Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that wants to take a bath
Speaker 1: with you. No Laser Stories segment. We read weird news
Speaker 1: stories from around the globe, just like every other radio
Speaker 1: show does, except we have a laser and those other
Speaker 1: idiots don't. This first laser story is out of Jacksonville,
Speaker 1: North Carolina. A thirty five year old man named Axel
Speaker 1: Case drove his red Lamborghini around town the other day
Speaker 1: and at one point he noticed that his gas tank
Speaker 1: was low, so to save some cash, Axel pulled his
Speaker 1: shining new vehicle into a nearby Walmart cast station. All
Speaker 1: of this. His name is Axel and he's driving a
Speaker 1: Lamborghini and now he's at Walmart. Yeah, but as he
Speaker 1: was pumping gas, something strange happened. A little bit of
Speaker 1: it spilled, and then somehow someway his car caught on fire.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god. Not a lamball. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's one of those things where you're like using your
Speaker 1: cell phone. That's like my worst fear. Yeah, the static. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the Lamborghini instantly went up in flames, and so did
Speaker 1: the gas pump and a Chevy Traverse SUV that was
Speaker 1: filling up on the other side. I can't believe that
Speaker 1: Chevy Traverse was lost. Yeah, yeah, Fortunately nobody was hurting
Speaker 1: the fire, but the Lamborghini was a total loss. When
Speaker 1: the police finally shut up, Axel told the officers that
Speaker 1: he was very upset because he spent his entire life
Speaker 1: savings on that car. Yeah, and that's why he didn't
Speaker 1: have any money left for insurance. For Axel, we need
Speaker 1: to talk about budgeting. He also told the cops that
Speaker 1: he left his phone in the vehicle, so he couldn't
Speaker 1: even call a friend to pick him up. After taking
Speaker 1: his statement, authorities felt bad for Axel and gave him
Speaker 1: a bus fare to go home. Didn't even give him
Speaker 1: a ride. A local news reporter who covered the story
Speaker 1: was quoted as saying, I guess that's what happens when
Speaker 1: you dropped six figures on a car but want to
Speaker 1: save three cents on a gallon of gas. This next
Speaker 1: laser story was out of Largo, Florida. There's a woman
Speaker 1: named Valerie Branch Galloway and her stepson got home a
Speaker 1: half hour after curfew the other night, and she was
Speaker 1: not happy about it, so she grabbed her belt and
Speaker 1: gave him a spankingin't nobody get time for it. Really
Speaker 1: cool step mom. The only thing is her stepson is
Speaker 1: twenty six years old. Wait a minute. At some point
Speaker 1: the stepson has got to be allowed to fight back.
Speaker 1: On this one. She slapped him eleven times across his
Speaker 1: butt before he told her to stop. She said, no,
Speaker 1: you were thirty minutes late, so you get thirty licks.
Speaker 1: You're twenty six, why do you have a curfew? That
Speaker 1: meant there were nineteen more spankings to go. The twenty
Speaker 1: six year old man apparently didn't want to be spanked anymore,
Speaker 1: so he wound up calling the cops and she was
Speaker 1: arrested for domestic battery. Afterwards, Valerie told the police that
Speaker 1: he's an adult living with his parents, so he has
Speaker 1: to follow the same rules as a child, and once
Speaker 1: he gets a real job in a real apartment, he
Speaker 1: won't get licked anymore. Your dad married a really cool lady. Yeah, seriously,
Speaker 1: his next slay. The story is out of Northern Ireland.
Speaker 1: There's a forty seven year old woman named Amandateigue and
Speaker 1: last year she was in the news because she married
Speaker 1: the ghost of a pirate from the seventeen hundreds named
Speaker 1: Jack's Man. It's always bad news to marry a pirate,
Speaker 1: you just never know. They could cheat at any minute.
Speaker 1: Spoiler alert. If you can believe it. The marriage wasn't
Speaker 1: very great. Like I said, I mean pirates artists as that.
Speaker 1: All the intimacy she was having with the pirate ghost
Speaker 1: was taking a toll on her body and making her
Speaker 1: seriously ill. He's like non existent. But still again, really
Speaker 1: you still think that you could get something from a
Speaker 1: ghost pirate. It only got better when they stopped getting
Speaker 1: it on and she realized Jack was probably stealing her
Speaker 1: life force. Oh I thought you were going to say,
Speaker 1: probably not real. He is a pirate. Okay, So one
Speaker 1: day Amanda got the courage to say something and told
Speaker 1: her pirate ghost that things would have to drastically change
Speaker 1: in their relationship or she wanted to divorce. How did
Speaker 1: the pirate ghost take it, well, not very well. Apparently
Speaker 1: he threatened to kill her. He is a pirate from
Speaker 1: the seventeen hundreds. That's the only way they know how
Speaker 1: to solve problems. You do, everyone else pictures a little
Speaker 1: ghost parrot on its shoulder. Right. She managed to get
Speaker 1: around that threat by having an exorcism to get him
Speaker 1: out of her, and then she ended the marriage. Now,
Speaker 1: she says her health is recovered and she's done having
Speaker 1: relationships with ghosts. In fact, she says she's ready to
Speaker 1: meet someone new and share her life with them. She's like,
Speaker 1: I did meet a nice unicorn. You know I would
Speaker 1: not bring that up on a first date. So I
Speaker 1: was married. Let me tell you I don't want to
Speaker 1: day a girl who's ex as a pirate from the
Speaker 1: seventeen hundreds. I mean, that guy could come in and
Speaker 1: plunder you at any moments. This next story is out
Speaker 1: of Canada. A thirty seven year old guy named Norman
Speaker 1: Ross recently sued a company after they fired him. What
Speaker 1: was the reason, Well, apparently Norman was engaging in noisy
Speaker 1: self pleasure sessions and one of the bathroom stalls at work.
Speaker 1: Come on, how can you not get through a workday
Speaker 1: without getting that done? And it was noisy? Yea by yourself?
Speaker 1: That's weird. Apparently he'd done it more than once, so
Speaker 1: a manager sat him down and said that there have
Speaker 1: been complaints about noises, including moaning and heavy breathing. Oh god,
Speaker 1: how awkward can you imagine? In our little job you
Speaker 1: walk by the door and just hear somebody moaning so
Speaker 1: gross anyway, he continued to do it no matter what,
Speaker 1: so they canned him. You have no shame whatsoever if
Speaker 1: you were confronted about it and then continued to do it.
Speaker 1: In the lawsuit, Norman claimed that he didn't know it
Speaker 1: was an issue because the manager used euphemisms and didn't
Speaker 1: specifically say it was about pleasuring himself. He also thought
Speaker 1: it was okay as long as nobody was in the
Speaker 1: stall right next to him, and he tried to claim
Speaker 1: that he didn't make any sounds. But if that was true,
Speaker 1: nobody would have known what was going on. In his
Speaker 1: lawyers also argued that he has a pleasure addiction and
Speaker 1: claimed it was a disability. Sorry, I have to oh
Speaker 1: my god, yeah, exactly. This is the one time I
Speaker 1: feel horrible for a manager. I want this is the
Speaker 1: talk you have to have with your employee. The arbitrator
Speaker 1: in charge of the case said there was no evidence
Speaker 1: that his alleged addiction was disabling in any way. In
Speaker 1: the end, they ruled the company did have cost to
Speaker 1: fire him and dismissed the case earlier this month. And
Speaker 1: of course he went to the bathroom right after. In
Speaker 1: the courthouse, he had to do a little stress, self
Speaker 1: pleasuring sexager story is out of the friendly skies. A
Speaker 1: new study looked at seven million flights to figure out
Speaker 1: when you're most likely to get delayed, and here's what
Speaker 1: they found. Overall, about eighty percent of domestic flights arrive
Speaker 1: on time, meaning no more than fifteen minutes later than
Speaker 1: they're supposed to. They also figured out that if you
Speaker 1: want to land on time, booking, flights that arrive in
Speaker 1: the morning are your best possible choice, not flights at night.
Speaker 1: It makes sense to the reason for that is that
Speaker 1: early morning flights get delayed a lot less often than
Speaker 1: evening flights do. In fact, ninety percent of flights that
Speaker 1: are scheduled to arrive between seven and eight am get
Speaker 1: there on time. The best time to fly is between
Speaker 1: nine and ten AM. Okay, around noon it's eighty five percent,
Speaker 1: and by early evening it's in the mid seventies. The
Speaker 1: worst arrival time is anywhere between eight and eleven PM,
Speaker 1: when only seventy three percent of flights arrive on time.
Speaker 1: Does anyone else feel like that is a really high
Speaker 1: stat Like I feel like my flights fifty fifty they're delayed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean too, but I know after noon flights a
Speaker 1: lot morning flights. I don't really why does it happened
Speaker 1: like this? The reason I guess is pretty simple. Airlines
Speaker 1: basically start with a clean slate each day, and most
Speaker 1: of their planes are where they're supposed to be. But
Speaker 1: as more and more flights have issues, it's snowballs. And
Speaker 1: if one flight shows up late, then the next probably
Speaker 1: will two, and so on and so on on. This
Speaker 1: next layer story is out of Yum Yum head quarters.
Speaker 1: According to a new survey, the majority of Americans say
Speaker 1: they consider themselves to be a big foodie, tasty, huge,
Speaker 1: brook and eyed, giant foodies. And here are the tin
Speaker 1: foods that we want to try but have it. Twenty
Speaker 1: percent of us apparently I've never tried a fancy artisanal doughnut.
Speaker 1: Twenty one percent would like to try pasta made out
Speaker 1: of chick peas, twenty two percent say avocado toast, twenty
Speaker 1: four percent want to try rolled ice cream, but I've
Speaker 1: never had it. It's thirty seven percent of people in
Speaker 1: our country would like to seek their teeth into some juicy,
Speaker 1: succulent goat. And the number one food that Americans want
Speaker 1: to try but haven't is Kelp. Thirty nine percent of
Speaker 1: us want Kelp on our dinner tables tonight. You're like,
Speaker 1: it's anything that's healthy. Yeah, I'm junk foodie. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: doesn't need anything. That's the sound of a turtle humping
Speaker 1: a shoe, working up an appetite for help later and
Speaker 1: that means that later stories has come soon for today,
Speaker 1: We'll do it again, same time on Monday.