Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Karren. We're sorry about last night anti sluck shaming podcast.
Speaker 1: I never stopped. Hello, fucker's Welcome to another episode of
Speaker 1: Guys We Fucked. It's the anti slut shaming podcast. I'm
Speaker 1: conm Christina. Welcome. Today's news story is from mal magazine.
Speaker 1: Haven't heard of it. Neither have we, but our wonderful
Speaker 1: associate producer Emily found it, so I trust it. Uh.
Speaker 1: This article is called the Science behind the Thirst for Delves.
Speaker 1: It's a Q and A with the researcher who conducted
Speaker 1: the first empirical study of the dad I'd like to fuck,
Speaker 1: which is amazing. Can you imagine getting funding for that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do us a thing on dolves. I would
Speaker 1: fund that study. Delves are in as E. J. Dixon
Speaker 1: described for Mel last fall. One look at Instagram's vast
Speaker 1: universe of parenting content suggests many people find baby wearing
Speaker 1: dad's sexy as hell. That's one way to put it.
Speaker 1: Father's strapping on their kids drive massive engagement on popular
Speaker 1: accounts like Delfs of Disneyland and and Daddy Doing Work
Speaker 1: daddy doing work in fact, such DILF related fervor has
Speaker 1: inspired Corty Corey Peterson, the founder of O r G
Speaker 1: A s M I See What You did there, Observations
Speaker 1: and Research in Gender and Sexuality Matters Research Lab at
Speaker 1: Quantulin Polytechnic University in Canada, to embark upon the first
Speaker 1: empirical study of the attractiveness of delf's or dad's. I'd
Speaker 1: Like to Fuck entitled Naturally in Search of the Appeal
Speaker 1: of the dilf, a collaboration between Peterson and other researchers
Speaker 1: at the Orgasm Lab. Oh my god, it's my favorite
Speaker 1: lab ever. Culturally, of course, MILFs are already a fact
Speaker 1: of life, at least since Stiffler's mom appeared in the
Speaker 1: first American Pie movie twenty years ago, not to mention
Speaker 1: a major search term on porn Hub and the various
Speaker 1: other tube sites. But as Peterson explains, what's interesting about
Speaker 1: the difference between MILFs and delves is that the milf
Speaker 1: is considered attractive in spite of her kids, while the
Speaker 1: dilf is considered attractive because of his kids. UH. To
Speaker 1: better understand this dichotomy as well as the other delf science,
Speaker 1: Peterson uncovered in her study. Uh oh, qureis a girl. Okay,
Speaker 1: I recently spoke to her by phone, so I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna read the whole thing, but I'll read this first
Speaker 1: one because it's interesting. Um. Why was a study of
Speaker 1: dilf's necessary, She says, we couldn't find any sort of
Speaker 1: solid empirical investigations of them, despite the fact that porn
Speaker 1: hubs twenty seventeen Yearine Review Insights indicated that dilf is
Speaker 1: becoming a more popular search term, So we knew it
Speaker 1: was a phenomena of interest. We just didn't know what
Speaker 1: underlies it. A milf is presumably attractive because of her confidence.
Speaker 1: The fact that she has children and that she's older
Speaker 1: makes her appear more confident and sexually experienced. We wanted
Speaker 1: to investigate what there are not the same factors that
Speaker 1: seem to attract individuals to the mill for attractive in
Speaker 1: the deal, I can't believe this is real article. I
Speaker 1: can't believe people put money towards this, and I love
Speaker 1: the world for it. We were very much operating on
Speaker 1: the assumption that previous evolutionary psychology literature indicated that women
Speaker 1: tend to be attracted to older men. This has been
Speaker 1: found globally. Women tend to be attracted to older men
Speaker 1: and men to be attracted to younger women. Evolutionary psychologists
Speaker 1: have argued that this discrepancy is explained by our ancestral
Speaker 1: evolutionary tendencies. Basically, an older man signifies more status, and
Speaker 1: it's that status that creates this sort of dominance, which
Speaker 1: is attractive because in an evolutionary sense, it represents his
Speaker 1: ability to care for his partner and any potential offspring,
Speaker 1: whereas for men, their attraction to younger women represents, in
Speaker 1: an evolutionary sense, her potential of offspring. I know, I
Speaker 1: was like, where are we going here? Um? Yes, So
Speaker 1: if you want to read the rest of this article again,
Speaker 1: its Mail magazine dot com and the article is called
Speaker 1: this Science behind the Thirst for Delves. It's my turn
Speaker 1: me Finster from about Ernie Finster a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's Finster, dude Delves. I am a
Speaker 1: sucker for a delf. Although I do not get attracted
Speaker 1: to a man when I I've seen men with babies
Speaker 1: interacting and I'm like, oh, that's hot, but then immediately
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's not my baby. That's some other lady's baby.
Speaker 1: Stop drooling over this guy, Christina, It's waste your time.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying. I like someone who looks like a
Speaker 1: Dolf but doesn't actually have any kids. Yeah. See that's
Speaker 1: my dream. Yeah, yeah, that's my dream. I mean that's
Speaker 1: so easy to achieve. It's like childless dilf. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: look at a little tired worn now. Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: have an exercise. Used to be hot, I mean real
Speaker 1: grey b Hey, I'm loving it. Did you used to
Speaker 1: have abs and they went away? Call Christine and Karin
Speaker 1: the delf Factory. Um, that's what I'm gonna call my
Speaker 1: apartment now the factor, because you have to really project
Speaker 1: and put what you want out there into the world
Speaker 1: to try to start doing. I know, my therapist said,
Speaker 1: pull that bet away on the from the corner. Girl,
Speaker 1: put some peacocks in there. Invites some men come see
Speaker 1: us live. You guys, we have a fun new touring
Speaker 1: show that uh it's so fun it doesn't even have
Speaker 1: a name. We're very excited. Indianapolis, Indiana. We're gonna be
Speaker 1: at chad Helium Comedy Club April eighteen to Boston, Massachusetts.
Speaker 1: Were very excited to be playing the Wilbert Theater again.
Speaker 1: We sold that the funk out and that was the
Speaker 1: first ever venue that I invited my parents too, because
Speaker 1: I said, if we sell out theater, mom and Dan,
Speaker 1: mom and dad can't get pissed about what I say.
Speaker 1: And I was right. Uh, Friday, May three, We're gonna
Speaker 1: be at the Wilburn, Boston, Massachusetts for the Women in
Speaker 1: Comedy Festival. We are so excited for this. This is
Speaker 1: a huge theater. Buy your tickets now because it will
Speaker 1: sell out, but we'd rather sell out sooner because that
Speaker 1: makes me happy. Yeah, go back to Boston to like
Speaker 1: the faster ticket sell for these shows. Everyone's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm observing that, you know. I mean, if they sell
Speaker 1: out last minute, that's also wonderful. But you know, Um
Speaker 1: for all links, uh and you know, just other things
Speaker 1: about us, go to storry about Last Night Comedy dot
Speaker 1: com slash tours for the links and click on whatever
Speaker 1: you want, uh, if you want to browse around, they
Speaker 1: have all of our dates and some stuff, some press.
Speaker 1: We have great press. And then you can also follow
Speaker 1: us individually on social media. I'm at Philanthropy Gal. I'm
Speaker 1: met Christina Hutch and our duo is sorry about last
Speaker 1: night except on Twitter, it's s r y about last
Speaker 1: n y T and make sure to leave us a
Speaker 1: raining our review. Any of this stuff on iTunes is great.
Speaker 1: It's a nice uh freeway to support the podcast. Um,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people have been asking about you know,
Speaker 1: Google Play and other platforms. Again, that's something we're working on.
Speaker 1: We moved from SoundCloud to megaphone, so uh, we're not
Speaker 1: sure why it's not feeding into us, but it's not.
Speaker 1: It's not like we just stopped putting it up. We
Speaker 1: only put it on one platform and then the other
Speaker 1: ones pick it up. So we're trying to figure out
Speaker 1: why pick up. But you know, you can also listen
Speaker 1: on iTunes in Spotify, we didn't. Yeah, we're not hating
Speaker 1: on anyone any specific way to listen to the podcast.
Speaker 1: And everyone's so quick to be like, which you probly
Speaker 1: go play? I have no problem. I know me neither.
Speaker 1: I mean I wouldn't date someone had an Android, but
Speaker 1: that's I wouldn't either, or an all email address. I
Speaker 1: have one, but the family mail. Now that's fine, family mail.
Speaker 1: I'm good. Um, I just we've been traveling a lot, uh, well,
Speaker 1: we're tratling a lot this month specifically, and so I've
Speaker 1: been on and off planes, um, and there was no
Speaker 1: speaking of Dolphs. There was an older guy next to
Speaker 1: me and I just noticed. And I think part of
Speaker 1: it is AM because I don't want I hate always
Speaker 1: like blaming everything on men's I think I think there's
Speaker 1: you know, reasons on both sides. But just like people's
Speaker 1: manners have gotten worse as far as like hold holding doors,
Speaker 1: were picking up luggage for people or helping people, and um,
Speaker 1: the other day, I was in the subway and I
Speaker 1: saw girl struggling with her suitcases, like she had to
Speaker 1: like full sized suitcases that she was trying to get
Speaker 1: up the subway stairs. That's hard. As someone who is
Speaker 1: carrying around suitcases a lot. I'm strong, and I fucking
Speaker 1: still struggle all the time because there it's heavy. It's cumbersome.
Speaker 1: As a woman, you're just like for me, like my
Speaker 1: hike gets in the way a lot, Like can I
Speaker 1: can barely lift things above my because it's when something's
Speaker 1: really heavy and you have to get it into the
Speaker 1: overhead compartment and your five ft three that's really difficult
Speaker 1: no matter how strong you are. Because you know, even
Speaker 1: when you're doing like a like a dead lift, you're
Speaker 1: not going above your fucking heads. Um. So yeah, and
Speaker 1: so I just no one was helping her. It was
Speaker 1: a very crowded subway. There was tons of men, women,
Speaker 1: young people around. No one was helping her. So I
Speaker 1: just literally was like grabbed it and brought it up
Speaker 1: to the top of the staircase for her, and she
Speaker 1: was so appreciative. So just like a reminder that women
Speaker 1: can help women carry stuff to you know, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I help women all of the strollers. Yeah, well, and
Speaker 1: that's what I was s someone a trip and fall
Speaker 1: on coll the baby. But whatever. That that's because that's
Speaker 1: what because in New York City a couple weeks ago,
Speaker 1: there was a woman named Alisia Goodson and she exactly
Speaker 1: so I forgot about that. It's so funny meaning funny
Speaker 1: peculiar because I had helped to this squirrel and I
Speaker 1: was thinking in my head, like Jesus Christ, like I'm
Speaker 1: five foot three and I'm helping her, and like there's
Speaker 1: a lot of other people available to help, and hey, men,
Speaker 1: just to clear something up for all the men out there, okay,
Speaker 1: because I've been hearing this a lot feminism. Are we
Speaker 1: if if we are carrying something heavy, you can help us?
Speaker 1: Just don't even you can help us. You don't have
Speaker 1: to wonder if we're gonna be like I'm strong enough
Speaker 1: on my own. You're physically stronger than us. What are
Speaker 1: you gonna do? It's mother nature. I can't help it.
Speaker 1: We need help carry something for more or just say like, hey,
Speaker 1: would you like a hand? And like the person can
Speaker 1: decide for the moment. And also like if someone gets
Speaker 1: catty with you for helping them, that's their and they
Speaker 1: gotta not Yeah, they gotta se either. Maybe they have
Speaker 1: a stick up their ask, Maybe they were assaulted by
Speaker 1: a man and they just don't want to interact with
Speaker 1: a stranger who's also a man, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like that could be any things, So don't take that personally.
Speaker 1: But I'm telling you right now, majority of the majority
Speaker 1: of us, when we're carrying heavy ship fucking help us. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's okay. So there's a woman named Malaysia Goods
Speaker 1: and basically she was trying to carry her stroll. I
Speaker 1: can't remember what's up or down. The stairs ended up
Speaker 1: and she and she died. Well, I thought she died
Speaker 1: from like hitting her head. Yeah, yeah, it was. It
Speaker 1: was the staircase. He wouldn't fall onto the tracks, like
Speaker 1: she just fell in, like, you know, because if you
Speaker 1: hit your head, the body is so interesting. I mean,
Speaker 1: people can survive, you know, shark attacks, but then you
Speaker 1: bump your head one way the wrong way, and you're
Speaker 1: and you're dad. And this was a woman in her
Speaker 1: early twenties. The baby survived, she passed away unfortunately, and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, and then some people were like, well, it
Speaker 1: says very clearly in the subway rules that you're not
Speaker 1: supposed to carry a stroller up and down the stairs.
Speaker 1: I'm like, it says every single person because mother's not
Speaker 1: every mother can afford to take a fucking cab. Also,
Speaker 1: that's a lot of I mean, it's it's difficult and
Speaker 1: a lot of work to take a stroller anywhere. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean they're saying, like, was the elevator, but not
Speaker 1: all of the ones have elators. Not all the subways
Speaker 1: have elevators, and sometimes it's a real lot of distance.
Speaker 1: Don't Actually yeah, yeah, they're really not you know, handicap
Speaker 1: or stroller friendly, like a lot of these subway Uh
Speaker 1: is weird. Considering New York is such an accessible city.
Speaker 1: The subway system, Yeah, it's like you have to take
Speaker 1: the bus, and everyone, everyone who lives in New York
Speaker 1: knows the bus is way slower. So just a reminder,
Speaker 1: like for women is a good way. You know. I'm
Speaker 1: always you know, encouraging a nice way for a woman
Speaker 1: to help another woman that doesn't have to involve anything.
Speaker 1: It's not competitive, it's not esthetic. It's a real easy way,
Speaker 1: just it's a help. And then additionally, I was on
Speaker 1: a plane and this older guy like like not like
Speaker 1: older than me, like he could have been he could
Speaker 1: have been my dad maybe, um, and he kind of
Speaker 1: just yeah, he just like kind of took my suitcase
Speaker 1: for me, put it up when the flight started, and
Speaker 1: then without even asking, when it landed, took it down
Speaker 1: and left it and he popped the handle for me
Speaker 1: like he was a fucking best uber driver in the world.
Speaker 1: And I was just like it was just so nice
Speaker 1: because I don't usually I mean, sometimes i'll just like
Speaker 1: ask people. I'm like, I'll like the way there's like
Speaker 1: if you're in trouble, I'll be like, hey, green shirt,
Speaker 1: can you help me? Because you have to point out
Speaker 1: someone specific a lot of times. Otherwise no one's gonna
Speaker 1: help you. And people all the time, you know, as
Speaker 1: long as I'm physically people of doing it, happy to help,
Speaker 1: and that stuff is like I just don't understand why, yeah,
Speaker 1: why you can't help someone with a suitcase. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: noticed a lot on planes, well I would say maybe
Speaker 1: three out of ten flights that I take, a guy
Speaker 1: will do exactly what he did with you, like they'll
Speaker 1: he'll you won't even ask, and then I'll take it
Speaker 1: down and it's like, oh my god, that's really nice
Speaker 1: of you. Thank you, ye, because yeah, I want always
Speaker 1: want to shout out like good deeds and on the
Speaker 1: subway when people people offer me a seat, not even
Speaker 1: when they think I'm pregnant, when they just think I'm
Speaker 1: a regular girl, and like, you know what, I'll take it.
Speaker 1: I'm tired. I never accept the seed, but because I
Speaker 1: don't think, I always give up my sea when somebody
Speaker 1: older than me. One time there was two old ladies
Speaker 1: that came on and they were both standing in front
Speaker 1: of me staring at me, and they were elderly as fuck.
Speaker 1: I'm talking like leather skin like they still smoke a
Speaker 1: pack a day, badass bitches. But I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't know which one of you to give it to. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was just standing up and let
Speaker 1: him fight it out for themselves. I was getting off
Speaker 1: at the next stop, and I was like, they'll figure
Speaker 1: it out. Also when I stood up, I couldn't anywhere,
Speaker 1: but whatever. Uh, we're in North Carolina. He's licking my
Speaker 1: shoes because it's really right. Yeah, get over here. We're
Speaker 1: in North Carolina. Um, chill in UM. And I've been
Speaker 1: doing a lot of self help ship lately. You guys. Um,
Speaker 1: we're recording this. We're recording this in early February. We
Speaker 1: have to record it early because Karn and I are
Speaker 1: both separately gonna be in Los Angeles, um, and not
Speaker 1: in the same space. So um. So this intro, I'm
Speaker 1: saying it on February nine, but it's coming out March one.
Speaker 1: But we Karn and I did We did podcast. We
Speaker 1: did two people's podcast. We did Sne Alexander's podcast, which
Speaker 1: is called press End right, press End, Yes, looking incredible.
Speaker 1: I love Shane alex an incredible podcast. How she is
Speaker 1: that it was It's really good podcast. She had like
Speaker 1: only a couple episodes and we're like, Wow, you are professional, polished, professional,
Speaker 1: well dressed, which is unnecessary but a bonus because I
Speaker 1: gotta look at you. And it was I know, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, man, Chanette, you are she out does
Speaker 1: herself all the time, every single time, and it's it
Speaker 1: seems effortless. I know it does take a lot of effort,
Speaker 1: but it seems effortless. And we did Girls Gotta Eat
Speaker 1: podcasts that we did this in the same day, and
Speaker 1: we're talking a lot about I've just been reflecting lately
Speaker 1: because I've been going to these adult child meetings. We've
Speaker 1: since branched off and done smaller meetings. We go to
Speaker 1: justin Silver's house and we you know, you can't talk
Speaker 1: about what you say, but like it's it's really helpful.
Speaker 1: It's really helpful, um, kind of just making sure you
Speaker 1: hold each other accountable for stuff. I guess I've told
Speaker 1: it similar to A A cool A sounds dope. If
Speaker 1: I was an alcoholic, I definitely go there because this
Speaker 1: is a very helpful program. Um. I like the setup.
Speaker 1: But I've just been in the self help lately, I guess,
Speaker 1: and so I've been having it on the brain a
Speaker 1: lot it's exhausting thinking about. In therapy lately, I've been
Speaker 1: talking about men because and and a lot of the
Speaker 1: things I have to say I can't say on this
Speaker 1: podcast because of the circumstances. Maybe one day, I think
Speaker 1: one day I will talk about it. Um, but I
Speaker 1: have there's just unique circumstances and and for both of
Speaker 1: those instances, for both of these men, if I were
Speaker 1: to actually talk about the thing that I want to
Speaker 1: talk about, they would have to be present because I'm
Speaker 1: not going to tell for both of them. Interesting, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: well maybe one of them. No, But I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just but but you know, my life is so
Speaker 1: together in so many ways except for men, and it's
Speaker 1: kind of I don't know if it's always been I
Speaker 1: say it's always been that way, but that might be
Speaker 1: an exaggeration. I I mean, I know Stephen obviously were
Speaker 1: together for such a long time. However, and this is
Speaker 1: no fault of his. This is me, This is all me.
Speaker 1: I have been neglecting my feelings and my needs and
Speaker 1: my wants in a relationship. I really listened to the
Speaker 1: breakup episode and it was so interesting to me that
Speaker 1: I talked about my parents and how my dad would
Speaker 1: teach me to yell at him when I was mad
Speaker 1: at my mother, and I brought that up. And these
Speaker 1: are all things that we're dealing with, UM that are
Speaker 1: kind of being covered in these adult child meetings. Is
Speaker 1: you know what qualifies you to be an adult child
Speaker 1: having a dysfunctional family, but also being a people pleaser
Speaker 1: and um not knowing where to go with your feelings
Speaker 1: and all these things that I do. And so I've
Speaker 1: just I've just it's been ruminating with me. And I
Speaker 1: went to my therapist and I and I UM I
Speaker 1: was asking her the last therapy session I had, I
Speaker 1: asked her, um I I was on this Mexic Mexico retreat,
Speaker 1: and uh, I had the desire I was. There was
Speaker 1: no phones. I mean, we had our phones, but there
Speaker 1: was no internet in electricity, so I really wasn't I've
Speaker 1: deleted my social media apps, and it was really nice
Speaker 1: to just sit in my thoughts. That's the only thing
Speaker 1: you had to do. And you know, I would talk
Speaker 1: to Melissa and stuff that would be distracting and nice,
Speaker 1: but we would talk about our thoughts. So, UM, I
Speaker 1: had this desire to text one of the guys that
Speaker 1: I was seeing and I was so disappointed in myself
Speaker 1: that I wanted to after what it transpired with this person,
Speaker 1: I knew that it was not a good idea. And
Speaker 1: one thing is why I brought up those podcasts that
Speaker 1: we did that one day because on Channe Alexander's podcast,
Speaker 1: you had said that I put men on these pedestals.
Speaker 1: But what really fucked me up was when you said
Speaker 1: I protect them because I totally protect them. I didn't
Speaker 1: realize that, Oh really, yeah, even though it's so obvious,
Speaker 1: it's so obviously I protect them. Yeah, but you know,
Speaker 1: you just see like sometimes like it's very simple. I mean,
Speaker 1: like all the time, like you'll you'll you'll point out things,
Speaker 1: you know, just from spending so much time and such
Speaker 1: a unique circumstances, uh together, you'll point out stuff about
Speaker 1: me that I wouldn't necessarily know either. Yeah. It was
Speaker 1: just like, wow, I really do protect them, and you know,
Speaker 1: And I brought that back to therapy. I told I
Speaker 1: told my therapist that you said that, and I told her,
Speaker 1: like man that, yeah, that's what I do. And if
Speaker 1: we're going to relate it to a parent thing, my mom,
Speaker 1: I protect my mom with every like if anybody's ever
Speaker 1: said anything bad about her, I would want to murder them.
Speaker 1: I have said atrocious things about my mother because I
Speaker 1: don't know how to deal with my feelings and uh
Speaker 1: and also because I had the feelings, I just didn't
Speaker 1: push them down. Yeah, and I don't never think that
Speaker 1: you actually anything that you've said has been atrocious. I
Speaker 1: think that you're always like I mean, but like you're
Speaker 1: I feel like you're you know, yeah, like you know
Speaker 1: you can you can love someone and still expressed that
Speaker 1: they have caused you pain or failed you in some
Speaker 1: ways and they are not at all a failure as
Speaker 1: a power parent, you know, those are those are different things,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't have to But it was bad. But
Speaker 1: in my household, it was always don't tell mom, I
Speaker 1: you really feel it's gonna kill herself. Oh, I didn't
Speaker 1: know that. I didn't know that. Did your dad say
Speaker 1: that to you? I said that to my dad and
Speaker 1: when I was I mean, I was my brother and
Speaker 1: I would say that to each other when we were kids.
Speaker 1: Well that's okay because you guys are kids and now
Speaker 1: and even when we're teenagers. Me, I was like, I
Speaker 1: was just like, that's just like your dad didn't say
Speaker 1: that no, no, no, my dad, I said that. But
Speaker 1: my dad wasn't like hey hey, hey, hey hey, because
Speaker 1: he didn't know what we didn't. We don't know what
Speaker 1: I mean. He protected my mother and he and he
Speaker 1: still does. The thing is, it's so strange because my
Speaker 1: mother isn't the way she was in her mind is
Speaker 1: not She's not manipulative like she She does have these tendencies,
Speaker 1: but she's not. Um. There were so many moments I
Speaker 1: would say, when I was like twenty three and younger,
Speaker 1: where she maybe even twenty five and younger maybe now,
Speaker 1: to where she just really was not nice to me. Um,
Speaker 1: And well that's kind of like the mom daughter dynamic.
Speaker 1: That's kind of so fascinating, right, But her mental illness
Speaker 1: was really she was at the grips of it when
Speaker 1: I was up until I was in college, I would say.
Speaker 1: And then after that it really because she switched her
Speaker 1: men's and she was better. But but you know, my
Speaker 1: brother and I would say that, and I know my
Speaker 1: brother's it's so funny my brother, all my brother's girlfriends,
Speaker 1: I would always watch them all be so confused by
Speaker 1: how we treat our mom, like so confused about how
Speaker 1: I remember Alana. We were at a beat the beach
Speaker 1: house one year and Alana was like, why do you
Speaker 1: guys protect her? And my brother and I are like,
Speaker 1: you don't understand she you know. And we we said like,
Speaker 1: you don't tell mom you really feels she might kill herself,
Speaker 1: Like that's that's the thing that's in the back of
Speaker 1: our heads. And so that's a fucked up way to live. Um.
Speaker 1: And and so I was asking my therapist, Uh, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I said, why did I I'm really disappointed
Speaker 1: to myself that I had this desire to text this guy, um,
Speaker 1: because I just wish I could have you know, I
Speaker 1: had it in my head that I didn't want to
Speaker 1: do that. And she goes, well, my we had we
Speaker 1: were having a really intense session as it was, and
Speaker 1: she said, um, my therapy brain is telling me to
Speaker 1: lead you in one direction, but my emotional brain is
Speaker 1: really wants to ask you a question. So do you
Speaker 1: mind if I ask you this question? And I said sure,
Speaker 1: and she goes, do you think that texting this guy
Speaker 1: was you checking in to make sure your mother is okay?
Speaker 1: And and I, Uh, that hit a nerve. It was
Speaker 1: the craziest experience feeling I've I think I've ever felt
Speaker 1: in my life in this therapy session. When she asked
Speaker 1: me that question, I started crying and I was like maybe.
Speaker 1: And then I kind of moved switched to my body
Speaker 1: language completely and I wanted to move on to another topic,
Speaker 1: and she said, she goes, do you mind if we
Speaker 1: keep you there in that space that you were just in, um,
Speaker 1: because you felt very present? And I said, I said, okay,
Speaker 1: because I really trust this woman and yeah, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I want to meet her. She's incredible. She's
Speaker 1: retiring and I cried so hard when she told me
Speaker 1: that I would love to have her on the podcast
Speaker 1: after she retires. So it's conflict of interest until then,
Speaker 1: Oh no, of course it is, yeah, but afterwards, oh
Speaker 1: my god, um, and she goes, do you mind going
Speaker 1: back to this place? And we talk a lot about
Speaker 1: when I feel things, where do I feel in my
Speaker 1: body and stuff and and breathing. Everybody always says, go
Speaker 1: back to your breath, go back to your breath, but
Speaker 1: that is true because when I get when I when
Speaker 1: she said, is that you checking up on your mother?
Speaker 1: I stopped breathing. I stopped breathing. I hold my stomach
Speaker 1: really tight. I think that's why I have stomach issues
Speaker 1: and um. And she said, you know, on cross your legs,
Speaker 1: sit in the chair and go back to that space.
Speaker 1: And I did and I and I was holding my breath.
Speaker 1: She goes, you're holding your breath and I didn't realize it.
Speaker 1: And then she goes, can you breathe in? Can you breathe?
Speaker 1: Like just breathe into this? And I did. It felt
Speaker 1: like it was it felt like magic was happening. I
Speaker 1: blacked out even though my eyes were open. And and
Speaker 1: I and I and I went into this place that
Speaker 1: I've never been before. And I feel like it was
Speaker 1: like going into like a really dark corner of my mind.
Speaker 1: And and she was asking me to envision my family
Speaker 1: and she goes, what do they look like? And I
Speaker 1: go that I feel like I'm the child in an
Speaker 1: m Night Shamlan movie and my teacher is asking me
Speaker 1: to draw a picture of my family. And the camera
Speaker 1: cuts the piece of paper and it's the most terrifying
Speaker 1: thing you've ever seen in your life. That's how it feels.
Speaker 1: And she goes good. She goes good, I what else?
Speaker 1: What else do you feel? And I kept describing these
Speaker 1: things that I felt in the most Edgar Allan Poe
Speaker 1: esque way. I've never been that articulate. There's never been
Speaker 1: that close of a match between what I felt and
Speaker 1: what I said in my life. It was the I
Speaker 1: felt the biggest shift. It was the most I can't
Speaker 1: I can't explain it better than that. It was really
Speaker 1: really nuts, And I was in that space for probably
Speaker 1: maybe ten minut it's and then I went back, you know,
Speaker 1: the session ended, but she it was just like, um,
Speaker 1: it was. It was wild. And it made me realize
Speaker 1: that in these moments that that I feel deep pain
Speaker 1: are also the moments that I feel the most alive.
Speaker 1: And I'm realizing that. And I don't need adderall or
Speaker 1: alcohol or marijuana to numb myself. I've managed to develop
Speaker 1: a mechanism to numb myself sober, and I think that
Speaker 1: why I feel so alive in these sad moments, And
Speaker 1: like it kind of feels twisted a little bit because
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, shouldn't I feel live when I'm really
Speaker 1: happy too? And sometimes I do. But that's my concern,
Speaker 1: like a common concern for artists, you know, that's like
Speaker 1: the tide talk that I love from the woman who wrote, eat, pray,
Speaker 1: love is like you know, kind of like because there
Speaker 1: is this fear as an artist that you can only
Speaker 1: create or feel alive when you are in pain. Did
Speaker 1: you did you run that by your therapists that notion?
Speaker 1: Or yeah I did? I did? And she said what
Speaker 1: she was talking about me just numbing myself And how
Speaker 1: chasing excitement is a is a UM on the A
Speaker 1: c A website. Um, We're addicted to excitement. That's how
Speaker 1: I always have felt. I've viewsed that phrase before. I'm
Speaker 1: addicted to excitement UM because it makes you feel alive
Speaker 1: and you're because you don't feel alive um anywhere else
Speaker 1: and and uh, I'm trying to I took all down
Speaker 1: all these notes because I left the therapy session feeling
Speaker 1: like I was supposed to be walking around with three
Speaker 1: legs my entire life, and I finally got the third leg.
Speaker 1: That's why it feels like when I feel like I
Speaker 1: was in a time machine. When I was in the chair,
Speaker 1: like I feel I felt myself like back to the
Speaker 1: future esque, like just like in light speed goes somewhere else,
Speaker 1: it was past past or future past? Right? Okay? Can
Speaker 1: I can I ask you a question? Just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: so I know why was it? Why was it that
Speaker 1: question that because I know who this person is, just
Speaker 1: like knowing this other, like knowing what the person isn't
Speaker 1: knowing what what went went down? Why how is that
Speaker 1: related to checking on your mind? Yeah, you can explain
Speaker 1: that without giving away No, no, no, it's totally fine
Speaker 1: because in reality has nothing to do with this guy.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter because I don't know why you want
Speaker 1: to protect that guy. It's basically my Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: one of the reasons why her words when she said
Speaker 1: that it resonated with me is because I've been doing
Speaker 1: all this work on myself lately. So one of the
Speaker 1: things on the adult Child website is that we're confusing
Speaker 1: pity with love. But what I mean by that is
Speaker 1: you you love somebody you can pity. Okay, so you
Speaker 1: love somebody who needs your help. You look so so
Speaker 1: meaning I'm not looking for a wounded bird here. But
Speaker 1: if I find a bird and we connect, and then
Speaker 1: the bird shows me the wounds I attached to the wounds,
Speaker 1: I don't know why I want to help the person.
Speaker 1: So it's it's this this I feel like the way
Speaker 1: I can love you is by fixing you kind of thing.
Speaker 1: But I don't look I don't look out for broken people.
Speaker 1: I just want to meet people. Um, I I don't know.
Speaker 1: I guess maybe I am and I don't realize it,
Speaker 1: but um, I think I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: do that. Yeah, but it's really exhaust sting. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: the reason why it hit me so hard is because
Speaker 1: I I'm using all my energy and I'm giving it
Speaker 1: to other people, all of it, every fucking little ounce
Speaker 1: of it. Well, I mean, yeah, exactly same, And I
Speaker 1: mean I'm not doing it because I'm not doing it
Speaker 1: for the same reasons is as you, But I mean
Speaker 1: like giving other people energy And then I'm like why,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't. I can't even answer them, right why,
Speaker 1: I don't know. And I think I've been doing that
Speaker 1: since I was so little that I don't even realize it.
Speaker 1: So the um the pity thing I pitied my I've
Speaker 1: never I've always struggled with feeling so bad for a
Speaker 1: person and loving them so much and also admiring their
Speaker 1: strength all those three categories first places my mom and
Speaker 1: all three categories and that's a lot of It's very
Speaker 1: confusing and so um that's why when she said I'm
Speaker 1: checking on my mom, it just made me so sad.
Speaker 1: It made me sad that the little girl in me
Speaker 1: is still sneaking in the mom's room to her crying
Speaker 1: and just looking in and crying herself like that. That's
Speaker 1: you know, that's what's happening. And a lot of inner
Speaker 1: We do a lot of inner child work with my
Speaker 1: therapist and UM and it's so fucking helpful. And that
Speaker 1: I think I mentioned this on the podcast when she
Speaker 1: had me talked to my six year old self, what
Speaker 1: would you tell her? And then eventually I blurted out,
Speaker 1: I would tell her she's it's not her job to
Speaker 1: be the mommy, um, because you know, because that's what
Speaker 1: I thought, that was the burden that I was carrying
Speaker 1: as a child. I put that up myself. So I
Speaker 1: feel like a weight was lifted when she did that.
Speaker 1: I don't know. And and the other thing is she
Speaker 1: had to me take a deep breath. And whenever I
Speaker 1: get like that, I do not breathe at all. Um,
Speaker 1: I barely, like I just like suck aaron through my teeth.
Speaker 1: It's weird, Like I'm not breathing, barely breathing, right, now
Speaker 1: you could probably tell my boys. But um yeah, that
Speaker 1: was just like a shift, like like I'm a rubic
Speaker 1: cube and I and it twisted one step closer to
Speaker 1: all the colors being on each side. Um. And it
Speaker 1: was just the gnarliest fucking thing I've ever experienced in
Speaker 1: my life. I feel different. I feel like a different person.
Speaker 1: I feel like, um, I feel like I met my
Speaker 1: adult self for the first time. Wow. Yeah, well this
Speaker 1: therapist is I know, it's crazy fucking amazing. Well and
Speaker 1: she also I feel like a star student too, because
Speaker 1: she uh, she she doesn't tell me that exactly, but
Speaker 1: she's like, you really are fervent about getting better, Like
Speaker 1: you're really diligent about it and really concerned about it
Speaker 1: and consumed consumed by you know, not in an unhealthy
Speaker 1: way yet hopefully never. But um but yeah, that's an
Speaker 1: interesting comment because actually my therapist gave me a similar comment.
Speaker 1: And like every week week when I come back and
Speaker 1: have done whatever she asked me to do, she's always surprised.
Speaker 1: And I go, but you asked me to do that,
Speaker 1: and she goes, I know I asked you to, but
Speaker 1: she's like, she's like, you don't have to. When I go, well,
Speaker 1: why would I waste my money in time? I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is not cheap and I have lots of other
Speaker 1: things to do with my time besides talked to a
Speaker 1: semi stranger, so why would I be doing that? Exactly?
Speaker 1: We are very busy people. I just I mean, for anyone,
Speaker 1: I don't understand, and like, you know, I have lots
Speaker 1: of friends who are therapists too, and the same thing.
Speaker 1: It's like, uh, you know, I think people you know
Speaker 1: are maybe ready to take this step up going to
Speaker 1: a therapist, but aren't actually willing to do the work.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like why why do that? You
Speaker 1: go to an a a meeting and then have a
Speaker 1: drink after. I just don't understand what the point is,
Speaker 1: because like I can understand not being ready, but like
Speaker 1: to waste your time and then still be subborn about it,
Speaker 1: That's the that's the confusing part. There's also things like
Speaker 1: I've done things before in the past where I I
Speaker 1: feel guilty that I'm not working on something, so I
Speaker 1: feel like I should but I'm not ready to. But
Speaker 1: actually I have married those two things yet, so that
Speaker 1: I'll say I'm going to do it and then I'll
Speaker 1: get I'll beat myself up for not succeeding in it
Speaker 1: or not doing it well, whatever the funk. That's people
Speaker 1: who beat themselves up as of a tendency to do that.
Speaker 1: But um, and the other thing that I that I
Speaker 1: realized I didn't do. I said this on Shane's podcast.
Speaker 1: I think I forget you such a good guy's gotta
Speaker 1: listen to it is you know we're you and I
Speaker 1: are very goal oriented humans. Like I. I always have goals.
Speaker 1: I always have career goals, education goals, volunteer like goals
Speaker 1: for everything. Friendship like I work on my friendships like
Speaker 1: I really want to work on being a great friend
Speaker 1: and making sure that's really fun things with my friends
Speaker 1: when we can and be working at the right amount.
Speaker 1: I have never once sat down and thought about what
Speaker 1: I wanted in a man. Oh really, not once. I
Speaker 1: just I I don't even think about it. I just like, oh,
Speaker 1: whatever happens happens, and I look. That is a great attitude.
Speaker 1: But I think you also have to be clear, just
Speaker 1: within within yourself of what are the qualities that I want.
Speaker 1: When I was in high school, I was like, I
Speaker 1: just want a guys like Tan and has tattatos like
Speaker 1: the fucking means nothing now, um. And so there's so
Speaker 1: many there are so many qualities that I would like
Speaker 1: in a guy that I never even thought to brainstorm.
Speaker 1: So that's my next homework assignments. I have to brainstorm.
Speaker 1: But just to be clear, because then when you meet
Speaker 1: somebody who doesn't check any of those boxes. Checking boxes
Speaker 1: I always thought was like, you know, when you meet
Speaker 1: someone like it doesn't matter, but there's certain things that
Speaker 1: you can't settle. There are certain things well, and I
Speaker 1: think another thing that we've talked about a couple of
Speaker 1: times is that we so often are thinking about what
Speaker 1: we do want in a partner. But another way to
Speaker 1: look at it that's can sometimes be more helpful is
Speaker 1: to make a list of like hard nose like things
Speaker 1: that you definitely cannot have in a partner Like I
Speaker 1: I have those, uh for sure, but I feel like
Speaker 1: you've you know, for you, it's like you definitely need
Speaker 1: someone who's like very emotionally in touch with themselves, yes,
Speaker 1: but not a mess. I'll confuse that, oh you you
Speaker 1: you confuse someone who is showing a lot of emotions
Speaker 1: as someone who is emotionally in touch, right, right, right,
Speaker 1: so that's the gout to not do well because an
Speaker 1: emotionally in touch person can actually not show a ton
Speaker 1: of emotions, which not necessarily Um, and that's actually probably
Speaker 1: prefer because we both can't be trying all the time,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, but uh uh what you said something
Speaker 1: else um podcast that I wanted to I know. I
Speaker 1: was like, we should just release that on ours. That
Speaker 1: was a good wine. Yeah, well you know what, because
Speaker 1: I just love her so much that I was like,
Speaker 1: I'll give you sometimes sometimes, like when I'm on a podcast,
Speaker 1: I'll save the good content for our podcast totally. But
Speaker 1: that day and girls Gotta Eat, I was like, I
Speaker 1: love both you guys. I know. Yeah, we'll give you
Speaker 1: some gents, we'll give you some exclusive we'll do a
Speaker 1: good job. Yeah, but listen to that because there's something
Speaker 1: else that was said that I was like, oh man,
Speaker 1: because you had said it and uh, I forget what
Speaker 1: it was, but um, you know, and also like I
Speaker 1: know now from dating, you know from my past that
Speaker 1: I don't want oh this is what you said. This
Speaker 1: is what you said. It's not weak to want to
Speaker 1: be in a relationship and want to be in love.
Speaker 1: It's a weak thing to make that clear, because I've
Speaker 1: been setting up between desperate and not and you can
Speaker 1: always smell it, even though people say they can't. Every
Speaker 1: human being listening to this can tell when someone's being
Speaker 1: spirit and someone's not. Everybody can so, but you don't
Speaker 1: specify that. But um I when you said that, I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, you know what, You're right. I feel
Speaker 1: like I I'm I pretend to be so cool about
Speaker 1: this ship. I really do, and not even on this podcast,
Speaker 1: just in front of my to my friends, to you,
Speaker 1: to my parents, I pretend to be fly as funk
Speaker 1: when it comes to my the way I'm dating, Like
Speaker 1: I don't really care. Yeah, I don't care. I just
Speaker 1: pretend to be just fucking James Dean motherfucker about the
Speaker 1: area where I'm least cool. For sure, I think everybody's
Speaker 1: the least. Not that I consider myself super cool, uh
Speaker 1: to begin with, but I mean I I kind of
Speaker 1: consider myself to be pretty fucking cool. But with men,
Speaker 1: it's like, that's not how I feel. That doesn't match
Speaker 1: how I actually feel. Stop trying to put on this
Speaker 1: fucking mask because you don't. You don't really think like that, Christina,
Speaker 1: And I'm I'm telling like I'm talking about like conversations
Speaker 1: I'll have with Melissa, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: even that I feel like I'm putting on a face
Speaker 1: and that's so stupid. Um, So I'm gonna stop doing
Speaker 1: that because I do, I really value I am the
Speaker 1: kind of person who I just I just really love
Speaker 1: love a lot. Well, I think the key is like
Speaker 1: when you think, like, Okay, so because I've been thinking
Speaker 1: about bout we're so deep into feminism now that we
Speaker 1: that I have been trying to be um, really cognizant
Speaker 1: of not just being like like the answer is always feminism.
Speaker 1: So I try to think of things like and ways
Speaker 1: that feminism could possibly be failing us. And I think
Speaker 1: there are several and to be aware of them. And
Speaker 1: I think one of them is that it with this
Speaker 1: like you know, you know, be alone, you don't need
Speaker 1: a man. But the thing is like, it's not a
Speaker 1: relationship is not about a man. We only think of
Speaker 1: it because we are a sectual women. But I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, think of if you just if you make
Speaker 1: it genderless, then you and you use and you use partner,
Speaker 1: which I hate because it feels like it sounds it's annoyingly. Well,
Speaker 1: I hate it in the way that people use it,
Speaker 1: which is in like a you know, a Rachel Dratch
Speaker 1: lover well a kind of way. But when you think
Speaker 1: of partner as what it really means, as in like
Speaker 1: it is just a genderless person who is going to
Speaker 1: be kind of like the you're not other half. But
Speaker 1: the person who uh makes makes you better, brings out
Speaker 1: your best qualities, is your teammate that kind of a thing,
Speaker 1: then it makes it a lot easier uh to digest.
Speaker 1: And I think also uh success like you you always
Speaker 1: hear uh really successful people uh or talk or write
Speaker 1: about how you know they were so blinders on, goal
Speaker 1: oriented and then they finally got the thing you know,
Speaker 1: I'm talking career wized that they were looking for. And
Speaker 1: then it feels very lonely at the top if you
Speaker 1: don't have someone to share that success with. So and
Speaker 1: because I am so obsessed with celebrity, not even being
Speaker 1: I just love I love celebrity. I love. That's why
Speaker 1: I love Andy Warhol because he is someone who was
Speaker 1: like shamelessly obsessed with celebrity the way I am. And
Speaker 1: but I've always been really aware of the negative parts too.
Speaker 1: Um and so I always like kept that that in
Speaker 1: the back of my head and I didn't understand it then,
Speaker 1: but I always had it in the back of my head.
Speaker 1: And now and again this is like still like a
Speaker 1: low level of success, but I understand it now so clearly.
Speaker 1: So I can only imagine how like a super megastar
Speaker 1: must fight seen what was the most famous person I've
Speaker 1: ever seen? Britney spears well out on the street and like, man,
Speaker 1: you just you, you feel like you. If I didn't
Speaker 1: see his face, I would have felt that it was
Speaker 1: him because he just had like it's just crazy for me,
Speaker 1: big Justin Bieber, I guess is the most famous person
Speaker 1: I've ever Yeah, he's super famous. Yeah, I mean, I mean,
Speaker 1: like truly was you know, I would describe the meeting
Speaker 1: he was damaged. I mean I I I said high
Speaker 1: and I walked away because I was like, this poor
Speaker 1: guy has been through He's taken too much from him.
Speaker 1: He doesn't and as much as I wanted to meet
Speaker 1: him and take a picture, I was like if I
Speaker 1: was like, if I love him as much as I
Speaker 1: say I do, which is I do? I was like,
Speaker 1: I just can't. I can't take any more from him.
Speaker 1: He needs he needs space. Um. But yeah, and also
Speaker 1: the story about the therapy. I was like, I have
Speaker 1: you you've seen love actually right, yeah, I've told you
Speaker 1: this a couple of times. That there's one one I
Speaker 1: always getting mixed up with the holiday. Well that actually
Speaker 1: is who Grant right? Yes, yes, yes, yes, correct, yes
Speaker 1: Grant yeah, Grant annoys me. Um. And but it's just
Speaker 1: really like the one there's this one character I can't
Speaker 1: remember the actors in a really good actor Laura mean
Speaker 1: it's I think it's Laura Linney. Yeah, I'm prettyure it'
Speaker 1: Laura Linney. So she plays a character and her relationship
Speaker 1: with her her brother who is in um what is
Speaker 1: the proper word a mental health facility? Like commit he's
Speaker 1: committed Um that relationship. I mean I saw this years
Speaker 1: ago and it reminded me of your relationship with your
Speaker 1: with your mom and and in that movie. I like
Speaker 1: that cleared it up a lot. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is like there's literally watched there's literally a moment
Speaker 1: when there's a I in her office who she's obsessed with,
Speaker 1: and this guy is like lore Lenny is beautiful, but
Speaker 1: this guy is fucking the hot. He's out of early visually,
Speaker 1: not personality wise at all. Um and so yeah, and
Speaker 1: she finally goes on a date with him, it goes
Speaker 1: well like they're literally about to have sex and her
Speaker 1: and the theme like her brother keeps calling. Um and
Speaker 1: throughout the whole movie, he keeps calling and they're literally
Speaker 1: about to have sex, and the like she stops having
Speaker 1: sex with this guy or about like he's about to
Speaker 1: put it into to answer the phone, because she is
Speaker 1: always there for her brother and like, I remember there
Speaker 1: have been times when like we've been like literally like
Speaker 1: recording the podcast or something, and like your mom calls
Speaker 1: and even if you don't pick up, your attention is
Speaker 1: like gone, that's that was a couple of years ago,
Speaker 1: I will say. But like and so that's the only reason.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, oh, maybe like if you
Speaker 1: saw another care Yeah, yeah, it because like you want
Speaker 1: to be like no, like give time to yourself. But
Speaker 1: then it's like you can't. Yeah, I don't know, I've
Speaker 1: never I haven't been. I didn't live your childhood, so
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know what to say. It's like, um,
Speaker 1: when you know, if I'm gonna forget the word and
Speaker 1: all the technoks listening to me, you're gonna be screaming
Speaker 1: into your speakers. But partitioning a hard drive, that's what
Speaker 1: it is. You can partition a hard drive when you
Speaker 1: buy a computer to do half to be Mac, um,
Speaker 1: like you can. You can devote half of your hard
Speaker 1: drive to a Mac desktop on that and then you
Speaker 1: can partition and devote or whatever of your of your
Speaker 1: hard drive space to two windows. And I feel like, um,
Speaker 1: I I don't know how to partition my brain to
Speaker 1: balance the fact that bad things and good things happen
Speaker 1: and everything is both bad and good. Um. It's really
Speaker 1: difficult because I love my mother so much, and even
Speaker 1: still when she calls, you know, and like I said,
Speaker 1: late the past couple of years, she's been fucking so
Speaker 1: great and so like mentally her mental state has been
Speaker 1: pretty great, and I'm so happy for that. But when
Speaker 1: she answers the phone like hey, honey, how are you
Speaker 1: I I I take a breath of like a sigh
Speaker 1: of relief. And then when she answers the phone like
Speaker 1: hey I, just every cell in my body cringes and
Speaker 1: I can't. That's why I was so obsessed with you're
Speaker 1: either a good person or a bad person like I
Speaker 1: I you can't be both, but you can be both.
Speaker 1: I'm saying my mom is good and bad, But I'm
Speaker 1: just saying there's anxiety and unpredictable people I've had, Like
Speaker 1: I had a teacher in middle school who her personality
Speaker 1: was very unpredictable and like it would give everyone anxiety
Speaker 1: to go into that class because you don't know if
Speaker 1: she's gonna missus Hughes is going to be in a
Speaker 1: good mood. And I can say, because I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: she's dead, Um, it's going to be in a good
Speaker 1: mood where it's in a day that's going to be
Speaker 1: the day that she fucking flings coffee on not everyone's papers. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that was an that guy, Wait, she would
Speaker 1: do that. I got burnet middle school. That was an
Speaker 1: unsafe situation you had, I mean yeah, and she was
Speaker 1: obviously I mean she was probably mentally ill for sure,
Speaker 1: and she had had some kind of a stroke or
Speaker 1: something and was like and I mean not in class,
Speaker 1: but like you know was and there was like, you know,
Speaker 1: a legend about her where she was a you know,
Speaker 1: used to be like a beauty queen, like you know,
Speaker 1: it was the John Benett's type but lived and like
Speaker 1: that's good and so uh but I mean, I just
Speaker 1: remember and I had not really had much experience being
Speaker 1: around someone like that, and everyone's like and I also
Speaker 1: like friends that I have who are really unpredictable with
Speaker 1: how they're gonna be personalitised, they don't remain my friends
Speaker 1: for long because just for I really can't handle that.
Speaker 1: You're much better at handling that good at it. I
Speaker 1: need a real predictable personality and someone like I can't.
Speaker 1: I just I can't. I don't know how to deal
Speaker 1: with that. M someone set me up on a blind date.
Speaker 1: If you're listening and you have someone really good and
Speaker 1: they're a firefighter or not a fight and they're a firefighter,
Speaker 1: I gotta make a list of what I want. But
Speaker 1: whatever I will, it's a firefighter at the top now,
Speaker 1: because I did go on a day with a firefighter
Speaker 1: and just because they're a firefighter doesn't mean they're great.
Speaker 1: He wasn't bad, but I was, like, I just feel
Speaker 1: like a lot yeah, and also like you like you
Speaker 1: like to and not again, this is just like a stereotype,
Speaker 1: but a lot of like blue collar workers are not
Speaker 1: gonna you know, be as interested in like right social issues.
Speaker 1: I know, and that's fine, and that's great, and I
Speaker 1: love having bringing opposite things at the table. Just like
Speaker 1: a fucking liberal enough fedor is not going to be
Speaker 1: able to build a shelf for you, and that's totally fine.
Speaker 1: And again, these are all stereotypes, but they're pretty true. Um,
Speaker 1: And I would love to fucking blue collar guys I
Speaker 1: really like a lot. I like them. And maybe that's
Speaker 1: the dad thing because my dad's I like them and
Speaker 1: so is my brother. Ultimately, I can't see it working
Speaker 1: out for me. Yeah, with those, we'll see that. My
Speaker 1: idea was like, oh, I want a blue collar comedian,
Speaker 1: not an actual like Jeff Fox, like like Dan Soder.
Speaker 1: I would say, is like blue collar ish you think
Speaker 1: you can fix something? I don't. Um, I think he
Speaker 1: could if he if he went on that path, if
Speaker 1: he didn't become a comedian, he would know to build
Speaker 1: a shelf. I'm saying, let's set up an obstacle course
Speaker 1: for comedians and see who you can fix something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because James was one of my main things, I was, Oh,
Speaker 1: he can fix it, he can fix things. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is perfect, this is great. Um, alright, guys. So, uh,
Speaker 1: we have been chatting a long time, but that's because
Speaker 1: we can do whatever the funk we want. Our episode
Speaker 1: only uh, every couple of episodes, or maybe not every
Speaker 1: couple of months. Maybe we're gonna do an email episode
Speaker 1: because people really want to know what's in our inbox
Speaker 1: and this gives us the appropriate amount of time to
Speaker 1: go through it. Not rush uh an answer, especially not
Speaker 1: now that we're not doing the bonus episodes anymore. Again,
Speaker 1: there's been a couple of changes. I announced it on
Speaker 1: the final episode that would have been the final episode,
Speaker 1: but a lot of people have been asking. So just
Speaker 1: if you are wondering, I wasn't joking when I said
Speaker 1: was the last one. And again, we're gonna have other things.
Speaker 1: You know, at a certain point, it's just time to
Speaker 1: like change, shut up and so and do new things
Speaker 1: and spend time on other things that will be equally exciting,
Speaker 1: and we will share with you as soon as they're done. Um.
Speaker 1: So this first email, this is the one you me
Speaker 1: to read, right, the first one. Yeah, it's called I
Speaker 1: accidentally Pete on my fiance Oops, Hiker and Christina. My
Speaker 1: name is blah blah blah, I love your podcast. My
Speaker 1: fiance and I have been listening for about two years now.
Speaker 1: It has encouraged us to be more adventurous and all
Speaker 1: that jazz. But seriously, thank you, You're welcome. We saw
Speaker 1: you guys quite a few months ago on your bridget
Speaker 1: Bishop to where me loved your show. Christina actually made
Speaker 1: fun of us for taking engagement photos. I've attached one
Speaker 1: of our more corny pictures. You know, all my friends
Speaker 1: have gotten them, so I just got to accept them
Speaker 1: from that from here, um, so let's get to the
Speaker 1: good stuff. Last weekend, I accidentally pete on my fiance
Speaker 1: while sleep. I thought, this is like I came and
Speaker 1: then I beat or Okay, well yeah I've done that.
Speaker 1: I mean more as a more as a child, I
Speaker 1: had a very bad bed wedding problem. I've paid on
Speaker 1: my brother for sure, non sexually. Um. Throughout my life,
Speaker 1: when I need to use the bathroom while asleep, I
Speaker 1: have had these extremely vivid dreams where I get out
Speaker 1: of bed and go to the bathroom, except I don't.
Speaker 1: I've always woke myself up before actually peeing due to
Speaker 1: noticing something odd about the bathroom. Therefore, I've never actually
Speaker 1: what the bet as an adult until now. It was
Speaker 1: four in the morning. After having one of those bathroom dreams.
Speaker 1: I woke up on top of my fiance. I often
Speaker 1: sleep on top of him. What uh, one of the
Speaker 1: guy know, it's kind of fun, It's sweet sleeping. I've
Speaker 1: never like stune it a whole night, but I've taken
Speaker 1: a nap on top of a man I bear. Oh,
Speaker 1: I like like head and top on chest, but the
Speaker 1: full one it just feels weird. Um. Let's see, his
Speaker 1: shorts were soaked in urine and he was still sound asleep.
Speaker 1: After quickly deciding what to do next, should I change
Speaker 1: my underwear rints off and let him take the blame.
Speaker 1: I know I'm a terrible person for even thinking about
Speaker 1: Everyone would have thought about that, but but don't. It
Speaker 1: says that everyone's piecemell different. I don't know. I smell
Speaker 1: my own pie, but I didn't actually do it. I
Speaker 1: ended up waking him up, telling him what happened, and
Speaker 1: walking my sleepy fiance to the shower. Some backstory. We
Speaker 1: were staying at my sister's house that night. I had
Speaker 1: never done laundry before in my life, and my sister's
Speaker 1: laundry room was located right next to her bedroom. Okay,
Speaker 1: back to the story. I stripped to the bed, put
Speaker 1: the sheets in the washer, and started the search in
Speaker 1: the cabinets for laundry detergent. Then my sister's husband showed
Speaker 1: up in the doorway. After trying to hide what was
Speaker 1: going on by not letting him open the washer, in
Speaker 1: a fit of laughter, I eventually told him what happened,
Speaker 1: and he taught me how to do laundry. Put the
Speaker 1: soap and run the water, and then put in laundry.
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of people are throwing shade
Speaker 1: at you right now, girl, but I also do not
Speaker 1: know how to do the laundry. It's the one thing
Speaker 1: I never learned and at this point probably won't um.
Speaker 1: The next day, I told my best friend the story,
Speaker 1: and she said she had also ped the bed as
Speaker 1: an adult due to one of these dreams. Lucky for her,
Speaker 1: she was not on top of another human being. She
Speaker 1: was in her own apartment and she did know how
Speaker 1: to do laundry. Well, she's great. I'm emailing for two reasons.
Speaker 1: I thought you would enjoy the story, and I wondered
Speaker 1: if this was something that was fairly common, or do
Speaker 1: you think I need to talk to someone about this.
Speaker 1: Just you know, alcohol was not involved in my incident
Speaker 1: or my best friend's incident. Thank you for all you do, Okay,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say. I was like, I have one
Speaker 1: time p the bed as an adult and it was
Speaker 1: alcohol related and and that I mean, that's a time
Speaker 1: when you're when you're like, I mean this was years ago,
Speaker 1: I was eating frank and you're like, holy shit, like
Speaker 1: this is this is a time for reflection. I think
Speaker 1: when you pay your pay your bed due to a substance,
Speaker 1: and like it's a thing that you see. You know,
Speaker 1: we saw it in a Star is Born remake. We
Speaker 1: saw it, and you see it in a lot of
Speaker 1: like rocker movies. And also it's usually a guy, and
Speaker 1: for some reason, the woman always like accepts it when
Speaker 1: a guy does it. But then like if you saw
Speaker 1: in a woman with a movie where a woman did it,
Speaker 1: it would be like repulsive. And I just want to
Speaker 1: point that out. Um, I'm repost when it's either person,
Speaker 1: including myself, and then you're like, what the fund did
Speaker 1: I do? Um? And uh? And I did Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: It's It's one of the times when I was just like, oh, yeah, Frank,
Speaker 1: you should be very pissed at me right now for
Speaker 1: getting p on you. It was my own thank god,
Speaker 1: but like I mean it was due to alcohol. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's yeah, you guys was it was like what the
Speaker 1: funk is going on? And I don't even know why
Speaker 1: I had just I had never done that before, never
Speaker 1: done it since, like crazy. I think with with with her,
Speaker 1: she's having a dream that she's seeing. That's that's gotta
Speaker 1: be what it is like for her. I think you
Speaker 1: should see some kind of a therapist because uh more so.
Speaker 1: Not not that peeing isn't such a huge deal, but
Speaker 1: like I'm always worried with sleep disorders that you're gonna
Speaker 1: do something that's gonna hurt yourself for someone else, obviously,
Speaker 1: Christine and I just saw my show and he has
Speaker 1: a really bad sleep disorder when he has to slip
Speaker 1: himself up in like a fucking sleep sleeping bag. So
Speaker 1: his like, so what he doesn't like murder you know,
Speaker 1: living things while he's a sleep And then he telled
Speaker 1: in his one man show. He told these stories about
Speaker 1: how women have murdered their husbands and children, and men
Speaker 1: have murdered their children and wives sleep disorder because they
Speaker 1: thought that they were beating them up and then they
Speaker 1: thought they were a monster. Ye yeah, I mean that
Speaker 1: is terrible. So not not to scare you more, and
Speaker 1: obviously it's not, but I know that's something a sleep disorder.
Speaker 1: Sleep disorders are really serious. Even sleep apneau. People don't
Speaker 1: realize how serious sleep disorders are and how bad for
Speaker 1: your health they are and how important getting a proper
Speaker 1: night sleep is to uh to your life. So yeah,
Speaker 1: just go see a therapist. It's something to be ashamed about,
Speaker 1: because I think the urine makes you a little bit
Speaker 1: ashamed when you shouldn't be. But really, just think of
Speaker 1: this is like, oh, I have some kind of a
Speaker 1: sleep disorder and figure it out. Yeah, and you're an
Speaker 1: insurance should definitely cover that if you have it, and
Speaker 1: if not, hopefully you can find some kind of like
Speaker 1: a sliding scale therapist because I don't know exactly what
Speaker 1: type of therapist you would go do, but that that's
Speaker 1: something you can find only if you google some therapist
Speaker 1: that do dream ship totally. Um, so I definitely want
Speaker 1: to get to this email and then the next one
Speaker 1: you have to read, oh my god, um okay, subject
Speaker 1: line why can I only get an erection with girls
Speaker 1: I don't like. Hey, guys, you two are so fucking funny.
Speaker 1: You rock. Please don't use my name. You can call
Speaker 1: me Frank. Okay, that's what he said. So I have
Speaker 1: a rather concerning problem on a twenty five year old
Speaker 1: guy who slept around quite a bit, almost always with
Speaker 1: a random women who I either don't care about or
Speaker 1: actually find them like, or actually find unlikable. Just because
Speaker 1: if I'm just trying to have sex for the sake
Speaker 1: of sex of having sex, I don't really discriminate when
Speaker 1: it comes to personality. That makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1: Thanks for being honest. I hope it don't sound like
Speaker 1: a total dick. You don't, uh Now, I've actually had
Speaker 1: a lot of really great sex with these many women
Speaker 1: whom I didn't know and or don't like. I easily
Speaker 1: get an erection, we have sex, and we quite often
Speaker 1: come at the same time, which is cool. Okay, So
Speaker 1: here's the problem. There have been a couple of women
Speaker 1: who I actually really liked slash had a big crush
Speaker 1: on on uh sprinkled into the mix of people I've
Speaker 1: slept with. But for some reason, on these rare occasions
Speaker 1: when I get a chance to have sex with someone
Speaker 1: I actually really like, I have a rather hard time
Speaker 1: getting a boner. This is so frustrating to me because
Speaker 1: when it's just some random person I have no feelings for,
Speaker 1: it's very easy for me to get a boner or
Speaker 1: give her pleasure. But when it's someone who I actually
Speaker 1: really care about giving pleasure to, I have a really
Speaker 1: hard time getting erect and doing so. Do you think
Speaker 1: I've programmed my brain in a Pavlonian way to only
Speaker 1: to get a boner if I know I don't care
Speaker 1: about seeing the other person? Is this my brain trying
Speaker 1: to protect me from real slash of real vulnerability slash intimacy.
Speaker 1: I have been cheated on twice, so maybe that's some
Speaker 1: kind of defense mechanism. I've recently had sex for the
Speaker 1: first time with a girl I really really like. We
Speaker 1: had gone out five times or so, and on the
Speaker 1: sixth state she felt ready to have sex, and when
Speaker 1: we did, I couldn't get a full boner, and I
Speaker 1: hadn't even jerked off that day. I'm just very sad
Speaker 1: because even when I'm sleeping with women I don't really
Speaker 1: care for, giving another person pleasure is very satisfying to me,
Speaker 1: and I wish I could share that with with the
Speaker 1: people I really care about. Maybe it's just normal to
Speaker 1: not have great sex the first time you sleep with
Speaker 1: someone I don't know. Well, thanks for your help. Also, Christina,
Speaker 1: did you end up sucking that fireman who hit on you? Oh?
Speaker 1: Thanks for asking. Frank, Um, No, I didn't. Um, I
Speaker 1: kissed him is actually good kiss her? So Okay, this
Speaker 1: is obviously all mental. This is all mental, and you
Speaker 1: know that. Um. It's We talked about this before about
Speaker 1: guys when not getting a boner, but sometimes when they
Speaker 1: don't get a boner, it means they actually really do
Speaker 1: like you a lot. That is true. Dan Savage talks
Speaker 1: about it all the time. It's mental. One thing that
Speaker 1: may help you because this is all mental. So you
Speaker 1: can change this by changing your mind. Right, So now
Speaker 1: you have to figure out, well how to change your
Speaker 1: mind best so that you can get a boner with
Speaker 1: this girl you really like. You've been on five dates with,
Speaker 1: talk to her about it. Talk to her about it.
Speaker 1: If you if you've gone on five or six states,
Speaker 1: that means you guys have talked a lot, I would assume.
Speaker 1: Unless you go to the movies every date, and there's
Speaker 1: a way to talk about it that doesn't feel overly
Speaker 1: explaining or clinical or whatever. You can just say like,
Speaker 1: I mean, because what you said to us, I'm like, yeah, dude,
Speaker 1: that sucks, and let's talk about it. If you said
Speaker 1: that to me then we were going on all these
Speaker 1: dates you said it to me the way you said
Speaker 1: it in your email, I would totally have a conversation
Speaker 1: with you about it. I think I like the way
Speaker 1: you whoever is writing this, I'm calling you, Frank. I
Speaker 1: like the way you talk. I like the way you
Speaker 1: communicate um and I like how in touch you are
Speaker 1: with your feelings and how you notice that you It
Speaker 1: might be a defense mechanism because who fucking knows. I
Speaker 1: don't know, but I think if you go on all
Speaker 1: these dates with people and it gets to the point where, wait,
Speaker 1: she wants to fuck, I want to fuck. I have
Speaker 1: this thing that I know is gonna not do well.
Speaker 1: Um me, and you're dick with someone you like, have
Speaker 1: a conversation about that and just be honest with the
Speaker 1: fact that you're kind of nervous because do you do
Speaker 1: this weird thing where you love having sex and a
Speaker 1: lot of times when you have sex with people, it's
Speaker 1: for sex sake, which is not a rude thing to say.
Speaker 1: And if a girl gets mad at you for that,
Speaker 1: that's sucking her problem because that's not nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: what you're saying. It's how you think, it's what your preference. Also,
Speaker 1: not like you're saying that to the girl that you're
Speaker 1: only fucking exactly, and so the compliment real exactly. So
Speaker 1: by making it clear like a lot of times I
Speaker 1: have a lot of casual sex, and and it's with
Speaker 1: people that I'm not interested in a relationship, you could
Speaker 1: just say it that way instead of like they're ugly
Speaker 1: or they're a cunt um and then say, it's really
Speaker 1: easy for me to get an erection. But when I
Speaker 1: really like somebody, my my dick does this thing where
Speaker 1: it gets really shy because I'm nervous because it's all
Speaker 1: mental and and I really like you so and then
Speaker 1: I think you should take the conversation to a place
Speaker 1: where it's like maybe the first time you're intimate, don't
Speaker 1: have intercourse. I would say that if because you can
Speaker 1: cross the board chat anyone, if you're super interested in
Speaker 1: having a relationship, I would go no sex in the
Speaker 1: first day out. Dude, you said you you you say,
Speaker 1: it's um your bummed that you can't give this girl
Speaker 1: pleasure because you really like her. There are so many
Speaker 1: more ways to give a girl pleasure that have nothing
Speaker 1: to do with your dick, eating her out, fingering her,
Speaker 1: doing those things, playing with her clip. Those things are
Speaker 1: the most fun, and it doesn't matter if your dick
Speaker 1: works or not. That's why a lot of women like
Speaker 1: the whole Bigger is better. Bigger dick is better, It's
Speaker 1: not really better because if you use it right and
Speaker 1: you go with your hands and you go with your tongue,
Speaker 1: I don't give a shit, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And then no sex on the first day isn't at
Speaker 1: all like a like a horror thing. Uh. It's just
Speaker 1: that if you have good sex, you can then be
Speaker 1: distracted from seeing bad qualities in a in a person.
Speaker 1: And it's really hard to unt really hard to undo yourself,
Speaker 1: especially if you have any kind of like addictive personality.
Speaker 1: So for me, like, I mean like and sometimes like
Speaker 1: and sometimes I like, No, I don't I've never dated
Speaker 1: someone like officially who I actually thought was a bad person.
Speaker 1: But there's one person who I had had seen on
Speaker 1: and off for a while who I actually think is
Speaker 1: a bad person. And I knew it, and I know
Speaker 1: my friends knew it. Sometimes you think it's hot, but
Speaker 1: I was just like this sex is just so good
Speaker 1: and and for me, like the the abuse isn't I mean,
Speaker 1: it isn't infiltrating. So I was like, I just made
Speaker 1: me feel bad for him, and I would just be like, hello, wow,
Speaker 1: you know whose are in this situation. It's not me. Um.
Speaker 1: But even if you go on multiple dates with this
Speaker 1: person and she's ready to have sex, don't have sex
Speaker 1: right away, honestly, And that will make her hot. That'll
Speaker 1: probably make her hornier. If she's like, Okay, now I'm
Speaker 1: ready to have sex. Because I'm thinking five or six
Speaker 1: dates and she says she's ready to have sex, I'm
Speaker 1: guessing you didn't finger her because you would have said
Speaker 1: this or like you know, done other things right, like
Speaker 1: been sexual another another way. So when if she says
Speaker 1: she's ready to have sex and you say I'm not
Speaker 1: ready yet because and this my dick does this thing,
Speaker 1: blah bah blah, She's probably gonna want to bang even more, right,
Speaker 1: And that's that I want to encourage nagging or mind fuckery,
Speaker 1: but you're being honest. It's part of it. I mean,
Speaker 1: like if you don't, if you don't suck a girl
Speaker 1: on a first date, and like I mean, like they're
Speaker 1: just gonna get more thirsty for it if they like you,
Speaker 1: and I mean then they then reasoning for not having
Speaker 1: sex with her immediately would be because of this thing
Speaker 1: you're telling us about. So it's not like you're using it.
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, it's a bonus that she's gonna
Speaker 1: want to suck you more the the fact that you're
Speaker 1: not going to suck her the first time she wants,
Speaker 1: and if you're not comfortable talking about it to her,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think there is some work that obviously
Speaker 1: needs to be done, um, you know, and it's something
Speaker 1: I don't. I mean obviously, like I have a vaginas,
Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about a boner, which is
Speaker 1: like a turn being turned on. Is mental, that's for sure,
Speaker 1: for sure, but it's like easier, like you can fake
Speaker 1: getting wet. You can't fake an erection. So that's the difference,
Speaker 1: because like you can put some loop up in there,
Speaker 1: like you know, lick your hand and wipe it and
Speaker 1: you're fine, um, but I mean definitely, Like I always like,
Speaker 1: as soon as I meet up with someone go on
Speaker 1: a date, if I'm not attracted to them, or if
Speaker 1: like in my case, i've realized that they're homosexual, um,
Speaker 1: I aced the date. But if when I really like someone,
Speaker 1: i'll get I'm so nervous, and sometimes I do okay, um,
Speaker 1: and sometimes I don't. And I've luckily had some experience
Speaker 1: like meeting people that I really admired, which was not
Speaker 1: a date, but it is like a similar feeling if
Speaker 1: you could be yourself in front of that. Yeah, so,
Speaker 1: and it was really hard. But like people, I'm just
Speaker 1: an example, Like the first time I talked to like
Speaker 1: David Tell, like, I felt like we weren't on a date,
Speaker 1: but I was so fucking nervous that we might as
Speaker 1: well have been, even though he was not interesting. But
Speaker 1: I don't know that. It was just like getting so
Speaker 1: just like getting past that, And the real way to
Speaker 1: get past that is to stop having sex with these
Speaker 1: women that you don't care about and exclusively safe people
Speaker 1: for the lady you love. Yeah, and then god, I
Speaker 1: do mean that that sounds funny, But then also like
Speaker 1: train yourself to get past because the only way to
Speaker 1: fight the fear is to is to go right into it.
Speaker 1: So it's like if you're scared of something, you keep
Speaker 1: doing it and then eventually you won't be scared anymore.
Speaker 1: The same is like doing stand up, Like, yeah, terrified
Speaker 1: the first couple of times I did it, But now
Speaker 1: it's my job and I can literally walk in, take
Speaker 1: a bite of cheesy Gordina crunch, get on stage still
Speaker 1: finished chewing it, and feel comfortable. I mean when I
Speaker 1: started stand up, I couldn't eat within like five hours
Speaker 1: of doing a set. Now I literally will be like
Speaker 1: finishing chewing it when I got on stage because it's
Speaker 1: just my job. Comfort now, Yeah, it's comfort levels. So
Speaker 1: save your jizz for the lady of your dreams. Save
Speaker 1: your jiz. Okay, um this email thank you for something?
Speaker 1: Uh my encounter with R Kelly done done, done, Hey ladies.
Speaker 1: So I just finished watching Surviving R Kelly, and I'm
Speaker 1: feeling some type of way anytime someone says that, I
Speaker 1: know she's about to go down. About six years ago,
Speaker 1: he played a music festival in Chicago that my friends
Speaker 1: and I went to. We were leaving the show, we
Speaker 1: ran into him when we were leading the show. He
Speaker 1: ran into him getting on his tour bus and all
Speaker 1: took pictures. Blah blah blah. Definitely, man, I just imagine
Speaker 1: our Kelly walking on his tour bus so slowly so
Speaker 1: that everybody could fucking see him. It's like when you
Speaker 1: have a crush on someone and you have like a loud,
Speaker 1: hilarious conversation right in front of them, but it's our
Speaker 1: Kelly's already fucking favorite. Or you keep going to the
Speaker 1: bathroom and then the person just thinks you have diarrhea
Speaker 1: and and you don't. It's not um okay, so uh,
Speaker 1: the two pictures blah blah blah. As we left, he
Speaker 1: slipped my friend a piece of paper with a phone
Speaker 1: number on it. We were young and curious, so we
Speaker 1: texted it. Long story short, we ended up at his
Speaker 1: studio thinking we were going to some after party situation
Speaker 1: that was not the case at all. There were random
Speaker 1: people passed out everywhere, and we couldn't enter the studio
Speaker 1: without signing a nondisclosure agreement. That's not a great wom
Speaker 1: My friend and I ended up somehow alone in a
Speaker 1: room where him with him, where he referred to us
Speaker 1: as uh quote little white babies and asked us our
Speaker 1: age right off the bat, we were our late tourneys.
Speaker 1: I knew right away we were in some ship. Once
Speaker 1: we were in the room, he almost immediately pulled his
Speaker 1: penis out, to which I made a scene and called
Speaker 1: him a weirdo. Oh you sit burnaby. He also tried
Speaker 1: to dictate that my friends and I perform sex acts
Speaker 1: on each other. I just wasn't there for that or
Speaker 1: into that, so I talked a lot of ship to him. Wow.
Speaker 1: He was not a fan of me or my attitude,
Speaker 1: so he forcefully escorted me out while he proceeded to
Speaker 1: lock my friend in his studio with him. The things
Speaker 1: she told me about what he did slash wanted done
Speaker 1: to him are not something that I want to get into.
Speaker 1: So you know, it's dark, uh, but he is not well.
Speaker 1: At the time, she said she was okay and consented
Speaker 1: to being there. But looking back, we are both in
Speaker 1: shock that we would even get into that situation. I
Speaker 1: know our story is not even close to what the
Speaker 1: women in this documentary experience. Well it doesn't seem great, honey,
Speaker 1: honestly so, but looking back, it was super fucked up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and anyone that doesn't think he's fucking sick or still
Speaker 1: supports his music needs to get a grip on reality.
Speaker 1: He's a literal monster, and I believe the stories told
Speaker 1: about him because I've seen it firsthand. And people always
Speaker 1: want to blame the victims, like why even go? What
Speaker 1: were you thinking? But our society has completely normalized his
Speaker 1: behavior for so long we didn't even think about it.
Speaker 1: And also celebrity guys the power, Um, we thought we
Speaker 1: were going to a party of the celebrity's house exactly,
Speaker 1: which when you're young, is exciting and we should be
Speaker 1: able to have those experiences in life without the fear
Speaker 1: of being assaulted by that person. I know it could
Speaker 1: have been much worse. And although my sassy mouth gets
Speaker 1: me in trouble a lot in life, I think it's
Speaker 1: saved me from being another victim of his last That
Speaker 1: last sentence resonated with me. But I mean it's it's
Speaker 1: true because and there's there's also another woman in the
Speaker 1: documentary who is the older sister of I guess it's
Speaker 1: it's as Real's older sister, and as Rielle's older sister
Speaker 1: also was mouthy enough that uh she got out of it.
Speaker 1: And there's multiple experiences that I've heard of where you know,
Speaker 1: it's like it's it's it's goes along with the story
Speaker 1: that my mom always used to tell me when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, called a ransom of red chief. Uh.
Speaker 1: And if that's racist, I don't know, it's it isn't
Speaker 1: that name of the story, I don't know. I just
Speaker 1: you never know these days, whatever whatever. The story itself,
Speaker 1: in short, is about a kid who gets kidnapped and
Speaker 1: he's so fucking difficult that the kidnap the kidnappers send
Speaker 1: him back. Um. And so that's why everybody wants everybody
Speaker 1: to be quiet into themselves and polite, because then everybody
Speaker 1: that's easy. It's so easy for me to have power.
Speaker 1: Of course. I mean basically like if like you know,
Speaker 1: we are so scared to be difficult, but like unless
Speaker 1: someone has a weapon to your head, being difficult is
Speaker 1: usually not is usually not worth it. But I mean
Speaker 1: with a weapon to your head, I mean like a
Speaker 1: lot of times gone, you're gonna yeah. I mean, like
Speaker 1: that's the same thing we talked about, you know, car jacking,
Speaker 1: Like once you're in the car, like try to get out,
Speaker 1: even if the car is moving and not at top speed,
Speaker 1: but uh, you know, at a red light whatever, even
Speaker 1: if a person has a gun, because once you're like away,
Speaker 1: taken away, like the chances of you getting back are
Speaker 1: very very slim. Um. So yeah, speaking speaking out and
Speaker 1: not just be being okay and and listening to your gut. Again,
Speaker 1: we went over these statistics a while back, but so
Speaker 1: many uh women got themselves into a bad situation. And
Speaker 1: again like not blaming the woman, but like, you know,
Speaker 1: just stop the trust your fucking instincts. Your instincts are
Speaker 1: so spot on. I mean, think of yourself. We are humans,
Speaker 1: we are animals. If you feel something is not right,
Speaker 1: is weird, And a lot of times I'll get out
Speaker 1: of an elevator, I've gotten out off a subway car,
Speaker 1: and just like if something feels weird, I've gotten off
Speaker 1: subway cars because I'm like that guy's gonna don't worry
Speaker 1: about offending people, don't worry about it whatever. Just you know,
Speaker 1: we're not that's not the concern. Your safety is more
Speaker 1: of a concern than hurting someone's feel and being worried
Speaker 1: about hurting other people's feelings is how people get power
Speaker 1: over you. And so understand in these dynamics at play.
Speaker 1: We're not throwing blame anywhere, but understanding the dynamics at
Speaker 1: play is going to make you more aware if it
Speaker 1: ever happens to you, which hopefully it does not. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then also bring it back to what I always
Speaker 1: tell you, No adult man wants to be your friend.
Speaker 1: There's one thing you can get from this podcast. Man
Speaker 1: wants to be needs to be your friends. And No,
Speaker 1: I really that really resonates with me because sometimes I
Speaker 1: still think adult men want to be my friend. Well,
Speaker 1: even with the guy I like. I like, even when
Speaker 1: when I was so concerned about like if it was
Speaker 1: like and I was like, is this a date or not?
Speaker 1: No professional musicians? I was like, no guy wants I
Speaker 1: was like, Karne, this is what you say all the
Speaker 1: time to Christina, and you're not listening to your own guys.
Speaker 1: Damn it. It's fall into though in it. And then
Speaker 1: they're like, of course, of course. I was like, this
Speaker 1: is your fucking motto, no adult man wants to be
Speaker 1: your friend. How could you forget your own fucking motto.
Speaker 1: I know the possibility of possibly fucking somebody causes wars
Speaker 1: has brought down Empires brought down presidencies has made war
Speaker 1: more fun than Yeah, And I'm like, I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess it's like I'm like I thought, I'm like, I
Speaker 1: think my personality is too interesting. I'm like, no, of
Speaker 1: course it's not. No, don't man not to be your friend,
Speaker 1: friend guy, Thank you so much for listening to this
Speaker 1: episode of Guys we fucked. We didn't announce this, but
Speaker 1: we were the guests. Uh oh yeah, we didn't at
Speaker 1: the beginning. Yeah, we said it at the beginning. Um,
Speaker 1: but we appreciate you. Thanks for emailing us. Sorry about
Speaker 1: last night show. At gmail dot com is our email,
Speaker 1: Continue to email us. These emails are fucking insane. We
Speaker 1: have so many. We we have this pdf that our
Speaker 1: associate producer put together and we only got to page
Speaker 1: three of twelve. So yeah, because we have so much
Speaker 1: good content and you know, as I as I mentioned,
Speaker 1: we're gonna do these every you know, couple of months,
Speaker 1: just to catch people up with what is happening in
Speaker 1: the inbox because it's so interesting and there's so much
Speaker 1: to learn from. And if you have original music, oh yes,
Speaker 1: GWF podcast produced podcast music. That's why I looked yesterday.
Speaker 1: G w F podcast music the email dot com Mike Coscarelli.
Speaker 1: Streaming links. That's what we need, streaming links. If he
Speaker 1: chooses your song and be on the podcast, what he's
Speaker 1: gonna do is he's gonna send you this thing. They
Speaker 1: have to copy and paste and acknowledge, basically saying like, yes,
Speaker 1: you can use my song, um so yeah please uh
Speaker 1: do that because all of the music as listeners submitted
Speaker 1: and you guys are really fucking talent. We love you lots,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. To take good care of yourself.
Speaker 1: Don't drink and drive older men, they don't want to
Speaker 1: be your friends.