Speaker 1: It is the radio segment that's not hot, but it
Speaker 1: is bothered. Laser Stories segment. We're read weird news stories
Speaker 1: from around the globe, just like every other radio show does,
Speaker 1: except we have a laser and those other idiots don't.
Speaker 1: This first laser story is out of northern Arkansas. Two
Speaker 1: neighbors showed up at a hospital last week with chest
Speaker 1: pain and severe bruises, and when the nurse asked them
Speaker 1: what happened, their stories seemed a little bit off, so
Speaker 1: a police officer was called, and finally the men came clean.
Speaker 1: It turns out one of them recently bought a bullet
Speaker 1: proof vest, so they decided it might be fun to
Speaker 1: get drunk and then test it out by putting it
Speaker 1: on and shooting each other. I mean, that's all horrible idea,
Speaker 1: but not one that hasn't crossed my mind before. Fifty
Speaker 1: year old Charles Ferris wore at first and had his
Speaker 1: thirty six year old neighbor, Chris Hicks, shoot him in
Speaker 1: the chest with a twenty two caliber rifle. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Luckily the vest stopped the bullet, but then Charles was
Speaker 1: really angry at how much it hurts, so he told
Speaker 1: Chris to put the vest on and then unloaded the
Speaker 1: clip into his back. God fortunately that stopped all the
Speaker 1: bullets too. The best part is their cover story. Though
Speaker 1: Charles didn't want Chris to get in trouble, so he
Speaker 1: claimed that they were paid two hundred dollars to protect
Speaker 1: a secret asset and then they got into a shootout
Speaker 1: while they were guarding that secret asset. Should have seen it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: crazy story. Sadly for them, Charles his wife blew their
Speaker 1: cover when she got to the hospital and told everybody
Speaker 1: in the rating room about the two idiots and what
Speaker 1: they were doing. Now they're both facing charges for aggravated
Speaker 1: assault and up to six years in jail. Wow, but
Speaker 1: neither of them pressed charges. That's amazing. I think it's
Speaker 1: illegal shoot someone no matter what gas. I have no
Speaker 1: idea very high quality vesto. Wish I knew the name
Speaker 1: of the company. Next, the story is out of Australia.
Speaker 1: Last month of thirty year old woman was Adam McDonald's
Speaker 1: drive through and she was getting her food. She swerved
Speaker 1: near another car and that driver honked at her. Nobody
Speaker 1: get to empty. Well that was enough that Hank was
Speaker 1: enough to send her and her thirty three year old
Speaker 1: boyfriend over the edge. First, she called the cops to
Speaker 1: report the other driver for honking, and the cops obviously
Speaker 1: said there was nothing they could do about them honking
Speaker 1: at her. Yeah, So the couple spent the next several
Speaker 1: weeks hunting down the car they put that much time in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and six weeks after the honking incidents, they finally found
Speaker 1: it in a driveway just a few miles away from
Speaker 1: the McDonald's. Oh my god, So what did they do? Well?
Speaker 1: Of course, they blew the car up with half a
Speaker 1: stick of dynamite. Dude, My husband cannot hear this story
Speaker 1: because he constantly thinks if I honk at someone, or
Speaker 1: if I tell him to slow down, don't don't do that,
Speaker 1: they're gonna come bide us. I'm like, what that does
Speaker 1: it happen? It does? Apparently was an accident. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I'm honking at people all the time, but now I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm gonna get a car blown up
Speaker 1: or not. At least caught them because of a nearby
Speaker 1: security camera. And now the couple is facing tons of charges,
Speaker 1: including stocking, intimidation, stronging property, placing an explosive in a car, possession,
Speaker 1: of a prohibited weapon, and more so afterwards, one of
Speaker 1: the officers quotas saying this might be the longest revenged
Speaker 1: scheme ever. Yes, over something so minor. Next the stories
Speaker 1: out of Pittsburgh, New York. There's a thirty seven year
Speaker 1: old guy named Corey Fevreau and the other morning he
Speaker 1: thought he heard strange noises in his house coming from
Speaker 1: his attic, So instead of investigating it for himself, he
Speaker 1: did the next best thing and called the cops, And
Speaker 1: of course they came to check it out. And it
Speaker 1: turns out they did not find any burglars in the attic,
Speaker 1: or any ghosts or anything like that, but they did
Speaker 1: find Corey's meth lab and it Corey told the officers
Speaker 1: that he had no knowledge of the meth lab in
Speaker 1: his attic, how did he get there, and he was
Speaker 1: prize that it was there. That must be my grandma's
Speaker 1: old beth. Short time later, after some routine questioning, he
Speaker 1: admitted that it was really his meth lab and he
Speaker 1: forgot all about it because he had just taken too
Speaker 1: much math. Yea, I think about meth. It's not a
Speaker 1: memory enhancing drug. It's weird. Anyway, he was arrested for
Speaker 1: drug manufacturing and told officers on the right of the
Speaker 1: station that he thinks he would have been better off
Speaker 1: if he called Ghostbusters. Oh my god, yeah, right, no,
Speaker 1: none of it. This next story is out of New Zealand.
Speaker 1: A few years ago a fisherman caught an octopus in
Speaker 1: one of his traps and then gave it to the
Speaker 1: National Aquarium and they named it Inky. Very clever, it's
Speaker 1: a very creative name. And a lot of octopus octopi
Speaker 1: whatever to Inky, I'm sure, But anyway, apparently Inky has
Speaker 1: been plotting his escape ever since he got there. He
Speaker 1: was living in a tank with another octopus, but disappeared
Speaker 1: earlier this year, and the staff had no idea where
Speaker 1: he went. It turns out in the middle of an
Speaker 1: Inky managed to squeeze through a small gap at the
Speaker 1: top of his tank, and then security video caught him
Speaker 1: crawling about eight feet across the floor. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: to get into a six inch drain pipe. Octopus are
Speaker 1: smarter than we are. Yeah, they're aliens, right, crawled across
Speaker 1: the floor, went into the drain pipe, followed it for
Speaker 1: about one hundred and sixty five feet, and that pipe
Speaker 1: went into the ocean, so he escaped. How the right
Speaker 1: pipe to crawl into to get to the oceans? True.
Speaker 1: According to a spokesman for the aquarium, Inky was extremely
Speaker 1: popular with the staff, so they're sad he's gone, but
Speaker 1: they're also happy that he made it back home. As
Speaker 1: for the other octopus in the tank, he probably won't
Speaker 1: miss him because he preferred living alone anyway. That's probably
Speaker 1: why he left. He was just like, I gotta get
Speaker 1: this because it's hard. This next story is out of
Speaker 1: the study of gross You've probably seen the list of
Speaker 1: the dirtiest objects that you touch every day, and not
Speaker 1: just in places where you're naturally wary of germs like
Speaker 1: the bathroom or the gym. Many things that you handle
Speaker 1: on daily basis, like money, your cell phone, your computer keyboard,
Speaker 1: are all covered in bacteria. And now there's something new
Speaker 1: to add to the list. According to a new study
Speaker 1: out of Switzerland, believe it or not, men's beards are
Speaker 1: more likely to be filled with germs or bacteria than
Speaker 1: dog fur. Wow, really, wash your face, guys. The researchers
Speaker 1: sampled men's beards and random dog hair, and they found
Speaker 1: that one hundred percent of men had high microbial accounts
Speaker 1: in their facial hair versus about three quarters of dogs.
Speaker 1: Who it is, do you shampoo your beard when you're
Speaker 1: in the shower? I do quick conditioner in it two
Speaker 1: Sometimes almost half of men had bacteria in their beards
Speaker 1: that could actually make somebody sick too. So in the end,
Speaker 1: one researcher commented on the study saying, dogs lick garbage, dirt,
Speaker 1: and each other's other regions, and yet there's still more
Speaker 1: hygienic than hipsters' next Slazer stories out of Cash Headquarters.
Speaker 1: The new survey found that seventy percent of us agree
Speaker 1: money can't buy happiness, but a lot of people would
Speaker 1: rather be rich than happy anyway. Here's what the researchers found.
Speaker 1: People were asked if they'd rather find true love, win
Speaker 1: the lottery, or become famous, and more than half of
Speaker 1: people went for the money over true love. Yeaheilly, I'm
Speaker 1: telling myself it's because they already had true love. Fifty
Speaker 1: eight percent said that they would rather win the lottery,
Speaker 1: thirty eight percent would choose love, and three percent want
Speaker 1: to be famous. Low percentage for fame might be because
Speaker 1: people feel like they've already found their soulmates. Seventy eight
Speaker 1: percent of people said that they would not get rid
Speaker 1: of the person they're dating or married to for any
Speaker 1: amount of money. Yeah, wait until you have fifty million
Speaker 1: or something. That also, Yeah, it means that twenty two
Speaker 1: percent would. But it's not all bad. Seventy percent of
Speaker 1: those people said it would take at least ten million
Speaker 1: for them to ditch the person they're dating or married
Speaker 1: to right now, So ten million. The survey also found
Speaker 1: that thirty three percent of people would give up their
Speaker 1: pet to win the lottery, including seven percent who'd do
Speaker 1: it for less than ten grands. They're just saying, just here,
Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to get rid of it for
Speaker 1: free heart has died. I think I would never get
Speaker 1: rid of this guy. Oh good man, that's the sound
Speaker 1: of a turtle humping issue, and that means that Laser
Speaker 1: Stories has come to an end of the day. To
Speaker 1: do it again, same times on Wednesday,