Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Karren. We're Sorry about last Night, the anti slut
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hello fuckers, Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fucked. It's the anti slut shaming podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Karen, I'm Christina. You can follow us on social
Speaker 1: media at sorry about last Night on Instagram, where s
Speaker 1: r y about at last and white t on Twitter.
Speaker 1: I'm at Philanthropy Gal on all platforms, and um Christina
Speaker 1: hutch K and two wise and that's where we put
Speaker 1: all our dates for upcoming tour shows and things that
Speaker 1: you might want to know about. This week's news, We're
Speaker 1: just gonna do a Schmorgezborg of abortion rights, reproductive things
Speaker 1: being taken away. Uh, it's excited. It's exciting time to
Speaker 1: be a lady America. Um. So you might have heard
Speaker 1: the New York Times in an article there was a
Speaker 1: failed Texas bill last week that would have made the
Speaker 1: death penalty possible in abortion cases. So that's a fun twist.
Speaker 1: What good used to that congress person's time? Yeah, and like,
Speaker 1: so obviously it's great that it failed, but the fact
Speaker 1: that it's even it was even like brought up and
Speaker 1: taken seriously enough that there's articles about it and that
Speaker 1: there was fear about it actually being passed is scary. Um. So,
Speaker 1: a bill considered by members of the Texas House of
Speaker 1: Representatives last week would have criminalized abortions and opens up
Speaker 1: the possibility for women and physicians to receive the death penalty.
Speaker 1: The legislation appeared to have no chance of progressing after
Speaker 1: the Republican chairman of the committee that heard testimony about
Speaker 1: the bill declared his opposition. But the bill would have
Speaker 1: allowed women who obtained an abortion or doctors who performed
Speaker 1: one to be charged with assault or criminal homicide, the
Speaker 1: ladder of which is punishable by death in Texas. It
Speaker 1: would have allowed no exceptions for abortions in cases of
Speaker 1: rape or when the health of the mother is at risk.
Speaker 1: Despite the bill's apparent failure, it was a stark example
Speaker 1: of the kind of proposed abortion bands that challenge federal
Speaker 1: judicial precedent that are under consideration in states legislatures across
Speaker 1: the country. So that's part one, which is real fun.
Speaker 1: And then a lot of you have been talking about
Speaker 1: or pointing out the fetal heartbeat bills that are being
Speaker 1: past kind of everywhere. If you're confused about what that is,
Speaker 1: if you've heard people talking about it, it's just a
Speaker 1: form of proposed abortion legislation in the US that makes
Speaker 1: abortions illegal as soon as the fetus's heartbeat can be
Speaker 1: detective detected, because they're arguing that as soon as you
Speaker 1: hear human heartbeat, that's enough to indicate that it's a
Speaker 1: human being, etcetera, etcetera. Obviously, no one's listening to that.
Speaker 1: With animals, that's a personal thing that I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: put there. We're just kill we just kill everyone and everything. Um.
Speaker 1: And then so that was penning in Ohio, and Ohio
Speaker 1: did unfortunately pass uh the heartbeat bill, which means that
Speaker 1: it could be like six weeks into a pregnancy that
Speaker 1: you couldn't detect a heartbeat. Uh. And a lot of
Speaker 1: women don't even know that they are pregnant by then. Uh.
Speaker 1: Of course, Kentucky and Mississippi have already adopted similar laws,
Speaker 1: and there's a Georgia bill that's awaiting being passed, and
Speaker 1: it's probably going to be passed like next month. The
Speaker 1: Mississippi law takes effect in July, So if you're in Mississippi.
Speaker 1: You know this is things to be if you're I
Speaker 1: guess if you're planning an abortion, Yeah, if you're planning
Speaker 1: an abortion, you better get the out girl and moving up.
Speaker 1: If you were planning a summer abortion, I guess you
Speaker 1: need need to make it a spring abortion. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know it springs a little cooler and crisper um. And
Speaker 1: then just some facts that I wanted to put out
Speaker 1: there because I know that abortion is a very heated
Speaker 1: subject for a lot of human beings. And uh, the
Speaker 1: idea of killing babies. I was just telling Karrean, I've
Speaker 1: been called a baby killer um on social media a
Speaker 1: lot recently. I'm like, that's interesting because I've never killed
Speaker 1: a baby, but okay, tell me more. UM. I know
Speaker 1: it's a heated subject, and myself as somebody who is
Speaker 1: pro choice versus anti choice, uh, instead of pro life,
Speaker 1: because that's not what that is. It's anti choice. Um,
Speaker 1: the idea of killing a baby that makes me really sad. UM.
Speaker 1: I don't want babies to die, but it's my personal
Speaker 1: belief that if I am a woman and I am
Speaker 1: seven weeks pregnant, and I had just found out, and
Speaker 1: I make the decision for whatever fucking reason, UH to
Speaker 1: end the pregnancy. I should be able to do that.
Speaker 1: And just some facts about UH maternity in the United States,
Speaker 1: because the U S stands out in a lot of
Speaker 1: grotesque ways when it comes to maternal care the world's
Speaker 1: richest countries. This is from a Washington Post article. Guarantee
Speaker 1: mothers more than a year of paid maternity leave. The
Speaker 1: US guarantees women nothing. So that's a factor that I
Speaker 1: am sure a lot of people have considered if they
Speaker 1: are pregnant and do not have the income to support
Speaker 1: a child. They also have the misfortune of trying to
Speaker 1: figure out what they're going to do after they give
Speaker 1: birth to the baby because their jobs there's no guarantee
Speaker 1: for maternity leave. UM. And then in terms of death,
Speaker 1: too many women UM don't survive childbirth in the United States.
Speaker 1: Women of color in particular are losing their lives at
Speaker 1: an alarming rates. In fact, black women in the United
Speaker 1: States are more than three times more likely to die
Speaker 1: hemorrhaging like I did when I had my daughter. This
Speaker 1: is from an article in The Times. Is one of
Speaker 1: the most common ways women die in childbirth, and the
Speaker 1: situation isn't getting better. Maternal rates aren't limited. Maternal death
Speaker 1: rates aren't limited to just Texas. Two or three women
Speaker 1: die every day in the United States while they are
Speaker 1: in the process of giving life, and every ten minutes
Speaker 1: a woman nearly dies due to pregnancy related complications. This
Speaker 1: gives the United States the dubious distinct and of being
Speaker 1: one of the only countries in the world where maternal
Speaker 1: deaths and injuries have been increasing in the recent years.
Speaker 1: But behind these shocking numbers in the United States is
Speaker 1: the appalling fact that nearly six of all maternal deaths
Speaker 1: are entirely preventable. So, as a woman living in the
Speaker 1: United States, I'm just speaking for myself. If I were
Speaker 1: to become pregnant, um, if there's a lot against me already,
Speaker 1: I'm not getting the care that I need necessarily or
Speaker 1: have access to the care that I need. And then
Speaker 1: if I'm living in a state like Texas where there's
Speaker 1: only a very a few abortion clinics in the entire state,
Speaker 1: or or clinics where that will offer me, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: pregnancy to help if I want, should I choose to
Speaker 1: have the baby and I have, but I have to
Speaker 1: take off work and drive, you know, twelve hours to
Speaker 1: get to the nearest clinic because that's all I can afford.
Speaker 1: It's just what we're setting women up to fail with this.
Speaker 1: So and then it's it's it's doubly frustrating that there's
Speaker 1: so many people trying to take away our right to
Speaker 1: do what we want with their bodies and end pregnancy
Speaker 1: should we want to. And so we're being asked basically
Speaker 1: to risk death by choosing to have a child if
Speaker 1: we do not want to. So I just wanted to
Speaker 1: put that out there. So there's too many of us,
Speaker 1: and most of you stuck, I know, come on, so
Speaker 1: much traffic. What are we doing? Come see us live Indianapolis.
Speaker 1: There's two shows tonight. We're already here. Hi, we're here.
Speaker 1: It's fine. It's probably great tonight Friday, April nine, and
Speaker 1: then we have two more shows tomorrow. It's a two
Speaker 1: show Friday. Didn't even see that. And then we have
Speaker 1: two uh more shows tomorrow at Saturday. Uh and that's
Speaker 1: These are at the Helium Comedy Club, which is brand
Speaker 1: new in Indianapolis. We're so excited to see it. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then going forward to Boston Friday, May three, we
Speaker 1: are headlining the Women in Comedy Festival, such an extraordinary festival. Obviously,
Speaker 1: come see our show. There's like thirty tickets left to
Speaker 1: this at the Wilbur Theater on Friday May three. But
Speaker 1: if you have it in your time and your finances,
Speaker 1: I highly recommend buying a pass that allows you to
Speaker 1: see our show and other shows in the festival. It's really, truly,
Speaker 1: truly one of the best festivals I've ever had the
Speaker 1: privilege of being a part of. UH And obviously it's
Speaker 1: features women in comedy, so it's a good thing. Give
Speaker 1: a funny too, who would have thought? And then Denver, Colorado, Yes,
Speaker 1: always happy to be back up in ya. May sixteenth
Speaker 1: through the eighteenth. We're gonna be at comedy works so fun.
Speaker 1: You're they're gonna zip up your cell phones and you're
Speaker 1: gonna enjoy comedy cell phone free for two hours. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can make it. For more information on tickets and
Speaker 1: shows and touring and us go to Sorry about Last
Speaker 1: Night Comedy dot com slash tours to get all those
Speaker 1: other dates. And if you're in New York City, Saturday
Speaker 1: April at seven thirty pm, Wendy Starling and I are
Speaker 1: co hosting the April edition of glamourpus at Zinc Bar
Speaker 1: eight two s third Street. Um, we got sketch comedy,
Speaker 1: we have stand up comedy, we have some variety. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be really fun and it always sells out. So
Speaker 1: I'll get your tickets and Neil and on Wednesday, April,
Speaker 1: I am going to be in Belmore, New York at
Speaker 1: the Broker Edge headlining a show there with Maddie Smith featuring.
Speaker 1: These shows are fun, you know, if you like some
Speaker 1: you know, to talk about feminism in a fun way
Speaker 1: as people in Belmore, New York go, what is that?
Speaker 1: This is a good opportunity for you and of course
Speaker 1: to us a Lonely Girls still available iTunes, Spotify. This
Speaker 1: week we talked about Paraos, Elizabeth Holmes and the documentary
Speaker 1: The Inventor Luminary we are We are joining the Luminary
Speaker 1: media team, platform network, whatever have you. Um You can
Speaker 1: listen to every podcast ever on the Luminary app. This
Speaker 1: app will be available starting April in the U s UK,
Speaker 1: Canada and Australia. If your country is not on this list,
Speaker 1: let Luminary know. Their social media handle across all platforms
Speaker 1: is at here. Luminary h e A r Um because
Speaker 1: we we just had a call with one of the
Speaker 1: lovely folks over there, and we we made it known
Speaker 1: that there's a lot of listeners that have reach out
Speaker 1: to us in other countries that aren't in this range
Speaker 1: um of the countries I just listed. So we want
Speaker 1: to make sure that everybody can listen to the podcast
Speaker 1: who wants to. So, if you are in a country
Speaker 1: that is not a part of that list at here
Speaker 1: luminary Um, compile a list, we'll get you. We're going
Speaker 1: to figure this ship out, Okay, Twitter, Instagram, just say hey,
Speaker 1: I'm in Spain, I'm in Iran, I'm in Ireland, and
Speaker 1: I love guys. We fucked and I can't listen to
Speaker 1: them there. That's as simple as that, because they really
Speaker 1: really are working NonStop to do everything they can to
Speaker 1: get this app to everyone. But some of it, some
Speaker 1: of the issues are legal issues. Is a dumb bitch question,
Speaker 1: but it's an Ireland part of the UK. If it's not,
Speaker 1: I feel like a loser. Uh No, technically because the
Speaker 1: Brexit thing is gonna sunk up. Ireland wasn't included the UK. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, but I thought they were like just kind
Speaker 1: of when I think they were saying, and I thought
Speaker 1: they kind of just met England. I'm not they said
Speaker 1: the United Kingdom. I'm not sure. Okay, maybe then I
Speaker 1: guess you guys are fine. Yeah, you're fine. I guess
Speaker 1: you're fine. But so this is the date we want
Speaker 1: to make you everybody aware of. May is Friday, and
Speaker 1: that's the first Friday that the newest episode of Guys
Speaker 1: We Fucked will be available only for Luminary subscribers. This
Speaker 1: is also the date we're all of our back catalog
Speaker 1: of every single episode ever of Guys We Fucked, which
Speaker 1: is now It's currently available on all the platforms starting.
Speaker 1: You can listen to that bad catalog for free, but
Speaker 1: it's on the Luminary app. So just download the Luminary
Speaker 1: app UM iPhone users Android, you're included, uh to listen
Speaker 1: to the back catalog UM and if you live in
Speaker 1: the US, Oh, I think this already expired? Did I expire? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: well I think this is good anyway. Yeah, we're so excited.
Speaker 1: We just we're having a lot of calls and meetings,
Speaker 1: really jumping in even deeper, and there's gonna be so
Speaker 1: much new content, so much new look, new fun, like
Speaker 1: just a lot of great stuff coming your way where
Speaker 1: I feel like it's like Christmas Eve. It is nice,
Speaker 1: it's like a new it's after a long time of
Speaker 1: doing things one way, it's kind of an elevated elevated
Speaker 1: it's something that we already liked doing. Yeah, because we
Speaker 1: want to be moving forward um and increasing in quality.
Speaker 1: And so here we go. All right, let's read an email.
Speaker 1: Our email should you want to email us, is sorry
Speaker 1: about last night show at gmail dot com. This email
Speaker 1: the subject line is help my boyfriend is allergic to
Speaker 1: my pussy. Hi critic Christina. I'm seventeen. I live in Manchester, England,
Speaker 1: and I've been with my boyfriend now for almost six months.
Speaker 1: He is my first real boyfriend and the first person
Speaker 1: i've had sex with or done any sexual stuff with. However,
Speaker 1: I had a few months ago he told me about
Speaker 1: a problem. During one of the first times he went
Speaker 1: down on me. I noticed something was off, as he
Speaker 1: didn't seem very enthusiastic, so I told him to stop
Speaker 1: and asked what was wrong. Very intuitive of you, especially
Speaker 1: for seventeen. Good for you, he replied, because he has seventeen.
Speaker 1: Because a seventeen year old guy also giving down. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just got jackhammer fingered behind the hot tub. Okay,
Speaker 1: He replied sheepishly that whenever he goes down on me,
Speaker 1: and even when we make out, sometimes his mouth becomes
Speaker 1: sore and itchy, and that this likely has something to
Speaker 1: do with the fact that he has really bad eczema
Speaker 1: and is allergic to all raw food. I know this
Speaker 1: seems slightly unbelievable, but he genuinely cannot eat any off food.
Speaker 1: Even lemon in a glass of water sets it off.
Speaker 1: That sucks. We both agreed it was best for him
Speaker 1: to only go down on me every couple of weeks instead. However,
Speaker 1: this has resulted in us both feeling incredibly guilty, me
Speaker 1: for knowing he is in pain whenever he does it,
Speaker 1: and my boyfriend for not reciprocating oral all the time
Speaker 1: due to his this guilt. Almost every time we're doing stuff,
Speaker 1: he wants to finger me and is unsatisfied when I
Speaker 1: don't come. I really don't enjoy it, as I know
Speaker 1: he will only feel okay once he has made me come,
Speaker 1: and the method he uses always rubs my clip upwards
Speaker 1: in a way that hurts, as the skin on top
Speaker 1: isn't there I've tried to explain how I want him
Speaker 1: to change the way he does it, and I also
Speaker 1: and also to tell him it's not that big of
Speaker 1: a deal if he can't give me an orgasm, but
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem to be working. Whenever I try to
Speaker 1: offer feedback on it, I just feel so bad because
Speaker 1: I know it upsets him to think it isn't working.
Speaker 1: But even though I don't want him to feel bad,
Speaker 1: I also don't want to say it's fine if he
Speaker 1: never pleases me and to completely disregard my own pleasure.
Speaker 1: How do I have a sincere, non hurtful conversation about this? Also,
Speaker 1: have you ever heard of other people with the same condition.
Speaker 1: I've looked online. I couldn't find anything. This is a
Speaker 1: great plot to a movie like The Like a Young
Speaker 1: A young high schooler lies about being allergic to all
Speaker 1: raw foods to not give his girl vaginal pleasure. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for taking the time to read this.
Speaker 1: I first started listening to podcast a year ago. It's
Speaker 1: truly been so helpful and giving advice and perspective which
Speaker 1: aren't necessarily share between people at my school. Definitely a
Speaker 1: much more open minded and non judgmental person as a result. Dope. Okay,
Speaker 1: first of all, I think it's really great that you're
Speaker 1: both seventeen I'm assuming he's seventeen, um, and you are
Speaker 1: having these conversations. I think a lot of adults that
Speaker 1: are older than I and Karin don't even have these conversations,
Speaker 1: So kudos to you for that. Secondly, with the clip stuff,
Speaker 1: um masterbait in front of him and have him watch.
Speaker 1: I mean that's the best because when you say, when
Speaker 1: you tell somebody how to do it with your vagina,
Speaker 1: vaginas are so unique. I feel like he's got to
Speaker 1: see it to to you know, or I'm masturbating with
Speaker 1: his hand. I don't know if that would work, but maybe. Um.
Speaker 1: I just reminded me of the this This that like
Speaker 1: tale of like guys will sit on their hand until
Speaker 1: it goes numb and then stranger. Yeah, that's so funny.
Speaker 1: Guys are silly. Um But anyway, UM, I had our
Speaker 1: associate producer look online to find anything. Is it possible
Speaker 1: to be allergic to a woman's you know, vaginal you know, excretion?
Speaker 1: Come whatever, um, I don't think the exima has anything
Speaker 1: to do with it. Based off of the ship we
Speaker 1: found it's possible that your pH balance is off. That's
Speaker 1: something you could check, uh in a guy you know,
Speaker 1: with a gynecologist about um, they can do a test.
Speaker 1: You can go to any health clinic. You should also
Speaker 1: be able to smell that though, because I mean like good, yeah,
Speaker 1: like so any like the things I see listed here,
Speaker 1: Like you know, I have a very up but the vagina,
Speaker 1: so I mean, like that's why I'm always talking about
Speaker 1: like literally like it sounds gross, it's not. It's you
Speaker 1: just like when you when you go to the bathroom
Speaker 1: and you pee and you wipe yourself just like quickly smell.
Speaker 1: I mean half the time I can smell it sitting
Speaker 1: down if something is wrong, just smelling it. If it
Speaker 1: doesn't smell like you, your pH is is usually probably
Speaker 1: off and it can mean a lot of things. That
Speaker 1: could be a U T I. It could be a
Speaker 1: bacterial infection, yeast infection. You should be able to usually
Speaker 1: see because you'll actually see the like the chunky yeast. Sorry,
Speaker 1: but this is important. Like people don't pay up attention
Speaker 1: to their vaginas and it's so easy to get a
Speaker 1: lot of these things leaving on exercise. Uh, you know,
Speaker 1: pants on too. Long. Uh, And actually this goes off
Speaker 1: what I was gonna talk about this week anyway from
Speaker 1: my personal stuff, because I was like, oh, I was
Speaker 1: so happy now that I finally transition to period underwear.
Speaker 1: I like bought all these things. I'm like, Oh, this
Speaker 1: is great. I love this life. Finally the periods easy
Speaker 1: and of course too good to be true, because then
Speaker 1: I got a U T I and I fucking looked
Speaker 1: it up and I was like, oh, God, well, it's
Speaker 1: because basically when you're using like a period of underwear
Speaker 1: or like a pad um well pads you can change,
Speaker 1: you would change more frequently, like frequently, and that I'm
Speaker 1: leaving on this underwear for like days, but like it
Speaker 1: has like pretty heavy absorbency, so you can leave it,
Speaker 1: you know, change it like two times a day. But
Speaker 1: it's like you're sitting in your own bacteria because your
Speaker 1: vagina is producing more bacteria during your period, so you're
Speaker 1: more susceptible to getting a U T I UM And
Speaker 1: when you use a tampon, it's basically kind of like
Speaker 1: like quarantining of the bacteria, and so it's just upping
Speaker 1: the chances. And my vagina is already so finicky that
Speaker 1: I was like, oh God, I gotta go back to
Speaker 1: just sticking something up there. But all these things, And
Speaker 1: I also talked about someone messaged me asking last week
Speaker 1: for the peach balance that I talked about that you
Speaker 1: can insert into your and like just sleep on it
Speaker 1: and it kind of looks like, yeah, it looks like
Speaker 1: a tampon, but it's like a gel um insertion but
Speaker 1: for your vagina. So it's like, what's the one that
Speaker 1: you put in your in your ass? You put it
Speaker 1: in your no, no no, no, no, what's what? What's the
Speaker 1: thing where you put it in your ass and your
Speaker 1: depository or emma like one of those, But it's basically
Speaker 1: for it's for your it's a it's a compository kind
Speaker 1: of for your vagina with gel that corrects your pH
Speaker 1: balance um. And again this was recommended by my O
Speaker 1: B G y N. It's not one of those things
Speaker 1: like your pussy smells. It's like your pH balance actually
Speaker 1: can get off for a bunch of reasons. And it's
Speaker 1: called Louvena. It's like twenty bucks. You get a couple
Speaker 1: of cartridges and you just sleep with it overnight and
Speaker 1: probably like one use, maybe two, it will reset your
Speaker 1: pH balance and and as far as your boyfriend, UM,
Speaker 1: I just want to address that too. Um, he feels
Speaker 1: guilty for not reciprocating oral the time. Okay, he can
Speaker 1: learn to make you come. I think that's something that
Speaker 1: can happen. If you come with your hands, then show
Speaker 1: him how you come, or if you use a sex toy,
Speaker 1: incorporate that in in the sex when you're having sex
Speaker 1: with him. Vibrator on the clip for me personally is
Speaker 1: just dandy, but you know he also I know some
Speaker 1: people and will enjoy sex and I'm one of these people.
Speaker 1: If even if I don't have an orgasm, the sex
Speaker 1: can still be really fucking great, and I'm glad I
Speaker 1: have it. So it's not for me. I usually come
Speaker 1: during sex, but if I don't, and there's been times
Speaker 1: when I haven't, I still enjoy it. So you know
Speaker 1: he needs to. You know, if you truly are feeling
Speaker 1: that and you enjoy the sex, you don't necessarily need
Speaker 1: an orgasm every time, then let him know that. And
Speaker 1: he needs to just kind of push that aside. Um.
Speaker 1: But you guys are having pretty good conversations with each
Speaker 1: other about it. Um, you know you're seventeen this relationship
Speaker 1: isn't gonna last forever. Start to break it to you.
Speaker 1: But that's the way life works. Um. Wish someone had
Speaker 1: told me that. But you know, even if they did,
Speaker 1: maybe I wouldn't have believed them. I don't know. I mean, really,
Speaker 1: it sounds like a big pan. And he asked to
Speaker 1: live to like, if you get married to someone who
Speaker 1: had a raw food allergy, yeah i'd be Yeah, that
Speaker 1: would be a disqualifier for me. Husband no husband? And
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, um, so okay, And then he said I'm
Speaker 1: whenever off of him feedback. I feel so bad because
Speaker 1: I know it upsets him to think it isn't working.
Speaker 1: Get the funk over yourself, Guys, it's okay. Feedback doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you were lacking or less than. It just means
Speaker 1: you just have need the skill because everybody's vagina is
Speaker 1: so different. You have he has to make learn how
Speaker 1: to make you um in the specific way that will
Speaker 1: allow you to come. This guilt ship is just not
Speaker 1: you have. You have the right idea with having these conversations.
Speaker 1: I think the next step is to just fuck this
Speaker 1: guilt ship. Just have the conversation. It's okay, You're not
Speaker 1: gonna die it's just all thoughts and thinking and ideas,
Speaker 1: so you don't have to act on them. But the
Speaker 1: conversation can be had without guilt. It's not necessarily Sarah
Speaker 1: to be ashamed of it. Um so yeah, and this
Speaker 1: little old school. But I was thinking, like if there's
Speaker 1: truly is an allergy, and I mean maybe it's just
Speaker 1: like you know, bubble boy level so rare that it's
Speaker 1: not even on the internet. But like you you can
Speaker 1: use a dental damn. Oh yeah, I mean I know
Speaker 1: no one uses him. It's very try, but I would
Speaker 1: try just to see. But like I mean, like okay,
Speaker 1: but it's like if your choice is no cunny lingus
Speaker 1: or cunneling us with a dental, damn, I'm going dental damn.
Speaker 1: You know, because that that should be the shields. I mean,
Speaker 1: like if he, if he's allergic the same way as
Speaker 1: in a condom prevents from s t I s like
Speaker 1: that should be the barrier he needs forgetting no rough food,
Speaker 1: because I mean it makes sense technically if he does
Speaker 1: have this severe raw food allergy, because you know, like
Speaker 1: if you're drinking pineapple juice, the pineapple comes through your
Speaker 1: like vagina, like your your fluids do change based on
Speaker 1: what you eat. Or another option is if you love
Speaker 1: him so much, go on the same diet that he's on.
Speaker 1: I mean that sounds like a nightmare. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he needs to got some kind of a nutritionist, it seems. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that just feels like he needs medical attention because I'm
Speaker 1: worried about him. Yeah. I hope he's okay. I hope
Speaker 1: you're okay. You guys are great. Um all right, now
Speaker 1: let's highlight some women owned businesses. Yeah, thank you guys
Speaker 1: for emailing us. This has been great again women owned businesses.
Speaker 1: We welcome your submissions. Sorry about last night's show at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. You gotta listen to the podcast. Do
Speaker 1: not reo for a friend. It has to be you
Speaker 1: who listened to the podcast, who run a business and
Speaker 1: you're a woman. Um. So. This one is from a
Speaker 1: gall named Lindsay. She runs a business called Novo Designs
Speaker 1: Company where she sells repurposed home decor. She says, I'm
Speaker 1: all about making old items new again and finding the
Speaker 1: beauty in the history of a piece. Some recent projects
Speaker 1: have been making a table out of shutters, flower vases
Speaker 1: out of mason jars and cedar shingles, chalk signs out
Speaker 1: of cabinet doors, and more. I officially started my business
Speaker 1: on Mother's Day of in honor of my mom, who
Speaker 1: passed away about five years ago when I was twenty
Speaker 1: two years old. She was by far one of the
Speaker 1: most creative individuals I know, and I aspire every day
Speaker 1: to behalf as creative as she was. I saw at
Speaker 1: flea markets throughout Massachusetts and rent out of store space
Speaker 1: at Interest Antiques and Flips in Milford, New Hampshire. Every
Speaker 1: piece I do is one of a kind and can
Speaker 1: be found at my markets, store space or online. I
Speaker 1: also take custom orders for any projects that people have
Speaker 1: in mind, and my pieces can be locally rented to stage,
Speaker 1: homes or events. That's really realistic. Yeah, please follow me
Speaker 1: at Novo and it's n O v O Underscore Designs Co.
Speaker 1: On Instagram or check out my website at www dot
Speaker 1: Novo designs code dot com for more information. That sounds
Speaker 1: really cool. I love Ohio, Christina, and I love going
Speaker 1: to like a vintage store flea market when we're on
Speaker 1: the road and you know, can't as hell. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's of course, you know what honor of your mom,
Speaker 1: so I have a beautiful and I'm on the website
Speaker 1: right now and the ship is cute, really cute, and then, um,
Speaker 1: I would love to highlight uh fucker named Kylie in
Speaker 1: New York City sells custom graphic prints through her Etsy
Speaker 1: shop End of Story and Why and her social media
Speaker 1: if you want to look all the stuff up on
Speaker 1: Instagram is End of Story and Why. Um, she's got
Speaker 1: lots of prints of celebrities like Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Michelle Obama,
Speaker 1: and Beyonce. You know I'm gonna get that one. And
Speaker 1: can even do custom portraits of you and your pets.
Speaker 1: This is one of my favorite gifts to give somebody
Speaker 1: is somebody who's like madly in love with their pet,
Speaker 1: um and just thinks the world of their pet. Like
Speaker 1: my dad kind of replaced his kids with his dog.
Speaker 1: He loves his dogs so much, um, and so I
Speaker 1: think this is such great gift ideas. If you go
Speaker 1: to the Etsy store and we're gonna put this in
Speaker 1: the description of this episode this week, these links that
Speaker 1: we're talking about, it's Etsy dot Com, slash shops, slash
Speaker 1: End of Story and Why, or you can just look
Speaker 1: up End of Story and Why on social media. And
Speaker 1: they'll have the link. If you use promo code GWF thirty,
Speaker 1: you get thirty off your first purchase and ten percent
Speaker 1: of all the protoceeds will be donated to the Money
Speaker 1: Pause Rescue in New York City. Um, Kylie had sent me, Um,
Speaker 1: she'd emailed me this awesome portrait she did. She actually
Speaker 1: gave it, gave me a print of it, which is
Speaker 1: it's in my desk right there, that black and white
Speaker 1: on top of the show. Because I'm obsessed with um
Speaker 1: paintings and drawings of women with flowers over their faces,
Speaker 1: like holding flowers in front of them. And um, so
Speaker 1: she drew me with holding a bouquet of flowers in
Speaker 1: front of my face and it made me so happy.
Speaker 1: So again that's end of story and why Kylie. Uh
Speaker 1: and you could use promo co gw F thirty to
Speaker 1: get thirty percent off your first purchase. That's great, man.
Speaker 1: I love paintings of Elfred. Yeah, I got you that.
Speaker 1: You got me in Alfred and then asked and Alfred
Speaker 1: in it. Sometimes Yeah, sometimes I'll get tagged and on
Speaker 1: infan art, but it's of Alfred, not me, and I
Speaker 1: love that. Yeah, so cute anyway, yeah, so my I
Speaker 1: already talked about my personal I just wanted to warn
Speaker 1: people about the dangers of period underwear because you know,
Speaker 1: I was really on a high horse, just thinking like, wow,
Speaker 1: periods finally got easier. I like barely knew that I
Speaker 1: had it and until I had a burning sensation. Man,
Speaker 1: and my p looked like a stormy day. Oh no,
Speaker 1: yeah that sucks. Yeah. My my vagina isn't as finicky,
Speaker 1: which is great. It's one part of my body that's
Speaker 1: not super sensitive to all of the forces of nature.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I was like, my vagina is
Speaker 1: Jewish obviously, Yeah, mine ain't. Every part of me is reverse.
Speaker 1: The butt hole is Jewish. Um, yeah, okay, I let
Speaker 1: me tell you something. You guys, I'm on this self
Speaker 1: help kick, right, you've you've been listening. If you've been
Speaker 1: listening the past couple of episodes, you know I've read
Speaker 1: I have been, uh and I talk about how I'm
Speaker 1: boy crazy, right, and I've been wanting to get to
Speaker 1: the bottom of that because my values, as Christina at
Speaker 1: thirty one present day, I that I want for myself
Speaker 1: are not to prioritize the voyage of seeking a man
Speaker 1: who doesn't love me as much as I love him
Speaker 1: or whatever. I don't want that to be part of
Speaker 1: my values. But there's this like thing in me when
Speaker 1: I when I meet a guy that I like and
Speaker 1: he needs my help or he's not that interested, or
Speaker 1: whatever the funk it is, he's eating out the trash can.
Speaker 1: I don't want to feel like this. I feel this
Speaker 1: like need, this anxious need to be in their presence.
Speaker 1: It's it's this magnetism that I've never quite understood, but
Speaker 1: I've known it's always been there. And since going to
Speaker 1: therapy and reading all these books and ship, you know,
Speaker 1: I really this is I've been able to identify it,
Speaker 1: but I can't find the route. And my friend, my
Speaker 1: best friend, Melissa god lover, we have the best conversations
Speaker 1: with each other because we meet men that are just
Speaker 1: not good choices, but we're like, oh, make you love
Speaker 1: me if it's the last goddamn thing I do. I
Speaker 1: trying to work out this joke on stage as part
Speaker 1: of my stand up, where it's like most people's reaction
Speaker 1: to a red flag. It's like, Okay, I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: mental note of this and then keep it in my
Speaker 1: brain and then there might be a point down the
Speaker 1: line where I have to reevaluate whether or not I
Speaker 1: want to be in this relationship, and that red flag
Speaker 1: is going to help me, you know, make that decision.
Speaker 1: I see a red flag and I'm like, challenge accepted.
Speaker 1: I'll make you love me by the end of this
Speaker 1: Let's dance, motherfucker. You can walk up to me wearing
Speaker 1: a red flag and I'm like, wow, he really loves red.
Speaker 1: That's unique. Um. And I was telling Melissa, Melissa and
Speaker 1: I chat about this all this time, and we're both
Speaker 1: perplexed with this need too to gravitate towards towards guys
Speaker 1: who just aren't it's not it's and it's I. I
Speaker 1: am a fan of taking responsibility for all the things
Speaker 1: that happened to me, so I really don't want to.
Speaker 1: And I look back at all of my relationships and
Speaker 1: I see now what what dynamics were at play. So
Speaker 1: I was telling Melissa the other day, I'm like, dude,
Speaker 1: I think I'm a great catch. I really do, and
Speaker 1: enlisted all these reasons. There were a lot of reasons
Speaker 1: or great catch and she goes, yeah, Tina, but if
Speaker 1: you really thought you were a great catch, wouldn't you
Speaker 1: treat yourself as if you were a great catch? And
Speaker 1: I was like, Melissa Droppings serving that truth to me
Speaker 1: on a silver platter, and I'm like, you're absolutely right,
Speaker 1: You're absolutely because we can have these really honest conversations
Speaker 1: with each other, which I love so much. One of
Speaker 1: many things I love about my friendship with her is
Speaker 1: because like, we're not going to say something to each
Speaker 1: other because we want to piss each other off. It's
Speaker 1: it's because we love one another and we want the best.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, that's like chasing emotionally unavailable men
Speaker 1: or this this thing. So this book I'm reading this.
Speaker 1: It's a new book. I don't think I've mentioned on
Speaker 1: the podcast. I might briefly mentioned it, but I want
Speaker 1: to talk about it because I wrote down all these quotes.
Speaker 1: This book is fantastic, and I really want to try
Speaker 1: and get the author on Guys We've fucked. It's called
Speaker 1: Women who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. A lot
Speaker 1: of I know, I know, and this is what happened.
Speaker 1: A lot of fuckers recommended I read this and it
Speaker 1: felt like a lifetime movie to me. And I downloaded
Speaker 1: the audiobook and I just it felt cheesy. I didn't
Speaker 1: like she Now that I'm reading the book, the title
Speaker 1: is very appropriate, but it's it's not as cheesy as I. Oh, no, listen,
Speaker 1: I read a lot of books and like a lot
Speaker 1: of times anything that feels healthy, Like the titles are terrible,
Speaker 1: but the content is good. And sometimes it's got to
Speaker 1: look past. You can't judge a book solely, but it's comma.
Speaker 1: So so this book has changed my perspective on all
Speaker 1: of this and it's really giving me like ground to
Speaker 1: stand on and understanding. And these are just some quotes
Speaker 1: that I just found so helpful. And if you're listening
Speaker 1: to this and you are a woman who loves too much,
Speaker 1: you will be fucking breaking your pencil at your desk
Speaker 1: because you'll be like that is me um. And some
Speaker 1: I've talked about it briefly on Twitter that I'm reading
Speaker 1: this book, A couple of guys tweeted at me like,
Speaker 1: is this something that because I feel like I'm a guy,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I also love too much? As
Speaker 1: is something that would, um, I could you know, get
Speaker 1: help from? And I said absolutely. The author specifically mentioned
Speaker 1: she she gendered the title because there's a lot of
Speaker 1: things in society and pop culture that kind of push
Speaker 1: the burden of helping on women more than they do
Speaker 1: on men. But that being said, a lot of the
Speaker 1: ship is from childhood stuff and men can experience that
Speaker 1: just as much as women can. So I do. And
Speaker 1: the clients that the that Robin Norwood talks about in
Speaker 1: this book, she gives a lot of really great examples
Speaker 1: and then breaks them down of what's happening, why is
Speaker 1: she attracted to this guy, what's what were the things
Speaker 1: at work? And they're all they're just all women clients.
Speaker 1: So so that's but you if you're a guy and
Speaker 1: you think that you relate to this, you can get
Speaker 1: this book. Man. Yeah, it could be like to the
Speaker 1: same thing. Like, just just because you're a like biologically
Speaker 1: a man, doesn't mean that you're not playing the feminine
Speaker 1: role in the relationship, in which case that I'm sure
Speaker 1: this book could be super helpful. Yes. Um, so these
Speaker 1: are just some quotes that I've been writing down. I
Speaker 1: wanted to write down everything she said. I'm like, maybe
Speaker 1: I should just read the book and just taking it um.
Speaker 1: But she she she detailed one of the client's names,
Speaker 1: Trudy and she said about Trudy. She described the story
Speaker 1: of her but she said true to form of loving
Speaker 1: was to give all of herself without expecting anything in return.
Speaker 1: She was lying, dormant in her lover, waiting to blossom.
Speaker 1: I was like that yo that just I related to
Speaker 1: that needs to listen to yoe me nothing in return
Speaker 1: by Atlantis Morrissa, Oh, yeah, me too, Um, I wouldn't. Oh.
Speaker 1: And then this woman Lisa, she's the mother, Her mother
Speaker 1: was an alcoholic Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families a
Speaker 1: c Adult Children dot Org. The author actually mentions that organization.
Speaker 1: I'm like, may, we're on the same page, Robin. Um,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't know who I was without someone to help,
Speaker 1: without some suffering to endure, failure to win love only
Speaker 1: made her try harder. There And then if our parents
Speaker 1: related to us in manipulative, overbearing ways, that is what
Speaker 1: will feel right to us. We feel at home with
Speaker 1: people with whom are earlier, unhealthier patterns are recreated and
Speaker 1: perhaps awkward or ill at ease with healthier, gentle, gentler individuals.
Speaker 1: This is what my therapist is trying to get me
Speaker 1: to understand. But this book really tied it up for me, Um,
Speaker 1: we need the excitement of uncertainty, pain and struggle just
Speaker 1: to feel alive. That and me to a t And
Speaker 1: it's because I developed let me get to the parents ship,
Speaker 1: because it's so interesting to piggyback off that like sometimes
Speaker 1: like sometimes and like this is not your close friends.
Speaker 1: And I certainly love a lot of your friends, but
Speaker 1: like sometimes people who you'll hang out with, I actually
Speaker 1: physically can't hang out with them too long because they
Speaker 1: feel too like all over the player that needs They
Speaker 1: just feel like like the behavior, the behavior is erratic,
Speaker 1: and it's like I can't like, you know, there's a
Speaker 1: reason why my best friends are an accountant and a psychologist,
Speaker 1: because I love just like grounded, like there should be
Speaker 1: no one acting wackier than me, which is not that wacky, right,
Speaker 1: you know that makes a lot of sense, um. And
Speaker 1: in terms of childhood ship, women who love too much
Speaker 1: have a strong need to control those closest to them.
Speaker 1: That need to control others often results from a childhood
Speaker 1: during which many overwhelming emotions are frequently experienced, anger, fear,
Speaker 1: unbearable tension, shame, pity for others and for self. In
Speaker 1: order to function, you develop ways as a little girl,
Speaker 1: to protect her, to protect yourself. This is a powerful
Speaker 1: defense mechanism called denial. A family doesn't become dysfunctional unless
Speaker 1: there is denial operating. And denial is refusal to accept
Speaker 1: reality and how you feel towards that reality, so you
Speaker 1: can make up whatever you want in your head as
Speaker 1: a child, and that's what I did. That is so
Speaker 1: what I did. And then you're in denial of everything
Speaker 1: that's going on because you need to survive this childhood
Speaker 1: and your kid. You don't know what to do, so
Speaker 1: your brain is actually working in your favor in that,
Speaker 1: But then these patterns continue in your adult life and
Speaker 1: it's not doing you any favors. Um. This girl was
Speaker 1: saying that, Um. When she was a little kid, her
Speaker 1: parents were always fighting, always yelling, And in my household,
Speaker 1: I remember my parents fought so much. They would scream
Speaker 1: at each other. I remember being upstairs four or five
Speaker 1: six years old, with my fingers in my ears and
Speaker 1: stomping up and down, screaming because they were yelling at
Speaker 1: the top of their lungs at each other. I would
Speaker 1: be at friends houses and they would yell at each other,
Speaker 1: and I would be embarrassed. UM, and so as a result,
Speaker 1: I talked about this in my stand up, but like
Speaker 1: I would clean the house without being asked because it
Speaker 1: was my attempt. And this, this one is detailing of
Speaker 1: woman who did that as a little girl. And she said,
Speaker 1: and Robin said, each chore she attempted without being asked
Speaker 1: was an attempt to rectify the family's circumstances. And that
Speaker 1: made me realize I truly thought I could change the
Speaker 1: happiness of my mother and my father if I was
Speaker 1: the perfect child. It's crazy, um And and oh, there
Speaker 1: was a sign in Robin Norwood's first office where she worked,
Speaker 1: and it said help is the sunny side of control.
Speaker 1: So my way of helping isn't I didn't never looked
Speaker 1: at it as control before, but that's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1: And all my past relationships, my my recent past relationship
Speaker 1: that was me trying to help, was me enabling that
Speaker 1: person and me trying to control that person. I never
Speaker 1: looked at it like that. I looked at it more like,
Speaker 1: look at all the great things I did for this person,
Speaker 1: and they were helpful things, but it's not my fucking
Speaker 1: job to help that person in that way. That person
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily ask for my help in that way, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to make my relationship more tolerable for me.
Speaker 1: So I thought, if I can make his life better,
Speaker 1: I'll make my life better. And here's a long paragraph
Speaker 1: that I wrote down because it just really, uh, it
Speaker 1: really struck me. The more difficult it is to end
Speaker 1: a relationship that is bad for you, the more elements
Speaker 1: of your child to struggle, it contains, when you are
Speaker 1: loving too much. It is because you are trying to
Speaker 1: overcome the old fears, anger, frustration, and pain from childhood.
Speaker 1: And to quit is to surrender a precious opportunity for
Speaker 1: finding relief and rectifying the ways you have been wronged.
Speaker 1: While these or the unconscious psychological underpinnings that make explicit
Speaker 1: explicable your drive to be with him in spite of
Speaker 1: the pain, they do little justice to the intensity of
Speaker 1: your conscious experience. Because and this is what this this
Speaker 1: relates to. Why do I feel this need to be
Speaker 1: with these men, to be in front of these men,
Speaker 1: to be seen by these men. It's very powerful. It
Speaker 1: would be this kills me. It would be difficult to
Speaker 1: overstate the sheer emotional charge that this kind of relationship,
Speaker 1: once begun, carries for the woman involved. When she tries
Speaker 1: to cut herself off from relating to the man she
Speaker 1: loves too much, she feels as though a thousand volts
Speaker 1: of painful electricity are rushing through her nerves and spilling
Speaker 1: out their severed ends, pulling her down to the place
Speaker 1: where her childhood loneliness still lives, and she is sure
Speaker 1: she will drown in the pain. This kind of charge,
Speaker 1: the sparks and the chemistry, the drive to be with
Speaker 1: that other person and to make it work, are not
Speaker 1: present in the same degree in healthier, more satisfying relationships,
Speaker 1: because they do not embody all the possibilities of settling
Speaker 1: old accounts and for prevailing over what was once overwhelming.
Speaker 1: It is the thrilling possibility of righting old wrongs, winning
Speaker 1: lost love, and gaining withheld approval that for women who
Speaker 1: love too much is the unconscious chemistry behind falling in
Speaker 1: love that after have been addicted to this book because
Speaker 1: it is this book is so good? Do you love
Speaker 1: it too much? I love it too much, and I'm
Speaker 1: very defensive and supportive of it. Um. She also talks
Speaker 1: about and when women's magazines there's countless. This is in
Speaker 1: terms of the cultural ways that women are kind of
Speaker 1: encouraged to take on the burden of helping the man
Speaker 1: they're with. And this is obviously in straight relationships she's
Speaker 1: she's speaking about um. In women's magazines are a countless
Speaker 1: articles about how to help your man be dot dot dot,
Speaker 1: but there's no such articles and men's magazines. It's just
Speaker 1: it's culturally assumed that this is the women's job to
Speaker 1: clean up the mess. Suffering from love is romanticized by
Speaker 1: our culture. Specifically in pop culture, we are surrounded by
Speaker 1: countless examples of unrewarding, immature relationships that are glamorized. And
Speaker 1: it made me realize she talks about and I've been
Speaker 1: wanting to make a bit about this. Beauty and the
Speaker 1: Beast was my favorite movie as a kid. Disney movie
Speaker 1: At a Beauty and the Beast comforter at a Beauty
Speaker 1: and the Beast, fucking canopy curtains. Everything was Beauty and
Speaker 1: the Beast. I was bell like five years in a row.
Speaker 1: And the plot of that movie is of the Disney version,
Speaker 1: is just, oh, you stole my dad for me and
Speaker 1: you're an ugly beast man. Okay, I'll I'll live with you.
Speaker 1: And then eventually get over how much you terrify me,
Speaker 1: and then I'll make you fall in love, and not
Speaker 1: only will you change from a beast to a human,
Speaker 1: you'll be a prince. He's an abusive piece of ship. Yeah. Um.
Speaker 1: But that she's just trying to read and he like
Speaker 1: and like everyone in the town is like making fun
Speaker 1: of her because she's like smart. Yeah, yeah, exactly, She's
Speaker 1: weird because she reads books the whole. All the men
Speaker 1: in that and movie stuck because Gaston's a piece of
Speaker 1: ship too. He's such a piece, but he's outwardly a
Speaker 1: piece of ship. Yeah, he's he owns it at least. Um. Oh,
Speaker 1: and there's a couple other quotes. She will try to
Speaker 1: help in women who love too much. We'll try to
Speaker 1: help in order to make the situation more tolerable for her,
Speaker 1: all while making herself in denial of how bad their
Speaker 1: relationship actually is. So my way of helping in a relation.
Speaker 1: There's healthy ways to help in a relationship, but I'm
Speaker 1: helping a lot of times to make it more tolerable
Speaker 1: for me, And in the process, that's the denial for me,
Speaker 1: because if I'm helping make it better, then I'm not
Speaker 1: going to be focusing on wholloa. He shouldn't need my
Speaker 1: help with this. It's it's so easy to bypass. I
Speaker 1: seem to this. One woman says, I seem to be
Speaker 1: I've seem to always been attracted to men who have
Speaker 1: nothing to offer me, who don't even want what I
Speaker 1: have to offer them. And then yeah, but that I
Speaker 1: relate man, because I think of like, man, I all
Speaker 1: the reasons why I'm a great catch, right that I
Speaker 1: told Melissa, I was like, they don't even care about
Speaker 1: all that stuff, like look the career I have I'm
Speaker 1: so proud of, and what guys who does for people.
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of that, and they a lot of
Speaker 1: them are like, yeah, that's cool, but it's you know,
Speaker 1: I just I want to be I want to be
Speaker 1: appreciated for all those things, because that's what makes you know.
Speaker 1: You should make a list that my therapist I had
Speaker 1: me do this like way in the beginning. Just make
Speaker 1: a like a list, and you're supposed to do it handwritten,
Speaker 1: um literally just right out. In my ideal relationship, I
Speaker 1: feel and then ellipses I feel whatever, I feel appreciated,
Speaker 1: I feel loved, I feel et cetera, and mine went
Speaker 1: on and on for like pages and pages, and then
Speaker 1: you can also additionally, um, what other things. There's another
Speaker 1: list you can make um about the relationship, because I
Speaker 1: think it's like if you see it on paper, Uh,
Speaker 1: it's a lot easier to then go back to when
Speaker 1: you're kind of like smitten with someone. Well, that's why
Speaker 1: I have a red flag diary. I write down all
Speaker 1: the possible red flags, like anything that could possibly be
Speaker 1: a red flag, because it doesn't hurt to write it down.
Speaker 1: And then when I'm like come to a crossroads in
Speaker 1: a relationship with a person, I look back at that
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yep, that was a red flag. Yes,
Speaker 1: that was a red flag. Oh, you're right, your instincts
Speaker 1: are right well, and because you're so positive. Again, we've
Speaker 1: talked about this before, but like you know, people focus
Speaker 1: so much on like this is what I do want,
Speaker 1: But sometimes it's easier to think like, these are the
Speaker 1: main things I don't want in my next relationship, And
Speaker 1: if I see any of those in a person, I
Speaker 1: have to immediately disqualify them because you can get if
Speaker 1: if you only if you make a list of things
Speaker 1: that you do want you and get wrapped up in
Speaker 1: the fairy tale and then have all these positives kind
Speaker 1: of overshadow the negatives. I like. I like the suggestion
Speaker 1: of writing down how you want, how you will feel
Speaker 1: in your ideal relationship. That's actually really good idea. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's good because you know and then you just kind
Speaker 1: of think of your past relationships and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: even though I liked this person, I didn't feel this
Speaker 1: is not how I felt right when I was doing
Speaker 1: when I was in it. And I'm learning to become
Speaker 1: so much more involved with my feelings. In fact, I
Speaker 1: fell into this like depression comma again because I think
Speaker 1: I was finally letting myself feel all the feelings that
Speaker 1: I didn't want to feel in my last relationship because
Speaker 1: I wanted everything to be great. And that's I mean,
Speaker 1: that's my pattern, right, So those feelings are going to
Speaker 1: come up eventually. That they just will, whether it's in
Speaker 1: a disease or whether it's in a mental breakdown, or
Speaker 1: whether it's you're in a depression comma for a couple
Speaker 1: of days and I had to have an emergency session
Speaker 1: with my therapist. I've never asked for that, but I
Speaker 1: was a wreck. And she goes Christina, this is amazing.
Speaker 1: This is amazing. You're finally feeling all the things that
Speaker 1: you weren't allowed to fee or you didn't allow yourself
Speaker 1: to feel because we're denial. I'm like, yeah, it sucks.
Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, but it's great. Um. And also when
Speaker 1: I evaluate evaluate a relationship i'm in or a potential
Speaker 1: relationship I might be in, I always think of how
Speaker 1: the guy feels about me, and never how I feel
Speaker 1: about the guy. You don't just assume that he likes
Speaker 1: you and that's why he's hanging out? Well why but
Speaker 1: why would he be there if he didn't like you?
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's it's all the it's it's all
Speaker 1: old mechanisms at work from when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: It really is. And it's great to at least be
Speaker 1: aware of that because then I can push those thoughts
Speaker 1: aside when they come up. And um, it's I kind
Speaker 1: of had I feel sorry for myself too much. Um,
Speaker 1: and I really want to work on that. And I
Speaker 1: used to think, well, I attract these terrible people, not terrible,
Speaker 1: but you know, people who aren't right for me. But
Speaker 1: I don't that's not what it is. I think it's
Speaker 1: because I don't see the signs to get out of
Speaker 1: the relationship, and it's not what I want until much
Speaker 1: later on. And then the red flags I don't even
Speaker 1: interpret as red flags. And so it's it's like if
Speaker 1: somebody is like all the partners, I look back at
Speaker 1: all the partners I've ever had, and it was a
Speaker 1: combination of me offering to help when it was inappropriate,
Speaker 1: but then the guy is gonna be like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I should not ever put it on the
Speaker 1: guy to say you should refuse my help. That's not
Speaker 1: their problem, that's my problem. So I'm just trying to work.
Speaker 1: But also it's not and I this is something I read.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not that you're attracting the wrong type
Speaker 1: of person. It's that you're attracting multiple types of people
Speaker 1: and you're choosing the wrong person. So racist texting me
Speaker 1: and said that yeah, And so there's a difference between
Speaker 1: that because it's like, yeah, we we attracted different kinds
Speaker 1: of people, but it's then it's up to you to
Speaker 1: make the active choice of you out of those people.
Speaker 1: And I'm realizing falling in love for me a lot
Speaker 1: of the times, or falling for somebody being smitten. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of anxiety and fear attached to that, and
Speaker 1: I never noticed that before, and that's not normal, Like
Speaker 1: I think it's normal, well, anxiety, but but I think
Speaker 1: fear is not like this work out, I think that,
Speaker 1: but I think that's healthy. But I think my fears
Speaker 1: or my things are like just more attached, uh, focused
Speaker 1: on how he will perceive me. That's not how but
Speaker 1: what does that even mean? How he will? You are
Speaker 1: who you are? So what do you perceive you? Are
Speaker 1: you putting on airs when you're trying a relationship? No,
Speaker 1: but I do well, I do feel a lot of times,
Speaker 1: I told my therapist because it's it's really great to
Speaker 1: at least be aware of this ship, because that's the
Speaker 1: first step in rectifying it. I feel myself if I'm
Speaker 1: hanging out with a guy that I like, I just
Speaker 1: won't talk and I want to talk or I want
Speaker 1: to ask him a question, and I'm too scared. But
Speaker 1: it's like Christina, you can. You have the right to
Speaker 1: know whatever you want to know all you You have
Speaker 1: the right to ask whatever question you would like to
Speaker 1: ask this person. And want to be yourself in the beginning,
Speaker 1: because otherwise you're just wasting your own time exactly exactly,
Speaker 1: because it's not like you can hide who you are
Speaker 1: forever unless you're Elizabeth Holmes. Um she says, she's so crazy.
Speaker 1: I love it. But then furthermore, my other question was, Okay,
Speaker 1: so a lot of those things. So it's so it's
Speaker 1: like if you do, because I remember, you're texted me
Speaker 1: some excerpts from this book over the over the week
Speaker 1: while you were reading it, and I could see that
Speaker 1: it resonated very deeply with you and why help people,
Speaker 1: but it did not at all resonate with makes sense.
Speaker 1: So it's like, obviously there are there can be different
Speaker 1: reasons why women are helpful, are actual or are extra
Speaker 1: helpful or you know, I wouldn't because I was like,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't use the words I love too much, but
Speaker 1: I mean, I give too much, is how I would p.
Speaker 1: I think that's common. I think a lot of cultural reasons.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of cultural reasons why that is common.
Speaker 1: But for you, you don't, you're not in denial of things,
Speaker 1: so but like they're still has to be I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it's just and you see, but
Speaker 1: also it's that manager brain that you have, and that
Speaker 1: you see the person's potential. I think any normal human,
Speaker 1: healthy functioning human being. If you see a human beings potential,
Speaker 1: like a partner, romantic partner, and they're not doing it,
Speaker 1: you're gonna want to say something. I mean, that's natural.
Speaker 1: But um uh. The one of the chronicles all these women, right,
Speaker 1: and then a lot of them talk about how it
Speaker 1: feels to be kind of healed of this like this notion,
Speaker 1: and it's really interesting. Um uh. These women have been
Speaker 1: able to recogniz eyes. They're helping behavior for what it was,
Speaker 1: a self consciously motivated attempt to deny their own pain
Speaker 1: by controlling those closest to them. It's just so, where
Speaker 1: is this one about? She talks about how fucking weird
Speaker 1: it is to go on a date and not care
Speaker 1: about and to just have the thoughts in her head, well,
Speaker 1: what do I think of him? Do I want to
Speaker 1: see him again? Instead of her old pattern of like
Speaker 1: what does he think of me? Does he like me?
Speaker 1: And this is wild. I've literally never thought what does
Speaker 1: someone think of me? On a date? All I think
Speaker 1: about I think about is me just going I can't
Speaker 1: put up with that laugh for the rest of my life. Well,
Speaker 1: I do think some of those things too, but uh,
Speaker 1: but it's, um, I just don't evaluate relationships in the
Speaker 1: way that is healthy. So it's I don't know. Man,
Speaker 1: this book Women who Love Too Much, Guys, you should
Speaker 1: get it. And then a p s. A. If there's
Speaker 1: any parents out there with young children in their household,
Speaker 1: I just can't stress enough how much screaming and fighting
Speaker 1: constantly will fuck your kid up. It will fuck your
Speaker 1: kid up especially, and what really is going to suck
Speaker 1: the kid up is being and denial that that's even
Speaker 1: the situation. Um. Because I remember one time, God, this
Speaker 1: memory is so in my head. I was six years
Speaker 1: old and I was crying because my parents were fighting.
Speaker 1: And then either my mother and my father said, because
Speaker 1: they both kind of said this to me because they
Speaker 1: were so frustrated, um, with themselves and with each other,
Speaker 1: that if I was crying, to be like, you're always crying, Christina,
Speaker 1: stop and I'm like, and that that right there fucked me. Um.
Speaker 1: But the good news is we're all sucked up in
Speaker 1: some way by our parents, by something that happening in
Speaker 1: our past, in big ways and small ways. But the
Speaker 1: good news is you can develop awareness about it. And
Speaker 1: fix it because attaching your parents and the way they
Speaker 1: were to you and treated you to the cause of
Speaker 1: all of your woes as an adult. That's a start,
Speaker 1: but you can't end there. It's not an excuse, it's
Speaker 1: a it's a it's a connector to help you get better.
Speaker 1: So don't you know we're all sucked up from our parents,
Speaker 1: but we can also all get help um and seek
Speaker 1: just a more honest way to approach humans well and
Speaker 1: also have hopefully stopped the pattern before you can become
Speaker 1: a parent yourself. I think that's why so often things
Speaker 1: just keep going in like a circle, a circle, because
Speaker 1: you just then repeat the same behavior that you saw
Speaker 1: in your household. And that's terrible because you every children
Speaker 1: learn how to relate and how to feel from their caretakers.
Speaker 1: And if your parents relate to you or each other
Speaker 1: by manipulative or yelling or that's how you are going
Speaker 1: to feel comfortable and safe in a romantic relationship when
Speaker 1: you're older. And it's just so if you are parents
Speaker 1: who are fighting with young kids in the house, go
Speaker 1: to a couple of therapy or fucking separate. It's you're
Speaker 1: doing so much damage to yourself and to your kids,
Speaker 1: and I cannot stress that enough. So many people or
Speaker 1: fight when they're at school. Yeah, exactly, tell them to
Speaker 1: go to their friend's house and screaming each other something.
Speaker 1: You gotta fix it because it really soundproof from Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're really putting a fun up adult out into the world,
Speaker 1: and um, you're doing a disservice to our country in
Speaker 1: the world. Oh my gosh, not good. Yeah goodh al right, guys.
Speaker 1: Well on this week's episode, oh god, this is such
Speaker 1: a on the episode, this is really one of my favorites.
Speaker 1: I was laughing. I was barely ask questions. I was laughing.
Speaker 1: So glad. Okay, So she's a nationally touring a stand
Speaker 1: up comedian and actress. You've seen her on Inside and
Speaker 1: you Schumer Crashing and movies like train Wreck and Top five.
Speaker 1: Please welcome to the show, Rachel. Fine sign because I
Speaker 1: gotta to night. We're gonna be here one and we
Speaker 1: could do this real nights and wait, we did this
Speaker 1: side right lights running up with you real lives. You
Speaker 1: don't know me, real kids, were like, fine, line that
Speaker 1: basically you're moving from this because I'm I'm paking Louis
Speaker 1: to the rhythm all around me and you feel on
Speaker 1: the base up and down and her friends. I can't
Speaker 1: wait to get up in the sideling. And if you
Speaker 1: said that we don't know about long stuff, you're pushing
Speaker 1: and pushing back. Bring it on. I got fail. No,
Speaker 1: I want to always. We are here with Rachel Finstein.
Speaker 1: How you doing good? How are you? Thanks for having me?
Speaker 1: Thanks for being here. Um. I have so many questions
Speaker 1: for you, um, but one of them is just I'm
Speaker 1: really into firefighters. Okay, like I've been into firefighters my
Speaker 1: whole life. We called you know, it's not why, but
Speaker 1: like I heard somebody, actually multiple people when you got
Speaker 1: engaged to a firefighter made me aware of it, and
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, fucking good for you. Now I'm curious,
Speaker 1: do you even give a shit about the firefighter thing?
Speaker 1: I am thought they were hot and never recurred to
Speaker 1: me that i'd marry a fireman, you know, like, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like they were one of the things you
Speaker 1: just grow up thinking is hot. I mean, I like
Speaker 1: any uniform, it could be a UPS uniform, mart there,
Speaker 1: I'm actively around it kind of hot. Any uniform, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I kind of like to when it come up in
Speaker 1: the shorts like that. Yeah, I think they're hot shorts.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's like in a what happened to
Speaker 1: me in the past life, But the firefighters thing for
Speaker 1: me is true, Like I'll go into fire stations to
Speaker 1: use the bathroom. Yeah. The other thing you could do
Speaker 1: is if you have a dog, you can or just
Speaker 1: take a friend's steal a dog currying it by. Some
Speaker 1: of them have little dog treats outside, Like some of
Speaker 1: the newer guys, like they have these little tricks. Especially
Speaker 1: they'll like just be out there with dog treats to
Speaker 1: meet girls. So you could do a Lotford will bark
Speaker 1: a lot any large man. Of course, if you ever
Speaker 1: want to come by my my husband's firehouse, like just come. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm getting like meet depetations. That's how that's how intense.
Speaker 1: Ie they have a bat they could just like shoot
Speaker 1: baskets there or something and yeah, yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're saying that as a hey,
Speaker 1: you're probably never going to follow up on that. I
Speaker 1: will follow up. I've had a lot of friends come
Speaker 1: meeting really, I mean I spent a lot of time
Speaker 1: at firehouses now really, like how much time do you
Speaker 1: spend in him, Um, I mean a weird amount because
Speaker 1: I'm always meeting him at a firehouse or whatever. And
Speaker 1: then I like and then he's what's called a bouncing captain.
Speaker 1: He's a captain, but he bounces around because because if
Speaker 1: they only have it does sound I'm just saying, I'm
Speaker 1: just saying your cock, yeah, captain, So um, he's a
Speaker 1: throbbing bouncing cock Captain. The best episode ever we've ever gone.
Speaker 1: So if you get promoted in f D N Y,
Speaker 1: they don't always have like once you're like captain chief.
Speaker 1: They only have so many positions, so sometimes guys will
Speaker 1: never get a house. They'll just keep going to different
Speaker 1: houses and they cover shifts. So if there's no captain
Speaker 1: in this house, he'll cover a couple of weeks in
Speaker 1: this house or that house. So he jumps around to
Speaker 1: different houses around the third division, which is is he
Speaker 1: was a midtown to the saying marname because that's that's
Speaker 1: my favorite accent. I call in a garbage accent, but
Speaker 1: I feel like, okay saying it because I also have
Speaker 1: a garbage Jersey accent and like I don't know what
Speaker 1: it is, but like the less you correctly you pronounced
Speaker 1: where it's like the more aroused Diane and I like
Speaker 1: it too. And the funny thing is it's like his
Speaker 1: brother no accent whatsoever, but him because they have there's
Speaker 1: like an f D and y accent because he joined
Speaker 1: the fire department when he was twenty two, so it's
Speaker 1: pronounced fida. You know. His brother no accident. I mean
Speaker 1: he grew up in Brooklyn. He has a Marine Park
Speaker 1: Brooklyn accent, but his brother nothing. But they all talk
Speaker 1: like that. It's like there there's old fire department commercials
Speaker 1: in the big if that's how they Wody answered the phone.
Speaker 1: But it's like, yeah, they all have the same names,
Speaker 1: just like Brennan, no case don You're like, Jacket's just
Speaker 1: lined up. Yeah, So and then how do you how
Speaker 1: did you meet him? We were set up because my
Speaker 1: friend is she's a comedian and she's married to retired
Speaker 1: fireman and um, her husband is a lot older than her,
Speaker 1: so so, uh, she's about twelve years older than me.
Speaker 1: So her husband had a kid when he was twenty
Speaker 1: so he's retired and his son is my husband's age
Speaker 1: and works with him. So one day we were trying
Speaker 1: to meet guys. Real sadness to the story. I was
Speaker 1: trying to meet a guy. She was winging me. She
Speaker 1: has like a lot of confidence. She's married, but she's
Speaker 1: the kind of guy that would like hand him on
Speaker 1: a match book or something like that. Very confusing like
Speaker 1: that with her number on just like think about it
Speaker 1: without a second thought. Just have like a couple of
Speaker 1: rogue match books in her purse. She has that kind
Speaker 1: of confident like she's always been hot, you know, now
Speaker 1: she's married, but she's just like but I mean, she
Speaker 1: hasn't actively hit on so aggressively hot. But so I
Speaker 1: was like, I heard guys hang out in steakhouses. This
Speaker 1: is real dark. So I asked her if she would
Speaker 1: meet me at like keen steakhouse to try to meet him.
Speaker 1: Was wildly lonely. Yeah, it was just like I come
Speaker 1: off the road for a weird stretch. I wasn't making
Speaker 1: appropriate eye contract I was. I was just like throbbing
Speaker 1: with loneliness. So I'm very keen. This is so great.
Speaker 1: So and no one hit on me all night. And
Speaker 1: the thing is, I can't start the conversations. I just
Speaker 1: sit there waiting. I was at the bar, but there
Speaker 1: was just too much open longing in my eyes. I think,
Speaker 1: and it frightens people. And then it's what towards the
Speaker 1: end of the night, this guy came up with a
Speaker 1: great line. But he was so old, just in the
Speaker 1: winter of his life, like Posa's old. There was this
Speaker 1: big painting over the bar at Keenes and it's like
Speaker 1: a big kind of like voluptuous naked, you know, like
Speaker 1: Renaissance broad And he just walked up to me and
Speaker 1: he was like, is she or you got I'm so
Speaker 1: sorry to bother you, but it's not your that's a
Speaker 1: fun line. And I just turned around, like, whoever, this
Speaker 1: is the guy I went here all night? I have
Speaker 1: an accent for some reason. Whoever this motherfucker is, I'm
Speaker 1: calling the funk home with him tonight. So I turned around.
Speaker 1: He was just from yeah, he was just so old.
Speaker 1: He was he was he was and yeah, yeah, he
Speaker 1: was at the point of his wife where it was
Speaker 1: time to settle up his you know, finance and just
Speaker 1: get his final wishes in order. Man. I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: you know, And then she was like, you should be
Speaker 1: with a fireman switt. And then she was like, let
Speaker 1: me text Junior, her stepson at Steve Senior Steve's Junior
Speaker 1: that roll on the bite a bomb and she lives
Speaker 1: at Staten Island. She was like, let me text Junior,
Speaker 1: sitia at the Fireman for you, sweetie, Fireman sweetie, that's
Speaker 1: the answer of sweetie. And so she texted her Junior
Speaker 1: and she's always doing signs, you know, and she was like,
Speaker 1: what's your rising with like a lot of red wine teath. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we found out that sort of falling over in her
Speaker 1: own chair, she texts she's the fucking best. So she
Speaker 1: text junior. Junior sent over, which I thought was fascinating,
Speaker 1: two pictures of Fireman and he was sinking very quickly,
Speaker 1: like I was like, that's fast for a man to
Speaker 1: have two ready Fireman. There was one guy that was
Speaker 1: just sort of getting out of a pool with a
Speaker 1: very like alarming gross expression. And then the other one
Speaker 1: was my husband, who I thought it was very hot,
Speaker 1: but he was like on a beach. He'd won some
Speaker 1: sort of trophy in their basketball league making muscles. And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, he's very hot, but I'll make
Speaker 1: out with him once and he's not to be trusted
Speaker 1: in a sort of serious way. And he said he
Speaker 1: was like, that's a really old picture. Why would you
Speaker 1: show you that picture? Like he was pissed that that
Speaker 1: was the picture he had sent out. And then he
Speaker 1: said his friend called him. Junior called him and said,
Speaker 1: how would you like to meet a semi famous Jewish jokester?
Speaker 1: Have you heard a more vile collection of words? It
Speaker 1: sounds like a character film. It's not. It's bad news
Speaker 1: when semi famous is the most is the compliment in it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you hear that as a man, and you're like, I'd
Speaker 1: rather stay in and a Friday night jokes jokester as
Speaker 1: you was jokester. That's rough to even hear. You say back,
Speaker 1: how are you not just flattened for weeks after that?
Speaker 1: Just said you go outside. You should be on the
Speaker 1: safe side. Oh my god, next time the listeners watch porn,
Speaker 1: I just hope they just imagine, like Karin Poppy, I'll
Speaker 1: be like Jewish jokester, like just like riddles on the sidewalk.
Speaker 1: It's so gangerous. Oh god, So you were soft pitched too.
Speaker 1: So then he came to this ft and wide Christmas party,
Speaker 1: not his firehouse, but we all met at this bar
Speaker 1: Brooklyn and I brought two of my friends. I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, it is like the Sex and the City
Speaker 1: episode where they go to the firefight, because I mean,
Speaker 1: that's basically what you're explaining and everyone's wet. It was
Speaker 1: like that. I mean, one of my friends fucked a
Speaker 1: fireman and texted me the next day for his name.
Speaker 1: She was like, could you buy any chance if you
Speaker 1: wouldn't mind try to get your myths on his first name.
Speaker 1: She's like, he's texting me now, and I've really not
Speaker 1: a clue. She was like, I want to say we
Speaker 1: did anal, which is such a great way to start
Speaker 1: a sentence. I want to say we did anles. She's like,
Speaker 1: but I just couldn't, for the life of me remember
Speaker 1: his first name. Then? Is you know you don't remember
Speaker 1: that because if you don't feel the dick in your butt,
Speaker 1: like the fantom dick in your butt. After yeah, you
Speaker 1: know it's a good that's a good anal. That's a
Speaker 1: good an I think they were arguing about it afterwards.
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm pretty sure we did. He's like, nad
Speaker 1: She was like, I think so, he's like I would remember,
Speaker 1: but anyway, so he was at the bar and he came.
Speaker 1: He's wearing his like button down kind of like I'm
Speaker 1: a nice guy date shirt, and he said. He just
Speaker 1: kept speaking to me in a lot of Yiddish. He
Speaker 1: was like going the vault and I'm like, I speak English, like,
Speaker 1: but all he learned about me was semi famous Jewish show.
Speaker 1: So he's just like he really brushed up on his Yiddish,
Speaker 1: Like he's like, oh, that's a thing. Like he kept
Speaker 1: telling and then one of the guys I talked about
Speaker 1: this my special one of the firemen. I mean, it
Speaker 1: was like a real ship shows, like a wild drunk
Speaker 1: like where they're all they're also drunk, they're like wet,
Speaker 1: you know, and they were sort of like everything was
Speaker 1: kind of in slow motion. There was a couple of
Speaker 1: fights that happened, and one of the guys firefighters, Yeah,
Speaker 1: one of the guys, and they kind of like work
Speaker 1: through their beef, like they had to an outside conversation
Speaker 1: or something. Oh my god that he was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you didn't respect the rank. There was like some discussion
Speaker 1: of that and they went outside and they came back
Speaker 1: friends again. It was thrilled up, but he was like
Speaker 1: on his best behase. Also, he's a captain now, so
Speaker 1: he was a young moron. But I met him at
Speaker 1: a good time because now he can you know, he
Speaker 1: can't really go out doing that with that, you know,
Speaker 1: so he has something to lose because he and they
Speaker 1: come up to him and ask him for things like
Speaker 1: ket Cat kept, can we do this or whatever? You know.
Speaker 1: So that one of the guys gets on the bar
Speaker 1: and he started reading like a toast about the fire department.
Speaker 1: He's like, I love you guys, one anything in the world,
Speaker 1: you know, just my friends, my brothers. At the exact
Speaker 1: same time, every fire to the bar just started going
Speaker 1: Patrick takes it up, the Year takes it Up. And
Speaker 1: the kid just couldn't finish his like gentle thoughts. He
Speaker 1: had to fold them up. And then another fireman got up,
Speaker 1: same song. They would just like bro it digs it
Speaker 1: off the Year and one of the guys looked, I
Speaker 1: was laughing so hard I was crying. One of the
Speaker 1: guys looked to be like, what's the problem, baby, you
Speaker 1: don't like music? And I believe genuine question, I thought.
Speaker 1: He was like, you know, you're not a fan of
Speaker 1: the odds. You know, I've never cared for the arts. Vinny,
Speaker 1: See this is great because I feel like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of especially you know, ladies these
Speaker 1: days would be turned off by this, But comics and
Speaker 1: firefighters there's a lot in common. You both have that
Speaker 1: table that weird. And then when people walk up, like
Speaker 1: when people walk up to the comics table to sell
Speaker 1: or whatever, they'll refer to them as civilians because we're
Speaker 1: complete decades ago. We talk to a civilian after the show,
Speaker 1: and they're the same way. There's like a chemical change
Speaker 1: when you walk into that kitchen and the you know,
Speaker 1: it's just and they work off adrenaline. It's very similarities.
Speaker 1: A lot of camaraderie, a lot of nobody else except
Speaker 1: those ship and they say unspeakable things to each other.
Speaker 1: Yea yeah, if you read one text chain of mind,
Speaker 1: like I'd never work again. We say such sick range
Speaker 1: and they're very similar. Do you imagine if people started
Speaker 1: getting PC on firefighters and what they said. I mean
Speaker 1: they about it all the time, because I like, I
Speaker 1: came by the fire department one time, I mean one
Speaker 1: of the firehouse he's working, and I was like, um,
Speaker 1: can you please like tell my tell the captain didn't
Speaker 1: say I was his wife. I was like, there's a
Speaker 1: strange jew in the lobby and your and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it used to be in the good old days, we
Speaker 1: could say that, you know. They're all kind of yeah,
Speaker 1: they could say that over the loudspeaker said about it.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, was it? Uh So that time that
Speaker 1: you met him, that was the first time you met
Speaker 1: him in person was at this firefighter bar? Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was at this was he were you like, Oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm in. I thought he was really cute. I thought
Speaker 1: like the Yiddish thing I did initially think was like,
Speaker 1: I mean, now I think it's kind of trump but
Speaker 1: I was like, it's absurd. I thought he was a
Speaker 1: little corny at first, Okay, but I was like then
Speaker 1: our first date, after that he asked me to dinner,
Speaker 1: like a couple of days later. In our first date,
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, Like I just was crazy about
Speaker 1: him because he was so We had so much fun.
Speaker 1: And he's funny. He's silly, you know, he just does
Speaker 1: dumb ship Like when I come home, he'll lock the
Speaker 1: top lock and I'll be like, no jish blazz like
Speaker 1: he does that makes me laugh, you know. And he's
Speaker 1: and he's comfortable with you like being the funnier one. Still, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's not he does he make you laugh in the
Speaker 1: relationship or do you make him laughers of both, we
Speaker 1: both do. I mean, he's he'll say real dumb stuff too,
Speaker 1: but like I mean, he's a gross stupid sense of humor.
Speaker 1: Like when ever he goes into the bathroom, he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do some things in there. We should probably
Speaker 1: talk about. Like I'm like, he'll try to massage my shoulders, like, look,
Speaker 1: it's natural, natural processes that I want to just to
Speaker 1: discuss me. You know, you guys are silly. He's silly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're all day. It's just complete fulish, except he's the adult.
Speaker 1: Like he can fill out of form and they like,
Speaker 1: wouldn't taxes? He can. Yeah, he does people's taxes actually,
Speaker 1: because they all have a second job, fireman. They all
Speaker 1: have like a second job, really, most of them. It's
Speaker 1: fucked up that they need to have one more mama.
Speaker 1: They usually have a second thing they do. Like he
Speaker 1: used to be. I can't remember the name for it.
Speaker 1: But when you do the stamp, when you stamp like
Speaker 1: you're the official public notary, Yes, notary, And I always
Speaker 1: acted like I was more aroused by that than the fire.
Speaker 1: But he's like so hot that like just showing the
Speaker 1: stamp once however, you know it in the library. It's
Speaker 1: super useful to have someone who can do that because
Speaker 1: that's a whole that's the whole. Errand you got to
Speaker 1: go to someone's office or some ship and you got
Speaker 1: it is awkward experience. Go no, notary because you just
Speaker 1: gotta sit there. It's weird. Now do you ever have, um,
Speaker 1: do you ever incorporate the firefighter thing into your sex life? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean I I our sex life as we joke
Speaker 1: up until the point of like there's like a click
Speaker 1: right before like he gets on top of me, like
Speaker 1: before then it's complete nons and then we're supposed to
Speaker 1: there's a silent agreement that we have to stop this madness. Okay,
Speaker 1: like I got it's all just kind of but it's
Speaker 1: it's really we're joking. But then it's kind of turns
Speaker 1: up the same time. Yeah, but it's like a weird.
Speaker 1: But then as soon as the actual sex, I can't
Speaker 1: we can't continue this foolishness. So that has to stop.
Speaker 1: So you can't laugh because I'm I'm during sex. I
Speaker 1: am serious, you know I'm trying to lose Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then you can't like me, that's insane to be
Speaker 1: having like trying to have some sort of funny banter.
Speaker 1: I can't have a Yeah, it kills the hordiness. Yeah,
Speaker 1: then it gets weird. But like the moment's sexist, and
Speaker 1: I'll put on his captain's hat and I'll be like
Speaker 1: respect the rank, like like a little goddamn respect you
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. God damn. And then I'll just
Speaker 1: do the most absurd scenarios. I'm like, like, I'm very scared,
Speaker 1: and there's always like a fire, like the tree. It's
Speaker 1: just the dumbest, hackiest horseship, you know. And then until
Speaker 1: the moment like and then he's you know, Catholic. So
Speaker 1: I got I ordered a Catholic school girl outfit on
Speaker 1: on Amazon, but like Amazon was good. I accidentally ordered.
Speaker 1: I've done this a couple of times, but this was
Speaker 1: the most I've ever ordered of something by accident. I
Speaker 1: ordered fifty one time. I ordered warmers for gloves. When
Speaker 1: I say that because certainly I'm not ordering enough for
Speaker 1: five families. You are and there and they were like
Speaker 1: six each. If you google like Catholic school grap you
Speaker 1: can get like a grossly cheap one just made in
Speaker 1: China for like six so I didn't notice that together, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: And then it gets there and he's like, what is
Speaker 1: all this crap? And I'm like, ship never return just
Speaker 1: because I can never return and I just stuffed at
Speaker 1: all in my dumb closets and it's just like fourteen
Speaker 1: Catholic schoolgirl off. It's just in the dumb We're gonna
Speaker 1: be here in the city, like in the summer, all
Speaker 1: these homeless people are going to have a Catholic school
Speaker 1: girl outfits on and be like, what really hot? So
Speaker 1: did you try the outfit on for sex? Now? How
Speaker 1: do you do that? And I'm trying to get to this.
Speaker 1: There is a joke. It's okay. It does start for
Speaker 1: as a joke in your real life when you actually
Speaker 1: carry it out like it does start put it on
Speaker 1: and walk around and like just a kid around in it,
Speaker 1: you know, and then stays we don't even have sex,
Speaker 1: We just sit down and have dinner and talk about
Speaker 1: some sort of practical discussion and you're like full Britney spirit.
Speaker 1: Yeah see, that's got to like dumb games where I
Speaker 1: dropped things and you know, I'd be like, ye, I
Speaker 1: dropped it like my tints are scared. What do I
Speaker 1: do now? Should I bend over? You know? And you
Speaker 1: probably you know I'm not lead most of this nonsense.
Speaker 1: He's pretty vanilla like sexually, he's like like, he'll go
Speaker 1: with what my suggestions are, But are you vanilla? I'm
Speaker 1: I'm not. I don't like a lot of foolishness. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of because that's not the right word, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I mean, I I like to wait a while,
Speaker 1: but because I would get attached to a guy, so
Speaker 1: I wait for a while. So for him, Yeah, when
Speaker 1: I first came up, because I want to be cool
Speaker 1: enough that I could just do and I wouldn't care,
Speaker 1: but I would get Yeah, so I told him the
Speaker 1: first date we went out and we went out for dinner,
Speaker 1: you know, we went out for drinks after and he
Speaker 1: was trying to get me to come over, and I
Speaker 1: was like, we can sex and whatever and uh and
Speaker 1: then we came. I came over and I explained my
Speaker 1: Christian slapovers, which I do, like, I'll like, we cuddle,
Speaker 1: these are the and I like, I tell guys, I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's not a good deal for you talk about this.
Speaker 1: It's my stand up. But I'm like, if I was
Speaker 1: your sexual attorney, I would recommend that you don't take
Speaker 1: this deal. Very little out of this scenario. You're green
Speaker 1: to right now, and there's a lot of reminders of
Speaker 1: just how clinically I mean this. I'm like, you'll wake
Speaker 1: up with the semi an aching semi this is not
Speaker 1: a good call for you. Uh. But he was actually really,
Speaker 1: really very sweet. I was very surprised. Have you had
Speaker 1: a guy not be sweet and those instance. It's never
Speaker 1: been you know, assaulted, but I but just a guy
Speaker 1: being like so I explain it so much that in
Speaker 1: the terms for it that I believe they actually know
Speaker 1: that they're not getting late. But still they'll be like annoyed,
Speaker 1: but you won't or you won't hear from them again,
Speaker 1: which is a fair screening device. But but for him,
Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, he was just like protecting me
Speaker 1: from his heart on. He was being very like trying
Speaker 1: to push it out of the way, you know, but
Speaker 1: he was very he was very cool about I mean,
Speaker 1: we made out and stuff, but we didn't do much,
Speaker 1: you know, for for a little while. From and then
Speaker 1: waiting is good. I've been trying that and it is great,
Speaker 1: it's fun. But then once you do have sex, I mean,
Speaker 1: marry me or don't you know what I mean, it's
Speaker 1: like it's like I feel like I feel like that
Speaker 1: would make the bond. The longest I've waited was like
Speaker 1: the third time I hung out with a guy then
Speaker 1: we funed. That was the longest I've ever waited. And
Speaker 1: then it made me more a little more attached a
Speaker 1: little bit because I expect like months wondering what it
Speaker 1: would be like the fuck them. Yeah, I see what
Speaker 1: you're saying. But then I feel like, but I feel
Speaker 1: like for the guy, they'd probably be attached by that
Speaker 1: time too, or at least from we waited about a
Speaker 1: month then like at that time, like you know, he's
Speaker 1: just like fine, like where do I sign? Like sign
Speaker 1: a pile of documents whatever, you know, Like when I
Speaker 1: said I would do it, he just like all of
Speaker 1: a sudden he'd grabbed the car like he had everything
Speaker 1: waiting for that. That's sweet, but I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 1: by that time, usually both people are kind of into it.
Speaker 1: You know. That's a well, that's a good gauge to see,
Speaker 1: like how much do you like me and how much
Speaker 1: do I like you because if you still want to
Speaker 1: have sex with each other after not fucking for a month,
Speaker 1: that's a good. You know, to go from wildly lonely
Speaker 1: in the steakhouse, that's a good. That's a good. Opposite
Speaker 1: ends right, ye. Actually, just like the way you met,
Speaker 1: I think was like he understood that your intentions were
Speaker 1: more serious. Like when when people are getting set up
Speaker 1: like that's I don't think we've reached the time in
Speaker 1: our lives when we're like setting up people just to
Speaker 1: have acts like vie text that seems like a lot
Speaker 1: and weird, like it does this too much. There's too
Speaker 1: many apps that you can do that job for that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a job like sex workers. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely
Speaker 1: So how did you let him know that you wanted to?
Speaker 1: Like what did you say to him when you finally
Speaker 1: did have sex? I mean it was definitely like like
Speaker 1: this is unacceptable. But like when I want to tell
Speaker 1: him something, I'll be like dear God, and I write
Speaker 1: like I basically act like I'm saying my prayers, but
Speaker 1: I say whatever I'm saying to him, so I'll be
Speaker 1: like dear God. Well, I think it's finally time to
Speaker 1: put out I hope I'm doing the right thing. Lord,
Speaker 1: you could be making a grave mistake. This fireman still
Speaker 1: sure is backed up and deserves it, so just exactly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's like a dear guy. Yeah, it's usually a
Speaker 1: letter to God, like it's how I tell him I'm
Speaker 1: annoyed right now, like you know, like if I'm annoyed
Speaker 1: with something, and I'll be like, dear God, do you
Speaker 1: think I'll always be lonely and you won't be able
Speaker 1: to compliment me properly? But my life settle into a
Speaker 1: certain straight you know, and I'll be like, come here,
Speaker 1: because he does it not go to compliment. He doesn't
Speaker 1: know how to compliment interested. So I tried to tell
Speaker 1: him that, and now he's getting better through my prayers
Speaker 1: that he just not complimenting or giving bad compliments. He
Speaker 1: doesn't know, he doesn't ye. Like again, I talked about
Speaker 1: this in my standard. I wanted to say that some
Speaker 1: people don't think I'm just doing my act, but I
Speaker 1: talked about it always bad at complimenting, like I he'll
Speaker 1: be like, on our wedding day, this isn't true, but
Speaker 1: he'll say this in another day, like just like bringing it,
Speaker 1: you know, like or something like that or no, it
Speaker 1: is not you cannot file that in the compliment category.
Speaker 1: I'll like to do a good job at the bakeup,
Speaker 1: Like you're not supposed to mention that he doesn't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he doesn't. He seems like he has great intentions, he doesn't, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he wants from the right place, but he doesn't
Speaker 1: have the tools in the toolbox to particularly and he'll
Speaker 1: be like you. I mean, it was funny because when
Speaker 1: for our wedding, he we like he wrote his own
Speaker 1: vows and then it was like this beautiful tribute like
Speaker 1: that I had never and it was like funny and insightful.
Speaker 1: But he has to really think about it in focus.
Speaker 1: He's not you know, he's a repressed Catholic fireman. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like he doesn't know how to say. And I mean
Speaker 1: what he said is like, well, we have a good
Speaker 1: time together, like which is really it's as simple as that,
Speaker 1: like he he could we have a lot of fun,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So it's not about the
Speaker 1: never ending list of like physical compliments that I'd like
Speaker 1: to receive, and believe me, I'm still campaigning to receive them,
Speaker 1: but as yeah, but I think for him, like yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like, well, it's about the connecttion. I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: but please let's keep some keep keep excreting compliments of
Speaker 1: the ways we Yeah, we keep the connection alive. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: He's physically very affectionate, like it's a very like arm
Speaker 1: or whatever, you know, but he doesn't know how to
Speaker 1: say like he won't like regularly say you yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I got it. That's an interest. That's actually a great
Speaker 1: way to communicate to your partner that you want you
Speaker 1: you're not getting exactly what you need because I feel
Speaker 1: like anytime I've ever tried to been serious about that conversation,
Speaker 1: it's never about something that serious, like you were saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I would like to I need complimenting. You
Speaker 1: don't want to have annoying discussion about it, right exactly?
Speaker 1: I I don't. I don't think that I would be
Speaker 1: capable of saying like can you physically copy? I don't
Speaker 1: really think I can have that conversation seriously without like yelling,
Speaker 1: I don't know why yeah yeah. That's a great method
Speaker 1: to ask for It actually is weirdly effective because it's
Speaker 1: just like because you put light and it's silly, you know,
Speaker 1: I do that, or I do like an old sort
Speaker 1: of British novel, or I'll be like, you know, she
Speaker 1: knew at that point, but he just didn't have the
Speaker 1: capacity and she would have to find it in other places.
Speaker 1: It wasn't as if she accepted it. It was different
Speaker 1: to feeling well together took over, you know, and he'll
Speaker 1: be like, come here, you know. So it's but it's
Speaker 1: very strange he somehow understands my oddly written like beginning
Speaker 1: of a British novel. Fun that a lot of men
Speaker 1: are gonna have tortuous weekends after this episode comes out,
Speaker 1: because I do the character works going to be going
Speaker 1: on in the bedroom. I do voices all the time.
Speaker 1: I do voices all the time, all the time, and
Speaker 1: you know, a lot of times guys don't think it's fun,
Speaker 1: they don't think it's hot, and I'm like, you're not
Speaker 1: the person for me exactly. They're like, there's people who
Speaker 1: like voices and their people who like, I can't do this.
Speaker 1: This does sound so passive aggressive. If I tried to, Yeah,
Speaker 1: if I have something in my no like me friend,
Speaker 1: it would be real bad. This one guy I'm sucking like,
Speaker 1: I don't know why one of us said it. I
Speaker 1: don't know how this term even came up, like weary
Speaker 1: wander and we would just say we would scream it
Speaker 1: and then we'll be will be in public and will
Speaker 1: be like and I'll be like, don't hit me, and
Speaker 1: then like keep funny. Like we just like to do
Speaker 1: that one too. Like I always act like like when
Speaker 1: we're working out together, like I'll be like, I told
Speaker 1: you it's not helpful when you call me a fat
Speaker 1: home I said that I've everybody turned around on stairs
Speaker 1: and that it's very satisfying. Yeah, my X and I
Speaker 1: used to have like really big of fake fights in
Speaker 1: public and that's so fun just to entertain ourselves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a grabbing of an arm. I'll always ask him,
Speaker 1: like I get him to hold my arm up like
Speaker 1: that big high example arm that like when you bring
Speaker 1: a kid out when you like, you know, like it
Speaker 1: always like take away party, Yeah, all loudly takeaways screen
Speaker 1: time or some other privilege. You know. I'm like, you're
Speaker 1: not getting any screen time and you're not going in
Speaker 1: the movies with Zachary And that's wow, what okay? You
Speaker 1: got my ideal? Like right now, like that you could
Speaker 1: do your voices and be silly, goofy with your person.
Speaker 1: And he's a firefighter, and you have great sex, and
Speaker 1: you're loving and caring. You communicate your needs through humor.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, there's plenty of nods. But we've
Speaker 1: had we read some books that helped us and stuff
Speaker 1: like which one, Yeah, I mean I think everybody knows
Speaker 1: about that was the most obvious one. But like the Bible,
Speaker 1: the Lord, the Lord helped me to learn how to
Speaker 1: not always give into all my desires and to remember
Speaker 1: that my who'sbend owns me, you know, like the seven
Speaker 1: Languages of love. Yeah, because the thing is you give
Speaker 1: how you want to receive it. Right. So he doesn't
Speaker 1: care about physical compliments like I tell him like you
Speaker 1: look really hot or your body or whatever. He doesn't
Speaker 1: really need that. He doesn't. He's not a narcissist either,
Speaker 1: so he doesn't need to hear a lot about himself,
Speaker 1: Like he doesn't have some story he has about they
Speaker 1: need these other people to know, which would be gross
Speaker 1: if he did. But do you have a healthy childhood? Then? Um?
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, yeah, he had a healthy But I
Speaker 1: think you know, he doesn't talk about his feelings enough,
Speaker 1: like he has to learn how to express himself. They
Speaker 1: hold a lot in they see a lot. So I'll
Speaker 1: do like I'll do. It's called feelings quarter, like Felix
Speaker 1: corner on the bed, come on, and I'll be like
Speaker 1: prying it into like Felix corner. No, like he's like terrified.
Speaker 1: People can run into a wildly burning building. But I'll
Speaker 1: be like feelings quarters, like oh please, and I'm like
Speaker 1: feelings squarner five minutes and then it'll come sent and
Speaker 1: we'll like talk about something that everything feelings corner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and by making it funny and jovial, you take the
Speaker 1: pressure off of it because it's not like feel it's
Speaker 1: so and it's so much better to talk about your feelings.
Speaker 1: But it's for some people it's so scary, which I
Speaker 1: don't I can't comprehend, but I'm told it's scary for
Speaker 1: a lot of people. So that's a great way to
Speaker 1: ease into that. Yeah, there's these little ways that help,
Speaker 1: but so but yeah, but it's been a lot of
Speaker 1: like adjusting. And also I'm like a slob, so he's
Speaker 1: had to learn to deal with that. And I've house slovenly.
Speaker 1: Yes see, I'm pretty messy too, And that's like one
Speaker 1: thing that every I was actually just talking about it
Speaker 1: with my person. That's like, like, I don't I'm not
Speaker 1: even that messy. But I think men expectations of women
Speaker 1: is so like TV pristine clean, because like that's kind
Speaker 1: of like this some of this feminine energy you're supposed
Speaker 1: to be bringing, like comfortable safe space for men to
Speaker 1: lay my hat down in. And I like, I'm not that.
Speaker 1: Like my apartment right now, I am trying so hard,
Speaker 1: but it's still not even as close to as clean
Speaker 1: as this apartment. And I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: So how do you? How did you navigate this? I
Speaker 1: mean when you set the firehouse, I'm like a child,
Speaker 1: like when he goes to the firehouse overnight. It's like
Speaker 1: risky business. I'm like dad taking out a costume box,
Speaker 1: just like sliding around in my socks, like curling my
Speaker 1: clothes everywhere unnecessarily. Daddy's not back to such a deep
Speaker 1: that's great, But there's like little things like that, you know,
Speaker 1: I just do them because I mean some of it.
Speaker 1: I mean I don't. There's so much I don't know,
Speaker 1: and we haven't we don't know about like marriage here
Speaker 1: we just got married six months ago. Like I can't
Speaker 1: tell anyone my wisdom about Mary. Yeah we haven't. This
Speaker 1: is like the fun time still. But but when but
Speaker 1: like I know when he's coming home, I'll just basically
Speaker 1: just get my mess to get like I hurl things
Speaker 1: and cupboards and stuff like that, you know. And I
Speaker 1: try to like not lose his keys as much because
Speaker 1: I'll lose my keys and I borrow his keys and
Speaker 1: he's like, you know, there's a key to I guess
Speaker 1: it's like all the elevators in the city or something.
Speaker 1: He's like, you know, there's an elevator key like that
Speaker 1: I needed, And I'm just like, whatever, get off my
Speaker 1: dick cars make a copy. God. Like, I try not
Speaker 1: to be so much of a twy in those ways.
Speaker 1: I'm like, just like, remember already needs that thing, and yeah, so,
Speaker 1: but I try to be better of just wiping surfaces down.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm it's as simple as that. I try
Speaker 1: to wipe surfaces very fast before he comes in because
Speaker 1: he liked things like he's a very neat person. And
Speaker 1: I'm also better than I used to be. And I
Speaker 1: used to be like my worst fear it was just
Speaker 1: being like great gardens, like I'll just be living in
Speaker 1: my own filth one, just homeless at best. I used
Speaker 1: to be really messy, and I'm like me not hoardering.
Speaker 1: I throw things away, but just like not. I mean
Speaker 1: I wasn't really like dirty, but not but messy. You know, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's the same. Yeah, it's not like I'm only leaving
Speaker 1: pizza boxes played out really or anything. How can I
Speaker 1: find my clothes when they're all in drawer. You can't
Speaker 1: see in a drawer, I mean piles. Some things need
Speaker 1: to be out so I can see them. And then
Speaker 1: also like supid little things like you know, if there's
Speaker 1: like a little toothpaste when you like brush your teeth,
Speaker 1: I'm not like cleaning with my whole fist before I leave,
Speaker 1: Like sometimes it's there and then next time it won't
Speaker 1: be there because the water will run. I don't see
Speaker 1: why this is such an issue, but people are People
Speaker 1: act like I left like a fetus in this thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: He used to ask me these questions and be like
Speaker 1: what was happening here? I'm like, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: write you a story, short story about my dumb thing
Speaker 1: I left, Like what were you trying to attempt here
Speaker 1: like fun. You and I don't have a book report
Speaker 1: ready for you just be like, don't do this, you know,
Speaker 1: and I won't do it. But so those there's little
Speaker 1: things because we share like a really small space. You know,
Speaker 1: is this the first time living with a partner. No,
Speaker 1: I've lived with somebody before. But yeah, I mean we
Speaker 1: share one bedroom. It's not tiny, it's just not like
Speaker 1: it's small funded people share. Yeah, I'm looking for a
Speaker 1: two bedroom for that reason. Two doors to clothes, I
Speaker 1: think as imperative. Yeah, but I'm much better now than
Speaker 1: I used to be. And his and also I've decorated,
Speaker 1: like not decorated, but I put up normal ship. He
Speaker 1: had like dumb, just heinous, weird man ideas of artwork,
Speaker 1: just like nonsense, like a monster truck, so dumb. I remember,
Speaker 1: you know, when you first when you wake up at
Speaker 1: a guy's house and you're looking around their house like
Speaker 1: this weird. Yes, I remember, and scared, acting just like
Speaker 1: you know, like well I ever and then some sort
Speaker 1: of wine rack on his like on his kitchen wall,
Speaker 1: and it was just like some viny like it looked
Speaker 1: like Rome or something like some sort of roma interpretation
Speaker 1: bine like wine. It was just like ferociously Yeah, at
Speaker 1: least I knew there had been like no reasonable woman
Speaker 1: over in some time. And then there was like these
Speaker 1: two paintigs above the couch who was like nine twenties
Speaker 1: man and a woman with their backs to each other,
Speaker 1: kind of looking back like hey, like both of them
Speaker 1: like yeah, it feels very home goods. Yeah, it's like yeah,
Speaker 1: probably the home goods generic version of the painting. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But the nice thing about a fireman is you could
Speaker 1: openly mock them and they love it because they're like comments.
Speaker 1: They mock each other all this roast each other. So
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, what was this here? Do you
Speaker 1: like watch a couple episodes of mad Men and go
Speaker 1: shraps some ideas at Costco or something, because this is disgusting,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, I stick like you know and
Speaker 1: then got me. I do by part like I've replaced
Speaker 1: everything in that you know, so and then and I'm messy,
Speaker 1: but we both kind of like it sort of evens
Speaker 1: out in that respect. Man, whenever I'm in a guy's
Speaker 1: apartment for the first time and I'm looking around, I'm
Speaker 1: always so terrified that I'm gonna find something that I
Speaker 1: don't want to know about. I don't know. I'm always
Speaker 1: like I'm anticipating just something like a pills of a
Speaker 1: prescription of some sort. Actual. I walked in and there
Speaker 1: was a full American flag hanging and it's just a
Speaker 1: full American flag. What do you What do you do
Speaker 1: when you're already in love with someone and there's full
Speaker 1: American flag in my husband? I mean they all fire, Yeah,
Speaker 1: they all cry, they're drunk and stuff. Yeah. Really the
Speaker 1: Founding Fathers, He'll like, he's like about the Founding No,
Speaker 1: I gets annoying. I'm like, we're not Founding Fathering right now.
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, no, does he looking about the Founding Fathers?
Speaker 1: I mean you just be like, you know, years ago
Speaker 1: they're done it like just something now I'm not listening
Speaker 1: to this horse ship right now. And I'll be like, yeah, right, okay.
Speaker 1: I like the way you guys communicate. It's it's a great.
Speaker 1: It's really fun. Do you have fights? Do you have
Speaker 1: but like like like just you're seething fights? Yeah, we've had.
Speaker 1: I mean we've learned with much better learned how to
Speaker 1: fight in a while. We don't fight very often, but
Speaker 1: we fight when we do it in the past, it's
Speaker 1: been just like a real wild one, you know, like
Speaker 1: like I've been made. I made him pull over the car,
Speaker 1: people get out of the car fights and yeah, well
Speaker 1: you got out of the car on the side of
Speaker 1: the road to yet on the side of the road. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, why isn't he like circling
Speaker 1: because he'd see me do this little routine. Okay, you
Speaker 1: got to throw you know, he just met me at home,
Speaker 1: like I chok an over there, like against how long
Speaker 1: did you guys date before you got engaged? About a
Speaker 1: year by year? Yeah, and how do you propose? Um?
Speaker 1: I was in uh, I was in this like I
Speaker 1: had just gotten done with the spot and I went
Speaker 1: to this restaurant, this Italian restaurant, the same block of
Speaker 1: the cellar, and my friend that introduced us, she asked
Speaker 1: me to meet her there for dinner after my show.
Speaker 1: So I got in there and it was pretty packed
Speaker 1: and she wasn't there, and then he came in in
Speaker 1: like kind of a thick coat. It was really I
Speaker 1: felt bad for him because as soon as he came in,
Speaker 1: I knew he was going to propose. She had told me,
Speaker 1: you know, so I was like, he talked switter. She's like,
Speaker 1: you wear switter. I can't say it too much, but
Speaker 1: she always calls me teenager just because she's like twelve
Speaker 1: years older. She was like teenagers switters going around the buns.
Speaker 1: Did you have a conversation with him about that before? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we had talked about like we it was kind of
Speaker 1: funny because we like we go do sprints in the
Speaker 1: park and we were like doing laps around the park
Speaker 1: or something, and I just thought, like this seems so adult,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I mean, I just like we had
Speaker 1: that like what do you want in life conversation? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then we were sort of walking around, you know,
Speaker 1: He's like I marry you. Yeah, yeah, we discussed it
Speaker 1: or whatever. And then like and so I kind of
Speaker 1: knew he was going to, but I didn't know when.
Speaker 1: And and then he came in this restaurant. I think
Speaker 1: he expected it was like a Tuesday, the restaurant was
Speaker 1: gonna be like real dead, but it was packed at
Speaker 1: this restaurant called montese I McDougal. And he was like
Speaker 1: squeezing and he had this dumb puffy coat and I
Speaker 1: was just like a poor guy, right, I felt bad
Speaker 1: for him most like God, so weird that men have
Speaker 1: to do this foolishness. So the minute he and you
Speaker 1: knew everything and I could figure it out because she
Speaker 1: wasn't there to make me right, and he sweat beads dripping,
Speaker 1: and he looked really nervous, that, you know, And then
Speaker 1: he got down on one knee, and I think he
Speaker 1: thought it was gonna be a private corner, but it
Speaker 1: was just a lot of loud ass New Yorkers. And
Speaker 1: as soon as he got down on one knee, this
Speaker 1: woman was like, it's a proposal. He's proposes. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that is the most New York propose cute. And he
Speaker 1: was like trying to be quiet because he didn't want
Speaker 1: them to hear him, you know. And he's like, you
Speaker 1: make me a happy man? Did you make me a
Speaker 1: happy husband? And then she was like, answer that, you've
Speaker 1: got to say something. I was so interested in what
Speaker 1: was happening. And then he had this ring in a
Speaker 1: box and I took it out. I didn't even want
Speaker 1: to put in my finger like a true pig. I
Speaker 1: was just like, that's for me. Take that. You can
Speaker 1: see you go out with my ring now, like I
Speaker 1: can't believe I took it out of the box, just
Speaker 1: wanted disgusting pig. I just grabbed it right but I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I get my mits on that right
Speaker 1: there while you're rambling on I put it. I hadn't
Speaker 1: even realized I did that until afterwards. I was like
Speaker 1: a disgusting impulse with their video that you were able
Speaker 1: to watch them paid here, okay, but thank god. And
Speaker 1: then and then he he had tears in his eye
Speaker 1: and he's not a crier, you know, like he have
Speaker 1: seen him crying maybe once or twoy once over his
Speaker 1: grandma and that was a maybe that day. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was it. So it was kind of cute. He was
Speaker 1: sort of tearing. And then and then and then she
Speaker 1: was like a roum. I mean, everybody was talking to
Speaker 1: us the whole time. They all talk to us, you know,
Speaker 1: so it's so weird. That is a tight restaurant. So
Speaker 1: you can handle it, you can. What's your name, sweetheart?
Speaker 1: Like they were taking pictures of us, and I was like,
Speaker 1: Rachel find Stein, and she goes, what's your last name?
Speaker 1: So because I'm gonna tag you on Facebook or whatever.
Speaker 1: So it was like, Rachel find Right show you were
Speaker 1: in the TV. She goes, oh, is he Jewish like that?
Speaker 1: And I was like no, and I go, but he's
Speaker 1: a fireman. And they were all like, thank you for
Speaker 1: your service. So they all just like pause for thanking
Speaker 1: you for a service, which is funny because people always
Speaker 1: thank him for people just stop and thank him service. Yea.
Speaker 1: So they all started copy and then and then this
Speaker 1: woman was like, we got a lot of advice. Immediately,
Speaker 1: this woman was like, I've got a lemon chicken recipe
Speaker 1: that saved my marriage. I'm like, I want to know
Speaker 1: what was happening in a marriage that it took a
Speaker 1: lemon chicken recipe to make them come around. My god,
Speaker 1: oh god, that is that is the best life. That
Speaker 1: is so New York. I just I love that. Um
Speaker 1: I love that was just the go I'm just imagining
Speaker 1: you wildly lonely at a steakhouse and then like now
Speaker 1: like getting these like lemon chicken recipes from strangers. That's
Speaker 1: the most beautiful, Like wow, but it is you really,
Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of I feel like it is.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's a curse or it seems
Speaker 1: to be difficult for female comedians to like kind of
Speaker 1: get the normal things in life, marriage, kids, and you
Speaker 1: are an example of someone hilariously funny on tour, successful
Speaker 1: but also married. So I mean not even like that
Speaker 1: everyone wants these things. But is there anything you think
Speaker 1: you should like tell people? How do you be normal?
Speaker 1: Is my question? I mean, what do you mean? I mean?
Speaker 1: I had like my relationships before this one and this one,
Speaker 1: like there's plenty of like work and arguments and shor
Speaker 1: but like we're just like I mean, I've had like
Speaker 1: wildly bad like scenes in your life you would never
Speaker 1: want anyone to see, just like fleeing places and garbage
Speaker 1: bag Yeah. So and I wonder out with the guy
Speaker 1: that was like insanely jealous, like started to go through
Speaker 1: my phone my computer, So just crazy scenes in your life,
Speaker 1: Like I never thought I would have any normal. A
Speaker 1: scene in the last relationship that I was quite used
Speaker 1: to at one point was that he would go through
Speaker 1: my computer history and then um, I would get mad
Speaker 1: or catch him, and then he would run to the
Speaker 1: freezer and put in the freezer. And I was used
Speaker 1: to that freezer jog here put my laptop in the freezer.
Speaker 1: Freezer Wait why, um, I guess because he was he
Speaker 1: was angry at me. It wasn't really rational. It would
Speaker 1: start with these sort of coward dean like screams, like
Speaker 1: he'd be like like horror something. I wasn't it, but
Speaker 1: it was just like a text that he misunderstood from
Speaker 1: a male a comic or something. And then he would
Speaker 1: run to the freezer and put my laptop in the
Speaker 1: freezer and I would chase it my I knew it
Speaker 1: was used to this jog where I needed to get
Speaker 1: my laptop back back and beg him to get it
Speaker 1: out of the freeze freezer. I was used to just
Speaker 1: be please the freezer and taken out of the freeze.
Speaker 1: He was just doing it to infuriate me. Right, It's
Speaker 1: crazy the things that you think back on in new
Speaker 1: retail and you're like, Dadh, that was a little weird.
Speaker 1: That's like, what was your reaction when that was happening, Like,
Speaker 1: because at the time, was that while he was running
Speaker 1: to the freezer calling you a whore? What did you say? No?
Speaker 1: I thought I could like help him, and I mean
Speaker 1: it was I was like, oh, getting therapy and I
Speaker 1: could make him not call me the horror and yeah, um,
Speaker 1: and then I'm like he's so nice. But he's not
Speaker 1: calling me a dirty horror. Yeah. So I definitely like
Speaker 1: I thought I could save him and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll get him to stop doing this to me and yeah,
Speaker 1: but it was like it became it got to the
Speaker 1: point his level of um of like spying on me
Speaker 1: that it was like, I mean everyone knew about like
Speaker 1: I had to I would put my phone. It sounds
Speaker 1: so crazy, but when I would go into therapy, like
Speaker 1: I put my phone outside because I'm a perfect person
Speaker 1: to spy on because I don't understand my phone or
Speaker 1: my computer and all like all okay on them to
Speaker 1: somebody like oh, can you help me figure So he
Speaker 1: had put like tracking stuff. There was so many things
Speaker 1: and it's like and then I was working at a
Speaker 1: pilot the side, but I remember it was like soda
Speaker 1: and everybody was trying to figure out like what he
Speaker 1: was doing, like, oh, we could do this where you
Speaker 1: could listen to your conversations. There's something you could put
Speaker 1: on the phone to listen. He was doing crazy levels
Speaker 1: of like how did that spy? You know, Like there
Speaker 1: was stuff where I was like how did he know that?
Speaker 1: How then did he see that he had you wired?
Speaker 1: I think there was like that Alexa thing you can
Speaker 1: make listen, like you can put that on and so
Speaker 1: somebody told me about that. But I'm again a perfect
Speaker 1: person because I'm just such a mess and I don't
Speaker 1: like technology, Like I don't worry about my codes to
Speaker 1: think you actually a lot of things or whatever. I
Speaker 1: had boyfriend who puts something on my computer where it
Speaker 1: traced your key strokes. So then you figure out that
Speaker 1: you can figure out the passwords to all your like
Speaker 1: websites and stuff. And that makes me feel so better
Speaker 1: because I feel when I tell these stories, I seemed
Speaker 1: so insane. I mean, I hate what happened to you.
Speaker 1: But I've heard some crazy stalker stories, obsession stories. I've
Speaker 1: heard people are lunatics crazy. How did that break up go?
Speaker 1: I just left in the middle of like the night, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it was that. It was that that's when
Speaker 1: three lives together. Yeah, I left in the middle of
Speaker 1: the night. How did you do you pack all your
Speaker 1: ship before? And did you not notice? I mean, um,
Speaker 1: we know. I ended up coming back like a couple
Speaker 1: of like male comic friends, came back during the day
Speaker 1: when he was at work. Yeah, but when he was
Speaker 1: but it was a wild fling situation and then he
Speaker 1: accepted it, you know. But um, but yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it was. But my point just being I didn't mean
Speaker 1: to say as much as I did, but my point
Speaker 1: just being like insane scenes, just like wildly I went
Speaker 1: out with like a deep, like guttural alcoholic, like like
Speaker 1: the kind of drunk that's just like you get real
Speaker 1: suspicious at a certain hour and just kind of glare
Speaker 1: at people, you know, and I'd have to get him
Speaker 1: out of places, and you're glare to my elderly aunt,
Speaker 1: like what beef could you possibly have with her? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Ever be like yeah, you can't here, you know, because
Speaker 1: he would be having like a face down with my
Speaker 1: aunt Edith at or something. Yeah. But in like I
Speaker 1: just forgive like insane things. Yeah yeah, yeah, I forgiven
Speaker 1: just the most obvious forms of betrayal right in front
Speaker 1: of your face sometimes and you're like, you know what,
Speaker 1: he's probably hurting inside and he had a tough day.
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly what do you think? It's like the most
Speaker 1: insane thing you've forgiven? Um, well this is real crazy.
Speaker 1: But the wild drunk um, I mean, he was extremely hot,
Speaker 1: and so I deserve it because that's why I started
Speaker 1: dating him. I think he looked kind of like like
Speaker 1: a young Paul Newmi's real hot. I like a little
Speaker 1: half of male. He was a carpenter, and he had
Speaker 1: kind of bloodshot eyes, and you just thought it was
Speaker 1: because he was intense. Yeah, he was just uh and
Speaker 1: he he um and he was you know again, this
Speaker 1: sounds like such a sad abuse said, since nice most
Speaker 1: of the time just started swaying and glaring at a
Speaker 1: certain hour. But when I first when I first met him,
Speaker 1: he said that he had just freshly gotten back from
Speaker 1: the war to Iraq and then later actually hadn't been
Speaker 1: to Oh my god, day, Now how they tell you
Speaker 1: that said the thing I said about the thing I
Speaker 1: was thinking. I mean, he was such a cold alcoholic
Speaker 1: that he would just make up insane nonsense when he
Speaker 1: was drunk. And again, I was to be me, I'm
Speaker 1: to forgive myself a little bit. I was twenty three,
Speaker 1: so I was like, Okay, that's what that's what you
Speaker 1: don't think, that's what you do when you're twenty Yeah,
Speaker 1: who wouldn't date someone who just role played that the
Speaker 1: vour veteran like when you were twenty three? We all
Speaker 1: did that. But he said that he uh. He used
Speaker 1: to say, like we'd be out drink, you get a bar,
Speaker 1: and he'd be like at a certain point, he'd be like,
Speaker 1: I gotta get out of here. I gotta catch a
Speaker 1: red eye. And I was like, oh wait, like where
Speaker 1: you know? And then he's like, yeah, I can't really
Speaker 1: talk about it. I just I gotta hop on a
Speaker 1: red eye. And I'm like, but why you know? And
Speaker 1: then what would happen was he would just keep drinking
Speaker 1: and not leave, and I'd like had to catch the
Speaker 1: red eyes, like oh yeah. And then finally he was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: there was no no red eye and I was like,
Speaker 1: there was no red eye and why I love about
Speaker 1: a red eye? And he's like I just figured, like
Speaker 1: important guys catch red eyes and that I thought it
Speaker 1: was so hilarious and I forgave it. Yeah. Times he
Speaker 1: would do it when he's drunk, and I gotta get
Speaker 1: it right. I'm like, not falling for these reindeer games. Twice,
Speaker 1: you don't know there's no red eye, Chris, but you
Speaker 1: weren't like what what what made you go? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I gotta go like because it's it's crazy. At one
Speaker 1: point with his drinking like there was. Then I started
Speaker 1: to be like, all right, a couple of ultimatives, like
Speaker 1: I'd come home. I remember one time he was like
Speaker 1: just in these Hawaiian shorts, setting at the edge of
Speaker 1: the bed, just nothing on at all, just like balls,
Speaker 1: dick and these like magna pi bathing suits. Words that
Speaker 1: I had no idea why he put out himself. And
Speaker 1: he was just like clay not drug, you know what
Speaker 1: sort of flavor right now? Then that could fall fro
Speaker 1: your baiting the time because they didn't drink. And then
Speaker 1: he just fell over flat on the floor. It just
Speaker 1: like a bang his zone skull. I was just like yeah,
Speaker 1: and he's like bam, I'm not drug. And then it
Speaker 1: was just great, just fell over, just a beautiful clean fall,
Speaker 1: and I think it was a great. Around that time,
Speaker 1: I was about to do this military tour in Korea
Speaker 1: and I was still nannying part time. I wasn't doing
Speaker 1: stand up full time. But like when I left to Korea,
Speaker 1: he would get ship faced and then said flowers like
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I was ship face to clearing your elderly
Speaker 1: had flowers. And so he sent like a bouquet like
Speaker 1: that to my hotel in Korea and it fell over.
Speaker 1: I remember getting back to the hotel and it was
Speaker 1: it was it followed over, just like him. That's a metaphor,
Speaker 1: and I was I was like, this is I just
Speaker 1: looked at the flight and I was like, I mean,
Speaker 1: what the what in God's name am I doing? So
Speaker 1: I moved out. I still remember he lived in West
Speaker 1: New York. Remember him walking me to the We took
Speaker 1: this dumb little bus that you know back and forth
Speaker 1: that you take over forty two straight to West New York.
Speaker 1: And sometimes you'd be so drunk that you didn't want
Speaker 1: to get in the bus because he found himself very
Speaker 1: suspicious of the bus itself, like this, I'm like, you've
Speaker 1: got to board the bus. Plus it's not against you,
Speaker 1: and he'd be like, I don't know, that's so true.
Speaker 1: And I just remember those hours of like, funk, he's
Speaker 1: not gonna get on the bus. We've got to wait
Speaker 1: for another damn. And it would only come like once
Speaker 1: every forty minutes, and we like a Ford cab and
Speaker 1: it was like really expensive and I was like nanny
Speaker 1: and full time. So I just started thinking about that bus.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna get back home from Korea and
Speaker 1: then real till kids suspicious of the bus and we
Speaker 1: will get the first trick back. I used to meet
Speaker 1: about this like port authority bar, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I can't anywhere, I can't read. And then and then
Speaker 1: again he was such a functioning alcoholic, Like he was
Speaker 1: like a four man during the day, like ran a
Speaker 1: real tight construction site, but that by flaring up the store.
Speaker 1: But yeah, now when you so you've dated a couple
Speaker 1: of people that you know suck, you know that you're
Speaker 1: trying to save. I'm I certainly get people that I
Speaker 1: try to save, and then every time I I get
Speaker 1: I'll dump him or all end it. And then I'm like,
Speaker 1: the next guy, he's going to be a good guy.
Speaker 1: And then he's not, like he's not a bad guy,
Speaker 1: but just you know, And but do you have issue?
Speaker 1: Do you ever like have a hard time with pitching
Speaker 1: this guy to your friends that you're seeing that you
Speaker 1: know is like I think he might be kind of
Speaker 1: just a real piece of ship, but I really want
Speaker 1: my friends to like him. Like do you ever have that? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I remember the first time I introduced to
Speaker 1: my friends to the carpenter and we went out for
Speaker 1: a drink, I thought, and then he left the bar.
Speaker 1: It was like some bar with like pool or something,
Speaker 1: and uh, we started to play a pool game. He's like,
Speaker 1: I didn't know about that, like a suspicious of the
Speaker 1: pool game itself, and left the bar and it was
Speaker 1: kind of glaring at me through the glass outside that
Speaker 1: my friends they were this lovely couple just you know,
Speaker 1: like such a healthy, just you know, and my friend
Speaker 1: husband was kind of rubbing her back and I was like,
Speaker 1: I wonder if man will ever rub my bak and
Speaker 1: like such a kind, just a supportive, a normal man.
Speaker 1: And he was like, Rachel, he's your your boyfriends. He
Speaker 1: looks pretty angry and looked out through the class and
Speaker 1: he just said this menacing, absurd expression and it was
Speaker 1: hard on him. So yeah, I would. I would be like,
Speaker 1: now he's like this, because sometimes he would get drunk
Speaker 1: and not Claire, but you know, she said most of
Speaker 1: the time he would. Also, I remember made the red
Speaker 1: eye thing up to them too. He said he had
Speaker 1: to get on a red eye and then were they
Speaker 1: like you gotta go and he's like, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: have to go like that. He said, like that's they
Speaker 1: didn't really engage, and I think they just went home
Speaker 1: to their safe, healthy life and they kind of scared. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they didn't try to. They knew that there was no
Speaker 1: speaking they unlike me, now, there was no speaking to
Speaker 1: this wild like emergency more. Yeah, they did not engage
Speaker 1: with them at all. They just we're just gonna give
Speaker 1: me the heads up that he was doing some outside Okay,
Speaker 1: But yeah, they told me. I mean, everybody knew about
Speaker 1: him aggressive because sometimes my friend, I'm I'm at the
Speaker 1: stage right now where like if I'm dating somebody who's
Speaker 1: just a red flag, you know, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: see them, please tell me, Like please, I'll believe you.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna because normally I'd be like, let me
Speaker 1: figure out for myself, because he can't force me into
Speaker 1: doing something that I need to learn it for my own.
Speaker 1: But like, do you did you ever have a friend
Speaker 1: pull you aside with some of your seeing like Rachel,
Speaker 1: what the funk? What are you doing? Oh? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think with both, but both of those relationships, like
Speaker 1: my friends were telling me, and I knew that they
Speaker 1: were right. I was like, well he's doing and I
Speaker 1: tell him all the steps that he'd been taking and
Speaker 1: you know, and yeah, yeah, when you have to defend
Speaker 1: someone too much, that's a red flag for yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And with him, he he he used to smoke, just
Speaker 1: chain smoke. Marlborough's like inside, you know, and you would
Speaker 1: play this awful game about like flying it was called
Speaker 1: it was called like air ninety or something, and he
Speaker 1: was his biggest regret in life is that he wasn't
Speaker 1: a fighter pilot, and I believe he deserved to be
Speaker 1: with someone that didn't and that hilarious. I was always
Speaker 1: like talking about how he could have been like one
Speaker 1: of his cousins what And I was like, he like,
Speaker 1: it's sixty with the he was obsessed with military and
Speaker 1: like just because regret and not being in the military,
Speaker 1: and he was like real strong in Jack, like he
Speaker 1: couldn't probably gone to he was such a drunk. He
Speaker 1: probably sucked it up something. But I remember he had
Speaker 1: this game he played and he would refer to it
Speaker 1: as flying right, and he'd like, I gotta fly tonight,
Speaker 1: but and I'm like, you're not. It's a game, you know.
Speaker 1: And then at one point I remember I said Jesse, like,
Speaker 1: why don't I get you some flying lessons for your
Speaker 1: birthday because you love flying, your interest in it. And
Speaker 1: he was like, no, like the game's like upset with
Speaker 1: this pretend game. And he had headphones and he would
Speaker 1: speak with people around the country the simulated flight game,
Speaker 1: and he would come on the road with me and
Speaker 1: then we'd have to meet up with people from like
Speaker 1: the games. But we gotta see Bager Bagger Bad and
Speaker 1: they would go over like war stories and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're just sitting there and they would just talk about,
Speaker 1: like you know, some of the best battles they fought
Speaker 1: together and just saw they say, really backed each other up.
Speaker 1: But I remember one when I'm like hugging Beaker and
Speaker 1: they gotta held each other for a while, just thanking
Speaker 1: him for like something happened to him. Man, something happened
Speaker 1: a terrible did you growing up? Were your parents together?
Speaker 1: My parents were together? And back we're circling back quickly
Speaker 1: to the code read alcoholic. He was a wild alcoholic
Speaker 1: and should not have been in relationship. He wasn't particularly
Speaker 1: unkind to me, but clearly aholics. Really sweet, very cares
Speaker 1: and very fun to be around. I love it, tricky
Speaker 1: my pants parents here together. Yeah, did you did your
Speaker 1: parents have any type of like strong person, because I
Speaker 1: feel like the reason I'm a people pleaser maybe it's
Speaker 1: part natural, but it's also part like my mom and depression.
Speaker 1: So I just felt like responsible for her joy all
Speaker 1: the time. So that's like, oh, man, I will take
Speaker 1: a man on the street is just shaking in a
Speaker 1: puddle of his own piss, and I will turn him
Speaker 1: into a prince. Like That's what goes on in my head.
Speaker 1: But I'm curious if that's just definitely similar. Like my
Speaker 1: mom's a social worker and she wants to, you know,
Speaker 1: save everyone, and yeah, and she would just like share
Speaker 1: things about me that I should never have known when
Speaker 1: I was a kid, like just weird facts that I
Speaker 1: was just like, why is she about yourself? Just other
Speaker 1: people in pain? She loves pain. Yeah, she loves a
Speaker 1: fresh new death she can talk about. I remember her
Speaker 1: waking me up once in the middle of the like
Speaker 1: it was like real early, like five in the morning,
Speaker 1: and she was just like sweetheart, Uh, that person on television,
Speaker 1: the one that the pretty one she died honey like,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, why did she need to tell me that?
Speaker 1: But she was excited for me to get up so
Speaker 1: she could pain chamber me at breakfast and talk about
Speaker 1: like this person suffering. She's also like, you know, an
Speaker 1: incredible social worker, was very like loving mom, but she's
Speaker 1: she gets jazzed up by people's pain and she writs
Speaker 1: to save and yeah, and she likes to kind of
Speaker 1: really get into it, like I remember leaving like a
Speaker 1: plate and she'd be like, well, it's just so down
Speaker 1: sad that her husband cheated like that. Well she could
Speaker 1: never forgiven, but then also never herself, so they're never
Speaker 1: returned to normal after that. Well, but he guess he
Speaker 1: got something from Diane that he never got from Deborah.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm eleven, Yeah, oh god, that's yeah,
Speaker 1: that's too much being treated like like being treated like
Speaker 1: a child your whole life is bad, but being treated
Speaker 1: like an adult too early also, duck. And I like
Speaker 1: she's she acknowledged now, She's like, I did do that
Speaker 1: down it It is fun in your thirties to be like,
Speaker 1: hey my it kind of sucked me up in this way.
Speaker 1: You could be like and she's like, all right, but
Speaker 1: no one, I mean, no one could do a perfect
Speaker 1: job parenting exactly. And they're but they have like uh,
Speaker 1: I mean they're into each other, my parents. But there's
Speaker 1: some similarities for sure with my husband, Like my dad
Speaker 1: is not very expressive emotionally, and my husband the same way.
Speaker 1: But he's way better than my dad was, you know.
Speaker 1: But like my dad is really funny, just like dark, weird,
Speaker 1: like bizarre sense of humor. He's a blues musician and
Speaker 1: a civil rights lawyer, but he was it. He's a
Speaker 1: cree crazy talented musician, like he plays piano inside a
Speaker 1: co accordion and stuff. And he had a band growing
Speaker 1: up called the Vomit Tones that he just thought it
Speaker 1: was hysterical to call them the Vomit Tones, just to
Speaker 1: like embarrass us. And they had a tour which just
Speaker 1: consisted of like two dive bars that played in Michigan
Speaker 1: called Hands Across ran As tour and he'd be like
Speaker 1: he would, or you gonna support the tour or not, guys,
Speaker 1: there's some t shirts, Oh my god. And my dad
Speaker 1: thought there was nothing funnier than British Royalty just thought
Speaker 1: it was hysterical. It is the idea that they would
Speaker 1: have to do these things and there must be some
Speaker 1: sort of protocol and so he had these dreams all
Speaker 1: the time about like the queen, and he'd be like,
Speaker 1: the Queen is having important ceremonies is very important today,
Speaker 1: She's going to pick up the count and when she does,
Speaker 1: we all needed. And then at the end of the ceremony,
Speaker 1: usually the queen somebody would vomit somehow in the ceremony
Speaker 1: thought throwing up was really funny, and it was usually
Speaker 1: a blues musician, because he was obsessed with blues musicians.
Speaker 1: So he'd be like, muddy Waters puked all over the queens,
Speaker 1: just ruining Easter ceremonies, you know, the bring of the
Speaker 1: egg ceremony or something, and then he would laugh hysterically
Speaker 1: to himself. And then my mom would complain about at breakfast,
Speaker 1: like she's like your dad at his damn queen vomiting
Speaker 1: dreams again and then analyze them, and she'd be like,
Speaker 1: I think he must have found the queen very arousing
Speaker 1: at something. She was a very beautiful woman with a
Speaker 1: very gorgeous figure in her early day, so she must
Speaker 1: have aroused him early on. So there was and they
Speaker 1: were crazy. It was, I mean, they were like great
Speaker 1: but crazy. They're very you know, creative and kind and stuff,
Speaker 1: but uh yeah, but our relationship is somewhat similar in
Speaker 1: the sense that like my dad not very expressive but
Speaker 1: always silly, very similar to my husband, who is better
Speaker 1: than my dad, like he says I love you, Like
Speaker 1: he's a little more easy, I think, just generally generationally,
Speaker 1: like it gets a little bit better with emotions as
Speaker 1: we talk more about like mental health care and totally
Speaker 1: let's stop shooting like a question about like being like
Speaker 1: an adult and doing adult things like getting married. You know,
Speaker 1: sometimes like I'm a people pleaser. That's why I'm curious
Speaker 1: what your advice would be on this or like your
Speaker 1: thoughts um when you when you meet people, when I
Speaker 1: meet people, like I I have a journal where I
Speaker 1: like write down all the possible red flags about a
Speaker 1: guy that I'm saying, just to see if I'm right.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to like hone, I'm gonna try to
Speaker 1: get I'm trying to get my instinct sharp right and
Speaker 1: so but then I get I get into this zone
Speaker 1: of like, well I shouldn't have to sacrifice a goddamn
Speaker 1: and it, and it's like, well, that's not what a
Speaker 1: relationship is. There's certain things like well, if he doesn't
Speaker 1: say I love you to me, he should want to
Speaker 1: say that, and I shouldn't have to say that. You know,
Speaker 1: I could kind of get carried away. I think I
Speaker 1: get that way too. I got I That's like one
Speaker 1: of the biggest problems is I like compare early in relationships,
Speaker 1: like this guy wouldn't do that to their relationship, isn't like,
Speaker 1: But the truth is everyone's crazy, and everyone has some
Speaker 1: scenes in their life that they would not want anyone
Speaker 1: to see. And all marriages like when you see some
Speaker 1: couple dancing with each other and you're like, that's love,
Speaker 1: like when they're old. I mean like yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: he's already brought her to the ringer like ten times
Speaker 1: and back and she's been just so disgusted and furious
Speaker 1: with him a million times. And you can feel very
Speaker 1: different about somebody every day, So how you feel about
Speaker 1: yourself day to day changes, and yeah, there's some days
Speaker 1: I'm just like like I like, I remember getting home
Speaker 1: and I was mad at him for something like he
Speaker 1: didn't send the right kind of text I was doing
Speaker 1: like a late night thing, and I was like, he
Speaker 1: didn't express in the right way that he was excited
Speaker 1: when I came home, just like really ready with my
Speaker 1: speech I was going to give him, and then he
Speaker 1: was like sitting on the floor meditating in actual like
Speaker 1: Buddha pose, like he had like his his hands like
Speaker 1: it was so like and I was like, I get
Speaker 1: sh it. I can't be bad. He does meditate, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's just like he makes his own he's trying.
Speaker 1: Oh I had to teach him that kind of like
Speaker 1: certain things and instead of taking it really personally, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'll be like when I'm doing this, like can
Speaker 1: you tell me these things? Because he doesn't need that
Speaker 1: kind of encouragement himself, you know, he said, but she
Speaker 1: could be great. I'm like, no, no, but you have
Speaker 1: to say you know, now he's learning just explaining it
Speaker 1: things that you wouldn't think so necessarily, but for somebody else,
Speaker 1: like you know, like they might you know, he has
Speaker 1: to explain to me that like to try to you know,
Speaker 1: not all my clothes and a wild pile that he
Speaker 1: like trips somebody walks in or whatever. There's just things
Speaker 1: that we both could be like highly judgmental and take personally. Right.
Speaker 1: So I think a lot of it that's just like
Speaker 1: don't be hurt. They just just tell explain, like you need. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's really important. That's that's the thing I'm just now understanding, like, oh,
Speaker 1: you have to let that person know what you need.
Speaker 1: They can't guess exactly. But my first boyfriend, he was
Speaker 1: like he always took the train in from like upstate
Speaker 1: New York and and I was living in this in Manhattan,
Speaker 1: and he would come in with like a like a
Speaker 1: lot of energy and I cannot handle that. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of like just like like in a calm state,
Speaker 1: like all the time, uh my own calm. Everyone's listening,
Speaker 1: like what the funk are you talking about? But like
Speaker 1: and he would dunce around. I'm like, I just need
Speaker 1: you to like come in with like a less intense
Speaker 1: level of energy when you first greet me, and then
Speaker 1: we need to work up to that energy together because
Speaker 1: it just I found it to be super off putting
Speaker 1: and like would throw me off for the whole day.
Speaker 1: And then once I said that, he just came in
Speaker 1: with a combat energy and everything was fine, but like
Speaker 1: he would have never known that, because like what a
Speaker 1: weird request to like can you be less energetic? But
Speaker 1: for some reason, it just it just made me angry
Speaker 1: and it threw me off, and it felt like I
Speaker 1: can't connect with someone who's out of ten when I'm
Speaker 1: at like a five point five. Yeah, that makes a
Speaker 1: lot of sense. I'm a perfect example of something that
Speaker 1: like like how that's a very specific thing. Communicating that
Speaker 1: without sounding like a dick is my hurdle. You're not
Speaker 1: gonna sound I mean, like without getting mad because I'm
Speaker 1: so uncomfortable asking for what I want, Like what's can
Speaker 1: you give it? As an example? Fuck me more? You know?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I need if I need to be having
Speaker 1: sex more. Yeah, I've had I've had people sit, uh
Speaker 1: sitt and dop me down and say that they needed
Speaker 1: to get fucked more. Yeah that's what they said. I mean,
Speaker 1: they don't think they said Fox, but they God, I
Speaker 1: can't remember who it might have been, Like, I can't remember,
Speaker 1: but they're like, you know, we're They're like we're having
Speaker 1: sex like, you know, two to three times a week,
Speaker 1: Like I need to be having it like more. And
Speaker 1: I said, oh, well, then you need to be we
Speaker 1: need to be in the same room more, because that's
Speaker 1: the problem. Like if I'm only seeing you two to
Speaker 1: three days a week, like I don't know, how can
Speaker 1: we be I can't have seven sexes in like two days.
Speaker 1: You know, I just don't have seven sexes and two days.
Speaker 1: It's like the most adorable phrase new rom comment's coming out,
Speaker 1: like yeah, I mean so, And it was fine. It
Speaker 1: was more for me, like a logistics issue. So I
Speaker 1: was like, all right, let's get let's fucking work this
Speaker 1: out and we'll have more sex. That's great, it's fun.
Speaker 1: Like that's the wrong I'm like, man, relationships can be
Speaker 1: so fun when you're like when you can talk about
Speaker 1: what you need and then help each other get it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also it's like it's I feel like I used
Speaker 1: to do this, like I'd like design the person needed
Speaker 1: to me, like I need to be with somebody in
Speaker 1: the business but doesn't do what I do, and this
Speaker 1: understands that and da da da, And it's like that
Speaker 1: need to control everything pre control because you have made
Speaker 1: bad choices. I also feel like it's and like none
Speaker 1: of that is you can't you can't is going to
Speaker 1: go like a weird science thing where you can like
Speaker 1: create your potential exact person. They won't hurt or just
Speaker 1: a point you like people will and yeah, so and
Speaker 1: like we're really different. So like you know in a
Speaker 1: weird way, I design who I thought would be this
Speaker 1: like perfect like guy that would accept my life, you know,
Speaker 1: but he's like and almost like an accidental feminist, like
Speaker 1: he you know, because he does all the cooking because
Speaker 1: he's a fireman. He loves the travel and he just
Speaker 1: comes on the road with me all the time because
Speaker 1: he can switch hips and he can they work like
Speaker 1: we do a few days in a row. But there's
Speaker 1: this weird kind of things like I deserve this and
Speaker 1: I deserve that and I need that. But it's just
Speaker 1: like it's like you like, yeah, it's just more about
Speaker 1: two people accepting each other and then like like reminding
Speaker 1: nagging each other about what they want, but and then
Speaker 1: also remembering like in two weeks, I might just be
Speaker 1: like disgusted with him one day, just like he might
Speaker 1: come home and be like I don't care for him
Speaker 1: one bit, like and then that's just normal. I was
Speaker 1: because I wasn't ask you, because I mean there's been
Speaker 1: times when I'm being you know, dating a boyfriend who
Speaker 1: I really like. But then every now and then, like
Speaker 1: you'll be your head will be on the pillow and
Speaker 1: you'll turn to your right and you'll be like this,
Speaker 1: should this person be here still? And like you still
Speaker 1: feel like that every every now and then with a husband,
Speaker 1: I feel like, well, you know, not like not like
Speaker 1: fully shooting up to here, but I feel like we're
Speaker 1: like comics. So there's part of us that are just like,
Speaker 1: you know, this is is all just gonna get taken away.
Speaker 1: And also and also it's like again, I don't know
Speaker 1: anything about marriage. I've only been married six months. What
Speaker 1: could I how could I possibly know anything about me?
Speaker 1: Like now, yeah, it's pretty fun, but like right right, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean who knows what I'll feel. And I'm sure
Speaker 1: there'll be many a day where I'm just like he
Speaker 1: needs to get the hell out of here and fast.
Speaker 1: I've packed many bags and relationships. I was like, pack
Speaker 1: like a bag, hoping that will like tell me not
Speaker 1: to you know, like a dramatic pack bag. Yeah you're
Speaker 1: just putting salt shaker. Actually I probably packed two bags,
Speaker 1: like like I did too, fake packing things, But yeah
Speaker 1: I do that like early on, and then you realize,
Speaker 1: all right, you can't like that's getting married. It's like
Speaker 1: it's a bigger deal to like pretend to pack some
Speaker 1: sort of weight for him to be like no, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't do that, but I do think it's good.
Speaker 1: Just going back to the beginning of the interview, like
Speaker 1: you wanted to meet someone and and you like went
Speaker 1: out and met someone. Because I feel like so many people,
Speaker 1: especially now, like they're almost like embarrassed or feel like
Speaker 1: they shouldn't have to like search for someone. But like
Speaker 1: a relationship can be like anything else, Like if you
Speaker 1: wanted to be you know, if you want like the
Speaker 1: same way, if you want to be a comedian, you
Speaker 1: have to go to an open mic, then you have
Speaker 1: to get booked on shows, and you have to go
Speaker 1: to networking events. Like it is the same thing. If
Speaker 1: you want a relationship, you do have to even work
Speaker 1: forgetting it. You're not gonna like just that's what I
Speaker 1: agree with you. And I got a lot I got
Speaker 1: like a lot of different advice. Like you know, it's
Speaker 1: like some friends and I just love yourself, but I
Speaker 1: mean also yourself. But I'm saying you can't. I mean,
Speaker 1: who a hundred percent in some perfect idea away loves themselves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we love ourselves and then we're discussed. I mean it's
Speaker 1: just like yeah, that's goes in it have to learn.
Speaker 1: I mean when does that add it's just like yourself
Speaker 1: with yourself and yeah, but I mean I don't know
Speaker 1: about that when they're like you just you have to
Speaker 1: and then if they get supposed to, it will And
Speaker 1: I mean I had another friend that was like, oh,
Speaker 1: if you want to meet somebody, have to go try
Speaker 1: to meet somebody. And so yeah, for me, that's what
Speaker 1: I did. You know, it makes sense sense because like
Speaker 1: if you when you start once you start thinking about
Speaker 1: like relationships the same way you do business. Obviously you're
Speaker 1: super successful in business and in your career, so it's
Speaker 1: like but if you think about that and you put
Speaker 1: the same kind of like work into it, it is possible.
Speaker 1: Like as as soon as I started thinking about things
Speaker 1: in a different way, like oh I need to take
Speaker 1: this a little bit more seriously, and things get better. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's not like something to be ashamed of or
Speaker 1: like you don't have to hide the fact that you're
Speaker 1: working on it. Yeah. I used to some people, I'm fine,
Speaker 1: I'm far a loner you like I. I I kind
Speaker 1: of had a little bit of that error yea. And
Speaker 1: I just got out of our not just it was
Speaker 1: a year, but seven year relationship. So I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: that's a long relationship. Yeah, so I got a chill
Speaker 1: a little bit. But um, but to want that like
Speaker 1: I used to Yeah, I used to be like shy
Speaker 1: to even say that. Well, also as women, I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 1: well the key for me, I just realized that this,
Speaker 1: like a couple of months ago. If you just replace
Speaker 1: like I want a boyfriend or I want a man
Speaker 1: with I want a partner, and you think about it
Speaker 1: with about that, like anyone saying that, you think about
Speaker 1: a lesbian saying it or whatever, it doesn't feel as sad.
Speaker 1: For some reason, it feels sad when a woman says it.
Speaker 1: So if you just replace, if you don't say man,
Speaker 1: then it's you're like, oh, I just want someone to
Speaker 1: share my life with. Oh, that's not that women are
Speaker 1: portrayed as the reason. I think it's. I think it
Speaker 1: might be in pop culture and film and TV, women
Speaker 1: are portrayed as being weak for wanting a thing, like oh,
Speaker 1: here's here's Stacy. She's a hot mess, can't get her
Speaker 1: life together, but she desperately wants love. And it's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're gonna associate that with because we do a one
Speaker 1: eight and society the same way with like feminism, where
Speaker 1: we're like sometimes people try to just like bash down
Speaker 1: men to make women rise up. The same thing happen,
Speaker 1: so it's like nineteen fifties, like everyone's gonna get married,
Speaker 1: Like everyone's gonna get married, and now we went fully
Speaker 1: the other direction, like just a woman with a briefcase
Speaker 1: like fucking slamming man's faces as she walks down the street.
Speaker 1: So I don't even need you. I fisted myself last night,
Speaker 1: and well there's a happy medium. This can't talk, probably
Speaker 1: can't hold you when you're down. Yeah, So I just
Speaker 1: like to remind myself off of that. You know, you
Speaker 1: could be a feminist that buried and make did er
Speaker 1: somebtimes like these are these are all things that you
Speaker 1: can do at the same time. You can figure it
Speaker 1: all out, like I do feel like, but also like
Speaker 1: what you said, you were with somebody for a while
Speaker 1: and then you have some time alone. I also feel
Speaker 1: like if you're going from one thing to the next,
Speaker 1: I was alone for a while before. Yeah, so that's
Speaker 1: I mean, But I mean, what the hell do I know?
Speaker 1: I have a debit card every week, I'm a complete animal.
Speaker 1: I'm shedding debit cards. I'm not here to make any pronouncements.
Speaker 1: This is so funny to know because you seem like
Speaker 1: one of the most together comics like now but yeah,
Speaker 1: but you're like together, like a jovial nous to you
Speaker 1: of like I don't like your view on the world.
Speaker 1: I feel like I relate. I relate to you a lot.
Speaker 1: So you dress very together. So I think that you know,
Speaker 1: because most people cut show up in like an old
Speaker 1: baseball T shirt that they stole from like a little leaguer.
Speaker 1: And then you're like, you're like, oh, you can wear
Speaker 1: like a nice outfit, like a nice little like there's
Speaker 1: a necklace. Yeah, Like I can look pretty the last time,
Speaker 1: Like I was leaving my house early enough to put
Speaker 1: on a necklace. I can even neucklas by the door
Speaker 1: with it open, so I had to do a stick
Speaker 1: my head through it and the necklace would not make
Speaker 1: it on my body. Well, the funny thing is, do
Speaker 1: you know Ricky Velez his wife is a stylist, Julie's. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she came over to my apartment and and she just
Speaker 1: goes went through all my clothes and helped me create outfits.
Speaker 1: So I definitely have like she's really good and it's
Speaker 1: not very much. And because I used to like I
Speaker 1: just have a lot of dumb like heinous impulses fashion
Speaker 1: Like I dressed very corporate. I'm like, what, I've never
Speaker 1: never even like went to college, but for some reason,
Speaker 1: I just over the blazer. Yeah, I'm always grabbing her
Speaker 1: like a Paul Pounce. Yeah. It's either just like too hoary,
Speaker 1: just like an aggressive mounted, it's too corporate, Like I
Speaker 1: make these really humiliating same trend. Yeah. So she like
Speaker 1: in a very gentle way. I was like, it's a
Speaker 1: little corporate where. Yeah. So she helped and like just
Speaker 1: basically got me like created outfit and told me places
Speaker 1: to get stuff that wasn't too expensive and stuff. So
Speaker 1: that's why I'm slowly like like learning not to dress
Speaker 1: like I'm like, I'm going to like a corporate retreat,
Speaker 1: but like whorring at night, like it's also like an
Speaker 1: corporate retreat. Corporate. Yeah, I'm really good. Yeah, I love it. Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: I think that's about the last question is And this
Speaker 1: is just because you dangled it in front of us,
Speaker 1: and now I need to know there's a sex game
Speaker 1: you played as a kid, and I need to know
Speaker 1: about it because there's so many directions that this could
Speaker 1: go in. Um, well I played okay, so um we were.
Speaker 1: I was really obsessed with office situations, like sexual office situations,
Speaker 1: so well that right now, no wonder I blaze her
Speaker 1: so much coming back. Um, I feel like people and
Speaker 1: I have no formal education. I'd just like to say
Speaker 1: that at this point in the podcast, anything I got
Speaker 1: like d's in absence school, I was every year I
Speaker 1: was at summer school. I was the first one there.
Speaker 1: Everyone knew me. I had like a summer school dance,
Speaker 1: you know. Oh yeah, just wild failing. It's impressive use words.
Speaker 1: People think I'm smart because I'm sarcastic and Jewish, but
Speaker 1: I have that information. But I feel like you just
Speaker 1: got a little extra credit for knowing what they're referring to.
Speaker 1: I have very little information, but I was really obsessed with, like, um,
Speaker 1: the idea that you would, you know, some sort of
Speaker 1: like an office sexual tension, you know, so, um, my
Speaker 1: friend she would be the boss and I would be
Speaker 1: the secretary, and we would I would have a pile
Speaker 1: of papers and I would drop them and she would
Speaker 1: scream at me and be like god, damn, a trip.
Speaker 1: She was always very angry, and then I'd be like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Mr Company. That's was a stables. Mr Company. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Mr Company, I should never have dropped those briefs.
Speaker 1: And we didn't know what we're referring to her men's briefs.
Speaker 1: There was always around, like an office situation, and she'd
Speaker 1: be like, well, you'll have one more chance at the firm,
Speaker 1: but this is really it, unless maybe we could work
Speaker 1: something out, and I'd be like, well, I suppose I
Speaker 1: could come up with a couple of things, and then
Speaker 1: she would kind of lift my chin up. I used
Speaker 1: to think it was very exciting that men would say
Speaker 1: something fresh when you were a kid and you would
Speaker 1: like smack them, because that was always happening in like
Speaker 1: old movies and stuff, and you're just like a weird
Speaker 1: bitch if you are just smacking that. There's very few
Speaker 1: instances where a smack is necessary. But I still felt
Speaker 1: really guilty because I smacked this kid in like sixth
Speaker 1: grade and he was like pretty nice, and I just
Speaker 1: thought it was like a hot thing to do and
Speaker 1: like and it would turn him on. But I still
Speaker 1: felt like he looked confused and cheek yeah, I still
Speaker 1: felt bad for Josh rosen Black. Yeah, he said gave
Speaker 1: me some compliment. I was like, how dare you? Like,
Speaker 1: you know, I can't even imagine that. I just liked
Speaker 1: across the face at recess. Yeah, I feel like a
Speaker 1: sex grader, like trying to be sexy, like in my head,
Speaker 1: that's yeah. I would also put my hair up on
Speaker 1: top of my head because I think I saw that
Speaker 1: in a commercial where you kind of pile it all
Speaker 1: up on top of your head. And then I would
Speaker 1: do this thing where I would look at the guy
Speaker 1: driving behind me when we were on like a family trip,
Speaker 1: and I would just kind of sprench my face up
Speaker 1: to make like sexy expressions and hold my hair on
Speaker 1: top of my head. And I must have looked so crazy,
Speaker 1: just the eleven year old and weird sexually. Yeah, and yeah,
Speaker 1: like you think, I thought glaring was cool because it's
Speaker 1: kind of taught movies that you're supposed to be sort
Speaker 1: of like sinister and angry whenever anything sexual is brought up,
Speaker 1: like how dare you? True and suspicious and very like
Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, I would kind of press my
Speaker 1: non tittage together and glare so I try to make
Speaker 1: some sort of cleavage, forcing some cleavage. And then I
Speaker 1: saw this this movie where all the women are lined
Speaker 1: up and they and they have their tits in the
Speaker 1: sand on the beach, and it was like they started
Speaker 1: out with some sort of like surf song and then
Speaker 1: they all jump up one by one and there are
Speaker 1: these like holes in the sand where their tits were.
Speaker 1: That was like the opening secrets of the movie. It's
Speaker 1: the think it might be top secret, but I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: But they they're in a line and they're these little
Speaker 1: bikinis and then like the guys come by like doing
Speaker 1: something real, but they're just like leg there with their
Speaker 1: dumb kits in the sand. And then and then they
Speaker 1: jump up one by one, like you know, and then
Speaker 1: there are these holes in the in the sand where
Speaker 1: their tips were. And I remember thinking, like I just
Speaker 1: want to grow up and like make tit holes in
Speaker 1: the sand. Like it's a good it's a good goal
Speaker 1: for a young girl for her life, and like that's
Speaker 1: all I could hope for is just to grow up
Speaker 1: one day and make tit holes in the sand. I'm
Speaker 1: an adult and I would love to make tit holes
Speaker 1: on the sand. I like to my titte like we
Speaker 1: would go to like Rohobath Beach and mys had no
Speaker 1: idea what I was doing when I was trying to
Speaker 1: smush my sad uneven non tittage in the sand and
Speaker 1: then jump up and I'd be really sad that there
Speaker 1: was no Yeah, yeah, I remember one time they used
Speaker 1: to take me to take these brain scans because I
Speaker 1: wasn't learning, trying to put I remember my parents arguing
Speaker 1: about her. My Mom's like, well, maybe if we scan
Speaker 1: her again, something will come up. And then my dad
Speaker 1: just like, Karen, she's not normal. Shit, just get it
Speaker 1: under your thick skull. Something's wrong. And she's like, well,
Speaker 1: we could scan her one more time. So I went
Speaker 1: for some sort of special brain scan to figure out
Speaker 1: like what in God's name was wrong, because just couldn't
Speaker 1: teach me a thing. We had this math tutor. I'm
Speaker 1: rambling on, but we had this math tutor in my class,
Speaker 1: and he in my school and he taught a couple
Speaker 1: of people and he was later to found found to
Speaker 1: be a pedophile. His name was Mr. File, but I
Speaker 1: remember Mr was male fucking File and he was a pedophile,
Speaker 1: and he knew Mr. Company's desk he would get so
Speaker 1: frustrated with me when I would try to learn and
Speaker 1: I was scrunched my eyes up, and then he was
Speaker 1: always just getting so annoyed with me that I wouldn't
Speaker 1: learn the math. He'd be like, come on, racial, it's
Speaker 1: a very simple concept. This is just the building block
Speaker 1: for the rest of the things that, like, I think
Speaker 1: my own stupidity and math saved me from him. He
Speaker 1: was so no, no, I was gonna say, he was
Speaker 1: so frustrated that he didn't want try and fuck you,
Speaker 1: that's I think, so so angry and he's like, come on,
Speaker 1: this isn't even like the hard part yet. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: he completely forgot about because he completely forgot about his
Speaker 1: pedophilia and he was living in a world where he
Speaker 1: could be normal to a child. Yeah, he was just like,
Speaker 1: how so damn am dense? And he said even a
Speaker 1: pedophile pedophiles that was like dumb, like just like not dumb,
Speaker 1: but like just you know, kids sometimes kids don't take
Speaker 1: the normal learning route. Yeah, but like if you're super
Speaker 1: you don't like every you don't like every you know,
Speaker 1: if I was straight, women don't like every guy like
Speaker 1: every kid, Like you can certainly not the kids. It
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you're not selective, right, I don't know
Speaker 1: our pedophiles email us someone tell us we actually had
Speaker 1: a I mean, I obviously wasn't his type. For whatever
Speaker 1: his reason, Well, how did you find out he's a pedophile?
Speaker 1: Like was my told me later she went to him too,
Speaker 1: and he didn't molest her either, I think for similar reasons.
Speaker 1: She said she was also real bad at that. So
Speaker 1: wait when it was it was actually molesting kids in
Speaker 1: the school. She told me this about a year ago.
Speaker 1: She's like, yes, Mr Phile, like he's he was a
Speaker 1: pedophiles Like no way, and I'm like I never I do.
Speaker 1: I was like I just look at me twice and
Speaker 1: she was like me neither. I got ship from Mr. File.
Speaker 1: I do remember his wife checking on us a lot.
Speaker 1: I do remember she was always opening the door, but
Speaker 1: I don't remember. I remember him being very frustrated. He
Speaker 1: wanted me out. By the time I get this, dunce
Speaker 1: a kid who was good at math, You just gotta
Speaker 1: just not get some was my own grave stupidity at
Speaker 1: math like that saved me, I believe. And also I
Speaker 1: was trying to turn them on, which maybe didn't turn
Speaker 1: him on because I was doing the hair and putting
Speaker 1: my hair on the top of my head and doing
Speaker 1: a lot of like I dropped the papers like I
Speaker 1: would do with my sex. You're pedophile. You don't mean
Speaker 1: to know. I think he just thought it was. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was very annoying to him, and he didn't want
Speaker 1: to be seduced. He wanted to be the one to
Speaker 1: take control. And so but in our in our office game,
Speaker 1: she would she would I would drop the papers and
Speaker 1: then she would try to kiss me, and I'd like Mr. Company,
Speaker 1: and then I would smack her. And then she would
Speaker 1: throw me on the couch in her dad's office and
Speaker 1: just like start hoping that the game yea. And then
Speaker 1: I'd be like no, no, like yes, and I'd like no,
Speaker 1: meads no, It's like yeah, God. And then she told
Speaker 1: our teacher about it, and then I know she was snitch.
Speaker 1: She was a little cock blocking snitch. And then and
Speaker 1: then my mom got called and there was like a
Speaker 1: special meeting at school about humping and like antilping. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was that's what I was at normal because I
Speaker 1: feel like that's like that's like that's the way like
Speaker 1: shame people for their sexuality because what a safe way
Speaker 1: to explore your sexuality then with another like female friend,
Speaker 1: Like that's it seems like a great plan. I definitely
Speaker 1: did that. I did fake kiss with like Matt. We
Speaker 1: would put like a mask on and then we would
Speaker 1: just like pretend to make out with each other. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I would tell this Katherine to just touch my butt.
Speaker 1: Can you touch my button? She's like okay, like thank you,
Speaker 1: and then just touch it. Yeah, just like gratch in
Speaker 1: my butt, swipe just like yeah, like just like crawl
Speaker 1: my butt. It is normal, You're right. And so it
Speaker 1: had a sex therapist come to my house to talk
Speaker 1: about it. Like I was definitely traumatized, like I thought
Speaker 1: I did something. Yeah, they made so much worse than
Speaker 1: it needed to be, like nothing you were doing was wrong.
Speaker 1: The therapist had a doll and they and they told
Speaker 1: me how I wasn't supposed to touch my girl a
Speaker 1: girlfriend's bathing suit parts. And there was like a song
Speaker 1: she she had a what I was like eleven and
Speaker 1: they didn't call you were elevens you could have gotten
Speaker 1: your period at the age and they didn't call it
Speaker 1: a vagina. Yeah, it was weird. And then I remember
Speaker 1: she had a guitar, and she sang like songs about
Speaker 1: like healthy sexual interaction with my mom's, like Susan's gonna
Speaker 1: come over in fifteen minutes and do some guitar work
Speaker 1: with you. Remember to watch this one on one, Rachel.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine watching this with a group of people.
Speaker 1: But if someone came to my fucking house and played
Speaker 1: a guitar directly to me, I would pay to watch
Speaker 1: your face. Karen, just deal with that. A song called
Speaker 1: bathing Sup Parts like bathing Supercard Sup Pod. We all
Speaker 1: have our own up. We have to find this song around.
Speaker 1: She rocked around the living room with the guitar, just
Speaker 1: and not saying bathing suit parts. Yeah, and then and
Speaker 1: then by the end. I guess they thought I would
Speaker 1: stop like making out with my girlfriends, which I continued
Speaker 1: to do so in the woods. Now I'm traumatized. Now,
Speaker 1: very strange. Oh my god, Well, I think thank you.
Speaker 1: Hopefully we work into that bathing suit songs cut out
Speaker 1: into these, Rachel, where can we find you? Online? Promote?
Speaker 1: Where can we see you? My? I guess on Twitter
Speaker 1: at Rachel finds Are. On my Instagram is Rachel find
Speaker 1: Stein Underscore and I usually put my dates up on Instagram. Yeah. Perfect.
Speaker 1: And you're always at the Comedy Seller and you tour
Speaker 1: all around. Yeah. You can watch my Netflix my half Power.
Speaker 1: It's called The stand Ups. I'm one season two of
Speaker 1: The stand Ups. Yes, excellent, guys, Thank you so much, Rachel.
Speaker 1: Thanks for the bathing suits song. This has been wonderful.
Speaker 1: Good laughs. Yes, this has been guys. We fun the
Speaker 1: anti slot teaming podcast. We'll talk to you next Friday.
Speaker 1: Freaking Soby. I don't have to do in school such
Speaker 1: section over right, fresh shows, get take the heat. This
Speaker 1: is my little ly I not play after all,