Speaker 1: It is the radio segment that's got your million dollars inheritance.
Speaker 1: It just needs yourself security number text to do seven
Speaker 1: eighty five to nine. Two Laser Stories the segment where
Speaker 1: we read weird news stories from around the globe, just
Speaker 1: like everybody else, except we have a laser from those
Speaker 1: other numb schools don't. This first laser story is out
Speaker 1: of Michigan. Richard's Alasco won an eighty million dollars Mega
Speaker 1: Millions jackpot in July of twenty thirteen, and after taxes
Speaker 1: and fees, his final prize was close to thirty nine
Speaker 1: million dollars. But here's the interesting part. He and his
Speaker 1: wife filed for divorce in late two thousand and one,
Speaker 1: almost two years before he bought the ticket, and unfortunately
Speaker 1: for Richard, they hadn't completely finalized their divorce yet. So
Speaker 1: when it's soon to be ex wife heard that Richard
Speaker 1: hit the big one, she of course wanted half of it. Yea.
Speaker 1: Even though they filed for divorce in two thousand and
Speaker 1: eleven he won in two thousand and thirteen, he's like,
Speaker 1: I think it's time to wrap that up. YEA. Years later,
Speaker 1: an arbitrator ruled that the ticket was indeed part of
Speaker 1: the couple marital assets, and the court awarded fifteen million
Speaker 1: dollars to his wife. Oh my god. The arbitrator said
Speaker 1: the marital property includes all property acquired from the date
Speaker 1: of the marriage until the date of the entry of
Speaker 1: the divorce. The court also cited that winning that the
Speaker 1: winning lottery ticket was probably not the first that Richard
Speaker 1: had purchased during their marriage, and that losses throughout the
Speaker 1: marriage were incurred jointly, so the winnings should also be
Speaker 1: shared jointly as well. It's oh gosh. Richard's attorney said
Speaker 1: his client can appeal the ruling and is considering his options.
Speaker 1: The couple's divorce was finalized last year. Yeah, she's look
Speaker 1: fast track it right. If I don't care about a
Speaker 1: couch anymore, I just want my fifteen million. This next
Speaker 1: size of story is out of the Friendly Skies. A
Speaker 1: woman named Tiffany Adams was on an Air Canada flight
Speaker 1: back to her home in Toronto earlier this month after
Speaker 1: she'd been visiting a friend in Quebec. It was a
Speaker 1: short flight and she had an entire role to herself
Speaker 1: and then she fell sleep well. She woke up a
Speaker 1: few hours later, and the plane was pitch black, cold
Speaker 1: and parked. Somehow the crew had just forgotten her on
Speaker 1: the flight. Like, what I think that is? So? I
Speaker 1: mean I could understand maybe she's in a row by herself,
Speaker 1: so there's no other passengers buy her, But what about
Speaker 1: the cleaners that come on and take care of the
Speaker 1: plane afterwards? Her phone was dead so she couldn't call
Speaker 1: for help, and she wound up finding a flashlight in
Speaker 1: the cockpit, prying the plane store open and using the
Speaker 1: flashlight to signal for help since it was a fifty
Speaker 1: foot drop to the ground. Wow, dude, are you kidding me? Though?
Speaker 1: That sounds like so much fun. First thing, I do
Speaker 1: vodka bottles. You get the little mini bottles, take all
Speaker 1: the airplane shots. I think if you're a plane, you're
Speaker 1: probably having a panic attack. I don't know if you're drunk.
Speaker 1: I think I'd be pretty luckily for her side has
Speaker 1: always been something that wanted to do. A crewmember was
Speaker 1: driving around and saw her once he asked her how
Speaker 1: they forgot her. He helped get her down with a
Speaker 1: ladder and took her back to the airport. Tiffany, of course,
Speaker 1: says that she's been having inside. Ever since, Air Canada
Speaker 1: has and ever since then, Air Canada has called her
Speaker 1: repeatedly to talk to her about what happened. Experts speculate
Speaker 1: that a lawsuit could happen from it. Yeah, you'd think, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what she's saying. She does insomnia that I can't
Speaker 1: sleep now, Oh really, you can sleep pretty well on
Speaker 1: the plate. Tiffany Charger thirty five dollars napping fee um
Speaker 1: in Air Canada confirmed that all of this really did happen,
Speaker 1: so they're investigating it. Wow. This next laser story is
Speaker 1: out of Happy Meal headquarters. There's a thirty four year
Speaker 1: old woman named Stacy Rupp in Phoenix, and the other
Speaker 1: night she dropped her nine year old son offen McDonald's
Speaker 1: and promptly left and nobody again to the employees eventually
Speaker 1: realized that the kid was there alone and called the cops.
Speaker 1: When authorities arrived, the boy wasn't even that upset because
Speaker 1: when his mom drops him off, like this quote, she
Speaker 1: always comes back. Oh if I only one that's sinking, well,
Speaker 1: he's nine, I don't know. I feel like that's old
Speaker 1: enough to sit and having McDonald's Happy Meal by herself.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, with an adult with you who can
Speaker 1: probably protect you from weirdness. Fourth gul I was staying
Speaker 1: home by myself at nine or ten. She did come
Speaker 1: back eventually, the cops confronitor, and eventually she admitted she
Speaker 1: left him there while she went to gamble at a
Speaker 1: nearby casino, and even though kids were allowed in the casino,
Speaker 1: she said she couldn't take him along because quote, he
Speaker 1: drives me crazy. She was arrested shortly after that, and
Speaker 1: McDonald's employee said that the kids love going to McDonald's,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean McDonald's is a babysitter. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's too much. Next lays your story is out of Miami, Florida.
Speaker 1: There's a thirty three year old guy named Delirians Philidor,
Speaker 1: and he was on trial last week on a burglary charge.
Speaker 1: Well before the jury got to their closing arguments, Delirians
Speaker 1: flipped out, I have a feeling to bed stuffing's about
Speaker 1: to go down. He began yelling and screaming, jumping up
Speaker 1: and down, and then even throwing his own poop at
Speaker 1: the judge. I never understand that, like, are people really
Speaker 1: able to poop on commands like that? And I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's the timing of that is pretty impeccable. And and
Speaker 1: how do you throw it because you have to pray
Speaker 1: that it's a solid one. Well, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: If it's not you, then you just pooped in your hand. Well, anyway,
Speaker 1: after you threw his poop at the judge, the worst
Speaker 1: part happened. I can't believe I'm about to say this,
Speaker 1: but Laurens then ate some of it and yelled, quote,
Speaker 1: it's protein, it's good for you. Police officers swarmed him,
Speaker 1: and luckily none of the poop wound up hitting the judge.
Speaker 1: But the most interesting part of this entire story, the
Speaker 1: jury found him not guilty of the burglary charge. Yeah,
Speaker 1: reason of insanity, right, like if you're eating year old pooh,
Speaker 1: you get that one. Not a freeman yet, though he's
Speaker 1: still facing a separate charge for grand theft auto plus
Speaker 1: he might face charges for throwing poop at a judge. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think. And if you're wondering, because I know you are, human,
Speaker 1: feces has between two percent and twenty five percent protein.
Speaker 1: It depends on So I guess he wasn't totally wrong.
Speaker 1: Next laser story is out of the land of Barbie
Speaker 1: Dolls and Gi Jos. Since Toys r Us closed a
Speaker 1: year or so ago, we've barely even had a chance
Speaker 1: to miss it. But I do have some good news.
Speaker 1: Toys r Us has announced that they're back. That's awesome.
Speaker 1: Where the new owners who bought Toys r Us after
Speaker 1: it went out of business last year say they're already
Speaker 1: ready to start opening up stores again, and they're shooting
Speaker 1: to open up about six locations by the end of
Speaker 1: the year, too ready to capitalize on the holiday season.
Speaker 1: As for the details, the stores will be around ten
Speaker 1: thousand square feet, which is about a third the size
Speaker 1: of the original Toys r Us stores. And if you're
Speaker 1: wondering about the stale pe smell, they probably still have that.
Speaker 1: Just give him a little while, you know, new and
Speaker 1: improved stale p s. Next laser story is out of
Speaker 1: the Land of Sucky Drivers. You know who's bad at driving?
Speaker 1: Everybody except you. Yeah, I've been telling everybody this, But
Speaker 1: you know who's really bad at driving? People in You
Speaker 1: apparently are the worst. A new study ranked all fifty
Speaker 1: states from the best drivers to the worst. It's based
Speaker 1: on things like total accidents, speeding tickets, DUIs and citations.
Speaker 1: So the states with the worst drivers are Utah, California, Virginia,
Speaker 1: South Carolina, Colorado. I can vouch for that. And I
Speaker 1: got in an accident in Colorado right before I had
Speaker 1: to do a show, Jose and you were with me,
Speaker 1: or you weren't in the car with me, But I
Speaker 1: was in Colorado. We had a comedy show and I
Speaker 1: was on the way. Actually I had like half an
Speaker 1: hour to go eat at the hotel, and somebody just
Speaker 1: like sideswiped the rental car I was in. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I never paid the fee for enterprise and
Speaker 1: now I can't write cars from enterprise all because of
Speaker 1: Colorado drivers. And then Washington also rounds out the list.
Speaker 1: The states with the best drivers aren't Nevada, Illinois, and Mississippi,
Speaker 1: but the state with the absolute greatest drivers, according to
Speaker 1: the survey, Florida. Dobin. Oh god, get it so weird? Yeah, Hey,
Speaker 1: they're good at something. Yeah, they're good at making headlines
Speaker 1: for weird crimes and also driving. I guess somebody who
Speaker 1: never drives because he just stays inside all this and
Speaker 1: humps the shoe. Is this guy that's the sound of
Speaker 1: a turtle humping a shoe, and that means Laser Stories
Speaker 1: has hown doing them. For the Dal. We'll do it again,
Speaker 1: same time on Friday.