Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys we Book.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina, I'm Karren. We're sorry about last night anti
Speaker 1: slut shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey, Fucker's how you do?
Speaker 1: And welcome to another episode of Guys We Fucked. It's
Speaker 1: the anti slut Taming podcast. I'm Karren, I'm Christina. Follow
Speaker 1: us on social media because that's where you're going to
Speaker 1: get all the fun stuff and all of our shows
Speaker 1: and also, um the latest updates, booty picks, boot picks,
Speaker 1: hip picks, dick picks. I've been get a lot of
Speaker 1: dick picks. We're gonna talk about that. We don't post them,
Speaker 1: but you know, well maybe we'll talk about them. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be great. And then also, you will never have
Speaker 1: an instance where you're like, oh my god, you were
Speaker 1: in Phoenix this weekend. I live in Phoenix. Social media,
Speaker 1: there you got the duo. Social media is sorry about
Speaker 1: last night or s r y about last uh n
Speaker 1: y t on Twitter. Mine is Christina h Channe, All
Speaker 1: the Things, mind, philanthropy, gal and all the things. Today's
Speaker 1: news update comes from Huffington's Post Politics. People are starting
Speaker 1: to prioritize politics over sex in online dating. Great sex
Speaker 1: has been widely favored reply since stating the app Okay
Speaker 1: Cupids started asking its users this question in two thousand three,
Speaker 1: and until now, for the first time in the apps
Speaker 1: fifteen year history, used yours in major cities like New
Speaker 1: York and San Francisco and l A have tipped the
Speaker 1: scale in favor of compatible politics. Okay Cubid told Health Post,
Speaker 1: so the overall number of women prioritizing politics over sex
Speaker 1: has doubled from eighteen and the percentage increased from across
Speaker 1: the entire country. Over the same period, The app scene
Speaker 1: a thousand percent increase in political terms on people's profile,
Speaker 1: reflecting a major shift in values that its executives have
Speaker 1: been watching closely since the Trump election. You may have
Speaker 1: read that Trump staffers can't get laid, horobbibly said, it's
Speaker 1: kind of true based on what we're seeing that Trump
Speaker 1: supporters are having these issues. Since the app has been
Speaker 1: asking a simple question Trump since its election, the users
Speaker 1: have responded no or hell no, indicating the app should
Speaker 1: not even show the people who support the president. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: come on, guys. Millennial women, unsurprisingly are the most likely
Speaker 1: to prioritize politics and online dating. Seventies three percent of
Speaker 1: them compared to fifty percent of millennial men have told
Speaker 1: okay Cupid that they're looking to date someone of the
Speaker 1: same political party, and half of all women on the
Speaker 1: app say they won't date someone who doesn't vote in elections. Well,
Speaker 1: I agree with Several women said they won't even dat
Speaker 1: a man who indicates in his bio that he's moderate.
Speaker 1: In this increasingly polarized atmosphere, they assume that probably means
Speaker 1: because he's conservative, says Olivia, twenty three year old in
Speaker 1: New York. They never swipe right if they are conservative
Speaker 1: or moderate in New York City. Saying you're moderate, it's
Speaker 1: just a lie covering up the fact that you want
Speaker 1: to get on a date but are conservative, which in
Speaker 1: my opinion is worse than just being a Trump supporter
Speaker 1: in the first place. But the worst, worst, worst guys,
Speaker 1: she added, are the ones that say a political because
Speaker 1: they must be living on a different planet. I wonder
Speaker 1: why she's single. Um, but I made her sound more noxious. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but the fact that she probably sounds like that, she said,
Speaker 1: worst worst, worst in a in a journalism. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: hyperbolic um notion of language lately the term. Well, it's
Speaker 1: funny because number one, from my own private study that
Speaker 1: I've done, this is not true because conservative dudes get
Speaker 1: fucked by liberal feminist chicks all the time, because liberal
Speaker 1: dudes are terrible at fucking because they have female energy.
Speaker 1: It's true. I've I've talked to so many times and
Speaker 1: like I've had private conversations with conservative dudes and I'm
Speaker 1: like and they're like yeah, they're like and I'm like,
Speaker 1: why don't Why aren't you dating or fucking like a
Speaker 1: conservative chick? And they're like, oh, because like we get
Speaker 1: hit on all the time by like liberals and feminists
Speaker 1: like bad. It's like, I'm a bad girl. What or what?
Speaker 1: The Girl's like, I'm gonna save you from yourself. It's
Speaker 1: like they're they're You're an adult person, you can figure
Speaker 1: it out, you know what I mean. And I do
Speaker 1: have to say, like when I was on Hinge, the
Speaker 1: people who had liberal listed, I was like, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: even Yeah, I wouldn't. I don't even know if I
Speaker 1: am considered a liberal. I don't know. I gotta take
Speaker 1: a test. I just didn't list because I was like
Speaker 1: the democrat, I don't that's not what I'm leading with.
Speaker 1: I'm leading with personality, and then we go from there,
Speaker 1: we'll talk about well, the the whole thing of Like
Speaker 1: I hear the term identity politics a lot, but I
Speaker 1: really think that part of the reason why there's a
Speaker 1: huge divide is because people are are replacing who they are,
Speaker 1: how they think, what kind of human being they are,
Speaker 1: with what they believe politically. And it doesn't really have
Speaker 1: to come down to that people because white people are
Speaker 1: usually so mixed and ethnicity, and like, I don't have
Speaker 1: anything I like, I can't say, like I'm Caribbean, so
Speaker 1: I guess I'll say I'm a liberal. I truly believe
Speaker 1: that because like everyone wants to belong or have something, yeah,
Speaker 1: and no one wants to be like I'm a whitey. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's not I mean like or also, like we've discussed before,
Speaker 1: like being like white is not like an ethnicity in
Speaker 1: the same way like that, I like saying like I
Speaker 1: am a again. You know, there's no you can't be like, oh,
Speaker 1: what's Caucasian cuisine? You know, crackers, I don't know, saltines
Speaker 1: with the craft American cheese. I would say maybe I'm
Speaker 1: not sure, but I I would a date see, But
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking reading those quotes, like somebody who didn't
Speaker 1: vote my morals and my values. I if I found out,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't fish for that on the first date. But
Speaker 1: if I found out they don't vote, I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: I've driven three hours to vote to vote in a
Speaker 1: general like I can't you think your pilot? Me too.
Speaker 1: But then a lot of times those people who didn't
Speaker 1: vote are like the weirdest people. So like the reason
Speaker 1: they didn't vote it because like they think there's like
Speaker 1: a huge government conspiracy, not because they're lazy and like that.
Speaker 1: I'm into Yeah, well I think didn't vote or voted
Speaker 1: for like joel Stein is just like wow, did anyone
Speaker 1: men vote for her? I don't know. I hope not.
Speaker 1: Somebody had to have none. I want to fuck um yeah,
Speaker 1: but then I don't know. I like I I couldn't
Speaker 1: stand that person. I wouldn't might suck them because I'm
Speaker 1: if I'm looking for some cash, but dating, Yeah, you
Speaker 1: gotta be in line somewhere. Hey, guys, come see us live.
Speaker 1: Please see us live. We're gonna be in Indianapolis, Indiana, Thursday,
Speaker 1: April eighteen through Saturday, the twenty at Helium Comedy Club, Boston, Massachusetts.
Speaker 1: If that's not sold out yet, where's a hundred tickets?
Speaker 1: I counted there's only Hunter tickets left. Yeah, well, because
Speaker 1: I I counted the number that's left in the row
Speaker 1: and then I counted the place. Well, yeah, I counted
Speaker 1: the rods and then there was like a couple of stragglers.
Speaker 1: But nice, we gotta sell that out, guys, I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean, we're gonna, but you know, sooner rather than later. Friday,
Speaker 1: May three the Wilbur Theater for the Women in Comedy Festival, Boston,
Speaker 1: and then Denver, Colorado will be in you May sixteenth
Speaker 1: through the eighteenth at Comedy Works. If you go to
Speaker 1: Sorry about last Night Comedy dot com slash tours, you
Speaker 1: will see all the ticket links. Yes, and if you
Speaker 1: have any questions, you can also email us that Sorry
Speaker 1: about last Night show at gmail dot com. More comments
Speaker 1: and questions were I mean, like, someone just asked us
Speaker 1: if they had a eat if eating dinner during a
Speaker 1: comedy show was rude. H. We'll just answer that on air. No,
Speaker 1: it's not. That's just part of the experience. And when
Speaker 1: they say dinner they mean nachos. So so don't plan
Speaker 1: on having sex later, but if you do bring a tar,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be fine. And then on Wednesday April, if
Speaker 1: you're in Belmore, New York, I'm headlining the Brokerage, which
Speaker 1: is an association with governors. Uh, Mattie Smith is opening
Speaker 1: for me. She is fucking fantastic. And also thank you
Speaker 1: to everyone who came out in Columbus and Cincinnati. You
Speaker 1: guys were so fantastic. I got so much work done.
Speaker 1: And uh, my opener if you were wondering, was Wendy Steiner.
Speaker 1: Uh and follow her online because she just knocked it
Speaker 1: out of the fucking park. And the reason I booked
Speaker 1: I don't know, this is personal, but the reason I
Speaker 1: like booked her was because she she went above and beyond,
Speaker 1: like rowe me this really nice email kind of I
Speaker 1: don't want to say asking her me to take her
Speaker 1: under my wing, but just it was. It was the
Speaker 1: kind of email that a that a young Karen would
Speaker 1: have written, and I really uh resonated, appreciated. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just like it's just it's I think it just reminds
Speaker 1: it's like putting that little extra bit in like if
Speaker 1: you get a job interview right to thank you. Note
Speaker 1: like people just don't do that extra thing and whether
Speaker 1: that's the most impression, yeah, and whether it's in a
Speaker 1: career or relationship, that one step further is what is
Speaker 1: going to separate to you. And I love it and
Speaker 1: I love that a woman did it, and it's usually
Speaker 1: women who do do that extra step. So good. That's why. Um,
Speaker 1: if you're in New York City Saturday, April, Wendy Starling
Speaker 1: and I are co hosting our monthly show Glamourpus at
Speaker 1: Zinc Bar eighty to US Third Street, seven thirty pm.
Speaker 1: It will sell out. Get your tickets. Go to my
Speaker 1: social media. Yea Luminary Oh yeah, we're gonna be on there.
Speaker 1: You've heard about it. We've talked about it a lot.
Speaker 1: So every day we're just gonna or every week. We're
Speaker 1: just gonna give some extra logistics because there's been some confusion,
Speaker 1: some uh some questions about it. Uh So, first of all,
Speaker 1: you can listen to every podcast that you already listened
Speaker 1: to on the Luminary app. So that's all we're asking
Speaker 1: is to make an app change. And this is an
Speaker 1: app that's gonna we guarantee you're gonna be better than
Speaker 1: the app that you're currently using. That's part of what
Speaker 1: Luminary is doing. We've seen the prototype of the app
Speaker 1: on people's phones, use it, UH and and gone through it,
Speaker 1: and that's part of the reason that we wanted to
Speaker 1: be a part of this. And now here are some
Speaker 1: dates for you. April fifteen, the Luminary app will be
Speaker 1: available for iPhones and androids for free. All you gotta
Speaker 1: do is download. Then April uh, the Luminary subscription starts. UH.
Speaker 1: Then May four, newest episodes of Guys We Fought will
Speaker 1: be available for Luminary subscribers. And if you live in
Speaker 1: the US, you're gonna go to Luminary dot link slash
Speaker 1: GWF and not only do you get your first month free,
Speaker 1: but you knock one dollar off your monthly rate for
Speaker 1: the rest of the year, So that's six ninety nine
Speaker 1: a month, and you can refer friends and save more
Speaker 1: if you get eight friends to join, and the rest
Speaker 1: of your first year is totally free then UH. This
Speaker 1: this particular UH rate is only for US residents, but
Speaker 1: the app is going to be available in the UK,
Speaker 1: Australia and Canada as soon as the app launches. You
Speaker 1: just can't sign up in those countries ahead of time,
Speaker 1: but as soon as that app launches UK, Australia, Canada,
Speaker 1: you're in. And then we're adding more countries to the last.
Speaker 1: And by we I mean Luminary, not us um. And
Speaker 1: if yours isn't on there, uh and you want it
Speaker 1: on there, we want you on there. Just comment on
Speaker 1: Luminary social media, tweet at them, let them know they're
Speaker 1: at here, luminary um. And because we cannot tell you
Speaker 1: enough like how open they are to not only our
Speaker 1: suggestions but your suggestions. They're a new company. There are
Speaker 1: a young company, and they want to make the podcasting
Speaker 1: experience really great for everybody, better than it is. Yes,
Speaker 1: they want to elevate it absolutely. And we've taken some
Speaker 1: some of your suggestions to Luminary and they've been very responsive,
Speaker 1: So we're very excited. Yeah. And additionally, if there's you know,
Speaker 1: you have a problem, if you can't afford that, if
Speaker 1: there's something, just shoot him an email there on on
Speaker 1: their website, it him an email, pitch him something. Uh.
Speaker 1: People brought up scholarships, uh, student programs like all that.
Speaker 1: Just shoot him an email. I cannot tell you this
Speaker 1: is this is where we always say, you don't speak
Speaker 1: out ask for something that you need or want or
Speaker 1: would like to see in the world. Truly, truly, truly,
Speaker 1: they are so so open to that. And uh, they
Speaker 1: know that our listeners are really important not only to us, guys,
Speaker 1: we thought the show, but also too luminary as a company.
Speaker 1: So they are listening and uh that's you know, wink wink,
Speaker 1: So tell him love you. Do you want to read
Speaker 1: this word? Oh? I can't know. I can't read it.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't want to just it's long and
Speaker 1: I'm not great at reading that loud. We all know, alright.
Speaker 1: This one is autism and sex. It is April. We
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about autism because it's the month to
Speaker 1: do so more than usual. Well you should always, you know.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't just save it though, because you probably should,
Speaker 1: you know, dance around it other times. Guys. I'm a
Speaker 1: long time listener and a huge fan of the podcast.
Speaker 1: A year or so ago you had spoken about sexuality
Speaker 1: individuals on the autism spectrum and ask anyone with any
Speaker 1: information to write in a little late but here it goes.
Speaker 1: I have been working as a behavioral therapist with children
Speaker 1: on the spectrum for the past year in Toronto, Ontario.
Speaker 1: At my center, we have children from ages three to eighteen.
Speaker 1: Some of my clients come to our center as a
Speaker 1: full replacement for school, some go to school half days,
Speaker 1: and some not at all. Recently, there has been much
Speaker 1: discussion about sex and for our clients, especially since many
Speaker 1: of our girls are entering puberty. As this sort of
Speaker 1: education is not always readily available for them, especially for
Speaker 1: those who do not attend mainstream school, it is imperative
Speaker 1: that we, their therapists and primary educators provide them with
Speaker 1: the information. However, this is not a generally agreed upon opinion.
Speaker 1: Since autism has the ability to cent your emotional maturity,
Speaker 1: the argument is that they are not emotionally mature enough
Speaker 1: to handle information around sex and puberty. This, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: is a cop out in order to avoid the awkward
Speaker 1: conversation of sex and puberty with children that are not
Speaker 1: our own. Yes, it is true that these children may
Speaker 1: not have the emotional maturity to match their chronological age,
Speaker 1: but their bodies will still go through that, yes, the
Speaker 1: change of puberty, whether they are ready or not. Therefore,
Speaker 1: they should be provided with a proper education about their
Speaker 1: own bodies. For a perfect example, a client of my
Speaker 1: recently turned fourteen. She has also developed her first crush
Speaker 1: on a five year old. To neurotypical onlookers, this may
Speaker 1: seem wildly inappropriate. She, however, does not see the age
Speaker 1: difference or why it would be inappropriate. I have spent
Speaker 1: the last six months advocating for some sort of education
Speaker 1: for this girl to teach her what healthy and appropriate
Speaker 1: relationships look like, not necessarily to discourage this crush, but
Speaker 1: more so to teach her about relationships in general. I
Speaker 1: have also advocated for education around consent for these kids,
Speaker 1: especially since their emotional maturity may not match their chronological age,
Speaker 1: they may become a target for predators if not given
Speaker 1: the proper tools to combat such events. Holy, there's a
Speaker 1: case by me in New Jersey when I was a
Speaker 1: kid about just something horrific where uh, someone who was
Speaker 1: not like whose body was different a different age than
Speaker 1: their mind was like raped by these students like and
Speaker 1: then you hear stories like that a lot exactly because
Speaker 1: they can't say they can't say no because but their
Speaker 1: bodies are still developed in a way where they look
Speaker 1: like a woman. This is so so crucial um at
Speaker 1: my place of employment. I seem to be the only
Speaker 1: person that thinks this is important information for the kids.
Speaker 1: Jesus God, the good thing you're there. We have apparently
Speaker 1: decided as a team to ignore this girl seemingly inappropriate
Speaker 1: crustion instead pretend that it is not happening, which in
Speaker 1: my opinion, is doing her a massive disservice. You're right.
Speaker 1: The topic of sex education amongst children with exceptionalities is
Speaker 1: often the same conversation amongst people in the field. It
Speaker 1: is not viewed as necessary or important, and many people
Speaker 1: would rather avoid it altogether. While I know this is
Speaker 1: not true everywhere, I just wanted to share my personal
Speaker 1: experience with the topic. If our goal is to have
Speaker 1: these kids be independent members of society, that includes being
Speaker 1: able to navigate their own relationships in a healthy and
Speaker 1: productive way. If any of the listeners has any ideas
Speaker 1: on what I should do or resources I can reach
Speaker 1: out to, that would be very appreciated, as I don't
Speaker 1: know what else to do for these kids. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for listening to my rants. I also wanted
Speaker 1: to share with you an amazing organization called the Global
Speaker 1: Autism Project, which is based out of Brooklyn. This organization
Speaker 1: travels to underdeveloped countries in order to teach teachers the
Speaker 1: best way to help their kids on the spectrum. I
Speaker 1: have been selected out of hundreds of applicants to travel
Speaker 1: to Bangalore, India this coming October. This is a huge
Speaker 1: opportunity for me and my career. I urge listeners interested
Speaker 1: in autism spectrum disorder a s D to look into
Speaker 1: this organization. Love you guys, Kala damn girl, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for thanks for doing what you're doing. Good
Speaker 1: looking out. Um, it's unfortunate to hear well as usual.
Speaker 1: You know, it's comforting in a way that sexuality is
Speaker 1: also ignored even if you're autistic, because it's certainly ignored
Speaker 1: if you're not autistic, just ignored all around. Really, so
Speaker 1: everyone's being treated equally and it's bad. Um and uh,
Speaker 1: I think it's perhaps even more crucial for people on
Speaker 1: the spectrum to be educated in sexuality, especially you know,
Speaker 1: it's with their bodies are aging quicker than their mind.
Speaker 1: That's like your make that's your target. Yeah, absolutely, And
Speaker 1: and and the the inappropriate crush thing a fourteen year
Speaker 1: old autistic girl having a crush on a five year old.
Speaker 1: If you don't fucking talk to her about that, you're set.
Speaker 1: You're not giving this child the tools that they need
Speaker 1: to go to to live in the world and in
Speaker 1: an appropriate way to not make other people feel uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: to not act on these things, like God, that's so
Speaker 1: terrible that they're not talking to her about that, because
Speaker 1: that conversation will really help her. Yeah, and it actually
Speaker 1: remembers It reminds me of one of my most traumatic
Speaker 1: childhood incidents. And I know everyone's gonna make fun of
Speaker 1: because it's not really traumatic at all in retrospects whatever
Speaker 1: you um, I wouldn't even classify it, but I do
Speaker 1: think about it all the time, and it made me
Speaker 1: feel wildly uncomfortable. But basically from Jersey, so he usually
Speaker 1: always hang out at the mall, like Friday nights. Basically
Speaker 1: that's where we were, my brother and I, and there
Speaker 1: used to be I think it went out of business,
Speaker 1: but there was the war Warner Brothers store. And I
Speaker 1: loved the Warner Brothers store because they had this little
Speaker 1: thing where you um pressed on a color paint and
Speaker 1: then you would touch the screen and it would fill in.
Speaker 1: So it was like electronic coloring and it was cooking awesome.
Speaker 1: And my brother, how was maybe my brother was like
Speaker 1: six and I was like eleven something like that around
Speaker 1: that age because my brother was like old enough to
Speaker 1: be walking around by himself, and I was old enough
Speaker 1: that my mom had let us hang out in that
Speaker 1: store while she went to another store like that kind
Speaker 1: of like you know, like pieces of Freedom kind of thing. Um.
Speaker 1: And so we were painting and this you know guy
Speaker 1: who definitely was on the spectrum looking back and but
Speaker 1: like just a huge look like an adult man. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, like like and I'm eleven so but he
Speaker 1: looked like he was like forty, but mentally I'm sure
Speaker 1: he was also like eleven. Um. And he came up
Speaker 1: to me like really inappropriately close, but again you know
Speaker 1: in retrospect fine uh and was just like you're really pretty,
Speaker 1: you're really sexy. And it was the word, the words
Speaker 1: sexy when you're eleven number one, I had never been
Speaker 1: called sexy. It has the word sex in it, so
Speaker 1: I remember, like it sets off your vagina alarm, like
Speaker 1: danger um, and it just made me feel so uncomfortable
Speaker 1: and also like unfortunately set a bad tone, like made
Speaker 1: me scared of of people with like mental disabilities because
Speaker 1: a really long time, Like I remember in high school,
Speaker 1: all my friends were like volunteering at this camp and
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't. I'm truly scared because of
Speaker 1: this experience, and like did you tell your mom about it? No?
Speaker 1: I didn't because I don't know. I just didn't, like
Speaker 1: I knew to get away from it. And he didn't
Speaker 1: touch me, and nothing happened. It was more just like
Speaker 1: and there was nothing like there's nothing that she could
Speaker 1: have said or done, or nothing that needed to be done.
Speaker 1: When did you under when did you understand that he
Speaker 1: was off like he was mentally. I mean at the time,
Speaker 1: I even realized that he was like off the So
Speaker 1: that's why I was allowed to be like roaming around
Speaker 1: because I would just like knew what was up. But
Speaker 1: that doesn't that doesn't change I think it was. I
Speaker 1: knew that there was something um that he was not
Speaker 1: like on the same like level mentally as someone who
Speaker 1: like other people who looked like him, But I didn't
Speaker 1: realize that, you know, fully what autism was, you know,
Speaker 1: because sometimes you group it into other things, like you know,
Speaker 1: you just group it into other kind of like mental
Speaker 1: disabilities and then additionally, Uh, it was kind of the
Speaker 1: mix of two things I didn't understand yet. So so
Speaker 1: sexy being sexy and then mental disability and so when
Speaker 1: you're that's just too much as that age difference and eleven.
Speaker 1: And then also just like they said I'd be like.
Speaker 1: And then just also the sheer you know, and this
Speaker 1: is what we talked about with men and women a lot,
Speaker 1: just the sheer size of him. He was just so
Speaker 1: much bigger. He was a huge, and like, I'm coming
Speaker 1: from a household where my dad is six ft six,
Speaker 1: so I'm not scared of like tall guys, but he
Speaker 1: was like six ft three and like three pounds. My
Speaker 1: dad's like one nine. Yeah, so uh yeah, it's just
Speaker 1: all those things combined, and like, I don't know, there's
Speaker 1: just you know, I feel like we all have these
Speaker 1: like isolated little moments from childhood that we remember and
Speaker 1: that for some reason flow in our timeline, and like
Speaker 1: that's in my lifetimeline. Yeah, I don't know why. I
Speaker 1: wonder what. There has to be some psychological reason why
Speaker 1: these moments I have very specific I remember what I wore,
Speaker 1: what the smell was, Well, was the only one that
Speaker 1: I have that the years triggered mine, not triggered whatever.
Speaker 1: I'm probably not using that word right. But when I
Speaker 1: was when I was eight, that where I was playing,
Speaker 1: all these kids in the neighborhood had all these you know,
Speaker 1: we there was a big group of us and uh,
Speaker 1: we got like rough and made tunnels under this my
Speaker 1: friend Katie's mom's garden and crawled through them and we
Speaker 1: had like because are all of our dads were in
Speaker 1: the army or the navy or the the military. And um,
Speaker 1: I remember this guy, his name is Sunny. I mean,
Speaker 1: he was a kid. I don't think he meant to
Speaker 1: do this, but I remember we were like playing a
Speaker 1: Power Rangers game or something and he we're tagging each other,
Speaker 1: chasing each other. But I remember I was I think
Speaker 1: I got pushed down. I got pushed down on the
Speaker 1: ground and I was lying on my stomach and he
Speaker 1: was on my He was like sitting on me and
Speaker 1: I couldn't get up. And that was the first time
Speaker 1: I ever recall being forced, like physically forced in anything.
Speaker 1: And I mean it wasn't like in the context of
Speaker 1: what we were playing, that wasn't like completely insane, but
Speaker 1: I remember that was the first time I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 1: Uh that I felt like I was trapped in a
Speaker 1: in a in a black hole. Yeah, and I just
Speaker 1: felt so bad. Oh, I'm like like looking at after
Speaker 1: my brother and I just remember being because you were responsible.
Speaker 1: I remember being like Christie, gotta go, and he's like
Speaker 1: in the middle of painting, and you know, brothers always
Speaker 1: like why, like we gotta go? But I'm like, really,
Speaker 1: I have a really good like he knows when I
Speaker 1: mean business, and he would just like he was difficult
Speaker 1: but not that's difficult. And I was like, we gotta go.
Speaker 1: I mean the guy didn't the guy didn't follow you
Speaker 1: or anything. No, no, you know he didn't follow me.
Speaker 1: I mean I hadn't I could outrun that guy anyway. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, when when you're a child, you experienced something
Speaker 1: for the first time and it's drawing, it's and then
Speaker 1: I think I also like didn't want to make a
Speaker 1: scene because I I realized that he everything wasn't all there,
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to like hand in trouble. But
Speaker 1: it's also like I'm like, I need to get out
Speaker 1: of here because I don't exactly don't have to handle us,
Speaker 1: and I gotta get out of here your instinct. The
Speaker 1: saddest part was that if ruined the painting for me
Speaker 1: and I really looked forward to that every week, So
Speaker 1: that was a real bummer. Did you ever go back?
Speaker 1: I honestly, I think it like ruined it for like mean,
Speaker 1: I can't if I I mean, I think the store
Speaker 1: went out of business probably because of that incident. UM store,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Um So, in lieu of ads, we
Speaker 1: are we at guys. We fought Karna and I were
Speaker 1: highlighting women in business. We're doing free ads for UM
Speaker 1: women owned companies of listeners. Uh. And if you have
Speaker 1: a company and you are a lad, um, email us
Speaker 1: about it and email us uh any what you would
Speaker 1: want us to say. If there's a promo code you
Speaker 1: want to include, email that. Um So, this week I
Speaker 1: chose a company called Sticks S T I X So
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna read the note from Cynthia. Um. I
Speaker 1: heard your recent on a recent episode. You're offering free
Speaker 1: ads two female in businesses. I am the co founder
Speaker 1: of Sticks, the discrete and accessible pregnancy test made for
Speaker 1: all women, not just those trying to get pregnant. We
Speaker 1: launched just five weeks ago and are so excited about
Speaker 1: the possible opportunity. So more about Sticks, which again is
Speaker 1: S T I X. We are on a mission to
Speaker 1: make pregnancy tests accessible and empowering. Jamie and I UH
Speaker 1: founded Sticks after I ran into my boyfriend's mom in
Speaker 1: the drug store with the pregnancy test in hand. We
Speaker 1: were fed up with the dated brands with baby faces
Speaker 1: in their ad. Dude, I have a fucking bit about
Speaker 1: pregnancy test commercials, and let me tell you something. I
Speaker 1: agree over priced tests and worrying about familiar faces and
Speaker 1: drug store aisles. So we decided to do something about it.
Speaker 1: We created Sticks because buying a high quality pregnancy tests
Speaker 1: should be easy and delightful, no matter the result you're
Speaker 1: looking for. Sticks is over effective gynecologists, approved, fairly priced,
Speaker 1: and delivered in a discrete envelope. So that's great because
Speaker 1: I know we've had a lot of listeners um emailing
Speaker 1: us who are between the ages of eleven and fifteen.
Speaker 1: And I recall two emails, uh and where I was
Speaker 1: when I read them from women. One girl was thirteen
Speaker 1: and one was fifteen, and I think they came like
Speaker 1: three months apart, but they're very similar, and they didn't
Speaker 1: want to go to the pregnant. They didn't want to
Speaker 1: go to a drug store to buy a pregnancy test
Speaker 1: because everybody who worked there worked at her high school
Speaker 1: and she didn't want to be pregnant and she was
Speaker 1: very young people, and um, yeah, I think she ended
Speaker 1: up I offered to mail her one, but then she
Speaker 1: ended up having a friend get it. But I was like, fun,
Speaker 1: that's so you know, And it's not that's why people
Speaker 1: steal ship to steal ship, And it's not like it's
Speaker 1: not saying like you should be embarrassed when you buy
Speaker 1: pregnancy tests, but when you're when you're fifteen, or when
Speaker 1: you're this person who wrote a Cynthia who's co founder
Speaker 1: of this company, like running into your boyfriend's mom, or
Speaker 1: like it's nice that they're they're creating a birth control
Speaker 1: or pregnancy test where the result isn't the main part
Speaker 1: of the test. Because let me tell you something. I
Speaker 1: have a couple of clear blues downstairs and they have
Speaker 1: ba be faces on them, and I'm like, what if
Speaker 1: I don't want that? Can you get like a subscription service?
Speaker 1: Like if you want to get one a month, well,
Speaker 1: maybe should wear a condom. But the promo code, so
Speaker 1: city is giving us a promo code for guys who
Speaker 1: listeners sign up with code. Guys, we fucked no spaces
Speaker 1: all lower caps, guys, we fucked at get sticks dot com. Well,
Speaker 1: she said, dot cow make sure stick spelled regular. Yes, no,
Speaker 1: it's s it's get sticks dot co. So it's G
Speaker 1: E T S T I X dot co and you
Speaker 1: get off your first order. I knew it. I knew
Speaker 1: there was me an x there. Yeah, get sticks dot Co.
Speaker 1: This is really sucking cool. Um yeah get those get
Speaker 1: your sticks, bitch, but like bet you in like an
Speaker 1: empowering say um all right. And then the business I
Speaker 1: want to feature is called Terra and Co. Aaron Andrews
Speaker 1: wrote into us and and she said she's the type
Speaker 1: of person who wants to help people and do good
Speaker 1: for the planet. If you've ever heard about zero waste living,
Speaker 1: I have, Aaron, Uh, it's essentially a lifestyle when you
Speaker 1: try not to buy plastic or wasteful things in general.
Speaker 1: This includes garbage and even recycling because of things that
Speaker 1: go in recycling bins in North America don't actually get
Speaker 1: recycled due to people contaminating the loads, and it just
Speaker 1: goes into the landfill. I kind of figured that that's sad.
Speaker 1: To visualize the thought process behind living zero waste. If
Speaker 1: your bathtub is overflowing, you don't reach for your mop first,
Speaker 1: you turn off the tap. Uh. And also things like
Speaker 1: if you have a little water left in your water
Speaker 1: a bottle, like water, a plant. I've been trying to
Speaker 1: do that. So zero waste living is turning off the
Speaker 1: tap for plastic going into our forests and oceans. And
Speaker 1: it's said switching to reusables. The plastic problem is real.
Speaker 1: If your garbage isn't already tiny, it breaks down to
Speaker 1: little pieces and animals think it's food. That's why I
Speaker 1: chose this because the animals when they eat it, it
Speaker 1: never leaves their stomach, and over time there's so much
Speaker 1: plastic in it there isn't any room left for real
Speaker 1: food and they die of starvation. Oh my god, a
Speaker 1: whale just washed up and like there was so much
Speaker 1: plastic and it's that's stomach and that's the whales, you know,
Speaker 1: pretty big. Uh. Then animals go extinct, food chains collapse,
Speaker 1: then the oceans die, then humans die or in your
Speaker 1: mind kind of gal Yeah, anyway, if you've ever tried
Speaker 1: switching to reusables, you've probably noticed it's really expensive and
Speaker 1: that they're made of plastic. Yes, I have. Although that's better,
Speaker 1: the plastic still ends up in landfills and the cycle
Speaker 1: continues even though it's delayed. So my business is making
Speaker 1: zero waste reusables more accessible in terms of the price
Speaker 1: and who we deliver to. Additionally, we tried to be
Speaker 1: a hub for educational resources through our blog, Instagram community
Speaker 1: and website. As you can imagine, it's really difficult trying
Speaker 1: to live zero waste, so our goal is to make
Speaker 1: it ridiculously easy for people to make the lifestyle switch. UM.
Speaker 1: I went to the website super Cute. It's Hara and
Speaker 1: Co dot c A because this is a company based
Speaker 1: in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. UM it's h E r A
Speaker 1: A and d CEO dot c A. Okay, Para and Co.
Speaker 1: Super nice. They're all the informations here. I wanted to
Speaker 1: pick this because I know environment is something that we probably,
Speaker 1: out of all the causes to care about, it's one
Speaker 1: that we kind of talk about the least. Um you know,
Speaker 1: I guess because everyone listening will be dead by the
Speaker 1: time the world leads itself. But you know, we should
Speaker 1: still pay attention to it, and I and I have
Speaker 1: tried to be more tough cognizant of it lately. Like
Speaker 1: I even like a small step. I switched um the
Speaker 1: throwaway cotton pads that would you would use for like
Speaker 1: a my cellar water uh too. I found pretty cheaply
Speaker 1: on Etsy washable ones. It comes with a little pouch.
Speaker 1: They're great, Honestly, I like them better. And because like
Speaker 1: little pieces of cotton don't get on your face. And
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, that's one small step. Oh and
Speaker 1: I also um Alfred's uh we wee pad trained, so
Speaker 1: like if Mama has a long night, he doesn't have
Speaker 1: to hold it in, because you know, I don't want
Speaker 1: my dog having a u t I and I'd think
Speaker 1: about that. So I got him uh washable we wee pads.
Speaker 1: Now we only have five. That's it there. I'm not
Speaker 1: throwing away a lot of stuff because I just saw
Speaker 1: when I started living alone that my I was filling
Speaker 1: up garbage as a singular person more than I thought
Speaker 1: I should be. And so I was like, how can
Speaker 1: I take a few steps, because like, you don't have
Speaker 1: to make your life crazy, you don't have to be
Speaker 1: like one of those people who's like I have been
Speaker 1: using this mason jar as a garbage since it's a
Speaker 1: bathroom hand and I didn't even fell it. Yeah, like,
Speaker 1: you don't have to be that. Just a couple of
Speaker 1: things you can do, that's it. And that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: throw away the stuff that you have that throwaway right now,
Speaker 1: because that's worse. Finish it off. And then when you
Speaker 1: instead of buying stuff the next time that's throw away,
Speaker 1: you go, oh, is there something I can replace in
Speaker 1: my home? Reusable? One step at a time. Kids, don't
Speaker 1: get overwhelmed. It's not as hard as you think. Everything's
Speaker 1: gonna be fine, fine, fine, gonna be a okay, all right,
Speaker 1: are we Yeah we are? That's good. Oh yeah. Look
Speaker 1: at all these fucking badass bitches doing businesses to make
Speaker 1: the better. That's pretty cool. You can keep submitting. All
Speaker 1: you used to do is be a female, a listener
Speaker 1: and you need to have a business. Yeah, good for you. Guys.
Speaker 1: Um personal ship, what that I can talk about? You know,
Speaker 1: life is just gnarly. I will say last week I
Speaker 1: mentioned that I got a video from a guy and
Speaker 1: he was jerking off and it was a really fun
Speaker 1: video to watch. And then all these guys started DM
Speaker 1: me pictures of their penis, but I was like cool
Speaker 1: with it. I think I said, like, if you want
Speaker 1: a damn, I don't care. Like I I opened the
Speaker 1: floodgates and boy did it flood and man, dicks are
Speaker 1: So I feel very powerful because I'm not being like
Speaker 1: an asshole to these guys. And I feel like it's
Speaker 1: I feel like men, I think I don't know maybe
Speaker 1: and men correct me if I'm wrong. I know you'd
Speaker 1: want to uh, but I think that it's a It
Speaker 1: is a little vulnerable for a man to send a
Speaker 1: picture of his penis. And some of these pictures slash videos,
Speaker 1: the face was in there and now, look, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna fucking put it out on social media. Like that's
Speaker 1: cruel and cruel, like that's disgusting that I would never
Speaker 1: do that. Um. So I appreciate that there's the trust
Speaker 1: there from a stranger. I do appreciate that, but I
Speaker 1: also appreciate the fact that you know they're sending it
Speaker 1: to me. I think that's vulnerable, and I think that
Speaker 1: it's it's nice. It's this weird thing that I'm experiencing.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm like putting on this these this
Speaker 1: these shoes of like a woman who just gets bombarded
Speaker 1: by dick pics and it's not bad. I don't hate it.
Speaker 1: But it's also part of the reason why I don't
Speaker 1: hate it is because I was the one who said, hey,
Speaker 1: if you'd like to do this, you can. And the
Speaker 1: fact that it's coming based off of something that I
Speaker 1: directed and I conducted and I said, hey, I give
Speaker 1: you permission, that makes me enjoy it even more, which
Speaker 1: is why whenever we've talked about consent, it's like, you
Speaker 1: don't have to be like, man, I kiss you, but
Speaker 1: just having that respect of not sending it. But then
Speaker 1: if I say, hey, you know, if you want to
Speaker 1: send me dick pick, you can, and then sending it,
Speaker 1: that's that's consent. You kind of had my consented, you did,
Speaker 1: you had my consent to do it. And then this
Speaker 1: one guy sent me a picture and then he goes,
Speaker 1: you know, if you would want to see it, I
Speaker 1: have a video that I could send you that I
Speaker 1: would like to send it to you. But he's something
Speaker 1: he didn't work. He wasn't this worthy, but he was
Speaker 1: basically like, I'd like to send it to you. Let
Speaker 1: me know if you want to see it? Missed? You
Speaker 1: want some more? Yeah? And I was like, yo, you
Speaker 1: know what that's mad sexy that you asked. We're never
Speaker 1: gonna fuck. I mean, who knows, but we're not. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not. That's not why I'm doing it. But um,
Speaker 1: why I'm asking me guys for dick things. But it's
Speaker 1: an audition. I mean, hey, let me tell you something.
Speaker 1: These dicks are as well. Question. I'm like, is anyone
Speaker 1: sending a dick that is not like that? You said,
Speaker 1: like be featured? You know, right, right, right right. I understand.
Speaker 1: I understand the nature of the question you're asking, um
Speaker 1: zero zero, but let me tell you something like that.
Speaker 1: Well that there's guys jerking off with stuff up there,
Speaker 1: but there's videos of that. Okay, Yeah, I liked it.
Speaker 1: I was, but I wasn't half of these. I wasn't like,
Speaker 1: I'm not a roused, but it is. It's arousing, not
Speaker 1: in my vagina but in my brain. Yeah. I was like,
Speaker 1: you're you're more interested in sexuality than I would say. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like you this is like look at that guy's dick, Yes,
Speaker 1: this is yeah, this is yeah, and then this so
Speaker 1: this is like a curated exhibit at a museum. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's and look at that one that is the
Speaker 1: longest dick. Okay, I'm gonna actually request not to see these, Okay, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: and you can you can do that. Well, I was
Speaker 1: just giving you an idea, you know. It's they were
Speaker 1: they were varied, yeah, varied, And I thought that was
Speaker 1: kind of cool. And I don't know, there's something about
Speaker 1: it that is intellectually stimulating and intellectually arousing to just
Speaker 1: be the receiver always dick pis I mean, you don't
Speaker 1: you don't have to send I can you guys can
Speaker 1: stop sending them. I'm good. But uh, but I thought
Speaker 1: that that was it made it was interesting. That's all.
Speaker 1: Guys are gonna try to one up it though, because
Speaker 1: you know how they are. You're like you, You're like
Speaker 1: the little girl with crutches in the Last Menagerie, but
Speaker 1: only you have a dick menagerie. That's so nice. That's funny,
Speaker 1: you know what, I actually could see you. That's a
Speaker 1: great gift idea. But I just for into it. I'll
Speaker 1: forget it in five seconds. I forget everything else. Um,
Speaker 1: dicks are great. Yeah, and I did make a video
Speaker 1: of me. Oh, you finally nailed it went up and
Speaker 1: down on a dildo. You nail. I it was fun
Speaker 1: making a tot video, Like it's really fun. It's really fun.
Speaker 1: I wasn't bad at it. Did you send it out?
Speaker 1: I sent one of them, not me riding the dildo,
Speaker 1: but I sent a video to this person of me
Speaker 1: is a new it's a new person in the circle
Speaker 1: of me, like putting it up against my clip because
Speaker 1: I was like, goddamn Christina. But it took me so
Speaker 1: long to film it because I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I can get a better angle, it could be better.
Speaker 1: And then three hours later I'm like, oops, I just
Speaker 1: spent a long time trying to ride this dildo hook
Speaker 1: to my stool. But I like cover myself in baby oil.
Speaker 1: Usually it's one of the like one of the first
Speaker 1: couple takes and always, and then you keep trying to
Speaker 1: do it, and then after like an hour and a half,
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm just gonna two. And you gotta have
Speaker 1: good background music that's not cheesy but not funny but
Speaker 1: kind of xy oh that which reminds me you couldn't
Speaker 1: loop it in later, I guess that's two. That's too
Speaker 1: sounds yeah. Yeah, so you want to get the sounds.
Speaker 1: But I made sounds that were like, you know, not obnoxious. No,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, that's what I did. Um, that was kind
Speaker 1: of fun. I sent it to the person and they
Speaker 1: had fallen asleep because I waited. I took so long
Speaker 1: to take to tape it. Well, you said it was
Speaker 1: coming and then yeah, and then I, oh, yeah, you
Speaker 1: can't give yourself time constraints. I I didn't give him
Speaker 1: a heads up that I was making it that night,
Speaker 1: but I just sent it. And then and then he
Speaker 1: felt he had fallen asleep because I was talking to
Speaker 1: him a little bit right before I sent it. And
Speaker 1: then thirty minutes later I sent it because I had
Speaker 1: edited it. There's a lot of work involved. I just
Speaker 1: cut it down. I want to send the whole thing
Speaker 1: and put a filter on it, you know. Yeah wow, Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, but that reminds me. I have spoken about
Speaker 1: the various types of sex playlists on Spotify. I've made
Speaker 1: the first one public. It's called Christina's Dirty Sex Playlist. Um,
Speaker 1: if you're interested, Um, just Christina Hutches my spotify us name.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's pretty good. And then people are giving
Speaker 1: me suggestions of songs to add and they're fucking great suggestions.
Speaker 1: So and you can keep doing that. I'll make the
Speaker 1: other ones in public. I'll put it on my my
Speaker 1: social media. Yeah. See, I wish fucking Spotify wasn't like
Speaker 1: like I feel like I always put on private and
Speaker 1: then I go back and then on the private and
Speaker 1: I'm like, guys, this is not yeah, because I don't
Speaker 1: want people everyone. I have playlists for things that I
Speaker 1: do not want people know it. Well, I mean now
Speaker 1: it's like projects and now that we've put this private,
Speaker 1: oh no, you know, but it keeps doing I just
Speaker 1: want to I'm like, I just don't know want everyone
Speaker 1: know what. I'm always listening to it. Yeah, it's literally
Speaker 1: just lovado, but like, like you want to keep it
Speaker 1: yourself something for me? Yeah, maybe sometimes I want to
Speaker 1: listen to wrecking Ball twenty times in a row. Yeah, Hi, Christen.
Speaker 1: That was my my old roommate. She one day she's like,
Speaker 1: did you just listen to Wrecking Ball twenty times in
Speaker 1: a row? And I said, oh I did. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: was like, I can't believe you you've heard that, And
Speaker 1: she's like, well, I mean we live in an eight
Speaker 1: square foot place and I was like, you know what
Speaker 1: I was really say, it was really smart of you
Speaker 1: to notice. Um, okay, so what I wanted to talk
Speaker 1: about today, And you know, I'm not gonna pretend it's
Speaker 1: not based on personal experience, but I think it's you know,
Speaker 1: a good lesson anyway. Um is uh all right, So
Speaker 1: this is a common theme in my life and my relationships.
Speaker 1: I would say I've had, like currently like on my
Speaker 1: sixth serious relationship of my life, and you know, in
Speaker 1: thirty three that's not that many. Uh. Usually when I
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend, I like spend a good amount of
Speaker 1: time with them, and I don't let just anyone be
Speaker 1: my boyfriend. So the boyfriends I've had, I really do
Speaker 1: like and even if I don't like them anymore, like
Speaker 1: them at the time, and I don't like regret dating them.
Speaker 1: Um and uh So a common theme that I have
Speaker 1: that we've talked about before is that I will put
Speaker 1: a lot of work, like work into a relationship or
Speaker 1: really help uh someone kind of become their best self
Speaker 1: for like achieve something, and uh it gets you know where,
Speaker 1: And I just warm around people of that, um and
Speaker 1: not in a bitter way. This is I don't see
Speaker 1: it's it's hard to have this conversation without coming off
Speaker 1: as better because it's just, you know, lessons learned the
Speaker 1: hard way. But I truly, truly believe, and you are
Speaker 1: embarking on a business where you guys are going to
Speaker 1: be fifty fifty and it's not just it's not I'm
Speaker 1: not talking about it just like fifty fift doing the work,
Speaker 1: like fifty fifty going to get credit for the work. Um,
Speaker 1: Because so many times a guy will have an idea,
Speaker 1: a concept, kind of be like the the artist in something.
Speaker 1: And then the woman, the wife, the girlfriend will be
Speaker 1: and this is heterosexual I'm talking about, will be the
Speaker 1: producer a k a. Doing all the fucking work, um
Speaker 1: and making it happen, And on top of making it happen,
Speaker 1: making the calls, sending the emails, will also be the
Speaker 1: cheerleader for both of them, um, you know, will rub
Speaker 1: the shoulders when you know you get frustrated, will say hey,
Speaker 1: I made you a nice dinner when I mean there
Speaker 1: was a day when funding fell through, that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: And I uh, I've been getting so much better at
Speaker 1: really only working on my own stuff, and there was
Speaker 1: never a time when I pushed aside my own project
Speaker 1: for a dude's. But what I will notoriously do is
Speaker 1: take on too much and then try to in unison,
Speaker 1: keep navigating my own career and then try and manage, slash, produce,
Speaker 1: therapist life coach someone else's career. And it's not like
Speaker 1: I'm butting in, like these people are accepting with open arms.
Speaker 1: And I do like doing these things. Uh. You know,
Speaker 1: I worked in management for very years. It's very in
Speaker 1: my nature. Uh. I like it if I feel like
Speaker 1: I have a knack for um, taking a concept and
Speaker 1: cleaning it up and seeing like how you can execute it.
Speaker 1: And I do find joy in that. But then what
Speaker 1: happens is people ends up like leaning on you or
Speaker 1: expecting that from you, or worse yet, just not like
Speaker 1: you put a lot of work into something, and then
Speaker 1: they don't even follow through with it for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: They get self conscious, they get distracted, they're free of
Speaker 1: successive for you to failure. All these things are reasons.
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm not here just like O analyze
Speaker 1: people and you know, definitely gonna stop doing that, um.
Speaker 1: And so I've been really good about that and in
Speaker 1: the current relationship in I God, I it's been so
Speaker 1: hard not to offer help or money or anything but
Speaker 1: a hug and a kind word. But I have been
Speaker 1: so fucking good and that is all I have offered.
Speaker 1: And it's even though it's it's hard for I hate
Speaker 1: like watching people struggle when I know I can so easily,
Speaker 1: so like, no skin off my back, um, help them.
Speaker 1: But the problem is it's not you know, the two
Speaker 1: hundred dollars, it's not the one hour, it's the it's
Speaker 1: setting the precedent, uh for the relationship. And so it's
Speaker 1: been really hard, but I've done it. I've my willpower
Speaker 1: is strong, and I have not I haven't helped my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: That's hum and I know how hard. So like sometimes
Speaker 1: it's like I can't even look at this text message
Speaker 1: right now. UM. And so yeah, I was I was
Speaker 1: going through that with my my therapist today. Hi mom.
Speaker 1: My mom makes fun of me for talking about it
Speaker 1: too much, and I'm gonna say hi mom every time
Speaker 1: I do it. Um, And I was like, it's not
Speaker 1: it's twice the month, it's not that much. It's just
Speaker 1: like the things that she says irrelevant to this podcast. Um.
Speaker 1: And so I was kind of talking that over with
Speaker 1: her today and just kind of telling her the same thing,
Speaker 1: Like I was going through all the relationships in my
Speaker 1: life and four out of the six um people like
Speaker 1: basically couldn't. I didn't want to be around my shine anymore.
Speaker 1: And I know this sounds conceited. I know every already,
Speaker 1: everyone already thinks I'm conceited, And like what, I don't care?
Speaker 1: And if you think she's conceded that, I just I
Speaker 1: just don't care anymore. Like I I've done apologizing for
Speaker 1: loving myself, Like get your ship together, Like anybody's threatened
Speaker 1: by your self esteem? Who has zero self esteem? I
Speaker 1: just can't. I cannot. You know, whatever you're feeling, that's
Speaker 1: on you, that's not on me. So uh and like yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm like, oh yeah, they like all these people,
Speaker 1: I made a list like they couldn't handle my shine
Speaker 1: and that's what they left because I was like, how
Speaker 1: weird is it? I mean, I'm I think I'm great,
Speaker 1: but like the fact, no, none of my exes have
Speaker 1: gone on to date someone who are I mean, this
Speaker 1: is fucked up, but like on paper is like not
Speaker 1: that are looking not more successful, not smart or like
Speaker 1: none of these things not even one of them. And
Speaker 1: in life, you would hope that you carry on your
Speaker 1: relationships will get better and better. That isn't that is
Speaker 1: an indicator of you growing and becoming a better person.
Speaker 1: And I haven't let me tell you you haven't well
Speaker 1: because I was white. Relationships keep getting worse and fucking
Speaker 1: worse because in some ways, I mean, mine get sometimes
Speaker 1: my mind plateau for certain like I think that would
Speaker 1: be I see sometimes a plateau. I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: see them getting worse. There have been points of plateau though,
Speaker 1: um and plateau makes me nervous, but I always, you know,
Speaker 1: I try to be really like conscious of it. Um
Speaker 1: and your self awareness I think is going to add huge.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be huge for you, like because you're a
Speaker 1: self aware, but like I don't know, just having that
Speaker 1: in your head it's gonna be so it's gonna make
Speaker 1: it so much easier for you to like understand and
Speaker 1: do something like not help. Yeah, well because sometimes I
Speaker 1: just I just needed like a set of instruction, you know,
Speaker 1: an instructions or like or for someone else to be
Speaker 1: like no, it's okay not to offer, or sometimes like
Speaker 1: helping can actually hurt. And I think that's something to
Speaker 1: remember as women that helping can sometimes hurt. And yeah,
Speaker 1: well I turned to you whenever I don't know, I
Speaker 1: asked you because you're the only person who gives me
Speaker 1: advice from not a bias point, you know what I mean. Like, well,
Speaker 1: and you're always very clear on that. You can you
Speaker 1: can identify instances in which the helping is not it's
Speaker 1: too much, or it's it's actually rude that the person
Speaker 1: accepted that, or whatever it is. You're very good at
Speaker 1: spotting that. Oh yeah, I've given you advice that I
Speaker 1: didn't want to give because it made it worse for me.
Speaker 1: But then I was like, not, this is the right really, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you off a um and yeah, And so
Speaker 1: basically it was just like and the simil larity and
Speaker 1: a lot of these like both with Frank in retrospect,
Speaker 1: I think he really like, did let me go in part,
Speaker 1: as he says, for a good reason, because um, he
Speaker 1: knew that he needed a lot of support, and I
Speaker 1: he knew that I would be wasted as a human
Speaker 1: supporting him. And he said he said something along those
Speaker 1: lines to me at the time, and I was angry
Speaker 1: and I was hurt and I was like, what a
Speaker 1: load of bullshit. But all these years later and seeing
Speaker 1: who he ends up with, and that's that she is
Speaker 1: less of a person in any way. Just it's a
Speaker 1: much different kind of person than me. UM has a
Speaker 1: different kind of purpose on the planet. Uh. And it
Speaker 1: is not less than mine, it's just different. And Uh.
Speaker 1: I was like, ah, I see what you mean now,
Speaker 1: like he saw he's like your you know, Karin's not
Speaker 1: meant to stay at home as a mother, and there
Speaker 1: are women who are, and that is so important, But
Speaker 1: that's not who I was not in your demo. I
Speaker 1: am not meant to. I'm not I am not a
Speaker 1: shoulder to cry on. I am someone who if you
Speaker 1: say I have this idea for a show, and I
Speaker 1: don't just not. I want to. I'm ready to work,
Speaker 1: but I don't know how to make it happen. Like
Speaker 1: that's the kind of person I need to be with UM,
Speaker 1: and I like doing those things UM. And then I
Speaker 1: went through gosh and then yeah, gosh, I was thinking
Speaker 1: of of other people, like you know, my first boyfriend Tim,
Speaker 1: he kind of just the same thing. He wanted to
Speaker 1: like treat me like a princess and basically like keep
Speaker 1: me in a castle, because he was he's very wealthy,
Speaker 1: and I mean so a lot of people. That sounds
Speaker 1: like a dream. And I was like, I just want
Speaker 1: to work at the container store for twelve dollars an
Speaker 1: hour and and and go and do these comedy shows
Speaker 1: for like two dollars, like two dollars, yeah, and like
Speaker 1: a beer like and he just he really couldn't understand.
Speaker 1: Why don't you want to be in this like fancy
Speaker 1: apartment with me and not have to work? Yeah? And
Speaker 1: then and then then there was the stockbroker who I dated,
Speaker 1: who I'll also from Ohio I love in Ohio boy
Speaker 1: or odd least similar, and uh, yeah, he ended up
Speaker 1: just dating this person who like actually his old roommate
Speaker 1: who was just like the whole time we were dating,
Speaker 1: just throwing herself at him and just igdoring him and
Speaker 1: like also an alcoholic. I mean, there's a lot of things.
Speaker 1: Hopefully they worked at out. I don't talk to him anymore. Um.
Speaker 1: And then similarly with with James, so uh, I don't
Speaker 1: want to give it, but he he's been working on
Speaker 1: something for a really long time and I had a
Speaker 1: great idea and I'm so proud of him and I
Speaker 1: hadn't talked to him in a while, um because we
Speaker 1: had a bad last experience. And I did tell that
Speaker 1: to him and a d percent and meant it um.
Speaker 1: But it was very clear to me that after a
Speaker 1: year of trying to make it happen, the reason it
Speaker 1: finally happened was because a woman stepped in. And uh,
Speaker 1: you know the saying behind every successful man is a
Speaker 1: great woman. It just still think rings so true. And
Speaker 1: I'm happy for him, and I'm not mad at him,
Speaker 1: because it's like, honestly, if anything, I'm a little jealous
Speaker 1: because men do have this constant stream of women ready
Speaker 1: to help. And I think I've said before in the podcast,
Speaker 1: man I'd love a wife, and like, God, jam, I
Speaker 1: would love a woman to swoop in and offer to
Speaker 1: help me who I wasn't paying, you know, and offered
Speaker 1: to help me. You can have like a connection with
Speaker 1: her and then she supports you like wife out Like
Speaker 1: that sounds so great And so I do not fault
Speaker 1: him for accepting it. I think it's something that you
Speaker 1: have to be conscious of and go, wow, like what
Speaker 1: is why is am I not because he's so he's
Speaker 1: so fully capable of doing these things and and yes,
Speaker 1: and I see it, and you know, and I see it.
Speaker 1: So it's like at this big announcement, you know, he's
Speaker 1: at the front of it, and that's great. But then like,
Speaker 1: you know, a tiny thank you in the bottom line,
Speaker 1: and like in my head, I knew about this project
Speaker 1: for you, I offered to help. Obviously I didn't have
Speaker 1: a time because I have this to offer the same
Speaker 1: amount of help. Um. And so now someone finally comes
Speaker 1: through who's younger, earlier in her career, does have that
Speaker 1: time to help. And also it's like just more into
Speaker 1: into helping. And I think Once is working to be
Speaker 1: liked a little bit more than I just ever would um.
Speaker 1: And that's fine, that's just her personality. Uh. And and
Speaker 1: then then I just see this little line at the bottom,
Speaker 1: and I felt crediting that person. Yes, and it just
Speaker 1: feel I liked that you wrote to thank you because
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like third, he could have
Speaker 1: not written it at all, and I and it just
Speaker 1: it just made me angry and it made me sad,
Speaker 1: and it made me frustrated. And I don't know this
Speaker 1: girl personally. I only know of her. You know, I've
Speaker 1: been in the same room never had a conversation with her,
Speaker 1: and I was hesitant to even talk about this, but
Speaker 1: I think there is such a larger lesson here, and
Speaker 1: it's this is nothing like slanderous about either of them,
Speaker 1: nothing against either of them, because I'm really really try
Speaker 1: to be kind to the new girl. I'm never going
Speaker 1: to be like overjoyed, but I want to be kind.
Speaker 1: Nothing to do with the reason we broke up, nothing
Speaker 1: to do with my life whatsoever. Um, And I like again,
Speaker 1: like I'm just holding myself back from like, you know,
Speaker 1: damning her and being like it's cool that you're helping,
Speaker 1: and I think that's great, and I'm sure you're wonderful person,
Speaker 1: but just like just make sure you are getting something
Speaker 1: in return, because I think we've been taught that like
Speaker 1: love is so amazing, relationships are so amazing, and like
Speaker 1: they're they're not business, but when you interject relationships with business,
Speaker 1: than they certainly become business. And uh, it's it just
Speaker 1: makes I just get so frustrated. And then I start
Speaker 1: thinking of all the extra like extra hours I would
Speaker 1: have in my life or or in my career, or
Speaker 1: devoted to myself or even just devoted to like fucking
Speaker 1: taking a nap or walking around relaxing. Uh, instead of
Speaker 1: like using those actually that extra time to help. Man,
Speaker 1: like how much extra time I would have in my
Speaker 1: life and how much less stressed I would be and
Speaker 1: how much And it's like and like and I'm like,
Speaker 1: what do I have to show for it? And not
Speaker 1: you need some kind of like list after you get
Speaker 1: a relationships alle, but it's like, you know, what do
Speaker 1: I have to show for it? I don't have I
Speaker 1: don't have relationships with these people anymore. And that's fine
Speaker 1: because once you break up your break up, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't. I am not a better person. I am
Speaker 1: not a smarter person. I am not a more financially
Speaker 1: fit person from anything I did from these But the
Speaker 1: things that made me good were the things that I
Speaker 1: did for myself, the time I invest it myself. And
Speaker 1: so it's like I was just like losing my mind.
Speaker 1: I stayed until five in the morning because I was
Speaker 1: like so angry and frustrated this girl. And obviously a
Speaker 1: lot of it is a reflection of like being angry
Speaker 1: at myself. Um, and I was like, god damn it,
Speaker 1: Like this is and this girl is smart. I mean,
Speaker 1: she reminds me oddly and and definitely not by coincidence,
Speaker 1: reminds me very much of me. But it's like so obvious.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, yeah, get a younger Krin because she's
Speaker 1: not gonna she's not more successful than you, so you
Speaker 1: can still be the star, which I don't. I can't
Speaker 1: hold it against someone. We're any entertainment business. We've see that,
Speaker 1: you know, all we saw it happened to Tom Green
Speaker 1: and Drew barrymore like, and that's my favorite example of
Speaker 1: it because I was my favorite couple of all time
Speaker 1: and it devastates me to this day that they broke up.
Speaker 1: But it's like, um, even though he walked into the relationship,
Speaker 1: not you know, and I was already doing guys, already successful,
Speaker 1: you know. And I and I certainly always thought of
Speaker 1: him as a star, not as a star more than me,
Speaker 1: but like I saw him as a star as they
Speaker 1: because the start to me is not are you a star? Now?
Speaker 1: A star? Do you have it? Are you do you
Speaker 1: have the potential to be? And like I don't know
Speaker 1: if my boyfriends know this, but like I only date stars,
Speaker 1: like I only date people who I truly believe in.
Speaker 1: If I don't believe in you. We cannot date you know,
Speaker 1: and whether or not you reach the goal or um,
Speaker 1: you know, or maybe you decide to change careers or
Speaker 1: change or or you do some exploring and you find
Speaker 1: out that your particular purpose for life is different. That's
Speaker 1: something that we can, you know, go through together. But
Speaker 1: I only date stars. I'm a star, as Franjer said, absolutely,
Speaker 1: and a star does not mean entertainment business a star.
Speaker 1: You can be a star accountant, you can be a
Speaker 1: star mom. Like a star is just like a certain
Speaker 1: type of person who stands out. And like again, like
Speaker 1: I just stand out. I always have, not apologizing it,
Speaker 1: whatever the funk. I loved when Fanduster said. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: yours y um, and you're right and uh and and
Speaker 1: then I was just kept looking at that thank you
Speaker 1: and I was like, it's two thousand nineteen, Like I
Speaker 1: thank you is not enough. It was never enough. But
Speaker 1: like now is the time when we have we as
Speaker 1: women have to hold ourselves accountable. And I'm saying women
Speaker 1: specifically because we're the most guilty of it. And like
Speaker 1: so if you if you don't succeed, it's on you.
Speaker 1: It's not on the patriarchy. It's on. It's on all
Speaker 1: those hours that you spent on guys, and like thinking,
Speaker 1: like men are thinking about business while we are thinking
Speaker 1: about them, and it's so true. Time after time. I
Speaker 1: thought about this all fucking night, and then I talked
Speaker 1: woke up and I talked to care care about it, um,
Speaker 1: and uh, I was like, fuck. And then you think
Speaker 1: if it can happen to me who has been so
Speaker 1: aware of making ship happen since I was a little kid,
Speaker 1: of being an eighteen thousand clubs, never having a day
Speaker 1: of fun in my life fb l A, going from
Speaker 1: play practice to twirling practice to writing in the gazette,
Speaker 1: having people cokrean, what do you do? And I go,
Speaker 1: I don't know, just trying to make something stick, um,
Speaker 1: and I just I was like, I was like, and
Speaker 1: then I was like, thinking of of work situations, I
Speaker 1: was like, I've never seen a guy at work in
Speaker 1: sweatpants and it's scrunchy because some chick dumped him. He
Speaker 1: either fucking sucked it up and went to work and
Speaker 1: continued on his journey, or he shot up her yoga class.
Speaker 1: You know, don't do the second one, but but the
Speaker 1: boint is he did something about It wasn't MOPy, it
Speaker 1: didn't feel bad for himself. It was active. Goddamn, it
Speaker 1: was active. Okay, and then so and then because there's
Speaker 1: Atlantis Morrisset for every relationship problem that ever exists, I
Speaker 1: had a fine one because again I don't read self
Speaker 1: help books. That just listened to Atlanta c ds. It's
Speaker 1: got me this far, so I'm not drifting. Um. The
Speaker 1: one that worked for this one is from the album
Speaker 1: under Rug Swept, which, after Jagged Little Pill, I think
Speaker 1: is her the one I would call her second masterpiece. Um.
Speaker 1: It is like Jagged Little Pill is I like kind
Speaker 1: of like when you're in your twenties in your life
Speaker 1: is in shambles, and then under Rug Swept is when
Speaker 1: you've been burned a lot of times. Um, So I'm
Speaker 1: I'm currently an underrug Swept. I've been an underwug under
Speaker 1: Rug Swept since college though, because like, I didn't do
Speaker 1: a ton of like drugs. So Jagged Little Pill was
Speaker 1: more like this is entertainment. Um. And uh, the song
Speaker 1: for this is you Owe Me Nothing, And she does
Speaker 1: not mean that as it reads. She's sarcastic about it.
Speaker 1: She doesn't sing it sarcastically, but it's literally like the
Speaker 1: lyrics are, like, you owe me nothing for giving the
Speaker 1: love that I give you, you know, owe me nothing
Speaker 1: for giving the things that like I give you thanks
Speaker 1: for receiving it's my privilege, and you owe me nothing
Speaker 1: in return. Uh So it's basically just all these things
Speaker 1: that she has done or will do for men, and like,
Speaker 1: you owe me nothing. I'm happy to be here, I'm
Speaker 1: happy to be of service. And it sounds dramatic when
Speaker 1: it's all in one song, but then you think and
Speaker 1: you isolate it and you're not. You're like, I'm the
Speaker 1: fucking strongest, but I've done almost all of these things.
Speaker 1: Even if it wasn't, I'm not guilty of neglecting myself holy,
Speaker 1: which I think a lot of people are. I am,
Speaker 1: but definitely partially you know, well yes, because as you said,
Speaker 1: you do somehow managed to get everything done, and you
Speaker 1: always have a lot going on, a lot of projects,
Speaker 1: and on top of that to be helped so helpful
Speaker 1: to the person you're dating, that is you know, maybe
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have an old acting, you know, And I
Speaker 1: think that's the problem here. It's like one of all
Speaker 1: these things, maybe my I don't know, maybe my hairline
Speaker 1: would be more down, may maybe five pounds thinner. Because
Speaker 1: stress kills you. Yeah, it definitely kills you. Um. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I didn't set up before one, okay,
Speaker 1: because I got because I go, this is no way
Speaker 1: I'm making a past sixt right, And you might be
Speaker 1: right with the amount, but you are. You nail everything
Speaker 1: you work on, You do it well. You don't have acid.
Speaker 1: God damn, I don't have time to lose. And you
Speaker 1: read every word that people email you. And it's really admirable. No,
Speaker 1: it's seriously, it is. No, I know, it's just funny
Speaker 1: because I know you. Yeah, I don't read I yeah.
Speaker 1: And because I like to give like a little like
Speaker 1: not just you know, emotional, I like to go okay.
Speaker 1: So now we know what the problem is. How can
Speaker 1: we fix it? And I found this interesting call from
Speaker 1: Forbes magazine. Um and Adieu wrote this article Susan Adams
Speaker 1: from the Forbes staff. Um and this is back from
Speaker 1: two thousand thirteen, but it's still relevant. She basically took
Speaker 1: ten things that Cheryl Sandberg gets exactly right and lean in,
Speaker 1: lean in. So if you don't have time to read
Speaker 1: lean in because you're busy, uh fixing your life and
Speaker 1: your husband's and your boyfriends. Uh. Then these are the
Speaker 1: two most important things that I got from this article. Um.
Speaker 1: One is that she argues convincingly that internal obstacles hold
Speaker 1: women back. Because I was thinking, I was like, why
Speaker 1: are there all these fucking examples of uh women who
Speaker 1: are obviously amazing, but like even like eleanor Roosevelt, Like
Speaker 1: you know, it's just like, why is she second? You know,
Speaker 1: because like if you read eleanor Rose did a lot,
Speaker 1: she was the real star there, you know. Um Uh.
Speaker 1: So this is the this is the nut and the
Speaker 1: most controversial part of Sandberge's book and the point that
Speaker 1: has stirred criticism among other feminists, and I'm sure it
Speaker 1: did at the time, because well, we'll get into it.
Speaker 1: She says that women keep themselves from advancing because they
Speaker 1: don't have the self confidence and drive that men do.
Speaker 1: We lower our own expectations of what we can achieve.
Speaker 1: She writes, Indeed, this is the part of the book
Speaker 1: that still gives me pause. I believe that personal motivation
Speaker 1: is an incredibly complex thing, molded by our internal will
Speaker 1: but also strongly influenced by the parenting we receive. Yes,
Speaker 1: and I know I'm very fortunate and that was just luck.
Speaker 1: The peer group that surrounds us as we grow the
Speaker 1: educational opportunities we get, the connections we make, as well
Speaker 1: as the expectations and prejudices of those around us. Sandburg agrees,
Speaker 1: at least in part. She cites more than a dozen
Speaker 1: studies that underline the obstacles women face. One of the
Speaker 1: most compelling, though ten years old, still rings true. She
Speaker 1: calls it the Howard Heidi Study. Two professors wrote up
Speaker 1: a case study about a real life entrepreneur named Heidi Roison,
Speaker 1: describing how she became a successful venture capitalist by relying
Speaker 1: on her outgoing personality and huge personal and professional network.
Speaker 1: The professors had a group of students read royson story
Speaker 1: with her real name attached, and another group read the
Speaker 1: story with the name changed to Howard. Then the students
Speaker 1: rated Howard and Heidi on their accomplishments and on how
Speaker 1: appealing they seemed as colleagues. While the students rated them
Speaker 1: equally in terms of success, they thought Howard was likable,
Speaker 1: while Heidi seemed selfish and not the type of person
Speaker 1: you would want to hire or work for Sandberg's conclusion,
Speaker 1: when a man is successful, he is well liked. When
Speaker 1: a woman does well, people like her less. And I
Speaker 1: could not confirm that three years ago a d percent.
Speaker 1: Now I can confirm it. Yes, yes, yes, People that
Speaker 1: were friends before are now not. Sandberg writes about the
Speaker 1: conundrum this presents for women. Most of us want to
Speaker 1: be liked. That problem. But if our success means that
Speaker 1: others don't like us, how motivated are we to do
Speaker 1: well ship Sandberg admits that she has undermined her own accomplishments.
Speaker 1: And I have even done this because gem like ye're cocky,
Speaker 1: for fear that others would be turned off, And I
Speaker 1: stopped doing it. Then, she us exhorts women to overcome
Speaker 1: the Howard Heidi stereotype and advocate on their own behalf.
Speaker 1: She tells a concise story to illustrate her point. At
Speaker 1: her first performance review with Zuckerberg, six months into her
Speaker 1: job at Facebook, he told her that her desire to
Speaker 1: be liked by everyone was holding her back. Good for you, Zuckerberg,
Speaker 1: If you please everyone, he said, you won't change anything.
Speaker 1: Mark was right, she writes. Everyone needs to get more
Speaker 1: comfortable with female leaders. She insists, including female leaders themselves. Yes,
Speaker 1: what a great thing. And then the second point, I
Speaker 1: don't need to read this because you can sum it
Speaker 1: up in the one sentence. Women should ask their partners
Speaker 1: to do at least half the parenting work. You absolutely
Speaker 1: can be a woman and have be a mom and
Speaker 1: be a business owner, etcetera. But if you are, you
Speaker 1: both you fucking egg and sperm did that, so you
Speaker 1: both better be participated and you carried it and delivered it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's a little bit more work maybe, yeah. Um.
Speaker 1: And so I just was like, I thought this was
Speaker 1: so important and don't talk about it at enough and
Speaker 1: I don't want it to be true. And it's not
Speaker 1: at all saying that women are less than or not
Speaker 1: capable of or we don't just like, I'm sorry, we
Speaker 1: hold ourselves back more than men do in those areas
Speaker 1: and it's and it does help to be reminded. God, Dawn,
Speaker 1: I would love to have a conversation with the baddest
Speaker 1: bitches in the world. You know, Harry Clinton could be
Speaker 1: there beyond And then I bet they could list a
Speaker 1: fucking spiral notebook of Times of the Times that they
Speaker 1: could have succeeded more if they had not been helping
Speaker 1: their husband, standing up for their husband, covering up something
Speaker 1: for their husbands, making a cup of tea for their husband.
Speaker 1: And this is not to be saying partner, of course,
Speaker 1: but be a partner. That's the key, Belindal. If not,
Speaker 1: it's not an employee. Yeah. If your husband has an
Speaker 1: idea and you like that idea better than whatever you
Speaker 1: wanted to do with your life, you get equal credit,
Speaker 1: equal money, equal face time, equals say all these things.
Speaker 1: You don't. You don't get a fucking don't get to
Speaker 1: thank you on the bottom of the caption. You know what,
Speaker 1: you know what? I I don't know. I know I
Speaker 1: relate everything to childood trauma, but I I've I've been
Speaker 1: and I kind of have like a little like not
Speaker 1: shame over how I spent my weekend. But um, I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't put myself first this weekend. I put I let,
Speaker 1: I let me wanting this guy to like me and
Speaker 1: me wanting to spend time with him even though it
Speaker 1: probably is not something that's going anywhere. Um overcome the
Speaker 1: fact that I had so much fucking work to do.
Speaker 1: That's so embarrassing. That sucks. I do that all time.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I was gonna say like, And the therapist
Speaker 1: has been pointing out a lot lately that you're just
Speaker 1: trying to get mom to like you, and I don't
Speaker 1: like and I for a lot of women, it's I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's trying to get a parent to
Speaker 1: like you, trying to get somebody to like you, but
Speaker 1: there definitely is on top of that. That's the way
Speaker 1: that we're a little socialized. Not everybody because you escape that,
Speaker 1: but the likability thing is just like what we ride
Speaker 1: on instead of pissing people off and being successful on
Speaker 1: the way, not trying to piss people off, but knowing
Speaker 1: that it will and who gives a fuck? And we
Speaker 1: can see if you want to see it in active motion.
Speaker 1: Look at my social media comments compared to Chris Dinas.
Speaker 1: Christina's are very nice because she's nice and she's likable.
Speaker 1: Minor fucking rudish. Fuck. Did we not both give you
Speaker 1: lots of things and lots of tools over the years.
Speaker 1: Of course we did, and I know that, so I
Speaker 1: just L O L But it's like exhausting at the
Speaker 1: same time, And you know, I don't already like, don't
Speaker 1: like humanity, but I I like floating in this safe
Speaker 1: space of being liked. That's why I was so like
Speaker 1: terrified of the luminary thing or any any negative. And
Speaker 1: it's like, fucking goddamn it, that doesn't fucking matter. You're
Speaker 1: not going to create anything great if you're too concerned
Speaker 1: about being liked. Yeah, and I mean, I just I
Speaker 1: gotta put myself first. There's other examples. I saw it.
Speaker 1: I know, sorry, I know you have to go, but
Speaker 1: like I asked, I also, you know, I I saw
Speaker 1: something else I noticed Scopus was that as a specifically
Speaker 1: female comedian doing well. I never fucking see female comedians
Speaker 1: bringing females on the road as their opener. And I
Speaker 1: get it, I get the logic, you're gonna talk about
Speaker 1: the same things pretty much, but I go, fuck it.
Speaker 1: I was Amy Shuman brought, but she was there's an
Speaker 1: assortment and like the specials she produced are male specials.
Speaker 1: But I mean, I think you know, things of that nature,
Speaker 1: and uh, it just doesn't happen. So taught to just
Speaker 1: like be the gaze of a man. But and I
Speaker 1: don't think it's and I don't think it's anything more
Speaker 1: than uh, well, there's a higher chance that we're going
Speaker 1: to talk about the same topics, and people like variety,
Speaker 1: but there is variety within women. So it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't get a I didn't get a loud mouth
Speaker 1: Italian jew to open for me. I got a Japanese
Speaker 1: girl to open for me. So we're gonna have a
Speaker 1: different right out of the gates. And I said to me,
Speaker 1: if someone four years into comedy is writing the same
Speaker 1: types of jokes as me almost ten years into comedy,
Speaker 1: then I better fucking adjust to my set because I'm
Speaker 1: not doing a good enough job my job um. And
Speaker 1: and so I was like, because I was on the fence,
Speaker 1: and I also didn't want to be like, come off
Speaker 1: as man haitie, and I'm not, and I think people
Speaker 1: know that by now. And so I was like, fuck it,
Speaker 1: I'm just only bringing female, young female openers. When I
Speaker 1: say young, I mean young in comedy, not young age wise.
Speaker 1: If there's an eighty year old woman two years in,
Speaker 1: that's absolutely fine. But so I was just like yeah,
Speaker 1: and she goes, she goes to me, and she was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: is there anything any topics you want me to steer
Speaker 1: clear of? And I thought for a second, and yeah,
Speaker 1: that would have made my job easier because she actually
Speaker 1: does have one topic of a thing that is oddly
Speaker 1: and I thought it was a pretty unique premise, but
Speaker 1: I guess not, bitch. Um and uh and I and
Speaker 1: I just go and I was like, in my head,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, it would make my job a
Speaker 1: lot easier if I told her to knock that out,
Speaker 1: but I said, no, you just have to make the joke,
Speaker 1: make it better. To make it better, what are you gonna, Donna,
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, yeah, if if I, if somebody
Speaker 1: like takes an idea of hours or mine or anything like,
Speaker 1: or if any and I'm like, fucking try and do
Speaker 1: it better. And I don't mean that bitterly or sarcastic,
Speaker 1: because then if you do, I'm gonna go, Fuck, what
Speaker 1: do I have to do to make my thing better?
Speaker 1: It's all that's all good. That competitiveness is from that
Speaker 1: um that Ted talk the Beyonce features a clip and
Speaker 1: flawless um uh. We we train are we're in competition
Speaker 1: with each other, which is something that can be helpful,
Speaker 1: but it's like we're in competition for fucking men. That's
Speaker 1: not helpful. Yeah, it's just I just I was just
Speaker 1: so upset and you know, there is a there's a
Speaker 1: part of you that go, you know, goes like why
Speaker 1: couldn't that be me? That could help you? And then
Speaker 1: you go, oh, it couldn't be me because because you're
Speaker 1: not never going to put out my own shine, someone
Speaker 1: shine brighter. It's never gonna happen, nor should it. Shit,
Speaker 1: you're just glid a fy under my ass. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: you can still date someone fucking success and you can
Speaker 1: still and like this and moving on. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this current relationship, you can still state someone fucking amazingly
Speaker 1: successful and talented and smart, who has achieved a lot,
Speaker 1: who is not would never even think to ask you
Speaker 1: to put out your shine. See that, I don't even
Speaker 1: can't even comprehend that that exists. Would a man exists
Speaker 1: who would date me? Never? As in fact, I had
Speaker 1: to forcibly keep them out of comedy clubs because I
Speaker 1: was like, these jokes aren't ready, and I don't know
Speaker 1: if you're going to take these tips and ticks and
Speaker 1: jokes the wrong way because I don't know you have
Speaker 1: enough yet. But they're very funny. Um, so that's that real.
Speaker 1: This is why I didn't get lost lost sleep. Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta really and then the O c D
Speaker 1: kicked in and you're like, how many times do you
Speaker 1: look at the same Instagram? Robile? All right? Our guests
Speaker 1: this week, Oh man. He's the winner season eight of
Speaker 1: RuPaul's Drag Ways, comedian and co host of Sibling Rivalry
Speaker 1: podcast with Money Exchange. His comedy special, Bob the Drag
Speaker 1: Queen Suspiciously Large Woman, is available on Logo. Ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: please welcome Bob the Drag Queen with me in my eyes?
Speaker 1: Are you down to right? I don't have the patience
Speaker 1: if you're trying to waste my time. I've been single,
Speaker 1: I've been fine, but I've had you on my mind. Lately.
Speaker 1: I've been busy, but for you, I'll make the time.
Speaker 1: Hit my line, in my line. I don't have the
Speaker 1: patience if you're trying to waste my time. Don't hit
Speaker 1: my line. Hit my line. Lately, I've been busy, but
Speaker 1: for you, I'll make good time with me in my eye?
Speaker 1: Are you down to right? I don't have the patience
Speaker 1: if you try. Okay, we're here with Bob, but drag queens. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I thank you so much for coming on our show
Speaker 1: so much. Really, very excited to interview. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: excited to be here. This is phone. We ran into
Speaker 1: each other, um in the airport. Yeah, I was on
Speaker 1: the cash of cruise. That's how well. Yeah I was.
Speaker 1: He even met me when I had laryngitis, and I
Speaker 1: was like trying to explain that we had emailed and
Speaker 1: but it was barely coming out. But you got the
Speaker 1: gist of it, you know. And also you know it
Speaker 1: was really very um I almost ran and I'm saying,
Speaker 1: um no, I have throat problems too, and so I
Speaker 1: understand the struggle of like losing your voice, and then
Speaker 1: it's really frustrating because you can't communicate. And then you
Speaker 1: start getting your head what I need to go on
Speaker 1: vocal reson need to say my voice, and then you
Speaker 1: start trying to communicate through like gestures and symbols, and
Speaker 1: then you realize no one understands what I'm trying to say,
Speaker 1: and you think, yourself, this is very clear. When I
Speaker 1: opened my hand at this it means open the door,
Speaker 1: and they they're like, yeah, read a sword. You're like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm leaving used, and I gotta say, my friends who
Speaker 1: are listening, we're not being helpful in helping me be
Speaker 1: on vocal rest. Vocalest is so hard because I want Well,
Speaker 1: that's why I live alone. That's perk. You can be
Speaker 1: on vocalist no one's asking you ship and I like talking.
Speaker 1: And then then when I try to go on vocal
Speaker 1: rest people then you'll say it's your friends, like you'll
Speaker 1: you'll use what little voice you have to go listen, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm not talking because I I'm having problems, and then
Speaker 1: inevitably your friends will ask you questions about the problem. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: your life, what's going on? I'm like, yeah, did you
Speaker 1: just hear me say I'm not talking? Like you can
Speaker 1: only ask me yes and no questions, nothing else. Maybe
Speaker 1: like so, like, what's it like being on some I'm like,
Speaker 1: they interview you like Gayle King me, did you see
Speaker 1: this Gail King? Kelly Gail King was stow. I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: she is really just my favorite problem. When he's like yelling,
Speaker 1: she goes Robert, Yeah, that is the best part of
Speaker 1: the calmness that she exemplified was admirable. It was just
Speaker 1: I aspired to have that like calmness and stoicism. It's
Speaker 1: like having a crazy like she Gail King is a
Speaker 1: lady on the train when a crazy person comes on,
Speaker 1: it's going off and she's just still reading her book. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like a crazy person is like going and acknowledging. Its
Speaker 1: like reading, you know the posure reading the third installment
Speaker 1: in in the Fire in the Hunger Game series, She's like,
Speaker 1: may will not be interrupting my chapter? Did that? Hunger
Speaker 1: Games was so long ago? I still feel like I
Speaker 1: can't spoil it, and it was like five years ago.
Speaker 1: I kind of saw it, and I don't even remember
Speaker 1: if I saw it. But I usually don't like stuff
Speaker 1: like that, but I loved Hunger Games. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I'm not a big reader, and I read all those
Speaker 1: books back too bad. That probably a week one week,
Speaker 1: and that's big for me. I'm not like someone who
Speaker 1: just loves reading fiction. Um, but I read the other games,
Speaker 1: and when we all three of them, I gotta try
Speaker 1: that because I don't like reading fiction either. I like,
Speaker 1: I like self help ship, but fiction on like, I
Speaker 1: just like biographies and autobiographer Those are good because I
Speaker 1: love like learning about what successful people did and then
Speaker 1: just taking notes on it. Well, I thought i'd like
Speaker 1: biographies too, but I'm just not into I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't like narrative books. I like self help books,
Speaker 1: but like following a storyline, especially in book form. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard. And also I mean I personally if I
Speaker 1: hit read one on home by myself, because I will
Speaker 1: just fall asleep and just fall asleep. The only time
Speaker 1: I can read is when I'm traveling. I can read
Speaker 1: on the train, the car. I'm one of those people
Speaker 1: can read in the car, and I can read on
Speaker 1: an airplane. But I also now follow sleep on airplanes
Speaker 1: and I can't stay with Lucky. That's took me a
Speaker 1: while to be able to do that. Do you ever
Speaker 1: read erotica? I don't try well. I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: when I was in high school, The Coldest Winter Ever
Speaker 1: was this really popular book. I can't remember who was by,
Speaker 1: but it was just really popular, like erotica book The
Speaker 1: Coldest Winter Ever. And I would like all the girls
Speaker 1: in my school were reading it. Yeah, and it was
Speaker 1: like it was like this black erotica, and um I
Speaker 1: remember like trying to like getting ahold of it and
Speaker 1: like reading a few pages and being like this is stimulating,
Speaker 1: but it's also reading. I would rather sit down at
Speaker 1: the dial up computer and wait fifty nine minutes for
Speaker 1: a three minute video to upload the beat. And also
Speaker 1: it's always like straight erotica, which I'm just not really
Speaker 1: then nothing nothing against some of my best friends. My
Speaker 1: parents were straight. I think I actually think porn is
Speaker 1: very hot. I agree, and I and I've also been
Speaker 1: recently like trying to not fetishize, but I've been recently
Speaker 1: very into trans man porn and it is fetishizing a
Speaker 1: little bit. But I just think that transmit are just
Speaker 1: so pretty, They're just so put At what point do
Speaker 1: you think does fetish shies fetish sizing rights. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a hard one. Um becomes a problem, becomes as the
Speaker 1: Jezabellians like to say, problematic. Even though that word can
Speaker 1: be used meaningfully, I feel like it's overused. That is.
Speaker 1: That is a good question, because I've also been finding
Speaker 1: myself fetishizing Asian guys um and trans men, and I'm
Speaker 1: finding that, like, I'm just attracted to a lot of
Speaker 1: Asian guys and a lot of trans men because I
Speaker 1: think they're really pretty. Yeah, that's your taste. And yeah,
Speaker 1: and I like kind of fam guys and prett boys
Speaker 1: and petite guys um and everyone looks at my I
Speaker 1: know he's yeah that um, I mean, he's no Asian
Speaker 1: trans guy. But but I guess how love do you feel?
Speaker 1: Thanks for coming here? That's fun. But when when there's
Speaker 1: disrespected involved, when you're treating somebody like an object to
Speaker 1: the face, I would imagine that's when it comes. But
Speaker 1: that doesn't Just because you fetishize something doesn't mean you
Speaker 1: do that. I think a big part of fetishizing is
Speaker 1: finding something sexually attractive based on what it is. So like,
Speaker 1: you can fetishize fat guys, you can fetishize harry guys,
Speaker 1: you can fetishize and I think that fetishizeing becomes an
Speaker 1: issue when it becomes race based. But even but if
Speaker 1: you are attracted to black dudes and you, but if
Speaker 1: you're if you're conducting in a way that you both
Speaker 1: feel mutually respected, if there's consent on both ends, then
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a problem. Do you think, though,
Speaker 1: if somebody fetishizes like an Asian Asian guys, do you
Speaker 1: have to let that person know if you're dating an
Speaker 1: Asian guy, do you have to kind of put that
Speaker 1: out there or no? Or where is that line? That
Speaker 1: is interesting? I mean, I think that if you And
Speaker 1: that's gonna make me sound like a total asshole. But
Speaker 1: I'm just want to be an honest, be honest. I'm
Speaker 1: talking mostly about like hooking up with not like like
Speaker 1: I just wanna now that I would not date an
Speaker 1: Asian guy or I mean, I'm pretty open with all
Speaker 1: date um, but I'm but I'm talking about specific about
Speaker 1: about sexual attraction. Yeah, And I feel like when you
Speaker 1: hook up with if I were to hook up with
Speaker 1: an Asian guy, if my goals were ever to come true,
Speaker 1: um do I do I need to be like I
Speaker 1: like a lot of Asian guys. I feel like that's
Speaker 1: a turn off just to say yeah, and it would
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't even know how would make
Speaker 1: him feel about Yeah, just just another one of the people.
Speaker 1: I'm just the type. I'm not me, Like you don't
Speaker 1: like me for me like me, like because of something
Speaker 1: beyond my control. Yeah. But I also feel like if
Speaker 1: you are dating, if you date a lot of Asian guys,
Speaker 1: then the guy you're dating will probably know. But what
Speaker 1: I but if you were hooking up with an Asian
Speaker 1: guy who fetishizes black guys, could you just both be
Speaker 1: honest about it? And then objectify each other in a
Speaker 1: in a respectful way. To be honest, I would probably
Speaker 1: I would probably feel sexy if you were in the
Speaker 1: black guy like, I'm here for that. I like, I
Speaker 1: mean like I have a bit of a dad bod.
Speaker 1: I've I've developed into a dad body. And guys who
Speaker 1: like that, who tell me that it doesn't bother me, Like,
Speaker 1: it does not bother You're into dad bother Like you
Speaker 1: know what I have? What I have, and uh, I'm
Speaker 1: going to bring it to the table. Oh I love
Speaker 1: a dad body, Oh my god, I really do. Might
Speaker 1: a tall dad, very tall dad dad buds are usually
Speaker 1: I would I would think more fronty. I know I'm
Speaker 1: your clothes, but like you don't seem from I just
Speaker 1: I carry all of my weight into my belly. I
Speaker 1: don't gain weight anywhere. Really, like I will look the same.
Speaker 1: My whole body looks the same. My friends are like like,
Speaker 1: since I was on drag race, I've gained forty pounds,
Speaker 1: but you can't really tell five pounds on drag races.
Speaker 1: So about pounds here and the give and take, how
Speaker 1: much I've eaten or how much I've worked in a
Speaker 1: couple in a week, um, but it's all literally, wow,
Speaker 1: this is so funny though, because this is like the
Speaker 1: this is the gay version of a dad body, like
Speaker 1: in the heterosexual world. It's just like that answer. It's
Speaker 1: like slimmer with a shirt on. Yeah, gay fat and
Speaker 1: um and straight fat like Roseanne fat, and then like yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah I'm gay fat. Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm also gay
Speaker 1: fat though. I think and I think, I think and
Speaker 1: culture is gay fat. I think. Let's let's be real.
Speaker 1: It's funny. Oh my god, alright, so uh yeah, I
Speaker 1: think we just starting when How did you get into drag?
Speaker 1: How old were you? What? What was the calling? Um?
Speaker 1: I was twenty two turning tree, like right around the
Speaker 1: time I turned twenty three, just before um, and I
Speaker 1: was watching RuPaul's Dragon It just moved to New York City.
Speaker 1: It was about it was ten years ago, a little
Speaker 1: over ten years ago, and Rupau's Drag Race came on
Speaker 1: TV and I thought that, I mean, the very very
Speaker 1: very first time I was ever introducers drag was the
Speaker 1: movie Too Long Food, which is one of my favorite
Speaker 1: movies growing up with John Quizamba, Wilson Snips and r
Speaker 1: I P. Patrick Swayze. Thanks for everything. Yeah, one, the
Speaker 1: very one and uh. And then in high school, I
Speaker 1: remember getting a role where my teacher wanted me to
Speaker 1: play the role feminine and I was like, maybe I
Speaker 1: she just dressed as a woman, and she was like,
Speaker 1: lass night, get crazy. I mean this was also in
Speaker 1: Georgia in the in the nineteen twenties. Um. No, no,
Speaker 1: I was not out, but I just remember being really
Speaker 1: excited at the idea of playing the role them like
Speaker 1: I just like, this sounds fun. I'm gonna play it, fim.
Speaker 1: But she did not let me do it in drag
Speaker 1: because it was Georgia and it was the early two thousand's. Um.
Speaker 1: But then I didn't Actually I dressed in drag for
Speaker 1: the first time, not drag, but we did opposite sex
Speaker 1: makeup in college and then after class for makeup class. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was a theater major, so I take a makeup class.
Speaker 1: And then I actually did drag drag for the first time.
Speaker 1: After watching the first season of Repulse Drag Race, and
Speaker 1: I saw, are you big fans of Drag Race? Do
Speaker 1: you know? I don't know, I don't know. I know
Speaker 1: a handful. So the winner of the first season was
Speaker 1: bb'sa Harb and a She was also a contestant on
Speaker 1: All Stars three, and Um, I saw her, and I
Speaker 1: was thinking, I saw myself in BB and I thought
Speaker 1: to myself, Wow, this African man looks like a gorgeous woman.
Speaker 1: So I feel like, if he can be a beautiful woman,
Speaker 1: then I can be a beautiful drag queen, can beautif
Speaker 1: queen if he can beautiful queen. So then I decided
Speaker 1: to do drag and then and then it just became
Speaker 1: a snowball effect. Wh I did that while working like
Speaker 1: Dragon waiting tables, Dragon acting, Dragon real estate. And then
Speaker 1: it just became only drag. And then I got on
Speaker 1: drag race and and and now I'm at the penal
Speaker 1: color of my career, which is this podcast. After this,
Speaker 1: it's all down to there. The only way is up.
Speaker 1: So so the allure for you was more in the
Speaker 1: like female esthetic than the performance, or it was just
Speaker 1: a combination scapism because you already were a performer. Well
Speaker 1: it was, you know. I mean I I moved to
Speaker 1: Extin to be an actor and a comedian. Um, and
Speaker 1: I think the initial hole was dressing up. And then
Speaker 1: I became really enthralled in the idea of um of
Speaker 1: performing like the idea of being able to tell jokes
Speaker 1: and and I used to I usually dressing in drag
Speaker 1: to do my stand up as a great way of
Speaker 1: to be remembered. And um, I just uh, the performance
Speaker 1: really became everything to me. Do you feel like comfortable
Speaker 1: in a way that you are not like in when
Speaker 1: you're in drag? Do you feel this comfort that you
Speaker 1: never feel otherwise? Kind of thing like this playfulness, this freedom.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe not a comfortable drag is actually quite uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: but I do feel now because I am I mean,
Speaker 1: quite frankly, one of the most famous drag ways in
Speaker 1: the world. I do feel a uh, it's kind of
Speaker 1: a built in the safety net that they'll like me
Speaker 1: no matter what because they know me from TV um.
Speaker 1: But before you know, I just it does feel like
Speaker 1: an armor, like you can do anything you're you feel
Speaker 1: like almost like a dress up animal from Disney, like
Speaker 1: when you can go around being goofy because you're you
Speaker 1: get a past to be a little more silly than normal. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love drag like drag shows. Karen has introduced me
Speaker 1: to that world, and it was with me the first
Speaker 1: couple of times I went to drag shows. I love
Speaker 1: going to them. They always lift my spirits. If I'm
Speaker 1: ever in a depressed mood, drag shows are my antidepressant.
Speaker 1: Remember any of you've been to it in the city?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? Yeah? Um uh we were going to
Speaker 1: pieces with Squida. Oh she's one of the um actually
Speaker 1: one of the oldest drag queens in New York City
Speaker 1: and she's one of the oldest people in the world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I heard that too. I heard that too, Like, how
Speaker 1: are you still? Whychwe And she's like drinks vampire regal
Speaker 1: drag name was harriets Heppan's but her show, she's so
Speaker 1: fucking funny and conniving. And we're talking about this earlier
Speaker 1: with Carly like we you know, stand up there. The
Speaker 1: PC nest that's leaking into stand up has not leaked
Speaker 1: into the drag community, well slowly, not into the local
Speaker 1: drag community, but in the international Dragons drag community. It
Speaker 1: has leaked over and um yeah, PC is a buzzword
Speaker 1: that has been used. In my opinion, um is escaped.
Speaker 1: It's an original context, yeah, absolutely, yeah, and been abused. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's been it's been abused. PC has definitely been an
Speaker 1: abused term for sure. In my opinion, Yeah, because that's
Speaker 1: one of the most fun things about drag shows. Like
Speaker 1: I mean, like yeah, in New York City, like you
Speaker 1: can still go, and I mean people are just messy. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and and and drag queens truly have a power over
Speaker 1: the crowd that even stand up comedians don't have. Like
Speaker 1: I often credit going to drag shows with being a
Speaker 1: better stand up comedian, because I do think drag queens
Speaker 1: are better at controlling the crowd and showing, like the
Speaker 1: audience who's boss. Like you see heckling a lot at
Speaker 1: stand up comedy shows. If it had beens at a
Speaker 1: drag show, like that person is going to be spill
Speaker 1: a drink on it. Well, what it makes is what
Speaker 1: I love about drag shows is like, you know, a
Speaker 1: good drag show and you are a little bit afraid
Speaker 1: of the drag Yeah, if you're not scared of the
Speaker 1: drag queen, in my opinion, she's not a very good
Speaker 1: drag queen. You should be. When the drag queen makes
Speaker 1: direct eye contact while on stage, Yeah, it should feel
Speaker 1: like when their principle says your name when the intercom
Speaker 1: at school, you know what my name got said by
Speaker 1: the authority figure I need to behave myself. I love
Speaker 1: that idea of being just a hair scary. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it always makes me feel like sexier going to drag
Speaker 1: shows because I'm not. I don't. I don't dive into
Speaker 1: my sexuality like when I'm out in public as much
Speaker 1: as I would like to. And like drag queens just
Speaker 1: they just the way you walk, the way every every
Speaker 1: movement is so. I mean, most drags are more feminine
Speaker 1: than like women I know, and it is this heightened
Speaker 1: version of of the of being a woman. I mean
Speaker 1: it's literally like like for example, but like you are
Speaker 1: like it's the like you have makeup on right now.
Speaker 1: But if there were a drag queen, they'd be like,
Speaker 1: she wears literally no makeup. You have on eyeliner And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you're wearing eyeliner, that is makeup,
Speaker 1: whereas this would be the like bare minimum drag makeup.
Speaker 1: It is hyper feminine, like big big hair, eyeliner all
Speaker 1: the way back to your hair, super you know, snatched brows,
Speaker 1: tiny ways, big boobs, big hips, high heels. It is
Speaker 1: hyper feminism. Yeah, it shows how feminism is powerful and
Speaker 1: you you use the feminine mystique or the feminine uh
Speaker 1: image to control a room? Yeah, absolutely, Yeah, that's put
Speaker 1: it um. And so, uh, what is it like dating
Speaker 1: as someone who is one of the most famous drag queens,
Speaker 1: Because I know there's there's so many kind of like,
Speaker 1: there's so many, so many a little judgment that I sense,
Speaker 1: like within the gay community a lot like just over
Speaker 1: different types of people or like who I will date,
Speaker 1: And it seems like there's a lot of like categories
Speaker 1: has ever been an issue or people like not interested
Speaker 1: in dating a drag queen kind of thing. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean there are you know, actually a lot of drag
Speaker 1: queens talk about how they woulden day drag queens, which
Speaker 1: I find in actually less now than I used to
Speaker 1: hear it. And I feel like the idea of film
Speaker 1: shaming has which is like shaming guys for being feminine.
Speaker 1: And I also feel like the idea of mask for mask,
Speaker 1: which is masculine acting guys who only want to date
Speaker 1: masculine acting guys, has started to fade away and it
Speaker 1: is starting to be like normally, if you like you
Speaker 1: know what grinders grinder is. If you don't know, Grinder
Speaker 1: is a hook up app for gay guys. It's like, uh,
Speaker 1: it's like Christian mingle for heathens um And basically on
Speaker 1: the app if you see mask for masks nowadays, people
Speaker 1: will probably like, if you put mask for mask on
Speaker 1: your app, you'll probably get shipped for it for your Yeah,
Speaker 1: and like it's just in the in the people mask
Speaker 1: for mask or only looking for mask guys, you'll probably
Speaker 1: get a lot of shipped for it. Okay, So what
Speaker 1: the other people want you to do then is date
Speaker 1: guys that you're not necessarily attracted to and just to
Speaker 1: prove that they're think I think what they think, what
Speaker 1: they like people if you like, for example, a lot
Speaker 1: of people who are grunted, like instead of saying what
Speaker 1: you don't want yea, or or saying like no firm guys,
Speaker 1: so and so, no so and so and mass firmats
Speaker 1: does say what you want, but it also it tears
Speaker 1: it puts this idea out of that being feminine is unattractive, right,
Speaker 1: well to that person, right, I mean, because we were
Speaker 1: talking with bow and Yang from Lost Culture Stas and
Speaker 1: he said that it was a big thing on Grinder
Speaker 1: and smaller dating apps to write no fats, no firms,
Speaker 1: no Asians. Yeah, and I know that's a big thing
Speaker 1: as he is Asian, a big you know kind of issue.
Speaker 1: Uh uh yeah, you see a little juicy. He's adorable.
Speaker 1: You want you want, you want to spake an introduction?
Speaker 1: I have open relationship, I'm guessing. Yet we do have
Speaker 1: an I hope. So otherwise this is like the rudest
Speaker 1: He's like sitting there like cool, I'm just on Twitter, man,
Speaker 1: we do have an open What are your what are
Speaker 1: the what are your rules? Or the obviously don't don't tell?
Speaker 1: Which is great? Now you comfortable with me telling them
Speaker 1: our rules? Um? We well, I really are. Our only
Speaker 1: real rule is, um, if you when you hook up
Speaker 1: with other guys, if you're gonna have anal sex, use
Speaker 1: a condom and outside of that, Um well that's pretty
Speaker 1: said back. Yeah, I mean we're pretty Yeah. Can you
Speaker 1: know people I know or no doing it in our house?
Speaker 1: Do you look together? Well, there's a guy that I yeah,
Speaker 1: we live together. He just moved in yesterday. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: my god, it's like every day of sleepover. Um. Actually,
Speaker 1: there's a friend of mine that I used to hook
Speaker 1: up with that I don't whatever. The friend of mine
Speaker 1: that I used to hook up with, and I don't
Speaker 1: hook up with anymore. And then I've been trying to
Speaker 1: get Jacob to hook up with him too. Now we're
Speaker 1: trying to make that happen. But also that friend of
Speaker 1: also like I can't hook up with my friends, Like
Speaker 1: when I see I can't see my friends sexually, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just that's not I'm not that's not
Speaker 1: where I am. Like, I can see people sexually even
Speaker 1: if we're friends, right, I mean, if the only way
Speaker 1: to get me to probably if I find you sexy.
Speaker 1: The only way to get me to not find you
Speaker 1: sexual is if you're my fucking brother or my uncle
Speaker 1: or something. But if you're not related to me and
Speaker 1: I think you're sexy, you're just sexy. But I also
Speaker 1: have friends that I have sex with and we are
Speaker 1: still friends and it doesn't affect, it doesn't up. Have
Speaker 1: you ever had it fun up the friendship? Has fucking
Speaker 1: ever sucked up your friendships? Oh? I think it has. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no one's caught feeling like now. Also, this is my
Speaker 1: first boyfriend. I've never had a Yeah, we've been done.
Speaker 1: We started when I was thirty one and i'll be
Speaker 1: thirty three this year. Um, so I've never been in
Speaker 1: a relationship before, so I just kind of just go around.
Speaker 1: That's fun. So yeah, so what's it like being in
Speaker 1: your first relationship? Are you having or is well? I
Speaker 1: have nothing to compare it to, but it seems pretty
Speaker 1: par for the course. I mean, we have a lot
Speaker 1: of opening communication. We're very open with each other about everything. Um,
Speaker 1: we were having a discussion last night about how I
Speaker 1: am sometimes a little too honest about stuff that's not
Speaker 1: about relationships, stuff that's about that was opinions and stuff. Yeah. Literally,
Speaker 1: it was about whether it was about when you go
Speaker 1: to someone show, if it wasn't good, what do you say? Well?
Speaker 1: And praise is underestimating this helf steam? I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't think false praise is good. That's what I said.
Speaker 1: That's not doing anybody any favors. Oh my god, your
Speaker 1: team me and you're about to be I can already
Speaker 1: tell you that. I was like, no one wants to
Speaker 1: do a play and then be like that was garbage,
Speaker 1: like no one invited Simon Cowell. I mean like you,
Speaker 1: but you can because you can compliment without being bullshit,
Speaker 1: Like I don't give standing ovations to things that I
Speaker 1: don't deserve. I've been sitting in a sea of standing people.
Speaker 1: Many times that's on that bitch, right, But like push
Speaker 1: my top lip, it means nothing like to me, like
Speaker 1: it takes away the meaning of people who do deserve
Speaker 1: standing ovations. But like I mean, there's there's an over
Speaker 1: a way to be overly obnoxious in your truth. Like
Speaker 1: you don't have to be like, oh my god, that
Speaker 1: was amazing, but you could be like, oh, like you
Speaker 1: can find something. You can find something positive to say
Speaker 1: that doesn't feel like, oh, I you know that. I
Speaker 1: could tell that was like I loved the direction in
Speaker 1: that or just something like that something, because there's something
Speaker 1: good in everything and you can find you can find that.
Speaker 1: I'll say, for example, if I went to a play
Speaker 1: that was not good but I had fun being there,
Speaker 1: they say, how wasn't I had so much fun yet
Speaker 1: a great time? That's true. I did have fun. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like when you go see a play, when you
Speaker 1: go to you know and has always has reviews on
Speaker 1: the Marquee, you can always tell it's a bad play
Speaker 1: when it says amazing cast. This cast is they've done
Speaker 1: great thing in other shows. That means this show is
Speaker 1: not good. That's true. Their person always really carrying it.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, I think it's different like if I
Speaker 1: was you know how for like my most intimate partner,
Speaker 1: best friend, if they came to see a show and
Speaker 1: I honestly asked them like how do you think that was?
Speaker 1: I would want the honest truth there. But it depends
Speaker 1: your level of I dated somebody that was too honest
Speaker 1: with his opinions on art my work, and I didn't
Speaker 1: like it. It tore me down. I don't even ask
Speaker 1: for it, right, Well, my mom is is like that.
Speaker 1: My mom gives her honest pain everything, um and but
Speaker 1: I like it. It's your mom though you have a
Speaker 1: close relate, like you know. I'm also on I was
Speaker 1: on television on the show that people love to give
Speaker 1: their opinions about. So I actually feel like because I
Speaker 1: was judged so harshly for my makeup on RuPaul's Drag Race,
Speaker 1: I've actually gotten much better at makeup because I kept
Speaker 1: constantly being told your makeup is bad. It's still bad,
Speaker 1: it's not good yet, or they say, or I do
Speaker 1: my makeup and keep trying to change the like, well,
Speaker 1: at least the eyebrow is good, alright, I got the
Speaker 1: eyebrow and then I'll try to change this, like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: Bob finally fixed that. Oh Bob's wearing blush Bob this.
Speaker 1: So I'm actually getting if you look at when I
Speaker 1: did drag on Drag Race versus now I've changed my
Speaker 1: makeup because I kept getting critic harsh when I was
Speaker 1: in New York City and no one ever said anything,
Speaker 1: and I just never got better. I just kept doing this. Really,
Speaker 1: no one ever said, you know the other drag queens,
Speaker 1: so I guess they don't want you to get better.
Speaker 1: New York queens have tendency to really like we just
Speaker 1: don't care as much about the look as we do
Speaker 1: about the performance, because a lot of us are We
Speaker 1: became drag queens after being performers, like singers who became
Speaker 1: drag queens, actress who became drag queens, dancers who became
Speaker 1: drag queens became drag queens. Um. Whereas other places you
Speaker 1: are just a drag queen and then you find what
Speaker 1: you do afterwards. But most of us moved here to
Speaker 1: perform and then discover drag. Okay, so we're we're wrapped
Speaker 1: up in the performance. But if your performance is bad
Speaker 1: and New York city, they will tell you, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I know. I'm so. I feel like my
Speaker 1: standards are so high now because I've seen such spectacular drags,
Speaker 1: the best drag in the world, sorry about it. Where
Speaker 1: are you listening from? Um? But New York City doesn't
Speaker 1: have the best drag in the world. I said what
Speaker 1: I said, don't. We're team in New York. We also
Speaker 1: feel that way about comedy. We're like, best comedy in
Speaker 1: the world, best a lot of things. Yeah, what kind
Speaker 1: of According to some recent vote, the best pizza in
Speaker 1: the world is literally in Brooklyn, which one I can't
Speaker 1: remember the name of it was voted best pizza. That's
Speaker 1: where Beyonce I ghost. M hmm, yeah. I think they
Speaker 1: might usually probably runt out the whole place. So, but
Speaker 1: because the Beckhams go there too, That's how I know
Speaker 1: could imagine it was like actually, like the Dwayne read
Speaker 1: upmarket earth St and Broadway. They used to have an
Speaker 1: upmarket which was like it had a yoga of frozen
Speaker 1: yogurt stand in, a sushi bar, wow sushi, and a
Speaker 1: juice bar. Okay, like it was everything. I think that
Speaker 1: it was unpop because of people are like, I'm not
Speaker 1: eating Dwayne to read sushi. That's fair. I don't need
Speaker 1: I don't need Sushia actually had my first ever crab
Speaker 1: role recently, the Cash Cruise, and it was it was
Speaker 1: good And I'm actually not normally into shell fish, and
Speaker 1: I just have this idea that my head, I just
Speaker 1: can't eat raw fish because it just looks crab isn't
Speaker 1: easier one of the crab and lobs are easier to
Speaker 1: eat and like the raw than the actual because they
Speaker 1: don't it doesn't feel slimy. That's like salty food. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm really unique. I like salt. I'm salty over sweet
Speaker 1: any day. I'm like more unique than everyone else. I
Speaker 1: really like selticque. So have you ever got um? Now,
Speaker 1: in non open relationships, jealousy happens all the time, and
Speaker 1: I would imagine jelosey happens too in open relationships because
Speaker 1: people are human beings. Has it ever has like? Have
Speaker 1: you ever been? Like? Can you not? From? No? I
Speaker 1: get jealous because, quite frankly, from an objective standpoint, he
Speaker 1: is cure than I am. Like, he's very like a
Speaker 1: cute twinkie gay guy. Um, So he just has the
Speaker 1: opportunity to hook up with guys that I wish I
Speaker 1: could hook up with the jealousy isn't that Like I
Speaker 1: don't like that you looking up with him? But I was.
Speaker 1: I would think to myself, I wish I could hook
Speaker 1: up with that guy. But I guess Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: use my celebrity hook up with guys too often. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use guys. Yeah. I believe in using what
Speaker 1: you've got to get what you want. What you got, Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: I earned this, God damn it. So like, if people
Speaker 1: are sucking because you're about the drag queen you're like,
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're as you are sexually into it,
Speaker 1: Like if me being famous turns you on and make
Speaker 1: sure dick harder than yes, but if if you're doing
Speaker 1: it for the story and you can't get an direction,
Speaker 1: you know, but as long as you find me sexy
Speaker 1: in this moment, I mean, desire turns me on. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: A big part of me, A big part of me
Speaker 1: thinking someone is sexy is them thinking I'm sexy too. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true. That good taste, But that's how I get
Speaker 1: in a bad thing. Yeah, have you ever had a
Speaker 1: guy fucking you just because you're Bob the drag queen
Speaker 1: and how did you know it so well? I mean,
Speaker 1: if you can't get an direction, I'm assuming that's what's
Speaker 1: going on here. Also, I mean sometimes people can't get
Speaker 1: directions the US and yeah, it's not because we're Christina.
Speaker 1: Happened before this. Yeah, people get nervous. Yeah, someone's been drinking. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so all those things could be true for you. It's true,
Speaker 1: And I mean I don't know. The truth is, I
Speaker 1: have no way of knowing. I actually didn't have One time,
Speaker 1: I was in Montreal at Montreal Pride and this guy
Speaker 1: was hooking up with me and we were in the
Speaker 1: room together and then at one point I was just
Speaker 1: kind of like just I started not feeling it and
Speaker 1: I was like, I just feel like this isn't working out.
Speaker 1: He goes, yeah, me too, and he goes, you know,
Speaker 1: the truth is, I'm not really interested in I'm not
Speaker 1: really attracted to black guys. I just uh, I came
Speaker 1: up here to see if this could work and what
Speaker 1: and what the fuck it? And then I was like,
Speaker 1: well that is that that is particularly unattractive to me? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And he was like, ope, you're not mad. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: mad is not the right word I would use, that's say,
Speaker 1: but it is really kind of an annoying experience to
Speaker 1: be someone's experiment. Yeah, it's very experimental, like you know,
Speaker 1: that's that's where fetish becomes aspect. And of all people
Speaker 1: to be experience, you choose experiment, you choose me. You
Speaker 1: could have had someone a little a little law Yeah,
Speaker 1: what if? Uh? This is a very hack question about
Speaker 1: our relationships, but one that I'm still curious about. Do
Speaker 1: you guys say I love Do you love each other?
Speaker 1: You love? You love? We do? We Actually we're we're
Speaker 1: very pragmatic couple, and we're not what other people might
Speaker 1: consider terribly romantic. Um and earlier and we smile at
Speaker 1: each other as beautiful. I do love him. Earlier in
Speaker 1: our relationship, we chose. I just said, Hey, let's just
Speaker 1: start saying I love you, um, and let's not make
Speaker 1: it up. Let's not making a thing, let's not be like,
Speaker 1: let's not feel it. Let's start saying it. I said,
Speaker 1: and saying. We don't have to say whether or not
Speaker 1: it is true or not right now, but if we
Speaker 1: just start saying it, eventually it will end up being true.
Speaker 1: But the thing I'm gonna come talking to the microphone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's something that I was feeling for a while, like
Speaker 1: other relationships. I was like, no, no, I was just like,
Speaker 1: I feel like there's so much stuff around saying I
Speaker 1: love you. That a big deal, and I would rather
Speaker 1: just like say it way early when I don't like,
Speaker 1: maybe fully feel it and then eventually ease into it
Speaker 1: instead of making this a whole production around. But if
Speaker 1: you never ended up feeling it, then we probably would
Speaker 1: have broken up out the while, okay, because I don't know.
Speaker 1: We also had an earlier discussions, you know, if you
Speaker 1: ever which I think everyone has a discussions, but I
Speaker 1: feel like it was pretty real, you know, if you ever, Um,
Speaker 1: I feel like we have to stop dating, then let's
Speaker 1: just go ahead and do it. Let's not drag it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, high notes. Yeah, Jacob is one of my
Speaker 1: best friends now too, So I mean we even if
Speaker 1: we were to stop dating, which I plan on doing
Speaker 1: very soon, I'm just kidding. Moved in. You know, even
Speaker 1: if we did stop dating, we would obviously still be
Speaker 1: friends because he means, well, I don't know if this
Speaker 1: is like gave versus a straight thing, but the moment
Speaker 1: of saying I love you and the times that I've
Speaker 1: done it, it has been in the rain just so much.
Speaker 1: But the last two guys, I said I love you too.
Speaker 1: With the two recent guys, I said it to them
Speaker 1: pretty quickly. They said it to me while I said
Speaker 1: it to one first and the other one said it
Speaker 1: to me first. And I didn't feel like that epic
Speaker 1: sitting in the rain and holding each other, but it
Speaker 1: felt almost more natural. Yeah, and unless scary. I saw
Speaker 1: a video on Instagram of this this guy behind a
Speaker 1: girl or maybe she was on his back, and then
Speaker 1: she whispered something and he whispered something in her ear,
Speaker 1: and then she turned around and started crying. And the
Speaker 1: caption was he just said I love you for the
Speaker 1: first time. And I was like, I don't need that move. Like,
Speaker 1: first of all, they were teenagers. Yea, will be broken
Speaker 1: up in a few girl. Um. And secondly, that's just
Speaker 1: too much. It puts too much pressure on this idea
Speaker 1: of of I just love you and if you really
Speaker 1: love each other, you don't need those arts, don't need
Speaker 1: the fire. Yeah, yeah, you don't need the whole Yeah,
Speaker 1: fancy parade. I live for those moments in life, which
Speaker 1: is pretty which is pretty par for the court. That's
Speaker 1: not unusual. I just know that for me as a
Speaker 1: as a really uh you know, pragmatic kind of person a. Right,
Speaker 1: let's just stick with the facts here instead of like
Speaker 1: trying to create moments. Moments will happen. Yeah, let them
Speaker 1: happen organically. Oh yeah, knows that's not a moment. But
Speaker 1: it is, like, I mean, I can't I cannot say
Speaker 1: it if I do not feel it. And I've said
Speaker 1: thank you to people and I said it to me,
Speaker 1: not county in a way, but like because I mean
Speaker 1: like I don't know what to say because I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not going to say it back like out of pressure.
Speaker 1: I love I love this, I love here's a good answer.
Speaker 1: I love you. That's nice. I love you. Do you now?
Speaker 1: Thank you? Feel thank you? Like that I felt the
Speaker 1: thank you, But I can't say that I love you
Speaker 1: till I feel it. Um, what what if? The hacky
Speaker 1: question I wanted to ask you was what if you
Speaker 1: develop feeling for other people? Have you and you talk
Speaker 1: about it? Oh? Well, I also identify as polyamorous, Okay,
Speaker 1: And I actually told Jacob there's this one guy that
Speaker 1: I was like trying to date, uh for a while
Speaker 1: the guy from the play that the Traveling Play I
Speaker 1: told you about him, hope it was. It's a great show.
Speaker 1: I didn't get to see him in it, but I've
Speaker 1: seen the show before and he I've heard it. He's
Speaker 1: a good he's a good performer. Anyway, Um, but age
Speaker 1: had it ended up not I'm getting really choked up,
Speaker 1: and no kidding, I'm ended up not having because of
Speaker 1: the Traveling show and I'm I'm a traveling queen and whatever.
Speaker 1: But we have discussed polyamory. I's how do I am polyamorous?
Speaker 1: And also we realized that like that doesn't like if
Speaker 1: I start dating this guy, that doesn't mean that he
Speaker 1: has to date him too, Like he and I be dating,
Speaker 1: and then Jacob can have someone he's dating, or we
Speaker 1: can also both be dating the same guy, or all
Speaker 1: three of us can be datting each other. But because
Speaker 1: me and that guy are dating doesn't mean that he
Speaker 1: and Jacob are now dating. Now do you have to
Speaker 1: but do you have this thing where either with you
Speaker 1: discussed it or you just kind of know that you
Speaker 1: are each other's main person, meaning like people are Polly
Speaker 1: a primary was it right? Now? We are each other's
Speaker 1: only person um, and we haven't really made it that far. You.
Speaker 1: I mean, it took me thirty one years to get
Speaker 1: their first boyfriend, so maybe by the time I'm sixty two,
Speaker 1: I'll have another one. So how did this come about?
Speaker 1: First boyfriend? Oh? We met on grinder and while I
Speaker 1: was in San Francisco working, and then we went to
Speaker 1: breakfast the next morning and then he actually text me
Speaker 1: on New Year's Eve. It was like happy New Year's
Speaker 1: long after the date what s he messed me on
Speaker 1: grinder on and this was probably it was probably maybe uh,
Speaker 1: half a month to a month after we hooked up,
Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, you text me on New
Speaker 1: Year's Eve. That's really uh. I was the one you
Speaker 1: thought of. And he was like, yeah, you were so.
Speaker 1: And then I said, well, you know, I'm moving back
Speaker 1: to San Francisco in February. We will we should hang
Speaker 1: out and then we pretty much started dating immediately. Wow. Wow,
Speaker 1: I love gay romance. But also we are a little
Speaker 1: bit more h what ridiculous? Yeah, more chilled than most people.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it seems like you don't have people. There's
Speaker 1: certainly no possessiveness. Um, not really, but you can enjoy
Speaker 1: like playful possessiveness when you are actually together, like you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: sometime I will come it on his Instagram post mine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's fun to be It's fun. It's fun to
Speaker 1: be possessive a little like and show like you know,
Speaker 1: there is something like pride that your mind kind of thing, right,
Speaker 1: I mean. Also, it's more of a play on other
Speaker 1: people who are possessive. So when someone people do that's
Speaker 1: possessive that we think it's funny, and then I'll just
Speaker 1: do it because we saw someone else's ridiculous inside jokes.
Speaker 1: That's fun mine. Yeah. When a relationship the spine of
Speaker 1: it is humor, I feel like it's always gonna work out.
Speaker 1: We just posted a picture of himself with coffee and
Speaker 1: he said mornings with Bay and I responded, who is
Speaker 1: this bitch? Yes? So are you? Are you also consider
Speaker 1: yourself to be polyamorous? Yes? I do. Okay, okay, because
Speaker 1: I would always wonder how one who was not polyamorous
Speaker 1: would date someone who is polyamorous. Because I've dated someone
Speaker 1: who's polyamorous. I was like, okay, this is I just
Speaker 1: it doesn't to me. I don't. I don't see how
Speaker 1: it could work it out. If you're not the idea,
Speaker 1: you're notorous. I think the idea of monogamy just doesn't
Speaker 1: seem like a construct that works for humans, especially for
Speaker 1: male bodied and male minded people, because I really do
Speaker 1: think that, you know, semen build up in your body
Speaker 1: makes you think. I don't know if it's ever explained
Speaker 1: to you what it feels like to come, not just
Speaker 1: like feel but like your brain, but like the before
Speaker 1: you come, and the longer it is until you come,
Speaker 1: you can't think straight like you are so sexually driven,
Speaker 1: your desires change, your standards, change what you're interesting. I mean,
Speaker 1: the longer it goes, the more you'll suck anything, you'll
Speaker 1: you'll you know, you just you just and then the
Speaker 1: moment I'm when I tell you, the moment the semen
Speaker 1: is out of your body, your your mind, it's like,
Speaker 1: I mean, would you say that it sounds appropriate to
Speaker 1: you that for me, the moment this seeming leaves your body,
Speaker 1: your whole mindset changes. Yeah, I mean I I felt
Speaker 1: that not as drastically, um, but I felt that, like
Speaker 1: why did Like it's just there's a there's a there's
Speaker 1: a pivot, but not that drastically it was like every
Speaker 1: now and then they're like there there is a point
Speaker 1: where I will get so horny that I cannot do
Speaker 1: anything else for concentrate. But I mean it's not not
Speaker 1: as often, not as god is it until you come,
Speaker 1: Like because for guys, it's like something is leaving your body. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for me, it's not. Hormones are literally jumping out of
Speaker 1: your body onto you know, a napkin or someone's face, yeah,
Speaker 1: or someone's donut. Yeah. Yeah, I would say for me,
Speaker 1: I can come or sometimes eating fix does fix it
Speaker 1: to me. To me, they're hitting the same spot. So
Speaker 1: like if I want to funk, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: eat for like hours, and then I'll be hornier. Guys
Speaker 1: never eat before they because you don't want to miss right.
Speaker 1: You don't eat a pot rose for you if you
Speaker 1: never had apsie? Oh yes, CAx. What's so, what's one
Speaker 1: that sticks out or a funny one or a terrifying
Speaker 1: one or whatever one like yeah, maybe like the most
Speaker 1: what was the most feces? What was I'm curious. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think what was the most popsie oopsy
Speaker 1: I had ever had? And I feel like it was
Speaker 1: maybe it was like this this this hairdresser I was
Speaker 1: looking up with a couple of years ago, maybe like
Speaker 1: seven years ago, and he, uh, you know, he pooped
Speaker 1: a little bit on my wiener. I'm using a really
Speaker 1: mature term clinical. And also he defecated on my penis
Speaker 1: just sounds so like, yeah, I think it sounds fun
Speaker 1: like a port click okay, and uh and he was
Speaker 1: pretty embarrassed, and it uh because he was so embarrassed,
Speaker 1: it didn't kill the move. But also, I mean, as
Speaker 1: a top, I'm not gonna shame you if yeah, if
Speaker 1: I had my fingers up men's assholes and then if
Speaker 1: something's like it's that I put it up there, it happened,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be an asshole to you. So that happened.
Speaker 1: And then he was like, yeah, you got my shot
Speaker 1: on your dick. Would you have continued I'm not doing
Speaker 1: that now, I don't. I don't know that that response
Speaker 1: would have. I really only have three rules in the bedroom.
Speaker 1: No puke, no poop, and no blood. If you can
Speaker 1: help it, not a purpose. Yeah, if you can help it,
Speaker 1: and if it does happen, we'll just clean up a
Speaker 1: little bit and either get back to it. But sometimes, uh,
Speaker 1: it sometimes the bottom is so embarrassed by it that
Speaker 1: they can't get back into a mode of sex. So
Speaker 1: P is on the table if you want to be
Speaker 1: if you want to be what I mean, it doesn't
Speaker 1: turn me on, but if you want me to be
Speaker 1: on you, if you want to be on me, I
Speaker 1: will let you. It is it is, it's thorough. What
Speaker 1: do you wanna say? But coming to the microphone there, Um,
Speaker 1: I was wondering if you could talk about your preferences
Speaker 1: for hygiene when you're eating us. Yes, yes, question, I
Speaker 1: love this. My preference for hygiene when eating an ask?
Speaker 1: I mean I prefer you just you know, give it
Speaker 1: a good scrubbing. To be a scrub right away, it
Speaker 1: can be a scrub from earlier. Um, as long as
Speaker 1: you haven't you know, done a lot beforehand. And also
Speaker 1: like looking up with a guy, if you're going to
Speaker 1: eat his ass, you really have to. Uh, it's a
Speaker 1: weird things. You don't want to ask the question, hey
Speaker 1: have you cleaned your ass? I can eat it because
Speaker 1: it kind of takes away from the mood. But if
Speaker 1: you feel some breath on around the as you just
Speaker 1: got like warn someone, I just I've gone in on
Speaker 1: the ass without asking. A straight man, I can't believe
Speaker 1: that's your that's brave, that's like, I mean, that's bravery
Speaker 1: thing going into going into Afghanistan. I mean, you really
Speaker 1: thank you for your service. Well, I a guy get
Speaker 1: really turned on. And my favorite is when I'm I'm
Speaker 1: my hands, my fingers are up his asshole while either
Speaker 1: he's jerking off or I'm sucking him off or whatever,
Speaker 1: and he comes and it's just like another level you
Speaker 1: prostate massage when you come into full fantasy. But I'm
Speaker 1: just intrigued by how do straight guys respond? Do you
Speaker 1: them or do you just go to Browntown? No, I
Speaker 1: don't go to Browntown because if that's not something they're
Speaker 1: comfortable with, I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable
Speaker 1: because I don't want to partner to do that to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but um, but you know, I understand some things you
Speaker 1: don't asking for. It does take away the the excitement
Speaker 1: about it. But um with yeah, with like, I just
Speaker 1: I asked them, have you ever had anything done to
Speaker 1: your ass? And are you curious about it? I'm just
Speaker 1: you know, Um, the last two people, the one guy
Speaker 1: was seeing that I had ended it with was really
Speaker 1: open to it. Had never I don't think he's ever
Speaker 1: had it done. And I successfully like milked his prostrate.
Speaker 1: I was so proud of myself because I didn't even
Speaker 1: look it up. I didn't even look up how to
Speaker 1: do it. I just like felt my way through it. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well I just felt his body. It was very It
Speaker 1: was a natural reading of somebody else's body because I
Speaker 1: was really because the sex we I was, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: so good. Um, and then the other guy was seeing
Speaker 1: he was just like I asked him that question. He goes, no,
Speaker 1: but you could do whatever you want to me. And
Speaker 1: he wasn't aroused by it, but he was just like
Speaker 1: he literally spread his legs. You can figure my So
Speaker 1: I don't care. And then I did it. But I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: this is not He wasn't responding to it. He was
Speaker 1: responding at all. Some like he was like playing Nintendo ds,
Speaker 1: like like beating Mario Kart while you were like. So,
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, you're just I'm like, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you're just trying to prove how open you are,
Speaker 1: and that's that's cool, but you gotta be turned on
Speaker 1: because if not turned on, I don't want to do it.
Speaker 1: And I feel like in gay relationships, it's just kind
Speaker 1: of understood that there's going to be some butt eating,
Speaker 1: and you usually don't say like can I eat your
Speaker 1: like if you're gonna if you're gonna have sex, you
Speaker 1: usually don't don't start with like, hey, are you comfortable
Speaker 1: with your butt being eaten? Kind of like you can
Speaker 1: you can probably eat a girl's plus say it's more
Speaker 1: standard like yeah, do you like to have your vagina
Speaker 1: you know, kind of ling or I don't know what
Speaker 1: you know, if someone asked me that I would, I
Speaker 1: would eat your box. So, but I imagine eating a
Speaker 1: straight guys. But is a is a full fantasy, and
Speaker 1: that's something that happens later into our sexual relationship. You know,
Speaker 1: it's not a one it's not the first time thing.
Speaker 1: It's not the people asking recently. Good to get to
Speaker 1: find out if a butt is good or not. Yeah,
Speaker 1: to play with the ass while you're making out, and
Speaker 1: then when they're not looking at you just kind of
Speaker 1: pick your hand by yours and if it's good, then
Speaker 1: you go. You hang out there. I've only done that
Speaker 1: to myself. I'll put his balls in my mouth and
Speaker 1: I'll just walm down there. I'm like, and and everything's good.
Speaker 1: It's good. Yeah, But but hygiene but like, so you
Speaker 1: the wiping of recently? Right? But what about hair? Oh?
Speaker 1: I love but hair, but hoole hair. Yeah, we love
Speaker 1: hair on their butt hole or is it like a
Speaker 1: round you like around not on the actual button, not
Speaker 1: on the actual butt hole, but the hair around it
Speaker 1: is so hairy that is overlapped. Do you have a
Speaker 1: preference of pubic hair? No, not really No, Okay, yeah
Speaker 1: I thought I did, but then I dated a guy
Speaker 1: who just didn't shave at all, and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't care. I don't know that clean shaven does it
Speaker 1: for me. But I've also I don't think I have
Speaker 1: ever hooked up with a guy who was clean shaven,
Speaker 1: like to the point it was like slick and that
Speaker 1: that might turn me on. But I've never had it,
Speaker 1: so I don't know. I real it. I don't like
Speaker 1: the only I don't like it stubbly, Oh yeah, because
Speaker 1: it hurts. Yeah yeah, yeah, stubbily does hurt. I don't
Speaker 1: know I've had I've had clean shaven straight dudes, and
Speaker 1: I'm like that those are like the cleanest people I
Speaker 1: know though, like the cleanest partners I've had. I like
Speaker 1: when a guy is puke like I don't know for
Speaker 1: but I mean if I'm going to eat you. But
Speaker 1: like I just I just don't trust straight men to
Speaker 1: clean their butts because I've seen I've done one, but
Speaker 1: because he asked, I don't offer. But if you ask,
Speaker 1: I'll do. If you ask, I'll do pretty much everything
Speaker 1: and anything once as long as it feels like, uh
Speaker 1: like safe, like I'm not going to like get any
Speaker 1: kind of disease or and I it doesn't feel demeaning.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about the blood puke? I'm very
Speaker 1: into blood, Like blood play is like a thing that
Speaker 1: I'm like very into the bod on you. Yeah, any
Speaker 1: kind of blood I'm I'm very into. But poop and
Speaker 1: puke No, but how usually puke? Oh my god for me. Also,
Speaker 1: you puke, there's gonna be hurting. Like it seems like
Speaker 1: oh I like pain though, Yeah, I like pain. I
Speaker 1: like I'm more into inflicting pain than receiving pain, to
Speaker 1: be honest, but I just it just seems I would
Speaker 1: be so would I would be scared, I would be nervous,
Speaker 1: I'd be like this this is nerve wrecking nerves about
Speaker 1: what actually hurting somebody or getting hurt yourself. For the blood, well,
Speaker 1: it's like you have to be like a registered nurse
Speaker 1: to to draw blood philebotomous. But there's like different levels.
Speaker 1: I mean like that's like we we talked to someone
Speaker 1: who actually was like taking vials of it that that
Speaker 1: I don't necessary. I don't need to get a lot
Speaker 1: of tools out that don't remember when wearing a viol
Speaker 1: do I remember it or do I think about it?
Speaker 1: Every day? That I think about that I've I've mentioned
Speaker 1: that's so often. I think it's hot, it's really cool.
Speaker 1: There's nothing really cool about it because that's to me,
Speaker 1: like because it's like so it's like there's people who
Speaker 1: are like not monogamous, but for me, I have realized
Speaker 1: like kind of through this process that I'm like psycho
Speaker 1: prtically monogamous, which can be its own kink or you're
Speaker 1: just like fucking crazy and that which is I think
Speaker 1: what Angelina or Jolie was kind of exhibiting with the
Speaker 1: Billy Bob Thornton relationships. So I realized that that's that's
Speaker 1: what does it for me. That's not a really funny
Speaker 1: video online where this guy was like, you're into pee
Speaker 1: gross and his response was, hey, no kink shaming, and
Speaker 1: then he goes, kink shaming is my kink, and then
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, we're in the matrix. Have you
Speaker 1: ever been asked to do something sexually that you were
Speaker 1: like nope? Um? Have I ever been asked to do
Speaker 1: something sex that I didn't want to do? No? I
Speaker 1: can't think of any time that I've been asked to
Speaker 1: with the exception of, uh, sex with autocondom. Oh oh yeah,
Speaker 1: well that's safety. Yeah, with the exception of having like
Speaker 1: bar back sick, which by the way, is a kink.
Speaker 1: Like bar back sex, especially in the gay world, is
Speaker 1: a full on cake. It's actually even. But I just
Speaker 1: think it's more dangerous for straight people or for hetero
Speaker 1: sexual sex, because if you have some bareback sex then
Speaker 1: you might get a disease. Yeah, but if you have
Speaker 1: it with with straight people, you end up with a
Speaker 1: fucking person. Yeah. But it's really hot to go raw,
Speaker 1: but if it's not picking up your kids from soccer park,
Speaker 1: you know what's hot though, having the choice of your
Speaker 1: own body. But I also have the luxury living in
Speaker 1: a state that allows me to do that. True, exactly,
Speaker 1: could you imagine like having like you like, I just
Speaker 1: wanted a little bit of raw sex and now I'm
Speaker 1: at a piano recital. Yeah, like I wanted a little
Speaker 1: bit of raw and listen to my kids chunk out
Speaker 1: a really horrible rendition of Chopin's not. I've never a
Speaker 1: looted of dick in me without being on the pill
Speaker 1: because of that, because that's like my number one fear.
Speaker 1: It just I have because I'm risky, and I only
Speaker 1: think of the things that I'll benefit from and not
Speaker 1: really the drawbacks. The gay version of birth control is PREP.
Speaker 1: You know PREP. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the g busy
Speaker 1: that's gay birth control. Yeah, well yeah, PREP is awesome.
Speaker 1: If anyone's listening doesn't know about PREP and you're gay,
Speaker 1: I meant I gotta get that if you go, if
Speaker 1: you want to, if you want to roll, you gotta
Speaker 1: get that PREP. But also just bear in mind PREP
Speaker 1: is not protect from anything HIV. But also bear in
Speaker 1: mind that condoms only protect from like the three big
Speaker 1: ones HIV, HIV, GUNN rein, clamydia, everything else you can't.
Speaker 1: Condoms will not stop warts or her crabs, crabs just
Speaker 1: jump from P to P. You can. I found out
Speaker 1: the hard way you can get uh, chlamydia from sucking
Speaker 1: a dick. That's like lang, right, And it's just such
Speaker 1: a lang. I didn't know that. It's like there is
Speaker 1: no god. Yeah, it's just like, first of all, I'm
Speaker 1: just not putting a dick in my mouth with a
Speaker 1: condom on it. I'm not. I'm not. It's so funny
Speaker 1: because I actually came home from sex side. I remember
Speaker 1: like when I was, I guess in middle school or
Speaker 1: high school, and I kind of went over what they
Speaker 1: were teaching with my mother, and she actually laughed out
Speaker 1: loud when I told them that they were saying to
Speaker 1: suck what She like laughed out a lot, And I
Speaker 1: never forgot. That's hilarious for you to learn a lot
Speaker 1: about your mom. Yeah, and I would be dental damned
Speaker 1: if I'm about to put a dental dad on an asshole. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm not licking a balloon. Yeah, I'm just not. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I had, Yeah, I've one time, but it was with
Speaker 1: a sex worker. I sucked a dick with it. He
Speaker 1: had a condom. Mom, But I was like, I'm just
Speaker 1: not gonna do this I'm paying for it. I don't
Speaker 1: want to sack your dick. Have you ever had clamidia
Speaker 1: or gunn area? So I have had clamidia once, and
Speaker 1: it's just it's a shot to the ass and it
Speaker 1: is like but cheek, yeah, and that hurts because I
Speaker 1: got a steroid shot in my ass and that hurt
Speaker 1: a lot. And when I say hurt, because it feels
Speaker 1: like you got punched in the ask by a really
Speaker 1: strong person for about a week and then, Uh, it's
Speaker 1: not like a shot like you know, if they say
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be spouting everywhere. Put it into medicine is
Speaker 1: very thick. It's like it's like having like like having
Speaker 1: a go gurt injected into your boy. It's and it
Speaker 1: takes him about a minute to do it. It's not
Speaker 1: it's not why. It's like, wow, so talking about your
Speaker 1: weekend and they slowly inject this thick, gelatinous medicine into
Speaker 1: your Ask why do I have to go on your
Speaker 1: most meaty or I'm not a doctor, what do I know? What?
Speaker 1: Did you were experiencing symptoms or are you just getting
Speaker 1: a routine? No? I actually had no. Uh. The symptoms
Speaker 1: of oral clamity are actually, and oral gnarrhea are practically
Speaker 1: I can't remember which one I had. I know that
Speaker 1: sounds so ridiclous, I can't remember when it was, But um,
Speaker 1: they're practically no symptoms, like the things that like over
Speaker 1: ninety people literally experienced no symptoms. And also it will
Speaker 1: go away by itself though if you don't know that too.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I found out because the guy called me
Speaker 1: and was like, hey, I have gonna ratio get checked
Speaker 1: or clamity. I can't remember what it was. Now, do
Speaker 1: you have a do you have a conversation with everybody
Speaker 1: before you sleep at them? When it was the last
Speaker 1: time you were tested? And if so, how do you
Speaker 1: obviously not that one time? Yeah, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't especially normally because, um, because the sexual activity I
Speaker 1: engage in is a pretty low risk for HIV orchetitis. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty low risk for those two. Um, and the
Speaker 1: other ones, with the exception of others are like, you know,
Speaker 1: a shot or a couple of pills two weeks on
Speaker 1: a on an antibiotics and you know, yeah, have you
Speaker 1: ever had sex with a woman? Good question, however, kind
Speaker 1: of sort of kind my girlfriend in high school I
Speaker 1: was like inside of her for like maybe five seconds,
Speaker 1: and then we stopped. Why did you stop? Because because
Speaker 1: she was she was like, I remember we were in
Speaker 1: this car, and it was one of those moments that
Speaker 1: was very like under the moon, like she was like
Speaker 1: I was in her and she was like where fucking
Speaker 1: and I was like um, and then and then we
Speaker 1: were in there, and then it was it was both
Speaker 1: of our first time and we were both like we
Speaker 1: should probably stop, and then we just stop. It was
Speaker 1: also in the back seat of a sucking uh like
Speaker 1: Honda Central or something a Nissan Central. Yeah, oh boy,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah yeah, not for talking at that time. Did
Speaker 1: you did you think that you were doing okay? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I mean, like I've never I don't think I've
Speaker 1: ever asked someone and they were like, no, I didn't
Speaker 1: know yet, like even if they were having sex, So
Speaker 1: you were you were just doing it because of like
Speaker 1: society culture where she was my friend. And I think
Speaker 1: that in those moments I was attracted her because I
Speaker 1: had an direction, and I think in those times I
Speaker 1: also doing send myself a little bit more pan sexual
Speaker 1: than most gay guys would. I am attracted to some women,
Speaker 1: but usually pretty butch women. In my high school girlfriend.
Speaker 1: But she was not but she was actually pretty girly. Um,
Speaker 1: but I am attracted to um some women. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like you don't hear that that often from
Speaker 1: I'm intrigued by your sex worker story. I tried to
Speaker 1: hire a sex worker in Brazil. Oh yeah, because I
Speaker 1: heard they're like the best and they are just the
Speaker 1: prettiest people in the even everyone from Brazil. But he
Speaker 1: was just you know, like I said it, for me,
Speaker 1: one of the biggest parts of sexual attractions feeling like
Speaker 1: you're attracted to me, and I just did not think
Speaker 1: he was attracted to me, So it wasn't it wasn't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, this guy's not into me. He just
Speaker 1: there's no way anyone who looks like this guy. That's
Speaker 1: also my own bullshit, but I was like that. I
Speaker 1: was like, there's just no way this guy's into me.
Speaker 1: It's just not possible. But sometimes it is. That's why
Speaker 1: you Sometimes they're like, oh, this person would never be
Speaker 1: into me, but every now and again they are, and
Speaker 1: then you hit the check, especially if you can, if
Speaker 1: you can just make me think you are. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: part of the sex worker just job. At the times.
Speaker 1: This guy did not make me think he was. I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, this guy was. This guy was into
Speaker 1: me because he before he left, he was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: call me again, I'd love to see you again. It
Speaker 1: was an escort service, so they didn't technically have to
Speaker 1: like you know, that's the legality of it as an
Speaker 1: escort service. And then I basically interviewed. I had to
Speaker 1: go out for drinks with them. I paid for three
Speaker 1: hours because I needed to like get to know him
Speaker 1: and feel comfortable because I've never had That was like
Speaker 1: my first one night stand basically, um, but yeah, it was.
Speaker 1: He seemed attracted to me. But also it was just
Speaker 1: I felt freer because it's like, oh, I could never
Speaker 1: see you again, and that's okay. It's not a disrespectful thing.
Speaker 1: It's not what's going to happen thing. It's just how this,
Speaker 1: how this works, how this transaction works. Gorgeous and he
Speaker 1: was so sweet and great body. He is great if
Speaker 1: you're paying for it. But you know what I mean, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: what's all that. If you're paying for it has to
Speaker 1: be the thing. Yeah, you show up your head shop
Speaker 1: and he did and he did. Could you ever be
Speaker 1: a sex worker. No, you have to have a certain
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not saying you don't because we don't
Speaker 1: really know each other like that. But to be a
Speaker 1: sex worker you have to have a certain confidence one
Speaker 1: you are really that bitch, and then too, you just
Speaker 1: have to be really really good at it. And I
Speaker 1: don't know, I just don't think that. I don't. I
Speaker 1: actually I'm really intrigued by sex work. I want to.
Speaker 1: I would like to at some point work in all capacities,
Speaker 1: meaning you have a john, be a hooker, and be
Speaker 1: a madam like I want to. I want to, I
Speaker 1: mean one of them dream of mind, but it's not
Speaker 1: a dream I ever actually pursues. I have to move
Speaker 1: to Nebraska, and who wants to move to I mean Nevada?
Speaker 1: Who wasn't moves in Nevada? But I do want to.
Speaker 1: I would love to be a mad Amota broth. I
Speaker 1: want to own a brothel and fully have like a
Speaker 1: brothel a queer l g T B. Great idea, if
Speaker 1: you owned a brothel, what would its name be? Question? Well,
Speaker 1: I want to call it, like because there's the Bunny Ranch.
Speaker 1: Everyone knows the Bunny Ranch. I would kind of want
Speaker 1: to call it like maybe like Bob's Playhouse or yeah,
Speaker 1: because but I wanted to be for like gay boys
Speaker 1: and bears. I want to have trans people there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like you know, I want to have the full spectrum
Speaker 1: of hooker's Yeah, I like that. Would that turn you on?
Speaker 1: Would you like or did you just just want to
Speaker 1: be I would probably sleep with some of my employees.
Speaker 1: I would consider doing I I and I have since
Speaker 1: I was younger. But I think it'd be really hot
Speaker 1: to be a cam girl that doesn't show my face.
Speaker 1: But I would be interested in that because I would
Speaker 1: turn me on knowing that other people will be watching.
Speaker 1: So like I could be a cam girl or a stripper.
Speaker 1: Beyond that, I couldn't have sex with someone I like
Speaker 1: for money. I just wouldn't be just to cry. I
Speaker 1: barely like having sex with you like most people on
Speaker 1: the planet. That's another reason why I couldn't have sex
Speaker 1: b a sex because I don't think. I don't think
Speaker 1: I could have sex someone that I'm not sexual. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think I could do it either. Yeah, that'd
Speaker 1: be hard. There was this guy years go who stayed
Speaker 1: in my apartment who apparently had a nine and a
Speaker 1: half inch dick apparently apparently well because okay, so he
Speaker 1: and my roommate met on like this old app called
Speaker 1: Adam for Adam, which is like pre grinder um. And
Speaker 1: then but the guy they ended up meeting the guys
Speaker 1: in the guy that'll be like, hey, I need a
Speaker 1: place to sleep, can I stay? And then he never
Speaker 1: stay on the couch. And I just remember like waking
Speaker 1: up like in the like in the twilight hours, because
Speaker 1: he like wake up to go to the bathroom, and
Speaker 1: you know a lot of time guys wake up with directions,
Speaker 1: and I don't remember like vaguely seeing this erection that
Speaker 1: seemed out of this world. And a night and a
Speaker 1: half in betweenis is It's it's like an actual, true,
Speaker 1: real life nine and a half in Peenis is like
Speaker 1: unheard of. Like if you have a nine and a
Speaker 1: half in his penis, really you will probably more than
Speaker 1: likely never meet anyone with a dick longer than yours.
Speaker 1: But also, I don't know if you guys know much
Speaker 1: about Grinder lying about so according to Grinder, the average
Speaker 1: sized dick is eight inches. That's like the girl Grinder
Speaker 1: is the every every basics like five or six. Every
Speaker 1: guy on Grinder swears his dick inches, which is just
Speaker 1: absolutely not sure you're going to see the dick and
Speaker 1: no it's not. But what but eight inches of dick
Speaker 1: in the gay world has changed, Like people think that
Speaker 1: looks like an eight inch dick, although you've never actually
Speaker 1: measured it. Like gay guys don't even know. Like I said,
Speaker 1: how big do you think your iPhone plus is? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's probably nine inches. It's like dollar bill of six inches.
Speaker 1: And they're like, wait, what, Like, yeah, you've been lied
Speaker 1: to about what eight inches looks like. So many just
Speaker 1: kills and get a six is smaller than I thought.
Speaker 1: Actually six six bad? I thought this was small. That's
Speaker 1: if it's that long, it's not too bad. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: I mean I like, I like like average sized dicks.
Speaker 1: A big dick hurts. I don't like a huge dick.
Speaker 1: But big dick, I mean, what's big? I mean like
Speaker 1: over eight no things. If someone pulled out that smart
Speaker 1: water bottle by the way, for these, it's not the
Speaker 1: massive smart water bottle, it's like a pretty the medium
Speaker 1: smart water bottle about a Lacroix and a half, I
Speaker 1: mean twenty three point seven ounce st. So how would
Speaker 1: you feel about twenty three point seven ounces of dick.
Speaker 1: It's a big not even yeah, not even, I mean
Speaker 1: not even appealing in any way, not length, not girth,
Speaker 1: no thing. It has to be like this. And then
Speaker 1: like you know, I like, I like girth, though that's
Speaker 1: a little too girth, and I could have a fist
Speaker 1: in me. I'm so wow. So but but why would
Speaker 1: the dick because you have to work up to the fist,
Speaker 1: so you have to put a lot of time and
Speaker 1: effort into your fingers, move in a different way than
Speaker 1: you're and and yeah, it's like this, and if the
Speaker 1: whole dick is that thick, there's no lead. If this
Speaker 1: is what maybe three and a half inches long? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like when when I get it's like the show
Speaker 1: money people. Yeah, because if you're looking amal beads, if
Speaker 1: you're going in fingers first with a with a I've
Speaker 1: seen a pleasure chest objects for gentlemen's butt holes that
Speaker 1: are the fist and like the one like that. Yeah
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, and it's a big fist. Well I was
Speaker 1: watching a porn reason but where this guy was like
Speaker 1: backing up on this dildo. But the dildo was so
Speaker 1: long it was literally like you could see it was
Speaker 1: like his stomach was moving. Stomach was literally like I
Speaker 1: was like, oh it was. It was mind boggling. It
Speaker 1: was so oppressive. Good I guess he looked happy. Wow,
Speaker 1: And I am no bottom um. And I actually had
Speaker 1: a dream last night that I was bottoming. I had
Speaker 1: this dream last night that I was like moving day bottoming,
Speaker 1: and I was like, what is going on? And I
Speaker 1: woke up. I don't remember who it was, but I
Speaker 1: just remember waking up thinking to myself, I just bottomed,
Speaker 1: and you get stuck up your butt like that's not
Speaker 1: necessarily penis no, not really really have you already prostate
Speaker 1: stimulan I've had a whole dick of my before. It's
Speaker 1: just I think that I just I don't think I
Speaker 1: have the the motor skills. I don't think I've developed
Speaker 1: the motor skills that bottoming requires, which it's not an
Speaker 1: area product of that me be like I'm not at bottom.
Speaker 1: It's just like I actually think that being a bottom
Speaker 1: is a talent that I have, not that I have
Speaker 1: not achieved qualifies as a talented bottom. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: when you can take the dick and you can maybe
Speaker 1: take it pretty hard, you can and you're enjoying it.
Speaker 1: I'm trying now. In terms of gay sex, no one
Speaker 1: likes but sex more than a gay guy who loves
Speaker 1: getting pounded. That is like no top, No, nothing loves
Speaker 1: but sex more than a what we in the business
Speaker 1: called a power bottom. You want to understand. Power bottom
Speaker 1: is a phrase that was a term that was coined
Speaker 1: on the show Always Stunny in Philadelphia. Really it's a
Speaker 1: great show. Really, I feel like I've heard that before.
Speaker 1: That show came on for a while, but been on
Speaker 1: for like fourteen. Yeah, I lived in New York for
Speaker 1: sixteen and definitely was here. The power bottom was definitely
Speaker 1: here when I got here. I might be wrong. I
Speaker 1: might be wrong. Why if anybody email us if you're
Speaker 1: with your thoughts, if you invented power bottom, then please call.
Speaker 1: I'm curious. Well, question for the for the bottom though,
Speaker 1: so like how does like does the bottom traditionally get
Speaker 1: off the same way like as far as like ejaculating,
Speaker 1: there are some bottoms who can come without touching themselves
Speaker 1: at all. It also depends on what the top is doing.
Speaker 1: A lot of bottoms will like either be on their
Speaker 1: back or on top while jerking off at the same time.
Speaker 1: And then a lot of some bottoms, there are also
Speaker 1: a lot of problems who don't want, who don't need
Speaker 1: to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Because I didn't know if
Speaker 1: it was like you pound them and then you suck
Speaker 1: their dick. That's we've done that. Oh I didn't. I
Speaker 1: didn't know if there was a standard. Okay, it's just
Speaker 1: whatever you like. Because I mean, I think of this
Speaker 1: guy and he's actually gonna he's gonna hear. He always
Speaker 1: hears about what I talk about him, because it was
Speaker 1: the best sex ever had. This guy not stray that
Speaker 1: up with but he was his bottom and he just didn't.
Speaker 1: But he was like, I heard you talking about me again. Um,
Speaker 1: he was a bottom who was insatiable and he just
Speaker 1: didn't he didn't need to come. Wow. And that's why
Speaker 1: it was some of the best sex he've had. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it was just because he was, well, you don't have
Speaker 1: to worry. It wasn't because I didn't have It was
Speaker 1: just because this guy knew what he was. He was
Speaker 1: he was young, he was like nineteen, and he was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, how was the best sex I've ever
Speaker 1: had with a nineteen girl? He was he knew what
Speaker 1: he was doing. I mean, I I gotta say, is
Speaker 1: I learned from him? Really? Wow, that's wonderful. This guy
Speaker 1: was he knew what he was doing. And when is
Speaker 1: he like being very vocal during sex? He was very
Speaker 1: he was very passive submissive um but still a power
Speaker 1: bottom like really like wanting it really bad, and like
Speaker 1: I was very sexy when I was with him. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah and important. Pounded Being pounded? Is you know that
Speaker 1: in itself is a gift? Pound cake? Absolutely, you've had
Speaker 1: the expression pound cake. Pound cake is pounding is like
Speaker 1: getting really hard cake is ass? Some pound cake? That
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. Pound cake. I never I
Speaker 1: get my ass pounded. Oh we that's home. That happened.
Speaker 1: Somebody annoying into the you are actually not not the
Speaker 1: last time. But it's okay, it's okay. I actually don't
Speaker 1: mind it. What if I'm looking up with a guy
Speaker 1: with an average sized dick or a smaller dick. I
Speaker 1: like it. It's fun. I just I just I just want.
Speaker 1: I mean, anatomically speaking, how does that work? I don't
Speaker 1: come from anal but it just feels good. It feels good.
Speaker 1: Something different. Yeah. My friend from college, she always said,
Speaker 1: I remember her being like it just feels like taking
Speaker 1: a good ship. Yeah, and taking a good ship goes out,
Speaker 1: which is what Anal bees also feel like. You know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so Anal thanks for being on the podcasts really fun,
Speaker 1: beautiful and you know I love story. What are your shoes? Say?
Speaker 1: F you? I was like, I was like, you got
Speaker 1: be careful where I wear them, Like I can't wear
Speaker 1: them around like my kids are coming home from school
Speaker 1: and stuff. Well why you could just just looks like
Speaker 1: a Calvin client. Yeah exactly. Yeah, guys, this has been fun.
Speaker 1: I've enjoyed this. Yeah, thanks so much for coming. Is
Speaker 1: there anything you want to promote or talk about or plug?
Speaker 1: Where can we find you? Will? You all can listen
Speaker 1: to my podcast, which is a Sibling Rivalry. You can
Speaker 1: go to Sibling Rivalry podcast dot com is Me and
Speaker 1: my drag SISTEMONI exchange Who's my best friend in the world.
Speaker 1: And we also do a live show once a month
Speaker 1: in New York City, so you can check out Rivalry
Speaker 1: Live if you uh we do it. But we've also
Speaker 1: been floating around a lot. We were in three Dollar
Speaker 1: Bill than the Bell House and Sonya Hall last night.
Speaker 1: But I think we're going back to the Bellhouse for
Speaker 1: next month. It's amazing. Um so check out Sibling Rivalry
Speaker 1: podcasts and you can follow me on social media Instagram
Speaker 1: is Bob the drag Queen because I need I only
Speaker 1: have a million followers. That's sure, you do have a
Speaker 1: million followers. Sorry, that's not low RuPaul drag status. Baby.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to guys we fucked
Speaker 1: the anti slot chaming podcast. We will talk to you
Speaker 1: next Fridays. Like Boggies, moms like Marley a Californ want
Speaker 1: the lottery to be with freezes West coastal stopping all
Speaker 1: the arts from genus in your goal. She got it, yeah,
Speaker 1: all of it. Some undress these blowing in the bois
Speaker 1: and yes she got it, all of it. My contention,
Speaker 1: my gaze dr flaning her face and yes she got it,
Speaker 1: all of it. Sever with lots all and like a
Speaker 1: manicala like your chests, just not the hand saying with
Speaker 1: a flickers mark. See she need showing it out from
Speaker 1: me or keep it up, keep it up and I
Speaker 1: will never stop now stopping. She looks like party. It
Speaker 1: smokes like why the California me want? And that's a
Speaker 1: lot of me to be where breezeas who was goes so,
Speaker 1: stopping all the arts from kids ever sin