Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys we Book.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina, I'm Karn. We're Sorry about last Night, the
Speaker 1: anti sluck shaming podcast I never stopped. Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fucked, the anti sluck shaming podcast
Speaker 1: from Luminary Media. I'm Karin Fisher, I'm Christina Hutchinson and
Speaker 1: you can find us on all social media at Sorry
Speaker 1: About last Night, which is our comedy duo. It's s
Speaker 1: r y about last n y T on Twitter specifically
Speaker 1: and on all social media. My handle is Philanthropy Gal
Speaker 1: and mine is Christina hutch and our duo is sorry
Speaker 1: about last Night, and it's s r y about last
Speaker 1: n y T on Twitter. And even if you're behind
Speaker 1: in the podcast, that's where you can find all of
Speaker 1: our dates for touring in places that will be if
Speaker 1: we'll be near you, and other fun opportunities. Uh. Something
Speaker 1: that's not fun is this news story that we're gonna
Speaker 1: do today. Um it's from the Washington Post. That's just
Speaker 1: because I really loved the Washington Post. Uh, but this
Speaker 1: has been covered kind of across the board. Uh. She
Speaker 1: made an assault allegation against a teacher. Then she was
Speaker 1: burned alive. Um. Sometimes there are news stories that like
Speaker 1: stopped me in my tracks during the day. This was
Speaker 1: one of them from the past weekend. Um, And there's
Speaker 1: gonna be some butchering of names. I apologize um. Uh.
Speaker 1: Nusrat Rafi was killed after reporting a sexual assault allegation
Speaker 1: last month in Bangladesh. So Uh. Basically, she had been
Speaker 1: assaulted by a higher up, a teacher, and when she
Speaker 1: returned to school in April, people were waiting for her. Um.
Speaker 1: She had shaken up all of the social, political, and
Speaker 1: religious conventions in her hometown of Fenny, a conservative, tiny
Speaker 1: village about a hundred miles southeast of the country's capital,
Speaker 1: and according to this woman, the headmaster of her Islamic
Speaker 1: school had inappropriately touched her repeatedly in his office. Instead
Speaker 1: of sealing away the incident as a personal secret, Nusrats
Speaker 1: went to the police and made an official complaint. The
Speaker 1: allegation had since gone public, sparking protests and threats, not
Speaker 1: at the older man accused of taking advantage of a
Speaker 1: young woman under his care, but at nostrot So. As
Speaker 1: the final exam started, she was accompanied to school by
Speaker 1: her brother for two days straight, a one man protection detail,
Speaker 1: the Daily Star reported, But on the third day, April six,
Speaker 1: he was blocked at the entrance. I tried to take
Speaker 1: my sister's school and tried to enter the premises, but
Speaker 1: I was stopped and wasn't allowed to enter, said nustrots brother.
Speaker 1: If I hadn't been stopped, something like this wouldn't have
Speaker 1: happened to my sister. What happened next with not only
Speaker 1: jolt Nostrot's own community, but also spur outrage across Bangladeshi
Speaker 1: and beyond. A fellow student tricked Nustrot into going up
Speaker 1: on the roof where four or five students dressed in
Speaker 1: burghas waited. The group demanded she retract her accusation. When
Speaker 1: she refused, Nusrat was held down while kerosene was poured
Speaker 1: over her and a match was lit. Burns covered of
Speaker 1: her body. Nusrat died from her injuries four days after
Speaker 1: the attack, on April tenth. The gruesome act of violence
Speaker 1: against an accuser has shoved the entire country into a
Speaker 1: debate over sexual misconduct, an emotional dialogue that has involved
Speaker 1: street protests and promises from Bangladesh's political leaders. I am
Speaker 1: lost for words to condemn this. Bangladeshi Prime Minister told
Speaker 1: reporters last Friday, the culprits won't be spared. We won't
Speaker 1: let them off the hook. I think they must face
Speaker 1: exemplary punishment so that such incidents do not happen again.
Speaker 1: According to the BBC, Nusrat would later tell authorities that
Speaker 1: in March, her school's headmaster uh called her into his
Speaker 1: office and repeatedly touched her. Then he said he liked me.
Speaker 1: I was surprised to hear that. I told him, what
Speaker 1: are you saying? You are like my father, you are
Speaker 1: my teacher. I felt really bad, Nisratt said in a
Speaker 1: video clip taken by police. According to the Docca Tribune,
Speaker 1: that official statement, however, would become a major issue in
Speaker 1: the case. According to the BBC, nostrats comments were recorded
Speaker 1: by an officer, and on the clip, the officer told
Speaker 1: the woman her complaint was quote no big deal. Despite
Speaker 1: the officer's dismissal of her allegations, The headmaster was arrested
Speaker 1: the same day, but the video of norats interview with
Speaker 1: police was illegally leaked to the local media. The allegation
Speaker 1: and arrest divided the school and community. According to the Guardian.
Speaker 1: Some clamored for the headmaster to be punished, some demand
Speaker 1: at his release. Male students from the school and local
Speaker 1: politicians held a street protest in support of the accused educator.
Speaker 1: Norat's family fielded phone calls from students demanding she halt
Speaker 1: the case quote otherwise. The caller threatened there will be
Speaker 1: a murder no, srats brother told The Daily Star. After
Speaker 1: Norat was set a blaze on the roof, the young
Speaker 1: woman managed to rush from the building while the fire
Speaker 1: consumed her. She was taken to a hospital, but the
Speaker 1: injuries were so severe that she was transferred to the
Speaker 1: capital for medical attention. One of the killers was holding
Speaker 1: her head down with his hands, so kerosene wasn't poured
Speaker 1: there and that's why her head wasn't burned, okay. According
Speaker 1: to the BBC, authorities have arrested fifteen people. Two men
Speaker 1: have allegedly confessed to planning the attack at the behest
Speaker 1: of the jailed headmaster. On Tuesday, the National Human Rights
Speaker 1: Commission of Bangladesh published the results of a wider inquiry
Speaker 1: into how authority has handled the complaint. At a news conference,
Speaker 1: the Commission's chairman revealed uh that another person had also
Speaker 1: been accused of sexual miscontact with the students within the
Speaker 1: past year. If the administration from the district level to
Speaker 1: Madrassa acted responsibly, then the incident would never have taken place.
Speaker 1: Investigators continue to piece together what happened as street protests
Speaker 1: and viral or outrage builds calling for justice for no Thrat.
Speaker 1: Uh So, yeah, I think that's just an important thing
Speaker 1: to cover. Obviously, things like this, unfortunately are happening all
Speaker 1: over the world at all times. They're gruesome. Things for
Speaker 1: women are still really really bad. And uh, it is
Speaker 1: obviously very sad, horrific how this woman's life was ended,
Speaker 1: but her her death definitely should not be in vain,
Speaker 1: and she is an example of someone so strong and
Speaker 1: the repercussions that sometimes, um you get for doing the
Speaker 1: right thing and standing up for what you believe in.
Speaker 1: And I mean she really, I mean she basically took
Speaker 1: a bullet for all women womanhood because it's events like
Speaker 1: that that I think is really gonna change the social
Speaker 1: and political climate of Bangladesh. And it's a sin that
Speaker 1: she had to die for that. But uh, hopefully we
Speaker 1: that will not be in vain and there will be
Speaker 1: some some real movement in Bangladesh about sexual assault and
Speaker 1: reporting crimes to the police, because unfortunately, as the corrupt
Speaker 1: as we think the police are in this country, other
Speaker 1: places it's a lot worse. Yeah. So, and if you
Speaker 1: are in the Boston area and feel like seeing a
Speaker 1: slaw I've there may still be some tickets left for
Speaker 1: the Friday May third show Court and I are doing
Speaker 1: at the Wilbur Theater as part of the Women in
Speaker 1: Comedy Festival. You can get tickets to just our show,
Speaker 1: but we strongly suggest checking out the website and looking
Speaker 1: at all the amazing acts that they have booked in
Speaker 1: town that weekend. That's Friday, May three, and then Denver, Colorado,
Speaker 1: May sixteenth, Thursday and through Saturday, May We're gonna be
Speaker 1: at comedy Works. I believe it's five shows. Go to
Speaker 1: Sorry about Last Night Comedy dot com for US slash
Speaker 1: tours for tickets to these shows. Tomorrow. If you're in
Speaker 1: New York City, Um, Glamorous is happening, co hosted by
Speaker 1: myself and Wendy Starling. It's a comedy slash variety show
Speaker 1: seven thirty pm at Zinc Bar, which is at eighty
Speaker 1: two West third Street. And you should come tickets or
Speaker 1: fifteen dollars. I believe it's sold out, but they'll be
Speaker 1: twenty door tickets starting at seven pm. Uh. And then
Speaker 1: the following day, which is Sunday, April, I'll be in
Speaker 1: Connecticut for the Connecticut Comedy Festival, which is being produced
Speaker 1: by New York Comedy Club. And Uh, then there's two shows.
Speaker 1: I'm judging Ross Battle and then I'm also doing stand
Speaker 1: up I think in the afternoon. Definitely. One of the
Speaker 1: events is at the BJU Theater. I'll put a link up,
Speaker 1: but it's Connecticut Comedy Festival and you can use code Karin,
Speaker 1: which is because a lot of you are confused C
Speaker 1: O R I N N E for discount off tickets.
Speaker 1: It's the first time they're doing this festival because apparently
Speaker 1: Connecticut's a very overlooked place for comedy. So if you're
Speaker 1: in Connecticut, come out. It's important. The future of comedy
Speaker 1: in your state relies on it. Yeah, come on down.
Speaker 1: And then the Luminary app is here. It is now
Speaker 1: available for free in the US the UK. In the
Speaker 1: UK it only includes Northern Ireland. We miss a miss
Speaker 1: a misspoke last episode and I knew you would come
Speaker 1: through with the correct thing, and you did and I
Speaker 1: appreciate it. I knew one of them. I apologize I'm
Speaker 1: an ignorant person. UM. But it is available in the US,
Speaker 1: the UK, Canada and Australia. This app is free. It
Speaker 1: has every podcast you could ever imagine on the app,
Speaker 1: so this can be your new go to place to
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Speaker 1: of interacting with Luminaries exclusive lineup of shows that are
Speaker 1: going to be it's only available for Luminary subscribers. Guys,
Speaker 1: we fucked. This is what's happening. We're moving the Luminary app.
Speaker 1: Our back catalog, which is every episode we have done
Speaker 1: up until is going to be available for free on
Speaker 1: the Luminary app. Starting that is a Friday. That is
Speaker 1: the first episode that will be released under for subscribers only,
Speaker 1: so you'll be able to hear all of our back
Speaker 1: catalog for free on the Luminary app. And then starting UM,
Speaker 1: we would love if you would join us as a
Speaker 1: Luminary subscriber UM to go on this next step of
Speaker 1: this journey. And I know that sounds core as fun.
Speaker 1: But seriously, UM, we're we're taking a turn, We're doing
Speaker 1: more twists, and I'm very excited for what's to come. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is really exciting. And thank you so much for
Speaker 1: everyone who's making suggestions about how Luminary can be a
Speaker 1: better experience for you tweeting at them. I think that's
Speaker 1: really important because we are really part of the start
Speaker 1: of this company. However, people who are pitching other ideas
Speaker 1: instead of doing Luminary, you can stop that because the
Speaker 1: contracts were signed a long time and also, um, they're Luminary.
Speaker 1: Social media is at here, Luminary across all the platforms
Speaker 1: and it's um and we are diligently working with Luminary
Speaker 1: and try to figure out, um how to get the
Speaker 1: Luminary app available to everybody, because there's a lot of
Speaker 1: countries that are not included in here, and that is
Speaker 1: of no personal that's just I don't know that must
Speaker 1: be a tech thing I have in some countries. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's reasons that I'm fucking our way above
Speaker 1: my head, but Luminary it's important for very important for
Speaker 1: Kurent and I and Luminary Express. That is also very
Speaker 1: important for them to make sure that this app reaches
Speaker 1: anybody who wants to to download it. So, um, if
Speaker 1: you have it yet, you can go on Luminary social
Speaker 1: media out here Luminary. If your country is not within
Speaker 1: those places that I had mentioned, let them know because
Speaker 1: it's important to us and it's important to them that
Speaker 1: you can hear us if you want to subscribe. Um.
Speaker 1: So yeah, thanks, we'll make it work. We'll figure stuff
Speaker 1: out Megator. All right, So this one's uh from the
Speaker 1: mail bag. This email is actually a response to the
Speaker 1: email that we read h last week about the seventeen
Speaker 1: year old who thinks her boyfriend's allergic to her. Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: just wanted to weigh in on the seventeen year old
Speaker 1: girl in Manchester who thought her boyfriend is allergic to
Speaker 1: her fund zone pussy. I have severe exzema and I'm
Speaker 1: allergic to everything, including pollen. I'm quite sensitive to come
Speaker 1: Whenever my boyfriend comes on or in me, I need
Speaker 1: to get it off my skin a sap. Otherwise my
Speaker 1: skin goes red, rick gets crazy itchy and it begins
Speaker 1: to become a raised rash. I can't really offer any
Speaker 1: solutions for her more just coping mechanisms. I shower afterwards, uh,
Speaker 1: and pop and anti histamine and then go on my way. Uh.
Speaker 1: And we've got a couple of emails about exactly this thing,
Speaker 1: and every one of them I looked through all mentioned
Speaker 1: the bathing and then getting an anti hissed to me
Speaker 1: and into the system before the sex. Uh, no after. Uh,
Speaker 1: if I've taken an anti hassa meine. But I'm sure
Speaker 1: either way it it will work if I've taken an
Speaker 1: anti histamine sometime that that day before sex, which I
Speaker 1: usually have because of the aforementioned poll analogy, so it's
Speaker 1: usually in her this girl system already, it's much less
Speaker 1: of a severe reaction. So maybe her boyfriend having an
Speaker 1: anti has to mean before. So she's like she pops
Speaker 1: one after, but she said maybe being doing one before
Speaker 1: would be even better. Uh. It took me a while
Speaker 1: to find decent brand that worked for me. But if
Speaker 1: he has exema, he probably has a favorite. It's not
Speaker 1: a solution, but since the googled information didn't result in
Speaker 1: anything great, that might be good. So yeah, definitely. And
Speaker 1: then there was another email that also kind of recommended
Speaker 1: what I had recommended. Spur of the moment, which was
Speaker 1: adjusting your diets to complement one another. That's a huge step,
Speaker 1: but another person with a similar problem said that did
Speaker 1: help a lot. Next email if you want to email us,
Speaker 1: it's sorry about last night show at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Subject line is my boyfriend called me out on my
Speaker 1: weight gain. Hello from Texas. I've been listening to your
Speaker 1: podcast for some time, and I think y'all are just
Speaker 1: incredibly charming, intelligent, and hilarious. Obviously, thank you thought mind.
Speaker 1: A couple of days ago, I approached my boyfriend again
Speaker 1: about us not being sexually active. Our schedules are very different,
Speaker 1: so I was trying to find a solution if it
Speaker 1: was a scheduling issue or just the part of the
Speaker 1: downs When you been together for over three years. We
Speaker 1: have a lot going We have a lot of fun
Speaker 1: going out. Our emotional relationship is strong due to the
Speaker 1: work we put into our communication. He's easily one of
Speaker 1: my best friends. I was afraid we hit a wall
Speaker 1: that I knew was bound to happen. Well, this motherfucker
Speaker 1: proceeds to tell me that I've gained weight and he's
Speaker 1: just not sexually attracted to me over the phone. I
Speaker 1: tell him I was going to hang up to process.
Speaker 1: He tells me he loves me, that it doesn't change
Speaker 1: the way he feels, and that I'm beautiful in my
Speaker 1: own ways. O G, thank you. I take the whole
Speaker 1: day to process. He comes over to my place to
Speaker 1: talk about it. He tells me that he's noticed I've
Speaker 1: gained weight in the last seven to eight months, which
Speaker 1: I was already aware of, and that he noticed he
Speaker 1: stopped wanting sex about six months ago, but figured this
Speaker 1: out last week. I asked him who he has talked
Speaker 1: to you about this, because I want to know who
Speaker 1: told him this was a good idea. His sister, whom
Speaker 1: I love. I'm very quiet at this point because I
Speaker 1: don't want to react. He catches an attitude and says,
Speaker 1: are we going to talk or should I go? Okay?
Speaker 1: I tell him I don't know what to say, but
Speaker 1: there's the door if you want to leave. He doesn't.
Speaker 1: He tells me my ego is bruised and that if
Speaker 1: I could move forward, we could get back on track,
Speaker 1: basically get over it. I'm feeling very angry and very
Speaker 1: hurt about this. I've never had this problem before with
Speaker 1: past boyfriends, and I've been much bigger. I feel like
Speaker 1: he put the problem on me and that it's my
Speaker 1: fault and that once I fixed this, everything will be better.
Speaker 1: I feel like even if I do lose the weight,
Speaker 1: there will be another problem, even though he tried assuring
Speaker 1: me that there was no other problem. I'm a very
Speaker 1: logical being, and I'd be lying if I said it
Speaker 1: looks don't matter. They do to me, and I know
Speaker 1: they do too many. I just feel mostly angry because
Speaker 1: he made it my problem, my fault. I tried explaining
Speaker 1: that I would have understood if he had said something
Speaker 1: along the lines of, hey, I noticed we're not as
Speaker 1: active as we used to be, and both our bodies
Speaker 1: are changing. What can we do about this? He didn't
Speaker 1: take the health root or concerned route on this conversation.
Speaker 1: He took the superficial route. My body is not the
Speaker 1: only one that's changed. We've both quit the gym eight
Speaker 1: to nine months ago, and I gained weight. Oh shit,
Speaker 1: I gained weight. He lost weight. Him and his family
Speaker 1: are all very tall, very slender type. My family is
Speaker 1: average to borderline obese. His ex girlfriend was an aspiring model,
Speaker 1: so she kept it very tight. On top of being
Speaker 1: a petite individual. The one before that as a nutritionist
Speaker 1: and a huge Jim Bunny. I admit I've been sent
Speaker 1: and terry this year, our first year together, my goal
Speaker 1: was to be able to run eight miles in one day.
Speaker 1: I was a runner that year. The following year I
Speaker 1: was in kickboxing. Then I was an aspiring firefighter. Fuck yeah.
Speaker 1: So last year I was surrounded by people with the
Speaker 1: same goals and had very active roommate. On top of that,
Speaker 1: he had had great Jim goals for myself. This year,
Speaker 1: I gave up on that dream and I have had
Speaker 1: a hard time following those strides with no goals to meet.
Speaker 1: I guess the point of this email is asking for
Speaker 1: help on how do I get over this. I love
Speaker 1: him to death, but god damn it, I'm borderline wanting
Speaker 1: to break up with him. Have you guys had this
Speaker 1: problem and how did you handle it? Well, your boyfriend's
Speaker 1: a dick. Um, I've not had. I've I've had. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm a person who Um. I think I've been twenty
Speaker 1: pounds every year than I am now, but my my
Speaker 1: body type is just slimmer. I guess I don't know, um,
Speaker 1: but I know that one when I was at my
Speaker 1: personal heaviest for me. Uh, I was with Stephen and
Speaker 1: he kind of liked it, and I, I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't know me and my own weight is a different
Speaker 1: story because I just I don't like food like I
Speaker 1: ate food obviously, but my stomach is so sensitive that
Speaker 1: I'm not a big eater. So I've just I haven't
Speaker 1: had this issue like this. If if my boyfriend told
Speaker 1: me what your boyfriend said, and I and I completely
Speaker 1: agree with you that the angle he chose to take
Speaker 1: was this dick ish, superficial route, um, instead of being supportive.
Speaker 1: That's not the kind of partner that Alma Fox with.
Speaker 1: If you there, there's a way to say things. There's
Speaker 1: a time and place to be honest and just also,
Speaker 1: you're a person is capable of framing these things and
Speaker 1: these thoughts and opinions in a way that's kinder and
Speaker 1: more loving and more helpful and more self esteem boosting
Speaker 1: self esteem. Your partner can help nurture your self esteem
Speaker 1: by approaching this conversation in a completely different way the
Speaker 1: ones that you mentioned. Hey, I noticed we're not as active.
Speaker 1: Maybe we should try to go to the gym. When
Speaker 1: a person loses attraction for another person. Uh, that you
Speaker 1: can't help that. You cannot help that. But what you
Speaker 1: can help is how you fucking frame it and how
Speaker 1: you treat that other person. Um, I'm I don't know that.
Speaker 1: I I don't know. I want to say, I don't
Speaker 1: know that. I buy that that's why he's doing this,
Speaker 1: But maybe I don't know. I'm not in the guy's head.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just think he's a big asshole. Um.
Speaker 1: And if but if you really love him, and this
Speaker 1: is all worth it, and this is one of the
Speaker 1: few times this has ever happened and come up, maybe
Speaker 1: it's time to have a communication about communication, about your
Speaker 1: communication and how you need to be talked to and
Speaker 1: how hurt you felt over that. Because when he said,
Speaker 1: oh you're he goes bruise, motherfucker, shut the funk up.
Speaker 1: No no, no no, no, no, no, no, no no no. You
Speaker 1: need to treat me with love and kindness and not
Speaker 1: this bullshit you know approach. Um that's my two cents. Um, Okay,
Speaker 1: So honest, I've I'm someone who has been in a situation. Uh,
Speaker 1: and I kind of thought that's what your teak was.
Speaker 1: I actually I am going to disagree and not take
Speaker 1: a It's funny because I think people probably would think
Speaker 1: our our approaches would be exactly the opposite of what
Speaker 1: they're going to be. Um. But yeah, I've been in
Speaker 1: situations like That's not where someone came to me and
Speaker 1: said that they were no longer attracted to me, but
Speaker 1: certainly like a weight gain that was noticeable. And also
Speaker 1: I'm a lot shorter than Christina, so twenty pounds on
Speaker 1: me looks a lot different than twenty pounds on someone
Speaker 1: who's like three inches taller. Uh. And it's also medically difficult,
Speaker 1: more difficult for women under five foot four as I am,
Speaker 1: to maintain appropriate body weights. And it's you know, it's
Speaker 1: weird because you know, I'm pretty outspoken about body positivity
Speaker 1: and how I think some of it is bullshit and
Speaker 1: actually killing us as a society. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: thoughts I have on that. It's definitely uh, like obesity
Speaker 1: definitely targets minorities and low income people. And that's just
Speaker 1: statistics that are available right on government websites. Um. And
Speaker 1: so to just say that it's okay, I think is negligent. Um.
Speaker 1: But that's a health issue beyond that, as far as
Speaker 1: in the relationship. I agree with Christina that, uh, you
Speaker 1: sometimes you're just stopping attracted to someone, and for whatever
Speaker 1: that reason is. It could be a personality trait, it
Speaker 1: could be something aesthetic. But when you enter a relationship, um,
Speaker 1: you enter it uh being a certain person. Uh. You know,
Speaker 1: whether that's your religion, your political views, your and that
Speaker 1: includes how you look and so you know, the same
Speaker 1: way as I could stop liking someone if they decided to, like,
Speaker 1: become a Nazi and I was saying them, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's not the same. I mean, you know, being overween
Speaker 1: being Nazi, very different things. But you're still entering a
Speaker 1: relationship uh and saying I want to be with this
Speaker 1: person as they are now. It's not a marriage where
Speaker 1: you're saying, come hell or high water, no matter what happens,
Speaker 1: I will stay with you. And even that, I don't
Speaker 1: think obviously, if something comes out uh, in a marriage,
Speaker 1: you are also allowed to exit the marriage. But don't
Speaker 1: you think you have to grow and evolve with your partner.
Speaker 1: You can grow and evolved, but if the growing and
Speaker 1: evolving is in a direction that you don't want it
Speaker 1: to be in, you don't need to say uh. And
Speaker 1: it's it's it's like a hard truth. I also think
Speaker 1: that the way he said it was not super kind,
Speaker 1: But as someone who is not always super poetic with
Speaker 1: her words, but at the very least is straightforward, I
Speaker 1: understand that because as shitty as the way he worded
Speaker 1: it was, Um, my question to you is that's someone
Speaker 1: that you've been with for three years. Would you have
Speaker 1: rather have him told you the real reason in a
Speaker 1: bit of a brash manner or would you want him
Speaker 1: to lie to you and then you actually never know
Speaker 1: the truth. But but she wants no, she wants him
Speaker 1: to like approach it in a way that's like, hey,
Speaker 1: we haven't been very act like I don't think and
Speaker 1: I don't think that's beating around the bush. I just
Speaker 1: think it's a kinder way to say to say something.
Speaker 1: I know, I understand that. I just don't think that, like,
Speaker 1: it's not your partner's responsibility to nurture you with mental
Speaker 1: health care and I and again I don't I know,
Speaker 1: this is this is and this is nearly my opinion
Speaker 1: and how I want because a lot of times you
Speaker 1: would say that you like when like you liked when
Speaker 1: people were like kind of like gave you like critical,
Speaker 1: like straightforward, um, you know, feedback and again like this
Speaker 1: is something that I've definitely been through a lot. I
Speaker 1: mean you're saying that you're I've never been obese. Um,
Speaker 1: but in that, in that and that, I mean like technically,
Speaker 1: I guess yes, OBEs because obesily is a lot lower
Speaker 1: than we talk about it here in America. Um, but
Speaker 1: uh yeah, it's it's a really difficult thing and it's
Speaker 1: and also towards the end of the email, I also
Speaker 1: see some kind of signs of you, uh letting on
Speaker 1: the deeper thing. It's like you were you had all
Speaker 1: these aspirations last year, and so I think on top
Speaker 1: of the weeking like the weekend was due to it
Speaker 1: seems a little bit of depression and lack of motivation,
Speaker 1: lack of purpose. And I hear that so fucking hard.
Speaker 1: So it's like if you've lost kind of like your
Speaker 1: purpose just for the time being, not forever, obviously you're
Speaker 1: gonna feel less sexy, You're gonna be less appear less
Speaker 1: sexy to other people. Because there's just there's a way
Speaker 1: like weight can come on in different ways, and I
Speaker 1: think a lot of times in a long term relationship,
Speaker 1: weight comes on, uh in a way that it is
Speaker 1: like the weight of the relationship is also showing on you.
Speaker 1: That's why couples that have been together a long time
Speaker 1: will will gain weight together. It's super common. And unfortunately
Speaker 1: it sounds like he was just a little bit jacked
Speaker 1: and then kind of got a little bit skinny with
Speaker 1: that's just the fucking irony and terror of the male
Speaker 1: body against the female body. Um. And then you'll also
Speaker 1: go on to compare your body to other girlfriend's bodies
Speaker 1: or the way other boyfriends reacted. Don't do that. That's
Speaker 1: just gonna make you go crazy in your head. It's
Speaker 1: not about comparison. It's about you, guys, relationship together, um,
Speaker 1: and up keep esthetically, emotionally, everything. That's all part of
Speaker 1: being a responsible party of a relationship. And I know
Speaker 1: people are not going to want to hear this, but
Speaker 1: I truly believe this, And I mean to think of anyone,
Speaker 1: you know, like maybe if I've and the way I'm
Speaker 1: treated by people in every day by listeners, by like
Speaker 1: we're all complicit in this. You know my experience twenty
Speaker 1: five pounds ago, I cannot I cannot really reiterate to
Speaker 1: you guys, how different. I am treated uh twenty five
Speaker 1: pounds heavier or lighter truly this year. You would think
Speaker 1: I was like that that I got another degree, that
Speaker 1: I became funnier, that I uh saved a puppy. That
Speaker 1: I mean, like it's it's it's ridiculous. Uh and men
Speaker 1: and women, yeah, by everyone, women sometimes more so. Um
Speaker 1: and so because I actually, in my experience, men are
Speaker 1: kind of we're into it the whole time. And it
Speaker 1: was women who were uh worse worse about it because
Speaker 1: I think it's like they're under pressure too, or it's
Speaker 1: like they're they're projecting feelings that they have about their
Speaker 1: own bodies. Um. And that's why, no matter what weight
Speaker 1: I've been, I have been sensitive and suspicious to body
Speaker 1: positivity and whether or not it's really helping us. Because
Speaker 1: when you feel good about yourself and you feel and
Speaker 1: I feel fantastic, when I say I feel fantastic this year,
Speaker 1: like healthwise, I feel fucking great. It's like I starved myself.
Speaker 1: Like I feel so good. I'm getting so much work done.
Speaker 1: I like all the like the work that I've put
Speaker 1: in at the gym. I can finally see because again
Speaker 1: something was like wrong and so often, uh, weight gain
Speaker 1: is linked to a mental health issue. And that's another
Speaker 1: problem I have with body positivity because it's not really
Speaker 1: just about the aesthetic. A lot of times, especially if
Speaker 1: you watch these weight lush shows, you're eating to You're
Speaker 1: eating because you're not because something. You're stressed out, because
Speaker 1: you don't have purpose, because your boyfriend's not giving you
Speaker 1: enough hugs. Like these things go into it. It's not
Speaker 1: a coincidence that I left my relationship and then also
Speaker 1: lost a lot of weight really quickly, Like these things
Speaker 1: are all related. So I think it's just definitely have
Speaker 1: a conversation with him about the way he spoke to
Speaker 1: you and that it hurt you, and that even and
Speaker 1: I think it's okay to say that something that you're
Speaker 1: sensitive about. I've had conversations with partners who I said, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: I have a mirror. I am really on top of
Speaker 1: my ship. I'm a perfectionist, and believe me, I want
Speaker 1: perfection in myself more than you will ever ask for
Speaker 1: it or want it. But please do not comment on
Speaker 1: my body, positive or negative. That's the rule I have
Speaker 1: in all relations and ships. I said it at the
Speaker 1: beginning of them, and It's just something that I've always
Speaker 1: kind of gone with. Um, I do not like compliments
Speaker 1: on weight loss just as much as I don't like
Speaker 1: uh shitty comments. I just don't like comments on my
Speaker 1: body at all. I don't. It seems like you guys
Speaker 1: have not had that. Um. And the thing where he's like,
Speaker 1: he made it your fault, I mean it's I don't
Speaker 1: think he made he's it's your it's your body, So
Speaker 1: it's you're you're in charge of it, just as much
Speaker 1: as like if you wanted to get an abortion, that's
Speaker 1: your body, your choice. This is your body, your choice.
Speaker 1: And so he's he's not giving he's just expressing to
Speaker 1: you the truth. And again, like did not do it
Speaker 1: in a great matter, did not handle it well. I
Speaker 1: know he said it on the phone, but that's probably
Speaker 1: because it was a really tough things with you. It
Speaker 1: seems you and like you, you know you obviously you
Speaker 1: were saying like as things wrong. So it's like if
Speaker 1: you ask, you need to be ready for the real reason. Um,
Speaker 1: And it's tough, and it's tough and it's awkward. Uh,
Speaker 1: but you an issue of pride and ego and then
Speaker 1: also I'm sure it's it's it hurts you more because
Speaker 1: it seems like you're not happy with it. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: maybe that's why I fucking get it. That might be
Speaker 1: why his comments, um like kind of stabbed you a
Speaker 1: little harder. Um, I get that I'm sensitive about certain things.
Speaker 1: It's weird. I've had conversations with excess or people I'm
Speaker 1: sleeping with or dating or whatever about certain things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I've I've made comments on my boyfriend's bodies
Speaker 1: when I you know, there was parts that I just
Speaker 1: I didn't I wasn't attracted. I just but and I
Speaker 1: didn't know how to say it. And so I'm somebody
Speaker 1: who on like Karena, it's hard for me to communicate
Speaker 1: a sentiment that I feel uncomfortable doing, and then I
Speaker 1: end up just going at it too extreme to the
Speaker 1: person and it feels like I'm yelling at him and
Speaker 1: it doesn't come across the way I want to. So
Speaker 1: it is perhaps, uh that those dynamics at play. Also,
Speaker 1: I will say, we have received just in the past year,
Speaker 1: I've just noticed a lot of emails from women who
Speaker 1: have been raped, who overeat because they want to be invisible,
Speaker 1: and that's you know, that's also another reason. I don't know,
Speaker 1: It's just it's there's just a lot of things that
Speaker 1: go into it. I think, I think more than what
Speaker 1: meets the eye. Yeah, the conversation has become a little
Speaker 1: bit shallow about body positivity in the country, and I
Speaker 1: think there are so many great things to gain from it.
Speaker 1: But also you don't want to overlook a lot of
Speaker 1: medical issues. And the good thing is, like what really
Speaker 1: gives uh legs to My side of the argument is
Speaker 1: that like when you travel to other countries, you just
Speaker 1: don't see people overweight in the way that we are
Speaker 1: because a lot of it is we are like yet
Speaker 1: cheaper foods are killing us. So it truly is like
Speaker 1: a societal structure constraints. And I know that ever, not
Speaker 1: everyone can afford a personal trainer or a gym membership,
Speaker 1: or lives in a neighborhood that's safe enough to jog around,
Speaker 1: should be able to afford a fucking cucumber mac. There's yeah.
Speaker 1: And food deserts are real. I lived, I lived, I've
Speaker 1: lived in one for a long time. Harlem A hundred
Speaker 1: percent was a food desert when I lived, when I
Speaker 1: uh moved there. It's gotten better now, we of a
Speaker 1: fucking whole foods now, so it's different. But again, a
Speaker 1: whole foods is very expensive, so I don't even like
Speaker 1: to shop a whole foods and it's so expensive. Is
Speaker 1: there's just a lot of things that go into it.
Speaker 1: But you know, aesthetic, just like sexuality, UM, is a
Speaker 1: part of the relationship. And uh, I've certainly given people
Speaker 1: ultimatums because they weren't taking care of their mental health
Speaker 1: care UM and it's shitty. And and if that's something
Speaker 1: that you want to be able to gain and lose
Speaker 1: weight whenever you feel like it without feeling judged here
Speaker 1: that and then you need to find a partner who
Speaker 1: is also okay with you. That's true. Yeah, And also
Speaker 1: to going with what you said earlier about the body
Speaker 1: positivity movement, how you're like delicately hesitant towards it. One
Speaker 1: of the things that UM the self esteem book I've
Speaker 1: talked about before talks about is you know, self esteem.
Speaker 1: It talks about, like employee, how an employer can help
Speaker 1: nourish the employee self esteem. It is not the employer's
Speaker 1: job to give that person self esteem. But just you know,
Speaker 1: there's certain ways that you're not babying you're not coddling.
Speaker 1: You can speak to somebody that can light light of
Speaker 1: fire under their assum but at the same token, like
Speaker 1: saying something like you're fat is not damaging yourself, of course,
Speaker 1: but also if you are overweight and then being like
Speaker 1: you're so skinny, you look not you look so good,
Speaker 1: because that can be you might look great, But like
Speaker 1: the whole a comment that is too over the top
Speaker 1: positive in the fact that it surpasses the truth is
Speaker 1: also very damaging to your self esteem. Oh yeah, And
Speaker 1: and I was reading an article that was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you've lost weight, isn't people always think like when they
Speaker 1: give it that, it's always a compliment. But you don't
Speaker 1: know why that person lost weight. They could be in
Speaker 1: abusive relationship, they could be in the table, they could
Speaker 1: have a be experiencing a death in the family. Like
Speaker 1: for me, a lot of times when I'm really right now,
Speaker 1: I'm like, what I would call it healthy weight, but
Speaker 1: like I've been really thin at times, and it was
Speaker 1: certainly at the bleakest moments in my life, not the happiness.
Speaker 1: So people were saying that, and it was just and
Speaker 1: it just made everything so much worse in general, Like
Speaker 1: we all have fucking mirrors. Don't need to be making
Speaker 1: a lot of comments on people's bodies unless you're actually
Speaker 1: worried about them, uh and concerned. But again, in a
Speaker 1: romantic relationship, when you are having sex with the person,
Speaker 1: you have those feelings, the attraction is there and it
Speaker 1: is what it is, and it's absent because of whatever
Speaker 1: reason you can't help that. I will say it is.
Speaker 1: It is does feel free to be honest about certain
Speaker 1: qualities that you are is cure about, which is why
Speaker 1: I like hanging out with comedians. But I was hanging
Speaker 1: out with a comic last night and he was like,
Speaker 1: you know, we're attractive, but we're not like we wouldn't
Speaker 1: like walk in a room and turn and and we
Speaker 1: were just talking about how we're like very like you
Speaker 1: and I've talked about this, very approachable and then some
Speaker 1: and then um, I was telling because I thought that
Speaker 1: was really funny. I enjoyed the conversation. And then I
Speaker 1: was telling that to somebody and they're like, oh, I
Speaker 1: would have been so pissed if a guy told me that, Like,
Speaker 1: what do you know, it's it's reality. I'm not a
Speaker 1: freaking idiot, Like it's it's Okay, We're gonna be fine. Um,
Speaker 1: I just thought that was funny. Yeah. I think people
Speaker 1: are more self aware than you think. And if any
Speaker 1: lack of self awareness is usually I would say out
Speaker 1: of survival. Yeah, not at rents. Yeah. Um yes. Women
Speaker 1: in business, we are continuing our highlight of women owned
Speaker 1: businesses uh by Fucker's this week, I wanted to high
Speaker 1: light a company called we Be kind be spelled like
Speaker 1: bumble Be. I've been a listener for over two years
Speaker 1: now and I fucking love the outlook and sensibility you
Speaker 1: have towards life. I happen to own, uh my business
Speaker 1: that helps humans and also animals as well. I run
Speaker 1: a cb D herbal apothecary business that is built on
Speaker 1: a foundation of passion, drive and love, with no loans, investors,
Speaker 1: or sugar Daddy to help pave my way. I'm proud
Speaker 1: to say that I also have started with a tiny
Speaker 1: bit of savings and inspiration to help others, all by
Speaker 1: my fucking self. This business began two point five years
Speaker 1: ago when I started giving my own dog, Kama Kaze,
Speaker 1: who is now almost fourteen years old, some handmade treats
Speaker 1: infused with CBD oil. After about a week of giving
Speaker 1: it to him daily, I saw such a significant difference
Speaker 1: in his overall well being that inspired me to create
Speaker 1: We Be Kind. My business has since grown quite a
Speaker 1: bit and has become something I'm extremely proud of. Two
Speaker 1: of the main goals is to help decrease the amount
Speaker 1: of pharmaceuticals people in pets take. That's so freaking importantly
Speaker 1: to self medicate so much in this country. Um. And
Speaker 1: also tying back to obesity, that's a percent part of
Speaker 1: the reason that we are in the state because we
Speaker 1: don't fix problems or our food or a banded on
Speaker 1: the things we fucking medicate, which can sometimes make things
Speaker 1: worse anyway. Um. And to use this business as a
Speaker 1: platform to create an animal sanctuary. I've helped hundreds of
Speaker 1: people and animals using completely non toxic ingredients and by
Speaker 1: using as local ingredients as possible. Why the funk would
Speaker 1: I make a product that's negating what I'm trying to
Speaker 1: do in the first place, which is helped. We may
Speaker 1: make bath bombs, salve pet tincture, which Alfred would love.
Speaker 1: I don't know nothing works on that guy. Uh CBD
Speaker 1: gummies and horse tincture, all infused with a full spectrum
Speaker 1: of CBD oil. Um. If you want to visit this website,
Speaker 1: it's we Be Kind and that's w E B E
Speaker 1: E kind dot com or on Facebook or Instagram under
Speaker 1: we be as in bumble kind. Thank you for all
Speaker 1: you do. I know you uh to have changed my life.
Speaker 1: As cheesy as it sounds, I love animal stuff. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: and then I wanted to highlight Victoria when wrote us Um,
Speaker 1: and she has started a project called told by j
Speaker 1: doe Um. She founded this to share stories of every
Speaker 1: day John and Jane does, and she says in this email,
Speaker 1: in a world where we are so focused on our
Speaker 1: own struggles, ambitions, and paths, we often forget to learn
Speaker 1: about the identities and lives around us. Sometimes people we
Speaker 1: know may as well be strangers. It could be incredibly
Speaker 1: difficult to allow yourself to be vulnerable at all and
Speaker 1: talk about such personal and often painful experiences. That's why
Speaker 1: Victoria has launched her first series, mental Health Stories, Told
Speaker 1: by J doe Um, and she is collecting anonymous stories
Speaker 1: about people's experiences with mental health to help others heal
Speaker 1: and break the stigma around the space. She wants to
Speaker 1: collect enough stories to launch an event with all of
Speaker 1: these stories posted on boards in the space UM and
Speaker 1: guests at the event will get a sheet of stickers
Speaker 1: to put on the boards if it if it's a
Speaker 1: story that applies to them or something that they can
Speaker 1: personally relate to, and it will serve as an anonymous
Speaker 1: visual representation of how many people share the same feelings
Speaker 1: and experiences as you. So if you are interested in
Speaker 1: submitting your story, Victoria is taking them. You can go
Speaker 1: to her website www dot told by j just the
Speaker 1: letter J Doe d o E dot com UM and
Speaker 1: she is focusing on this their first story series. It's
Speaker 1: on mental health, but she wants to focus on black stories,
Speaker 1: immigrant stories, queer stories, and women's stories. So if you
Speaker 1: want to head on over too told by J Doe
Speaker 1: dot com and the upper right hand corner, there's a
Speaker 1: button and you can submit your story. Oh man, UM,
Speaker 1: I don't have much personal things to share other than UM,
Speaker 1: I feel like I gotta take a break. We'll not
Speaker 1: take a break from the self helps you, but I
Speaker 1: gotta just like, you know, have fun and you know,
Speaker 1: get fucked or something. UM. I've just been watching UM Homecoming.
Speaker 1: If you have Netflix and you're a human being on
Speaker 1: this planet Earth. Um and you've not heard of Homecoming?
Speaker 1: Um It is Beyonce's Beachella performance. Um I've I was
Speaker 1: watching it today as um our producer Emily came in
Speaker 1: and for like the twelfth time, And I just want
Speaker 1: to say, no, matter what your opinions on Beyonce are, personally,
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck because I love her. She's
Speaker 1: the only human or like person I love and care about.
Speaker 1: And I'm I'm like, I'm including like everyone in here,
Speaker 1: Like if somebody comes at me like, well, Beyonce, I
Speaker 1: don't like her, and whatever negative thing, I don't care.
Speaker 1: It doesn't even bother me, because that's how sure I
Speaker 1: am that she is one of the most amazing human
Speaker 1: beings on the planet to me. Um, but I highly
Speaker 1: recommend you watching Homecoming. Um And you can also listen
Speaker 1: to the album on Spotify or iTunes. It is that
Speaker 1: that fucking chick just really gets me motivated speaking of
Speaker 1: women in business like she, I use Beyonce as an
Speaker 1: example for a lot of things, and one of them
Speaker 1: is the way that she carved her own fucking path
Speaker 1: in the music industry and how she's had a career
Speaker 1: that spans over twenty two years, over fifteen of which
Speaker 1: were solo, and she has never managed to have a
Speaker 1: UM have a have a lull in her career. I
Speaker 1: think it's incredible and um, I think that it's something
Speaker 1: that could be inspiring. So if you're listening to this
Speaker 1: guy girl, whatever you are, and you kind of feel
Speaker 1: like you're in a slump, maybe you're unmotivating your career,
Speaker 1: you're not sure where to go. Um, I always turn
Speaker 1: to Beyonce and I cannot recommend this homecoming special enough.
Speaker 1: And and then just the other random thing I was
Speaker 1: thinking about, you know, maybe one day I'll get me
Speaker 1: a boyfriend. I don't really know, but i'd imagine in
Speaker 1: the future I would live with somebody again. And then
Speaker 1: I've started getting attached all the you know, I don't
Speaker 1: know if you do this because you're less gross than me,
Speaker 1: but like, but when like when I'm alone, I have
Speaker 1: like gross habits, just like like what picking my nose?
Speaker 1: My nose? Who doesn't farting on the like just just
Speaker 1: like I started on Alfred multiple times. He's on purpose,
Speaker 1: no accident, he just likes to like to burrow And
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's sorry, that's my where my assways. But
Speaker 1: I was thinking of like, um, like I keep my
Speaker 1: home very neat, but that it's because of my thing,
Speaker 1: but also because I have people in and out of
Speaker 1: the apartment, so I just wanted to be nice at
Speaker 1: all times. But like I I I remember when I
Speaker 1: lived the last time I lived with something, the only
Speaker 1: time I lived with somebody with the dex like I did,
Speaker 1: I was like all my toes with the grossness around
Speaker 1: the house, which is good. I think that's like a
Speaker 1: polite thing to do. Oh yeah, I actually going back
Speaker 1: to that. So many things go back to the esthetic
Speaker 1: email with the boyfriend, uh, because I always remind you
Speaker 1: of that thing that Dan Savage said, like your you
Speaker 1: don't your partner does not need to see all of you.
Speaker 1: There is a little bit of fairy tale that needs
Speaker 1: to be maintained. And I love, love love that he
Speaker 1: said that, because it's something I thought. But I think
Speaker 1: it was one of the few thoughts that I was like,
Speaker 1: is that like a shitty thought for me to have? Um,
Speaker 1: And it's not. It's just being a person. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: putting work into the relationship. But putting work into something
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it has to be exhausting for you. It's
Speaker 1: just you know, look, you know, put a shirt on
Speaker 1: whatever or take it off whatever that means. Um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: and I realized, I guess you know this past year,
Speaker 1: I think that I broke up with my ex almost
Speaker 1: exactly a year ago. UM. And it's it was helpful
Speaker 1: the conversation we had in this interview, Um that you
Speaker 1: guys were about to hear the whole it takes three
Speaker 1: years to get over the next or it takes you
Speaker 1: were saying, half the amount of the time you were
Speaker 1: in the relationship. I'm like, Okay, that makes me feel
Speaker 1: better and makes me understand that I'm really trying to
Speaker 1: speed up the process of being rid of this because
Speaker 1: I feel like once i'm if somebody hurts me in
Speaker 1: a relationship doesn't end well, I just want to pretend
Speaker 1: they never existed. But you can't do that because that's
Speaker 1: not all life works. So but yeah, I'm noticing how
Speaker 1: for the first time this whole year, I've just been
Speaker 1: able to be my sloppy, fucking just just hair. Like
Speaker 1: all my hair is such that like if I took
Speaker 1: my hair right now it's in a bun, it would
Speaker 1: stay in place, like it's very you know, um, it looks,
Speaker 1: it looks nasty when when I don't do it right,
Speaker 1: and so but I'm just like I'll walk around with
Speaker 1: like my bill like just like a pot belly after
Speaker 1: downing like an entire pizza, and like my hair all
Speaker 1: crazy and like this is the ship. One of MY
Speaker 1: favorite things to do is after eating a big meal
Speaker 1: because I bloat excessively because I probably have even extra
Speaker 1: food allergies that I don't know about, and so I
Speaker 1: truly look like I would say, six months pregnant after
Speaker 1: I eat a meal, and I like to hold my
Speaker 1: stomach in the mirror and pretend that I'm pregnant because
Speaker 1: I don't plan on. And I was like, well, at
Speaker 1: least we have a picture, and I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 1: would be kind of cute pregnant. So I think it's hilarious,
Speaker 1: and I mean sometimes I'll send it to people. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I will, but it's like a fun pastime that I
Speaker 1: have with myself. And yet that's like part of the
Speaker 1: reason that I don't ever want to live with someone,
Speaker 1: because I don't you know, no matter how much understanding
Speaker 1: your partner is, like we're all you think of this
Speaker 1: here like you've had about people you love and then
Speaker 1: just know and understand they are being thought about you,
Speaker 1: and like that's not the reason to feel self conscious.
Speaker 1: But I think it's like it ask yourself why you
Speaker 1: feel that feeling, and then go, well, that's probably why
Speaker 1: they feel like that, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: also like like you don't always need to cohabitate. I
Speaker 1: don't even know, Like, especially if you're not if you're
Speaker 1: not raising kids, why do you have to do you
Speaker 1: have to live together? People think it's so strange when
Speaker 1: you don't live together. I'm thirty three. I've had a
Speaker 1: lot of serious boyfriends. I've never lived with one, never
Speaker 1: had the urge to, never wanted someone to ask me
Speaker 1: to yea, And I think I'm on team Curin for
Speaker 1: this one. Or if you do live together, get a
Speaker 1: big house if you can. I cannot tell you how
Speaker 1: happy I am living alone with a dog. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm happy. It's funny. Yesterday I was like playing
Speaker 1: a little mini montage in my head of like me
Speaker 1: at my like grossest most comfortable self alone in my
Speaker 1: home with all the blinds, clothes, and then cutting to
Speaker 1: me knowing that I'm gonna sunk a guy that night,
Speaker 1: and like the amount of prep I put in which
Speaker 1: I love, I enjoy it. It's fun. I just I'm like,
Speaker 1: let's see how pretty I can make myself tonight. And
Speaker 1: then I because I and I and I do do
Speaker 1: it for myself, I don't go, is he gonna think
Speaker 1: it's weird? And I'll shaved like it's not, no, no no, no,
Speaker 1: it's all because I want to feel sexy. That's that's
Speaker 1: that's where I come at it from. And it is enjoyable.
Speaker 1: It's exhausting in a lot of work, but it's enjoyable.
Speaker 1: But then I'm like, man, I don't know if living
Speaker 1: with someone who the funk knows down the road, but uh,
Speaker 1: I get the appeal of just you know, maybe moving
Speaker 1: too my building, but that's as close as one. That's
Speaker 1: my dream, and I know it's also a financial issue too,
Speaker 1: but truly, like, I think I'd rather live in a
Speaker 1: shock alone than like a nice building with someone else. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you get some I don't know, but I'm a very
Speaker 1: very very very like love spending a long time person
Speaker 1: um Alright, So that being said, this week's guest is
Speaker 1: someone who I have wanted to have on the podcast
Speaker 1: for a very long time, and it was people always
Speaker 1: ask always it awkward to ask the people that you've
Speaker 1: slept with to come on. I was like, no, it
Speaker 1: asks like this are actually the most awkward for me, um,
Speaker 1: because I never want to feel anyone to feel like
Speaker 1: I am putting them in a position where I'm like
Speaker 1: trying to like trick them or have like a gotcha moment.
Speaker 1: This is not the Jerry Springer Show. Uh. And so
Speaker 1: today's guest is the woman who was I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: seeing James um right before me, like right before as
Speaker 1: in there were times when we were seeing each other,
Speaker 1: not not like cheating or anything, but just like when
Speaker 1: you're starting the relationship, when he was starting to see
Speaker 1: me and still was also having sexual relations with her,
Speaker 1: and um, I think we both knew about out it
Speaker 1: a little bit after and again, no one was doing
Speaker 1: anything wrong, but it's still an awkward situation to be
Speaker 1: in because we're all also peers in comedy and she's
Speaker 1: just someone who handled herself uh so well. Um, and
Speaker 1: I was so impressed by her. And she's also like
Speaker 1: five years younger than me, and you just don't see
Speaker 1: this kind of maturity in in anyone in situations like this,
Speaker 1: and I've wanted to kind of we We've been talking
Speaker 1: about wasting energy on men, and I think that really
Speaker 1: includes uh talking about them and thinking about them. So
Speaker 1: I was like, why not take this in a different direction,
Speaker 1: and uh talked to her instead, because she's such a
Speaker 1: wonderful person outside of this odd Eskam sister situation that
Speaker 1: we have. So she's a comedian, a writer, my peer,
Speaker 1: my friend. Please give it up for Alex ka heart,
Speaker 1: this my heaven is this? The jescute is a case
Speaker 1: existing color. But see as well? Can you back right?
Speaker 1: We are here with Alex Kahart. Hi, Hello, welcome, hey girl,
Speaker 1: welcome to I don't know if I'm just turning up
Speaker 1: everyone volume now because I can't hear. Uh this is
Speaker 1: my Indianapolis just flew back in sexy voice. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Um yeah. So Alex is someone I've been wanting to
Speaker 1: have on the podcast for a while. Um you, because
Speaker 1: she has an interesting relationship to my ex James. Uh.
Speaker 1: It's funny because you're someone who I have referenced on
Speaker 1: the podcast so many times, albeit anonymously, uh in a
Speaker 1: positive way, because I just didn't want to I don't
Speaker 1: want your you know, I don't know what kinds of
Speaker 1: things you want out in the air. And I guess
Speaker 1: some people could construe it as I don't know, embarrassing.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's embarrassing at all. I always thought
Speaker 1: it was like you had such a were you were
Speaker 1: such a great example of how women should act in situations.
Speaker 1: So I've I wrote some stuff down to prepare this.
Speaker 1: So I'm writing, I'm right, I'm gonna read it. Everyone knows,
Speaker 1: like I love to read off my iPhone. UM and uh,
Speaker 1: we've been talking a lot about things with like spending
Speaker 1: too much time talking about men and thinking about men
Speaker 1: on the podcast, and that's something that I remind myself
Speaker 1: of a lot. And so instead of, you know, bring
Speaker 1: James on and he might come on one day and
Speaker 1: like rehash old ship with him that I don't feel
Speaker 1: like dealing with it, I've already spent enough of my
Speaker 1: time off my dealing with UM, I chose to bring
Speaker 1: in someone, a woman who I thought handled herself really
Speaker 1: great in an awkward situation, which is you. And uh yeah,
Speaker 1: So I uh, I think with feminism, it's it's just
Speaker 1: as important to call out bad men and it's as
Speaker 1: it is to highlight extraordinary women and like we have people,
Speaker 1: don't be don't start crying everyone, And I'm wearing a
Speaker 1: future is perfect a lot of times, Like with feminism,
Speaker 1: we're talking about like these like really high level people
Speaker 1: like Michelle Obama, Gloria Steinham, like these kind of people
Speaker 1: who are doing larger than life things, and um, they're
Speaker 1: they're great. But I never like questioned whether or not
Speaker 1: women can achieve great things. To me, that's that's never
Speaker 1: been a question. But where I feel like women fail
Speaker 1: each other, um, is when we attempt to live on
Speaker 1: a day to day and how we treat each other
Speaker 1: and work situations, in relationship situations, That's certainly where I
Speaker 1: feel myself being most conscious of like bad behavior. And
Speaker 1: it seemed to me that you had really mastered that
Speaker 1: because um, you were sleeping with James uh before, Like
Speaker 1: I guess when we started dating. I didn't know about
Speaker 1: this until after James and I were boyfriend and girlfriend,
Speaker 1: and um, I guess he filled me in because he figured,
Speaker 1: like he knew that I was going to run into
Speaker 1: you in a comedy scene and so I heard the
Speaker 1: story piece by piece and then I I felt really
Speaker 1: bad because it seemed like he had, for lack of
Speaker 1: a better word, fucked you over a little bit um
Speaker 1: and like it's a situation that I had certainly been
Speaker 1: in with myself with another comic actually where you know,
Speaker 1: we're sleeping together maybe uh, actual relationship has not been discussed,
Speaker 1: like what we are or to each other has not
Speaker 1: been discussed, but you certainly feel some kind of like
Speaker 1: a bond with the person, and um, and I know
Speaker 1: he had kind of told you that he wasn't looking
Speaker 1: for a relationship and then, uh, you know, turn around,
Speaker 1: it's a couple of weeks later and then he's dating
Speaker 1: you know, this bitch as me as someone as most
Speaker 1: people would refer to it. And uh, I was kind
Speaker 1: of like floored by how kind you were to me.
Speaker 1: And I had I not known the story from James,
Speaker 1: I would never have known like at all, which in
Speaker 1: my like at the time, thirty years in dealing with
Speaker 1: women like I don't think there's ever been a time
Speaker 1: when I had an interaction with someone under those circumstances
Speaker 1: where they were completely nice to me and didn't treat
Speaker 1: me like ship because of something that a dude did.
Speaker 1: And so I wanted to like bring you on number
Speaker 1: one to commend you for like, I mean, just like
Speaker 1: truly in all my years of fucking which and I've
Speaker 1: done a lot of it, uh that. And yeah, and
Speaker 1: I remember even one time Christina and I ran into
Speaker 1: you and you were with my old randomly have an
Speaker 1: acting class with my friend from college trying and I
Speaker 1: had already told, like talked about you again anonymously and
Speaker 1: obviously to Christina privately by name, and I was like, see, Christina,
Speaker 1: I was like, do you see how I was like
Speaker 1: how not like over the top like fake nice, like
Speaker 1: just truly nice, yet like gave me opportunity to work
Speaker 1: out my jokes. You know, I'm bringing like sea level
Speaker 1: material there that I need to work out. Like I
Speaker 1: was just so impressed, And I think it's like a
Speaker 1: really great example of how um you like you placed
Speaker 1: the blame intelligently because I know you were James, and
Speaker 1: I thought that was funny. I laughed right at his
Speaker 1: face when he yeah, he was like, yeah, she's kind
Speaker 1: of mean to me, And I was like, oh, that's
Speaker 1: exactly what she she should be. She should never talk
Speaker 1: to you again. So I agree, Um, but anyway, that's
Speaker 1: where we wanted to start, because I think it's interesting
Speaker 1: to interact with other women in uh, the life of
Speaker 1: someone who was obviously very important to me. I don't
Speaker 1: know if now if important to you, but well, I
Speaker 1: mean we we definitely were seeing each other like pretty
Speaker 1: consistently for a little bit, um, and I did find out,
Speaker 1: uh that I think we may have actually like overlapped
Speaker 1: a little bit, and I was like not very pleased
Speaker 1: about that, But I mean I never I guess, like
Speaker 1: I I don't know, I've been in this situation before,
Speaker 1: and I I just think that it's so it's um,
Speaker 1: I mean like like I knew that you had no idea,
Speaker 1: so there was just really like it just would have
Speaker 1: been super super irrational And it's not tv to get
Speaker 1: mad at the other because I've been this, I don't
Speaker 1: want a relationship right now, and then two days later
Speaker 1: they're walking down the street hand in hand or whatever.
Speaker 1: You know, I've been and it's so hard to not
Speaker 1: compare and be like what do they have that I
Speaker 1: don't have, and then get mad at them. Uh, And
Speaker 1: I guess I just you know. I also I do
Speaker 1: remember one time though, being with him and I was
Speaker 1: asking him if he wanted to like come back, and
Speaker 1: he was doing his like you know, like his you know,
Speaker 1: you know James, how enthusiastic he is about things. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like Darius a dated kind of show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it makes me look like miss communicates exactly, I understand.
Speaker 1: And like I was asking if he basically wanted to
Speaker 1: come over and you know, sleep with me, and he
Speaker 1: was just like and then this like she song came on.
Speaker 1: I free. It was like, I don't even maybe like
Speaker 1: a Christmas song, I have no idea, and he was
Speaker 1: like so enthusiastic about that, and I was just like, wow,
Speaker 1: like you are more enthusiastic about this shitty song than
Speaker 1: the idea of being naked with me, Like I just
Speaker 1: don't think this is gonna work out, Like it's just
Speaker 1: been there again, been there? Yeah. But then so then
Speaker 1: you didn't go home with him that night. Ultimately, um,
Speaker 1: I think I may have. Honestly, that's where my self
Speaker 1: esteem was sometimes. So do you feel that when a
Speaker 1: guy is just barely hanging on in with you in
Speaker 1: whatever it is, funck buddy, where maybe this is going
Speaker 1: somewhere ambiguous, We're not really sure, but we don't want
Speaker 1: to talk about it because like whenever we're cool, it
Speaker 1: kind of makes me more clean. Yes, well, I think
Speaker 1: there's something really I don't know, is my like you know, shitty,
Speaker 1: like you know, two cent psychology babble. But like I
Speaker 1: think that sometimes we um, we like want people who
Speaker 1: will validate our own insecurities, you know. So it's like okay,
Speaker 1: well if they think I'm shitty and I can change
Speaker 1: their mind, then you know it's it's then I've won exactly.
Speaker 1: But like you know, somebody who actually comes the table
Speaker 1: being like oh no, no, you're great. You're like, well,
Speaker 1: what the fund is wrong with you? You know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like the Woody Allen, why would you want
Speaker 1: to be part of a club that would have me
Speaker 1: as a member? But back to the to the I
Speaker 1: think I also had like a situation with a friend
Speaker 1: of mine that was very similar, like we we had
Speaker 1: overlapped in college, and like I just remember to like
Speaker 1: almost letting that like destroy like such an important female
Speaker 1: friendship and like I just I never uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I never wanted to ever be in that kind of
Speaker 1: situation again. Um, and also I did not know you
Speaker 1: very well, and you can be very scary I I
Speaker 1: am very I know, I know, full of sunshine and
Speaker 1: just puppies. You know, the thing is very business so
Speaker 1: and I I appreciate that, even things at once. So
Speaker 1: I know, like I'll run in and I'll be like, hi, guys,
Speaker 1: I have ten minutes and I need to be on
Speaker 1: stage for nine and a half of those, so I'll
Speaker 1: see you ever, I'll see everyone later. Oh yeah, no, absolutely.
Speaker 1: I I think people think I'm a bit a lot
Speaker 1: of the time too, And ninety percent at the time
Speaker 1: it's because I am being a bit, but also like
Speaker 1: ten percent at the time it is just I have
Speaker 1: like a million things going on in my head, or
Speaker 1: like somebody decides to talk to me. I love when
Speaker 1: people decided to talk to you when you're clearly in
Speaker 1: the middle of doing something favorite you're just like, but
Speaker 1: when you say you are being a bit, what does
Speaker 1: that mean? Like probably just you know, focused on something else. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know what you mean. It's it's you have the
Speaker 1: serious like I used to do that when I ran
Speaker 1: a show at New York Comedy Club. It's like you
Speaker 1: need something to get done, and honestly, being nice sometimes
Speaker 1: takes that little bit of extra energy that you do
Speaker 1: not have when you need to get something done when
Speaker 1: everyone else is sucking up, and it's like, why do
Speaker 1: I have to deliver everything with a smile on my
Speaker 1: face just so you feel better about the job, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, then we just run a type ship. Sometimes
Speaker 1: men stortly aren't smiling when they're running business. I've never
Speaker 1: seen a I've never seen a movie about stockbrokers where
Speaker 1: they're like, the dow is up, you know, I just
Speaker 1: I just bitches. That's that's I just put some financial
Speaker 1: words together. And I hope that made sense. Thank you,
Speaker 1: I said Funk a stockbroker for six months one time
Speaker 1: he was a coke addict. Okay, I think they all
Speaker 1: are though anyway. Um, but yeah, so I thought that
Speaker 1: was great, And it's interesting to hear that it came
Speaker 1: from a previous experience that you learned from, which is,
Speaker 1: you know how life should work. But I would make
Speaker 1: the same mistakes again and again. Yeah, it's easy to
Speaker 1: get wrapped up in the guy thing though with a friend,
Speaker 1: Oh so so easy that it's terrible. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, you're friends with somebody a lot of time
Speaker 1: because you've similar taste, uh, a lot of the same things.
Speaker 1: And uh yeah, we uh yeah, we've we've been Eskimo sisters.
Speaker 1: For her and I several have similar tastes because I
Speaker 1: think the friend or me you uh oh, no, I
Speaker 1: think her, but I think that's their one overlap. I
Speaker 1: don't know. Yeah, well we're also like different, we're different
Speaker 1: with different classes of comedy. Yeah, I feel so, but
Speaker 1: criticized sometimes say like, one of the reasons we can
Speaker 1: be such close like friends and business partners and work
Speaker 1: well togethers because we do not have the same taste
Speaker 1: in men, And I agree it's true because it regardless
Speaker 1: of our individual values in our head and compared to
Speaker 1: the values we actually carry out. And speaking mostly for me,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I want to be this righteous person. Um,
Speaker 1: it is important, which is kind of fucked up. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's not, though I don't know, Like it's going out
Speaker 1: constantly being interested in the same person must be exhausting.
Speaker 1: I've never had a friend where I've never had a
Speaker 1: friend either, but I would imagine I'm very competitive, um,
Speaker 1: and it comes out in community times. So I feel like,
Speaker 1: sometimes do you ever, do you guys ever have this
Speaker 1: where sometimes you don't know if you like a guy,
Speaker 1: and then somebody knows like they're really hot, and you're like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I like them. They're like it's truly if someone said,
Speaker 1: like when people get compete, like start competing for a thing,
Speaker 1: I actually pulled back healthy and I'm not if they
Speaker 1: have that person wants to be interested in me, they
Speaker 1: can be interested in me. I'm certainly not competing and
Speaker 1: not for a man. That's that's why I think. I
Speaker 1: think unfortunately, like, uh maybe when I was younger, I
Speaker 1: used to do that more, but I think, yeah, well
Speaker 1: it's hard. It's hard to I mean, like, you know,
Speaker 1: women are told for the most part, like you you know,
Speaker 1: your greatest asset, you know what I mean is are
Speaker 1: your looks and like how men see you, and especially
Speaker 1: if like you're insecure about something, then a lot of
Speaker 1: times you will put uh male attention or validation. You'll
Speaker 1: you'll you'll sacrifice female friendships, uh you know, or other
Speaker 1: things and integrity basically in order to get that attention.
Speaker 1: I remember there was one girl I went to school
Speaker 1: with who definitely did that a lot, and it was
Speaker 1: like I used to get really mad because you know,
Speaker 1: she did have a thing with my ex and then
Speaker 1: afterwards I realized that. I was like, oh wow, like
Speaker 1: she was just really in a lot of pain and
Speaker 1: that's really terrible. But I mean courts at the time,
Speaker 1: you know, I just and he was like, how dare you?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. I didn't have that ability,
Speaker 1: you know at that point, because I remember after critic
Speaker 1: I passed you and we talked briefly on I remember
Speaker 1: this interaction very vividly because after I stormed off a podcast,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, were mad about something. Yeah, we were on
Speaker 1: the Feminist Day that day because I stormed off of
Speaker 1: I'm not going to stay his name off of a
Speaker 1: comics live recording of a podcast that Christine and I
Speaker 1: had promoted a lot, gotten most of our and most
Speaker 1: of the audience was our fan base, and he like
Speaker 1: lied about how much time he was gonna do kind
Speaker 1: of like took the audience passages. He did bad, he said,
Speaker 1: he said Trano's impression teen up top did forty five,
Speaker 1: and then started making fun of the crowd, which was
Speaker 1: all our audience, all guys with people. And what set
Speaker 1: me off was that he went on this tirade completely
Speaker 1: out of nowhere about how any Schumer's special yeah or
Speaker 1: whatever you could say, whatever, it's unprofessional say that. But
Speaker 1: then the thing that set me off and why I
Speaker 1: went on to stage angry was because he started calling
Speaker 1: her fat. And it just had nothing to do with anything,
Speaker 1: certainly has nothing to do with how what she how
Speaker 1: she performs as a comic, how she is treated as
Speaker 1: a comic, how she has respected I mean, especially coming
Speaker 1: from this person. Male comics who look like dirt most
Speaker 1: of the time, like dirt swept into a pan. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And so I got on stage and immediately, you know,
Speaker 1: I am from New Jersey and was heated. And the
Speaker 1: first thing I saw I was like, what are you
Speaker 1: out of your mind? I was like, this is do
Speaker 1: you know anything about what our podcast is about. I
Speaker 1: was like, you're gonna go on a tirade about number
Speaker 1: one appear up here, who's doing way better than you,
Speaker 1: a peer who performs here, who has done nothing wrong
Speaker 1: to you, I mean, to my knowledge, unless they had
Speaker 1: something underground or whatever, it just wasn't the time of
Speaker 1: the place. And also being fat and I don't think
Speaker 1: she's fat, but it has nothing to do with fucking anything,
Speaker 1: like especially how you are as a comic, and uh,
Speaker 1: it's just one other thing. It's like you know, comedy
Speaker 1: for a while was it was like a safe space
Speaker 1: for women and that it was the one area of
Speaker 1: entertainment where we didn't have to worry about what we
Speaker 1: looked like. And now that has officially gone to I
Speaker 1: think in parts to like fucking like YouTube and ship.
Speaker 1: But people were like, oh, you can be hot and funny. Well, dude,
Speaker 1: I like do it, but you don't have to be
Speaker 1: for this fucking job. You just have to be smart, dude.
Speaker 1: I remember I was looking at some people's like, uh,
Speaker 1: just a bunch of female comics, uh, like five minutes
Speaker 1: sets on like Conan and like all these other things,
Speaker 1: and I literally I could not find one one, and
Speaker 1: all these women looked completely different. One one video that
Speaker 1: did not have a comment weirdly about their thighs. Always
Speaker 1: about the thighs, Like what about just anything, yes, thighs.
Speaker 1: Even the shitty ones were like, I don't love women
Speaker 1: aren't normally funny. This one's pretty funny, highs like, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, maybe it's the angle. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: the angle of the camera in a late night set
Speaker 1: because of how the frame is cut. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I mean man's frame, men's thighs get the same angle,
Speaker 1: but women given no ships about a man's thunder thighs.
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. That's so annoying. Um, but yeah,
Speaker 1: this guy interviewed us one at a time. He interviewed
Speaker 1: me first, and then he made the comment. No, he
Speaker 1: made the comment because I didn't hear. I was in
Speaker 1: the bathroom or something when he made the humor is
Speaker 1: Amy's fat comment and how she shouldn't have gotten paid
Speaker 1: that much for special like you bitter, sad, fucking man.
Speaker 1: I mean, I couldn't wait to get on stage. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's so excited. He's just one at a time,
Speaker 1: and then Karin's last, and then Karin goes off and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, she's going off. And then and
Speaker 1: then she just walks and she's like, if you don't stop,
Speaker 1: whatever the funk, I'm gonna leave. And then he was
Speaker 1: kept poking and poking because he's a dick. And then
Speaker 1: she just walked off and I followed her. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're leaving, and then we ran into you and uh,
Speaker 1: and then I remember we had such a positive interaction
Speaker 1: with you, and I was like, Chris, who's that? And
Speaker 1: she's she was like that's Alex. That's the girl that
Speaker 1: James was seeing. And then I was like, that's Alex,
Speaker 1: that's seen her. Actually you just had like that person
Speaker 1: that chick rules Like I just I was really blown away.
Speaker 1: And it was going back to what Krin said of
Speaker 1: like it wasn't this overly nice. It was just like, hey,
Speaker 1: what's up? Life happened? Like I don't know, I was,
Speaker 1: I was. I was in awe of how you conducted yourself.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's because I am not capable of that. Well
Speaker 1: I don't know, though I'm I haven't been single in
Speaker 1: a while, so now I'm older, so maybe I'm cooler
Speaker 1: I have it wasn't capable of it at first, truss
Speaker 1: me like I think it takes I mean, and also
Speaker 1: like that's just on very inspiring that you walked out
Speaker 1: like that, Like that's amazing. I feel like there's been
Speaker 1: so many times to walk out. But I have to
Speaker 1: I also have to be a little bit more careful,
Speaker 1: like by myself, I'll fucking I go wild, but like
Speaker 1: when you have a comedy partner, you have to keep
Speaker 1: their That was in mind, very very true, very true.
Speaker 1: That's that's but I don't know. I feel like there's
Speaker 1: so many times where, especially in this industry, where it's
Speaker 1: hard to be like uh to to balance uh integrity
Speaker 1: and uh you know, being like true to yourself, you know,
Speaker 1: and and and like maintaining self respect, but then also
Speaker 1: like having to play some kind of stupid game, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, the business social aspect, which is
Speaker 1: true even if you're a guy, but then also especially
Speaker 1: if you're a woman, having to navigate that too. It's
Speaker 1: just it's so much more exhausting. How when you're a
Speaker 1: woman you're judged a little bit more on being or
Speaker 1: a lot more on being friendly and palatable is a
Speaker 1: word that I like to use a lot um and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, because it's like that's saying like difficult to women.
Speaker 1: I am sure that there are a number of clubs
Speaker 1: and people and producers that don't want to work with
Speaker 1: me because they know that I'm just gonna be you know,
Speaker 1: I've to ten more minutes of work per day that
Speaker 1: they probably don't need in their lives. And I get
Speaker 1: that five to ten minutes of work house. So though
Speaker 1: just like exactly like handling things like you know, well,
Speaker 1: I'll I things like I negotiate my rates and I
Speaker 1: know most women don't because I I've done Uh. Oh,
Speaker 1: I think you were at that weren't you at that
Speaker 1: business seminar? I was, yeah, okay, so that was there
Speaker 1: was a like a women in Comedy business seminar that
Speaker 1: I was um on, and it was a great lineup.
Speaker 1: Jessica Kierson and Jessica Pilot and Louisa Ideas and a
Speaker 1: lot of young female comics were there, and I was
Speaker 1: so happy to see them there, and Alex was there
Speaker 1: as well. Uh. And so many of the questions from
Speaker 1: the audience were uh like money questions and how timid
Speaker 1: women are around uh knowing their value. And this comes
Speaker 1: into play not just as humans but also financially, especially
Speaker 1: in place like comedy when you're kind of especially for
Speaker 1: the first several years, representing yourself. And again, I'm coming
Speaker 1: in with an edge because I used to work in
Speaker 1: a talent management office, so I learned professionally how to negotiate.
Speaker 1: But I think it's a reminder that like women in business,
Speaker 1: like the price that comes in like negotiating one oh one,
Speaker 1: is not the price that you settle at, and the
Speaker 1: person giving you that price does not think you're going
Speaker 1: to settle at that price. Maybe they do because you're
Speaker 1: a woman. But like when you're negotiating, someone's coming in
Speaker 1: with balling you and then you go back with something higher,
Speaker 1: and then you go and then you end up in
Speaker 1: the middle, thus the termed negotiating. But so many people,
Speaker 1: and there's a two vulnerabilities that you're working against, your
Speaker 1: working against being a woman and like a woman in
Speaker 1: society and business. And then also comics are so fucking hungry,
Speaker 1: uh to work, and there's so many of us, um,
Speaker 1: and people are afraid like, oh, I'm gonna lose that gig,
Speaker 1: But like you need to set a precedent at one point.
Speaker 1: You can't be working for free forever. And even sometimes
Speaker 1: I have to be hard on myself for it, like
Speaker 1: things like I can't go to Brooklyn for free anymore.
Speaker 1: Like I'm I'm almost ten years into a professional comedy career,
Speaker 1: Like I just cannot do that anymore. Um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: So I think that there was like things that we
Speaker 1: were discussing there, and I was kind of uh like
Speaker 1: wowed by the questions I was getting and concerned, uh
Speaker 1: because I could just tell that women weren't asking for
Speaker 1: opportunities at the same rate, and certainly we're not negotiating, uh,
Speaker 1: financially what they're actually worth, which goes into the which
Speaker 1: goes into the pay gap. Because I know, like on
Speaker 1: this everyone would like to blame the patriarchy, and we've
Speaker 1: kind of and not that they're doing great, um, but
Speaker 1: we kind of taken it into our own hands on
Speaker 1: this podcast where it's like, Okay, whatever they're doing, we
Speaker 1: need to look out for ourselves and and play offense
Speaker 1: and defense instead of just like attacking someone else. For
Speaker 1: I have a question going back to just like the
Speaker 1: personal circumstances of your guys, Um, how did you find
Speaker 1: out that you were overlapping? Um? I I feel like
Speaker 1: I remember either running into jams like i'd either heard
Speaker 1: he had said something about like you and we were
Speaker 1: when we were like like I forget. It was like
Speaker 1: after like we were like hanging out and I was
Speaker 1: kind of like what like and I was like, are
Speaker 1: you like hanging out with her? And then he was
Speaker 1: like doing And I was like, did you guys have
Speaker 1: a discussion of were you dating? Like we're going to
Speaker 1: see because that's how weird in between people. We never
Speaker 1: really talked about it, you know what. I mean like
Speaker 1: I kind of wanted something, but then there was like
Speaker 1: so many just like red flags, you know what I
Speaker 1: mean that I was just like every time, I was
Speaker 1: just also like I'm going to have to be the
Speaker 1: like the cheerleader here, you know what I mean. Like
Speaker 1: and I was so I literally said the same thing
Speaker 1: two weeks ago, cheerleader for the potential relationship yea, or
Speaker 1: just like in the like he was just so negative
Speaker 1: and I'm already a pretty negative person, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, And like I was just like realizing, like,
Speaker 1: don't make a plateau exactly. Uh, And I was just
Speaker 1: like this is not uh like I like I it was.
Speaker 1: It was already it was just so tepid. Just everything
Speaker 1: was so like, yeah, you want someone to be over
Speaker 1: the moon, Like in the beginning of a relationship, someone
Speaker 1: should be really fucking over the moon for you. And
Speaker 1: I could tell for you that you guys like like
Speaker 1: to fight for it a little bit, but like if
Speaker 1: the fire is not there in the beginning, it's never
Speaker 1: it's never going to be there. And I mean, I
Speaker 1: think people's behaviors in the beginning also can really be
Speaker 1: foreshadowing for things in the past, because even though James
Speaker 1: was like excited about me. Um in the beginning. There
Speaker 1: were other kinds of red flags, uh that you know,
Speaker 1: you like back in force as far as like because
Speaker 1: I mean, the reason we ultimately became boyfriend and girlfriend
Speaker 1: was because I gave him an ultimatum and walked away.
Speaker 1: I was like, we've been sleeping together for x amount.
Speaker 1: You know, we've spent a lot of time together. We
Speaker 1: talked NonStop, and I'm like, negotiate. I understand that you
Speaker 1: do not um, that you don't want to be perhaps
Speaker 1: in a relationship, and that's fine, and but I do,
Speaker 1: and so I'm going to find someone who does. I mean,
Speaker 1: we didn't, and I mean within a week it was rectified. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And because I mean I didn't know at the time
Speaker 1: again that you guys were sleeping together in the beginning,
Speaker 1: because again, like it wasn't cheating or anything, like we
Speaker 1: we were dating for like six months or like a
Speaker 1: several a long time months and months before, but we
Speaker 1: became like exclusive in that we had a conversation about it.
Speaker 1: And so I learned later that you know, in the beginning,
Speaker 1: you guys were still seeing each other, and I mean
Speaker 1: I was fine with it. Honestly. But yeah, I I
Speaker 1: was just like I was a little concerned too, because
Speaker 1: then when I did find out you guys were dating,
Speaker 1: because like I forget what it was. It just like
Speaker 1: I remember him saying something about you, and I was
Speaker 1: just kind of like, wait a second, this doesn't seem right. Um.
Speaker 1: But in that like, oh, wait, are you dating her? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You know? Um, and then uh and then yeah and
Speaker 1: then and then when I found out you guys were dating,
Speaker 1: I was kind of like, Okay, yep, this all makes sense. Uh,
Speaker 1: and just like and and and yeah, like not really
Speaker 1: wanted because I wasn't sure. Like again, things with him
Speaker 1: and I were so gray area, so I wasn't sure
Speaker 1: if he had maybe been cheating or something. And I
Speaker 1: just was like, ignorance is bliss. If I don't know,
Speaker 1: I can't be held accountable. Uh. And uh, you know,
Speaker 1: like I respected you and I kind of knew you,
Speaker 1: but I didn't really know you that well. So again
Speaker 1: I just was like, I just don't want to get involved. Um.
Speaker 1: And it's tough in the healing process because I mean,
Speaker 1: even if you only had like tepid feelings for someone,
Speaker 1: you still have to like, see me, my dumbass walking
Speaker 1: around and it's like just annoying, honestly. Yeah, well I
Speaker 1: think with anybody like, um, I I saw somebody that
Speaker 1: I used to like hook up with, like oh, just
Speaker 1: a few days ago, somebody else, And it was you
Speaker 1: know sometimes like you hear a song and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, it feels like you're like right back there,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, You're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I just broke up with him again, you know, and
Speaker 1: like it's so triggering. And it was weird because like,
Speaker 1: I don't have feelings for this guy anymore. But all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, I saw him with this girl who
Speaker 1: turned out what they just were walking together. It was
Speaker 1: like paranoia. Literally, they were just walking together like they
Speaker 1: weren't dating. All of a sudden, this thing just like
Speaker 1: kind of came up in me, and I was just
Speaker 1: like and I'm like, I don't like this guy, like
Speaker 1: I had decided, like you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: I have. I've been upset over guys that I didn't
Speaker 1: actually like, like losing them because they didn't want to
Speaker 1: date me. And I I've talked to you about this
Speaker 1: so many times. Care I'm like, why the funk am
Speaker 1: I solf up set. I don't. It's not like we
Speaker 1: had I didn't meet his family. We weren't. We fucked
Speaker 1: and we had conversations and that was not it was great,
Speaker 1: but there was never even enough. I don't and I
Speaker 1: don't know the extent to the relationship you have with James,
Speaker 1: but like when it's ever happened to me, I'm like,
Speaker 1: there wasn't enough context for me to even like him
Speaker 1: fully and for him to like me fully. I think
Speaker 1: it's still like that I want you to want me
Speaker 1: kind of saying, it's just like, even if we don't
Speaker 1: like people, there is a blow to the ego, and
Speaker 1: especially people who are in comedy no matter what, you're
Speaker 1: a little bit of an egomaniac, chosen for a career
Speaker 1: to talk on stage while other people are quiet with
Speaker 1: your own work. I mean that it's it's just like
Speaker 1: it's a blow to the ego, but in someone else,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like someone else it has something that
Speaker 1: you don't as you as you said before, and that's
Speaker 1: and that doesn't feel great. But like cran you would
Speaker 1: always say when a guy doesn't like you back, the
Speaker 1: fact that he doesn't like you makes you stop liking him,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, that's a that's a healthy self esteem
Speaker 1: way to look at it. Why would you? But logically
Speaker 1: I think about that a lot that you've said that,
Speaker 1: because why logically would I allow myself to be a
Speaker 1: tract if somebody doesn't like me. Yeah, most of the
Speaker 1: best qualities of my excess are that day at one
Speaker 1: point where of sound enough mine to date me and
Speaker 1: like your best quality. You know, I can't fully hate
Speaker 1: any of my excess because I was like, well, at
Speaker 1: one point in time, you had impeccable taste. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I don't know that that's unhealthy. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: the way I live my life. It's been fine for me,
Speaker 1: and I will tell you that, like, yeah, it makes
Speaker 1: you off putting to other people, but we don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't care about find of putting it all. But yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's off putting insecure people. That's what it is.
Speaker 1: It's just we've talked about this a lot in the podcast,
Speaker 1: but it's fascinating to anybody who's reaction to Karn because
Speaker 1: she is so sure of herself. The people always come
Speaker 1: to me when they first meet us in the comment
Speaker 1: like when we started, you know, guys, you start to
Speaker 1: get popular and they'd be like, it's mad at me,
Speaker 1: she hate me, like she doesn't know who you are. Like,
Speaker 1: don't think Taco bell and how they're a dollar this week.
Speaker 1: All way, Relax, that's what I'm thinking about at any time. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's and it's funny because James is now dating someone
Speaker 1: else in the comedy community. And I was really not
Speaker 1: thinking that what that was gonna happen because he left town.
Speaker 1: But you know, life is fun and so I have
Speaker 1: been channeling you my inner Alex Khart so often. And
Speaker 1: just remember because again it's a situation. I don't know
Speaker 1: this person. I know of her. I knew they and
Speaker 1: he had. I knew that they were sleeping together for
Speaker 1: a while. Again, I guess that's how he likes to,
Speaker 1: you know, really ease into it. We wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: make a commitment too fast. Um, give it a good
Speaker 1: six months of in and out before before it's fine.
Speaker 1: And um, how and how how did that make you
Speaker 1: feel when you found that out? Like I was not
Speaker 1: at all. I knew because he had informed me the
Speaker 1: whole time. It was the he did something where he
Speaker 1: made a big deal about like calling me in an
Speaker 1: sing it to me after three months of night speaking,
Speaker 1: when I already knew they were sleeping together. And I'm
Speaker 1: a you know, I'm a logical person. So I figured,
Speaker 1: if well, if you're on the road and you're only
Speaker 1: seeing a couple of people and one really likes you
Speaker 1: and you're already sleeping with her, that will probably continue
Speaker 1: and escalate, because that's how life works, it's how relationship
Speaker 1: to form. I've been on the planet a good amount
Speaker 1: of years and then so it felt like gas lighting. Um,
Speaker 1: the fact that he called you to call me and
Speaker 1: announce it to me, and also like and you guys
Speaker 1: weren't talking and all these I also called and told
Speaker 1: and tell me like, and I was like, oh, are
Speaker 1: your boyfriend and girlfriend? He goes, No, we're just exclusively
Speaker 1: sleeping together. And I was like, well, this is a
Speaker 1: really what boyfriend and girlfriend? Is? Right? No? No, no,
Speaker 1: in fact it's not. And only I'm like the fact
Speaker 1: that you can't even tell me privately, I mean, they
Speaker 1: just there was no purpose to the call other than
Speaker 1: to aggravate me, and I think to elicit a response
Speaker 1: from me so that he knew I cared about him,
Speaker 1: which I did and I which I did and I do,
Speaker 1: so it was it was still always a listed a
Speaker 1: response for me because uh, I mean, I just feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, I feel like a very deep connection to him,
Speaker 1: even though he was not great at the job of boyfriend.
Speaker 1: So it still feels like I don't want to say
Speaker 1: a betrayal because it's not a betrayal, but it's like, wow,
Speaker 1: it's really hard to lose someone that you were that
Speaker 1: close to and felt that connected to and understood by
Speaker 1: no matter what, even though even though I am the
Speaker 1: one who ended it, you know, because you always want
Speaker 1: that person to um to rise to their potential and
Speaker 1: fight for you in a way that you know. And
Speaker 1: I think that's the thing with James, like we all
Speaker 1: we all see his potential and literally and it's and
Speaker 1: it's hard and I and it's I've been working on
Speaker 1: this year just like no matter what potential I see
Speaker 1: in people and I and I do it to women,
Speaker 1: to not just men. But it's like, it is not
Speaker 1: my job. I am not a life coach. It's not
Speaker 1: my job to make people see their potential. And uh,
Speaker 1: it's really cool that I have been able to see
Speaker 1: in myself potential when others didn't and be successful because
Speaker 1: of that. But I'm the only person I have control over.
Speaker 1: I mean, if I had a kid, maybe them too.
Speaker 1: But but what I would love to have used life coach.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, I think it would be a great
Speaker 1: business if you know, if this stops working out, guys,
Speaker 1: I know it's been you know, special, the world's life coach,
Speaker 1: because all life coaches are like you know, rah rah rah.
Speaker 1: I was just fucking. Life is also love current that
Speaker 1: you don't have. There is another thing like when I
Speaker 1: watch when I understand how you react to certain situations,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yep, my pride would have gotten in the
Speaker 1: way that I wouldn't have let Like you said, he
Speaker 1: called you to listen at a reaction and it did
Speaker 1: a listen in a reaction because you care for him.
Speaker 1: I would have kept that secret so close inside of
Speaker 1: my chest and acted like I didn't give a fuck.
Speaker 1: Just's not how I feel I had. I had. I
Speaker 1: was like and was really late too because he was
Speaker 1: calling from the West Coast, So I just like, I
Speaker 1: sobbed all night to the point where oh yeah, because
Speaker 1: I had to come. It was a Sunday and I
Speaker 1: had to come and record that I was half asleep.
Speaker 1: I called Mike Costcarelli in the middle of the night,
Speaker 1: Who's who edits the show? And obviously is the reason
Speaker 1: that we met. And it was, I mean it was
Speaker 1: so I had called an emergency therapy session. I mean
Speaker 1: just everything. Um, yeah, it's not. I don't think it
Speaker 1: needs to be a secret, because I don't think caring
Speaker 1: about someone needs to be a secret or something that
Speaker 1: you're embarrassed of or as that I feel like. But
Speaker 1: I guess I feel like I I don't know, maybe
Speaker 1: there's like this is like the wasp side of me
Speaker 1: coming out and and and definitely like I think, you know,
Speaker 1: comedy is like can be a very male dominant, like
Speaker 1: there is like a you know, don't look things affect
Speaker 1: you and I love that You're just like, no, it
Speaker 1: fucking did affect me, Like and uh, I got help
Speaker 1: for it and I let myself feel, which is so brave.
Speaker 1: But if it is, and uh, it's a I would
Speaker 1: have done the exact same thing, Like I would have
Speaker 1: like all up and just been like, no, you're not
Speaker 1: getting anything from it. I am strong. I would have
Speaker 1: played it, but Homecoming on Netflix, no one it serves
Speaker 1: no one, because no one cares if you're a tough
Speaker 1: bitch or not. Like you know what I mean. At
Speaker 1: the end of the day, you have to be honest
Speaker 1: with how you feel and you have to let it
Speaker 1: out and you have to not guard it. It's it's
Speaker 1: not a weakness to have feelings. Well, yeah, and that
Speaker 1: was kind of the basis of a lot of our
Speaker 1: our our breakup and why I couldn't, like, I couldn't
Speaker 1: subject myself to that anymore, Um was because I was, like,
Speaker 1: I had made it so clear how much I cared
Speaker 1: and I know that he does care about me, but like,
Speaker 1: at a certain point, it can't be a like, it
Speaker 1: can't be a secret within the relationship. I was actually
Speaker 1: hearing from other people how much he liked me, and
Speaker 1: that was sustaining it for a little bit while you
Speaker 1: were dating. Yeah, well towards the end, and you know,
Speaker 1: there were so many variables going on, obviously a very
Speaker 1: tumultuous election when we were very vocally on different sides,
Speaker 1: um And so that was we were, you know, arguing
Speaker 1: about that in the house and then uh, I was
Speaker 1: getting shipped for it, and I know he was getting
Speaker 1: shipped for it too. From like his you know, his
Speaker 1: conservative friends giving him shipped for dating a very outspoken feminist. Uh,
Speaker 1: my our listeners and my peers giving me ship about
Speaker 1: dating him, which I thought was unfair and uh, definitely
Speaker 1: adding more trouble to a circumstance that didn't need any
Speaker 1: more trouble. Um. But yeah, there's just so there was
Speaker 1: just so much going on and kind of I think
Speaker 1: I summed it up. We released the paperback edition of
Speaker 1: our book in which I had written about him not
Speaker 1: a ton, but just a little bit, and uh in
Speaker 1: a sentence like I was tired of reminding someone else
Speaker 1: to love me. Uh that's super poetic. And you know
Speaker 1: he does and I'm sure still does love me, but
Speaker 1: like I can't. It's not it's very uh cinematic when
Speaker 1: you see Mr Big ignoring Carrie, But when it happens
Speaker 1: in real life, you want to die. Yeah. And but
Speaker 1: and also you just sit back and you think, I
Speaker 1: don't need this ship. Yeah, I'd rather be alone. It's
Speaker 1: it's more lonely to be in a relationship where someone
Speaker 1: is not giving you what you need than to just
Speaker 1: sit at home and watch Netflix with my dog. Like
Speaker 1: I spend a lot of time alone, to the point
Speaker 1: where my therapist was like, uh, do you want to
Speaker 1: spend that much time alone? And I was like, no, no no, no,
Speaker 1: I need to spend this much time alone because no
Speaker 1: one takes care of me the way I take care
Speaker 1: of me. Like it's it's a nice I'm not sad.
Speaker 1: I'm happy when I'm alone and truly happy, like things
Speaker 1: are good. Um. Also, I mean I have a dog,
Speaker 1: so it's not technically alone, and I could be in
Speaker 1: a room of dogs pretty much for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life and be fine. I wouldn't suck them though,
Speaker 1: So just in case anyone was wondering, I wasn't worried,
Speaker 1: But thanks for reassuring. I'll try. Idea, I try to
Speaker 1: let people know. Then maybe now I'm a little more
Speaker 1: I remember, Um, maybe I am getting more mature though,
Speaker 1: because I remember I was um seeing or sleeping with
Speaker 1: a person in this realm of business, and then another
Speaker 1: person had slept with the person, and then I was told,
Speaker 1: you don't let that person know or you know, but
Speaker 1: but it's like but but my reaction that wasn't like
Speaker 1: what it's like, Okay, like people when I have I've
Speaker 1: been in situations where a woman has gotten mad at
Speaker 1: me for like it was a little mature for sleeping
Speaker 1: with the person or whatever. But I'm like, death, that's
Speaker 1: her own thing. It's I know, it's not personal, so
Speaker 1: maybe I'm getting I am growing. It's about like we
Speaker 1: don't have ownership of other people as well, So that's
Speaker 1: that's true. But like the X thing, like but if
Speaker 1: you that's the other thing that I think it's interesting, slavery.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. One of the people that I'm I'm sleeping
Speaker 1: with or seeing that I'm close with, he was telling
Speaker 1: me like his philosophy on if a friend dates his
Speaker 1: ex like he truly doesn't. He's not bothered by that,
Speaker 1: like he and I've kind of proked and prodded that,
Speaker 1: uh that notion in him, and he's correct, he's not.
Speaker 1: He's he means it like he really has no ego
Speaker 1: about friends dating his exes or vice versa. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's wow. I think it's interesting. I think so many people,
Speaker 1: like some people have like very interesting like some people
Speaker 1: like it's almost like they've written out like a manifesto
Speaker 1: about their policies yea, and everyone has to follow it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then they'll try to like convert you to But
Speaker 1: and people don't. They are such a huge range of
Speaker 1: feelings about if I have slept with somebody, what is
Speaker 1: it okay for somebody I know to sleep with that person?
Speaker 1: Or everyone that's true? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and everybody thinks
Speaker 1: they're right too, like religion, Yeah, what's your manifest like,
Speaker 1: what's your what's your take on sleeping with you? Have
Speaker 1: you ever had an X that a good friend has
Speaker 1: slept with had did the friend ask? Did they not ask?
Speaker 1: I think it depends on if if I won the
Speaker 1: relationship or I rex then then no, never. But if
Speaker 1: I won then you know, then then I'm then I'm
Speaker 1: classy and no, But I mean I think it always
Speaker 1: it really does depend on the situation and like how
Speaker 1: much uh like? And also who is that person? That's
Speaker 1: also what do they mean to me? And and at
Speaker 1: the same time too, I think most of the time
Speaker 1: it can be avoided. So it's kind of like the
Speaker 1: world exactly a lot of all the people in I mean,
Speaker 1: I understand, like especially it's New York City and especially
Speaker 1: in our our lines of work where it's so fucking
Speaker 1: hard to meet people. It's so hard to find time,
Speaker 1: you know, I understand that sometimes there's overlap uh and
Speaker 1: and things like that, but at the same time, like
Speaker 1: if it's most of the time, I think it's probably
Speaker 1: pretty avoidable. Uh And I guess if it's like really
Speaker 1: like this is the one, um, maybe, but the instances
Speaker 1: in which that is the case is I think are low.
Speaker 1: But but you know what, I've I've seen a person
Speaker 1: that I had no business being with and it was
Speaker 1: one of those There's so many other men in the world, Christina,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? And as much as I don't
Speaker 1: want to admit it, that might have been part of
Speaker 1: why the attraction was there. Yeah, there's there is the taboo,
Speaker 1: there is there is um there is a huge part
Speaker 1: of things where unfortunately there is like the flippit and
Speaker 1: fruit thing. Uh And. And I do think that like
Speaker 1: men and women are are different, like we I mean,
Speaker 1: I know me, once like I've had sex with somebody,
Speaker 1: I am much more emotionally invested in them no matter what,
Speaker 1: even if it is one of those things where like
Speaker 1: I know that I'm not interested in the future, so
Speaker 1: no matter what, I'm going to be a little bit
Speaker 1: more sensitive. But I don't know, I guess, uh, Yeah,
Speaker 1: for some reason. Right now, I'm feeling very like, yeah,
Speaker 1: go for it. Whatever. I remember, he was really fun
Speaker 1: for me, you know, I mean, like, I think you'd
Speaker 1: enjoy it too. Um. Probably many recommendations like that I have,
Speaker 1: like there are certain guys who I think. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it says something. I remember reading a study
Speaker 1: about this where it's like it takes like three years
Speaker 1: for your brain to fully recover from a breakup where
Speaker 1: you were in love with somebody, three years regardless of
Speaker 1: the duration of the relationship. Um, I'm not sure. I
Speaker 1: think it's whenever you really self love. So I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's like if a certain the chemical or
Speaker 1: what exactly oxytocinsei. I heard it was half the half
Speaker 1: the amount of time that you were in the relationship.
Speaker 1: But I've heard that one too. But for some reason,
Speaker 1: I feel like this was attached to something that had
Speaker 1: ted talk on it. So I feel like, but that's
Speaker 1: just in my vague memory of it. Uh. And I
Speaker 1: do remember this one particular, like the first boy that
Speaker 1: I ever like kind of loved. Uh. He and I
Speaker 1: actually are still friendly, like we don't talk that often,
Speaker 1: but the for definitely the first few years, I could
Speaker 1: not see him, I could not be around him. But
Speaker 1: then after about that amount of time, we really like nothing,
Speaker 1: there's nothing there anymore. Really likes because interact with as
Speaker 1: people exactly like and and it's great too because it's
Speaker 1: like I remember why you know, we were initially drawn
Speaker 1: to each other. But I also don't have those feelings
Speaker 1: anymore for him. But this was also like this is
Speaker 1: like one of the first boys, Like this was like
Speaker 1: high school kind of ship, my high school my high
Speaker 1: school boyfriend, both of that, like I the first one especially,
Speaker 1: I was only with him a year, but it's you know,
Speaker 1: we had dinner two years ago and that was he
Speaker 1: had cheated up. But like I was fifteen, but that
Speaker 1: I don't know the chemicals, do linger Man? Yeah? Maybe
Speaker 1: not yeah for when I was fifteen, but because after
Speaker 1: I broke up with um or I'm sorry, Frank dumped
Speaker 1: me in a Panera bread. I see, I have a
Speaker 1: problem with like I I feel like I don't fully
Speaker 1: get over my X until like the following relationship is
Speaker 1: over and I distracked my son and sometimes pain, Oh
Speaker 1: you substitute that's smart. Well, like I'm not sorry, but
Speaker 1: I'm I never I'm like it's like I'm never as
Speaker 1: fully immersed in a new relationship as I should be
Speaker 1: because I'm still I'm still obsessing over stuff from the
Speaker 1: previous relationship, which is so bad, and he has to
Speaker 1: like constantly it's just constant maintenance basically in your brain.
Speaker 1: Um and I have O C D also, so some
Speaker 1: of this is just like actually a rational thought like thoughts,
Speaker 1: but it's hard to separate them sometimes when this is
Speaker 1: the only brain you've ever had. Um and uh. I
Speaker 1: remember as soon as I got over the initial a
Speaker 1: couple of first weeks of like crying over over Frank,
Speaker 1: I called this guy Tim up and we ended up
Speaker 1: meeting up in the mall, and then I got this
Speaker 1: kind of excitement and expectation in my heart, like, oh
Speaker 1: maybe this was always meant to be because I kind
Speaker 1: of always thought he was my person. Like had I
Speaker 1: not been more, say like, thank god I am who
Speaker 1: I am, otherwise I probably would have ended up married
Speaker 1: to that guy because he was significantly older and would
Speaker 1: have a hundred percent married me, like had to ring
Speaker 1: and stuff. And I'm like, so glad I was smart
Speaker 1: enough to get out of that um because nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with him. I just needed more time to live. I
Speaker 1: was very young and uh, and I met up with
Speaker 1: him in the mall and it was so it was
Speaker 1: nice but also so sad that I had like no
Speaker 1: feelings for him anymore because I was in for five years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was so excited to see him, and I was like,
Speaker 1: and when I didn't feel those butterflies when he pulled up,
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck because that would have without him
Speaker 1: being the one, would have tied up all the ends
Speaker 1: so nicely. And then but then I always saw him
Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, he's not it. So now I
Speaker 1: have to continue on this journey for black black of
Speaker 1: a better word. You know, you guys can't see, but
Speaker 1: the eye roll there, it was just perfect. And there's
Speaker 1: someones that we say and we're like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to say it, but that's the word that needs to
Speaker 1: fit into this sentence right now. Um have you, um,
Speaker 1: have you ever slept with somebody? Like somebody? So many people?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, how many people? Uh? Seventy two? Oh wow,
Speaker 1: so he recently counted. I gotta count again. I'm wracking
Speaker 1: him up. I like that number because it's exactly how
Speaker 1: many virgins a member of ISIS would get, so many virgins,
Speaker 1: you know, and I can confidently say wouldn't blow myself
Speaker 1: on them. Have you ever have you ever slept with
Speaker 1: someone or when they were either committed or I don't yeah,
Speaker 1: when you had no business sleeping with him, whatever that
Speaker 1: means to you. I yes, I have. Um I think,
Speaker 1: well what I I think, I I have like a
Speaker 1: funked up part of my brain and I am working
Speaker 1: on um that like, uh, it's kind of almost lawyer esque,
Speaker 1: so it's like plausible deniability, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: where it's like on some level I knew, like I
Speaker 1: knew in my heart it was wrong, but like since
Speaker 1: I didn't have confirmation, you know what I mean, But
Speaker 1: it's like still was probably not okay, Like an ignorance
Speaker 1: is bliss kind of ignorance is bliss kind of thing
Speaker 1: which I think is I've got I'm realizing. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know that it was it was not it was
Speaker 1: not okay, But um, I guess I think sometimes um sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm the take a moment um but I think sometimes
Speaker 1: when people like like I think honesty is very very important.
Speaker 1: But I do think that like I've managed to rationalize
Speaker 1: certain things where I knew that like this is just
Speaker 1: going to hurt somebody like being honest about it, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, and there's like no point in
Speaker 1: hurting them. And I yeah, I've I've witnessed many experience
Speaker 1: situations where I feel the exact same thing. I don't
Speaker 1: think you need. Honesty has required it every second of
Speaker 1: every moment in life. Absolutely, But I do think that
Speaker 1: that rationale, at least for me, has like allowed sometimes
Speaker 1: for things that I like, stop out something that sacrifices
Speaker 1: your values. Yeah, well because hurting someone aside. Like the
Speaker 1: way I like to flip it and think about it
Speaker 1: is like whoever, Like if you're not the person with
Speaker 1: multiple like partners that when you that you shouldn't have,
Speaker 1: like and you are one of the multiple partners that
Speaker 1: that person has, Like what makes that person so great
Speaker 1: that they deserve that? Like it's just don't give someone,
Speaker 1: don't uh elevate someone to that level. They're not a deity.
Speaker 1: That's how I think it's a flippic because sometimes it's
Speaker 1: hard because with morality and things, because like we all
Speaker 1: treat each other like ship from time to time, and
Speaker 1: human beings are not great um and and morality is
Speaker 1: so open to interpretation. I mean, you know there's like
Speaker 1: Sri Lankan uh suicide bomber who blew up an Easter
Speaker 1: lunch buffet because he thought that was he was doing
Speaker 1: the morally right things. So you know, I feel much
Speaker 1: better about reality is not always the compass that we
Speaker 1: think it is. Uh, it's more like, if you want
Speaker 1: to it's more like if you think about it from
Speaker 1: a petty stance, like why the fuck does some dude
Speaker 1: or woman? And I again, like as a note to
Speaker 1: the listeners, like we're talking about this because we're all
Speaker 1: heterosexual women or you had a resexual or I tried
Speaker 1: to just I wish, and but this can be applied
Speaker 1: to anything. I mean, Unfortunately, I think it's usually lesbians,
Speaker 1: gay men, and heterosexual women who are sacrificing a lot
Speaker 1: for their partner. And we don't see straight men doing
Speaker 1: it as much, which is why they are achieving more
Speaker 1: in still they have more time because they're not because
Speaker 1: they're not bending for others. I mean, I think, yes,
Speaker 1: really why and I don't see I never really hear
Speaker 1: about guys sitting around in a group talking about this
Speaker 1: kind of stuff like they're it's like they're not Oh,
Speaker 1: my God, the ship that I hear. Sometimes it's just like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, because I'm around like dude so much of
Speaker 1: the time, and like, yeah, so much of it. It's
Speaker 1: never they're not worried about it so much. In this
Speaker 1: even the way we're talking about is like a little
Speaker 1: more like philosophical, you know, like I do think sometimes
Speaker 1: they will talk about not like men are stupid. I
Speaker 1: don't mean that, but I do think that I just
Speaker 1: don't get preoccupied with it as much as from my
Speaker 1: from what I've witnessed, not if if a personal steaks yes,
Speaker 1: s c D S or like if it's like they
Speaker 1: you know, they've become much more emotionally attached to the woman,
Speaker 1: then it becomes a whole thing. And then sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: gonna look get a little more cry cry than women,
Speaker 1: oh for sure, for sure. Well, and it's also this
Speaker 1: Steve Burn has a joke and I'm just going to
Speaker 1: kind of give the essence of it because I certainly
Speaker 1: cannot uh do it justice, but it really helps me
Speaker 1: in one singular joke, understand men and women. I think
Speaker 1: I talked about it ages ago, but it's like women
Speaker 1: we have like this person that we want so we'll
Speaker 1: be like on our way backstage because because we have
Speaker 1: it in our hearts that we are going to marry
Speaker 1: sleep with, be with the lead singer of this rock band,
Speaker 1: whereas men will get distracted on the way backstage and
Speaker 1: end up marrying the popcorn girl. And it's kind of
Speaker 1: take anything like there's it's and it's not that they're
Speaker 1: less choosing, it's just that it's more it's less about
Speaker 1: the person and more about filling the void, I think
Speaker 1: a little bit, whereas we get the specific person in mind,
Speaker 1: and we in our hearts and minds, uh, make them
Speaker 1: the see them as the person they could be if
Speaker 1: everything when went right, instead of seeing them as the
Speaker 1: person that they in actuality are at that time. I
Speaker 1: think there's also there's a huge biological component there, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, where it's like, you know, women
Speaker 1: like men have this uh you know, the urge to
Speaker 1: spread the seed, you know what I mean, and like
Speaker 1: we have to deal with the consequences of that babies. Yeah, So,
Speaker 1: like like I used to do, I've tried to work
Speaker 1: on a joke about the idea of like I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people think like women are crazy and
Speaker 1: like men are creepy, you know, because like a dude
Speaker 1: will say a beautiful woman be like, oh man, I
Speaker 1: want to suck that, and like women will see like
Speaker 1: a really hot guy and be like man like nice
Speaker 1: se like I would get so much money in the divorce.
Speaker 1: But like, I don't think either of those things are
Speaker 1: necessarily wrong because it's like, like, well, if you're talking
Speaker 1: about survival for a future family, so like yeah, like
Speaker 1: like if I like am like get angry at you
Speaker 1: for like like liking another girl's Facebook, like, there's a
Speaker 1: little cave woman part of my brain that's going off,
Speaker 1: like he's not going to stay invested in my cave baby.
Speaker 1: He's gonna leave me and you know, funk her and
Speaker 1: create another cave baby and leave me with this cave baby,
Speaker 1: and then I'm gonna die. I don't have this cave
Speaker 1: baby because it looks like that asshole exactly. So so
Speaker 1: I think there's like there's that whole thing too where
Speaker 1: it's just like we're dictims of our own our own
Speaker 1: biology to some extent. So like even though I'd love
Speaker 1: to funk the popcorn girl too, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like she's not gonna take care of the cave baby
Speaker 1: necessarily like popcorn doesn't pay that much, and I think,
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, it's just um, we we like we
Speaker 1: have to. Um. I think a lot of it is
Speaker 1: just like not compensating for biology. I know, sometimes biology
Speaker 1: really makes me feel like a puppet because I know
Speaker 1: of about all of these urges and desires, and then
Speaker 1: when people talk about them, I'm like, yeah, that makes
Speaker 1: a lot of sense. But then when people act on them,
Speaker 1: like they act on that urge, and then you want
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you didn't have to do it, And
Speaker 1: then I'm like did you? I don't know at what
Speaker 1: point does biology and willpower duel and who wins? I
Speaker 1: don't know. You're right, that's a that's a very that's
Speaker 1: exactly like how much personal responsibility comes into play. Oh
Speaker 1: but this was a fun uh. I read this this
Speaker 1: was a cool like biology fact or something that I
Speaker 1: thought it could maybe be empowering. Um. But apparently men
Speaker 1: much more because they're physically stronger, you know, they're much
Speaker 1: more likely to commit crimes that involve like you know,
Speaker 1: punching and the physical ship. But women we much more
Speaker 1: likely to commit crimes that involve planning, like poison and
Speaker 1: ourself because we don't have that physical strength, so we
Speaker 1: do actually have survival. Why we can physically left and
Speaker 1: we can emotionally annihilate. I think, I I women scare
Speaker 1: me more than men in terms of I know, like
Speaker 1: the number one threat to a woman's survival is a man.
Speaker 1: Like Statistically, you know, women die for men a lot. Uh,
Speaker 1: But I think a woman, a determined woman who has
Speaker 1: revenge on her mind, is one of the scariest motherfucker's
Speaker 1: on the planet. Goddamn, She'll figure it out and make
Speaker 1: it happen. Like there's this really funny instagram about that.
Speaker 1: Like it's like an older woman who who was the
Speaker 1: same age as her husband, and then her husband left
Speaker 1: her and you know, dated some really young chicken ee
Speaker 1: and it's just like wife's revenge and it's just like
Speaker 1: her posing in like flower fields with like flat iron hair,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I love this bitch. I don't even
Speaker 1: know she I just follow her because I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is that's great. You were telling us a story before
Speaker 1: we started this interview about the first I'm your masturbating um,
Speaker 1: and then we asked you to stop telling it so
Speaker 1: that you could tell it to us now so that
Speaker 1: because I'm very intrigued. Uh yeah, so the first time,
Speaker 1: Oh my mom and dad are going me so proud. Um,
Speaker 1: why your mom and dad listening? Yeah, definitely shouldn't liten to.
Speaker 1: My dad's never listened, but he knows about it and
Speaker 1: we've had lots of fireside chats about it. Fun. Um.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, so this is not dedicated to you guys,
Speaker 1: but um, but um, they are somewhat involved them right,
Speaker 1: Okay that sounds wrong. Uh back up. So the first
Speaker 1: time I ever masturbated, um, the police were called. I
Speaker 1: was I think thirteen, um, yeah, twelve for thirteen, and uh,
Speaker 1: I was in my basement and it was I was
Speaker 1: watching like Late Night HBO and they had like h
Speaker 1: oh yeah, confession. Actually I think it was. It was
Speaker 1: something like Arabian Night. I was really into Aladdin um
Speaker 1: and always had something for him, and it was like, man, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was sexually atracted a Laddin an Simba, the Abs,
Speaker 1: I know. But yeah, and I was watching it and
Speaker 1: then there were like these windows and there was like
Speaker 1: a tapping on the window, and like we have cats,
Speaker 1: so I just assume was the cat. So I just
Speaker 1: kept exploring. Um. And but then it kept happening, and
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck, And I looked and I saw
Speaker 1: the silhouette of a guy, and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, it's gay around the neighbor because the little
Speaker 1: neighbor boys would like knock sometimes to play capture the flag.
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh my god, like he's gonna
Speaker 1: tell everyone, like, were you naked? I was discovering myself
Speaker 1: pretty with your hand? Pretty seriously? Yeah, I just elbow
Speaker 1: deep up definitely some some hand. Was your vagina visible
Speaker 1: in the glow of the television screen? Just meaning do
Speaker 1: you think that whoever knocked on that door the window
Speaker 1: saw your pussy? I think I still had like my
Speaker 1: underwear on or pants to some extent. But you know
Speaker 1: it was there was not um you were doing something
Speaker 1: weird to whoever would be looking at Yeah, there was
Speaker 1: not many other things like like I wasn't like I
Speaker 1: dropped my keys down, you know what I mean? It
Speaker 1: was it would have been very difficult to create an alternative,
Speaker 1: uh story of the events. Um. But so I go
Speaker 1: upstairs and I'm about to open the door and just
Speaker 1: like beg him to like not tell everybody in middle school. Um.
Speaker 1: But then I look outside because I'm like, well, I
Speaker 1: only saw like the shadow, like I should check. And
Speaker 1: there's like a grown mail or at least my twelve
Speaker 1: year old, like a grown dude like on my lawn,
Speaker 1: taken alf his clothes, you know, like what I And
Speaker 1: so I freak out and I go upstairs to my
Speaker 1: parents and I'm like, Mom, Dad, I think we have
Speaker 1: an uninvited guest. Uh. So they called the police and
Speaker 1: the police come over and like also, the police is like,
Speaker 1: so we have four cats. The police is like so
Speaker 1: allergic to cats. So he's just like sneezing one. I
Speaker 1: grew up in one of the safe the cities in America,
Speaker 1: so like this guy was Newton, Massachusetts. It's a small
Speaker 1: town outside of Massachusetts, the same that's where you can
Speaker 1: have the cops with bad cat allergies. Yeah, yeah apparently,
Speaker 1: but I just I don't know. I just remember it
Speaker 1: and he's just like sneezing and like looks so annoyed
Speaker 1: and like like I'm so scared. And then he like
Speaker 1: asks me, you know what I mean, He's like, you know,
Speaker 1: like so like what what were you doing like when
Speaker 1: you heard it? And I'm like like do I have
Speaker 1: to tell him? You know what I mean, because you
Speaker 1: know law and order, it's always like the one thing
Speaker 1: that the victim helds back. So like I'm like, do
Speaker 1: I lie? And I was just like I was watching Aladdin,
Speaker 1: um and like I lied. I I just totally lied.
Speaker 1: Um and he doesn't need yeah story, but of course,
Speaker 1: like you know, the twelve year old movie is like
Speaker 1: this is going to be the most important part of
Speaker 1: the Yeah, Like I didn't pick up lying until I
Speaker 1: was way older, and I wish I had that earlier.
Speaker 1: Um and uh and and yeah, I just I lied
Speaker 1: and that was that was pretty much. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: this guy mastered. Like there were a few other like
Speaker 1: Peeping Tom incidences, because I remember then they came to
Speaker 1: like my field hockey practice like a week later too,
Speaker 1: like that, because they wanted to ask if I had
Speaker 1: seen because they thought they had somebody the person. But
Speaker 1: it was like it was so black, like I literally
Speaker 1: could not remember. And I just also remember, like skill,
Speaker 1: Everyone's gonna know, like that's so funny. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I you know, I thought it was traumatizing, but I
Speaker 1: realized I think I barely waited like a week until
Speaker 1: he did it again. I did it again. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well I remember being in a sleepover and it was
Speaker 1: in my middle school high school. I think I was
Speaker 1: in like ninth or tenth grade. No, I had to
Speaker 1: have been in tenth grade where it's like me and
Speaker 1: five of my girlfriends and which went around like telling secrets,
Speaker 1: and then this one girl, Robin, was like, I've masturbated,
Speaker 1: and everyone in the room was like and then my
Speaker 1: one friend was like, have you ever had an orgasm
Speaker 1: when you put in a tampon? Were like no, and
Speaker 1: she's like me there. But it was like I remember
Speaker 1: the guilt lifting off of my brain because I have
Speaker 1: been asked brain for like ten years. But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: weird that we think it's something bad. I was because
Speaker 1: I had no religion to tell me it was bad.
Speaker 1: I had no parents tell me it was bad. They
Speaker 1: didn't talk about it. Oh yeah, No. I grew up
Speaker 1: in like a super like the NPR, like folk music,
Speaker 1: good little liberals, like household, but like, yeah, we just
Speaker 1: didn't talk about any of that really that much, like
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, eventually my mom was would be
Speaker 1: like I just want grandchildren. I don't care what you do,
Speaker 1: just like grandchildren. But I'm like anything else. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 1: I wasn't one like fighting against because I remember like
Speaker 1: something we were talking about something, my mom and I
Speaker 1: and then she's like, well, haven't you ever touched herself
Speaker 1: down there? And I was like no, Mom, and like
Speaker 1: I really hadn't, so I wasn't. I was just like
Speaker 1: I was like, I have business to attend to you,
Speaker 1: like my barbie. My barbies have a conference call at
Speaker 1: three pm like these the kind of things I was.
Speaker 1: I was setting up like a dinosauric bit in my room,
Speaker 1: like I truly just wasn't even thinking I liked sex stuff,
Speaker 1: Like I definitely thought about it, but what you how old?
Speaker 1: Early teenager? No, I mean even younger, like even when
Speaker 1: I was in like uh maybe like ten, But I
Speaker 1: just never like was touching myself. I was like posing
Speaker 1: in the mirror, like trying to be like a Hollywood starlet.
Speaker 1: I remember my mom she found out that I hadn't
Speaker 1: I had sex after high school and she was like, wow, no,
Speaker 1: wonder you were so stressed out the whole time, just like,
Speaker 1: well you didn't like tell me I should be doing
Speaker 1: that or did they never give you a sex talk?
Speaker 1: They just never really, I don't remember I feel like,
Speaker 1: put an r podcast in your room box. Yeah. Probably
Speaker 1: they're like, Terry Gross, you handle this. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Terry Gross would give a great sex talk. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: we're a bad one. I don't know. I can't tell. Probably.
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel safe regardless, you know, I
Speaker 1: feel good. And the last time we wanted to kind
Speaker 1: of talk about a little bit was women in business.
Speaker 1: We as we told you, had been talking about that
Speaker 1: for the past month or so, and after I got
Speaker 1: through the initial uh wow, alex is being so nice
Speaker 1: and not trying to like booby trap me or anything
Speaker 1: like that when I come into her. Establishment is part
Speaker 1: of my plan. It's years and I've seen you work
Speaker 1: so hard and grow the comedy Club the Village Lantern
Speaker 1: into something so amazing for other comics, and watched you
Speaker 1: work so hard and and I've like watched a lot
Speaker 1: of your comedy and I'm like, I love this because
Speaker 1: I get very emotional over like the younger female comics.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh my god, like, look at these
Speaker 1: things that they're talking about and the shows they're running,
Speaker 1: and I'm like so proud of them because it's it's
Speaker 1: important that it keeps going. Because Christine and I were
Speaker 1: lucky to come into comedy at a time when it
Speaker 1: was inviting to women. It's certainly has not always been,
Speaker 1: and it's certainly like a a front road that we
Speaker 1: have to travel to find successes and different problems that
Speaker 1: we have to come across. But I wanted to, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you wanted to talk a little bit about that
Speaker 1: and what you did, because like you're kind of that
Speaker 1: you're the head Haunt show over there. Yeah, uh yeah,
Speaker 1: at this point, I I am, it's really cool. I mean,
Speaker 1: I love uh, I love I mean, I love doing
Speaker 1: stand up and I and I love uh the Lantern
Speaker 1: and uh that I get to to do stand up
Speaker 1: there and run shows and I've worked like really really
Speaker 1: hard to make that place, uh really a really great place.
Speaker 1: And I think, I think, God, I'm so bad. It's
Speaker 1: self promotional. How did you get how did you get
Speaker 1: into that? Because I know I'm guessing you started as
Speaker 1: a Barker and then and for those barker is just
Speaker 1: someone who stands outside like a comedy col free, common
Speaker 1: store tickets and hopefull. Yeah, I hope it doesn't lie
Speaker 1: about the caliber of comic that's there. But and so
Speaker 1: how did you end up being the head of this
Speaker 1: whole establishment? So yeah, I did. I did start barking
Speaker 1: um for um. Uh. I did start barking for a show,
Speaker 1: um for a show there. And then uh, Craig Fox,
Speaker 1: another comedian, really nice guy. Uh, he was running shows
Speaker 1: there too, and then he kind of started to kind
Speaker 1: of like a few different people were running shows there,
Speaker 1: and then he kind of took over and he and
Speaker 1: asked me if I wanted to continue to help bark
Speaker 1: and I did, and I kind of just kept barking
Speaker 1: for every show that he would put me on, and like,
Speaker 1: I don't have any shitty experiences barking, oh well, oh
Speaker 1: my god all the time. And I think this is
Speaker 1: one of the reasons why we don't see as many
Speaker 1: women in comedy. And it sucks because barking, first of all,
Speaker 1: just sucks no matter who you are, because barking is
Speaker 1: standing outside, basically on a street corner, being strangers to
Speaker 1: come inside, begging strangers to come to a comedy show.
Speaker 1: And I I've definitely seen so many um, female comedians
Speaker 1: and and also minority comedians like have a lot harder
Speaker 1: time and quit because of the harassment that they get
Speaker 1: when they're when they're barking. Yeah, I mean because first
Speaker 1: of all, it sucks already no matter who you are.
Speaker 1: I've tried to bark and I got into screaming matches
Speaker 1: with too many people. This isn't for me, Oh god.
Speaker 1: I mean just the dumb ship that people say to you.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, Well, I'm I'm a comedian. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's fantastic, blow your brains out, and like just also
Speaker 1: like the reason why people would be barking is because
Speaker 1: when you bark as a young comedian, you get stage time,
Speaker 1: like you're paid in stage time, and that's kind of
Speaker 1: the only way they're going to be able to get
Speaker 1: on shows without knowing people exactly. Like it's part of
Speaker 1: I guess, part of paying your dues. It could be
Speaker 1: better and I don't, but I think this is where
Speaker 1: there's a huge gap between men and women because as
Speaker 1: a as a female, when I'm on a street corner,
Speaker 1: especially somewhere like the West Village, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like people late at night, like people are drinking exactly,
Speaker 1: like yeah literally or or you know, guy is just
Speaker 1: like like I've been grabbed before, I've like had I've
Speaker 1: had people say like really grows sexual things to me.
Speaker 1: But also just the thing that really just pisses me
Speaker 1: off is when a guys like just trying to hit
Speaker 1: on me and waste my time and it's not going
Speaker 1: to come to the show, and I'm like, dude, I'm
Speaker 1: working right now, like funk off exactly. Uh you know.
Speaker 1: Or I've like I've had other friends to who like uh,
Speaker 1: female comedians that that's happened to, or like I've had
Speaker 1: a few friends who are minorities who are like accused
Speaker 1: of like drug dealing, you know what I mean, things
Speaker 1: like that. So like it's I think, and that's how
Speaker 1: you really do start in comedy. So it's like if
Speaker 1: those barriers to entry are so fucking shitty. Plus most
Speaker 1: places with barking, they really do can exploit their barkers,
Speaker 1: like at the Lantern at least, like if you are
Speaker 1: barking for us, like we always do a tip bucket
Speaker 1: so people get some money and that goes to the
Speaker 1: barkers in the host because those are the people that
Speaker 1: are doing the exactly. I mean, we should pay everybody,
Speaker 1: but we can't, so and those are the ones who
Speaker 1: get the money. And you also at least get one
Speaker 1: free drink, uh and no matter what, you get five
Speaker 1: minutes um. Generally we try to do seven. But like
Speaker 1: there are some places where like if you don't get
Speaker 1: anybody in, you don't get to go up and you
Speaker 1: just wasted two. Yeah, exactly, So those kind of things,
Speaker 1: like I think that's one of the reasons why you
Speaker 1: don't see something. Marking is a great thing that anybody
Speaker 1: would tell a young comedian like that's something you can
Speaker 1: do for stage time. So it's one of the one
Speaker 1: of the ways in and and it's late at night
Speaker 1: to you know what I mean, like if you're out there,
Speaker 1: especially like by yourself, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: the safety issue for women village when people are wasted
Speaker 1: that that area of town, particularly like McDougal Street, is
Speaker 1: a very it's a unique It's like it's like the
Speaker 1: biggest of Manhattan, but there's more class. But then there's
Speaker 1: just in terms of like the drunk people. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I have had many yeah, beautiful variety down there. And
Speaker 1: you mentioned that part of the reason that you wanted
Speaker 1: to take the reins on your kind of own establishment
Speaker 1: was because of experience. Is negative experiences as you had,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean especially when I was first starting comedy.
Speaker 1: There were a few times too where I got booked
Speaker 1: on shows where it's like, I know, I'm not funny
Speaker 1: enough to be on this, um, and you know, obviously
Speaker 1: you don't say no, but like I knew why the
Speaker 1: person was booking me, and then you're trying. Yeah exactly,
Speaker 1: And then I got into an awkward situation there and
Speaker 1: I was just like, you know what, I don't wanna
Speaker 1: be at anybody's mercy anymore like this, Like I'm taking
Speaker 1: the reins, I know, yeah exactly. And the best way
Speaker 1: to get better at stand up is through stage time.
Speaker 1: So like if you control the show, you know, like
Speaker 1: then you can, uh, you know, it's the best way
Speaker 1: to to get funny, and you know, you can give
Speaker 1: other people spots and opportunities and then you get to
Speaker 1: you guys know how it works. Um. But yeah, you're right,
Speaker 1: You're absolutely right. Yeah, take the reins. So that was
Speaker 1: just sitting and waiting around for it and not you know,
Speaker 1: not going in the traditional way. Yeah. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of the best independent comedy shows and places are
Speaker 1: run by women, just because women are super organized. First. Sure,
Speaker 1: I love all the men are the best shows i'd
Speaker 1: say at the Lantern are run by women, and like
Speaker 1: they're they're always packed, they're always super fun. Uh and yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and the young woman who work at the Lantern I
Speaker 1: really love. There's a lot of great people, uh there
Speaker 1: who I see like working their asses off. You Victoria Hoffman,
Speaker 1: I love like, yeah, I love Vic. We run a
Speaker 1: show together, The Grind Come Yeah, and I think that's
Speaker 1: so yeah, if you want to promote, yeah, the Grind,
Speaker 1: which is the Grind. It's the second Wednesday of every month.
Speaker 1: It's May eighth, uh at eight o'clock. Um, we're also
Speaker 1: doing a few cool shows coming up. You're gonna be
Speaker 1: on this one, I think May nine, ten o'clock. All right, yeah, calendar. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I think I sent him. I probably I'll confirm with you.
Speaker 1: But Heart of Comedy. And then also for Mother's Day
Speaker 1: where you're doing a new show at eight o'clock called
Speaker 1: do Your mom Um, which yeah, yeah, well comics do
Speaker 1: stand up but as their moms. And this is all
Speaker 1: these shows at the Village Lantern. It's the Lantern, not
Speaker 1: the Villaginlanter anymore. Everyone says Lanta. I want to make
Speaker 1: sure comedy address the addresses. One sixties seven Bleaker Street.
Speaker 1: You'll see it. You won't miss it. There's it's glass
Speaker 1: and brown and in the front and there's like a
Speaker 1: little neon sign that says live comedy, and you'll probably
Speaker 1: see me or somebody going hey, free comedy and dollar
Speaker 1: Margarita's yeah. And I think it's just important to know
Speaker 1: like how hard uh comedians are working, and if a
Speaker 1: tip bucket goes around, put a dollar in there. Your
Speaker 1: social media and stuff, oh yeah, um yeah. You can
Speaker 1: follow me on Instagram at Alex Kahart Comedy k y
Speaker 1: h A R t uh, and I have a website,
Speaker 1: alex Khart Comedy dot com, so please check those things out. Guys,
Speaker 1: support women in comedy, and you know, not like the
Speaker 1: special Olympic style, not just like oh they did it,
Speaker 1: Like we're just regular comics like everybody else. And don't
Speaker 1: be the woman who comes up after our show and says, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't usually don't find women funny, but I really
Speaker 1: liked you, because that's not a fucking compliments and we've
Speaker 1: all heard it ten thousand times. Guys, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening to this episode of Guys. We fucked
Speaker 1: the anti slugiming podcast We'll talk to you next Friday.
Speaker 1: Guys We Fucked is presented by Luminary Media, Created and
Speaker 1: hosted by Karin Fisher and Christina Hutchinson, Edited by Mike Coscarelli,
Speaker 1: Associate producer Emily Rodgers, pr intern Molly Becker. This like
Speaker 1: the but my words they come out too harsh. I
Speaker 1: tried to talk like those girls or Twitter, but it
Speaker 1: seems I can't learn the art coopon my friendships from outside,
Speaker 1: wondering why why alwispy misunderstood kind of owe. No one
Speaker 1: seems to know about this place or hide away. No
Speaker 1: one seems to miss my change and face. It's so okay,
Speaker 1: Pless sol Right is the outsider with you, my dear
Speaker 1: I this day life. Sol Right is the outsider with you,
Speaker 1: my dear right, miss day