was, um, and you know
Speaker 1: what you described you the time you did go on
Speaker 1: a date with him, and I was like that sounds nice.
Speaker 1: It was so nice, but well number one, he had
Speaker 1: framed it as like it was we meet the the
Speaker 1: the plans that day, um in the summer, and so
Speaker 1: it was kind of like on a whim, which is
Speaker 1: actually great for me because then I don't have time
Speaker 1: to think about it, to get nervous to talk myself
Speaker 1: out about it. Because for someone like myself, who is
Speaker 1: so self confident, Um, it is amazing how cripplingly like
Speaker 1: scared I get to go on on dates. And it's
Speaker 1: not that I'm scared that people won't like me. I
Speaker 1: don't have that fear because I mean, like they very
Speaker 1: well might not like me, but I don't. I just
Speaker 1: don't care. Um, it doesn't penetrate. Yeah, I look how
Speaker 1: I look, So that's whatever. I feel like. My pictures
Speaker 1: are super accurate. So like if you didn't like my
Speaker 1: face in the photes, you're not gonna like it in person,
Speaker 1: you know. Um, And so I don't really know what
Speaker 1: it is. I mean, I truly am I'm just like
Speaker 1: scared of opening myself out to other people because I
Speaker 1: don't trust other people with myself, like I have taken
Speaker 1: such good care of myself. And then once you and
Speaker 1: to then to get the relationship, you have to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1: And just anytime I lets like other people make me worse.
Speaker 1: I know most people to other people make them better.
Speaker 1: Other people make me worse. And it's and and people
Speaker 1: have doubted that, um, that that notion, and I've said
Speaker 1: it expressed it so many times. And people are like
Speaker 1: no man is an island, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a fully functioning island. Yeah, electricity m And any
Speaker 1: time I've let anyone onto my island, it's made the
Speaker 1: island worse. Keeps on the island. Yeah, the real estate
Speaker 1: on the island has gone down, and it's disappointing and
Speaker 1: disheartening and scary and you're like, is it even worth it?
Speaker 1: But like my therapist has really been And this is
Speaker 1: not why I went to therapy at all. Relationships are
Speaker 1: the reason most people go to therapy. You have a
Speaker 1: healthy grass bar was not even on the list of
Speaker 1: reasons I went. But because she's like a relationship leaning therapist.
Speaker 1: She was like, I think this will be it would
Speaker 1: be good for you to be in a relationship right now.
Speaker 1: And I um, and I was like, you know what, Okay,
Speaker 1: Because my thoughts on being therapy for the first time
Speaker 1: and the reason I entered it was like, I've done
Speaker 1: a really great job with myself up until now, but
Speaker 1: I feel like I I could tighten up on in
Speaker 1: some areas. And so I promised myself that whatever she
Speaker 1: told me to do, within reason, I was going to do.
Speaker 1: So even things I don't want to do. I did,
Speaker 1: so she made me set up a Hinge profile. Um
Speaker 1: I did that. The first day was sucked, and then
Speaker 1: the second day was great. I love that app. I
Speaker 1: want to give it a shout out. So much better
Speaker 1: than Tinder. Tinder fucking sock. I never went on Tenders
Speaker 1: of Curiosity once. Yeah, I've heard too many bad things
Speaker 1: and just really cool I got and and honestly, people
Speaker 1: had better occupations than on ya. Yeah, and and so
Speaker 1: I went on. I already went on one date from
Speaker 1: there and have set up a bunch of other dates.
Speaker 1: But it was kind of like, uh, what can we
Speaker 1: call corn guy? That's not corn guy music, professional musician? Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll just call him a professional musician for No, that's gross,
Speaker 1: So PM, I'll call PM for now and I'll think
Speaker 1: of something. It's also funny because you know, I have
Speaker 1: a hard no musicians role, I know, and then hey
Speaker 1: day musician. I mean yeah, And I was thinking like, okay,
Speaker 1: so why is that, Like, why would I did a
Speaker 1: comedian not a musician? They both are going to fuck
Speaker 1: you over? Yeah, there's no and you can't. I mean,
Speaker 1: you can stereotype certain things, but that Yeah, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of great musicians out there, um, And so these
Speaker 1: are the concepts I was thinking about. So number one,
Speaker 1: like being scared. I always have to remember, like, hey, Karin,
Speaker 1: like you're you, and you get scared to go on dates,
Speaker 1: so other people get scared to go on dates. Two
Speaker 1: And just because someone is like, uh, has a fucking
Speaker 1: bad to ask job and has hung around with celebrities
Speaker 1: and you know, has you know, been followed by the paparazzi,
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that they're not going to get someone
Speaker 1: who's going to be scared to go on a date too.
Speaker 1: So like it totally was a date in the summer,
Speaker 1: but I'm guessing he said it wasn't because it takes
Speaker 1: the pressure off him as well, because getting to know
Speaker 1: him more, I'm like, oh, you're someone who gets you
Speaker 1: get nervous too, and like you're like gentle and scared,
Speaker 1: and like I forget that that people can have all
Speaker 1: these qualities. Number one, I think a lot of times
Speaker 1: women forget men can have these qualities. And certainly I
Speaker 1: think we put it's vulnerability. I think is the thing
Speaker 1: that both men and women risk, and that's the fear vulnerability.
Speaker 1: But I think also like if you're like a badass
Speaker 1: like rock or like you. You're like, oh, that's like
Speaker 1: a kind of person who would like just slings a
Speaker 1: stick around and doesn't get scared like you do. Everyone
Speaker 1: gets scared, and everyone and every musician is not a
Speaker 1: dirt bag, even though some of them are. UM and
Speaker 1: so and so. Then a couple days ago, we we've
Speaker 1: we've talked ever since, and I like almost not every day,
Speaker 1: but like we have talked every week still since that
Speaker 1: initial date, even though we had not seen each other. Um,
Speaker 1: which is that's special. That's rare. Yeah, and it's weird.
Speaker 1: And it was totally initiated by him and I because
Speaker 1: I'm really just bad at keeping in contact. Um. But
Speaker 1: he always reached out and he's really interesting to talk
Speaker 1: to you. I loved someone who can is good at texting,
Speaker 1: so it's like having like a pen pal but on
Speaker 1: text and he um And and then on Monday, kind
Speaker 1: of like out of the blue, he's like, where are you?
Speaker 1: I have something for you? And this is months and
Speaker 1: months of not having just texting. Yeah, and I mean
Speaker 1: like a couple of things like we're like mildly sexual,
Speaker 1: but still I'm like, I guess we're just friends and like,
Speaker 1: I'm totally fine. This is someone who is so quality
Speaker 1: that I would be happy. And you know, I hate
Speaker 1: taking on friends because I have him so many male
Speaker 1: friends already. I would take on a I would take
Speaker 1: out a female friend. Oh you and yeah and and
Speaker 1: so that's that's why I just like kept talking to him.
Speaker 1: And so on Monday he like showed up. I had
Speaker 1: to show it to stand um just like floating right now,
Speaker 1: and he shows up with like he has like a
Speaker 1: three D printer and he made these yeah thanks for
Speaker 1: me that were It's such a specific gift because I
Speaker 1: think most girls would be like what the funk is this?
Speaker 1: But I loved it so much. They were like number
Speaker 1: one things like you could stab people with in self defense,
Speaker 1: but like also made out of my initials. I can't
Speaker 1: even explain it and there's no use ince to it,
Speaker 1: but I like really loved it so much. I'm for
Speaker 1: a homemade gift. Oh my god, my art. My My
Speaker 1: apartment is covered with art that friends have made for me,
Speaker 1: and I love it. Like there's a painting that Tommy
Speaker 1: made me in my bedroom and I love it makes
Speaker 1: me so happy every time. I just love homemade art.
Speaker 1: Um for homemade things or I mean, like even Frank went,
Speaker 1: I made me like a coupon booklet for relationships stuff
Speaker 1: and it was crazy. And so he gave me these
Speaker 1: the gifts at my show, and of course it was
Speaker 1: again great because I would have never allowed someone to
Speaker 1: show up at my show, like I wouldn't just gonna say,
Speaker 1: I would not have given them the fucking address. I'm
Speaker 1: crazy about that ship, you know. Uh, you know, like
Speaker 1: Dan Burne came to a show once and I was like, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: so uh, but he had was already on his way.
Speaker 1: Did you stand up or did he come after you
Speaker 1: just stand up? No, he was already on it. There
Speaker 1: was a great level of trust that I put in here,
Speaker 1: so he was already on his way. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not so cruel that I would like let someone
Speaker 1: just wander around the streets and not tell them where
Speaker 1: I was. Um, And so I give them the address
Speaker 1: and I was like hoping that I would get up,
Speaker 1: but they were the sand was running really late that night,
Speaker 1: so he showed up and I still hadn't gone. But
Speaker 1: I was like, you have to thank god. It's a
Speaker 1: it's a the club they're working out of, right, now
Speaker 1: it is Rocko Music Hall, so you have to go downstairs.
Speaker 1: And it was truly two capacity, so I was like, good,
Speaker 1: there's no room. You can't go down there, you know. Uh.
Speaker 1: He was like, are you nervous to perform in front
Speaker 1: of me? I was like, yes, I am, perform me
Speaker 1: if I'm a guy you like or even like it's
Speaker 1: just know for me. The reason I was extra nervous,
Speaker 1: and Dan Burns included, is because these people are so
Speaker 1: good at what they do. Like if it was so
Speaker 1: sucking open micro, I don't really give a ship because
Speaker 1: I'm sure going to be better than you. But like
Speaker 1: when you're even though he's not a comedian, like when
Speaker 1: you're really good at your art, like really good, you're
Speaker 1: like okay, and you they know how it's pussy drying
Speaker 1: it is to watch somebody do their art and be
Speaker 1: bad at it and are bad or even if you're learning,
Speaker 1: I get it. I don't want to fuck you. And
Speaker 1: it's also like it was a Monday, it was it
Speaker 1: was a show I notoriously bomb on because you're on
Speaker 1: with I mean, there's a lot of reasons I bomb
Speaker 1: on that show, but I don't should literally, you should
Speaker 1: not even shouldn't even do it. But I was just like,
Speaker 1: this is it's it's a Monday, and people think every
Speaker 1: show is equal. Every show is not equal. That's why
Speaker 1: when I don't promote a comedy show and you guys
Speaker 1: show up, I'm like, didn't launch it here, like you know,
Speaker 1: because it's like I didn't want you at the show
Speaker 1: because I don't want you guys also listening to the podcast.
Speaker 1: If you're fan, I don't want you to then come
Speaker 1: see me? Do see end up something that I am
Speaker 1: good at. Uh, but I'm not good at every night,
Speaker 1: and every night I'm not trying to be good at it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm just trying to work things out. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I know I'm I kind of like that, Well they're
Speaker 1: molding the pot. It's not bit won't work tonight. But
Speaker 1: I'm nice, always has legs. I just have to figure
Speaker 1: out where the owner love it. Yeah, there's there are people.
Speaker 1: It's always like like a lot, like a sprinkling of
Speaker 1: people like it. But you have to get most people
Speaker 1: to like it. But again, it's a hard topic to
Speaker 1: talk about anyway. This is He's um. So he gives
Speaker 1: you again, and so I think he came down he
Speaker 1: snucked down at one point, but which was fine because
Speaker 1: I couldn't see anyway, and honestly like, if you sneak in,
Speaker 1: it's okay. But again, like I'm better than that. And
Speaker 1: it's even weird to talk about it because I think
Speaker 1: he's been listening to the podcast, so I feel weird comfortable,
Speaker 1: But then I'm also like, well, it's really nice because
Speaker 1: this is the first person who's ever even made an
Speaker 1: effort to listen to the podcast. And again at this
Speaker 1: point when he shows up at the stand, I still
Speaker 1: don't even know. I think we're just friends. I don't
Speaker 1: really know. I'm also was fucked up in my head
Speaker 1: because of the past people he's dated. We're like just like,
Speaker 1: did you feel like famous? Or and also like just
Speaker 1: really hot to a pint where but it's a point
Speaker 1: where it was actually it was it's so hot that
Speaker 1: it made me feel more comfortable because I was like, well, obviously,
Speaker 1: if you are interested in me romantically, that's not what
Speaker 1: I'm bringing to the table, and you're trying something new
Speaker 1: because I so, oh my god, you just texting me.
Speaker 1: That's so weird, So I think that he like, so
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, this is I'm just I'm just bringing
Speaker 1: something different to the table, and I'm completely comfortable with that.
Speaker 1: I think I have a really uh like functioning and
Speaker 1: accurate view of how attractive I am. I think so too.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, what if I was like and yeah,
Speaker 1: and so I'm like, okay, I get it. Uh And
Speaker 1: so I'm still wondering. I'm like, well, this was nice,
Speaker 1: but then like the vibe, like and just like things,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can I couldn't tell because something with
Speaker 1: that would happen that would make me think like it
Speaker 1: was he wanted it to be more, and then something
Speaker 1: would happen, and I was like, Okay, maybe he doesn't.
Speaker 1: And I know people listening are probably like, well, you
Speaker 1: should make the first move. No, I can't. That's a
Speaker 1: therapist orders. I cannot be making the first move because
Speaker 1: against masculine. I need a masculine energy and I know
Speaker 1: personally I really need that for me, and I think
Speaker 1: it's part of the reason that some of my other
Speaker 1: relationships haven't been working. That being said, I realized I
Speaker 1: always wait until someone is interested in me, except for James.
Speaker 1: I was really interested in James, and then he just
Speaker 1: organically was also interested in me and reached out pretty
Speaker 1: much immediately. So that just worked out. But in the past,
Speaker 1: I always wait for someone to like hit on me
Speaker 1: and then I'm like, oh, I do like that person,
Speaker 1: instead of me in my head being like this is
Speaker 1: exactly the kind of person I fucking want um and
Speaker 1: this is what I'm gonna get. So then when I
Speaker 1: was on RAYA and everyone's trash and everyone stacked, and
Speaker 1: no one was even like any anything that I that
Speaker 1: I wanted. They weren't offering me anything I was interested in.
Speaker 1: When I saw PM Professional Musicians, I saw PM, I
Speaker 1: was like this, I like probably gas. I was like, yes,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm looking Yes, like dark hair, facial hair,
Speaker 1: that worn cool, doing cool ships Like yeah, well I
Speaker 1: didn't say it, didn't even say that in the profile.
Speaker 1: That's what I learned later, And that's I like that
Speaker 1: just because if you lead with that, it's like, actually,
Speaker 1: I might have swiped no, because I don't want to
Speaker 1: be like dating people like for like fame or like
Speaker 1: anything like that. People. When when people lead with the thing,
Speaker 1: it's like yeah, cool. There was someone from a room
Speaker 1: five on and I was like, no, please, can you
Speaker 1: imagine the behavior? No, thank you. So yeah, I'm still
Speaker 1: I'm still confused. Uh. And then he goes home and
Speaker 1: they were texting all night and it was really fun.
Speaker 1: We had a mutual friend well because it was just
Speaker 1: like really late and he had to catch a train
Speaker 1: that he was like if he missed it, like there
Speaker 1: was no because he doesn't live in Manhattan paper so
Speaker 1: it was like, you gotta catch this train is the
Speaker 1: last training, yeah, or you're fucked. Um. And so we
Speaker 1: went home and kept talking. And then a couple of
Speaker 1: days later we had been kept talking all week, like
Speaker 1: all week, like to the point where I was staying
Speaker 1: up until seven in the morning not getting sleep because
Speaker 1: we were talking all through the night. And there's only
Speaker 1: a couple of people that I've ever done with that
Speaker 1: with And I don't know, I just I really like that,
Speaker 1: like talking all night texting. I don't ever talk on
Speaker 1: the phone. Um. And uh, then on Saturday he was yeah,
Speaker 1: we're married actually, And then Saturday he came into the city. Um,
Speaker 1: kind of like again on a whim, like very last minute.
Speaker 1: But again that's great for me because I was supposed
Speaker 1: to do all these shows things got ended up getting
Speaker 1: canceled and I was home, and I wanted to watch
Speaker 1: a hundred and one al Nations with Alfred and then
Speaker 1: in one I wanted the animated one. They didn't have
Speaker 1: it on Netflix. I tried the real one and Glen
Speaker 1: Close is pretty good. No, I mean, the problem was
Speaker 1: it was too much excitement for Alfred because all a
Speaker 1: lot of dogs, because he recognized his cartoon dogs, but
Speaker 1: he gets more excited about real dogs, and so I
Speaker 1: think cartoon level dog would have been the perfect amount
Speaker 1: for him. But he literally was like having a panic attack.
Speaker 1: He was so excited about the rail dogs. So I
Speaker 1: was like, we can't. I mean, he was just barking
Speaker 1: at the top of his lungs. I was like, I can't.
Speaker 1: I mean, the neighbors are going to kill me. But
Speaker 1: I can't do this for an hour and a half.
Speaker 1: So I was like, well that my that hot plan
Speaker 1: was foiled. Um. And so he was like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: come to He's like, I'm coming into this city. He's like,
Speaker 1: I just have like you know, because like you know,
Speaker 1: we're you just like like I have to get out
Speaker 1: of this my apartment. I'm going in now. And I
Speaker 1: was like okay, and he was like, if you know
Speaker 1: if you want to meet up later, let me know,
Speaker 1: which to me kind of sounded like, okay, like do
Speaker 1: you want right? You want somebody to be like I
Speaker 1: would love to see you tonight. We'll just let me know,
Speaker 1: because I, well, I also need to know how hot
Speaker 1: do I need to look? So I still was not
Speaker 1: fucking sure, and I was like, okay, well, it seems
Speaker 1: like if I wait a little bit, I'll just meet
Speaker 1: up and like it'll happen and it won't be too desperate.
Speaker 1: I also don't want to come off it's too desperate,
Speaker 1: you know, because that's not attractive. Um, you never come
Speaker 1: across this desk. I know my problem. I don't think
Speaker 1: you are capable of it. If anything, I think my
Speaker 1: problem has been I've been I've been too cool about
Speaker 1: things and then people don't know. Really, just even if
Speaker 1: you feel desperate, it doesn't read like that. It just
Speaker 1: does not read like that because I don't want to. Also,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be like too cool for school,
Speaker 1: but I want to be like please love me, But
Speaker 1: I don't feel like that anyway, Hold me, hold like
Speaker 1: I'm okay. I was just excited because I was I
Speaker 1: might not often genuinely interested in, and so we met
Speaker 1: up and I did still didn't know how to look.
Speaker 1: So I was like, I look good, but like the
Speaker 1: I didn't try too hard. You fucking like zip and
Speaker 1: I was like, very hard to cover. I don't even
Speaker 1: know what to do with that. Although the last time
Speaker 1: I went on the date with the open marriage guy,
Speaker 1: the first date we went on, I had a huge
Speaker 1: and I still nailed it. So I was like, maybe
Speaker 1: this is serendipity. Yes, my personality is beyond pimple. And
Speaker 1: so we met up down like downtown at like seventh
Speaker 1: and Avenue A at Niagara And because he's like he's
Speaker 1: lived in New York particulars Sunshine Laundromat, yeah yeah, the
Speaker 1: speakeasy pinball, Oh yeah yeah. I do like playing a
Speaker 1: sick day place. And I've impressed many amends. I usually
Speaker 1: let's go to this laundromat and they're like what, I'm like,
Speaker 1: just read this way and they're like, oh whoa, yeah,
Speaker 1: bark hat is a good one too, Because I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm going to at a video games. I'm not super
Speaker 1: good at pimball. I kind of don't understand it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: just don't let the ball drop it's like yeah, and
Speaker 1: you get three rounds. Yeah, we meet up, it's like
Speaker 1: one thirty in the morning. By the time we meet
Speaker 1: up again, feel so comfortable. As a comic, it's nice
Speaker 1: to have someone else in your life who was like
Speaker 1: this is normal, because do you imagine you told someone
Speaker 1: who like works at a desk job, me me at
Speaker 1: one thirty in the morning, They'd be like, my ask. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just felt very comfortable. And we met up and
Speaker 1: it was like, looks really super good and we wont Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's always hot, but it's like exceptionally hot. And then
Speaker 1: we meet up and I'm like, we go in to
Speaker 1: Niagara and I'm like, this is everyone in Here's twenty two.
Speaker 1: We're gonna hate this. And in my head, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I hope he hates this too, because if he likes this,
Speaker 1: then I'm actually worried about Like then I'm gonna I'm like,
Speaker 1: am I your wingwoman to pick up some twenty two
Speaker 1: year old? Like what are we doing here? What are
Speaker 1: we doing? Uh? And so we just end up walking
Speaker 1: and like like our first date where we walked from
Speaker 1: the nine eleven Memorial to Murray Hill, we just started
Speaker 1: walking and we stopped a couple of places along the way,
Speaker 1: but not really. Um, we stopped at like a hotel bar.
Speaker 1: But he hasn't drink, so it's just me drinking along,
Speaker 1: which is fine. I actually thought I would not be
Speaker 1: comfortable with that. I'm actually it's actually really fine. Steven
Speaker 1: didn't drink, obviously, really fine. I liked that a lot
Speaker 1: because and he also wasn't like he's like, you drink
Speaker 1: all you want because I'm wound so fucking tightly that
Speaker 1: I need a drink. Um, because I'm just especially lately
Speaker 1: with the career ship, and so I need a drink,
Speaker 1: and like one drink will take me to regular and
Speaker 1: I only need like buy three. I'm fine. And if
Speaker 1: no one is and if no one is like competing
Speaker 1: with me to drink, I'm not gonna get trash because
Speaker 1: it's only in that element like in a gay club,
Speaker 1: where I'm gonna go fucking crazy because the party girl
Speaker 1: is still in me and like does amount from time
Speaker 1: to time. I mean it really is. And so and
Speaker 1: we're talking and he's just so interesting and there's a
Speaker 1: lot of great stories, um, and he's like a good
Speaker 1: amount older than me, which again, like I'm like is
Speaker 1: this okay? Like I like older guys. But but then
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I don't. There's not really anything I'm
Speaker 1: in a rush to do, So it doesn't it doesn't
Speaker 1: really matter Chase after a toddler or anything. I don't care.
Speaker 1: He's not going to be in a wheelchair his son's graduation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just don't. It doesn't it doesn't matter to me.
Speaker 1: Um uh. So we're so we're walking and walking, and
Speaker 1: we just keep walking, and we end up walking literally
Speaker 1: all night, like from one thirty in the morning too.
Speaker 1: I think we got back at my to my apartment
Speaker 1: at like eight in the morning. We walked a hundred
Speaker 1: and forty blocks. That's why I'm because I've gone to
Speaker 1: Soul Psycle that morning and then I walked a hundred
Speaker 1: in heels. Wow, not hi, but they were like boots
Speaker 1: with the heel because I kind of knew that we
Speaker 1: were to walk a little bit, just because I'm like,
Speaker 1: this seems to be your um oh, and I'm not
Speaker 1: against it. And there's just so many things that it
Speaker 1: reminded me how special New York City is because this
Speaker 1: is kind of the only city that you can do
Speaker 1: that in and there's only been a couple. There's there's
Speaker 1: a handful of nights in New York City that I
Speaker 1: can describe as truly magical and live up to that
Speaker 1: like cinematic standard that I'm always looking for in life
Speaker 1: and and that that causes me such great disappointment and
Speaker 1: pain always. And um. The other night actually was with
Speaker 1: a musician to where I had such a special night,
Speaker 1: but that that was none that never leads to anything
Speaker 1: because it just it couldn't. Um, but it was still
Speaker 1: magical nonetheless, and uh and then and then and then
Speaker 1: so he comes out and he had like p or something.
Speaker 1: So I was like, come in, like you don't, you
Speaker 1: can come in my apartment, like it's totally fine. It
Speaker 1: was just like yeah, um and uh, so he came.
Speaker 1: He came in and then it just like hours passing,
Speaker 1: like seaking off his coat and his shoes. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're just sucking staying, which was totally fine my face
Speaker 1: and I was like good. I was like, these are
Speaker 1: moves that you're making, honestly, just let me know with
Speaker 1: like what you're doing. Uh. And then finally it's like
Speaker 1: it was like like almost eleven in the morning, I
Speaker 1: was literally had to go see Aladdin the Aladdin Matinee
Speaker 1: on Broadway with joy L. Johnson because our friend from
Speaker 1: high school was in it and it was closing, and
Speaker 1: we had made these plans ages ago, and so I
Speaker 1: was like lying down with Alfred and I was deliriously
Speaker 1: tired at this point. I mean, I looked like trash
Speaker 1: and you've been walking all night. It had gotten to
Speaker 1: the point where I looked in the mirror and I
Speaker 1: was like, you don't look good and it doesn't even matter,
Speaker 1: It doesn't what are you gonna do? Like what are
Speaker 1: you gonna do at this point? This is your fucking face? Uh?
Speaker 1: And and then so you finally kissed me, and I
Speaker 1: was like, God, Now I was like I just needed
Speaker 1: to know because I was like I don't know what
Speaker 1: are we like the coolest friends, the cool friends club,
Speaker 1: the club we go on walk because at a certain
Speaker 1: point you just need to know, Like I think people
Speaker 1: are like why didn't we didn't need to define? This?
Speaker 1: Is like you need to define it because your behavior
Speaker 1: is different, like like if even like a friendship, like
Speaker 1: I was bisexually walking with Christina and we hang out
Speaker 1: all the time, Like I need to know. Am I
Speaker 1: bringing my fun energy right absolutely, what are the boundaries,
Speaker 1: what are the edges, what do these edges look like?
Speaker 1: How far is it going to go inappropriate behavior? And
Speaker 1: also like I don't I don't want to make a
Speaker 1: move or act in a way that's going to make
Speaker 1: someone feel comfortable who's not interested in me, because I
Speaker 1: will then ruin the friendship. And to me, I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is not worth me ruining a friendship because I'm
Speaker 1: totally fine if it's just a friendship. But I just
Speaker 1: need to know, as I need to know to then
Speaker 1: be like get that out of my head and go
Speaker 1: on hinge dats with these other people I'm excited about that.
Speaker 1: You need to manage your expectations appropriate. So I just
Speaker 1: needed to know. And I was like, finally we have
Speaker 1: because he's kissing You're like, oh well, I just like yes,
Speaker 1: thank god. I was not even thinking about the moment.
Speaker 1: I was just like that signal because he had like
Speaker 1: touched my ass earlier. But everyone touches in a playful way, exactly,
Speaker 1: everyone touches. My friends always touch my stranger. Strangers touch
Speaker 1: my ass an exclusive move. Unfortunately, I kind of haven't
Speaker 1: had it like it was because at one point when
Speaker 1: we were walking, like accident, I accidentally moved my hand
Speaker 1: in my Italians you talking, and I had like a
Speaker 1: crazy ring on, and I know I cut his hand
Speaker 1: with the ring and I was like, I hope that's
Speaker 1: not your guitar hand, corn man, I hope you don't play.
Speaker 1: And then I was like touching it because I really
Speaker 1: felt back because it looked like it kind of hurt.
Speaker 1: And also, I mean that was a vintage drinks so
Speaker 1: God knows what's on there. Clean that out, aids. And
Speaker 1: and then he like, I like, he looked like he
Speaker 1: was kind of like trying to grasp my hand when
Speaker 1: I like to hold it then but then I like
Speaker 1: freaked out and I was like, I don't want to,
Speaker 1: like then hold your hand when that's not really what
Speaker 1: you meant. I'm just like, really, I've never I've never
Speaker 1: witnessed you. I've never witnessed you like that. I gotta say,
Speaker 1: I I don't know. So it's nice. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of panic going on, which just because you're unsure and
Speaker 1: you don't know. You want to manage expectations. That's a
Speaker 1: human thing, but you particularly like to do that, make
Speaker 1: sure you're on the right page and you don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so I was like kiss and then we made
Speaker 1: out a lot and it was great and and we're
Speaker 1: it's just everything was was good. No, we didn't, and
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that I didn't because I wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: initiate it. I was really I'm really trying to play
Speaker 1: like the female energy and and because I also think
Speaker 1: it brings out the best in me, because I think
Speaker 1: the male energy brings out like a worse partner in me.
Speaker 1: It's also I think I see, I understand. It's also
Speaker 1: easier when someone is considerably older than you to be
Speaker 1: the female energy because I need to really respect the person,
Speaker 1: uh and their ideas. And so when someone's really talented
Speaker 1: and they've had a lot of success and that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, like I don't care. It's not like, oh,
Speaker 1: I want to be around like the people because I
Speaker 1: want to be around like a success. It's just you
Speaker 1: and then it's no problem. Um. So that so that's Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a long story, and I feel like it
Speaker 1: took longer to take because to tell because I feel
Speaker 1: uncomfortable telling you. I know, but it's good. It's good
Speaker 1: with getting vulnerable. But you know, whatever, and I'm it's
Speaker 1: gonna get a lot of text message feedback from me
Speaker 1: and about that. Yeah, that's that's always the interesting part
Speaker 1: is like, you know, talking about it and then uh,
Speaker 1: what I mean, I the guys that I listen and
Speaker 1: I wish they didn't, But I'm not gonna say don't.
Speaker 1: He'll be like, because I'm also going to say what
Speaker 1: I want to say. I've I've made you know, but
Speaker 1: that's a weird that's a weird thing that you and
Speaker 1: I specifically have maybe a few of the people's world.
Speaker 1: But it's like talking about things, I don't want the
Speaker 1: person to get the impression that I'm doing the things
Speaker 1: so I can talk about it that is certainly not true. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And then it's like, but I don't want you to
Speaker 1: ever feel unsafe that I'm going to talk about something
Speaker 1: that's a that's a violation of your privacy. And then
Speaker 1: it's like there's so many layers but about things on
Speaker 1: a show, it could give it. It could make the
Speaker 1: other person like nervous or make them feel like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, this is the most important thing in the world.
Speaker 1: And like I am like I'm everything in my life
Speaker 1: is writing on it and it's not. But it's just
Speaker 1: really nice to be excited and to be excited about
Speaker 1: someone who is the kind of person that if I
Speaker 1: someone asking like who do you see yourself dating? Like,
Speaker 1: this is who I pick for myself, and like you
Speaker 1: forget you can write a list. This is say, this
Speaker 1: is what I'm like. You know, I'm like, I'm living
Speaker 1: a golf lifestyle over here. Baby, Yeah, this is going
Speaker 1: to walk in and see a coffin and be like, dope,
Speaker 1: But I also have a coffin, right right, right right.
Speaker 1: Maybe they don't say dope. Yeah, they probably shouldn't say
Speaker 1: they probably don't say dope. But yeah, okay, so fun.
Speaker 1: That's that. That's fun. It's telling this publicly doesn't come
Speaker 1: back to bite me in the ass. I'm really trying
Speaker 1: to try. Yeah, no, I think, um, I think that's good.
Speaker 1: I think I've never heard you vulnerable talking about it.
Speaker 1: That's fun. Poor poor our guests for next me just
Speaker 1: sitting here like, oh boy, I'm so glad I showed
Speaker 1: up for this story. But my friends, that's fine. Speaking
Speaker 1: of guests, Yes, this episode is Can we just say
Speaker 1: this episode it's one of the best conversation I've ever
Speaker 1: had and I'm still feel like I'm vibrating from this
Speaker 1: conversation that we had weeks ago. And speaking of being
Speaker 1: like nervous and acting weird, I was the most nervous
Speaker 1: for this episode ever. And I'm so fucking excited that
Speaker 1: we got this. It turned out beyond my expectations. And
Speaker 1: I think yours too. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I this woman is a saint. Shout out to my
Speaker 1: manager Rick Dorfman. Um, Thanks Rack, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for for making this happen. Um, We're so excited our
Speaker 1: guest today. She is. She's an actress, she's a comedian,
Speaker 1: she's a writer, she's an activist, she's a cancer survivor.
Speaker 1: She co created and starting uh the hit television show
Speaker 1: The Nanny. You might have heard of that, Please welcome
Speaker 1: the iconic fran Dresser. Seeing how I was made for this,
Speaker 1: busting up, stacking money, give paper, ship handing, handing me
Speaker 1: my day ones that I came up with, and I
Speaker 1: promise I ain't never changed up on the click shouts
Speaker 1: for all my niggas this around the life. I prayed
Speaker 1: all my niggest day around for life. I pray we
Speaker 1: all indulge and it's dound in life and its along
Speaker 1: the way to ro get rock. You know I'm down
Speaker 1: the right picking now and finally understanding from the three seven.
Speaker 1: I can't go back in the handing. Lord knows I
Speaker 1: love my city host Dick. Women should they most of
Speaker 1: the reason that the boy I he is still send
Speaker 1: It took a couple else out did, but trust me,
Speaker 1: I'm still winning. Dipped out from the city and go
Speaker 1: back for a real minute out here, risking it hard
Speaker 1: and a little more. I went from second guessing myself
Speaker 1: to real short, real quick ship. Let me take you
Speaker 1: on this field trip. I handed with the niggas that
Speaker 1: I started in the field with. I came to terms
Speaker 1: with else that I ain't. They got Heavitate. All they
Speaker 1: did was healthy kid levitate and Levita no host short.
Speaker 1: He still got love for me. I got exit state.
Speaker 1: So but still holding me down and tell me make
Speaker 1: sure that I made me sorry. Now. I was just thinking,
Speaker 1: maybe you should bring me a little water just in case.
Speaker 1: I don't mind. That's a drug pants. No, No, I
Speaker 1: think it adds to spontaneting. Yeah, I like it. You
Speaker 1: always hear sirens when we recorded my place. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love the best boy a little bit. We were
Speaker 1: warned by I'm just letting him, you know, come to Yeah, Mama, Mama,
Speaker 1: love Samson. This dog should have been on his mother's
Speaker 1: tip for six months and probably after like eight weeks
Speaker 1: they started pulling him op and so he was taken
Speaker 1: away too soon. I think. So is he attached to you? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, the stairs at you so longingly? We
Speaker 1: are here with fran Drescher. Your chill as hell. You're
Speaker 1: very so honored to be here. Thank you that we're
Speaker 1: very excited. I got to take a picture of you
Speaker 1: in front of the alex Ca. Yeah, I love you.
Speaker 1: Oh really, thanks, thank you. I went to a tanning
Speaker 1: badge to get a base hand because I'm going to
Speaker 1: a tropical environment and I burnt myself. So I'm like
Speaker 1: wearing a braw is like you can yourself and you
Speaker 1: know what, you can catch HPV in those things, not
Speaker 1: the line that causes cancer, but definitely uh you know
Speaker 1: thermost Yes, that's in fact one of the most common places. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm full of horrible like that. I love Please
Speaker 1: tell every spray because does that give you that doesn't
Speaker 1: give you a proper bass we're asking the wrong one.
Speaker 1: I'm I don't do any of that stuff, but um,
Speaker 1: but what do you mean a proper bass? So if
Speaker 1: I haven't been in the sun in a while, but
Speaker 1: going from no sun to tropical environment is I've done
Speaker 1: that before and if I burn really easily if I
Speaker 1: do that, But I've last time I went to Dominican Republic,
Speaker 1: I got a little bit of a bass tan and
Speaker 1: I didn't burn the whole trip. Who knows if that's
Speaker 1: scientifically accurate. But why are you basking in the sentinel?
Speaker 1: Because I sit under an umbrella at all times, I
Speaker 1: probably would, But when I was in the Dominican Republic,
Speaker 1: I was lathering every twenty minutes like seventy SPF, and
Speaker 1: I was I had a hat, and I still managed
Speaker 1: to like get alarmingly tan for how little I was
Speaker 1: directly exposed. That's why I was like, kind of wow.
Speaker 1: I excited. I was imagining you were like using like
Speaker 1: a four SPF like an oil usually do. But now
Speaker 1: I stopped that because then that really that's you know
Speaker 1: that stuff too, because maybe and it sucks up the ocean,
Speaker 1: it has all kinds of chemicals and it and if
Speaker 1: it's not zenco titanium as the active ingredient. Then it's
Speaker 1: really not we're doing. But yeah, I is a mixture
Speaker 1: of these Jamaican creams that actually is all natural oils,
Speaker 1: not anything that actually, you know, just nature's natural kind
Speaker 1: of sun Yeah, it's probably umbrellas. I walk with parasol sometimes. Really,
Speaker 1: I love that. I always wonder if it does and
Speaker 1: I I'm not, you know, I mean, I like to
Speaker 1: be outdoors, but I try and not get sun burns.
Speaker 1: You have like a decorative parasol for like Asian looking. Wow.
Speaker 1: Somebody gave it to me a long time ago, and
Speaker 1: I was like, that would be good. But you know,
Speaker 1: I live a lot of the time in California where
Speaker 1: it's sunny most of the time, so I keep it
Speaker 1: in the car. Oh yeah, that's nice. Well you look great.
Speaker 1: I mean, your skin is amazing. Thank you. And I know,
Speaker 1: I know, like you should be just starting your own
Speaker 1: health and wellness podcast. Well that's why I was asking
Speaker 1: about your equipment, because my managers are always urging me
Speaker 1: to do something like that. Oh yeah, it's such an
Speaker 1: easy way to get your voice to everyone who has
Speaker 1: the Internet. It's crazy. You just pick a topic that
Speaker 1: you could talk about for an hour a week, and
Speaker 1: that no one has ever offered you the opportunity to
Speaker 1: talk about like for me, I I like, I would
Speaker 1: be like, oh, aliens or conspiracy theories, and you can
Speaker 1: just really go off and even if no one listens,
Speaker 1: you feel it's very cathartic for you, So it'll be great.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of the outlets. I mean, people
Speaker 1: do listen to me, so I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: have that frustration. I talk about cancer, Schmans or a
Speaker 1: lot of or what it is a weird thing that
Speaker 1: you have that like, oh, I never want to hear
Speaker 1: a quirky like you like you hoard something. Maybe you
Speaker 1: really love Kraft mac and cheese, but you know all
Speaker 1: the better recipe. I don't know something something. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I'm too busy too. She's like, I'm successful. I don't know.
Speaker 1: You think I knit. I don't know if it was
Speaker 1: nice if I learned. So, yeah, you don't feel like
Speaker 1: the industry has ever um boxed you in, because that's
Speaker 1: like a common complaint for very famous people. Absolutely, I
Speaker 1: mean the only thing of one thing when you think
Speaker 1: of Franchester, but you know I made piece of it
Speaker 1: because I'm such diverse in other words, I'm a writer,
Speaker 1: I'm a producer, I'm a director, I'm an author, I'm
Speaker 1: a founder of a of a nonprofit. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: a lobbyist in Washington. You know, like I'm I have
Speaker 1: a lot of other things going on. So if you know,
Speaker 1: as an actress, I end up playing like New York
Speaker 1: Women of the Wazoo going through different life experiences. I'm
Speaker 1: I'm okay with that. I don't have to be Meryl Street.
Speaker 1: Most people aren't, and I'm I'm okay with that. I'm
Speaker 1: peaceful with it. That's yeah, that's nice. You wear a
Speaker 1: lot of hats. That's your favorite hat to wear? Right now? Um,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm dappling in stand up right now. We
Speaker 1: heard a Showtime special called Women of a Certain Age,
Speaker 1: and that one very well in Brooklyn. I mean, I
Speaker 1: was excited until I heard what they were calling it.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking what welcome it means? One. It's one thing
Speaker 1: that I found that was frustrating is when you are
Speaker 1: a female and you do stand up comedy and you
Speaker 1: do a show, it'll be like the Ladies late night comics.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, not yeah, I guess, but that was something
Speaker 1: that I said, someday we don't have to say women comics,
Speaker 1: you know, but whatever. So I'm I'm definitely pushing the
Speaker 1: envelope in that direction. And it's flying without a net
Speaker 1: and it's you know, I mean, very invigorating but scary.
Speaker 1: The instant gratification. It's that, but also instant. Oh the
Speaker 1: words that I'm saying aren't. But like, when you're not
Speaker 1: doing well, you just feel in your soul. But if
Speaker 1: you can work past that, that's how you know you're
Speaker 1: onto something. Wow. Yeah, I imagine what was it like that? Wow?
Speaker 1: First of all, that was only ten minutes, So I've
Speaker 1: got a solid ten minutes. That's good. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Speaker 1: You only need five for late night. Yeah. Yeah, realized
Speaker 1: Jimmy Fallon. I haven't on Jimmy Fallon yet. You know,
Speaker 1: it would be great if you did it for the
Speaker 1: first time as a stand up comedian. Yes, yeah, I
Speaker 1: was thinking that if they you know, they asked me
Speaker 1: if I would promote the Showtime special and uh, I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe I'll go on Ellen or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and did you see her new special? I did? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love her. She's so funny. It's a good uh,
Speaker 1: stand up writer and her her delivery of stories as always,
Speaker 1: she's like my inspiration. Oh really, that's awesome. Who were you?
Speaker 1: Who else your early inspirations when you're starting out, because
Speaker 1: well early Lucy Ball so like she taught me everything
Speaker 1: I wanted to know about sick um? What was that
Speaker 1: was that? Oh my god? No, no, lincol it's part two.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, no, go away, bad boy, come out.
Speaker 1: Just what did you do? Oh? Yeah, we do have
Speaker 1: a celebrity dog train with dogs. Who is His name
Speaker 1: is Justin Silver. He had a TV show about training
Speaker 1: dogs openly and uh, yeah you show on CBS. Baby. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he can teach a dog to do pretty much anything. Well,
Speaker 1: I I love Tom money on really yeah. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: very he's very very ms up all around, you know
Speaker 1: he is he is she bleeding? Oh yeah. Producers first
Speaker 1: day saying it's your first day family. It's a good
Speaker 1: story comedy. They're like first they talked about burns on
Speaker 1: their vagina and then they had an animal bite me
Speaker 1: and about topics like over the crying saying, oh you're
Speaker 1: so so, I have meals form very much unhanded Jamaican creamy.
Speaker 1: He has been every while he's but everyone so it's
Speaker 1: like and I the most expensive people to come and
Speaker 1: they teach them all kinds of great tricks, but they
Speaker 1: don't trick them out and not bite. Well that's the
Speaker 1: important one. Yeah, I feel like she give her just
Speaker 1: that's the most useful one, of course. But I don't know.
Speaker 1: Have you tried CBD oil? Yes, yeah, I still know. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm on the cover of Edibles magazine. Kid, really wait,
Speaker 1: because I am passionate about I learned Sam connoisseur, but
Speaker 1: I uh, you know, back in the day, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I was a little bit of a head. But now
Speaker 1: I'm a spokesperson for wanting the industry to be uber
Speaker 1: responsible and honoring the plant, honoring the planet, and honoring
Speaker 1: the user by going organic all the way and actually
Speaker 1: growing at outdoors in the fresh air with the sunshine,
Speaker 1: in a healthy organic um microbiome of the earth. You know, like,
Speaker 1: just do it the way to do it. And uh,
Speaker 1: because I don't want now that it seems like, oh
Speaker 1: there's money to be made, everybody kind of mimics uh,
Speaker 1: the industrialists of the twentieth century, which totally did it wrong,
Speaker 1: and we're paying the consequints of it now mass production, yes,
Speaker 1: and shortsightedness and and uh, you know, thinking about not
Speaker 1: thinking about the planet and not thinking about the consumer
Speaker 1: or or the grower, you know, or the every step
Speaker 1: along the way. It really hasn't been done with the
Speaker 1: consciousness that it should have been done. And now this
Speaker 1: is kind of a new frontier and I just want
Speaker 1: people to do it right. It's a great, you know plan,
Speaker 1: and uh, there shouldn't have been a prohibition on it,
Speaker 1: but but there was so consequently, you know, there's not
Speaker 1: a whole lot of efficacy on what its powers are
Speaker 1: and how helpful it could be too, um, you know,
Speaker 1: the medical community and disease and people. So you know,
Speaker 1: that's kind of my area right when with with concerns
Speaker 1: to that. When I started to answer your question, it
Speaker 1: didn't really matter. It didn't work on on the short stuff,
Speaker 1: what he wants to do all looks like very satisfied
Speaker 1: with himself. Now you know what happens, I'm gonna explain
Speaker 1: to you because I was like, in my peripheral I'm thinking,
Speaker 1: should I stop talking for a minute, because I feel
Speaker 1: like she's touching him a lot and something's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: He learns you and hey, you know, if he gets
Speaker 1: lulled into a very tranquilized state, then he suddenly wakes
Speaker 1: up in a bit mood because he thinks he forgets
Speaker 1: where he is, and he thinks you're taking him away
Speaker 1: from his mother, which isn't me but his biological So
Speaker 1: that's why he say he was taken away from them.
Speaker 1: Always that kind of a dynamic, or if you're or
Speaker 1: if he's resting and you're coming close, you're not even
Speaker 1: going for him, you're going for the person. He's always
Speaker 1: misconstrued the situation. He's always incorrect. There's no reason in
Speaker 1: the world. Why is the majority of his life he's
Speaker 1: been with me. No one has ever heard him. He
Speaker 1: has no reason to be that way were it not
Speaker 1: for what I think happened when he was a baby.
Speaker 1: Now has he been to a dog psychic? Oh no,
Speaker 1: he hasn't, act because I was. You never know if
Speaker 1: you lived in l A for a while. My dog,
Speaker 1: if he ends up in l A, is definitely going
Speaker 1: to a dog I know a lot of people taking
Speaker 1: the dogs the dog psychics, and you know a lot
Speaker 1: of people, Yeah, like four that's a lot of a lot.
Speaker 1: But one of them is my ex his parents did that,
Speaker 1: I would take a number if it works out well,
Speaker 1: she knows four people, yeah, and three or in l A.
Speaker 1: I think the three of them went to. But the
Speaker 1: results they felt it was like, you know, my ex
Speaker 1: my ex as parents went to a vet, the holistic vet,
Speaker 1: and the vet was like, oh, I also can like
Speaker 1: talk to your dog do you want me to? And
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, this is in Pennsylvania. This is really
Speaker 1: they didn't expect this. And then they're like, yeah, Buster
Speaker 1: loves when he smells turkey, he thinks of Katie, which
Speaker 1: is my ex's sister. Because everything's giving, there would be
Speaker 1: turkey and the Katie would come home from college or
Speaker 1: something like that, and like they were like, how the hell,
Speaker 1: oh my, She's like really you say the word Katie. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we go you know, I know. Yeah, somebody to me recently,
Speaker 1: you know, uh, they said things to me about me,
Speaker 1: you know, people who who have passed away or whatever.
Speaker 1: And I said to them, but you know, they definitely
Speaker 1: are tapping into some kind of wave length. But that's
Speaker 1: not telling you what hasn't happened yet. That's telling you
Speaker 1: what has happened. So yeah, you're blown away. But meanwhile
Speaker 1: it's in your head and they're reading your mind. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's not exactly the same as like my girlfriend
Speaker 1: bought me for my birthday or something, a psychic reading,
Speaker 1: and right away she says to me, you know who's Paula,
Speaker 1: And Paula is my cousin. And she goes into this
Speaker 1: whole thing about my cousin predicting that she was going
Speaker 1: to get sick and needed to you know, get her
Speaker 1: shipped together, and uh, you know, Paula, and and and
Speaker 1: I talked her, you know, and and the psychic was
Speaker 1: absolutely spot on. Did this help Paula not get sick?
Speaker 1: Or it was paul like not? Well she later said
Speaker 1: she was right, but she didn't really totally do you know,
Speaker 1: Like so she so I thought on that woman, you know,
Speaker 1: because usually you don't like so quickly. Usually you've forgotten
Speaker 1: it by the time it comes true. Yeah. The only
Speaker 1: time I had a psychic once tell me that, because
Speaker 1: I read her book and I called her that. She's like,
Speaker 1: You're gonna get popularity from your voice. And I was like, what,
Speaker 1: I don't really sing, I like saying. She's like, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, you're talking your voice like your voice is
Speaker 1: going to travel. And I was like, and this was
Speaker 1: two thousand nine and I was just broken in college,
Speaker 1: and I was like, and this podcasts got big. So
Speaker 1: I was like, damn. Like she was right, Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I don't like to I don't like to frequent those
Speaker 1: people because then I feel like they're I'm not being
Speaker 1: spontaneous in my life, kind of thinking too much about
Speaker 1: what they said. Yeah, it would deplete the magic of life,
Speaker 1: like the turns. Yeah, I think. So. I think you
Speaker 1: gotta listen to your inner voice most important, because you're
Speaker 1: depending on somebody else's intuition when really we all have
Speaker 1: the power to cultivate that in ourselves. I agree, And
Speaker 1: it's hard to do. It's it's been a skill I
Speaker 1: try and try to develop for a long time. But
Speaker 1: it's yeah, it's way, but you're better off that way.
Speaker 1: It's a better foundation. Well, every time, you know, you
Speaker 1: think of something, and then the tendency, I think is
Speaker 1: to dismiss it, and then later on you say, I
Speaker 1: thought of that, and you know I shouldn't have. I
Speaker 1: should have acted on it. And that's the practice in
Speaker 1: acting on what you think, of listening to your rather
Speaker 1: than dismissing it. It's fine. It's like, no, you just
Speaker 1: thought of it, so maybe you should pay at ten.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's your intuition. Yeah, I started a diary because
Speaker 1: I'm single now. So if I ever noticed any red
Speaker 1: flags and guys I'm so optimistic and I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: that that that don't care, I write them down and
Speaker 1: then I look back to see if I'm right. And
Speaker 1: I'm usually always right when I have like a twinge
Speaker 1: of like that's not that's gonna that's gonna be the
Speaker 1: thing that ends it. So but then why do you?
Speaker 1: But then, but the next thing is to not say
Speaker 1: I don't care. Here telling me something and I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna listen to trauma. Um No. I write them down
Speaker 1: to try and teach myself like, oh, secret, you were right.
Speaker 1: So that feeling you had when that guy was like whatever,
Speaker 1: you were right. So next time you had that feeling,
Speaker 1: listened to it. So I'm trying to train myself to
Speaker 1: listen to my I'm a people pleaser and I think
Speaker 1: in because of that, I lose what I want and feel.
Speaker 1: And I used to be like that, I'm not as
Speaker 1: much anymore. How do you change? Well, you just start
Speaker 1: you know, I mean with the small things, and then
Speaker 1: it just keeps getting easier and easier right now, and
Speaker 1: not always it's in the moment. Sometimes you gotta go
Speaker 1: back and see you. I remember when I said that
Speaker 1: that was a reflexive response. Should be told I don't
Speaker 1: really want to do that. Wow, you're a great communicator.
Speaker 1: So you go back, you know. But then eventually you're
Speaker 1: in the moment and you say, m that's not really
Speaker 1: gonna work for me, but go and do and more
Speaker 1: power to you. I'm gonna pass. Yeah, that's why I
Speaker 1: get to put my you know, I UH wasn't really
Speaker 1: uh a lead character in my own life. I was
Speaker 1: because I I would say, Okay, I'm gonna please this
Speaker 1: person and that person and and this person, and like
Speaker 1: in a month, I should be ready to take a
Speaker 1: few days from myself. It was always like a negotiation
Speaker 1: in my head that I couldn't I didn't know how
Speaker 1: to say no to people. We I feel like I
Speaker 1: do were so good at saying no to people, and
Speaker 1: I'm always healthy, so healthy saying no. I'm either like
Speaker 1: way too nice or if I don't like something that happened,
Speaker 1: and I when I can't talk about it without getting
Speaker 1: really mad, like I don't have to. It doesn't come
Speaker 1: easily to you. Yeah, I had to get to the
Speaker 1: point where I was almost ballistic to be able to
Speaker 1: express myself. You gotta had to embarrass myself in front
Speaker 1: of people. But I don't know to be like, oh ship,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that ever again. Were you
Speaker 1: finding yourself in instances? I mean, especially in the entertainment business,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's very easy to kind of get
Speaker 1: caught up in a whirlwind and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you're like on set in an outfit that doesn't feel
Speaker 1: like you doing something that feels like almost degrading. Is
Speaker 1: a feeling I think is common in in entertainment, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, in entertaining. You know, in my career it
Speaker 1: wasn't as prevalent because I know what I'm doing, and
Speaker 1: I know what's right for me, and you know, I
Speaker 1: know my brand of comedy and I've been in the
Speaker 1: business for interest for a long time, so that's not
Speaker 1: really where I kinda where I I did it, but
Speaker 1: more with friends and family, I felt like I was,
Speaker 1: you know, very much um more of a definitely more
Speaker 1: of a giver than a taker and then also definitely
Speaker 1: putting everybody else's needs above my own and uh really
Speaker 1: uh it was exhausting. It's such a disservice to yourself.
Speaker 1: But I always thought that was the right thing to do.
Speaker 1: I'm such a nice person. Yes, And you get a
Speaker 1: lot of positive reinforcement, right because people love a giver. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they love when you make it completely about them. Yep.
Speaker 1: And then you end up in a relationship with a
Speaker 1: narcissist for seven years and then you're like shit, you know,
Speaker 1: was there ever any feeling in your in your like
Speaker 1: regular everyday life, uh that you know, Well, I'm famous
Speaker 1: and I get a lot of attention kind of when
Speaker 1: I'm in the spotlight, so so behind closed doors, I'm
Speaker 1: going to give more to people around me, like as
Speaker 1: a guilt. Is that ever something that you know? Nothing
Speaker 1: like that? No, I was like this before I got famous. No, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I uh, this is not this is relatively
Speaker 1: new that I've worked through it, huh compared to how
Speaker 1: long I've been here, I spent a great deal of
Speaker 1: time being a people pleaser. So I but I don't
Speaker 1: think I think it's separate from that. I think I
Speaker 1: got even in my family dynamic growing up, you know
Speaker 1: that was what were your parents like? My role within
Speaker 1: the dynamic Mom was good, get nervous. Dad would be stoic.
Speaker 1: My sister was eyestrung. So you know, my my um
Speaker 1: place where I guess I got positive reinforcement was a
Speaker 1: being quiet, be being good and see, um, you know,
Speaker 1: doing for others, and I still do. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: a cancer survivor and I didn't just get cancer and
Speaker 1: how to kind of turned into a cottage industry and
Speaker 1: start a home movement. But I just needed to justify
Speaker 1: why this would happen to me, And uh, turning pain
Speaker 1: into purpose seems like the the way out of the
Speaker 1: senselessness of it all. You imagine, that's like a full
Speaker 1: body mind healing way to heal over something like that
Speaker 1: and then helping people. You know. That's so I'm tapping
Speaker 1: into that neurotic nature that you and I have, but
Speaker 1: at least it's for the greater good. Yeah, yeah, you
Speaker 1: gotta do something with it, right then, exactly, And then
Speaker 1: in my you know, personal life, I'm like, uh, you
Speaker 1: know much much better or just I mean, and if
Speaker 1: I now, if I don't like feel good or I'm tired,
Speaker 1: I'll cancel plans. I won't push myself. I honor my
Speaker 1: body all the time. That's great. Wow, So you started out,
Speaker 1: um we were reading up in pageants when you were
Speaker 1: a teenager one. Yeah, I came on first runder up.
Speaker 1: But I got an agent with that because I told
Speaker 1: everybody that I was you know, I won. I was fifteen.
Speaker 1: I could have said I was first run up. I'm
Speaker 1: sure I could have gotten an agent saying that, but
Speaker 1: I felt like I had lost because I didn't come
Speaker 1: in first. Yeah, so you know that was just and
Speaker 1: that cat you a talent agent, like for TV stuff,
Speaker 1: for film and commercial? Why did you just what? Like?
Speaker 1: What prompted you to do the pageant? I was listening
Speaker 1: to the radio, I think it was Harry Harrison here
Speaker 1: in New York, and they said, if you're a girl
Speaker 1: between uh thirteen and sixteen I think or seventeen, and
Speaker 1: you have fifteen dollars, that's all you need, you can
Speaker 1: enter the Miss New York Teenager pageant. And I thought,
Speaker 1: this is my good to say, you're wow. It sounds
Speaker 1: like a scam, but it worked out, really worked out
Speaker 1: for you. So what do you have to do? In
Speaker 1: these Um it took place over a weekend. They were
Speaker 1: like fift girls, damn. And then they kept narrowing it
Speaker 1: down over the weekend. And you know they you'd walk
Speaker 1: a runway in a like pretty dress. There was no
Speaker 1: bathing suits with a male or female. I think it
Speaker 1: was mixed, as I recall, you know, and no, it's
Speaker 1: kind of a sweet thing. All the parents with a
Speaker 1: And of course it was like a radio must have
Speaker 1: been a radio promotion or something for a local New
Speaker 1: York radio station. And um, they asked you questions and
Speaker 1: so did you have to like sing or play an
Speaker 1: instrumenty thing or just the walking and talking? You could
Speaker 1: walk and talkally and volunteer stuff they want. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it really was pretty innocent. But of course I lost
Speaker 1: out to the blonde haired, blue eyed girl that was
Speaker 1: the one throughout my career. Really, I mean that white bread,
Speaker 1: pretty blonde you know, gets the job done. It sounds
Speaker 1: like a show. And so where did you go from there? What?
Speaker 1: How fast did well? Then I had that? You know,
Speaker 1: then I had my bocus title because I told the money. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know, now in hindsight, didn't mean I was
Speaker 1: only fifteen. I just picked up the phone and started
Speaker 1: calling agents in New York and I said, I want
Speaker 1: an interview, you know, an appointment for an interview. And
Speaker 1: they would often ask to send in the pictures. And
Speaker 1: my parents took pictures of me and we sent snapshots
Speaker 1: in and and eventually I did get representation, and I
Speaker 1: started doing commercials and I got that small part in
Speaker 1: Saturday Night Fever. How was that was that? That was
Speaker 1: your first like big production. That was my very first movie.
Speaker 1: I mean I had done a little extra work, but
Speaker 1: that was my first movie where at a speaking part
Speaker 1: in it, and um, that was amazing. I mean my
Speaker 1: dad was working in Brooklyn at the time, so he
Speaker 1: came to the set and they sent him, sorry, this
Speaker 1: is a closed set and he said, but I'm the
Speaker 1: star's father, and they said, okay, right this way, Mr Trevolt.
Speaker 1: You got it from your dad? Then, yeah. Yeah, are
Speaker 1: resourceful and funny and big eaters. Those are all claims
Speaker 1: to fame people. Yeah. Um and then so and you
Speaker 1: got married very young. Twenty one was the first time,
Speaker 1: and that's your only marriage. And no, I actually did
Speaker 1: it a second time. Let me the first time about
Speaker 1: with the state though, So it was kind of like,
Speaker 1: just ah, we had a ceremony and just l you
Speaker 1: gave yourself. You didn't get a marriage license. We got
Speaker 1: the marriage lice since we got everything. But then he
Speaker 1: decided let's not send it okay, which and I'm was
Speaker 1: a good idea because the time it piste me off
Speaker 1: because you know, he kind of talked to his financial
Speaker 1: advisors without me being there and came home from a
Speaker 1: business trip and said, yeah, I don't think we should
Speaker 1: why do we need to be in business with the state.
Speaker 1: It's let's just you know, would have written that down
Speaker 1: in my red Flag diary, I don't know, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: know it's kind of downhill from there because I thought, okay,
Speaker 1: this is your money then too write That's why, in
Speaker 1: hindsight it was actually a good thing, because you know,
Speaker 1: it was the a year of bliss, a year of agony, ecstasy,
Speaker 1: and then a year of agony. But I I honestly
Speaker 1: am grateful for the entire experience because I've I grew
Speaker 1: so much about myself because of him and from him,
Speaker 1: because he actually was pretty smart and about science and yeah,
Speaker 1: and what period in your life was the second marriage?
Speaker 1: It was it was like two years ago. I was like,
Speaker 1: what is this heart? Wait? So how how did you guys?
Speaker 1: What was so when it was blissful? Like what what?
Speaker 1: What better? I don't know any about this person? Love? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I thought he was handsome and funny and it's very smart,
Speaker 1: and we laughed a lot, and you know, he wasn't
Speaker 1: working so he could like just hang out and have
Speaker 1: fun and and walk the red carpets with me and everything.
Speaker 1: And then they started working. You know, it was like
Speaker 1: suddenly I don't want I didn't want to do that anymore.
Speaker 1: You know, I didn't like California all of a sudden anymore.
Speaker 1: And you know, I didn't really like my friends so
Speaker 1: much anymore. And it was just like one day after another.
Speaker 1: It was like those you know soap opera where they
Speaker 1: act one way and then as soon as you marry
Speaker 1: or not actually married exactly. Wow. So that was probably
Speaker 1: how it was that break up. Did you guys both realize? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Thisen you know it right? Like you feel this too.
Speaker 1: Had a bad habit of like not being able to
Speaker 1: cope with even the slightest uh disagreement, And he just
Speaker 1: walked out of the house and then I wouldn't hear
Speaker 1: from him for a week, like a major thing, not major,
Speaker 1: I promise you because and and you know, he had money,
Speaker 1: so he didn't even he would buy new clothes, buy
Speaker 1: a new computer, do whatever. He didn't because he wasn't
Speaker 1: in your house anymore because he left because he walked out.
Speaker 1: He had other homes. Okay, he didn't, you know, And
Speaker 1: I wouldn't answer Mike was or anything like that. So
Speaker 1: you know that was so finally I said, you know you.
Speaker 1: But then eventually he'd come back and wet or like
Speaker 1: leaves and shoes, like where'd you go? No, Pe'd usually
Speaker 1: come back with an expensive piece of jewelry. And then
Speaker 1: eventually I kind of thought, you know, this is not
Speaker 1: this is making me physically ill. It's too stressful. I
Speaker 1: don't get it. I can't do it. So, you know,
Speaker 1: the last time I said, this is the last time
Speaker 1: you do it again, it's I'm done. Yeah, we had
Speaker 1: a disagreement about the dog, and he like jumped out
Speaker 1: of bed and started you know what he was, and
Speaker 1: he left and I said, if you now, you can
Speaker 1: have a come back, and that was the last episode
Speaker 1: of them literally walks away. Yeah, you know, clearly it
Speaker 1: wasn't a good idea. But I'm glad that I had
Speaker 1: it because of everything, how much I grew through the experience.
Speaker 1: Do you date now, um a little you thank you?
Speaker 1: As I've been in this kind of mode where I'm
Speaker 1: dating me. Oh, that's a good idea, you know. And
Speaker 1: it's really the first time that I'm like, hmm, I'm
Speaker 1: like happy just being home with me, and so I'm
Speaker 1: allowing myself to be with me and not feel like,
Speaker 1: oh I gotta have some dude, or you know, time
Speaker 1: is passing all the things that maybe in the past
Speaker 1: I might have thought about that I would have put
Speaker 1: pressure on myself about. And now it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: the pressure is off because if I never meet someone again,
Speaker 1: I'm really have a very full and content life. So
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if it's too good to be so
Speaker 1: content because it kind of takes the edge of your
Speaker 1: mojo a little bit. Yeah, because it's like, why do
Speaker 1: I want I live a lot like I I live
Speaker 1: alone for the first time in my life, and I
Speaker 1: feel very good. But I'm like the idea of somebody
Speaker 1: else in my space with like their shoes in my house,
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, I think I'm spoiling myself by being
Speaker 1: happy a while or you know, or this is or
Speaker 1: it's good. Yeah, and then you know there's no I
Speaker 1: talked to my girlfriends who have boyfriends and or husband's
Speaker 1: and that comes with it's on you know problems. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I don't have to deal with any of that stuff.
Speaker 1: But then you know there are other times. But I
Speaker 1: have a gay ex husband. You have you know, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're very close, so you know, um, so that that's
Speaker 1: a nice relationship because he knows he's known you for
Speaker 1: so long, he's known you the most intimately. That's got
Speaker 1: to feel so good to have the longest. I feel
Speaker 1: like the secret the key partners. That's incredible. If you
Speaker 1: can have somebody who's known you and gets you and
Speaker 1: understands you, and you can have you can joke with
Speaker 1: and stuff like, that's the secret to a great life.
Speaker 1: I think a friend wise is he married. No, neither
Speaker 1: of us currently have anyone. We'll end up back together
Speaker 1: and we ever want to have sex, but when we
Speaker 1: have to hire one guy, yeah that's true. So how
Speaker 1: so I know you've talked about this before, but how
Speaker 1: did he tell you? Were there any clues where there
Speaker 1: I have a close friend who, um that happened to
Speaker 1: it was. They didn't marry, but it was her first boyfriend,
Speaker 1: serious boyfriend. There together for a while, and she had
Speaker 1: a kind of like an identity crisis a little bit afterwards.
Speaker 1: I'm curious how that was for you. Uh, well, you now,
Speaker 1: I didn't have an identity crisis, definitely not um And
Speaker 1: I do think that everyone has a right to live
Speaker 1: an authentic life. I mean there was, I mean, I
Speaker 1: I found myself wondering how early in our relationship was
Speaker 1: he talking himself out of it and kind of using
Speaker 1: me as his beard but a question reflecting, some white reflecting.
Speaker 1: But other than that, you know, we had a you know,
Speaker 1: I mean we're very we're actually quite compatible. Yeah, created
Speaker 1: the nanny together and you worked well together. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: we still do. We're still writing together and doing things together.
Speaker 1: And even now we started like taking vacations together. Special
Speaker 1: but are you like cuddling on them yet? We walk
Speaker 1: with all hands, yeah, well all hands, we'll walk arm
Speaker 1: in arm, you know. Uh, we're very tactile with each other, yes,
Speaker 1: but we don't have this. You know, we have separate
Speaker 1: rooms and you know, he likes to go to the gym.
Speaker 1: I like breakfast in bed, you know, I mean, we
Speaker 1: do our own thing. When we're married. It would be like,
Speaker 1: you know, compromise, compromise, but now it's there is it's
Speaker 1: not a boat compromise. We don't have to spend every
Speaker 1: weeking minute together when I'm married. It's like, if you
Speaker 1: want to do this and I don't do it, by
Speaker 1: all means you're both free other together. And I don't
Speaker 1: even know. I really don't know. I really trying to
Speaker 1: make a case or talk to people who have had
Speaker 1: really positive relationships that have made their life better. I
Speaker 1: certainly have learned a lot from my relationships, but I've
Speaker 1: I've talked to my best friend. I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: think I've ever had a partner that like is equal
Speaker 1: or more than I like. I would love to be
Speaker 1: with somebody who like is more successful, it is is
Speaker 1: better in all the areas that I want to improve
Speaker 1: on because I want to roll off on me and uh,
Speaker 1: but that's never happened. Yeah, you gotta put that out
Speaker 1: to the universe. And you know, I I would like
Speaker 1: that too. When you're a dynamic and powerable woman with money,
Speaker 1: it's challenging to find a man that can that be
Speaker 1: your equal and uh and want you not a trophy
Speaker 1: and um, you know what I mean. But whatever it's,
Speaker 1: it'll you know, in a lump, follow the way and
Speaker 1: I'm false and I'm good with any which way. Have
Speaker 1: you ever been with somebody who treated you like your trophy?
Speaker 1: I'm not good at that part, so at seeing it
Speaker 1: or at I'm not. I mean, when I think about
Speaker 1: a trophy, it's someone that uh is very fine with
Speaker 1: building my life around the man, the powerful man, and
Speaker 1: I'm there to compliment his life and you know, always
Speaker 1: look good and spend a lot of time in the
Speaker 1: gym and and shopping to be the woman in his
Speaker 1: life so that you know, I can be on his
Speaker 1: arm when he goes to wherever he needs to go
Speaker 1: and it becomes about him, which is a skill unto itself.
Speaker 1: But that's not me, you know, I like I make
Speaker 1: it about me a lot. He should, right, I mean, well,
Speaker 1: it's you know, it's what it is. A balance is
Speaker 1: I'm not you know, I'm not judging. I just I
Speaker 1: know who I am and uh, you know I'm a star.
Speaker 1: I'm not you know, I mean, I'm not shrinking, Violet.
Speaker 1: I can't take a backseat. To somebody, and I'm used
Speaker 1: to being in the spotlight. And you know, I didn't
Speaker 1: become an actor because I didn't want attention. Nobody does
Speaker 1: a beautiful Yeah, well I like that. I kind of
Speaker 1: liked just the confidence to say I'm a star because
Speaker 1: especially women, I think, are so often like oh that,
Speaker 1: like that person's cocky, or like death person is a
Speaker 1: bit because they're saying something that's true about themselves that
Speaker 1: we all know. It's like, of course you're a star,
Speaker 1: and like to be a star, society has to agree
Speaker 1: that you are a star. So it's like everyone's complicit
Speaker 1: in it in the first place. Um, and people are
Speaker 1: I don't know people really, I try never to you know.
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's I'm sure I have my moments
Speaker 1: where I can be a bit, but honestly, I really
Speaker 1: try and consider uh people's feelings and needs a lot
Speaker 1: and more than I think the average person. And even
Speaker 1: when I'm with a man, even as a star, I
Speaker 1: like cooking them. I don't you know, I'll tidy up
Speaker 1: after them. Um. I mean I like creating a home
Speaker 1: and uh, I like entertaining and having people over, and
Speaker 1: I like shopping, buying them clothes and I like that
Speaker 1: all that stuff. It's not like I'm, you know, like
Speaker 1: always making it about me. I actually go out of
Speaker 1: my way to, um take care of them. I like
Speaker 1: taking care of my men, but um, but they have
Speaker 1: to be worthy of being taken care of by you. Well,
Speaker 1: that is true when you want to feel like on
Speaker 1: some level the love is real and they really want
Speaker 1: to be with you and are not gonna hurt you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but growth is painful, so painful. So if you look
Speaker 1: at it that way, you know, you just gotta talk
Speaker 1: yourself off. The legends say, I can you know, Uh,
Speaker 1: this is happening for a reason, and I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to reflect on it so I don't fall back into
Speaker 1: this ditch again. And I actually learned from it. It's
Speaker 1: being presented for a reason. And I think intimate relationships
Speaker 1: in particular are our teachers. Yeah, you really, because that's
Speaker 1: a really vulnerable position with another human being, Like when
Speaker 1: you get that in that comfort zone and you can
Speaker 1: just having sex is so vulnerable. And I think about
Speaker 1: it how I used to treat it when I was
Speaker 1: in my twenties and I treat it now, and I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: I kind of like threw it around a little bit.
Speaker 1: And now I have a deeper respect for sex. And
Speaker 1: but now it's like it's hard at it's easy to
Speaker 1: fault for me to faull for somebody when I sleep
Speaker 1: with them like that. Now that I've treated it with
Speaker 1: more respect and it's more special, and I'm not going
Speaker 1: to sleep with you until we hang out a couple
Speaker 1: of times, but then after that, I'm probably gonna be like,
Speaker 1: I love you's finding that balance, I don't know. Wow, Um,
Speaker 1: so you after you you have divorced from your first husband,
Speaker 1: were you immediately like smoothly into friends or was there
Speaker 1: period mad he was mad at you? Yeah, me to
Speaker 1: leave the relationships? Oh where you like did well? You
Speaker 1: know now he didn't. Actually that wasn't really the reason
Speaker 1: I had my suspicions, but uh it was because I
Speaker 1: found him to be very controlling and at the time
Speaker 1: he was still controlling his orientation. So you know, it
Speaker 1: wasn't until after that he owned it and and it
Speaker 1: wasn't really until after my uh you know, battle with
Speaker 1: cancer that we started to move towards each other again
Speaker 1: and put the relationship on a new shelf. So that
Speaker 1: was kind of a silver lining. Wow. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's crazy. How something that that's that's that traumatic experience.
Speaker 1: I would imagine having cancer can really bring you together
Speaker 1: and it forces you to shed all your bullshit. Sometimes
Speaker 1: people can see you. When he was told I had cancer,
Speaker 1: he burst into tears and in that moment all of
Speaker 1: his anger melted away and all that was left was
Speaker 1: the love. Wow. He was a very politic life. Yes, um,
Speaker 1: and so I don't I want to I get into
Speaker 1: you know, sad stuff, but this podcast is primarily we
Speaker 1: talk a lot about a sexual assault and the me
Speaker 1: too movement has been a big part of everything. We've
Speaker 1: been doing this for five years and you know, we
Speaker 1: read up on you a lot, and you had a
Speaker 1: very hoering experience in um, we were wondering more so
Speaker 1: if you not like to talk about the experience, but
Speaker 1: if you had any advice on how to get over
Speaker 1: an assault, because we have a lot of survivors who
Speaker 1: listen and and like, we feel very fortunate to have
Speaker 1: not experienced And that's such a weird uh word to use,
Speaker 1: but it's but so many people. It's like to feel
Speaker 1: lucky is so strange, but it's a it's something that
Speaker 1: we feel often and uh, just from someone who has
Speaker 1: who has achieved so much to kind of pass on
Speaker 1: your advice. Oh well, you know I think that, um, um,
Speaker 1: go to therapy and connect with your pain. That's your
Speaker 1: time with a trained ear to lie on a couch
Speaker 1: and you know, like kind of crier, eyes out if
Speaker 1: you want to or be angry whatever, you know, if
Speaker 1: you need to do that, write your feelings down. I
Speaker 1: wrote a book, and you know the each I wrote
Speaker 1: two New York Times bestsellers, and both of them I
Speaker 1: talk about it and each time, you know, it's cathartic. Um.
Speaker 1: And if even if you don't publish a book, right
Speaker 1: down your feelings, because it is very cathartic to get
Speaker 1: it out. And then I don't apologize, you know. I mean,
Speaker 1: if people in your life we've feel themselves as lacking
Speaker 1: of with compassion, that's telling. Don't ignore that this uses
Speaker 1: as an opportunity to see really who your peeps are
Speaker 1: and who are not when push comes to shove and
Speaker 1: wake up and at least use it for a positive
Speaker 1: in that regard. I was kind of lucky because they
Speaker 1: did capture a rapist and he is in jail for
Speaker 1: you know one in a half lifetimes, but um, not
Speaker 1: everybody has that closure. And UM still, uh, you have
Speaker 1: to keep going on. You have to live defensively, you know.
Speaker 1: I I'm I live with a lot of security always
Speaker 1: subsequent to that, for sure, you know, I mean alarm
Speaker 1: systems and gates and and and you know, just always
Speaker 1: looking around me and things like that. I don't think
Speaker 1: you ever totally forget that this happened to you. And uh,
Speaker 1: you that feeling of absolute vulnerability where you're completely at
Speaker 1: the mercy of somebody else. Um, but where you know,
Speaker 1: where there's life, there's hope and uh, and so you
Speaker 1: gotta keep putting one ft in front of the other.
Speaker 1: A thousand mile journey beings with a single step. And
Speaker 1: it took me a year to not feel like a
Speaker 1: mirror that was shattered in a thousand pieces to a
Speaker 1: good year. I remember I was once in a restaurant
Speaker 1: and one of the sir verse dropped the whole tray
Speaker 1: of like glasses or dishes. And you know, it's startling,
Speaker 1: but I literally leaped to my feet and yelped out
Speaker 1: loud without even I mean, it just was an automatic,
Speaker 1: primal reaction. And everybody in the restaurant looked at me,
Speaker 1: Oh God, and you know it just takes a long
Speaker 1: time and cut yourself all that slack and just surround
Speaker 1: yourself with a posse of people who get it. Did
Speaker 1: you find that people in your life were not compassionate
Speaker 1: after it happens? Uh? No, I think actually people in
Speaker 1: my life were, but trusted play a factor in it
Speaker 1: because I actually wanted to leave town. I felt like
Speaker 1: I was living in a war zone. I he had
Speaker 1: not been apprehended, and I didn't feel safe, and I
Speaker 1: just wanted to move. And my manager and dear friend,
Speaker 1: who was also a bit of a surrogate mom and
Speaker 1: a very wise old Owls, said, um, you know, you're
Speaker 1: a city girl and you should not be making life
Speaker 1: changing decisions right now because you're you know, you've had
Speaker 1: You're in trauma, So why don't you just give it
Speaker 1: six months and if in six months you still feel
Speaker 1: that way, I'll help you back. And I thought it
Speaker 1: didn't feel right at all to stay. It felt very
Speaker 1: dangerous to me, but it did resonate with me that
Speaker 1: I was in trauma and probably not the best time
Speaker 1: to make decisions. So I trusted her, even though it
Speaker 1: didn't feel right. I trusted her and uh and she
Speaker 1: was right, but I really went against my feelings that
Speaker 1: I needed to bolt. You're probably in fight her flight still.
Speaker 1: Effects of trauma purpose is fat I'm like diving into
Speaker 1: that with books and stuff now and how it can
Speaker 1: create patterns that you don't even you don't even realize. Yes,
Speaker 1: So I think that you need to recognize that you've
Speaker 1: been through something that is not an instant overnight I
Speaker 1: can get over this, and then you have to trust
Speaker 1: people that you've always trusted to advise you, and you
Speaker 1: have to accept that this is not the best time
Speaker 1: to make life changing decisions. Yeah, da do um one
Speaker 1: of the things, because I feel like the the issue
Speaker 1: of sexual assault is something that the reason why we're
Speaker 1: like just passionate about the awareness of it is because
Speaker 1: when we started doing the podcast, we would just get
Speaker 1: inundated with emails and it's every we probably get at
Speaker 1: least one a day from a listener to have women
Speaker 1: signed the chapter Bad Things Happen to Good People because
Speaker 1: it meant so much to them that yeah, so forthright
Speaker 1: in describing it, and then in the second book, you know,
Speaker 1: I talked about it's more so Uh, it's a it's
Speaker 1: a process that you know, you kind of takes its time.
Speaker 1: It takes its toll and takes its time to you know,
Speaker 1: get to the other side of Yeah, and you were
Speaker 1: saying that you were um in that trauma place for
Speaker 1: about a year or at least a place that you
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to make any decisions. Um, if you feel
Speaker 1: comfortable talking about it. I'm just curious, like what, because
Speaker 1: this is a question that we've gotten and I just
Speaker 1: I don't know how to answer it. But how do
Speaker 1: you get back in touch with your body? Your sexuality
Speaker 1: is part of you know, that was one of the
Speaker 1: lovely things about you know, being with Peter, because it
Speaker 1: must have been maybe only I don't know, two or
Speaker 1: three weeks after the rape and we decided to have
Speaker 1: sex and he must have seen on my face that
Speaker 1: I was like going into my head in an unhealthy
Speaker 1: way and he said to me, open your eyes, it's me.
Speaker 1: I'm right here, and uh, and I did. I Like,
Speaker 1: we made love with my eyes open the whole But
Speaker 1: you know, it was a reintroduction into um getting back
Speaker 1: into my body and uh. And then after the HYS
Speaker 1: directed me, I did the same thing with a the
Speaker 1: guy that I write about and cancer Schmancy. You know
Speaker 1: the first time we had sex after cancer surgery and everything,
Speaker 1: and you know it, um it was They're loving and
Speaker 1: slow and but everything seemed to work and there was
Speaker 1: a relief in a way, and and you know, I
Speaker 1: remember looking up at both of them. Wow, that's so beautiful.
Speaker 1: Was there a concern after the cancer from the doctors
Speaker 1: that that things wouldn't work or did they or was
Speaker 1: that just a fear that you had personally? I guess
Speaker 1: it was a fear I had. I don't I don't
Speaker 1: know if I even really talked to them. But I
Speaker 1: didn't know what orgasm NG was going to be like.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what, you know, um, whether or not
Speaker 1: I would need lubrication. I didn't know whether how it
Speaker 1: was going to feel or how it was going to
Speaker 1: feel to him because they remove your cervix when you
Speaker 1: have a surgery like that. But then I realized that
Speaker 1: that's so far up nobody whatever. Yeah, no, you don't
Speaker 1: have that. You're actually closed up at the top. But
Speaker 1: um it, but everything did work and so and still does.
Speaker 1: So what do you have casual sex? Do you have?
Speaker 1: Like what's like I was asking you you you're dating yourself.
Speaker 1: So for me, I medically think like a tachi magic
Speaker 1: wand baby, you know. But you know, when it's my
Speaker 1: favorite thing I own, and it really does sometimes make
Speaker 1: you like when you are comfortable being by yourself and
Speaker 1: you live alone and you're proud of the work you're
Speaker 1: at and you're you're kind of like, lin't really this
Speaker 1: is my boyfriend, you know what I mean? But how
Speaker 1: how do you how what's your relationship like like with
Speaker 1: your sexuality? Now? Uh, you know I think that, Um,
Speaker 1: I I love men, you know, I particularly like uh
Speaker 1: the Peanuts. I mean, you know, I'm like, I know
Speaker 1: I'm not a Leslie because I do like people. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was telling you as my friend the other day,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I am straight. Yeah, And you know what
Speaker 1: the thing is. I know that a lot of my
Speaker 1: um lesbian girlfriends, you know, they use a you know,
Speaker 1: like a strap on and stuff like that. But it's
Speaker 1: really not the same as when you're looking at somebody
Speaker 1: that's orgasming on you, you know, into you, and what
Speaker 1: happens to their body and what happens to their organ
Speaker 1: The whole thing is a uh you know, a symphony
Speaker 1: really the whole thing. It's just the the sounds, the breathing,
Speaker 1: the expressions. See uh, you know, uh, everything is you
Speaker 1: don't get that from an inanimate object. I feel like
Speaker 1: you're sex is very poetic. You really don't. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: don't get that from an inanimate object, that's for sure.
Speaker 1: Even a sex doll is not. Yeah, but it's the intensity, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the intensity of being Like watching a man come is
Speaker 1: like one of my favorite things because obviously, if I'm
Speaker 1: there to begin with, I really like this person, so
Speaker 1: it's it's powerful on a lot of levels anyway. But
Speaker 1: then watching that, you're like the weight of the body
Speaker 1: and you know, yeah, to feel the weight of the man, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know. But having said that, do you need to
Speaker 1: get to know somebody, uh for a certain period of
Speaker 1: time before you feel comfortable even going there approach to
Speaker 1: approaching the subject? Uh no, no, I don't. First of all,
Speaker 1: I don't want to get too attached and then find
Speaker 1: out the family jewels and that what I anticipated. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like that I don't I need I need the
Speaker 1: right equipment for me, you know. I it's a lot
Speaker 1: of pressure for the dude. I get that, But I'm
Speaker 1: not looking for a life of frustration either, so you know,
Speaker 1: probably the sooner the better, really, let's get it out
Speaker 1: of the way. And also you jump into intimacy and
Speaker 1: then just you feel a certain closeness. Uh, the other
Speaker 1: things can catch up, and if they don't, then you know,
Speaker 1: it's just sex. But sometimes the other things can catch
Speaker 1: up easier because you've already jumped the hurdle of intimius sing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was talking to a French guy a while back
Speaker 1: and he was like, the French date in a way
Speaker 1: that they sleep together right away, because if that's not
Speaker 1: so many people are afraid to prioritize sexual compatibility. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, if you don't have it, it's gonna it's
Speaker 1: gonna show itself sooner or later. So you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean you could have to have it all if
Speaker 1: you're gonna hook up with this person for a long time.
Speaker 1: If it's just you know, I mean once in a while,
Speaker 1: then it's you don't it doesn't have to be anything.
Speaker 1: It's a different kind of thrill. Yeah. So I was
Speaker 1: like yeah, because I was like, I think it's funny
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of our listeners are like
Speaker 1: in their in their twenties or thirties, and I think
Speaker 1: they think like, oh that after that time, like you
Speaker 1: don't have fun buddies anymore. But it seems like that's timeless.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm loving that. No, No, that's you know, that's
Speaker 1: that's all I have right now. That the older, the
Speaker 1: older I get, the better sex gets, because then I'm
Speaker 1: it's like you take more agency over yourself and what
Speaker 1: you want and what you won't tolerate. Well, yeah, and
Speaker 1: the more you get comfortable with yourself, the more satisfying
Speaker 1: that becomes. It's like, you know what, we don't have
Speaker 1: to have that much in common. We just have to
Speaker 1: do this. Could we just have? Yeah, we have our
Speaker 1: routine and it works and you know, no complaints. So yes,
Speaker 1: if I meet somebody, then I'm thinking, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is who I want to spend the rest of
Speaker 1: my life with. Great, I would. I would welcome that.
Speaker 1: But if that doesn't happen and you know, I just
Speaker 1: have my buddy, then that's okay too. Wow you figured
Speaker 1: it out. No, I did. I feel like I'm not
Speaker 1: in a relationship right now, but relationship it would underscore
Speaker 1: what I still have to work away Greener though, like
Speaker 1: people one of my friends who have boyfriends or husbands
Speaker 1: talk to me and they like bitching about he did that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh man, I feel so free that I
Speaker 1: don't have to deal with that. Like I feel great. Yes, No,
Speaker 1: I I don't. I like having the independence too, but um,
Speaker 1: there's got to be somebody out there that doesn't. You
Speaker 1: know that isn't as problematic and it's just more a
Speaker 1: joyful kind of friendship, loving, committed relationship, but maybe not.
Speaker 1: You're listening. I love the way you view of the world.
Speaker 1: It's been very it's been very I feel like your
Speaker 1: wisdom is like im it's contagious and I'm catching it.
Speaker 1: Appreciate it. Yes, I think. Yeah. I was like, that's
Speaker 1: our time. Is there anything that you want to people,
Speaker 1: like a website site or anything you need to promote
Speaker 1: your books talk about I'd love people to get to
Speaker 1: cancer schmansy dot org. And on um Earth Day, we've
Speaker 1: we're releasing on social media or Be the Change video
Speaker 1: for teens and that's what Jamie Fox and myself and
Speaker 1: a bunch of kids. And then in the spring we're
Speaker 1: going to release free to the world our Masterclass Health
Speaker 1: Summer with very cutting edge, outside of the box, fantastic speakers,
Speaker 1: medical doctors and stuff. And then in June we come
Speaker 1: back to New York for the Cabaret Dinner Cruise and
Speaker 1: here in New York Harbor on the beautiful Hornblower Ship.
Speaker 1: So I just got a cancers Smansey dot org. Sign up.
Speaker 1: It's free and you'll get all kinds of interesting, mind expanding,
Speaker 1: mind blowing things that maybe your doctor doesn't know or
Speaker 1: won't tell you, but knowledge is power. Thank you well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. This has been very exciting. We
Speaker 1: went to this podcast for five years and this is
Speaker 1: pretty much the probably the most excited. And I don't
Speaker 1: I know, you don't know me, but I like, don't
Speaker 1: get excited about I mean, I just very like a
Speaker 1: stoic like Daria type personality. But thank you so much
Speaker 1: for taking the time to talk to us. This has
Speaker 1: been guys, we fucked the anti slot checking podcast. We'll
Speaker 1: talk to you next Friday. Good thank you news. She
Speaker 1: had pains, be La. I can't blame you because I
Speaker 1: want to find too, but she wouldn't change who wasn't
Speaker 1: that you would know your name more time. Princess Jason,
Speaker 1: Princess for those maches to start, all these beaches, all
Speaker 1: about love, but that she's not good enough. She's about
Speaker 1: saidy like she's a man, to make it feel right
Speaker 1: at home because she feels all alone, she can't stand herself.
Speaker 1: She gets on little phone, she makes one more trip,
Speaker 1: get some girls in the hips, because she can still
Speaker 1: live this dreamed that she's in and they acher, I
Speaker 1: can't playing you our won't thank too