Speaker 1: It is a radio second that just took third in
Speaker 1: a wet t shirt contest and is not happy about it.
Speaker 1: Laser Stories segment or read weird news stories from around
Speaker 1: the globe, just like every other radio show does, except
Speaker 1: we have a laser and those other idiots don't. This
Speaker 1: first laser story is out of West Australia. Siphoning gas
Speaker 1: from somebody else's vehicle is a crime that's been going
Speaker 1: on for a long time, as long as people have
Speaker 1: had gas tanks, and recently because of this particular situation,
Speaker 1: it made news in Australia. Two thieves thought it would
Speaker 1: be a good idea to sciphon gas from a tour
Speaker 1: of us in the middle of the night. They managed
Speaker 1: to get the hose in and start sucking to bring
Speaker 1: the fuel out, only to realize too late that they'd
Speaker 1: put their siphoning pipe in the wrong place. I have
Speaker 1: a feeling to bed stuff. It's about to go down.
Speaker 1: What happened? Instead of sucking gas from the bus, they
Speaker 1: accidentally began the process of siphoning right from the sewage tank. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh my god. Soon after the yelling and violent vomiting
Speaker 1: woke up people in the tour bus, the police report stated,
Speaker 1: we can infer that they made a very hasty retreat
Speaker 1: with a somewhat bitter taste in their mouth. Oh yeah, suh.
Speaker 1: No suspects have been arrested, but it's safe to say
Speaker 1: that the police are probably not going to even go
Speaker 1: after him. I think they had their punishment that night.
Speaker 1: Wrong with me laser story is out of Port Saint Lucie, Florida.
Speaker 1: Twenty nine year old Andrew Hartman got into a minor
Speaker 1: car crash earlier this month, and afterwards he failed some
Speaker 1: sobriety tests on the scene, so he was arrested for
Speaker 1: duy and when the cops searched his card, they found
Speaker 1: a bag of fake P. When authorities asked him to explain,
Speaker 1: he blamed it on his wife's fetish. She's a fake
Speaker 1: P fetish, she told the cops. That is why I
Speaker 1: liked to quote role play, and I guess fake bodily
Speaker 1: fluids came into that. Yeah, didn't really make much sense,
Speaker 1: so the police went to his wife to ask her,
Speaker 1: and she denied having any sort of PE fetish, real
Speaker 1: or fake. So Andrew said he had the P because
Speaker 1: he was planning to use it to be the drug
Speaker 1: test at work all kind of realize. So now his
Speaker 1: wife has mad at him, especially because saying she had
Speaker 1: a pe fetishes on public record. Now because of his arrest,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure his job is probably gonna fire him.
Speaker 1: Plus he's facing charges of drunk driving and property damage.
Speaker 1: So not been a good month for him. A lot
Speaker 1: of smart decisions. There's next those stories out of Providence,
Speaker 1: Rhode Islands. A man walked into a convenience store around
Speaker 1: two pm demanded the clerk give him all the money.
Speaker 1: Can't nobody get time for it? And instead of holding
Speaker 1: up a gun to prove that he meant business, a
Speaker 1: man reached into his pocket and took out a potato.
Speaker 1: It hard enough of one of those things and it
Speaker 1: could do some damage. In all fairness, he did tell
Speaker 1: the clerk that the potato was a gun, so she
Speaker 1: should believe him, right, Yeah, Well he didn't, and instead
Speaker 1: the clerk chased him off with the baseball bat. Hey,
Speaker 1: when I get my guns and my potatoes mixed up,
Speaker 1: that's not the end of the story, because the same
Speaker 1: crook went into a dry cleaner twenty minutes later and
Speaker 1: threatened to employee with that same potato. Guys, that is
Speaker 1: a scary potato. Even surveillance cameras caught the crook holding
Speaker 1: the potato in the air and threatening the man. This time,
Speaker 1: the cashier handed him a fake twenty dollar bill from
Speaker 1: decoy cash that they have in the register. It's just
Speaker 1: like anybody can get a potato these days. It's scary.
Speaker 1: Apparently dry cleaners get robbed that much without that fake cash. Anyway,
Speaker 1: the guy left and the cashier called the cops, and
Speaker 1: the police are trying to track him and his potato down.
Speaker 1: This next Slaser story was out of Greensburg, Pennsylvania. There's
Speaker 1: a twenty four year old guy named Jesse Vaughan Lawson
Speaker 1: and he was a fugitive with an out any warrant
Speaker 1: for burglary and receiving stolen property well earlier this month.
Speaker 1: The cops went to his girlfriend's apartment to try to
Speaker 1: find him, and her response was quote, I haven't seen
Speaker 1: him in over a month. But her four year old
Speaker 1: son had a different story. According to the police report,
Speaker 1: when the kid found out why the cops were there,
Speaker 1: he told them he's hiding from you in the electrical
Speaker 1: room chicken knocking secrets. Then he led the cops suggest's
Speaker 1: hiding place. He was arrested and hit with additional charges
Speaker 1: for a flight to avoid apprehension and endangering the welfare
Speaker 1: of a child. Afterwards, a police spokesperson said, never mess
Speaker 1: with a four year old when it comes to hide
Speaker 1: and see. I know exactly where he is. Actually, this
Speaker 1: next slays A story is out of the wonderful world
Speaker 1: of women. According to a new survey, these are the
Speaker 1: ten worst things you can say to a woman. Number ten,
Speaker 1: don't you have some vacuuming to do? Number nine? Should
Speaker 1: you be eating? That? One? A very bad one? Oh
Speaker 1: my god? Number eight? How much did you pay for
Speaker 1: that hair do? Number seven? I told you so? Number
Speaker 1: six you look more like your mother every day? What
Speaker 1: why would you say? According to a recent survey, because
Speaker 1: there's the top ten things you should never say to
Speaker 1: a woman. Number five do you need help parking? Number four?
Speaker 1: Calm down? Number three you look tired? Number two answering
Speaker 1: yes if she asks if her butt looks big? And
Speaker 1: the number one worst thing you can say to a woman,
Speaker 1: according to this survey, is asking her when's the baby due?
Speaker 1: When she's not pregnant. It happens all the time. I mean, granted,
Speaker 1: I had given birth like four months prior, but still
Speaker 1: it'd been four months, like there was enough time to
Speaker 1: pass to not ask me, when did you pant? I
Speaker 1: still done and I'm not until they say it. Then
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, cool, I like to say thank you
Speaker 1: both of you for that. Twenty six percent of ladies
Speaker 1: say that's the absolute worst thing you could say. It's awful.
Speaker 1: Excellent story is out of the study of buddies. If
Speaker 1: a friend was going through rough times and needed a
Speaker 1: place to crash, how long would you let them stay?
Speaker 1: That's a good question. Corner recent survey, there are some
Speaker 1: pretty nice people out there. Only six percent of people
Speaker 1: say they would not be prepared to let them stay
Speaker 1: at all. Who Another fourteen percent said that they weren't sure.
Speaker 1: And here's what the rest of us said. Thirteen percent
Speaker 1: said they would let a friend stay one or two nights,
Speaker 1: and twenty two percent said up to a week. That
Speaker 1: was the most popular answer. I would say a week
Speaker 1: if it's a good buddy. I don't know. If it
Speaker 1: was one of my best friends, I'd give her however
Speaker 1: long she needs. Twelve percent set up to two weeks,
Speaker 1: another fourteen percent set a month, five percent set up
Speaker 1: to three months, three percent set up to six months,
Speaker 1: and one percent of people surveyed said they would let
Speaker 1: a friend stay with them for up to a year.
Speaker 1: I mean at that point you got to be paid rent,
Speaker 1: right that just because of your roommate, it's not staying
Speaker 1: with you anymore exactly. Another one percent said a little
Speaker 1: longer than a year if they needed to. But here's
Speaker 1: the really crazy one. Nine percent of people said that
Speaker 1: they'd let a friend stay at their place indefinitely whenever
Speaker 1: it's people yeah day, So if I don't know, if
Speaker 1: it was my best friend, I'd do it indefinitely. They'd
Speaker 1: be fine with me. My husband may have a different opinion.
Speaker 1: But if you've got more than ten close friends and
Speaker 1: you want to save on rent, one of them might
Speaker 1: let you crash on their couch forever. Just try it. No,
Speaker 1: I want to stay on this guy's couch, so he'll
Speaker 1: probably keep me up all day. That's the sound of
Speaker 1: a turtle humping a shoe, and that means later stories
Speaker 1: has come to an each of the day, we'll do
Speaker 1: it again at the same time on I got to
Speaker 1: get that last one out Monday