Speaker 1: It's not unknown for me to pull over while I'm
Speaker 1: driving because something has popped into my head and I
Speaker 1: have to get it out. I don't like having I
Speaker 1: don't like trying to retain a good thought if I
Speaker 1: put a good thought.
Speaker 2: It's formulated in my head such a bad analogy but
Speaker 2: I have to say it's like a projectile fall that
Speaker 2: I to get out.
Speaker 3: Hello and welcome to the slow home podcast. This is
Speaker 3: the podcast all about slow living in a fast paced world.
Speaker 3: My name is Brooke McAlary. My name is Ben McAlary.
Speaker 4: Welcome to episode 2 of Season 2. Yeah it's feels
Speaker 4: funny going back to like single digit episode numbers but
Speaker 4: that's where we are. Does the voice at the start
Speaker 4: of this episode speaking with you is a listener. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I haven't done a listener chat. The old white some
Speaker 4: time listener chats it's their back.
Speaker 5: They are back so it's in Zen Holyoke who reached
Speaker 5: out to me via email as we were doing our
Speaker 5: nature experiment last year actually back in March my editors. Yeah.
Speaker 5: So we've been emailing back and forth a bit. Then
Speaker 5: it was just lovely getting to know her and the
Speaker 5: more of her story that I discovered the more I
Speaker 5: really wanted to share it with people because Zan has
Speaker 5: got a lot to share and she's got a lot
Speaker 5: of very hard fought wisdom here to share with people.
Speaker 6: She's in a very unique situation and very challenging situation.
Speaker 7: She is about slow living but you've had a number
Speaker 7: of these e-mails come through throughout the year and last
Speaker 7: year because everything was so crazy you were like let's
Speaker 7: put everything on hold. So now you're getting back to
Speaker 7: those e-mails and getting back to connecting with these people.
Speaker 7: And yes that's what we want to share their their
Speaker 7: stories with you in this season.
Speaker 5: Now before we get into it Van does write a
Speaker 5: beautiful blog and take some gorgeous photos that if you're
Speaker 5: at all interested in simple living with a young family
Speaker 5: you may want to check out. It is conscious Caterpillar
Speaker 5: dot com the conscious Caterpillar dot com links to her
Speaker 5: blog will be in the show notes and the share
Speaker 5: notes are at slow your home dot com slash season
Speaker 5: to enjoy the episode Hello Zan How are you.
Speaker 8: Hi Brooke. I'm really well. How are you doing.
Speaker 9: I'm so bloody delighted to be talking to you. We've
Speaker 9: been e-mailing each other on and off for probably. It
Speaker 9: was in March or maybe at the end of March
Speaker 9: after the great outdoors experiment that you first dropped me
Speaker 9: in the morning.
Speaker 8: Yeah I wondered how long ago that was to her out.
Speaker 8: Yeah Ms.
Speaker 9: And it's just been a delight to get to know
Speaker 9: a little bit about you via email. So it's really
Speaker 9: nice to be actually talking to you even though we're
Speaker 9: on the other side you.
Speaker 10: So you know what I want to dive straight into
Speaker 10: it because one of the one of my favorite questions
Speaker 10: to ask people when they come on the show is
Speaker 10: where their whole journey towards slowing down simplifying sustainability whatever
Speaker 10: it is that where it all started because I think
Speaker 10: for me that's a fascinating question to ask and a
Speaker 10: fascinating answer to get because everyone starts in a different
Speaker 10: place and everyone starts different changes but it also makes
Speaker 10: you know what comes next feel more accessible you know
Speaker 10: I feel like we are often shown these success stories
Speaker 10: of cluttering or tiny house living or whatever and we
Speaker 10: can't ever imagine getting ourselves from where we are to
Speaker 10: something like that because it doesn't feel like real life
Speaker 10: for us. But when you go back to where people
Speaker 10: began all of a sudden it feels more doable. So
Speaker 10: you I mean you now write about for many publications
Speaker 10: and on your own blog about slowing down simplifying sustainability.
Speaker 10: But where did that begin for you.
Speaker 1: What started it a really long time ago. I think
Speaker 1: it even started around the year 2000 2001 when I
Speaker 1: I did my very first trip overseas which was with
Speaker 1: my childhood long time deer's girlfriend in the world. The
Speaker 1: two of us packed our backpacks and went trekking in
Speaker 1: Nepal in the Himalayas. And then after that we spent
Speaker 1: some time in India. And I think that was that
Speaker 1: experience of being you know in a country of that
Speaker 1: economic structure and we've just such extraordinary levels of poverty
Speaker 1: that just woke me up. You know when we were
Speaker 1: taking a neighborly as a little village that we passed through.
Speaker 1: I remember seeing a bunch of kids that were playing
Speaker 1: soccer or something again similar to that anyway. And their
Speaker 1: bowl which was the size of a soccer ball was
Speaker 1: made at was like a ration bowl it was made
Speaker 1: out of grasses or something and a net was similar
Speaker 1: like it was all handmade. And these kids were the
Speaker 1: Huskies children I had ever seen at that stage and
Speaker 1: and I remember like really acknowledging that thinking these kids
Speaker 1: are just so happy and proud. You know in comparison
Speaker 1: to what we have in our company crazy West and
Speaker 1: what I thought my uncle Michael loves you know like
Speaker 1: a bucket of water from the stream and they don't
Speaker 1: have electricity and you know having a generator on it's
Speaker 1: a luxury and it just struck me and I just
Speaker 1: you know I and I came back to Australia and
Speaker 1: just kind of went Wow like what. What's the missing
Speaker 1: piece here. Like you know I said that was actually
Speaker 1: probably what the earliest thing that started building my awareness
Speaker 1: that got me kind of you know sort of just
Speaker 1: a little bit more open minded about the world outside
Speaker 1: of the luxuries of Australia.
Speaker 9: Let's fast forward a bit because I'm curious about your
Speaker 9: blog is wonderful by the way the conscious caterpillar. Oh
Speaker 9: it's really wonderful. You you write really beautifully you're obviously
Speaker 9: super passionate about sustainability slow living and the impact and
Speaker 9: the way that that impacts your family. Why did you
Speaker 9: start that I mean was that something that you just
Speaker 9: become more more passionate about. A bit like me with
Speaker 9: my blog where you like I just have to write
Speaker 9: about it.
Speaker 1: Or was there a grand plan there I'd have these
Speaker 1: you know at this moment where I just you know
Speaker 1: I was coming out of being in the thick of
Speaker 1: being a stay at home parent. You know my kids
Speaker 1: were starting to actually one was going to school and
Speaker 1: the other was on the spring to stop me and
Speaker 1: I was ready for it to great feel myself in
Speaker 1: other ways a little bit and parallel to that. I
Speaker 1: had you know I started thinking about well what's next
Speaker 1: to me because you know obviously great kids and stuff
Speaker 1: had been the film industry and I knew that that
Speaker 1: wasn't a direction I wanted to take because I couldn't
Speaker 1: figure out how that would actually create a sustainable situation
Speaker 1: for me to be the man that I wanted to be.
Speaker 1: You know I I reflected on it for ages and
Speaker 1: then I just kind of had these real oh good
Speaker 1: moment where I just realized that I was a writer
Speaker 1: and I just kind of thought that's my thinking that's
Speaker 1: kind of what lights me up side. And I was
Speaker 1: writing anyway journaling and just you know I had these
Speaker 1: thoughts not just reaching for scraps of paper just doing it.
Speaker 1: In vain like honestly within days of me having that
Speaker 1: realization that I don't know what rabbit hole I was
Speaker 1: down or what email mailing list I was on. I
Speaker 1: can't remember but there was a non-profit retreat in the States.
Speaker 1: I think I'd found out about that and so I
Speaker 1: joined their mailing list just because you know out of
Speaker 1: curiosity and out of interest and inspiration. And then they
Speaker 1: hosted an online course by another writer who was doing
Speaker 1: it how to get yourself published online course and she's
Speaker 1: that teacher of that course Christine has since become a
Speaker 1: really close friend of mine. She's delightful. And I signed
Speaker 1: up and I got right into it. I like I
Speaker 1: really dedicated myself. I went for a month. And at
Speaker 1: the end of that I started pitching to magazines and
Speaker 1: stuff and just stuff. Right. Go along that journey of
Speaker 1: not backs and keeping on pitching and I'm not.
Speaker 8: I don't give up very easily. I just kind of
Speaker 8: keep going and that doesn't mean to say that I
Speaker 8: don't feel the pain really getting knocked back or the disappointment.
Speaker 8: So I I just kept going into someone's life and
Speaker 8: publish it and I did it for free.
Speaker 1: I got at that stage always writing articles for free.
Speaker 1: And then I got to a point where I just
Speaker 1: thought I kind of want to be paid. So yeah.
Speaker 1: So I asked Christine the teacher. I said so if
Speaker 1: I want to but if I want to type writing
Speaker 1: seriously and be professional and actually get published do you
Speaker 1: think I need to get started. Do you think that
Speaker 1: it would be a disadvantage for me not to have
Speaker 1: that online presence. And she said I really. She's beautiful.
Speaker 1: That's not a start. But she said I really can't
Speaker 1: answer that question for you. But I do know it
Speaker 1: for my experience but I will give up and so
Speaker 1: I and everyone else you know I like everyone seem
Speaker 1: to have a blog and I was kind of like
Speaker 1: you know I was also taking loads of photos at
Speaker 1: that stage with no home for them. They were just
Speaker 1: clogging up my hard drive and I just kind of went.
Speaker 1: Yeah okay I'm going to do it. I was really
Speaker 1: worried that it would set too much time. I didn't
Speaker 1: want it to be contained to real lack of time sucka.
Speaker 1: And you know it just just to be a slave
Speaker 1: to it and stuff like that. And you know I
Speaker 1: think that just comes down to management of boundaries and stuff.
Speaker 1: I once I started I realized that I actually really
Speaker 1: loved it. I just got into it.
Speaker 9: So and then you started kind of chronicling the changes
Speaker 9: that you and your family were making for you know
Speaker 9: a year or so which could it really vary across
Speaker 9: you know slowing down.
Speaker 10: They really do but it's like they will have this
Speaker 10: thread of intention and excavating the important things in life
Speaker 10: and getting rid of the things that aren't. And it's
Speaker 10: it's it's really beautiful to see the way or the
Speaker 10: different ways that you do that the way that you
Speaker 10: parent and the changes you make at home and the
Speaker 10: changes that you make in yourself and even just your
Speaker 10: love of writing and photography and nature. It all comes
Speaker 10: to this really beautiful portrait of someone who is doing
Speaker 10: the continuous work of excavating a good life you know.
Speaker 10: And I think it's it's really wonderful it really is
Speaker 10: sort of beautiful click you know. Thank you. And then
Speaker 10: so then moving forward again another timely progress in 2015.
Speaker 10: Your husband Tuck was killed in a motorbike accident. Yes.
Speaker 10: And I said to Ben before I started recording my
Speaker 10: I'm going to be so ham fisted here and say
Speaker 10: something dumb. So I'm sure you know that. I just
Speaker 10: I I appreciate how open you said you're happy to
Speaker 10: be about this conversation. And it was obviously such a shock.
Speaker 10: So that sent your family into a tailspin.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Guy it was you know I think that by
Speaker 1: quitting everything was different. Everything was unfamiliar. You know I
Speaker 1: like nothing. Nothing was the same. Not a single grain.
Speaker 1: And I completely had an identity crisis because I didn't
Speaker 1: know who the hell I was because I'd been we'd
Speaker 1: talk for over 17 years. You know like I was
Speaker 1: 21 when we met and I was and eight died.
Speaker 1: He died in January. And I turned 40 the following January. Hey.
Speaker 1: So I just turned 89 before he died and I'm
Speaker 1: like after he died I just you know I suppose
Speaker 1: and as the weeks unfolded I just kind of sat
Speaker 1: and just so when you know that was a huge fear.
Speaker 1: You know that was like the pains of the shock
Speaker 1: and the fear all those early days as well. It
Speaker 1: was kind of like I can't go back to who
Speaker 1: I was when I was like before I it because
Speaker 1: you know I was 21 right. I don't want anymore.
Speaker 1: And I thought I can't be I was when I
Speaker 1: was with him because I'm not he's not here to
Speaker 1: beat me and run. So I don't know who the
Speaker 1: fuck I am. And I don't know who I don't
Speaker 1: know who I want to be. And there was all
Speaker 1: of and those destroyed homes shitload of processing. I can't
Speaker 1: even imagine the terrifying really scary because it isn't like
Speaker 1: I knew but I was having this complete loss of
Speaker 1: identity but I also knew that I was responsible for
Speaker 1: two kids right. And I was like how how do
Speaker 1: I actually pull this off. Like when I don't even
Speaker 1: know who I am what I am what I want
Speaker 1: any of it. Like I just. And I think because
Speaker 1: I'm the kind of person that's really I'm not good
Speaker 1: at running away from my own stuff. I like to
Speaker 1: sit in that process and do the work. I just
Speaker 1: that's just something I've learned over the years. Even before
Speaker 1: dawn I'd started to kind of just do some heavy
Speaker 1: duty in a way. So it was kind of a
Speaker 1: cases reconciling kind of my perspectives on the bigger picture
Speaker 1: of life in the world and the universe and all
Speaker 1: of that stuff. So reconciling that with the reality of
Speaker 1: what it happened because I was so upset that Tucker
Speaker 1: and I were working together on making the change on
Speaker 1: a level that was still for us that we were
Speaker 1: actually kind of we were so in sync and aligned
Speaker 1: with our values and what we wanted to create in
Speaker 1: our life and the impact that we wanted to have
Speaker 1: that it was kind of it was gonna be a
Speaker 1: team effort. And so I had to see in figuring
Speaker 1: out because I still felt like I still knew I
Speaker 1: still had this other belief system that I was really
Speaker 1: committed to like that was in infused in who I
Speaker 1: was that how was I actually going to match that
Speaker 1: up with what the reality of what had happened and
Speaker 1: stuff I had to actually see in that and then
Speaker 1: and loads of writing like you know this and this
Speaker 1: and blah God these books where the general said threat
Speaker 1: at that time throughout that process once I actually kind
Speaker 1: of figured that out for myself figured out Okay this
Speaker 1: is what's happened you know like I kind of found
Speaker 1: reasoning in there that I understood that made sense to me.
Speaker 1: That was enough for me to hold on to and
Speaker 1: that I think was probably a huge stepping stone in
Speaker 1: me healing and and coming out of that really depths
Speaker 1: of despair sort of lack of knowing kind of banks.
Speaker 1: But it did change this life.
Speaker 11: It changed a lot of that and I had to
Speaker 11: also a compromise with myself on that because I guess
Speaker 11: you have to recalibrate what's actually possible now you're single
Speaker 11: you're a single parent with two kids and you don't
Speaker 11: know and you're like you're you're dealing with all of
Speaker 11: this yourself plus supporting your children through it. Plus you
Speaker 11: know like you said you ever made these changes with
Speaker 11: talk and they're very precious to you and they're important
Speaker 11: to you. So how do you make that work on
Speaker 11: a day to day basis. So what does that look
Speaker 11: like for you now. I mean you're you work you're
Speaker 11: a freelance writer you you're a single parent and you
Speaker 11: make you still making these changes and these shifts and
Speaker 11: living like a simpler slower life which is actually work.
Speaker 11: So how do you make that work every day.
Speaker 1: It looks different every single day and every single day
Speaker 1: I far I've had to become really clear and committed
Speaker 1: to my boundaries and clear what those boundaries are for
Speaker 1: myself that flows on to every aspect of all of
Speaker 1: my life. And what I choose to say yes to
Speaker 1: what I choose to say no way I politely think
Speaker 1: I politely decline pretty much all invitations. You know 98
Speaker 1: percent of invitations because then I can say yes to
Speaker 1: the things that truly are going to be in alignment
Speaker 1: with me and my kids and our needs and the
Speaker 1: things that are actually going to bring us joy and
Speaker 1: feel less rather than deplete us and make it sound
Speaker 1: like I've got this totally under control that I'm denying
Speaker 1: that I'll make it every day. But you know what
Speaker 1: I find consistent with it. And then I just kind
Speaker 1: of go and I just then and it just kind
Speaker 1: of guy. Yeah. Woops okay. That didn't actually. That was
Speaker 1: not a smart one for me to say yes to
Speaker 1: the kids and I talk about it a lot as well.
Speaker 1: Like you know I like decisions are family decisions. A
Speaker 1: lot of the time like I will sort of say
Speaker 1: you know I this is come up. You know if
Speaker 1: we say yes to it it means that that this
Speaker 1: won't get done or that we can't do things. I'm
Speaker 1: always thinking ahead. Mm hmm. So if I say yes
Speaker 1: to something then I know that like say for example
Speaker 1: if we if we've got a white space weekend like
Speaker 1: no commitments you know sometimes I'll actually declare what I
Speaker 1: call domestic lockdown weekends no longer as you know in combat. You. Know.
Speaker 1: And that is just not negotiable. That is just how
Speaker 1: it is. And I I recognize in advance within myself
Speaker 1: when that's needed because because I'm like me my kids
Speaker 1: we're a pretty tight team. And I know that how
Speaker 1: I'm feeling is generally going to be the same as
Speaker 1: how they're feeling. If I'm feeling overloaded overwhelmed you know
Speaker 1: a overcommitted. I know that that's what they're going to
Speaker 1: be feeling as well. Only they just don't have the
Speaker 1: words to communicate in those in that same way. I
Speaker 1: will just be having meltdowns or something instead. So I
Speaker 1: I I know that if I kind of thing you
Speaker 1: know tomorrow is gonna be a fine day. I mean
Speaker 1: this is hypothetical you know tomorrow is going to be
Speaker 1: a home day. You know I'll get the savings on
Speaker 1: to that and I'll get this done and then we'll
Speaker 1: kind of free let's take the dog for a walk
Speaker 1: and then we stuff you know we things like that.
Speaker 1: And then if an invitation comes first We'll check in
Speaker 1: with myself and I kind of guide is that you know.
Speaker 1: Is that something that I want to be giving my
Speaker 1: time and energy towards and I become really aware of
Speaker 1: if it's not in me. I don't know how this
Speaker 1: might sound whether it makes me sound a little bit
Speaker 1: kind of ruthless and bitchy but it does. It's not
Speaker 1: how I actually it's not how I actually predict that
Speaker 1: because I'm friendly to everyone but. But I I'm very
Speaker 1: mindful of where my time and energy goes. Fringe friendships
Speaker 1: for me anyone not close relationships are very intentional. I
Speaker 1: am if I. Because he might not make this mistake
Speaker 1: so many times I think that I'd be like I
Speaker 1: live now but I'm continually kind of guy woops that
Speaker 1: you know if someone's going to suck my energy and
Speaker 1: it's not a mutual exchange you know if I don't
Speaker 1: if I don't walk away from a catch up or
Speaker 1: a commitment feeling good it's my kids that cop it. Right.
Speaker 1: And I don't think and I don't think that's fair.
Speaker 1: You know they don't deserve that. Because because because I've
Speaker 1: made a wrong choice that's not their fault but it's.
Speaker 11: So yeah. I mean like the margin I mean so
Speaker 11: I think about myself and my energy and I know
Speaker 11: that been like I've got that margin of having been
Speaker 11: in my corner. So on those days where I'm like
Speaker 11: I've given too much and I'm not great to be
Speaker 11: around I think he's there and then you had to
Speaker 11: completely recalibrate to to a point where like you said
Speaker 11: your boundaries would be the most important part of managing
Speaker 11: that because there is no buffer No.
Speaker 1: And I'd become really good because my kids are slightly
Speaker 1: older now than when they were when talkfest died. Like
Speaker 1: now we've had a few years that could well be
Speaker 1: four years in January and we communicate really well and
Speaker 1: I know I know when I'm empty and I I'll
Speaker 1: say to them before I flipped out my book. I
Speaker 1: know that I'm in a space where they push me
Speaker 1: and all that that I eat that is not going
Speaker 1: to go it's not going to be pretty and it's
Speaker 1: going to end badly. You know we may kind of
Speaker 1: like yelling or losing my temper or just you know
Speaker 1: being somebody's mommy or something like that. I can feel
Speaker 1: that we need me I can feel it's like that
Speaker 1: a little gaggle of a bald guy I like I
Speaker 1: can feel my emotional imbalance in me and I've become
Speaker 1: really aware of that. And really good at recognizing that
Speaker 1: ahead of time now. So I say to the kids
Speaker 1: you guys need to know that I am empty this
Speaker 1: afternoon or tonight I have nothing left to give. Please
Speaker 1: just take it easy on me. Cut me some slack.
Speaker 1: Don't ask anything extra of me because I'm not going
Speaker 1: to manage it well and by knowing that you know
Speaker 1: what that means that you know that old man he's
Speaker 1: got the money he's got the twitch it or.
Speaker 12: Come on. He'll grab dog Come on no let's go
Speaker 12: it's you know it's like it's going to like yeah
Speaker 12: let's give me some space and you're like they really
Speaker 12: good at acknowledging it because they know that if they
Speaker 12: don't respect that it goes bad right. Which affects everyone
Speaker 12: it takes everyone because you know I. I all then
Speaker 12: kind of you know lose the plot you know I
Speaker 12: have a big screen no one's happy everyone's kind of
Speaker 12: disjointed from it and then I go into extreme levels
Speaker 12: of money guilt because I've just lost much it's and
Speaker 12: it's just this is just like you know the best
Speaker 12: thing to do is just for me to communicate ahead
Speaker 12: of time that doesn't mean to say that it doesn't
Speaker 12: happen it just means to say that.
Speaker 11: I mean it happens a lot less frequently and it
Speaker 11: happens I've just become really good at recognizing that space
Speaker 11: ahead of time and giving my kids warning like giving
Speaker 11: them a heads up to kind of guy you push
Speaker 11: me I'm going to this machine was just like yeah
Speaker 11: I guess it sounds like it's obviously communication as you
Speaker 11: said and also went you know awareness just developing that
Speaker 11: personal awareness and you know you figure out your body's
Speaker 11: and your brain's language and the warning signs that they
Speaker 11: give you over time by necessity one of the other
Speaker 11: things that I wanted to talk to you about before
Speaker 11: we wrap up is our shared love of journaling as
Speaker 11: self care ritual. So when do you journal I.
Speaker 1: I think journaling probably looks different for every single person
Speaker 1: who does it as a regular practice for me. It
Speaker 1: looks nothing like Dear Diary. This is what I did today. Not.
Speaker 1: You know like my journal is it's a brain dump place.
Speaker 1: It's the place where I'll workshop stuff like I. It
Speaker 1: keeps me saying you know I like it clears my
Speaker 1: head like I Oh I'll write down insights in it.
Speaker 1: I'll write down a quiet that I've come across that
Speaker 1: really resonates with me all especially probably seem to like
Speaker 1: a podcast or if I and I listen to a
Speaker 1: lot of audiobooks instead of reading books just because I
Speaker 1: like to knit and you know a kind of things
Speaker 1: that I can do to it and if something strikes
Speaker 1: me in that audio a you know I'll just put
Speaker 1: down the knitting for a minute and pick up my
Speaker 1: journal and I'll just pause it and I'll write it
Speaker 1: down like you know I just stuff like that like
Speaker 1: it's and it's a place where where troubleshoot issues like
Speaker 1: I'll pull my heart out like you know if something's
Speaker 1: really hard and I you know and I've not on
Speaker 1: it and stuff. It's part of my process of finding
Speaker 1: a solution. You know like. Can you keep the dog. Sorry.
Speaker 1: It's sort of a delivery is just go up up
Speaker 1: eight points on. So it's muffled for me but I'm
Speaker 1: sure it's much louder if you're in. Yeah it's also
Speaker 1: a place where. You know if. Something really amazing has
Speaker 1: happened or something just really kind of quirky has happened
Speaker 1: like you know one of the kids comes out with
Speaker 1: something that I'll just guy with a heart attack come
Speaker 1: from like it was something I'll want to remember. So
Speaker 1: that's the sort of thing in google my general like
Speaker 1: I may not pick up my journal for a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks and then I may have like a bean
Speaker 1: session where I'm just writing my journal constantly for several
Speaker 1: days at a time. And then you know like it's
Speaker 1: always at hand. Otherwise my way Magento is and it's
Speaker 1: never far away. I always always have a notebook with
Speaker 1: me in my bag that you know it goes and
Speaker 1: you know you had that kind of thing. It's not
Speaker 1: unknown for me to pull over while I'm driving because
Speaker 1: something has popped into my head and I have to
Speaker 1: get it out.
Speaker 2: I don't like having I don't like trying to retain
Speaker 2: a good thought if I've got a good thought that's
Speaker 2: formulated in my head such a bad analogy but I
Speaker 2: have to say it's like a projectile vomit have to
Speaker 2: get stuck and you know you'll feel better once it
Speaker 2: is good.
Speaker 12: Yes exactly because not only Devi I know that if
Speaker 12: I say for example I'm on the way to school
Speaker 12: pick up I know that you can't get to school
Speaker 12: pick up a parent told me all my kids talk
Speaker 12: to me that's gone that rubble is gone and it
Speaker 12: will bug me so much because it was phrased exactly
Speaker 12: like it would be necessarily for an article or for
Speaker 12: anything in particular it'll just be a formulation of words
Speaker 12: that I think explain something really well I don't know.
Speaker 12: This is just the way my brain works.
Speaker 1: I need to be active and my brain my mind
Speaker 1: is constantly active and journaling as well as you know
Speaker 1: going for walks and being out in nature and getting
Speaker 1: regular doses that that is part of myself care for
Speaker 1: just quarantining the noise because it's too loud in there.
Speaker 9: You know I hear my head's exactly the same. And
Speaker 9: I find that if I go too long without journaling
Speaker 9: that noise it's it's like a really gradual build up
Speaker 9: I don't necessarily know that it's happening until I have
Speaker 9: one of those days where I'm irrational and irritated and
Speaker 9: my Oh well that's because everything is up in my head.
Speaker 9: I haven't I haven't kind of bloodlust you know and
Speaker 9: that's kind of what it feels like for me it's
Speaker 9: just like releasing the pressure because I generate a stream
Speaker 9: of consciousness right. Like I just blurt whatever and if
Speaker 9: I have nothing to write I say I have nothing
Speaker 9: to write until I have something to write yeah you
Speaker 9: know and it's just it's an energy thing I think
Speaker 9: for me and I guess what I'm like as you're
Speaker 9: talking I'm also hearing you kind of describe essentially another
Speaker 9: way of helping you maintain your boundaries as well. And
Speaker 9: that's something that you've become aware of over the years.
Speaker 9: I think it's it's brilliant. And I think that journaling
Speaker 9: honestly is one of the most powerful tools that anyone
Speaker 9: has to hand to help deal with that sense of
Speaker 9: overwhelm to help deal with good situations bad situations situations
Speaker 9: that we can used about I think so often I
Speaker 9: don't realize I'm thinking something until I've written it down.
Speaker 9: Yeah and it's phenomenal how often that happens and then
Speaker 9: also how different you feel and it's not necessarily like
Speaker 9: a solution has just appeared in front of me. It's
Speaker 9: just that it's given space.
Speaker 1: But like my brain has been given space that deep space. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Because otherwise it's just starting clotted.
Speaker 9: Yeah. Exactly. Mental clutter. We gotta get it out. So
Speaker 9: that I would honestly love to talk to you for
Speaker 9: hours because I feel like you've got so much to
Speaker 9: share and I mean we've barely scratched the surface. I
Speaker 9: think of what the last few years have held for
Speaker 9: you and your family and you know you and I
Speaker 9: were talking earlier about this year.
Speaker 11: But I want to thank you for just showing up
Speaker 11: and being honest and being open and answering all my questions.
Speaker 11: Having such a great conversation it's been really genuinely wonderful
Speaker 11: talking to you.
Speaker 13: Oh thank you again. It's it's been really fulfilling. If
Speaker 13: they wondered was the feeling conversations I've had in a
Speaker 13: long time. Thank you. I'm really happy to hear that.
Speaker 14: You can't hide pass.