Speaker 1: Hello all you beautiful fuckers. Hello, I'm Christina Hudginson from
Speaker 1: Guys We Fucked, letting you know that you're about to
Speaker 1: hear a special free and drunk Valentine' Day episode featuring
Speaker 1: listeners submitted death of a relationship or love stories. When
Speaker 1: you're done, get more Guys We Fucked only on Luminary,
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Speaker 1: Head to Luminary Podcasts dot com to start your free trial.
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Speaker 1: local currency terms apply. So what the hell are you
Speaker 1: waiting for? Come on, don't be a savage, be a
Speaker 1: bad bitch. Head to Luminary Podcasts within us dot com
Speaker 1: to learn more. Welcome to Guys We Fund the Anti
Speaker 1: sluction pod. I'm Christina had Thin, I'm current sister says friends.
Speaker 1: Bring up so slutty, your horny and your shame? Hey
Speaker 1: you was love? Yes? Okay up? Talk about Oh hi,
Speaker 1: motherfucker's Welcome to another episode of Guys We Fucked. It's
Speaker 1: the Anti slut Shaping Podcast, brought to you exclusively by Luminary.
Speaker 1: I'm Current Fisher, I'm Christina Hutchinson. Welcome. I've been drinking,
Speaker 1: We've been drinking. This is a very special Valentine's Day
Speaker 1: episode because oh, yeah, today is that's coming out on
Speaker 1: Valentine's I just went to double chat. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: a Valentine's Day, and uh, Christine and I wanted to
Speaker 1: do a drunk episode. We both love Valentine's Day. Though
Speaker 1: I love it so much, Honestly, I kind of love
Speaker 1: it more like my ideal Valentine's Day is like when
Speaker 1: I'm falling for somebody and then like and so it's
Speaker 1: like that more than a boyfriend. But I love being single.
Speaker 1: Valentine's name. I love like, there's so many kinds of loves,
Speaker 1: pieces of ship. There's friendship, love that can be romantic.
Speaker 1: Make it romantic, could worker love make it romantic? Appropriate? Yeah,
Speaker 1: just don't call life. Just don't call it Galentine's Day.
Speaker 1: Just keep calling it Valentine's Day. Hunts, don't call yeah,
Speaker 1: just call it Valentine's Day. But like, have fun with it.
Speaker 1: My friend Robin and I in high school used to
Speaker 1: have the most fun Valentine's Day every year of high school,
Speaker 1: because ahead of time, we would both give each other's locker.
Speaker 1: We would switch clocker combinations and we would fill it
Speaker 1: with balloons and stuffed animals. But then we both would
Speaker 1: walk around acting like a secret admirer sent it to
Speaker 1: us and it was hilarious, fun, heartwarming. My only regretting
Speaker 1: life is that you guys are getting this hot tip
Speaker 1: before like at on Valentine's says he can't do it,
Speaker 1: but bucking remember it next year. Oh my god. Me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just me and Rob every year, and like we were
Speaker 1: just both like we were just like, let's we were
Speaker 1: both women who at a young age were like, no,
Speaker 1: we're going to take control of our own lives because
Speaker 1: that's what we should do. And it was miracus. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like you're getting better gifts because a woman's giving
Speaker 1: them to you. The cutest fuck women give. Yeah, we were,
Speaker 1: and we would just that. We would just pass each
Speaker 1: other in the hall all day because you know, you
Speaker 1: see your friend, even if now you're in the same
Speaker 1: classic wink and we're just laughing our asses off. But
Speaker 1: we also look like so loved because we have like
Speaker 1: eight balloons. Oh, yeah, and you're the outside of the
Speaker 1: locker decorated. No, we weren't allowed to do that because
Speaker 1: there was like gangs in my school. We weren't allowed
Speaker 1: to have any head gear. Wait, what about people need helmets?
Speaker 1: They were had been a special room. Oh wait, head
Speaker 1: gear like so like you know, I need like a handkerchiefs, headbands,
Speaker 1: Like you couldn't just wear things on your head because
Speaker 1: because the gang. Yeah, because I used to wear a
Speaker 1: lot of like headbands because it also like you know,
Speaker 1: in the nineties and and very very great, my mom
Speaker 1: and I used to go to the you know, union
Speaker 1: flea market and headbands were a dollar and I really
Speaker 1: used to dive in. Oh yeah, you can't wear them
Speaker 1: at school and wear them on the weekends and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: no I'm fuck. So wait were you in your school?
Speaker 1: Did a people on their birthdays and holidays give each
Speaker 1: other a ton of balloons and then walk around with
Speaker 1: them the balloons. Yes, they didn't walk around, They put
Speaker 1: them on the locker. But people's outside lockers were decorated
Speaker 1: like with birthday like wrapping paper, like you would see
Speaker 1: the purse kids whose birthday is like if they were
Speaker 1: well loved uh by, you know, wrapping paper outside their locker.
Speaker 1: Never had it, gave my combination out, never got it.
Speaker 1: But you know, the balloons were such like it was
Speaker 1: such a cast system in high school because like the
Speaker 1: popular kids would have like seventy five balloons. They'd be
Speaker 1: like like kind of like levitating through the hallways like
Speaker 1: like up and then if you didn't have balloons, it's
Speaker 1: like a none for gretchen winers. Moment you realize your
Speaker 1: gretching winers, no one likes it because you're mean or
Speaker 1: you're just a loser. Yeah, that sucks. That had been
Speaker 1: to me. But you know, you mold your personality to
Speaker 1: be something you wanted to be. That's appealing to all.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. I wonder if you would have been
Speaker 1: friends on high school because you probably not, because I
Speaker 1: probably would have been like, you hate me? Uh you
Speaker 1: know how everybody thinks you hate them. Yes, I don't
Speaker 1: think that obviously, but like I would have thought that,
Speaker 1: especially in high school. I think unless you were in theater.
Speaker 1: I was in theater. Yeah, oh, then now we would
Speaker 1: have been friends because I don't I don't feel judged
Speaker 1: by any other fellow theater people. I was like the
Speaker 1: most rebellious person that was still able to be in theater.
Speaker 1: What was in theater. But you could tell from look
Speaker 1: at my face, like I don't need to be here.
Speaker 1: Oh see. I was like I need this or I'll
Speaker 1: kill myself. I just walked around. It's like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: here because I got the talent. I don't need to
Speaker 1: be here. I don't need to be here. But it
Speaker 1: wasn't about my talent. It was just about just my
Speaker 1: overall presence. Like, yeah, I didn't think nor was I
Speaker 1: more talented. I'm not even really that good of a singer.
Speaker 1: I somehow managed to get leads and musicals, but I'm
Speaker 1: not a good singer. I'm a decent singer, but certainly
Speaker 1: not good enough to have like a bunch of solos
Speaker 1: in a high school level production. Make It to You,
Speaker 1: make It Baby? Well, I would just there, And there's
Speaker 1: always I would It's it's mostly about prep, okay. So
Speaker 1: whenever whenever I found out the moment I found out
Speaker 1: what musical was picked, I would go. I would watch it.
Speaker 1: I would read the script. And there was always one
Speaker 1: role in every musical that he's either comedic relief or
Speaker 1: some kind of a villain who doesn't sing. I would
Speaker 1: find what that role is ahead of time and fucking
Speaker 1: prep for it like I had already gotten the role,
Speaker 1: like like dress like it, Stanislast, I'm living like the
Speaker 1: wicked Witch of the West ahead of time. And then
Speaker 1: I would go in like the role was already mined
Speaker 1: and that because then you're gonna be people's heads already. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then when when, then when people should we cast
Speaker 1: kran Fisher. It's like, well, we've already thought it in
Speaker 1: our heads, and so is everybody else. Yes, God, goddamn genius,
Speaker 1: gotta do it. Everybody, please love me or I'll die. Um,
Speaker 1: that's great. Well, Krim was just telling me about last
Speaker 1: year at my birthday party. Yes, um, Karin Elizabeth Fisher
Speaker 1: had sexual intercourse with a very sexy man corn guy
Speaker 1: and it made me so happy that she fucked some
Speaker 1: this hawkeye on the second floor of this hotel suite.
Speaker 1: It's just I was like, this is the cool party now,
Speaker 1: and and and then some I've put a rock star.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I deal with that lawyer. Poor Chad,
Speaker 1: Poor Chad just being a nice guy, and we're like
Speaker 1: just ripped singing all copy written material and you keep Chad,
Speaker 1: I think you're great. I wonder if Chad's hot. I
Speaker 1: think I think he is. From his email correspondence, I
Speaker 1: would say a calm demeanor. It's not an overwhelming hot,
Speaker 1: but it's it's a I see what you're working with
Speaker 1: you yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Yo. Chad can be like, yo,
Speaker 1: come up behind me, hot ship jack right, like what
Speaker 1: your work? And he like, actually means well, and then
Speaker 1: you get a little tingled on your So Chad, if
Speaker 1: you don't know, is the purse is a lawyer who
Speaker 1: listens to every episode of Guys We Fucked and um
Speaker 1: lets us know if we've breached copyright or have incriminated
Speaker 1: ourselves by saying things we shouldn't have, or are at
Speaker 1: risk of being sued. And uh, you know, when he
Speaker 1: says no comment, I'm like I want to masturbate to
Speaker 1: it because I'm like, yeah, god damn, right now, no
Speaker 1: comment means good. It's not like it's not like a
Speaker 1: rude it's not like a passive aggressive notes like the
Speaker 1: one time I take no comment is like a complement.
Speaker 1: It's like he also's back and then he says no
Speaker 1: comments on this episode, and then we go yes, thank you, Chad.
Speaker 1: But anyway, there's a Reddit threat apparently about Crin Fisher
Speaker 1: sucking at my birthday party that said it was rude,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I would love to meet that chicken.
Speaker 1: I would love to meet her face to face to
Speaker 1: let her know that, in fact, that made my night. Yeah, listen,
Speaker 1: you guys don't know Christina the way I know Christina.
Speaker 1: I want people to fox so bad. And so this
Speaker 1: year I was your second gift. Thank you. What are
Speaker 1: you gonna give me this year? I know what you
Speaker 1: are and I'm not going to tell you listener, but
Speaker 1: you know one thing I was like, I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: you saw my the gift that I got to witness. Uh,
Speaker 1: well it didn't happen, but you know, um, but I
Speaker 1: I want to encourage sex at my birthday party because
Speaker 1: I love them people have sex in front of me
Speaker 1: or not in front of me, Like I just want
Speaker 1: people to fornicate. It's a makeshift sex party. Well, a
Speaker 1: lot of porn videos have been filmed there, apparently, I've
Speaker 1: I've not tried to look them up. I don't imagine
Speaker 1: you can put the hotel name in the port, although
Speaker 1: I will try. Um, but yeah, allegedly a lot of
Speaker 1: orgies have been there. That's why they drain the hot
Speaker 1: tub in between every stay. And they specifically let you
Speaker 1: know that and then they bleach it. I hope, Oh
Speaker 1: I got ask I don't know. Yeah, um you know
Speaker 1: you girl, your girl gets U T E s right
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, yeah, well I was. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: get them as easily as you, but I get them,
Speaker 1: you know, medium easily. I guess I don't know half
Speaker 1: my ships hanging out inside. I get a e T.
Speaker 1: I when I let a guy raw dog my asshole
Speaker 1: and then raw dog my puzzy. You know. But that's
Speaker 1: what I asked for without you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like that's I walked, walked into that, walked into that toolbox. Um,
Speaker 1: but I want people to have sex. Remember they party,
Speaker 1: gona have bowls of condoms. I'm gonna have porn magazines
Speaker 1: and don't have carbon cutouts of famous people. But when
Speaker 1: I got to hire bartenders, I want to hire too.
Speaker 1: So here's what. Here's what I don't know. Here, help
Speaker 1: me here, Okay, this is this is I have a
Speaker 1: very few talents. This is one of them I want.
Speaker 1: Like I originally I was like I want like hot
Speaker 1: chicks coming around servant ship. But that's I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: do that. It's a female comedian based party. Now, that's
Speaker 1: why I don't think I'm gonna do it. I think
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do two bartenders. And I was like, I
Speaker 1: want a hot guy bartender, a hot guy, But I'm like,
Speaker 1: do I want a hot girl bartender? Because in theory,
Speaker 1: hot women make me feel hotter? I love hot chicks.
Speaker 1: I love a hot naked fucking chick. I agree with that.
Speaker 1: But if there's somebody at that party I want to
Speaker 1: fuck and they like that better, Yep, I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: wow wow wow all the way home. Yeah. But it's
Speaker 1: like you have a you already have a designated date
Speaker 1: for that party, right, So not that you want to
Speaker 1: give something, not that you want to test a man
Speaker 1: on your birthday. No, it's not that I don't want
Speaker 1: to test. But also, you know, you know, I just
Speaker 1: love hot chicks. Like, hot chicks make me feel hotter,
Speaker 1: Like when I look at a hot chick, or when
Speaker 1: I'm like at a club or at a place that
Speaker 1: has like naked dancing girls. That's why I love going
Speaker 1: to strip clubs. It makes me feel sexier. Like the
Speaker 1: sex I have after I've gone to a really good
Speaker 1: trip club is the best sex ever because I'm watching
Speaker 1: these women be so sexual and like shning and like
Speaker 1: it's so inspiring. Yeah, I love. I mean I go.
Speaker 1: I go regularly to um exotic dance clubs. Is that
Speaker 1: what we're calling them? Now? Ye? What do you think, tiffany? Um?
Speaker 1: My recommendation was just when you hire the hire the
Speaker 1: hat girl, but then give her a photo of the
Speaker 1: of the person that you're bringing as your date and say,
Speaker 1: just be very rude to this person. Well, so I
Speaker 1: don't have that in my bones, but you know what
Speaker 1: I want to do. I want to hire a hot
Speaker 1: lesbian bartender so that I can make out with her,
Speaker 1: so that I like claim her. I mean, it's not
Speaker 1: funked up. I think it is illegal to write lesbian
Speaker 1: um in a in a in a work add or
Speaker 1: an email email star about last night show at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. If you're in New York City February nine
Speaker 1: and you're a hot lesbian bartender right and don't pretend
Speaker 1: to be a lesbian, will sniff in murder you order you, Chad,
Speaker 1: I was kidding, You're gonna have to know the entire
Speaker 1: lineup for a little affair. I'm telling you to be
Speaker 1: very lesbian. Yeah, and like fem lesbian. No, like a lesbian,
Speaker 1: like a fucking know whether there are fem lesbians, lot
Speaker 1: of fem less like a hot yes. Oh she's so though,
Speaker 1: I am so attracted to say to her, I'm saying here,
Speaker 1: here's the ego part of me that I'm gonna admit.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be a hot fem lesbian that every
Speaker 1: guy there wants to fun. And she's binging out of me.
Speaker 1: Got it? Okay, it's my birthday. Could do what I want. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: you can also just hire Sydney Washington. She's so hot.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but I feel bad hiring a friend like yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's just for so many reasons, very wrong.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, but she I'm hastening. How you doing?
Speaker 1: He's very sexy. But she also has a girlfriend. But
Speaker 1: that's why. That's why she's showing a lot of titty
Speaker 1: on Instagram and I am here before. She's so hot.
Speaker 1: So hey, if you're listening, and you're gonna be New
Speaker 1: York City on Wednesday, the nineteenth of February, but if
Speaker 1: you live there, live there because you can't stay over,
Speaker 1: So you gotta live there because I'm not gonna take
Speaker 1: you home. But if you were interested in bartending, I'll
Speaker 1: pay you money. Sorry about last night show gmail dot com. Ah,
Speaker 1: but if you want to make it out of me,
Speaker 1: I won't hate it. You know what I mean? And
Speaker 1: don't and also like, just don't take videos of us acting.
Speaker 1: Oh no videos, no, no no, no, no, no no videos. I
Speaker 1: also want to hire a party photographer, but I want
Speaker 1: her to beat. Then I was like, I want a
Speaker 1: hot chick party photographer just to have a hot I
Speaker 1: just love hot chicks. But then I don't know, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. You have to focus on because
Speaker 1: these male comedians, they really are going to distract. Okay,
Speaker 1: hot GUYE photographer, that's what I want, a hot eye photographer.
Speaker 1: If you're a hot GUYE and your photographer. Sorry about
Speaker 1: last night show at gmail dot com and the subject
Speaker 1: lines of either of these emails. If you're gonna do it,
Speaker 1: just put Chris's birthday party careys. That's how you spell it?
Speaker 1: Why because my mom met a lady once that I
Speaker 1: wanted to spell it that way. I'm excited. I love
Speaker 1: I love a good party. I love a good party,
Speaker 1: and I feel like enough people are so excited, like
Speaker 1: enough people, like a lot of people took off work
Speaker 1: the next day and like bought a bought a dress
Speaker 1: because like, all I want is my friends that I
Speaker 1: love to feel so fucking sexy and fucking drink or whatever.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a lot of drugs. They're no, I'm
Speaker 1: not then you, but I am, and I'm very I
Speaker 1: just want people to feel good, like I just want
Speaker 1: to be in a room of people like them. They're
Speaker 1: feeling like hot and sexy and some Yeah, that's why
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of like any other activities that
Speaker 1: are like things I could put out in bowls throughout
Speaker 1: Yeah you know what I mean. So well, I'll give
Speaker 1: you some recommendations. You did the fucking balloon nables. I'm
Speaker 1: on that, myral. It's so funny because I like the
Speaker 1: one time when like our heart ages are reversed, I
Speaker 1: feel like it was with parties, because I feel like
Speaker 1: you're much younger than me, like in your heart in
Speaker 1: everyday life, but when it comes to a party, you're
Speaker 1: like sex and drugs, and I'm like hot dogs and
Speaker 1: balloon animals and face painting. Yeah, that's good stuff. Every
Speaker 1: every party I've ever thrown, I've seriously tried to recruit
Speaker 1: face painters, and they aren't working at such a higher
Speaker 1: rate than you would think. Wait, really, it's like settled down.
Speaker 1: You're painted on faces, not paper. Yeah. But also that's
Speaker 1: a commitment to get your face painted at a party. Oh,
Speaker 1: I know, it's a commitment I'm only to take if
Speaker 1: a man would suck me. If I well, half my
Speaker 1: cheeks look like butterflies, that's a keeper. Oh butterflies. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Oh I should get butterflies for the party. I won't
Speaker 1: do it, though. You know what else? That what I
Speaker 1: like about a body tattoo er like a body paint,
Speaker 1: like body paint painter, but like a tattoo. I mean,
Speaker 1: very few people are gonna be comfortable getting fully nude,
Speaker 1: not not the whole I've already done it. We don't
Speaker 1: even ask, they don't kinda that's because a woman makes
Speaker 1: her own choices people. People. In fact, we're like, can
Speaker 1: I get my sock from under your pussy? No? But
Speaker 1: what if like it was like a tattoo artist, but
Speaker 1: instead of tattooing, it was like paint like it's a tattoo,
Speaker 1: like I get a tattoo on your wrist. Okay, so wait,
Speaker 1: is this tattoos is a face paint where tattoo tattoo
Speaker 1: but paint only. It's exactly yeah. Yeah, I just want
Speaker 1: to everybody to feel so sexy and turned on. Right,
Speaker 1: So we have to invite a lot of non comedians
Speaker 1: for the male commedian. I worry, I got some, I
Speaker 1: got some. I got some. I'm gonna invite that god
Speaker 1: the first. Oh, I gotta invite that guy that I
Speaker 1: had the first ever three with with male male female.
Speaker 1: He's so hot and he has so many hot mail
Speaker 1: model friends. There you go, Shane, I'm gonna invite you.
Speaker 1: Keep looking at that email. Speaking of emails, before we
Speaker 1: get to our themed emails for this episode, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: read an email that was sent. Oh, this girl's spelling
Speaker 1: of her first name is more fucked up than mine.
Speaker 1: That's not gonna say your name because you don't want
Speaker 1: me to say your name, because the first line of
Speaker 1: the emails please don't say my name. But hopefully she's
Speaker 1: from like Sweden or something looks like it. Um. The
Speaker 1: subject line of this email is is it ever, okay
Speaker 1: today your best friends Mr Big X. Yeah, we not
Speaker 1: taught to you anything. I saw this come in when
Speaker 1: we me and Christina were at the stand. I saw
Speaker 1: the subject line. I scoffed, and I passed to Christina
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, I haven't read it yet,
Speaker 1: So here we go. Hey, you guys, I'm reading like
Speaker 1: Chunk or No, the guy from the Goodies with the
Speaker 1: up face. Hey, you guys. Lots of love from me
Speaker 1: to you and all that sweet stuff. So flirting. So
Speaker 1: my best friend lives on a different coast. She's getting
Speaker 1: married to a dude she's been with for ten years.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, the date is set, the imitations are sent.
Speaker 1: She has a Mr Big in her life. One of
Speaker 1: those ex is that got Away, who she dated when
Speaker 1: she was a teenager, so about fifteen years ago. She's
Speaker 1: very in love with her husband to be, but last
Speaker 1: year her fiancee cheated on her. Glad they're still getting married,
Speaker 1: and she ran into Mr Big online for an ego
Speaker 1: boost in the form of complimentary texts, which he supplied. Yeah, girl,
Speaker 1: you do you thing because in fidelio doesn't have to
Speaker 1: end a relationship, but I get you. Long story short
Speaker 1: Mr Big and I live on the same side of
Speaker 1: the country and ended up hanging out one night after
Speaker 1: not seeing each other for fifteen years. Sparks flew. He
Speaker 1: tried to kiss me. I said no, but it was
Speaker 1: very difficult. It was a very difficult No. I don't
Speaker 1: want to do that to my friend, he said. He
Speaker 1: doesn't understand why we can't try dating because she's getting married,
Speaker 1: but respects my decision and we part ways. Six months later,
Speaker 1: we end up running into each other again and the
Speaker 1: fireworks were off. The charts end up you haven't seen
Speaker 1: each other in fifteen years, and then just well, the
Speaker 1: second is the second time they saw each other, so
Speaker 1: I guess they live on the same He felt it too,
Speaker 1: and wants to give us a chance and doesn't have
Speaker 1: any feelings for my friend. Should I try it? Is
Speaker 1: there any way she'd understand and give her blessing because
Speaker 1: she got cheated on. I really don't want to hurt
Speaker 1: her yet again by someone who loves she loves. Barentheses
Speaker 1: me what would be best with the best way to
Speaker 1: ask her for her blessing by not asking her. She
Speaker 1: has since blocked him because she's trying to improve her
Speaker 1: relationship because she likes him so much she to block him. Girl,
Speaker 1: thanks for all the work you too do and sharing
Speaker 1: your personal wisdom. Bitch, no, bitch no. Oh. She went
Speaker 1: to that guy for flirty affirmation at her say, cheated
Speaker 1: hunter her, and she felt better and had to block
Speaker 1: this motherfucker. Only man in the world you can make
Speaker 1: her feel good about herself acting like a cheating piece
Speaker 1: of ship. What is wrong with you? Another person? How
Speaker 1: many billions of people are there on the planets? You
Speaker 1: had sparks because you're wow, wow, wow all the way home.
Speaker 1: Because because you're naughty, you get right with you, get
Speaker 1: right with you, and get right with God. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: God says, don't funk that guy. And if God saying it,
Speaker 1: just don't you obviously both want to fuck because it's
Speaker 1: it's endangered. Yes, stop doing it. And it's like, look,
Speaker 1: here's what you need to do. This is what you
Speaker 1: need to do. You need to a long walk off
Speaker 1: a short pier. No, this is what you need to
Speaker 1: understand that one of the reasons you guys want to
Speaker 1: funk each other so hard and date each other is
Speaker 1: because you shouldn't. And and that is at the basis
Speaker 1: for a good relationship, not I and I had you
Speaker 1: know what all minute? Now, Wow, I will Okay. I
Speaker 1: had an affair with the married man. And for the
Speaker 1: longest time, I read a book before I did it.
Speaker 1: I I I thought along and hard. I thought about
Speaker 1: eight months before anything physically happened, eight months between when
Speaker 1: it could have happened and when it actually did. I
Speaker 1: read a book about it. I did. I thought long
Speaker 1: and hard, meditating on it, and I for the longest time,
Speaker 1: I was trying to convince myself that the reason I
Speaker 1: was so attracted him was not because it was forbidden.
Speaker 1: But then eventually, after our affair, which I do not regret.
Speaker 1: I don't regret it. Uh, we we would say I
Speaker 1: love you and crying to each other's eyes. We didn't
Speaker 1: sleep each other that much, but when we did, it
Speaker 1: was so special. But I started to realize that part
Speaker 1: of the reasons why I was so attracted to this
Speaker 1: person is because I shouldn't be. And so just trust
Speaker 1: your girl when she says that's part of the reason.
Speaker 1: That's one of the things that damping this ship up.
Speaker 1: You don't want to think it is, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to think it is, but it is. Trust yeah,
Speaker 1: don't do that to your best friend just because she
Speaker 1: lives across the country. And I and I feel like
Speaker 1: the only reason you kind of revealed that is because
Speaker 1: in somehow you've convinced yourself that makes it better because
Speaker 1: she's on the other coast. It doesn't make it better.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make it better. In fact, I would think
Speaker 1: that the strength and the trust needs to be stronger
Speaker 1: and the best friendship that is, you know, one on
Speaker 1: one coast to the other. So it's just like, just like,
Speaker 1: why would you do that? There's just no need for it.
Speaker 1: And I think this podcast in and of itself, you've seen,
Speaker 1: you've heard, not seen, You've heard me and Christina love. Um.
Speaker 1: I guess in total three men very deeply, because I'll
Speaker 1: account Frank in that because that was the impetus. But
Speaker 1: it's like, and you saw how all of those things
Speaker 1: ended up. We kind of hate two of those people.
Speaker 1: Don't hate Frank at all, Um, but he just wasn't
Speaker 1: my person. And it's almost it's almost humorous to me
Speaker 1: now that I was so upset about it, because he's
Speaker 1: just so clearly not my person, not even close to
Speaker 1: my person. But I'm really happy, like I do. I
Speaker 1: still check in on him every now and again to
Speaker 1: you know, make sure he's doing well. And I'm happy
Speaker 1: for him, and he absolutely like I think he just
Speaker 1: found like just someone who is perfect for him and
Speaker 1: I love it and it's great. But the other two people, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: the big thumbs down for you sound what they are. Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: it's interesting to me because what what this actually goes
Speaker 1: into what I wanted to talk about, because, um, I've
Speaker 1: thought this for uh maybe like a couple of months,
Speaker 1: and I felt kind of guilty about it. Um you
Speaker 1: want to know, I don't care, but I'm bury on
Speaker 1: the record as as I've never never even like easy.
Speaker 1: I don't think anybody I've ever been friends with ever
Speaker 1: wanted to funk on my ex is. And I'm a
Speaker 1: little offended. Slash like, yeah, makes sense he acts if
Speaker 1: we don't like your ex I worked. I put it.
Speaker 1: I put it in almost as much work as you
Speaker 1: put into the relationship, like not physically harm him. I'm
Speaker 1: really and I and that was for you, girl, thank you.
Speaker 1: I was like, honestly, that's like one of the most
Speaker 1: the proudest moments of my life was working to tolerate
Speaker 1: Nick not only did no one want to suck my
Speaker 1: ex except for you fucking slots. But people actively were
Speaker 1: like can I punch him now? Or can I tell
Speaker 1: like like I hate him, I'm like, fuck it, I
Speaker 1: blocked your X before I blocked my ex A da boomer, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I tend to dates some real anti likes, anti anti likeness,
Speaker 1: anti good but anyway, so I almost rather people want
Speaker 1: to suck my ex way rather that you show me
Speaker 1: what does it everyone you've ever did? I'm sure I
Speaker 1: can pick one. I'm sure couple a couple of cocktails
Speaker 1: in if there was no one else. There was no
Speaker 1: one else, and it depended on me and him to
Speaker 1: keep the human race alive. Maybe maybe now that one
Speaker 1: fund buddy who walked into your room accidentally. Maybe that
Speaker 1: one and Christina. He was cute until you can, until
Speaker 1: you until you an adult man walked into my bedroom
Speaker 1: fully naked, whimsically, and I go, this can't happen. He's
Speaker 1: homeless actual but not. It was like like a special
Speaker 1: how about that, Chad? Freedom of speech? Huh? I mean
Speaker 1: I love well, here's the thing. I love guys who
Speaker 1: are kind of gay. Well, he was just know him.
Speaker 1: He was that don't like I would love to date
Speaker 1: a bisexual man. Well, I like bisexual and then so
Speaker 1: sexy to me that I'm that a man is such
Speaker 1: a sexual appetite for sexist I think it's so hot,
Speaker 1: like like, well, I'm more for the posty but yeah, same, same, same,
Speaker 1: but at the same time, like, uh, guys, that kind
Speaker 1: of like a lot of the guys I've been in
Speaker 1: serious relationships with, at least two friends have gone as
Speaker 1: he gay. I'm like, no, I never thought Stephen was guy. Okay,
Speaker 1: two friends thought he was. But I absolutely thought, allegedly
Speaker 1: chad Um, that if a dick had been presented to
Speaker 1: him and he was bored, he would have gone for it.
Speaker 1: For the story I wish, you know, I tried to
Speaker 1: convince kind of Bernie brow move. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I sept he was not even that. Yeah. Well so
Speaker 1: for a long time in my heart, I truly, uh
Speaker 1: wished James would die and that's legal, and I've never yeah,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to do it myself because I'm not
Speaker 1: going to ruin my life furthermore for for him already
Speaker 1: in my life enough um and felt really guilty about it. Actually,
Speaker 1: I've never wished someone truly the convenience thing, meaning like
Speaker 1: I would just all these really hard, painful, heavy emotions
Speaker 1: that exist if this person died. Part of it is convenience,
Speaker 1: and part of it is I actually think he is
Speaker 1: a person who at this point is making the world
Speaker 1: worse allegedly I mean to me, to me Um, And
Speaker 1: it bothered me because on the flip side, he's also
Speaker 1: the person who I have loved more than anybody else
Speaker 1: on the entire planet. Is the person the person I
Speaker 1: dated UM last year during the summer. Uh was I
Speaker 1: think I could have if he handled his ship. I
Speaker 1: think I could ultimately love him more. Oh but I
Speaker 1: don't think he's he's he's not prioritiz prioritizing relations, which
Speaker 1: is why I removed myself from that situation. And that's
Speaker 1: absolutely fine, and that's his choice and it's everyone's. That's
Speaker 1: one of the things. Like that's how it goes. But
Speaker 1: like if it was a mutual interest or like a
Speaker 1: mutual like dedication or focus and I and I go
Speaker 1: and I wanted this thought to go away, and it
Speaker 1: didn't go away, And I thought I brought it up
Speaker 1: in therapy to care care and I felt really bad
Speaker 1: about it. I very rarely feel guilty because I do.
Speaker 1: I really think a whole long and hard about the
Speaker 1: things that I say, even though they seem like they
Speaker 1: are unhidden brands. I actually really put a lot of
Speaker 1: thought into things I say. I'm not a spontaneous person.
Speaker 1: You can attest to that, and I am. I am
Speaker 1: spontaneous as fuck. And I say ship, I don't mean
Speaker 1: all the goddamn time. You when words come out of
Speaker 1: your mouth, you've thought about them before, and so they can't.
Speaker 1: They come out with power and ben them sometimes, but
Speaker 1: that's just because they've been boiling inside me. But like
Speaker 1: and you know, and part of it is because who
Speaker 1: I am, and then part of it is because I
Speaker 1: have obsessive compulsive disorder. So it's like every thought has
Speaker 1: traveled through my mind and been filtered fifty times before
Speaker 1: anyone else hears it. It's really been vetted. And uh,
Speaker 1: I really felt really bad about it, really bad. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just don't. I've I just never thought that I
Speaker 1: was a person who you know, I casually wish for
Speaker 1: other people's deaths because it's convenient for me. It's someone
Speaker 1: who I was so close to, like my person, that
Speaker 1: person who I thought was my ride or die and
Speaker 1: turned out to be wow, completely the opposite. Um, it
Speaker 1: was so, I was so it was painful to even
Speaker 1: have that thought crossed my mind. But that's an O.
Speaker 1: C D thing that it was painful for you, because
Speaker 1: I've had that thought cross my own mind about people
Speaker 1: in the past, and I don't feel guilty about it
Speaker 1: at all. And I'm somebody who feels so guilty. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, because I know, that's just just the thought
Speaker 1: that I it would be nice for this second time
Speaker 1: that I thought it, Like, it's innocent like that I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna do. I mean, I guess part part of
Speaker 1: it could be narcissism, in which I think I'm so
Speaker 1: powerful that my witchcraft would actually make James die. Perhaps
Speaker 1: perhaps I'm trying to think about it like in the
Speaker 1: Korean head space, right yeah, um, but yeah, I truly
Speaker 1: truly wish that and uh currently uh yeah right now
Speaker 1: yeah your feelings girl, yeah, and uh yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: really bad about it. Still, I feel bad. And my
Speaker 1: therapist very didn't even think on it. She goes, you
Speaker 1: shouldn't feel bad about that, not at all, and uh,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just it's yeah, it's and it's
Speaker 1: and I would think like, actually, um, you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: like existing causes people more pain than not being here anymore.
Speaker 1: So it's not even like it's something that would be
Speaker 1: painful to him. I think it is. It's just that
Speaker 1: really it would be just a really relief to me
Speaker 1: because it's someone who offered me no resolution and no
Speaker 1: closure and so and I don't want to be back.
Speaker 1: I've never never, during any part of this breakup wanted
Speaker 1: to be bad. Did I want him in his state
Speaker 1: or any of the states that he has been and listen,
Speaker 1: I don't even know him anymore, but it turns out
Speaker 1: I didn't know on more day. Um uh did I? Um? Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like it's like it's like if he could be the
Speaker 1: person who I originally met again, which was like you're
Speaker 1: one of a relationship, that's an amazing person, And if
Speaker 1: that person could exist again, that is a person who
Speaker 1: I would want back. But that person that makes person
Speaker 1: is dead. Like it's almost like I wish you would
Speaker 1: die because the version of him that I knew and
Speaker 1: loved is already dead. Yeah yeah, yea. And it's just
Speaker 1: so hard because it's like I can forget I wrote,
Speaker 1: I wrote down. I can forgive someone for lying. I
Speaker 1: can forgive someone for cheating. I can even forgive someone
Speaker 1: for choosing someone who's light doesn't shine brighter than theirs.
Speaker 1: But I don't know that I can ever forgive someone
Speaker 1: for forcing me to question my own sanity and forcing you. Yes,
Speaker 1: And that's the only that is the first time, um,
Speaker 1: that I was in a relationship that I feel was
Speaker 1: so in retrospect emotionally, I don't know how to say abusive,
Speaker 1: but like the manipulative, manipulative force forcing you to do that,
Speaker 1: that that to me rings manipulated, right, And that's the
Speaker 1: issue on purpose manipulate, right, And that's the your shoe
Speaker 1: with dating someone who is intelligent but very broken allegedly
Speaker 1: um in my experience broken um and uh and and
Speaker 1: I just I don't if there's someone walking the planet
Speaker 1: that I can never that I can't forgive, which is
Speaker 1: that's really painful to never be able to forgive someone.
Speaker 1: And it's also taking energy away that that person doesn't deserve. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I go, well, if he if he dies, and it's like,
Speaker 1: well number one, it's it's kind of relief because he
Speaker 1: can't do with anybody else. And then the second relief
Speaker 1: is that I just I It's like it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's the only way that I can guarantee that I
Speaker 1: will never see this person's face again. And I've also
Speaker 1: never I've never That's why I've ever wished death on anybody. Right,
Speaker 1: It's so crazy because like Frank, even like if I
Speaker 1: ran into Frank, like he lives in Los Angeles now,
Speaker 1: but if I ran into Frank, um, I'd be happy
Speaker 1: to see Frank. I don't think he probably would't be
Speaker 1: that habvite, but I would. I don't know that you
Speaker 1: hate all the stuff you run the book he was
Speaker 1: very classy about He's been very classy. I don't know
Speaker 1: that he wants to see me, but Frank has been
Speaker 1: very classy. Um. Yeah, So, like, okay, I have a
Speaker 1: question for you. So, like I talked about this on
Speaker 1: my podcast The Voice in Her Hands and Karen is
Speaker 1: a podcast Without a Country with Joe Rossa um about
Speaker 1: like casually wishing suicide upon yourself. So like, um, I
Speaker 1: listened to that clip today. Yeah okay, So yeah, so
Speaker 1: like uh seeing so one of the things I said
Speaker 1: was like seeing a photo of sop Sophie Turner and
Speaker 1: like going like a rabbit hole of pictures of her.
Speaker 1: She's so hot and so beautiful, and like being pretty
Speaker 1: does matter to me, even though like I don't, it
Speaker 1: also matters to me. We care about being pretty? Yeah,
Speaker 1: sue us don't do it though, what if more people
Speaker 1: and followed us than when we endorse Hillary Clinton? Damn it,
Speaker 1: that would happen. But like, like looking at photos of her,
Speaker 1: I'm like, she's the hottest bitch. Like I just I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna kill myself, like I'll never be a hat.
Speaker 1: And like the casual ways in which I think that,
Speaker 1: Like when I think that to myself, I do, like
Speaker 1: I mean it as like a slight reprieve, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like I mean I casually I've never
Speaker 1: seriously wanted to commit suicide, but I casually all the
Speaker 1: time to commit suicide, like every three hours. Okay, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: that's so like when you're wishing death upon someone that
Speaker 1: we're talking about right now, that haying casual. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like it's more like a pretty consistent way. It's it's
Speaker 1: less than like I wish you would die, and more
Speaker 1: like just like it would make me so happy for
Speaker 1: It's almost like I pray for him to die, but
Speaker 1: I don't pray because I don't believe in praying. I
Speaker 1: believe in the universe though, Yeah, ask that. And there's
Speaker 1: just like I have the lengths I have gone to
Speaker 1: to undo the toxicity in my soul because of him.
Speaker 1: I mean, okay, here's a question. You know, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like you know you're in a bad
Speaker 1: relationship when you're dabbling in witchcraft, or you know you
Speaker 1: have a ship self esteem if you're looking up which
Speaker 1: books because how make people love you? Um, that's just
Speaker 1: burns at all. Uh. But here's my question for you.
Speaker 1: It's a little bit devil's advocatie. Sure, you have such
Speaker 1: a profound belief in yourself that is unshakable, but yet
Speaker 1: he has forced you to question your belief in yourself.
Speaker 1: How Christina, I'm so glad you asked, because I actually, oh,
Speaker 1: segue doesn't even mean. There's a tweet in my draft
Speaker 1: section up covering just this topic. I'm so glad. I'm
Speaker 1: so glad. You know you guys. Um it reads there
Speaker 1: are only two things in my life that have ever
Speaker 1: lowered my self confidence. Colon An emotionally abusive boyfriend and
Speaker 1: mail marked Karen Fisher or current resident in the draft section.
Speaker 1: Baby tweet that ship out. It's not primetime girl sard
Speaker 1: you know, yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. An emotionally
Speaker 1: abusive I mean boy, I know, yeah, I would say
Speaker 1: my ex was emotionally abusive. I am haunted by some things.
Speaker 1: James is one of the things I still think of
Speaker 1: to this day. And in the moment, I knew it
Speaker 1: was fucked up, but by that time, and it was
Speaker 1: a mix. Okay, so it was. It was just really
Speaker 1: bad timing. So it was a mix of dating James
Speaker 1: and also having a sickness that made me look so
Speaker 1: much less attractive than I am um at the same time,
Speaker 1: and also already specific combination because I saw this bitch
Speaker 1: eat let us only and gain weight and go to
Speaker 1: the treadmill twice a day when we were on tour.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I was. I mean I was
Speaker 1: the only one in the hotel gym every time, literally
Speaker 1: every time. I believe that. And uh, and on top
Speaker 1: of that, it was also at a time when we
Speaker 1: were kind of just like, you know, it was still
Speaker 1: the early stages of us being public people and becoming
Speaker 1: a public person, like for me it was in my thirties,
Speaker 1: is especially for someone who is kind of so introverted
Speaker 1: in many ways. I had a really hard time dealing
Speaker 1: with that because I had been having just a great
Speaker 1: time not hearing what everyone else was thinking. And it's
Speaker 1: not it's not constructive for me. And I think in
Speaker 1: a lot of ways outside voices are constructive for others.
Speaker 1: But I am hyper like I am hyper sense aware
Speaker 1: except for when I'm drunk, I am hyper self aware.
Speaker 1: Um and and I know, like, I know the bad
Speaker 1: qualities about me. I know the things that bother other
Speaker 1: people about me, and if I haven't chosen to change that,
Speaker 1: it's just because they don't care. I'll see, that's been
Speaker 1: me this whole time. It's like as if I've been
Speaker 1: famous this whole time, but I wasn't okay because I
Speaker 1: hear other people's opinions, right, And so the whole time,
Speaker 1: I've really been like And that's why I was like
Speaker 1: most unique and vota most unique, cause I've just I
Speaker 1: was just floating through. I just really don't care. I
Speaker 1: just and part of it, and part of it is
Speaker 1: one of the reasons people don't like me. It's because
Speaker 1: I come off as elitist, and it's because it's like
Speaker 1: I care so much about what other people think of me,
Speaker 1: and you don't, fuck you, bitch. That's why people have
Speaker 1: a problem with it, exactly. And so it comes off
Speaker 1: as elitist, and I realized that. But that's also like
Speaker 1: the house that I was um raised in, and it's
Speaker 1: certainly not like my mom was ever like you're prettier
Speaker 1: and you're more talented, like quite the opposite. In fact,
Speaker 1: it was literally me And the only thing is that
Speaker 1: she and I was I was like she we valued
Speaker 1: intelligence very highly in my home, but you know, I
Speaker 1: was treated as uh, you know, a short bus person
Speaker 1: in my home because I am the least smart of
Speaker 1: a very highly intelligent family. Book smart, I think street smart,
Speaker 1: I actually and the smart um. But yeah yeah, yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: so fun. What I was like, I was really going
Speaker 1: to a point here and it was gonna be great. Well,
Speaker 1: feeling bad about wanting somebody to die, oh yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: And and so it was all these things, the public figure,
Speaker 1: the uh, the insulin resistance that was destroying my body,
Speaker 1: and I was just gaining weight rapidly no matter what
Speaker 1: I did, and and and and what you were doing
Speaker 1: was like so like you should have looked in a
Speaker 1: rexic with what you were doing, yeah, you know. Or
Speaker 1: I should have been like fucking like just like Jack
Speaker 1: Debt Lead, like I should have been something and something.
Speaker 1: And then when the fat melts it off, I was
Speaker 1: jacked under. So I was correct, but um and then
Speaker 1: on top of that, and and so and during that time,
Speaker 1: and I was very open and candid with James about this,
Speaker 1: and I remember one thing he did, because you know,
Speaker 1: like I have fat arms. It's just genetic, it's the
Speaker 1: fattest part about me and the like, you know, and
Speaker 1: he like, I think it was like I had a
Speaker 1: I had a big screen I have a big screen TV,
Speaker 1: but it was off and he took my arms and
Speaker 1: he like pulled them. I was I think I was
Speaker 1: like talking about like maybe getting light bo section or something,
Speaker 1: and he like basically like you know, you know, if
Speaker 1: you have a really good tuction, like kind of pulled
Speaker 1: them so that they were almost like behind me like wings,
Speaker 1: and he was like, see see how thin you would
Speaker 1: look if you didn't have if your arms weren't and
Speaker 1: and I go, I mean, James, like you're like you're
Speaker 1: bringing like that, that would be like if I didn't
Speaker 1: have arms, if I was likes what and he he
Speaker 1: did that and I was like that that was probably
Speaker 1: the most abusive thing that I've ever like allowed to
Speaker 1: happen to me, and in the moment, and it's weird,
Speaker 1: especially when it's it's happening in its big screen TV.
Speaker 1: That's off because you can see your own reflection. You
Speaker 1: can look at you. I was looking into my own
Speaker 1: eyes going current. You're not a person who tolerates things
Speaker 1: like this, Yo, that's up. But I was so I
Speaker 1: felt I was so I felt so alone because of
Speaker 1: where we were as public figures and uh, and I
Speaker 1: was just not handling. I'm so much better, Like you know,
Speaker 1: the reason I went to therapy was because of becoming
Speaker 1: a public figure and I just didn't like it and
Speaker 1: so and I hadn't gone into therapy yet. And now
Speaker 1: I'm so much better, like I've I've learned so many
Speaker 1: skills to cope with it. And I'm like so comfortable
Speaker 1: and so good with it now. And I truly think
Speaker 1: of like everyone who listens to us as like as
Speaker 1: like my daughters, and so it's like, you know, when
Speaker 1: people say like, oh, you're not gonna have kids, you
Speaker 1: would be a good mom. Um. I go, yeah, but
Speaker 1: I already I already have thousands of dollars daughters all
Speaker 1: over the world and dollars. That was freudan but ye ladies,
Speaker 1: um yeah, and so wow, I never knew that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's because it makes me want to punch That's
Speaker 1: one of fucking dick. It's one of the very very
Speaker 1: few things in my life that I am ashamed of.
Speaker 1: I am not ashamed about it. I'm ashamed that I
Speaker 1: didn't punch him in the face or kick him out
Speaker 1: of my apartment right then. But I was always but
Speaker 1: in my head, some of the problems, some some of
Speaker 1: the downfalls of doing this podcast is that in some
Speaker 1: ways I have become too understanding. And so because when
Speaker 1: he was, you know, younger, he used to be overweight,
Speaker 1: and so in that moment, I really knew that that
Speaker 1: was Christina's I knew that that was you know, fat
Speaker 1: James talking. You know, that was skinny James talking to
Speaker 1: old fat James. And so I, in my in my heart,
Speaker 1: I was like, well, that's not your problem, Kuran, that's
Speaker 1: his problem. And I think it didn't really make me
Speaker 1: feel any worse about my body, just didn't make me
Speaker 1: feel any better because the reason I felt the realison
Speaker 1: I felt bad was was like it was just like
Speaker 1: I didn't feel I didn't feel like me, which for
Speaker 1: which for me as Karan, is the worst. That's and
Speaker 1: that and that's a very thick amount of of influence
Speaker 1: because I have for somebody to make you feel that way,
Speaker 1: it is very powerful. That's and rare. I didn't feel
Speaker 1: like me more because like it was not in the
Speaker 1: correct body. And it's like there have been times in
Speaker 1: my life when I've been overweight, but it has been
Speaker 1: by choice by just me going I don't feel like
Speaker 1: working out right now, I'm enjoy my life. And in
Speaker 1: those times I still feel sexy because it was my
Speaker 1: choice to be overweight in those times. This was a
Speaker 1: time in which I did not want to be overweight.
Speaker 1: I was not doing any of the things that make
Speaker 1: you overweight. In fact, I was doing so many things
Speaker 1: that would make him not. I was putting the work
Speaker 1: in And the only thing that has been really constant
Speaker 1: in my life is putting the work and we're seeing results. Uh.
Speaker 1: And that's like I've always done things like it's like
Speaker 1: long form like I always and I know there are
Speaker 1: shorter roots, and like you know, I could not work it.
Speaker 1: I could just be like more friendly to people and
Speaker 1: get things faster, but that's just not the way. Then
Speaker 1: why would you feeling on that level feels Um, I'm
Speaker 1: only nice to people I like, and I can't be
Speaker 1: nice to people that I don't like. I just ignore them.
Speaker 1: And so it was so frustrating. And James knew how
Speaker 1: frustrated I was in that and just like in that
Speaker 1: moment that was and he knew the worst thing to
Speaker 1: and I know that and again like it was some
Speaker 1: abusive man. That is a textbook emotional abuse. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I um, and I knew it was in the moment,
Speaker 1: I go, this is not the way a loving partner
Speaker 1: talked to you. Um. And I even about saying about it,
Speaker 1: and he was like he's like jaw dropped to the ground,
Speaker 1: and this is he's not shocked. That's that's that's very
Speaker 1: upsetting to me. I mean, whatever the matter, but like yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and now I understand the death wish a little bit more.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, I still think of it like like I
Speaker 1: was like working out with my trainer Tye and like
Speaker 1: you know, you know, Jim, there's mirrors all over and
Speaker 1: it's still something that I don't think of it feel bad.
Speaker 1: I just I just think of it and look in
Speaker 1: the mirror and I go, fuck you, I just go,
Speaker 1: how just how could someone who you loved so much
Speaker 1: I've said that to you. Fuck yeah. Well, it's it's
Speaker 1: almost like the person who loved you was giving this
Speaker 1: version of himself, but then the version of uh like
Speaker 1: like was giving you peaks inside this beautiful version of
Speaker 1: what he could be, but then was also acting like
Speaker 1: this the most disgusting, fucked up version of like late
Speaker 1: Like to me, when people act like the worst version
Speaker 1: of themselves, it's fucking lazy. It's so fucking lazy and
Speaker 1: considerate and disrespectful, and it's like when you and and
Speaker 1: and like that's I guess almost like the definition of
Speaker 1: a master manipulator is like showing both of those. And
Speaker 1: I've definitely I've definitely shown like the worst side of
Speaker 1: myself in a relationship. What's the worst thing you've ever done?
Speaker 1: The worst like calling people, like calling a boy friend
Speaker 1: like a loser? Did he deserve it? I mean they
Speaker 1: were losers, but but it's my fault for dating losers.
Speaker 1: I understand that, but if it's something that has truth
Speaker 1: to it, like meaning, like okay, well I guess I
Speaker 1: just don't. I guess you can quate that to them
Speaker 1: like something they were that was something they were really
Speaker 1: insecure about, and you're throwing that on their face. I
Speaker 1: just don't think it's appropriate, Like I I shouldn't dump someone.
Speaker 1: I take that back. I take that back. No, no, no no,
Speaker 1: if somebody is afraid that they're a loser, they can
Speaker 1: fucking do something about it. You're in the midst of
Speaker 1: eating lettuce and going on a treadmill twice a day
Speaker 1: and it wasn't changing. So no, I take that back.
Speaker 1: I take that back fully. Yeah I hate him. Nope, Nope, nope, nope, No,
Speaker 1: my god, yeah, I hope. I fucking see you in
Speaker 1: the streets. James. Fucking come at me, brother, fucking come
Speaker 1: at me. I'm all coging. He's probably masturbating to hearing
Speaker 1: about himself on the podcast, like like sucking mace in
Speaker 1: your face. I don't know someone because they were mean
Speaker 1: to their ex girls. I'll make you bump into me, bubby,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Listen when a woman's president. That's getting like,
Speaker 1: that's getting that's getting added as anu and especially because
Speaker 1: I know you and I know nothing shakes you like that,
Speaker 1: and for that motherfucker to get in with you like
Speaker 1: that and then do that fun ye dude, fuck you.
Speaker 1: I've been drinking and I hate Oh that makes me
Speaker 1: so fucking mad current Oh my god, I know it's
Speaker 1: so it's just sucking Christ that makes me more mad
Speaker 1: than one Steven trying to fucking sue men. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I've never been able, like I've don't even half as bad. Well,
Speaker 1: and during the breakup, I've never It's so funny. I
Speaker 1: was actually thinking about that today. I was thinking of like, Wow,
Speaker 1: how bad does the boyfriend have to be for like
Speaker 1: your boyfriend to have sued us? And like and then
Speaker 1: that's not the worst thing and someone and I feel
Speaker 1: and more angry and my boyfriend. Yeah, because that one
Speaker 1: was like a lazy, like let's pitts her off move.
Speaker 1: And I gotta say this one was like a calculated manipulation.
Speaker 1: That's I gotta say. Part of it was so interesting
Speaker 1: to me because um, I'm actually I was for a
Speaker 1: long time, I was angry at our listeners because they
Speaker 1: were so they were still distracted by the fact that
Speaker 1: my ex um was it was a Trump supporter and
Speaker 1: early on Trump supporter, I think, and they so and
Speaker 1: they got so obsessed with that and wouldn't see the
Speaker 1: goodness and there and there was, there is a there
Speaker 1: is a lot of goodness and punctual was within James.
Speaker 1: But um him because of the Trump ship, you should
Speaker 1: hate him for the other the thing is like, that's
Speaker 1: what that's what happened. And so I, because I loved
Speaker 1: him so much, was so defensive. I was so defensive
Speaker 1: of him and uh that I and and nothing that
Speaker 1: nothing about the breakup had to do with um his politics. UM.
Speaker 1: And so I got so distracted like being in his
Speaker 1: corner and I will defend he wasn't. He wasn't Like
Speaker 1: the first year of the relationship. He was really in
Speaker 1: my corner in a lot of ways and really protected
Speaker 1: me in in um spaces that I was actually really
Speaker 1: like scared in whether they be like being a public
Speaker 1: figure or or just and he was. But but it's
Speaker 1: kind of that that that that that's tactic where you
Speaker 1: make um where he became my he was like I'm
Speaker 1: here for you and always say, it's almost like he can't.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm the only one you need, And like
Speaker 1: that's a good tactic to use on me because I
Speaker 1: am such a one on one person and I don't
Speaker 1: let a lot of people in. So once I let someone,
Speaker 1: and I let them in very deeply. And again, just like,
Speaker 1: he's probably one of the more intelligent people I've ever
Speaker 1: ever dated, so he was able to one up me
Speaker 1: in manipulation. I'm also not. I'm also like not a
Speaker 1: manipulative person. Like I see ways to manipulate people, but
Speaker 1: I just don't do them because I love Andy Warhol.
Speaker 1: And that's like my least, that's to me, the most
Speaker 1: unattractive quality about Andy warholl Is. And I remember as
Speaker 1: a kid reading books about him and going just not
Speaker 1: to self, don't ever be like that. It's so gross.
Speaker 1: Um and uh and yeah, so oh gosh, that guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was just him in the fucking dumb cunt face. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And and so I was so distracted by defending him
Speaker 1: his right to think about you know too, which is
Speaker 1: there's still a thing to this political right. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that that I that I was so blunt like that
Speaker 1: I was defending him so much in that I became
Speaker 1: blind to these other hurtful things that he was doing
Speaker 1: to me behind closed doors. And so I also had
Speaker 1: a lot of anger. I don't have it anymore, but
Speaker 1: I had anger in my heart towards listeners because of that.
Speaker 1: Because it's like, you know, when you become a public figure,
Speaker 1: you you know, part of your family or your life
Speaker 1: or your know is your fan base. They become a
Speaker 1: really big part of your life the entertainment business, and
Speaker 1: they know you, like sometimes like you listening to this
Speaker 1: right now, you guys know us. A lot of you
Speaker 1: know us a little bit more than a lot of
Speaker 1: my friends know me. Same I know, and I feel
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel guilty. I don't feel guilty about
Speaker 1: that because I don't spend that I don't have face FaceTime.
Speaker 1: When you're forced to talk an hour a week, don't
Speaker 1: get as comfortable, you know, I feel more comfortable to
Speaker 1: see anybody's faces when I'm talking to face. I feel
Speaker 1: more comfortable talking to you, just because we've been through
Speaker 1: like kind of like ship, these darkest moments publicly and together,
Speaker 1: and like we talked about a lot, we have this
Speaker 1: one experience that ended up being a huge part of
Speaker 1: our lives, um that only you and I have share. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's really very few people because a lot of other
Speaker 1: people who have podcasts were like famous people who did it.
Speaker 1: And so to go from completely unknown to someone who
Speaker 1: you know our entire lives, it's very reality. But you
Speaker 1: know that you know the very intimately. That's a weird
Speaker 1: that's a mind man. Yeah. And like even like my
Speaker 1: mom will listen to the podcast, My best friends will
Speaker 1: listen to the podcast, and I know they kind of
Speaker 1: feel like, why didn't you tell me this? But it's
Speaker 1: like I do because I don't. I don't feel comfortable.
Speaker 1: I'm a very very introverted, private person. And it's kind
Speaker 1: of I think at a time the same way though
Speaker 1: I don't see you, I don't see half my friends
Speaker 1: once a week. I don't see of my friends once
Speaker 1: a week. Oh my god, no forced to talk once
Speaker 1: a week. Yeah you say ship that's going on your mind?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, So I because
Speaker 1: I want to talk about it for a while. I
Speaker 1: just never feel comfortable. And I was like, well, this
Speaker 1: is like a more relaxed war, Matt, because I do.
Speaker 1: I just I'm I'm so and so many people in
Speaker 1: my life, including my mom is like, she's like, you know,
Speaker 1: I find what you're doing humorous and my Twitter feed
Speaker 1: and everything, and she's like, but I just don't. But
Speaker 1: she's like, I do kind of think, like, why are
Speaker 1: you so letting these people know that they're bothering you?
Speaker 1: And I go because I'm tired of walking around Gosh
Speaker 1: Jesus um acting like it's bad to be more emotionally
Speaker 1: affected by someone. It's like, and it's not a weakness
Speaker 1: here admitting so it's a very, very hurt by this relationship.
Speaker 1: And I talk openly about it with the person that
Speaker 1: I'm seeing, and I one of the reasons I like
Speaker 1: think he's so great is because I even I even
Speaker 1: give him give him a disclaimer. I said, listen, I
Speaker 1: want to tell you this thing about my ex. But
Speaker 1: I don't want you to think that this isn't anyway
Speaker 1: because I want him back because I miss him. I
Speaker 1: just want to talk about this with someone that I
Speaker 1: trust and I care for, and you right now are
Speaker 1: that person. And he's like so open to it, and uh,
Speaker 1: it's wonderful. And because I don't mind hearing about other
Speaker 1: people stuff either, like especially in business, I love hearing
Speaker 1: about other people's ship. If a guy I'm seeing wants
Speaker 1: to talk about his ex, like, that'll give that one.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's a bonding thing. But also it gives
Speaker 1: me more insight to who you are as a person
Speaker 1: and like what your past was like and exactly, and
Speaker 1: that's how far you've come. That's like a self confidence
Speaker 1: point in you, though, because what I did not realize
Speaker 1: that so many people are so tarnished by their lack
Speaker 1: of self confidence that they cannot hear something about someone's
Speaker 1: ex without somehow thinking it takes away from their value.
Speaker 1: If you're not with that person anymore. And even if,
Speaker 1: even if, even if the reason or not what that
Speaker 1: person is because they didn't want to be with you,
Speaker 1: that's never going to be together, especially if it's they
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to be with you, they don't, it's never
Speaker 1: gonna happen. Like it's even extra never gonna happen, right,
Speaker 1: And that's why saying I go and I go, I'm
Speaker 1: also like I dumped him. I dumped him, dump him
Speaker 1: multiple times because I knew. I knew that I was
Speaker 1: in quicksand and I was drowning and I would never
Speaker 1: get out but it's so hard to let go of
Speaker 1: someone that you feel like you have connected with deeper
Speaker 1: than anyone else. But I especially when you feel like
Speaker 1: you don't connect with people often like that. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then and then to realize, you know, six months a
Speaker 1: year out, that maybe that connection was like a false
Speaker 1: connection or something that someone was you know, they were
Speaker 1: they were doing the things that they thought you wanted
Speaker 1: to hear or see whatever, which was that's role triggering,
Speaker 1: because that's fucking what Frank did. Um. He admitted it though,
Speaker 1: because thank god he didn't health he did work on himself,
Speaker 1: and he progressed in all these things. Um. And and
Speaker 1: that's why I really have no I wish him nothing
Speaker 1: but the best because I don't blame someone for hurting me.
Speaker 1: And we're all, you know, we're all growing up in
Speaker 1: everything and we and I heard I heard him mine,
Speaker 1: I'm sure, but he yeah, he had good talks about it,
Speaker 1: and brief but good talks about it. Um. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: it's funny cause I I still think about Frank beyond
Speaker 1: the podcast, and I go, I don't even know what
Speaker 1: I would say to him at this point. I would
Speaker 1: honestly just want to catch up like I don't have
Speaker 1: There's no need at this point to dissect the relationship.
Speaker 1: There's like things that have happened in his life. They're
Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, and I would love to. And every
Speaker 1: time anytime I see him like a little little thing
Speaker 1: on TV or something, I don't see little in a
Speaker 1: like a shitty way, Um, just shopping up at a
Speaker 1: sketch or whatever, that's awesome. Excited. I was watching you
Speaker 1: and I saw one of his old improv or improv teammates,
Speaker 1: and I go, oh my god, I wonder if Frank's
Speaker 1: going to be in here. That would be so exciting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. Man. Well we're gonna talk about Valenti's A
Speaker 1: horror stories, but my pee before that, yeah, okay, oh
Speaker 1: my god, take a break. Oh we're back. We drank more,
Speaker 1: We talked, We talked about keto ships. Well, we're gonna
Speaker 1: read um some emails about the death of love, like
Speaker 1: some horror stories with what when you knew the relationship
Speaker 1: was over? Before we get into that really quick, I
Speaker 1: do want to just share a very nice memory I've
Speaker 1: had with my ex about Valentine's A specifically, but I
Speaker 1: really loved um. He did this um every year that
Speaker 1: we were together, and he played this song. Oh wait,
Speaker 1: it's by the Zombies. I'm gonna I'm gonna I love
Speaker 1: this if I play it, well, no, that's the Grand Barrius.
Speaker 1: If I play it is that bad? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: this is not gonna be get Okay, can you read
Speaker 1: the lyrics? Um? Wait, what song was it? It's like
Speaker 1: if I gave you the um it's not in the
Speaker 1: top Spotify, but he played the specific song by the Zombies. Um.
Speaker 1: He would wake me up every morning on Valentine's A
Speaker 1: for seven years, like yeah, seven years, and he would
Speaker 1: bring me He would wake me up with that song.
Speaker 1: He would play it on his phone and by like
Speaker 1: this the like fourth fist six seventh year, Like I
Speaker 1: I would hear it. I would expect to hear it,
Speaker 1: and that I would wake up to that song. It
Speaker 1: would just make me so happy, because you girl don't
Speaker 1: like waken up before, but that was one of the
Speaker 1: times I really did. And he would like there were
Speaker 1: sometimes he bring me like a doughnut from donut plant
Speaker 1: with like a candle in it or in a card,
Speaker 1: and like it was just so sweet and I and
Speaker 1: I as much as I have frustrating memories from my
Speaker 1: past relationship. Uh, that was such a great memory and
Speaker 1: it's one of the like, I it does not taint
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day for me at all because I think of
Speaker 1: that and I'm like, oh, I just love love so
Speaker 1: much and I loved that was one of the times
Speaker 1: where he like expressed his love for me and like
Speaker 1: the sweetest schoolboy way, and it was so handsome and
Speaker 1: kind and cute, and I really appreciated it. So that
Speaker 1: was just a memory that I have a Valentine's Day
Speaker 1: that I really liked. Yeah, I want to share because
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't I like, I don't want
Speaker 1: everything I say about my ex, oh yeah of seven
Speaker 1: years you know, to be like especially someone who you
Speaker 1: said so many positive things like I and I meant
Speaker 1: those positive things even though I was putting it on
Speaker 1: a pedestal, but that that was one of the things.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, man, that was like, I love that
Speaker 1: and it's and it's it's one of those things that
Speaker 1: I love so much that even when the first Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day without him, like, I didn't miss that on Valentine's DA,
Speaker 1: but I would think about it fondly. You know that's
Speaker 1: how much I love Valentine's Day. Like I think about
Speaker 1: all the times that I've been loved romantically on Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: even if it's obviously it's loved lass because I'm not
Speaker 1: with anybody right now, but like, may I just love it?
Speaker 1: I know, show somebody you love them. I also actually
Speaker 1: that reminded me of a really uh wonderful Valentine's Day
Speaker 1: memory with James. I was like, I we were going
Speaker 1: out to dinner or someplace and he uh, and so
Speaker 1: I and I spent all day searching for an outfit
Speaker 1: because like I like, I like to buy like a
Speaker 1: special off and I found this it's really cool red
Speaker 1: dress um at Urban Outfitters, but like in that upstairs section,
Speaker 1: like the that's the boutique the higher end dresses, and
Speaker 1: which we know is that's like as expensive as I'll go.
Speaker 1: And uh. And it was the time when I was,
Speaker 1: you know, I was, I was still way heavier than
Speaker 1: I should have been, and so I just didn't feel
Speaker 1: I felt self conscious about my body. But this like
Speaker 1: it looked good and like sucked you in all the
Speaker 1: ripe places and it was great. And so then we
Speaker 1: went to dinner, and we were sitting there and then, um,
Speaker 1: he looked distracted. He looked distracted for part of dinner. Um,
Speaker 1: and then I turned around and he was looking at
Speaker 1: someone way hotter than me. Happy Valentine's Day. Fuck you,
Speaker 1: fuck you have a great wedding. I don't funk with you.
Speaker 1: A little stupid as manipulate billshit, bitch, I don't funk
Speaker 1: with you. Check that Chad, but it's not the right lyrics.
Speaker 1: I still love Valance, I'd say so much. I don't
Speaker 1: give An doesn't mother me at all. Whatever. My house
Speaker 1: isn't on wheels. Thank you so much. I really honed.
Speaker 1: I really honed to my acting skulls. I really I
Speaker 1: really prepared it. And I get it drunk. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that was so funny because honestly, when you started to
Speaker 1: share what I thought was going to be like a
Speaker 1: sweet memory, I'm like, fuck you. I hate him right now.
Speaker 1: I don't want to think of a nice thing. Thank you.
Speaker 1: It's called dublin down. The chicken is also the bun,
Speaker 1: and then the chicken is the chicken. Suck it. She
Speaker 1: has a home. It's on the ground, two stories, all
Speaker 1: mu overs of her dog. I know It's so fun
Speaker 1: getting older because I'm just like, yeah, I'm like everyone
Speaker 1: and everyone like is like I'm selling my twenties. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm so sad that I spent my twenties just like
Speaker 1: getting rich and successful in being fulfilled by my career.
Speaker 1: That's really sad, you bitch. Should I get botox? I
Speaker 1: don't have the home on wheels? Okay? What's your home
Speaker 1: on the ground? Oh god? Oh can you move it? No?
Speaker 1: I can't because it's on the ground. How about you
Speaker 1: read this first Death of Love? Someone I was dating
Speaker 1: went to jail and that's when I found out I
Speaker 1: was the side chick. Oh want want I sell your
Speaker 1: call to Action? Hey? Sorry, Hey, Karen and Christina Call
Speaker 1: to Action for the Death of Love. And here I am.
Speaker 1: That feels like you're at my window. Um. In college,
Speaker 1: I had just had my heartbroken by a funck boy,
Speaker 1: so I decided to hop on Tinder mistake number one
Speaker 1: and try to get over him. I met this very
Speaker 1: attractive man and we chatted for a bit and decided
Speaker 1: to meet up on a super casual lunch date. I
Speaker 1: loved the idea as it was no pressure for a date.
Speaker 1: It went really well, and we started actively seeing and
Speaker 1: sleeping with each other for about two months. We probably
Speaker 1: saw each other at least three to four times a
Speaker 1: week in public at my place, but never at his place.
Speaker 1: I progress enough that he started leaving things at my place.
Speaker 1: One day, I asked him if he was going to
Speaker 1: come over. He never answered. He didn't answer the day
Speaker 1: after that or the day after that. I've been through that,
Speaker 1: but I was dead. We were close enough and mature
Speaker 1: enough that I asked him if I did something wrong,
Speaker 1: and it was okay if he didn't want to see
Speaker 1: me anymore. But he still didn't answer. A couple of
Speaker 1: days passed by, and I was like, Okay, look, this
Speaker 1: man is either in the hospital, in jail, or dead.
Speaker 1: So I really started sleuthing and looked up his name
Speaker 1: in our area on Google. Mistake number two. Should have
Speaker 1: done this first. And before this, an article popped up
Speaker 1: about how he had been arrested by the state for
Speaker 1: a car crash from six months prior. He had been
Speaker 1: drunk driving right into a tree and the passenger died.
Speaker 1: Oh godslaughter, mind you. This crash happened three months before
Speaker 1: I even went on Tinder. At back end, the passengers.
Speaker 1: Family never pressed charges, but the state finally did, and
Speaker 1: that is how he ended up in jail. Que. That's
Speaker 1: not how you spell it. You spelled it like that's
Speaker 1: that's okay, that's like que. A panic attack and more sleuthing.
Speaker 1: I started digging deep on the socials of the guy
Speaker 1: who died and the guy I was dating, and I
Speaker 1: noticed that they both went to high school with an
Speaker 1: old co worker. I shot her a text, hoping to
Speaker 1: get more details of why this man is in jail.
Speaker 1: I asked her if she knew him, and she said, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's been dating my best friend for three years. What.
Speaker 1: I texted her a pick of the guy? This guy
Speaker 1: we're talking about the same person, and she answered yes,
Speaker 1: why que another panic attack? I told her that was
Speaker 1: funny because I had been seeing him for two months.
Speaker 1: In my defense, I will say that his family was
Speaker 1: very prominent in our college town, so they had most
Speaker 1: articles about this incident removed right after the crash. Wow, right,
Speaker 1: this is just like Google analytics, Netflix series you. Um,
Speaker 1: but since this particular arrest has just happened, there were
Speaker 1: articles everywhere. Also, if I were a better human, I
Speaker 1: would have seen this all over the local news. It
Speaker 1: was a big local story. All of the townies new
Speaker 1: and my dumbass had no idea. Yeah, he was like,
Speaker 1: doesn't know. I love someone who doesn't read. It was
Speaker 1: a rough yet it was a rough yet kind of
Speaker 1: funny day. It's my own lifetime movie anyway. It's definitely
Speaker 1: learned my lesson about stalking thoroughly before I ever go
Speaker 1: on a date with someone love A clueless side chick
Speaker 1: and loyal fucker that was. That was a great has
Speaker 1: a great story. I was a great story, all right.
Speaker 1: The second one, the subject line is death of love.
Speaker 1: He didn't call me for a month and joined the military.
Speaker 1: Don't know. My first relationship lasted eight years and some change.
Speaker 1: Shit my high school sweetheart, who at the time was
Speaker 1: sweet and shy and thoughtful. That's what they always are
Speaker 1: at first. I had a lot of sexual first with him,
Speaker 1: and it made me realize how much I loved sex,
Speaker 1: in spite of the fact that he never made me come.
Speaker 1: And let's be honest, I didn't really try. Well, there's
Speaker 1: the ringer. Looking back, there were a lot of things
Speaker 1: I overlooked. We're gonna make you come. I clearly wasn't
Speaker 1: his type. He was gaga for blondes. He flirted with others.
Speaker 1: He wanted my love and attention, but tested me at times,
Speaker 1: like an inconvenience. Just after our seven year anniversary, he
Speaker 1: surprised me big time. He told me he was joining
Speaker 1: the Air Force and basic training started in a month.
Speaker 1: He didn't bother consulting me on this, even after all
Speaker 1: the time we had been together. I tried my best
Speaker 1: to be supportive. I sent him letters all through basic trading.
Speaker 1: I assuming that means that I made that. I made
Speaker 1: myself with wax seals and fancy calligraphy and cute little
Speaker 1: rawings in words of encouragement. After he graduated training, I
Speaker 1: got another blow. He was going to be stationed in Germany.
Speaker 1: He said he wanted me to come live with him.
Speaker 1: The only way to do so would be to get married.
Speaker 1: So he said, I guess we'll have to get married.
Speaker 1: I guess was in all caps. There was I love,
Speaker 1: a marriage of convenience. There was no ring, no words
Speaker 1: of loved. In fact, he sounded kind of put out
Speaker 1: about it, like the idea of marrying his longtime girlfriend
Speaker 1: was something he would do if he really had to.
Speaker 1: I was stung, but I went along with it. Over
Speaker 1: the coming months he went to Germany. I would begin
Speaker 1: to ask more questions. I didn't speak German, so if
Speaker 1: I moved with him, what would I do? You could
Speaker 1: get a paper route on base, he told me, Oh, goody,
Speaker 1: housewife slash paper boy, my lifelong dream. Dot dot dot
Speaker 1: crunge face emoji like cringe face is what we mus
Speaker 1: say this is. I asked him about any personal belongings.
Speaker 1: He said the military would bring his things over for free,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't bring anything. Okay, So in a country
Speaker 1: I don't speak the language, no career, no friends, no family,
Speaker 1: no stuff. Amused myself while he worked. It didn't sound
Speaker 1: like what I wanted, but I kept on like I
Speaker 1: guess it would happen. Meanwhile, Never a big drinker, he
Speaker 1: started off drinking with comrades on base, and he would
Speaker 1: call me drunk more often than not. One of the
Speaker 1: final straws came when our eighth anniversary rolled around. I
Speaker 1: thought we would at least spend some time together on Skype.
Speaker 1: I had sent him a gift. In the morning, he
Speaker 1: wished me a brief happy anniversary. Then he said he
Speaker 1: was going to go out with his buddies. By I
Speaker 1: was hurt. Maybe but maybe he would look back, but
Speaker 1: maybe he would be back. I opened his gift, a
Speaker 1: single metal book and just one the cheap basic kind. Thanks.
Speaker 1: He didn't come back online until later that night, drunk
Speaker 1: and didn't understand why I was sad he hadn't spent
Speaker 1: any time with me. He called me a bit for
Speaker 1: making a fuss about it. The final straw, he didn't
Speaker 1: call me or answer my calls for a while, A
Speaker 1: whole month. He didn't answer your calls for a whole month.
Speaker 1: I was frantic, worried he was hurt or worse. When
Speaker 1: he finally responded, he candidly admitted he just hasn't felt
Speaker 1: like it. It was then that I realized he didn't
Speaker 1: really love me anymore. He just wanted someone to love him.
Speaker 1: I broke up with him. I broke up with she
Speaker 1: broke up with him. That stings. I broke up with
Speaker 1: him long after I should have, and a year later
Speaker 1: I found out he got engaged to another woman. I
Speaker 1: kind of wonder if he was cheating. I feel like
Speaker 1: the final pick me up here is my dad. I
Speaker 1: came home for the day the day when I broke
Speaker 1: up with him, crying and upset. My mom handled it
Speaker 1: in mom ways, but my dad said, I know what
Speaker 1: you need. He went out and bought three giant green
Speaker 1: grass fed steaks and cooked them to perfection. And you
Speaker 1: know what, it really did make me feel better. Oh,
Speaker 1: I love that it ended with Daddy. Makes you feel better? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you fixed the death of love with the death of
Speaker 1: a cow. Oh yeah, but my dad cooking me food
Speaker 1: makes me feel so happy. Like my dad taking care
Speaker 1: of me in any way makes me feel so complete. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love my I love my dad, but I just
Speaker 1: feel like I could take care of him more than
Speaker 1: he takes. That's why I feels so good. I like,
Speaker 1: I still like when my mom takes care of me
Speaker 1: because she's like not the like gush kind. That's the
Speaker 1: word I made up. But no, it's because you know, right,
Speaker 1: that's what we see that. Uh. But I like it
Speaker 1: because because she's very tough on me. But like, I
Speaker 1: think she knows when when either she or life has
Speaker 1: pushed me to the edge, and she knows when it's
Speaker 1: like time to just like be easy on Karn. And
Speaker 1: it's very it's a very very rare moment. But those
Speaker 1: moments is like you know, it's like, thank God, I'm
Speaker 1: not this is I can't take anymore, and she knows
Speaker 1: I can take a lot. I cannot, I cannot take anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I got that love for my mom once when I
Speaker 1: cried because my face is breaking out with acne because
Speaker 1: Joan spah Yeah yeah, put that. No, don't don't give
Speaker 1: me any legal comment on that one, Chad, because great
Speaker 1: Joon Spat ruined my fucking face, not allegedly, allegedly. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: It's like one of those things, like one of the
Speaker 1: my favorite things that my mom. This was like in
Speaker 1: the past couple of years. She uh, I just came
Speaker 1: home for a holiday, and she said it made extra
Speaker 1: ice because I know you're you're like your drinks very cold,
Speaker 1: and I go, I don't even think I've ever said
Speaker 1: that specifically out loud, but I do like my drinks
Speaker 1: very cool. I like when I put a glass up
Speaker 1: to my face and I can feel the ice tap
Speaker 1: tap tapping on the edge of my nose, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I love when you told die coke and it goes.
Speaker 1: I love, Oh gosh, Tommy, and I refer to the
Speaker 1: first sip of diet coke coke as the burn then
Speaker 1: as it burns your throat and you go, what chems
Speaker 1: am I putting in my body? It feels so good?
Speaker 1: Round them up, Scotty. I'll do a free add for
Speaker 1: diet coke any day of the year. There you go,
Speaker 1: Death of Love. He sucked my dove. I'm gonna really
Speaker 1: test out my lace secure reading it from this far away,
Speaker 1: don't I think I can do it. I think I
Speaker 1: can do it. I think I can do it. It
Speaker 1: was expensive, and I smallow. My own cornea is burning,
Speaker 1: So you do you smell your eyes burning? Like uh,
Speaker 1: just like kind of like like tires burning. Similar. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they warn you about that. I'm glad they did, because
Speaker 1: they go, doesn't listen, you're a you're a nerve. You're
Speaker 1: gonna smell your own eyes burning. And I go and
Speaker 1: then they wheel you into the m R I thing. Hi,
Speaker 1: Corn and Christina. I have literally typed out numerous emails
Speaker 1: to you, but this one will be the one I
Speaker 1: send because it's by far the most traumatizing relationship fail
Speaker 1: of my life. And I've had plenty because you know, slots. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my name is Georgia. Say my name. I don't give
Speaker 1: a fun. Okay, Georgia, I am twenty five years old,
Speaker 1: loyal fucker for years, presently listening to each GWF episode
Speaker 1: for a second time while flipping back and forth between
Speaker 1: the voices in our heads and without a country. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's love is love, thanks girl. Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: from Nova Scotia, Canada, Canada. More me too. This story
Speaker 1: below is why I in uh incoherently, do not trust
Speaker 1: men anymore, because, let's be frank, they're fucking weird. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I dated a guy for about five months, long distance
Speaker 1: a hundred eighteen hundred kilometers apart. Don't know that, um,
Speaker 1: and we saw each three times. One eight hunds is
Speaker 1: one thousand, one hundred eighteen point full seven miles. Hey, siri,
Speaker 1: thank bitch. I don't know how to respond to that.
Speaker 1: Oh you know I love you're so you of course
Speaker 1: you have a mail series Australia. Uh. And we saw
Speaker 1: each other three times in these five months, and thank
Speaker 1: god it was only three times, because what a ride
Speaker 1: ride that dick. First time was for my twenty four birthday,
Speaker 1: when I flew back to visit him. We went out
Speaker 1: and got drunk with some friends and in the uber
Speaker 1: ride home about a twenty five minute drive. This pussy
Speaker 1: ass bitch had to get our driver to pull over
Speaker 1: five times so he could be pussy bit. I mean
Speaker 1: that feels medical anyway. I don't know about you. Can
Speaker 1: that be the title of the episode? That feels medical?
Speaker 1: That feels medical? That's really funny. I'm very like hard
Speaker 1: on men, but like that felt like it feels medical.
Speaker 1: Men say that feels like a medical witch. Maybe he'll
Speaker 1: judge him on that one. I don't know about you.
Speaker 1: Watching a man vombit out this side of a Toyota Corolla,
Speaker 1: I've done. I love that. Even Canada, all Toyota Corollas
Speaker 1: isn't something you want to get home and enjoy birthday sex.
Speaker 1: That's true. I actually don't care. Um. I mean, I
Speaker 1: just care if he's cognisant hard thank you. I'm progressive. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't care about the puking. That's that's what toothbrushes
Speaker 1: were made for. Um. However, being in a long distance
Speaker 1: relationship sometimes puke dick is what you've got to put
Speaker 1: up with. Well, that's a real sun Uh. We get
Speaker 1: back to his place, have some sad, sad sex for
Speaker 1: like ten minutes then this loser caps leans over me
Speaker 1: with his eyes closed and let's out a full a
Speaker 1: soul stomach full of vomit onto my naked body. Sweet,
Speaker 1: and I feel like he was drug. Yeah, he needs
Speaker 1: to go a hospital even blackout. I know. I know
Speaker 1: in my own pillow, Jesus like a lady, Like a lady,
Speaker 1: um loft space live and when your bathrooms downstairs. Second
Speaker 1: time he came to visit me. Yep, I'm delusional and
Speaker 1: figured that someone vomiting on me on my birthday was
Speaker 1: not a red flag enough. And listen, I vomited in
Speaker 1: the closet, vomitated in a shoe, I vomitated in on
Speaker 1: my own chest, and after picking him up from the
Speaker 1: airport and driving twenty minutes back to my apartment, I
Speaker 1: went to the bathroom and lo and be fucking hoole.
Speaker 1: My period arrived. He literally was visiting me for five
Speaker 1: days and was one of those guys who just didn't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable while I was on a period. That's a
Speaker 1: red that's not your period, ak, complete and total funk. Way,
Speaker 1: Yeah you got that right. Period sex is so good.
Speaker 1: So I gave him the quote bad news and he
Speaker 1: was like at least you can still suck my dick.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, perfect, that's exactly what I want to do.
Speaker 1: After blowing this noodle dick for noodle, and it was
Speaker 1: a noodle. That's when I stabbed with my needles after
Speaker 1: blowing that, I'm so disgusting that when she says noodle deck,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I would love some ramen um
Speaker 1: like the thick noodle would love it. I love it
Speaker 1: troll like sit down restaurant. After blowing this noodle dick
Speaker 1: for nearly half an hour, I came to the conclusion
Speaker 1: I was just brutallette sucking Dixon gave up, girl, ain't you?
Speaker 1: This is where ship gets weird. He flips me over,
Speaker 1: gets on top of me, and puts my duvet over
Speaker 1: my lower half. He then proceeds to bunch the duvet
Speaker 1: up around my crotch and fox my duvet. Wait wait, wait,
Speaker 1: he used your duvet as a fucking a fucking what
Speaker 1: the female condom called fucking diaphragm uh diaphragm. Oh yeah, oh,
Speaker 1: I hope his dick falls off. Oh oh no, oh no.
Speaker 1: For a solid ten minutes, I lay there in complete
Speaker 1: disbelief as he fox the living ship out of my blanket.
Speaker 1: He came into it and flopped over beside me. I
Speaker 1: must be completely terrible at blow jobs that. I don't
Speaker 1: know why he had to let me do this for
Speaker 1: three when he really said eyes from my duvet. After this,
Speaker 1: I decided I had enough, and on the day before
Speaker 1: he flew home, I broke up with him. Thank god.
Speaker 1: He then cried for twenty minutes, you fucking coward, begging
Speaker 1: me not to leave him, went into my bathroom and
Speaker 1: power puked from crying so hard. He really pukes a lot.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's people pukes a lot, Yes, like a five
Speaker 1: year old, and walked out of my apartment in the
Speaker 1: middle of January. After about an hour, he came back,
Speaker 1: slept on my couch, and the next day I took
Speaker 1: him to the airport. Ps. I did throw the duvet
Speaker 1: away third and final time. Another time, he buys a
Speaker 1: new car, calls me to tell me he got a
Speaker 1: new car, and then drove eight kilometers to come visit me.
Speaker 1: What a rush. He arrived and tried to kiss me,
Speaker 1: and when I declined his advances, he said, this is
Speaker 1: the most romantic gesture I could have done. Aren't we
Speaker 1: back together? Now? Wait? People are that shitty. Guys are
Speaker 1: that shitty Canada. That makes me laugh. He left two
Speaker 1: days after and I have not seen him since. But
Speaker 1: one time, like a month ago, I sent him a
Speaker 1: picture of my tits when I was drunk because I
Speaker 1: was doning a guy with the same name, but he
Speaker 1: was insanely offended. He's now dating one of my friends,
Speaker 1: stopped doing my God, your friends a piece of ship
Speaker 1: and she deserves it, and I just hope her duvet
Speaker 1: is getting the love and attention it deserves. Thanks for
Speaker 1: reading or not reading. Readings are there fucking best And
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to make the trip down to NYC
Speaker 1: this summer to hopefully see you live you change lives.
Speaker 1: Much love, Georgia, yo yo. I got Pina Coladas, pants
Speaker 1: and things are great. Sells are on pants um. I
Speaker 1: have put up with a guy's doing a lot of
Speaker 1: stupid ship in the moment. You put up with more
Speaker 1: ship than you would if you had a second to
Speaker 1: think about it, right, especially if you're on a substance.
Speaker 1: A substance, Oh, I was like, what sometimes you want
Speaker 1: to know drunk dronk You're like, oh you It's like
Speaker 1: when you say when you pronounced target as targe songs.
Speaker 1: I'm what you know sometimes you know, I've I've, I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't even count on one hand all the amount
Speaker 1: of things that have happened to me that I go
Speaker 1: when someone happens to you're like, like this girl when
Speaker 1: she emailed us, when she heard our prompt like, hey,
Speaker 1: email us this crazy horror story, She's like, oh, I
Speaker 1: got one. But like, as a crazy horror story happens
Speaker 1: to you in real time, there's this kind of thing
Speaker 1: that goes through your mind of like, wait, was it?
Speaker 1: Am I gonna regret this for the rest of my
Speaker 1: Like is this gonna be a bookmark in my chapters
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life of how you're a
Speaker 1: stupid piece of ship? And it just took me a
Speaker 1: second to figure that out. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard.
Speaker 1: It's hard when someone is in your own home and
Speaker 1: you go, I can't believe I gave a dumb fuck
Speaker 1: my address. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1: Next email The Death of Love, a tale of a
Speaker 1: local comedian out of Las Vegas. Wolf. The title alone
Speaker 1: name names Baby. I met John in early I wasn't
Speaker 1: looking for a relationship. Now there was he. I had
Speaker 1: been a celibate for eleven months, and I wanted took
Speaker 1: up with someone a few times to get my mojo
Speaker 1: back after a breakup, so so much so that I
Speaker 1: told him on our first date, quote, we can hook
Speaker 1: up a few times, and then I will probably ghost you.
Speaker 1: I knew I wanted to funk him for a little
Speaker 1: bit because he was really good in bed. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to fall in love. I especially didn't want to
Speaker 1: fall in love with a local comedian. I had heard
Speaker 1: from your podcast what it was like today comedians, and
Speaker 1: I told myself, never going to do that local comedian.
Speaker 1: Yeah the worst. I lied to myself because I fell
Speaker 1: for him, slowly but surely. He became my best friend,
Speaker 1: my love, for my confidence. One day we both confessed
Speaker 1: our love for each other, and we went from friends
Speaker 1: with benefits to what was supposed to be a monogamous commitment.
Speaker 1: I thought things were going great, so much so that
Speaker 1: I lent him a decent amount of money because number
Speaker 1: one the local commedian, Because point five he was local commedian,
Speaker 1: because number one I loved him, because number two I
Speaker 1: had it, and number three he didn't. Number four I
Speaker 1: was Christina and I'm just added that one also me,
Speaker 1: I've also done that. Oh yeah, well you know when
Speaker 1: you got money and you got all you feel bad for. Okay.
Speaker 1: I used to always say I would never let a
Speaker 1: man barrow money for me, but I went against the
Speaker 1: standard I set for myself. Fast forward to December, I
Speaker 1: have my annual exam and I was diagnosed with HPP.
Speaker 1: What says he was the only man I've been leaving
Speaker 1: with since I met him. I was celibate for almost
Speaker 1: a year and I was clean the year prior. As
Speaker 1: soon as I got the call from my doctor, I
Speaker 1: called him crying. He made quote when I parns would
Speaker 1: I assume he gave me all about him? That's our business.
Speaker 1: We're paid for it. He didn't ask once how I
Speaker 1: was feeling or if I was afraid. He just kept
Speaker 1: saying I could get cancer from this. I mean fingers crossed.
Speaker 1: What help? Wait? Oh? So he Oh he was worried
Speaker 1: about himself. Yeah that's a ship bag. I mean real
Speaker 1: local community, local Las Vegas comments. He ain't been at
Speaker 1: the seller anytime. Soon Around this time, I started to
Speaker 1: notice that every time I would comment on his Facebook,
Speaker 1: there was a girl who would comment right after me.
Speaker 1: One day, I let my curiosity take hold of me
Speaker 1: and uh I clicked on her page. I swear to
Speaker 1: fucking god, I lost my ship. Her page was a
Speaker 1: fucking mural shows. Oh my god, God, only was he cheating,
Speaker 1: It was cheating with a bit who sucked up to him.
Speaker 1: Oh we are You know, it's one thing to go
Speaker 1: to comedian comedian shows in New York. I like, I'll
Speaker 1: even give your Chicago, but Vegas if you're a fucking
Speaker 1: performer in Las Vegas, and better be pen and or
Speaker 1: teller her in this email gets so much better because
Speaker 1: I don't want to see the good parts. I'll look away.
Speaker 1: She would repost all of his shows flyers and talk about, quote,
Speaker 1: how you guys should go out. It wasn't like she
Speaker 1: was just a local comedy fan. She wasn't posting for
Speaker 1: other comedy shows, just his. Oh. I confronted him. He
Speaker 1: told me, quote, you know, she's just friends with another
Speaker 1: comedians wife. In parentheses, he named the comedian. But that
Speaker 1: comedian doesn't matter. She's a fan of the local scene.
Speaker 1: She's pretty fucking weird, and she's a bit of a
Speaker 1: chuckle fucker. End quote. I had never heard the phrase
Speaker 1: chuckle fucker, so I asked him to explain what that
Speaker 1: was to me. I was completely repulsed at the saying
Speaker 1: and the fact that he called her that set of
Speaker 1: red flags. To me, that's all red flags to me,
Speaker 1: It's a cute saying. And so let's just pause a
Speaker 1: quick second. A chuckle fucker or somebody who fox comedians? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't want to do comedy. They do
Speaker 1: not want to do comedy. They just fun comedians because
Speaker 1: they think they're cooler for they want to do comedians.
Speaker 1: But I loved him so much, so I continued and
Speaker 1: I stalked the fuck out of her social media. One night,
Speaker 1: I went over to his apartment before a big event
Speaker 1: that my company put on and that he and I
Speaker 1: were going to, and I saw a new painting in
Speaker 1: his apartment. I knew its sign comedians had art. I
Speaker 1: knew exactly where it came from because I saw it
Speaker 1: on her Instagram. It looked like something done at a
Speaker 1: wine and canvases canvas mom's night out. No, I wasn't impressed,
Speaker 1: so I asked him, Oh, where'd you get that painting?
Speaker 1: He said, quote, my mom painted it for me. I
Speaker 1: didn't work. I was, but I had to go out
Speaker 1: to this work event. I was trying to get a
Speaker 1: promotion and I didn't want to show up to it
Speaker 1: after a fight, so I knew I could scoop down
Speaker 1: my emotions for a few hours. When we got to
Speaker 1: my event, a fan of my podcast Okay that I
Speaker 1: had never met ran up to my co host and
Speaker 1: I and asked for a photo. What he was I
Speaker 1: asked my ex to take it, and he was a
Speaker 1: dick to me for the rest of the evening. I
Speaker 1: often told he often told me he couldn't date a
Speaker 1: female comedian because he didn't like the competition that would
Speaker 1: happen between the both of them. I wasn't a comedian,
Speaker 1: so I didn't think much of it until that moment.
Speaker 1: It's not comedians he had issues with. He had an
Speaker 1: issue with anybody who had a little bit more success
Speaker 1: than he does. He was insane, mainly insecure since I
Speaker 1: was already piste off at him that night when he
Speaker 1: got back to his apartment. When we got back to
Speaker 1: his apartment, I laid into him. I called him a liar.
Speaker 1: I told him I knew where that painting came from,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't his mom. He ended up telling me
Speaker 1: she gave him the painting after a show. I knew
Speaker 1: deep down it was a lie. But the next day
Speaker 1: I had my colposcope, girl, I've been there that hurts
Speaker 1: scheduled for the HPV he gave me, and he was
Speaker 1: supposed to take me to the doctor. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to go through this alone and he was the one
Speaker 1: going through it with me, so I told him I
Speaker 1: believed him. New Year's Eve, I got us tickets to
Speaker 1: see Tenacious D. I called in a favor to one
Speaker 1: of my co workers and I got enough tickets to
Speaker 1: bring his brother as well. We were having such a
Speaker 1: fun night out until I looked up at his phone
Speaker 1: when he was trying to take a photo of us
Speaker 1: and saw he was also texting the chuck fucker wine
Speaker 1: and canvas painting. And she said, quote, I was I
Speaker 1: wish I was the one kishing you at midnight end quote.
Speaker 1: We were in public, so I kept my cool and
Speaker 1: I didn't lose my ship until we got back to
Speaker 1: his place. This was the end of our relationship. I
Speaker 1: finally had all the proof I needed that he was
Speaker 1: cheating on me, and I was not going down without
Speaker 1: a fight. This gas lighting motherfucker told me that I
Speaker 1: wouldn't leave him because I loved him more than I
Speaker 1: have ever loved any of my ex boyfriends. He also
Speaker 1: had a laundry list of complaints about me, including number one,
Speaker 1: I don't show my feelings in the moment, especially in public.
Speaker 1: I wait, I wait, stewing them till we were alone.
Speaker 1: Number two, I don't feel my feelings. Number three, I'm
Speaker 1: too independent. Number four I am. And of course, my
Speaker 1: favorite thing he said to me, quote, you know, Bree,
Speaker 1: I always felt like a fucking slob next to you
Speaker 1: because you are all is so poised and perfect in public.
Speaker 1: You always have your makeup done and you never have
Speaker 1: a hair out of place. End quote. I was so
Speaker 1: fucking man. He tried to make make me out to
Speaker 1: be a bad the bad person when he was the
Speaker 1: one cheating on me. That I said probably the worst
Speaker 1: thing I could think to say to him. His father
Speaker 1: passed away your prior to us meeting, and it was
Speaker 1: the most heartbreaking moment to him. So I looked him
Speaker 1: dead in the eye. I didn't yell. I was so mad.
Speaker 1: I was calm, and I said, quote, do you really
Speaker 1: believe you are the kind of person your father would
Speaker 1: be proud of. Damn. He started crying. Nice. He's held
Speaker 1: me and begged me not to leave him. He told me,
Speaker 1: if it didn't work with me, it wouldn't work with anyone.
Speaker 1: And if for a split second I wanted uh, and
Speaker 1: for a split second I wanted to leave him, Huh.
Speaker 1: He's still with the girl he cheated on me with.
Speaker 1: They now lived together, and every few months and every
Speaker 1: few months last year, he would message me and tell
Speaker 1: me he didn't love her, he didn't want her, he
Speaker 1: didn't he still loved me, and he was forced into
Speaker 1: a relationship with her. Do you many fucking times I've
Speaker 1: heard that, oh God from other people. UM to you, No, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: Friends who have been with somebody who's cheated on them
Speaker 1: with and they're like, this other person forced me into
Speaker 1: this relationship. I'm like, you, fucking pussy as bitch. It's
Speaker 1: always a guy, and no one ever messages in me
Speaker 1: after we break up. You know what. Finally, around July
Speaker 1: last year, I started sleeping with somebody else. I sprawled
Speaker 1: for months after we broke up and got back into therapy.
Speaker 1: My therapist told me he was a gaslighter, no ship,
Speaker 1: and she she really believes he has NPD, no statistic
Speaker 1: personality to disorder, because he couldn't take responsibility for anything
Speaker 1: in his life. Hi, Stephen, Well it got out that
Speaker 1: I was fucking a more successful comedian in the scene
Speaker 1: and my ex sent me this funked up message about
Speaker 1: how I promised him I wouldn't did another comedian and
Speaker 1: he wouldn't believe what a horror I was for fucking
Speaker 1: someone else in the scene. Nice James flash, Stephen, Um,
Speaker 1: I know he was, James went me an email, um
Speaker 1: less sorry allegedly or like like or he you know
Speaker 1: he said to me. He was just like, oh so
Speaker 1: you're like dating like a famous musician and I go, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I am. This is the last time he messaged me
Speaker 1: because finally I had the courage to leave him on
Speaker 1: read um And this is how I had my heartbroken
Speaker 1: by local comedian out of Las Vegas, who wasn't very
Speaker 1: funny that I didn't even want to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship with, who hasn't paid me back for any of
Speaker 1: the money he owes me. Karin, and she spelled that wrong,
Speaker 1: And I just don't look at that, Karin when I
Speaker 1: saw you tweeting about James being a gaslighter and a
Speaker 1: cheater on Twitter. I wanted to tag my ex in
Speaker 1: them so much, but I didn't. You're my hero for
Speaker 1: standing up to him publicly. You know what, what a courage.
Speaker 1: I'm a crusader. Thank you. So brave you'll be You'd
Speaker 1: be a surprised how far that first Amendment stretches it?
Speaker 1: Does it far? I did speak to a little gair.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Uh. Number five the death of love and
Speaker 1: later the literal death of Carl. Carl I was watching
Speaker 1: I was watching Guys Grocery Games before I came here tonight,
Speaker 1: and Carl was on it. But honestly, it wore in
Speaker 1: my heart to see him. Yeah, because he's great. I
Speaker 1: love that I can watch him on TV. It's it's like,
Speaker 1: I feel like, I'll feel like, if you're gonna date
Speaker 1: someone who you think you could have really loved deeply,
Speaker 1: um and they're gonna die, at least have them to
Speaker 1: be someone who was on a TV show that he
Speaker 1: keeps often. Hey guys, so yes, I do have a
Speaker 1: story about the death of love to burp soon. Okay,
Speaker 1: I did it. That was me. I started dating a
Speaker 1: guy when I was fourteen and he was sixteen. Within
Speaker 1: a year, he had moved in with me and my
Speaker 1: parents and was a full time uh pothead. Wow, I'm
Speaker 1: usually fine with that, but he also had zero drive
Speaker 1: and was in bed all day. I would come home
Speaker 1: from school and he was still asleep. But I managed
Speaker 1: to look past that because I was quote in love.
Speaker 1: We had a few good years together, and then his
Speaker 1: weed habits slowly became a rock cicodeone habit, then a
Speaker 1: zanex habit, then a heroin habit. That's moving up. So
Speaker 1: he ended up in the I c U for two
Speaker 1: weeks because guess what, he overdosed. He came out of
Speaker 1: that with what I thought was a clear head and
Speaker 1: seeing how he had a second chance at life he
Speaker 1: could do better with his this time, well after helping
Speaker 1: him overcome the muscular atrophy from laying in a hospital.
Speaker 1: But holy shit, he still was bitter about life, mad,
Speaker 1: he wasn't going to be able to get fucked up again,
Speaker 1: and even more so pissed about the hospital bills he accumulated.
Speaker 1: I couldn't handle it anymore. I had dealt with his depression,
Speaker 1: not seeing a professional and self abuse for long enough
Speaker 1: eight and a half years, so I called it quit.
Speaker 1: Thank I tried to be friends with him, but I
Speaker 1: couldn't handle him calling me at three am almost daily
Speaker 1: to beg for me back, or to hear him cry
Speaker 1: and wine on the phone. So I cut him off entirely,
Speaker 1: changed my number, blocked him on all social media, and
Speaker 1: blocked his email address, and really didn't talk to him anymore.
Speaker 1: He had a time where he would email me randomly
Speaker 1: with new fake emails he made, seeing if we could
Speaker 1: be friends again. I'm telling me how much better he
Speaker 1: was doing. I would congratulate him, but decline any further friendship.
Speaker 1: Just last year, I learned that he was killed. He
Speaker 1: was walking on the interstate and was struck by a car.
Speaker 1: I heard by many he may have been drunk, but
Speaker 1: the story is unclear, so who knows. That's obviously Hella
Speaker 1: summed up. But yeah, you get the gist. It was
Speaker 1: crazy love you guys, whoa Well, you know that's the
Speaker 1: literal death of Valentine's Day? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: That one's more sad because that was obviously a person
Speaker 1: who was struggling with a lot. Yeah, and obviously I
Speaker 1: think this is a good time to to just keep
Speaker 1: to new to re remind you if you haven't been
Speaker 1: re reminded of this, sort of put it in your
Speaker 1: brain that a lot of times somebody like that is
Speaker 1: not to make you feel guilty, but they were suffering.
Speaker 1: They had to have been suffering from a young age.
Speaker 1: But it's also and it's not you. That's way beyond
Speaker 1: what you have the tools to deal with. And you
Speaker 1: don't deserve a partner like that. You deserfferent partners worked
Speaker 1: on themselves, certainly, and we're all working on ourselves. Some
Speaker 1: of us aren't. Some of us aren't. Some of us
Speaker 1: are named James and Stephen, but Christina, and we're episode
Speaker 1: all fucking week because I knew it was going to
Speaker 1: be so fucking petty, petty, petty twenty bitch. We I
Speaker 1: just want to shop on the side of the road
Speaker 1: and I just want to get fucked by someone who
Speaker 1: likes me back enough to want to have a yea,
Speaker 1: rather have the baby the commitment. Okay, that weird. No,
Speaker 1: it's called thirty two. No, I don't think that's weird.
Speaker 1: I would rather have a dog rescue my backcard. That
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. I can't I literally can't.
Speaker 1: Every time someone brings me brings a baby, like not
Speaker 1: like I'm like, I'm not like holding babies, but like
Speaker 1: every time is presented with a baby, I just like something. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you know, when you're really hungry and like you'll
Speaker 1: then you'll be hallucinating and like you'll see a dancing
Speaker 1: chicken wing or something like a cartoons. You see things
Speaker 1: that you want to see. So for me, when I
Speaker 1: see a baby or a toddler, I just it just
Speaker 1: slowly morphs into Alfred's face with a bonnet on it
Speaker 1: every time. But it's because like I just love Alfred.
Speaker 1: So I kissed directly on the snout before I leave
Speaker 1: for work every time, and I think it's your dog,
Speaker 1: your taste, how did I? And then I was like
Speaker 1: walk taking him like to walk guests or to and
Speaker 1: I was like and I'm like walking through the hallway
Speaker 1: of my apartment building and I go and I'm just like, num,
Speaker 1: I guess everyone doesn't know that they live in an
Speaker 1: apartment with an angel, like full on talking to him
Speaker 1: like that. I go, I go, I wonder if everyone
Speaker 1: knows that they live with a little angel. You gotta
Speaker 1: be honest with somebody and and and and dote over
Speaker 1: somebody who's worth it? And when is oft? How often
Speaker 1: is it worth doting over somebody as when they're a dog? Okay,
Speaker 1: truly I hate other times. But all the grown men
Speaker 1: at the super Bowl party that I attended were very
Speaker 1: impressed by the fact that Alfred watched TV and really
Speaker 1: like responded to so right. We just finished the seasons
Speaker 1: one and two of You with Penn Badgeley, and there
Speaker 1: was a lot of like murder and violence on that show.
Speaker 1: But he realized he memorized Penn Badgeley's face and knows
Speaker 1: that he is someone who does violence. And so now
Speaker 1: every time Peen Badgeley comes on screen, even when he's
Speaker 1: doing something nice, he books at him. That's a good boy,
Speaker 1: good boy, good boy boy. Maybe that's what we should
Speaker 1: name this so good boy Happy Valentine's Day. That's a
Speaker 1: good boy. Get yourself a boy who does that, or
Speaker 1: a girl or a boy girl or a girl boy,
Speaker 1: or just a fucking dog color. Dogs are better than people.
Speaker 1: And that's not something I say out of like hatred
Speaker 1: for humanity. I just really love dogs so much and
Speaker 1: they be a better truck. What did Lastie emotionally manipulating anybody. No. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Lastie never held his girlfriend's arms behind his back and said,
Speaker 1: did Toto ever email it's an ex owner? Like, hey, bitch,
Speaker 1: by the way, I fucked somebody else a human? Oh
Speaker 1: my god? No chance from from homework bound ever sue
Speaker 1: you for a hunter? Did um think a dog? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Which movie had a did? Um? Did? Fucking? Did? Fucking
Speaker 1: Scooby Doo? Oh? Good one? Good one? Ever say I'm
Speaker 1: not cheating on you? And then fuck three year friends
Speaker 1: in high school? Oh okay, no he didn't. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Happy Valentine's Day, guys, Happy Valentine's Day. This you know what.
Speaker 1: I had an inkling that this would be some of
Speaker 1: our finest work. To me. Also shout out thank you
Speaker 1: so much, thank you. I can't wait till the songs
Speaker 1: you're done, because what is You're gonna love them? Um? Anyway, guys,
Speaker 1: thanks for joining us. Really like if this, if this
Speaker 1: wasn't the highlight of your Valentine's Day, then you know,
Speaker 1: well I was gonna saying that you're doing amazing, sweetie. Um.
Speaker 1: If it was hot the highlight of your day, you're
Speaker 1: still doing great. Anyway, don't be a sad bitch. That
Speaker 1: is our Valentine's Day motto. If you're listening to us
Speaker 1: early in the morning, both Christina Hutchinson and myself are
Speaker 1: going to be at the Stand comedy club in your
Speaker 1: city all night shows. We very we got no the plans.
Speaker 1: We very openly told the owners we are not allowed
Speaker 1: to be booked on the same shows. But you know
Speaker 1: what they do anyway, This for our lonely days. People
Speaker 1: don't listen to women, and I'm actually so ex ida
Speaker 1: the women to spend the day with the night with you,
Speaker 1: Rosa justin Silver. It's gonna be a great time. Are
Speaker 1: we gonna get hammered? Absolutely, but probably not until later.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much truly for listening to guys brought
Speaker 1: to you exclusively by Luminary cons. You have a whole
Speaker 1: thirty five dollars extra year now. We really appreciate you.
Speaker 1: They can't meet over their mind and I love also
Speaker 1: love that I apparently Christina is drunker than you, which
Speaker 1: really rarely happens. Guys, we will talk to you next
Speaker 1: Friday if we're so employed. Guys, We Fucked is presented
Speaker 1: by Luminary Media, created and hosted by Karin Fisher and
Speaker 1: Christina Hutchinson. Edited by Mike Coscarelli, Associate producer Emily Rodgers,
Speaker 1: pr intern Molly Becker. Hey fuckers, it's Kervin chiming in
Speaker 1: to say I hope you enjoyed our special free drunk
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day episode. If you want more, guys we Fucked
Speaker 1: and a ton of other original podcasts from creators like
Speaker 1: Lena Dunham and Roxy and Gay. Go to Luminary Podcasts
Speaker 1: dot com. That's where we've been hiding, so make sure
Speaker 1: to go there. It's really fun and I'm really proud
Speaker 1: of the work that me and Christina are doing. And
Speaker 1: there's a new low low price so you can get
Speaker 1: a Luminary for as little as to a month than
Speaker 1: give me. I think we all deserve that. Like everyone
Speaker 1: didn't know brush why you move the basis that you
Speaker 1: can just to make it look like so much not
Speaker 1: ban but so joy enjoy the presence of somebody that
Speaker 1: don't get up. But nobody just wants enjoy your body. Hey,
Speaker 1: so funness just us Tell me please, why you astknn
Speaker 1: of feeling free? I my just dressing me out, but
Speaker 1: at least apace people living for somebody else such shame
Speaker 1: work so horridly should take a break, perspective change, okay,