Speaker 1: It is the radio segment that's thinking about taking up
Speaker 1: stripping Laser Stories segment where read weird news stories from
Speaker 1: around the globe, just like every other radio show does,
Speaker 1: except we have a laser and those other idiots done.
Speaker 1: This first laser story is out of Tampa, Florida. Fifty
Speaker 1: two year old John Earl Pickard got pulled over on
Speaker 1: Sunday night for driving over ninety miles an hour in
Speaker 1: a fifty five mile an hour. Sound John, where are
Speaker 1: you going? When the cops asked him why he was speeding,
Speaker 1: John told the officer that he had to get home
Speaker 1: in a hurry because he was out cheating on his
Speaker 1: wife and needed to be back before she noticed. Hey
Speaker 1: nobody again, tampday. You know that's a gamble because if
Speaker 1: you're talking to a cop who's also cheating on his wife,
Speaker 1: then yeah him some dap and was like, all right,
Speaker 1: get out of here. Apparently he thought the cop might
Speaker 1: have given him a break for being super honest, but
Speaker 1: instead they ordered him to get out of the car
Speaker 1: and searched him and found a small bag of crack
Speaker 1: inside his shirt pocket. That was his apology gift to
Speaker 1: his wife. You guys. He also freely admitted that he
Speaker 1: bought the crack for fifty dollars and thought the quality
Speaker 1: he was quote not that great. He said, he thought
Speaker 1: being honest was great. He's being weight. He's super honest. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I like a good crack review now and again. So
Speaker 1: on top of the speeding ticket, John also is facing
Speaker 1: one count of felony drug possession and probably an upcoming divorce,
Speaker 1: I'm guessing. Yeah, his statements are all public record now,
Speaker 1: so his wife definitely knows where he was and what
Speaker 1: he was doing, and he's doing court early next month.
Speaker 1: And he was probably like, also, I stole some stuff
Speaker 1: when I was eighteen. Yeah, this car is stolen too,
Speaker 1: and I kind of want to punch you in the
Speaker 1: face an assault you officer. Just bring it on this next.
Speaker 1: The story is out of Thailand. Last week, a guy
Speaker 1: went into a grocery store in northeast Thailand to buy
Speaker 1: himself a nice bottle of wine Tasty, but after perusing
Speaker 1: the aisle, he couldn't decide which bottle he wanted to get,
Speaker 1: so he grabbed a corkscrew from one of the displays
Speaker 1: and started opening bottles to take a sip out of
Speaker 1: them before placing them back on the showy. No you can't.
Speaker 1: That's why he's in the news. Oh, I was gonna
Speaker 1: be like I'm gonna deal with from taste tests, you guys.
Speaker 1: Security cameras caught him opening nine different bottles and tasting
Speaker 1: them before he finally settled on a wine that he
Speaker 1: actually wanted to buy tasting bro and for what is worth,
Speaker 1: he chose a white wine from Argentina. He paid for
Speaker 1: the wine and left before the store realized what he
Speaker 1: had done, and then they called the cops. Now they're
Speaker 1: trying to use the security footage to track him down.
Speaker 1: All in all, the store says he tasted about one
Speaker 1: hundred and sixty four dollars worth of wine. Damn, he's
Speaker 1: got nice to taste. Yeah, next slays. The story is
Speaker 1: out of Indiana. There's a thirty three year old guy
Speaker 1: named Nicholas Miller from Greenfield, Indiana, and last week he
Speaker 1: went to a strip club in Indianapolis. But soon they
Speaker 1: kicked him out for causing a disturbance. Well, Nicholas did
Speaker 1: not like that, so his response was try to blow
Speaker 1: up the place. Yeah. Security cameras outside caught him putting
Speaker 1: a gas canister next to the building. Directly underneath a
Speaker 1: gas meter and then tying a shirt around the spigot
Speaker 1: of the gas can, taking a few drags of a cigarette,
Speaker 1: and then flicking it at the gas can before running away.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, yeah, I don't know that would that work.
Speaker 1: Luckily the can didn't light, but if it did, he
Speaker 1: could have blown up the strip club and they were
Speaker 1: about forty to fifty people inside at the time. The
Speaker 1: police went to his house and he was arrested for
Speaker 1: a timsa darson and criminal recklessness. See I knew. I
Speaker 1: saw it up at a MythBusters once and cigarettes cannot Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it has to be an open flame. So there you go.
Speaker 1: If you're planning on blowing up a strip club, watch MythBusters.
Speaker 1: It's next story is Out of Texas. Nicholas and Claudia
Speaker 1: Simmons live in a residential neighborhood in San Antonio, Texas,
Speaker 1: and they put up their Christmas decorations on November first. Hey,
Speaker 1: I have no problem with this. I know some people do,
Speaker 1: but I think the day after Halloween it's Christmas. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you're fine. Some of the decorations on their
Speaker 1: front lawn include an inflatable snowman. Some Reindeer and Santa
Speaker 1: hanging from a helicopter. But three days later, Nick and
Speaker 1: Claudia got a letter from their homeowners association telling them
Speaker 1: that they need to take down their decorations until quote
Speaker 1: it's closer to the holiday season. Kidding me, it's literally
Speaker 1: two more weeks in this holiday season. Homeowners associations are
Speaker 1: the worst. They'll find any reason to find you. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, Scrooge runs an hwa, like, let's be honest.
Speaker 1: The letter didn't specify when exactly would be okay to
Speaker 1: put the decorations back up. Plus there's actually a reason
Speaker 1: they put the decorations up when they did, because Claudia
Speaker 1: is eight months pregnant, so they're worried they won't be
Speaker 1: able to put up an inflatable snowman. Later, she says, quote,
Speaker 1: I feel kind of heavy. So the earlier we can
Speaker 1: put out the decorations, the better. Probably in two more weeks,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to build all of this. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: which means she's going to have a new baby after Christmas.
Speaker 1: Those things aren't coming down till July. I'm just letting
Speaker 1: you know. And because the policy seems so vague and
Speaker 1: Nick and Claudia say they're not going to listen to
Speaker 1: the notice. Nick says, quote, We're not going to do it.
Speaker 1: It's the Christmas spirit. We're not going to be forced
Speaker 1: by the HOA to take it down. Fight the Homeowners
Speaker 1: Association for Christmas, start a Christmas war. The next story
Speaker 1: is Out of Attraction Headquarters. The pill is so common
Speaker 1: today that most women probably meet their husbands while they're
Speaker 1: already on it, and apparently that leads some women to
Speaker 1: have a route awakening when they stopped taking it one day.
Speaker 1: Because a new study at a Florida State university found
Speaker 1: a women who are on the pill are ten times
Speaker 1: more likely to date an unattractive man because their bodies
Speaker 1: aren't looking to reproduce. Dude, you guys, I put this
Speaker 1: to test in my own personal life when I was single,
Speaker 1: and when I was off the pill, I got hit
Speaker 1: on by the hottest dudes. Really, Oh my god. It
Speaker 1: was literally it got to a point where my best
Speaker 1: friend's like, you're not on the pill again, aren't you?
Speaker 1: But I'm like no, I mean it's great, but it's
Speaker 1: not because I don't want to have a baby, but like, man,
Speaker 1: I want to have that guy Researchers found that when
Speaker 1: women get married to unattractive guys and then go off
Speaker 1: the pill, they suddenly realize how ugly their spouse true
Speaker 1: he is, and ultimately they wind up less satisfied with
Speaker 1: their sex life and their marriage is overall how weird.
Speaker 1: You may get one day roll over and you're like,
Speaker 1: what the what did I do? Oh God, we've been
Speaker 1: doing this for ten years. Or However, if a woman
Speaker 1: marries a good looking guy, the opposite effect happens when
Speaker 1: she goes off the pill. She's actually more attracted to
Speaker 1: him and has a better romantic life and a stronger marriage.
Speaker 1: I got hot husband, met him when he didn't and
Speaker 1: when I wasn't on the pill. Oh great, the hot
Speaker 1: guys get all the Yeah. So if you're married and
Speaker 1: you're on the pill, stay on it. Don't stop taking
Speaker 1: it at all. Speaking of somebody who doesn't really matter
Speaker 1: if they're on the field or not, that's the second year.
Speaker 1: She just can't get pregnant. Anyway, that's the sound of
Speaker 1: eternal hoping a shoe, And that means the laser story
Speaker 1: come to an a day. We'll do it again sometimes
Speaker 1: on Monday