Speaker 1: You're so new to prof you don't leave Look at
Speaker 1: this just you just left this in front of this
Speaker 1: was such an amateur live performance move. I didn't. I
Speaker 1: didn't do it right. So while I'm here, the first
Speaker 1: thing you do is move the fucking microphone stand. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know how to do it. There's
Speaker 1: only two things I know how to do one of
Speaker 1: there's only two things I know how to do. One
Speaker 1: of them is read scripts about bad people, and the
Speaker 1: other is poorly introduced my show. Um so I would
Speaker 1: like to say to my first live audience, what's what's
Speaker 1: what's cracking my peppers? Yeah? That's good, Thank you good.
Speaker 1: I'm learning slowly, we're getting used to the microphone. Still.
Speaker 1: I think I might do excepting. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's ideally like a wireless mike is not. It's just
Speaker 1: the rule that if it's gonna go wrong, a wireless
Speaker 1: minke will go wrong. Well, I can shout, but only
Speaker 1: for a limited period of time. This. Yeah, And we
Speaker 1: told you guys when we this is gonna go terrible.
Speaker 1: It's it's gonna be a disaster. It's go it's really
Speaker 1: going to give you an idea of what a disaster
Speaker 1: it's going to be. I bag full of machetes. I
Speaker 1: forgot bring all of the recording equipment necessary to record
Speaker 1: my podcast. Um, I brought some recording equipment and that
Speaker 1: fucking stupid. Yeah. I don't know how to you like.
Speaker 1: I just handed it to Tori, the nice sound lady,
Speaker 1: and she was like what. I was like, yeah, big
Speaker 1: up statory um, and she did it. Yeah. We had
Speaker 1: to make some phone calls. We did it to make
Speaker 1: we had to call Daniel. UM. But you know, I
Speaker 1: think we got it. Man, It's gonna be interesting how
Speaker 1: this sounds after it really is like other people, if
Speaker 1: we release it, you go they'll be like the sound
Speaker 1: was not good when they released it, and you guys
Speaker 1: and be like it wasn't good there either. All on me.
Speaker 1: It's like, this is a hundred percent on very accurate
Speaker 1: how they recorded it was. How it Billy? Do you
Speaker 1: want a trade? It's uh, before we before we get
Speaker 1: into the show today, I feel like I should introduce
Speaker 1: our our co stars on this table. Yeah yeah, now
Speaker 1: going to be here. That's a toasted bagel. We got
Speaker 1: some Thomas Everything bagels. I usually used Serai. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure if the ballistics on these, but I'm excited. I'm excited.
Speaker 1: It's only gonna rec were the bad sounds of make it.
Speaker 1: She's gonna sound like it all. It was just really frustrated.
Speaker 1: It's gonna skip just the right words to make you
Speaker 1: sound racist, and it's that's I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: heard my accent, but that's any word. It's not hard
Speaker 1: to do. Like, hey, do you hear that guy? Oh?
Speaker 1: The racist guy? What do you say? We didn't have
Speaker 1: to listen. So next up, we've got some fran France
Speaker 1: original premium babels. These are from New York. Maybe that
Speaker 1: means York fans frands. Let's see where they're really from. Oh,
Speaker 1: I knew if it says I knew, I thought it
Speaker 1: was some local things. And you guys are like fucking Portland.
Speaker 1: God damn it. And then we've got uh more frands.
Speaker 1: More friends, Yeah, we got some more friends. I had
Speaker 1: some Pumpkin spice bagels. Oh here they are, uh, brought
Speaker 1: by a friend of ours in the audience, Pumpkins Ice
Speaker 1: premium bagels. So the taste of autumn is here. Now
Speaker 1: we got this script, which who needs that ship? Um?
Speaker 1: So we got we got little knife, we got mache
Speaker 1: You take this one, Billy, this one's for bandits. It
Speaker 1: does look like like this is not for it's not
Speaker 1: for it's no, it's awesome, don't get me wrong, But
Speaker 1: it's like, this is the criminals. It's my oldest machete.
Speaker 1: But are you calling me a criminal? Yeah? That's that.
Speaker 1: That is that is fair. So like you care for
Speaker 1: the wrong people in the movie. And then we got
Speaker 1: we got the backup just in case. This one's real
Speaker 1: rusty and dull, so we don't want to use it
Speaker 1: on the bagels. Yeah, this is the ghost knife. This
Speaker 1: is the ghost knife. No, it's just it's a little billie.
Speaker 1: You're getting real loose with the machete. That's just a
Speaker 1: big gass knife. That's really all a machete is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna play a little bit of what we
Speaker 1: like to call bagel tennis here, um, which is exactly
Speaker 1: what it sounds like. Although neither of us know how
Speaker 1: to play tennis. We know the word love plays into it,
Speaker 1: but don't tell us what it means. Um. We're just
Speaker 1: gonna say it a lot as we knocked bagels around.
Speaker 1: This is the splash zone. Um, hopefully bagel splashes most
Speaker 1: of the machete. Have a wait to your hands, so
Speaker 1: fingers crossed. I'm just it's working if I feel like
Speaker 1: it's like, if I think something terrible like and make
Speaker 1: it think that that's what I'm about to say, it'll work. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Like it feels like it's out to get me. Don't
Speaker 1: talk like a Nazi, but think like a Nazi and
Speaker 1: then say normal stuff. Ah, don to thank something terrible
Speaker 1: like now I'm gonna say this. It's like if you're
Speaker 1: at Thanksgiving, you're talking to Grandma and then she walks off,
Speaker 1: then you're talking your cousin. Yeah. People in the hello, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can tell yeah, Okay, Well that's good. That's a start.
Speaker 1: That's a start. M Hmma. You can't tell where the
Speaker 1: bad neighborhood has been Portland because it's all you guys
Speaker 1: keep a bad element in every Yeah, keeps everybody on
Speaker 1: their toes, you know. So uh, I mean I think
Speaker 1: we should just pray to the gods of microphones and
Speaker 1: uh and and get into this son of a bitch
Speaker 1: because these people paid to learn about somebody terrible. The
Speaker 1: recording might be just the worst thing. Now, this is
Speaker 1: gonna be a This is gonna be a unique experience
Speaker 1: for the audience. Yeah all right, Billy Wayne Davis. Yes,
Speaker 1: when you were a lad, a wee, a wee child,
Speaker 1: did you ever have sea monkeys? No? No, you didn't know.
Speaker 1: You didn't You saw the ads? You ever see ads
Speaker 1: for X ray specks? Yeah? Okay, okay, you ever wondered
Speaker 1: about who who made those? Do you ever wonder what
Speaker 1: they believed about? I don't know, races? Uh no, I
Speaker 1: mean that probably did play into it at some point
Speaker 1: with the nineteen thirties with six Olympics. But yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're we're gonna talk about the guy who made those
Speaker 1: both and some other things you've heard about today, and
Speaker 1: then we're gonna talk about what what what what that
Speaker 1: dude was into when he wasn't coming up with sea monkeys?
Speaker 1: Um and uh it's it's it's gonna be a happier
Speaker 1: story than some but yeah, there's no dead babies. It's
Speaker 1: gotta be bad. It's gotta be bad. I do want
Speaker 1: to see. I want to show of hands who hears
Speaker 1: as a kid, had them or their parents spend money
Speaker 1: on sea monkeys or X ray specks. That's a good number.
Speaker 1: You that's fun. Remember these numbers, these these hands in
Speaker 1: the air. Yeah, he's a solid ghost stealer. The object
Speaker 1: recording this event he bought off of a ghost detective. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's not a joke, that's a thing. That's just that
Speaker 1: just happened. So if this recording works out, there is
Speaker 1: a decent chance we will get to hear the ghost
Speaker 1: of Saddam Hussein react to this podcast, which I'm very
Speaker 1: excited about. Yeah, I know that that's exactly where he
Speaker 1: would end up. Yeah, you would hope. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of Derrito's in this town. So well, I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna I'm just gonna roll into it, Howard or sorry, Harold,
Speaker 1: We're up to a fucking great start. This is These
Speaker 1: are the things that Sophie normally protects the audience from,
Speaker 1: protects me from, um my incompetence. She is not here
Speaker 1: right now, which means someone's going to get badly injured
Speaker 1: and I am going to funk up even more than usual.
Speaker 1: So heads up, Harold. Nathan Brownhood was born on March
Speaker 1: thirty one nine in New York City, the city where
Speaker 1: these bagels are not from. His parents, Jeanette Cohen and
Speaker 1: Edward Brownhod were Jewish. This will become very important later on.
Speaker 1: They had moved to Manhattan from Memphis. Jeannette's family was
Speaker 1: in the toy business and his father ran a printing shop.
Speaker 1: Herman Brown, they went from Memphis to Manhattan. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you could afford to do that back in the day. Yeah.
Speaker 1: If I was Jewish and lived in Memphis, I would.
Speaker 1: I can't think of many reasons I wouldn't leave Memphis.
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm I'm a little biased that pyramid.
Speaker 1: Memphis is the one with the pyramid, right. Also, it's
Speaker 1: very dangerous. Yeah, I just don't trust any town with
Speaker 1: the pyramid. Um So. Herman Brownhood, Harold's first cousin, recalled
Speaker 1: the family is fairly normal for the area, saying, quote,
Speaker 1: they were as religious as most other Jews. I know
Speaker 1: they went to Synagoge during the Jewish holidays. I believe
Speaker 1: he was bar Mitzbud. I probably was there. Again, this
Speaker 1: will be very relevant later on in the story. Answer,
Speaker 1: I'm sure he did the thing we all do. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know if that's okay. As
Speaker 1: a child, Hermann recalled that Harold was always fooling around
Speaker 1: with different kinds of gadgets. He had an inventor soul
Speaker 1: and a natural understanding of mechanics. He graduated high school
Speaker 1: during the height of World War Two and attended business
Speaker 1: school in nineteen ninety six. At the time, he lived
Speaker 1: in Brighton Beach, a heavily Jewish neighborhood in Brooklyn. Are
Speaker 1: you guys catching the foreshadowing here? Where this is going ahead? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not. It's not a good place. Once he was
Speaker 1: out of college, Harold bounced around an almost dizzying variety
Speaker 1: of careers. He served for a brief time in the
Speaker 1: Merchant Marine. Then he became a motors cycle racer, working
Speaker 1: under the name the Green Hornet. And I think this
Speaker 1: is before that. What what do you mean? That's not
Speaker 1: a job. You can't you can't just tell your parents
Speaker 1: like race motorcycles. I mean, why not? I just feel
Speaker 1: like there's some I mean, Bruce Springsteen did, and look
Speaker 1: at him, he's doing great. It is a little weird.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna help sell stuff on boats now. A motorcycle
Speaker 1: racer from our interact and our stories. Did he hit
Speaker 1: his head? I mean, you know he was in the
Speaker 1: Merchant marine. So there there's a lot of swinging like
Speaker 1: ropes with hooks on him. Yeah, there's a good chance. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it sounds like you go from being on a
Speaker 1: boat to being like, I'm just gonna race this motorcycle
Speaker 1: for a list. He definitely picked up a couple of
Speaker 1: head injuries in the motorcycle racing. Yeah. I don't know
Speaker 1: people who commute with motorcycles and don't grab a couple.
Speaker 1: Um now, Yeah, I don't anymore about that period of
Speaker 1: his life. I wish I could find like a picture
Speaker 1: him as the Green Hornet. I want to know what
Speaker 1: the costume was. He doesn't either. So Harold also worked
Speaker 1: as a stage magician. Under this strong reaction to the
Speaker 1: word magician, What how do you feel about magicians, Billy Wayne,
Speaker 1: I don't like, I'll understand it's art or whatever. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know that art is the term
Speaker 1: i'd use. Yeah, it is, it is whatever. Yeah, it's whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we can you imagine like he specified stage magician, stage magician. Yeah,
Speaker 1: don't trick. I didn't even I didn't even get to
Speaker 1: his name. The great Telepo. I think that means he teleported,
Speaker 1: but again I have no details on this, but that's
Speaker 1: the name he worked on for the Green Hornet immediately terrible.
Speaker 1: This one seems to be doing well without your microphone
Speaker 1: bringing down the the whole experience. Yeah, it's been great.
Speaker 1: This one's doing great now. It's like your microphone was
Speaker 1: the enabler. And like this guy is sobered up now
Speaker 1: that it's friends like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, we're in business. I mean, I'm always always
Speaker 1: the samed You guys, don't turn the microphones on in
Speaker 1: the studio anyway, No, Sophie. Sophie's gonna let me like
Speaker 1: say the things that can't ever go out on the
Speaker 1: air first, the stuff that's bleeped out about what you
Speaker 1: should do to Jeff bezoss House, like that shit. Fuck. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have to get a We're gonna have to
Speaker 1: get that ship in post um. He heard you say,
Speaker 1: Yeah he did. There's an echo in the fucking room.
Speaker 1: Yeah heard, he's listening. That's an Amazon machete. If you're
Speaker 1: low on toilet paper, it'll order it. I did get
Speaker 1: the I did get the studio machete off Amazon, and
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful machete. Has got a supply he's got
Speaker 1: he has more than I do. Yeah. So uh, back
Speaker 1: to Harold. Now that we're fully operation, Harold had magician,
Speaker 1: Harold the stage machician, magician machician. That was bad. Harold
Speaker 1: segued rather naturally from racing and magician ng towards working
Speaker 1: as a talent agent for other performers. Actually, this does
Speaker 1: make that that's the first natural that's the first he's done.
Speaker 1: That makes sense. You know what, I'm tired of doing
Speaker 1: all the bullshit. I'm just gonna sell the guys who
Speaker 1: do the bulls. Yeah, yeah, that's a good It's a
Speaker 1: good cought. Not a bad kid. His price, his price.
Speaker 1: Catch was Henry Lamore, one of the first magicians on television.
Speaker 1: Lamore's claim to fame was a yearly scunt where he
Speaker 1: would dive from New York's Flatiron Building forty ft down
Speaker 1: into a pool of water just twelve inches deep. He
Speaker 1: want to guess you know, I impressed by that. I
Speaker 1: think I'd want to see it before I gave it
Speaker 1: my proper reaction. I mean, the people, the fine people
Speaker 1: at Guinness, who we know cannot be bought. UM certified
Speaker 1: this as a world record. It is he's like, he
Speaker 1: got this many people to believe, so um it would
Speaker 1: it would be fair to say, among a couple of
Speaker 1: other things that Harold brown Huod so far seemed to
Speaker 1: have a passion for performance, But in nineteen fifty seven,
Speaker 1: when he was thirty one, his father died. This spurred
Speaker 1: him to make a change in his life. Starting in
Speaker 1: the late nineteen fifties, Brownhood started inventing, filing patent after
Speaker 1: patent for a variety of hitchy toys, products like amazing
Speaker 1: hair raising monsters, which were basically a cross between a
Speaker 1: troll doll and a chia pet. He had a peculiar
Speaker 1: preference for selling live animals to children through the mail,
Speaker 1: which is, here's the thing. You don't get to see
Speaker 1: the result, and that's why you do something like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't mail a pig to a kid without wanting
Speaker 1: to see that kid open that pig. Also, can you
Speaker 1: imagine being like, I bought you a horse. Mailman will
Speaker 1: be here in four days with he says there's there's
Speaker 1: holes in the packages. Well, he didn't sell anything as
Speaker 1: cool as horses. One of his inventions was crazy crabs,
Speaker 1: which were just normal terrified Heramid crabs male to your
Speaker 1: door in a cardboard box. Holy ship. Yeah, he's he's good.
Speaker 1: Think he's kind of funny. I'm being honest. So far
Speaker 1: nothing to a business. You know, you knock on somebody's door,
Speaker 1: off and you run and they're like, who you get him?
Speaker 1: What if we left a crab there? How do we
Speaker 1: make money? I gotta go? So what? What made Crazy
Speaker 1: Crabs special and sellable was the ad copy Harold wrote
Speaker 1: for the comic books and kids magazines like Boy's Life,
Speaker 1: where he sold his gimmicks. Here's the description he wrote
Speaker 1: for his Crazy Crabs. As gentle as a pussycat. It
Speaker 1: lives on land instead of water, does not bite unless mishandled.
Speaker 1: It loves to be touched unless you touch it. Now
Speaker 1: you touch it, it's gonna you don't get near it.
Speaker 1: It won't bother you at all. Just leaving the box,
Speaker 1: let it die on the on the porch. Yeah you
Speaker 1: don't look shit, that's fucking it. Loves to be touched
Speaker 1: and petted and a choice running for me. He's awesome.
Speaker 1: I love this guy, really good time this guy, he
Speaker 1: said it swinging from your fingers or just cuddling your
Speaker 1: shoulder from like an adorable tame parrot, like a parrot
Speaker 1: firm it perhaps, Oh man, I want that parrot that
Speaker 1: can bite you. Does it talk? No? I want to
Speaker 1: part with vices for hand. Yeah, that can't think pure
Speaker 1: pure nature. I just want That's a toy for a
Speaker 1: small here raiding, that's all it think. It's from the
Speaker 1: beginning of his career as a toy designer, Harold Brown
Speaker 1: had knew that lying to you he's so loose with
Speaker 1: the terms of what he's doing. He's he's amazing, he's amazing.
Speaker 1: So you wanted a toy and he just hand you
Speaker 1: a hermit crabs as an uncle thing to do. That's
Speaker 1: his whole target audience is like just half lit uncle's
Speaker 1: late for a birthday party. When did you get you?
Speaker 1: I got you a legal turtle? Good? So yeah, Harold.
Speaker 1: Harold was aware very early on that the key to
Speaker 1: making money was lying to children. Still is still yeah. Now,
Speaker 1: hermit crabs were a good proof of concept, but you know,
Speaker 1: there's only so many kids want crabs, right Like if
Speaker 1: cram is in the name, you got a limited. So
Speaker 1: Harold had another more ambitious dream. He wanted to male
Speaker 1: children packets of Brian shrimp and pretend that they were
Speaker 1: aquatic apes. Specific dream specific dream now. The inspiration for
Speaker 1: this unique vision came in nineteen fifty seven when he
Speaker 1: was in a pet store and saw a buffet of mushrooms.
Speaker 1: He was chewing his fucking teeth. I want to go
Speaker 1: on his pet start see your business idea. So he's
Speaker 1: in this pet store, he's he's a bucket of Brian
Speaker 1: shrimp being sold as fish food, not as pets, because
Speaker 1: they're not pets, and he's Yeah. For the record, Brian
Speaker 1: shrimp are very tiny. They're almost invisible to the naked eye.
Speaker 1: When magnified, they look like a weird cross between a
Speaker 1: centipede and a sea horse. They do not look any
Speaker 1: logistic creatures. No rational person would consider them interesting by
Speaker 1: the standards of most pets, but Harold thought Brian shrimp
Speaker 1: were the perfect animal to sell and moss to children
Speaker 1: around the country. You know who's dumb as hale, fucking
Speaker 1: kids people. You can make those sons of bitches due
Speaker 1: by anything. We don't know anything. You see how well
Speaker 1: lawn darts did. Fuck dumb, He would later tell an interviewer.
Speaker 1: I was always interested in wildlife and I was looking
Speaker 1: for something that would interest and I was looking for
Speaker 1: something that would interest other people in it. What do
Speaker 1: you even say to that? You just even if you're
Speaker 1: the journalists, you're just like, man, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: You are full of ship God, I gotta print this.
Speaker 1: So he started research later that year, in between working
Speaker 1: on games like Older Dash and patenting, but with proof clothing.
Speaker 1: For three years he experimented. He was a busy fucker
Speaker 1: for three years. Don't have to prove the patent work, no, No,
Speaker 1: you just gotta sell it. Yeah. Yeah, there's no internet
Speaker 1: back then, so no, he's gonna come and be like,
Speaker 1: there's a problem with this bulletproof shirts. Yeah. So for
Speaker 1: three years he experimented with Brian shrimp but trying to
Speaker 1: figure out ways to essentially freeze dry their eggs so
Speaker 1: they could be safely ship. How long was working on this?
Speaker 1: Three years? Three years? Three? It's hard, Okay, I'll give
Speaker 1: it to him. It's not easy. There's a level of
Speaker 1: like just sticking to it. No, he's not a lazy man,
Speaker 1: because three years a long time to be like, how
Speaker 1: am I gonna freeze these this fish food? All the
Speaker 1: history is built by men and women with visions because
Speaker 1: but they're not that stupid. Yeah, this is uh, this
Speaker 1: is this is this is. This was a quest of
Speaker 1: love for him. He loved the idea of selling Brian
Speaker 1: shrimp to children. Uh and he yeah, he eventually figured
Speaker 1: it out. Now, in nineteen sixty, his mom died of
Speaker 1: a car crash, and later that year he revealed the
Speaker 1: first iteration of what would prove to be his greatest innovation,
Speaker 1: Instant Life, Essentially a packet of dry Brian shrimp eggs,
Speaker 1: he sold forty nine cents. Now, at this stage, the
Speaker 1: product did not work well. Harold later recalled keeping them
Speaker 1: alive was a terrible struggle. So he makes them, but
Speaker 1: they're they're still dying like like all the time. Jesus Well,
Speaker 1: I mean they're Brian shrimp. I mean I understand. But still,
Speaker 1: it's like the way he talks about it was kind
Speaker 1: of just like just they die so fast. You can
Speaker 1: hear him. It's terrible. They're real screamers. I'm blood lad.
Speaker 1: My experiments didn't make him live longer, but it made
Speaker 1: him real yelling. Yeah, yeah, you freeze him. It makes
Speaker 1: him wild. Now, Harold promised Instant Happiness to the children
Speaker 1: who purchased as Brian Shrimp, but his sales were less
Speaker 1: than impressive. Even a kids like fuck off, fuck off, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want your fucking Brian instant have
Speaker 1: you don't got cocaine? That would be the first Amazon
Speaker 1: review today. Yeah. There were two problems. The first was
Speaker 1: that the name Brian Shrimp did not inspire wonder in
Speaker 1: the hearts of children. Brian is a bad marketing word
Speaker 1: as a as a rule. The second was that all
Speaker 1: the Brian shrimp he's sold kept dying. It was considered
Speaker 1: incredibly lucky for just two of the little critters to
Speaker 1: survive for thirty days. Not content to nature. Lucky. Yeah,
Speaker 1: mag you got a puppy and it lived for thirty days,
Speaker 1: You're like, that's pretty lucky. I mean that's when they're
Speaker 1: at their cutest. How long do you need them after that?
Speaker 1: I like, like this, I was pretending you guys, there's
Speaker 1: no dead puppy. There's no real dead puppy. Now, Billy Win,
Speaker 1: We're we're like maybe ten years off from a service
Speaker 1: where they mail thirty day puppies to your house and
Speaker 1: then you get a new puppy thirty days later. When
Speaker 1: that one just sort of I wish that's so. Amazon
Speaker 1: Genetics is working on it right now. It's a thirty
Speaker 1: dollars laughing because they know it's true. This is coming,
Speaker 1: this is going happening right now. Everyone's like, stop talking
Speaker 1: about the future. Yeah, we're trying to be funny, and
Speaker 1: you guys are like, it's gonna happen. Jeff Bezos was
Speaker 1: at Christmas pretending to be a human for one brief
Speaker 1: night when a friend of us said, I wish my
Speaker 1: puppy could stay this way forever, and he was like,
Speaker 1: I know how to fucking monetize this ship. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: how he sounds when he walks. So Like like all
Speaker 1: great heroes in history, Harold was not content to let
Speaker 1: nature beat him, so Mr brown House teamed up with
Speaker 1: a marine biologist, Anthony d Agnostino, a micro crustacean expert.
Speaker 1: They started claiming they'd invented a hybrid species are Temi
Speaker 1: and Nios especially bred to be sold over the mail
Speaker 1: to children. Brian shrimp already have eggs that essentially go
Speaker 1: dormant in the right circumstances. Brown Hut and d Agostino
Speaker 1: claimed their hybrid was even more survivable able to spend
Speaker 1: weeks in the state of suspended animation. Brown had also
Speaker 1: invented a mixture of what he called magic crystals. These
Speaker 1: helps you know it's good science when the word magic wrong. Uh.
Speaker 1: These apparently helped keep the Brian shrimp eggs alive. Now
Speaker 1: it's still rather unclear to me if all this talk
Speaker 1: of hybrids was complete bs or not. Almost certainly, but
Speaker 1: the Brian shrimp sold by brown Hood and the Agostino
Speaker 1: from the point forward showed a markedly greater tolerance for
Speaker 1: you know, shipping, and nobody really knows how they did it. Now.
Speaker 1: Making the Brian shrimp more survivable was only one part
Speaker 1: of the plan. Harold also had to invent a unique
Speaker 1: lie to sell children. On the idea, he started packaging
Speaker 1: his Brian shrimp and two little packets. The first was
Speaker 1: labeled a water purifier, although it was actually just Brian
Speaker 1: shrimp eggs. Harold's instructions were to pour this into the
Speaker 1: water first and then let it sit for a few days.
Speaker 1: During this time, unbeknownst to the child, the Brian shrimp
Speaker 1: would sneak in sorry, just the way unbeknownst to them,
Speaker 1: he'd sneak in their house they'd hatch and they would grow. Now,
Speaker 1: the second packet, which supposedly contained Brian shrimp eggs, was
Speaker 1: actually nothing more than die, which stained the now grown
Speaker 1: Brian shrimp and made it look like they were appearing instantly.
Speaker 1: That was a pretty fucking smart cod Like, that's a
Speaker 1: good idea, I w waste of fucking energy. Why no,
Speaker 1: you gotta impress the kids. They're not gonna stay impressed.
Speaker 1: I mean, used to take it this far. It's so like,
Speaker 1: do you think his friends are like, are you still
Speaker 1: doing the thing? I mean, I hate to say it,
Speaker 1: but he did make millions of dollars. There is one
Speaker 1: friend who's like the whole time, like I told you
Speaker 1: you could do it. Yea. He will go to waterpark again.
Speaker 1: We're going to Maui this weekends. I love it. So
Speaker 1: Harold's next and probably greatest innovation was to create a
Speaker 1: bald face but beautiful lie about what his Brian shrimp were.
Speaker 1: He hit upon the name sea monkeys and hired a
Speaker 1: future Marvel artists to draw colorful depictions of humanoid looking
Speaker 1: aquatic creatures for his comic book Adsture. So he used
Speaker 1: that to get his Marvel job. Yeah, I think so
Speaker 1: this is this is the hea. Do you want to
Speaker 1: describe those sea monkeys to the audience. I mean they
Speaker 1: look like if like you split the cone head's head
Speaker 1: open and then ah, I mean they have like human features,
Speaker 1: which is very strange, very unsettling. Yeah, and then but
Speaker 1: they're they're also like lizard like. There's not monkey to them. Really,
Speaker 1: they look vaguely ape like you know, but I mean
Speaker 1: they have a not the dad's doing well. They have
Speaker 1: an underground castle. Family looks happy. He's got a castle.
Speaker 1: Definitely as a cat. It looks like they've got a
Speaker 1: gardener because the plants are very nice around a couple
Speaker 1: of kids. Yeah, you can see the idea, like by
Speaker 1: these Brian shrimp and you'll have because that's what he
Speaker 1: used his resume, Like, what have you done? You seen
Speaker 1: this ship? Seen this ship? Everybody has these fucking monkeys. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna read a little bit from the ad copy,
Speaker 1: which was written by her old Brownhood himself. So eager
Speaker 1: to please, they can even be trained always clowning around
Speaker 1: these troublesome pet troll sorry trollicksom which is not a word,
Speaker 1: pet swim stunt and play games with each other because
Speaker 1: they are so full of tricks, you'll never tire up
Speaker 1: watching them. And raising sea monkeys is so easy even
Speaker 1: a six year old can do it without help. Sea
Speaker 1: monkeys eat very little, and they keep their waters so
Speaker 1: clean they require only a minimum care. Although they love attention,
Speaker 1: Anyone who enjoys the company of petch will adore sea monkeys.
Speaker 1: Best of all, we even show you how to teach
Speaker 1: them to obey your commands like a pack of friendly
Speaker 1: trained seals. He's having fun, he's having a great time,
Speaker 1: and up to this point, I'm totally on board with
Speaker 1: I wouldn't hang out with him a lot. What is
Speaker 1: what's the best lie you've told a child? Not my children? Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: But we did convinced my younger sister that we found
Speaker 1: her under a rock, and then we found out years later.
Speaker 1: She wasn't even upset. She just considered herself very lucky
Speaker 1: because we probably loved one year, like Christmas or something.
Speaker 1: I remember when you convinced you that you're living under
Speaker 1: rock and we found you, and she was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just thought, God, I'm lucky they found me. See,
Speaker 1: you could have monetized that impulse. Billys rich fucking guy.
Speaker 1: So Harold also hit upon the idea of selling his
Speaker 1: sea monkeys with a two year life insurance policy, because
Speaker 1: there's nothing kids love more than life, and oh my god,
Speaker 1: so we play it every month, okay every month. Now
Speaker 1: this all worked. Sea Monkeys took off like gangbusters, and
Speaker 1: millions of little children, including like about a third of
Speaker 1: the audience, it seems, herng their parrants for the one
Speaker 1: or however much it was in your day it would
Speaker 1: take to build their own marvelous underwater civilization. Most of
Speaker 1: those kids were profoundly disappointed by the tiny, gross looking
Speaker 1: little monsters that grew from the kids, but enough became
Speaker 1: obsessed with Brian shrimp that there are still fan sites
Speaker 1: for sea monkeys today. This is the thing people are into. Um.
Speaker 1: Although Roy or someone in the audience when you said
Speaker 1: there's still people that do it today just went, what
Speaker 1: you know what the internet is, it's Nazis and weird
Speaker 1: ship like this like, sea Monkeys, were an enormous success.
Speaker 1: Hundreds of thousands of kids were sent out, netting millions
Speaker 1: of dollars for Harold Brownhood and the Transience Corporation, his
Speaker 1: partners in the venture. With this massive success, under his belt.
Speaker 1: Harold began to put out other hit products. He invented
Speaker 1: X ray specs, which he claimed her glasses that imparted
Speaker 1: X ray vision to the wearer. Adds for the specs
Speaker 1: inevitably showed. See this is how, this is how fucking
Speaker 1: incompetence I am. Without the fucking paper, I'm useless. I
Speaker 1: don't have the talent that this guy has that I got.
Speaker 1: Just got paper. You know what, Billy? In here? You
Speaker 1: know what, Billy. We are on page four and if
Speaker 1: I know one thing about the number four, it means
Speaker 1: that we should hit some bagels with some missions. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I didn't. Robert sent me in text today
Speaker 1: he was like, did you get permission to do the
Speaker 1: machete and bagel stuff? And I was like, I just
Speaker 1: figured it's better to ask for forgiveness than yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: permission on that stuff. I'll just know from the past
Speaker 1: when you're like, can I bring a machete, they always
Speaker 1: say no, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, Billy, the dangerous thing
Speaker 1: about serving the bagels, because we have a mic in
Speaker 1: one hand, is that you've got to serve with your
Speaker 1: machete hand, which means there's a chance the machete is
Speaker 1: gonna go flying. Now. They're rusty. Awesome, but that's not
Speaker 1: a plus. Tetanis feels good. Yeah, a little bit of
Speaker 1: lock Jaws helps with I'm gonna whack it down. I
Speaker 1: don't whack it this way. I love serving on zero
Speaker 1: eleven tennis. Okay, you hit it though, Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: just enough to piss it off. There's nothing more dangerous
Speaker 1: than piste off throwing bagels. Oh, you're doing it the
Speaker 1: responsible way because you care about the audience. I know.
Speaker 1: I'm want to throw it like this so you get
Speaker 1: a good rate. No, don't. I also want to do
Speaker 1: it like this, all right, all right? Oh yeah, just
Speaker 1: so much. I feel it. I feel like I'm probably
Speaker 1: more relaxed than you know, as a person. That's probably true. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I felt okay about that. Yeah, I mean I'm out
Speaker 1: of sighter. But so we've got plenty, we have so
Speaker 1: many of you guys, Thank you. I assume this is
Speaker 1: a collective manifestation of will from the audience. I was
Speaker 1: in Alaska one time, okay, speaking of grifters. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: in Alaska a bunch. It's awesome. Uh, they got a
Speaker 1: good spirit up there. But I was, I was, I
Speaker 1: put a beer down. This is back when I used
Speaker 1: to drink. I put a beer down, and three minutes later,
Speaker 1: four beer showed up on stage because people in the
Speaker 1: like four different people. As soon as I was done
Speaker 1: with my beer, like, get him another one? He could
Speaker 1: uh when I was like, Alaska is awesome. It's great.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's a it's it's great because it's one
Speaker 1: of the states that's testing vaguely what what you b
Speaker 1: I could be. And I had a discussion online with
Speaker 1: some people about Andrew Yang's plan for universal base IT income,
Speaker 1: and one thing I said is that if you get
Speaker 1: a problem with how many A R fifteens there are,
Speaker 1: wait until how many more there are when people getting
Speaker 1: a thousand dollars a month from the government. And somebody
Speaker 1: from Alaska chimed in and said, we get like four
Speaker 1: thousand bucks from the government every year, and yet people
Speaker 1: spend it all on gun. Yes, everyone in armed in Alaska.
Speaker 1: It's awesome. It's great, it is awesome. Yeah, now we
Speaker 1: should we would probably get back to this whole. I know,
Speaker 1: I just want to go to Alaska. Now, you know
Speaker 1: what we could do? We should do a show there.
Speaker 1: They don't even they don't even care what we're doing.
Speaker 1: They're just happy when people show up. Oh man, we
Speaker 1: could get bear guns. You gotta have a bear gun
Speaker 1: in Alaska. It's safety because like a seatbelt for bears.
Speaker 1: And also and also people, yeah, and people, so okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: adds for the X rayspects. We're talking about X rayspects,
Speaker 1: Harold Brownett's other genius invention, um now adds for these specs.
Speaker 1: It's inevitably showed a sleazy looking seventies man leering at
Speaker 1: a woman in address. The implication, of course, is that
Speaker 1: if you buy these X respects, you yeah, exactly here
Speaker 1: you get they would sound like the like to like
Speaker 1: boy Scouts and be like you want to look under
Speaker 1: girls close by these glasses. This is the boy Scouts
Speaker 1: and we're fine. Face it was. That is true, it's
Speaker 1: it was a wild time gay. No, then you get
Speaker 1: your ass kicked, get out of here. No, no, now. Obviously,
Speaker 1: in reality they were not X rayspects. That would also
Speaker 1: be horribly dangerous. There would be so much more cancer
Speaker 1: if they were really X ray glasses. Um, they were
Speaker 1: just a gimmick that basically created a double vision illusion
Speaker 1: that made it look sort of like you could see
Speaker 1: into your own hand. It was like a bunch of
Speaker 1: slits into the plastic and stuff. I don't want to
Speaker 1: I don't want to bore you with un slits. Sounds
Speaker 1: like it work. Um they did not let you see
Speaker 1: through women's clothing. But I'm trying to just talk right there.
Speaker 1: I've watched the Mighty Gymstone. Um. Yeah, the specs sold
Speaker 1: very well, nonetheless, as did bron HUD's most brilliant invention.
Speaker 1: You're gonna like this one. This is his most brilliant
Speaker 1: one yet, the Invisible Goldfish. I have some for sale tonight.
Speaker 1: Get your money out. He was basically just shipping fish
Speaker 1: food and an empty glass. It's amazing. I do have
Speaker 1: a friend early on and like just people messing around
Speaker 1: with the internet when we were figuring out what it was.
Speaker 1: He got kicked off of eBay because he was trying
Speaker 1: to sell a ghost in the jar. I laughed for
Speaker 1: like two fucking days straight. That guy should have gotten
Speaker 1: a fucking TV show. Well, no, and he won't. He
Speaker 1: had a good job. He wouldn't quit it to do comedy.
Speaker 1: I was so mad at it, and I was like,
Speaker 1: people have ever heard He's like I'm in charge of people,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you need to be out there
Speaker 1: doing stuff. The world needs you. He's so fucking funny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was really good. Also, the the Invisible Goldfish came
Speaker 1: with a hundred percent guarantee that you would not see
Speaker 1: the fish, which was the really easy to like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I told you, yeah, you fucking goldfish and though visible, Hey,
Speaker 1: so you can't even fail him sometimes. Now, at this point,
Speaker 1: we've all had fun with Harold Brown's story, But the
Speaker 1: worst thing you could say about him is that his
Speaker 1: products were a little bit of a scam, playing on
Speaker 1: the reality distortion field generated by comic books and the
Speaker 1: desire of small children to believe in wonderful things. But
Speaker 1: of course, this is not just the story of a
Speaker 1: man who scammed some kids out of their allowance money.
Speaker 1: You see, Harold Harold Brown hood lived a second life
Speaker 1: outside of the bustling world of shitty comic book scam toys,
Speaker 1: and he funneled the profits from Sea Monkeys and X
Speaker 1: ray Spects and Invisible Goldfish towards a very specific political end. Now,
Speaker 1: I want to get a show of hands who spent
Speaker 1: money on any of these products. Come on, get him
Speaker 1: back up, Get him back up, get him back up,
Speaker 1: all right, keep him in the air. That specific political
Speaker 1: end was national socialism. Yeah, he's a fucking Nazi. Tanks
Speaker 1: a lot you guys, thanks a lot. A lot of
Speaker 1: people just learned. They helped fund the Area Nations tonight,
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. I just think that, what are you gonna
Speaker 1: do to your millions? I got some plans? Oh shit,
Speaker 1: he did, because like the way he sold stuff is
Speaker 1: the way that preachers work. Yeah, it's like they it's
Speaker 1: like at the end of a comic book, which is like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's a crazy fucking story, and you're all worked up,
Speaker 1: and at the end you're like, hey, here's some ship
Speaker 1: for three dollars, right, you got me? Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: Nazism and then yeah yeah, and then he's like, you
Speaker 1: know what the Jews, of which he was. Yeah. Now,
Speaker 1: starting at some point after the nineteen sixties, he changed
Speaker 1: his name from Harold Brownhood to Harold Vaughan Brownhod. There
Speaker 1: we go, subtle Germanism, yea. Now, the Vans suggested he
Speaker 1: came from German noble blood and was thus a true
Speaker 1: Arian rather than a working class Jewish kid from Manhattan.
Speaker 1: This is fifteen years after the stuff. Yeah. Yeah, in
Speaker 1: the sixties is like right when they're taking off actually, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is the height of sea monkeys. Yeah, sixties, seventies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's he's he's he's doing well, he's okay. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: a Nazi. Yeah, but he was before. Yeah. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: not really sure why Harold changed his name, and I'm
Speaker 1: not really sure at what point he became enthralled with
Speaker 1: um national socialism. Um. I would guess after you make
Speaker 1: a crazy amount of money from selling dumb ship two kids, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you start buying into your own bullshit a little bit,
Speaker 1: so you're like, I'm bonn Man And you know who
Speaker 1: else was good at selling bullshit too, kids? Hitler? Hitler
Speaker 1: the King. Yeah. Now, what we do know is that
Speaker 1: Harold was not particularly shy about his infatuation with fascism.
Speaker 1: He lined his personal study with a poster autographed by
Speaker 1: Hermann Gering and an inscribed picture of Benito Mussolini. Don't
Speaker 1: Salini like pretty cool? Right, that's the worst of the fascist.
Speaker 1: If you want to know how much I like fascism, like,
Speaker 1: he was bad. That's the fucking carrot top of fascism.
Speaker 1: And I've got him on my wall. I got it,
Speaker 1: that's my guy. Pretty cool, right. He spent some of
Speaker 1: his Sea monkey money on a rare print of a
Speaker 1: World War Two Luftwaffe aircraft signed by four top Nazi
Speaker 1: ace pilots. Where do you even get gun shows? You get?
Speaker 1: You buy that at a gun show. I know exactly.
Speaker 1: You buy that at a gun show in Dallas, Texas.
Speaker 1: I've seen that on sale. Yeah, yeah, it was just
Speaker 1: some dude's barn or it grants pass like like that
Speaker 1: was a great reaction, Like, yeah, we all know Josephine.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's very actor. I don't like how accurate that is. Yeah.
Speaker 1: In short, he had the kind of office that only
Speaker 1: a Nazi or a very specific kind of podcast host
Speaker 1: would have. I I do have a gearing original, but
Speaker 1: it's it's a tasteful nude. Yeah, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: like him. I don't like him for the bombing of Britain.
Speaker 1: I like him for his opiate addiction. He was a
Speaker 1: real artist when it came to being addicted to painkillers.
Speaker 1: One of one of the best, one of the best.
Speaker 1: You know, You've got to separate the art from the artist,
Speaker 1: that's all I'm gonna say, yeah. It seemed to affect
Speaker 1: him a little bit, seemed to have affected London to Yeah.
Speaker 1: He later get to his head. Yeah. Now, it's possible
Speaker 1: that Harold's growing Nazism was responsible for his divorce from
Speaker 1: his first wife. Maybe, why do you want to divorce
Speaker 1: your husband? He's a Nazi? You know what, We're not
Speaker 1: even going to deal with the paperwork. Yeah, don't the
Speaker 1: extra I expect money. He keeps the Sea monkey money.
Speaker 1: They had one child together, a boy who she took. Now,
Speaker 1: some journalists who reported on him later in life did
Speaker 1: manage to get in touch with his first wife. She
Speaker 1: claimed to be quote unaware of his other activities, despite
Speaker 1: their occasional contact, which may have been drew. Maybe not.
Speaker 1: She got out. So I'm not gonna I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: not gonna labor too long on that. We'll talk about
Speaker 1: his second wife a little bit. Now, what's the nine
Speaker 1: seventies rolled around? Those other activities that Harold was involved
Speaker 1: in included membership in the Arian Nations. Now, if you
Speaker 1: haven't heard about these dudes, the Area Nations are based
Speaker 1: up in Hayden Lake in the Great may not be
Speaker 1: the right word in the state of Idaho, um, it's there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you and a lot of members of the Area Nations.
Speaker 1: Actually they weren't there that night. They were not there.
Speaker 1: There was just one scared kids and just me going,
Speaker 1: you mean I can't smoke. You can't smoke in jail.
Speaker 1: You can smoke in prison. I was like, well, let's
Speaker 1: go to fucking prison. I want to say. They thought
Speaker 1: it was pretty funny, and I knew I was gonna
Speaker 1: get out in the morning so I could beat a
Speaker 1: little bit of a smartass, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: M hm. Now, the Aryan Nations had started off as
Speaker 1: a single church in the Christian identity tradition. For those
Speaker 1: of you who don't know what that means, Christian identity
Speaker 1: beliefs focus around a couple of core concepts. Number one,
Speaker 1: white people are the real Israelites. Number two, Jewish people
Speaker 1: are faking it. And number three, that's funny. You guys
Speaker 1: are fake. Yeah, you guys are fake, and we're the Israelites.
Speaker 1: Your dad's Satan. Yeah, that's it in a nutshell. Why,
Speaker 1: that's that's a weird speech. Ye. Can you show your work?
Speaker 1: How did we come to these conclusions? You know that
Speaker 1: they can billy, but it's just going to be a
Speaker 1: pamphlet of why the courts aren't real because they're trying
Speaker 1: you under a flag of admiralty. That is, you're saying, well,
Speaker 1: can are you that? That sounds right? I don't even
Speaker 1: know what it means. Now. In nineteen fifty seven, the
Speaker 1: same year A Board Harold come up with his famous
Speaker 1: seal mummified Brian shrimp eggs to children plan. The founder
Speaker 1: of the church, a dude named Wesley Swift, settled on
Speaker 1: a name Church of Jesus Christ Christian because fascists are
Speaker 1: not very creative people. Now in the late nineteen seventies, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a good name, Jesus Christ Christian. It's strange, like
Speaker 1: you have do you call it anything? Yeah? And he's
Speaker 1: like Jesus Christ Christian. I mean, it's like it's either
Speaker 1: it's either we go to the Church of Jesus Christ
Speaker 1: Christian up in Hayden Lake, or we drive five and
Speaker 1: a half hours to the movie theater we're in the
Speaker 1: middle of Idaho. Yeah, I guess because I didn't have
Speaker 1: enough money for gas. Now, in the late nineties seventies,
Speaker 1: a guy named Richard Butler took over and he moved
Speaker 1: the church to a big compound in the woods the area.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean, look, we're not against We're all
Speaker 1: fans of compounds in the woods here. That that's that's
Speaker 1: that's why we do most of what men do to
Speaker 1: get a compound in the day, I'll have it in
Speaker 1: the woods. That's why I'm moving towards my career goal
Speaker 1: of becoming a freelance cult leader tax situations. You want
Speaker 1: to full time, y'all, y'all need a leader. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: free for more months. I can do it hours a week.
Speaker 1: Only do weird sex ones though that's only want well,
Speaker 1: of course, yeah, yeah, I ain't in the murder cults.
Speaker 1: I don't do that. The area Nations would be a
Speaker 1: central location in virtually every act of white supremacist terrorism
Speaker 1: that occurred from the end of the nineteen seventies up
Speaker 1: until two thousand one. Butler himself is an interesting guy,
Speaker 1: and we're definitely gonna we're gonna be talking about Richard
Speaker 1: Butler in a future episode. But for now, what's most
Speaker 1: important is that you know his middle name was Guerrant,
Speaker 1: which I think is objectively guerrant, Like nobody's fucking g
Speaker 1: I R n T. That's fucking stupid. It explains the anger. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would be pissed. Yeah, he's mad. Yeah. Also, if
Speaker 1: you're gonna start like a what supremacy thing like that,
Speaker 1: you need to do it in the woods, you gotta
Speaker 1: do in the woods because they don't need to see
Speaker 1: any other people. I guess we are the bet. There's
Speaker 1: nobody else with a it's just us and the other day.
Speaker 1: I don't think we're the base. He just shoots the
Speaker 1: TV so old Garrant. Butler grew up in Los Angeles, California.
Speaker 1: He majored in aeronautical engineering. In his youth, he was
Speaker 1: a member of the Silver Shirts, an American fascist organization
Speaker 1: that we're basically the Proud Boys of the nineteen thirties.
Speaker 1: He had a successful career as an engineer, and he
Speaker 1: moved to Idaho in the mid fifties in order to
Speaker 1: become the human center of American fascism. Like Harold, he
Speaker 1: was an inventor. Butler held the American and Canadian patents
Speaker 1: for quick Repair Tobe Bliss tires. So that's neat to
Speaker 1: what quick repair to Bliss tires? That's pretty cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty It's a weird thing, to be guess. You
Speaker 1: got tires. You're funding the Nazis too. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know how tires work. Maybe we moved on. Yeah.
Speaker 1: In the Latin nineteen seventies and early nineteen or sorry,
Speaker 1: the late nineteen seventies and early nineteen eighties was a
Speaker 1: time of growing activity and extremism from the fascist rite.
Speaker 1: In nineteen seventy nine, the KKK attempted to kick a
Speaker 1: bunch of Vietnamese refugees out of the town of Sea
Speaker 1: Drift on the grounds that they were too good at
Speaker 1: crab fishing. Hundreds of clansmen from around the country rallied
Speaker 1: and Sea Drift boats. You gotta problem with that, billy,
Speaker 1: That's the reason they gave. Yeah, you guys are too
Speaker 1: good at fishing. It turns out they were not fans
Speaker 1: of the free market. But could you understand how in
Speaker 1: saying that complaint is like where the superior race? You
Speaker 1: guys are too good at this thing. You're like, I'm okay,
Speaker 1: I don't even know where to start. We're just gonna
Speaker 1: go keep crab fishing, okay. So hundreds of clansmen from
Speaker 1: around the country rallied and Sea Drift boats were burned.
Speaker 1: People were attacked uniformed KKK members patrolled the coast with rifles.
Speaker 1: All this came a matter of weeks after the Greensboro massacre,
Speaker 1: in which claims sman murdered five communist activists in North
Speaker 1: Carolina and got off essentially scott free. That same year,
Speaker 1: Harold von brown Hut, inventor of Sea Monkeys, was arrested
Speaker 1: on an illegal weapons charge in La Guardia Airport. The
Speaker 1: cause of the arrest was a device he had patented
Speaker 1: earlier that year, a spring whip defense mechanism he marketed
Speaker 1: as the Kiyoga Agent M five. It was essentially a
Speaker 1: telescoping baton for beating people with. Now, the ads for
Speaker 1: the ko invented I thought about hitting people with a stick,
Speaker 1: but at first was his hard and it was like
Speaker 1: and now I made it. I do live in the woods.
Speaker 1: Why now? The ads for the Kioga Agent M five
Speaker 1: started with this text. When your capital letters worse to nightmare,
Speaker 1: but comes capital letters real and suddenly you are face
Speaker 1: to face with a mugger capital letters. You don't need
Speaker 1: a gun, no self defense device that you can get
Speaker 1: without a license. It can make you safer or give
Speaker 1: you more protection. Strike down any attack of regardless of
Speaker 1: sizer strength with capital letters, kiyoga, the steel cobra. Hell yeah,
Speaker 1: he knew his audience. Yeah, I'm not mad at him
Speaker 1: for that. Billy Way, I got a cobra. Wanna magic
Speaker 1: stick like that. I'm gonna show you the ad for
Speaker 1: the kid. What don't you describe to It's I mean,
Speaker 1: it just looks like the It looks like a B
Speaker 1: movie cover from the seventies. It's like a Richard Branson,
Speaker 1: not Richard Brnchard Bronson. I would say the guy in
Speaker 1: the cyner looks a little bit like Ringo, but yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe Bronson is a better pick. Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: think that's who they're trying to go, but it does. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it just looks like a Beatle version of him. And
Speaker 1: then there's like a mummy, and then there's a guy.
Speaker 1: There's like a woman, like a sexy woman just about
Speaker 1: to knock to shut out of a dude, and there's
Speaker 1: like a nerve with sticks are conspicuously white, and all
Speaker 1: of the muggers are indeterminate. They have been in the
Speaker 1: sun longer, which is very Yeah, it's very clear. There's
Speaker 1: no risk though. Ninety day free trial. So the big
Speaker 1: text on the ad. Just walk around and some people
Speaker 1: and if you don't like it, send it back. Like
Speaker 1: a quarter of the page is just the all caps,
Speaker 1: high font words you don't need a gun, which I
Speaker 1: can think of very few things that are good that
Speaker 1: start that way. You'll need a gun. You don't need
Speaker 1: a gun. But under here it's it's so effective, it's
Speaker 1: almost too good to be true. A thunderbolt of life
Speaker 1: saving power at your command. Fucking it's remarkable. It's remarkable.
Speaker 1: I mean, just advertisers today are just lazy guy your ship.
Speaker 1: They're just garbage. There's some links at the bottom beginning
Speaker 1: you don't need a gun, Disney World, right, hold on,
Speaker 1: go on now. The Kiyoga Agent telescoping beat stick was
Speaker 1: a product Almost Taylor made for American neo Nazis, many
Speaker 1: of whom had pre existing criminal records and we're unable
Speaker 1: to legally purchase firearms. The actual ad advised the weapon
Speaker 1: as a purchase for people who might need a gun
Speaker 1: but can't get a license. Are you too much of
Speaker 1: a criminal for a pistol? Did the government find out
Speaker 1: what a piece of ship you are? Week right now,
Speaker 1: Jesus pride, it's not dumb. It's just evil. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it is it. Yeah. Now, the Kiyoga M five was sold,
Speaker 1: among other places, in Spotlight magazine, a Holocaust de Nio
Speaker 1: publication started by Willis Carto, founder of the Liberty Lobby
Speaker 1: and basically our great nation's first Richard Spencer. We'll come
Speaker 1: back to this in a little bit. So police at
Speaker 1: LaGuardia arrested Von Brown Hunt for carrying six ki Yoga's
Speaker 1: through the airport. In court, his lawyer successfully defended him
Speaker 1: by arguing that this telescoping baton was quote not a
Speaker 1: bludgeon and thus did not meet the definition of a
Speaker 1: banned weapon. The actual ad promised it's hornet's nest of
Speaker 1: piano wire steel springs, inflicting scruciating agony, but apparently that
Speaker 1: did not qualify it as a bludgeon. He is a bludgend.
Speaker 1: What he didn't say, bludgend? What agony could be anything?
Speaker 1: Heartbreak can cause you agony? Yeah, you lose this thing.
Speaker 1: He's so sad. Now, Harold may have actually been saved
Speaker 1: by his complete incompetence as an inventor. During the court case,
Speaker 1: his art his lawyers staged demonstration where they hit somebody
Speaker 1: with the baton to prove that it was actually a
Speaker 1: really shitty weapon. So part of his defense was literally
Speaker 1: like I did such a bad job that this doesn't
Speaker 1: count as a weapon. Hit hit me, you know what?
Speaker 1: Hit him with you. He's like that guy who who
Speaker 1: promised to drink the what was it that that round
Speaker 1: up fertilizer or something? Oh no, no was that? Huh?
Speaker 1: Someone had the name glyco phosp faith. That's the fucking thing.
Speaker 1: But with a little bit more follow through, not much more,
Speaker 1: a little bit more. I'll do do it. Yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: do it. I'll have him do it. I'll have this
Speaker 1: guy my lawyer hired do it. Do it now. In
Speaker 1: September of nine, a white supremacist terror group called The
Speaker 1: Order was formed during a meeting of the Area Nations
Speaker 1: in Hayden Lake. This group would go on to commit
Speaker 1: several murders and rob more than four million dollars, some
Speaker 1: of which was spent on heavy weaponry for the KKK
Speaker 1: and neo Nazi groups, armored cars and ships. I think
Speaker 1: that's what funded them before the armored car robberies. Yeah. Now,
Speaker 1: in September of nineteen eighty four, when the Order was
Speaker 1: you know, rolling rolling, right, along, the Area Nations hosted
Speaker 1: another conference. The pamphlets from that time listed a number
Speaker 1: of outstanding Area Nationalist leaders for praise. One of them
Speaker 1: was Harold von brown Hut, inventor of Sea Monkeys. Since
Speaker 1: the Area Nations was a gathering of different fascist groups
Speaker 1: and all the different leaders singled out were listed as
Speaker 1: belonging to separate organizations, Harold was noted as the leader
Speaker 1: of the Imperial Order of the Black Eagle. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: my son makes up a lot of weird names too,
Speaker 1: That's what it is. Also, was this like a group
Speaker 1: of neo Nazi people? Thank you, John? So this is
Speaker 1: like a meeting of different ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: it's like a bunch of different ones. I mean, there,
Speaker 1: I understand that. But do you think at one point
Speaker 1: during that meeting, they're like, are you the Sea monkey guy? Yes, mom,
Speaker 1: Sea Monkeys? It hell yeah, you know, just because they're
Speaker 1: not there are the they're those type of dudes, you know,
Speaker 1: they're like there are a lot of like backwoods dudes
Speaker 1: like millionaire made see see people pussy with eyes. Just
Speaker 1: that kind of conversation went on. Do you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? You know what the to recognize them. These
Speaker 1: guys would have had to have read a comic book.
Speaker 1: Well touche now uh. The Imperial Order of the Black
Speaker 1: Eagle met in New York City in the early nineteen
Speaker 1: eighties in a place called the Estonian House in Manhattan.
Speaker 1: Speakers they hired included Robert Miles, a Christian identity theologist
Speaker 1: to in nineteen seventy one was convicted of a bomb
Speaker 1: plot to stop the integration of public schools in Michigan.
Speaker 1: In the early nineteen eighties, Miles became the chief patron
Speaker 1: of a philosophy known as the Northwest Imperative, which is
Speaker 1: the idea that since the Pacific Northwest is the whitest
Speaker 1: part of America, Nazis out to just moved there in
Speaker 1: mass and take it over. Now. An Imperial Order newsletter
Speaker 1: written by von Brownhood described Robert Miles as a famous
Speaker 1: opponent of the Communist Zionist conspiracy who is nationally known
Speaker 1: and rightist political movements that reflect the highest names and
Speaker 1: ideals of the white race. Is a big, big fan
Speaker 1: of Robert Miles. Now. In February, shortly after the Order
Speaker 1: dissolved in a series of gunfights and betrayals, Harold Bond
Speaker 1: Brownhood spoke on behalf of Reverend Butler at an Area
Speaker 1: Nations meeting at a Washington chariton. That's where you want
Speaker 1: to do that fucking mating is a Sharitan. There's just
Speaker 1: like one family on vacation at that shared in there,
Speaker 1: like this is a weird shared in. Hey, honey, you
Speaker 1: notice how many guys with weird haircuts. I don't remember
Speaker 1: Nazis existed anymore, but this whole Sharton has a lot
Speaker 1: of Nazis. One of them hit me with a stick,
Speaker 1: but it didn't really hurt all that. But it didn't
Speaker 1: hurt at all. I'm not sure. He just right off
Speaker 1: and he said the agony. I just look, that's my
Speaker 1: favorite part of some antiquity, like the way they think.
Speaker 1: And then we'll go to Shritan. I'll like it. It's nice.
Speaker 1: It's nice, you know that. What they do is they
Speaker 1: do a good job again in the coffee at on
Speaker 1: time like that and in yourself. And they're good for
Speaker 1: Stalen and my other group. I'm Laparta. Now. The cause
Speaker 1: of the day at the Sheraton meeting was the repeal
Speaker 1: of the Fourteenth Amendment, which made black people equal citizens
Speaker 1: with equal protection under the law. At the meeting, one
Speaker 1: white supremacist attendee recalled Von brown Hut as a guy
Speaker 1: who didn't want too much exposure. He was kind of
Speaker 1: a mysterious guy. He made his statement in favor of
Speaker 1: the separation of races, and he got out. Keep him apart,
Speaker 1: I gotta go. Later in von brown Hut wound up
Speaker 1: in legal proceedings again, this time is part of the
Speaker 1: indictment of an Ohio klansman Grand Dragon, Paul R. Roach,
Speaker 1: who was charged with violating federal gun laws. Von brown
Speaker 1: Hut was not actually charged in this for reasons I
Speaker 1: can't explain, but he was accused of giving Roych eleven thousand,
Speaker 1: nine hundred and fifty four dollars of Sea Monkey money,
Speaker 1: which Roych used to purchase eighty three semi automatic pistols
Speaker 1: and rifles allied it. He probably shipped him the same
Speaker 1: way he did the Crabs. He's knocked on a door
Speaker 1: or ann, and I said four pistols. That's what I said.
Speaker 1: According to the Washington Post quote, Assistant U S Attorney
Speaker 1: Thomas M. Bower, who prosecuted Roych, said the defendant and
Speaker 1: Von Brownhood, we're friends. He said. Von Brownhood was prepared
Speaker 1: to testify at the trial that he had lent Roych
Speaker 1: the money for the purchase and then took possession of
Speaker 1: the guns to secure the loan. The trial was called
Speaker 1: off after Roych pleaded guilty to one count of illegally
Speaker 1: transporting firearms across state lines. Von Brown Hunt was very
Speaker 1: cooperative and pleasant with us. Bower said, he brought some
Speaker 1: of his toys along, including the Sea monkeys. They check
Speaker 1: him out, This guy about twelve tho dollars and guns
Speaker 1: for a Nazi. But look at these little guys. They'll
Speaker 1: dance if you poke them. As the ladies panty again.
Speaker 1: That was the assistant U S attorney by Harold Von
Speaker 1: Brownhood was will the funck into his support of the
Speaker 1: American fascist movement. Still going strong Man now. That year,
Speaker 1: his homie, Richard Butler wound up dealing with a lawsuit
Speaker 1: as a result of the fact that he headed up
Speaker 1: a violent hate movement that murder people. The Sea Monkey
Speaker 1: inventor decided to help his friend by dedicating a chunk
Speaker 1: of the profits from the sale of his Kioga agent,
Speaker 1: M five telescope and baton to Butler's legal defense. In
Speaker 1: a newspaper to his followers. Butler noted that the manufacturer
Speaker 1: has made a pledge of twenty five dollars to my
Speaker 1: defense fund for each one soul to air in Nation supporters.
Speaker 1: He advises people to write and in small letters in
Speaker 1: the order for him in order to ensure the funds
Speaker 1: were properly located. So that's good, right, It's nice helping
Speaker 1: a buddy out. Hi, man, Hey, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: like asking for favors, but you know how I'm trying
Speaker 1: to start a rice war. People are rolled up at
Speaker 1: me about that government government. Could I have some of
Speaker 1: that money? You have the beaten money and the monkey money.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you something, I ain't above taking the monkey money.
Speaker 1: I'll be in the brochure. Butler called the Kyoga a
Speaker 1: fine article for self protection, and all whites are going
Speaker 1: to need all the protection they can get in the
Speaker 1: near future. That same year, Harold von Brown had conducted
Speaker 1: an interview with the c at All Times where I guess,
Speaker 1: to his credit, he spoke honestly about his racist beliefs.
Speaker 1: He described his hatred of inscrutable slanty Korean eyes and said,
Speaker 1: you know what side I'm on. I don't make any
Speaker 1: bones about it. He did not any goddamn bones. Bones,
Speaker 1: silbones children, you sell them pre bones. It'll grow now,
Speaker 1: as you might expect. The fact the inventor of ex
Speaker 1: respects and sea monkeys was buying arms and fundraising for
Speaker 1: literal neo Nazis did not escape the notice of the
Speaker 1: mainstream press. The Washington Post, who in that day cared
Speaker 1: a little bit more about cantering fascism, put together an
Speaker 1: utterly damning article about the toy inventor's Nazi connections, But
Speaker 1: that was not the most damning aspect of their coverage
Speaker 1: of Harold's life. To his eternal shame, the Post revealed
Speaker 1: for the very first time that Harold von Brownhood was Jewish. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that funked up. It's fucking wild right now. There are
Speaker 1: a wide variety of things you would not want to
Speaker 1: be as a Nazi, but Jewish is probably top of
Speaker 1: the list. Yeah, hard to pick a one above that.
Speaker 1: I can't I can't really think of anything now. The
Speaker 1: Washington Post coverage first revealed the truth behind Harold's parentage
Speaker 1: and ethnicity. It also included an interview with Irwin Swall,
Speaker 1: a director for the Anti Defamation League, who said, we've
Speaker 1: long been monitoring Harold on Brownhood. He's linked to some
Speaker 1: of the most extreme racist and anti Semitic organizations in
Speaker 1: the country. He has a reputation of being a generous contributor.
Speaker 1: So that's cool, and we're going to talk about you
Speaker 1: think he was a generous contributor because he was like
Speaker 1: he's like, feels guilty. He's like, oh, you guys, once
Speaker 1: you find out something, you're gonna be so mad at me.
Speaker 1: I think he was buying his way into the cool.
Speaker 1: Oh man, when this comes out, you guys here, you're
Speaker 1: gonna hate me. Really, I know for a fact you're
Speaker 1: gonna hate me. Remember me for the weapons, I thought,
Speaker 1: Remember not for the religion of my parents. You're gonna
Speaker 1: hear something. Think about now we're gonna hear how this
Speaker 1: all shook out once the news broke. But you know what,
Speaker 1: we gotta shake right now. We're gonna add some fucking
Speaker 1: bagels and some nights. If I just what if I
Speaker 1: just pulled my dick out, You're wrong. It's about to
Speaker 1: get weird as hail. It's Portland's everybody just be like
Speaker 1: finally and they just take their clothes off. I thought
Speaker 1: this was an origy they've been talking for two hours.
Speaker 1: This stage is normally dicks from left to right. Yeah, now, no,
Speaker 1: you don't. That's obscene. That is obscene. You throw packaged
Speaker 1: bagels like a decent Christian. Okay, all right, all right,
Speaker 1: these are the pumpkin spice ones. No, but how are
Speaker 1: you going to serve back if you don't have machette
Speaker 1: in your hand? What if I do it? Well, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna know. We've done this enough. I know what's
Speaker 1: gonna happen. Nobody's good at this game. No, this is
Speaker 1: not a crowd. Grab another, grab another, Okay, yeah, you
Speaker 1: can keep those. I don't want them. I don't like
Speaker 1: that pumpkin spie, don't. Okay, here we go, and Shannon,
Speaker 1: the way you throw it a little, it's not a picture.
Speaker 1: He's not a picture. There's equipment. Also, it looks sturdy.
Speaker 1: But you know stuff. Well, I mean, someone's got to
Speaker 1: be angry at me every time we do this and
Speaker 1: Sophie's not here. It's your job to be frustrated. It is,
Speaker 1: it comes naturally, a thank you? Thank you? Is that
Speaker 1: a stool? No, it's not. I don't know where the
Speaker 1: funk they went, dude, I don't know either, Like I
Speaker 1: don't think about where things are. There's a hole under there. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you or hit them. You're a roadie that you
Speaker 1: came out of nowhere. That was awesome, all right. It's
Speaker 1: wearing a black shirt and he's just like he would
Speaker 1: do this, like what's a baseball guyey man? They can
Speaker 1: sako that's what You've done more drugs than him. That's
Speaker 1: a fit barely. Yes, that's cool. I gotta say that
Speaker 1: is by far the best that's ever Yeah, that was cool.
Speaker 1: You know, we've hit a lot of bagels on this pod.
Speaker 1: It's never worked. It's always like that has a let down.
Speaker 1: At that time, it was like we did it like
Speaker 1: like of the stick is that it's never very good,
Speaker 1: Like it's always a big bummer that we build up
Speaker 1: for hours. That was actually cool. That was cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: glad that happened on the Life Show. I'll beat it
Speaker 1: didn't get recorded, no under, no way, no way, no way, no.
Speaker 1: This is a beautiful memory that no one else will share.
Speaker 1: So back to the Nazis. Well, the Kyoga Baton fundraiser
Speaker 1: is what first drew mainstream attention to Harold. The reality
Speaker 1: is that he was almost certainly funneling tens of thousands
Speaker 1: of dollars, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars if
Speaker 1: his Sea monkey profits into the Area Nations for years.
Speaker 1: This continued throughout the nineteen eighties and up until at
Speaker 1: least nineteen If you paid for sea monkeys or any
Speaker 1: Appareld's other inventions up to this point, you may have
Speaker 1: contributed to the growth of the Area Nations k groups.
Speaker 1: You might have bought those twelve dollars of clan guns.
Speaker 1: There's no way to know. Isn't the world awesome? It's great?
Speaker 1: Nobody would have guessed that if everyone's thinking of it. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: yeah exactly, But that you guess. You guess that you're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm paying for bombs to be dropped on random people.
Speaker 1: You never guess the money I spent on those sea
Speaker 1: monkeys bought Nazi machine guns like that. Nobody calls that ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: where where'd you get that toy? Oh that's not h
Speaker 1: on the woods. Somewhere there's some hippie guy who was
Speaker 1: just like all on buying his X ray specs and
Speaker 1: sea monkeys. And that's gonna keep me pure, poor son
Speaker 1: of a bitch. Now, tell me two things. I really
Speaker 1: believe it in this world now. When Richard Butler, head
Speaker 1: of the Aryan Nations, was questioned about one of his
Speaker 1: major backers being potentially Jewish and thus a direct descendant
Speaker 1: of the devil according to his theology, we have a question,
Speaker 1: Mr Butler, how do you feel inside? M hm. He
Speaker 1: cited von Brown Hud as a close friend and a
Speaker 1: member of the Aryan race who has supported us quite
Speaker 1: a few years. So that's interesting. Yeah, And then he
Speaker 1: said something dumb like some something crazy like and if
Speaker 1: he was Jewish, I could have smelled it. We we've
Speaker 1: basically wind up there at the end. That's what it's always, Yeah,
Speaker 1: where it's always something like I could see his horns
Speaker 1: if you know, you're just like what the lesson here
Speaker 1: is that you can't and kind of buy your way
Speaker 1: into be in a Nazi. Yeah, yeah, it works. Apparently
Speaker 1: it's not good people. They're not they're not they're not
Speaker 1: ideologically consistent people. They're not as the rest as you
Speaker 1: would have them as they would have you believe. So
Speaker 1: I guess say what you will about the tenants of
Speaker 1: national socialism. It's not always an ethos like when enough
Speaker 1: money comes on at the table people. Yeah, it's just
Speaker 1: more I just want to hit stuff. So now, in
Speaker 1: that article on Harold bon broun Hud, The Washington Post
Speaker 1: pointed out that he was far from the only Jewish
Speaker 1: Man to ever go full Nazi quote. In nineteen sixty five,
Speaker 1: The New York Times tough. It was a tough spot
Speaker 1: to be in. It's a rough one, man, It's a
Speaker 1: tough like hear me out. I think first this has
Speaker 1: been going on. You're like, you don't want to be
Speaker 1: in that position. I don't think. In nineteen sixty five,
Speaker 1: The New York Times disclosed the Jewish identity of Daniel Burrows,
Speaker 1: a high ranking klansman and former American Nazi Party member
Speaker 1: who then shot himself to death. In nineteen Chicago, Nazis
Speaker 1: rallied into the leadership of Frank Collin, the son of
Speaker 1: a Jewish concentration camp survivor. His family name had been coned.
Speaker 1: I know, fucking wild, right, Like, what do you even
Speaker 1: say to that ship? It's fucking crazy. Yeah, but my
Speaker 1: dad sometimes I had to be home at ten thirty
Speaker 1: and I was like, I rebailed. Now, it's probably worth
Speaker 1: probably worth noting to him or something. You took it
Speaker 1: so far, dude. It's worth mentioning that Miloonopolis, a prominent
Speaker 1: fascist who is a lengthy documented history of conspiring with
Speaker 1: neo Nazis to push propaganda, often defends himself from allegations
Speaker 1: of being a Nazi by pointing out that he is
Speaker 1: gay and Jewish, and as confusing as this seems, neither
Speaker 1: of those factors precludes one from being a Nazi. Anyone
Speaker 1: can be a Nazi. That's the beauty. Beauty is the
Speaker 1: wrong word, but that's Nazism. You just have to have
Speaker 1: Nazi in your heart. You got it in your heart? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you hateful for no reason? Are you up in
Speaker 1: the morning? Right? There's a lot of hate in here.
Speaker 1: We gotta we gotta spot for you. Are you piste
Speaker 1: and like flags? We got a thing for you to
Speaker 1: be Come on down to the market now, uh In.
Speaker 1: Harold von Brownhood became ordained on the advice of a
Speaker 1: friend what he called a small, ancient church without a
Speaker 1: local congregation. He described himself as a priest at large. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of those still just that large right now.
Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of church this was. I'm
Speaker 1: guessing either some weird Christian identity congregation and would be
Speaker 1: like some you're like ancient Tagan thing like it's hard
Speaker 1: to say ancient, right, ancient. It's like they found a
Speaker 1: building in the woods, right, this was an ancient church.
Speaker 1: And he's like, and I am the preacher here. What
Speaker 1: we do know for sure is that years before the
Speaker 1: Washington Post article, the Anti Defamation League had cut wind
Speaker 1: of rumors about von Brownhot's Jewish ancestry. It had been
Speaker 1: a topic of discussion and suspicion among the far right,
Speaker 1: largely due to his prominent nose. But according that's the
Speaker 1: Nazis talking, that's the Nazis talking, Robert. According to a
Speaker 1: representative of the a d L, they felt he was
Speaker 1: a solid, dependable extreme right winger, regardless that he was
Speaker 1: one of them, and can be trusted because all the
Speaker 1: all the money's well, he gives us money, he gives
Speaker 1: us money, We need guns. None of us can work
Speaker 1: jobs because he says the families. But I have a
Speaker 1: feeling it's all the fai swastikas is what's getting this
Speaker 1: not hard. Now, it does seem to be true that
Speaker 1: whatever his ancestry, Harold von Brownhood was a committed Nazi,
Speaker 1: as committed a Nazi, as any whoever goose stepped across
Speaker 1: the pages of history. And he had continued to attend
Speaker 1: the Area Nations gatherings on at least a yearly basis
Speaker 1: throughout the nineteen eighties and into the nineteen nineties. He
Speaker 1: was a featured speaker on several occasions. More than once
Speaker 1: the inventor of sea monkeys lit the burning cross that
Speaker 1: signified the height of festivities. Floyd Cochrane, an Area Nation
Speaker 1: spokesman until he reformed in the yearly nineties, described Brownhood
Speaker 1: as having He said he had a big nose um
Speaker 1: and that he gives and that this is the fun part.
Speaker 1: He'd give long speeches about numerology, and he'd make references
Speaker 1: to the Pyramids. It just didn't play very well. So
Speaker 1: it was not his personality that made him popular with
Speaker 1: the Nazis. He's weird. The woods people are like, I go,
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, he was from Memphis. He gave
Speaker 1: his money, but he's always talking about like thirty three
Speaker 1: Have you seen that? Have you seen that? Jim Carrey?
Speaker 1: Maybe now. Harold also started a racist think tank, the
Speaker 1: National Anti Zionist Institute, that's just it sounds like an
Speaker 1: oxy moron. It does. It's like a racist think tank.
Speaker 1: What do you think, Hey, yeah, thinking mad? Right now,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm thinking. You won't get him, That's what
Speaker 1: I'm thinking. Get him. So he he started the National
Speaker 1: Anti Zionist Institute in the late nineteen eighties. There he
Speaker 1: authored a regular newsletter under the pseudonym Hendrick von Brown,
Speaker 1: which was barely a pseudonym, like, not not even really
Speaker 1: a pseudonym. It's like me calling myself Rob Evans and
Speaker 1: like being like nobody's gonna fucking put this caper together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's so many machetes here, and you call me the
Speaker 1: Biden name is my arm my eyes filled with blood
Speaker 1: because my dentures are in I can feel that part.
Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna quote the Washington Post again writing about
Speaker 1: Hendrick van Brown, great pseudon um. In the world of
Speaker 1: jewels and precious metals, only that which is pure, rare,
Speaker 1: and unalloyed is of the highest value. Begins a newsletter
Speaker 1: dated nineteen For a full two pages, readers are urged
Speaker 1: to unite against wogs and mud people, even if that
Speaker 1: means giving up their own lives. No one except Jesus
Speaker 1: Christ himself has ever managed to live forever. Von Brown writes,
Speaker 1: even if you could, what a board it would be
Speaker 1: to hang around for a few hundred years not doing
Speaker 1: much of anything except watching the racial um make it
Speaker 1: make basketballs and sneakers out of Racial's there for Jewish
Speaker 1: people's skins. Now it's to be super fucking racist. It's
Speaker 1: the sea monkeys guy. He's amped it up. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: amped up the he's amped it up. The address, the
Speaker 1: address for this newsletter was PO box eight o nine
Speaker 1: Brian's Road, Maryland. And if any of you sent off
Speaker 1: for sea monkeys, that's the same address you melt your
Speaker 1: money too. Hey, you don't say you don't keep a
Speaker 1: bunch of money opening a bunch of po boxes everywhere. No,
Speaker 1: you you pick one, You pick one, and you keep
Speaker 1: it for the Nazi stuff and the liar shrimp. So
Speaker 1: at this point you were getting confused. I said that
Speaker 1: kid a Swasti flag. Oh god, if some kid had
Speaker 1: just ordered it himself and his dad got it and
Speaker 1: it's addressed to him, son, did you buy a luker?
Speaker 1: Did you did you buy a swaston the flag? Put
Speaker 1: it in water. It's supposed to turn into a monkey day.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, it's amazing. This is the world we all
Speaker 1: live in, all of us. It's crazy. Now at this point,
Speaker 1: I wonder what some of you are wondering. At least,
Speaker 1: did being exposed as a Nazi harm Harald's career as
Speaker 1: a toy salesman in any way? The answer is slightly,
Speaker 1: but not all that much. Not as much as you
Speaker 1: not as much as you'd think for buying arms for terrorists.
Speaker 1: In Von Brownhood sold the marketing rights to See Monkeys
Speaker 1: to a new company, Basic fun isis by the way,
Speaker 1: that's that's the hobby Lobby podcast, and that's gonna be
Speaker 1: a good one too. So the president of Basic Fund,
Speaker 1: Alan Dorfman, questioned Von Brownhood about the rumors of his
Speaker 1: Nazi past. Harold assured him these were all lies, made
Speaker 1: up by a neighbor with whom he was fighting a
Speaker 1: property dispute. God, he's great. I mean, he's a terrible
Speaker 1: human ban obviously, but also like some of his lives
Speaker 1: are pretty fun. We're just we're just fighting over but
Speaker 1: that's funny, lie, Like, like, look there's an apple tree
Speaker 1: we're fighting over. So he told a bunch of neo Nazis.
Speaker 1: I was as you and I was like, dude, n cool,
Speaker 1: but we're letting a judge just out about luxury. Shortly
Speaker 1: after the sale of Sea Monkeys to Basic Fun, Harold
Speaker 1: attended the July nineteen nine five Arean Nations Congress as
Speaker 1: a featured speaker. He went on stage right after Richard
Speaker 1: Butler called Jewish people the bacillus of decomposition in our society.
Speaker 1: Also speaking that day was Louis Beam, a KKK leader,
Speaker 1: the inventor of the term leaderless resistance in one of
Speaker 1: the top minds behind white supremacist terrorism in the last
Speaker 1: half century. Piece of ship. That's what top minds of
Speaker 1: Aryan Nation means. Yeah. Catcha Lane was in attendance as well.
Speaker 1: She's the wife of jailed Order member David Lane, the
Speaker 1: man who coined the fourteen words, which you'll see tattooed
Speaker 1: on some hands if you wind up at a protest
Speaker 1: in this town. Um, there you go. Why does it?
Speaker 1: Why does it it? Why didn't Fred Armison do sketches
Speaker 1: about that part? They missed that aspect though Portland's adorable
Speaker 1: like some of it. Yeah, they could have. They could
Speaker 1: have added that to the put a bird on it sketch,
Speaker 1: But it's one of those Nazi evils on a guy's back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just like I have the Natal three at the skills.
Speaker 1: I'm in the coal now. Dorfman found out about this
Speaker 1: his visit to the Area Nations, and being Jewish himself,
Speaker 1: Dorfman immediately ended the professional relationship between Von Brownhook and
Speaker 1: Basic Fund. But this was not the end of Sea Monkeys.
Speaker 1: A new generation of parents who had grown up with
Speaker 1: Sea Monkey kids in the seventies we're now raising young children.
Speaker 1: There was money to be made in rebranding a living animal,
Speaker 1: mail ordered toy sensation and cashing in on nostalgia. Before long,
Speaker 1: Harold found another company to market his monkeys, one that
Speaker 1: did not care about his Nazi past and present. In November,
Speaker 1: he signed a new contract with Educational Insights. Their plan
Speaker 1: was to rebrand Sea Monkeys to capture the attention of
Speaker 1: nineties kids. Rather than portraying them as chubby champanzee looking secrets,
Speaker 1: Educational Insights hired illustrators to draw muscular, superhero looking sonkeys
Speaker 1: that could appeal to the extreme kids of the mid
Speaker 1: ninety nineties. Monkeys, Fuck, they're not starting families, They're just fucking,
Speaker 1: but they only funk within their race. That'sys. Now. The
Speaker 1: most significant change was that sea monkeys would no longer
Speaker 1: be illustrated as naked. As one company executive told the
Speaker 1: l A Times, I'm fun you gotta hear this. Having
Speaker 1: been involved in the marketing to kids, you don't want
Speaker 1: to introduce that as an area of controversy. Well, if
Speaker 1: you have Nazism but not nudism, but don't show them penises,
Speaker 1: don't show them penises. They have those. They only need
Speaker 1: to see him always buying arms for the clan. Well,
Speaker 1: that's his private business. But if there's a nipple on
Speaker 1: one of those fake monkeys, it really is America and
Speaker 1: a goddamn nutshell. He's like, hey, hey, move that naked
Speaker 1: lady and get him a gun. Give him a gun.
Speaker 1: Put a swastika right on that peck tour right over
Speaker 1: the nipple. Now, one month after inking a deal with
Speaker 1: Educational Insights, Harold von Brownhood officiated the funeral of Betty Butler,
Speaker 1: Richard Butler's wife. A reporter with a Los Angeles Times
Speaker 1: actually spent a significant amount of time digging into this story,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna quote from him now. The specter of
Speaker 1: sea monkey dollars funding hate groups is to be less controversial.
Speaker 1: When I approached this topic with Fine and Atamian, two
Speaker 1: of the guys who worked at Educational Insights, Atamian confirms
Speaker 1: that all the higher ups that Educational Insights know about
Speaker 1: bon Brownhood's past. He says that everyone in the toy
Speaker 1: industry knows about him. The people had sent them the articles,
Speaker 1: but that the sea monkeys shouldn't be tainted by their inventor.
Speaker 1: Is this any different from the U. S. Government having
Speaker 1: normal relations with Germany three four or five six years
Speaker 1: after World Wards? It's really different. Kill those guys and
Speaker 1: then they said, hey, we're not you can't do that anymore,
Speaker 1: and that were like and then we were like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: that's cool that you guys realized that was bad. I
Speaker 1: hate to say, hey, you guys have some guys in
Speaker 1: your country. They're doing what the quote goes on. We're
Speaker 1: doing business with him on a business basis with a
Speaker 1: wonderful product called sea monkeys, and we don't see where
Speaker 1: it's relevant. I've never seen evidence of his alleged past behavior,
Speaker 1: says Fine. This has absolutely nothing to do with Harold
Speaker 1: as a person. It's more to do with who sea
Speaker 1: monkeys are and what they can mean in terms of
Speaker 1: fun and fantasy for kids and adults of all ages.
Speaker 1: So I'm just talking to a sociopath, okay. Another member
Speaker 1: of the Educational Insights team agreed, what's great? Do you
Speaker 1: listen to Wagner? The Israelis wouldn't listen to his music
Speaker 1: for all those years, but now they do. If you're yeah,
Speaker 1: if your response to a question about funding Nazi hate
Speaker 1: groups starts with do you listen to Wagner, you're going
Speaker 1: in the wrong direction. Hear me out, now, that's all
Speaker 1: I got. The article I just quoted from was written
Speaker 1: in two thousand. For most of the rest of his life,
Speaker 1: Harold would two thousand this come on, yeah, for the
Speaker 1: most of the rest of his life, and he's here
Speaker 1: tonight bringing him out. He's like you got now, they're
Speaker 1: only each and there is a truck full of clansman
Speaker 1: who need guns, so please give generous sad clowns now.
Speaker 1: For the rest of his life after the two thousand
Speaker 1: or after two thousand, Harold von Brownhood would clam up
Speaker 1: and refuse to answer when pressed about his Nazi connections
Speaker 1: and the undefined put significant amount of money he poured
Speaker 1: into funding American fascism. He told the La Times, I
Speaker 1: don't have to defend myself to you or anyone else.
Speaker 1: I'm hanging up. In an earlier interview with the Seattle Times,
Speaker 1: we don't have to tail poop. You're hanging up. You
Speaker 1: can just you can just do it. Just do it.
Speaker 1: They got it. In an earlier interview with the Seattle Times,
Speaker 1: he gave a longer answer. I love the United States,
Speaker 1: I support the Constitution. I'm a very viable individual. I'm
Speaker 1: not sinister at all. That's fucking awesome. You're in a
Speaker 1: good spot in your life. When you're like, I'm not
Speaker 1: sinister at all. You're like, yeah, what did you do nothing?
Speaker 1: I'm hanging up now. I mean, we're all laughing at that.
Speaker 1: But our president ended a letter yesterday with I'll call
Speaker 1: you later. I'll call you later. What that motherfucker's saying.
Speaker 1: What's what's wild is that in three d years, when
Speaker 1: kids are like reading the condensed textbooks of this period,
Speaker 1: which will still suck like textbooks today, there oranges and
Speaker 1: we took a bad term, they're gonna read about that
Speaker 1: letter three paragraphs down from they read about Congress talking
Speaker 1: about boofing, like that's gonna be the same fucking page,
Speaker 1: like fucking wild and at the end it'll it'll just
Speaker 1: say and putin died of laughing, And then the teacher
Speaker 1: will they put up your books. It's time to boof
Speaker 1: again now. Harold von Brownhood spent his last year's running
Speaker 1: a wildlife conservatory on his own land in Maryland. He
Speaker 1: had a great love of animals, and reporters who visited
Speaker 1: him during this time reported that he was very Albano
Speaker 1: ones though yeah, very specifically. He just like white tigers
Speaker 1: and white squirrels. He liked cats, but not most of them.
Speaker 1: Report Ers who visited him during this time reported that
Speaker 1: he was very careful to make sure he did not
Speaker 1: feed his geese any bread that might contain mold. He
Speaker 1: really cared. He's a nice guy. When The Maryland Independent
Speaker 1: interviewed him and asked about his past, he told them,
Speaker 1: I'm not burning any crosses on my front lawn. I'm
Speaker 1: not holding any secret Black eagle meetings or racial meetings
Speaker 1: or kkk rallies. I'm not bringing any ideology to the area.
Speaker 1: That's fine, that's okay. I want to move on. We
Speaker 1: all want to move on. I have stuff I want
Speaker 1: to move on from. Let's move on from that now.
Speaker 1: Harold's last bout of public activism was an opposing the
Speaker 1: Riviera Development Project, which was a project to develop a
Speaker 1: riviera near him, obviously I assume, on the grounds that
Speaker 1: it would harm wildlife and the natural environment and his
Speaker 1: adopted home. He became the committee spokesman of SWARD, which
Speaker 1: is an acronym that stands for Save Wildlife Opposed Riviera Development.
Speaker 1: Not a bad Acronyma, you gotta give They did fine,
Speaker 1: It's fine. He's good with words. Yeah, he's good with words.
Speaker 1: He sold those sea monkey Yeah, instant life. Now, even
Speaker 1: in this ostensibly decent endeavor, he found ways to inject racism,
Speaker 1: peppering local newspaper ads for sword with references to the
Speaker 1: Judas Coat business experts responsible for the project subtle, yeah, subtle, subtle,
Speaker 1: and asking his neighbors to join our struggle for God
Speaker 1: country in our American heritage of self determination. Yeah nice. Now.
Speaker 1: I found a fun article at the end of researching
Speaker 1: this on a little website called National van Guard, which
Speaker 1: do do I need to say? It's a Nazi website.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a fucking nazi website. I thought they
Speaker 1: reviewed independent music. What do you what do you listen to? Billy? Okay,
Speaker 1: there's a sad story to this. I opened for Sturgill
Speaker 1: Simpson a couple of years ago, and we went through Spokane,
Speaker 1: and uh about I didn't know, and I do this.
Speaker 1: I lived in Seattle for six years, so I just
Speaker 1: like ripped Seattle in the Northwest apart about like you know, like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're so progressive and like, well, where the funk is
Speaker 1: all the black people, and then you go to Tacoma
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, there they are. You guys can't
Speaker 1: do that anymore. You can't just be like no, no,
Speaker 1: you can't, segarette. And that's how I was doing that stuff.
Speaker 1: And then like a month later, Sturgil sent me this
Speaker 1: thing that his people had said him. He's like, look
Speaker 1: at this review and it was from like a white
Speaker 1: nationalists website, and the guy was a huge fan of Sturgels.
Speaker 1: But when I came out and started doing my jokes
Speaker 1: at first he was like this is my guy because
Speaker 1: I've got blond hair and blue eyes and I have
Speaker 1: this accent, so he was like, oh, that he's been
Speaker 1: chosen to come here. And then I start saying this
Speaker 1: ship I say, and the guy was like, what the
Speaker 1: funk is this? And he went back and had to
Speaker 1: re listen to Sturgil and he's like, well, that motherfucker
Speaker 1: he I thought he was either. This made me laugh
Speaker 1: so hard. It's the best review I've ever gotten. There
Speaker 1: was a brage of blasphemy and anti whiteness, and I
Speaker 1: was like, he got what I was doing. I'll tweet
Speaker 1: that good review out soon because it's so good. It's
Speaker 1: well written. He's not it. He's educated, he's just misgot it.
Speaker 1: We're about to read and not well written piece of
Speaker 1: Nazi literature here. So, as I said, I found a
Speaker 1: fun article on National van Guard about Harold and it
Speaker 1: gives us some idea of how he was viewed by
Speaker 1: the neo Nazis, that he didn't give tens of thousands
Speaker 1: of dollars to That article cites a quote from a
Speaker 1: little guy you all might have heard of, Tom Metzger leader. Yeah,
Speaker 1: tim as a history in this town, and it's not
Speaker 1: a good one. Um leader of a group called White
Speaker 1: Aryan Resistance a k A war. Essentially a murderer, but
Speaker 1: with a couple of extra steps, and they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: we can't sing that, we can't say yeah, that is
Speaker 1: not going to go down, but it goes with our things,
Speaker 1: so good. So here's what Tom Metzger had to say
Speaker 1: about Harold von Brownhutt. Harold von brown Hutt, a self
Speaker 1: made multi millionaire from Maryland, has been an Area Nation
Speaker 1: scrimp tributor for years. I met the man in a
Speaker 1: meeting at Robert Miles's in Michigan. He was wearing a
Speaker 1: priest's collar when I first met him. He was a
Speaker 1: small man with decidedly Semitic features. I commented to several
Speaker 1: people at the time that this individual was a long
Speaker 1: way from an Arian. Then a Washington Post story broke
Speaker 1: a few years later, saying that von brown Hut was
Speaker 1: a bar Mitzvah Jew. It was also said that he
Speaker 1: was the state leader for Area Nations. This, of course
Speaker 1: puzzled me greatly, especially the way Christian hurt I made
Speaker 1: my findings known to the Area Nations but received I
Speaker 1: think his findings where he read the Washington Post article
Speaker 1: but received no answer, and then repeated the findings on
Speaker 1: this update a few years ago. Still no change. It
Speaker 1: seems Von Brownhood was some kind of self hating Jew,
Speaker 1: but a steady contributor to a n oh Well. I
Speaker 1: had felled the cat, but I heard nothing about it
Speaker 1: from the identity camp. Today I received an article that
Speaker 1: was printed in the Los Angeles Times, a thorough and
Speaker 1: complete history of the activities that Mr. Von Brownhood. The
Speaker 1: thing that appalled me through and through was one comment
Speaker 1: made by the writer that von brownhoot officiated at the
Speaker 1: funeral of Miss Betty Butler, the devoted rife of Richard Butler.
Speaker 1: That is very hard to swallow. So that's nice. It
Speaker 1: bummed out Tom Metzker, like, what what do you want? You?
Speaker 1: What do you want? In a happy ending of this podcast,
Speaker 1: Tom Metzker sad, that's as good as it's gonna get now. Well,
Speaker 1: he looklocker, you speaking. Harold von Brownhood stroked out and
Speaker 1: died in two thousand three. There we go, fuck him.
Speaker 1: Here's a piece of ship. Yeah, the collector just funded
Speaker 1: more Nazis. He's good now. The most his fellow fascists
Speaker 1: that the National Vanguard were willing to say about him
Speaker 1: was apparently Brownhood's racial beliefs were sincere, and I noticed
Speaker 1: they didn't give him the vong. That's interesting to me. Now,
Speaker 1: Harold's longtime wife, Yolanda, sold the rights to see monkeys
Speaker 1: after his death to a company called Big Time Toys
Speaker 1: for several million dollars. They apparently screwed her out of
Speaker 1: quite a lot of this money, and she sued them
Speaker 1: in two thousand thirteen. I'm not going to get into
Speaker 1: the details of the lawsuit, but it was still ongoing
Speaker 1: as of two thousand sixteen. The New York Times wrote
Speaker 1: an article about the story and pressed Yolanda gently on
Speaker 1: her husband's years of fascist activism. She insisted that she
Speaker 1: and her husband never talked about politics. Listen, he had
Speaker 1: so much sea monkey money and he had so much
Speaker 1: knowledge about sea monkeys. We just didn't have time to
Speaker 1: talk about anything. That was all that was going on.
Speaker 1: And most of the time I was just trying to
Speaker 1: give him to take those glasses off, because it's like,
Speaker 1: come on, my an, not all the time now, Billy Wayne, Yeah,
Speaker 1: normally round about here the end of the end of
Speaker 1: the end of the podcast, we would we would plug
Speaker 1: our plug doubles, and I suppose we can still do that,
Speaker 1: but first I'll be in Portland's October seventeen. That's near today,
Speaker 1: very close to now sold out. I feel like before
Speaker 1: we go, there's two intact bags of bagels, and we
Speaker 1: should attempt well, one intact and one we partly intact.
Speaker 1: We should at least try to unintact that one of bagels.
Speaker 1: All right, let's do it before Thank you all for coming,
Speaker 1: by the way, thank you, thank you all for coming.
Speaker 1: A last minute idea comment. You guys like, yeah, we'll
Speaker 1: be there now. What I today, I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't think they're coming. What I What I really appreciate
Speaker 1: about a Portland audience is that y'all are willing to
Speaker 1: let two strangers brandish large knives at you for two
Speaker 1: hours and you're all used to it because this is
Speaker 1: Portland's And oddly enough, the only illegal thing about all
Speaker 1: these machetes I brought in here is that I kept
Speaker 1: him in a bag. If I'd been waving him drunkenly
Speaker 1: around the street, that's fine. It's Oregon, baby, It's a
Speaker 1: great weird rule. It's like, you can't hide them. You're like, well,
Speaker 1: what if we hear him? You can't find him? Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, now you know what Billy I should throw
Speaker 1: it first. I got to hit that. Get that Okay.
Speaker 1: I saw a guy wearing your hat. Today's Zoro. That's
Speaker 1: a machete pocket. That's what you're That's what are robes
Speaker 1: made for? What are robes made for? All right, Billy,
Speaker 1: here we go. Are you ready love serving love? Probably? Yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: I'm going it. It looks better to hit it. It does.
Speaker 1: All right, you did some damage. I'm gonna do it
Speaker 1: one more time. I want to see you know what, Billy,
Speaker 1: try try the real chopper. This is the some bitches,
Speaker 1: the CRK T your creed. This is one you used
Speaker 1: to chop deep into wood shinny steel. But it's got
Speaker 1: a real like deep edge. Yeah, it's good for batoning
Speaker 1: and bagels. Yeah, it's amazing. I'm so in Portland, like
Speaker 1: this is just a piece of bread. I was like,
Speaker 1: there's a joint in there. I was like, that's so awesome.
Speaker 1: Oh it's just bread. Now. We didn't do any ad
Speaker 1: plugs for this, but Columbia River Knife Company or whatever
Speaker 1: cr KT is, they make a fine bagel slice. They
Speaker 1: haven't give me a dime. You all saw it work. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was aggressive, said Billy. Wayne. Yes, you get some
Speaker 1: pluggables to plug should do that. Yeah, just by my record.
Speaker 1: Uh it's just if you google my name, all that
Speaker 1: ship comes up, We'll just you'll you'll find it. I don't.
Speaker 1: That's why you don't know who I am because I'm
Speaker 1: so bad at like I'm good at the comedy part,
Speaker 1: but the rest of them, Like I don't give a
Speaker 1: funk people making people laughing people. You should tell people
Speaker 1: when you're doing it. I'm like, I know, but I
Speaker 1: don't care. But if you know, I do tell people
Speaker 1: now because I have kids and they're like, we want
Speaker 1: to eat, I'm like, so help Billy's greedy kids. I
Speaker 1: wish that was joke, and that's how that wasn't what
Speaker 1: motivated me to market myself, but it really like for
Speaker 1: a long time, I was like, I just like doing
Speaker 1: comment it's fun, and I have kids. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: should tell people I'm doing it. So just google Billy
Speaker 1: Wayne Davis. Google Billy Wayne. I'm still pretty lazy about it.
Speaker 1: You know what, Google bomb Billy Wayne Davis Illuminati and
Speaker 1: just see what happens. See what happens a year or
Speaker 1: two from now when that percolates. Please just google that
Speaker 1: over and over again. Just keep doing. I want to
Speaker 1: get invited to Illuminati party. They were like, hey, people
Speaker 1: can keep thinking you're part of this because we saw
Speaker 1: Google sends of stuff. Anyway, come to meeting and I'm like,
Speaker 1: can I bring him a shitty Jeff Bezos is gonna
Speaker 1: be there. He's got tons of them. They wouldn't let
Speaker 1: me in because I would tail. Yeah, like like I
Speaker 1: would leave him. Like you wouldn't believe who's in it.
Speaker 1: It's not who you think, Carrot Top. He's so much
Speaker 1: smarter than people give him a credit for him. Carrott
Speaker 1: Top didn't I heard, just like, what do you say?
Speaker 1: So I don't repeat what I said. It was dumb.
Speaker 1: This is dumb. But I'll be in Salem tomorrow doing
Speaker 1: stand up, and then Eugene on Saturday, and then I'm
Speaker 1: coming back up. I'll be in Seattle the November one
Speaker 1: and second on Capitol Hill. I'm coming. I'm getting going
Speaker 1: in there and getting the funk out as fast as
Speaker 1: I can. I don't negative fucking place up there. People
Speaker 1: are just saying me, so see see Billy Wayne Davis
Speaker 1: in most of those places. But if you venture up
Speaker 1: into Seattle's if you hate see at least you come
Speaker 1: to my shows because I just rip it fucking apart. Yeah,
Speaker 1: bring your fucking bolt cutters. You were going to need
Speaker 1: him to get through those streets, just lanyard. I think
Speaker 1: it's though you need anyway. We didn't talk about how
Speaker 1: to in this. No, this this has been the podcast
Speaker 1: I hope I should plug. I have a podcast called
Speaker 1: Behind the Bastards. Um. If you want to listen to it,
Speaker 1: you might enjoy it. You the guy in the royal
Speaker 1: Wallenberg shirt, you might, you might, you might be interested in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have that bagel. What's that? Oh that's a joint?
Speaker 1: Oh ship Portland fucking holds it down? All right, all right,
Speaker 1: all right, as the fun an episode. Get the funk
Speaker 1: out of here, Thank you, thank you quick. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have a suitcase just sitting up with my first CD.
Speaker 1: I just have like a bunch left and I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna give him away. So it's my first record. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of good jokes. There's some holes that I
Speaker 1: don't care for, but whatever, you guys, I'm really proud of.
Speaker 1: I listen to a couple of weeks ago and I
Speaker 1: was like, this isn't bad at all. So it's gonna
Speaker 1: and I'm also like thirty pounds heavier than I am now,
Speaker 1: so it was just this fat. He was fun. That
Speaker 1: guy was fun as fuck. I got one last thing
Speaker 1: to say. There's a fellow in the audience named Alan
Speaker 1: who built the website for the War on Everyone dot
Speaker 1: com and who without his help, that would have taken
Speaker 1: like a month and a half more to produce, and
Speaker 1: I would never have accomplished it as competently because the
Speaker 1: only thing I can do is write eleven pages on
Speaker 1: shitty people and then drunkenly read them to comedians. So
Speaker 1: thank you, very much, Thank you guys. I got that inside.
Speaker 1: I don't guess we're done.