Speaker 1: Ridiculous History is a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to the show, Ridiculous Historians. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: as always for tuning in. I've got to say I
Speaker 1: am super pumped to be here virtually on a Monday
Speaker 1: morning with two of my favorite guys. Uh. So, hello
Speaker 1: to you as well. Dudes. My name is Ben, my
Speaker 1: name is no Ben. That's really nice way to open
Speaker 1: the show. I appreciate that. It's really nice to be
Speaker 1: here with you. It's a great way to kind of
Speaker 1: start the day, even though it is pushing eleven thirty. Um,
Speaker 1: hopefully we've all been running around doing some things around
Speaker 1: our our respective home bound bunker situations. What did you
Speaker 1: do this morning? Ben? Well, let's see, I actually spent
Speaker 1: about ten minutes in the early days of the morning. Uh,
Speaker 1: writing math based food puns. Uh. It's that's where I'm at.
Speaker 1: How many math based food puns does one generate in
Speaker 1: ten minutes? A lot? Actually, a lot, so long as
Speaker 1: you don't worry about whether or not they are good. Well,
Speaker 1: that's what they say about writing in general, isn't it. Ben.
Speaker 1: You just got to do the thing, don't worry about
Speaker 1: whether it's good or not. You're gonna learn from your
Speaker 1: mistakes and eventually you'll become a math based food pun virtuoso.
Speaker 1: Right the old tipping point or Malcolm Gladwell thing. It
Speaker 1: is actually a myth that ten thousand hours of practice
Speaker 1: make you a genius at something. But you do get
Speaker 1: better with time, and science proves that we use a
Speaker 1: different part of our brain when we write, uh than
Speaker 1: the part of the brain we use when we edit,
Speaker 1: So you shouldn't edit yourself when you're trying to do
Speaker 1: something creative. But I've I've been trying to do something,
Speaker 1: you know, just like a mental exercise in the morning
Speaker 1: along with the physical routine to try to stay physically
Speaker 1: and mentally fit. Uh what about you, Mitt? You know,
Speaker 1: I haven't done my walk yet today, but I've really
Speaker 1: been enjoying doing nice walks. I went to a place
Speaker 1: in Atlanta called Arabia Mountain yesterday, which is a very beautiful,
Speaker 1: uh scenic, kind of um rock outcropping, I guess you
Speaker 1: could say, but it really you guys, know, it feels
Speaker 1: like you're on the Moon or some other weird alien
Speaker 1: planet has got these light, shallow pools with these bright
Speaker 1: red like lichens or whatever. In them, and they're apparently
Speaker 1: kind of rare, and they had all these signs telling
Speaker 1: you not to uh trod upon them. But it's a
Speaker 1: really really neat spot if anyone's ever visiting Atlanta, And
Speaker 1: it was not abandoned, but it wasn't also wasn't super crowded,
Speaker 1: so it was really easy to social distance out there
Speaker 1: in the wild. Um. But today I had my daughter
Speaker 1: over the weekend, so I took her back to her mom.
Speaker 1: She staying there for the week, and then her mom
Speaker 1: made us some breakfast and I hung out there with
Speaker 1: her and her sister and stepdad for a while, and
Speaker 1: it was very nice to to be around kind of
Speaker 1: like other humans for the first time in a week
Speaker 1: or so. Have you been to Arabia Mountain before? I have?
Speaker 1: I have, Yeah, this was maybe my third time, um,
Speaker 1: but it was. It's it's definitely a really special place
Speaker 1: here in Atlanta. Oh yeah, it's got it's got a
Speaker 1: dark and twisted history. I went there a lot when
Speaker 1: I was growing up because my parents lived nearby. But
Speaker 1: what what's fascinated bout Arabia Mountain is that it is
Speaker 1: part of Stone Mountain, the fourth largest basaltic extrusion in
Speaker 1: the world. I don't know if that'll come in handy
Speaker 1: for anybody if you're playing trivia, but you know, keep
Speaker 1: that one in your back pocket and do check it
Speaker 1: out if you get a chance. Stone Mountain also pretty
Speaker 1: serious history of racism and a hotbed of Ku Klux
Speaker 1: Klan activity back in the day. And I think wasn't
Speaker 1: it the same sculptor that did Mount Rushmore did that
Speaker 1: weird carving in Stone Mountain? It's like, is it Robert E? Lee?
Speaker 1: Who is it that's in the in the sculptor is
Speaker 1: guts On Borglum. I think we mentioned on. I really
Speaker 1: want to do an episode on him in the future.
Speaker 1: Also Arabia Mountain super producer Casey Pegram You may be
Speaker 1: interested to know that pet Cemetery too was filmed in
Speaker 1: part of Arabia Mountain. Is that right? Part two? That's
Speaker 1: the one with with young John Connor um as a
Speaker 1: as a slightly older adult actor um Edward Furlong I
Speaker 1: think is his name? Yes, Actually I watched that movie
Speaker 1: again not very long ago, I guess in the lead
Speaker 1: up to the rerelease. It's not good. It's not good. No,
Speaker 1: it's not good. There's there's some Jesus and Mary Chain
Speaker 1: on the soundtrack, which is okay great. Um And speaking
Speaker 1: of pet cemetery movie based songs, do you guys remember
Speaker 1: the Ramones song from the first pet Cemetery movie that
Speaker 1: was called pet Cemetery? And it's just like I was,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be buried in a pet cemetery?
Speaker 1: Or it? Does he want to be buried? He doesn't
Speaker 1: want to be bury I think he doesn't want to
Speaker 1: be Okay, No, they're they're very much an anti zombie
Speaker 1: punk band, got it, Got it? But I like what
Speaker 1: you said about not spending too much time, you know,
Speaker 1: dithering or having the the old Uh should I shouldn't?
Speaker 1: I kind of Hamlet problem because today's episode is a
Speaker 1: very weird story about a another person who maybe impulsively
Speaker 1: jumped to a decision. Uh and and uh, you know,
Speaker 1: Florida has been in the news a lot lately, mainly
Speaker 1: because people are still partying on this Lotti da Vie
Speaker 1: about by the beaches. But our story today is also
Speaker 1: about Florida sort of. It's about Florida, it's about war
Speaker 1: and uh it's it's a pretty recent war in Florida
Speaker 1: that most people have not heard of It's true. It's
Speaker 1: not the War of the Roses. It's more of the
Speaker 1: War of the the conks. Right, That's how you say,
Speaker 1: is is it a ch sound or is it it's conk? Right?
Speaker 1: I've always said conk like bonk? Remember Bonx Adventures that
Speaker 1: game for a what was what system was that? I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's the one with a little turbographics sixteen.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna go with conk like bonk. It's true.
Speaker 1: In nineteen eighty two, April three, to be exact, uh,
Speaker 1: the mayor of Key West, Florida, Dennis Wardlow, declared the
Speaker 1: Florida Keys was going to become an independent micro nation
Speaker 1: and seceed from the Union. And there's there's an interesting
Speaker 1: backstory to this. Let's let's rewind, So consider that in
Speaker 1: the cinema of your mind, the cold open and then
Speaker 1: we flash back, right, So we're doing a little bit
Speaker 1: of a nonlinear plot unraveling here. So in eighteen sixty one,
Speaker 1: more than a century earlier, Florida seceded right and joined
Speaker 1: the Confederacy during the Civil War. That's why there's still
Speaker 1: that monument on Stone Mountain. The whole US Civil War,
Speaker 1: but Key West Florida stayed in the Union. I believe
Speaker 1: it was specifically January eighteen sixty one that Florida seceded, uh,
Speaker 1: and they were just the third state to do so.
Speaker 1: Only South Carolina, Mississippi beat them to it. But when
Speaker 1: when they succeeded, you know, Key West is is an island, right,
Speaker 1: It's an island outpost, and they said, you know what,
Speaker 1: We're not going to go with the rest of the
Speaker 1: peninsula here, We're gonna stay loyal to the Union. And
Speaker 1: you could say this set a precedent for Key West
Speaker 1: kind of harving their own path independent of the rest
Speaker 1: of their state. Totally. Key West is always I've never been,
Speaker 1: but people really love it, uh, and I think a
Speaker 1: lot of that has to do with it sort of
Speaker 1: like cookie individualistic spirit. Like they have things like, uh,
Speaker 1: you know these parades that they call drag races that
Speaker 1: aren't with cars, but they're actually with like lots of
Speaker 1: like drag performers, and just in general, like there's apparently
Speaker 1: a lot of like uh, it's almost like Tijuana or
Speaker 1: something like that, where it's this very kind of you know,
Speaker 1: out in the street, let it all hang out kind
Speaker 1: of lifestyle there and and and Key West. It's all
Speaker 1: about relaxation, Margaritaville type vibe um, but also a lot
Speaker 1: of kind of that Florida man stuff that we always
Speaker 1: hear a lot about, but a little bit more in
Speaker 1: a tongue in cheek kind of way, a little bit
Speaker 1: less methy, a little bit more maybe um festive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there you go. And for anyone who wants a good
Speaker 1: sense of the geography, Uh, the state of Florida, as
Speaker 1: you know, has two kind of primary parts. It's got
Speaker 1: what we call the Panhandle and then it's got this peninsula,
Speaker 1: which it makes up the majority of the state. But
Speaker 1: Key West is not on the Panhandle. It's not really
Speaker 1: on the peninsula either. If you look at it, it's
Speaker 1: at the very very very very very end the tip
Speaker 1: of this archipelago that that kind of swoops off of
Speaker 1: the peninsula. So it's geographically isolated and uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I think I think it is also culturally uh unique.
Speaker 1: The way you described it, NOL was perfect. I'm glad
Speaker 1: you mentioned the drag races. Yeah. I actually just googled
Speaker 1: weird Key West, and there's a website on this life
Speaker 1: and trips called six odd Things to Do in Key West. Uh.
Speaker 1: And the first one says say hello to Robert, who
Speaker 1: is apparently a ghost that occupies America. At it's considered
Speaker 1: America's fifth most haunted city. And uh, Robert is a
Speaker 1: ghost that's been haunting Key West since the nearly nineteen hundreds. Uh.
Speaker 1: Let's say you can, uh, you can bike through an
Speaker 1: above ground cemetery. They've got biking tours. There's an event
Speaker 1: called Fantasy Fest UM that allows folks to do all
Speaker 1: kinds of really elaborate body painting UM. And that's an
Speaker 1: event and you see images of people that are essentially
Speaker 1: nude but are painted up to look like superheroes, like
Speaker 1: there's a Superman here, a wonder Woman, but they are
Speaker 1: in fact, uh full nude. UM. And then of course
Speaker 1: you've got your key Limes, very very well known UM.
Speaker 1: And you can get lots of key Line pies like
Speaker 1: on sticks, which I'm a big fan of personally chocolate
Speaker 1: dipped white chocolate. And there's a lot of piratey stuff
Speaker 1: there in Key West. There's a Key West Shipwreck Museum
Speaker 1: UM that looks pretty awesome with all kinds of old
Speaker 1: relics and weird stuff that's washed up from from shipwrecks,
Speaker 1: pirate ships, including an entire piano that's all covered in
Speaker 1: kind of like sea crust and barnacles. Pretty cool stuff. Oh,
Speaker 1: and they have their their famous six toad cat um
Speaker 1: that you can go to a place that's right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the cats of the Hemingway House, Ernest Hemingway's famous six
Speaker 1: toad cat Snowball. It was cool. I went to the
Speaker 1: Hemingway House in the past because, like a lot of
Speaker 1: like a lot of young riders, I was trying to
Speaker 1: make peace with Ernest Hemingway in the cannon. Uh you know,
Speaker 1: I still I still like I still like his stuff. Hey, now,
Speaker 1: remember that story we did about Ernest Hemingway's lesser known
Speaker 1: brother that started his own micro nation on a raft
Speaker 1: full circle, my friend. Oh yep, yep, yep, full circle
Speaker 1: of full full peninsula perhaps right, all right, So the
Speaker 1: reason I wanted to give us all a sense of
Speaker 1: the extreme location of Key West is because it plays
Speaker 1: into the story. It is, as you said, nol, it
Speaker 1: is culturally unique. It is also geographically isolated in comparison
Speaker 1: to a lot of other cities in Florida. Fast forward
Speaker 1: to the early nineteen eighties, there's this guy you may
Speaker 1: have heard of. Uh. Ronald Reagan, the Gipper, is the
Speaker 1: president of the US at the time. The Cold War
Speaker 1: with the Soviet Union is still ongoing, and the USSR
Speaker 1: has a proxy just ninety miles away, the communist nation
Speaker 1: of Cuba, and our relationship as a country has always
Speaker 1: been quite complicated with Cuba. But there's a lot of
Speaker 1: Cuban culture that finds its way into Florida and Key
Speaker 1: West is no exception. Um. And the reason is a
Speaker 1: lot of folks that were fleeing Cuba due to a
Speaker 1: lot of of drug wars and a lot of like
Speaker 1: issues with the government, UM are illegally coming into the
Speaker 1: United States through Florida. It's really becoming an immigration gateway. Uh.
Speaker 1: There are civil wars going on, chaos in general reigning
Speaker 1: in that in Latin America because of a lot of
Speaker 1: this cartel stuff. UM. And this is a real problem
Speaker 1: as far as the Reagan administration is concerned. They don't
Speaker 1: want these immigrants coming in. It's very much of a
Speaker 1: of a sentiment of you know, we don't need them.
Speaker 1: They're bringing drugs into the country. You know, it's a
Speaker 1: problem for our country. We that's not our issue. Let
Speaker 1: them deal with it, keep them out. Uh. We're in
Speaker 1: a similar place right now actually with the current administration,
Speaker 1: which was very much influenced by Reagan. Yeah, yeah, we
Speaker 1: see that conflation of illegal drugs and immigration, which is
Speaker 1: which is misleading, right, just objectively. So on April eighteenth, two,
Speaker 1: the US Border Patrols set up a customs checkpoint and
Speaker 1: a roadblock at the intersection and County Road nine five
Speaker 1: A and US Highway One on the Florida mainland. This
Speaker 1: is important because it is the only way in or
Speaker 1: out of the Florida Keys. Yeah. It's also important because
Speaker 1: typically these kinds of roadblocks have been set up on
Speaker 1: the border side the opposing border, right, yeah, this or yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly what the border. This is absolutely on American soil
Speaker 1: in a place that is highly inconvenient for all these
Speaker 1: vacationers and revelers that are trying to get into Key West,
Speaker 1: Um to see the six toed cat or what have you,
Speaker 1: or you know, do do the body paint parade um,
Speaker 1: which I'm assuming had to have been going on in
Speaker 1: the eighties. Um. So there's this roadblock. It's a checkpoint,
Speaker 1: a legitimate military checkpoint, um, and it they're they're going
Speaker 1: the full nine yards. They're checking ideas, Um, there, show
Speaker 1: us your papers. You know, they are actually searching every
Speaker 1: single vehicle. They're looking for drugs, they're looking for immigrants,
Speaker 1: illegal immigrants being smuggled in. And with a single likely
Speaker 1: two to four lane highway road, this is going to
Speaker 1: become a real log jam. And it absolutely did, didn't
Speaker 1: it Bam, it did, it did. Within mirror hours, there's
Speaker 1: a traffic jam that's nineteen miles long. Uh still doesn't
Speaker 1: set the record for where the world's longest traffic jam,
Speaker 1: which you could hear about in a different episode of
Speaker 1: car Stuff. But people are losing their minds, and rightly so,
Speaker 1: because again, this is a one way in, one way
Speaker 1: out situation. So word about this spreads across the country,
Speaker 1: and people who have planned a vacation to Key West,
Speaker 1: it's a very popular tourist destination, they start canceling delivery
Speaker 1: trucks say, well, there's no point make in making deliveries
Speaker 1: because we can't get through the traffic, and the islands
Speaker 1: become economically paralyzed. The the traffic jam, by the way,
Speaker 1: he continues to grow. At one point it's twenty three
Speaker 1: miles long, and eventually Mayor Wardlow that you mentioned at
Speaker 1: the beginning toal uh, he decides he's gotta he's gotta
Speaker 1: make up. He's got to react to this. The people
Speaker 1: demand it. He only hears about the checkpoint. Now get this,
Speaker 1: he's the mayor and he only hears about this checkpoint
Speaker 1: wrecking his city on Sunday April and his it's he
Speaker 1: doesn't hear about it through official channels either. I think
Speaker 1: his dad told him, jeez, that's really gotta hurt, because,
Speaker 1: I mean, this is a area that depends um hugely
Speaker 1: on on tourism and on these tourists coming in and
Speaker 1: if you're one road in and out as being jammed up,
Speaker 1: that's gonna be a problem. And that's gonna cause the
Speaker 1: real animosity towards whatever and whomever is causing this. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: So Wardlow's dad finds out about it because he's a
Speaker 1: Ham radio guy, which I always wanted to get into.
Speaker 1: Maybe now is the time. What do you guys think? So, okay,
Speaker 1: is that the one that involves like a crystal kind
Speaker 1: of situation? Right? Isn't there a crystal the powers the
Speaker 1: Ham radio or am? I think that's a different kind
Speaker 1: of radio. That's I don't know. There used to be
Speaker 1: those science kits where you could build a radio from crystal.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's what and that's that's what I'm thinking of.
Speaker 1: I think a HAM radio is a little more advanced
Speaker 1: than that. I think calling it a ham radio is misleading.
Speaker 1: By the way, there is no Ham involved. You know
Speaker 1: what does the HAM even stand for? It's probably an
Speaker 1: acronym for something. Yeah, it's definitely not ham though. Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: let's you know what we're here, neither of us are
Speaker 1: going anywhere. Let's see what Let's see what HAM radio
Speaker 1: stands for? Uh, amateur radio? Ham radio? You know what?
Speaker 1: How about this nold casey? What do you what do
Speaker 1: you guys say in the future we do an episode
Speaker 1: on ham radio? Oh why not? Why not? Well, in
Speaker 1: this case, ham radio comes in, hamdy, I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: and uh and Wardlow's dad is calling his son. He's like,
Speaker 1: what the hecks going on on Route one? And the
Speaker 1: mayor has to say, I don't know, I haven't heard anything.
Speaker 1: So he checks with the chief of police hasn't heard
Speaker 1: anything either. The sheriff hasn't heard anything either. Florida's state
Speaker 1: representative also zip zilch Bupkus. Even the Congressman Dante facel
Speaker 1: Up in Washington couldn't explain what was happening. And imagine
Speaker 1: how crazy that is. You're the mayor. You are finding
Speaker 1: out informally after the fact that the federal government is,
Speaker 1: for all intents and purposes, shutting your city down. You
Speaker 1: have to do something, right, Oh, I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: for all intents and purposes, like to your point, Ben,
Speaker 1: and it would it would have felt like an occupation
Speaker 1: or some kind of invasion, right, Uh did not even
Speaker 1: be given the courtesy of a heads up. I would
Speaker 1: have been absolutely livid. So Um. He springs into action
Speaker 1: with UH. An attorney named David horn Wardlow files an
Speaker 1: injunction to get the roadblock removed. UM, and then he
Speaker 1: joins up with someone named Virginia Panico, who's the president
Speaker 1: of the Hotel and Motel Association, a gentleman named Edwin
Speaker 1: swift Um who was at the time the president of
Speaker 1: the Chamber of Commerce UH, and outside of a courtroom
Speaker 1: in Miami announces this UH, this injunction UM, and he
Speaker 1: is denied because the judge didn't have the power to
Speaker 1: grant such an injunction. But it becomes a media feeding frenzy. Um,
Speaker 1: and that's when he decides whether it's on the fly
Speaker 1: or he's given this some thought. It all happened so quickly.
Speaker 1: I have to assume it was kind of just to
Speaker 1: spur the moment decision. Wardlow utters the following words, Tomorrow
Speaker 1: at noon, we are going to succeed and we're going
Speaker 1: to become a foreign nation. Isn't that crazy? That's true,
Speaker 1: That's what he said. The reporters like, you know, Mr mayor,
Speaker 1: Mr mayor, Mr mayor, Mr Mayor, blah blah blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. And then he just decides. We don't know
Speaker 1: if he planned ahead or you know, if the spirit
Speaker 1: just moved him, but he says, we're going to be
Speaker 1: a foreign nation. His reasoning, at least the way Vice
Speaker 1: puts it in their excellent article. I gotta say, the
Speaker 1: reasoning is that if Uncle Sam is going to treat
Speaker 1: us like a foreign country, then that's what will become.
Speaker 1: And uh, this is so weird because he followed up
Speaker 1: on it. Wardlow and his associates that you mentioned earlier,
Speaker 1: they immediately start organizing their own government. It's, you know,
Speaker 1: it's kind of like a nod and a wink, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. But they get thirty different officials
Speaker 1: and thirty different leaders in the community and appoint them
Speaker 1: to all these new posts that they've made up. Secretary
Speaker 1: of Underwater Affairs is one, Minister of Nutrition is another.
Speaker 1: And we should also mention that there were some additional
Speaker 1: acts of you know what you could call rebellion. Pilot
Speaker 1: buzzed the row block when they were flying back to
Speaker 1: Key West because he could go past the traffic jam,
Speaker 1: right and buzzing Just for anyone who's wondering, buzzing something
Speaker 1: in a in an aircraft is when you fly really
Speaker 1: low and it gets super loud. It's like it's like
Speaker 1: a drive by. It's like an airborne drive by. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: so definitely like it's it's definitely like an airborne fu
Speaker 1: kind of you know, right, yes, yeah, all right. And
Speaker 1: then um, that little by plane eventually landed back in
Speaker 1: Key West, and by then it was all over the news, um,
Speaker 1: and it had become a pretty big story, a bit unexpectedly.
Speaker 1: By the way. Uh Conks was a nickname for for
Speaker 1: Key West locals. Uh And like kiwis exactly just like
Speaker 1: Kiwi's or Aussies or whatever. These are conks, um like
Speaker 1: box and at this point, uh, the story was really
Speaker 1: taking off. The phones of the mayor's office were going nuts.
Speaker 1: There were concerns from local citizens, understandably if this was
Speaker 1: to be taken seriously, like is our our dollars and
Speaker 1: since our American currency is gonna still hold? What about
Speaker 1: our social security numbers and and things like that. Um,
Speaker 1: there were death threats being levied at the mayor and
Speaker 1: his family at the very least, um, he was cautioned,
Speaker 1: this was a really really really dumb career move, um.
Speaker 1: And yeah, and then the city's commissioners and representatives uh
Speaker 1: from Monroe County, UM didn't want anything to do with it.
Speaker 1: They were absolutely against the plan. It seemed like a
Speaker 1: fool's air. And even if it was sort of a
Speaker 1: tongue in cheek nos thumbing at the U. S government.
Speaker 1: But he was gonna do what he was gonna do.
Speaker 1: And he had started this, uh, this crazy thing, and
Speaker 1: he was going to write it out at least until it,
Speaker 1: you know, became completely untenable, right right, all Hail the
Speaker 1: conk Republic. You know, Mayor Wardlow has the benefit of
Speaker 1: retrospect here uh, you know, looking back on it, he'll say, okay,
Speaker 1: a of course it was a tongue in cheek response
Speaker 1: to political issues. But he also admits that Friday April two,
Speaker 1: when they were in the thick of this, it was
Speaker 1: very serious and very frightening. At the time, he plans
Speaker 1: to make a proclamation of secession speech. In the hours
Speaker 1: leading up to his secession speech. You know, we mentioned
Speaker 1: that he speaks with that pilot that that's a guy
Speaker 1: a conk named Tony. Uh. And Tony has offered to
Speaker 1: fly his biplane over some ships hanging off Mallory Square
Speaker 1: and he says, you know what, you know what, Mayor,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bomb them for you with my homemade conk fritters,
Speaker 1: which sound really good, right, And uh, this is not
Speaker 1: misleading like Ham Radio. These are actual edible conk fritters. Totally.
Speaker 1: Have you ever had a conkfritter band. There was a
Speaker 1: there was a pop up place that karaoke bar here
Speaker 1: in Atlanta called Fam Fam that had a little pop
Speaker 1: up conk fritter guy that was there, uh, and were
Speaker 1: really good. They almost like a corn bread kind of situation.
Speaker 1: And the conk it almost is like a like a
Speaker 1: a scallop. Um. It's sort of like a soft, not
Speaker 1: particularly flavorful sea meat. But when it's seasoned really well
Speaker 1: and put in these fritters, they're quite delicious. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've I've cooked conk before. Uh, just kind of as
Speaker 1: an experiment. You know, sometimes you go to the grocery
Speaker 1: store hungry and you pick up dumb stuff because you're
Speaker 1: you think that you can make something ambitious and amazing.
Speaker 1: That was one of the weird ones I bought was
Speaker 1: it was conk. I cooked it, I ate it, but
Speaker 1: I definitely think there's an art to it, and it's
Speaker 1: all about you know, when it's fried, it's all about
Speaker 1: the flavoring, right, you gotta get that m M on
Speaker 1: it exactly that M mommy, not my most descriptive moment. Know,
Speaker 1: it was good then it was good that I was
Speaker 1: here for it with you. Um. So this did happen,
Speaker 1: this idea that they were gonna bomb with conk fritters,
Speaker 1: and again all in the spirit of this kind of
Speaker 1: goofy protest uh and um that was the plan. They
Speaker 1: were going to attack the U. S. Navy. Uh. And
Speaker 1: this was sort of their declaration of war. Uh. And
Speaker 1: this guy, Tony was clearly very zealous about this whole
Speaker 1: cause was going to help out with this um. And
Speaker 1: here's the thing, though, it wasn't exactly clear whether or
Speaker 1: not this was a joke or not at the time,
Speaker 1: right right, absolutely, uh this. You know, one thing that
Speaker 1: the federal government doesn't like to do is to play
Speaker 1: around with secession. So the Secret Service, the FBI, other
Speaker 1: federal agents are legitimately confused here. They say, well, we
Speaker 1: don't know whether or not to arrest the mayor. And
Speaker 1: this confusion, this fog of war it's called, happens in
Speaker 1: part because of the media. The Miami Herald erroneously reports
Speaker 1: that the conquer Republic is going to attack off short
Speaker 1: naval ships, which you know, your call is partially true,
Speaker 1: and then lower the U. S flag replace it with
Speaker 1: their own. Now we're getting into kind of um a
Speaker 1: world of conflicting narratives because some of the details remain unclear.
Speaker 1: But here's what happens. The press, along with the FEDS,
Speaker 1: flood Key West because they want to lock this down,
Speaker 1: and it's not you know, it's like it's like you're
Speaker 1: not supposed to make bomb jokes when you're going through
Speaker 1: security at an airport. Saying you're gonna secede is kind
Speaker 1: of like that. So at noon on April twenty three two,
Speaker 1: Mayor Wardlow reads this proclamation of secession. He's changed his
Speaker 1: title for Mayor of Key West, the prime Minister of
Speaker 1: the conquer Republic, and he in his uh secession speech,
Speaker 1: he declares war on the United States. He declares war
Speaker 1: on the United States through a symbolic act of bonking
Speaker 1: over the head a gentleman ceremoniously dressed in the US
Speaker 1: military garb uh. Not not only with a piece of
Speaker 1: stale Cuban bread. Uh. This whole thing is just getting
Speaker 1: more and more ridiculous. Um I I kind of I'm
Speaker 1: kind of here for it, honestly, right right, we have
Speaker 1: some of the statement here. Uh. He unfurls the conk
Speaker 1: flag and it's you know, for a excellologist in the crowd,
Speaker 1: you'll be interested in this. It's a blue field with
Speaker 1: stars and a horse conk and a neat little tropical sun.
Speaker 1: And he says, I declare the Key West shall now
Speaker 1: be known as the Kunk Republic. We serve notice on
Speaker 1: the government in Washington to remove the roadblock or get
Speaker 1: ready to put up a permanent border to a new
Speaker 1: foreign land. Ben, there might have been a skype lag.
Speaker 1: But did you say horse conk horse conk? Yes? C
Speaker 1: O N C H. Now I got that. I just don't.
Speaker 1: Was that like a particular type of conk show, like
Speaker 1: a like a like a big one. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: Let's see, we can pull up a picture here. It's uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's there's the giant horse conk. It's the it's the
Speaker 1: street name for uh trip low fusis papolosis. Got it?
Speaker 1: Remember the conk in The Lord of the Flies. That
Speaker 1: was how they they knew who was allowed to speak.
Speaker 1: They would pass around the conk. Oh, that's right, that's
Speaker 1: right man. What a what a good book to reread today?
Speaker 1: Who's that? William Golding? Was that the it is? But
Speaker 1: what an odd book to assign to eleven year olds. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so dark and end upsetting and uh and full
Speaker 1: of all kinds of strange sexual innuendo. I loved it
Speaker 1: when I was that age. But I do think it's
Speaker 1: a pretty dark and intensely violent book. And I know
Speaker 1: it's one of the one of the more controversial ones.
Speaker 1: And they may not even assign it as much anymore.
Speaker 1: Same with Catcher in the Rye, but we lucked out.
Speaker 1: We got all the really dark and grim books assigned
Speaker 1: to us and we were in school, and look how
Speaker 1: we turned out just fine. Mainly I read uh Elive
Speaker 1: Eisel's Night when I was in middle school, and that
Speaker 1: is a heavy book for children. There was another one
Speaker 1: that I remember that I was a sign called the
Speaker 1: bridge bridge over Terabithia. The Bridge Terabathia, Yeah, bridges to Arribathia.
Speaker 1: I loved it. I thought it was really moving and
Speaker 1: nearly wonderful. It's one of those ones that kind of
Speaker 1: teach us kids how to accept death and and tragedy
Speaker 1: and loss. Um. But it's also one of these ones
Speaker 1: that it's like this fantasy world that these kids occupy
Speaker 1: because they can't cope with how sad and kind of
Speaker 1: like you know, uh dull their lives are sort of um.
Speaker 1: And that was a heavy one for me. And that
Speaker 1: was another really really controversial one for kids. But we digress, Yes,
Speaker 1: well we uh you know. I think it's an interesting point.
Speaker 1: I want to see any kids in the audience or
Speaker 1: any parents with kids in the audience here, what are
Speaker 1: what are your kids reading what do kids read now
Speaker 1: in middle school? Because I think the three of us
Speaker 1: all all got throwing some plot twist by reading some heavy,
Speaker 1: heavy books. And uh, not to humble brag, I'll just
Speaker 1: straight up brag. The three of us were probably in
Speaker 1: the nerd English classes. I think that's that's probably the case.
Speaker 1: Oh totally. I also started reading like Stephen King and
Speaker 1: stuff by the time I was I think twelve, so
Speaker 1: I was already like I was going down that rabbit hole.
Speaker 1: There was no coming back for me. Yeah, I probably
Speaker 1: should have waited a little while to read the stand
Speaker 1: and it uh, definitely should have waited. But let's instead
Speaker 1: of digressing, let's progress right these Uh, this speech has
Speaker 1: met with some support. As you said, their protests signs
Speaker 1: there at the rally. Uh some of them are like,
Speaker 1: you know, silly, not in the wink, and other ones
Speaker 1: are kind of uh, you know, here in the South,
Speaker 1: there are people who consider themselves serious secessionists. So I'm
Speaker 1: sure there were a couple of people in Key West
Speaker 1: who are like, this is a great opportunity. Oh totally,
Speaker 1: And that's the problem them with this. If there is
Speaker 1: a problem per se, or a central one is that
Speaker 1: I think it happens so quickly that not enough people
Speaker 1: kind of were sure sure if it was a joke
Speaker 1: or not, because I mean, you know, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of people that lack the sense of humor to know
Speaker 1: that if there's a talking about conk bombings, and you
Speaker 1: know the names of some of these uh positions, like
Speaker 1: the Minister of Underwater Activities, you know, they couldn't quite
Speaker 1: pick up the fact that maybe this was all a
Speaker 1: bit of of a of a gag. But um, that's
Speaker 1: the problem. Like it wasn't very clear to too many people.
Speaker 1: So there was a lot of like polarizing responses to this,
Speaker 1: or polarized responses rather yeah, totally, this is this is
Speaker 1: the thing. Uh. This reminds me of one of my
Speaker 1: favorite cinematic metaphors. Uh. Prime Minister Wardlow finds himself in
Speaker 1: the situation that the Sorcerer's Apprentice Mickey Mouse found himself
Speaker 1: in in Fantasia. He you know, in Fantasia, Mickey Mouse
Speaker 1: like magically automates the mops I think, and then it
Speaker 1: quickly goes out of control. Prime Minister ward Low, uh,
Speaker 1: the former mayor of Key West, looks upon the chaos
Speaker 1: and the people chanting after they break that bread over
Speaker 1: that individual in the naval uniform, and he thinks this
Speaker 1: is getting out of hand, and I've just declared war
Speaker 1: on the entire United States. So how long does this
Speaker 1: war last? Noel about a minute? About one minute, six
Speaker 1: sixty sconds. I think because Wardlow, you know, our our
Speaker 1: our new prime minister kind of gets wise to how
Speaker 1: maybe he jumped the shark on this a little bit. Uh,
Speaker 1: maybe he pushed this a little too far. And it's
Speaker 1: absolutely possible that he is in danger of having his
Speaker 1: small New Island micro nation actually bombed or at the
Speaker 1: very least experienced some really serious consequences from the U. S. Government.
Speaker 1: So he pretty quickly, very quickly, in sixty seconds in
Speaker 1: fact um, surrenders. He's like j K j K hashtag
Speaker 1: no treason because treason does still carry the death penalty
Speaker 1: here in the United States. And so they say, okay, okay, alright, sorry,
Speaker 1: l O, l are bad. Uh. We're we're good conks,
Speaker 1: but we're U. S. Citizens. No war. Uh. But a
Speaker 1: few days later this was the funniest things to be.
Speaker 1: A few days later, key West request one billion dollars
Speaker 1: in foreign aid from Uncle Sam. Uh and and they
Speaker 1: say it's war relief. What Yeah, yeah, the war relief
Speaker 1: to read to quote, to rebuild our nation after the
Speaker 1: long federal siege. Man, he really didn't quit. This guy's
Speaker 1: got some uh uh what do you call him? Uh? Cojones?
Speaker 1: Is that okay to say on a family show? Can
Speaker 1: we say? Yeah? I think so? Yeah? Okay? Good at
Speaker 1: very at least it's educational, right, So yeah. The they
Speaker 1: continue these kind of pranks. There's this sort of um
Speaker 1: Mary prankster's electric kool aid acid test vibe to some
Speaker 1: of their social activism and disruption here because for two
Speaker 1: weeks Wardlow has a guy named Skeeter Davis from key
Speaker 1: West Last Chance Saloon, shooting cannon blanks at that border
Speaker 1: checkpoint until the border patrol goes away. These are blanks,
Speaker 1: but there you know, of course, they're very loud, and
Speaker 1: looking back, this actually turned out thankfully, no one was
Speaker 1: injured or killed in this sixty second war. But this
Speaker 1: this also, oddly enough, may have been a benefit for
Speaker 1: the people of key West. It may have given them
Speaker 1: attention nationally that they wouldn't have gotten otherwise. But they
Speaker 1: don't think they ever got the billion dollars though, very important.
Speaker 1: I mean that seems like a bit of a stretch anyway,
Speaker 1: If anything, they were disrupted for what how how long?
Speaker 1: How long do you think total we had did they
Speaker 1: had to deal with this roadblock? Do we know that? All? Right?
Speaker 1: So we know it started on April eighteenth, two. We
Speaker 1: know that the speech was a few days later April
Speaker 1: twenty three, right, So after that speech, that's when they
Speaker 1: declared war and then walked it back immediately. And then
Speaker 1: within days of of this activism, the border patrol actually
Speaker 1: renegged and they pulled back and they closed down the checkpoint.
Speaker 1: So not very long. How long is that? It's like
Speaker 1: five days? Uh? Maybe maybe? I know for two weeks
Speaker 1: though they were shooting the cannon blanks, so they were
Speaker 1: building up to this, So I guess maybe a week
Speaker 1: after all. I'm trying to quantify here, as you know,
Speaker 1: what potentially the uh the economic damage would have been
Speaker 1: to the city of Key West. I think a billion
Speaker 1: seems a little bit on the high side. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I see. I think they chose it because it's just
Speaker 1: such a supervillain sounding number, just an absurd number to
Speaker 1: continue with that, Mary frank Survibe. Yeah, so they definitely
Speaker 1: didn't get that, but they did clear the roadblock eventually, Um,
Speaker 1: they gradually started phasing it out and then then it
Speaker 1: was gone. I will say this, I mean it's it
Speaker 1: sure seemed like a pretty thoughtless act on the part
Speaker 1: of the border patrol, don't you like it? Like they
Speaker 1: didn't really think about the consequences, and they either didn't
Speaker 1: care or they did not fully vet you know, how
Speaker 1: this was going to affect this this the city, right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's the thing. You can see the logic behind it,
Speaker 1: because that route and that intersection, it's a choke point,
Speaker 1: so you would want to be so you would be
Speaker 1: able theoretically to catch drugs if they're being transported on
Speaker 1: that road. But what it ignored was that there were
Speaker 1: so many other avenues for the drug trade. Uh, you know,
Speaker 1: going by water, going off air, there are a couple
Speaker 1: of other different options, and they didn't really plan. Uh
Speaker 1: they didn't plan the infrastructure they needed, right, They just
Speaker 1: they didn't have it there, and they obviously didn't think
Speaker 1: about the effect this would have on the locals. But
Speaker 1: the conquer Republic, though it is no longer officially its
Speaker 1: own nation, it remains alive and well in the hearts
Speaker 1: and minds of the Key West residents. As a matter
Speaker 1: of fact, we are getting pretty close to Key West
Speaker 1: Independence Day. It is every April twenty three. It's an
Speaker 1: annual celebration. The conquer Republic issues passports and visas referring
Speaker 1: to the US as the Northern Territories. We do want
Speaker 1: to mention they are not legal passports, they're not legal visas.
Speaker 1: You cannot use these at an actual border. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just another kind of quirky well you like we talked
Speaker 1: about the top of the show, UM, one of these
Speaker 1: events that gives folks visiting Key West an opportunity to
Speaker 1: you know, kick their shoes off and party um. And yeah,
Speaker 1: it really is kind of a thing that is very
Speaker 1: much part of the history of of Key West, and
Speaker 1: it's sort of quirkiness. Uh. And by the way, they're
Speaker 1: also are conk slates in four cities across the world
Speaker 1: UM that they have designated UM in memory of of
Speaker 1: this event as well. Love it love a good pun uh,
Speaker 1: and love a bad one too. So this is interesting
Speaker 1: because they you know what, they've got another pun I
Speaker 1: love it's their uh, their national motto. We succeeded where
Speaker 1: others failed. Wah wah, and uh, if you if you
Speaker 1: ask people how seriously this has taken since, as you said,
Speaker 1: old they have an international presence. Uh. The mayor had
Speaker 1: The Key West mayor has a pretty interesting response. He says,
Speaker 1: the conk Republic is as real as a state of mind.
Speaker 1: That's sweet. They should really put that on an airbrush
Speaker 1: T shirt. Oh yeah, totally, Actually an air brush T
Speaker 1: shirt with the sleeves off so that it's not really
Speaker 1: a tank top. What do you call that one of
Speaker 1: those shirts? It a muscle shirt? Is that the same
Speaker 1: thing as that? Yeah, it's a muscle shirt. I think
Speaker 1: when there's no sleeves. Firstly, I call it a vibe.
Speaker 1: I agree, it's that Florida vibe. It's that Florida vibe.
Speaker 1: So we hope that you have some personal experience with
Speaker 1: the conquer Republic and let's hear from you. You know,
Speaker 1: do a lot of people in Key West actually have
Speaker 1: a Conquer Republic flag or a passport? Or is it
Speaker 1: more is it more like a tourist thing? Like do
Speaker 1: people visit Key West and then get the flag and
Speaker 1: the passport and the visa and so on? Uh, it
Speaker 1: seems pretty cool. I wish I wish more. I wish
Speaker 1: more states and cities had that kind of tourist draw.
Speaker 1: And the big question, the last question, could this happen
Speaker 1: today or would someone do it today. I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: ahead and say, just personal opinion, I don't think people
Speaker 1: would do this. I don't even think Key West would
Speaker 1: do this today. No, I don't think so either. Um.
Speaker 1: It seems a little risky and it seems like not
Speaker 1: a great look considering things like September eleven and some
Speaker 1: of the uh, the heightened UH tensions involving terrorism and
Speaker 1: all of that. Being patriotic is a pretty pretty important uh.
Speaker 1: And and especially to a government official, this would not
Speaker 1: have been a good look, uh. You know, in in
Speaker 1: recent years, one thing just for any like international or
Speaker 1: geopolitics nerds, uh, one thing that was interesting. I I
Speaker 1: agree with you completely. By the way, there's I I
Speaker 1: don't think this is a good move to do post
Speaker 1: nine eleven. You know, arguably it wasn't a good move then,
Speaker 1: but it was pretty funny, but fretty uh fretny geopolitics,
Speaker 1: international travel nerds in the audience the conqueror Public's secretary
Speaker 1: general shoes passports that are pretty expensive. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you guys saw this, but the application fee for
Speaker 1: one is anywhere from a hundred dollars to twelve hundred.
Speaker 1: And there's one guy, the Secretary General, uh Peter Anderson.
Speaker 1: Until he passed away inten he claimed that he had
Speaker 1: used his conqu Republic diplomatic passport to travel to thirty
Speaker 1: other countries and even said that he was able to
Speaker 1: get back into the US with it five times. That
Speaker 1: should never happen, by the way. That's like you and
Speaker 1: I making ridiculous history passports or Ben Bucks. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: my grine heart grew a size and a half. Man. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Ben Bucks, why not bring him back? Is what I said?
Speaker 1: Ridecus history passports and in Ben Bucks? Who knows? Man,
Speaker 1: all bets are off now in this uh, this new
Speaker 1: world that we're emerging into. Uh, we could maybe make
Speaker 1: a real case for that. Well maybe, man. I you know,
Speaker 1: if if I've got you guys on my side, the
Speaker 1: as a team, there's not much they can stop us, except,
Speaker 1: of course, uh you know, we'll we'll be stuck in
Speaker 1: our rooms absolutely. Uh. And and just just just to
Speaker 1: you know, really quickly, um, do a little check in
Speaker 1: you're doing all right, Ben, You're getting uh, getting things done,
Speaker 1: feeling okay about the quarantine situation. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I found my Dare shirt. Oh what's you've been looking
Speaker 1: for that forever? No? Right, yeah, uh, Dere's true. I
Speaker 1: know that we're all doing some creative non work stuff.
Speaker 1: It's very important, you know. Um, No, you've been You've
Speaker 1: been really digging deep into the music I've been writing. Uh,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking forward to I'm looking forward to hearing
Speaker 1: some tunes. Thanks man. I'm actually collaborating on a little
Speaker 1: something with our boy Chuck from Stuff. You should know.
Speaker 1: He's been doing some kind of cover songs, uh, sort
Speaker 1: of redoing them in his own style. And I'm gonna
Speaker 1: add a little bit of a little bit of guitar
Speaker 1: to some of them, so that'll be fun. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do that later today. That's awesome, And we want to
Speaker 1: hear about your creative projects. If you have, like us,
Speaker 1: found yourself with a little more limited mobility than you're
Speaker 1: used to. Of course, it can be a day to
Speaker 1: day thing, and it can be a real struggle to
Speaker 1: um find your creative voice. If you are you know,
Speaker 1: if if you're worried, but it can also be of
Speaker 1: tremendously freeing thing. So let us know and let your
Speaker 1: fellow listeners know about your projects. You can find us
Speaker 1: on Facebook, you can find us on Instagram. You can
Speaker 1: find us on Twitter, not just as a show, but
Speaker 1: as actual facts, real life human people. It's true. You
Speaker 1: can find me on Instagram at how Now Noel Brown,
Speaker 1: um doing whatever it is that I do. I post
Speaker 1: a lot of memes and um just you know, videos
Speaker 1: of me around the house. I might post some of
Speaker 1: these tunes that I'm working on, but I also might not,
Speaker 1: but I'm leaning towards maybe doing that thing. And you
Speaker 1: can find me on Instagram at Ben Bollen, where I
Speaker 1: am on a number of strange projects that I won't
Speaker 1: disclose here on air. You can also join me on Twitter.
Speaker 1: I am at Ben bullin hs W. Hit me up
Speaker 1: with any of your questions about prepping any any like
Speaker 1: folklore questions. We got a pretty cool email about Mothman,
Speaker 1: and I want to point out that Casey Nolan, I
Speaker 1: actually went to point Pleasant, West Virginia to the Mothman
Speaker 1: Museum and I found my swag from that. I still
Speaker 1: got the hat. I actually got my kid a T shirt.
Speaker 1: I don't think I got myself anything, but she has
Speaker 1: a nice shocking pink Mothman Museum T shirt that that
Speaker 1: I have very much enjoyed. I think she might have
Speaker 1: even grown out of it though, due that kid is
Speaker 1: like shooting up like a weed, as they say. Well,
Speaker 1: I think she'll always cherish it as a as a
Speaker 1: cool momentum of the time. Well, she can also pass
Speaker 1: it on to her little cis. Yeah, that's a perfect plan,
Speaker 1: you know. So that's that's it for us today. Thanks
Speaker 1: as always to our research associate, uh Gabe Louisia, who
Speaker 1: I don't think as a republic sympathizer, but I don't
Speaker 1: know for sure. And of course thanks to Alex Williams,
Speaker 1: who composed this uh this banging bob you here at
Speaker 1: the beginning and end of every show. Thanks to Christopher
Speaker 1: hasciotas here spirit Jonathan's trickling and his nefarious alter ego
Speaker 1: the Quister. Maybe we'll do uh well, we'll skype him
Speaker 1: in on one of these from his absolute secret bunker
Speaker 1: that he has had and and and maintained and lived
Speaker 1: in this whole time. Um, it's some sort of you know,
Speaker 1: like villains do he's got something like under a glacier
Speaker 1: or something somewhere. Probably totally. And of course thanks to
Speaker 1: Eve's Jeff Coach check out her daily podcast This Day
Speaker 1: in History Class. And of course, of course, of course
Speaker 1: thanks to producer Casey Pegraham Um and and to you, Ben, Thanks,
Speaker 1: thanks to you and you out there in podcast. Left
Speaker 1: last though, most importantly, thank you to all the people
Speaker 1: on the front lines, uh, in these are troubled times.
Speaker 1: That's not just the military, that's not just the excellent nurses, doctors,
Speaker 1: e n t s, medical professionals. That's every body, be
Speaker 1: who's working at a grocery store dealing with panicked people,
Speaker 1: everybody who's running essential services like uh, you know, like
Speaker 1: a sanitation And thanks to everybody. We're in this together
Speaker 1: here here Ben. Let's see you next time, folks. For
Speaker 1: more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
Speaker 1: favorite shows.